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Hi everyone, welcome back to this
In between Christmas and New Year's episode of the real talking podcast
With your hosts, Paulie Ash and JD
Now it might end up having to have an odd break in the middle of the air
Cause Ashley's not very well, I'm keeping my distance, social distancing and all that
But you know, other than that, I mean we've just been speaking off pod
We should have saved the conversation for the pod really
So since we have had questions about it, have you had a good Christmas, mate?
Yes, it's been a nice one obviously
Cobes her age now, where she kinda knows not everything that's going on
But knows somewhat, like she gets excited when she's seen all the presents and everything
So yeah, it was a nice one actually, how about yourself?
Yeah, I mean the dog, he doesn't really understand Christmas
So yeah, when they use getting his little box of extra treats
It just seems like another normal day to him really
I did get him a new collar
A couple of weeks ago we bought some new toys for him
Cause he's been mad over this octopus, purple octopus that he's had
Well, what you would think about a year, but most probably hasn't been
And he's obviously played with that much, he's got no legs left
It's literally just the head and there's no stuffing left in it either
But he's still fucking playing around with it
The other week, I don't know, we were in Asda or something, we found two more
But they were weird looking, like, you know, in the night garden
So Macapacca with his odd shaped blue heads
So the heads are sort of like that shape
They look a bit special
I didn't even count the legs to be fair, so it might not be funny all there
But when we got him, I was just gonna miss his dog
Cause at that point, he still had two legs left
I was like, save it for Christmas for him
Nah, straight away gives him one
But he still barely plays with that one
He's just been playing with his head still
He's off his head, you'll just grab it, throw it around
The last of the insides, the sponge stuff just falls out
And then he'll just lie on it there
There's literally nothing left, it's like a sock now
So, yeah, trying to get him to fucking play with that a bit more now
But otherwise, yeah, I mean, I didn't really get too much
But I didn't ask for much either
New batteries for the drills and stuff
Cause one of them's knackered, so yeah, new one of those
Couple of T-shirts
And then just little figures, so not the pop punk ones
But there was one other small little one, little red Power Ranger one
And then Collector Autumns, the six original Power Rangers
Still in the packaging
But because they're in the flat cardboard packaging with the plastic surrounding
You can't just stand them up on the shelf
So I've had to load the way that the little man cave cinema area is
With the one triangle shelf, I've had to wedge the cardboard in on the frame of the shelf
Just to hold them up
Do they not have those little...
I don't even know, you see back in the day when they used to be on the rack
They've got that little hole in it
Yeah, so they've got the hook that you take
Back in Toys R Us days and then you take it off the hook
So it's got that, but I ain't got no books for them
So that's why I've just wedged them in there for now
And then she got me a fucking...
Again, it's a red Power Ranger, but it's a bath duck
With the little rubber duckies
And so he's morphed into the red Power Ranger
And he's got his little sword in his door
Well, they're not little wings in it
So he's holding that sword, fucking...
And it comes in a little bath as well
So yeah, I've had to put that on the shelf as well
So yeah, done that
But we won't talk about food too much
Because of your sensitive belly
But I've started prepping the food the day before as well
Overnight for about 15 hours
It was all cooking and that
Fucking beautiful
So I didn't have to do too much prep on Christmas Day to be fair
So yeah, then movies and chilled
And then yesterday, so Boxing Day for us in the UK
Because Americans don't celebrate Boxing Day
I think it's just Canada, isn't it?
Yeah, so the future 51st date
Yeah, and Greenland
Which isn't green
So yeah, Boxing Day
Because I don't like going anywhere on Christmas Day
So Boxing Day was just doing all the running around
And obviously ran late because the missy's not being ready on time
So it was already an hour late
And even that, sitting off
And luckily we wasn't on the motorway
I don't know if I've turned the straighteners off
So I'm having to turn back around
So I'm already late and then that's Adi Darn as well
At the petrol station
Because we were in her car
But I'm driving and I'm having to fill up
So if I'm filling up, just go in and pay
Stop being lazy
But they had the bangers on on radio
One of them jumped into the car
And it was Jamie T
If you got the money
So that was it then
I was like, Rob, I'm getting his first album
Bang that on
So driving to the old fellas
Listening to Jamie T's first album
I don't know how that felt
Fucking tunes
So yeah, it's always fun
You can not listen to something for years
And then the song will come on
And you just remember all the words again as well
Fucking father to
Fucking sit out on the way to fucking Burton
And then yeah, fucking
Then it was back home
Grabbed the dog
Dropped the dog off at her mum's
And I was saying to her
Let's just drop your mark
And then go to my mum's
Still at her mum's for 20 minutes
I'm like
She says to my mum
We'll be there at 12
It's fucking 3 o'clock at these points
So yeah, you know
You try and make plans
And nothing's going to
Yeah
Like unnecessarily pissed off
On boxing day
And all I wanted to do was just
Do what he needs to do
Yeah
And then on the afternoon
Start drinking
Put no fucking
And then James
We won't talk about the football either, mate
I know you've sent your messages in
Well, I don't know if he sent a message last night
He probably has to be fair
But he was just saying about our
No pressure from Chelsea
And what was he
Make a Chelsea loss yesterday
They did, to be fair
I managed to catch the last 10 minutes of that game
Fulham though, they're just fucking
They're having a great season again, aren't they?
Marco Silver, he's a good manager
But yeah, this was before
Their slip up to Chelsea anyway
To Fulham, sorry
But yeah, no scare from Chelsea
Top of the league at Christmas
And we'll be at the end of the season
I like your confidence, James
I think there would be
If they win the game in hand
Is it 12 points?
