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We're not a footballing podcast but we'll get our favourite listener out the way
Cause James, he just loves you
Looks like United are going to have a repeat of last season
Liverpool will win it this year, so obviously he's on about the Premier League
And then he's asked, did I go out in Liverpool last week
Well no, so he said, did you go to my home of Liverpool
I was keeping an eye out for another pratt
So yeah I was at Liverpool last week, it was a good night as expected
But you didn't have to keep an eye out for me
To be fair when I was in the taxi going back to Diggs afterwards
He was a bit overly chattery at first
Which is fine, you don't always want to have a chat when you're in a taxi do you
But you know when you clapped the name badge, I did see his name was James
I'm sure he would have noticed it was me, if it was our favourite listener James
But on to the football, I mean it's not like Liverpool were outstanding
United expected just as much on the Friday night
But yeah, I can't say I'm winning the league
Just one game in, long way to go
I mean your favourite of Chelsea, they had a bit of a stinker really didn't they
Yeah but one game, it's a long season mate
What would your take on the Raheem Sterling issue, drama, statements
The thing is, I get where the Chelsea manager is coming from is just being honest
They've got two new players, you're not in their plans
But obviously from a players point of view you kind of want that
The beginning of the transfer window I suppose
But you don't know what you've got to everyone's through the door
And obviously it's either a case of upstairs want to get his salary off the books
Or he's just not performing
But he'll find another club pretty easy I think most of the morning
And I think it's a case of recouping some money because they've spent loads just to keep you
Well yeah it's like 1.2 billion in two years something like that
Because they're calling it the Bum Squad for some reason
I don't know where that name's come from
Probably because it's a load of flops or something
But in this Bum Squad you've got Ben Chilwell obviously
He's really...
Yeah, which is a shame actually because I really like him as a player
Well I like him as a player
Yeah when he's fit he is up there with one of the better left backs in the league
He looks like one of those people though like if he just has a little nut, bruise
He doesn't want to play for the Pains who would just fuck it up
And that's most of the players these days though to be fair
When you're earning a couple hundred grand a week you ain't bothered are you?
Yeah I mean yeah
I suppose because we don't play football every week
It's like having the day off work with everybody
It's guaranteed money for him
If we don't go into work we're not getting paid
Where if it's salary and you're guaranteed to get the money whether you're in or out
You're not going to be as arsed
I will say this though, Sterling was terrible last season
I think I spoke around my podcast the free kick that I've seen
And it was the worst free kick at that level I've seen
But I'll say that Chelsea missed an open goal last night
Fucking hell
I didn't watch the game last night
I didn't, I've just seen them miss
Terrible
It's probably the missed the season already
Jesus
But yeah I still think they're going to do well
I think once they've got all the negativity out
And it's mad to say obviously
Obviously they've still got Lukaku
Have they saw that striker that was after that Napoli forward
What's going on there, it's been a bit cold hasn't it
Yeah so as of the moment there's still no movement on Oshawa
No
Oshawa I always, I didn't want to say his name because I wasn't saying Oshawa again like Pokemon
But yeah because I think Napoli still want Lukaku on loan
So they don't want to commit to buying Lukaku, they want him on loan
Want to sell Oshawa but they're still wanting 100 million plus euros
And then with that profit that they make off of him they want to buy Scott McTominay
Which is a strange move really
Because if clubs like Fulham aren't going to bid more than 20 million for Scott then I don't know why
Kantai is going to want him at Napoli
And Napoli after Billy Gilmore as well
Probably, I've not seen too much transfer activity for them apart from what we just spoke of really
But Kantai and Lukaku are good together though and I think they're the best out of each other
It seems like the right move for everyone
Yeah I think it's just Lukaku in the Italian Liga really, isn't it
I'm just thinking though, I still think Chelsea are going to do well
Someone's got to have faith in them
You know what, I would love to see the odds
But after me it's just Man City's to lose isn't it
I don't think Liverpool are a bit softer I think at the moment
I think they need a bit more depth
I think the main thing is because Slots still trying to fill the team out, obviously no signings coming through the door
Which is strange actually because you would have thought a new manager would
Especially one that knew he was going into the job would have had some ideas of who he wanted to bring in already
Unless he wanted to have a look around
Yeah I think it's that and a lot of the club owners just want a yes man as manager now
You know Pacicino was the biggest yes man
Solskjaer again, he's a yes man
Just give them players and the way Todd Bowley wants it to
I'll give you players, you make them work
Yeah because going back to Chelsea, they gave Neto Sterling's number didn't they
Yeah yeah took it off for them for seven
My biggest take about the Sterling saga though
The way that all the pundits have just slated him, said how it was a bad move
He shouldn't be doing any statements or his representatives and whatever
Which I think is wrong, as a professional footballer you shouldn't be going against
Bolting the hand of Fijia, slagging off the club and that
But what anoying was when Jadon Sancho did it last season, no one said anything
They deemed it as unfair to Ten Hag of his treatment on Sancho
So why is it fine for Chelsea to do it, but you know he can't
That was my take, it was annoying, I don't think what the manager's done is wrong at all
But isn't it the other way around where Sancho didn't want to play but Sterling wants to play
If you asked Sancho he'd say that he wanted to play
His statement was saying that I was fit, I do train every day
I was available but the manager hasn't picked me
So you know he was still along the same lines
From Sterling's point of view it's like a transfer request
Without asking for a transfer request, without getting a fine for a transfer request
I'm sure players will get fined for handing a transfer request
Then they'll turn up to training or whatever to try to push through a mute
But this is just like open the door now so everyone knows that he's actively knocking bias
Where do you think he'll go, seeing that Miller won him
