Ash and JD, they're the hosts, talking real, they're not like most
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Happy New Year everyone and welcome to
The first 2025 episode of the real talking podcast
With your hosts of feeling much better this week
Ash and always golden, JD
Ginger golden
Well I wasn't going like that, you know, if you wanna be a bit racist and crap
I'll fucking walk out now, kid
At least I'm fucking, not one of these dickheads
Strawberry blonde or Auburn
My hair's not proper ginger compared to normal standard ginger
You do embrace the gingerness don't you?
Yeah, you know, we're a dying breed
So the last I checked the stats, which is not as often as some people might think
But about 3% of the population of the world
That's it, there's not a few of you left
No, that's why I married a ginger, so I can help keep the bloodline going
Keep it going strong, you know
Hail ginger
No concentration, tap taps going on in here
I remember seeing it years ago, I'm guessing it's still a thing
But there was one in Lough Mosley and it's always going on in Ireland
For National Ginger Day and Ginger Fest and whatever
So you'd just be there wouldn't you?
Like it's some lotion, some sun lotion
I don't think it's in hot weather to be honest
Otherwise if it was a hot day it would be definitely
It'd be like pee diddy but instead of baby oil it's just sun grain
And just umbrellas to try and hide in the shade and stuff wouldn't it?
But I'm sure there was one in Mosley a couple of years ago
Because did Scors go to it?
Our mate who's ginger as well
I'm not too sure
I feel like Scorsy went to it
And then I was probably fucking working on something that's wilding
Would you want to go to a Ginger Fest?
Probably not now because I don't like being in crowds of people
But yeah I think at the time or years ago I would have done just for the crack any
If you were ginger what hair colour would you want?
I mean I suppose I'd just say brown because my hair is relatively dark
I was just thinking Scor Blonde
I'd like to be really blonde
You could just bleach it though couldn't you?
I thought about it but I'm 35 I don't need to
I want it to go grey more than anything I don't want it to go grey
You've got a couple though
I've got plenty myself
There's loads in my beard as well though
I get the tweezers and pull them out on the tush
Nah it's keeping
Nah because it's a lot sometimes
Nah because it cracks me up
You're a man
I know I'm a man
Are you a real man though?
Embrace the grey
Obviously I'm a real man I don't make no fucking bullshit
We ain't going to get on sweet fucking
We can't keep mentioning Sam Smith
Not that we've mentioned him for a long time
Nah we're over it I think
Until he does something fucking shitty again
Yeah I did see a TikTok the other day and it was
Celebrities before and after signing a deal with the devil so basically when they've fucking
Become that popular that they go off the rails
And the one of Sam Smith is just unrecognisable
It was ridiculous
Not that I'm that way but I can appreciate a good looking man
And he was alright looking beforehand and then he just went off the rails didn't he?
And he was just we're not asking about him getting overweight but just
He was just around the pig suit
And his music was better
Yeah OG fucking Sam Smith music yeah
I couldn't even tell you what his fucking music is these days
If he's still doing anything
Would you
So what I'm going to say is would you go to a Sam Smith concert now if you only done the old songs
When he acted the way he acts now at the stage
No let's just say 20 years he's doing an old school tour
Yeah a Butlins weekend at
Well no I was giving him a bit more respect than that
But yeah if it was a Butlins weekend at and he's back to normal
He's not fucking being over the top
And he's dressing normal acting normal not being a fucking weirdo
Then yeah I'd fucking happily do it
But yeah now if he's fucking prancing around and being a fucking spaz then no chance
I couldn't do it
Even trying to enjoy the songs and the singing I wouldn't be able to get over what I'm seeing
And I wouldn't even be able to sit there and have my eyes closed
You'd be singing angry at the same time
Won't you stay with me
Prick
That's like
Yeah
Yeah not a chance at the moment
Because it has to say even with my eyes closed I'd be able to feel him acting like a con
Yeah film the fucking weirdness
Yeah so yeah we're very PC so far in 2025 as you can all see
While we're onto music though
I think I said it last week on the pod but I don't know
But when I said about Jamie T and jumped in the car
Jamie T was on the radio so I listened to the album
I can't remember if that was on the pod or off the pod
Well I know I definitely said it but basically yeah
Jumped in the car, radio on, had Jamie T on
And so I ended up listening to his first album while driving
That was on Boxing Day
And then the other night finished Graft
And there was no new podcast or anything that I was going to listen to
So I was like I'll bang on some old music again
So I whacked on Kanye West, College Dropay, In The Shower
Big album
I'd done the same thing, Icon, Freedom
So his second album, Beautiful
You know honestly and I was like fucking hell
Fucking shit
I think I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks just doing that
Going back to old albums
Just listening to them again
Because it brings back memories of what was going on when that song was out
And you just think shit this was a banger
I always go back to Kanye West once
And everything, my Dark Twisted Fantasy and everything
But an Eminem album
When you hear an Eminem song, you just put an album on
And when you listen to his on the same
You just get back into it
There was loads of him
Because I did used to really really be into music
But it's mainly just the country music that he's nice
If you were to, it is a question
Because we don't obviously
But I don't anyway
And I don't think you do
We don't pay to
Obviously someone was doing a concert
We don't take much notice of it anymore
Obviously we went to a few Kanye West and the Jay-Z one
If you were to go and see someone
Who would it be?
That you haven't seen so not Kanye West again
Let's do a top 3
What? 3? What?
