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What's happening everyone, welcome to this week's episode of the real talking podcast
with your host Ash and JD
And it's been a cold week this week
It has indeed
It's quite a contrast in weather
So we've had, well you know, freezing cold, little bit of snow, not much
A flutter
Yeah, I've never had so many weather warnings come through on my phone as well
It's just constant from the Met Office weather app that I've got
Snow, ice warnings, amber, snow, and this and that
We haven't had as much as what they've been fretting about
At one point it was seven inches for where
Are we still on about the snow, yeah?
Well in England, as far as I'm aware, there hasn't been that depth of snow
No, up north has had their usual amount
Yeah, they always do, Scotland and Newcastle and that lot
But always, you go over to LA, there's all those mass, pretty fire going on
There's a lot of, I say a lot, there's a handful of celebrities that have lost their homes
But it's went all the way in Malibu where their expensive homes are, hasn't it?
Yeah, I mean, you know, they can't really stop, they can now, an act of God
I did see something where, obviously, the mayor was out to the city at the time in Ghana
And something to do with, you know, Americans use fire horidrons
Yeah, yeah
Some of them didn't work
Yeah, so you know that's where they get the water from, obviously
Yeah, because the firemen pump up their hoses
Obviously it's different, with the hoses out of it
Yeah, obviously it's different, yeah
They go from soft to hard with the pressure of water
Yeah, so I've seen some of the, like, apparently there's been a backlash from that because
I don't know, some of them wouldn't work because they're all connected to
I don't think they're regulated, I don't know if they kept them today or what
I don't know how this, the thing, how it works
But I've seen that, I was getting to see that something to do with the fire horidrons
It must be like, I don't know, separate
Maybe there's not enough pressure, I don't know, I don't know
Yeah, that's what I was going to say, it must be like a separate reservoir or water tank or something that's not topped up enough to get the water out to be, maybe
Because firemen are rare
Obviously we don't have fire horidrons, do we?
No, it's just literally in the big tank on the back
Yeah, and I think there is some places that can connect that there is little things on the floor, I don't know if you've seen them
Yeah, there's some places where they can still connect
Yeah, but nothing sticks out in the wild like that
No, but again, I don't know if it's like it in other countries, but they won't just try and put a fire out with water
Because there's different types of fires, which I know for some people, well, fires, fire
But there's a standard fire which you can put out with water
And then there's ones like a chemical fire, you have to use a powder
Yeah, some farmers, right, isn't it?
Yeah, so yeah, if they don't need to use the water or the water's not going to be effective for it, then they won't use it
So, yeah, I don't know if it is the same with America, but again, you know, it's just it's a wildfire
There's not much that can be done. It's just a matter of just trying to contain it
I don't think it'd be hot enough. I mean, I know allies are supposed to be hot all year round
I don't know if it was last year they had it as well, but they've definitely had it a couple of times
It's just I think they've not had it to this extent
A few celebrity homes already gone, Anthony Hopkins being one that I did see
Didn't make a list of all the names and there wasn't a great deal of big actors
Anthony Hopkins being the main one that I remember obviously
I know the, I don't know his name, but that crappy Fantastic Four reboot
with Michael B Jordan in it as well, about 10 years ago
But the one who played Reed Richards, he was in Top Gun as well
My horse, what's his name? I don't know who you're talking about
His house is burnt to a crisp apparently as well
So, yeah, it's always just mad anyhow, you can have the extreme weather differences
I mean, again, it's the Australian summer as well, isn't it?
They have Christmas today with the turkey on the barbecue
I don't know if I'd like that though, man
What, a barbecue Christmas turkey dinner?
I mean, if you go anywhere for Christmas, it would be somewhere cold
Well, yeah, I think because of how we see it on the film and that
You do want it with that old deal New York or snow scene
Yeah, nice snuggly fire, Christmas tree and all that
But we never have it in
Christmas is a week or two early over here
I've always said that, I think like the day like saving time
October's normally quite warm here still
I always feel like it's the loop year
So every four days, doesn't that move it out of place?
No, it's just because of how many hours there are in a year
We've got an extra quarter of a day every year essentially
So that's why every four years we have that leap year because it adds the extra day
But yeah, I just think like here October always seems fairly warm
And then November's
I feel like it shifted over the years though
It's getting warmer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying
When we were kids, October was already cold
Not freezing cold, but it was already cold
And then by March, it was spring again and it was warming up
But now the last few years, it's still cold at the back end of March
And that will cold for most people anyway
But yeah, it's science, isn't it?
Science, yeah
We don't claim to be a scientist podcast
A scientist podcast
Science with Jada
Yeah, with Ash and Jada, all the knowledge
Facts
But yeah, we're not a science podcast
And just like we're not a football podcast either
And log the weather, it's been chilly in Liverpool this week as well
I've got to get it out of the way
So anyone that does follow the sport a little bit
It was the big game of Liverpool and Manchester United last week
And we all know that James is a Liverpool fan
And he loves it
He does love it
He didn't love it this week though
What did James say?
Well, I was expecting him to be straight on it
Giving a bit of shit on Sunday
Took him a few days
But yeah, he didn't say anything
And then with their poor performance against Tottenham again
On Wednesday nights, there was still nothing
So yesterday, Thursday
I had to just get onto it and just make sure he was still alive
You had to reach out to him?
Yeah, I had to make sure he was alright
I don't think you like that, mate
Well, you know, we'll get onto it
So I asked him, well, my message to him was a bit quiet there after two poor results
Like, is this on email?
Yeah, on email
So yeah, a bit quiet after two poor results
Everything OK, hon?
