In
the heart of a wood which lost its name long ago, is a place or a seeker of stories may
go.
If you've arrived and a story is your desire, come take a seat for what you require is a
tale from the second storytime.
Okay, alright, we can do this.
It's soup.
It's just soup.
Soup can be anything, but all I need it to be is not terrible.
Ah, oh, hello.
You seem to have caught me in the middle of cooking.
Or attempted cooking, would perhaps be a sight more fitting.
I am the second storyteller.
I'm definitely not the second chef though.
I feel that my cuisine is less Michelin star and more Michelin black hole.
But at least with a soup you can try blending all sorts of different things together and
seeing what you come up with.
And what I'm coming up with now makes me think starting with dandelion greens was not
a great idea.
I thought for sure I'd heard of that somewhere.
Perhaps I should have checked whether it was actually a cooking book first.
Well, as I attempt to salvage this maliciously sour soup, how about a story?
Perhaps something with a few mixed up elements.
A bit like a soup.
Do feel free to grab a seat somewhere I haven't yet covered in dandelions.
And when you're all set, today's tale is teenage apple fetishist polar bears take a
trip to a departing store.
Oh, apple cider vinegar, maybe that would improve this broth.
Teenage apple fetishist polar bears take a trip to a department store.
Aubrey tucked her fresh Granny Smith deep into the furthest corners of her knock off
designer purse.
She loved apples so much and even though she was walking into Savermart with her best
friend Alexis, she still felt a sharp sting of shame.
Aubrey was sure that she was the only polar bear on the planet with an apple fetish.
So bray bray, Aubrey hated it when Alexis called her bray bray.
But they had known each other since they had first started hunting seals together.
Bray bray, what did you need again?
You're not getting diet pills, are you?
I mean, you look awesome, girl.
Aubrey glared at her friend through her transparent eyelids.
It was so easy for Alexis to say something like that.
She was a polar bear weighing a perfect 900 pounds.
While Aubrey, on the other hand, was a thousand pounds.
Not that it really bothered Aubrey, but it was just like Alexis to mention something
like that in a way that made Aubrey's self esteem waver just a little.
I'm not the one who ate five pounds of mackerel and a ringed seal before we got here.
Aubrey retorted.
Alexis sniffed the air, feeling slightly injured, but not nearly as injured as the ringed seal
had been.
It was only half of a ringed seal.
You know I'm trying to look good for mating season, you bitch.
The teenage female polar bears gave each other a lingering glare before bursting out into
laughter.
Ha ha ha, whatever.
I just need to pick up a few things, Aubrey said.
The two polar bear girls adjusted their purses and approached the automatic door.
There was a pleasant chime and the door swung open promptly.
As they wandered in, a young man with short dark hair turned his head.
Oh my fucking god, there are polar bears in the store, he exclaimed.
Aubrey knocked him halfway across the store with one swipe of her large paw.
That guy was totally gross.
He was totally looking at me.
Aubrey muttered with disgust.
It's the lighting in here, it makes our fur so see-through, Alexis cackled.
Sometimes Aubrey just couldn't stand the way her friend would do things for attention.
It was all well and good for Alexis to show a little skin, but Aubrey always hoped that
humans still believed their fur was solid white.
Several shoppers fled the store with their children as the two polar bear teens tried
to decide whether or not they needed a shopping cart.
One man was knocked to the ground and trampled a bit in the panic.
He lay on the ground, unable to move, just behind the polar bears.
He was trying to decide whether he should try to crawl his way to the door or play dead
like the survival television shows taught him.
When Aubrey swung around with her newly acquired shopping cart, crushing the man's windpipe
and negating his need for decision.
I gotta look for something in the baby clothes section.
My cousin is all prego again, Alexis sighed.
Yeah, okay.
Aubrey was distracted.
She kept glancing over to the section with the pregnancy tests.
Her mind flitted back to the apple concealed in her purse.
The store was mostly empty by the time Alexis was done pushing over several garment racks.
And by the time she was done picking out the most sarcastically adorable onesie, there
were only a few curious stragglers maintaining a safe distance and a clear route to the exit.
So what did you need, Bray Bray?
That nickname again.
Aubrey could barely stand it.
Oh, maybe some shampoo and stuff.
She figured it would be a perfectly legitimate item to get them moving in the direction
of the pregnancy tests.
Just as they turned to lumber towards the health and beauty department, a figure suddenly
stopped dead in his tracks.
He was a young male human.
His genes were ripped in a painfully precise manner and the cartoon character emblazoned
all over his hoodie tried in vain to suggest that this young man was so threatening that
no soul would dare question his reasons for decorating himself with a character from a
beloved children's program.
He also wore a baseball cap at a peculiar angle.