We're in a bad box
I think the top of the list would be Achira
I know you're not his biggest fan
No I like him, I do
I've watched a lot of his concerts
As he's done them
You've bought Lord Benny's recorded
And then posted on YouTube and that
And considering he does it all on his own
There is a couple of songs he'll get
Backing singers or other people playing instruments
But with the majority when it's just him guitar
And he's just with the loop head on that
It's fucking mad just to watch
And obviously the talent of it
So he's number 1?
I'd say so
I suppose that's kind of cheating a little bit
Because I have watched the Multiplier Tour and stuff
So I already know what to expect
Yeah but it's different in place
Yeah I'd say him as number 1
There's not many new ones I listen to to be fair
Right let's make it a top 2
Let's just make it easier for yourself
Can I give you my second first?
Post Malone
See I was just thinking that
Because he's gone on to the country scene
Some of his older stuff was good stuff as well
Alright and now do you want me to give you my number 1
Or do you want to give me your number 1
You say your one
Morgan Wallin
Yeah
Last night we were walking out
I really do struggle with keeping up with the names
Of all these different artists and that and that
Even the other day I don't know what song was on the radio
But with that I was like I really like this song
Who sings it son?
I don't know especially when the radio says the name and that
I just couldn't be arsed to walk over to the radio to read it
Or wait for it to scroll across
I was like I don't know
But I really don't know
What's his name now
Fuckin Tennessee Whiskey Geyser
Christoph
Because I have seen him
Again on James Corden
He did what he was on
Bert Kreuscher's podcast
And they're just sitting there and he starts singing
And Bert starts crying and stuff
So I think that would be a nice one to see as well
You know like obviously his country artists
Obviously from America
America
Fuck yeah
You know how much tickets are? It's fucking expensive
I've only found a ticket
But obviously because the man is there now
Because there's a lot of venues doing
They're calling it Country Fest
Where essentially it's just
They're playing all the country songs
But it's just a generic band giving all of them
And even them tickets are ridiculous
I'm not seeing the actual artists
Why are you charging so much?
You know the last artist I went to see
Frankie Fucking Valley
Frankie Valley
Yeah in person
Obviously when I watched Jersey Boys in the West End
Frankie Valley in person
He looked, he was dead
He looked like he was a fucking on the streets
But like when he is so fucking signing his way out
And he's not singing
Like fucking those notes
I'm like how?
But I don't think he
How long ago was this?
About two years ago
So all the TikToks that are floating around have been late
Well yeah I mean he was fucking dead then
So yeah
You can see though
Because obviously he walks and he talks at some point
I don't know, obviously maybe there is a bit where they can cut the mic on and off like that
But yeah it just doesn't seem like he's actually doing anything
He just seems soulless
It's not a weekend of burnies
At one point he sang
And then he said something as he was singing
So you could see that it was him that done that now
But yeah
So there's a top two off the cuff, random
I mean to be fair
I'd have to go and see Kanye again
If he was doing like a tour of the old classics
You know what I don't think you're ready
I don't think you're ready for Kanye West
No
Have you seen him?
Have you seen him doing that one in China?
I've not seen anything like it to be honest
Yeah like
He does it in arenas now doesn't he
Where he likes to be on a football pitch
And he has the whole pitch so to speak
And as soon as that
Ding
I was just like
No
You haven't written
I think that's the main thing that puts me off these days though
Because when we've done it before
The standing up on that is just too much
I'd have to be getting seats
But then like
You'd have to get the right seats
Because you're too far in the box
Yeah
It would be great like to
You know some have like the gold and VIPs
Where you know if we had money
To do something like that
I think that's why I don't do it
I think it's like the £100 to stand up
To get there let's not lose
I don't go for a piss
Nah
Fuck that
We're too old for that kind of thing though
You know
35 it's hard
It is hard
But
Yeah
So that was a good question that was actually
Thanks for sending it in
Like the live person
Talking
Questions in
RealTalkingPod
On the hotline
07 470
No
07
The links are in the description
Is that the second time you forgot
Or was that the first time
First time of 2024
Well that's true yeah
It might be the third time overall
The number will be in the description anyway
And then
Again I still haven't even been on Twitter
To check for any
DMs on there
But it was
At Ash and JD
Yeah sending the questions
And that
We still haven't had none yet
That's a good thing
We don't want to see that
No TicPix
Or DickPix
Definitely don't want none of them
But if I do get them
If I do get them here
I'll send them straight to you as well
I think
I'd have to look Naim and Shyam
If someone was sending a TicPix
Well
I don't know if it was Carmichael
Then no but if they were being aggressive with you
I can watch you think at Easterlabs
I'd have to like
Post a screenshot or something
Yeah like you know
If there was like a little Santa hat on the end or something
You know hat yeah
But if it was all fucking
You know they're literally all
Stroking it and fucking trying to come or something
I'd have to just fucking
Air it out and just put on that
These dirty bastards
We don't want that
We definitely don't
I am surprised we don't get any
Filth like that to be fair
I mean we do get James emailing all the time
Well he ain't talking Filth mate
Fucking Fax what's he said this week
Well I'll get it up
Let's get it out of the way at some point or not
Right he's loyal
Every week He fucking loves it
He does love it Oh he definitely does
And you love him mate then yeah
Well I love all of our fans
You know they're all equal
That's the right answer there Jack
So yeah he's gone
Lads you know they're about to lose four
Games in a row this Sunday
I think it absolutely shows
And I think we can all agree
Belly's going to happen
He is right Yeah
I'd love
I'd love for
Well all of us to be wrong
And you know it to get the win but
Just really can't say yeah
We're not a footballing podcast
And we don't
Want to talk about you know it to too much but
Just too much shit going on all the time
I have seen that Mark Goldbridge dog
Tick tock feed all week fucking
If he's not moaning about fucking something
It's fucking something else
He's been fucking
He's had a busy week moaning his ass
Well yeah and that's why he's
I suppose over the Christmas period I should say
