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Welcome back to the real talking podcast
Your hosts Ash and JD
So we're still at it with all this bad, strange weather
And that at the moment, aren't we?
There was a little bit of a tornado the other day
Did you see any of that?
No, where was the tornado?
Well, pretty much everywhere by the looks of all the videos that I saw
The main one that I did see, I believe it was in Huddersfield
But everyone's got a ring doorbell now, haven't they?
You know, a bit of CCTV, home security system of some sorts
And people really do need them
Well, to be fair, yeah
Yeah
Well, the thieves don't give a fuck about it
Nah, they're not a deterrent no more either
You know, I remember years ago, back in the day
Just seeing an alarm box on the top of the house near the roof
Would be a deterrent because that was one of the things I used to do
When I was 16, I'd install some alarm systems
But not even install a whole system
I would have been selling burgling houses if they didn't have one
No, no, no, that was on the weekends
But it's called a dummy security box
And so that would be one of the jobs
You just go up on the ladder and put one of these fake boxes
That would just have a battery in it
And flash the little blue loads every 30 seconds or whatever
So that was enough to deter the thieves
The scallywags, the rascals from breaking into someone's house
But now, you know, all the ring doorbells and everything
You know, security lights, obviously on the sensors
That come on and detect them within a meter or whatever
You know, light shining in the face
Just don't care
No fear
No, there isn't
Again, I even saw a clip the other day
I think the Facebook page is called on the tools
A lot of it's just tradies taking a piece and whatever
But again, ring doorbell, whatever it was
To be fair, it's a bit stupid
Because I think going off the tool selection there was
He was a carpenter
So there's a table saw and there's a chop saw on its stand outside
And his van doors were open as well
So it's a big drive
Obviously, the customers got a lot of money because of the size of it
But red car pulls up, two lads get out wearing the hoods
And he's tried to pick up the chop saw to take it
All on the stand and everything
So he would have had to dismantle it to be able to get it into the car
But fortunately, the tradesmen come out to do something
Sinead, and then they've started having a bit of a scuffle
And he picks up a piece of timber and smashes the brake lights on the back of the car
Then the driver jumps out trying to have a bit of beef
Then as he's gone to drive off
I don't know, again, I don't know if it's like another bit of timber or a brick or something
But he smashes the window
So then he's decided to try and reverse to run him over
But as he's done that, he's gone through the gates
And he's drove into the customer's car
And she's come running out screaming, you know, what are you doing, whatever
But again, it's just the sheer, no-fucks-giver
So obviously she's got the security footage
The license plate is on there
The faces are on there
Even though the one had a hood up and that
So they're just fucked
If that vehicle is registered in the actual driver's name, they're fucked
So obviously they just don't care, though
As you say, it's the beer back there
Which I will come onto something else in a little bit
It will lead onto something
So tornado
So yeah, on the camera
You can see the spirals of wind and rain
But not a full-blown twist there
You know, there wasn't people in 4x4s chasing it down the road with cameras
Also, I've got it down there
Like, you know, when you watch my YouTube
Or TikTok, when the actual hunt, the tornadoes and twist that
The proper storm jettison
Yeah, how good is that when they do all that?
I don't know
It's just mental
We were talking about it the other way, Keith
When it just touches down
Yeah, but uh
That, no, sorry
It'd be mad that you live in an area where you need to lock yourself underground
To be safe, isn't it?
Because it happens like every
What's that, uh, tornado out there?
It's literally a tornado next season as well, isn't it?
Yeah, it's like from spring to October, really, isn't it?
To the end of October, I'm sure
That's when the main season 4 already is in America
I don't know, to be honest
It's something to do with when the winds from the Pacific hit the winds from the Atlantic Ocean
Through some kind of mountain range
And just funnels in a certain direction in America
Silence with ash
Silence
Facts
Don't quote me on that
Real facts
No real facts
You know
Someone's sitting there overly sneaky
What the fuck is he, I don't know
What's it got to do with that?
It's just wind going really, really fast
Because it's so cool
So yeah
You can see the little swirls and the
Because again, it's been raining a lot this week
So the rain, the wind swirling
And again, must be someone that's got a decent enough amount of money
Because they had two caravans on the drive
But yeah, you just see the one on the left
Just start to lift
And then rolls over into the other one
There was more trampolines flying into the middle of the roads
And that again, fence panels
I mean, this kind of weather, it's great for landscape gardeners
Because that's all they're doing at the moment
Just constant repair jobs, changing fence panels
You know, at some point
When do you think
I'm going to have to do a fence no more now
I'll just share the garden with my neighbour
Just share the garden
Yeah, you'd have to
I mean, yours has been alright since I grafted it in place
But could you imagine if we didn't
Real now, real talk
If we didn't sort that out when the neighbours were being divs
That wouldn't still be in place, would it?
No
Because he just put a bit of fucking chicken wire on it to try and hold it in place
Yeah
Because he must have measured it
No, if I measured it wrong and still brought
No, I measured it wrong
And then brought it
Or knew it was short
No, sorry, he knew it was short
But he said he was going to cut it, didn't he?