Palace are interested, obviously Palace could afford his YIGs
I think that's the main problem, no to be fair he's on a big chunk
He's on a big chunk, 300 grand a week
So if he's willing to take a massive pay cut
You would expect Chelsea would have to pay him off for him to move on
That's what I mean, because I think he's got 3 years left on his current deal as well
It'd have to be reimbursed, so say I lock him in a small log video
I can only pay half, that after the con side the rest
I still don't think Villa or Palace or anyone would be willing to pay more than 1 from 50 grand a week
Which again is still too much for a player of Sterling's caliber
The thing is he's 29 now, I don't know when he's 30
So that's the only thing now where that long term contract, solid amount
Basically until he was 32 or whatever, the biggest contract
Obviously 32 you don't expect to get more money after 32 or 33
But that's the thing, what kind of money, what kind of years do you offer someone committed to
Offer bad season as well, that's the only thing
It's his ambition as well, where does he see his career going
How long does he think he's going to play for still
Because he could go to the long society of Arabia and earn at least what he's getting at the moment still
And play in a league that's easy
Or is he still wanting to fight and play competitive football at a high standard still
For a real cut down price
We'll see soon enough, I think there's 7 days, I think it's next Friday the transfer window
Yeah I can imagine this one being a busy one, it's been quite quiet compared to the normal ones
Just because of the euros though, everything got put back really
Again that goes back to Liverpool as well, I think with how little time of a pre-season
And getting first team players back for training at least, that's hindered on its lots
Any transfer ideas he might have had really I think
I do think Gunder Wijn going back to Man City is a good, I like that
For Man City it's good yeah, which again it's been quiet for them really
But is that a...
Just after a strike now, or did they get that by Stanlap
Again the last I saw of it, it's just talks are open still
But is it just like a pending doom that these charges are going to come out
And so they don't want to spend a lot of money in potential fines maybe
Or so they don't have to pay off too many players if they get chucked out of the league or something
I mean it's one of them, and you can get someone like Gunder Wijn free
Because it's free just to get him off Barcelona's ride
He was a free agent at the end of the season, not last season, season 4
He only done a one year contract with Barcelona
It was two years with Barcelona, and what Barcelona's problem was is
They've signed Almo, the one from the money in the euros
And with the Spain, Fi, what it is, they go off your league position
And that's salary cap
So basically their salary cap is too low because they didn't win the league
So all these players, they can't register players to the league until they've freed up salary space
So that's why he's moved him on for free because he was on 17 or 11 million euros or pounds
I can't remember which way around it is
Basically it's to free up that money so then that Danny Almo can be registered
It's ridiculous to be fair
It's like every season where Barcelona have to do this, the way that they have to juggle things around
I just don't get Barcelona
How do you just constantly have no money to sign everyone or want to sign everyone?
I've not seen official figures but it's reported that the youngs are on 700 grand a week
Which I can't say how he can be on that
During Covid, so they gave him a good contract, so he knocked Stalin's
And during Covid he didn't get paid for a year
So he was backpaying him from all that
I don't know, it's all nonsense
So basically he gets his salary and then he gets his salary while he's owed right now and every month
It's a lot of money
It makes you think where did we go wrong in life sometimes
All these people are earning that kind of money just for kicking the ball around, not even well
Which leads me on to, I can't find the message but it was a question from Lee
It was the WhatsApp
He's messaged in on the WhatsApp to the hotline
The real talking hotline
Send your messages in
07 470 488 096
Links are always in the bottom of the description
As always, send me the email address and Twitter and all that
But Lee has said, come on lads, use your detective skills and tell us what Jermaine Gienis has done
So still football related
Since we're not a football podcast
I've seen a thing my mate told me
Sorry about what the BBC, obviously it was on BBC News
And he was like, Saucy says it's something to do with
I didn't go into details but the BBC, the ones that hired him
Assigned Saucy, is there room for him?
I don't know, but what do you think he's done Jack?
Well the funny thing is he was live on Talksport when it was announced that he's got sacked
But while he was live he was talking about the odds of Ten Hog being his favourite to get sacked before Christmas
So I already have him talk about someone getting sacked while he's got sacked at the same time
They had to cancel, so basically turn off the phone line
Because everyone called him wanting to know what he'd done while he was sacked
So obviously he weren't taking questions
But obviously I've done my research, not
But allegedly, allegedly
He's been tapping off old Gary Lineker saying, mate, let me tickle your bollocks
And yeah, so Gary's turned around and says you need to sack him
But he was our time favourite to take over Gary Lineker
I mean I've not properly watched all of Match of the Day and enjoyed it for a long time
So if it would have been an oxigenist taking over, I really don't know how I would have felt about that
I don't know, can't I go from Gary Lineker to be fair? He's done it for that long
Yeah, it'd be that Alex Skottner, obviously just some tick boxes
So I think he's obviously been speaking to a girl
And then he's probably like fucking sent her a picture like just out the boot
Now a little bit more context
So he's probably been flirting and then all of a sudden, dick pic of whoa, you know what I mean, steady on there
But again, if he's along those lines, then whoever's grasped on him or says what's been going on
They'd be doing it on purpose because if you speak to someone along those lines, you know, a bit flirty
You're going to expect it
But to be fair, he's a bit of a gob shot anyway
Because he's married, isn't he?
I don't know, to be honest, I've not really followed much of his life
He was a shit footballer and he's a shit pundit as well
But that's most of them to be fair, right? You know, Gobi, Iqbongalhor and all that
Even fucking Clinton Morrison, he was never a top class footballer
But he was definitely better at football than his punditry
I hear him, it's like, Jesus Christ, mate, do you even watch football these days?