Not just this week but yeah
For United fans
The players on the pitch
Have ruined our Christmas
Not fucking one win
Not one goal It's just been shit
So yeah
I've seen like
Some funny stuff about like what McDo man
Going to my new just yet
It's like that Amron with a bald head
Yeah I think he'll go great
First off
Was it Gary Neville said it
And I loved it and he was fucking mine
Ali Ghanisov show us
Last two is better than this two
And I loved it and it's a better two
Well
Ronaldo, Sancho, Rashford
Bruno, McTiominate, Matij
Luke Shaw, Juan Bissaca
Maguire I think it was Lindelof
And De Geaaring
Yeah well the goalkeeper
We definitely can't argue
That
Ananas are better for the first choice
Because he's not He's absolutely shocking
But again
You know because half those players
Are still at the club and they're the ones
That are fucking down tall for our league
The down talls are fucking ten hard
And they
Just haven't been able to
Get their heads into it and think
Because there's been no new manager bounce
That
Two wins and a draw on the
Rude as the temporary manager
Until Amron come in
And they just don't want it
It's annoying
Because the amount of other
Teams out there
The players are on
Ten times less than what these lads are on
And they can pass a simple
Ball five yards and
They'll concede a goal
But they're still fighting
Arsenal Brentford the other day
Brentford won it up
And they're fucking going for it
Then Arsenal come back and even at 3-1
Down Brentford are still trying
They're trying to fucking get another goal back
But as soon as
They concede that most of the
United players are just fucking heads down
Ready to suck
We don't need that
Even Maserati is starting to get
Fucking affected by it
When he's been one of the best signings
For United of the season
I think it's like with any
Workspace and that negativity
Creeps through eventually to anyone even if you try not to
And it is just fucking
Annoying
Rashford's apparently has
Turned down three bits so far to move
Away from the club and Navi doesn't
Want to leave yet he's been
Just fucking going
And Casemiro needs to go
I'm still
Sick of people moaning about
Rasmus Hoylund
He's not a good enough striker
He's not getting the fucking chances
If you put him into
When Man City are playing well
With Roderick and the team
Put him in
In place of Harland he's going to get
The goals as well
Put him in any other team that creates chances
He's going to get goals
The other day
I do like that this is your kind of like
Furry piece mania
Well again that's why I listen to Mark Goldbridge every day
Yeah
It just helps
But I can't
Because again
It's fucking
It's my dad's fault I had no choice
Growing up I had to be an Aussie fan
Or don't follow football I grew up
A part of Blues ground, Birmingham City football club
So I could have been or should have been
A Blues fan but no
You got to fucking support my team
And then when he comes out with stuff
These days All Stars conversation
He can't have the
Conversation two ways there
And then because he's listening to fucking talk sport
And fucking short sport news and that
As well, listening to the shit
Pundits and fucking Jamie O'Hara
That are getting scripts
And all negativity constantly
Frank's like my dad's passing
That on to me and I'm like no
Because are you actually watching the game
Or are you just listening to them dickheads
And then they're on there fucking winding up the fans
Again I watch the fucking
Why don't you call up to talk sport one day
Because they wouldn't fucking
I wouldn't want to listen to him
Because I tell them all to shut the fuck up
Tell them you run a semi successful podcast man
Well yeah soon to be fully successful
Hopefully
We're not a footballing podcast
We're not a footballing podcast no
We just have enough to talk about
Football voice
But yeah I'll just tell them all
Jamie you're a shithead
Because you know you want Man City
To fucking win and you'll wear a Man City
T-shirt when you're a fucking Spurs fan
Ex Spurs player
Fucking dickhead I'm going to say something
I was offensive then but we've got to be
A bit more PC started off
A little bit controversial again
And we don't want to be as bad as last week
If we was cancelable
We definitely would have done last week
We said some fucking bad things
Not bad bad lot
Bad words
We just slagged up a lot of people
Did we? Yeah we wasn't facing it at all
I was a bit so
Yeah but I just
I said I
Women can't cope without
Also now
Don't get me involved in that
So yeah there was a few things that
Could have got fucking
Peter and fucking Feminisons
So we won't get
We'll try not to be as
Open minded
And open mouthed
Better than open legs
But yeah I'll just
You know they're already sitting down
But I'll just sit them down and say
No you're not taking a piss out of me
Click me up put me on your TikTok and YouTube
Fucking clips and that
But you ain't fucking mugging me up
Some other you know what you found on there
The other day and I don't know who this fat cunt was
But he's sitting there
Saying how United were basically
Worse than a league one team
And Eddie Howe just got the tactics right
Yeah he got the tactics right
And his players played for him
And the fucking batch
You know all these fucking United players
Not wanting to play just turning up for the fucking sake of you
And then
Yeah that's why they fucking got beat
And
So these fucking fans rang up
And he starts crying on now I was like I can't fucking have this
He does my head in
All these fucking fans
Saying it's fucking terrible
And I'm gonna start supporting another club
Well fuck off supporting another club then
Because there's enough teams
You know you can't always beat a top
All the fucking had the worst of it
Sport was because of Gronk
Through the Berghirah
And now it's my time to fucking grin and bear
Through the fucking bad times
The Liverpool fans have been through it
Man City are going back through it again now
And it's been successful because of the old money and that
So if you want to stop supporting your club because of playing shit at the moment
Fuck off then
And this is what I'd be saying to a man
Talking to him on Talksport
And I would get kicked off straight away because I can't hold my tongue with this
Yeah I was gonna say you wouldn't get through
My head's cut you off yeah
He's shouting at the fucking receptionist
Just answering
The funniest thing about Talksport
You know when that guy pretends to be off right
He's like can you get your mom
And he's like here one sec
Yeah
Do it on purpose
That's why I don't listen to it
No more you know I did go for a period
Of a good 12 months
Listening to it every morning because I do like
Listening to Alan Brazile and Ali McFaul
But it's just the rest of them are just
What's with the static though why does it sound like it's stuck
In the 80s? It's because of the
Frequency that it's on isn't it
Why? I don't know
Does it go from sound off? Why?
