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Hello everyone and welcome back to this week's episode of the real talking podcast
Pure host Ash and JD
Now we were close to coming to the end of the world the other day weren't we?
You don't seem to know where I'm going with this
No I've been supporting and just agreeing
So I'm not as shocked as everyone else, where's it going?
There was volcanic activity at Yellowstone
If you haven't seen any of the videos
It was a bit over dramatic
So Yellowstone it's the world's biggest volcano
Or maybe a part of America where it's the biggest volcano anyway
But it's last eruption was about 670,000 years ago
So it's well overdue
And if it does properly erupt
The world, not fucked, but a lot of America is gonna be covered in ash
And the global temperature dropped by about 10 degrees
So it would help with global warming apparently
But essentially because they have those geysers
Not a geyser
Not a geyser geyser, man geyser
You know the geysers, the geysers, the hot spring things
And it was an extra explosive geyser that went up around 100 feet in the air
And there was a bit of magma of thinking
Because it wasn't just hot water that came out
It was black stuff that came with it
So yeah there was people there recording
All running and screaming
Yeah I have saw that video of one of the geysers
Right, naughty
Oh yeah, no I have saw that video
So there was no injuries or anything anyway
But it's got people talking again about how severe it's gonna be
If and when the Yellowstone volcano does erupt
Right because I've just googled it actually
And averaging, yeah, so 90,000 years away from the time when we might consider calling Yellowstone overdue for another
Yeah, another eruption basically
Yeah because it's mad day sciences
Science
So three times it's erupted apparently in the history
One was like three million years ago
Then I don't know 1.2 million years something like that
And then yeah about 670,000 years ago was the last time
But that's not the only volcanic activity we've had this week
So all this nonsense about the little bit of a geyser in Yellowstone
Geyser
Naughty boy in Yellowstone
Naughty geysers in Yellowstone, there's some geysers up there
In California it's near Yellowstone
Is it California or is it, I think so
I don't really know, I just know it's America
America again
We've actually had some closer to home, home for us that is anyway
Mount Etna, Sicily, Italy
There was an eruption there the other day as well
So again nothing major, little bit of delays to people's planes obviously
Because you can't fly through black ash
Well any colour ash to be fair doesn't have to be black
Just don't want to fly through ash
Yeah we don't discriminate through the ash
You can't fly through it no matter what
So I don't know what's been worse for the aeroplanes this week really
With the volcanic eruption or the banks getting hacked because of all that fucking shit
Yes yes yes
Which that caused
The Microsoft
Yeah
Yeah because all of them run off that Microsoft like as a system
So whenever that goes down just fuck
Yeah
Sorry mate just to go back on this national park
It looks fucking really nice doesn't it
Yeah because it's a bit sparse don't it
Fucking looks really nice look at that mate
Don't get enough like that in West Moons do you
Not in the West Midlands no
I mean there's similar sort of scenes in the UK
You reckon to that
Well not as nice as that no
And plus you're going to be picking up some of the best pictures aren't you
Yeah
But uh
And the world's biggest tree in that national park as well
Probably is
But how many trees have actually been measured
That's a good question but it must be a big fuck off tree to someone to go
What measure that tree had it
Just a fuck off tree
Yeah I can see that from two miles away
It's a big fuck off tree
Wait a minute let me have a look at this world's biggest tree
Before we go further
It's a big tree mate
I believe yeah
Here we go
Yeah is it in there
Yeah is it in there yeah mate big tree
The Washington tree is the largest tree
Where is it though I don't know where it is
Not saying where it is
Anyway
Order preparation
Yeah big tree mate
Big tree big geezer
So yeah plenty of drama this week then
Was that Microsoft drama that Domir in
I was sitting in Wicks trying to get some you know graph materials ready for the job
Yeah
And the computer was down but they didn't say anything they're just there
There's like two of them walking between like four different tubes
So I'm thinking they've just not done the job because before the doors open they should have the computers on and working
So I thought they'd just been lazy fuckers and not switch them on or something
So I was standing there there's a couple of people in front and it's hard just say what's going on
Say the systems are playing or you can't log in or something don't just fucking
Oh one second guys one second
So about 20 minutes I was standing there just to pay for these fucking total terms
Proper dumb headings
And then uh
Because flights got delayed as well didn't they
Yeah flights delayed for you
So it's quite sad really how much we do rely on all this technology these days
Yeah yeah yeah
You know you think if any of these solar flares actually do
The one platform like everything's running on
Yeah
Because there was one about that it was either uh someone just put a wrong code in there
It didn't nice or someone coded the new system wrong that's what caused it apparently
I wouldn't be surprised
Imagine being that good at coding that wrong
Uh well I couldn't imagine being that god but I know someone that could be that god
Um who I referenced before when there was the uh flying delays in the UK because of someone
In Chatham
Hmm okay
That was a good couple of months ago uh yeah so it's uh it's all sorted out anyways and
Everything's back up and running
I think everything was back to normal for the supply wasn't it
I think it was a couple of days well but people having issues with it or at least
People using the excuse of it anyway I mean I'm still hearing excuses from companies about
Covid you know fucking because they haven't hired enough staff back for furloughing people
And that before and they're just
We're still backlogging Covid
Yeah it's ridiculous
Four years ago
Ridiculous that's the the world that we live in
Yeah
Yeah I mean speaking of backlogs uh so I did texture uh after last week's episode um
So as I got back home all I wanted to do was just get back have a shower and chill
Okay
But as expected the missus hadn't walked the dog I'd got back home she was asleep on the sofa
Already got changed in the pajamas and that as well
In the comfy is already
Yeah and it was hot day I'm fucking tired just went have a shower I have a couple of beers
But no she didn't do me a solid
She knew I'd grab the next day as well
Yeah I was yeah
Fucking hell mate
So you know I get it I have to walk the dog but when it's getting to seven o'clock
You expect the abraaf to have done it but no she hadn't
So I've grabbed the dog not literally grabbed him I've got his collar on
Took him out for a walk as I've got down the road I'd already drove past these lads doing
This bit of road work I think they're finally getting on to extend more of the fiber network
Up my street so I've walked down and there's as I'd already drove past them originally
There was four of them standing there while the one was in the hole
And then at these points as I'm walking past with the dog there was no one in the hole
And they're all standing around yeah yeah thinking about what to do next
