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How are we everyone? Welcome back to the real talking podcast with your host Ash and JD
Now Ash is actually back this week
He's still feeling a bit rough after having his head bummed off last week
Now there has been a message asking how you are
Because it was before I knew that you was ill
And all it just says that you couldn't do the podcast last week
Because you'd been pegged to hard bottom issues
And then it turned out you had been ill
Which wasn't pegging reality
I mean I don't know actually, you haven't told me if it was pegging related
It was definitely not pegging related
Yeah so if Ash is a little bit lacklustre on the enthusiasm side
It is because he's still a bit pooly
And then as I said on the little video
I would start off with the correspondence
We are still going to do that
But unfortunately I forgot the hotline at home
Which is the missus fault
Because she moved things around and it was uncharged and I forgot it
So the hotline will definitely start off with your messages next week
The whatsapps
And still send them in
Appreciate it, 07 470 488 096
There is a good couple of messages on there
Which again, because you haven't listened mate
You didn't listen to Driving with JD
I could have moved mate
It was only a short episode anyway
I was just creeping everyone on it
But yeah so I will start off with the emails that I've got
Because I can get them up on the phone
It's just the whatsapps
They're on the hotline
So as always James
He's coming at you
Because there was a bit of back and forth already on last week's episode
But yeah he says lad you know that you ended your own season
Because there was a lay on whatsapp he says
Funny how you know that you ended Liverpool's season
Because when we batted them in the FA Cup quarter final
It was the reason why Liverpool went downhill really
So yeah, just coming back at that really
Don't worry about Liverpool
Driving with JD was your best episode
Only 10 minutes of you talking shit
Which was quite good for James really
I think he must have sat on that for a couple of hours
Just thinking about it
While he was crying into his Jürgen Klopp pillow still
He's not wrong is he
Well I mean it was obviously a lot shorter than the couple of episodes that I did on my own
You can go back and listen to them
I did Aunt Betsy's taste testing there Lagers on the one of them
Which was a Sunday roast one, Apple crumble
I can't remember you'd have to go back and listen to that
It was just before Christmas if I remember rightly as well
But yeah, you don't have to talk about Liverpool again
I knew they were going to play poor against Crystal Palace anyway
All the injuries
Johnny Evans had failed a fitness test beforehand as well yet still played
Casemiro's not sent back
I don't know what's going on with Wamsaka
We don't need to talk about how bad you know it had been
It's how bad Liverpool have been
And fought their Premier League title
But Liverpool have had a better season
Yeah they've had a better season than you know
Yeah
Just saying because you know
Man U should be beating Crystal Palace
They should be?
No I'm going to walk
I don't want you to
I can't, I don't know what I'm looking for
But you know what I'm saying
There's still enough there to give
Not to get done over for now, do you know what I mean?
Yeah but there isn't enough
No but they should be
If spend enough too, it should be
Again, so this spending argument
Because of Murta and that, they're overspent on players
Martin there should have been 40 million, not nearly 60
Anthony shouldn't have been
I think for most teams, especially Man Ut
The Chelsea, Man City, well the Premier League team
The Pro-Romanian players, they're over doing that
Just because they know they'll be winning the player
Man City don't tend to overplay
No, no Neuroid there I see
I mean again it's hidden fees but
Even though they've got Erling Haaland 50 million
I think his dad's got something like 30 million
Everyone got something again
Yeah, Dortmund got more over overall
Yeah there was a lot of back-enders with that one anyway
No but all it was saying is like
Man you should never go to Chris Pallis and get done over for now
They shouldn't do
Do you know what I mean? That's literally all
Yeah they shouldn't do
But as I say with all the injuries and then
You know the lack of enthusiasm by a lot of the squad as well
Ericsson's legs are gone
Nobody is because I feel like
Because there's nothing to play for
In terms of the Premier League now
Because they're not going to get
No but there was, there was playing for Siegfried
Yeah but what does Siegfried get?
The Europa
The Europa conference or Europa?
No, Europa League yeah
Oh I mean do they really want to be in that next season?
I'm just saying
Well it's better than the conference and it's better than no European football
Because it's money, it's matchday revenue and that
No I get the revenue aspect
With the new pick Man U, near the season where
They're probably just in one competition
And just focus on that then Thursday, Sunday
But and just well bashed especially with all these injuries
Yeah I'd love to think if we do finish in eight
That again it just depends on what to do with the manager
And if they actually do get rid of a load of players
You know Dortmund want Sancho to stay
But is he going to be alone or are they actually going to follow him?
Greenwoods, Rashford, is he going to go or not?
You know Casimiro, he's finished
He's not good enough for the Premier League anymore
He had a great last season but
I think that's all they had in him
Was just one year for the Premier League
Verranns going, Andy Martial's contract ended
I'm trying to think who's last person Man U signed
And has been good consistently
Because I mean I have Bruno Fernandes but he's consistent isn't he?
