Ash and JD, they're the hosts talking real, they're not like most
The podcasting fun with a side of wit, get ready
Cause you won't wanna quit, they bring the laughs, they bring the noise
Sharing stories of their crazy joys from deep discussions to silly tales
The real talking podcast never fails
Step your headphones, step ready to groove
Ash and JD will make your mood improve
The banter that's witty and no-souls sly
They can't refuse electric, you can't deny
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the real talking podcast
Ash and JD
Now we will just start off this week's episode with a YouTube comment
Cause you know we are on the YouTubes
You know it's not always a camera episode
But the audio goes up at least anyway
But anyway we seem to have a new fan favourite
The handle at Mark Didmeradi by 34
I don't know what it stands for, I don't know if it's just his name or it means anything else
But he says my dudes invest in some decent sound equipment
I mean we're not fitter or anything
But sound equipment isn't cheap these days
And how does that make you feel May?
I don't give a shit to be honest
I mean to be fair I'd probably say just invest in some better headphones or speakers
Instead of the B&M Poundland specials cheap and cheerful
But they're not that cheerful if you can't hear us coming in his ears very well
But as always we appreciate your comments
And hopefully I haven't ruined your day as you listen to this in poor quality
And thanks for listening though, we do always appreciate it
As always send in your messages if you do want to comment on the YouTube videos
Good or bad
The links are in the description as always
Realtalkingpod at gmail.com
Realtalking hotline, your backbone
07 470 488 096
Links at the bottom of the description area
You can always send in a message
Now we are going to get on to some of the correspondence
Because we do love it, this is what we crave for
For all of your input
Whatever messages you've all got
Things that you want to say, as we say good or bad
We'll get on to James's messaging a little bit
But it's just been another strange week again hasn't it
And one thing that has shocked me this week
Now as most people know the WhatsApp groups
They're always atrocious
I'm not active on WhatsApp on my own personal phone
But I do still get pictures that automatically save to my library
And when I'm getting pictures
The likes of
A larger man who looks like he's had suction cups on his
Man boob area
So essentially you could swing his tits around someone's face
And I'm getting the likes of this picture
Randomly saving onto my photo library
The one picture on gobsmacked hasn't been uploaded in the group
It's the Katie Price picture
Now I haven't necessarily seen this picture
But I haven't been looking for it
But I know it's apparently some big shit
And apparently it's what your guy heard
I don't know how they could know that but apparently
Have you seen the picture?
I've not seen it
Shall I look at the picture?
No from how many descriptions I've heard about it
I feel like I know what it's going to look like
It's a fibrous bowel movement apparently
What does that even mean?
Three solid logs so it's not much or anything
So she's had the full Dubai treatment
Oh no
I hope you're not trying to find it now
If you're trying to find it go into incognito mode
Because you don't want that on your search history
Google already knows everything about us
You don't need that on there as well
No I just can't
I did go to it but then I was just like
No I'm not going to
No
I can just imagine flashbacks of the
Audacious memories of the old two girls one cup
Do you remember that?
That was mad wasn't it?
I imagine a lot of the listeners that are of the younger generation
Won't know what two girls one cup is
I won't give any spoilers for it
If you do want to have a look
Just give it the old Google
But as I say incognito mode would be better for your search history
And potentially keep you off some lists
But yeah some of the stuff back in the day that was popped out
Blue waffle, waffles out of everything
It wasn't actually real but early days of photoshopped people photoshopping and that
Do you remember that video of the man cutting off his wallet?
I've seen several of that
I just like oh
I mean one of them that I've seen is
He's paid a woman, like a dominatrix of sorts
To cut his bell end off
And that's sexually arousing
To this person
I mean again
We've gone over it before on older episodes of people with weird kinks and that
I shouldn't be saying some of the stuff that I've seen
To be fair probably a lot of them have already seen it
And again as we spoke about before the younger generation seems to be open and free about a lot of these things
I'm fucking in love with mine
I ain't got shit on all the time I guarantee
What's that called though?
Because I know like this thing is called a golden shower isn't it?
Um
I'm sure there's got to be like a term for it, it's got to be called something
But can you imagine, no imagine it, no like
There's probably someone that's listening that's like fucking getting turned on as fuck right now
But can you imagine going to your wife Jack going
I want to try something, it's a bit gnarly
She's like fucking I want this could be like
I'm going to get this fucking
I'm going to get what I want now
She's hoping for like a free somewhere with black either
No I thought we were talking about mimes
Hey Lillian go, do us a favour like that and let me show you
I mean it's definitely not my cup of tea
Um
Well how do you know like
I don't get the urge in that like
I don't get the like the
Sexualness in it
Because all I need is silence when I'm shitting mate
I can't have no one, you know what I mean so
Again yeah we spoke about this previously
Um I don't know how that could get brought up in a conversation
Yeah but imagine, but imagine someone that
Obviously it's got brought up obviously
Somehow someone shitted on someone's chest
Can you prize for this instance
A conversation needed to be had beforehand
Well that's why it's like in general
This is called the Dubai treatment because it started a couple of years ago
Yeah
Where the princes and all that were
Shipping these only fans girls over
Yeah to degrade them
But yeah it is a lot of money that they get paid
How much would it pay
Hey you know what I've got
How much would you need to be paid
For someone to shit on you mate
Um
I mean times are hard so I'd probably take like five grand or something
Five grand for a big time
Yeah because as long as I know that I'm going to be out till I
Get rid of it as quick as possible
That I don't have to like lie there for hours and hours
Because again from what I've told or what I've heard about this scatty prize photo
She looks passed out
As if she's been drugged up or something
She might have probably just had her eyes closed because she didn't want to look at it
And it may have stunk
I can imagine
Yeah she stinks
Yeah I wonder if he had to wipe afterwards
I mean
Where do you put the shit
Because obviously you're not going to put it in your hands down the toilet
Logistically what goes on there does someone get a doggy bag out
Because you can't turn it over and it's on the floor
Then someone's got to pick it up anyway and you've got shit on the floor
Logistically how does that shit go from someone's chest
Into the pan
Yeah it's a lot of questions
I've never thought of that but I've never thought of
Obviously about shit falling onto my chest
But logistically after that
Maybe it's better to do that in a bath
I mean that's probably
Yeah you'd want to do it in a wet room of sorts
So it's easier to clean up
But it's not recommended to try and force a shit down a plug hole
Because you don't want to block your drain off
So either way there's a logistic problem I can see here
Yeah
But again if you're a prince or a cheek or whatever over there
Cleaners are doing that
You're paying a lot of money for all these kind of helpers anyway
So I suppose that's not going to be your first thought
How am I going to clean my mess up after this lady that I've just degraded
Do you know back in medieval times
It was a
So a job was basically to clean the king's arse
Yeah and it was a privilege basically
It was an honour to be that guy that wiped his arse
Yeah
So yeah
It's mad as well because they only used to have like two baths a year as well
I mean
Thinking times when they needed to bathe a bit more
Yeah
They didn't
There's a saying, I can't think of a saying
Hopefully consuming but
Obviously
Families didn't have mud and plumbing
Like what there is these days and there was no showers
You'd have a big tin bath
And they'd pour hot water into it
And then essentially the oldest family would get in their bath first
And it would work the way down
So the last person to have the bath would be already
Dirty water
Water
A water geezer
And you can imagine
You know they're probably pissed in it or something as well
Yeah
Because some people are just wrong
It's okay to do it in the shower
We've already established this
With modern day privileges of having a shower
But if you're having a bath, don't piss in the bath that you're in
It's bad enough that you're lying in your own dirt in that sense as well
But you don't need to piss or anything like that
Yeah there's a saying
Because I feel like it was
When the baby got washed
This isn't the same but because of the baby being washed in the water last
There was a lot of deaths, well infant deaths
Oh okay, all the...