But I don't understand why you just
Yeah, so if you knew it was bigger
The panel was bigger than the gap that you've got
And
For the price you could have paid just for someone else to do it
Like from the garden sensor
Yeah, I mean, I doubt
I mean, you could have done an invoice
There's no 15 minute job as well
On the tools
It didn't take us too long to be fair though
But it's not the point, it doesn't matter that I had to graft it
It's just
If it wasn't done
That would have been on top of the shed
And into a next door's garden no doubt
Because that chicken wire wouldn't have
With all the wind that we've had
Yeah, it's just been relentless
I mean, I've been
Driving all over the country
This week
The rain, I don't know what's
Gone on with the motorways
Lately because it's just
Like there's no water draining away
The spray has been absolutely
Relentless, I mean
When you've got to put your
Your winder wipers onto the
Third speed, you know that it's
Bad
Yeah, and you're still
Strumming to sit a road, and I never understand
If
If it's dark, you put your lights on
Now if it's raining
It's usually a little
Bit dark as well
And especially if you can see
That there's spray on the road in front of you
And you're struggling to see other vehicles
Surely there should be a little
Thing in your head thinking
I better put my lights on, because I can see that
They've got lights on, I'll put mine on
The amount of them that I've had to fucking
Flash or beep
To say turn your fucking
Lights on, you're a jit
And then they're still doing the usual
Sitting in the middle lane or lane three or four
You're not overtaking anyone
Move to the left
I hate driving
It literally has got to the point
I mean fair enough I have done a lot
This week anyway as I said, but
It's got to the point of
I just wish I could just ram into
Everyone and just say
You've done that wrong
You shouldn't be on the road, fucking get off
You shouldn't be now
There's laws there isn't there
You can't break them
Plus I need more vehicles to get around for work
So I'll start stealing cars then
Not back in the day
I've never sold a vehicle
In my life, just so
Everyone does know
Allegedly
But yeah
It's just
The rain's not draining away off the roads
How much rain we've had
I mean again
All in Dubai
That's all
Yeah two years worth of rain
In a day or something like that
That's a proper flood
Proper flood, proper weather
Proper one
It's just
All the flights have been cancelled
And they're struggling to get food
Aid over there
How is it that bad
How
Go on sorry
Just speaking out loud
How in the modern world
Especially the logs of Dubai where
They've done so much work
How high end
The whole of the
The majority of the country is
And then with the UK
With our sewage
Systems and that
How are we still struggling with fucking floods
In the world
I mean
In modern
Is it
First world countries
Is that what it's classed as
Third world, third world
Second world countries
I mean
What a second
I assume so
You would assume
You would assume like Ramayana
Not Bosnia
Eastern Europeans
World's class is second
Do you get what I'm saying
See you know what I'm saying
Bolivia
Maybe Belgium
Belgium is tiny
I always find
With the weather
We always seem to get
Not a lot of anything
A little rain would take it away
Obviously it does piss down
We never get no tornados, proper tornados
No proper snow
It's always just like the shittiest
Effort
Does that make sense
When it snows you're going to sprinkle
That's it lads, that's enough
It's like the weather in the UK
Has adopted the general
British attitude
Can't be asked
I'll do it until I'm bored of it
And then stop
Because he wants to be sunny for like an hour
And he's like no
It's piss down for two now
Because that's the one good thing
With
When the weather's not what you can put your washing out in
It's money nice
I keep seeing these things
As well like people in Benidorm wear
28 degrees
I think it's like
2 euros a pint or something
Or 5 euros for a picture
And we're getting lagging like 10 o'clock in the morning
I'm dying for a beer as well
We can't start talking about alcohol
Because I'll end up staying here tonight
Again I can't as much as I'd love to
Still got more graft all over the weekend
It's been a lot
I know we're only just past our favourite month
But it's been a long month already
I think I've had two days off
And that's including weekends
So yeah
Just graft or anything
I think I've had two days off
And that's including weekends
Yeah, just graft or anything
See when you're on the tools
Yeah, this is what happens
But
It's what I signed up for
I can't complain about it
But yeah it's just
It is crazy
But as you say
We don't seem to have a general
Spell
And I wouldn't be surprised again
If it comes to summer, we'll have two weeks of a
Not really a heatwave
But a dry two weeks
And they'll be throwing out the fucking hosepipe
Banagin as well
You think we've all around it with ads
It's just ridiculous
This country cannot adapt to any kind of weather
When it's 38 degrees, no one has air
Because it's never hot enough
If it was to snow properly
All the cars would be going all over the road
Because no one puts winter tyres on the car
Because there's just no point
And we don't have winter tyres there
And we don't even have snowplows
And a lot of the beats from the east
That was the worst we've had in the
I was fucking cold that was funny
I remember that being
That cold you could, when the wind
You could hear the whistling noise of the wind
Shhhhh
The icy wind
But again
The way that the temperature has been dropping
During the night time
So last night was 9 degrees
So it was okay
The night before it was 2 degrees
And then with the wind chill as well
I fucking got out of the van at 1 o'clock in the morning
I was divering, fucking fair enough
I've still been wearing my shorts
Because I just lock my legs out all the time
I know
It's
No good for audio listeners
But I've had to fold up
The one leg on my shorts
Because of the stuff in this
Pocket on the left
With all the walking I've had to do
Up and down here and there
And I've had a kitchen burn on my leg
So I've had to fold it up
And empty half the stuff out of my pocket
You know, just too many bits and bobs
Screws and just shit
So yeah, pretty tentative
Yeah, I've had to put some
Pseudo-cream on it
Oh god, the things we have to do
Real men's stuff
Yeah, at 18 that wouldn't have been an issue
Would have just chafed all day long
It would have been fine, but yeah
Chafed and put more stuff in there
So you chafed more
Gonna dust the nap
Fuckin' brick dust in it
No dramas
But yeah, I had to fold the leg of my shorts up a little bit
And put a plaster on it
Oh, that reminds me actually
I watched a thing on Channel 4
And I thought I'd speak to you about this on the podcast
Danny Dyer's
How to Become a Man
Or While He's a Man in 2024
Did you watch it on Channel 4?