Also, with the Jermaine Jenis, apparently multiple women come forward
Oh, so there's more news out there, isn't there?
So basically, he's just saying inappropriate text, probe
So he's been sending a few dick pics
And does it say if he is married as well, though?
I think I did see somewhere he was actually married
Sorry, the article is just not... I don't want to go through it all, but I'm pretty sure he's...
But I've seen videos of him, he's sat there at a pub or in his fucking garden or something
But he's got a point in his hand, he's like, yeah, you know, after a hard day's work, earning that pay
You're not grafting a wire, he's being smug because he's just got a paycheck or something
And he's trying to make out that he's worked hard
So, no, you've fucking been told what to say and you've said it
Lord, you've not been working or grafting
Cracks me up, fucking
Just going back to the Jermaine Jenis with the match-or-die job, though
I think that's the easiest job, dog in the city, the match-or-die one
Because the host, anyway, doesn't analyse, he asks the questions
And so it's only like three or four questions after every match
Then he gives a summary of the match
Yeah, and it's just really off the teleprompter
That's what I'm saying, yeah
Literally, you're just being a face and a voice
You ask the questions off the teleprompter, yeah
So, like, literally, and it's not, you know, you spend less time talking than, you know, the pundits on there
And the replays as well
And the replays, yeah, so, you know, it's quite, he's missed out on that
Because that would have been a good gig, really, for a job or anything
Oh, yeah, because the Garelinica, I think he earns about £7 million a year-ish just for doing match-or-die
On the BBC?
Yeah, but it wouldn't just be match-or-die, obviously, whatever games are on long
International games and stuff as well
But yeah, a good few million a year
Where Jermain Gienis was getting paid £190 grand a year just for match-or-die and The One Show
Which has been chinned off of that as well because it's on the BBC
So it would have got a massive pay rise for it anyway
And yeah, just for literally 20 minutes for match-or-the-day
Because again, it's not like they're watching the whole thing
It's not what we're seeing on the TV
Don't even do the Sundays, do you?
Yeah, match-or-the-day too, we're chappers
Yeah, so, you know, barely anything to do on a Saturday night
And again, the amount of times, I don't know if it still happens
But the amount of times I watched it and you can see that Shearer's had a skin fall
His eyes are glazed over and that
What I'm saying as well, because obviously the World Cup of the Euros
Just fly there, you do the main in ball and games
It's a nice job to have, I can think of what else
It would be, I mean, we're doing well so I don't know
I enjoy my job, can't be said about both of us
No
That's just love
Maybe I should apply for the match-or-the-day role
Yeah, they need new funding
Start earning some of the TV licence money then
Yeah
I'll do it
So realistically, if Jermaine Jenis was on 190 grand a year then
I'd do it for 50 grand a year, I would
Obviously expenses paid as well
I don't want to be paying for my own fuel and flights and stuff
Starting in London, yeah
But yeah, so that's a good improvement on what I earn at the moment
And then for two days a week, yeah, you're laughing at ya
See
Fuck you
But don't say yourself short, mate
They offer you 50, go for 75
Yeah, you've got to, obviously, all the big wiggers at the BBC listen to this
Hello, welcome, send us your emails
I don't think you're quite
Is the word lefty enough?
Do you get what I'm saying?
I'm definitely not politically correct or nothing
Literally
You know, before recording the pod, I told you how my dog was being gay yesterday
So I'm sure stuff like that wouldn't really flog
Because it'd be you and Alan shit around in the skim pool
Oh, mate, that'd be a good crack to be fair
I'd be drinking on the fucking air, I would
But you know, when I think it's a cup of tea and that
I'm like, yeah, fucking Argalab
Some bile is in there
I've got to be Irish
So yeah
Yeah, so
I imagine next week we'll have the full details
Yeah, he said something, exactly
Yeah, naughty boy
Especially if he's still married then
That's terrible
But again, a lot of the footballers are doing it, aren't they?
I don't want to be that good, but he's probably done it
For all of them, because he's been
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, because most of them have done really, haven't they?
I think the last thing that we do need to say on football though
Is just the return of the Mac
Jamie Vardy
Red Bull need to sponsor him
He just fucking killed him in there
Why is a Red Bull sponsored every time?
I see him
You know when you watch the ball up to a match
Or why is there a Red Bull?
Like literally
Just give him a lifetime to buy
Yeah
Because he had the little interview afterwards
And he was like, yeah, I wake up in the morning
I have a Red Bull
Drop the kids off to school, kind of Red Bull
Training, kind of Red Bull
And he's like, I'm going to do this and that
Before the game, down one, half time, down one
And it just happened to be that he was doing it on the touch line
Well, in the dugout where he was
Not the dugout, in the tunnel
And got caught on camera
And yeah, it was just quality
Just the shit how he's reacting as well
Look, he pointed to his Premier League badge
Saying, I've got one, you've got none
And then, Romero, Romero
Oh God
You don't get enough of that
Did he get fucked for that as well?
No, I didn't see if he did Romero
Well, he should have done definitely
But yeah, it's just quality
So I think we need to start a petition
For Jamie Vardy to take over
Garelina Kaep
He ain't going to get a fucking funding job
To be fair, is he?
But then again, someone's going to have to take over
Roy Keane at some point, aren't they?
