Ash and JD, they're the hosts talking real, they're not like most
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The banter that's witty and no so sly
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Ash and JD, you might as well give up on the gaming for the rest of the year now
Try again in 2024
He's not wrong, I've actually unplugged my Switch now
Ready for the Christmas trip?
Well, yeah and no, just because I weren't using it, but for that fact I'm now full back, I'm not gonna do for the rest of the year
So I am in fact probably giving up this year
Yeah, I think you're definitely gonna have to
I've still been playing a little bit myself to be fair
Just started on Dragon Quest XI, which all them games, the Dragon Quest ones are all the same basically, so it's okay
Have you seen the Dragon Ball Sparkling though?
Oh the game, yeah sorry, sorry I was getting confused because obviously there's the new anime, we just haven't watched any of that yet
But Sparkling, when that came out the other week, that was all that was on my feed about this, literally everyone just raging about it
Done well in sales
Well you can imagine so really, it's just so big worldwide Dragon Ball franchise
I liked the Dragon Ball Kakarot, where it was kind of open world, so you could fly and then you do missions
A bit like, I don't want to talk about it, but open world sort of speak, you weren't really in here
These ones look good, because I do like what if scenarios
Yeah, because it pretty much was the what if Marvel show wasn't it, where it literally is what happened
So it was like what if Vegeta turned super saiyan and all that stuff like that
I think the one is if Goku turned super saiyan before Frieza, I think it's when he spotted Vegeta
Spoilers for anyone that hasn't played it, we haven't played it either
It's just what we've seen
I did see, I don't know if it's real or not, an apparent leak from GTA 6 that's been in production for like 20 years now
I feel like there's a leak all the time with this guy
Well this was allegedly gameplay, because at first, because I didn't read the caption, I thought someone had recorded something
With some stupid fucking filter on the camera
It's that realistic that it looked just as if there's some strange filter on the camera
Because these computer games are going to cost over £100
I've not seen processes but I can't say I'm surprised
It's a normal game with a minimum of what, £60, £70 just for the standard game shop
So they reckon this one's going to be at least £100 just for the game just because it lasted about 6, 7, about how long number 5 lasted
Almost 10 years I think
People still play it don't they
Yeah, is that for PS5? I'm sure there's no new gen coming out soon these days
I don't even know if it's actually released yet but the PS5 Pro has either just come out or about to come out
So they're not going to release an updated version of the current console if within 12 months there's going to be a next one out
Or the only one that I know of is the Nintendo Switch 2, which again I don't even know when that's meant to be coming out
So obviously we've got the Pokemon Legends of Zed next year and then I think the year after the Switch 2 comes out
Everything's money money
Because I didn't realise how long the Switch had been out for until I saw it the other day
I mean I didn't buy it straight away but I got that for a good enough price
I think it was £200, there's the little bundle when I did buy it
Yeah the price of some of these consoles
But then again they always have been expensive haven't they
When you look back and you think yeah that was cheap, like £150 for a PS1
But back then that was like a month's worth of wages for someone
With the PS1 you get cheap games though, cheap you play a stage, turning upside down
You know
Yeah
Fuck
There was a, I'm guessing it was more than one game but there was one that I had, I think it was Ridge Racer or Rage Racer
That once the race had loaded you could pausie, take the CD out and put in a music CD
So you could listen to Nickelback or whatever while you're driving, not doing the actual race
Because the race had already loaded up
Yeah
Yeah it used to be fucking great that thing
Obviously everyone who had the PS1 chipped had a chipped guy
And he used to like every now and again when he used to buy a game
He used to bring the new list of games that you could buy
Yeah
Off the top of my head I think it was £5 or £3 for a 10 after the games were
It was £5 for one game, £3 for a 10, I might be wrong
I think it was that at first and then towards the end you could get a lot of free for a £5 back
Yeah I think as, yeah yeah
So I remember when he first chipped it, I think someone had my dad's work, I said he'd tell my dad about it
When he got it chipped, then yeah
It was just so fucking, when we used to go to the market, we used to rob the games
I remember then you could buy two games for a fiver
And we used to get the extra disc and put it in between the one we were buying so we had like three games
That was mind you get on, because all you had to play was never used to fucking work
Oh, the game would just crash
The fucking struggles are back in the day
I remember getting my first PS1, which was already chipped because it was fucking second hand
Do you remember the first game you bought?
I feel like it was Sporo, was the first game that I had to beat
Sporo was a good game, it was cool boarders
Do you remember SSX Tricky for the PS2?
Yeah, considering I don't like snowboarding and skateboarding, banging out them games, Tony Hawk and all that
Yeah, they were great
Yeah, I remember, because it was only a couple of weeks after my mum had kicked dad out of the house
And he's turned up with this PS1 with a couple of games in a black bag
So no doubt it's been nicked and then it somehow ended up in my dad's hands with the games as well
And yeah, already pre-chipped, so ready to go
I'm fucking loving it as well
But back then we only had the one TV in the house, so it was limited screen time really
And then as I got a little bit older, with my mum, with NexFella after that, he just played the PlayStation all the time
He was a weird guy, I mean you know all my mum anyway, so he's weird for other reasons that you know
He'd sit there all night playing Formula 1 and he'd do the full 72 laps on that
And I'm like, hey, what are you doing?
And Gran Turismo, we'd do fucking full sections on it
Ones where in real life you have four drivers to swap over and he's doing it non-stop on his own
And I'm like, can I have my PlayStation back now?
Can I play something of my games?
Fucking, he was a dickhead, he was
I don't know how people do that
Well I know a lot of people do it, but I couldn't do it
Even for a game?
