1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,960 Hey beautiful, welcome to my podcast, Queerly Having Issues. 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:14,160 I believe we all have our issues because we all have a story. 3 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:19,520 My name is Jafeth and it's time to tell you about mine. 4 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,560 First of all, thank you so much for tuning in again. 5 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,880 I really appreciate your support and the love I've gotten thus far. 6 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:32,520 Secondly, I would like to ask you if you could do me a favor and rate this podcast 5 stars 7 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,840 in the app. 8 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:39,280 By doing so, you will help me reach a broader audience eventually. 9 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,720 So if you could do that for me, I would really appreciate that a lot. 10 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,520 Within this episode, I would like to talk about chosen family. 11 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:52,580 But before I do so, I want to dive into our first heartbreak. 12 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:58,880 Because I've often wondered, as a queer person, why I was so into heartbreak songs and why 13 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,160 I was so into artists who sing about heartbreak. 14 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:07,400 And I could also see a lot of gay men around me who were really into female singers and 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,880 you know, like Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande. 16 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:15,240 There are so many of these artists who touch upon these themes of heartbreak. 17 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:20,720 I'm aware that heartbreak is a universal experience, but then I did realize that for many of us, 18 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:28,520 our first heartbreak is taking place within our family or within our safe environment. 19 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:33,000 And the heartbreak of not being accepted by our own family due to our sexual orientation 20 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:39,560 or gender identity can be an incredibly painful and impactful experience. 21 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:43,920 And this rejection can be one of the most profound sources of emotional pain and it 22 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:48,340 can have a lasting impact on various aspects of our personal lives. 23 00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:54,280 For example, we have the emotional impact, the rejection or non-acceptance of one's 24 00:01:54,280 --> 00:02:00,680 family that can result in intense emotional distress, including feelings of sadness, isolation, 25 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,600 anger and shame. 26 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:07,200 It can lead to a profound sense of loss and a feeling of not being loved or valued by 27 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:11,200 the very people who are supposed to provide unconditional support. 28 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,400 Another impact could be an identity struggle. 29 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:19,160 The family rejection can amplify the internal struggle that many queer individuals already 30 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,520 face in accepting and embracing their own identity. 31 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:28,840 Because there are many stories of queer people whose family is okay with it, but still they 32 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:33,480 have that internal struggle of self-acceptance and embracing their own identity. 33 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:38,280 And that is when the family isn't even making a big deal out of the fact that they might 34 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,760 have a different sexual orientation or a gender identity. 35 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:47,080 The family rejection can lead to an added layer and it can amplify the internal struggle 36 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,360 that many queer individuals already face in accepting and embracing their own identity. 37 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:56,140 So that can lead to self-doubt, internalized homophobia or transphobia and a struggle 38 00:02:56,140 --> 00:03:00,520 to reconcile our authentic selves with our family's expectations. 39 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:05,800 And then of course the impact on mental health, so distress and emotional toll of family rejection. 40 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:10,680 It can contribute to mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety and even suicidal 41 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,320 thoughts, what I talked about in my previous episode as well. 42 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:21,040 How I've experienced all of these things because I grew up in a non-informative environment. 43 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:25,880 And of course there's also the isolation that comes with that feeling rejected by one's 44 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,760 family that can lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness. 45 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:35,120 And that is also where the importance of chosen family and supportive friends within the queer 46 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:41,120 community becomes critical for creating a strong network of understanding and acceptance. 47 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:46,160 As queer people we all have our unique stories and while some of us might find that our family 48 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:52,520 eventually comes around and accepts us, like what has happened in my case, others might 49 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:57,000 however need to rely on support and chosen family to fill the emotional void left by 50 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,120 their biological family's rejection. 51 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:04,360 That also applies to me even though my family has come around. 52 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:12,400 I think the damage has been done and our relationship has become more shallow and I am at least 53 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:18,000 less vulnerable towards them because I know they will never truly understand what I'm 54 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,080 going through or who I am or why I make certain choices. 55 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,640 I'm sort of a bit careful so we've made it work this way. 56 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:29,680 Like for me I'm just happy that they respect me and love me and accept me even though our 57 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:34,440 world views are so different because I also have that religious layer that we disagree 58 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:41,520 on the main things that create a sense of meaning in their life and in mine. 59 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:46,320 So I did, in those years I did find chosen family. 60 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,600 Luckily I had a brother that I talked about and who is one of my best friends. 61 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,080 But then I've also created other friendships. 62 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,720 Like I have a best friend and she's like a sister to me. 63 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:01,520 With her I share a lot of emotional things and it's not a one way street so we share 64 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,360 with each other things that happen in our lives. 