I don't think you should be abusing our listeners like that
Give all the shit that this prick gives to me as well
Fuck you
So yeah, I asked him if everything was OK
And he went, fuck off, lads
We got robbed in both games
Still going to win the league, though, is what he replied with
So I think I might have rattled his feathers a little bit
But it's nice to see that he's still got a bit of confidence
To be fair, in the league, they can afford a couple of poor results now, can't they?
They've still got the game in hand, six points clear at the top of the league
So yeah, they can do
I think Arsenal are the ones that need to worry a bit more
Another poor weekend
He was behind with the ball burning, aren't they, sir?
Yeah
Even the penalty, though, it was a strange moment, really
I would have thought it was still a penalty
But it was just weird with the way the clash of the heads was
Because he wasn't looking at the ball and he's just hitting the side of the head
So it was an arguable one, but I still felt it was
But yeah, Arsenal just seemed to be struggling at the moment
It's been a very...
I don't know what I'm trying to...
In terms of normally, you kind of have a runaway, even though you live afar, doing it
But everyone else seems to be forward enough
Everyone can beat, obviously
It literally has been like that every week, though, hasn't it?
I mean, again, Forrest, third, still sitting high up
Obviously in third
I mean, if anything, they're seeming more likely to push for a total chase
Than Arsenal at the moment, just with the way the form has been over the entirety of the season
And Chelsea are falling off
I did have them at the beginning of the season
But I've jinxed them now, we started speaking about them
I mean, they're still having a bit of season, they're united anyway
So what made you reach out to James?
Just because normally...
You didn't get what you wanted from him?
I think... I imagine that 2-1 on Sunday, he had an email ready, composed, to send to me
Giving me a bit of shit
And then obviously there was the equaliser
And you know, Maguire should have scored at the end as well
That was a bad miss, wasn't it?
I know the pass was the best, but you're at 180 grand a week
I'd fucking volley that up, mate
I think he could have took a touch as well
Maybe not
Well, if he had a bit more body, he could have done it first time
But he didn't
Because I watched the first half solid
And then the second half
Because as usual on a Sunday, I was doing a Sunday dinner
And it's awkward with the half-ball kick-offs
Because I don't want to eat dinner too late
So I start cooking during the game
So I'll prep everything before I start putting the meats on and stuff during the game
So half-time, I'm adjusting things, I'm getting the spuds out and whatever
So as the second half started, I was in the kitchen
And then I was in the kitchen when the first goal went in
So I can hear it all kicking off on the TV
So I come running in, I'm watching, waiting for the replay
And then I sat down, seen Liverpool score two goals
For fuck's sake
So I'm pissed off now, thinking that's it, the blood gates are open
Liverpool are going to start banging an extra couple more goals
So I'm back in the kitchen and I'm carrying on with the dinner
And then the e-cars went in
So in my head, doing the superstitious thing
I'm staying in the kitchen, so I'm just listening to it
Not watching it
Especially when it was like, McGuire!
I ran in and I was like, it's gone over, fucks sake
So I didn't properly watch it live the second half anyway
Apart from Liverpool's goals
But yeah, I was just expecting that James would have had an email ready to just give me some shit
I don't think he was expecting an email from me though, mate
Well, I did do before though, after the FA Cup game
When we beat them again as well
It's nice that you used to have that relationship
That love-hate relationship
He's still not sending me any nudes or anything yet
So we're keeping it professional
We don't want to cross a line
One day, mate, maybe
But yeah, James, hoping you feel better
To be fair, there must be play in the weekend, I don't know
I know it's all FA Cup games, I don't even know who they are playing though, to be fair
It's weird, because I saw that...
Because it's Arsenal United this Sunday
And when I saw that it was 3 o'clock kick-offs off
They expected the game to be on Saturday, but it's not Sunday
So 3 o'clock kick-offs on a Sunday, that's weird
Let's just get down to it here
Early kick-off tomorrow at Birmingham Lincoln
Big game
It's not showing it on score sports, but it's got to be on the TV though, hasn't it?
Liverpool have got an easy one in the FA Cup
Ah, Clinton Stanley, who are they?
Agave
Yeah, so quarter-final kick-off
Again, it's not showing it on FA Cups on normal TV, isn't it?
They have someone BBC and then someone TNT that I'm able to call now
Yeah, and then is the sum on old TV as well?
No, no, I don't think so, maybe
I mean, you'd think with how early on it is
Channel 4 would put some of the games on as well
You know, I mean, Exeter against Oxford, what a banger on Channel 5
That would be a great watch, wouldn't it?
I mean, no
No
Leeds against Harrogate
Fucking... Man City South
I think Tottenham's got Tamworth at night as well
I'm sure that's one of them
Right, Tamworth did do well
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
That might be on... because I don't think it's on Sunday
Yeah, it is on Sunday actually
Half-time kick-off
Yeah, I'm sure that one's on TV at the lamp
At the lamp, yeah
It's a small ground, as well
But small team though as well, isn't it?
Yeah
Apologies to any Tamworth fans out there
Why have you said that?
But yeah, so we're not a good podcast
Nah, nah
No, so yeah, I'm from one controversy to another
Well, Mr Trump
The hero
He's back in, he's in power
The 20th, isn't it? It gets actual sworn in, isn't it?
Yeah, properly back in
He's back, he's ceased
Fuck yeah
But he's ready to go already, isn't it?
He's giving his speeches, he's fucking... he's wicking his...
Wicking, he's whacking his big dick out
And just showing it to everyone
Saying, this is what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna hit you with this
Hit me with your best shot
Fire away
I thought you was gonna do the TikTok version of it
What's that?
Hit me with your back car
That would have been better actually, hadn't it?
And then the end of it
Yeah, we'll skip that, we'll do that
Hit me with a cum shot
Fire away
Yeah
That would have been better
Yeah, that's what I thought you was gonna do
You missed the trick there, Kip
I definitely did
Yeah, but if I knew the lyrics and you knew the lyrics
I'd say, let's go back, do a bit of magic editing
Just too real to do that
Yeah, you know, we're...