I don't know why it works to be fair
When you see the clips online
It's perfect when you hear it
It sounds so distorted
What is going on? Yeah it's just because of the
Old fashioned signal you know at least
If you... Well wouldn't it make sense to update
That there like change frequency
Yeah but not all cars have got
Digital enabled
Air wheels to have that
So DAB
Yeah but you know you could still
Change yourself what's the
Frequency? Yeah
So just put it on FM as well
I don't know why I never did that
I'll just have it on more than one frequency
So I have an AM at FM and then obviously a DAB
Which will still have what they have got
But even still I think about mine it still comes out
Through fucking... But again because
It's mainly older people
That listen to these binocs
I think it's more for the nostalgic
Feel a bit
To hear that fucking shitness
You have to turn it really up just to hear the words
Above that fucking
White noise
Because that's part of the reason why I can't
Listen to it because that fucks up with my
Tinnitus then as well
Yeah I think it's
Just stuff like that
It keeps the nostalgic feel for
The older generation
That grow up listening to that
Fucking horrible noise
And I don't know it makes them feel comfortable maybe
Consoles them after a
Shit weekend of results
I don't know really what it's doing to you
Emotionally
Only when we're talking about it
This is why I'm glad we're not a recording podcast
So should we swiftly move on?
Let's cheer you up mate
What you got someone that's going to give me a blowjob?
Well
Hopefully someone sends you a tick tick
Or a dick tick
Because if someone sent you a dick tick you would fucking love it
No I don't know if that loves you but you would be like
Fucking hell
No
I know a couple of my lads
That I'll send it to and they'd
Appreciate it
Now as I say if it was a fucking funny one
I'd be like yeah fair enough that's
A lot
I can just imagine it's just going to be
Something fucking
Squeezing the life out of you
Turning purple
No chance of it anyhow
But yeah we will move on
So I've not
Stopped working you're back into work
Now
But with a couple of days off
Did you manage to enjoy
Well once you was feeling better again did you manage to
Enjoy a bit of relaxation
A bit of down time
Yeah I did actually
Did you watch any good movies or anything?
I watched squid games
I said I haven't even watched season 1
So I can't know
I didn't watch season 2
Yeah
I don't want to spoil it but
Yeah
I can't say I'm going to be jumping on to watch it anytime soon
But I did watch
Beetlejuice 2 the other day
Oh okay how was that?
Well obviously the writer
Of the script is a
Solid fan of the podcast
Because the amount of times I said real talk
Real talking and stuff
That we say a lot in the
Scripts
So it was nice to see that
Bit of a fan
I still got the writer's name
But you know who you are
Shout out
Respect
But honestly the amount of times
Real talk, just looking at the camera
As if he's Deadpool
Get him on
I'm Batman
Arguably the best Batman
Let go of Batman
And then we watched
I should have wrote it down
Anyone but you
So
The
Male leading male actor
He's been in loads of things now
He's just been in Twister
I'm sure we'll
Think of all the things he's been in now
I know who you want about the main character from Twister though
Yeah so he's the main one in that
And then Sydney Sweeney
Is the lead female
Actress
No
I'm not a youth
I'm not down with the kids
Sabrina Carpenter
Is that who you're thinking of
Fuck no it's me
I'm guessing so
But we did mention her
Well I mentioned her
Many episodes ago
It's all I was seeing on my feed at one point
Sydney Sweeney, this and that
She was just like another blonde woman with big tits
That's all I fucking thought at the time
But now
I fucking get it
You see you know
I'll get it mate
She's got them all you can just look into
And fucking fall in love with and that
Hopefully the missus doesn't listen to this episode
Not that she listens to any of them anyway
But I was watching it and I was like
I'm glad I fucking put this on
Put it on because it's a rom-com
Fucking, to rom-com
Romantic comedy film
Because he's been in a couple of things now
It was some hitman film recently as well
Was it The Hitman
I have no idea
Again it was a good film
That I'm fucking thinking of
Put it on more so
Because Cookie Roos was just watching
A couple of films on the one day
And yeah I was all fucking out
I'll get it
I tell you what, maybe I did watch
Y2K, you know I mentioned it before
That movie
I scrolled past it while I was looking for films the other day
Was it good then?
