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Hi everyone and welcome back to this week's episode of the real talking podcast
with your host Ash and JD
Well, I just don't know why it hasn't all ended yet
Can't just put in, just drop this bomb and just end it all
Cause everything that I just keep seeing is just more shit after shit after shit
And we're not a political podcast, but 2TKIA is still being a knob
We're all just gonna end up completely broken
Just leaving off scraps in the next couple of weeks for the scenes we eat
Yeah, everything's going up again in October apparently
Well, I had the chat with this customer earlier
I'll say something about him in a minute, not him but the job
So, over the last couple of weeks I've noticed the fuel come down again
Which that's a big difference, so from me, next to me it's 142 a litre
And then as I come into Birmingham this morning, it's still around 150 a litre
It's a 15 minutes difference, why is there such a difference on the price?
But yeah, apparently that's gonna go up by like another 5p again
So, you've just lowered it, why are you putting it up again? There's no need
Especially when Shell earns 22 billion in the last quarter or something
It's just fucking stupid
And then God knows what's gonna happen when this
It's the one that changed the road tax to pay per mile
I don't know how that would work
Well, so it's not actually pay per mile
It's gonna run off your postcode, so if you live in a city
It'll be around £400 a year
But if you live out in the sticks or countryside, it'll be £600 a year
Now, if it was per mile, I'd be laughing because my van's still fucking on
It's £148,600 a month
Because I keep my little tally on the side of the door lock
So basically every £2,500, the clock resets itself
And there's 10 of them now, so I've done an extra £25,000
So yeah, I'd be laughing if it was that
Because literally I'd be getting charged and I think
If you just had to send a picture or something or on your MOT, it would go up for that
This pay by morphing, I never really understood it
I didn't understand how it would work
Because obviously you could have someone that has like a
In that concept Rob just spoke about
You could have someone that has a big land rover
Paying the same taxes one litre EcoBoost, I suppose
Yeah, yeah
And the fact that it's gonna get rolled out for electric car owners as well
Fuck it, all that bullshit about getting electric by 20, 30, no benefit
Yeah, because at the moment if you've got an electric vehicle, you don't have to pay road tax
And so now they're gonna have to pay that
It's just fucking everyone's gonna be on pushparks
I wish there was a sunken place that when a politician says something, they're gonna do
And when he turns, so like I remember this Kirsten Armer said he wouldn't put up
You know, the energy bills, and now he has
He should then get like a point deduction
And if you get so many points deduction, you're just not a prime minister anymore
Not if you've lured your way into a job
Because that's technically what he's done
Because if you go for a job and you know, and you lie on your CV
And then they find out, you just get sacked
So like everything he said, it's just, it's done the opposite
Just gave everyone money abroad
And then, I know I spoke about this before
I would fucking love just for two, three years
Just not send money abroad
Just keep it in house
Deal with the roads
That's why a road tax won't go to fucking shit prices
Just fucking don't worry about everyone else for a change
Well, I still don't know what we pay road tax for
Oh mate
Because the potholes are fucking worse, they're everywhere
You know, not even just potholes, cracks in the roads
So what's going on?
You know, the roadworks that happens isn't beneficial to the everyday driver
Yeah
And it takes fucking too long just to fucking dig a hole and fucking fill it back in
And like council tax with that going on
I'm going to start asking for an invoice
Like what's my council tax being used for?
I want a fucking optimised invoice to clarify like why I'm paying you
I'm sure I got one of them
Have you?
Yeah, from Saliha
I'm sure like 5% went to the police force
And had a pure breakdown of what?
See, if I had that I'd be like yeah, saying at least I know what my council tax is going to
But like, so garden waste, not that I've got grass in my garden but I've got the hedges and that
So if I wanted to, I'd have to pay £40 extra a year for the garden waste bin
Oh, the green bin, okay
Well, completely to brown living
Right, right
But yeah, I'd have to pay an extra £40 and that's this year
So next year it's probably going to be fucking £50
So I've just been putting it in the normal general waste bin
You've got to do this stuff, mate
I really think, I mean, you just get taxed now, think here, I mean
I do feel sorry for, fucking hell, we've seen a ripe man yard man here
I do feel sorry for like the older kids now, you know, that are going to, you know, 15 or whatever now
When they're 30 trying to buy a house, getting taxed the shit out of everything
But I was going to say, do you remember how life used to be though, mate?
Wake up
You mean when we were in school kind of like
Just when life was easy, mate, wake up, cereal, try to get the toy out of cereal boxes
Is that even a thing anymore?
I can't say I've seen toys in any cereal boxes
I know some of the cheaper brands of cereals will still have a word search on the back of that
Right, I remember, because my mum used to buy the shit cereal, you know, like fucking
Buying cocoa pops like chocolate popsicles or whatever, yeah, yeah
So when we had cocoa pops and you had a prize in there, fuck now, I couldn't wait
Yeah, because you'd have to fucking shake it up side down and then that to try and get it from the cart
Mum was like, don't get it out, you just get it, you just get it
Yeah
And you get it, it's just a shit toy, you never use it
Even the last time I saw the McDonald's toys, they were nowhere near as good as what they used to be
And Kinder Surprise as well, they used to be bad man toys
Yeah, yeah
Nothing now
No, they're banned in America
I think we spoke about this before
You can shoot a good in America, I'd say, but you can't have a Quindabeno
It's fucking a bit mad actually when you think about that
Yeah, randomly off subjects, but you've just said Quindabenos
I had a homemade Biscoff cheesecake the other day
Nice
Fucking tired of him, I had to miss his piece as well the next day
Yeah, but she went off to work, I think, so I'm not going to let her go to waste in the fridge
Free game then, ain't it though?
Well, yeah, back to what I was going to say about customer earlier
I've ripped out his kitchen this morning
It's not been used for ages, it's just an old kitchen, it's fucking filthy and that
But he has lived in the house for 20 years or something
So as usual, people put stuff on the top of the wall units
So on the one side there was old mortgage papers and that
And I've took them down, put them in on the table for him and that
On the other one, general fucking shit, a couple of keys
I was like, what's this? A DVD?