Yeah yeah so as I say it's about seven o'clock and they're looking at me again I always get
The attention because the dog fucking turns heads and I've just grinned I've gone fucking
Oh lads cheer up if he's got some work done during the day he's a being a poor boy now
And literally if I didn't have the dog I reckon I would have fucking swung for him
Yeah yeah because the one of them in particular the stereotypical he looks could kill
It was that expression on his face as itself fucking Kenya but it's not my fault that seven
O'clock on a Friday they're still there working you know when quite obviously the hole has to be
Filled in or covered they haven't finished what they're doing so uh yeah they um they weren't too
Impressed oh yeah I can't imagine actually but yeah but you know I'm in my work clothes as well
So it's quite obvious that I've only just finished but it didn't stop there so I've carried on walking
I've gone through the park and obviously I've got my headphones on as usual and I've seen this group
Of kids and the one of them he's not all there like which to be fair it's a lot of kids now where
They've got something wrong with them but he's always coming over he's got a speech problem as
Well not Lord Jonathan Ross, Jonathan Watts but he does struggle with talking he can't pronounce
Words properly and that which I'm bothered about it's you know maybe something he'll grow out of
I don't know but it always come over and he tries to fuss the dog and he'll talk to me but I don't
Want to speak to kids I don't want to speak to people after time yeah a bit creepy a man with a
Dog in the park so I've spoken about this before as well and it does seem a bit fucking Nancy though
Some sweets in your pocket mate just poo bags in my pockets well I mean I was in my work clothes so
There's probably some screws my Stanley knife fucking I don't know drill bits or something but
No sweets so he's come over with his little brother ready to fuss the dog and then there's
This little black kid and he's shouting yo big man yo big man he's probably about nine years old
And he's shouting yo big man to you mate and I felt like just drop kicking him because don't be
Calling me a big man don't be talking to me for starters I don't want to talk to you and he's
Asked me if I've got the time yo big man you at the time you know yeah so he's going on like he's
A little road man at how old was he he was about nine yeah about nine ten maybe so what age did you
Become a road man efficiently I don't know but he was the only black kid in this group of friends
Or group of kids that were there anyway I don't know if they actually are all friends
Don't want to make a judgment um so I don't know if he was doing it trying at a role
Like I'm gonna be the man of this group I'm gonna be the hard one or something yeah and
So I've given the time and then he's like yo what's in that bag I'm like in this bag
So I've got a poo bag in my hand which is obviously full of poo I was like dog shit
I'm like boy do you want to hold it he's like nah man nah and I've gone to push it towards his face
I thought you can take it off me if you want mate look he he's essentially just backed off
And he's like nah keep that away from me and I've just laughed I was like yeah big man that you
Prick I didn't call him a prick to his face but it was as I turned around because I don't want to be
Called big man because I don't want to be called a big man because I don't want to be called a big man
I don't want to be called big man I don't want to be called boss man or anything just fucking yeah
Don't even ask me for the time well just fucking just fuck off leave me alone um and then the next
Dad had to laugh so after that got home finally got a beer in my neck and uh yeah the next day
After work I've seen the same group of kids again and they're coming over to fuss the dog
And even he couldn't be arsed with me he's fucking growler and to see a bunch of lads just all
Scatter because the dog's growled now he wouldn't have done nothing again because of the type of
Dog that he is he does seem worse than what he actually was because he'll growl sometimes but
It's more of like the way cats purr because he's over at song's he'll do like a bit of a growl and
He's fucking ready to play and whatever but this was more of a growl as if to say no
I just want to fuck off yeah just back off because there were a crowd in it with me
Yeah the same lad then he's like what did I do? I don't know mate don't know so carried on walking
But he did make me think he's my dog a little bit racist then because he was looking at the black kid
When he's growled but I don't know if we spoke about this before or it's a conversation about
With someone else but so some dogs are seen as racist but it's because when it's black people
Because they can't see the definitions in the face or anything obviously because dogs
They're not colour blind but they say colours different to us because they can't make out facial features
It's more confusion as opposed to I don't know if that was with me mate I remember that conversation
I don't know I'll bet it was them but maybe you and your other racist friends yeah yeah
We all have a monthly meeting anyway don't we?
Yeah you want to hear what we say about the people on the boats
Cruise ships not rubber dingy rapids but yeah so because they can't make out facial features
On black people and that that's why they can sometimes bark at them and I don't know start
Growling a bit but yeah I mean I think it was more so just because the crowd did him and he's like
Nah just leave me alone and he wouldn't hold his shit he's like holding the ship
Yeah he's like you ain't picking it up so fuck off call my dad a big man he's a geezer
So yeah it's been an eventful week I mean it's been non-stop with work you know as usual
Big grappings little whores now there's not much else going on there then is there?
Nah well yeah but now the football's finished which we're not a footballing podcast
We're definitely not
No you are right mate
It's gearing up for the Olympics at the moment though isn't it?
Oh yeah yeah have you seen or heard about this one um someone that ranked a girl or
Something he's in the Olympics some Dutch geeser I've only I haven't read the articles
I've only just seen like the heading for it
I didn't see about one of the athletes I saw there was a girl outside I think one of the hotels
That said she'd been ranked by like 10 men or something
No no yeah no I have seen that as well and I've seen I think the Australian BMX team had their
All their gear stolen from the van but the boy the BMX is burning so like all the massage tables
And the cheeky fuckers threw all the shit like massage tables which cost a couple hundred
Quid and then all the chocolate bars and everything left all the shit all the harm it's just ate the
Chocolate from it but um no um I should have sorry just because I didn't think we were gonna
Go there but yeah uh yeah apparently there's a convicted rapist in the Holland Netherlands
Oh so it's not something he's just done then?
No no I think he done it a few years ago but that poor Radcliffe said something I'm sorry
Mate obviously didn't know who's going there but yeah it's always a bit of controversy you know
Around everything
Well I mean it's controversial that BMXing is an Olympic sport really
Does it did the skateboarding ever happen? I know it was talked about
No no it did it is but then it's like
Darts is classed as a sport mate so I suppose just your perspective
Yeah but would you want to see it in the Olympics?
