Ash and JD, they're the hosts talking real
They're not like most
The podcasts do fun with a side of wit
Get ready
Cause you won't wanna quit
They bring the laughs, they bring the noise
Sharing stories of their crazy joys
From deep discussions to silly tales
The real talk and podcast never fails
Step your headphones, step ready to groove
Ash and JD will make your mood improve
The banter that's witty and no-soul sly
They've kept us, we's electric, you can't deny
I mean both of us
Ash hasn't even spoken yet
That's how excited he is
Can't hold him
You don't get the buzz till it starts, though
Until that first game
Which is Scotland Germany's new
yeah
4.89
That's when you start feeling
When you've got three games or four games on TV
Yeah
Every day that's when you feel that's where it starts
I feel like the weather hasn't happened
Have we talked about the weather a lot?
Well, you know, we're not a weather podcast.
Well, yeah, we need sunny in that.
You know, do you want a good England run?
Well, yeah, international games also, the Euros, World Cup and that.
You need the good weather.
You need the beer garden, TV outside.
And then, yeah, just the beers flowing.
I'm one of these people that will only watch England.
In, you know, four lot Euros and the World Cup,
the friendlies, the Nations League.
I want my show. I'm not interested.
It seems, you know, when you first since you're broads and you're being them 6-0,
it's like, fucking hell.
Yeah, you can't get excited about it when it's just these dead games.
So we've last week, the friendly may always work.
Well, this week, I was working anyway.
And yeah, I was like, oh, yeah, England were playing.
Then I looked at the score after the game.
I was like, yeah, a win that should have happened anyway.
And it should have been more for just England than it.
So there has been two messages regarding the subject anyway.
I know we are going to get into it a little bit further into detail, but.
Firstly, from Lee, he's saying that he's not looking forward,
well, really not looking forward to the Euros.
Don't think we'll do well.
What do we think?
I think the corner just already touched on it then, to be fair.
Yeah, I mean, well, we've got.
So what do you think about it first, Mike?
I think with the squad that we've got and we've had for the last three tournaments,
we should be doing really well.
I mean, I've not seen the bookies odds or anything,
but surely we should be up there with the favourites to win the tournaments.
Well, yeah, I mean, judging by our group as well,
we should definitely smash the group up easily.
The one thing I'm not looking forward about is France just looks too good for me.
Like even this, have you seen all the stuff, the squads I could have had?
Yeah, there's a lot of players.
Yeah, a lot of players.
So I feel like it's France to lose, France is to lose.
I like the look of Portugal.
I feel with England, they're not as pacey as they have been.
Obviously with Rashford Sterling,
yeah, Sancho, not as flaring, but maybe that's a good thing.
I'm not sure about leaving Drac Brelic though.
I would have took him, he's a bit different.
He tracks players over to you, he gets fouls.
So I think I thought there would have been room for him in the squad.
And controversial this might be, mate, I like to get European on this.
I would have put Jordan Henderson in there.
In that midfield, looks a bit life for me, a bit young.
Well, it's definitely a young midfield.
Yeah, and I just feel like, because he speaks all the time,
he probably winds you up, you don't ever love him or fucking hate him
if you play next to him.
Yeah, he's always been a bit of an old shithouse player.
He's happy to get in the coach.
He coaches you through the game, one way or another.
But yeah, I just feel like the midfielders, I'm not saying it's a bad midfielders,
I mean, it's decent midfielders, I mean, obviously, because you can add,
you know, you can add some of the forwards into that.
I mean, Phil Fiede can do a job in midfield, you know.
Yeah, I think it's quite a mix.
The way that he's laid it out as a classing, fair enough, yeah.
Trent Alexander-Arnold has played as more of a right winger than a right back.
But it's right wing back though, isn't it?
It's kind of a back five system.
So he's in the midfield section.
You know, again, yeah, Phil Foden, he can play along the midfield free as well,
if he can play a free.
Ken Gordon can as well, essentially.
Cole Palmer, you know, there is a couple that can drop into
the more attacking midfielder roles anyway.
So yeah, it's a...
Do you understand what I'm saying with the midfield though,
with the Jordan Henson?
What I'm saying, like, he's got the experience.
Yeah, obviously there's people like Jude Boehm just won the Champions League and,
you know, Kobe May, he was a good season, Declan Rice.
But I just feel like...
I just feel like someone that could coach someone through,
if we're winning and there's 10 minutes left, is great.
A bit like Jack Greaves, which has been great to throw on.
So I'm just looking now, if you're one nil or five minutes to go,
run the cache, you need someone just to come on, relax everyone.
I'm trying to look at this team and thinking, who does that?
Well, the only one out of the midfield selection is Declan Rice.
That can control the game, but he's still young enough to lack that experience to say,
hang on lads, just calm it down.
But what I'm saying is, if he's already on the pitch...
There's no one else to bring on, yeah.
That's my only thing, and defence, we look a bit live from there.
Yeah.
We haven't been the strongest defensively.
Well, no. I mean, it's good and bad that Maguire has been ruled out of injury,
because it's good that... I don't think he's good enough.
Even though he's been better for England, and he has been for United for a few years,
but it gives the chance for a couple of these like Guahey,
Joe Gomez, Esri Konza as well.
I was going to say, who do you reckon starts the first game?
Obviously, it's going to be in...
Obviously, in defence.
Obviously, it's going to be Walker, Stoades, Luke Shaw, obviously, if he's fit.
So, from what I read this morning, Luke Shaw isn't going to be fit until the second game.
Right.
Which...
I don't know what day that falls on.
Basically, who do you reckon is going to pair with John Stoades?
I think it's going to be Joe Gomez.
See, I have a feeling in my Brit, Esri Konza.
I only think it will be Gomez, just because he plays for the technically bigger club.
The bigger team, yeah.
I don't think he's the better out of them.
