Michele [00:00:00]:
Going to school. I think it was in grade 1 or 2, maybe, where we were making Father's Day cards, and my dad wasn't in my life at all at that point. And I made one just because I was embarrassed and felt shameful that I didn't have a dad to give it to. There wasn't a lot of kids that I knew that were only living with 1 parent. Like, all of my friends had 2 parents. I think within a superpower, there's there's Parts of us that think that it's the thing that we're not great at.

Christiane [00:00:33]:
I'm so glad you're here. Welcome, Michele.

Michele [00:00:36]:
Thank you so much. I'm also excited to be here this morning.

Christiane [00:00:40]:
And, of course, Michele is going to share a few nuggets of wisdom with us. But before we really get Start it. Michele, do you want to introduce yourself, please?

Michele [00:00:49]:
Sure. My name is Michele Thomson. I live in Vancouver, British Columbia, so I'm a Canadian. Most people tell me I don't have an accent, but maybe you can hear one. And I am a registered nurse. And I also am a leadership, development coach and consultant, and I primarily focus on workplace culture and specifically creating psychologically safe workplaces that People never wanna leave.

Christiane [00:01:14]:
Oh, that sounds amazing. And, I love how you're kind of working in an environment that is high stress. Mhmm. Well, you actually want to feel welcome and homey, and you want to work. So the registered nurse and the coaching is like a total synergy of just as my podcast says, it's of the happy, Healthy hustling, really, where we see this beautiful space where your particular superpower comes in. And now, like, everybody is like, We wanna know more about those superpowers. How would you describe your superpower to us, Michele?

Michele [00:01:52]:
That's a really great question. And, You know, I would say that I think within a superpower, there's there's parts of us that think that it's the thing that we're not great at. And, you know, with age comes wisdom. And one of the things that I've always been is a really empathetic person. I have always had a great deal of empathy. Like, I feel everything of other people, and, of course, that cannot be great. It cannot be healthy. It can be very tiresome, and overwhelming.

Michele [00:02:24]:
However, I think that over the last maybe 4 or 5 years in particular, I've added a lot of other isn't my life. That makes me really feel like that gives me a kind of a leg up, so to speak, for lack of a better term. It separates me from other people in being able to take away, to, I guess, to really just show up with empathy and compassion for other people without needing to have there be anything in it for me and to really be able to feel that deeply. And and for me, because I think I have a background Facilitation and nursing, that nurturing part, I've been told so many times that I am able to very quickly create space and hold space for people where they feel really safe.

Christiane [00:03:05]:
Mhmm.

Michele [00:03:05]:
And I think that that's just such a you know, I don't I don't feel shy saying that because those are other people's words. But, You know, it is very humbling when people tell you that you can create a container where they feel safe, and that really is the foundation of the work that I'm doing now. So, it also just makes me realize that I'm right where I need to be.

Christiane [00:03:28]:
That's amazing. And, I love that you say we are learning, you know, with time. We're getting more experiences. And we kind of Tend to fine tune our superpowers more, and we tend to learn more about ourselves and how we can use those superpowers as well. So how would you maybe describe a challenge that made you either learn about the superpowers or that made you realize This is something I have dealt with in the past, maybe, like, 1 big life event that was really a a struggle or a challenge.

Michele [00:04:04]:
Yeah. You know, I I really appreciate that question because I there's I I would say that there's, like, 2 or 3 kind of primary things that I think about when I when I think about my life on a time line, you know, that kind of those points in time that are, like, those big moments. And I think that for me, the empathy always She was always there as a child. I mean, I've always been a really empathetic child. I've kinda was always known as the kid that was the crier, and I never really knew why I was so emotional all the time. I just really felt things very deeply. But I always knew that I wanted to be a nurse. And I think at the Core of it, there was that sense of nurturing and wanting to help and support other people.

Michele [00:04:41]:
But I also grew up as an only child in a single parent family in the seventies, And that was really difficult to grow up at that time. There wasn't a lot of kids that I knew that were, only living with 1 parent. Like, all of my friends had 2 parents. And so, I really Had to navigate my feelings through that because it was difficult. You know? I remember going to school, I think it was in grade 1 or 2 maybe, where we were making Father's Day cards. And my dad wasn't in my life at all at that point, and I made one just because I was embarrassed and felt shameful that I didn't have a dad to give it to. And that, I just remember being you know, really having really deep feelings about that and my mom doing a great job trying to nurture that through me. And then, you know, going to nursing school, of course, I, you know, felt all the things.

