Ash and JD, they're the hosts talking real, they're not like most
The podcasting fun with a side of wit, get ready
Cause you won't wanna quit, they bring the laughs, they bring the noise
Sharing stories of their crazy joys from deep discussions to silly tales
The real talking podcast never fails
Step your headphones, step ready to groove
Ash and JD will make your mood improve
The banter that's witty and no so sly
They've kept which we's electric, you can't deny
What's happening everyone? Welcome to the real talking podcast with your host Ash and JD
And you did hear it right, it is the dynamic duo back together again
We are ready and raring to go
And by go we mean to the pub because we're fucking dying for a beer
It's been a hard week hasn't it mate?
It's been a really hard week and you are right, that beer, I can't wait
Gonna go down a treat lad
That Cruz Campo is gonna go bar
Or beer and Moretti
Other brands of lager are available
They're just not as good
Yeah we don't want the short ones
I'll also be a secret to the Guinness
I won't be playing split the G
Because I don't wanna go through it too quickly
Especially since Guinness isn't cheap, it's not a lager it's a stout
Oh it's a creamy head
But yeah it's too expensive, I don't wanna be spending 600 pounds because I'm splitting the G every time
I don't know why you're laughing, it's a big popular game at the moment
Everyone's wasting it, you gotta enjoy your point, there's no point just buying it just to down it
I think the first one you might actually do it aren't there?
The first Guinness
Well I've already said when we get to the pub we're getting 2 points each
Because the first one isn't touching us heights
So yeah, in case you didn't know we're going out to the pub
We're having our annual lads on tour nights, spreading the Christmas joy to everyone
Even though there's only a handful
But that's what happens as you get older, you get let down by old mates that don't wanna turn up
Not that we were ever the biggest of friends groups
But yeah we've got the old faith will turn up anyway
That's all you need mate
Yeah, there's some good times
So yeah but otherwise it's been a long week
I know it's kinda started off the same as my individual little episode last week
Where I just moaned about this shit week that I had
But I did have a shit week last week
It's just continued this week because it's been non stop work
Shouldn't have worked today, but I've worked
I actually shouldn't have worked today, but he's had to work as well
We've moaned about this off part but it's just too much fucking around
All we wanna do is just turn up, get the work done, go home
And to be fair today all we wanted to do was get into the pub
So bad
So yeah, doing this podcast, straight on with it
Yeah and this will be in your ears, on time, the regular scheduled time, Saturday, 10am
Oh this is technically the Christmas podcast
Yeah this is the Christmas podcast for all the lovely listeners
It's not the same as anymore Christmas, it's lost something from it
I thought you would have gained it, especially not now that it's baby's first proper Christmas
From that aspect yes, but when you go around he doesn't feel as Christmasy
I don't know if it's because it's not as cold
I don't know what it is
Next year mate we've decided we're getting the old school decorations
So you know the things that go on your ceiling
Red, green, gold, proper old school tints
Fucking Christmas mate
Get the babby to fucking make the old coloured paper
Yeah yeah yeah
I used to love doing that
Christmas mate, proper, fucking
I suppose it is now, I'm sitting there looking at your Christmas tree
I haven't got one at home, I've got my old wooden one
I say old wooden one, made it myself a couple of years ago
But because you've got the silvery grey effect one
I suppose that's how most people do it these days really
They go for the modern look so it fits into the aesthetics of the lounge, the area that it's going in
So next year we've decided we're getting rid of the old spotlights and going back to the old school multi coloured one
You know what I'm saying
Get that fucking on that tree, really tints, I said to Kai
Get fucking tints on there, some red and gold
Fucking proper tree next year that will be
Are you going to get a real one though, or just a fake green one?
I want a proper tree
Just a mess man
Yeah yeah, it just depends with Kobe because he has demolished this tree
So maybe in a few years I will start getting a proper tree
Yeah, no evil eye dove, tinsel, multi coloured on there
Just going back to my original thing
Just, I don't know when you're out on the streets, even though people have the Christmas lights up and that
I don't know what it is mate, it's just a losted spirit if you will, I don't know
It's just not, there's something missing, I can't remember, I think maybe it's because
When I remember when I was younger it was Christmas songs on the radio, every fucking, you couldn't get away from it
Now I'm trying to find them I suppose
I don't know how you've missed them because even I've had to turn off smooth radio
And like smooth country radio because it's constant Christmas songs
But I didn't even know there was that many country Christmas songs
Yeah but it's still country
To be fair I wouldn't have even classed a lot of them as country
But yeah I've had to just go to my usual on YouTube music through the radio
Just for today, the last couple of days I've been
Because for years I've never really had a great Christmas spirit
But I've always felt that because I haven't got kids of my own
Yeah, since we've had Covid the one thing I really want to do is
Is you know like you see the Hallmark Christmas movies on TV, you know like the postcard
We've decided one year we are going to do that
I don't know where in America you'd be, maybe Colorado
Is it Colorado?