It's Guahey has been fantastic.
Yeah.
Again, Konza has had a fantastic season as well.
I like AC Milan defender, the one that Chelsea...
I don't want to say his name, I can never pronounce it correctly.
Tomore.
Yeah, that's Tomore.
Sorry, I always, with his name, I always feel like I'm saying it wrong,
but I always like him in defence.
I'm not saying...
I do like Konza.
I do like...
I'm not too sure about Lew's dunk.
I mean, he's a bit slow, but if you just want to fucking head it away.
Yeah.
I mean, how do you feel England chances are going to be?
I mean, I've said it before.
I think if we didn't have Garry Southgate as the manager,
we'd be looking at a fantastic team, fantastic formation attacking football,
but he's still just going to stick to a back seat, sixth essentially.
He's going to have, you know, he's standing back for Declan Royce
and probably put Kobe Maynu or Connor Gallagher
just sitting in front of the defenders with Declan...
Sorry, with Jude Bellingham sitting at the front of the three defenders.
And then, I don't know, it's just as long as he can get the attacking players,
or rather give the attacking players a bit of freedom to do the attacking
and not, you know, just follow his boring instructions,
then I think we'll be all right.
Yeah.
Now, fair enough, yeah, I expect them all to do a job.
They've got to track back and defend and whatever,
but they've got to have the creativity.
They've got to be able to just take them on one on one
or understand, well, there's a better pass than the opportunity to try and take them on,
which a lot of these players can do for their clubs,
but Southgate seems to run it in a lot sometimes.
I think if he doesn't win this one, and I mean when runners-up, you know, wouldn't...
Yeah, when he shoots that...
It's got to be a time board change that...
Yeah.
Obviously, first ground for England is on Sunday against Serbia.
Mm-hm.
I mean, I'm not being funny,
but, you know...
It has to be a win.
Yeah.
You've got to get off that good start,
and you've just got to break that duck straight away.
Yeah, yeah.
I think the only...
Well, what should be the hardest game of the group would be Denmark for men,
because they've got a good enough squad,
and not saying it being biased, but Rasmus Hoiland,
he's...
Denmark seem to do it the way that United do it.
They'll play in the early ball,
and he's at a turn or run kind of stroke,
and he gets the early shut-up,
and it happens a lot.
So, I feel like if they get the chance against us,
I can't say he's missing, because he doesn't miss many.
No.
But outside of the group, once we're out, then yeah, it's a free-for-all then.
I mean, I'm not...
I mean, Italy and what used to be Spain,
I feel like we can beat Spain,
but we can beat Spain, Croatia.
We always seem to do poor against them.
Well, a lot of them teams we do struggle against,
because, again, the friendly tonight, as we're recording on Broadway,
you know, Iceland,
I remember us struggling against them years ago as well.
Yeah.
I have a good feeling about Portugal, though.
I love their squad.
I do love Portugal's squad.
But again, it's...
I mean, most of their squads,
they do perform well enough for their respective clubs,
but Bruno Fernandes, every time he plays for them,
he is a different player.
And like what we were saying before,
because I know you don't like him,
but when he's got the better players around him,
he plays better.
I just don't think he's...
I don't think he's, like, a top-20 player.
I don't think he's world-class.
I think he's good.
Like, I don't think...
Like, I can...
If you ask me, like, what's in a midfielders or that kind of role,
would you have?
I'm probably about 10 or 20 on, I'd have ahead of him.
But I get what he's saying, though.
He's going to be better than playing for Man Utd, obviously.
Yeah, yeah.
But I do like him.
You know, I have a good feeling about Portugal.
Ruben Dias, Bernardo Silva, Rafael Liao, Pepay.
Pepay's still going.
What a fucking beast.
He's, like, 200 years old.
And he still looks the same.
If anything, he looks younger.
Fuck it.
Well, you know, it's the Ronaldo effect, isn't it?
Yeah.
Just eating healthy and the healthy lifestyle
and just being able to continue.
Yeah.
The longevity of eats is just ridiculous.
Because Ronaldo is not in this squad, is he?
Ronaldo?
Yeah, he's...
Cristiano Ronaldo.
I didn't think he was in it.
Yeah, yeah, he's in it.
I don't know what I was reading, then,
to make me think that he wasn't in it, then.
Yeah, and now he's definitely...
Well, judging on this, he's definitely in it.
Although I've only just seen he's been called up for a record 6-1.
I haven't seen him.
Like, that's the thing, he has so much fake stuff come up.
Now with that, especially on Tic-Tac.
Yeah.
And stuff like that.
But now, everything I've seen, he's in.
And he's ready for it.
I mean, this Portuguese squad is fucking bright, net-up.
It is.
They've got a good squad.
Yeah, so, you know, I think...
I think France are the favourites from there.
And then you've got people in Portugal, then outside England.
And, you know, I can...
You know, we can do it.
I want them to do it.
It'd be nice for them to see some...
Then do something.
I know we got so close last time.
He was into Itla, the way we did as well, going one on one.
It's just, the amount of times we've had it...
Well, since like, 96, really.
You're a 96, because for us, that was like, you know...
We was getting to the age where we could properly understand football.
You know, we was seven years old.
And then...
For me, it was France-Norley, eh?
For me, for me.
Yeah.
That was World Cup, then, weren't it?
So, again, yeah, you know, we was nine years old at that point.
So we are understanding the game more.
I understood the meaning of it, because, like,
Dad and Matt went to the pub to watch it.
I remember watching it with Mum.
And she was even cheering when the squad, obviously.
Yeah, and again, I suppose it's our generation.
Because that was when the PlayStation had just come out,
and we was getting the games, the football, the early FIFA games and that.
So, when it comes to these tournaments, then, you get so hooked up,
and just pure devastation when we get knocked out or something happens, you know.