It starts off alright
Don't watch it mate
It's not funny
The first opening things
It feels like that American pilot
But then it just gets fucking weird
It's a shame
But yeah
I fucking got it
It was nice
To see her in a bikini now and again
But it wasn't
It was just the face
I wasn't concentrating on the body too much
But as I said, the smile, the eyes and that
So you're getting that
I fucking got it
Put it on
And I can say it loudly because you're over half an hour
Yeah
Anyone but you, look out for it
Put it on, just say Jay said it's a good film
We want to watch it
Maybe next week you'll be saying
Jay, I'll get it
We shall move on to
The correspondence now anyway
We can't just keep talking about
The fucking fancy
Other actresses
Even though, no it was not
But we have got
The old fucking feature of
And firstly we've got Alan Weave
People doing balloon releases
One to one of your
Lost loved ones
Plant a tree or flowers
General reveal, bake a cake
Buying a cartoon balloon for your kids
Tight to the wrists
Sick of seeing dead balloons
All over the place
So I'm liking that
People are putting a bit more information
Into why they're pissed off about
Something and obviously
Alan's got too many balloons around what he is
It is annoying though when you see
Like a balloon trapped in a tree
And you aren't liking it
It's like a number 3 or something because it's from someone's fucking birthday party
That's there forever now
It's been fucking
For quite a while now, but you know what I mean
Until the last of the helium finally
Evaporates from
Out of its enclosure
The balloon, and then it finally falls down
But then they're not by the gradable
And then some of them might go onto a power line
And cause a fucking explosion or something
Too many
Balloons now
I've been to one before
A balloon release
From
A lost one
I won't go into too many details
But even with that I thought
It's a bit fucking pointless isn't it
Because the dead person doesn't know about it
Unless the act of
The Lord is real
And even then Lord, would you be asked
If you could see down on
So scenario
Past time
Yeah but it's more of a metaphor than sending him up to you
So you'd appreciate it then
No no, I'm playing devil's advocate
I'm just saying
Said loved one
Would be looking down below
Those balloons are for me, a gift
Nah I think it's shot
Alan, I'm in your fucking
I'm not saying I'm against Alan, I get what he's saying
I was just, you know, context mate
Yeah but that
That gesture, I wouldn't be asked about it
To be fair I wouldn't be asked about flowers on my fucking gravestone
And that as well
Yeah, just keep it clean, don't let it go mouldy
Don't let no fucking little emo kids
Shag on it mate
On the headstone
Nah, because I wouldn't be able to be involved with all
Yeah but you like
Fucking bring back to life mate
Give them a fucking
Story to tell
But yeah Alan, fucking get it lad
Get it
Yeah, we've already set James in
Yeah
Then we've got Jess Weave
When people act all high and mighty just because they work more than 40 hours, some of us want to enjoy life
Right
And the people that work them hours, you know they work those hours
If someone does 70 hours a week, 70 hours a week
Fucking 20 hours overtime
Don't do the overtime then mate
Yeah, if you're gonna moan about it
Yeah, just don't do it
I moan about how many hours I do
Because I'm not happy about it
All I want to do is less hours
All I want to have a weekend off
I mean even tomorrow, working tomorrow
Which is today
For all you lovely listeners
If you listen as it gets released
Yeah, I don't want to work weekends
I don't want to work Fridays
I don't want to work Mondays mate
Nah
Yeah
But you know we need money
We have to earn money to survive
And yeah
If I can just do 30 to 40 hours a week
Happy days
But I ain't gonna brag about it
Or fucking like
Shub it in someone's face
That I'm doing all these fucking hours
Because I don't want to do it
No, I agree
Next time someone's fucking saying it to you
Just say
Hold down, I don't care
Do the motion, put your finger
On the lips as they're talking, moan about it
Shhhhh
On your neck in kid
We don't want to fucking know
If you're not happy, shut the fuck up
Moan about it on the inside
Not on the outside
Because we don't want to know, we don't care
So er
I'm not saying we don't care about your message
But we don't care about people moaning
That's their fucking problems
And then we got Joe's fucking one
Now this one has got a lot of fucking
Background stories to run as well
Here we go
Er, adult in public slash
Shared spices
Who don't clean or factor themselves
Er, unfortunately I live with
An office mate
In shared accommodation
Er, she's in her early 30s
She sheds hair
Now we all shed hair
So it's not just
This office mate, let's just
You know, get that out there
Er, so sheds hair
And just leaves it on the floor
Getting littered with her hair
Er
Cooks things in the kitchen
Doesn't wipe the surfaces, spills something
All that jazz, yeah
Er, hair in the shower
Really fucking pissed off about her hair everywhere
I can imagine she must be shedding a lot of hair
Than for it to be noticed everywhere
Or is she just a belt?