Michele [00:05:34]:
At first, I wanted to be a pediatric nurse, and then I I couldn't really manage my emotions in my twenties. And I thought, well, maybe when I get to be 30, I'll be better. And then I realized that was really at a phase where I was sort of seeing that possibly I could become a mother myself, and that became so overwhelming for me to be caring for sick children. And then I just realized that this just wasn't my path in terms of nursing. And so I ultimately ended up going into seniors care, and I became a palliative nurse. And, you know, people say to me all the time, well, you're so you have so many feelings. How could you be with people that are dying every day. And for me, I think it's just the way that you frame the context of situations.

Michele [00:06:17]:
Absolutely, I'd have an ugly cry at times at the end of a day where I lost a patient, but I also think that it is an incredible honor to be with another human being when they take their last breath on this earth. And I don't that's never fallen short on me. I don't think it happens by mistake. And so, you know, that also led me to more recently where I am now, where I was, you know, almost 40 before I got married. Or I will not I was after I was older than 40 when I got married, but I was 40 when I met my husband. And, we've been together for, you know, almost 13 years now. And, you know, at that point, I'd sort of been written off by society as I just felt often less value, And that, again, brought up these really big emotions, and not having children. I mean, I do have children.

Michele [00:07:09]:
I have 2 stepchildren who are but I haven't birthed children. And and the stigma around, still, I think, women walk through society. If you don't want children or you haven't had children, There's just still this, like, furrow of the brow and questioning. Like, what do you, like, what do you mean you don't want kids, or why don't you have children? Like, sort of that it's like, what's wrong with you? This is you're supposed to do. And I really that was really hard to navigate for me as an empathetic person. But what I've just I've really learned through a lot of self love and self compassion and, integrating a lot of different practices like journaling and some meditation, Patient, and regular exercise is that that has now become my superpower because I can now see those situations with so much more empathy for other people in that they're really asking from a place of curiosity. Right? I mean, sometimes people can be rude about it. But I think that for the most part, people are just asking because it's a lived experience that's different than their own, and they don't always do it in the best way.

Michele [00:08:12]:
And so So my job as an empath is to give them a get it a jail free card and to try to help navigate that for them. So, yeah, that's just you know, I think that at, Like I said, at 52, those difficult journeys have all tied in this sort of empathetic approach for me.

Christiane [00:08:33]:
That's wonderful. And and I love that you're going all the way back to childhood, because I sometimes think when I meet The parents of my, daughter's friends, oh, that's, you know, how she got How how those friends got those values. Yeah. And, oh, that makes more sense because you're seeing the bigger environment That really shapes who you are, your culture, so to speak, how you behave, how you speak, what's important to you, what you maybe have not experienced yourself. I always think it's so important that we take a step back and we don't just look at the person, but we rather look at all the luggage that they carry with them and all the experiences that makes them who they are. So I love that you're building this and thinking, well, this is really, like, How I experienced it and some other people didn't experience it, but that's why I am who I am today. So being an empath Well, we started with you. It sounds like already early in childhood.

Michele [00:09:33]:
Yeah. Absolutely. I like I said, I just I always Kind of remember being the one in the family where my cousins always made fun of me because I was an only child. Like, oh, there's Michele. She's off crying again. And I really thought, like, when I was a child because I I because I was an only child. I was very close to my mother. You know, I think that I I would really think that when I wasn't with my mom, I would get so upset because it'd be like, oh, she's probably so sad that we're not together.

Michele [00:09:59]:
And it wasn't about the ego in me. It was really just about caring for her. Like, what is she doing when I'm not there? You know, now as a grown adult, I'm thinking my mom was Probably so grateful just to have that time away and to be able to focus on herself. Really, as a child, like, I would just be so worried. Like, Is she gonna be okay? Is everything okay? And, you know, I think one of the things that I, you know, I didn't mention when you asked about difficult things in in terms of The work that I do now, we always hear this, like, find your why. What's your why? Why are you doing the work you're doing? And I didn't know my why when I went into business. And I mentioned this just because I think it's really important for people when they're Transitioning, I transitioned fairly late in life, like, in terms of when I started my business. I didn't start it until 2018, so I was well into my forties, and I was really happy being a nurse.

Michele [00:10:52]:
And I identified myself as being a nurse. I didn't identify as being anything other than that. But I was approached by a group of physicians who asked if I could create some curriculum and then deliver curriculum for them. And I said, yeah. Absolutely. I can do I had never done it before. My husband's who's who is an entrepreneur said, you need to start a business. And I said, I'm not starting a business for 1 client.