Beckham gets sent off because of kicking out Diego Simeone.
There used to be good World Cup games.
You remember the South Africa one?
South Africa 2010?
Was it 2010 or 2012?
The South Africa one.
Fuck me, that was a bad game.
When was South Africa World Cup?
Was it...
I'm trying to think around that.
So after France-Nordia, it was South Korea-Japan.
Hmm.
And then I think Germany had the World Cup 2006.
2010, I think that was South Africa.
2014, Russia.
2018, Qatar.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There we go, yeah.
So it was 2010, South Africa.
What a fucking bad boy game that was.
Yeah.
I don't know.
There has been, yeah, and this just stems back to why we love football so much
because I did it with the Winter World Cup with Qatar.
Of course.
So, because I was away, and literally, it was great just watching every game.
And, you know, I remember watching Morocco and whoever was playing and that.
It's just teams you'd never sit and watch at any point, but you just sit there and watch it.
Because there's so many, obviously, because these shit, not such teams, it's lesser teams,
because they've got nothing to, you know, they're not expected, just go for it.
Yeah.
It brings, like, makes it more lively.
Did you get your stick up all the way?
I didn't, actually.
I looked, and it just didn't feel right.
Didn't feel right.
No, it didn't have the same feel when you just open it and, you know, the smell was different.
I was standing there sniffing it, but you just opened it, you could just smell the...
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
I suppose it's the ink doesn't smell or something no more because it's resolved.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
You just have that...
Yeah, I looked at it and the starter pack, which was the book, and I think, like, five packs,
it was like £25.
I was like, no, I'm not buying that as well.
What the fuck, man?
If it would have been, say, about five to ten pounds...
How much do you think?
I think you used to get the book for, like, a pound or two pounds.
And the stickers was like...
I'm sure it was 50 pair of pack of stickers because I definitely remember going to a shop
and getting three for a pound, three packs of stickers for a pound.
You're not inflationing me.
I know.
So, yeah, it's probably not three pounds for a pack of stickers now.
But I couldn't justify it.
I looked at the price and it didn't feel the same and that.
I was like, no, I'm not doing it.
So when I bought a candle, it's dead.
Smell noise.
I don't want to change that.
But, yeah.
So England, what do you think?
Just to summarise.
I think, yeah, I want us to win, but...
No, last night is where I can see it's getting really sickly.
If we get past that, if we get past the quarters,
then I think we're looking at it again then.
But what I don't want to happen is because I did that,
I didn't get involved until the quarters last time.
And we was looking at it and we were like, yeah, you know, the songs start playing on the radio.
It's coming up, it's coming up.
And you wake up in the morning, it's in your head already.
And I got roped in and then fucking shit, final, dead.
So, yeah, I don't want to get hyped up about that again.
Because it's horrible.
Yeah, when Shaw scored that goal, I thought that was it.
I thought that was it.
It was not to be.
No, but, yeah, to be fair, even if we win, I still think Gareth Southgate needs to go.
It's just...
I like the way they've picked the team this time around, though.
It's almost like he's ready to hand it over to the next manager.
We've been incorporating a lot of these younger players.
It's almost as if he knows who's the replacement.
Even though we've not seen anything in the media that there is a replacement lined up or anything.
But, yeah, I feel like he's getting them ready.
Yous are the next generation now.
So get ready.
You're coming to this tournament, you've got the chance to be a part of four, five, six tournaments yourself now.
So you're playing in this one.
Well, yeah, I mean, we've got the players that can do it.
There is a few, as you said, already winners.
Champions League, Premier League winners, FA Cup winners.
He can wait till all my phones just ring in.
But, yeah, I mean, I've just mentioned a little bit before, that does lead on to James.
His message...
He's not trying to give me any shit this time.
But he has said, will you moan about England as much as you do about United?
I think I've just moaned enough, really.
I don't know.
It's just, as I was getting into, when I was younger, it was all pride about the national team and that.
But I think because of how many times we got let down over the last, say, 16 years,
apart from the last Euros when I did start to get roped into it,
it was just like, I can't be arsed.
And then, yeah, I'd watched the game, but I just couldn't get invested properly.
And then, as I say, we got in that good run, quarter-finals.
Yeah, yeah, we're getting there.
And then semis, yeah, we've got to do it.
And then the finals, I've got to say, just heartbroken again.
The worst ones are the World Cups where the time is really different.
I remember the South Korea, the kick-off time, I think was eight o'clock in the morning,
then 10 o'clock in the morning, then two o'clock, then four o'clock.
We never watched the whole of the games.
Yeah.
But I like it.
Obviously, the Euros better because it's more, you can catch more of the games.
Yeah, well, I'm just going to double-check now.
But they are a lot more accessible.
So I know the first game, it's eight o'clock on the notes.
Yes.
And then, yeah.
On Sunday night in England's one.
You mean the whole group stages?
Yeah, just the general kick-off time as well.
So eight o'clock on Friday.
And then we've got, so it's sort of, yeah, they are the same times, right?
So two o'clock, four o'clock and eight o'clock.
And that's every day.
So it's like you just missed the two o'clock at work one,
unless you can watch on the snowline.
Or unless you're working from home.
Yeah, you've got the radio at least anyway.
Radio is deep.
No, it's not the same.
See, but that's where I'll push to, definitely for yourself.
Listen to Mark Goldbridge stats football,
because there's none of the stupid stats,
because I hate hearing these stats.
But we listen to him on the Torsen Fiori, on the White Home.
Yeah, he can't come and talk about it, though, can you?
There was times where he just didn't speak and go, he's got him.
He's got him.
Yeah, but with the football watch on, as he does, it's different.
Yeah, it's more.
There's none of the stupid stats.
He knows what he's on the ball as well.
Yeah, because I hate it when you get the stat of,
oh, they haven't beaten three times in a year since 1966.