Because when it's long hair, it seems like there's more hair around
Right
Oh no, I've got this problem
There's two of us with long hair in my house
Ginger hair as well
Ginger
That's the thing
I can't blame it on the missus
Hair not being in the drain
Because he's most likely mine as well
Erm, not that I'm boarding or anything
Er, yeah
Leaves hair in the shower drain
Er, took me several times
Reminding her and putting a
Sign in the bathroom
To hopefully maintain
A clean shared bathroom
Well, I do agree with erm
If you
Obviously share a
So if you're cooking
You've just got to clean up after yourself
No one wants to walk into my
Dirty kitchen stuff
Not even just shared though, if you're living on your own
Just clean up and go along
Especially if you've got a dishwasher
Just wash it down
Not everyone's got a luxury lockers
Yeah, that's true
But if you've got a dishwasher
I have this at home with my missus
Because I've got the system
If the door's open it means there's room
For stuff to put in
And then it can be turned on
The door's shut, it's either
On a cycle, which in here it's on
Or it's been cleaned
So it means it can get emptied
But
Most of the time the door will be
A jar and the missus will still
Put a plate and shit
On the side
She's fucking just asking for a slap mate
That's what she's doing
Because initially
I thought, when I was reading that
I was thinking a lot, you know when you go to McDonald's
And you eat you, you get your tray
You fucking scram
You fucking Big Mac and a milkshake
And some fries
So when I'm done I'll fucking take the tray
To the bin area like it's supposed to
Put your fucking
Because you've got all your recycling sections
And stuff, now I'll fucking dip it all up
I'll fucking put it in and that
Top of the bin, then walk out
So I thought she was alluding
To that at first a bit, because
Most people will just leave it on the table
And
It's annoying because
Their attitude
But it's not my job to do it, they're getting paid to do it
But if you walk in
And all the tables
Have got fucking trays and that on
And that one person on the floor hasn't got a fucking
Then you're gonna fucking
Moan then, yeah, so
It's not hard, just
Use a bit of common sense, a bit of manners and that
And just clean up after yourself
I do think though it is
Obviously you can clean up
After yourself, or as you're going along
So to speak, so as you're doing it
Fill the sink up, wash it up with liquid
And then, cool
Wash, finish off, wash whatever
Remaining, dry
There we go, job's good and it's not
Hard, but it is, I can
I can imagine how you walk in
And it's just fucking shit everywhere and it's not yours
You would after a bad day mate
Long day in the office and that
You're just gonna be fucking pissed off
Did you go in and have a shower and it's fucking
Hair everywhere
See, because even when I have my shower
Admittedly it's not every time
But when I get out
I notice there is a lot of hair
Then I'll turn the shower back on
Give the bath a rinse
And then when it's
All accumulated at the plug hole
I'll take it out
And then, not everyone
Will do this, but
I'll put the fucking, the loose hair
Then into the toilet and flush the toilet
Now, I know a lot of people
And by that
I mean, the missus, don't fucking
Do that, she'll leave the fucking coil on the edge
Of the bath, even though she's got the little fucking bin
In the bathroom, Jo, what do you see in her
Mate, fight on the soil
Fucking arse son
Look, it's just a shame you can't beat these bitches
These days
There's a lot of times
Honestly, myself
I've said to her in the past
You're lucky things are different these days
Because you get a fucking slap for that
She fucking knows it as well
She knows how to fuck my balls
Yeah, she'll leave it on the side
I'm like, just push it down the toilet
You can't do that
You can, because it helps with the filtration
System at the other end
But she doesn't want to do it
But if you're not going to do it
Put it in your little bin then
But even with fucking
You finished the toilet paper
You got the cardboard centre
Look, I've gone into the bathroom
She's not as bad now
I've gone into the bathroom a couple of years ago
And it'd be like, because I'll make a point
If I'm not the one that's finished it
I'm not fucking
So if she's finished it, she shouldn't be
Leaving it in the bathroom
Mate, honestly
I was six down a month
And I was like, you fucking
Planning on doing some arthritack shit with all these
The way Neil Buchanan
Used to glue them together and make a little
Cardboard man or something
And she was like
No, look, they've got to go in the bin now
So why do it all in the fucking bathroom
Because it's fucking annoying
And then
I'd take mine down
And I'd make a point that I've got it in my hand
Because I've got the two bins as well
So it's even easier
Putting it in the recycling bin, kid
Fucking, no, you've
I shouldn't have been so pissed off today
No, this is, I can feel it
Can I just say, Jodie's never hit his
Girlfriend, you've never hit your what?
I just want to put that out there
I haven't, as I said, she's fucking
Deserved it a few times
But I've never fucking done it
Because
I'll joke about it
I've been with her as well
And she's fucking slapping him in the gut
And the amount of times
Not that we're out often, but
The amount of times when I've said it while in the pub
And you get people around looking as if
Fucking hell, what's going on there
There's a thing you can do now when you go to the bar
You can ask for a certain girl's name
And it's basically called to say you're in trouble
Yeah, there's some hand gesture
Or something as well
Apparently if you go to bars or pubs
The bar staff are supposed to be briefed up
That if you go, I think it's asked for
I'm looking for my mate Jessica
I was just about to say I'm sure it's not Jessica
Yeah, so
It's Jessica working today, something like that
So you're at the pub and then
Someone's like, do you want to ask for
You're looking for Jessica?
But we did have someone say
Something, I don't know what they said
But poked up on it
And the missus was
She's turned around and gone, he's only joking
Because if he went to hit me I'd fucking hit him back
And then if she did hit me
I would fucking, she would know about it
She'd be fucking waking up in a hospital bed
That's it
We're not gonna mate next week are we?
We're gonna get shut down
Nah, we're never gonna get shut down
I mean after these confessions
Not our confessions by the way, but after the confessions
Some other people might have something else to say
Or maybe these are as you never know
But then there wouldn't be a nomenos
Well, that's it, you just never know though
I got
Yeah, so there was one
That we
We got to do last week
So, you still got a little fucking
Bonus this week, there's an extra one
Wow, there's fucking
Free overall, but let's get into it
Oh Jesus, now the phone
Wants to start playing
Fucking technology
Probably because I've clicked on the wrong fucking
App, isn't it?