Michele [00:11:13]:
That's ridiculous. Do you know how much work it is? He said, yes. I do when you're starting a business. And I'm grateful that he pushed me to do that because I think, otherwise, I would have only just seen that as this is a onetime thing. I don't know if I wanna do this. But I started developing this curriculum and delivering it, which is what I always thought I would wanna in a coaching and consulting business. And while I love that client and I love to facilitate and I love to create, I quickly realized this is not what I wanted to do full time. And so I had to figure out, like, well, why do I wanna do this? And it brought me back to a story that happened in my early thirties when I was just developing my leadership career.

Michele [00:11:56]:
And I got my 1st, you know, kind of senior leadership role. I was running a long term care home, and I, moved across country for this job. And I quickly discovered in about 2 or 3 months from starting this job that these added the attitudes of the staff working there were really starting to shift. Very quickly, they were shifting. And I couldn't figure out what was happening because I was doing all the things that everybody at the time told me to do as a leader. I was trying to engage people And to have them be you know, have them see the bigger picture, I was trying to have pizza parties and all the things that, you know, people told me to do, and nothing seemed to be working until I arrived to work one day, and I was told that there was a bunch of licensing inspectors that were coming to our home, which isn't unusual in Canada because often they will come just to make sure that you're doing what you say you're doing. Well, these inspectors weren't coming for that reason. They were coming because someone had made a complaint that I'd asked them to cover up the death of a resident, which was not true.

Michele [00:12:58]:
But they didn't know that. And so I literally felt the blood drain from my body because I thought, what if everybody thinks this is true? What if my employer fires me? I moved all the way out to here to take this job, and I've only been here a couple of months. They thought the building was running well, and now things seem to be falling apart. And I had to get through 2 days of a rigorous inspection to be told that, in fact, There was no evidence to verify that this was true. And when the person who made the allegation was asked, she said, well, we just all thought that if we could get her fired. Like, we like her, but we just thought if we could get her fired, things would go back to the way they were. And I really just realized in that moment that I was Set up for failure, but not intentionally because I was hired to do the core components of my job, the clinical pieces, but I had no idea how to lead people. And that this was really just a learned behavior to cope because I then learned that I was, like, the 6th GM of 6 in, like, 7 years.

Michele [00:14:00]:
So this was just a learned behavior. And that really started me on my journey of leadership because I had 2 choices. I could either quit and go find another job knowing that there was a very high likelihood that I was gonna end up in another toxic health care environment because, unfortunately, it's pretty prevalent in health care. Or I could be a stubborn Leo like I am and dig my heels in and try to figure it out, which is the latter of the 2. But, again, I had the foresight Once I was able to let my ego get out of the way and and say, why would these people do this to me when all I was trying to do is create space is to let the empathy come out and say, because this was a learned behavior. And so it gave me the ability then to sit down and talk 1 on 1 with these people and to try to come up with a solution to problem. So I mentioned that because that was one of the hardest things I've gone through professionally, but certainly and it shaped my professional career. I just don't wouldn't say that it's necessarily shaped who I am as a person.

Christiane [00:15:06]:
So in a certain way, being In a leadership role, sometimes teaches you, especially when there are situations like that, what you need to learn to Become an even better leader. So it's like nearly like this hands on learning that that Challenge, where You realize afterwards, well, those are some skills I maybe need to polish up on, and those are some skills that would prevent these future situations. So sometimes I look at failures as something that's just your own unique way of getting where you need to be.

Michele [00:15:41]:
Yeah. I would agree with that. And And I think that sometimes we focus on you know, if I just if I acquire this attribute, I'll be a phenomenal leader, And there's all the books. And I know, you know, you've got books, and I love books. And I know some of your past guests have listed books, and I've written those books down to add to my Amazon book wish list. But, you know, I think that it's it for me, it was exactly that. It was like I wasn't leading authentically. I was leading the way A people told me who I'd kind of walked that path before, which was very helpful, and it was very helpful to have mentors.

Michele [00:16:17]:
But I needed to figure out how to how to lead in a way that felt me. Mhmm. And once I was able to do that and figure out how people are hardwired to connect and what drives human connection, It's about building trust and making people feel safe. People who don't feel safe don't behave well. And once I was able to make those connections and really come from a place of like, oh, this is just really understanding human behavior more than it is developing an attribute to become a phenomenal leader. I was able to realize, a, leadership is not as complicated as people have made it out to be, and it's really an inside job.

Christiane [00:16:53]:
How would you describe an influence or influencer That led you down this path of learning. Is there, like, 1 person book thing that has been your biggest influence?