For hours and hours non-stop
I know we used to do some long hours back in the day, but doing like a 16 hour gaming session
And then literally just going to sleep and back up and back on it again
I think the way people have set up now, it's not like, I know me and you, you put the TV on
People have it in terms of like they've got a gaming room
You know what I'm saying, a lot of people have that now
So if you had that, I feel like you would do more because there's nothing else to distract you besides the gaming
Yeah, I suppose
But I think if you're into games like Call of Duty, which were not Halo, those kind of like third person shooters and that
I'm into those kind of games
There's just more of them out there
And FIFA, fucking EA, 25, I'd have fucking money some of those
We ain't got enough time to play them to be good enough to play them online
When PC gaming was on the start up, especially with the online gaming as well
I did used to play it on the real tournament, which was again, log, card and that, but it was Aliens essentially
And it used to be alright because everyone was all on the same level basically
No one would play that much that they were fucking top tier
So you could just go on it for an hour and just terrorise people and then just have a laugh and be like yeah fuck you
I think that's the thing, there's no fun in it
You come across someone on FIFA with the ultimate team or the smash your free nil, the new rage quit
Or you beat them 2-0 with your shit team in the rage quit at halftime
That was the main reason why I ended up stopping playing online games because of that
I haven't got enough time and just patience to fucking put up with that shit
Because it is pointless, especially when, because with FIFA I used to get it a lot where they'd make a new account or something
So they could go onto a lower tier and then just embarrass everyone
So no, you're obviously not meant to be sleek, stop being a cunt
Yeah, I ain't got the patience for it
One console that is about to come out, I don't know the date but the N64, this little regen little bastard
It looks absolutely beautiful
I haven't seen in terms of what's it going to look like, I've just read an article on it
Yeah, so it's got the same body of the original N64 basically
But it's just trimmed down, all just nice and smooth, it doesn't look like it just pulls apart in separate pieces
You've still got the ports for the joycons in the front as well so you can have the old wired remote joycons in
And then you can still, so I think you've got like either so many built in or you can put like an SSD in with loads of games in
But then you can still get your old cartridges and whack it in
And the console itself re-does the graphics so it comes up better on the screen
So you're not going off a 64 bit, you're going up to a newer standard
Obviously it's not going to be Mario Kart 64 in 4K, but it's going to boost them up
So I'm more of the one that I end up do treating myself to to be fair
There was a lot of N64 games I used to love
Honestly I can't remember any N64 games, I remember some Gamecube games
But the Sonic games we got on the Gamecube
Sonic games on the Gamecube?
Yeah, I can't remember the names
To be fair, I've never had a Gamecube, I've got one on the Ovo
I haven't heard of this
Yeah, yeah
It's only from probably being at yours or something, I could read it out
I think I've got, well, my mum's is a Gamecube
I've got one in the H, it's the Missy's, but I've never played it
In my mum's life there's definitely a PS1, PS2, PS3, Gamecube, N64 definitely, and an Xbox
And an Xbox 360 in the life
Just no good there are they? Not that you play the games anyway
Nah, plus I can't play the old graphics anymore
I struggle because I was looking at some games the other day
It was old Gameboy Advance ones, because I'm seeing the actual game art and then I'm looking down at the game
So the actual case was fucking mint, and you go down, it's just fucking pixels
It's like, oh god no, I wouldn't be able to sit there
Especially because I do prefer upscaling to the Switch or to the TV
And if you're just looking at fucking blurriness, I wouldn't be able to cope with that
I already need to go to the opticians again, I don't need to make it even worse, extra strain
I've lost my train of thought now
Super Mario 64, always loved playing that, fucking doing his triple jump
And Banjo and Kazooie, that was the one on fucking the N64
Again, just the generic shit, it's that Sparrow kind of game that you can just play and play and it's just loads of laughs
The game I used to, and I think I mentioned before, was Worms, used to make me laugh
They still make them as well, you can get it on your phone
Some of them were fucking... because that was pre-playing online
Because again, I know with the newer ones you can do it online
But you couldn't easily be really good at it
Because a lot of it was luck, because the wind changed on every turn
You've got a select amount of weapons and you've got to try and hide and this and that
It's one that you could just genuinely have a laugh with
The odd person would get a bit fucking pissed off
Because you had to play in the room together, you couldn't just rage quit and fuck off
If you were pissed off and you wanted to rage quit, you're walking out the door, not just turning the console off
So yeah, those kind of games, they were the ones
I love seeing these old console mods as well
I see PS2s again with the PS1s and that as well
But essentially it's like a big memory bank that gets put into it and it's got all the games on it
There's a lot that can be done with the GameCube as well
Because I say I've got one in the house, but it's not mine
Hence why I haven't done it and won't do it
There's all different inserts to put in and that
Because I didn't even know you could put your fucking E-Gaming board games in the GameCube
Originally
Oh, I can't remember what to talk about
Basically it goes into memory card stock
Oh fuck yeah yeah yeah
So, not into memory card stock, I know it's fucking
But it looks like memory card stock, it's on the top though, beyond where you put the disk in
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
It was, if I would have known that when I was a kid
I would have wanted the GameCube definitely there
Just upskied in the old Pokemon Red onto the TV
Would have been good back then, not so much now
Oh that's the game, sorry, 64 Pokemon Slash
Yeah, and Pokemon Colosseum
Yeah
Cause they did the remake, not a remake but
They done one for the Switch didn't they, Pokemon, I can't look forward to calling it
They did do, well they did both didn't they
Did a Snap and a Colosseum
I think Colosseum was just
Okay
A refurbed version
But Snap was a new one
Super Smash Bros, that was good for me
Yeah, the original ones as well yeah
Cause again, when it went onto the Switch and
Playing online, it's the same again
Cause at least when it was the original ones
You just put them bashed
You couldn't get a proper technique
You just smashed them all out of the controller
And you either win or lose
But yeah, not enough these days
Yeah, Lee, he's not going to play any games this year
I know anyway
As much as I would like to
It just, yeah
I'm not going to
It's just all down to the time
None of us have got the time really
So I do try and play an hour or so
But like last Sunday
Yeah, last Sunday
I switched the computer on
And then after 40 minutes
I could feel myself wanting to fall asleep
Even though I'm playing the game
I just couldn't stay focused enough to keep myself awake
Just cause a lot of the games
They've got so long cutscenes and that
And it's like
You have to watch it to continue the story
To know what's going on
I just want to fucking play the game
That's why I'm glad I finished that one
And then I've just started
Dragon Quest this week
Cause that is more
Where you can't just walk around and just
Keep fighting and get your levels up and that
Look, it's not that easy
The way that the newer Pokemon games are
You just fucking get leveled up so quick
You have to put a load of time and effort in to do it
So
I'm quite enjoying it at the moment to be fair
I've only played a couple of hours or so
It's more of an old school feel to it
You say them ones are all the same
You can pick up from literally one to
I think
The one that I'm playing, Eleven, is the newest one
And yeah
Apart from the graphics gradually get better
It's all the same shit
The storylines are all basically the same
It's fucking the same too, is it?