No, it's a 10 points head
With the game in hand
Yeah, because I think
It's not a big gap
With the win the game in hand
Yeah, because again
They've won last night
So let's just look at the cheques
So 7 points clear at the moment
With the game in hand
With the game in hand, Everton
So yeah
I still think it's mad about bloody Man City
Like no one
Will it fall off from there?
Yeah, no one predicted it
Michael Owen did
Did it?
Mate
What, at the beginning of the season?
At the beginning of the season
He said I don't think Man City
Will have a season this season
I mean that's sort of the
Clip reservice
No, I haven't
At the time everyone was like what?
Like calling out Michael Owen
For being like a fucking
Like shitpundit
But like
I think in these predictions
You put Villa and Newcastle above them
Well again they are at the moment
And then Forrest as well
Forrest having a great season
I think
It's just
I can't see them keeping that up though
Well
You wouldn't expect it
But they had a little bit of a slip
The other week
And then they've still just bounced back again
I mean sitting in third
You know, points
Played one more game than Arsenal
But a point ahead of Arsenal
It has just been a mad season
But you know
We're not going to talk about United
The one thing I will say
About United
It's just
It proves
I know you haven't really been watching the games
But for anyone that has watched them
It proves that it wasn't ten arcs fault
Because of how bad the players have been
No, I think everyone could see
It's the players
They're not to the level
You know
I don't think
I mean when you look at the contracts
You just can't move them on
Because no one wants them for that
Yeah, so
That's what I'm saying in terms of contract value
It's just so hard to move any of
Even Marston May with 250 away
Yeah
Who's he going to go to
Where's he going to get that corner money
He's just going to sit on that contract now
Well the fact that
He had a pelvic hip injury
That was going to be reoccurring
Before we bought Manuay
And that's just led on to all these other injuries
I don't think he's played
A full 90 minutes
Let alone two games back to back
It's just absolutely shocking
The decision making from
You know the previous
Main owners of the glazers
Even though they are still the main owners
But they're raging
And then Ineos don't seem to be
In full control at the moment
It's just like that
Like is it that Dan Ashworth that's left
Who made those saunas
I mean
Well
Good saunas though
Was he with him
Sorry
Yeah, so Dan Ashworth
They're saying that he made saunas
But he was still on gardening leave
So he would have had involvement
Because obviously there was the alleged leaked emails
Between him and Omar Berada
But you know
They can't blame it on him
When he wasn't there
I always remember that story
They could have gotten me for 25 million
Or something
But they wanted someone else
And then last minute they went back to Ajax
And Ajax was like no no
They wanted only a million for him or whatever
And they were like alright
It literally says Ajax had
Blocked four weeks into the summer transfer window
That's it
We're not selling any more players now
So it was obvious that
If they were going to sell anyone
It would be Bona
I just don't know where they go from here
You can't keep changing managers
It's not managers
It's the
It's the mentality of a lot of the players
Because you know
You see in certain games
That they have the ability
And then they can put a shift in
A good performance
But it's not enough
It's not week in week out
You know
They're not getting the logs of
Casamiro, Rashford
On the same wage
If not more
As a Mo Salah
And they're not getting anywhere near
A third of the amount of fucking Salah's season
I did see somewhere
I think it was at Mark Goldbridge
He says that
Rashford, Casamiro and Fernandez
Cost them over a million pounds a week
Yeah it's about a million a week
And it's just like
They're not doing
Even them three together
And doing what Mo Salah's doing
It's just obviously
Yeah it's just because the throw
I think my new problem is the throw money
I ever think and I thought
I don't know
Swing's not right there is it
From its course
Swing needs
Yeah
I actually don't think it'd be a bad thing
If they'd have like a
A really shit season with no
Like European football
And then just
Just kind of like
Get to the end of the season
And just rebuild
But they've got to rebuild
Like
Correctly
Yeah
But even
We've having a poor season
Not getting into any European competitions
There's still a lot of players that
They're not going to be able to get rid of
Yeah
I think they're just going to have to
Bullet and
Pie them off bicycle
But
With financial fair play and that
They're not going to be able to
No so what I'm saying is
So no one's going to
Buy Marcus Rashford
And give him his wage
So they'll have to pie his wage
Compensate his wage
Still
Just sometimes they do do that
Well I know there's
Potential loan
Coming up
From the January transfer window
But then
There's strong links with Chelsea
Obviously his best mate
Sanjo's there
Yeah
And you know
Chelsea don't seem to care
About
Yeah
They've got loads of windows
I don't know if
The boys go there but
Yeah
So yeah
Chelsea want to have him as well
The fact that I'm still seeing
Main pundits on talk sport
And that saying that he's got to be
Worth at least 50 60 million
I'll take 20 million for it
No
Because again with FFP
That's pure profit
Yeah
Because he's come through a lot of
Youth set up and that
I feel like it's a bit of a shame
That
Garnacho has already been linked
With a move away
You know it's still early into
Amram's system
You know
Yeah
Potentially could get something out of you
I know we dropped him out of the
Full squad the other week as well
But
You know
I love what he's saying
If they're not putting enough effort
In on the training
And you know
It could have just been that one
Session where he's turned up
He's you know
Didn't show enough
Yeah he's just been a bit of a
Lazy one
You know maybe
Maybe they'd just go out for a drink
And all before or something
Even though nothing's been said
Because there was a lot of people
Saying that it was him that kept
Leaking the team sheet as well
Oh okay
But it's leaning more towards that
It is Marcus Rashford
That had done that now