YouTube rather than YouTube music
I've done a YouTube studio
Instead of YouTube music
YouTube studio
We are on YouTube as well
The audio podcast gets
Uploaded every week as well
But
You're tired of YouTube because if you're not paying for premium
You have to leave your phone
Or all of the phones open
Whereas, like myself
Because I pay for the premium, I can have my phone
Like and still listen to me
So it makes it a lot easier
So
Farber Ash, Farber
Let's get on to these confessions
This music
Right, confession one
I sometimes like to take
The skin from my ball bag
Stretch it far enough so I can use
It to plug up my butthole
And fart in
And then fart it out
Right, now I've never
Played with the skin, I'm like
Wait a minute, I'm a farter
What do you think about that, Jhéamé?
It's probably weird
Have you ever tried
Stretching your ball bag?
No, because I know
That's like a fetish
That must be
Yeah, like how do you say
That your balls already
I was going to say that, but it's the skin from his ball bag
Yeah, but
How low do they already hang
That he's got enough to be able to
Stretch to his arsehole
Like
Because they're not right next to each other
And then like how does he stay in there
To find out, you've got to be in a certain
You must have to be in a certain leg up or squat
Because you shouldn't freak that to work
Because you couldn't just keep it in there
So when he needs that sensation to fart
Quickly pull in there
Yeah, and
Because again if you're lifting up your leg or something
To try and stretch it in
How are you holding the fart in
When you
You know, moving around so much
It's weird
Father Jeremy, there is a lot of
Fetishies out there
And this seems to be one that
I do not want to take
If he's doing that with his ball sack
What's he doing with his knob?
Wow
What should he do?
Father Jeremy
What should it
Take on his sins?
Well, I feel like he's going to regret it
Later on in love
Because, you know, not that mine have gone too much
But I've noticed the sag more
As I've got over the hanging leg
Not massively low
But I do notice the difference
And yeah, he's going to be
Touching his ankles
When he's of age, I feel like at the moment
Because if you keep stretching all
Like that, he's going to do
Hold him in his belly button
Next when he can
And just fucking start doing
Sit ups or something
It's just
Look
We'll all have a little bit of a
Scratch and that
You'll know what I'm saying
You sort of
Pinched the end of it and rolled it a little bit
Just the skin on the ball
So it's not
That you're playing with, but instead of
Scratching with your nails, you'll just
Essentially pinch the skin
Yeah, so like if you can't do it
And roll it
So you roll the skin to itch instead of
Scratching it
But that's not playing
With your balls, that's just fucking
Soothing an itch
So yeah
Put it in your arsehole
Nothing goes in my arsehole, but you said you're an open star
Mate, you
I swear you're a secret, Peggy
Open that
Again, because
I was just struggling to see how he's doing it
Is he fucking spitting on the ball bag
So he pushes into his arsehole as well then
I was doing it tried
That's just not right, is he?
I mean it seems like a bit far fetched to me
He might be someone taking the mickey out of us
I mean he's taking up his own
Himself really
Openly admitting stuff like that
Well
It is anonymous
What's
The fucking trend at the moment
We listen
We don't
Judge
We've fucking just judged him a lot
No, but it's like
It's for the content, no any
Personally, we don't care
It doesn't affect you, mate
Yeah, as long as he doesn't send any
Pictures of you
You want pictures of me? Nah
Normally when we say we don't, it means we do
So you don't want
Tic-tics
I don't want Tic-tics now
Yeah, I'm struggling to
Just understand how
He can do it and that is just
Filled
Again, don't fucking do a video and send it in or anything
Because that's, I don't want to see
It's not wrong So how should he cleanse
From his sin
Get a fucking hobbit
Right
Start playing football manager or something
You've got too much time on your hands
Using your hands
I love how we
Went from just saying to how Mary's
Too proper
Confession to
I do literally nothing at work
For several months
Now and nobody has noticed
My day is pretty boring
I get to work, I open my PC
And I stare at my screen for 8 hours straight
Most days I have absolutely
Nothing to do
And the days
Most days I have
Absolutely nothing to do
And the days there's some work it takes at most
A couple of hours of my time
I work in an open space
Where nobody has noticed
So I guess I'm really good
At seeming busy
My bosses respect me and even
Thank me for my work
I don't know how, for how long
I will be able to keep going, but I'm going to
Work the situation the best I can
Roy, I've heard about
Someone doing this in Spain
That got paid for 7 years
That didn't even
Go in the office
I didn't know that was in Spain
I know which store you're on about
I'm sure it was in Spain, it was like a water company in Spain
The person didn't even turn in
For 7 years and got another job
And was getting paid for 7 years
And getting emails to say thanks for all your work and everything
So I would just
Roy this out
For as long as possible
7 months and no one has noticed
Unless someone above you comes in
Like a new director
They'll just maybe do us
A little bit more, but if you're getting
Thankful for your work
Just hold on
And if it's on email you've always got that to say
I think thankful work
So I would just
Yeah, just make the most of it
And
Just bear him on though
If you're going to want to go for a promotion
Or something, you might need to put in a little bit
Of extra work then
Think about it though
If they're getting thanked for the work they're doing
They're not doing anything, if they push for promotion
And do a couple of hours a day, they're going to see him for a year
Like a real good work
Yeah
All we'd be able to do is
In an open space
So it's just an open office
You're not in a little cube
You can see all the different screens
And stuff like
Because I was going to say with that
You could probably bash the football manager if you wanted to
On the slide
It wasn't the same one that's playing with the ball sacked up
It was a different person
That is a confession too
By the way
Yeah
Enjoy while you can
Enjoy, exactly
You never know how long it's going to last
Just make sure you know
What to do
If you do have to start doing some work