Obviously we didn't intend to go on to medieval time history
With Ash and JD
101
205 I think
So
Yeah there was no prep for this to remember what the saying is
But a lot of
Sayings come from tragic
Yeah
History essentially
I've seen a few tiktoks actually with like where do you
Like where do the meanings come from
I mean it's like old times
Yeah, a lot of ring around the roses
The old nursery rhyme
That was to do with like the black plague and
That had the
Flowers to
Help with the sense
The bad sense of the rotten corpse isn't that essentially
And one of the reasons we found out
The bouquet that the bride holds
At a wedding
And obviously tradition is to probably
For someone else to catch
So the origin of that was
Because again they're only having like one
Two perhaps a year
So the bride, hunky
Stinking like fuck
Would hold the bouquet of flowers because the flowers
Smelled nice
Horrible stench of the smelly
Pom pom and the rest of the body
Obviously
I don't know where the
Throwing of the bouquet come into that
Maybe just because it's the end
Of the night when it's over
Pop these flowers off now I'm about to get railed
You know
14 years old trying to live the best
Life any
Starting a family of 10 kids
And hopefully three of them survive
That's how
We lost pretty much already
So yeah history
205 of Ashen Jada
That might be a new segment that we get started
Horrible histories
We'll have a new brand
We'll think about it yeah
Rebrand that, come up with someone else's audio
And rebrand as they're own
Yeah
I mean
To be fair
That's what everyone's features are
It's just the same as other people's
You know it's
The confessions, I do see a lot of
Confessions on others
Yeah they got it from us
Yeah yeah even though they've
Been going for years and years but
But still
Back to Katie Price
I imagine she's got
A book coming out or something again soon
She's obviously skint
She's skint, I've seen her on TikTok
Doing these
Not live
Like trying to sell you shit on TikTok
Have you ever seen like, you know like QVC
Where you're trying to sell something
Okay, so sometimes like TikTok
Shops do that like you can board fucking
I don't know whatever it is and she's still trying to sell you
Yeah I mean I see
A lot of live shop things
Always the toilet paper
I bought the toilet paper from there
Because you know 72 rolls
For like 12 pounds you can't go wrong with that
No no
But it's annoying because it is like
Every three scrolls there's another advert
Don't need it
But even Twitter now, adverts on it
You'll click on a video
And it will automatically
Finish and scroll straight to
An advert or another video
I don't need that
If I'm watching a video I want to be able to see
Let it repeat itself
And if I'm done watching it just go off
I don't need another one to start
I'm not on Instagram going through reels
It's just, they need to calm it down
A little bit with the old technology
But yeah she's probably, because she's
Real good with her promotions
Yeah I'm just trying
Getting her products out there
I'm just trying to think, there's probably nothing that she hasn't done
Sexualate
Any sexual term
I reckon she's probably smashed them all out
Literally
Yeah most likely
I can't think of anything off the top of my head that I'd say she has done
Proloatly
Well not done rather
But it does remind me of a
TikTok
Not influencer
I don't know, someone just
Posts videos
On TikTok
Now again because I wasn't expecting
To do this
But essentially this lady
Just posts random log
Dad jokes
And the comments section in there afterwards
Typically I'm not going to be able to fucking follow them
But like
They're the best ones when you see a certain video
And the first four is
I'm going to the comments
They are, they have the best
Comments ever
When you see a video and the first four is
I need to go to the comments
Well I love it when the comments have been
Disabled as well
So you know instantly they've had some abuse
And they've had to disable the comments
Because they don't want that negativity
So I've found the lady now
Just Neve
That's all her name is
Neve
Nothing special about her
In the sense of what's going on
But
I used to be afraid of gardening
But
Then I grew a pear
Classy
So she's grabbed some pears out of a tree
And she's just doing a dad joke
I grew a pear
And she's laughing
But you go to the comments
I mean these have changed
Since I've already saved the
Oh pressing too many
Buttons here now
Jake has said hilarious
Now give me a Tijuana
Telephone
So that's obviously no doubt
Some sort of sexual act
Another chap has gone
Funny, snail
Trow my face
It's literally just loads
And loads of super ones
Hilarious, use me as a loofer
This is outstanding
Let's dig up my grandmother
So why people have
Obviously someone's done it originally
And then everyone has just gone on and on
And I did go through a few of the videos
And everyone has these
Ridiculous comments on there
But she's probably loving that because look at the comments
In terms of the money she'll get from it
Just to do with that joke
So this one in particular
That's 234,000 likes
So I don't know
She's probably getting like 200 pounds
Or dollars if she's in America
I don't know where she's from
I think I've seen a video where someone
Because they all get paid different prices
So this person had 2 million likes
I think, no sorry
2 million views, it was like 1000 likes
He didn't really say the comments on it
After something like that
But yeah, 750 quid off one video
2 million views
1000 likes
Because you need to watch it
Over a certain amount of time
Now it's like 10 seconds and a half
To get paid
I think it's 15 because I did see
Like some woman
I don't know
There was a sob story or something on the picture
And it just says please hold for
15 seconds so I can get
The revenue for like
Any ones with the dog where it's size that
I was like fuck it
See these dog ones
They get me going
Nothing that way
So again randomly
It'll just be out of the blue
I'll start getting the dog adoption ones
I log 3 o'clock in the morning mate
I'm never up that early
I'm up an hour later but I'm not
Up through the morning to still be awake at 3 o'clock
In the morning, not these days anyway
Too old for that
But yeah, just random dog
Adoptions because there's one happening this weekend