65 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:09,560 I guess for me that having a brother and having a best friend and other friends that I can 66 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:15,400 talk with that really helped fill the emotional void that was left by my biological family 67 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,400 while they were rejecting me. 68 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:22,860 Even though it might not have felt like that to them but in reality they were rejecting 69 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,800 the person that I was at that moment. 70 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:30,680 And I want to stress that every individual's experience is unique. 71 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,840 Reactions to family rejection can be very different. 72 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:39,520 And for some this heartbreak can be a turning point that catalyzes personal growth and a 73 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,280 journey towards self acceptance. 74 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:45,800 And for others the pain might remain like a lasting source of sorrow. 75 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,800 And I think for me it was a combination of both. 76 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:55,800 In one way it helped me grow and it motivated me to go on a journey of self discovery and 77 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:56,800 self acceptance. 78 00:05:56,800 --> 00:06:03,160 But on the other hand it was also painful of course and it's a wound and with the years 79 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:08,660 I'm healing but I still have to deal with triggering situations like post traumatic 80 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,080 symptoms. 81 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:14,080 So yeah I think it can be a combination of both. 82 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,060 That really depends on your situation. 83 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:22,920 And I think because I had those people around me that I could share my life with and who 84 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:29,280 would listen to me without being judgmental that made it easier for me to grow and to 85 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:32,200 accept myself as a person while dealing with the pain. 86 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:37,040 And I guess if you don't have that support then probably you'll end up with pain that 87 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,640 will be a lasting source of sorrow. 88 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:45,720 So for me it makes sense that I as a person found a lot of comfort in songs that were 89 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:50,760 about heartbreak even though in these moments I wasn't even dealing with a romantic partner 90 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,800 and I was like well this is really interesting that I can really relate to that like where 91 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:58,160 does that come from and then I was like okay probably because my first heartbreak was with 92 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:01,880 my family and like these songs trigger emotions. 93 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:07,100 So I think it makes sense that many of us find comfort in songs that reflect our experiences 94 00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:11,740 particularly if we have faced rejection or heartbreak due to our sexual orientation or 95 00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:13,760 gender identity. 96 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,960 And like I said before heartbreak songs of course can be relatable to anyone but I think 97 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:24,380 within the queer community these songs can take on added layers of connection due to 98 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:30,320 shared experiences as we often face unique challenges including discrimination, rejection 99 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:37,440 and identity struggles and I think songs about heartbreak often tap into these intense emotions 100 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:42,720 while offering a way for queer people to connect with and process their own feelings. 101 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,400 At least that's my opinion on it. 102 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:49,120 I'm just curious to hear your opinion about it so you can answer the question underneath 103 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,880 this episode in the Q&A. 104 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:58,640 I would really love to hear your opinion on this. 105 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,200 Now let's go back to our younger selves. 106 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:08,800 As from a young age we are taught to express ourselves you know through new words, through 107 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:14,200 stories and make believe and with that we discover ourselves and we discover the world 108 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:21,160 around us and I think as kids we even show adults already very early on in our lives 109 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,160 who we are before we even know who we are. 110 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:31,920 If I think about my upbringing I'm pretty sure my mom already felt like I was different 111 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,400 to her other kids. 112 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:39,440 I remember a story that my mom told my sister while I was climbing a tree that she said 113 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,880 something like oh thank god it is a boy. 114 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:47,160 So there were like those little signs already that you know I wasn't really fitting into 115 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,500 the heteronormative mold. 116 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:54,320 But in this way we develop a personality and identity and then we also make friends along 117 00:08:54,320 --> 00:09:00,360 the way, we change friends and in the best circumstances we feel like we belong to a 118 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:05,960 community and you know the aspect of a community that could be like you live in a small town 119 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:11,600 where you know everyone or you're in a sports team that's really tight or a church or a 120 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,360 religious spiritual group. 121 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:19,680 But within that context we learn about ourselves and each group comes with an often unspoken 122 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:26,000 social code about what is acceptable and the parts of us that do not fit often get banished 123 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,560 to a dark corner inside of us. 124 00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:34,720 We just put it away and we just don't want to look at it because each time it reminds 125 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:40,080 us that we are not the same and we don't belong in this group actually. 126 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:45,320 According to Esther Perel most of us don't learn for years what's in that corner. 127 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,800 She says we have a sense of it but we don't dare investigate. 128 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,160 I think in my youth you know I had that as well like there were like already signs and 129 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:58,600 I felt like there were certain aspects of me that showed me that basically I was gay 130 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:03,080 but I couldn't really put that to words back then but that confronted me with a part of 131 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:10,360 me that didn't fit into what I was taught and because of that I pushed it away or I 132 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,040 was like maybe next year when it's my birthday it will be over it will be gone it will not 133 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,880 be there anymore. 