But yeah
So I'm the only gamer in this
Dynamic duo
We've got a message from
Laura
She says, with the Autumn truly here now
Have you got any cosy
Traditions or tips?
Cosy traditions
I mean
The one thing we do do, but it's more of a
Christmas thing, is get all matching pajamas
Christmasy
Well yeah, but that is a Christmas one
Isn't it?
For all the cosy traditions
I mean, a tip
That I would say is make sure
You drive and whatever
Is leaf free
Because they're slippery fuckers
The amount of times I've slipped
Just not paying attention or
Not getting my foot in rod
While I'm out walking in the dark and you're just like
Oh fuck you know, nearly on my arse
No, the one thing we are, I think we are
We have got planned
Is pumpkin picking, which we've never done before
With Kobe
I've got a few things lined up
It's going a bit off topic here
Obviously coming up to a birthday
And then Christmas
Come November
So week after week
Yeah
Non-stop
One of the things we are, I think I told you off the pod
Is doing the Christmas lights, where you walk through
And you see all the Christmas lights at Kareem Abiy
You didn't tell me that
Yeah, because that's right by me anyway
Yeah
I can walk through the backwoodlands
And meet you there
You don't have to pay anything
Fuck you pay
Yeah, so
There's one upside of yours as well
Yeah, but that's all Christmas stuff
But in terms of
Autumn shoes
Traditionally
All I'd say is just doing the
Homemade soups, not buying a fucking
A cup of soup
A banging homemade soup
A good stew would be nice
Yeah, stews and that, just warm foods
But it's gotta be homemade
You can't fucking just ring up
Or go on the app, just eat and stuff
And stop and get a fucking soup with cheese
But here, or a stew
I do love though in the winter
Getting like a nice tracksuit, like a fresh tracksuit
Which
Is so expensive at the moment
But like, nice tracksuit
Get out, you get your snacks
You just have a fucking movie there
Which I can't really do anyway
Yeah
Yeah, I know what you're saying though
That kind of thing
I've gotta get the fucking toy down myself
But last weekend I did do
The first time this year now
The roasted garlic
The tomato
Homemade soup
Cheese on toast
Mammoth on loaf as well
Blue math, fucking banging
Mrs was so jealous
Because it's the first time I've done that sort of a loaf
Come out, fucking treat
Yeah, cheese on toast
Bit of Worcester sauce on it as well
Fucking dip-y dip straight into the fucking soup
Absolutely beautiful
So, yeah
I'd say
Getting that home cooking mood
Ready for the
The actual winter really
Because that's when you need the proper
Comfort food then
What was you gonna say to me Carl?
No, no, I was gonna say like
If, obviously if anyone's got
These
To be fair
Let us know because, you know
Yeah, I wouldn't have thought of autumn
As a time of the year of having traditions
But then again
We didn't even know about hot girl autumn
Maybe, did we? No, we are a bit behind
Seasonal stuff
We're willing to learn
Yeah, we're willing to learn
Or for us it's hard enough
We're open minded
Well, we just went from
Gaming as well
To hot girl summer
Yeah, soups
And cheese on toast
We've got it mate
Some Smith is set a brick though
No doubt
He's not ready for it
I've gotta
Gotta give the weekly
Mention to our mate James
As well, don't we?
Honestly, you used to just need to get yourself with
Get one over with
Go to a game, you should go to a game
Together
Well, James, I'm in Liverpool in a couple
Of weeks
Grafting obviously
Were you saying James on graph?
No, I'm just saying that I'm there
Imagine if he's on the tools as well
Nah, he's not on the tools
Nah, no chance
Definitively
Nah, I reckon it's
It's like the
Little
Picanto, little yellow one
Or something
Or a Nissan Minecraft
It's a little shit car
Just run on hate towards me
No fuel
So again, obviously football
You've got nothing to say because you can't handle
Being a mid-table team
No
Fat hairy tits on me, lad
Because we
Alluded to him
Being the one that would send us the first
Tiff picks and it'd be some fat hairy tits
Yeah, mate, you know what, we are a mid-table team at the moment
This is why it is
We can't all be top of the league because there's only one position
To be taken
It was funny that, like, this is how
Our football knowledge is
Liverpool do well, British City is
Doing alright as it stands
It's only nine games in, isn't it?
Yeah, Man City are still going to win the league
To be fair
It's Arsenal and Liverpool this weekend
It's a big game for both of them
Because Arsenal need a win to get back
Into the race, really
Liverpool want the win so they can
Potentially stay on top
But Man City
They're not looking like losing
To the Gennarder, was it
Before we won the other night in the Champions League
I heard that Man City are the poor
Of Man's Barnagum
It's off to LA
But it's going to happen because
They've got the richest
Owners in the world
And then Man City have got the second, haven't they?