Souness definitely needs properly
Replacing, you know, considering he
Said he was retiring a couple years ago
And I still just see him on the TV
Talks, walk, chatting, so much shit
Oh God
But yeah, that's the last of the football
We can't keep going on about it
We have got other correspondents
I mean, to be fair
One thing that I did want to talk about
So you know Theo Von, the comedian
Yes
Have you seen or listened to his podcast
With President Trump?
No
Absolutely quite a bit
The fact that
He can speak to Donald Trump
And Donald Trump's asking
Him questions about his own person a lot
It was a real
Good interview to be fair
Because he wasn't really talking too much about politics
I know most of us
In general have seen and heard
Speeches from Trump
But he really is
A nice bloke, I know he's got to do it
The cameras are rolling and all that anyway
But every person he spoke about
He was so praised
Praising all of them
Speaking nicely
The only person he did slug off
He didn't really say much about Biden
Kamala Harris
Worst Vice President ever
She's going to lose
No one wants her in power
She's doing X, Y and Z
To ruin everything I've put in place
Before and
How she thinks she can win is ridiculous
So I had a laugh about that
But yeah he was
Asking Theo about
Because he's a recovering alcoholic
And drug addict
He was asking questions about that
Fun fact in case any of you didn't know
I didn't know that Donald Trump
Never had a drink in his life
Never had a sip of alcohol
So he was telling
All that story
His older brother, raging alcoholic
Because he looked up to his brother
And he always told him
Never drink, don't be like me
Don't ever drink
And it just sank into his head
So yeah it was quite interesting to
Have a little bit of a deep dive
Because you're seeing it all on the TV
And TikTok and that
And Miracle
And cooking stars
And flags and stripes and stuff
And fears
To see that side of him
It was real, real good
Listen to it, you know, even for yourself
And obviously the listeners at home and that
Give it a little listen because it really was good
But it
Sent me into a little deep dive
Of listening to some of Theo Van's
Podcasts now as well
I listened to him the other week
The one with Ed Sheeran
And I listened to that because
Ed Sheeran was like yeah let's give it a whirl
But then I was
Listening to him in Nildagrass,
Tyson earlier as well
And it's mad when you hear
Neil swearing
Because you don't expect it, you know, he's a
Highly esteemed
You know, scientist and that
I could listen to him all day
Yeah
He has got a comforting voice
And the knowledge, the way he just brings out
Explains things
It's
More tailored to
Our mindsets
I think that when
David Attenborough stops doing
When he, you know
He should be the one actually
I don't know if he'd want to do
That solely to be talking about
The animals, even though he
Did speak a lot about mice and stuff
And then
He'd rather
Send a gerbil to space
In Elon's spaceship
Than Ingo himself
So yeah, he did speak about animals a lot
Didn't he?
But yeah, he does, he
You know, I don't
Want to try and explain it
Too much because I'm not an astrophysicist
But
Briefly spoke about wormholes
And says
So say it would take us 100,000
Years to get from here
To the other side of the Milky Way
But because of the way
Whatever fucking it is
Or the way this wormhole works
You can get from A to B
And he described it as in folding a piece of paper
And like
Obviously I can't explain it, but the way
You might suppose it
Oh shit yeah, I know what you're saying then
You fold space and you can get from A to B
In no time
Yet if you keep space in a linear
Look, a flat sheet of paper
It takes you long
So yeah, real clever man
Maybe he should take over
Gary and Inga
Well yeah, I just thought
As I say, if you
Do want to give it a listen, definitely
His work, seeing
Donald Trump in a different light
Definitely
And he briefly spoke about
The attempted assassination
On himself as well
Several kids as well
I know we had kids, but
You know, he's got two sons
That are older than us
And then he's got another lad that's like 17
He's just mad
78, he's still got young kids really
But I suppose
Billionaires, it doesn't fucking matter does it
Just keep pumping them out
Send them off to private school yeah
Well yeah, we shall get on to
Some of the correspondence anyway
Because as always
We do love getting all your messages
Now
We've got the one
Which wasn't from last week
It was from the week before actually
Howard missed it
Found it in the old archive
And it was from Joe
Probably should have put this as
Into the Confessions Bank really
Well it's not really a confession but
This is a, hey up lads
I was at a little house party the other day
Obviously there was a lot of drinking happening
Eventually
The last of us passed out
And in early hours of the morning
Eventually
The last of us passed out in the early hours of the morning
I was woken up by laughter
It turned out
I'd pissed myself
Though I'm a bit certain
That it was a prank
It didn't smell
And it was sus
Anyway, I was just wondering if anything
Like that had happened to you
Or you were pissed
The bed as an adult
Ooh
No, I can
I've not pissed the bed as an adult have you
I've come close to
When you're having a dream
That was one dream where you
You fucking dream that you're having to piss
And you wake up and you have to quickly fucking
Yeah, you have to feel
You pinch your bell end and that's
Make sure nothing's going on
Yeah, because I did
Say it on one of the episodes
Before
Essentially because I was walking around in the dream
Trying to find a toilet
I was in the pub and then
Got all the cubicles around and that
And then I woke up and I was like
Ah shit, I need to piss
But as an adult, no
I'm pretty sure
I'd like to think it would come to my head anyway
I haven't wettened the bed
Um
Blackout drunk
I don't think I've pissed
Myself either
And you've been in some
Right states, yeah
It's proper drink, hello, honey
I can't wait for tomorrow
For the
Audience at home, I've got a wedding
To go to tomorrow
About quarter past 12, that first pint
Is going to be in my hand
Start drinking, wedding's not till two o'clock
But I don't care
Yeah, no, I don't think
Even in the
Younger days of
When we had the other house party here and there
I don't think I've really
Pissed out
At a house party
I mean we was never really
At that many
That would be out there all
Nods
I suppose like, have you ever been out drinking
That much while you've pissed yourself
To that point where you've come
Close or have you
No, I mean I've
I've had a sleep
In the bathroom because I've been throwing up
I remember
Once, yeah
We used to go to the bathroom after work and I'd throw it out
And this is when I used to get the buzz
And you know what you do, you have a piss before
You get on the buzz
Timed it perfect, pissed
Buzz
The buzz took so long, I'm fucking
You know like
Half way home, just squeezing it
I'm going to have to go off, I'm going to have to go off
I'm going to have to go off
And then I got off
I got off at my stop
And then she ran to an alley
Being close like that, that would have been embarrassing
Pissing yourself on the fucking buzz
How great is it though
When you're absolutely busted
Holding it in
And then you fucking finally get it going
You get like not tears to your eyes
But you're just like
You're really
Yeah, it's the opposite of brain freeze
The way brain freeze hurts
It's such
It's soothing it
It soothes the soul
I mean I have had people say that it's better than sex
But you know
Them people in Shaggywold and all that
Well each to their own
You know, if you'd rather have a piss
Than get your dick wet
You don't want it to be drawn
That's
Their own fault really
No
There was
Another question when I can get the right bit up
Properly
Err
Where is it? Ah, yeah
This one I thought was quite interesting from Royley
Oh guys, do you think you would know
If your wives were having an affair?