I think he seems
I say he, he might be a she
This person seems capable because
My boss is respecting me and even thanking me for my work
Right
Yeah
That's it yeah, just about most of it
Don't get too greedy with it though
Don't fucking
I think go greedy, go big
Because they can't start smashing out Solitaire
On the full screen
I don't know mate
You can email and say boss is thanking you for your work
You can do a bit there
Right, confession free
It's a long one
The last struggles with reading
It's not that, sometimes
When it's a long one, the screen goes dark
That's because of the settings
Yeah, I know yeah
Also, side note, you know we've always been
Innocent about this new car
Set the side mirror
We're on parallel parking, yeah
I've got to fucking do it
So is yours not an electronic
Yeah, I can do it
I can do it on the bottom next to me
But I fucking never do, I complain about it
I never do it anyways
Fucking first world problems
Right
I work in a small confession free
This is a different person by the way
This could be though
Let's see how this story goes
I work in a small office
And last month I was really struggling
Financially
I didn't want to ask anyone for help because I was embarrassed
One day
I saw a delicious looking lunch
In the fridge that didn't have my name
On it
Why not
I told myself just this once
And then I did it again and again
It became this terrible cycle
Every day I rationalised
It with thoughts like maybe they
Were not at least
Or they just think they forgot their lunch
It felt like
Victimless crime at first
But then I overheard one of my co-workers
Let's call him Mark
Mark, his name was Mark
Complaining about how his
Meals kept disappearing
He said he was spending extra money to replace them
And he was upsetting him
I felt awful
I realised I wasn't just taking food
I was crying stress for someone who didn't serve it
Mark
Is one of the nicest people in the office
Last week I stopped taking the lunches
And started bringing my own
But the girl is eating me alive
I don't know if I should confess to him
I just tried to make it look quietly by
Treating him in some way
I regret what I did but I feel
I feel like saying something would
Only make him feel worse
How do I make this right
Well
Firstly
You've come to the right place
The only place to come
The only place
Now
We've all been there, we've all been a bit peckish
And not had some food
But I can honestly say
I've never taken anyone's food
Has someone
Has someone ever taken your food on site
So
I have had
Food taken
How did that make you feel
Well it was
Not too much of an issue because it was more so
A bag of food
I've been to the shop and bought a six pack
Of walkers crisps and
Sausage rolls and stuff and so someone had helped
Themselves to a pack of crisps and
Little bits so all the food
Wasn't gone
Most of the time the people that work with me
Do say you want something just help yourself
Because you know
It's not nice if you're feeling hungry
And someone else is fucking scurrying down
So I won't
Too fussed
About how does this
I think
I think Mark was in the wrong
In the first place because he should have
Put his name on his fucking food
He does say
I thought it
Says there was no name on there
Well you are right there
Keeping me on my toes
Mark should have put his name on there
But if you bring in a sandwich box
And you put it in a communal
It's Mark's food
You don't have to but
If he's going into the fridge putting his sandwich box in there
And other people have got names on them
Then the sign's there
Put your name on it
So other people know whose it is
And then
When you
You've done it once
Just realise
You've done the wrong thing
You should have
So if it was in a sandwich box
You should have made a sandwich the next day
And put it with that
And just a little sorry note or something
And then
Now that you've made your own
Sandwiches or whatever and bringing it in
Then
You've got over it now
As long as
You haven't been found out
To be fair
Where was it eaten?
There must have a canteen in the office
So it must have a kitchen space where everyone puts all their stuff
Like maybe snacks or whatever
And he's just gone in and putting his package in
Because if I'm this Mark and I walk into this canteen
I've checked in the fridge
My food's gone
I'd see this other person
With both of them scrapped
Maybe he just goes
Sneaks out from the toilet, scrans it
What weird
What I would do is
Not mention it, you've done the crime
There's no point doing the time
There's no point saying anything
Mark was already a little bitch about it crying in the office
But what I wouldn't
I'd like to go to Tesco and get another meal deal
Fucking just buy a meal deal in the first place
Stop bringing in food
Fucking ready-sword crisps
Yeah, what I would do
You've done the crime
Don't do the time
What I would do though is say to Mark
Mark, fucking hell son
Do you like these donuts? I brought donuts in
Give him a donut
Or, mate, I'm gonna grab a pint after work
Do you fancy coming for a beer?
Maybe don't want to be that way with Mark
Mark could be a bit of a prick who's minding about food
But apparently he's the nicest guy in the office
Wow
Yeah, but maybe they already got out for beers
Just buy the first two rounds
If they're going out for beers
And that already
Mark's a nice guy
Just buy a soda, chips and chicken wings
And say, yeah, mate
I bought these, I'm not even hungry
Just have them
So what we're saying is
Just get him something back, whatever it will
Treat Mark
To a little
Mackeys or something
And then your soul is cleansed
Yeah, you'll feel a lot better then
And then
Tell Mark something off the beach
Mark's a nice guy though
Yeah, but he's a fucking soft
You know, innit
And
Try and get on top of your finances
Hopefully it was just something trivial
You know, repairs
Christmas and stuff
That you was a bit short on money
Just try and get on top of that
Because we don't want to see
You struggling in life
And have to start stealing food again
Because that's what it is, it's best
So don't do it again
Yeah, that's not what I'm saying
So, yeah, on that note
We shall leave you there
Get all your questions in
And all that as usual
Don't forget to download, always appreciate it
And
Yeah, onto good
Things for 2025
So enjoy the rest of your weekend
Or week, whenever you listen to it
And we'll see you next week
Peace!
You can't deny
Their chemistry's electric
You can't deny