Yeah, I watched it on Channel 4
Because basically it's like
He's trying to find out what being a man in 2024 means
With everything that's going on
The misogyny, supposedly
And every other aspect of it
Because he was talking
Back in the day
Your dad got him from work
He didn't fuck about with the kids
He didn't want him on the table
He scranded his dinner and he fucked off down the pub with his mates
Good old days
And to be fair
I can't remember it
Because I remember my dad coming in
As soon as he walked in
Dinner was on the table five minutes later
He ate his food
He was in control of the TV
He watched what he wanted
And went to bed
Then on a Saturday
Wake up, do what the fuck he wanted
Straight to the pub
Mom would make him a sandwich or some breakfast in the morning
Straight to the pub, there or there, take away
And that's how I remember it
So when did times change?
Because what they were trying to say
Men have work, home
And they normally have a safe space
And safe space for men used to be at the pub
Obviously when you're down at the pub with lads
You speak shit
You speak more openly than you would obviously
Because you've had a few beers
So that was their space
And now because that's not there for men
Or like this generation of men
Are not doing that
It's finding that space
So they've got work
They've got home
They've got a safe space where they can communicate
Where it's not in a work and a home environment
So it was interesting
Watch actually
That Ed Matthews was on there
He interviewed him
Yeah, was he the one that took off his mate in the locker room?
No, no, no
That's the fucking young guy
No, Ed Matthews
Did one with HS
Yeah, so another fucking influence
I can't keep up with them all the time
Are they all popping up all over the shop and that?
Yeah
But I think I've got the answer for it already though
I feel like I don't need to watch it
So, watch your answer to How to Be a Man in 2024
No, so
Not the answer of How to Be a Man
But when did it change
Okay
So I think it's twofold
First being
When women wanted equal rights
So, you know
The one in equality
So
Because everything is equal
You know, they're getting
In the majority
They're getting the same pay
A good value of the wage
So responsibilities are being shared out more
So when we were kids
And obviously well before
And it was always
Put on to the man
To be the homekeeper
You know, earn the money
The breadwinner, more to say
So, earn the money, go out to work
Get it, pay the bills
And then the wife would be the lady
Of the house
And that was the job role, look after the kids
Cook, clean, make sure the man's fed
And whatever
And so that would be
His haven then that he gets home
Has whatever he wants
Goes out to the pub
Safe space with his friends and that
And
Yet that, I think that is
One
Of the ways that it's changed
Because pretty much from
I'd say from the
Early 2000s was when
Those roles
Sort of started to get on a level playing field
Right
You know, because I'll happily admit
That I've had a relationship where
The missus does earn more than me
She didn't always, it's
Been a recent turn on its head
But I'm happy with that
Because the more she earns, the less I have to work
And
You know, as much as I enjoy doing what I do
I don't want to do it seven days a week
I shouldn't be doing it at the moment
But I have to
Yeah, no, I agree with that
The other thing I was going to say is
The thing that I think
When he was on about
Because he never covered it, so men have
Home, obviously work
But I think most lads
Safe space then would be gaming
If you are a gamer, a slinged gamer
A lot of men have that gaming setup in the thing
And it's their spice
You talk with your mates
In that same environment
You're on the headset, even though you're not there in person
But the other thing
Is it's just a cost of living
Which was
Another thing I was going to go on
Well, I thought you were going there
But how can anyone afford
A house on one wage and
And have a comfort
I'm not saying you have to go on holiday three times a year
But be comfortable where
You can easily save up
To have a good holiday
Cover all the bills
Shop and everything
Save up for Christmas
You don't have to
Overly worry, obviously you have to plan through
But on one wage
You just can't do it anymore
I was having a chat with Geza the other day
And he was on about his first job when he was 16
So he works for a firm
That does
Surveys, so you'll see him on the
Soil of the road, there'll be the one there
With the tripod, with the camera thing
And there's another one 100m away
And he's holding the stick
So that's the
Do surveys for drains and all sorts of
Different things
He worked for a company doing that
Anyway, and he says
In the room there was 500 of them
It was well before
Computers and laptops or anything
So it was all hand drawn
These blueprints were
So there'd be like 500 in there, all smoking
And then three times a day
The tea lady would come around
So I did say, you wouldn't be able to call her
A tea lady these days
It would be a tea person maybe
The tea maker
Yep
So she'd come around three times a day
And be all excitements