As well and it's like
It says adoptions free this
Weekend essentially saying come and just
Take a dog from us
Which that baffles me as well
You have to pay to adopt the dog
But it's already
Keep the company going
The rescues going
But it should say
Adopt a dog and we'll have
A donation
It's just the word in for it
It can be a bit strange or I think so anyway
But yeah, I'll see the videos
And you said little dogs and I just want to
Take my ball home and that
Obviously we ain't got enough money
To buy better sound equipment
So I can't afford to have all these dogs either
Good dog farm
I'd love it
You know when you see the question
If I won the lottery
No one would know
And that would be mine
Dogs and dogs and dogs
Of the animal kind
Them days are long gone
Again, I love it
Going on to the TikTok memes and that
People just edit the videos
So there's been a load of the Wolverine ones
When he pulls down his mask
And the classy one the other day
When my mates
Chatting up a 10 out of 10
And then I see the monster coming over
And he just pulls it down
Because he's
I can't remember
Yeah, but it's not
Because I've got to take the
Jabba the Slut
Because I've got to take on the Jabba the Slut
I should have sent it to you to be fair
I've seen it
I literally have seen the exact same
Yeah, but there's loads of them
Just different situations
Well, scenarios that have been said
And they have actually brought out
That choir version
Madonna ass
So you know like
We were on a band before where she put the money off it
On Amazon Music anyway
It's there
The choir version, the original version
That should be in the charts now then
Well, maybe it was like
Way too light
I dunno, it's still popular
I've put it on every now and again still
Because it's in my head fucking constantly
The amount of people who have got loads of concerts
That I've seen doing
So it's not
Their version of it, they're just singing
Exactly the same
So I thought, yeah, you're not Madonna are ya?
No
No one's Madonna, there's only one Madonna
And they're never really right even Madonna
As I said, it's someone that I wouldn't want to remember
When we done the thing
So it's someone that I wouldn't want to do
But the song is catchy
I must admit
In the context of
It's brought a new light with the movie
Well, it's one of the
Greatest things about
Movies and TV shows these days
We have said it enough times
The soundtracks that are coming out on these
Films, Guardians of the Galaxy
Obviously the Deadpool Wolverine one
A lot of quality
But it can do
Again with the Kate Bush
Stranger Things
How he brings a new audience
To the emotions of these songs
I just found out as well
The guy that directed
Yeah, it was
Whatever episode
Episode 4 of season
Whatever he was, he's the same person
That directed Deadpool Wolverine
Yeah, again I saw that on TikTok
It's just full of knowledge
I don't know why the Chinese don't like TikTok
It's all educational
And sometimes
You'll randomly scroll across to
Some guys with nunchucks
Bashing himself
You know what I fucking heard on that TikTok
And I was fucking crying
Remember that old thing during Covid
Where he's like, yeah mate I'm not coming
Into that but the Indian Covid
And my guys is speaking
Fuck
I was fucking
He gradually just changes into an Indian accent
And then he's all
Followed by a poop from
The Simpsons and that lot
Yeah, some people
You thought you were bloody bad
Yeah, I mean
TikTok if you're not on it
Well you don't need to be on it
But if you're not watching videos on it
It's addictive is it though now
It's stupid
After walking the dog in the morning
And I'm sitting down for four
Whatever podcast or anything I'm listening to
I'll stop that
Save it for when I'm driving
And it'll just be scrolling through
Or if you're on the toilet
It's perfect for the toilet
Yeah
I mean how time has changed really
You think when we were kids
Having breakfast, having a bowl of cereals
Reading the back of the cereal box
Looking at the word search or whatever's on there
And that and then these days
It's just phone and TV
In your hand or the side
It's a bit of a shame really
Kind of related
So
I don't know D23
Or whatever
So the comic con thing for Disney's one
So there's
Toy Story 5 in development
And apparently the plot story for that
Is the toys are going to compete against
iPads and phones and stuff
Now for me
Toy Story 3
It should have ended with that
Yeah
When he moved to college
And left the toys to Bonnie
And then he drove away
Perfect
Just leave it
Everyone had a little tear in their eye
It was just
It didn't need to be touched from that
Even though he won the greatest movie ever
But the way it ended
It hadn't ended
And then just
How is it going to end now
With her giving them to someone else
Or whatever
It's like the Fast and Furious films really
While they're still earning so much money
They're going to keep making them aren't they
Because I think Toy Story earns like a billion each time
Yeah
But like
That Fast and Furious was fucking shit
I don't think I've watched
That long
Third or the fourth one
They're getting a bit unrealistic
Didn't they go to space
Yeah they went to space and everything
But like
The last one
The villain and the way
It all worked
The double cross Vin Diesel's
Character
It's just like
No that wouldn't have worked
It was just shit
The last one was crap as shit
To the point where I was like
Why am I fucking watching that
I don't think there's enough famous people
Or famous actors to keep putting in the films
Yeah but they do well
I don't know how much
The last one mate but they do do well
It's surprising yeah
It's like slagging off the title sweet fans
The BTS or the
What's the outside fans called now
The B-Hawke
I'm just guessing that
It is yeah
So yeah it's slagging off them fans
The Fast and Furious franchise have a die hard
Fan base
So yeah they're always going to watch it
But then again I suppose it's
To be fair
One and two if it's on I do end up
Watching them
Number one and two
And Tokyo Drift was a bit
Off the rails
But I suppose that was because it was
Just completely different
And the actors there was no
Fast and it was just different
People in it so I suppose that's probably why
People didn't enjoy it and write it
As much as the first two but then yeah