And it's like, well, now they're going to do it again now.
So the comments are cursed.
And so yeah, I hate them.
It doesn't come out with any of them.
And the analogies it comes out with, for me,
one of the best ones was Panic and Locker, Catron,
a shit on a marble floor or a tall floor, something like that.
And yeah, it's just, he's comical and interacts with the people,
everyone watching and stuff.
So yeah, it's better to watch him, I find anyway,
not just when it is, you know, it's a game,
when I am watching the other games, it's just, it's better.
It's more interaction.
It's like, you're not listening to lots of bloody Gary Neville
and Alan Shearer just chatting crap all the time.
I do hate when they put female commentators on big games
and they will do it in this one.
Well, yeah, because they're still forcing it.
Yeah, I fucking hate it.
Even if it's someone like, I don't know, I remember in the World Cup,
I think it was like Saudi Arabia first, not just some other team, maybe.
I don't know.
I never had the female commentators there to make a point.
It was just fucking pathetic.
Well, when they do it though,
they need to make sure they give them the right stats
and tell them what they're saying,
because when they're trying to just pluck these figures out there,
it's just, they ain't got a clue what they're on about.
I'm not saying that all women don't know what the offside rule is and that.
No, but they start, yeah.
How many men commentators are on the female games?
None is the answer to that.
Now, you have a PS Sturnia, the one that used to do Robot Wars.
Yeah, not enough though, compared to the men's game.
Yeah.
So, yeah, they should just not stick to their own lane,
but just stop trying to be woke with everything, is what we're getting at.
We don't need it.
We just want to enjoy the game, that's what you're going for.
So I'm looking forward to just watching the games in general.
Are you going to moan or complain?
I am going to moan about England.
Well, I'm going to moan about Southgate.
That's what I'm going to moan about,
because unless I see the lads on the pitch just not putting a shift in,
not trying, then I'm not going to moan about them.
It's going to be down to tactics, which most of it will be.
But yeah, there's a lot of games that I'm going to be just...
I will try and make an effort to watch as many games as possible,
even if I'm just like...
I've got it on in the background,
not, I don't know, either sending emails, doing invoices,
or playing the Switch or something.
I'm going to try and have them on,
because I don't just like it, just being able to sit there and watch football.
Fucking lovely, man.
Right, especially with Monmissy's working away for half the week and that,
I've essentially got those days to be able to just leave the channel on
and just watch it all,
which I don't even know what channels they're going to be on.
BBC One and ITV again.
Yeah, I'm guessing some will be on Channel 4 maybe as well.
Nah, nah, just...
I thought they did that with the World Cup, though.
Nah, nah. England home games are on Channel 4.
No, but like the other games, not England games.
Nah, nah, nah. So it's just ITV and BBC.
Oh, well.
Yeah, I saw the line-ups of the one bit scenario thing.
Fair enough.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that's what me and Monmissy's doing, isn't it?
Watch your bit on Channel 4 now.
Nah, it doesn't matter.
Nah, I'm pretty sure it's BBC and ITV.
I don't buy Monmissy's, anyway.
The Missy's does.
So, yeah.
So, yeah, I think that's it.
Thanks for your email, guys, in regards to Euro so far.
Yeah, I mean, that's enough about Euros, really.
I suppose next week's report can have a slight build-up,
whether there's any more news to go up.
But otherwise, literally, it will be out the day after the first game,
so we won't have much to say.
But we shall get on to...
Well, to be fair, we've got a couple of correspondence with the older...
Love it, mate.
So, we shall...
Professional out there.
So, we will get on to it.
So, with our first one...
So, we've got one from Joe saying, bin men.
So, what's wrong with bin men leaving your bin or three houses down?
I don't get it, yeah.
That is a strange one, actually.
This cracks me up, this does.
Now, the worst experience for me and the bin men,
literally, it was halfway down the road,
and I mean, I had to walk like 20 seconds down the road to get it,
because for some reason, I pulled them all in a pile,
but there was 20 bins or whatever,
and I had to move bins around to get mine to see number,
and I was like, right, and dragging it up, and I'm screwing.
It's fucking getting dragged behind me, I'm fucking stupid,
fucking bin men.
And one of the days that I was at home,
I've heard the bin man pull up,
and it's gone into the call, he's sat behind, well, opposite rather.
I was like, yep, Sam, as I come out here, they're going to grab mine,
and I thought, right, I'll do the right thing, I'll put it straight away,
and so I put my trainers on, and deflected it,
and as I walked out, he's gone to leave it, two doors down.
I said, mate, it's more than that.
And he looked away and went to walk, and I went,
that bin belongs to this house, don't leave down there,
and he swore and whatever, but he just like, done it to himself, kept it quiet.
So was that just trying to get it done from that point of view,
but he's a normally chaste new grid.
Yeah, there's no need for it, so he's dragged it pretty much to the end of the drive,
and I've just done the sarcastic one, cheers, mate, thanks for that,
and I've just dragged it back. I just can't be harsh with you, mate.
Someone tells me that, like, Joe's had a bad experience with bin men now.
Well, yeah, I'm guessing it's always three doors down, isn't it?
Yeah, or glibs on the hill, it's a far out.
But, again, with my street, there's a lot of lazy buggers
that won't bring it back in on the same day.
Yeah, that cracks me up.
I understand that you're not getting back from work until like 6, 7 o'clock,
but when I'm out the next morning, walking the dock,
and I'm still seeing you bin out on the middle of the road,
or if it is the afternoon, and you've got two cars on your drive,
and you've binned still outside, what are you doing?
Like, how have you not seen that you've binned out today?
Yeah, you've walked past it.
And it's like, what are you doing? It cracks me up.
You can at least pull it to your gala, then.
But, it's just people being lazy, that is, it just cracks me up.
There's no need for it.