But now Blues are doing
As well, they're doing nice stuff
Yeah, different leagues, though, aren't they?
Definitely, but next season they might be in the same league
For all those charges coming out
I can't wait to see what
The actual outcome is
They're going to win that way
I think they will
I know the other week
I don't know if the people win or
It's still ongoing
But basically to do with sponsorships
So one of the things that was all up in the air
That apparently
It's got in Man City's favour
But you won't know everything
Until after next February
The case the other week
It was separate to the 115 allegations
So it was something to do with
Sponsorships because essentially what Man City
Are trying to say is
That their owners
The companies that they own
Should be able to sponsor
The club for whatever
They want, but the Premier League
Saying no, because that's not a fair
Price
So you can't say
Have
Who's the main sponsor now?
F.E.O
Yeah, so
They can't have
The empty ad
Sponsored name roads
As low as 400 million a year
Because it's not going to
It's not fair value because
They're always empty
And then they can't have another
Shirt sponsor
10 million a month
Because that doesn't warrant
What their revenue is
Overall
But Man City are trying to say
Well, I'm gone
That company wants to give us money
Why can't we accept it
Even though it's the owners of the club
That own the companies that want to give
Just watch their own money essentially
If they do end up winning that
Then that would be good news for the logs
Of Newcastle because again
The owners, they'll be able to
Put everything into it
But
If that does happen
We can only pray that the Super League
Does actually happen then so they can just
Fuck up into that
I feel like the way they've changed it
Is to try and do that
The Super League
It's literally that's it but the last
Five guys in Snack Arts
I think it's how they've tried to do it
Because it came out of the blue
Really
In talks in the middle of last season
They said there were going to be more teams
They said they changed the format
I don't think
They didn't actually say
How
I can't remember how they said they were going to
Change it
But they did say it was going to change from this point
But I don't think they gave as much details
Yeah I think it was literally
Once the Super League was chinned off
The four role
To incorporate that style into this now
I do prefer the old style though
You know
Is that just because we used
I just feel like you had your group
Using a hard group or shit group
You know you play
Home then you play them away
So
I like that format
I do kind of like the way it is at the moment
No I do like it I mean I do like the fact that
You're having better matches like you had Dortmund
Real Madrid obviously Villa
You had Bayern Munich last week and you had Bayern
Munich Barcelona so you're getting the better games
Off the bat
Which is what it did need
But then you also got the shit ones still
Because there's more teams in it
But we'll say it's only the first year
It's an infancy
All these little kinks are a bit ironed out
No dice
But otherwise yeah
They can't just get their own Super League
And just fuck off if they do end up winning
Because I can imagine that happening
If they did get found guilty and the drugs
Chin them out of the Premier League
Then they'll just go off to
What's the Barca's president's name
No
T Vaz or something like that
He's got a weird name there
I think they'll go off to
The lords of Barcelona
And Juventus that still wanted to be in the Super League
And just say come on let's just do it then
And that way
They can just play with themselves
Fucking weirdos
Well we're not a football podcast
So we're not going to
Carry on talking about
Football
Even though I am looking forward to watching some of the games
Over the weekend
But James no
Don't be sending me your tits
We don't need it
Onto
Jessie's comment
Referring to something that I said last week
Just how often do you nearly poo yourself
Sounds like you might need to change your diet
Yeah it's got too much fibre
You know
I've thought this for
Probably a couple of years now
I feel like I might be slightly lactose intolerant
Right
Because if I
Obviously I'm drinking tea and coffee all day
So that's plenty of milk that I'm consuming
And then if I have
Cheers on toast or a pizza or something
I'll know it more so the next day
Because it's like the extra dairy that I've had
It's just fucking
A little bit of a little bit of a
Little bit
Not in a good way
But otherwise it's quite often
Normally
Because I'll take the dog out
That gets the movements ready to go
But sometimes it'll get going
A bit too much and that's when I'm having to
Do the
The waddle, the little penguin walk
Back to the house as quick as possible
And then straight upstairs and then fucking
Onto the toilet
So that'll happen at least once a week
Because you just can't
Judge that, but I can't get straight
Out of bed and go straight out onto the
Toilet. Mate that's what I do every day
Oh I can
Sometimes but in general
That's if I've had a shit
Looking meal and a load of drink or something
I've got to do that straight away
Otherwise usually it's because I've gone for the walk
And then everything's
Getting up and going
Okay some people get up and have a cup of coffee
And then the hours go in
Mate I'm weird though, sorry
This is not in the gym bag, so look tomorrow
Even though I've got an alarm
I'll get up fucking half way
Jump straight out of that toilet because I'll need to go
Grab a coffee
Go for a walk
Go again, I can go about
Four times sometimes
Four times in a day? Yeah yeah yeah
Honestly
Sometimes I'll do like
A freer in a day
Not properly being in the morning
Or not having enough time to sit there
Because I love to sit there for like 40 minutes if I can
Honestly
I remember one of the lads saying he does six on average a day
And I got no chance but honestly
On a weekend
On a Saturday
Probably about four or four times
Jesus
So this is what you need to have your switch charged up
Because then about five times you're sitting on the toilet
You could be doing an hour
Of gaming then couldn't you?