So what I'm saying hmm no but would you class BMXing as more of a sport as such than darts?
Well yeah because it's physical isn't it you're actually doing stuff you're not just
Holding a little arrow in your hand and moving your arbor
Yeah but so I've been haunted about BMXing but if you let me let me just give you a concept
Yeah before I said shoot mate there's a really long heavy ball now sorry really heavy ball
And what you've got to do is you've got to spin around and you've got to throw the shirt at that ball
You'd be like yeah mate that ain't going in the Olympics that is in there
So what I'm saying is like you've got to grow over the times Annie
You've got to introduce new stuff because otherwise we'll still be throwing balls
Yeah I know what you're saying but when it's when it is that when you're chucking the big balls
A javelin stick
What is that called because have you seen Brackleth's daughter do it?
I think she's on the USA squad
Shotput is he?
Shotput is having his court I think you're wrong my boy
No they're fucking putting it on the shoulder
I'm sure it's shotput because he's fucking well that's one of the slags
They've got all ball shoulders and that Annie I'm sure that's what he is
I'm sure Brackleth's daughter is in the Olympics as well or trying to be in the next
But she is a gazer as well Annie
She's a gazer mate
It's just Brackleth's daughter with long hair
Sleeky little thing
It is
But as I say when you throwing balls, javelin sticks, swimming, running, lifting the weights and all that
That's showing what's the word that I'm looking for now because it is athleticism
Like how I really can't think of a word
I added before you said about Brackleth's daughter
I sort of thinking that was a big show of shoulders
But when it comes to the BMXing and stuff I'm just thinking it's
I know you're saying modernize it
But is it really an athletic style of sports
Because when you say athletics you do think of the running, the swimming, the long jump and all that
Whereas riding a bike and doing stunts that's not
No I know but it's like
I get what you're saying but like if you jump off a diving board and you do a stunt into the water Annie
So it's just
I would call it a stunt
Also why did the weird like the fucking tallies pants doing that
Because you've got to be straight mom
I've read that a lot because the lads that do the diving on the swim team have only fans
Because they need the money, the extra money or something
You'd imagine a lot of them will because they don't get, it's only sponsors isn't it
The way that they get money
Yeah they don't get paid to do that
Unless they actually win or rank in the top three
There's nothing next to come for all this money as well
Even in the Olympics
So I was just trying to see if Brock Lesnar's daughter did make the Olympics
I know she was qualified for this Olympics but I can't find if she's in
Maya, Maya, Maya?
Maya Lesnar?
Yeah
Are you even bothered about the Olympics though?
No, no, no
It's fucking boring Annie
So I think it was Tuesday
I saw that Andy Murray was saying that
Whatever tennis
Olympic game it is
There was a 9-4 report
Essentially that's going to be his last competitive tournament
And then the next day
I read that he's pulled out of it
So I'm guessing he's injured again
And so essentially he's retired from competitive tennis now
He's been on the Dean Klein for a while
For about 10 years
No but the Olympics, they're quite boring isn't it
When you put them on and like
I don't know what's on, they're doing a relay or something
Or like a butterfly swim
You're swimming my head Gellie
Especially when
Like with the 100m sprint and it's over in less than 10 seconds
All this build up just for that
Literally you blink and it's gone
But then I suppose it's the people that enjoy watching the Olympics and athletic sports
The same people that love watching Formula One
Meow
I always, controversial to use an AMI
I always preferred the rally to Formula One and still do actually
Yeah because that's
It's more entertaining because
Fair enough you do get crashes in Formula One for example
You know it's more edgy to see
Are they going to make this jump and fucking
The fans going to get hit and shit
Fuck that's what I was going to say
It's not as bad as it used to be
Remember the fans used to be like in the middle of the road taking pictures
And the car come flying over and couldn't duck out the way
I remember one where there's like a border collie or something
So there's a dog anyway
And you just see the car fly over the dog
What the fuck is going on
It's like leftover crest
Right hard turn
They're giving them like fucking four turns ahead
Like proper driving on it
Yeah but they're not good at helicopter piloting
You know why that
What are you on about Colin McRae
No honestly how good was Colin McRae rally the other day
Do you remember that parking and you had to learn a thing beforehand
Yeah
I was fucking sick though
But to be fair I used to enjoy the old Gran Turismo games as well
Yeah
But they don't make them
No no
They used to play speed games as well
On the ground
As you customise your car
And you used to see a drive as you put in one of that old fucking colour or sticker artwork
You had to know what it was
You just have to put neon lights on as well
Yeah you had to
You couldn't have a car with neon lights
You had to back then
You know that's becoming a thing again
It's called under glow though now
What the neon lights
It's not neon lights it's basically like LED lights
It would be LED now
So it's like under glow is just a strip that they put all the way around the car
So it looks like one general light rather than two lights that the neon lights was
Yeah apparently that's a thing again
I can't say it's under glow
I mean I've seen cars with the reflective tape
And they'll bang it all around
And they'll draw them out of the car like a Lamborghini or something
Or the way they put the stream loans at the time
It's been too much for me
I barely even watched them let alone think about doing anything like that
When you go race some stripes on it mate
To be fair I was actually thinking about carbon wrapping the bonnet
Just because there's a amount of chips and rust marks on it and that
That I either need to paint it or just get some carbon wrap
Or it's just another thing that I can't do
You should wrap it like a mad color you know
With the whole lot
Honestly it's just
Honestly it needs to be this way
The thing is though if I did something like that
I'd be pissed
I'd be so pissed off if anything happens with it
Like if you've got a scratch or
Someone's opened the door into it
I'd literally just be driving like me staisy
That I don't get into a crash
And then making sure I park completely out of the way
That no one else is going to be able to touch it
Because I'd be so pissed off
I wouldn't be able to handle it
At least with the way that it is now
Little dents or anything I bothered
With the way it is
No I can't
I remember
Kind of wanting to do it
When I first started driving
Little bits like that but
I just can't be arsed
Just don't need it
Plus you know it's not the
Fastest of bands either so
You can't do all that stuff if you haven't got
The welly, the horsepower
You can't be all showing no gut
Also just go back to
New for Speed Underground soon
If you
In America and the other
Artwork and the cars, the spoilers
Look really good but when you used to see them on a Renault
Clear
It just didn't hit the same did it
The max power cars, remember them the Fox of Corsairs
With the big speakers in the back
With the Aligier kind of thing
Just different than it
It weren't need for speed
Well I had the
Not longer
Nuba Fiat 500
The little
Race version, rally version
Whatever it's called
But it's extra horsepower anyway
And as I've come up this roundabout
Onto the draw carriage way
He's like put your foot down
To get past me
But then it's a 70 road
And he's stuck to 60
So I've gone into the right lane
To overtake the car in the left
And then I could see him looking at me
As he was saying what are you doing
I'm like it's a 70 road mate