I think Bruno Fernandes doesn't get in
At Barcelona, Ram, Brian Mooney
It doesn't get into a top team
That's why he plays for Man U
Yeah, I mean we've gone over it before
When you haven't got the players playing well enough around you
That's why he's running around like a headless chicken
Because he's trying to make up for the lack of effort
With a lot of the rest of the squad
I think sometimes he's running around with choice
Because then he can say I would have run further
I forgot to say it's a lot of nothing
Because he's not doing anything
Just boy running around like a headless chicken
It just looks like he's running stats up well
Yeah, I don't think he's bothered about his running stats
He genuinely is trying but he lacks discipline
That's all, if he stayed where he was told to stay
And played the way he was told to
Then it would be a better performance
But no, he's running around and as I say
He's trying to track back
He's getting the ball from the goalkeeper
And then he's trying to ping these 40-50 yard balls
Yeah, they look good when they come up
And they go in the down and up
So yeah, it's just a lack of discipline for him
I'm sorry, we haven't gone down like what we do
We've only, sorry
We were talking about football
And I was just thinking that Man U should have
Yeah, they shouldn't do, no
I thought you were saying Man U would be short there
Christopher, no
Man U would be short there
Christopher Pallis deserved the win
And it was obvious again
Arsenal on the weekend
Half-4 kick-off I believe it is
Oh, is it Arsenal?
Arsenal on Sunday, yeah
Yeah, you're going to get Dominaro as well
In the FA Cup final
It ain't going to be a good season, is it?
No, it's never not, sorry
You never know though
Man U do turn up every now and again against Man City
Yeah
And that's what I was going to get to
Because it's almost like a lot of the team
Do play, like turn up against the top six essentially
So I wouldn't be surprised if we got a result against Arsenal on Sunday
As hard as it is for me to say this
I'd want Arsenal to win
Because I want Arsenal to win the Premier League over Man City
Evil hates not a good situation for Man fans
Because you're going to get Liverpool, City or Arsenal
Liverpool ain't going to win it, no chance
You know in terms of who could up
Yeah, yeah
But yeah
Again, yeah, against Man City
They have turned up
It's down to injuries
If a couple of these players do get back
For the last two, three games
Get a bit of minutes beyond them into the legs
Then we will stand a better chance
But if we're putting Wamba Saka in the defence
Casamiro and then Johnny Evans who's still not fit
And 35, it's not a good enough team
I always, before when Johnny Evans saw him
I was just like, why?
Why was that a thing?
Again, there was trying to get Kim Min-Jae
Before he went to Bayern
But they just couldn't get their arses into gear
To sort out, to pay the release clause
And it was a mix with Harry Maguire
Not taking, accepting the bid to go to West Ham
Because they had no money
They couldn't afford to pay the release clause
I'm just thinking, you'd think Harry Maguire would move on as well
Because he's in his final year of contract now
I think he's got an extent of one year add-on still
So they could trigger that
So they're probably willing to trigger it
So he doesn't leave on a fret again
Unless they want to carry on paying his wages
Which is quite a lot
Yeah, I think 190 to 200 a week
You would think that and he's definitely going to go
But he's not going to let him go yet
Because it's his signing
And again, with the first half of the season, the dramas
The allegations of beating his ex Mrs. Up and that
That's obviously messed him up a little bit
Do you think it's the players or the manager, the coach?
It's the players
When you go back to before Ten Hard took over
So that Ralph Ragnick was an interim manager
Solskjaer was before that
And now the same point of problems
Well that's it
So the down-tours for Solskjaer
Solskjaer wasn't a coach anyway
He was more of a man manager
Arm around the shoulder
I'll get your hopes up
I'll get you feeling better and that
So yeah, the down-tours for him
Ralph Ragnick come in
And as soon as he comes out with the statement saying
That the club needs open heart surgery
Essentially saying half the squad needs to go
The down-tours for him as well
Isn't it funny because
The governor ran out
And there was my dialogue
He was the problem
But he was just saying
I suppose what everyone's been saying
That it's never
You can imagine him being on that training ground
Saying he's saying good luck
Yeah, well
Since it was still the same treadmill
That he was running on when he was 17
Obviously there's a problem there
But again that's because of the owners
They haven't put any money into the club
Since they took over 17 years ago I think
You know, the victory rains
And it's dripping, it's leaking through the roof
There's rust everywhere and that
They haven't spent a penny on the ground
It'd be interesting to see what Jim Radcliffe does now
In terms of his first transfer window
Yeah, and that's
If he sticks and twists
And then if he sticks what this fan
Will this out if he gets a new manager
So it'd be interesting
But I do love the idea of Manu not being
In the European competition
I know you get the revenue point of view
But you know the European league
For the revenue is probably going to give you
Wouldn't you not have that and warrants
Just focusing on one
Not one league obviously
Because you've got the Cubs and everything
But you're just taking that burden away
Yeah, so doing assignments
What our test we've asked
We did a couple of seasons ago
But it's just because of the money
Because not being in the Champions League
That's 60 to 70 million
I can understand the Champions League
Because then you can get better players easy
But I think you know
Europa League, Europa Conference League
Is it that much for Manu where they can't
Go without that for one season
We pay much debt at the ring, yeah
Because again since the Glazers
Bought the club on debt