So it was a fucking porno DVD
I had to take a picture of it
A good porn DVD
Teen idol for anyone that wants to buy
Oh, it's a great cover by the way
I should have taken a picture in the back, that was where the good pictures were
I mean, can you imagine having to fight someone to buy a porn DVD in the eye and go
This one, but everyone knows you kinked then, so obviously you had to kink for teens
Well, I mean, it was that easy to just go to the pub back in the day and someone would just
The Chinese, the Chinese lady
Put the DVDs and that, you'd just get some little blue movies back then as well, wouldn't you?
Well, yeah, I said to him, I got your old fucking porno from up the top of the volume
He said, oh what?
He just picked it up
He's like, oh fucking hell
I was looking for this
I forgot, I put that up there, obviously it's been up there for years
And he's opened it, there's no disc in there, is there?
And he says, fucking hell, you took it
I said, mate, yeah, it's in the toolbox, ready for later
Fucking hell, I mean, apart from the PlayStation, I ain't got no DVD player anywhere
Do you remember as a kid, to find a porno, I might go over to the park
Yeah
Fucking hell
Well, obviously we used to have the pleasures of page three
Nuts and Zoo
Nuts and Zoo magazine
They were quite a today, but I used to buy them fucking just
Obviously for a bit of a tit-on show, you know, anyway
But the articles were fucking funny as fuck
And good sports news as well, I think some of them
Some good interviews from a lot of Joe Cole and stuff
But yeah, fucking, you know, none of them good classics these days
They're all a bit fucking
Well, not that I go around buying magazines
But as we spoke about recently enough, you know, the Euro Stickers album and that
None of them are the same as they used to be
I dread to see what the old Deirdre's are these days
I wonder if he's still in the papers as well
I'm gonna have to buy one over the weekend though, just to see if Deirdre's still knocking about
So I used to think those were like, the Deirdre's
I've always thought that was fake because there's no way you'd write that story and send
Even though he didn't have a name, he might just have like Mark from Bolton
But like, there's no way you'd write and look and wait
Wait for a response in the paper, I just couldn't say
But it's a bit like someone sending an email into a podcast
No, no, but like, I suppose so
I suppose so, but like
Please do keep sending emails and your Whatsapps to the Real Talking Hotline
07 470 488 096
Links always in the description
I remember the one Agni Aron thing and I don't know why I remember it
I think he was so out there and I was like, that can't be true
So it was, a gaze had started going out, I forgot
She had two kids
Classic love story
Yeah, and they used to love going to a nudie speech as a family, which I always thought was weird
Yeah, you can't take your kids to a nudie speech
But the youngest son, well, her oldest son had a son and a girl, which I thought was weird
That you go on with this, you know
So when they all used to go to the nudie speech naked
The young lad had a bigger cock than him
And they always, yeah, yeah, so like, and he was like, no way
And I'm like, what is he thinking about it? Why is he writing the paper, mate?
What do you think about it?
That couldn't have been a day of daydreaming
That was a day of daydreaming, mate, in the sun
That sounds like a fucking day
But the Diaries 4 ones
Yeah
I remember it, I remember it, I remember thinking like, she's in the fucking paper
I wonder how they met as well though, because it's like, being a nudist is like a
I suppose an old fashioned kink in a sense, but it's a lifestyle, it's a lifestyle choice
And so, but who was already into it?
Yeah, well apparently she was already into it in a thing
Would you ever go to a nudist bitch?
No
See, I would, you know, because I get tan lines really bad, especially when we go abroad
Well, I was going to say it's mainly because I don't like being out in the sun too much
And sun cream's not cheap these days
So I would literally be using like a whole bottle to cover my body
Just to be out there for like an hour
And yeah, I mean, I've still got the fragile mind of a young teenage boy
That you say a pair of titties, you're going to start fucking a bit tweaker
So yeah, I wouldn't want to be fucking walking around and trying to compose myself
That's, yeah, but also mate, the other thing, because I think, I would easily do that
But I can't piss in a urinal
Yeah, you are weird, yeah
But you don't want to, you're saying that, you can't be on the nudist bitch getting a bone in it, can you?
No
You'd have to lie on your stomach mate
Like Kevin and Perry
Yeah, well so here's a question for you then
Would you piss in the ocean?
No, no, no, no
It's already sorted out
I've never, no
Honestly, I've only ever pissed in a toilet or in a bush
Never, ever in a body of water or around water, I can't
You used to crack me up when going swimming as a kid and you'd know that other people had just been pissing
Especially like someone who was weeb
And you know that they've just said yeah, I've just had a piss or whatever
It's like, we're all in it, what are you doing?
I used to love when someone used to get called out for having skids in their pants
This is madness, because it was in my head the other day, I think it was yesterday
Yeah, yesterday, because fucking, I've got home
Just got in from walking a dog and just before having a shower, I've gone for a quick fucking shit, Annie
And I'm halfway through and I've heard my doorbell ring
I'm sitting on the toilet naked because I'm about to get into the shower after I've had my poop
There's nothing better than a nice naked poop, is there?
It's just fucking old natural anyway
But yeah, so I've had to have a quick fucking two-walk to make sure it's not fucking gushing all across my arse and that
So quickly threw my t-shirt and shorts back on, run downstairs, no one there
And I'm looking because I'm thinking is it one of these fucking Jehovah's Witnesses or fucking an internet nonsense or something
So I fucking, I was pissed off, but yeah, I've gone back upstairs anyway to finish what I was doing
And it reminded me, this is part of the reason why I'm always making sure I've wiped my arse properly
So back with the first girlfriend that I had, she was sharply named
But messing around and you're fucking, I don't even know why, but I just fucking flashed my arse
And she was like, oh, you got shit on you, Bob?
And I didn't, I think she was just trying to wipe me off, and I was so paranoid
I know, I went to the toilet making sure I got wiping and that
So that's always on my head, always wipe
And throughout the day just have a little tactical wipe here and there
Because sometimes your farts can be a little bit wet
And you've got to make sure you're fucking clean all the time
I do, I don't have wipe boxes
Yeah, I mean, whoever wears wipe boxes or wipe roofs, if you're that kind of man, is a brave man
Because if I'm wearing wipe, I don't think they're going to be wipe, mate
They're just sparkling, mate
Yeah, and you always know that it doesn't matter how much you shake after having a word
There's still going to be the odd little sprinkle coming out the end
That's what I was going to say more than the back, I know the back I'm awkward
But yeah, mate, fucking hell
But yeah, we're not a political or a co-talking podcast, we're the real talking podcast
And now we're some real talking then, mate
Fucking honest, all the prep as well
But we're going to go on to something now that some people won't think is real
Now it does allude to a long time ago
One of the earlier episodes we give some of our ghost story sharing experiences and that
And so I was quite happy when I had this email the other day
So the email's from Alan, and I'll just read it, there's no point fucking
I've got it in the store for Tom, you know, I don't want to drag it out
I've got a fucking hole in my sock by the way as well
Another pair of socks I'm going to have to chuck
God, go back to the store, eh?