Because we ain't got enough time
I'm going for a fucking beer
You're going for a takeaway
Because you're on a diet and you want to cheat already
Yeah, it's not as committed though as last time
We just did that
But you gotta have a little cheat day every now and again
Because otherwise, what's the fucking point?
I feel bad though
I already felt like six months last year
After six months
I'm gonna have to die for six months for this holiday
Terrible
But yeah, Donald
Don't care
But yeah, he come out with a lot of fucking hard-hitting statements
I have got a few rough body points
So he touched on to NATO and Ukraine
He said it enough times anyway, hasn't he?
But he's gonna get on it
He's gonna bring up his old mate Putin
And just say, mate, come on
Stop being a silly billy
Let's just shake hands and let it all go
I think that's word for word, they're gonna say
Yeah, yeah, pretty much
But yeah, he's just saying
Touching on NATO
But again, he's just gonna run NATO as well really
And he's just gonna tell them to stop being fucking divs
And just sort it out
The tensions in the Middle East
Saying how it will break out if the
Hamas
Yeah, the Hamas isn't all sorted out as well
It will not be good for Hamas
And it will not be good, frankly, for anyone
That's a direct quote
Yeah, he just doesn't care
Acquiring Canada
Again, he's spoken about that
I think he wants to acquire Greenland as well, doesn't he?
Yeah, Greenland was a little bit different
Was that Denmark that it was?
But yeah, definitely saying 51st state for Canada
And the US's border will have an artificially drawn line
Which, I mean, aren't they all artificial anyway?
You don't see a direct line
As you cross a state, you don't see an actual line
It's not like the land's gone
This is where we're gonna separate left and right
Have we seen that town right at the north, America
Where you can't cross the road
You have to go to like
I forgot what it's called
On the street, anyone that's on
As you would walk down the left or right
Whatever way you walked down
That's Canada
And the other side is America
So to even go on the other side
You have to go to the post office
Get these clearance things
So you can walk on that sort of town
No, I'm not saying that
I'll have to get the name of it
Who was? I thought you were gonna say about that
Where there's like four or five borders that touch each other
So it looks like a compass essentially
You can be standing in like four states
I'm saying that, yeah
But I can't see the Canada thing happening
I think it's a bit of a stretch
But you know, still
Even just talking about it floating the option out there
It's gonna potentially make their relationship a bit closer and stronger again, isn't it?
Not that I think
The Canadian Prime Minister resigned in there
I don't know, to be honest
Yeah, he did
Hopefully as will probably soon
That ain't gonna happen
Oh fuck, he's so shit
It's just ridiculous
I know that it should have been bought up
It might be next week actually
But with that
The fucking, the votes
Of the grooming guy
No, the vote for another general election
Oh yeah, the one in May
The petition
Yeah, so because that was
I mean, still under three million
But as it hit over a million, it had to be discussed in Parliament
And so it was gonna be in January, so this month
I don't know if it was meant to have been this week or next week
But that ain't gonna happen anyway
It's quite a nuisance
But I will be keeping an eye out for
As and when it does get bought up
And what bullshit they try and come out with
Because it is just nonsense
And yeah, the grooming stuff
There's a Channel 4 documentary out as well now
You know, just trying to say to all lords
With the grooming going on and this and that
It's not for fuck's sake, man
You know, we're not trying to push a racial agenda or anything
It's just if these things happened
Like news needs to be out there
The public needs to be aware of what's going on
They can't be scared of being called racist, can they?
Yeah, because it doesn't be
You know, just because it's a certain race
That's done these things at the moment
Doesn't mean that other races aren't doing it
You know, there's Fitzgerald, was he?
With his daughter in the fucking basement of the Earth
He wasn't Muslim
I mean, he might have been, I don't know
Facts, whoever he was or not
But I think it was just weird, I tapped on her head
But no, the thing I'm really starting to hate, mate
Is you're either left or right
You can't just be common sense
If you want an inquiry, you're far right
Bandwagon are far right
No, you just want what's best for you as an individual
It doesn't mean you're left or right
You can be both on some aspects
But you can't just be
Yeah, but that's the thing that's really pissing me off
Anyway, let's move on from this gorman talk
So are we going to say it?