You've just sped to get past me
And then you've haste matched the car
And I'm waiting to overtake
What are you doing
And he's just another fucking idiot driver
I mean we could rant about it fuck you
Idiot drivers all day long
But we're not a ranting podcast either are we
Well I disagree with that one
But what we are
We are a podcast that
Has a great feature
That is true
And as always
We've got some
Hey what wrong with you
And we'll start off with
Lauren's one
Lauren has said
The hiccups
No need for them
And just when you think they're gone
They're back again
What the fuck is
What is the purpose of hiccups
And why if you're supposed to
Hold your breath for like 20 seconds
Doesn't that work
It sometimes works
But not all the time
And again
Someone scaring you
Is meant to stop it as well
But
You're kind of expecting it then as well aren't you
Yeah
Why do you get them
I think it's
Is it something to do with like acid reflux
Or something
So trapped
Winds maybe
So it's your body
You've got to try and get
The acid or the
The excess
Gas out I think
I don't know
No no no
I'll probably get in there
I mean
It's mainly just like after a few
Bebs you start to fucking
Get a little hiccup
Why do we get hiccups and sauces, alcohol
So
That is a weird one actually
Hiccups
It's annoying as well though
Especially when it goes on for ages
When you
Have a lot of time
And you're sitting there and you're trying to hold your breath
For as long as you can
And you think it's gone
What I would
I would
Generally do
As the hiccups are coming out
I'll burr
And I'll find that helps get rid of them
Quicker
I don't know how I'll do it
It's just as I feel the air coming up
I'll just change it to a burr
So I don't know how I'll do it
It's just
I tend to find
When I do that
It's sort of easy
I could be quicker
Hiccups are a strange thing though I know really
I mean a lot of bodily functions are strange
Really
You know what
It's just to go off it, I've thought about this
So
You know how I am in the rhinals
I don't use them
Well you use them
You can't have them around
It stems from
You know the old school rhinals where
You know basically everyone was pissing the same one
Basically it was one long one
Along the wall
And obviously
I remember pissing I could feel someone's piss on my leg
Like from the spray back
You know what's full about this
Because Neil
My mate Neil he was having a piss
When we went out the other week
And someone went to him
You've got a good prostate there mate
Because he had a heavy flow
So I'm thinking alright
When over
Would you stand naked
Completely naked
In front of another man
And talk to him
So just listen to me out where I'm going with this
So would you do that
I mean it depends on what the context is
Just literally
Random guy
Well it wouldn't be a random guy
That I'd do it no
Because what I'm saying is
What I'm trying to get is
Why wouldn't you
Do it
Because you're naked because you've got your willy out or what
Well yeah because you're naked
You don't know the person
And it's uncomfortable isn't it
But the most uncomfortable thing is because you're
Private to run show and you would assume
So what's the difference from your
Eyeing on people to talk and people look
Like definitely look
I mean we had a mate that used to look
Yeah so that's what we always
Find strange
How people find it so comfortable
To piece and talk and look at each other
In the urinals
In the toilets but you wouldn't stand naked
Next to that man and just talk casual
Do you get what I'm trying to say
Yeah I think it's a weird way
Of going about it
You're all trying to
Justify it in your heads
Well not justify it you're trying to
Reprogram yourself
To think it's okay
To do this
Instead of
Yeah I just thought it was weird that someone would go
You've got a good prostate there
What I'm saying is if you was naked
You wouldn't go
You've got a nice body part there mate
You've got some saggy balls there mate
I always find that weird yeah
You know on a
Program called Unchannel 4
Where like naked attraction
And they used to have to go to the
Final two
What do you like about his body
And he was like he's got nice arms
That's what I'm getting at though
But like
It's weird then because they're standing
Right next to each other and they don't
Look at like anywhere where they shouldn't
Be so just go he's got nice eyes
You know what I mean
For choosing the man because he's got a massive dick
Yeah yeah
But at the end
When the two lads, the final two lads
Normally the girl normally goes what do you like
About the other person what do you you know
Not just about the girl sometimes
But like so they'll do that
But that's where
Basically that's where I'm trying to go I just find
It a bit weird how like when you're on
People talking to you when you cock out basically
Yeah I mean
Men's toilet is a bit of a strange place anyway
Because in general
Most men aren't bothered about just
Standing there having a piss next to each other
Or
The amount of men that won't go in
And not happily
Have a shit because they're embarrassed
About having a shit in front of other people
I couldn't have a shit mate no
So this is where we're at then
I can't even have a piss no mate
If I'm going into the
Humicult it's because well
Unless all your owners are taken
Or there's not enough space
Like the right etiquette
Your own etiquette
But essentially
If I'm shutting the door it's because
I need to have a shit
And I don't care then
If I'm farting away and it's like
All thumbs away
Splashing away and all that
I don't care
I don't care that other people are in there having a shit
And that as well all I care about
Is that I've wiped my ass properly
And I've flushed it away
Well we are two different people mate
I've found that since having the baby
For me to poop I need silence
Silence? So imagine that like
Me trying to have a shit
You've got a lot of shit there mate folks mate
Like no no no
Because you're in a cubicle you're not that fucking in
Yeah but you can hear everything
Like literally mate it's weird
I don't know how people just have a shit
And there's like five men up in the toilets and you're shitting
So many times I've done the walk of shame
Out of the toilet walked in so I was
Busy and I thought
I am waiting this long and fucking
I'm not using that urine or
Walk back out
Well when you've
Had to have a shit in a bucket
In a peach black
Cellar or in the back of a van
Then using a toilet
In a public restroom
You know services
McDonalds something like all that
You just don't care it's a luxury
To be able to use the toilet
I thought it was a bit of a geezer mate because what I did
Is yeah because it was rammed
Out constantly she was disabled
I've done that enough times
Fortunately it's a safe space
It should be a safe space yeah
Fortunately I've not had the
The awkwardness of
Going out of the disabled toilet and then the
Reason actually the disabled person waiting to use it
But I have seen that happen
Where it's like someone's in a wheelchair
The door's locked they're waiting all patiently
Because they can't get up and walk away
Or anything and then
It's just a normal person that's come out
And they're just like oh sorry
Sorry yeah
So it's not a toilet for you is it
Let me get in there and they're just wailing
Honestly I loved you it was fucking
Massive
Fucking doing what I needed to do
Nice flow
Fucking no pressure
That's definitely what I can't do
Like if I'm in a urinal
And I can hear someone pissing
I can't go
It just doesn't come out
Why it's because that geezer fucking
Spashed back my fucking leg fucking 10 years ago
Fucking hell
I mean it is a struggle
When it's a urinal
Or that big open tray
And you're wearing shorts
Because it's hard not to piss on yourself
Let alone anyone else
Pissing on you
I say pissing on you
The spashed back
Because even when you're at home sometimes
As you first start
The aim isn't
Not on the money straight away
Especially when you've pissed geezers
I remember one time in one of these
Someone I used to work with
It's kind of like an owl shaped urinal
Like one of those ones you said
What did you call it? Like a pig?