134 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:20,000 And I think a lot of us queer people can relate to that lonely experiences and of course 135 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:26,600 not only queer people in every minority I think we can find that lonely experience. 136 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,760 So despite how lonely we may feel this is one of the most universal experiences in the 137 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:37,280 world particularly if the part you are hiding is that you are not straight or cis. 138 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:42,380 So I'm currently reading a book by Brené Brown it's called The Power of Vulnerability. 139 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:48,120 She speaks about fitting in versus belonging and she explains how fitting in is about assessing 140 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:52,360 a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. 141 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:57,320 While belonging on the other hand does not require us to change who we are it requires 142 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,960 us to be who we are. 143 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,960 Belonging is that sense of safety comfort and happiness that we feel when we are part 144 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:08,320 of a group place tradition a relationship or friendship. 145 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:12,000 And I think that is what so many of us live with from a young age and if you're listening 146 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:17,960 to this and you can relate to that lonely experience then you intimately know the shame 147 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:22,600 and fear that comes from the threat of being excluded or excommunicated from the very groups 148 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,200 that mean so much to you. 149 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,880 Whether that's your family or you know your sports group or friends group or a religious 150 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,220 group. 151 00:11:29,220 --> 00:11:35,840 But then the other side of the coin could be that maybe you also remember the day that 152 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:43,040 you made the choice to look deep within yourself and to want to discover who you are. 153 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:47,760 And perhaps you know the experience of eventually finding the parts of yourself that were aching 154 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:52,280 to meet you and to be loved by you and to be seen and embraced by others. 155 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,720 It could also be that you are still waiting for this and maybe you're wondering if this 156 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,440 experience can ever be yours. 157 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:02,240 Because I do remember those moments in my life as well where I felt like am I ever going 158 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:03,400 to have a normal life? 159 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,200 Am I ever going to fit in? 160 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,000 Am I ever going to be good enough? 161 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,040 Am I ever going to feel safe? 162 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,700 Am I ever going to get rid of this anxiety? 163 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:17,240 So I do understand if maybe you're not at the place yet where you want to be and you're 164 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:21,160 still waiting and wondering if this experience can ever be yours. 165 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,280 Because despite the fact that there are so many pride celebrations worldwide, many of 166 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:29,840 us don't come from places that are ready to embrace us in our fullness. 167 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,520 And even in the city of Amsterdam where I live, we have a pride celebration but that 168 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:40,120 doesn't automatically mean that everybody is just ready to embrace us in our fullness. 169 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:46,240 You know, I read, that criminalization is on the rise, people are even scared to call 170 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,840 the police when they've been assaulted. 171 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:53,480 As long as you don't dress a certain way or walk a certain way, people will not notice 172 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,440 you and you'll probably be pretty safe. 173 00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:03,440 But when you are doing drag or when you are transgender or when you're non-binary, then 174 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:09,280 it will be a lot harder to feel welcomed in places and embraced by people for who you 175 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:13,240 are in your fullness. 176 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:19,540 So then we come to the part of chosen family that in its essence serves as a vital source 177 00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:23,840 of love, affirmation and resilience for us queer people. 178 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:28,760 As it reinforces the idea that every one of us deserves a supportive network of people 179 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,420 who truly see and embrace us for who we are. 180 00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:34,080 That doesn't mean that it's a perfect relationship. 181 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,220 What I notice with people who are allies that sometimes you still need to have the conversation 182 00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:41,840 and no one really knows what it's like to walk in your shoes. 183 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,480 So sometimes you need to like lovingly explain things within your chosen family. 184 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:51,640 There should be space to have honest and vulnerable conversations with one another in a space 185 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:55,320 that is like non-judgmental and loving. 186 00:13:55,320 --> 00:14:00,620 Chosen family, as the word already suggests, refers to a group of people who are not necessarily 187 00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:06,200 biologically or legally related, but who provide the same level of support, love and care that 188 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:10,100 one might expect from their biological family. 189 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,040 So what I said before about my best friend who feels like a sister, it feels more like 190 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:19,400 a sibling, because we provide each other the same level of support, love and care that 191 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,720 we also would expect from our biological family. 192 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:27,120 Let me just give you a few examples why chosen family is important. 193 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:32,280 Apart from the support and acceptance they offer that I've just mentioned, it is also 194 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,480 beneficial to our emotional well-being. 195 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,880 Because chosen family can offer us a sense of belonging and emotional security. 