Anyway I might be wrong with saying that
We're just spending somewhere where you know you're going to get snubbed
Yeah yeah
In that aesthetic look, you know the pine
You know you get what I'm on about
Yeah yeah
You know the aesthetic of the house
When you see Christmas on the TV
Yeah
You want to experience a Christmas like that
That's what I want with the open fire
Yeah
Just you know
Because there is reports that we're meant to be in for a big snow storm as of tomorrow
But look, it's shit snow mate
But it's saying 300 miles of snow and it's coming from the north
Obviously Scotland is going to get fucking rain as usual
But it's going to come down to the midlands
So we should get a bit of snow
But even if it did snow tomorrow or today as you lovely listeners are listening in
No doubt it would be fucking gone by Christmas
Yeah
I've seen snow once on Christmas and that was like 17 years ago
And it was a flood to my
Literally was because I just walked the girlfriend at the time
Just walked her home and then as I was walking back
It was just a little bit
Yeah
I've seen more snow go people's noses than was on that floor mate
And we'll see that tonight
We will
We will be doing it
We won't be doing it
We'll be doing it
Get in the bag lad
Some star dust in
Proper marching powder
Fucking nah
It's too much of a waste of money
I was on about it till the middle of the day
You don't want your jaw rocking tonight mate
Nah mate
What would be the best drug to have because
So like mushrooms would just trip you out either a good or bad way
We'd make you hungry
But like I don't know
Look for me I've always felt like if you need like gear to get you going
You're not right
And what I'm saying is you can't enjoy yourself without it
That's what makes you who you are I suppose when I have
Yeah but it's just such a waste of money I'll be
Because I've tried it once and I don't really feel much from it
But
Was it real good stuff though?
I don't know
Good stuff you are meant to feel if it's not good stuff you haven't been in
And mix it with Kermit
You know what I mean I know this stuff
Not like you do it
No no
But it's so milk for a touch
But I just thought well what's the point because I'm out drinking to get drunk
Yeah
But I don't want to so abrupt so spend money so abrupt to spend more money to get drunk again
Yeah
But it's just a waste
It's like a weird cycle isn't it
Yeah you're just defeating the fucking object
But I'll save that fucking I don't know 50 pound on a fucking bag whatever it is
And just save that for fucking a few more beers then a takeaway 30 kebab on the way home
Is it 20 pound an ounce?
I don't
I don't know the going right so far
Going off of one of the other podcasts that I listened to he goes on about three bags for
a ton so three bags for 100 pound
Ok ok
And that's a deal
Yeah but he would be like 100 grams out
I don't know
Yeah
He didn't fucking get into specifics about the weight
Oh I'm thinking he's got yeah well he wouldn't be a ton you know what I'm saying
That's a lot I know cocaine
Well have you seen that fucking wrestler
Cocaine yeah
Yeah have you seen gay the guy or gay
No I've not seen that I'm guessing his costumes the rainbow black
Oh god
Fucking so much
Oh look and he gets the eyeball out
Yeah
Fucking in the face
Proper wrestling
Well it's surprising that TikTok hasn't banned those clips and that and then I did see an
interview with the actual original Kane and he just laughed and he was like yeah there's
a lot of mimics out there that replicate or try to do something similar to what I've done
all these years and that so he hasn't slagged it off but you would have thought that he'd
turn around and be a bit more PC but he's obviously not that fucking arse
You know what do you know cocaine's finisheries not the chokeslam it's the cogslam
Yeah
It is mental
Fucking
That's proper wrestling now is mate
Yeah I still never even watched the second half of fucking WrestleMania
Well it comes to Netflix January 6th
Is it Raw and Smackdown
Raw and Smackdown in UK yeah
That's right I think in America I just Rawed the mama yeah I'm just Raw and Smackdown in UK
Well since we've just spoke about Netflix because that reminded me about one of the
correspondents because they mentioned about boxing and we didn't even talk about the Jake
Paul and Mark Tyson fight
Oh no it was prophetic I didn't even watch it I saw the hard odds
I'm glad I didn't stay up and watch it because I was away when it was on
Right
And I watched it the next day I enjoyed the other fights to be fair
But that main card it was just absolutely ridiculous
I think like these gimmick fights you know like the misfits
Shouldn't even entertain it I'm not even watching them anymore I'll watch tomorrow
We've got Torso and Fury
But that was what the correspondent was saying I'll be up for the fight I'll be watching it
Yeah on the dodgy box
So I'd completely forgot that this was happening until like two weeks ago where I saw the
first trailer for it and I was like oh shit it's this quick already
For some reason I thought it was like in February or March or something
Nah nah
So yeah I'm glad that it's coming out of the blue
Come to the beer tonight rest to my I'll get some food and yeah take away tomorrow night
as you're watching the boxing
Do you know what time it's on?
Half four it starts in UK
So is it Saturday morning or Sunday morning half four?