So yeah, Alan says, what's up guys?
I know you shared ghost stories and shit before, so thought I'd drop my input
I'm a firm non-believer, but a recent experience has changed my mind
My job is at a listed building
So for anyone that doesn't know, listed building, it's an old building
A lot of historical meaning and fucking Tom and whatever
So essentially you can't do anything, it's an old fucking building
Built sometime in the 1880s, so yeah, that's fucking
140-odd-years old-ish
So yeah, he's caught for some reason on the phone
Just wanting to have a bit of a fucking mare then
Anyway, co-workers had told me stories of an old woman called Violet
Who will make her presence known if people stay later than 6pm
The building has three floors, the third floor is full of trash
So essentially it's just a fucking dumping ground for old storage stuff
Anyways, I was on the second floor doing a bit of paperwork when I hear a slam
Like a door slamming
This is around 6.15 and I was finishing up
I wheel my chair back with my feet and look down the corridor
The bathroom door is opening and slamming over and over
I'm the only one in the building at this point
Made the hair stand on my neck and felt a wave of goose bumps shoot down my arms
I shout, stop, and it slams shut one last time and then stops
After calming down, I pack up and leave
I refuse to go up there since
Whenever I need a piss, I just go to the cutster instead
Trying to find a reasonable explanation for it
But I don't know, all the windows are always closed
Mostly because the body is old and the single glazed
So I don't know what it could have been
Maybe a gravitational abnormality
Well it is a strange one because normally for a drafty would open
But it wouldn't close constantly the way it's described
It depends on what kind of door it is
Because if it's a normal handle that the latch will catch as it shuts
Then yeah, if the wind blew it shut, it should stay shut
But if it's one, it's got no latch, you just push it and it opens
Then yeah, it physically needs to fucking open and close
Because again, what you find is quite common with these old buildings
The old wooden windows, they're painted that much that you can't open them anyway
So yeah, if the windows are never open, most of it because of that reason
Then there can't be a draft
Because even if the doors open, not the main door downstairs
There's no route for an airflow to go that way
So yeah, I think Violet is trying to get his attention on that one there
It's a bit spooky, much of being on your own in a listed building
And hearing all these ghost stories and then you experience something like that
Yeah, well, not just fucking when you hear a story in that
I mean, I know a lot of the time it is your own mind just playing tricks on you
But even though I had it the other night, Tuesday
So I'm on my own in bed watching TV
The dog was upstairs on the bed with me as well
And I could have swore that I'd heard the front door open and close
Because when the missus does get home late on a Wednesday normally
If I'm already in bed, there's the noise of the keys rattling
If she puts them down on the table
Because I'm all confused, I'm thinking she's not meant to be back
What's going on? It's fucking, I don't know, it's about nine o'clock
Because I leave a lot of the roller staying up until one hour's rather than all time
So I muted the TV because I had the TV on, just background noise
I'm like, what's she doing home?
And then I heard nothing, but it sounded just like
Because again, it's not like it was a loud slam of the door
Because I'm on the opposite side of the house
But the actual noise of the keys, you know, doing the little
Going onto the table, I've heard that
And next door, the side of the wall that the bed is
There's no one living in there
So it couldn't have been next door
Then the other side, they're not in and out
It's an old couple, they're not in and out right at the moment
So yeah, it was just weird and I don't know, for fuck's sake
You know, your mind starts playing away then, don't you?
You think, oh, who's there and whatever
But I mean, if someone broke in
I'd just fucking go down and just take the shit out of them, innit?
Fucking man
But the difference though from yours and Alan's is obviously he's seen
He had the visual, he's seen it like that
Yeah, yeah, he's seen the door slamming, yeah
As well with your one, is your mind just playing tricks on you?
Did you?
No, I've definitely heard the noises
I don't know
So the bathroom window's open
So rattling the keys could have been someone else walking down the street
And the keys are cracked
But the initial door shuts in
Again, whether it was
I think I've just debunked it
It was probably a fucking car over the road
He shut his car door and fucking
The keys rattling in his hand that way, then maybe
Yeah, it does sound like getting over the road to be fair
He's fucking morons
He's one of these neighbours always
Well, not just, not that everyone has one of these neighbours
But one of these people always fucking around
He's definitely a hoarder
Getting shit in and out of the house
Even fucking
Maybe yesterday or the day before
I've seen him come back from work
I'm in the kitchen doing my dinner
So he's walked into the house
Then he's come out and he's getting more bags of just
No doubt junk out of his car
What are you doing?
Just hoarding it
Yeah, I just don't get it
His dog's a little fucking annoying rat as well
Little yampy bastards
Don't he?
Shit dogs
I never see anyone walk in a dog
But I hear it all the time, always barking
I remember when I first moved in the house
I remember shouting out the window
Shut the fuck up!
All day, just barking, all day
Fucking
Yeah, I don't believe in animal violence
Or cruelty or anything
But some dogs just need a swat
Fucking hell
But yeah, if anyone else has got any
Ghost stories
Yeah, anything spooky
Doesn't have to be ghost related
It can be an area related or anything else
Just on the spectrum
A spooky experience
Especially, we've got Halloween coming up soon enough
Not only is there already Christmas decorations in shops
There is Halloween stuff as well
Even earlier, while I was waiting for you to get your hair cut
I've had a mooch around B&M
I do need to get a new pillow
Because we've got the new mattress the other week
I need a new pillow
But I never look like that weird
Because I've walked in
I've gone straight out to the pillows
And I'm squeezing them all
I'm like, no, too soft, too soft
Memory firm, no
Fucking, too soft, too soft
And even the firmest one that I had
Still too soft
God
So yeah, and then I'm thinking to myself
I've got to walk out with something
So I've just got some
Like, there are wipes and some toilet, tablet things
Yeah, that'll do
That'll do
Fucking
But I don't even know why I led on to that
For the spooky Christmas stuff
Oh, yes, I was in B&M
Whole aisle full of the Christmas stuff and that already
Early this year, mate
It's not even back to school yet
It's not even back
And the fact that Halloween hasn't been yet
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Because that's how it should be
At least Halloween stuff
And then you can just swap it over
But like this year
Shraft Christmas Easter eggs
Yeah
Fucking hell
You guys were actually in Lord Howell, weren't you?