It looked very much as though the hat were contemplating suicide and might at any moment
abandon the youth's head for all eternity.
What struck Aubrey as odd was that there was a large rectangular shape underneath the man's
hooded sweatshirt.
She didn't think humans tended to have rectangles jutting from their chests.
Oh my god, Bri Bri, it's a shoplifter, Alexis sneered.
That was the only prompt that Aubrey needed.
She dropped her purse and leapt at the young man knocking him onto his back.
She proceeded to moll at his chest with her heavy paws.
That doesn't belong to you, asshole!
Despite the fact that Aubrey was snarling at the top of her lungs, she doubted if the
man could hear her since he was screaming at the top of his own lungs.
His screaming was continuously interrupted though because while the heavy metal casing
of the laptop under his hoodie was preventing him from being torn to shreds by Aubrey's
claws, it was also being shoved directly into his chest with the force of a pissed-off teenage
polar bear.
This made screaming difficult in the moments when he was gasping for air.
Finally, Aubrey bit the young man's hands off and spat them in the general direction
of the jewelry counter before she shoved him under a clothing rack where he whimpered and
sobbed.
No more shoplifting for you, loser!
Aubrey turned dramatically and went to retrieve her purse from the floor.
Damn!
I hate shoplifters!
You're way too nice, Aubrey!
I would have bit his head clean off!
Then they don't learn anything, Alexis!
Aubrey sighed.
As Aubrey moved to collect her purse, she noticed that it had fallen sideways and her
precious Granny Smith apple had rolled out onto the floor.
She moved to retrieve it quickly, but Alexis was faster.
Aubrey's best friend lifted the apple, sniffed it, and then stared at her friend.
Bray-bray?
What?
Why was this?
Oh, that!
Well, I can explain.
You see, you know, eat apples?
I...
I know.
So...
Why?
Aubrey snatched the apple and held it as though it was the most precious thing in the
world to her.
You...
You wouldn't understand.
It's a...
A...
An apple fetish?
Alexis asked.
Yeah, I just love apples and I like to pretend that...
That they're your children.
Yes, and I came here today to buy a pregnancy test so I could pretend I was having another
child and go buy a gala apple to keep this Granny Smith company.
There!
Happy?
Now you know the truth!
It slowly dawned on Aubrey that Alexis had guessed the apple fetish without Aubrey having
to say anything about it.
Wait, Alexis, how did you...?
But before Aubrey could continue, Alexis reached into her own purse and pulled out a red delicious
apple.
My cousin isn't Prego.
The onesie was for little Charlemagne here.
I have an apple fetish too.
The teenage polar bears stared at each other for a few moments.
Both equally stunned that they shared the same bizarre obsession with fruit.
Finally, they both began laughing so hard that tears would have been streaming from their
eyes if polar bears could cry.
The girls finished their shopping and left a handful of fish bones by an abandoned cash
register as compensation.
The two polar bears left Savermark, snapping at passersby on the parking lot, knowing that
their shared apple fetish would make them best friends forever.
What a strange silly story, eh?
Well, sometimes when you mix up a bunch of ideas, you get a very strange, but fun result.
Other times, apple cider vinegar just makes your broth even worse.
Having brown sugar and milk fails to fix the problem, and you need to come to terms
with having toast for dinner.
Again.
Well, fortunately, I am partial to a nice piece of toast.
Thank you for joining me for today's story.
I implore you to not take any cooking advice from me, but nevertheless, be well and carry
today's story in your heart.
Today's tale has ended, but return once again to this place where you are considered a friend.
Come to this tower in its mysterious dweller for more from the Librarium, The Second Storyteller.
Thank you for listening to The Second Storyteller.
If you have a prompt for a story, please send it to thesecondstoryteller at gmail.com.
If your prompt is selected, your name will be credited at the end of the episode.
This prompt was Teenage Apple Fetishist Polar Bears Take a Trip to a Department Store, submitted
by Catgreen.
If you would like to help support the future of this podcast, please consider becoming
a patron by going to patreon.com slash The Second Storyteller.
A donation as small as a dollar is greatly appreciated and helps keep us going.
A donation of just $10 a month puts you on the list of current library card holders,
and your name will be read at the end of the episode.
The Second Storyteller podcast and the featured stories were written and created by Katie
Chacon.
The role of The Second Storyteller is played by Charles Scott.
Today's voice of the story was provided by Katie Chacon.
The voice of the intro and outro is Chris Camp, and you can find the fantastic games he's
worked on at rix.itch.io.
The music was written by Fintan, who can be found at garbagebag, all one word,.itch.io.
The Second Storyteller will return next month with more magic, fun, and of course, a story
to tell.