Well, I was only just going to say
That's what I feel like with the reform party
When you're seeing their parties and that
They do seem like they're in the middle
In the majority where it's like
Just common sense
Yeah, they want to look after
The country is going to be first basically with their policies
People first and just making it feel like Britain again
And as I say, when you're seeing
I can't think of his name, no
But when you're seeing Asian, Muslims, Black people in the reform party
Still saying that it's about the UK
It's not about fucking doing all this foreign aid
And that they're, you know
It's showing because a lot of them do still try and say
Reform is a racist party and that
It's all fucking white supremacists and whatever
But it's not, you know
You've got all the multiracism and cultures and that inside the party
Preaching the British flag, the British choir
And fucking putting Britain first
So hopefully, I mean four years isn't quick enough
When the actual referendum
I'm sure they will somehow
We somehow, yeah
It's going to happen
Because they're just so corrupt
Yeah
Right
Well, yeah
Yeah, honestly
Back to positive Trump again anyway
Yeah
Hero
Yeah, he's just
When he won the election the other month
We did say how he's going to save the world back at that point anyway
And I feel like he's just
He's there to back it up
He's already put his mark down
Yeah, he's going to do it
Which is great to be fair, you know
We need it
And with the statements he's coming out with
It is putting, you know, the fear of Trump into all these countries
Because even if he doesn't follow through with it
Because he said he don't know if he's going to follow through with it
He does say a lot sometimes
And just saying it out loud is enough sometimes
Which I really don't
Well, that's it, yeah
Because was it with Greenland
Or was it Denmark where he was on about
Who wants to take over that
So I think Greenland's own boy Denmark or something like that
If I'm not mistaken
So yeah, I've got it here
It's like part of their commonwealth
So taking Greenland and Panama Canal
The president refused to rule out the use of US military
Mojt to achieve his ambitions regarding Greenland and Panama
So that's the juicy stuff
Panama Canal is vital to our country
We need Greenland for national security purposes
Again, it was about Denmark
So we've been saying about Denmark threatening the sovereign borders
Because around Denmark he was saying about
There's Chinese ships, submarines, Russian ships and all that
And it's within striking range of US basically
So he's saying he wants to take them over
Denmark, it's debatable whether they actually own the country
So he wants to take them over as well
And take over the sea around it essentially
And just say we're pushing the Chinese back
And the way he just slagged off the Chinese world
Saying that the poor products that they're supplying
And the way they've abused the people of certain countries and that
He was like we want to take that away from them
And just make it great again
He just don't give a fuck
It's great to see
And it's a shame from what we know anyway
Of what the media actually pull out there
It's a shame that it's only America that has that kind of election
I know we spoke about it a couple of weeks ago
But it is more of a popularity thing
But it does get shit done
It's not just all the wars and everything that's going on
It's back to getting the jobs sorted out for people
Lowering taxes and everything he's going to do again
I think obviously we spoke about it before
You've got to look after your own first
First and foremost
It's nasty science
You can't help where you're born
You've just got to help your own
Yeah
No
And yeah he's going to do it
So it's going to be interesting
The fact that he does
He gets shit done
And it doesn't happen over here
Even now the fuel is still going up again
Just slowly creeping up
It just cracks me up
Everything
There's another net zero scheme going on
So essentially it means the packaging of food products
There's another tax that the government is sending on to the companies
The packaging of the food
So that's going to get passed on to us
So it means our weekly shop is going to go up
Have you seen how shit the McDonald's cups are?
Lids
The clear plastic
They're like
They're not clear
They're like
The white
Is that the one you're on about?
No the last ones on the saltwoods
So you know the coffee cup
You know the coffee cup normally is a black lid
Like plastic
It's like might have a
I don't even know what it's fucking made of mate
So I'm guessing it's meant to be like a paper then
Yeah it's
Like
Like cardboard mate
Look you know the stuff by the material when you have four drinks
And you know
Yeah the cup holder
Yeah it's made out of that
But it's just going to fall apart
Yeah it does as soon as you add a drink
But you can see it all the way every time you mouth spin
It's fucking disgusting
I don't know why McDonald's fuck around with their
The straws and the cups and that so much
You know one turtle fucking
You know in house straw too much
On a heavy note on the fucking marching powder
And that's it they have to get rid of all the plastic straws
It's just stupid
I like it
Yeah
It is annoying
I mean we was on a boat not long ago
I had a McDonald's breakfast for a warm
I might treat myself tomorrow
That's tomorrow's problems
I have got a lot of running around to do in the morning
Hopefully it's not as cold tomorrow
I mean I started to touch on it before we pressed record
But luckily we've had cold
I mean it was minus seven this morning
Looking you know four o'clock out walking the dog
Unfortunately the old dear, Mother Dee
She got me a nice big coat for Christmas
With the fake sheep all on the inside
The big hoods
So I'm literally happy to
It's like a lumberjack style like that palette
That's the way I'm envisioning it
No it's just a plain black one
Right
But yeah I have seen them lumberjack style ones as well
But yeah it's great
It's great
Fucking big hoods
And I'm having to shift my whole body
Because I can't just turn my head to see if there's an oncoming vehicle before crossing the road
Because you've got to be safe
You've got to stop
Look left, look right
You know green cross code and all that
King of the road mate
Remember that
What was it a hedgehog?
Hedgehogs are the most dead thing on the road
I think that's more yeah
No King of the road then
Fucking hedgehogs
King of the road
Fucking bangers
Not bad birds like that these days
No no, suck that birds no
Fucking snowflakes
So yeah
Prop out
We've had big the hoodies
Even though it's fucking freezing
It makes me think
When you see on the TV the Eskimos
And they've got the big hoods on
And they don't have a face mask or anything
You know balaclava or whatever
They've just got the hood off
And they seem fine
And so this hood makes me feel like an Eskimo
Because I'm there
And it's not tied to my head
It's not fucking enclosed in it
It's all open
You know even with my big headphones
I have them on underneath
And the hoods up
And it's just massive
Yeah
So yeah it makes me realise
How the Eskimos are so good at just
Yeah just being warm
With a big hood off
I mean it's not as thick
And it's not as cold as
And you don't live in the igloo
I'm sure
You can't call them Eskimos no more
Is it Inuit?
I'm sure Eskimo
Might have been very racist for a couple of minutes there
Yeah you
You know what
I'm sure you're not allowed to call them
It takes a few boxes on these podcasts mate
Yeah well
You know that's just
I suppose a bit of ignorance there
Why can't you call them that word though?
I'm sure they'll find it offensive
As most racist
Racial racist words
I don't know why
But yeah I'm sure it is
That they just find it offensive
But I'm sure
Again Inuit probably isn't
The right word
Maybe if that is the right
I don't know
Sorry to any
Of those people
That are listening to the podcast
Yeah
I mean what's going to happen if it is offensive
I'm sure it is by the way but yeah
What's going to happen to the phrase
It could sell snow to an Eskimo
All these things
I don't even seem to
No, Baba Black Sheep
That's been gone for years
That's what it was
Well it's woolly sheep now isn't it
Baba woolly sheep
Have you any wool?