But that integrates with the new
I don't know how many you've watched
But it does integrate with it
Yeah because I think the order of it was like
It should have been the fourth in the series
Or something like that
Yeah I can't remember
I think the
Last one I watched was the first
One that I've seen
The next one I think is the
Last one like last overall now
Is that going to be like number 12
Like 10 or 2 or something
Because whatever this movie is in
Two parts so that was part one
So this is part two
But you think that Vin Diesel
Has earned some good money off that if you think
About it
It can just 20 million each film
For now he probably has yeah so he's probably got that
For at least the last five or six
Plus a couple of million every time before
He's fucking solid for life
I feel like he's a bit of
An overrated actor to be fair
No I feel like
No I don't think he's
Overrated I think he can't play anything else
That character no because he was the same
Character in triple X
Triple X
I think he was the same
I didn't really watch that one
But like he wore the vest
And done the same
I was
Attempted to do his voice
And I was like what the fuck am I doing here
He hasn't got an accent or anything
Plus you've already just done the Indian accent
What you on about you bloody bastard
Unless you tried to do
Like
J do a different Vin Diesel voice
It's all about family
That was Batman
Yeah
But yeah
At least we've Arnold Schwarzenegger
He did some
More emotional kind of roles
Brothers, is that what it's called brothers
No no
Twins that was comedy role
Kindergarten
Car
It's not all about
Just being the hard man or the
Robot
Sorry mate
No just again
Rowan Reynolds
Comedy
He's done romantic films
Serious films, action
You know it's very versatile
Hugh Jackman
He's probably the best example
Bad ass actor Wolverine
To fucking music
Riley Sharman
The music of all of that
So is that not there
I was going to say
You know about the Netflix the Fugitive
Do you remember that movie
Fucking man movie mate
I don't think I've watched the film
But I know there's been a series made
As well hasn't there
Or I might be thinking of something else
Maybe Shula
No
So the Fugitive
It's got like
From the early 90s
It's got me thinking
Con Air
The manliest man movie
Have you ever watched Con Air mate
You've watched Con Air
I know I have
But it would have been like when I was 16 or something
Air Force
Air Force 1
So Fugitive, Con Air
Yeah because what I remember essentially
It's the manly version
Of Top Gun
It's not gay
Con Air's
Just
It's just
I'm just
Laughing because
I can't think of
The geese's name no
Quentin Tarantino
He went on a full rant
He was a part of a sketch show and that
He went on a full rant
No he might have been in a film actually
Top Gun he's gay
They're all there shirtless
Beach volleyball and all that
Oh my god
Even with the second one they still had to do
The same again
So
Gay films
I probably saw
Gay films
Look I'm just
Spreading the
The theories out there I'm not making them up
But if you're into
Shirtless men playing beach volleyball
Especially Tom Cruise
That was a thing as well they're all kicking off because
The closing ceremony
Of the Olympics
Which
We haven't talked about I know we're not
A sports podcast but there's been
A couple of things that we should have spoke about
Mainly the
Breakdance in Australia later
I keep seeing it
But I haven't watched it
I haven't watched any of the Olympics
I've never really been into it
I've seen that this one was the poorest
In terms of UK medals collection
They do pretty alright but this is the lowest
I couldn't say how many
Was one or not
I think I've seen it was the equivalent
Of 17.4
Million for every gold
In terms of government funding
And it was in terms of every 3.4
Million
For medal bicyclists
Every 3.4 million
Money the government's putting has got a medal back
On this one over the past four years
It's government funding
And then when you do your lottery
X-Man goes to the Olympics and everything
So basically
For every medal
We wanted the Olympics
Equivalent of 3.4 million
UK funding on winning
That medal. For every gold medal
Equivalent of 17.3 million
For every gold medal this one
Normally we do a lot of Bella
Or apparently
But yeah going back to
Breakdancing I haven't seen it
The Australian as a country
Australia won an apology of
Rygood because
Oh mate there's a whole expirience about
Have you seen it? I've seen
The dance I've only broken
It's a breakdance isn't it? Yeah and
So it's not good
It's more like
Someone that's had a few too many
To drink at a wedding and think
Ah shit run the MCs on
Boston, Boston Moo
So she's not good
She wasn't the best out of the Australians
That were in the qualifier
Apparently
Because it wasn't a
Category originally
For the Olympics anyway
When he became one
Australia wasn't going to have a team for
A contestant for him
So she set up the committee
Her husband was ahead of it
And so all this competition
Like the qualifications for
Essentially
Yeah
So I've seen some of the videos of the
Qualifications and she does the same dance
So it's not a new
Routine every time either
And that's one of the
All I've got is perks in my head
It's not perks
One of the authentic things
About breakdancing is that
It's off the cuff
It's not all step up to or step up to the streets
It's just feeling the music
Going with the flow
And just popping on locky at the moment
But the fact that she's using
Beating off the crowd basically
So she's doing the same thing over and over
And she's not got better
The other thing I've seen after the Olympics
Is the Turkish man
On the shooting range
Where he'd call us fuck
In the South Korean
She looked cool as fuck
She had a teddy in one hand
Fucking cap on the grass
Fucking all over her arm
Fucking shooting
And then the geezer had that massive
Slango with the fucking high jump
Yeah the pole vault version
I mean he's lost but he did win
He's won
I know he's been offered to do porn as well
And you think
You might just do it once
He's done a couple of movies
On a few quid
Well probably more money than he's done
From fucking pole vault
But is he a grow or a shower
So I mean he could just be a shower
He's only got to get hard
So the top guns guy
We just had a little guy