And they haven't
They've just been paying the interest
Essentially they've not started to pay off
Any of the debt
So they're essentially in
Almost a billion pounds worth of debt
They still owe clubs for players
I don't even think Lukaku has finished
Being paying off for
And he's been a Chelsea player again
For three years or maybe four
Even though he went back for a season
And then he's been into Milan and all that
You know Sancho probably only 20 million
To be paid of that
We've had him two years
So it's just an accumulation of too much debt
So for financial reasons
They're going to struggle not being in
The European contest
As I say so
Europa I think that's about 30 million with Getz
I think it's 12 million if you're in the conference
And then you get your match day revenue in that as well
Which I think I worked it out before
It's not 3 million a game
A home game for them
So they're going to lose out on a lot of money
But it's how much
How much of these
Deadwoods, not good enough players
That can actually sell
So obviously there's a good few players
That are at the end of the contract
They're just going completely
But yeah if the logs of
If we can get Sancho off the books
Maybe get 30 million for him
Which would help with a financial fair player
Buying him
Mason Greenwood if they do sell him
That's pure profit because he was from the youth set
Same with Rashford
The class of pure profit
Yeah I'd love to see him go
For himself as well
Not just because he's not been good enough for United
Last season was his best season
But he still wasn't world class
80 million is well too much
Why they're putting 80 to 100 as a prize tank for him
I'll never know
I think reasonable because of his wages as well
Would be 40 to 60 million
Especially after this season's performance
The thing is
There's only really one club to have a boy in
That's PSG
Literally that, I think that's the only option for his PSG
And it'd be great in the French league
Because it's easy
He can walk and do whatever he wants
So yeah if they can sell a lot of players
Raise the money
Because if they don't
They'll probably have about 100 million
To be able to spend because of
Not earning enough money and all the waste
So
How much is Jim Radcliffe said he's going to pull into the club from his own money
I know he spent 1.4 million
Purchasing
Just 25% that's all he's pulled
So he was going to put 250 million into Carrington
A little bit of a refurb on the stadium until
Whatever plans come around
Whether they build a new one or
Completely just renovate Old Trafford
So more so on the infrastructure
He's put in 250
Well saying that I think half of that was
To clear off some of the debt as well
Yeah
So because of all the financial fair play
It's still hard for owners to put their own money in
To be able to just spend on players and that
Which if the new rules do come into play
Which I know a lot of clubs voted in favour of
So essentially from what I've read about it
It takes the lowest revenue
So the team with the lowest revenue in the Premier League
Takes their fee and then times it by four
So let's just say the lowest revenue was 100 million
Every team can spend 400 million then
Yeah
But that's just going to cause more drama that it's because
If they can't afford that
Then where's the money going to come to pay back up
So yeah I can't see that happening
You know and then what regulation is going to be around that
Then because you know to me that's a
That's a man sitting bribing someone
To try and get this into motion so
That can chin up all of their 115
Charges that are going against them
But then the likes of Everton, nothing with Boris and that
That have already had point deductions this season
They ain't going to be able to keep up with any of that
They'll still only be able to spend what money they have
Everton are struggling until they do find a new overnath
The 777 group have been trying but it's just
It's just getting dragged on and on which is a shame for them
Because the seven groups
They're putting in like 20 million a week or something
Or maybe a month to help pay for wages
Which is literally Everton are bankrupt
So it's not going to look good for them
Unless they do get the sale over the line
Yeah anyway Liverpool have bottled it this season
So yeah James appreciate it
I'm glad that he listened to Driving with JD
I'm glad he enjoyed it
Yeah obviously did enjoy it
Otherwise he wouldn't have listened to all 10 minutes
And realised that that was my best
So yeah keep on coming in James mate
We're still going to have to properly get in touch
And sort out the undertake
Coming in your ears soon
Right so we've got a couple of questions
I'll start off with Miles
Will you ever bring back your top 5s?
So early days we used to do a few didn't we?
We did movie soundtracks
Movies, crisps
We could do drinks as well?
No we didn't do drinks
I know we did stuff like the perfect meal
And everything like that
Yeah a lot of the Tesco's
We should do a top 5
We have to think of one if we do
Maybe biscuits?
Or did we come up with the biscuits?
I don't think we did biscuits no
Maybe we could do it
Again because I did tell the lovely fans
That we're doing a co-driving episode
Next week
So maybe we could get one set up for then
But yeah Miles that's what you want mate
We'll get one for you
If you've got any suggestions let us know
And then we'll do it on that topic
Make it easier for us as well
Right and then another question was
What was your first clue that you were no longer as young as you thought you were?
See I've got a few of these
I'm all ears
You walk into somewhere and the music's too loud
So are you on about like if you go into an Asda or a Top Man?
Or like a bar and a club and the music
Do you know when you have to shout?
When you start hailing that
To be fair if you're in a pub
Then you should expect there to be some background noise that you might have to
During the day no
But Friday night then yeah
Do you know when you have to speak down someone's ear?
Yeah
Do you start appreciating old music?