I mean if you're calling it a woolly sheep
Sure they've got wool
Three bags full
Are we still on about the wool there?
Get on the baggies kid
You know
Not for me, no thanks
But yeah
All the nice world's got fucking mess we've done
It's just pointless
Ridiculous
Too PC, there's no need for it
The only PC you need is a fucking desktop
Fucking bollocks
Top fans that are on this fucking podcast there
We will get
On to a couple of the correspondence
We've already
Already said James
James always gets a shout out
He's listened to that in his blog
Or Carl Fletcher's
Before we do actually
I'll give a note
To remind myself of a little story
So last Sunday
Out walking a dog, standard
Everyday booky thing
I experienced a glitch in the
Matrix
So
As I'm walking up the road
There's a woman
With her little dog
She's walking the dog, she's not holding it
But she's walking
20 yards in front of me
So she's not that far
And in typical fashion
I'm stuck because the dog's
Fucking like, oh what's this smell
What's this
So I've stopped
I'm looking at him just in case he decides to have another
Sheet
The woman
Is still walking in front of me
And then carried on walking, stopped again
Looked at the dog
As I've looked back up, within 5 seconds
She's gone
Now there's a big conifer tree
At this point where I am as well
Which is basically on someone's front garden
So as I'm looking forward
Because I'm confused, I'm like where's she gone
Where's this woman
Well this is why I'm confused
Because if she would have turned
Left onto the drive
Like the front garden where these big conifer trees
I would have seen her
The other side of the tree, walk into the door
Because literally I'd looked away
For a couple of seconds
And again, as I've looked
She hadn't crossed the road to go into one of the other houses
Because I would have seen her on that side of the road
And
Again
Probably another 10, 15 meters further on
There's a left turn
And there's no
Houses directly
As you turn left
So when I've got to that corner
Within 30 seconds
I would have seen if she'd turned that left as well
Completely disappeared
I don't know what happened, I was looking on the floor in case
There was a hole, she's fell down the hole or something
Just completely
Blank, gone
Don't know what's happened, aliens abducted her or something
Just don't know what's happened
No sign of the dog either
It wasn't just the woman that says the name
There was no car
No cars
Well someone might have a choice
Red pill, blue pill
Again, I watched Matrix
Once
So I don't know
Which one is the Matrix pill
So what makes him go back to normal
I don't know which one was which
But
I'll take the pill that makes me a millionaire
I don't know which one that is
Black pill
Maybe, I don't know.
Yeah, it's just absolutely bamboozled me.
It was just a quick turn around,
yeah, he's definitely not gonna shoot,
and then I've looked forward again, gone.
The only logical thing in my head
was with this big kind of tree,
was that she'd walked around it,
and then she was the opposite side of me
as I carried on walking.
Because I kept turning around
in case she had done that as well.
So, that's the only logical thing to him,
is that she was holding the other side of the tree
because she was scared of me in the dark.
That was broad dialogue, so it's not like
it was creepy, the man in the dark following her.
And I didn't have my hood up,
she could see my face.
You don't do that no more, do you?
I know.
No, I was gonna say that on the weekend,
but it was a Sunday.
So, that's the only logical thing to make,
because let's say there was two houses
that she potentially could have gone in,
but I would have seen,
because of where I was with the cover,
spun into the tree, I would have seen her go in,
and then by the time I got to the corner,
I would have seen her walking down there,
because there's no gardens to go into
or anything called houses.
It's just a road that leads down to Colesack,
so I would have seen, she didn't start running,
but I would have heard her starting to run.
Yeah, just completely disappeared.
I didn't see no bright lights
before the island reduction or anything,
so I don't know, portal, maybe.
Just matrix.
Strange one.
Gone.
So, now we should get on to the correspondence.
So, we had a question from Lauren.
Your dog kills it, mate.
Sorry, in case anyone could hear the little patter
of some paws in the background,
just any time I do get round here,
the dog's always assuming that it's dinnertime.
And he goes-
He's always on his toes, isn't he?
He's like, you hear him?
Like, does it on purpose?
Just tip it to him with the nails.
And then he goes to the cupboards
where he knows his food and treats are,
but he's clucked the half a sausage roll on the top.
He can smell that bad bun.
Yeah, mate, he's been all in that little,
over-dye, mate, but none of that Kyle is not there.
He knows I'm soft touch.
And that's why he's giving you that funky little eyes.
He can have a bit of an immunity.
Yeah, he's waiting for it.
Just stop staring at me, son.
Spoiled boy.
So, the question goes,
what would you meant to often mistake
kindness and friendliness for flirting?
Getting tired of saying I have a boyfriend
when getting hit on.
Do you want to answer that to start off with, mate?
I think a lot of the time,
it's just because most men, I say most men,
well, yeah, most men don't get an obvious sign from women
that, you know, yeah, I want to have a bit of that.
So, yeah, a bit of friendliness and smiles to one male
can be mistook for a bit of flirting.
I mean, we've all done it in the past.
And the opportunists are no men.
Yeah, you know, I'd love to try that.
Yeah.
And then we've all been there, you know,
just a little smile from a woman walking past or whatever.
And you just say to your friend, she wants it.
Yeah.
So, yeah, you know, it just, it happens.
I'd say, to be fair, just-
Stop being a bit more nasty as well.
No, I'd say just enjoy the compliments.
Yeah, but then it's like,
does a boyfriend get upset with it?
I mean, if he's not around, does he get upset with you?
Yeah, if she's telling him,
oh, I got hit on again today,
that's a bit of a novice mood, to be fair,
because you can't be fucking,
you can't be getting back to your fellow outside.
Three more men tried asking for my number again today
because I'd be fucking fuming all over.
Don't tell me.
So, yeah, don't be a cunt about it.