I could do that
Well
Leading on to the toilet as well then
Which
Was, that was it
Lauren, thanks for the messages
As always as well, you know links are always
In the description
Realtalkinghard.gmail.com
Hotline
07 4 7 0
488 096
It's been a long day
On the Twitter
Links are all there anyway just go on them
And obviously if you're new to the pod
Drop a log, share
Subscribe all that jazz, you just know what to do
So Lauren
She says I learn something new every
Week listening to you guys
By hands down
The best advice is your toilet
Etiquette
I hope that
The men take note
Nothing worse than shit stains in the toilet
And underwear
Handing the toilet is rank
No
Look
I get it but
It's
Handing the toilet or shit in the pan
Yeah
So you know
Means are a must sometimes if there is
No brush you've got to clean it some
Out and especially if you're someone
Else's house and
You've left a fucking skid or two you've got
To clean it because then they know you've had
A dirty shit I mean all I can't go to
All I can go to other people's
Ours is now a shit there's just something that
Stops me mate so if you
Ever get on the toilet with me you're just gonna
Have to accept it you know if you gotta
Go you gotta go doesn't matter where you are
In someone else's house in a bucket
I just can't imagine worse than
Stinking out someone else's house
But you don't have to
Stink it out you can open a window
And like as you said
You like to sit on there I don't like
To be washed
Yeah if it's during the day while I'm working
That's because I can't
Hold it in and it's gonna
Fucking fly out
I used to do all the time on a job to be fair
I mean we've gone before on the
Podcasts I'd go out of my way
In the celebrities houses
You know Jamie Bardy's Chris Brunt's
Matthew Lawton
Who have a dump
And that was just a part of the game
Really weren't he? Well just you know
Just to say yeah I had a shit there
Which it's nice to
Still see Bardy having a
Good few goals in the Premier League
To be fair he was doing well
But otherwise yeah
Hopefully
Hopefully the lads are taking
The voice you know to learn
How to walk their ass properly
Yeah cause otherwise
I couldn't have it I mean
In general it's a brave thing
To have white underwear anyway
No man
Has white underwear
They shouldn't do
They are an accident
Literally it's an embarrassment why it's
Happened
No mate just think about it honestly
I know I know
Get some toy voice
On mate and we'll see what they look like
At the end of the day
And I'm not asking me to do it
No I'm not I'm just saying
They're not going to be white
You know what I'm saying
Most likely not
Depends on
Depends on what I've done they're not
Because again
I've said it
Numerous times on previous episodes
Every now and again
If I know that my ass is sweating a little bit
Or if I've had some fucking dirty parts
Then I'll give a little tactical odd
Make sure everything's alright
And sometimes there is a little bit food there
A brave man wears white underwear
A very brave man actually
A brave man does yeah
A wise man doesn't that
Because if it's not shit coming out your ass
When you go for a weed there's going to be a little bit of dribble
A wise man wears black box
Continuously like he's going to be
It's a push when you've got grey boxes
My underwear drawer
Is usually a set
Of 20 black boxes
From ASOS
Yeah
Do you never get it when
Like Christmas when your mom and that
Buy you socks and underwear
That is an odd random
White set in there and that
Just doesn't get warm right
Just gets left there for two years then you're thrown away
I had that conversation with my mom probably about 15 years ago
And I'm happy you're getting me the boxes and that
But no white
And a few times
There has been light grey
Which
I've been able to get away with
I've not shit myself in any of those
And then the piss stains
Don't show through
They don't show through
It's the wash out or not
Would you wear pants
Would you go back to wearing pants
I think I might wear ruck pants one time
In a pair of briefs again
I think since you're a dad
You can get on to that
Pant life really
I feel like sometimes
Pants being fucking
Alright
See all I can just envision in my head
Is Homer Simpson when he's just
In his white pants
Just now black obviously
Yeah
Yeah now I might give that a go
When I was younger yeah
I now used to wear pants
My mom used to buy me the worst colours like
Brown, like red
Yeah burgundy and that
Why have I got yellow pants on
Thank god
The multi coloured ones
I don't mind getting
Cookie Monster fucking boxers and that
It's a novelty one sometimes
But what's with the fucking
Jazz lines and stuff
Just fucking keep on playing
We don't need checkered fucking
Boxer shorts and that
Just playing, don't need it
We're the ones looking at it, no one else
Apart from while I'm grapting
My ass cracks out, again it's usually my ass
Crack, not the boxers
And I do wear a belt before anyone
Wants to make that comment, it's just
You know, the fucking
The ass just wants to be out really
Is what it is, it's the graph don't it
You know
But yeah, that's for everyone else, it's a pleasure
By the way because I don't get to see
My own ass do off
So yeah, thanks
There's another lad just like, yeah I'm glad
I've got it all up at a pre-started
It's just real, it's real talk
This is, it's what we're all about
Sometimes you can shake it, I'm fucking
You're playing with it mate
So this cracks me up as well though to be fair
When like, all the lads
Are like, yeah you shake it more than three times
You go to a urinal
You have a piss, you shake it more than three times
You're wanking, no I need to
Shake the piss off
Because I hate that feeling if you
Haven't got it all out
Got it all off
You took it away and you just feel it
Dribble, oh god I fucking hate it
So you know when you're pissing and you're holding it
You're not holding it flat
Are you like, so it's like, it's not hanging as
You would do if you fucking got no hands
Around it, so it's at a different angle
So my theory is
That's why sometimes when you let go
It drips, you get that little bit
Like a tap, you know what I mean, it's gonna come out
And you do, little bit of a
Like a shotgun load
Essentially, you're just a little cut back and forward
Excuse the pun
Who said I got a little cut?
I've had no compliance mate
I don't know about the soles of the hammer
Yeah, you gotta
Little pull back and forth
Because as you say, because you're holding
At a different angle, so at least you do that
It's gonna keep, I don't know, kind of just
I don't know, releases the muscle a little bit
Or something, so it just allows
The lever might be in the tube still
To come out, and then
Yeah, little flickety flick
And then if you feel that there's still more there
Flick it and flick it and flick it
Don't just fucking
Be that guy
No, no, that's three times I do, just fucking put it away
And then walk around with piss dribbling down your leg
It's horrible
Horrible sensation
Then again, I suppose some of these fucking weirdos
Enjoy that these days, don't they?
Well, I guarantee there's some that's got that as a fetish
I still don't get any
Fucking golden showers on that
It's weird, ain't it?
It's messy, isn't it?