So music your mum and dad used to listen to
And at the time you can't stand
But now I find myself putting on just listening to
That's when you know
And also when you watch documentaries
Because I used to hate documentaries as a kid
But now you put a good documentary on
I fucking binge it
Yeah so
Yeah there's more
It's just because I'm trying to keep the order in my head
So I know what you're saying about loud noise
Because that's more in general
I've got to walk around and even if I'm going food shopping
I've got my headphones on, listening to my own stuff
Yeah music wise
Again
Because I pretty much stopped listening to Radio 1 a few years ago
Switched over to Talksport
Which again that's like an old person's thing to do
That's the sports fans version of going to Radio 2
Or like Radio West Midlands or whatever
I might have to start in more Talksport
At the moment Smurf Country is more number one
Well that is
We've all got more default sort of radio out the back of the band
That's what it's tuned into
Because I've been a country fan for a while
And yeah you can't go wrong with a country song
Even one that I've actually listened to earlier
He's singing about stealing car parts from a shop
That he works at and then building his own car
Why is that a good song?
A lot of them are about guns, trucks, girls and mainly beer
And sometimes you can't go and then go into a bar
Sometimes it's a combination
But sometimes, and I love the tallers of the song
Because they just have the wackiest tallers which could just be like
So that one's probably like
I don't know but it could be like
Stolen workshop or something like that
The last line was I built my car for free
So that's probably the name of the song
But even one of them
The chorus is like God is great, beer is good
And people are crazy
But it's a good song
He's singing about just having a chat with a man in a bar
And then the man dies and he inherits all his money
You can't go wrong with country music
And then what's the first one that you said?
Was that the music one?
So like appreciate
So like the music your mum and dad used to listen to
Used to hate as a kid
But like Elvis and stuff like that
But no, you put Elvis on
Yeah, because we've done that as well
We're just going into a bit of Elvis
When I was living with our upper mate as well
Anytime getting ready to go out
Which was pretty much every day
A load of Queen blasting
I used to have it with Do You Believe
Was that the name of the song?
No, I don't share any
Put that one on there
But like you know what I mean
You just can't avoid that
Do a bit more than before you put 50 Cent on
Yeah, you can do that sometimes now
But yeah, I'll do
Again, enjoying sleep as well though
Because when we were younger
We didn't need as much sleep
We could have yes and off, up and sound
And another thing
We find it hard to game
Yeah, a lot of the job
Apart from when I was a boy
I haven't played any of the consoles yet
I'll try and put on some over the weekends
I suppose Sundays are the only time
Yeah, I did get into a good rhythm
I was playing an hour or so every day
And I was doing it
So you have to make time for it
Where before it just couldn't be so natural
I remember waking up
I used to be downstairs 10 o'clock at night
You know what? Sorry I'm your football manager
Used to go up on the PC
Put that shit on
I was like you know what
I'm going to be in some land
I'm going to smash this Syria
And I used to play until 3 o'clock in the morning
Got to see if I could play all day the next day
And play for Wigsland
Just like that
Just to get up at 10 o'clock
Now at 10 o'clock
You think I'm doing anything?
I'm not
So I was going to bed
I'm already in bed
Yeah
I mean most likely not awake at 10 o'clock
Because I'll go up
Probably around half eight
As an average Simon
And then the TV's on
And then I'll try and go to sleep
But I don't fall asleep straight away
Do you have a thing for me?
I do as well
I like this question about
When do you know you're getting out?
For me it's when you start enjoying coffee
Because as a kid I know you used to love tea
But I used to hate hot drinks
Yeah you were like that
Yeah so for me like
Maybe that
But there's a few I could
A few more
The comfy chair as well though
Yeah
Again we've been locker for years
Going to the pub
And actually wanting to find a seat
So again not just a pub
If you've got like a wedding or whatever
Go to Christianine
A social gathering of sorts
Wanting to be one of the first people there
Just so you've got a table to sit down at
Because that's one of the worst things standing up
So yeah we've known for quite some years
That we're old
Just everything aches all the time as well
But yeah appreciate that
Question from Jess
Who was your childhood celebrity crush?
Oh okay
So she did tell me about this earlier
And I did have a quick thing
So just
I find it hard to find people on TV
For some reason
Or like not like celebrities
I don't know why
When you're watching
Or when you used to watch TV as a kid and that
Did you ever put yourself in the position though?
No
The only time it ever happened
Was a Spice Girl
No two times but one was a Spice Girl
Can you think what Spice Girl it was?
Well it was Jerry for me
And he was yeah yeah yeah
Just because yeah you know she was a girl actually
I only heard it the other day
So before the Spice Girl she fucking page prepped
Yeah that's it time
I don't know
Shit I don't know
That's from my memory I had to Google it
That's the only one I can remember
And when I was probably about
Maybe a little bit older
Because I was buffy
So I'm not sure I'll get it
Yeah I never really got the buffy one
But them two I mean
As I said I've always found it hard to
I don't know what that is
Yeah I think
So for a lot of men
I can say lads but we are men we're adults
Of our age our generation
It was Kimberley Pink Ranger
From Power Rangers was kind of the first one
But I mean we were still too young
To properly really kind of get that
So the first proper one for me was
In Smallville
Lala Lang
Right how old
Would you have been in Smallville for me?