Nah nah so Saturday night
So tomorrow afternoon today for all you lovely listeners
Yeah it would be 4.30pm it starts and then I think that actually boxing starts at about half five
Like primarily
So we're looking at the main card around about 10 o'clock then?
Half ten yeah
Fucking sound I'd say I'll put that there
Yeah that should be a fucking good crack then
So I have to stop my head I can't I'm being lazy I'm not getting my phone and unlocking it
But yeah we're on it we're gonna watch the boxing tonight
Yeah definitely yeah
Gotta watch it see what happens
Because it was I don't know if it's official but it was the world's longest stare-off
Yeah 10 minutes or something wasn't it?
Just standing there just fucking thought
Yeah man
Yeah no fucking no wearing any eyes just staring at it
Just literally
Oh it's alright 10 minutes
And then he fucking fury starts kicking up afterwards
Fucking you gotta wake up at the hospital you're a fucking joke you're a joke
So yeah he seemed confident
But so does Usyk
What do you think is gonna win?
Err
I would like to ask him Fury to win but I think it's gonna be Usyk
I think it's Usyk again
And I think it's gonna be Usyk by knockout I just have a feeling
I've seen some of his training and he just looks calm
Yeah he always just does now
Yeah he just doesn't seem biased
He seems like a nice guy well they both seem like nice guys to be honest
Yeah I've seen some of his interviews and that and there was one the other day
He's got his fucking suit on and he's got this like shitty white tiger
I don't know what it is but like a shoulder patch sort of thing
And they were like oh yeah white tiger is it real?
And he's like I don't know got it from like a thrift store or something but I ain't got a clue
And then he says well he gets asked so what do you think is gonna happen when you're in the ring?
A fight
And they're all laughing then he's like obviously fucking
So yeah he does seem like he's got a bit of banter about him
Yeah hopefully he's a bit of an untarnished one as well
Not a lot of fucking after shit out there
All the hype and then it's just fucking nothing entertaining then
But yeah we'll be watching it we'll be staying up for it
Yeah hopefully it's not too late
But then again since we're on it tonight we'll know that
Have a little bit of a pavan after in a day or something
So it would allow us to be able to stay up that little bit later
But I've got a I'm seeing Santa Claus tomorrow
Again?
Yeah she's spoiling her
Fucking baby
So how was the breakfast last week?
She loved it, she loved it
She tried to pull his beard off
Explain to the listeners the actual what you did because I didn't say
We just went for breakfast with Santa so you take your baby or child
You have breakfast, Santa comes around
And after you get to see Santa
He wasn't a good Santa, only we weren't the real Santa
No
Did he not have a proper big belly?
No he didn't actually, he was just an old man
He wasn't a good fake one
Was it a cheap costume as well?
His costume was okay-ish
But like yeah I mean you've just got to be in the pile and he'd grow a beard out actually
But nah, so hopefully this one's better because she enjoyed it
She wasn't as worried as I was about his costume
Troy said Troy's pull his beard off
The thing is as I walked in I could see him, this guy's a Scrammy
And I thought that's Santa, that's going to be 10 minutes later
He's gone into the car park on my way back
He's wearing a white T-shirt and black trousers and he comes back with like yeah
Like he done it for the free meal
Yeah probably was, so any just free meal then you can have a couple of beers later
I don't know if you've seen it as well
On TikTok, so the Santa Claus, Tim Allen
Home Improvement Tim Allen
So people are only just clocking on to the fact that Santa dying falling off his roof
Spoilers for anyone that hasn't watched it
It was all staged
Yeah so I thought, didn't I clarify that up in the series
I might be wrong in saying that but I know what you want to back
Because you see none of the elves are shocked
Yeah none of them are shocked
They're all in the background of scenes
Yeah so there's one in the classroom next to him and then looking in the school and walking down the street
And there's one where the old Santa Claus when he fell off the roof is watching as well
Yeah so I remember when I originally watched it
Seeing the other little elves around
And then thinking oh yeah they've done that on purpose
Just assuming that naturally say every 10 years they have to change it to a new Santa Claus
Yeah so I didn't watch the series I think
But what I heard is, I can't remember if it's from number 3 or from the series is to be Santa Claus you need a Mrs Claus
Yes that was in the second one
Right
That you need to have a Mrs Claus
Yes
So when Tim gets back to fucking the North Pole in the first one
There's no sign of the original, the old Mrs Claus
And then none of the elves there look shocked that Tim Allen's turned off
Yeah
None of them are sad that Santa's got him dead and all that
Oh mate
I don't know why people are shocked and only just realise me
Yeah I watched that red one obviously to come out
I fell asleep
It came out on Amazon obviously it's only when I seen him last month
And my ears dog shit
I fell asleep I mean I was tired anyway
And it was after the Manchester Derby last weekend
So obviously I'd already had some beers and that as well
And I just couldn't stay awake
I was just like why am I watching here
They're pushing too hard