Because what's his name
I don't know if it's Samuel Lucas
But there was the
Literally 24 hours before the
Manchester Derby
One of these newspaper dickheads anyway
Got the full team leaked it out
And then it came out that Rashford
Was completely out of the squad
And then it was obviously
His interview with Henry Wintour
Saying that he's ready for a new
Challenge blah blah
And now that original journalist
Is saying that he's had contact
With Rashford's entourage
And he's saying that he's not happy
That the club are willing to sell him
So he can do an interview saying
That he's ready to leave
But he's not happy that the club
Are willing to sell him
So since that journalist has
Blankly said Rashford's entourage
As says this
That's why they're saying now
What it must have been Rashford
That was leaking the team
Which is ridiculous
While you do that
Because it's just benefiting
Your opposition
Because they can adjust tactics
To suit partner
But we're not a footballing
Podcast anyway
There is still
Well I say still
Talks heating up about Qatar
Coming back in again now
I don't know who they're going to
Try and buy out if not all of it
I think the dude just needs
Like someone
Because that Rathcliffe
What's his name
Yeah Jim Rathcliffe
Yeah he wants to put money in it
But he doesn't want to like
Pull his log
Too much money into it
But it sounds a bit like
Again because of all this
FFP and
FS
Would new owners allow them
To spend money though
So it doesn't log with Newcastle
For example their owners
Are proper rich as well
But it's getting a legit way
To get the money into the club
And obviously you can't do a man's city
And just make up fake sponsorships
And stuff
You've got to do it the right ways
So Qatar's plan was to
Forward the club
Outroads
Clear off the debt
With their own money instantly
So doing that
That automatically adds
Extra funds
Because it's something like
100 million a year at least anyway
Is going back on debt payments
So that would clear up that much
For fucking transfer funds
Then they were going to get
Straight on to build a new stadium
So you know you think of Spurs Stadium
That's built within a couple of years
Old traffic's still sold out
Doesn't matter how shit it is
A fucking moist infestation
At the moment as well
You're seeing that as well
But they're still getting
25,000 plus funds in every game
So if they were to build a stadium
That was 100,000 seats
It's still going to sell out
So that would generate an extra
Because I worked it out before
It was something like
5 million a game
A home game
Just from ticket sales
So you know
It'd probably go up to
7.5 million per game and that
And then there's all the added
Extra functions that can do
Because obviously Spurs want to do
The NFL games and stuff
Whatever else that Wembley does
And you know
Boxing knots and all that kind of thing
So it would generate a lot of money
That way and that can go back into the club
I'm surprised Jim hasn't done it yet
But now he wrote to the stadium
I know it'd be a big uproar if
If it was in EOS Trafford or something
I don't like that stuff
I must admit
I know it's why I've got money into the club
Like you can get a lot of money
If I didn't know
I do like Wembley to keep it
Like St James' Park or Trafford
Yeah they should do yeah
I think the only way to appease the fans
Not just United fans
With anyone doing it
It should be like
Old Trafford represented by EOS
So you're still saying
The stadium's name first
And then it's just the logo next to it
Or underneath or something
You know because no one wants to
Support Sorex Stadium again do they?
No no
Yeah hopefully
It is more than just a rumour
And Qatar can come in
Because they would actually clear the shit
And it wouldn't be sacking people
Cancelling Christmas do's
And all that fucking nonsense
Because that's the annoying thing about it
You've got the players on the 300 odd grand a week
And that yet you're sacking people
You're not even giving
Like you've reduced the Christmas bonus
From I think it was 40 pounds off
So it would have been 100 pounds per person
Down to 60 pounds something like that
And then yeah no Christmas party as well
So yeah but what you'd be spending
On the Christmas bonus and the fucking Christmas party
You can make that back up on your own interest
Fucking on your own money
So just pay something like TiteCons
It's so fucking annoying
So like to cut corners
It's just like a couple hundred quid there
Like two grand, three grand there
That would do it
Yeah especially when the cuts
I've seen it with Aston Villa
Before with their fine sheets
So if you like to trade in
All the stuff kind of thing
So if they did that
Just saying like fucking
If you like to trade in
If you're on your phone
When you shouldn't be
You're fucking this and that
Then not a set figure
It should be a percentage of the wage
I'm sure I've read somewhere where
Pep Guardiola gave everyone a grand
At the end of the season
We know like all the staff
Always like a watch or something
He gave someone
He gave like all the training staff
And hospitality staff
A grand I'm sure
I've read that
He might have done I don't know to be honest
Because there is a lot of people out there
A lot of footballers and that
Do stuff like that
Even with the FA Cup final
Last season
Again with the two Manchester teams
Bruno Fernandes
Paid for the extra hospitality seats
For the university fucking staff
And that to be there
Because again that was one of the first things
That the gym rat did
Was cancel that
Because that was coming out of the club's own money
So Bruno was like
I've got no I'll pay the 30 grand
Whatever the fuck it is
So yeah
And then I see
Imagine paying 30 grand
You know he's called 30 grand
But if you've got fucking millions
You don't give a shit
Yeah
Especially because I know he's not performing the best anyway
But you know he can never doubt his willingness
And his you know his love for the club
I know it was the same with Sporting as well
But he's playing he's trying to play for the team
And for the fans
So if you love the place
You're not bothered about dishing out that extra money for it
I think he's a bit overrated now
I've seen it before
The stats are still there though
Hmm
What's there?
I don't think he's that great
Yeah
Well Blue's had another win yesterday though didn't they?