So it was as we were getting into secondary school
So you know old enough to
Understand your emotions a bit
Old enough to enjoy it
Yeah yeah
I don't know the actresses now
I probably should have got that up already
Yeah she was Lala Lang in Smallville
And then did you ever watch Chuck?
No
So Sack
Yvonne Shazam
Oh yeah I know you're talking about
His Breakthrough TV solo TV show
Was called Chuck
So it was a programme that was downloaded into his brain
Called The Intercept and it gave him more spy knowledge and all that
So he worked with the CIA and this and that
So I think like season 2 or 3 or whatever she comes in that as well
And I remember like Smallville had finished
Or she wasn't in Smallville at that point
Because again that's years old
But yeah she's come into it and I remember it all flooding back
And I was like oh shit yeah it's Lana
Which that was a polite term back then
Which I'm going to move on to some of my girls now
But I do just want to say thanks for the emails
Keep them coming in and as I say
I will get onto the
Updating whatsapps and that next week
It's just my fault I forgot to put the phone
But yeah so that reminded me
So scroll through tiktok the other day
Not much else to do when you're sitting on the toilet really is that
Do you remember when people used to read, well men used to read paper
Oh you used to enjoy getting a paper
And the thing is, and I think this is why men
Sit on the toilet for so long now
Because once you start the paper you have to finish the paper
Before you clean yourself
That's why I think men
It's just genetics now
When you're looking for the paper you don't stop the page change
I read the rest later, no
All the way through, agony aren't big, it was always the best part
And I always think some of them was fake
The ones in the daily star
I was like yeah
Two lads were just like yeah we'll fucking do it
I was banging my best mates mum
I don't know what to do
Yeah
So yeah tiktok
There was a video
So this woman, just a standard sort of Karen
But she's walking down the road
And she's moaning like she's doing this video
Why the men, this man in a white van
Has just drove past me and beeped
And I don't know why, I think it's acceptable
What we're going to do, be all excited that a white van man
Has just beeped at me
So obviously he's beeping to go alright bad bloke
Just a little bit of a gesture
A little bit of malagresha
This is one of the things that's wrong with women these days
There's nothing wrong with a bit of catcalling
The old
Oh darling
I don't know to be honest
Well probably not because it's sort of got
Banned with that Me Too movement didn't it
But I was watching the video and thinking
Just appreciate that someone has took the time
To give you your looking good there bab
You know, she didn't need to be all upset about it
No she didn't
I don't know about that Jack actually
Hanging out in the window saying, get your ass out
She says he's just beeped at her
I think if anything it's more the scared
Not that they're going to do anything
Because you know if you're walking down the street
You have that little jump, don't you?
If I hear it these days because I say I've got my headphones on
You imagine, because you're like, why the big men
What's going on
I'm just having a little fun with her
Yeah that's what she should have done
Little wave, maybe get a tits out to her or something
But she just went on a bit too hard
Just appreciate the gesture
Is it because you weren't a man driver?
No, I mean did stroke a nerve that she did say
But no, there's nothing wrong with it
I understand when
These boy racers are revving their engines
That's not something that's going to
Well I'm assuming here
I don't know because I'm not a female
But to me that's not something that's going to get the woman's attention
And think oh yeah he's got a loud car
I'm going to have to give him my number
It might be different, I don't know
Just appreciate the gesture is all I'm saying
Just appreciate seeing things
I'd love to spunk all over your face or whatever
Again she might be into that
I know some people are
Just appreciate it
Essentially that's all it is
That's it, it's fine
I suppose it's one of them
I'm just playing devil's half clear
I think that comes then if there was an aisle out
So go up to the lady and go
I think you're beautiful
If I was driving past you I'd give you a little beep
So most likely it was an older gentleman
Because the beep it
And because the younger generations haven't got the balls to do that
Now if they could be on Tinder
And give a virtual beep beep
It wouldn't be that loud
Also the song you topped on there
You know about a lot of these people that rep the engines
Have you noticed that any car that's loud
To lock a Ford Focus, Ford Fiesta
You know them cars
While he's here down, hop to my town
Always smoking a fucking pipe
The one the other day went out with the
He was going to grab a coffee
And there was one of those cars in front of him
He had the racing strip down in the middle
Louder than it needed to be for that car
I went, you've got to buy it
Fucking dude
And the holding the bike on the steering wheel
Like it's a cool thing
Like they've got the box of chewing gums next to him in the fucking cup holder
Because I've got nowhere else to put them in
When I think of like, boy races
That's what I think, babe
Fucking chewing gum in the cup holder
Does DJ Treason still have a car like that?
No
I mean he had to grab it at some point
Didn't he?
Feel free to Google him if you want
Wow, again, does he still do it?