Because it's just another rock film and Dwayne Johnson
Just something else for a bit of fucking action
Yeah
To get him in and this one happened to be Christmas themes
It just, it, and obviously it must have been really poor just to get put on Amazon straight away
So I didn't even know it went to the cinema first
Yeah I think it was on
I think it was on November 15th or something
And obviously from what I heard it made like, it was costing so much to make
And obviously they've got to add all the press that they do for it
From what I've seen I think it made like 60 or 70 million
It's just not good enough is it
And obviously it cost like 400 million to make or whatever
Yeah
I don't think many people, I think people are just growing sick of cinema now
That's why everyone's got dodgy boxes and stuff like that
Just, I don't know
It's not a good experience like when we was kids and that though
We used to go there with less than five pound
Which when we was kids five pound was still a lot of money anyway
But I remember it was two pound out of a ticket
And you'd still be able to get your fucking snack and drink and that
With the five pound
I just don't think the films are as quality anymore
I just feel like
I think because of the time that we're living as well where everything comes that quickly onto Netflix
Like the series, the films and that
And all the YouTube fucking things going on
People would drive away
Well
Is that what you're trying to
It's just that we've got so much else going on
That like there's always something else to watch
Oh that's just come out of the cinema
But I can wait for it because I've got this that I can watch and that and still
And there's not many films that do come out that I think I've got to go to the cinema and watch that
I mean the last one was Deadpool
There was a movie
And I'm gonna think I forgot what it's called now
It's only coming out in the US but it looked really good
Right I'm gonna try to go look
Any idea of who's in it
It's actually got that
The one from Snow White
The woman
Yeah that Rachel
Rachel Singular whatever her name is
So there's a movie
And it's got no release date
I think oh is it called
It's 2k something
Always prepared on it
Yeah obviously I didn't know it was going there
But
I saw the trailer to it and I was like
Yeah I think I'll go and see them and watch that
And it just hasn't
Just has
It's talking to me
Yeah the cookies like just fucking
That's why you need to use Duck Duck Go
Just like doesn't that know
It's busy
Doing stuff
Right here we go
Right there
Y2K
Y2K it's called
So I'm guessing it's to do with the turn of the
Yeah yeah so it's like
Too high score
Nobody's made the decision to crash the last
Major celebration before the new
Millennium
1999
Yeah
So yeah it looks good
I'm getting a phone call
We'll be able to watch it soon
Not anywhere
But yeah we shall
Stop talking about Christmas films
And films in general now
Move on to some of the correspond arms
So we've had a
Well because I asked for it
Last week anyway so we have had a
Good couple
Saying the same
After Christmas and that asking if we're
Ready for Christmas so
Yeah in general are you
Ready for Christmas? Yeah
The only presents we've got is for
COVID we're really doing the show for
Everyone it's just I'm in the same
Both her presents
And actually everyone else
So in terms that
I'm ready
No I don't do that no more I know you don't give
Presents to give
No but I can't on the podcast
No it's not in case of the show
Well I don't do it
Normally I'd give vouchers
For well
£20 vouchers to the family members
Because it's too much
Effort to try and find out what they want
Or go shopping and think
Oh yeah that's a nice
Novelty present for fucking so and so
I'll get that so normally I would just
Get £20 gift voucher and a
Generic one that could go to fucking boots
Or new look or fucking something
So it's not a specific place
They can use it in a few offers
And it's just easy
But this year there's just been
Too much going on and that
Well big year next year and that
So not going to fuck around
Got to keep money to the south
So no just got
The whilst presents
Couple of little bits for the dog
Because you've got to
Treat the dogs as well yeah
I'm sure he's got something
Looking forward to remember over the 40s
Little fucking things as well
Yeah you
So
Then we've got the
Question from Lauren
What's your favourite Christmas song
Oh uh
Don't Stop the Cavalier
Cavalry
Oh yeah
The way you said it at first I'm thinking
What the fuck is that
I used to call it Little drummer boy
And that's a different Christmas song
But no it don't stop
Do do do do do
She was a home for Christmas
And then for a close
Second E17
Stay down
Maybe I've got to go
Away
Why are you turning around
The mom's driving home for Christmas
I'm driving home for Christmas
Oh okay
Good old classics
Banger
And then close to the second again as well
Queen
Thank God it's Christmas
Yeah that's a good one
Big banger
And then
There was another
Christmas question from Miles
Have you got any Christmas film recommendations
Since we just spoke about films
Um
Santa Claus can't go wrong with that really
Good old classic one
I've always felt home alone
Is a bit overrated
Oh mate fucking out
That's a
I wouldn't go out my way to watch it
I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know how I feel about you
What you're saying there
It's in a different light
If it's on
I'm not really paying much attention
I'll leave it on
I'll search for it and put it on
Number one, brilliant