But, I do get it, I do get it.
So, where's the other one now?
Where was he? Sorry, I'm trying to mix between, you know, the hotline,
where you can send your WhatsApp messages in, 07, 4...
Oh, you've never...
07, 4... Oh, no.
Oh, no. But you've done so well as well, remembering this number.
I know, because I'm trying to read a message at the same time.
I can't believe that's been out of my head.
Yeah.
It has been a long week, to be fair, though.
I have literally been working throughout the night.
Jay, what's wrong with you, man?
I know, I'm going to have to do it against myself, I know.
What's wrong with you?
Honestly, from the moment we've got this phone, he's never missed a beat on it.
You know what?
Never missed a beat.
I was going to say the number right, but as I went to say, you know,
when you try and spell a word and you think, hang on, no, that's wrong,
you type it out and you wait for autocrat.
So I was trying to autocrat to my head then.
So I was going to say it right.
I think because I was trying to read this message and then say it at the same time.
You were doing three things at once, man.
I wasn't driving, was I?
You were doing fucking five things.
You were driving and doing it.
So, yes, if you want to send your WhatsApps in, it's 07 470 488 096.
Get them into the Real Talking Hotline.
Now, I'm sure there it is.
There it is.
I'm trying to grab the other phone as well, but I can't grab it.
So we've got one from Laura.
She says, hi, guys.
So she wants to know what is wrong with teachers.
Well, what's wrong with teachers?
Giving homework?
What's it all about?
Now I understand this one because I just never liked homework.
No one ever liked homework unless you was the nerd.
But yeah, it was just there wasn't any need for it.
And I mean, you'll have it soon enough.
No doubt it will soon roll around.
You know, little baby will start getting homework from school.
Yeah.
Make sure she colors in the right lines.
Yeah.
It's the ones and twos.
But that doesn't feel like homework when you color it.
It's the one where it's like six weeks holiday and they give you a shitload to do.
Yeah, you have coursework and stuff to do.
Would you do the homework?
Do the homework straight away or leave it last minute?
I used to try at first, I used to try and do it straight away.
Yeah.
And then just not do it.
Yeah.
And then when it got to coursework, when we was doing our GCS scenes, a lot of it I just didn't do.
Right.
Because again, I found that with the teachers pushing academic wars, I knew that I wasn't going to do any of the jobs that they were telling me to do, office wars or whatever.
I was like, no, maybe we're going to go in the army or get some talks.
So I don't need this.
Yeah, I need maps.
I need English.
I did well enough in OET as well.
To be fair, I smashed it in OET.
I got four Bs, well, GMV, Q level B, which is the equivalent to four Bs.
And that was, I would have got higher if I would have done the coursework.
And that coursework was bullshit because it was just, you had to print screen everything, like a step by step process for A to do a fucking PowerPoint presentation and then make it into a PowerPoint presentation.
So you would go off a print screen of what to do, do it and print screen it and do your own.
Yeah.
Why buy six that now?
There's people like 15 or kids coding.
Yeah.
It was just stupid stuff.
I'm not doing this.
As long as I know how to use the internet and watch porn, then I don't care.
And play games on that.
Do you remember the, I can't remember what the game was called, or the website where you had the little scrambler and you'd have to, and you'd obviously, it was like an obstacle course and you just use the arrows.
It was called bright. Was it on mini, mini games, mini games that's still going as well.
I remember the snooze one on that one as well.
There was a tennis game on there as well.
They were pretty much lost stick men for it was a good tennis game.
Remember so cool.
There's those bare pedos in there.
webcam man 34 from Holland always my cap now.
I remember as well.
Yeah.
webcam man 34 from Holland.
Yeah.
Like if you invited them to your apartment or room where everyone's called again, your webcam would be began like a big picture on the background.
And he's doing by everyone's going through his fucking room.
So there'll be like 20 people there and just didn't wank it on.
Yeah.
You can do your room up different.
Always be just the big screen.
And yeah, with the England flag carpet.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Okay.
Now, what was this question?
I fucking forgot homework.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I saw it was probably a tick tock video ages and ages ago now.
But basically this this woman was having a debate with the school teacher saying, why are you giving my child homework?
It's schoolwork that should be done in school hours.
So if you can't sort your own shit out essentially to do this work during school hours, and now they're not doing at home.
They're already doing nine, 10 hours at school, they need the rest of the day to recharge socialize and do whatever.
So they refuse to have any homework from the teachers.
So I feel like I probably do the same, you know, because we have ourselves with our work life, you know, we work eight hours or so and then striving to and from work.
And then you try and have a chill, you know, I'm walking the dog and all that, you know, so I'm just going to be kidding you.
Yeah, as when you're not all you just got to have your own time.
You just got to be kidding.
So I feel like I'll do the same as when it gets to that point.
It's not fair on them.
You know, I don't know how we used to do it really.
You know, we'd be out playing football for hours and hours and, you know, rolling our bikes and this and that and still get homework done again, playing the computer and that.
And we very much stuff that they can do these days. Fair enough. Not out really playing football and stuff because there's too many pedos out there.
Yeah. So yeah, all the online game that needs to do that. There's not enough time for homework, is there?
So, yeah, I understand what you're saying. Teachers are just dickheads, aren't they?
They've got another strike coming up again as well. Why do they need so much money?
Joe, what's wrong with them?
I swear this is going to be a rant now.
But, you know, they have half the year off and they still have to strike about one more month.
The only negative that I got, no, the only negative I have is when I go away, which could be 20 times a year, I pay a premium because it's half term time.
Yeah, yeah.
Fuck me. Six weeks off, two weeks off Christmas, two weeks off Easter holidays.
Is it a week off in Easter? A week off in mine?
No, no, it's two weeks for Easter.
Two weeks in Easter, with some week off.
Yeah.