Yeah, yeah, so it was like an owl shaped one of them
He's looking back towards me
And he's like, are you honest?
You're not pissed are you?
And as he's sailing he's pissing up the fucking wall
Like he's missed the fucking
Urinal a bit, he's pissing up the fucking wall
Where the hand dryer is
It's weird actually, you can wash your hands here
And the hand dryer is there so you can have a quick look
Of somebody else's body if you wanted to
I mean
What else would it be?
This is weird, like honestly
Yeah, he's pissing up the wall, fuck him
I mean I've walked into
Toilets in the pub though
Where lads are actively trying
To piss higher than each other
Up the wall
Yeah lads, geezers
Definitely not geezers
These are just immature fucking
Clips, just making a mess
And I'm like
Fucking dying at it
Yeah, but these were adults
Essentially because you know, over the age
Of 18, I'm like, what is wrong with
Yous, someone's got to clean that up
And they're just, you know, just idiots
Wrong
Disgusting
You know what's wrong, when you see a shit-staying box
On the back of the toilet
And the men's like
You must have seen it
Yeah, we had it a lot
When I was living in the pub
I shit myself
And then just took it on the fucking floor
Fuck me
Well, because
With most men's toilets as well
There's no bins in them
Where the women's toilets, they have bins
So at least they can put their underwear
Their shitty kicks in one of those bins
But yeah, the men's don't
Really have them
So it's just the shame
Of trying to hide the evidence
Because unless you've got
A bag in your pocket, you can't just
Take them out with you
Because people would see you walking out with
Your old shitty pants
So you look on top there, you shit yourself in the toilet
I have, well not in the toilet
Have you ever
Had to throw away your underwear?
Yeah
I would have seen yours
No, no
So the one and only time it happened
It was Black Baller
Went away with Jim Bob
And someone else
Fucking
I don't know why
But essentially, we had like a bottle of vodka
Each before going out
Obviously not really
Had anything decent to eat
And yeah, just in whatever fucking club it was
Stomach started
To go a bit
As I've gone to go to the toilet
Someone bit to come out
I was like, alright, I've made a mess
And yeah, cleared myself
I can't put these boxes back on
So yeah, just left them
And as you do, go on the fucking toilet
Because it is
It's trying to hold the shame
And
There was a bean
In that toilet
But there was one of the lucky lucky men there
So I can't walk out with shitty kicks
And I
Sorry mate, just use your bin there
Just leave them on the floor then, my left
So, but I definitely had some
Some freshen up
With a poo and honey from him
Give him £2 or something
But yeah, that was the
One and only time that's happened to me
Out in public, I mean
You know, we have established little
Not shit myself
Well, I have shit myself a little bit
Recently, but no
There was the unfortunate case in
Someone's bushes
And almost again
I got literally out
I can't emphasise how close it was
He was fucking
Desperate
Right
What were we talking about
I was on the toilet the other day
So I was in the bathroom for 45 minutes
And it was 40 minutes of shitting
Yeah, it's a good one
I just feel a lot after them ones
I definitely
I wish I would have fucking
Wared myself before and after
But honestly, it was like
Yeah, when you have to flush while you
Pooping, Stubbs
I didn't flush while I was pooping
But it was one of them ones as well
Surely I've done that
So you start wiping
As soon as you do the first wipe
You push some more out of the intestines
And more starts coming out
Fucks sake
So then I waited like 2 minutes
After it finally starts
And I was like, alright
I'll do a wild pub night
Literally like 40 minutes
How has it been this much
And it wasn't just like
Some come out and then nothing for 40 minutes
It was fucking go, go, go
Madness
But to be fair the day before
I didn't go at all
So yeah, it's probably what it was
Yeah
So it was Monday
Monday I did fucking go
Shit, made me late for work
I was still at the job
At 4am
Not late but I love to get to the job earlier
So after all that shit
Yeah, literally
Yeah
We've got
Laura and she says
She says
People spitting on the floor
Absolutely disgusting
Yeah, I don't get that
I also don't understand why footballers spit
I don't understand that
So
I get it with the excess saliva
And when they do the thing
For the nose
I don't know what that's called
For me
So I'll do that
I'll
I'm not deliberately going around
Spitting and blowing snot
On the fucking pavement and that
But sometimes in the morning
If I've been
Breaking down walls
Or something the day before
Then I am a bit congested
So there'll be a bit of
Dust up my nostrils, a bit still
And fucking
You need to cut the phlegm off of your chest
Or it won't
Spit on the floor or on the
Pavements
I'll spit on the grass
Or if I'm on the main road
I'll spit into the road
Because I don't want to be walking into spits
And I don't expect other people to walk into the spit
And they do the greenies
Well, yeah
So again, because I'll do that
And the missus is like, just swallow it
No, it's coming up for a reason
Like, you're getting it off your chest
Now I know it's not going back into your chest
As you're swallowing it, but my body's
Rejecting it, so I'm not going to take it back
Into my body, so I'm
Spitting it out
I mean, we all love to swallow at, but not with
A fucking bit of phlegm
So
I do get it though, because when you see these
Fucking big roadmen, these youth
And that, fucking just standing there
And they don't even spit properly, it's like a little
Bit of a fucking dribble, like
It's the ones that are
Spit while they're smoking for me, I never understand that
The drug is driving
If you don't like the taste of it, what are you doing?