Yeah
2-0
Top of the league game and all
That's nice
That's it
Yeah
Get promoted again next season
And then have another shit season again then
Apparently they've got a few good players as well
Red?
No I don't think
Daraf Nae from Redmond again
Remember obviously started off with Blue's
So him
I thought he was retired by now
I'm sure he's at Burnley at the moment
I don't know I feel like the last time I saw him play was it Norwich?
Norwich and then he went to
Went to a
Was he a Turkish chick?
Then he went to a Turkish team for it but I'm sure he did
Then Burnley got him
I'm sure he's at Burnley at the moment I'm not sure
Yeah and there's a
Who's the other one?
Another
Yeah another lad
But they're just signing each
Broadly again now which they are
Yeah but you know
Especially if they are doing it legitimately
Well every week it's so that
So I mean if anyone's ever seen a Blue's game in the past 2-3 years
It used to be like about 10,000 people at max there
What is it? Around 28,000?
Yeah and obviously they've
Redone all the
The stadium, got a fan park now so
It's been there for years
Now it's past the Blue's ground now, there's enough Blue's shop, they've done it all out
Yeah they're black
So
Yeah well
Sometimes it's good, I'm happy that we've went down now
And to rebuild
Obviously if you get promoted it's paid off
Because as we said before you don't have
It leads to you can buy as much as you want
It's when you start going to the championship
And the Premier League that you have to make it balance on the book side
It's better to board these players now in League
League 1
Than before you go into the Championship and you have to follow more regulations
I mean to be fair
The way it's been the last 10 years
I'd happily see us get relegated into the Championship
Just so that would mean that a lot of these shit players on the ridiculous wages would have to go
For their own fucking benefit really
Because I'm sure it's a 24% reduction on the wage
For not qualifying in the Champions League as well
So at least that would show what players do actually want to stay and play for the badge
Because other ones would just fuck off wouldn't they?
Yeah that's enough of that
It is still a Christmasy feel
You know just
Put a fucking wrote down talking about you know, obviously for a little while there
But it was yeah well um
We'll move up from it now
New Year's have you got any New Year's resolutions this year?
Oh you know so we've done that three last year do you remember that?
I remember what mine was
What I can't remember what mine was
Mine was kind of like Lew's way
Learn a different language
And essentially get into the game
And the game you want are just no chance
Was it language or was it piano or something?
Nah it was language
You wanted to do piano but you wanted to get one
I knew that I wouldn't have time for it
I did learn a little bit of Italia
But I forgot it all
I could to the point where it was actually pretty easy to learn
But I was like why am I learning it?
But I could
I could
If I if you put me in it with the
I can't remember how the end of it now
I could get around with the the basics I learned from that
But this year I brought a harmonica mate
A mamma's harmonica
So I'm gonna try to learn to play that
Because it's just easy as you can take if you've got
Yeah
So yeah
Are you gonna get on a bit of busking?
Or if you're not sitting on the train?
Nah nothing like that
I keep seeing him on TikTok and I was just like
You know what I can
I'm just gonna sit down and do that
It's not wherever you are in it so
See that would be mad because
It's something that you used to see the old boys doing in the pubs sometimes
So imagining you
You know 30 years sitting there
With people around
Go on Ash
Get on my record
Maybe I'll get it mate
Yeah
You've probably gotten the hardest of all that time as well
You've mopped down the whisky
Yeah
And then you just smash a little tune out
Yeah
Don't know what you'd be doing but yeah
Doing a little tune on the harmonica
And everyone else slapping the knee and that around yeah
Yeah
So all the boys I've seen
Someone do piano mate
Which is basically
I won't do the tune
But it's a catchy tune
Yeah I know the song
Sing off the song
We'll be out of man
And that sack
I can't pronounce the second man
The country singer
He's doing a song called Pink Skies
Okay
And he
He kind of copies that tune a little bit
I saw some of the playing as well
And I was like
I'm gonna get that
Well since you just mentioned country music
So
Christmas Day
Just having a little flicker on TikTok
Yes
I never even thought about it to be fair
But I don't know if you've seen any of the videos
Of people giving guineas to the horses
No
So literally the first one that I saw was
Cracked open a can of guineas
And the horses name was Jeff
Jeff's first Christmas guineas
Yeah so poured into one of the purple garden buckets
Poured the whole can in
And then he's dipped his head in
Quick fucking drink
And his head's straddled up in the air
And he's tapered out
And he's all bummed out
Yeah
And I'm loving it and that
And I've never thought about it before
But there's literally a country song
Where it goes
Whiskey for my boys
And beer for my horses
So I looked into it then
And so
Guinness would be for the iron content anyway
But the voice beer
Is probiotic so it's good for gut health and stuff for the horses
Okay
And yeah it's just mad
I've been singing along to that country song for years now
Never even thought about it
Just like
Never even crossed my mind
Like that's a mad lyric
What does it mean?
And yeah it's an actual thing
Fucking getting the horses on it
I mean it didn't look like a proper race horse to be fair
Yeah it's just like
Someone's own personal horse
But yeah there's loads of videos of him
Just fucking all sorts of different stouts and beers
Yeah just pouring them in with the fucking food
Or the fucking
Just straight out into a bucket
Horses are loving it
Yeah you know what I mean
Fucking Christmas beers with the horses
Imagine it
I mean you wouldn't want to
Wouldn't want to be fucking walking along with a drunk horse would you?