But, yeah, just, I don't know, smile a little less.
Just put a ring on, maybe.
Or, you know, just have like a promise ring.
It doesn't have to be an engagement ring or anything.
Because I know all you definitely used to do that,
look out for a ring.
And then if I saw one, not put it on him.
You know?
What if they put it on you, though, mate?
Well, it's up to their game, then.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, because I wasn't the one cheating.
I mean, I was.
Yeah, because I wasn't the one cheating.
Well, yeah.
You are right, now.
Yes, so.
Don't cheat, Eva.
Don't be a cunt.
So, yeah, I'd say, yeah, just, you know.
Embrace it.
Yeah.
But.
And, I mean, how often is it really happening?
Well.
To get annoyed with you.
I mean, I feel like now.
Once a week.
I reckon more.
Every time she probably goes out at night,
if she's out every weekend or whatever.
Yeah, if she's out fucking slagging off at the club.
Then.
Why, because you're going to have to use slack.
No.
Nah, yeah, if you're in a club at night,
it's going to happen more often because, well,
the lads getting drunk.
They're having the beer, the brave juice.
And you only go clubbing for one reason.
Oh, I said this.
No one goes clubbing to stand in the cold.
No.
To dance the fucking, whatever genre.
The same sounds you've been listening to on the radio.
And buy a pound of drink.
Yeah.
I want that.
You go in there to get dig down or get dick in.
Or future dick.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, because it's not fun.
Just then.
Don't miss them days.
No.
So, I don't know.
Stop hanging around with men.
Stop fucking smiling at them.
Stop being friendly to them.
But don't be a cunt.
Roddy has asked,
have you got any funny stories involving your siblings?
That we both involved in?
I've got a funny story.
Not that I can say on this podcast.
You can't dictate something like that.
Jesus.
You're a rod.
No, no.
Definitely less than me.
Oh, I tell you what.
I tell you what.
I've got one.
You've got to give a story now.
Right.
I'm trying to think which one to do.
So, I've got a story a sibling caught me.
So, you know back in the day,
the old porno DVDs, mate.
Mm-hmm.
Proper.
For some reason,
I walked out one morning
and it was like a present from God.
Porn DVD.
I don't know if I remember.
Right on the grass.
I'm like,
who knows?
Yeah.
So, I picked it up,
put it in my pocket.
Anyway,
probably all day now,
everyone's got the house.
So, you got to put it into the PC
and watch that fucking porno.
No, so it's not what I was thinking of.
Yeah, Garron, yeah.
So, literally,
as soon as that,
come on,
plug it in.
You know, you used to load a little bit.
Yeah.
I heard someone come up,
I'm trying to impress you from the injector thing.
Anyway, it didn't come up.
Next week, you know,
it comes up the stairs
because we had the attic in it.
The next thing you know,
it just had that,
like the homepage,
the porno,
like it's a click play movie.
I was just like,
yeah,
it was like,
uh, uh, uh, uh.
And I was just like,
just found it.
Ficked it,
seen it for a while.
Act like it didn't work
and I fuck it,
enjoying myself to it.
Mm-hmm.
Um,
when you say why,
then no.
Well,
because I can't remember if it was,
if it was you,
but was there a similar situation
at yours,
uh, again,
probably around the same age,
but instead of the PC in your bedroom,
it was in the DVD player in the living room
and it was left in
and your dad found it in the morning.
Oh, no.
So,
so I,
no,
I'll tell you what that morning been.
I found my dad's
porn collection
on the video,
I'll tell you.
So,
when the oyster go out,
he's put on the video,
but I had to rewind it to the same part
that he left it on,
hadn't he?
He left it with the gum trap.
So like,
at one time,
I'm watching it,
everyone comes,
like literally through the,
I could see him,
like from the front window.
I'm like,
fuck.
So I've got the fucking,
the case and the video
and I've just slid it underneath the celly,
like just literally,
mate,
pressed it,
bang.
And literally all day,
I had to wait.
Everyone went to bed
to then move it from underneath the celly
to like my bedroom.
And then when everyone went out again,
fully,
and I never watched when I was that.
But I'll tell you another move,
I'll tell you what other thing,
including porn as well.
So my brother's,
he's gay,
so,
so our brother's gay.
And I called him,
watching gay porn on the PC.
And he tried to say,
someone told him to watch it.
So it wasn't true.
He loves it,
I know.
Yeah.
I'll be seeing that gay brother tomorrow morning.
Yeah.
Not for them reasons.
He just wants a bit of work
underneath his house.
But I'm just trying to-
He'll be taking me.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to-
I'm just trying to,
He'll be taking me upstairs.
Yeah.
Aw.
Embarrassing stories.
There was,
I mean, again,
I've got multiple brothers and sisters.
I remember when I was a kid,
probably about eight or something,
my older sister was looking after me.
And she had a friend around.
And not that she was ever nasty to me and that,
but for some reason,
I've said something or I've done something,
and she told me to shut up or she'll hit me.
But then as she's hit me,
you know when you start laughing,
even though it's her,
you laugh.
Yeah.
And she thought I was taking a piss out of her there.
I remember she's pinned me to the floor
and she's full on pounding into me,
hitting me in the ribs and that.
But because I'd already started laughing,
I couldn't stop laughing there.
But after the beating went on,
it felt like for an hour or something.
It was only because a friend says,
oh, Shane, just leave him alone, hey?
And I just went up to the bedroom,
all in pain, but I was still just giggling.
I don't know why I started laughing.
It's mandala.
Yeah, fucking kid.
And then my younger brother,
he's always been fucking easy to wind up,
knife and ass.
And I said to my dad years ago,
I'm gonna wind him up today, just watch.
So, I don't know,
say he'd been at football or something,
and he's come back,
dad's gone out.