October get a week off, two weeks Christmas. Fuck you, no. When do they go, mate? Do they go into work?
It's just ridiculous. And then all the teacher training days as well.
A lot of bollocks at night.
Yeah, just sitting at home.
My mum saw them getting all pissed up on one teacher's training day.
In the pub, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a lot of bollocks now.
It is bollocks. It's nonsense, mate.
What are they training for? To give people more homework?
Yeah.
Fuck you, no.
That's why do so much homework? Because they're never in school.
So, yeah, I understand it. What's wrong with the teachers?
Not the good teachers anyway. They never used to really care.
Mr Morris, he basically just give us all, he was an English teacher.
He just give us what our coursework was meant to be.
So, yeah, just copy it and just change the words.
Don't make it that obvious that you're copying exactly what I'll give you.
And he was sound, he was.
I know that essentially one of the kids walked around on his computer
and he deleted all of our coursework.
So, and it was, I don't know how to say,
two months before it was all meant to have been not submitted or something.
So he literally just says, yeah, this is it.
This is what you got to do on the computer and this will change it all for you.
So, yeah, everything that we'd already done, we just copied and pasted again.
And he was like, yeah, I'm not going to report yours for having it as the same
or copying each other or whatever, or pieces what's getting submitted.
It's funny you should say that because our school was a fucking shit school.
My English one as well, I remember,
because that was like 60% coursework and 40% free for all whatever it was.
And she said, yeah, as it stands, you've got to save just off your coursework.
And I was like, I don't have to do anything.
And then she fucking lost it.
And then when I'm going to think about it, I think about it with Jade, just off the fucking...
Off the exam.
Yeah. Yeah. So she lost it. But I can't remember why she said she lost it.
But she never, she never sorted me out like that.
No, she was a bitch that I bought.
Fucking shit teacher.
I can't remember her name.
Well, it wasn't Miss Hunter.
No.
I struggle with teachers names.
There's only a handful, I remember.
But yeah, that was...
Oh, right. Yeah.
So I've got one myself anyway.
So my...
So venue staff.
I've had this this week.
So I've been doing some of the exhibition shows.
And so you get these, you know, the kind of like security staff or, you know, the people that work for the venue anyway, or, you know, if you're at a shopping centre or something, they've got the whole business on.
They've got the brand of where they work for.
And I think the run the gaff.
No, you're just there to make sure if there's an emergency.
Oh, right. Yeah, there's a fire.
Let's go to the checkpoint and fucking whatever.
Don't be coming over to me asking what time I'm getting finished and fucking like judging me because I'm still working and you want to get home.
I don't want to be fucking there at 9 o'clock on the night.
Don't be fucking looking at me and all that.
So I've had this bitch yesterday as well.
So we've had this big stand.
We've had to take down and all that.
And so the carpet boys, which again, you know, we've laid, we have to take up, take our own rubbish away.
There was, I think it was about 40 meters squared of carpet.
No, it was more than that actually.
Probably about 60 meters squared.
Yeah, I know exactly how big it was.
I don't know what I'm struggling with.
It was 10 meters long, six meters wide.
So yeah, 60 meters squared.
And so all the stand that's taken apart and then just as I've finished getting it off the carpet because we dismantled it all and then put it off to the side in the gang way.
Then she comes walking over, face like a slapped ass, like a fucking dog chewing on a wasp.
And I says, you're going to ask me the golden question now, aren't you?
Oh, what's that then?
What time are we going to be done by?
Oh, no, it wasn't that.
You know, the show is open, well, the hall is open till 10 o'clock.
So that's the last that anyone can be in there.
No, I'm just making sure you're going to take the carpet.
I said, yeah, the bus says we're going to take the carpet.
It's our carpet.
We put it down.
So we're going to take it away.
I said, I can leave it for you if you want though, love.
No, no, you've got to take the carpet.
Yeah, well, that's what I'm going to do, because the bus has told me to take the carpet.
So she's walked away and she's gone over to someone else and I can see her dictating to them as well.
And then she's come back over.
So behind our stand, there was this big electric lorry that had just been abandoned.
Well, it was there for the whole show.
I've not seen anyone with you.
And she comes over to me.
Yeah, when you're taking that lorry, not our lorry, this was our stand.
This carpet that we're taking up at the moment.
That was ours.
That one that's behind us on a different piece of carpet is not ours.
Oh, I thought it was yours.
No, not ours.
Oh, so you're not going to take it?
No, it's not our truck to take.
So she walks over to one of the other crew that she already knows is with me and asks him if he's taking it.
And so he's already heard me basically ploying it out to fuck off.
And he says, no, if you've got the keys, I'll take it.
But it's not ours to take.
And yeah, she ended up just walking off then.
So she knows it's not ours anyway.
She's just being a bitch.
So there's no need for you.
You see them in other places.
I see a lot of the videos where, to be fair, these people are one of these audit people, but they'll try and go into a bank or something.
So they're they're already on the one anyway.
But when you've got the security coming over and you can't do that, you can't do that.
And they're trying to push him out of.
What would you give her for?
You know, if there's an emergency, yeah, do your job then.
Stop trying to tell people what to do.
Just let people be unless they are being a dickhead.
Then, yeah, just venue staff.
What's wrong with her?
Just don't even fucking hold these wankers.
Even though we both work, you wear a whole of these for work.
And when I do these shows, I'll wear them.
They saw me to be in a wanker.
So, yeah, that's that's it for the hey, what's wrong with you?
Now, we shall go on to some other correspondence.
So we've got a message from Laura.
She's asking, do we have any secret tips to help attract men?
Look, so little, little sort of things to do.
I mean, the answer to that really is just a bit of cleavage on show.
You know, you're getting a bit of attention.
They're going to be more attractive than.
So the main advice for that really is just don't drone on about bullshit.
If you're talking about something, you can see the man starting to look around and that changed subject.