Fucking just like
Falls over and lands on top of you and shit
Nah
Up there
But no
It's a nice little fucking
Nice little fat for yous there
For anyone that didn't know that horses are a bear
Well I didn't know that
So yeah well now that we've cheered it up a little bit
We'll get on to some of the correspondence
So yeah we've already
Went with James he's bullshit
Lauren's asked us a question there
And I definitely feel like you would have an answer for this
So she says
Why is it embarrassing for a man to be singing pain?
I accidentally walked into the bathroom
While my boyfriend was paying the other day
And he freaked out
Thoughts
Oh
See because you're a nervous
We're anyway you don't like weaning in public
I would just hide splashback
Like when they get too close
Because every see
I would just like that
If I'm sad as free your own or
If I go straight and go to the left
I would want to know that next gear is going all the way to the right
But I've been in too many uncomfortable situations where
People just go straight in that middle one
It pisses me off
I don't know I've had that though
What are your thoughts on that?
So I would have thought
You know sometimes
You might not be having a good big day
And it's a little bit smaller
Or it's cold
So you wouldn't want to be seen doing that
But I was
I already give a fuck
I've been in the bathroom having a piss
While the mices are brushing their teeth
Yeah I don't mind
I'm the same
Like around my phone I just
Do anything
So
Yeah so
I don't know why is he actually weaning
That's the question then
Was he trying to talk on his pod
Yeah and
Is that why he freaked out
I mean if he's standing up in front of the toilet doing it
It's a bit of a mad one
Well
I don't know why you'd do that
Then again we've got a mate that probably does do that
He gets off on all sorts of mad shit
But
Yeah
I ain't got a clue
I don't know
Yeah other than
Being outside and fucking
You're trying to have a piss
You're caught short and someone sees you
And you're like oh no it's embarrassing I shouldn't be doing it here
I don't know
It's embarrassing
But if you are pissing outside
Don't piss into the wind
Because then you're definitely getting splashbacks
Does it
Freak you out when you get your own splashback
No because I'm pissing the thing
But what I'm saying is
No because you
You're hitting it right it doesn't do it
Yeah but it does happen
Sometimes though
You're in the summer and you push it out with too much
Well you're in shorts
You're pissing and sometimes it will splash back
And you feel it just splash onto your shin
And that
It is horrible isn't it
I don't freak out but
Fucking
And you don't want to make it obvious as you're washing your hands
You just fucking wash your shin as well
Because then you're walking around with a wet leg
So well did you piss on it
Fucking
Yeah
I mean or what if you're scared of that
Just play it safe and have a sit down with
What to do with that
Look at the fucking offering laws yesterday
She still hasn't fucking put the lights
Back up in the bathroom
And the toilet downstairs
The fucking flush if you haven't got the
To know how to flush it
Which I'm not there enough to fucking get that
It doesn't flush
You're there like pressing it 20 times
Just to get fucking half the tank out
So I'll go upstairs for a week
And then because there's no lights it's dark
I'm like well I ain't standing here my phone was downstairs
So sit down with
Play it safe because otherwise I would have pissed everywhere
And I wouldn't have known because it's too dark
So Lauren I think you need to have a word with your fella
And say was you wanking
Is that what it was
And rolled his ass
Do you think it's easier for men to live without women
Or women to live without men
Right
I could be
I think
That's true I think
I do think that
The men living without women
So it's easier for men to live without women
In your way right
I would say that's true myself
I think it's more simpler so I feel like
Because we can just
Men can just get shit done still
Where women they're on their own
There's always a jar they can't open
There's a bit of DIY that needs to be done
They can't do it
The bulbs need to be changed
The top of the light shades need dusting
And stuff like that
Just a load of things like that
That they just can't get done on it
So yeah whereas
Men just fucking crack on with it
Oh yeah I'll do that
For any of the women that are out there
Oh yeah but you can't wash your own clothes
Yeah we can
And if it's not dirty we don't need to wash it
Simple as
So yeah I think it's
Men
Men's got it a lot easier
Yeah and then if you're feeling like in the mood
As well it's easy to just fucking smash one out
Where women
They've got to fucking
I know there is some women that can just give a quick flick on the bean
It's all done but you know some of them
Have to build up to it they have to fucking
Get the extension lead out
Put a big fucking one on and turn all the lights off
Get a candle on and shoot
Yeah men can just be like
Oh yeah that's a pair of tits on my phone
And fucking smash it out
Fucking done
So yeah
Sorry women but
Axe there
Oh yeah Tegan asked
An interesting question
The presidency
About to change back to
Donald Trump
I got to thinking how has there never
Been any scandals on Barack Obama
Do you think he's really
That much of a saint
So obviously that's regarding
All the shit that's been
Put towards Trump with his
Well just fucking everything
I think they're just different characters
And how can Trump say stuff that he doesn't
Mean sometimes just to get a
Reaction then he comes back around
On him
But as far as back Obama
I'm not too sure
Well I haven't done any research
Into it but
The main scandal slash
Conspiracy that I ever have seen
About him is that
Michelle is actually
Michael
Because like
I don't know fucking last year
Or something there was a lot of videos
A lot of TikTok conspiracy videos
And all that even YouTube ones where
It's full into depth
And they'll be zooming in on pictures
And you see a little bulge down there
There's pictures
Of him with someone that was actually
Or apparently called Michael
And it's just
Michelle with short hair
Basically
Because the facial features are just
Identical you'd say it's
A twin brother basically