And so he's come back, I was like, knife,
I don't know what you've done.
Dad's pissed off with you.
You don't wanna be here when he comes back home.
So, what's he said?
So, I don't know, man,
but he's just not happy with you.
And you know what I'm like,
keep on a straight face.
He's just not happy with you.
He says he's gonna fucking have you.
So, he started crying.
He's gone into his bedroom,
he starts packing a bag and everything.
He's ready to fucking,
he's ready to leave.
Now, he was an adult at the time,
I'll say an adult,
he was probably like 18, 19.
So, he's old enough,
he's not a child and running away from home,
but he's packing a bag,
and he's crying, he's fucking.
What did he think?
He must have done something then.
No, because he didn't,
I think that's just the sheer panic,
because I had nothing else to say to him.
But then he's pissed off with you.
He must have thought,
oh, that's horrifying, dad,
I've done this.
Well, he didn't say anything.
To start packing the bag
and start getting cereal. Yeah, he didn't say anything
along those lines,
but he just,
because dad used to be really tempered,
well, he still is to be fair,
but he'd quickly throw his fist back in a day and that.
And so obviously Nathan's thinking,
shit, I've got to get out of the house
before he comes back.
And so yeah, I've eventually started laughing
as dad's come home
and he's fucking told him
to stop being a sock-hunt as well.
Yeah, but he does,
he gets by it up so easy.
I've really been good
the last week and a half to be fair as well.
So we worked for Open Reach,
so BT at the moment.
And I got to dad's the other day
and he's told me about the phone conversation
from Nathan the night before.
So he's gone to this call out.
And as he's walked in the house,
the woman says to him,
basically she's got another soul living inside of her
that sometimes comes out and speaks.
So obviously this woman is bipolar,
tapped in the head or whatever.
He's like, yeah, yeah, that's all right.
So essentially he's trying to look at what the problem is.
And this other soul starts speaking to him.
Well, no, sorry, they start speaking to each other.
The woman is having a conversation with
the extra soul within herself.
This entity that's inside of her.
But apparently it sounded like a witch.
It was like some weird voice and that.
And so then he's looked over,
then this witch entity thing starts talking to him.
What are you looking at?
So essentially it goes back and forth.
Nathan's there like flapping it,
scared at this witch thing
that's taking over this woman's fucking body,
keeps talking to him.
So he ends up backing out of the house,
not doing any fucking work.
And she was on the doorstep and this witch is shouting at him,
fucking I'll get you next time or whatever.
So obviously he's called up the office.
They're all laughing at him down the phone,
but he's paranoid.
He's thinking he's fucking cursed and all sorts.
He's bought himself some rosemary beads and whatever.
So I've been so tempted to call him up the hot dog
or saw the number and just like, Nathan, it's the witch.
Just hear him cry down the phone or something.
But no, I've been good, I'm gonna say,
in front of a week to be fair,
letting fucking half forget about it.
And then like, yeah, the witch is back, fuck.
Everyone just took the piss out of him.
He'll be fucking wharf.
So yeah, I mean, if we sat down and thought about it,
let's say you've got multiple siblings,
I've got plenty enough as well.
Maybe we probably could do fucking a few episodes.
Like the shit that we did to all funny stories
from when we was kids.
They always seem, when we have questions like this,
they're always popping to mind after.
Yeah.
So I think this is probably one that we should have a thought
about, make notes and then maybe come back to
next week or something.
Now, this one, we've got a question from V, question.
If you two were magically put into any celebrity couple's
bodies of your choice for a day,
example, Jay-Z and Beyonce,
after 24 hours, you go back to your own bodies.
Whilst swapped, you know that you are each other,
but obviously sound and look like the celebrities.
And when you get back to normal, so back to your own body,
you remember everything that happened wrong.
Right.
What couple would you choose and would you make sweet love
to each other?
We'd have to be a gay couple, mate.
I'm being a girl.
I'm like, so, and I'm like, honestly.
So what gay celebrity couple?
Neil Patrick, Alton John and his boyfriend.
Well, he's not that famous
because I don't even know who he's, there he is.
Neil Patrick Harris, as you just meant to say,
again, I don't know who his partner is.
I couldn't be a girl, mate.
So if he was going to be the man of the relationship,
what couple would you think?
Ryan Gosling.
And who's his missus?
Eva Mendes.
I didn't know that everything.
I mean, I'm not down with it,
down with the kids and all this fucking shit.
Okay then.
So you're Ryan Gosling.
Yeah.
I'm Eva Mendes.
Yeah.
So we know that it's a job.
Yeah.
We physically look and obviously sound
a lot of the celebrities.
Yeah.
Are you going to be trying to put it on there?
No, it's just your characteristics.
You're just not, just like, man, isn't it so like yours?
The way you stand, like you just blow it, you know?
So you wouldn't-
Fuck no, no.
That's gay.
But even though it's you, you want to know your chance
to stick it into Eva, you wouldn't want to.
No chance.
I'd have to draw a more and drop than that.
Hey, come on, just do it, man.
No, no.
Stick it in.
What do you want me to fuck you for?
I'm not saying I'd want you to,
but knowing that you'd be so against it,
I'd have to be like,
come on, come on, just let me up on.
Well, if it's a couple of other, it'd be good.
I'd say probably the most famous would be Ryan and Blake.
Oh, that'd be a good one.
Yeah.
That would be a good one, so.
So what if I was, you know, you're Ryan Reynolds
and then I'm Blake Iveley, which is-
No, no.
If you're a girl, you ain't getting fucked for, mate.
Literally, so it doesn't matter who you are,
nothing's happening, mate.
So what if we woke up, you're in Ryan Reynolds' body,
I'm in Blake's life, it's blow, blow,
what the fuck's going on?
Blow, so we're in their beds.