The intro just takes way too
Do you remember when the intro's used to take really long
On movies? Yeah
Fucking hell
I remember as a kid always wiling for that
You know
Number one, really good
And it always made me want Peter
You know like
Number three was just short
I think it's not five
Number four
Yeah they're just killed I didn't know
I'm just trying to think now
Is there anything in between
All the regular stuff that I've watched
That was a good Christmas film
I suppose
I've not long said
For the last ten years
Because I've never really been that
Christmasy because I haven't got kids and that
I don't really fucking
The wife was saying it to me
Let's watch some Christmas films
You want to watch some, you watch them
I watched Daddy's Home 2
Which is technically a Christmas film
That was good
I'm just trying to think
The usual
Die Hard, Gremlins, Christmas films
I'm just trying to think now
I don't think there is really one
That I would say
Besides the norm
I know when I was a kid
I used to love
The fucking
Snowman or something
The fucking the cartoon
Yeah why was that called
I'm sorry
There's nothing really coming to mind
That I can recommend that you probably
Haven't already watched
Er
No nothing
It's just the same
The Grinch, Santa Claus, Home Alone
Jingle all the way
No, I'm sorry Marv
Pulling the blank there mate
Poor effort on our behalf
Well yeah fucking
I don't know
If anyone else has got some good ones
Suggested, I know it will be too late by the time
We do get back to Miles with an Ant next week
But yeah
Let us know yours
We've got to get on to him
Because he's desperate
He's desperate for it
Old James
I didn't read his one out last week even though I did
Mention him
His first
Message was, lads
It's a good job you're not a football podcast
Because you'd have nothing
Good to talk about
You know, obviously they're fucked
And then in response to me
Just
Towards the end of the podcast I was watching
The Liverpool Fulham game
Liverpool were fucking
They were a bit shook
And I just asked him
His opinions
Are Liverpool fucking bottling it this season now then
You know
Your call of Chelsea is looking
A bit more fucking promising as well isn't he
So
His second email just says
No sleep on our season
Just making it more entertaining
With a shot below us
Fair one, they've got a guy in hand
They're nice stuff
I can't remember who we were against now
Everton, because it's called off
Because of Storm Darrow
Even though you would expect them to be Everton
You just never know on the derbies
Derbies, derbies
About derbies
The Manchester one last week
Did you watch the game?
Yeah, it was an absolutely terrible game
To watch
As a neutral
Half four, Sunday
Terrible game
I can't believe how many people think that it was such a terrible game
It was to watch
It was just so
It was like watching Josiah
Mourinho's Man U again
That's how for me felt with Vanguard
Just so
Defend, break out
Defend
But we dominated on position
Yeah, but it was
What kind of position you had
It was just, it weren't penetrating
It was just
You know
It wasn't the greatest match
But from Man City's point of view as well
Because I don't like watching Man City
I don't watch Man City
If Man City playing someone like Southampton
Five o'clock and I sat there
I don't watch it because I know
It's going to be 4-0
Tippi-tappie, they're walking to their Haaland hat-trick
Bang
But no, I didn't enjoy the game, I must admit
Well
I suppose it is mainly red tinted glasses
Then, but I thought it was
Good, the possession
Base football
The attack was struggling
Unfortunate on the goal
And then
Just the madness at the end
Yeah, if he weren't for the last
The last, obviously, 10 minutes
It was a terrible game
It's just nice to see
Man City struggling though
You know, because
Let's see how he can handle it when he can't
From Maniali, but even though
I don't know what it is
I don't know what happens
I don't think it's fatigue
I just don't know
What's gone
I mean, players have lost their legs
Kyle Walker, Bernardo Silva
It is an ancient scene
But it's still a strange way
Because you wouldn't put them
If I said to you they're going to win the league
They could still win every game this season
And he wouldn't surprise you
I don't think they're going to win the league though
But I don't think
This season is going to carry on like this
But it can't do
I've not looked at their picture for the weekend
To be honest
They've got to turn it around
Have they not got Villa?
I think they've got Villa around that
It is, half a kick off today
For you lovely people
But again
Villa are having a bit of a short season
Well, lately anyway
They need to turn it around
It's like they're putting it all in the Champions League
So
It could be a tough one
For both sides
Again tomorrow
One of them turns up
Then it's just going to put the pressure on the other one again
Because
This is what we look for
You look at the table
I'd already
Wrote off Chelsea
At the beginning of the season, you called it
We are
Still only just about
Half way through
We'll see where it is at the end of the season
A few more managers sacked this week
And that
All I was going to say
Is at the beginning of the season
Chelsea
Because their only competition was that Europa
Whatever it is
And they're just sending the kids
That's what I think
They just had the edge
But I didn't expect Liverpool to do so
I must admit
Liverpool look really good
But again
The last two games
Getting draws
It's a bit of a push for them
But they're not losing though, are they?