And then there was
Reports I don't know who it was
I probably should have got some of this up
So it was
Before he was president
When he was like Senate or something
Apparently he was sucking off another
Gaser or someone else
Sucked him off
Another politician of sorts anyway
They were sucking each other off in the back of a limo
Because he was
The other person in that
I did that yesterday driving
Because the weather at the moment
The cars were all dirty
And I was driving past
A silver car
Some of the fucking gay
And then the other side of the logo
Toyota logo whatever it was
Bummer on the other side
Because I'm driving
The mister's talking about something
And I've just gone
Just looked at me
What's good about that
The car, what was the car guy
I was like you didn't see it, don't worry about it
Just love it
Good old fucking
Bit of car art
I remember years ago I did take a picture of it
But on the back of a van
That was in front of me at the Trap Lord or something
Someone had tried to do
A cock and a balls
But because they'd literally just done
A lot of curved shapes
And the middle one was a slightly bigger curve
It looked like dog trio
I just remember laughing about that
And laughing
But some of them were creative with the
The old car art
I'm surprised with it
Especially when you see a full face
And a cock getting fucking splashing over it
I mean
Bums like that, that's a bit too much time on the ranzo
So Brecker Obama
Being gay
Whoever it was
Sopanitro Brock and Liam O
Apparently he was off to sex parties
And stuff as well
So I feel like
There is stuff there
Because there's no smoke without
Outfire
So I think there's stuff there
But because it's not illegal
For being with a trans person
Or woman and other man
Or whoever just sucked him up
I don't know
That if any of it
Is true
It doesn't matter
If it is true
He probably has been paying people off
Signing NDAs and stuff
So it can stay
Under wraps a little bit
But otherwise
I think if it did come out
People would just be more pro Obama then
Because he'd be like
But he wasn't just the first black president
He was the first fuck you
Representative of the flag
And the cocks
I think
There was
Nothing else that I've seen
There were secret murders or anything
But there's loads of people like that
When I was
With my dad yesterday
Jamie Oliver was on the TV
And he was like oh he's a great furry
He's a lot of nah
From everything that I've heard
He's an absolute cunt
Because just from people
In the industry, work industry
That have met him
That have
Again people meeting him at his restaurants and stuff
Over the years
Apparently he's a bit like James Corden
Just fucking all smiles and that on the TV
But arrogant
Just a fucking pretty real north
So my dad was surprised about that
And then I'd mentioned about fucking Dermot O'Leary
He's like nah he's a really nice bloke
Like hey
Frank
And he's fucking arrogant
Doing all these fucking lunges and that
And all about him
And as soon as the camera was off
Just fucking like yeah ain't doing this
Walked up
Was wearing fucking pleb
Literally just switched to a different person
Was wearing cameras on him
Oh yeah hi guys
Yeah
I'm coming
So yeah
Don't always believe
What you see on the TV
And I think it's proof really
Because obviously Philip Schofield
We know how that ended
Hugh Edwards
Again
I'm
Not looking forward to it
I don't know if I've said it before
Or if we've had a conversation about it
But I'm hearing more rumours
From just
Being said on the podcasts that I listen to
David Jason
Old
Dowboy
So there's talks
Well mumbling about
Him being a bit of a fucking predator
Back in the day as well
Bit of an old chimmy sabbler
I don't know if it's going to be to the same
Extents where you know going to
Hospital beds and touching up kids and stuff
I haven't heard nothing like that
But it's mad that sometimes our quick rooms
Can start just over anything though isn't it
Yeah because again we've
The
It's not NDAs but there's a court
Thing that stops papers
From publishing things
Because again allegedly
Schofield was doing that for years paying a lot of money
But
Yeah apparently
There's another big name that's
Paying millions a year to
Stop stories from coming out
And yeah it's
Rumoured that it's going to be Dave Jason
Which is going to break so many
People's hearts if it's true
You know because at one point
He was like a national treasure
Only fools and horses and that
But I'm hoping
It's just a bit of
Just the way times
Have changed
He might have been just a bit of a jack of the lads when he was
Younger and not abusing
His power but because he was you know famous
And that because of hey girl
You want some
I suppose yeah when everyone's throwing themselves at you
You know
Someone's size and this age
You can't just go off it then you're in the moment
I suppose
Unless they looked really young or whatever
Yeah because again you
Well not you still say
But from time to time
It will pop up about Albies
And you know there's a film
Where he's fucking singing to a
I don't know it's a nine or something
Or it's a film but still it's
Long you know same cook you
Want to take you home with me to know you really
Look cute or whatever whatever the fuck the song is
So there's you know
Those old rumours that
Was going on then
Well you know not that I'm condoning
That but Tom's were a lot different
Cooking you know 80 years
Ago and stuff
Not that it was ever
Bare
I think there was more leeway so like
In terms of like if you was
19 you probably could get away with
Going out with a 15 year old
You know
As we're now
It just no
Like if you're 15 you can't go out with
Nine year olds
Unless you're a boy going out with a 19 year old girl
Oh yeah then it's
Then you're the fucking mad mate yeah yeah yeah
That's what always rattles me when you see the fucking
The female teachers getting it on with the lads
And they're like oh
I'm not happy with this I'm going to get police involved
Oh just let it be
Honestly you've got to
Literally ride that
Literally yeah
Ride that out
Blackmail them yeah
Fucking get that playstation 5 game that you're after
But when you see
Like because
I feel with some of them that don't help themselves because
They're bragging to the mates and stuff
And then because they're sending pictures