So I'm gonna go
Is he asking us because he's concerned
For himself
Or
And also Royley's other girls or boys
But I can't remember if they
Did clarify to us before
Erm
Do you think you would know?
Just the question
Err
In general
Yes, because my missus works
Way after week anyway
So she's got plenty of opportunities to do so
I'm too busy all the time
Because you know I get back from work
I've got to walk the dog
I've got to look after myself, got my own food and all that
So I don't know where I'd find the time to be honest
Err
But yeah I think the signs are there
When it's all the texting
And
Because I have pulled the missus up on that before
Where you know when they're turning the phone away
As the texting
What are you doing that?
If you're not texting someone that you shouldn't be
You don't need to be turning
Your phone away
The main thing
With mine though
Is I barely get the sex myself
So I don't think
She'd be doing it with other people
Erm
But yeah I'd like to think I'd know
Err, I mean you'd know
You'd see Winston turn up under a doorbell wouldn't you?
Yeah, under the doorbell
And when Baby's just on a ride
I'm like, is she gone?
Yeah
No I'd like to think I'd know
Yeah, but obviously unless you're in a situation
Where you don't
Well you wouldn't know until you're in that
Not that I'd want you to be in it but
Yeah, erm, I mean what about you Roller?
Do you not?
Has it happened to you?
Did you find out?
Is it as you, yeah
I need more details Roller
Erm
I'm sure
Ah, this was the other question
Which one?
In Kirste, another old fan favourite of ours
Erm
She's not talking about Poppix this time
Err, she says
Heya, do you close the door
When showering
Or just got called a weirdo for leaving it open?
Oh no, see I do both
If it's really hot I leave it open
Just to get all the drafting
From all the windows upstairs
Err, but it's probably soon that I
Probably would have to stop doing soon obviously
With having a, you know, when
The baby's older, because
I do free ball around the house upstairs
While I'm having a shower, you know like
So
Yeah, I should really probably start
Learning not to stop doing all that
So get out of the habit of it
But for me, yeah, I do both
Again, because I do both as well
So if the miss is at home
I'll close the door
But when it's just me
I'll leave it open, because otherwise the dog's
On the other side of the door, scratching it
Or, because he's a big dog
If he fucking
Because he'll throw himself to the ground essentially
So if he throws himself at the door
The right way, door opens
And then he comes in, and so
He'll try and get in the shower with me
But when I want to bat him on his own
He doesn't want to get in there
So I'd rather just, at least when she's at home
It's, he's not
Hanging to try and have the attention of me
But if I'm on my own
I have to leave it open, because it's just
Just easier
But in general, yeah, I don't
I don't know why someone would find it weird
Whether you leave it open or not
No, even when you're abroad
I always leave it open
Just for the draft
Because the bathroom always seems to get
Really hard-boiled, but you know
I think I always leave it open
I tell you what's weird though, mate
When you go abroad and you've just got like
The glass windows
For the bathroom, and the hotels
When you're having a shit, you can see
Someone, not, it's like frosted glass
But you can, just like, you know
Just pull a door on it
Like, literally, just, I'm shitting
Like, fucking hell
Maybe next time you've got one like that
Put a towel there or something
So it blocks the vision of the blurry toilet
And the person sitting on it
But yeah, I think it's normal
I think you should question the person
That called you weird
I reckon the person that called her weird
Pisses in the shower, because we've
We have, we all... There's nothing wrong with this
We've established this, Ash
You're the weird one for not pissing in the shower
You're not efficient enough
Honestly, I just can't think of
Just having to drip it down my leg like, eww
Look, because you're not aiming it at your leg
Where's it going then? Aiming the fucking
Four
Do you hold it while you wait?
That's a question actually
Look, look, so
If I am
Then
Because normally, I'm washing my hair or something
So I'll just push a little bit out
Because I need to
But you're not
Like, pushing it
You're not pushing your cup towards your leg or fucking anything
No, but what I'm saying is it's hanging down
It's going to go down, isn't it?
But you know
You can move your leg
So you're not pissing on your leg
And then you turn towards the flow of the water as well
So you're not facing
The wall
So it will just naturally go straight down
The drain
It just seems like you could just
Wee in the toilet, mate
It just seems so much easier
Because if you're in there
And you need to go
There's no point feeling uncomfortable
And holding it in, just let it go
Do you poop with the door open upstairs?