A little guy chat then
What's in the other
Look there's nothing wrong with appreciating
The male body
Above men
If that's what the class of themselves
Are anyway
We've not spoken about the Olympics
But then there was
They were all moaning about Tom Cruise
The way he's
Paraceled down
And then he's got the flag
And he's gone off on a motorbike
And then he's gone on a plane and then parachuting off
So they're kicking off about
The carbon footprint
Of Tom Cruise
Doing a show
Because the next Olympics is going to be in America
So they're kicking off about that
But it wasn't an issue
This is French people kicking off about it
Anyway
But there wasn't an issue with the open ceremony
Even though there was
Which for us
It was surprising we didn't actually touch upon
The open ceremony
It's old news now definitely
That lost 10 days ago
So much pushing regarding to that
And then obviously around that time
Obviously just been a lot of shit
Going on in there
Just so much negative shit
But you know
We're keeping it real here anyway
So we don't need to talk about
Everyone else's news
But now finally
We will get on to the old
Correspondence
And firstly
We'll just get the emails
Out of the way with first
And then we'll go on to the features
Now I will
Start off with Lee first
Because he's been positive
Football's back
Can't wait for it
What do you guys think about it then
And by the way
We've united
On the charity shield game
We're not going to talk about football
Too much, nobody says we'd probably do predictions
Or something
I mean there's no point
Man City are going to win
Or Chelsea
But we all know about your tactics
And belief in certain
People
Hence why I've saved Gates when employed
The Messiah
He won't be for long
Honestly, Ramadjit so
I was being optimistic
I just needed to be fucking believe in him
For one game
I think
I have a good feeling about Chelsea
I just
I mean
I've just got a good feeling
I won't go into him to do it
I just think at some point
Especially if they get
The Napoli striker
Who sounds like a Pokemon
Oshawa
Oshawa yeah
I can't believe
They still haven't got a striker
They have got
Lukaku
They've never raided Lukaku
Jackson's not good enough
No Jackson no no
Apparently that Lukaku's going to
Napoli
Yeah
So
What they wanted from
The other week was Oshawa
On loan for a season
And Napoli took away Lukaku
But essentially
To make regulations by a super
Yeah but they don't want to
Napoli don't want to loan Oshawa
They want the 100 million euros
Or 120 whatever they've got him as a release
Cause
Still they just need a striker
That's been the main thing that's been seen
They've just got NetO from Wolves and that as well
He's a good player
He is? They've got my honestly
They've signed a new goalkeeper
They've signed two new
Goalkeepers? They've got four
First team goalkeepers I didn't write that
And I know that obviously
They're getting rid of the one
That's out
Kepas
Yeah but he's been on loan
Yeah but they're trying to sell him
Now
I thought he would have just stayed at Madrid anyway
No no no
So he's going back there so
Literally I always thought a striker and a goalkeeper
That's a decent part
Anyway
I won't go on a rally
I'm not going to be the worst team
I think they've got more of a chance than Manny
Really if you think about it
Or do you not?
No
You think Manny's got more of a chance?
I think you know I would have finished
Both Charles if he'd said yeah
No no I know I've been out man
No
No I know
No I don't know
It's hard to sign to the season
Everyone's in lock
And I think it's going to be a lot of windows blows
Because obviously one player can't make all the difference
But it will be hard to beat
I feel like it's going to come down to injuries again this season
Because not just with United last year
Obviously Newcastle
Liverpool a couple of years ago
We've essentially no defence
With Van Dijk and that out
I will say West Ham
And Villa are building a little
That's going to be a good game on a
Well is that tomorrow?
I know that's their first game of the season
Also our first game on Super Sunday
If you've got Sky
Or a Dodgy Box
Chelsea, Mancino
4 o'clock half four sorry kick off
Is it really Super Sunday though?
Nah I mean Super Sundays used to be fucking Super
But the game before was like Christopher Halle's
First Bramford that ended super
Well from the fixtures that I have seen
The first Super Sunday
Which should be a Super Sunday
Is the third game of the season
4 o'clock
Against United Liverpool
Now Liverpool haven't even signed anyone
As well have they? No
Zubamenda
Which that's been quality
Because there's Liverpool's
Biggest fan channel
Unfilled Agenda
Craig he's a bit of a character anyway
But he was singing
The theme of Scooby Doo
And he was
Making his own lyrics
Zubamenda and he was like
Zubi dooby doo
So obviously when he's
Rejected Liverpool
Because they agreed to transfer
But he rejected them personally didn't he?
Yeah so the clubs agreed these
But he was like nah
But sometimes they're like
At the moment who does he play for?
Rousey, he's had a different climate
Well apparently that was one of the reasons
He's had to walk through the mountains
And all that at the club
I get it obviously
Let's face it
North of England
But when your wages are going to get
Redrupled so you're going to be earning
120 grand a week
This is what I always thought
When you're earning 120 or 50 grand a week
You're still fucking doing alright mate
To the point where
Now I'm maybe just me
Because I don't have that kind of money
Either way you've done well
So why not enjoy your youth?
See I know what you're saying
Because we come from the generation where
You wanted to play for the badge in your club
It wasn't about earning money
But I think
Because a lot of the players these days
They know it's a short career
So they want to earn as much as possible
Because you're not going to earn 100 grand a week
Being a pundit, more a manager
It is unusual
For someone to reject
A big Premier League team
Especially Liverpool as well to be honest
How they have been, James is going to be fucking
Cheesing all over the place at the moment
But for a club as big as Liverpool
To reject them
It's just ballsy, daddy
You don't expect it
Have you heard any rumours of a Liverpool boy?