That's what Totals have won on
Yeah
But they did look a bit
Ropey, Fulham let that game slip
To be fair
They were playing well
They scored the first goal
And then they should have took advantage
With descending off
But they just sat back
Seeded, then they started pushing again
Scored, and then they sat back again
So
Poor mistake on Marco
Silvers, solid really though
We're not a footballing poplust
So we can't keep talking about it
But I'm looking forward to
Again
It probably is the main thing that I do enjoy
About Christmas is
The football
It's on every diary pretty much
Yeah, I know I'm going to be working
Most of it anyway
But
The fact that you can just sit there
Watch football throughout the whole day
Yeah
Especially because Boxing Day you just fucking
You have a couple of beers
You see people, you eat more food
You watch football
It's just the best part of fucking
Christmas I think
But we're going to jump onto the old
Feature that we haven't fucking gone on to
For a little while now
Because we have got a few
Stacked up
We will get onto the Confessions afterwards
But we've got to do we
You've got to love you
Both having a little bit of a fucking booger
Sorry I just noticed
There was another question, we will read that
Out in a moment Raleigh
Sorry for missing this
But firstly we will get onto Jess
And she says
These fuckers with
God's grace for headlights
I can see my soul more than
The road
Obviously we are at the time of year where it is
Dark
It's almost fully dark already
And we're nearly at four
And we're going to
Have a short stay tomorrow as well
Today for all you lovers
So sunrise
Just after eight
Sunset
Just before four o'clock I think it's the same
But yeah I get it
I've always hated driving in the dark
But it's worse now with everyone's bright lights
So it's more for me
You know like the newer lights
At LED and white
It's those old school yellow ones
But the
Yellow orange looking lights
The old fashioned lights are the same
No for me it's them because people drive with the high beams on
Yeah they have to now
Because of how bright everyone else's
Lights are
Because I have this problem
I've got the old school lights and all that
And I can't see the road because
The oncoming traffic with the bright LED
Lights cancels mine out
So I can't see the lane
For me it's those ones
And people drive with the high beams on
And they have them angled wrong
They don't have them to the floor
They have it straight on
That's the problem
It's meant to face down
Just on the floor a little bit
But it's the ones where they just straight out
You're like
It's like
Because I'm in the van as well
I'm lower down
And when I've got a Range Rover
Or a bigger vehicle behind me
Their lights are straight into my
Mirror and straight into my eyes then
When we were away the other week
Country roads
It was already dark by the time we were getting there
But at one point
There was a car behind us
With their high beams on
Because they couldn't see the road
All they had to do was just follow me
There was no one in front of me
I'm driving fine, I'm not speeding or anything
And I can see the road
But because they had theirs on
It was making my vision worse
So I
Just kept flashing my hazard lights
To say turn them off
And so they did it, they turned them off
And then once I'd get
To a junction I'd carry on
Then they'd come in behind me
Got caught up again
And they'd have them back on again
So I had to keep doing it
And literally I got to one point
There was like a bridge and some traffic lights
And I got out
And the mister told me to stop, don't say anything
I got out and I was like, look
You're blinding me, stop fucking around
Just some dozy old cunts
If you can't see the road
Just stick closer to me
And then follow the headlights
The brake lights, because that's all you have to do
Just follow my lights
And you're fine, if you're struggling to see
Just people, they're fucking morons
But yeah
I completely get it, Jess
It's an absolute fucking nightmare
Trying to drive on the road is
Hard enough these days anyway
With every other cunt
But yeah, just
The lights are too gross
I think what the government needs to sort out now
Is
Because we're not going to be able to get people
To get them a light again now
Them a balls
So the need to change the road markings
So it actually reflects
The lights better
So you can actually see
How their bright lights are
Canceling out the older vehicles
Lights, I can't see the
Lines, so
They need to put an aluminous paint or
A glow in the dark paint, because I don't know what the
Country is, but there is
Going to be somewhere like Switzerland
That have already changed
To glow in the dark road markings now
So you don't even need to
Be fucking driving with your lights on
To see the road, great
So we need
To get this system
Sorted out, to make it easier for everyone
And don't even get started on the fucking
So, because there was some cunt
Fucking running me the other morning
I'm walking in the dark and all I can see is just the fucking
A light strapped to the chest
Fucking bouncing around
From behind there's no
Fucking reflection on the back
So this was in the road as well
So if I was driving
From behind them, I wouldn't have seen them
It was like from the
Front I could see the light, otherwise
Nothing fucking, no hoobies or
Fucking anything, just running in dark
Clothes, so yeah
I can see you coming from the front
But from behind you're still going to hit your
Dickheads, fucking you know
Just fucking people
Fist me off, not you looking people
But
Until the next one
We have one from Brick
And they are asking
Well, saying rather
People asking questions on the internet
That they can just google
How do they survive
Now we'll do CDs
Quite a lot
Again like on YouTube videos
People sending in the super chats and that