Same situation as the shower
I can come on my own, the door will be open
Because the dog's just there
And he's in his shorts
He gets his nose brought up against the bottom
And has a proper sniff
I'm like, hey, fuck you now
I want to get your nose on my arse
I said to do that a lot
Sniff at the door?
No, no, no
Leave the door open, constantly
I've done it
I finally walk upstairs and it's like, you're not having a shitty day again
Yeah
It's
I don't know, maybe it's
More of a man thing for doing that
But then is that like a primal thing
Where it's
If there was an invader to come in the
House, that door being
Shut is an extra two seconds
Less to be able to
Protect the house or something
Because again, it's a lot psychological
With what side of the bed you sleep on as well
Because normally
Allegedly, I don't know
I'm not a scientist, we've already established that
But
If you're madly sleep
Closer to the door, because of that
If there is an intruder
It can get up and react to it quicker
Whereas if you're on the opposite side
You've got to throw the misses in front to
Stop you getting wrecked
Or something, you know
Whatever the intruder is wanting to do
I don't know
Some people enjoy it
But again, it's not more cup of tea
But yeah
I'd say cursed
You're a weirdo
Why is it weird? Get them to explain
To you
And if they piss in the shower
There's nothing wrong with it
There is
They're in
So
We shall get on to
Ashley's favourite
Section, or
Maybe soon to be second favourite section
We'll find out
We'll see what we get in
Now
We have got
Our first one
Make sure it isn't one that I've already read
No, it is one that I've already read
Good job on checking his crap though
Because I've screenshotted them
And I've accidentally gone back too far
Somehow
Ready phones
So we have got
Tabs, and she's saying
What's wrong with you?
Why do people have to moan about my grammar?
Why do you care?
Well
To be fair
I would like a good comma
To know when
Do you know what I'm saying about it?
I cannot defend her here
I want to
It's nothing worse
When there's no commas or full stop
To know
When there's a comma
It's easy
It's just reading in general
Because you know when to pause
Take a breath
And when the sentence actually finishes
And the next one starts
I have an interpeave now
So you know how there's your and your
As in you are and your
So your belongings
And you know you are
And you're just shortening to your
But when they spell
They're obviously way around
That sign
Where
We are
So I'd like to point out where sometimes I go and Google
To see how and hold
Which one's
The wrong context
To use it in
So what a lot of the
Pundits and that
Are using
So with the transfer news basically
They're saying it's
Hotting up
This move is hotting up
And I'm like when did
Hotting up become a word
Hotting
If you're
Cooking dinner and you're trying to boil some water
The water's heating up
So this transfer
Is heating up
The temperature is heating up
You don't say it's hotting
It's getting hotting
But they're all saying it
It's hotting up and there's too
Many made up words
I mean I know that's what language is
Anyway all words are made up really
But yeah
It's an English language
Just weird anyway
Again I was thinking about again
The other day I know we spoke about it a long time
Ago a lot the voice inside your
Heads because not many people have a
Voice that narrates
I think that's weird I can't
In my head it's just someone talking to me
But I talk to myself
Yeah
Sometimes it's
It is my own voice but sometimes it's a different
Voice I don't know why
Yeah
Be careful
Be careful with that mate
It's not like telling me to go and strangle a cat already
I'm not Kurt Zuma
But again
If I'm reading
Not that I read books or but I'm reading
A book or subtitles and that
In my head I'll put that
Person's voice on the
Narration in my head as well
Right so if you're reading like a Japanese anime
Are you speaking with like
They're all saying the same don't they
No but who like
Are you speaking with that twang in your head
Like as if you're a Japanese person speaking
English
Hello
It's like if I was
You know
If I was reading Harry Potter
Then I'd be putting on different voices
It'd be like fucking Hagrid
Yeah so when Heimari speaks
It'd be a girl's voice in the air
Or Hagrid or whatever
Snape
Professor Snape, he was one weren't he
I don't know
So yeah I'd have the different voices in my head
But
Not everyone can do that
That still baffles me
Because that's in my head
How doesn't everyone
Have the same brain essentially
And
I think it was a TikTok
So as I was just saying
We have thoughts in our heads
And we think in English
And obviously other people
Nationalities, languages, they think in their
Language
What language the baby's thinking now
I think it's more like
Not so much
Language, more pictures
That's what I think
How obviously your little one now
She's talking
In her way
To her
She is putting something across
She's saying something
So how is that in her head
I can imagine
It'd be
Probably English
And someone
Singing
Because she just watches all the programs
Oh my
They're just singing
Some of them are bangers
Me and Caleb don't know about it
The Christmas one that we listened to last year
That we had on repeat because it was playing bangers
I actually said to Caleb
Do you remember that was cool
It's going back home Christmas
Fucking hell
This Christmas is going to be different in this household
Now that she's
Taking things in
And she can understand things a bit more
You'll probably make an effort
It's just strange
I don't even know what
The question
Grammar
How are you texting?
Allergy, connect the batteries
Does anyone still text like that?
It's got to be some geese
There is
What's that WOT?
I don't know what that is
We've got no defence
Were you there Raps?
You do need to
Without saying the fence you've grown up a little bit
I know we've said it before
They're all
Predictive texts on the phone
As soon as you start typing
It's ready to give you the rest of the word
Sometimes I feel like
When you're trying to spell a word
And it doesn't even
Come up on the order of correct
That's how far off I am
I'll have it sometimes
Even yesterday I just had the complete blank
In the head
I was like how do you spell windowsill?