Don't talk about ex relationships or anything, because that is just going to be like, no, I can't be asked this on board.
Yeah, just ask questions. Yeah, you want to get asked questions as well.
Don't just answer and carry on.
Don't beg it. Yeah, just ask questions back.
So obviously, it's different when you were single.
Yeah, to be fair. Now you probably just have to show.
Yeah, I don't think from the text.
Yeah. But what I would say, I was actually speaking, speaking about this with one of the lads I work with.
When I used to go out with one of the other lads and this was years and years ago.
And I mean, probably 12, 13 years ago. I can't remember.
Anyway, before I was with my partner and we used to go out and he used to pull a girl.
And then when he seen a girl he preferred more, would go and get the girl he preferred more.
And I'd have the girl he was speaking to first used to come over and go to me. What's he doing that for? This and that.
I used to go to her. We was not together. So I just might just met.
And they used to get really jealous instantly. I never used to get that more than they used to get so jealous straight away.
And then I remember as I said, this is probably like about 14 years ago now.
And so we used to talk to one girl.
I used to see one who preferred more, go and talk to her, get this girl's number who preferred more, then go back to this one.
After she's just been like, what is he doing that for? Is he a bit of a prick? Is he a buyer or whatever?
But then, you know, two weeks later I used to say, I shagged her.
Like, do you know what I mean? So that's what I mean with don't be. I mean, just know your worth, I suppose.
You don't have to do anything. Just be who you are.
Yeah, I suppose it's hard though nowadays. I mean, it's just I can imagine just totally different from when you were single.
Well, yeah, I was literally just about to say I wouldn't have a clue what the day in life is these days.
Because Tinder was early doors as we was.
Tinder was what? Like.
It literally been out for, I don't know, say three, four months, something like that, before I got with my missus.
See, I was already with my partner when he even like long before they even come out.
So like I remember like you and some of the lads being on it and the other one called plenty of fish.
Yeah, I was on plenty of fish.
Friendly of fish you was on, sorry.
Yeah, because that was a long while before.
So, yeah, it was easy enough with them ones.
Yeah, I imagine it is still just the same. I think Fumble and Hitch.
I don't know. I heard people talk about these fucking apps and I ain't got a clue.
I was just going to say that's go back to I don't know. I have no voice really.
I don't know what to say.
I think that's all I think of really is just keep the conversation not flowing.
Don't go off on, you know, I'm probably the wrong person to say don't go off on a tangent.
But don't rattle on about just not ex-relationships and stuff.
Keep it about what's going on at the moment between you two and then give a lot of life experiences.
Whatever, tell funny stories, but don't throw it on about ex-relationships because that's not a red flag to think.
Well, I'm gone. You've got some fucking unfinished business with that person there.
So I don't want to hear about it.
And then, yeah, so if you're doing anything like that and then you see them looking around the room,
you start picking up the phone or anything. Oh, that's not a big don't pick up your phone.
Don't start texting and that that would fucking crack me up.
It cracks me up with my missus, does it? And we're not even talking.
We're just sitting next to each other on the sofa.
But it's the noise that cracks. What? I should have done this.
Another hey, what's wrong with you? Why have the click, click, click, click, click, click noise when you're typing away?
Yeah, you don't need that. Don't need it. Fucking.
I tell her when she's on WhatsApp and because it's the same tone.
Yeah. Oh, God. What a married hour lover, you know.
So, yeah, don't don't be on your phone. Just be in a moment. Just enjoy it.
Yeah, just chat smiles and say don't have to have a bit of Gleevee Jones show.
It's just nice to have a little look at.
Yeah. Hopefully that was a good enough advice for that.
It was a try, mate. You tried. Yeah, we tried.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't think there is much else that we could give, really.
You know, what's going on?
Because Laura's asked a couple now, boy.
So the previous question was, do men only get attracted to women to find pretty?
And I remember answering that as well. So what's going on, Laura?
Obviously, you're struggling a little bit.
Let us know what's going on.
Why is that? You know what's going on?
Experiences. What? What?
You know, you're having bad experiences. Is this why you're asking for advice?
I'm assuming she's younger than us as well. So, again, it's.
I think a lot of people that I reckon that a lot of podcast listeners would be younger than us.
I'm imagining so.
Well, yeah. You know, we can't give the perfect voice to someone that's 15 years younger than us or whatever.
I think I can because, you know, we've got the life experience.
But, you know, yeah, just give us just give us a bit more context on what you're going through.
And then we might have more specific advice there.
Right. So I will get on to our question next.
She says, oh, dinner party is great.
What other three people would you go for?
So we're going to set this one up for start.
Minds and his log love Island to do that.
Love Island. I did not know that.
Yeah. And it was your idea as well.
I know JD watched it.
No, no. I thought about it because we kind of did it last week where we got a lot of rank.
Yeah, fun with this person in the middle. But he wants you on the level.
You know, you're fucking chilling.
I know you love. I know you love.
So basically when when someone new comes in, they can not all the time.
It's not three weeks into it.
They can choose someone to have a dessert with minds.
We deserve that person cooks their food for them.
So I know you love it.
So, yeah, I want to set this up like this.
So the only thing I know about nobody is that there's a footballer in there, a black black.
And it was a tweet from his club that says, haven't been able to get in touch with whatever his name is for a few days.
Now I know why. And then it's the picture of him.
But the love Island logo underneath.
Right now. So I haven't watched this one.
They used to be really good.
I think you mentioned it. I reckon you can fully devoted again.
I used to like the old ones.
I used to kick off for now.
But they seem to be more relaxed now because obviously one is trying to be confines from it.
That's all it's for. And it's a bit of cash after.
Yeah. Just be relevant.
So let's start off with your starter.
You got anyone in mind that you would start.