No
He's probably not on Google then
Right, so that was the TikTok thing
Now, an interesting thing happened to me
The other week as well, I wanted to talk about it last week
But as we've established, you got pumped up
So, er
Can I just say
I would never ever get pegged
I'm open to a lot of stuff
But that would just be no
I was expecting you to listen to it
And I was waiting for a phone call early in the week
I couldn't move
I know you said, because you thought I might do one
I wasn't too sure that you actually could do one
Yeah, because again, I recorded while driving on the SATA DAC
Trying to upload
Because I recorded on my phone, trying to upload it to the laptop
It was just having a mare, so it took me a long time
But now I know how to do it
A more efficient way
Driving with JD, part 2
Gonna be out quicker
So yeah, the other week
Arsenal and Tottenham had just finished
I was on the side
I got a dog out for a walk now
So, as I've said numerous times already this episode
Headphones are on
I'm listening to the
I think I was listening to United Stand actually
But yeah, walked through the park and that
As I'm getting down towards the end
I can see this, again, walk fiesta
About 2 inches
And this bald guy is sitting in there
I'm seeing him messing around with his phone
And as I've stopped
Because I'm about to cross the road
And as I've faced towards him again
As I'm about to cross the road
He's undone his window and I'm thinking
Here's another one, my dog
He's on his head turn or his knee, you know
He draws attention to people
So I do get a lot of people wanting to have a conversation
But if the headphones are on
They should take the hint
So that's what I'm thinking, someone else wants to ask a question about the dog
And he's gestured to take your headphones off
So I did, I thought, you're alright, mate
He goes, yeah, why, is everyone walking past me
With their headphones on, tracking me
I go, what, he says, you
And all these other people are walking past me
With your headphones on, tracking me, tracking what I'm doing
But what do you want about it, mate
I'm listening to a podcast, walking the dog
He's like, now you went, watch, I'll turn this on now
And if the light goes red, it means you're tracking me
So for a little added context
He's parked right by the hospital
And there's all the masks in the hospital
You know, obviously sending signals
We've got the air ambulance on the hospital and that as well
So they need to send radio signals around
To communicate with 999 and the ambulance and stuff
So what piece of equipment would you like
If this turns red
It was essentially just like a little walkie talkie
And as he's flicked the switch on, the light shines red
And apparently that meant that I was tracking him
And I laughed
And I was, I don't know what you're on about, mate
Look where you are, obviously it's going to turn on
And if you're that paranoid that you think some people are tracking you
You voice the floor back and it's going to show
People are just looking out for suckers and all that
So you find something like that
It's not trying to find messages
On your partner's phone that are going to piss you off
You're going to find them
It could be something fucking non-important
But if you're looking for it, you'll find it
So I'm getting a bit all right as well
Because he's like, no, you're fucking tracking me
I'm like, why would I be tracking you
Because you tell me, you're the one that's paranoid, mate
So I'm just walking my dog
And real, really deep with fucking Eddie
I'm carrying on walking
I'm about fucking 50 metres away from me
I'm like, fuck this dickhead
So I've stopped, I've turned around
And I'm pretending to text on my phone
I'm staring at the car
And then I've put the turn back around
And I've come back for the part
And in my head, I'm like, I'm going to walk up to him
Don't worry, mate, I've told them that you're on to us
They're not going to fucking bother you now
And I was hyped up for it
I'm like, yes, I'm going to ruin his fucking day
And walked down, he'd already drove off, hadn't he
Just a white geezer, bald head
Similar to the old original Crystal Maze host
He's been smoking too much weed or having too many fucking drugs of some sort
And he's just paranoid
If you're sitting by all these electrical devices
And your device is meant to pick up on radio waves or whatever
Then it's going to fucking show up, ain't it
Otherwise, I'm not much of a secret agent
Even I didn't know I was a secret agent
So, yeah, fucking really dumb, Eddie, no
I'm assuming anyway
I put most of my views because I stood there
And pretended I was texting, then he saw me
And he's thinking, oh shit, they're on to me then
I better go, fucking dickhead
But I've been keeping an eye out because I'm waiting to see him again
It's a bit strange for a sub-bac man, either
Literally, I'm in a gray tracksuit, my hair's down
Headphones are on, in a world of my own, just trying to walk the dog
I don't want to speak to people at the best of times
I had to go on, just ruin my fucking, that hour
Ruin the walk, because when I got back, I carried on drinking
But yeah
I love the story to be that you was that lagging
No, I didn't start drinking at least once
No, I was even there
Because I was doing stuff in the morning
Because I didn't even really watch much of the Arsenal top and game
I started prepping dinner and that
So I listened to the rest of the game, it finished
And then I was like, well, take the dog out
Then as I got back, carried on cooking food
And I had a couple of drinks
Now, while we're on food talk
Smooth transition there
I've got a sandwich question for you
How do you cut your sandwich?