But what if, as we've woken up, blow, shit, all right,
this magic's happened, it's going to be a day thing,
so we're here now.
So we get out of bed and then we look around,
there's a big fucking strap on over on the side
and it's quite obvious that Ryan gets pegged all the time.
Yeah, I wouldn't get pegged, look, look.
No, but even though you're in Ryan's body,
you're not going to try it then, though.
No, because I'm a guy, mate.
No, but I feel it.
Like, I still, I remember it now, but mate, no, stop.
I know you don't get pegged in that, but stop, no.
To be fair, the mists never happened, so I wouldn't know.
I would, first thing I would do, yeah,
send money to my account, my account, me.
You don't know his passwords?
Well, I'll just go to, go for any phone,
yeah, manager, fly, get money out, fly over,
give it to me.
It's only 24 hours?
Yeah, it's only a seven hour flight from New York.
Then again, he might be in Wales at that point, so.
Even better, just overdraw.
Thank you, literally.
Yeah, but if it's an hour, we'll probably be looked at.
Just fucking, you know what I mean?
My plastic, but not in a guy way, no.
That marriage be ended, I'll be fucking everyone else.
No, because.
No, no, I'm not, no, mate.
I wonder what.
Stop making a guy.
No, I'm not going off of that.
I'm wondering what their consciousness would be doing,
but would their full body swap, like they're in ours.
Wow.
And then, would they wanna still fuck
each other in our bodies?
I wonder if, I don't know, you wouldn't be surprised
if Ron Reynolds put that across, would you?
But then again, you know, if they're waking up
in our bodies, they're not waking up
in the same bed then either, so.
It'd be harder for them to figure out.
Oi, what are you doing, mate?
That's my fucking body over there.
Can you do anything, man?
The dog after the sausage roll.
It's not even there.
On the windowsill.
He's gonna have it in a minute.
No worry.
We're nearly done, mate, we're nearly done.
We shall get on to a cheeky confession now.
You love it, Ash loves it.
Fucking, let me get that fucking chin off.
The chin makes it.
Choo, choo, right to be true, sing it in three.
So then, Father Ash, what is our confession today?
Hi everyone, I'm currently in a relationship
with my girlfriend of two years,
and recently she asked if I could start
calling her racial slurs when we have intimacy.
It really makes me feel weird.
She's half black and is persistent.
I call her the M word and other degrading terms.
What, he has called it that?
Yeah, she's half black and is persistent.
I call her the M word, what words that, mate?
Naughty.
And other degrading terms, and I just don't,
and I just don't know how to say no.
She also keeps saying, you digging in me?
When we make love, but in a really deep man voice.
I'm not sure how to tell her I'm uncomfortable.
You dig?
You digging in me?
I don't get why she's doing a deep voice as well then, no.
I don't know, it's...
You dig?
So let's go over the first thing,
the racial slurs when being intimate.
She's half black and is persistent.
I wonder what the other half is.
Well, it doesn't matter, it's called the naughty word.
Yeah, we're assuming she's half white then as well,
but there is other halves that she could be.
Yeah, and other degrading terms.
Sorry.
Because I'm just thinking,
because if she was half Chinese as well,
that's fucking too...
Two wongs don't make a problem.
Well, yeah, he...
I mean, he's already in the wrong now,
because he's admitted he has been saying the naughty word.
I mean, he's embarrassed about it,
and he doesn't know how to stop.
You've just got to tell her.
So I don't think...
So it's that you're digging in me.
Yeah, I don't get why she's going deep with it.
No, that makes it gay.
It's got an...
Half.
It's got an essence...
Half gay as well.
Yeah, that bit, that would make me feel uncomfortable.
How would that make you?
Well, again, I'm quite open.
I am.
Anything that I'm not happy with in my relationship,
I'll nip it straight in the bud,
and I'll tell it to the missus.
No.
Like the old Harry Enfield.
Oi, you!
No!
Yeah.
Harry Enfield was quite too early.
He wasn't.
He was talking to the Scousers.
Hey, hey, calm down, calm down.
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
All right, James.
Hey, hey.
Yeah.
But no, I'd find it uncomfortable as well
if my missus was whipping out a deep voice,
dig, dig.
It's not right.
You need to just say, this needs to stop.
I mean, the fact that you've already sinned multiple times
by saying these naughty words.
And the naughtiest word.
Yeah, it's not right.
I mean, to be fair, I'm assuming he's not black
or half black himself.
No.
Since it's an issue for him.
But even if you're the same ethnicity,
you shouldn't be shouting those nasty words.
And if she wants to have some words being said,
just do the standard word playing that log.
You can tell that I'll do it all the time.
So I'll write off and sip it on.
Just call her a slag, a filthy hoe, whatever.
I don't know if she'll like me for this.
Do you like that, bitch?
Oh yeah.
She can look back at you instead of saying you dig,
just say, oh, I spanked me harder, daddy.
Something like that, maybe.
But yeah, you need to just tell her that it's not right.
I don't even think I'm comfortable with her
saying you're digging him in in a man's voice, to be honest.
Yeah, I feel like that's a bit of...
Too much.
Yeah, it's like a big personality to come out again.
Yeah, it's not right.
Yeah, I'd probably struggle to stay hard at that point
if she was coming out with that manly shit.
But yeah, several how mairies.
You need to donate to a racist charity to...
But not Black Lives Matter.
Because that one...
Did they still take donations?
Oh, mate, they're just corrupt.
What, black people?
No.
Who knew that Ashley was racist?
No, no.
So yeah, you need to just go have a bath
in some holy water as well.
And fucking use that same bath water to rinse out her mouth.
Dirty bitch.
And we shall see you next week.
You dig, mate?
Peace.
There are chemistries electric
You can't deny