Much rather be picked
Nah, nah, nah
One other thing your issue is though
Is that if you had a finger or something
Up the butt and realised
You really loved it
You'd be fucking scared
Then confused and questioning your own
Fucking sexuality
As a man, yeah
Right, if anything goes up your butt
You're technically gay
No, so
If someone puts a fake dick and puts it up me
I'm a fake it, mate
No, honestly
No, that's different, so you just say fake
No, if it's a real one
He's definitely gay
The next best thing is a real one, ain't he?
So you're halfway gay
Nah
Yeah, but what if it's to miss his finger?
No, not because it goes up the butt
It's not a fucking
It's not a cock or a rubber one, is it?
Nothing, nothing
But you've got to bear him on now
We're getting close to that age
We've got to start having an MOT at the doctor's
So that includes
A little prostate exam
Oh, mate, I've had a thing up there from the doctor's
It's so embarrassing
Going off your logic, you're already gay, then?
No, because that's medical
That was a need
So I'll reckon
When that happened, you got a little bit hard
And that's why you're so against it
Mate, it's so embarrassing
You lie down, you turn on your side
You lift your legs up
Balls are just hanging to the side there
I'm like, ah
I've had so fucking
Vomitable
Nah
That's 40 years
When we're 40, I need to get one of those
I'm not looking to the coffee
But to hold your balls
It's really funny, mate, when you go to the doctor's
No, honestly
When you get your cock out, you want to put the best show on
No matter what, I don't care
You get so nervous
It goes in on itself, doesn't it?
It's the point where you want to go
It's not normal
Fuck me
I know, but they do see it every day
So
You've just got to have it in your head
It's not the smallest one I've seen that day
Forever
You know, some people do have
Little wheelies, micro-penises
God, all the knowledge on this
Podcast
Now, we will get into a
Corporate of fucking
20 words
This one's from Carl
Nice
Hi Carl
Carl says
Mate, I used to go with
Miller and Carter
Before Covid
Used to rail it, used to rough it
The dessert menu, perfect
Chocolate ball, and it was full
Like an Easter egg
Full, expensive, still wasn't worth the price
It was enjoyable
After Covid, the biggest
Load of ballocks, one go back there
100% right
Have you ever been?
I've been multiple times and I've never enjoyed it
Was this after Covid or before Covid?
Before
The one I went to before, I only went there once before
And I had a
Good start
My name was
Lamb and potato
Dolphin
Dolphin what?
Very posh
And it was honestly perfect
I said it earlier
It was overpriced, thinking back
But it was worth it, I enjoyed it
But the dessert
I can't even remember the name
But after Covid, the biggest
Load of ballocks
The few times that I've been
Not of my
Own choice
It's been for a birthday party or whatever
Gathering, not a party
The steak
One of them, I just went
Plain and simple
The time of the day that it was, you have different
Offers on lock, so you could get a
Dessert or a starter on the main
But I don't know, steak was 15 quid
Whatever the fuck it was
So I did that, just for the sake
Because there was a good group of us, I didn't want to take the piss
Because again, I wasn't paying for it
So I was like, yeah, I'll have that
So, after topping my head
It was an 8 ounce sirloin
Didn't even look
Half the size of what an 8 ounce is
It wasn't cooked to my
Like, neither, it was medium rare
And this was fucking well done
It was almost
Like a charcoal
But again, because I'm
A part of a group, I didn't complain
Just fucking got the mayo out
Lashed it on, fucking 80
Another occasion I went
I'll have a good fucking T-bone order
An old fucking 16 ounce
Of bad boy
Ordered it
I bet you do, mate
More ways than one, what a science
16 ounces, not inches, mate
All around
It's heavy
But yeah, ordered it
Again, wasn't cooked right
And I was like, nah
This steak's meant to be
Done fucking to how you want
So, as they do
They come over, and normally
It's when you've got food in your mouth
They do that on purpose as well
They've got the biggest fucking shit in your mouth
So you can't complain
But that's what it is, because you're eating
You can't properly reply
And say that you're not happy with it
So, because I'd already cut into it
Saw that it was fucking over-cooked
Of not eating anything
Like, I didn't even touch it, chips and that on the side
And then the girls come over
I was like, yeah, I'm not being funny
That's medium rare, this is
This is overdone, this is
And then come back out again
And it was still overdone
I'm like
I'm just asking for it simple
The first thing Jeff does is cook steaks
It's not hard
So, you cannot just have it done right
So the third one, it was done right
In the end, but you know he's fucking spat over it
Or whatever
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I don't like having mayonnaise with steak though
Because when it's cooked right, you shouldn't have to do that
You know
Bit of a
Peppercorn sauce though, yes please
And then, what was the other one?
There was some other gravy that I had
Not on the go
Fucking beautiful
I can't remember what it's called now
But yeah, mayonnaise
No, stick that with the
Chips and the beans, yeah
Not on the fucking steak
But it didn't help
Most of the time because of
I mean
I've been in pubs for a long time
Anyway, but
We've been living and working in one
Flaming grill
Which is a cheap steakhouse essentially
Knowing how good
The steaks were there
Compared to cheap walls
And fucking value for money and that
Then you go into an expensive place
In the middle of the car expecting
A higher quality
It was just such a shame
I don't mind paying a lot of money for something
As long as it's worth
Yeah, you get the value for money
So when I've had those experiences
And it's just been fucking shit or
You know, poor fucking cut
Or poor cock or something
It's just so annoying
It's such a lesser
It really is
All the expectations
But I totally agree with that
All on agree
So yeah, Carl
Hopefully he actually says something about it
Because his steak's not coming out right
You've got to fucking say it
Well for that price you've got to say it
I mean even when we was in the pub
It wasn't my staff
The missus was running the pub
I still used to tell them off for not doing
The fucking food right and I'm like you can't do that
Well with my wine it was a bit different
Before Covid, now I did
After Covid I had the expectation
Of how good it was before
And the menu was different
But it just never hit the heights again
And then obviously it got more expensive
You just can't pay for something you don't enjoy
Nah, it's not worth it
So thanks for that and then now we have
Our fucking abs
She's saying
Hey
That's all I can do
Why is the royal mouth still a thing?