Well, I did
Because I remember it in the Azda
I remember seeing them
It was literally before New Year's
They were getting the pallets of the Easter eggs out
And swapping the seasonal stuff
Who actually buys an Easter egg in January, though?
I didn't do it this year
But I remember last year
When you seen the little ones, like, for a pound
Yeah, yeah
But that was for yourself
I mean, like, you know, as a gift
Yeah, you don't want to buy them
You just see them in, like, two Kit Kats and Easter egg
Buy
How much is that?
They're expensive
It's just about the same
It's like seven quid, any of those
Yeah, those big bastards are fucking ridiculous
And it's still cardboard
So I don't need that
But if you've got to fucking charge me seven quid
I want a bastard of chocolate
It's like, I remember a Christmas we spoke about this
You used to get a calendar
And you used to have up to Christmas Day
And then up to New Year on the calendar
Do you remember them ones?
Just 24 now
Fuck me
Just ripping us off all the time
I know, sound though
In the Premier Ring that I was at last weekend
For the wedding
There was a big, brand new posh vending machine
M&M branded, not the wrapper, the sweet
The little chocolate, not biscuits, sweet things
Little chocolate balls
So, yeah, it was branded as the M&M's
And the prices didn't seem too bad
But a vending machine, everything was basically £1.50
But I know if I would have got all them bags of M&M's
Or a Mars bar or something
It would have been a reduced size ones
And they're already reduced in size anyway
So it would have been a fucking half-size pack of M&M's
Or £1.50
So, yeah, I didn't get anything anyway
I took all the extra tea bags and that from off the little fucking counter though
You're getting money as well?
Yeah, not the misses, not what you're doing that for
Paying for it
Yeah, but you know that they've got loads
Exactly, this is why it doesn't matter
That I'm taking my extra handful here
Because they've got boxes and boxes full
So don't worry about it
You know, sometimes these bitches just be crazy, ain't they?
I've got to make sure I don't stand on the dog underneath my feet
Because I just adjust myself
I didn't even know he was there, mate
He's cheating
He's fucking just enjoying the cold floor on his hot night again
Making the most of it
Now, yeah, that's our only ghost story that we've got
But we will get onto our correspondent now
And I've got to get him out of the way
Because we make his week
Old Jamesy boy
And I think you, mate
If he didn't email, if one week he didn't email
You'd miss him, mate
I mean, with comments like this, I don't think I'd fucking miss him
So James says, I don't need to say how short you know it's a bade
Your salty tears will say it all
No, I don't need to fucking moan about it or anything
You know, you know, they're just doing the same old, you know, stuff
The way it has been for years and years, no?
So I ain't bothered, we're not going to talk about it
I am looking forward to Sunday though
Looking forward to, because I do think Liverpool have beat you, you know what I'm saying?
Oh, we've had this Sunday then?
After looking at that
So yeah, you get...
Somewhere, someone's getting an email there
Oh, yeah, he knows it's coming, he'd be a wee bit weird
Oh, fuck it
I'll be straight on it
Obviously that's the embarrassing Liverpool defeat you know I said on the FA Cup game
But yeah, I'm just looking forward to the game in general
Because hopefully, you know, the two bald Dutch managers have a little bit of a fucking, you know, a battle on the pitch
You know, it's what we're all waiting for really
Yeah
So yeah, hopefully it's a good game
I'm expecting a loss but I just want to see fucking a good game
Yeah
Especially since it's the first, what I've seen of the picture so far, the first proper Super Sunday
What, there was Chelsea-Mansila?
But it was just Man City though, weren't it?
Well, Man City, well, Chelsea are going to win the league
Just letting you know, I've said it
Well, they did have a good result last Sunday
Honestly, am I going to go too much about it?
Or more?
No
Just, that's all I'm saying
I'm just saying Chelsea-Pied, Man City, that was the first Super Sunday
And so yeah, the first proper Super Sunday this weekend
I'm looking forward to it
I love that
Now, on to one of our features, but still along the same lines, we've got Lee, we've used message
What's with the AI button for the cup draws? We know it's just some French prick giving the teams really
So, I didn't notice some AI thing at first
Because have you seen any of the Champions League draw or not?
I've seen, yes, no, nobody's on a bat in terms of, because it's not groups of four anymore
It's you play everyone, four games at home, four games away, but you don't play the same team twice now
Yeah, so it's not a normal group system to how we know it
Yeah, so this is obviously because of Super League, they're trying to get better games earlier on
That's what I thought it was from, but yeah, no, I agree with what he's saying
Look, it was AI generated apparently
Allegedly, yeah
Which, yeah, it is questionable, but...
It's just a new way for them to rig it, instead of heating up the balls with the different numbers
They're just doing it with some other chap sitting there to fling it up on the computer screen instead
I had nothing wrong with the old system
In terms of four teams, you play each other twice, you qualify at top
So I would have just not had third position to go into Europe League
When you're out, you're out, there's no lifeline
And also I would get rid of the putts, so putt one, putt two
So you could potentially have a Brom in your ground with Drea, PSG and Liverpool in one group
And say group of death and actual group of death
And then I would get rid of the putt group in terms of putt one, you've got Ramadjid, Barcelona, Inter Milan, I think
Anyway, I would just free ball it
So it's all level playing build
Pretty much so, yeah
I've not properly looked into it, but I'm sure that it's still like a table
But the top 16 automatically go through
And then the next...
There's more teams now, there's probably six now, isn't there?
Yeah, I think it's from 17 to 24 have to do another knockout game or something then as well
So when it goes to the normal knockout stage, they've got that with the first 16
And then the next eight teams below them, they have to do an additional knockout game
I think that's how it is
Yeah, it's a bit confusing at first
I think once we see the game start properly playing, because I've not seen anyone actually sit there and explain it out
I mean the players love that extra appearance, you'd think
Would you reckon they'd highly expect another game, one or two games at least?
Yeah, I think it doesn't really matter to the players because most of them don't really have appearance fees
It's just set wages, isn't it?