Yes, and
It was out of a proper old
Fashion tea pot, blue mug
And this and that
And I says I bet even she was
Able to afford
To buy a house on a road just for
Making tea all day
And the cups of tea were made with love as well
She put her heart and soul into
Every cup, you can guarantee that
Well back then she would have got a back end
If there weren't
Oh yeah, if it was a crap cup of tea
You would have just been thrown on the floor
Actually that reminds me of a story that
We used to have an old board driver
Like used to drive the van for us
Only part time, didn't need the money, just got a bit bored
He was telling me once
He's always had decent jobs
And he
He made this machine
It is the truth
He made this machine
And then someone brought the machine
Right off him
It was like 24 grand like in the 70s
So 24 grand in the 70s
Would probably be equivalent
Probably about half a mil
Is that
Well it was enough, obviously it was a house or whatever it was
It was enough to buy a house, a decent one anyway
He's always had good jobs
But he said, his first job
He used to get paid so much
He said he used to like
Give his Mrs. Son for the bills, give her something
And he said I had enough
And I throw a die in the eye
To go out with the lads, get a curry
Get pissed, do it again on a sat die
He went
Go out, make the lads and the son die
And then with us
Didn't have to worry about money
I knew I was getting paid, I knew it was enough to cover everything
Like he was talking shillings and everything
But I remember he started
Yeah, you know a point
You used to cost this, you used to go out with a 10 bob
Come back with four shillings
He was like you wouldn't believe it
And he was telling me, I remember him telling me 10 years ago
It's only going to get worse
He was like I feel it
And at the time I thought, no I might not go on a bit
But fuck me, everything he said
Yeah he does
They've seen
Just get worse and worse
But he told me, sorry
He was telling me he was on like
400 pound a week in the 80s
And was it the 80s?
Yeah, yeah, at the back of the 80s
Which is a shitload of money
Yeah because when I was a kid
My dad was on I think
25 pound a week
Well he might have been in the 90s then
He just told, he's anyone
I might have put the dates wrong, 24 pound a week in the 90s
I feel like he was on a bit more than that
Or maybe it was mum
Before I was born was on 24
Or 25 pound a week
Yeah I think dad was on 25 pound a week
At Clay's Hill, the old fish tank company
But what I'm
Just saying is, is like I was just going back to
It's just impossible now
To run a house on one income
Yeah, it is
So that's why, what he was saying was maximum
And that's what I think what's took that man aspect
Away
And all these woke bollocks, the Sam Smiths
Like he said, he was at
I met some guy lads
And he's like, I love guy lads
Because they can bring out their emotions
And everything, and he was asking them what makes a man
A man as well
And even I was saying some of the points that
I feel is missing and everything
He's a good watch, but also
Do you think
Danny Doyle puts his voice on?
I can't
Say I've watched enough of him
To think so
I know what you're saying when it comes
To
When I've seen him in the odd film or EastEnders
Not that I've
Gone out of my way to watch EastEnders
Anytime in the last fucking
Did you used to watch Danny Doyle's hardest
Man, you know when he used to go around the football field
No, again, I know I've never used to watch
Any of you
And I swear he used to do his accent more then, because look, as you cut
You know, fine, carry toy
You were in fucking Sheffield, it's not far and
So you were in Sheffield, you're from London
I think
He did anyway
Going on about voices
So
Of
The people I've been working with this week
They mainly listen to
Radio, so
So
I'm trying to think of his last name
So there's a comedian
Asian comedian
Ramesh
Yeah, yeah, the Shrek
Yeah, because he
He does that stuff with the
White lad as well, I can't even think of his name
Oh, the one with the teeth
Yeah, Ramesh
Yeah, he does
Fuck it out
Hopefully the people at home
Know what I'm on about
You know, so because he's been
He's got the money, alright
Yeah, so this is what I'm getting to
He's
Starting this Saturday, he's got a
Saturday weekend show
Of his own, like
So he's been on with Vernon Kay and stuff
And I've only just noticed
You can hear that he's got a lazy eye
If you didn't
Know what he looked like
Honestly
Listen to him talk, you're gonna
Listen to him now
You can just hear
He's got a lazy eye, it's almost like
Not to cause
Offence to anyone
Like listening to someone that's
Had a stroke, and you know you can just
Hear, even though you can see
When you're looking at a
Stroke victim, but you can
Hear the face has dropped essentially
Now I know there's nothing wrong with his mouth
But I feel like the lazy eye
Has pushed the fucking cheek down
And it's just given him a little bit of a
Speech issue
Honestly
Look out, well, you know
Find a clip or something, listen to him
Later, and just don't even
Look, just listen and think
No, cause now you've said it, haven't you?