I know I read this over there. I probably should have. There's only one person I've got in mind, but he wasn't as the starter.
So, uh, start.
I tell you what, yeah, Mark Goldbridge, you know, chat to your mark.
I know you're listening. You love the real talker podcast.
So, yeah, Mark Goldbridge, he loves to have a little bit of a drink.
So, yeah, we can just get the football chat done with any just get it out of the way.
We've got something to get you into the mood.
You're starting to have a couple of drinks. You get in the football talk out of the way.
We've. Yeah.
So that's a nice way to start the day.
My mains will be Jack Black because all round geese are happy, bubbly, great singer, lot of great movies.
You know, shallow looking.
Tonight's just a pick a destiny was Bowser and the Super Mario movie as well.
Bang in June with that.
And then I can't be the one for the end of the night now.
I say all the prep on this one. I probably should have thought of this.
Have you got a starter remains to. Yeah, started David Apra.
Just because you just get into it and I suppose some lessons.
I don't know how long he's got as well.
You got to get it. That's why you got to get him the starter as well.
Yeah. And then my Eminem Eminem.
Just because like you've got David out of the way.
You've learned nice life lessons from him.
You know about fucking the T-Rex and shoot Eminem.
You know, you know, you're getting going there.
You've already thrown up because, you know, mom's spaghetti's out there and farms are already sweaty as well.
Yeah. I've got to say, I was going to say, you listen to his new song anyway.
Yeah, it's all right. It's not as good.
It's like it's not restricted to how it could be.
Yeah. The amount of the young ones on TikTok moan about it.
It's offensive. So I remember listening to this.
This is like a set man. Old little tape in bed listening to me.
Yeah, this is alcohol free beer. Yeah.
He had some bangers back then and it was it was it was bad lyrics, you know, talking about all sorts of killing and rape and shit as well.
So yeah, he's really, really tight.
But it was yeah, you know, the tune itself because it's old school.
It's a it's quite catchy. Right. So I did just have a dessert in my head.
I forgot it again. Now give your dessert.
Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart.
I just think that's another well balanced one.
David. Say David. Like we're fucking pals.
Yeah. Yeah. But get him in.
To be fair, though, you wouldn't be calling him sir or dado, would you?
I don't know. If I got an eye on him, I'd expect to be called sir.
Yeah. But we've someone that you've been speaking to. Yeah.
Everyone's calling me sir. So actually, I swear to God, if the down.
Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
So yeah, your dessert, mate. So that's the best one.
Oh, that's a good one, actually. Yeah. Because again, you know, he's he's not the lord for the party anymore.
But I'm not there at the end of the night. He loads a cigar.
Yeah. But look, you're half court and he speaks, you know, can you understand him?
I mean, you get that. I understand him more than. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
And then again, yeah, he's got all the stories. He's met pretty much everyone in the world.
So, yeah, we could we could do this all day, actually. Come up with a friend.
Yeah. If this is something you just want to hear, then let us know.
But it'd have to be like what I'm saying is like who it can't just be like freeze, like which free for this event or whatever.
I mean, not just does that make sense in what I'm trying to say?
They're relevant. So like which free out of this domain would you want to meet and why?
You know what? So there's a bit more context to it because we could just say free random people every time.
Hmm. Yeah, we'll probably have to try. Free people you'd be on a holiday with, free people you'd want to go on a holiday with.
OK. Not necessarily. You know, would you want to go on a holiday with Dave? No.
Which would if you were scuba diving. If you're on a holiday in Ireland, then fucking yeah.
But if you're on a party, like if you can't like arrive, you're not going to get what I'm saying.
So which. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So look, as you just said, like Sloan would be great for the end of the night for the cigar.
So yeah, stuff like that basically. Yeah.
So yeah, if this is something that you want to hear more of us with, then yeah, we'll probably have to put a bit of effort into it then, wouldn't we?
Let us know your free's as well. If any of yous have got some.
You can do with like Jodie's Love Island if you wanted to as well. Yeah, yeah. So I'll just do you for it.
All that Love Island. Yeah, I've never understood it, mate. It's just gay, ain't it?
No, it's not because no, I get what you're saying. No, it's not homosexual gay. It's old school gay.
It's just. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I hate? Like, if you do like these challenges and like they've got to put someone the challenges of when we used to watch Moomoo Party, couldn't watch what he used to do this one.
So they'd have to get like, sink in their mouth, carry them out and then put it into their partner's mouth or spit into the partner's mouth.
The knife would then have to put into a tube and into the first person, then throw that tube, wins. That was that they need to come with something better than that one.
See, you're repulsed about that. How many people are aroused by that and they're there like.
Well, that's what I suppose that's what they're trying to make it like sexually, but it's just fucking disgusting.
No, yeah, it is. But yeah, on that gag note then, I'll call it there.
People come with the, hey, what's wrong with yous? Yeah, if you have got three celebrities that yous would want to or as you was just saying scenarios.
You're not free people that are not with us. Yeah. You know, free people. No, do you get what I'm saying?
Yeah, free people you'd have to do the garden with you. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, we're going to have to come up with little things.
Yeah, do you get what I'm saying? Yeah.
So yeah, if you've got any themes, scenarios or anything like that, send them in.
Then we'll try and put the effort in. We'll try and do the prep work. Unfortunately, a lot of the time I do leave it to last minute because I work hard all week.
I should be working tonight. But that one's not on that. So yeah, we'll lovely leave yous for that.
You know, we'll watch the England game tonight. Maybe, maybe not. Most likely not. Look at Sky Sports news in the morning and just read how shit you were.
And yeah, hotline 0747 0488 096 real talk about gmail.com X gonna get you at action JD. Yeah, keep it real. We'll see you next week.
Peace.
Grab your headphones ready to groove. Ashen JD will make your mood improve. That's we also slide chemistries electric. You can't deny.
You can't deny.