196 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,560 A place where you belong, where you don't have to fit in and becoming what you need 197 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:51,800 to be to be accepted, but really belong because it's not required for you to change who you 198 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,720 are, but it's required to be who you are. 199 00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,000 That sense of safety and support and love. 200 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,080 Having a network of people who understand your experiences, challenges and triumphs 201 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,320 can contribute to improve mental and emotional well-being. 202 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:12,440 I've just mentioned that my relationship with my family is quite shallow, which is 203 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:16,760 not necessarily a bad thing as it works for us, and this is how we keep our relationship 204 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,760 peaceful and respectful. 205 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:23,680 But also it creates a relationship where there is no room for true vulnerability, at least 206 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:28,540 not from my side as most of my family does not understand or cannot relate to a life 207 00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:30,320 without faith. 208 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,960 So within my chosen family, but also with my brother of course, who is biologically 209 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,360 part of my family, I get to be vulnerable and share more deeply what I go through and 210 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:40,360 experience. 211 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:46,400 And I do that with my chosen family who validates my identity and my experiences. 212 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:51,100 And that is a place where I can authentically be me without any fear of judgment. 213 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:55,480 Of course, sometimes you have to explain yourself or, you know, that's just part of having a 214 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:03,040 dialogue with someone where you can still answer questions and ask for clarification, 215 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:09,120 but at least it's all done in a safe environment that is not judgmental. 216 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:14,880 Chosen families play a crucial role in the lives of us queer people by providing love, 217 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,920 acceptance and support that everyone deserves. 218 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,800 So I saw this quote and it said that these relationships highlight the flexibility and 219 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:29,360 depth of human connections, showing that family isn't solely defined by biology, but by the 220 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,240 bonds we form with those who truly care for us. 221 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,880 And I thought it was beautiful. 222 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,800 Do you remember how I said I wanted to close off the topic of religion? 223 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,120 Well, guess what? 224 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,360 I'm just gonna bring it up again right now. 225 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:47,420 After all, I am doing a master's degree in peace, trauma and religion. 226 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:51,800 The reason why I'm studying this is I think that if we want to understand the world we 227 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:57,120 live in, we must in a way understand this religion business, because religion has played 228 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:01,920 such a huge part in creating the world and it is still doing so today. 229 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:06,520 And I do think that the wisdom traditions have a lot to offer us queer people. 230 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:11,640 Apart from all the pain and struggle it has caused for a lot of us, obviously. 231 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:17,180 During one of the lectures, one of my professors called Fernando Enns and I asked him if I could 232 00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,920 quote him on this. 233 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:23,680 I don't really remember how we came to this topic necessarily, but I do remember that 234 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,600 he referred to Jesus as someone who valued chosen family. 235 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,600 And I was like, what? 236 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,600 What do you mean? 237 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:36,160 And then he explained that and we touched upon a verse in the Bible in Mark 3, when 238 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:41,400 it's about how a crowd was sitting around Jesus and the crowd told him, your mother 239 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,100 and brothers are outside looking for you. 240 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:47,300 And Jesus asked them, who are my mother and my brothers? 241 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:52,000 And then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, here are my mother and 242 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,000 brothers. 243 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:57,320 Whoever does, God's will is my brother and sister and mother. 244 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,440 Like that, in that context makes sense. 245 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:05,640 But it's interesting to see how this text suggests already in that time of Jesus that 246 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,800 the biological family is but one way of being connected as family. 247 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,480 And Jesus calls his friends mothers and siblings. 248 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:18,360 And especially to us queer people, this could be liberating and to anyone who feels kind 249 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,000 of burdened with family ties. 250 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,920 And at the same time, within this contact, Jesus seems to break traditional images of 251 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:25,920 family. 252 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:29,240 So I thought that was an interesting thing to take away. 253 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:33,280 It feels to me that there is no hierarchy of types of relationships. 254 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:38,800 So in the world that I live in, I would like to aspire to the fact that friends can become 255 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:43,000 family and lovers can become friends and even family. 256 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:48,480 The one you came from, the one you never thought might be able to love you and your complexities 257 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:53,160 can come to understand that you're no less of a person, no less lovable because of who 258 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,840 you love and who you are. 259 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,760 I really hope that happens for you. 260 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:04,600 But if that never happens, if they never come around, just know that there is a family of 261 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:08,280 choice waiting for you. 262 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,040 Thank you so much for taking the time to listen. 263 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:15,320 And if you have any further questions, don't hesitate to send me a message on Instagram 264 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:21,160 at QueerlyHavingIssues or just comment in the Q&A below. 265 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:38,760 Take care.