Down the middle
So you have the top of the loaf
And the bottom of the loaf
And you cut it horizontal
So each half, one half is the bottom, one half is the top
So that's the standard way
I do like the triangle, my nanny used to do a good triangle sandwich
About the mini triangles
Yeah, so a four way triangle
The Missy's has just the triangle, straight in half that way as well
A lot of the time I don't even cut my sandwich
I'll just have it whole
Because again, depending on what's in it, I like to eat all the outside
And then work my way to the middle
Because then you know that you've always got a big meaty, cheesy
Whatever the thing is, you know that you're getting all of it in that pot
But I saw a game changer the other day
So this new trend
I don't know why it's being called a trend
But people have started cutting their sandwiches
In voids
So just imagine your sandwich
You've got your curved top of the loaf
And then you've got your square bottom
Now a capital Y, put the capital Y right in the middle of that
Okay
So essentially you have
You curve at the top and then you have
You've got two pieces here
So you've curved top of the loaf
It ends up looking like an ice cream coche
And then you've got your two angled up rectangles on the bottom
Why though?
Well apparently it hits different
This is what all these people are saying
I think it's going to be an awkward way to cut the sandwich
And it's an extra cut because you cut it down the middle
Or corner to corner it's one, double up for the triangles
It's two cuts to do a void
You're doing three cuts yeah
But with the four way cross, sometimes that is
Three cuts because you're doing corner to corner
And then depending on the consistency of your sandwich and how good your bread is
You can't always do the optic corner to corner
Sometimes you have to do corner to middle
And then spin it at corner to middle again
But yeah apparently it hits different
But why?
I don't know, I've not tried it yet
It just seems
I think because you're getting three bites
Of full filling
So whatever your ham and cheese let's just say
You're getting three centre bits
I think that's why they're thinking it hits different
But yeah you're getting three lots of crust
Now I do love a crust, I like a crusty loaf
Not a crusty fork
And yeah I don't mind
Because again if I go into the cat
And I'll buy a sausage egg and bacon sandwich
Bit of brown sauce, bit of pepper
Runny egg as well, got to be runny
I'll eat the bottom half of the sandwich first
For American isimers that's sunny side up
Yeah yeah yeah
Sunny side up?
Is that still runny as well though?
When we went to America
They were like how do you want your eggs?
And I said, we were just doing runny
And I didn't understand what it meant
And there was some cornetal that was not runny
So I might be wrong
But I was just saying that to the American audience out there
Because again some people
Won't say any names but my missy
Will do the sunny side up
But still overcook it
That it's not runny
But I don't know
For someone how she can get it so wrong
Because sometimes it will be
Sunny side up but it's not runny
Or she undercooks it
So you know when you still see the clear egg essentially on the top
That makes me feel sick that does
So I have to slowly take the egg off the sandwich when she does that
But yeah
So I'm going to try you
And see what it's like
So you know when you eat the sandwich whole
It's just the same as if you
Cut any direction it's the same
It's more of a visual
Yeah mainly when I don't cook the sandwiches because
I've not made the sandwich on a plate
So when I've made the sandwich go to work I've not made it on a plate
I've made it shart on a tin foil or whatever to wrap it up
So if you cook through that then you're compromising the tin foil underneath
In a plastic bag you're compromising that material
So it's not going to stay fresh enough
So that's what I'll do but as I say because I like to
Eat around the edge as well and then you're getting the full
Meaty goodness on the inside there
What sandwich are you going to have when you try this?
I'll probably have cheese
Grilled cheese, cheese toaster
Or maybe a ham and cheese something like that
That's a toasty still
Or actually I know sundown
I'm going to be doing myself a bacon sandwich so maybe I'll try it
Yeah I'll work with that
But that would mean I'd have to get a load of bread
Because I've got some other forget style
Cups in the cupboard so I was planning on doing that
I don't know I'll say I'll try it and when I do try it
I'll let you know
So that was that
There was another TikTok video that I saw as well
So
Imagine you're getting married
And then you know the
When the bride throws the bouquet over her shoulder
Yeah
So this was the video
They've done it a little bit different so essentially it was like a padlock
So the bouquet was in a box
And all the women have been given a key
And so they've got to open it up
So whoever's got the lucky key gets the bouquet instead of throwing it
But it was rigged so it was a specific lad
He was given his key so it would open
And then as she's got it her fella was on one knee behind her
And then proposing
So it's all nice all nice and romantic and that
Fuck that shit I'd be so pissed off
Because it's my wedding day
There shouldn't be anyone else trying to take the stage off of
But sorry
Is it taking it or is it adding
Do you remember things like wedding yeah like I got engaged there as well
Yeah annoying
It's selfish that is
I suppose it just depends on what kind of people you are
I should have asked you all missus this question actually
Because she would have she'd appreciate
What I'm saying
It's your day
So obviously they must have
Approved it
They've planned it together but
You don't think it brings more love
There's already enough love there
I'm not going to be all over the place because I didn't allow kids at my
So everyone was having a good time
So yeah I wouldn't have approved that
I would have been like no
I propose before or after not during
My day
So yeah wanted to get that one out