Or you know
Say, what's the fixture for this weekend
Like you're already on the internet
You've already typed the question
You could have just put it on your search bar
At the top, that very first one
It's such a wasted effort
And especially when
As I say, we have a super chat on YouTube
But the pain to ask
That question when they could have just
Fucking googled it
I don't get it
These people are going to
Fucking struggle with life
But just
Just you know
Just leave them be, natural selection will get to them
At some point
It's
It's frustrating but
Some people just
They're just fucking morons
Just try and ignore it because it is frustrating
Golden Aldi
Kirstie
And she's asking
What I'm saying again
So I'm fucking mixing up the words
I'm just dying for this beer
It's 4 o'clock, we're fucking running late
So many people
With the lack of spatial awareness
It's busy enough
With people Christmas shopping
Don't just stop dead in front of me
Yeah, it is the worst
In Aldi where the oils are really
Like more narrow
That's really
It's a really pop
And just like
I waste my life behind you then
Yeah
I see it all the time anyway
It just fucking does annoy me
Because when I'm walking around
I'm doing the same as when I'm driving
I'm always looking left and right
And
I don't know if I sense it
I know I definitely fucking loved it
There was a TikTok video
Where the woman's walking in front of a fella
And
She's just like, oh look at them shoes
And the shop window and whatever
And he's behind, he's like, two men to the road
If they've launched at me
I could take them, fucking there's a dog there
If it went to
Bite me I could kick it in it's fucking
Head or something
It's just basically the man's
Looking around, which I know I do as well
Looking around, I'm like, oh yeah that's going on there
This person could walk out here
A day
Gonna stop
And I'm always
Trying to observe what's around
Where most people just fucking don't do that
Just
Oh, what's that? And just fucking stop
Or, again I know we've had it
As a fucking another one before
People just stopping and fucking texting
So, if you can't
Do both at the same time, don't do it
And they're like, just stopping the tracks
They don't even pull over to the side or whatever
It's fucking so annoying
God fucking people
So
We do feel your pain
With that one person
Hopefully you're well as well
We should say that, hope you're well
Got the name already
We've got Joe with theirs
Hey
I'm looking for
You
Need some bang on the way out while we're out
Maybe, don't know, some old classic songs
Joe's saying
All of these
You've heard of Alf on the Shelf memes
Yeah, we get it
Words wrong
It is true
Dolly Parton on something the other day
I just saw
Dolly Parton sitting on something
I'm not even looking at it to try and figure it out
Yeah, we get it for wrong, man
People just fucking
Need to chill out a little bit
Yeah, we all know the Tigger one
Yeah
That's it
Yeah
Tigger, getting bigger
Right
So the question
That we're going to get back to
That I've missed off
Was Riley
If there was a Hollywood movie made about your lives
Who would you have play
Your
So who would play us and our significant others
Right, that's a good question
Do you want to go first?
Yeah
Yeah, so
I mean, if I'm being realistic
For me
I don't know his name
I don't know if it's Zack something
But the guy's from Hangover
Zack Brack
No, Zack Brack
It's Kronach
It's fucking Zack something
So yeah, just because
With the ease of being able to fit in
With the look, with the long hair and the beard
Yeah
And then
You just got to go for like fucking Scarlett Johansson
Or something because he misses any
Not that my look's anything like that
You know, it's wishful thinking really
Otherwise
For someone
That looks like her
I wouldn't know really
With an actress
Yeah
I don't know
No, my look
It's hard because you don't want to see him bag
You don't want to like
Be nasty at the same time
I think
As an actress that could
She's good and quite versatile
Is it Kendrick something?
The one from Peach Perfects
Hello Kendrick
Anna Kendrick
Is that what it is?
Yeah
There's a new Netflix fucking
Not documentary
But the same as
Jeffrey Dahmer one
It's like Blind Date or something
She's the lead actress in that
Yeah, the one from Peach Perfect
Yeah, Anna Kendrick
So I'd say probably her
Because
Yeah, she's just first off
And I suppose not
100 miles away from
The way my wife looks
But then yourself
What you're going to do? The Rock?
No, definitely not
Not dark enough for you
I don't know
I actually
No idea
Standing bit up
What do you think?
You said that
Canadian, don't you?
Yeah, but he's not an actor
Krista Stefano
There's definitely
A lot of similarities on the look there
Otherwise
Again, I fucking always forget
His name
Just on about him again earlier
The man who
Plays out in John, Rocketman
Oh
Edgerton
What's his name?
All the prep on this podcast
Yeah, I think because he's quite
A good actor
And well, you'd obviously fucking
Know your personality
Edgerton or something, Kenny
Yeah, is it Joel Edgerton or something like that?
I'm just trying to
Think actually
I'm trying to
Who
Who do I look like the most?
Again, that's why I just thought about him
Because, you know, it's not
Too dissimilar
I feel like he's a lot shorter than
I don't know how tall he is
But after talking to him, he's like
5'5
But he's got quite pale as well
Yeah, but the make up can fucking
Just put a bit of the olive skin
Just trying to
Yeah, I'm gonna ask you
It's quite a
Interesting question
Yeah, no, let's go for them
Yeah
And then
Cameron Zeta-Jones as the
Mrs
Hahaha
Oh, that one bit of hot
It's a shame
She's not here
Well, could have asked that
I don't know
Actually, I don't really
I'm not sure
On that one, mate
That one
What do you think?