Michele [00:17:07]:
Yeah. You know, I well, I always like to answer these questions. Like, what's the first thing that came into your mind? Because I think often that's really the the the truest one. And so, of course, it's my mom. My mom comes first to mine. And and so many people have told me over the years, oh, you're just like your mother. And, of course, when you're 15 and 16 years old, that's like, And you get the proverbial eye roll. It's like, great.

Michele [00:17:28]:
I'm just like my mom. And now I'm like, that's the greatest compliment you could give me. Does my mom drive me crazy at 52 when she visits, You know, over the winter, absolutely. However, I can also appreciate that she raised a child on her own, Worked a full time job, and we I grew up incredibly poor, and I never knew it. My mom had a immaculate pride of home and bought the best furniture that she could afford and then treated it like gold and, in fact, has almost all of it now, and it looks exactly like it did as I remember it as a child. You know, I just we I never felt poor. We we we used to get Christmas hampers, And I just thought Santa brought those for every kid. I think I was probably 8 or 9 before I realized that we got them because we were a low income family.

Michele [00:18:20]:
So, you know, I would say to her not for protecting me from that or making me feel less than, but for making me realize that Poor is really a mindset in terms of the big picture. Like, when you feel like you're rich, you are rich, and there was I was rich in other things. She was incredibly strict, which, again, growing up as a kid was awful because I had friends who had parents that were far less strict, and they got to do all the fun things I didn't get to do. And, again, I really I'm grateful for my mom for that because I think it Caught me on the straight and narrow to a certain extent, and, I could have gotten into trouble in in where we were living. There And and I know that was probably now, you know, what she was thinking. But I also come from a long lineage of amazing women. My mother's mother, lost my mom lost her dad when she was 16, so my grandmother never remarried. For her, it was really till death do us part.

Michele [00:19:21]:
And she walked through life with grace and fun, and she looked just like Lucille Ball with flaming red hair and, you know, always had a bingo tapper in her hand and her purse on her shoulder and was just a a ball of energy. She's one of 14. So her mother, you know, birth 14 children, I think, in 17 years. Like, I just come from a long side of of really strong amazing women. My mom's the baby of 3 girls, and her 2 sisters have also, you know, been really strong women and raised families. So I think that from a family perspective, it would be those women. You know? If it if I were to pick anyone else other than, you know, my husband and my stepchildren, a nonhuman would probably be my dog. He's a he's a he's a Taiwanese street dog, and we rescued him in 2015 thinking thinking we were getting a sweet little puppy because that's the way he presented when we went to go see him with about 21 other dogs that he was rescued from, slaughter.

Michele [00:20:29]:
And he already knew how to sit, and he looked so playful. And we got him home, and he was mourning his pack. And I understand that's what happens sometimes when you rescue puppies or dogs is that they're used to being in a pack, and then when you bring them home on their own, they struggle. So we got a 2nd dog, and they were probably 2 of the most fearful, anxious ridden dogs ever that we've spent 1,000 of dollars in therapy and in training. And it it's a ongoing saga. It It really has been challenging and stressful and funny, and I've cried over it. But on my podcast, I also did a an episode about him. He has taught me so much about what it's like to trust and love unconditionally, to have me be his person to know that I'm never gonna put him in a situation that he can't handle.

Michele [00:21:25]:
It's really just this Beautiful dance that I've learned to play with him and understand him, and I truly feel we're his people. And, it's just really an honor that I get to be his mom. Like, I I our vet has said if anyone else would have got him, he probably would be put down by now or he wouldn't have been rehomed because he's just he's such a good dog, but he's just so He's just a ball of anxiousness. And if you don't have the patience for it, it can just become, I think, really overwhelming for people.

Christiane [00:21:57]:
I like how you're tying in. You have the strong women. You hug your dog. There are sometimes really unexpected influencers in our life that when you think, why am I Who I am, then you take a step back and you start to appreciate everything that's around you. It's sometimes the simplest things right there, your family, Your pets. And that's really something I love how grateful you are for that. And I'm really curious now with this episode on your podcast. So Michele, share with us how can we find that episode, or how could we get in touch with you, please?

Michele [00:22:35]:
Yeah. So the best, Probably the best place to to reach me is just on my website, Curis with a c, so curis consulting, and that's dotca because I'm in Canada. And then my podcast is anywhere where you find your podcast, and it's called lead from within. So I think it was one of the first episodes that I did. So, and I believe it's it it says, what my dog has taught me about becoming a better leader, I think, is the title of it. So you'll be able to find it there. Thank you.

Christiane [00:23:05]:
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here, Michele. I absolutely loved hearing, your story, how you became a happy, healthy hustler. I hope you have a Fabulous day. Until next time.