And then spitting them, is that what it is then?
It must be an osperous
Obviously I don't smoke
That's weird, yeah, no, I've never, yeah
Well, I'm guessing it's that anyway
Because you think that when people chew
Tobacco and eat, because they have
The little spit jars, they're chewing the
Tobacco and
So, yeah
I get it
But it's just
I suppose
A big problem with it is
The way that the youth for today are
Ignorant, like what we said with
One of the other ones who have a week with the litter everywhere
And that, so
The part by me, the bins literally
Not even two metres away from the
The bench, and yet
They'll leave all the fucking McDonald's wrappers and that
On the bench, on the table
You're walking past the bin to leave
The fucking park as well
Just put it away, the hazy bastards
But, unless we can give them a slap
There's nothing we can do about it really
And a lot of them need a fucking slap
Now
Carl's come back with another one as well now
And Carl is saying
When you go to the fridge
And there's nothing left in the milk carton
Or something similar
Why put an empty one back?
See, my
So my partner minds a bit
Because I sometimes leave like
A mouthful of water, like in my
Sparkling water mate
Still, okay
And yeah, so
And she goes, just drink it, I'm like
No, no, I don't want it, but
It's just I'll fucking down that little bit to my
Nah
It wouldn't be like a drop
Like a mouthful worth
Yeah, but if it's just a mouthful
No, to be pointless
No, because you want it
As soon as it's getting from work
That one, down, three
No, because, so a mouthful
Are you talking like a tablespoon
No, no
So in a bottle
Are you looking at like a piece in each worth
I'm saying like
Literally mate, yeah
See where that fucking horn is
So, no, so that's not enough
No, I mean, circumference
So you're talking about like a centimetre of water left
No, but you think about that round though mate
It's massive
All the girl
Nah, it's not enough
You can't
You can't just support that
Again, if it's a little bit of a dribble in the milk
I'll just put extra milk in my
Tea, and then just like
Continue stirring the tea back
To compensate the extra milk in it
I've established on this podcast that tea is a horrible drink
To
People that can't
Piece in your horns, yeah
Giza
There's gonna be another
Giza, yeah
Like
That literally just
It's just a weird concept really
We think
No, it is a weird concept, you're getting your cock out
No
I don't know
I don't know how many I'm
A fuller why, less than that
Yeah, some of them you shoulder
Literally, and you both got your cocks out
Talking to each other
Not everyone does talk to each other
No, no, but like
I tell you what drives me nuts
The ones that when the piss go
Like they've needed it hand on the wall
Because the fuckid
Holded it in for so long
Yeah, but
So I won't do that
If I'm out
Because I won't hold my piss in for that long
As soon as I need a wee
Is it when people make a noise because the wee
Yeah
I've done it when I've got home
Say I've been on the motorway for an hour
Or something
But I'm not forcing a noise out
It's just like
If I'm pissing I don't want to hear no one else pissing
Making noises
Yeah
But
So how do you feel about this one
I remember years ago
Out of your own home having a piss
And then I've let out a bit of a fart
How would you feel about that
No
Obviously that kind of stuff is funny
But like
In the circumstance of
Me pissing, no I need solace mate
Like in those
Circumstances
No, I can't
I can't have no one around me, that's why I've got to go in the queue
Yeah, well
And I'll never shit
I can honestly say I've never shit in a pub
Or like a restaurant
Or anything like that
The worst ones are in the airport
For that
Like
I've done it in the airport
But yeah, why that
Just do it before you leave
They're the worst ones now
Because they're on holiday mode, they're relaxed
They're like
Oh
You just shit in
You don't have to make a noise
I'm not saying that I'm sitting in a fucking public toilet
But some of them
Honestly
Some people are just weird though
That's what
Oh god
So moving on
We'll get
James out of the way
He loves it, he's a top listener
So he says
Never a wall lad
Just because you're a yammer
What's a yammer?
Yam yam
Wall for Hampton only
So because I've called him a wall
He's not a proper scouser
He's trying to come back at
Trying to say that I'm a yam yam
Right, right
We're not
It's the yamas and all that
That get confused with Birmingham
Because they want to be Bromies
But they can't
So
Trying to get me to
Bulk to that
I feel like that black country accent is the worst accent ever
I feel like it's got to be put on a little bit
I don't know, I think just a lot of them are that in Britain
That they just don't know how to speak properly really
It's the am and the ours
Yammeroid
And it's a lot slower as well
I know I'll slow my talking down sometimes
But that's because I'm trying to articulate words
Get them out correctly
As opposed to just speaking fast and confusing people
People are, what? What you say?
So yeah, I'll try and think about what I'm saying
Especially that as well
Because this was pulled up when I was 16
Fresh on the tools
Think
So pronouncing your T-H
Yeah
It's like
You're saying it as if it's spelt with an F
I don't know if it's think
And it's like, no
It's think, think
So yeah, because of stuff like that
I do try and think about what I'm saying
The one I always think of that comes to mind
From that is
When people used to go
Window to window
And that drives me crazy
When they go look for the window
Yeah
There's loads to be bare
I don't understand voice so many
Not just English but British people
Have to abbreviate words that don't need it
Or short hand words
Because a lot of the time
They'll try and short hand it
And it will be a lot more to say
But again
Even though we're not a football podcast
But when people are talking about
Transfer news or something
They'll call it an ITK
So that's a person that's in the know
But ITK
It's still three syllables
As one is saying in the know
So ITK
In the know
Not really saving time
It's like that clapper you used to learn in school
Do you remember that?
Yeah, so that was the syllables
But yours isn't three
It's just Ashley, isn't it?