I'm trying to think of
More TV series or just something
Like that
It's a shame
That we can't just think
Of someone straight off the bat
Hahaha, I have no idea
Because there's funny ones that pop
Into my head, but
You can't be too nasty
Because obviously KS9
Shoutout KS9, he's a lovely listener of ours
And we don't want to sound
Disrespectful
I don't know, actually
I'll keep thinking about it
Well, thank you for the question
Yeah, but
We shall get on to
The final part
Of the podcast now
Get on to the lovely
Confessions
No
Obviously we've got all the
Prep and that's why I'm
Already fucking got the music ready
Like, no
Hahaha
Right
Confession one
I slept with a married
Woman
Man, I really feel bad about this
About two weeks
This woman about late
Started getting a bit flirty with me
And I was pretty into it
We spent some time together
Had a few drinks and you know how it goes
She ends up back at mine and we slept
Together, it wasn't until afterwards
That I remember her bringing up her kids
And her husband
Like, fuck, it's done now
And she's just kept saying how unhappy
She is in her marriage
But I shouldn't have done it either way
Now I feel like I'm looking over my
Shoulder for some guy to come find me
Your thoughts on that, Father JD?
Well, firstly
The blame is we've hurt
She's the cheater
Not you
So
You shouldn't feel guilty there
You should
Have a conversation with her
Let her know your feelings about it
Or just pass on the advice
That she needs to
Sort her shit out and stop being a fucking slag
That's wrong, isn't it, man?
No, yeah, she's the one we've helped to lose
Yeah, yeah, she's the one that's done the fucking dirty there
He's got, yeah, you shouldn't feel
Bad about it and then they die
If someone's pulling it on you
You know what I mean?
I understand the look on the other's shoulder
But as long as you're not cheating
As well, then it's fine
You've got nothing to worry about
And look, she said she's unhappy
That's her life, that's her
Relationship, that end your life
So
Just enjoy it
In a few months
You won't really think about looking over you
Seeing if anything's
Happening, you know?
Looking back over my shoulder
Yeah, be none of that
Don't feel bad
That's it
You can take one off the list, Maradona
Move on
Next pussyhole
Whichever one you get into
Right, confession two
I watched an older porn movie
And got invested as fuck in the story
I don't watch porn too often
But today I wanted to venture into the star
Venture into the star
And watch something that I watched
During my teenage years
I started watching a movie
From the movie
I started watching a movie
From Jenna Jamison
Oh, do you remember her?
Was he pronounced Jenna Jamison
Or Jemma Jamison
He was Jamison
Right
I don't think of the fucking face now though
Blonde dead girl
Yeah, he wasn't the blonde dead one that I'm thinking of
Thinking I'll do what I always do
And skip
Skip to the good parts
The sex parts
I just got my
I just got my rocks off
Well here I am
Following the plot line closely
And not even being all that horny
I'm sitting with my dick in my hand whining
What happens next
What the actual fuck
The plot is so gripping
I'm emphasizing with the characters
A guy starts going to it
Sorry
Sorry, sorry, sorry
Someone's trying to ring with it
The plot is so gripping
I'm emphasizing with all the characters
A guy starts going to an intimate
masseuse
But quickly falls for her
And gets toxically
Toxically obsessed
For the masseuse
It's all professional
Or at least she tries to keep professional
Poor movies can actually be real movies
It seems
Who would have figured
Nowadays the porn is just super sexual
Videos and there is not
Much else to see than the action
The name of the movie
Is the masseuse
From somewhere between 2000 to 2010
And I found out the main characters
Jenna Jameson
And the guy were in a natural
Relationship at the time of the filming
That's some Hollywood love story for ya
Sorry about that
As always
The phone calls at the least appropriate times
So
Again, nothing to feel guilty about
Hopefully
You'd not
Wrote that with your cock in your hand still
You know, maybe you went on
To something else and finished
The deed after being
Invested
And sending more of your
Vintage porn
Movie suggestions for the
Storyline
No date, we'll be checking out the masseuse
Not later, we're out on the beers
But checking out the masseuse at some point
To check out the
Good storyline on that
Maybe that could be our new favourite Christmas
Movie
The masseuse at Christmas
Coming down your chimney
So
On that glory hold of
Christmas, we shall leave you
All there
Have yourself a good Christmas
Stay safe, don't drink and drive
Don't smoke and fly
Don't fucking do none of that bullshit
Be safe out there kids
And yeah
We will get you the New Year special
Out next week as well
We're definitely going to make time
For it, beyond time as well
As always
Links are always in the description
And the emails are realtalkandpod at gmail.com
Hotline 07 470
488 096
Then there's the Whatsapps
Text messages and that
Twitter, I mean
To be honest if anyone has sent anything on Twitter
I do apologise, there's nothing on there
But yeah
At Ash and JD
So yeah, good Christmas, Merry Christmas
All that short and
And yeah, keep it real
Peace
Oh so sly, their chemistry's electric
You can't deny