Because that's all I've heard for the past few weeks
With him and obviously when he got rejected
The only one that I saw
After the rejection
Was that
It had been trying to get
Ugarte from PSG for weeks as well
Is that Liverpool are going to
Hoaget that deal
But that's not from sources from Liverpool
It's mainly just
These fake Twitter accounts
In the nose
A bit of Liverpool fans essentially saying
That they're going to hoaget the deal
I've not seen any official links
Liverpool boys main transfers
I've not seen any
It's been pretty quiet
My newman Villa have been busy
And Chelsea obviously
Normally there's like
A lot going on
There's a lot of money being spent
But everyone's like, I saw that
And obviously as I just said
I know Villa are in West Ham
But Villa, they're in the Champions League
They've got to go for a little bit
They have to sell to meet the PSG
PSR
And financial fair play
Where did this PSR come from
What the fuck is that
I think it's going to ruin football to be fair
Because apart from Man City
There's not enough clubs
That can properly avoid
These rules
That's why you're seeing the logs of
Arsenal selling the mills to McRoe
To Fulham
35 mil, that's pure profit
To their budget then
So it's going to mean that
A lot of clubs have to buy
Cheap foreign players
So they can still meet these regulations
And sell
Homegrown
The homegrown youth talent
Just so they can get that
And then leave these
Not saying all of them will be
But the foreign players aren't good enough
Just leave them on the bench
And just let them go at the end of the contract
I think it will ruin the game
Because there's not enough clubs
Obviously with Man City
How much money they've illegally pumped into the club over the years
Allegedly mate
It's all got to come out soon
The trial's starting
Next month I think
And they're hoping to have it wrapped up
Either before
Or just after Christmas
It's happened mate
You can't have that many
Allegations against yourself
And none of them will be fucking true
You know, UEFA
Tried
Tagging to court and that before
The Premier League
It's only because they got all the money that was out to pay everyone off
And sweep them under the rug
But essentially
Because of how they've managed to
Pump the money in one way or another
They are
Financially stable
To be able to say, yeah we've earned 700 million
And 400 million is
Profit, whatever it is
So they could spend
Hundreds of millions on players every year
Have they sold anyone?
I know they've sold
Alvarez
And I know they've looked at the West Ham kit
Which is just a compensation package
I can't remember the strike is now
But I think that's
About 1.4 million in there
But only have to give
Yeah, Alvarez to
Electrometry for 81 million
I think
From the company
That own Man City
One of their
Savio
And he is now
A lot of Salvatore
Yeah, because he played for Inter Shield in there
Yeah, so Girona
Which is one of the group that owns
Manchester City
It's one of their clubs
So that was why it was annoying
Man City can buy one of their own players
From their other club essentially
But you know I've seen one in
Tadevo from Nice
They were like, no you can't do that
Even though there was interest before in us
But just sort of at a stake
So yeah
Again, more controversy
More back-handers turn a blind eye
Let us do what we want
Talking about Ligue 1
So that's
Ligue 1, French League
Sorry, I'm just...
The none, cultured people out there
No one's buying their TV, right?
Are we seeing this?
What, so their equipment of the TV
Or something to me?
No, so basically you know how you can watch
Premier League in Spain
In France and Germany
So no UK channels pick them up
No Spanish channels pick them up
No German channels pick up the league
It's the point where I think
The zone in France
Where you watch Ligue 1
I've won $40 a month
For just, yeah
So even there, like saying
Fuck it, a lot of people are cancelling
That one, so it's not worth
Obviously, football's a rip-off anyway
Like sports sports, yeah
Unless you go dodge your box
So yeah, so no channels
No companies, like foreign companies
Are picking up the league rights to showcase them
See, so
Since that's happening then
What I would think should happen
Which I thought would be
I'm surprised no clubs are doing it yet
But Netflix style
You pay a subscription to watch your own club
So like how
MUTV and Liverpool TV
And that, most clubs have got
Their own TV channel
Where it's actually on TV or online
Why you can't
Just pay like £10 a month
To watch every one of your own club's games
Is annoying
Well I've thought about this, but why don't like
You just have like, so like if the Premier League
Did one, so it's Premier League
Just Premier League, so not just
Your team, for like £20 a month
Or something like that, £15 a month
Everyone would get rid of Sky Sports
And you know
Sky could still do it
Like how they've got the Formula One channel and stuff
If they just had a dedicated channel, no one would bother about the other ones
It would work
Because back in the day when they used to have the
Demortiview, where you could like
Pick the match, yeah
They often are still doing the championship ones
But it should do with everyone
You know, you go onto the football channel
Well I want to watch this game today
And then they're still getting
The random revenue and everything from all of you
Yeah, so, yeah, I agree with that
But what I'm saying is, if the Premier League
So obviously, you don't sell the Premier League
Rides to Spain, obviously Spain just
Buys there for 15 euro
With the equivalent of 17 euro
To watch them, which I think
You'd probably end up earning more money
And it's self-sufficient as such
Yeah, well it was like with lockdown
Covid lockdown
Where you could pay to watch
The games as well, you could pay for individual games
You know, something like that
I think would work, because not everyone
Can like
Go to the ground and watch a game anyway
So, when it is games that aren't on
The TV, if you could pay like 5 or 6 pound
To watch that individual game
It'd make so much more money
I know you can do with the Blues, you can watch the Blues
Game every game. I think it's just the Premier League
I was going to say, it's also the Black Eyed Peas and Full Clock
Yeah, I think that's what it is because of that black out
They won't do that
Which is just an old fashioned rule, they need to just
Get rid of it, and if it is a problem
Just stagger the games then
Change it so it's a 1 o'clock kick off
On Saturdays instead or something
So the other games, the normal
The non-league or the lower league
Games still kick off at 3
So if it was a half file
With a 1 o'clock kick off, there's still a chance
To get to the other games, which
That was what the rule was brought into force for
So people wouldn't
Not go and watch local teams
At the end of the day, if the local teams
Aren't entertaining enough as watching
Jeffield Genoled under the big screen
Then you're not going to watch them anyway, are you?
No, no, I do love the fuck it was like, we're not going to
Talk about football anymore
I know, and I didn't even give James his email
Yeah, either
But yeah, that was about 10 minutes
We will quickly say James
Because he's already
Jizzed out because we praised Liverpool
And he just says, time for
The real talk to start
Now then lads, hope you're
Ready with United to get embarrassed
Again, I think he
Just means about the league in general
I do have a feeling Tenard will get
Sacked this season
But why would you feel that he will
I just don't think they're going to perform
I just, I just
Man, you and it
Sure is injured again, obviously
The player that the brawl
Apparently knew
Had this issue beforehand
He's injured now
What, you're on about Xerxes?