I feel like
It's because I already knew that he had
Anyway, but just listen to him
I was like, I can tell he's got a lazy eye
And he is a bad one
To be fair though, and he's his proper
Fucking off his face
Which I can't say too much
Mine droops down
A little bit when I'm a bit intoxicated
So
I didn't know you had a lazy eye until we
Looked in the mirror one time
And for some reason it makes it
Offset, more it looks by looks offset
And I remember going to
Your eye and he was like
Yeah, I'm an ear, cause then you mentioned one of your ears as well
So now I'm gonna have to tell
My story then aren't I
So as a baby
One ear
Which is my right ear
Stuck out a little bit more than the left ear
So
Mother in her ultimate
Wisdom decided to
Tape just the right ear
Back, so essentially
Cause that's an operation that you can have
You can pin your ears back essentially
So yeah, she used to just
Tape the right ear
But not the left ear
So as I've grown up
Because she'd
Essentially altered the baby
Bones of the ear
And it grew towards the
Head still, but then the left ear
Is just normal
But the thing is I would have noticed it
Until we looked in the mirror
And then see you said, and then once you see it
You can't unsee it
Yeah, I know
Yeah, again I suppose
With the eye
It's not too bad
And it doesn't wander away like some people's does
It's just
It's just a little bit lower
And then as I say when I'm fucking steaming
Yeah, it looks like you've got a stroke
When you're a kid
And that goes
You know
A world crew lad knows us both
And he tells us a story and he tells us some stories
As we do it, and when he says about you
He goes, when Jaydee gets
Drunk, I try to avoid him
Because if you make eye contact with me
It's your problem then for 15, 20 minutes
Since he makes eye contact with someone else
Yeah, that's old Jaydee though
That is, I haven't been like that for a long time
You just get steaming at it
Yeah, well again
Blackout lad fucking fuck
Yeah, I used to love it
I haven't
What did you used to like about it?
Because you couldn't have woken up the next day
I know you used to have the hair of the dog which we've clarified in this show
It does not work
No, you've clarified in your head it doesn't work
Until you do it you don't know
You can't come in Sunday
You know it's like fucking
Saying that Viagra doesn't work
If you've never had none
I mean again I haven't had to have it
So I can't deny
Or clarify
Whether it does or doesn't work
But yeah
I just
Used to enjoy just getting steaming
But what aspect of it
Like what I'm saying is I could go out
Enjoy the night
And not be blackout drunk so you'd go out
Enjoy the night
Get fucked but then it's just like
It's that
Yeah because it was just constant
It was always
Just getting better and better and better
Until
The mind couldn't handle anymore
And then
That's when the memory goes because it's like
You've had so much fun you can't keep having
More fun so now you need to forget
Everything else that happens
It's exactly what it is
Frown on top
I haven't been all that frown on top
I've
I'd say I miss them days fucking
Just miss the youth of it really
You know when we could
Handle it really
You know I'm running on three hours sleep at the moment
Fucking
It's a struggle
Really is a struggle but
That's part of the graph law isn't it
It's what happens when you get in at one o'clock in the morning and you're back up at
Four
And you just do that with beers
No problem
The other lads that I was working with they were on about having a couple of drinks
After getting home
At one o'clock this morning
I'm not, no I'm going home
I'm going to bed
It's just because I need sleep
I can fucking have a good drink
As long as I've had enough sleep I'm fine
Yeah so back to Radio 2
I've really struggled listening to it this week
I don't mind when they're playing music
And that but
The DJs
The jockeys, the hosts
Yeah so Scott Mills I already knew about him
From the Radio one days
Vernon Kay I still don't know how I feel
About him but I feel like
It's an act
Yeah I feel like when you're north and you lived in London
For so long you should have to act like you're
Northerner
Do you know
Quick question, where is the north-south divide
For you
So what makes you a southerner
And what makes you a northerner
Northerner
So for me really
It's just
When you basically
Out of Birmingham because we're
The heart and soul
Of the UK really, well of England I think
So yeah
When you're north of Birmingham
To me that is
Northerner and then southern
I would say Birmingham southerner
There we go
I suppose that's
Literally because we are pretty much right in the middle
That's what, because I've seen some
People do where the north-south divide
Is and some are really low
Yeah because I suppose
Londoners might see them as
The central part and they're trying
To clasp anyone above
Those fucking northerners and
Them below southerners but
No I think just going off of the map itself
We are pretty much the middle
Hence why it's called the midlands
Yes
Yeah
But then it's like
You hear of westerners
Never hear of easterners
When you say westerners
What do you mean
Like I'm from the west
I don't think I've ever heard that way
Anyone say westerners
Yeah westerners
When I think westerners
I just think western supermen
He's that to the west though
No I don't think
I don't even think he is
Geographer
I know he would be any
Never eat really sweet
Yeah yeah yeah
Down there by Bristol
Yeah
Considering how much