Who's still sending letters?
It's more like a parcel company now isn't it?
Yeah, because I know to do collections
So that if you want to post
The parcel you can have them come to yours
And then fucking save and send it and that
I mean it's not cheap to do that
They're just sending you the bills really don't they?
Yeah, that's all the thought now
It is annoying because
I had one from the bank the other day
And I opted out from paper statements
Like 10 years ago or something
Basically as soon as I joined
That branch I was like
Don't send me paper, I've got the app
I'll look at it on my app
And then if you want to send an email one
So I still do, I'll get an email one
And then every 2-3 months
Get a paper one, I'm like why?
Stop doing it
It's annoying
But I mean if it's delivery wise
There's a lot of companies
That use the raw mail and that as well
For parcels
So go back to move at the time
To be fair
I was going to say no postcards anymore
Do you remember that?
I remember them yeah, I never really got in there
Not that I'm bitter about it
But
Go to a fucking seaside place
And they've still got the racks with the postcards
They're great Yamas love in here
People must just buy them
Just for the sake of buying them
I think they've been there since 1998 mate
Because they're not bad at the photo
So it's like an aerial shot of Great Yamas
But why would they update it?
Because it's less stuff there and they don't need to
It looks funky down here
But they wouldn't need to update the photo
Of the landscape
Of said area
Because it's not changed has it?
Nah mate, Great Yamas
You didn't have the pleasure
Of experiencing Great Yamas
From the 90s
Well not the early 2000s
I fucking had the pleasure of Great Yamas
Good for you to hold it
But you're like as a kid
Great Yamas, Hemsby
I did go there as a child you know
But like how old was you mate?
So from the age of
5 to 15
16
Right fair one then you did
Great Yamas, Skegness, Wales
Rill and all that, I've been to all of them
But Yamas though was a bit different
You had a bit of everything
Also, how good was the club
As a kid? The club
No what club am I talking about?
Rory Club, yeah
Get there early to get a good table
Mum and Dad used to put the fucking coke in the fucking bag
Obviously
The liquid not the fucking
Yeah
I used to hate that
I just wanted a coke
And you'd get the fucking Panda Pop out
Give me that roller cola
Erm
See, because I always still love that
You go to one of these destinations
You've got to fucking get there early enough
Before all the rest of the kids start piling in
Get a good table
That you need to be able to see the stage
But then you're not in the mix of it all too much
That you can still get to the bar easy enough
Not too far away from the toilet
Because once you've started having a few beps
You can still get back before a few dogs
When we go out, obviously we talk to the dog
And the dogs aren't allowed into the club
Some of them they are though
But not into the main bit of it
Again, some of them they are now
So I went to one
Hops and Haven
That was allowed into a certain point
But not where the actual club was
So I've never been to the club with
Er
So it wasn't a
Tagger Club
Or any of those franchises
That I was at in March
But, yeah
The dog was allowed to sit where we were
It might be like on the outside bit
Did you see the stage?
Yeah, so essentially we could have been rolled up against the stage
With the dog
Well, we was sitting to the
So if you were looking at the stage
We were sitting to the right and had the dog with me
It was the bar area
Where there was no dog section basically
So at the bar
There was the restaurant side
And then the restaurant side basically
So you couldn't be with the dog there
Because with that
The last night of wedding there actually
Because I was too embarrassed to go in again
I'd gone to the bar
There was a little jackal sort of
Giving it ten men, as they always do
I'm standing there laughing
Grabbed my pint of Guinness
As I've gone to walk off
I felt the tug of the lead
Because the dog stopped, turned around
He's pissing up against the fucking barrel
I just fucking
Lost my shit, I just walked straight out
Of the pub with him, went back to the
Little lodge
Pointing hands, I was like I can't go back in there now
He's just pissed all over the gas
As I was walking out I could see the table
Of everyone else that I was sitting with
And they're all just laughing because Dave's seen the dog pissing
I was like I can't go back in
Can't do it
That place I was fucking gutted because I was there on my birthday
And I know I've told you
When I got back from my birthday
For all the new listeners
That didn't listen to that one
I'd been on a massive walk
In the morning
Walked all the way along the shore
Down to fucking Pleasure Island
Not Pleasure Island, fucking
Fantasy Island
Fucking, I'm in the wrong destination there
All the way down there
And then back up
I was out walking for four hours
Got back
Eleven o'clock
Had a shower, had some breakfast
And the pub said
It was open at twelve o'clock
Opened me fucking presents
Saying thanks, I'm gonna go for a pint
Because no one else wanted to do anything
And half of them were fucking
Going into town for whatever reason
So I was like, just on my own
Hour, couple of beers, any
Fucking, I'm all excited
Walked, fucking
The pub was locked, any
And I could see there was the cleaner or whatever
And the sign on the door
Says twelve o'clock
It opens, I was there at quarter past twelve
And just before I walked in
I saw the other group
In the car, going off to town
So if I would have known that the pub was closed
I would have said, take me into town
And I'd make my way back in an hour or so
And I was just so pissed off
So I ended up walking back to the fucking lodge
And just cracking open the can, sad
We went out for beers on the old time
Yeah
Because that was all my plan
I was out walking from fucking seven o'clock
In the morning, I'm gonna have a beer at twelve
Fucking, go get some
Yeah, I'm getting on it
Couple of fucking chilled ones, away from everyone else
Just a bit of personal me time
And when you want a proper beer
The cans don't hit the same, do they?