And then one of the parents will find out
That's his parents yeah
Just chill man
Yeah because
If I have a son
He's fucking 14, 15
He's banging his teacher that's
15, 20 years older than him
I'll just give a little fucking thumbs
I'll be like yes son, keep it fucking quiet
But yes mate we'll fucking
Just crack on any
Just leave them to me
Unless she's abusing him
As well
The funniest thing is when you see
A video like that on tiktok where
Like
Like I don't know like an underage boy
Was getting sexually harassed by a teacher
Is the comments
Section, the comments section
Kills me like can I go back to
School and not like that
As well if it's like
Jumps you right around now it's just like
Everyone's just like fucking nuts
You know what I mean it just feels
I don't know maybe because we are a man
It feels more
Horrible that way around
Yeah it's definitely
It's definitely
Frowned upon that way where
It's you know men shouldn't be
Because men are meant to be the protectors
They shouldn't be
The predators kind of
But
I don't know if you remember any
When we was in school I remember some of the girls
Blurred saying about the certain
Teachers like oh yeah fucking I'd let them do this
And that when you know
We were like 14, 15 so
So
If they are throwing themselves at
Them then I know
That teachers should know better but
I suppose there is still going to be that
For some I'm not condoning it
But for some it is still going to be
Not my cousin I'm not saying my cousins
Are fucking nuts but
He has told me because he's a
History teacher and he has said
That he's had inappropriate comments from
The students and he's like don't fucking
Talk to me like that but he has to
Tell them not to fucking say anything
Because he's going to
Happen like you know we all remember being
A horny fucking teenager
And I mean not that
We said anything to the teachers we said it
To each other about teachers
The female teachers not the men
Because we weren't like that
But
You know if they are
Especially with how they are
The younger generations these days
If they are just open about fucking
The sexuality and they are saying
Such and such to the teacher
It's going to be fucking mad
It is crazy how we are saying it is acceptable
For a 15 year old
To get harassed by a 30 year old woman
Because you'd be a lad
It's not harassment though is it
It's a fucking good act
No it's a
You know I'm just trying to play
Like definitely
Obviously
I think it's because it's that
Never experienced it so it's always been that
Fancy from when you was a kid I suppose
It was always that
One to each though
Yeah
I was going to say
Weird it would be then but it was
The fucking maps teacher I can't think of a
Name now but she looked like Harley Willoughby
I can't fucking think of a name now
Which it was literally docked or something
I probably can't fucking remember
But yeah she looked like Harley Willoughby
I can't remember
Because she wasn't your maps teacher
Because you was thick
I was a
Was you in the top maps?
Yeah
I know I was in the top
I can't fucking remember a name
I remember they put me
You know when you first get your rollers
Because your teni kind of changed
Do you remember for us?
They put me in one class
I was like actually you meant to be here?
I looked around I should have meant to be there mate
The questions I was asking
I was just like
Even my old friend fucking Stephen Hawking
Read it all out
Yeah
You sure you meant to be here?
I was like yeah look it's on my timetable
And she was like
One sec, when are you coming back?
Next week you're in that one
I was like right sound
Yeah
I think that would have been down to
Your concentration though
Because I remember a lot of the time
You just zone out you'd be looking out the window and stuff
And so if you're not putting that down
On the paper on the exams and stuff
Then they would have put you in the lower
Class for that reason
Looking back for some of that over thinks everything
I was like I'm going to school
I never had before anything
I was just literally
Too probably chill
Because I literally
So you said I never used to do anything
I never used to care I just fucking couldn't wait to leave
Yeah you definitely did change
I'd say
Probably from like
17 really
Once you sort of like realized
Ah shit I do have to work and
Earn money and that now
But it was definitely
From 21 onwards
Was when you
You'd noticeably start
Fucking stressing about things there
I don't even know why I do it
No I try not to do as much anymore
Well I don't think I do it for like
Last week before we went out for beers
That broke me
Well it's not helping that you've still
Got the fucking reminder over there
So after the record last week before
Going out for the beers
Ashley's gone to blow out the little candle
The little teacup candle
So I blew the teacup candle
We have the wax on so it's fine
I blew the candle
The candle itself went flying up
I don't even know what you'd call it
It's just like a little chimney
For the little teacup candle that you put the wax in the top
Because it's got no back to it
Which I feel like that's a design fault
Yeah I mean some of them do some of them don't
So it's blew out
There's no exit
It's just an entrance
The ones upstairs
Have little holes in the back so it's not like
Fully in and out
So I blew this candle
Went to blow it out, blew the whole candle out
And the width that's still alive
Was right underneath the fucking blinds
So I went to grab it
As I grabbed it on the way back I knocked the wax mat over
It went everywhere
Just wax everywhere
I just
Finished me
Yeah so
I'm looking over and I can still see
Said chimney
Candle chimney
That one's for the kitchen one there
Put the two of ones in there
But yeah
You're just not going to get a new one?
Or are you going to have that as a reminder to not blow
The candle too far
So I'll just keep that
Around the bottle, swap with one upstairs
That would be hard to pull off
Yeah
You made up for it on the beers after
Oh yeah
Yeah I want to speak to you soon about that
Because I think
We had at least 15 points
But I know what I did anyway
So we had about 8
7 or 8 before we went into
Gozal
For me I was getting paranoid
Because there was a lot of stardust at the back
Did you know about that?