I travel all over the place
I don't have a clue where any of these really
Just pop in the old sat nav
And go
Yeah but back to Radio 2
Yeah Radio 2 I'd say
I feel like it's an act with Vernon Kay
And then
I think it's Jeremy Vine
So
After the morning show and then before
Scott Mills there's
The show where
It's it should just
Be about news
But it's like
To find the most boringest
Fucking subject
Possible
Just to get people to ring in and moan about
So the one story the other day
There's a
Remorial statue
It was either Hull or
Huddersfield
And so basically
People as they're
Visiting this statue
They have a bit of bread or whatever
And they're putting it on the floor for the pigeons
And the pigeons
They're shitting on and near
This statue
People were ringing in moaning
To fuck saying it should be banned
For feeding any pigeons
It's not fair
On the statue
We can't clean it all the time because
It's fucking
I don't know whatever bullshit or fucking tiny shit
I couldn't
It was so
Live draining just listening to it
Who gives a fuck
If there's pigeon shit
And if it's shit on a statue
Why is it
Yeah if anything
It's creating a job for someone to
Keep that statue clean
And if it's not being cleaned
Moan about the council
For not keeping up with the maintenance
Of cleaning it and that
Don't moan about the people feeding the pigeons
Don't moan about the pigeons
It's not their fault
Whether they're eating fucking the bread that
They're fucking leaving for them
Or the fucking worms
They're still going to shit so it doesn't matter
But no it was a fucking issue
There was
The UK's most floods
So
A farmer who's got the most
Floods basically he's fucked
So it's a farmer in Lincolnshire
And
Whatever fucking river
Has burst its banks
Because of all the rain that we've had
And so his field's been fucked for
Ages and ages
So fair enough I get it
He's not happy that local council
Is an albany man at as well
But then people are bringing in with their
Sub stories about the fucking rain and the floods
Let him have his moment
That's his moment
If your moment was newsworthy
It would have rang you up
But no they've got him on
Let him just have his story
It's not about you but it's all old people
With nothing else to do
Nothing better to do
Than to listen to fucking jeremy vine
And ring up with their fucking issues
I'm sick of radio too
Yeah I don't know how you're doing that
It's not my radio I'm not in control of you
Yeah well
It's been a
It's been a long week
Now
I did say I've been fucking working
On stuff I actually forgot to bring
The equipment today so ashley's
Up to do a little bit of running around for me
And in doing so I forgot to tell him
To bring the hotline
07 470
488 096
Get your whatsapp messages
And text messages and
Whatever and that send them all over
But I have forgot
To get that passed on to ash so
The couple of whatsapps that we did
Have we are going to have to save
For next week
I can't even say what
There were from reading
Them because I didn't read them literally
I've been doing ghosters and
Long shifts all week so I've not been able to keep up
With reading them
But
We'll save
The second one
This one in particular I've got a couple of
Emails anyway
So we shall do
A quick couple of correspondence now
And you'll understand why I'm going to
Leave the other one till afterwards
So firstly
It was an email from Kirsty
OJ on the
Correspondence for us
So hi guys
Have you ever had an awkward
Moment when it comes to splitting the bill
This kind of ties into
What you were just saying about the
Danny Dyer
Manly things these days because he
Used to be
Another thing that was always put onto
The man
You take a lady out for a
Bulk to eat
You'd have to pay for the whole meal
These days
It's a give and take
I think whoever suggests it pay for it
Now are you in the same boat
Not so much
When you've obviously with you and your partner
But I mean like if you was
Dailing wouldn't you just see
If you suggest to go out for food
I suppose it would be these days
I mean I'll use to just always
Pay anyway
I think that was just the usual thing
To do but like nowadays I can't
See that being
If you suggest it you pay for it
Maybe I don't know am I wrong
But whenever we go out
With my partner or if she suggests it
Or I suggest it so whoever just pays
For it
Because even
Like a few times
Going out as part of a big group
That this is when
I feel like it can get a bit
Awkward
Yeah well we've our lot
So like it's one of them
I've never
See are you thinking if he's had
Three drinks but I've had two drinks
He should pay for his three drinks because the way I
Always used to do it is if it was
100 quid and there's five of you
It's just 20 quid each no matter what
Just because it's 20 quid each
Not like one's 18
One's 22
I like
To do it that way in general
But it depends on who you're with
Because there's certain individuals
That are always like round dodging
And this and that
And just tight arses
So when I'm out
With those particular kind of
People then I do prefer to
Say well hang on
I've had the cheeseburger
And whatever
And that so mine's
18 pound 27
So I'm going to pay 18 pound 27
Yeah do you
Go on carry on
No no it's not a story
Back in the day when you used to pay cash for taxis
The one person used to pay cash
Like if it comes to like 18 quid
And then
The gist of it was is
Everyone bought us a drink
But that never was the case was it like
No because as I say
It's the one person in my head in particular