Yeah, but no, school bonus, an extra four grand
Yeah, when it comes to goal bonuses and stuff, yeah
Clean sheet bonus, there you go, nice watch from me
Yeah, but I mean most of them, they're already getting fucking enough money
And I don't know, with the way that you know, I'll probably be fucking injured already anyway, so it don't matter
I know the Europa League draw happened earlier
Is that the same format as the Champions League?
I'm sure it is, but I've not contacted it
Because you don't get knocked out, you don't go into the Europa League now, do you?
No
No, so I'm glad they got rid of that, I always thought that was a shit idea
It's annoying because it's another lifeline
You've lost that competition and you've got a chance to win another one
Yeah, you've got a five-four already
Yeah, just leave it out
But yeah, I've not looked at the fixtures properly yet, so I don't know the full team selection
I think there was Rangers and is it Fernibachi?
Yeah, Fernibachi, yeah
I think the play against them too, you know, once you've bought, I don't know
So later on, when I'm actually back home and sitting there with a nice cold beverage of the alcoholic persuasion
Then I'll have a little look through and see what the sketches are with those
For a while, yeah
Yeah, thanks for your message
I do get what you're saying, Lee, you know, it doesn't matter whether it's hot balls or fucking popping up on the screen
It's all fucking fixed
But they're going to keep doing it anyway because they want to generate the most money in the cost
That's why they wanted the Super League and stuff so they could do that and then continue getting more money
The Super League was a fucking stupid idea though
Hopefully this Champions League format does work out or all, we will see
Now we'll go on to Noah's message
When you download a game on the Xbox or whatever and when you go to play, there's another update
Why isn't it included in the fucking download?
That is a great question actually
Mate, that is a great question, why isn't it?
I don't know, I mean, not often I'll download a game
So I still prefer to buy the actual physical copy
I'm the same with that, but I always think the digital platform always costs a bit more as well
Yeah, because a lot of the time you can buy it from a store, it will be cheaper
But you'll still get it where you'll put the brand new disc in and there's an update
Because whatever, however your console is at the moment, needs the update to be able to play the game
Yeah, but definitely if you're downloading a game, the update should be with it
It is, I mean if I was gaming, I remember my internet used to be that bad when I moved back into my mom's
Because I was in the garage, that was quick for me to get my Xbox, unplug it, take it around to one of our mates
And let him do it, and boy, it needed to be done otherwise, he took a whole can of heroin
It's terrible, isn't it?
Yeah, I fucking had a struggle, but yeah, that is frustrating
And it would bother me if I was installing games and every time after doing an update
So yeah, Noah, feel you on that one
Yeah, yeah
That is fucking annoying actually
I know
Just in life, why make me wait longer?
Yeah, I've already waited, don't make me wait again
Yeah, almost on par with when you don't get all your items on you when you order a takeaway and then you've got to wait for them to be delivered
We did have that on one of them a while ago, but yeah
Mate, it happened to us last night, ordered a McDonald's, obviously I didn't have
Diets going wild then
Yeah, yeah, really wild, I eat one a while now
Now we got cups to, our parents are allowed to move out, so I've got to wait for the takeaway
Yeah, too late to cook
So yeah, McDonald's, I don't know if this is what everyone does, but it's what I think most people do, you have a meal and a cheeseburger
Yeah
It's normal
Or depending on what mood you're in, chicken mayo sometimes
Yes, so
A couple of cheeky nuggets
Big Mac meal and a mayo chicken, literally
I like to do that, if I'm getting a beef burger of sorts, so either a Big Mac or a quarter pounder, I'll get the chicken mayo
And then if you was having a chicken burger
Get the cheeseburger
Right, either exactly the same, or sometimes if I'm having a beef burger, I'll get the cheeky nuggets
Yeah
Right
Order proteins
So, comes no mayo chickens, I was like, fuck mate, how'd you get both?
Was it on the receipt as well?
Yeah, on the receipt, two there, fuck, and then they send them, like you contact Uber to send you money back, but still not the point, you just fucking ordered them
I wanted them
And now look, I had it, and I don't feel full because I know I should have had a fucking mayo chicken
Yeah, just life, fuck me
I should have had that for you, shouldn't I?
McDonald's
When you order food and you don't get your full fucking full order
Full order
Literally, and I'll tell you what, yeah, I said to Kurt, I feel like McDonald's, or they do it on purpose, because they know you're not going to complain, and Uber pays them the money
Yeah, especially when it's through Uber, because it's easier for them to get away
And Uber just pay the money back
I come last time, I ordered a McDonald's from Uber, and it's all been there, as I said, one time we ordered one, and it didn't have the beef on the palate
So it was literally just, I know it, literally, with a bit of salad, there was nothing on there
It's just no need
Fucking hell, yeah
See, I ring up the restaurant, know what I do
Yeah, but they say, come down and collect the food and stuff
Nah, I've made them fucking drop it off
I rang up, the first time it happened, I was fucking screaming, I called them up
I was like, come down, we're doing this
By the time I've come down, my food's going to be cold
Or I just come down, we'll redo your whole thing, so I had to go down
And the guy had me the full, done a real full one of everything
But yeah, it's just not the point if I wanted to go down and get it, I'd fucking just drive down and get it in the first place
Yeah, I did it the once, it was only something trivial
You know, fucking, I don't know, a fortune of fucking chicken nuggets or something
I think it was from a burger place or something, but I didn't want to go through the app
Because I don't want the fucking messing around with that
So I got the number, I rang them up, I was like, yeah, I've just had fucking, whoever I'd ordered through
And I'm missing stuff
And they're like, oh, can you just save it as a note?
And then, we'll give you extra next time you order
I was like, well, this is the first I'm ordering from you, I don't know if I'm going to order from you again
And it's not looking locally at the moment
So they were like, all right, well, can you come and just pick up what it is?
I was like, no, I've had a couple of drinks, I'm not driving, and I want the stuff that I've ordered
So to be fair, the woman, she must have just thought, I can't be after this shit
She was like, all right, I'll get the driver to come back and I'll throw in something extra for you
I was like, all right, you don't need to, I just want what I've asked for originally
And I remember it as well because the extra, it was two chocolate fudge cake things
Oh, nice
And I was fucking happy days, especially
Did you go back?