Well I didn't know how much
But I knew that there was
Definitely some marching powder
And I was getting paranoid that there was
Punio in my drink
Because I went
Honestly mate
I remember you saying to me at one point
Can you just watch my drink for me
Because all we felt
I know it was from a different atmosphere
From the one after
I was just like when we got to the other one
I was just like
Really wanting to move my body
I just wanted to get up
I couldn't sit down for 10 minutes
And I was like
Then I started getting a bit of a paranoid
To the point where
Someone brought me drinks
If I didn't see
He saved me when I knew that I got the drinks
I'd have put them on the floor
I put them on the floor
I can't say I remember seeing you do that
Apart from that
There was a few drinks going on
Definitely a few
Yeah
So yeah, you definitely made up for it
I said earlier
I was shocked at how little I've drank
Over the last two days as well
Literally four cans on Christmas Day
And four cans yesterday as well on Boxing Day
Which is not enough
But there was me cooking
Christmas nights
After watching the second film
To watch The
Exciter
Jack Black
I haven't seen it but I know what you're talking about
Because I've seen The Trader of Jack Black
I was thinking that it's a Jack Black film
Even though he's in it
It's more of a kids film
So I wouldn't say
To race out and watch it
If it's on
But still yeah, I watched that
And then afterwards
Quick flick through TikTok
And there was all the fucking
Videos of men at 8 o'clock
On Christmas Day
And one of them was
Five couples and all the men are asleep
On the fucking birds and that
Yeah, because that's how it should be
Getting up drinking
And just being on it all day
But no, I just wasn't on it
I think
Two while I was cooking
And two while I was watching films
I'm absolutely fucking
Ashamed of myself
I've never seen a bear on Christmas
For the first time in ages
So I felt like
You're not, well because you're not really
Much of a drinker anyway
You don't drink in the house
But on Christmas it's normally
Especially with the Christmas day
So yeah
I'm a bit gutted
Since this is going to be the last Christmas
Of a
Normality
In my house really, I'd say
So yeah
I should have made up for it really
Should have got extra drug
Yeah, well
You've put me there, yeah
Yeah, I'm
Going to have a few lights right now
Fuck you, once I'm back home
And that's settled, I'm fucking getting on it
Thank you, if you're on it son
Alright, last
But not least
I've got a message from V
I don't know if that's the actual name
But I've got a bit of the email address that I could
Get out of it
V, V E E
I've got
I don't know
I'm not going to read the email address out
One, because I haven't wrote it down
And two, I'm not going to go onto the emails to read it out
But I'm guessing that was the name
Sorry
So yeah, hi guys, new to the pod
Just got reminded by a Tiktok
So thought I'd ask if you ever had
An opinion on the whole
Women choosing a bear over a man
In the woods thing that was around earlier this year
Sorry if it's something you already spoke about
I don't think we did speak about it
I'm not too sure what she's referring to
So it was
I felt like it was in the summertime
All these women were getting asked the question
So if you lost or
Stranded in the woods
Would you prefer to stumble across a man
Like a stranger
Like a man
Like a stranger
A man, like a stranger
Of a bear
In the woods, and most of them were saying a bear
What, the bear would just fucking kill him
Yeah
But they were drawn aside like
It feels safer with a bear there
Than a man that they don't know there
No, I mean I feel like
You can't find it, everyone's up to size
Yeah, I think it was just like a big stupid
Feminism movement going on
And they're all just chatting shit
Because at the end of the day
If there was a man there
You've got more chance of
Getting back to safety
Getting out of the woods
Than you have with the bear
Because the bear's just going to be like
Well, meal, fucking savvy
And just scram
Because they can't all be like Leonardo DiCaprio
In whatever that film is
Revenant is it? Revenant, yeah
I've not seen it
He won his Oscar from it didn't he?
Quite actor as well
He picks his role as well there
Picks his women well as well
Fucking still keeping him on the boat
Fucking bear fights me
You fucking mint it like that
And you can do it
Well, not, right? Why don't you just be single?
Yeah, that's the catch
What are you so, ain't I?
Well, he's like has an afterness
With this 30 year old, 20 year old
Yeah, I'm having fun at the moment
This is fucking great
And yeah, you're getting on a bit now, bab
I'm going to fucking move on to the next one
So yeah, bear fights me
You know, Hugh Hefner
Did it for fucking years anyway, didn't he?
He was the original fucking
Baby-O person
You know, other than he did it
So I suppose that was
That was good
For Baby-O that he did a
Sidebar-O because Hugh Hefner
Died
We still don't know who the next one's going to be
Maybe he's going to be Obama
And Michael, I mean Michelle
Just don't know
Yeah
Back to V's
Question, I think it was just bollocks
And fair
Again, because we've seen all the clips
Of
Whatever podcast
Or something where it's always
OnlyFansGirl going on the challenge shit
And the men are just there being logical
Stop being a div, close your flaps
And fucking listen to reason
So it was basically
Women like that, that were
Posing this question all the time
No, you'd save it with a bear
No, it wouldn't, you can't climb up a tree
Because the bear can climb up a tree
Not all men can climb up a tree
No
Some are a bit special
You know, you're more likely to be able to
Outrun the man
This is assuming that the man is going to be a predator
And fucking try and attack and kill
Or rape or whatever anyway
So yeah, you've got more chance
Of getting away from the man
Than you have the bear
And yeah
That's just assuming that
If you are in the middle of the woods
And there's that slim chance that anything like that happens
Then
What's the odds that they're going to be fucking
Alone for starters
Who's walking through the fucking woods on their own
If a man's walking through the woods
He's lost himself
Or he's fucking
Out hunting or something
They're not on their own are they
We've fucking other people
So the women shouldn't be in the fucking woods on their own
That's the moral of the story really
Stay out of the woods, stay in the kitchen
Keep cooking and cleaning
And worry about what your man's going to do for you
And if you ain't got a man, get a man
Right
On that fucking
On that cancellation
Then we shall leave it there
We've got shit to do
So yeah
Hope you enjoyed it
Keep the messages coming in
Links are all in the description
And we will see yous
In the new year
Peace
So sly, their chemistry's electric
You can't deny