That would always fucking
Forget to get you the drink
So with me I always
If someone else brought the taxi
I was made sure that drink was there straight away
So it's paid off
There you go
Which I used to love being the one that would pay for the taxi
Because you know you've got credit in the bank
That's the first couple of drinks where
I haven't got to wait in that natural queue
Because that's one of the worst things
When you're sober and you're waiting in the queue
At least when you've had a few drinks
You don't mind it so much
I saw a video of someone on a top bus on Broad Street
Now you remember how packed Broad Street
Used to be heaving, couldn't move
Like used to wait to get into a fucking club
Empty
Like a ghost
Yeah just the fucking car surfing
I wonder how much a beer would cost now
In a club because a natural beer
I don't suppose they actually do beers
It'd be all bottles, I think I used to do fucking smash
Them on with it
Well
Stag do
That's what it was, my brother was a stag do
So it was
There was
Probably a parade on at the same time
I didn't go into
The clubs but there were fucking charging
All the clubs, the pubs were
I think
I ended up paying around
Seven pounds for a pint of Guinness
In a plastic glass
I was fucking, not black out drunk
But I was drunk enough that I was like
I just want a fucking other beer
And you are right, we used to get that packed where you had to double up
Just to fucking save time
But then you can't do nothing because your hands full all the time
Yeah but
It's not like I'm fucking
Out trying to dance with anyone
And they used to ask if it doesn't matter
But
Yeah so
Back to splitting the bill
As I say
Depending on who we are
Because again
Say like if I've taken
My mum out for a bite to eat
Say to mum is that or whatever
She'll still try and
Give money towards it
I'm like no I'm just paying for it
You have to do that crafty one
Pretend you're going to the toilet
And then you just go and pay the tab off
And then come on then let's go
It's all dealt with
I don't think I've ever actually
Sat there
And felt awkward
This is a
This is an awkward conversation
Because these
People want to do it this way
When it should be done another way
Yeah I'm just like
Again because I can't be asked with an argument
If someone wants to moan about it
Then I'm like whatever there's 40 quid
Or whatever the fuck it is
Just put that towards it and use the fucking whatever then
But nah
Then again I don't have enough of a social life
These days to have it
As an issue
Yeah no you're right there
I think it kind of just becomes a thing
Once you hit 26 for us
It's just day and night
Yeah
Well I think nowadays
If someone's got a pile of
Phone rocks obviously someone just
Pile on the phone or pile on the card
Because no one's carrying cash with them anymore
They're just getting that person
I'll transfer in a bit and then we'll do it
You don't want to be that guy to go
Can you transfer me that 20 quid
Where I will remit you once
You don't want to ask for your own money back
Yeah I know
I have seen
I mean it's only ever rich people that I've seen playing this game
But it's essentially card roulette
Yeah he plays yeah
I've seen that
And it's like oh no it's down to the last two
And then they're like do you want to split it
You know you've already got enough
It's just flaunting
You don't need to record it to make a fucking scene on it
Because these are like normally like
Middle aged men recording it as well
Yeah yeah you know nice watches on and all that
You can see from the fucking clothes
It doesn't matter how much it costs
Yeah and it's over like a fucking 200 pound bill
So yeah I can pay that as well
I'm not going to flex about it
But I can pay it
But like
You wouldn't want to pay the 200 pound bill for food though would you
No
No you could but you wouldn't
It's like 200 pounds just for food
Yeah I'm not going to want to
See I don't mind paying
A high price
As long as I've enjoyed it
Because I always
Find it such a disappointment
If you've
Even just as little as a fucking pint of beer
Like
If I'm paying a higher price
And it doesn't taste nice
I'm absolutely fucking annoyed
No I agree
Me and Kylie went to a restaurant up in Birmingham
It was a fancy restaurant
And you can tell it's a fancy restaurant when they have the fancy cars parked outside
When we went there there was like
I can't remember why even cars the fuck it was
Like a McLaren and then a 911
GT
3 I think they're called
Anyway you walk in
Bounces open the door for you
It's got like
The trees I don't know what you'd call it
Like the blossom trees all around
Yeah yeah so a bit of fancy food
And yeah
I had the food but the food was bang on
Honestly it was really expensive
The food was really nice
You always want more though
You spend that much
Yeah you tend to find with the more expensive places
It's a smaller portion
Malfoy gone
But that's why I don't rate Miller and Carter's
So sorry
When I went to Miller and Carter's
Because everyone is so rave about Miller and Carter's
People still do
We went the first time
Really enjoyed it
I can't remember what we had on the menu but I remember my dessert was a chocolate ball
It was hollow like an Easter egg
But it was chocolate in the middle as well
It was fucking really nice mate
I think it cost about 140 quid
That starter, main, dessert
Maybe 3 beers for me
And a cocktail, 2 cocktails for my partner
We'll do that again
When again it was never the same
The menu changed