I can't remember where it was from, so I'll probably have it, I probably haven't
I know I left the review after that though
You know, saying missed item, bought rectified after days, whatever
And that's what you need, you know, just fucking, just sort it out, Ernie
Stop being lazy fuckers as well, make sure, read the receipt, put it in, fucking do your job
Shit heads
Wasn't even about that, but that's my bad, that is
And then we do have another one from Laura
Oh, I'm sorry
Why do people turn the TV on and just leave the room, turn it off?
I don't see what the problem is with this, to be fair
No, I, see I'm different, I have the TV off if no one's watching it
And if someone talks to me while the TV's on, I have to pause it
I have to pause it as well, when I'm trying to watch something and the missus is not talking
Just pause, have a 10, 15 minute conversation
I don't want to be talking about that, but I know what you're saying, yeah
But no, it's annoying, I'll put this on because I want to watch you, don't talk to me
I don't need a full conversation, and when they're asking questions about it, I'm watching the same as you
I've watched exactly what you've watched
Yeah, I don't know anymore, first time we're watching it together, I don't know
I haven't rang up the director and asked questions, let's just watch and see
Yeah, let's find out together
Yeah, just zip it
But otherwise, I'll leave the TV on all day, for the dog
Yeah, but would you put it on for the sake of putting it out and just walk out the room?
No, because it's always on
Right
So, yeah, literally it's always on
So even if I, when I get back, if I'm not watching the TV, it just stays on
Because it's just, you know, the dog will watch TV sometimes, don't it?
He likes a bit of fucking Holmes Under the Hammer and stuff
Right, he likes a bit of D on doublet, is that the one he's on, isn't it? Holmes Under the Hammer
I don't know, to be honest, I know he's on one lot of that
Again, I don't even know if he likes it, it's just the first one that comes
He has to watch it though, he can't tell, he hasn't got a positive
To be fair, I do tend to leave the TV on for him or something
Just because it's got cartoons, got blueberries on it and stuff
Yeah
The dog's a little bit, apparently
But yeah, it's always on
No, I actually get why she's coming though with this
Because I have the TV on if no one's in there, I just have to turn it off
Yeah, if no one's in there, fair enough, no one's in there, even the dog's not in there
But you used to put Pokemon on for the dog as well, don't you?
Yeah, so when we used to go out, just suncombed for it
And obviously, I have TVs, which I'm sure Mark's done doing that after a bit
He can't change that sound
Yeah, I'll just turn it off after a few episodes if you're not watching it
Yeah, but I don't know, I ain't bothered
If I'm doing something on the laptop or on my phone or whatever
I'll mute it so I'm not getting distracted
Yeah, it's just always on, I'll just never turn it on
But yeah, if there's no reason for it to stay on
You just turn it on, no one else is in the room to fucking benefit from it being on
But yeah, it's annoying
But to be fair, just turn it off yourself
If you're in that room, Laura, when someone's just coming in, switches the TV on
And they're fucked up into the kitchen or something
You don't want it on, just turn it off
I don't see why that's quite an issue, to be honest
I don't mean to slag off all the lovely correspondents that do messaging to us
It should only just be James
But just turn it off, if you're not happy, just turn it off
Are you even paying attention anyway?
Are you sitting there scrolling through Shittuck or anything?
I don't see why it's annoying
But yeah, unfortunately, Laura, that has done you already
And there, perfect
Now, before moving on to Ashley's new favourite part of the podcast
We might end up missing two weeks of episodes
Because next week I'm working in Germany
So I need to...
Well, I will do a couple of shows over there
Not on anyone's chest, unless I get paid for it
But I'm working next week in Germany
So unless we do find time to do it during the week
There will be an episode missing next week
And then the following week I'm on my Mehali Bobbs for the weekend as well
So again, unless we find time during the week
Which that will be a struggle, because I'll come back on the Tuesday
And then Grafton shit
And then away on the Broadway
I think it's essentially going to be to...
Might be whatnot
Yeah, at some point there's going to be a week missed
I think that second week it's probably not looking like it
But we can try to get one out next week as such
Yeah, the only problem with next week and a week after
Is because it's your haircut week again
Well, I've got...
I've not worked that week
What, on the...?
The second week
So I'm...
I've got to get the calendar up now because I'm forgetting fucking dates
So, from a day to 13th
Spooky for some
Is that when you're away?
Well, not at work, is that what you're saying?
Yeah, so it's week commencing the 16th Monday, I've got off
So what about the Friday though?
The Friday before
Because the 6th, I'm going to Germany
This is probably a full conversation we should have had up here
So, next Friday is the 6th
That's when I'm flying off in the morning to Germany for work
Or Grafton
And then the following Friday, which is the 13th
The 13th, yeah, I'm good
Well, obviously
Yeah, well, because if you're going for your haircut
At your normal time
If it wasn't haircut week, I could have come here as soon as you finished work
And then we could have recorded
Because where I'm going, it's only like an hour and a half away
Right, right, OK, OK
Right, yeah
These kind of plans we'll do off air
Potentially, we're just letting everyone know that potentially we could go two weeks or such without an episode going on
So don't be worried, we're not going anywhere
It's just that they'll break if such
And to be fair, mate, I was thinking about this when you said it earlier
I mean, considering how long we've been doing this podcast now
18 months
Roughly, yeah
We've only missed about five or six weeks
Episodes if you used to do them weekly, if you really think about it
Has it though? Because there was one episode early days where the audio just fucking didn't work
And I couldn't save you
So without an audio or, you know, something out of hand
Even when obviously I'd go, but you'd done the ones on your own
And then the Christmas, I remember doing the Christmas, we used to do the backup ones, remember?
Yeah, yeah
So really every week, I'd say now besides five or six weeks
I mean, what episode number are we on?