No, the
Lenny Yarrow?
Again, that was false rumours
There wasn't any
Previous meta-tarsal or anything
It's just
Bit around Madrid fans
And other fans that
Because apparently he rejected Liverpool as well
Well, there were him for him but because
The brawl Madrid, the only club
He was going to go to, they backed out
So again, it is just more
False news from a bit of fans
But now I think
Tenard, I can't lie
But do you think Liverpool
Have a better season than Liverpool?
No
I mean, I'll know from
Ipswich I do believe
Is their first game
So it's not going to be a big test for them
But once
I see how
Arnaz Lutz actually playing
Because obviously we played pre-season
But both of us had half a team essentially
Once I see the first
Game for both of us, not just United
But I will watch the Liverpool game because that's
Half 12 tomorrow
About two and a half hours
After this is actually released today
As everyone else is listening, especially our
YouTube fan, Mahadi
5-3
Something
Definitely not bitter
No, no, and if he's still listening
We do appreciate your comments
The quality is not too poor that he can
Withstand listening to it
But once I watch the games
I'm not even going to be able to watch the Liverpool game
No, no, no
You'll be in Liverpool, mate
I'm going to Liverpool, but I'll get the missus
To drive, I'll have the tablet
Watching on that
And as long as I've got 4G
While driving, so I can hotspot off my phone
It'll be alright, so James I will be able to watch
Liverpool
It's mad because I'll be going to Liverpool
And the Liverpool fans will be going away
That's going to be an early drive
For them as well, for the ones that are driving
Anyway, it's like a five hour trip
Or something
So
You're sure you'll be getting on the train, won't you?
You'll be getting on the train at about 8 o'clock
Cracking open a tins
You can't have a proper sing-song on a plane, can you?
I don't know, I've seen some flights to our beef, mate
Proper geezers
So yeah, once I've seen the games
The total transfers in
What? No, I just want to see how
Because I know how
Ten Args wants to play
It's just whether the players actually do for him
But I want to see how much
Slot he's changing, if he is
Changing anything, if he's going to play the same way as
Jurgen Klopp
Then it's an easy transfer for him
You know, they don't have to
Change anything, the system stays the same
And I think they will do well
But if he wants to change
Much of the style of play, then that's where
They'll struggle
So yeah, once I've actually seen them
And not only will I be sitting there
With a pen and paper and taking notes
But yeah, if they play the same
As Klopp, and then
Obviously, if there's not
An injury crisis, then
I think Man City
Arsenal Liverpool
Will be tied between them two for
Second and third, and United fourth
I think we're going to be back in the
Top 40 at the end of the season
Again, injury for me
I think that's all it does come down to
Ready for United this season
Hopefully
It's not as bad, but
Yeah, appreciate that as always James
Hopefully
You've enjoyed the
Quality of this podcast
And it's not
Ruined your ears too much
But we have got other correspondents
It is getting on
A little bit late for you, so
We will just do a quick
Two of the issues
And we'll get the confessions on
Because I've seen this
Confession
And I'm waiting for your reaction
Oh, no
Sorry, there was
Lauren
She did say, you will be moaning
When it's cold and wet in a few weeks time
Because obviously, we're not a weather podcast
And we have moaned about the heat lately
And we do speak about the weather
Maybe a little bit too much
I mean, it's not really too much
When it's relevant
I mean, it doesn't feel too bad
At the moment
No, I'm not going to be moaning
When it's wet and cold and raining
I'll moan about the people on the road
Because
We had it the other week
A little bit of rain
And people are, what's going on
Two days of sunshine, I forget how to drive in the rain
I'm on the motorway
Barely doing 45
No accidents or anything
What is this
Oh, fucking hell
Cracks me up, that's what annoys me about
The cold weather and the wet and the snow
I don't mind, I can drive for a week
Fine, to other people
People piss me off
I do enjoy people
So, on to the first feature
We have
I don't know if I should say his name
Noah says
When women take deceptive pictures for their dating profile pictures
I need to know if you're fit or not
Right
Leave off the filters
Yes, and also, you know
A lot of them are headshots
They're probably going to be a bit chubby
Like, that's a given
I mean, I'm not in that world
I can imagine that pine through that
Because you're thinking, you're talking
It's catfishing bias
Well, it is catfishing, you know
I've been there in the past myself
As you say, you see a headshot
A little bit of cleavage underneath
And then it turns out to be
It's a lot of cleavage all over
I mean, no one wants to see kangals
And fat boobs
But
I mean, someone had to say it
In fair play, Noah
He sends a dick pic to someone
That he thought looked totally different
And he's like, fucking she's done me in the ass
It's the worst ones
Where you meet them in person
And they don't look fucking nice
Because you have to follow through with it
Do you be nasty? That's the thing
No, I did follow through with it
When that happened to me
I mean, you've already made the effort to go out
So you're just cracking my world
But yeah, I imagine a lot of people would be like
No, I'm not having this
Just walk off
But nah, you're out
And that's the best thing about alcohol
Beer goggles
She's not so chubby
I mean, she's always still chubby
You just know
I just don't care
So yeah
You just ride
Over exits
There you go, Noah
We feel your pain on that one
And then we have
Got Laura and she is
Why do these idiots refuse
To go at the speed limit
It's 30, not 18
Yeah, so
I have this problem
Obviously, and it's always
Everyone's driving really
Too fast, or just not fast enough
Like, if it's furlough
Do 34
Well the thing is
On your actual speedo
33, 34 is 30
Anyway, so like, just do a bit more
You're alright, but I did
There's cameras around, and sound keep on the 30
You know you're safe, you're not getting a ticket
And I know
Laura, when she was behind this car
It's the worst ones, where they're doing 18 more
And then brake at every bend
There's not a stop
It's not a turn, but the bending because the road
Turns, brake
Oh, fucking hell, I just wanna fucking
There's another car
Not even that close
But they'll still hit the brakes
Just take it back, it's alright, you don't need to keep tapping the brake