I really just couldn't think
I started writing it out
Because I was leaving a note for the blasterer basically
I wrote window
Is it C
Or S
I'll have to get it on the phone
The thing I struggle with
Is writing in full on capitals
I have to really think about it
When it's normally just writing it
But when it's capitals I'm like
See when we left school
I stopped all the cursive writing and all that
All my letters
Are capitals
But I still have the big first capital
Then the rest of them
So it's lowercase letters
But the capital letters
I don't want to be leaving a note for someone
And they're thinking
What 5 year old has wrote this
So at least if it's all capitals
It's still not the needs of hand writing
But you can see what the individual letters are
You've got to be a team player
You've got to make sure everyone's in the note
So yeah with regards to this one
What are we saying mate?
What are you saying?
I've just said it, she needs to fucking grow up now
Imagine she's about 50
No Abs
Just be more
I can't think of the actual word
Just drop a full stop
In there and again
Let the nerve win
You know what I'm saying?
Just think about people
It's not about yourself
Stop being in a rush
It's not about how quick you get there
You don't pay for text no more
No it's all unlimited
Thanks for the message as always
Now
On to the next one
We've got Lauren
Keeping her on the theme of phones as well
She is
When people just stop dead
To look at their phone for a text or something
I'm walking here
I'm guessing she's saying it all that
You know like walking on the move
Hey I'm walking here
The thing that I hate the most is when
People in the barbers get in the hair cut and the farm rings
And then they're just
Gassing forward means where the barbers just wiling behind them
I'm like fucking out
Just say I'll call you back
When the message comes up I'll call you back
Yeah I'll fucking out
Well I've answered the phone
I think only to you to be fair
Just to say I'm in the barbers
Call you back in a minute or whatever
But I wouldn't be able to do that
I get those people
It's the ones as well that are on the phone
That sends a shopping list
Or the partner log what to get
Fair enough if you're in Asda
Yeah fair enough if you're in Asda
You've got to log have a read
And then get your bearings log
Alright yeah I need to go to the store to get this name
If you walk in the street
And you can't walk
And read a text at the same time
Don't call your phone out
You've got to have some self awareness
When it comes to that in here
Yeah
I'm always
Aware of my surroundings as well
So if there's
I mean it's not 100% of the time
But if there's someone walking behind me
I'll know
So I'm not going to just stop
Because they're walking behind me
And then they've got to fucking go
And walk around
You've just got to have a full 360
Know what you're doing
Don't just stop there
It is annoying
Just people are annoying really
Yeah
Shit drivers, shit texters
Shit grandma
Yeah
People need to fucking
Sort the laws out really don't they
Lauren yeah
Next time someone does it to you
Just kick them
When you tap the back of the leg
And they just fall
Do that to them
Happy slap that away
And we've got another one from Jesse
When lads call their girlfriend their bitch
So rude
What I mean
Right Jo
So
Now to be fair
Anything that I say openly
About my mrs
Outside of my face
Always been like it
I mean I say a lot about lads essentially
Not in a gay way
It's just
It doesn't
You had to like confirm
Not in a gay way
No because some people get confused
They think what is he married to a man
I'm not
But
All I don't want to
Have any issues
You can't, we've said it before
Keep things bottled up
You've got something to say
Because there's no need to fucking be annoyed
So anything that I say
If I call her a bitch or whatever
I'll happily and have done
Said it to her face
Oh yeah
It's not even the amount of times
In the pub
I will joke
Or whatever
A lot of people look as if to say
Domestic violence
I'll say it back to you then as well
And then yeah
Out in public
Oh you're ginger
You're ginger as well
That's why it's funny because I can say
We've got the G word to be able to say
It's the same letters
But to be fair
Yeah
When it's these younger lads
I mean I never
Say it in a joking way
Yeah my bitch fucking
My wife
But yeah
It's just an immature thing
Really it's a young lads thing
Just like I don't know
They're trying to be cool or something
And it's just not very easy
Yeah
I have to think of who it was
Is it the one that recently been going around
Trying to do the pedo hunting thing
Yeah
That's been a thing like on my TikTok
Doing the baiting
So they'll just be recording
The laptop or whatever
And it's like
Again I used to know
All fucking back in the day
So it would be like ASL
Which was age, sex, location
Yeah
Then you'd want to be like
22
On a Brighton or whatever
And then the last
The person that's sitting there on the computer
What about you
And it's always a lad as well
Not fighting these men
So 14
Female, fucking whatever
Nah
It's just
Obviously it's good in one way
Because you're trying to out them
And fucking get them done on that
But it's just mad how many have been
Just this week
Because there was one live one
That I stumbled across
Whichever way you want to say it
TikTok
I don't know what ethnicity
The man was but he wasn't white
He was a chef
In some restaurant because
He had the hat on in the neighborhood
And I watched him
For about five minutes at first
So the lads were like look
You spoke English to us when we first
Got in touch
We got the messages
Now you're trying to say that you don't speak English
The police have been called
Just admit to what you've done
And you can see he's there
He knows that he's fucked
And he's eventually
Started saying no
I don't know
He wasn't Italian
I don't want to try to attempt his accent
To be fair
And then he's putting on the false tears and everything
And I was all right on board
And I started scrolling
And then I don't know it was about 10 flicks later
I was back on
And then about an hour later
I fucking found it again
And he was wearing a coat now
So they'd been
Standing there that long
He'd started to get cold
And the police still weren't there
It's been fucking three hours
You've called the police, why aren't the police there?