Late 70s now, I think
I think last week's, I think this one's 76
I think
So that goes to show, I mean, obviously, so yeah, we've probably only missed about five weeks
It has been rather consistent for, you know, the bromianth and deck
We've done all right
No one says that
But yeah, so just for the listeners, yeah, so, you know, potentially two weeks off
So don't worry, we're not going anywhere
If we can't find time to do another episode for next week or the week after
I'll try and get a little driving with JD, bash that or something
Yeah, let me just double check the week I've got off
Because in my head, I had, not next week, the week
Yeah, in my head, I've been talking to myself
I've only got a week left, like Monday, a week, then I've got a week off
So if you've got the week of the 9th to the 13th, then it's sound
I can come round in the morning and we can get it smashed out
I'll have to double check with Carla because I can't remember what week I've booked off
She remembers
I'm pretty sure it might be the week when it's in the 16th, sorry
So yeah, we'll leave it for that
But we will just let everyone know that potentially a few weeks
After you've finished listening to this, just keep an eye out, you know
Because we'll either be there or we won't
But we'll be back at some point
Please keep sending all your correspondence now
Yeah, yeah, definitely don't let it dry off
We expect to come back with even more
We want a whole episode
I know they'll all be dying to find out what I got up to in Frankfurt
And away on holiday, they all want to know every little detail of our lives
Have I seen anyone else that I know that leaves by me or something
You know, bumped into any random celebrities in Germany or something
Which I will, I'll give those stories
But we do still want to have a full-chaka correspondence list to run through
Or just fucking go away with as we always do on the tangents
But back to it anyway, back to the confessions
Now, we've got two this week
We have got two, mate
The first one, which Ash is going to read them out
Barbara is actually going to read out
Now, debatable for me, you can all be the judges for it at home
But this is more asking for advice
They've sent it in, I won't say any names
I know I didn't send you the names anyway
No, I was just saying, make sure you don't say any names
I do remember Geoff sending this one out
My name's Geoff
Have you seen that, obviously, Jan in Tatum doing Gambit in Port-au-Morverie
So there's the bit where he's like, my name is remember, remember, remember
There's someone that's done it and as he turns around, my name's Geoff
Fucking quality, I love TikTok, shit like that
So yeah, it's more like advice for me
Put the tunes on, kids
I've got it as a confession, so, Bob Rash, away you go
Welcome
So this confession goes
My friend got upset because I didn't want to hook up with her due to her size
Am I wrong here?
So I have this friend who I've known for a few years
We're not super close, but we enjoy hanging out now and then
Nothing to be, just a way to pass the time and not feel alone
And I know she feels the same way
Recently she asked if I wanted to hook up and I turned her down
When she asked why, I was upfront with her
The truth is, she's very overweight
Oh yeah
But almost to the point of being obese, she's a great person
Great personality
She's a great person and I care about her
But I just don't feel that kind of physical attraction towards her
I tried to let her down gently, but she didn't take it well
She's been making these passive aggressive comments ever since
Like, if I say I don't have any plans, she'll respond with something like
Well, you would if I wasn't too fat for you
Now she's pushing me to apologise
But I feel like I shouldn't have to apologise for being honest
Am I wrong for how I handled this?
Right, my child
I'm going to pass you over to Father Jamie on this one
Because I'd love to hear his thoughts on this matter under the church
Well, my child, I do feel that you have done the right thing
In being honest and saying she's a fatty fat fat
To be fair though, she kind of took it on the chin in the first bit
Where she says, well you would have plans if I wasn't too fat
But it seems like now she's taken a bit of a wrong turn
With asking you to apologise
Now don't think that you're in the wrong
You've done the right thing, you've been honest
And you didn't want to break the poor girl's fat heart
Which is already under pressure with all those extra calories
So just stick to your guns
Don't feel peer pressured into giving her the dick
His conscience is clean mate
It's definitely clean
If anything, you should give her some Hail Marys
She needs Hail Marys
And salads
And some holy water
And less calories
Yes
More exercise
No, I'm not body shaming her
But if she wants you, she's got to slim up
And that's all it is
Make sure she knows that she's too fat
Jeff knows his worth
He doesn't want to go for a fat girl
And he put, he said it, he was being honest
She's pushing, you know
He handled it well
Now she's saying, she still wants a bit of
But you would if it wasn't too fat for you
So it's still there for Jeff
Yeah
If he wanted it to, but Jeff, be strong
And a bit of rear divorce won't have as well
I'm trying not to crack him so bad
Go on Jack
Make sure you don't go out and get steaming together
Because things happen when you get steaming drunk
I would say we've all been there, but Ashley hasn't
It's just me
So yeah, don't get black out drunk
Because she'll take advantage
Now, are you talking through experience here?
Yeah
Oh, yeah
Back in my unruly days, my unholy days
Of being a top shagger
Before the church
Before the misses
No
Number two in the queue please
You may enter the confession booth
Right
I'm a 23
Right, we're ready to go
The second confession goes
I'm a 23 year old guy
Who's by no means bad looking
And unusually do pretty well
Oh sorry, let me just say that again
Take it from the top
Yeah, the dark
Right, sorry
I'm a 23 year old guy
Who is by no means bad looking
And unusually do pretty well
With girls around my age
But I've always had a strong attraction to older women
It's basically a fetish at this point
As a younger guy
Though it's been tough trying to connect with older women
And dating apps or even in bars and clubs
The age gap always seems to be a deal breaker
And I haven't had much success
A couple of years ago I decided to go with Forry
And booked an older escort
Hmm, experience
To find experience
What I've been fantasizing about for so long
She was 50
And it was incredible
Since then I've seen around a dozen different escorts
All 40 and older
It's a secret I've kept to myself
And it's probably soon I'll take to the grave
But if I'm honest
I don't see myself stopping any time soon
Hmm
Right, Jay, you need to go on this one
Because I'm not...
This is...
No
Again, this is not a scene
Apart from unmarital sex
Yeah, and pain
Yeah, but carry on
But I feel there's nothing to be ashamed of
You know, some people have their own preferences
And he's of the older lady's persuasion
The mature
More experience
And that's just what floats his boat
And gets his cock hard
Now, unfortunately
He's not finding a good deep connection
Between anyone his own age
So I'm sure when he is
40 and above
Like the ladies he likes to pay for
Then he'll be in his element
But is he gonna get worse?
Is where my question is
When he's in his 40s
So in another 17 years time
Is he gonna be into
The even older ladies
Who's 70 plus?
You know, this is something that he needs to
Have a sit down with himself and talk about
Is he gonna be comfortable
When he is in his 40s
To sleep with ladies of his same age
On lock at the moment in his 20s?