There's a new scam going around as well
Taxi drivers
Not the uber ones just the general taxi driver
Old school one
Black cab or whatever
So you know in the middle
Above the windscreen there's the old
Meter that tells you what the
Fee is going to be with the black cabs
They always used to have
So if there was four passengers they'd put the number four to charge
So what these taxi drivers are doing now
Is they're putting one of those
So the person sitting in the back of the taxi
Can see what they think they're getting charged
But that's not the actual fee
So most of the taxi companies now have it locked as an uber style system
So let's just say it should be six pound for the bill
And it doesn't matter what that meter says
Or how long it's saying to get there it should be
That fixed fee
But they're turning the meter on
So if it should be six pound the meter says seven pound eight
So they're keeping the change up for that
Or if it's a bank transaction so they're paying by card
That extra fee they put as a tip
So before they hand you the card reader
They'll put it and then that's a tip for them
So they get bonuses
So it's crazy
You know the cost of living crisis going on
And you've got taxi drivers robbing everyone
So stick to ubers
Yeah
I can see you're struggling a little bit
You're struggling all week after not being bombed to death
But
Yeah it's hard not anyway
I've been working out in the sun all week
It's been a long week
It's actually had a bit of a mini heatwave here
I wouldn't know but I think I went out
But Thursday for the first time
So the sun was a bit like
Yeah
It's meant to be nice the rest of the weekend
And then raining again from next week
Yeah I know all of the people in my area
Have made most of it
That's all I've smoked all week is just barbecues
And then I've been working out all week as well
Not working out gym was or anything
I've been working outside
Grafting, painting all these windows
Re-fitting, sorting out doors and stuff
So I'm exhausted
Last Sunday we went to the Cosworld Zoo
World Life
It's not a zoo, it didn't call it a zoo but anyway
Nature is a harbor
The whole drive there, sunny
Bam, sunny, half a mile away
Traffic, we're trying to get into this one place
Where the location is
Took us over an hour to get half a mile into it
Fuck the car roll
Didn't start to rain, it just went really cold
I had to get the jacket off
Went around for an hour and started raining
Could have done it this week
Terrible
But to be fair, bank holiday weekend as well
That's as busy as it was
If it wasn't the bank holiday weekends
We'd have stuck for an hour in that half a mile
So that hour, you would have done the lap around
The thing is, I don't know what took so long
Logistically, all it was is a ride
It don't make sense
I was just like
If it gets like this every time, then they just put lights in
And just fucking sort it out
Have you ever drove through the Cosworlds?
It's the first time I've had to do a drive through
It's really nice
Well on the episode of driving with JD last week
If you haven't listened to me by the way, check it out
Short and sweet
Because again, driving through the country side
Didn't have glue where I was going
Luckily, while I'm recording on my phone, I still have the sat nav up at the same time
And yeah, drove past Twycross
And I was like, oh shit, that's there
I haven't been there since I was on the wrong record or something
So yeah
I'll check it out one day
I did see the other day, maybe yesterday
It would have been a TikTok video
There's a monkey zoo
Not like a normal zoo, but you go here
It's like a park, you just go and have a picnic
I think this one was busy because you take animals into this boardwalk
So I figured I'd see a rhino
Some zebras
Did he love you?
No he didn't actually, he was just too busy for him
You know what the worst thing was? Went to get a coffee
Why did you go to get a coffee at 45 minutes?
Couldn't have it
I thought going to the pub and waiting 45 minutes for a pint as well
Fuck that
The last time I did it was when I was doing the DJ
And so I just remember sitting there
With my own bottle of JAD and Coke
Next to me in the little ice tub
Just watching it, 4 or 5 deep at the bar
Minimum, all night long
I was glad
Glad that I had my own drink
I was just queuing for beers
I used to get on with it now, queues be long
The last time I got annoyed with that
I remember standing there
You end up getting yourself two drinks then
Or if you can get a tray and there's enough room to move around
Get yourself a few beers
Fucking hate it
I'm dying for a beer
So yeah, next week
Ash and JD on tour
We're off to Liverpool
We've got the, remember all the messages on the phone
We'll bring that, we'll do it first next time
If we can think of a top 5, one that's worth putting out
We'll get that
We'll try and think of one, but if any of you people, you lovely listeners
Have got a suggestion as well
I don't see it until Friday or Saturday morning
Best time to prepare and get our answers together
Yeah, just because I haven't read them
Don't get disheartened
Please send me more of the WhatsApps
Again, all the numbers, email address and all that
They're on the description, but realtalkwithpod.gmail.com
Hotline is 07 470
488 096
I mean there's people following on Twitter
But I've never had any messages
Well, I have had DMs on there
People follow that
And then it's these bloody bot ones where it links
To porn sites or whatever
I'm like, God's sake, why?
There's me, seeing a guy should think, oh, no follower
And then it's just one of those stupid ones
They'll send the message saying, hi Ash
But I want to talk or whatever
Click the link so we can have a private conversation
And a few of them just thought, sorry to disappoint you to JD
I never get a reply
But yeah, fuck you
If any of yous do want to follow us
It's at Ash and JD
But yeah, links are in the description
Keep the messages coming in
Hope you enjoyed it as always
And we'll see you next week, peace
Oh so sly, their chemistry's electric
You can't deny