No, but I can't
Actually I remember
Having this conversation with the teacher
Maybe I'm going the wrong way around
I think I've done Ashley
And she said no, it's Ashley
So the teacher's done that
Maybe I was doing it that way around
I was like nine
Nine and you just learned that to say your name
No, but it was more like
It was more the rhythm
It wasn't the name
It was the rhythm
I don't know why we're getting that
I remember it though
They made it seem like a game
And that's a good response
Definitely weren't fun
Some of the things are worth fun
The f**king bangers we used to have to sing in school
Yeah, f**king tunes
What would we sing in the Beatles?
Yeah, that's a worry
They've got so many good songs
What was?
We are living in a year
No, we didn't sing that one
I must have been one of the lucky ones then
There's a lot of better songs
That could have been f**king chosen
Remember heads down thumbs up
Bad boy go mate
Yeah, duck duck goose
Obviously British Bulldog
What's the time Mr Wolf?
In schools do you reckon they should have those
Climbing apparatus things
No, I was f**king down
They had like a f**king
Half an inch mat in case you fell
I saw you falling on f**king
This f**king mat
The paper towels really to wet up as well in case you hurt yourself
Do you remember as well if you got your PE kit
It used to be pants
Yeah, if you forgot it
You didn't want to shoot yourself that day
Did you?
I had it in primary school didn't I?
Not me
I feel like I've told this story on the pad before
But
Yeah, it was a little girl
I mean she was the same age
I don't know if she was like 9 or something
But yeah
She forgot her PE kit
So she's in the vest and the little
Pants
And she says she needs the toilet
The teacher's like no
And the toilets were just outside the PE hall as well
Why wouldn't some teachers
Just frequently come to the toilet?
There was no need for it
The toilet was literally walk out the hall
And the toilets were there straight out of the way
So the teacher's like no
And then next thing you just
Seen the bulge of this fat leg in the f**king pants
And the teacher was so f**king
Embarrassed at that
They were having to walk the girl out and f**king
Obviously clean her
Because you know that girl's in the go
I asked and the teacher said no
And that's not a look bad on the teacher
Just f**king in the go
Because that would live with that girl forever now
I remember
And I don't remember a lot of things about school
Especially prom school as well
There's only one teacher now that I remember
And then a couple of kids that I went to school with
But oh yeah
School was shit though really
I don't need to remember it
Really well enjoyed
But
So our James
That's all he says yeah
He's trying to bite me
Trying to call us yammers
Was he calling me though or was he calling you
We're part and parcel
The Chuckle Brothers
The Bromia and the Deck
No one's ever said that mate
Thank you
Well yeah
So
We're not falling to it anyway
Well yeah
Thanks as always for the email from James though
He has to keep consistent don't he
Number one listener mate
He's definitely the number one fan
He's made his own merch
We haven't even made one yet
And he's rocking some
Real talking bad fucking t-shirts and that
He's got a little fucking beanie hat and shit
Fucking t-shirts, hoodie
I can imagine I could have like half ice
And underneath yammers
That's the new one that he's making now yeah
Well we've got a
New one in I don't know
So ours messaged him
And he said
I've been sober for seven months now
I wasn't super bad just wanted to knock it off
So I stumbled onto your part anyway
I was just wondering if there was
Any more that you would recommend
I've tried a few but there's
Just too much shit out there
Well we have
Mentioned a few times how
Bursts all we are
Not just all about the real
Talking, we're all over the place
Real knowledge, real truth bombs
Not afraid to
Get the facts
Get those touchy subjects
That a lot of people
Don't like to talk about
Always prepared
You know what I mean
No chansons, just fucking straight
I don't know how I'll have all this time to do all the preparation
Stand on topic
I mean for me, I mean you listen to a lot more
Podcasts than me
I've said before
I've only started listening to podcasts
Or been doing this podcast
And I do
Listen to some and I'm like
This is a pack of shit
Just tend to
Listen to crime
Documentation podcasts
Crime podcasts
That's my thing
That's all I listen to
Is there any particular ones you'd recommend
Yeah
So Vanished, that's
Really good
Hoist Strange is an alien one
I've mentioned that one before
I am listening to
One at the moment, I can't remember the time
Right now
Well, Counter Clock, that's another good one
Crime one
But at the moment I am listening to
I'll shut it off now
Oh sorry, one sec
Really good one and I can't remember what
It's really good, Downing Creek
Yeah, so it's about
A lad called
Justin Gayle that went missing
In Georgia
I feel like I recognise the name
Yeah, so he went to
In America they must have like bars
Where it's 18-21, so if you're 18
You can go in and put 21 to drink
He went to one of them
He left
And then since he's left
No one really knows what's happened to him
So yeah, it's really good
Some Jeffrey Dahmer shit there
Yeah
I listen to all sorts of different ones
To be fair
There's a couple that I wouldn't
Really recommend considering you so
I mean we talk, well I talk about
Getting drunk enough
That probably isn't going to help
So if you
Trying to go on to two bears, one cave
Or have a work
Podcast, a lot of them
Same again
It's a lot of drink talk
Party and sort of stories
So I wouldn't
Even though I would recommend them as
Podcasts because they are quality
Some really funny comedians
But
I'd say
Bad
Friends, which again
Two comedians
Andrew Santino and
Bobby Lee
There's is funny
They've also got their own individual podcasts and that as well
I've listened to a couple of Theo Vons lately as well
It's all right
Chris DeStefano as well
He's got
One of his little
Sub-series
He's called it Christory
So it's history with Chris
And the way he just
Brings life into
Crappy history stories
And that really
Throwing a bit of bullshit
But it's quite entertaining
To be fair
But outside of that, I mainly just listen to
All podcasts and that as well
Trying to keep up
To date with a bit of news that's going on
But
Otherwise I don't know of any
Like us to be fair
Not saying that we're
Unique but
I don't think I listen to any
Like our style
I think we are a little bit off the cuff
Mind you
I don't know what you're trying to say with that
Bit like we don't know what he's doing
You know what I mean
Is he going to be racist again?