No
As a good looking male
Well, he's not bad looking he says
Allegedly
So he's seen around a dozen
Different escorts or four
So that's 12 for anyone that doesn't know
So for my thing
Or a bakers dozen 13
Right
Education
So my thing is though
If he was looking going out
He'd probably spend a lot more money
Going to bars
Going on dates
We've spoke about it before
It's an expensive game
So in terms of financial
I can see why he's doing it
Because he said here that it is a fetish
At this point so
It's his kink
It's what he
I don't see how it's a fetish though
To be honest
No, he must just
I just
I just think this guy's bornhub
Is just mature fucking cougar
Milk
Guilf
Granny
Yeah because fucking
You can be 36 and a grandmother these days
Right
I mean you could have been years ago as well
But you know
Yeah
So milk is
You know there's fucking
19, 20 year olds with kids in it
So you know where do you draw the line
At milk and guilf
Is what my point is
Also like
How does this break down
Like this is off topic here
Not so much
But I'm not speaking as
Yeah yeah
So I'm not speaking as a father here
Underneath the church
How does that process go about like
So once you've
So he said here
I decided to go for him
Because I think it's a fun experience
To find out what I've been fantasizing about
Obviously there's all the apps for it
So obviously
When you meet them
Like
What goes on
Like do you have to break down
What you can and can't do
I mean
What you want
I don't know
I don't know if they've got a rulebook or anything
It's something that I've
You know when he said like obviously
Yeah no
As I was reading it
I was just like
You would have to say that for a special episode
Book a book one
Ashton J.D. booking his courts
Do you do news
So what do you reckon
He should do
As a father Joe
As I was saying man
You just have a sit down
And have a good think
Hard look at yourself in the mirror
And is it something that you think
You'll be able to get over in the long run
And
Yeah I mean if you're not bothered about having kids and stuff
There's no reason why you can't settle down with an older lady
I'm sure there's dating apps for that to find
A more mature person
I don't think they're real though
Sometimes when you jump on porn channels
It's like me older ladies in your area
Have you seen those ads
You ever seen those
Seen them
I saw them about three hours ago
I used to do them
Yeah
Well like
Yeah so
No I mean
Thank you for your confession though
I mean I'd love
I'd love to hear more though about this
Just because it just
You know as you said he's young guy as well
23
Blasting a 50 year old
Living the dream
Well he's Spanish as well
Yeah
I don't think
I'd went that old
But I've
There was a couple older ladies back in the day
I mean it was just
Just easy back in fucking flares
Which was the original pop world
It was always the older ladies
Do that mate
I was going to say his name then
Fucking hell
Do that
Go to fucking pop world
There's all the older ladies there
I was going to say
Look I don't know if he's from New York or whatever
But if you are I would definitely hit pop world up
And literally just chat to
Just
About everyone in there is like over 35
But maybe
Just make sure you look at the left hand
Their left hand
Because if there's a wedding ring
Don't do it
You know don't be that guy
That goes for a married woman
But yeah it was the older ladies used to
Mark a bit of attention
I'm assuming they still do
But yeah just go over
Give the old fucking charm
Look we just said
So go out to pop world with your mates
A few beers
I don't think he's doing it with mates though is he
Just on the pride on his own
Yeah
In pop world
North hunting
Gilthampton as well
Gil
Doobie
Yeah
And you know you're not going to
Well I don't know what the prices are
For the older escorts to be fair
And I would say I'd check
But I don't want to check mate
Because obviously can you imagine like
Audience is out
It's on your phone
Yeah and it's a
We look at escorts
You won't believe it
But with an email
Look mate
It's research
Well you know you miss his listens to this anyway
So she'll know
You know what
She says she doesn't
But normally she's in the room
And listens to it anyway
But she's in the room
But I think sometimes she does
She doesn't say that she listens to it
But I think she just listens to it
Well if you're listening now
Thanks for listening
Yeah it's research
Shout out to your nan as well
If she's still listening
She did she
Last time I heard she was still listening
Fair play
So now people will always love it
Well let's see
I nearly went to say it now
Let's see if we can
Do a little matchmaking there
See if she's got any friends for him
I don't know how old he likes to go
I think if he's going for 40 or above
It's not going to bother him too much
I don't know how old Kai's nan is to be honest
Late 50s early 60s
Nan looks 60 high
Fair play
I bet he's getting him going aren't he
Oh he's hard
Hard as fuck
Nan everyone has kinks mate
You know and at least he's getting it out
Look that's the thing
I feel like at least he's getting out of his system
Yeah yeah
But then look if he gets a girl his old age
And then goes
You know when you have that question
When you speak about people
You've been with blasted fucking prostitutes
That's going to be
So you'll have to keep that require
I don't know
The women really ask that question these days
Cause my miss never asked me that
And it's a good job
Cause she'd be fucking disappointed
Nan cause I don't know the number any
I'm not saying it in a bragging way
I don't know
No but I mean like
I suppose
You know if a conversation like this come about
Will you have to lie then about
About him saying blasted prostitutes
You ain't gonna I don't know if you would be
I don't know
Take it to his grave so
Yeah but like unless she asks
Have you ever been with a prostitute or an escort
You're technically not lying
Yeah
Well if she asks of preferences or something
Just say I'm glad you asked this
Here's my grandmother Red Riding
Red Riding Hood's grandmother costume
Can you put this on for me please
Or can you
Well nah cause then
He's going into more of a fetish
The way I'd say
You know pretending that you're a mom or whatever
Yeah I don't know
It's that whole thing
It's just a preference just looking older women
Yeah I feel like when you're young but like
Yeah but like 23 you kind of like
For me I like maybe just
I like just like girls around her own age but
To be a male font in 50 plus 40 plus sorry
That's how I just don't
I'm sorry for the name like he's hunting them as well
Like he's a predator
That used to be one of the pornos
Ain't it male font
Yeah probably yeah
It was
I can imagine actually
Well he was a middle aged man as well though
It's not like he was fucking your man
But yeah fucking they were funny
He was just funny though
Obviously you know I watched it to enjoy the set part of you
But the way he just speaks to the women and that
Or just chat shit and fucking
Or proper nagging
Or you know just abuse them but
In a good way and they went back
Obviously they were all fucking playing still anyway
Yeah wonder what he's doing these days
What a shame
But yeah on
On those last confessions we shall
Leave it there
Hopefully there is another one for you next week
Let's say if we don't
Have enough time to get something organised
I'll try and
Drop her driving with JD or something
Yeah we'll see
We'll try and get things sorted
If not try and keep your
Tears internal
Don't be too sad
We will be back and coming in your ears
Soon enough
So yeah have fun
And James you know try not to cry
Just wait for that email on fucking Saturday
No Sunday night
And uh
Otherwise you're getting blocked kid
Yeah
As always keep it real and peace
Oh so sly their chemistry's electric
You can't deny