I couldn't do anything like that
Obviously
Nons of kids never do that
We get it mate
We get it
Not a girl, not a nons
Fuck it up
Someone's listening like
And look at the voices in your head
Don't touch those kids
But yeah
I wouldn't
I'm saying I ain't got a tone to do anyway
I won't about
Be a pedo, or not
Or nons of kids
I ain't got a tone for anything
Fuck it up
I wouldn't have the patience to be able to
Try and bait them out or anything
You get there
You just want to attack them
You just want to fucking hit them
You've got to have some restraint to do those kinds of things
But moving swiftly
Onto this touchy subject anyway
We do need to get onto
What could potentially be Ashley's new favourite feature
He's got another confession
For the father
And hard drive
Read this one through
So I try not to laugh as much
I mean you can laugh still but
The listeners want to hear it
They want to hear it Claire, with proper grammar
Yeah, use the proper grammar
If there's a full stop in there make sure you use it
Come on then, Father Ash
Welcome children
Father Jamie
Right, here we go
One time
I was choking the chicken
When my door bar rang
I got decent
And answered the door
It was two friends
Stopping by to say hi
One of them reached out to shake my hand
And he reached for the hand
I was beating it with
I was maulified
And stared at his hand
For a second
The look on both their faces was clear
They thought I was disgusted
From shaking his hand
He's a big black guy
By the way
And I'm white
I was too socially awkward
Just to say, dude
You caught me on a solo afternoon delight mission
And you really don't want to shake my hand
So instead
I shook his hand with a little effort
As possible
And then never talk to him again
Out of sheer embarrassment
I'm certain he thinks
I'm a massive racist
Now child
You were
Will be given six
Home Aries and
Be forbidden
To choke the chicken again
It's quite an aggressive
Time as well, isn't it? Choking the chicken
It's the same one, he was going for it
Yeah, like squeezing hard as well
He knew what he wanted
He knew what porn he wanted on
And was just like
He was angry weren't he?
Yeah, like just like
And he was just like
Sorry, I didn't mean to cause that
But yeah, it's aggressive
I did like the
Afternoon Deloads
Because it reminded me of
The Anchorman
Afternoon Deloads
The thing is you can't really go
To one where you might
You can't really go to
Sorry mate, I was just wanking
I felt like I've done that
I felt like it's something
That I would just say
Lance, I was just having a wank
But we've got one mate that definitely
Would, he wouldn't have been embarrassed
By shaking our hands, sir
He'd send a picture as well
Yeah, no he would
But yeah
I think I would have just
Been honest
Nah mate, you don't want to shake my hands
Send my coffee
To be fair
For most men that's a lot of the time anyway
So I don't think they'd be bothered
He should have just fucking
Been open about it really
Or just wouldn't have
Or shouldn't have just answered the door
I mean he could have answered the door
No, I mean I'll just finish what you're doing
And then just like
I was waiting for you to finish that sentence
No, no, no, no, I mean just like
If he's in the moment and he's like
Done stuff, just like
Fuck it
No, obviously he didn't know it was the door
Yeah, but then it's not important is it
To be fair
He's kind of on the lads as well though
Don't turn up unannounced
Drop the text or something
It's not the normal
You have to text
It is annoying if you're not expecting
Guests and then people just
Randomly turn up
You feel like you've got to host as well
It does sound like he was an angry one though
Yeah, choking the cheek
Definitely going for that
Can't do that
Don't lock squeezing it too hard
Just gotta, you know, disaster
Make it nice and smooth
Ah, yeah
We're not forgiving you
Sins of an angry wank
Do something to console yourself
As not being racist
Just get in touch with him, just tat him
I didn't mean to be awkward
I'm not racist, I was having a wank
There must be something else
With why
They haven't spoken since as well
Well, yeah
Can't just be because he had a wank
Yeah
Well, thanks for your conversion, by the way
Yeah, do keep them coming in, we do really appreciate it
And while it is in my head
Because I just mentioned them
So tonight is Tuesday, obviously you know them
Jack Black, Kyle
They split up the other day
Live on stage as well
Do you mean they split up live? How?
So because they've been doing a World War II tour
I don't know what started it
But it just showed
Well, sort of a clip of someone recording in the audience
Jack Black's completely
In Kyle's face
Like shouting at him
And then as he walks back to the
Moc he's like, alright we're back
Kyle walks over to his Moc
And went, that's it, I'm done, I quit
And he just fucking gives him the birds
And everyone's
Like boo, like what's going on
And all that
So it's musical history
At the end of tonight's just day
Yeah, there's got to be some like background
Stuff going on there already
Just to quit on stage
It's a shame really
I mean the music's never going to die
It's always going to be there to listen to
But whenever I've seen the shows
Again, not live, just clips and whatever
YouTubes and all that jazz
It always looks like they're having fun
So yeah
I'm going to have to stop
Looking into the Jermaine Genis
Situation and start doing some
Tenacious D digging off really
But yeah
On a sad note now
We shall call it a day
Bring on the football, bring on the
Beer tomorrow, can't wait
I mean I'll have a couple tonight but
Skin full tomorrow lad
Night Lord, blackout
Old school JD, drunk ball
Pissed yourself
It's alright, I'm in a premiere really, doesn't matter
It doesn't count if it's not your own bed does it
Piss all over the
Mrs
Nah mate, fuck that
I don't know
We've ended by the end of the show
So we'll save that for next week
But yeah, as always
Appreciate it, keep the messages coming in
Keep the logging, sharing, downloading
All that, you know what to do
And yeah, we'll see you next week then
Peace!
Thanks for watching!