It's where when someone rags you past
You're just like, fucking hell
You're over it, but when someone's
Prolonging 18 more, it's not a braking
And it's always when you need to be
Somewhere
Everyone's got the fucking Sunday morning
When it pisses me off
Because it is the summer holidays
At the moment, in the UK
I think there is more Sunday drivers out
During the day at the moment, in the week
Because they haven't got
Somewhere to be
It's like, oh yeah, I'm just taking the kids out for the day
Or whatever, or drop them off at the Nan's
So I'll take my time
But yeah, it's
You know, you've gotta be somewhere
Or you've just been shopping, you just wanna get back home
And everyone's driving
Like a fucking moron
So we do, we feel more
I feel like I get stuck
Behind that kind of driver
Constantly
I mean, we're out on the road every day
Me, usually driving a lot
Longer than you, but I get it on the motorway
As well
I mean, again, we've spoken about it enough times
People just being in the middle of the right lane
Not even doing 70
Just drive, any
Just fucking drive
Just fucking move
Don't be on the way, don't be a dickhead
Don't be on the road, stay at home
Be extra safe
Just drive fairly
Just move over
If it rains, don't go too slow
If it goes too slow, move the fuck over
And if you're not comfortable driving in the rain or snow
Don't be on the road
Get a taxi, fucking susted there
Taxi drivers are annoying as well
They're either going too fast or too slow
Fuck me sometimes when a taxi driver's too chally
I just wanna go to him, shut the fuck up
Oh, I had one on the way back last Friday
Like, you know you just
Had a few beers, I was sitting there and I'm not drunk or anything
I just wanna relax now
Been out
Food, beers
Oh, erm, so what you do for work
Then I'm like, oh my god, it's Friday afternoon
I don't wanna talk about work, mate
I was just there like, I've had a shit week at work
I don't need to bring it up again now
I just told him, oh yeah
So, he's going to Casperong, yeah yeah
Do you mind me asking if you lived there?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Just fucking shut up, drive me there
Yeah, but then he was probably hoping
That you had some spare pizza
And you was going to have from a couple of slices or something
But yeah, we do, we feel your pain
Now we are on to
What I've been looking forward to
Ever since I've
Received this email
So, I haven't seen it
But I'm about to read that for the first time
You are about to read it
So, you're gonna be with me if I
Father JD
I'm gonna call you Father Jamie
I'm just doing this, Father JD
Right, here we go
Don't read it in your head
Read it in your head
Okay
Wait, because I can just see the line ahead
Wait, wait, wait
Wait, wait
Wait, wait, wait
It's even at the start of when I was a younger lady
Okay, what?
Okay, confession
When I was a younger lady
I used to have a cheap vibrator
This was before rechargeable devices
So it required a regular
Change of batteries
Quite often I would realize
The batteries needed replacing
When it was too late to go to the shop
So I would borrow the batteries
From my little brother's game boy
Advance
Needless to say, my brother would quite often
Be told, I'm for needing more
Batteries for his stupid games
To my shame
I never once stuck up for it
Fuck you, man
I can't absolve you for your sins
I'm not sticking up for your brother
I mean, you know he's playing Pokemon as well
So you fucking done him out
Game Boy Advance days
That was the main game to play back on the old
Game Boy Advance
My childhood
It's just when I was a younger
Lady, it's just like
I mean, I'm guessing she just means
Because it was like 20 years ago
Not that she was like 12 years old
But
Fuck you, man
She should have stuck up for her brother and just says
Look, mom
He takes batteries, he needs more batteries
For it
As already
And I'm saying it as well
How many times batteries he said
But like
The way I borrowed
They got fucking used, they weren't borrowed
Oh yeah, they were drained
Imagine
You were a woman yet
Because it must be the worst
You're almost there and that fucking dies
I mean
Not from using a vibrator
But I've been close to ejaculating
And then something pops up
Not me, I'm already off
You have to stop
Yeah, but you can go back to it
But like that way, once those batteries are dead
It's too late to go to the shops
And you ain't got a brother with a Game Boy Advance
To borrow
Yeah, I mean
You know that cheap vibrator got absolutely blasted
Like
I don't know if it was like the cheap plastic as well
And he started like discuttering or something
Far the jivey
Fuck you, man
To her shame, she never stuck up for him once
I'm saying, she should have
Stuck up for her brother
Just defended him
Didn't have to admit what the batteries were
Yeah, he needs to play his games
He has fun with his games
He needs those games
No, it's
So
I can't absolve for that
So
I'm going to give her
Two double A Helmarys
And a rechargeable battery pack
Yeah
I mean, that's what she should have said to her, man
Also rechargeable batteries
I mean, you know she's got the gear now
She's got the whole drama
Well, rechargeable ones
She's got them, USB, TX,
Recharge
In half an hour or something
Back on full blast
Blast in the south as well
You can get them on your phone now, innit?
What, vibrators?
So you can control the settings on your phone
Oh, yeah, there's apps for it
I thought you meant like the phone's vibrator
Nah, I mean, nah
It'd be pretty weird, wouldn't it?
I mean, you'd be able to change the
Vibrating settings on your ringtones
I know there's some dirty girls here
That used to fucking put the phone on
Vibrate and put it there, I guarantee that
I mean, banging out
Or getting banged with
A 33 turn
They would have enjoyed that
Undestructible as well, fucking
Them phones never went out
Vibrating for three days
Yeah
Fucking hell
Well, if anyone
Has any confessions that
They want to confide into with
Father Jamie, Father Ashley
And Father Alfie
Bless him, he's just
One of his biscuits now, innit?
Yeah, that's the dog border, why he heard that
Yeah, he's not
Amused
But yeah, as always
Please do send in
Your future confessions
I mean, not something that you haven't
Confessed to
Not a crime that you haven't done yet
Or any confessions that you have from
Something that's weighing you down
Something that you've sinned for in the past
There's definitely a lot of sinners out there, mate
I mean, aren't we all sinners, really?
Yeah
And on that note, shoutout to
David there
Glory, glory, man, you know it's it
Keep it real, and we'll see you next week
Peace
Bye