He's dead racist
But no, no, you get what I'm saying
We're not afraid to cover any
Topic
But I think
Touching on what you just said there
Because you know
Well we're not famous
To get cancelled
I don't give a shit
I was going to say, I think when you get to a certain
Thing that's when you start worrying about
Am I going to get cancelled
I'd like to think I still won't really give a fuck
No, we don't know
I'll still be calling Sam Smith a cunt
That's because of you he's doing it
Yeah, fucking mess
But
Yeah
Breaking Beard
That's another good little one to be fair
So
Adam, his beard meets food
UK is number one
Competitive Eater
Even though he's retired from competitive eating now
But he goes around doing all the food challenges and that
So him and his other lads
Josh, they've got
Their little podcast
Yeah, I mean
I suppose we're kind of similar
But because they're
Well, Adam's got
Four million subscribers on YouTube
He's going around the world doing the food challenges
And that so, you know, their stories
Are more high
Ends on the sense that
You know, trips to Germany
UFC and stuff
Like that, so because they can do more
Stuff, their stories are a bit more
Different and there are a lot of time
I've got a question
For you, mate, if you could take this podcast
Somewhere to do
To cover like an event, not UFC
Or something that you've seen or heard
From TV like
I don't know, like a hot dog challenge
Something as small as that, where would you want to take this
If you could take it on the road
For a special
Well, I think we've established it wouldn't be to
Any Formula One tracks
I haven't known with that bit
Just in the background every dog
20 seconds
It would be more like every minute, wouldn't it
Because you only, you know, want to laugh
So yeah, not that
Yeah, the rally
That would be a big dangerous
You'd have to make sure you're in a safe spot
I think they've got barriers now though, mate
I think there's like safe space
Safe space
This is a safe space
I don't know
One, I mean, not that I've been watching
Any, but there's a lot of traction going around
Jeremy Clarkson's new pub
That is open, but isn't
Officially open or something
Right
So because he's had that farming show for a couple of years now
Yeah, diddly squat farming
Yeah, and uh
Clarkson's farm on Amazon, which is a really good
I haven't watched the new season yet, but the first two was really good
I've not watched any of it, but everyone goes on
How good it is
There's this guy, I can't remember his name
And all I can remember is
When he speaks, they put German subtitles for him
Because he fucking
Doesn't, he's speaking to him
And then the German guy's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah
Doesn't understand a word he's fucking said
It's like you speak to an old school padding or something
Fuck, it's just
It's strange actually that Axl is coming out with, but
Yeah, uh, really good
I would really watch it if you have time
It is really fun
Again, I've got an ever growing
Least, but it is on the list of stuff that I want to watch
Um
So maybe he's Bulp or uh
Conor McGregor's one as well
Okay
Again, just for the off chance that you'd
See them really
Because again, McGregor's put the doorways
I think he's going in and out
Um
What was outside of that
I suppose
If you had to cover an event, like
Not cover it in terms of commentary
But like take it somewhere
For the show
Or the event that's going on
Like a concert, you know
I mean, initially
You're thinking, because we're not a football podcast
You'd want to cover
The logs of an FA Cup
Final
You know, World Cup European
Final, something like that
Uh
You know, just like a bit of a build up
Show towards it maybe
Um
Again, sporting events
I'm trying to think of something
That's out of the ordinary
It doesn't have to be like a sporting event
It could just be like anything, like any niche thing
That you want to like do it
You know, a podcast on or anything like that
Uh
Area 51
Yeah, I was just going to say, I like Roswell
I can't think of that big of one actually
Uh, we do
We do like the area still
We do definitely run over there
Get more onto it
Which, I know we've run over an hour already
But, uh, did you say about the Black Ox show
The thing under the water
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
So, yeah, there's
Uh, metal rocks of some
Sorts that's producing its own oxygen
Which is defying the laws of
Uh
Biology, I think it is
Um, yeah
Because the thought you need sunlight
Yeah, for photosynthesis and all that
That's it for it to work, and obviously it's just in complete darkness under water
Because it's so many miles down there, isn't it
Yeah, so that's, um
Blowing the minds of astrophysics
Uh, scientists
Because now that that's discovered here
There's obviously
Almost an infinite number of planets
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
That have got even, I think one of Saturn's moons
Is pretty much covered in water
Sort of thinking, well if
It's happening here, it could happen there
So does that mean
There's life in these places as well
Because again there was, um
There was a scientist
That, I can't think of his name
That
Reckons there's a fifty-fifty chance
That he's found life on some planet now as well
Because
Again, I don't know how they can fucking do this
Going off of the James Webb
Telescope and stuff
Just from taking pictures they can tell what gases
And elements in that are on a planet
But I just don't get
How they can do it
I mean obviously we're not smart enough to know of
Because obviously the pictures only
The camera's only taking pictures of loads
And lot of radioactiveness and stuff
So how they can
See that there's gases and stuff
On planets
So essentially there's this one planet
I don't know
The element, but it's a part of
What
Is in oxygen
And I think
The Earth's got five percent of this gas
And they reckon that this planet that it's found
Has got up to twenty percent of this gas
That can lead to oxygen
And it's, well, essential
For how our
Beings of life are available
And able to sustain
Life
So yeah, he's saying
Because they're going to study over the next
God knows how long now
That he reckons it's a fifty-fifty chance
That there's a lot there
But again I don't know how they're going to
Because it's fucking that far away
How they're going to be able to find out
It's just theoretical, isn't it?
But I mean
There's a lot of the other life out there
There's two
Yeah, yeah
I think you really
Already won there to be like
Yeah, whether, how advanced and stuff
There are, we don't know, but the reason's going to be
Of a lot
You would think so
When you do the maths, this many
Planets, this many in the gold, like so
Times, infinite number
Yeah
That's doing a Roswell or something
Like that where
A UFO
A UFO hotspot
That'd be good, I think
Yeah, but like
Bit more broad, mate
You know what I'm saying
Well, if the pod starts making a bit of money
Then we can start doing stuff like that
Yeah
So
Diversion towards the end
Into outer space
We shall leave it there
Well, if you're still listening
Over an hour, it's a bit of a
Adjoint for some people
Running live would sound great, mate
Always, always
What about keeping them entertained
No football
You know, just bare minimum
Just mentioning that we're not a football podcast, which we are
But
As always, appreciate it
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Keep it real
Peace