No, because again, because they did do
An old part of Guinea Stair to be fair
So that's what I was wanting to get
I had to put the cans of garden in the lodge
So I was a bit
A bit gutted about that, but
It is what it is
What's done is done
We can't change the past now, can we?
So, last but not least
We will get on to
Yours
And I'm sure others
Favourite feature
Fucking confession, I'm a kid
Let's see, just let him play a bit, mate
Get the feels for it
Right
Confession
These are my confessions
Well, not ours, but yeah
Maybe
Fucking more confession
Right
I recently hooked up with this guy
The date was grey
Food, drinks
And all the lovely stuff
So after the date
I was in the mood to go back to his
For more time together
Another drink, then straight to the action
Or the kissing
On to the foreplay
Then the sex
Then the, yeah
Wait, we can only, well we're just imagining
Yeah, yeah
I came several times
To see if I had shory
The problem is
Though
Is that when he finished
He shouted BOOM
Completely killed the mood
And gave me the ick
I made an excuse not to start it
I've since blocked him on all
Platforms and can't bear to see his face
As I know I've broken his heart
Hmm
Now
See, I think me and you are going to say the same thing on this
I can't blame him if we're going BOOM
He's had that build up energy
He's done a job clearly
He's done fucking several jobs
BOOM
He's expressing himself
That he's fucking had a good time
And also the first time
You've got the first time with someone new
You've got to be on your own going
And I would guarantee, be on his own going
The BOOM was well warranted for me
Yeah
I'd love to
Have been to fly on the wall
And just see how enthusiastic this BOOM was
Because if it's given the ick
Why
Because if it's a little quiet one
Oh BOOM
Then yeah, that's fucking ick
That is
But if it's a full on BOOM
Then she should have been
Fucking hand up, holding him
That was a good effort that was lads
Because for me
If it lasted two minutes it was like BOOM
Then yeah
The fact that
She carried himself aside
And he made sure of it
That BOOM was
Validated
Honestly, I'd BOOM him Jay
I'd give him a fucking
BOOM
I feel like I'm starting
Incorporating this a little bit myself
You see that he used to be
A boxer and his son's a boxer at the moment
He orders the Chinese and orders
The BOSH
Fucking BOSH
Fucking BOSH daddy
I think what we're trying to say is
You know when you've done a good job
Every time
And the first time, well they all can't be winners
Let's face it
I've never had complaints mate
Look mate
They all can't be winners
So I'm assuming this is your first
Go with him
Yeah, reasonable to put the go
That was great, food and drinks
He's pulled his A game out
A game out
He's fucking smashed it
Yeah, literally
Yeah
So if BOOM's not acceptable
What do you think would be an acceptable
Noise or word to make
On completion
What a funny one mate
I don't know
I think BOOM's just like
I think there's
I think anything
BOOM's just like an acknowledgement
Fucking yes
I think a lot of men
Have to like
Make noise in general
To let the woman know
That they've finished
Because unless you're pulling out
And it's fucking going everywhere
All of their finishing the job
They can't see inside of them can they
So I feel like you have to
Do some sort of noise
Be a bit of a fucking
Oh yeah
I reckon yours is a bit more soft
My like, oh daddy
Oh yeah
I reckon yours is like really high pitched
Nah
Ah
No
I mean
Again because my walls are thin
I can't make too much noise because
The nails are not
When the headboard's fucking banging
Even though I ain't got a headboard
When the bed's already banging
You don't need fucking
Hormoning and then me going BOOM
At the end of it as well do
But
Now you gotta do a bit of a fucking
You know, not necessarily
A heavy breathe
Like sooooo
Sooooo
You know there's people that do that
You can guarantee that
If Ronaldo went done that
That's probably why he started doing it on the pitch
There could be like, there's the sooooo
And there's the sooooo
All corner and then sooooo
Yeah
It depends on what
Rhythm you got going as you're about
To fucking finish as well
The boom makes me think you pop a
Bang on boom boom boom boom boom
Yeah I reckon he's
Rattling the back doors on
Literally yeah
If you don't mission every
Boom that's literally doggy or
Reverse cowboy
You know what I mean
He's gotta run some all corner positions to finish
The boom
So yeah
It could have been worse
He could have been like fucking
Making like the Spiderman
Noise where he's doing the
Hand movement and shit
So yeah
I think you've done him dirty there
I feel like you should have
I think you should have apologised to him
Yeah apologise, unlock him
And give him another go
And then maybe you drop a boom in
Oh you mean when she's come
Yeah
Boom boom
I thought he does a sound right there
So I don't know
Female equivalent than any
Sploosh, Sploosh, Sploosh
Splash
Squirrel
Someone's definitely done a squirrel
Someone's definitely Pikachu
Yeah fucking
Get that licker tongue out kid
Fucking hell
Well now that we've made everyone fucking horny
And thinking about
What they're gonna say next time we've had
Let us know your sex words, what do you say
Some of them's definitely got sex words
Yeah James is
Fucking
Fucking, fucking
Jarad
Again I reckon that's been a lot
Of the Scousers ones
Jarad
Fucking Jarad
Fucking Glamdor
So yeah now that everyone's fucking in the mood
And ready to rock and roll
We're gonna fucking rock and roll
That is end the podcast
As always yeah make sure you send
More of the messages in
Emails, whatsapps
Keep them coming
We'll get straight on to them next week as well
While it isn't made again though
We might end up having to
Miss a week again in a couple of weeks
Because of the sound working in Liverpool
But if we can
If the stars align
We'll get a pre record
Or I might just do one from the hotel room
On my own
Which I'm sure James will love
Fucking yeah you know we should link James
He's not ready man
He's not ready
Music
Grab your headphones
Get ready to groove
Ash and JD will make your mood improve
Banter that's witty
Oh so sly their chemistry's electric
You can't deny
Music
You can't deny
Music