So this was before Covid and after Covid
Just the beer just didn't taste right
Like the beer I had before
Wasn't on the menu
The short on the menu
It just weren't the same
Nah
It's been probably
8 years since I last went to Miller and Carter's
I've only been a handful of times
Never had a good steak there
No
For the price
It is
It's not warrantied that price
I remember
Just being in a flaming grill
And thinking this is so much better
For an 8 pound steak
Compared to the fucking 25 pound one
That I paid the other week
I always find that pub lunches just fill you up
I don't know if it's because you have the beer with you
Like the more, because you're in a pub
You have more beers with you I should say
Rather than a restaurant where you're
But you also have like a design-y proper
Yeah they do tend to
I think it's because it's slightly more processed food
In a sense as well
Because the general pubs
Sorry to spoil or burst anyone's bubble
The general ones, your flaming grills
Beef eaters and that
A lot of it is microwave food
Those microwaves working overtime
Yeah, now you stuff like
Your steaks, your burgers
They are freshly cooked
From frozen
So the meats are frozen
As they've been delivered
To the venue
They get defrosted on the day
Or the night before and then they're cooked
So nothing's
Properly fresh
But, you know
As you say, they're cheap
And off, they hit the spot
Fill you up and off
That's why those ones are as cheap
As they are because they're not
Boiling in the fresh ingredients day in day out
But yeah, they've never really
Had an issue splitting the bill
I feel like it's changed now
So it might be more of an issue now because obviously
You don't want to text the person
If you've got a full group
Have you paid any card, like any payment
Or any quid, but also how it works now
With someone dating
I think it's probably more now if you
Suggest that you pay for it
Maybe
Yeah, I do love seeing the videos
Where it's like
A man and a woman
Because you pay on your tablet
You have a tablet, don't you?
Yeah, but it wasn't that I was getting to
Where it's a lot
There's one
Your man thinks it's a date
And then she's like
I'm so glad that we're hanging out as friends
And then he's like, have you
Sent a date? She's like, no, no, we're just friends
And then it gets to the end and it's
The bill, and he's like
That's my fucking half of it
She's like, you're not paying, he's like, we're not dating
And then there's another one where fucking the woman
Literally just expected it
So he's ordered
Himself food, nothing for her
And she tries to grab a chip or whatever and he's like
No, you fucking
I couldn't do that
Yeah, no issues
I'm guessing Kirsty might have
Had a little bit of an awkward situation
The other day then
So let us know, Kirsty, how is your
Dating going?
Is there any more puppets back in the situation?
We need to know
No
Last but not least
Obviously, it's James
And he
Literally just simply put
When did you realise that you was a dickhead?
A long time ago, to be honest, James
I think
It was pretty much after I'd
Filled up with my first girlfriend and thought
I'm not that person
I need to be who I am
I was like, yeah, I'm a cunt now then
But I think the real question is
What's happened to Liverpool?
Now, I don't know if you
Kept up with the European games, you've
Or not, but
It's such a disappointment
For the Premier League
That it's only
Aston Villa that have continued
On to the next
Semifinals now
In Europe
Fair enough, it's only the conference, but
Only one team left in Europe
Man City
I mean, to be fair, Haider didn't
Win in the end
Their energy levels compared to Real Madrid
Over the extra time in that as well
It was unreal
But yeah, they just
You know, Real Madrid part of the bus
They couldn't fucking get through it
Penalties, it's always
Going to be a 50-50
Liverpool
Looked like they were going to be fucking
On it
After a couple of minutes penalty
Then did nothing
The rest of the game
So I was working while the games were on
But I kept checking back and forth
And
I remember seeing at one point
Saying Jürgen's fucking
Shouting at the lads on the field
And they're all fucking there
Throwing their arms around, headless chickens
Or something, because their reds are gone
Arsenal losing
And then
West Ham
Yeah
It's just shame
I do find it quite disappointing when
You compare
In terms of football when English teams don't progress
To how much money
Is pulling to its side to compare
The German team that they've got two
In the Champions League
Leverkusen in the Europa League
If I'm not mistaken
So it is a weird one when it comes to football
Because it just goes to show that you don't need
I say that
With Bayern Munich and you've got PSG
But
It's weird how things
Pan out sometimes
You can't say that about Ramsey or PSG
And even Bayern Munich to a degree
But it's always nice to have English teams
Progress while in the Euro
Because it just makes the league better
Yeah, yeah, it's more eyes on the league
And that's one reason
I hated my new
Being in the Champions League this season
Because I knew there was going to do shit in there
Yeah, after the first couple of games
I just knew it was going to fucking go over
I actually found that Kassamal had been able to
Run momentum
But they've struggled this season as well
Yeah, but that got fucked in the group stages
Rather than just getting fucked up
So it's
It's annoying as a
Because all the English teams do well in Euro
It is annoying that
They're not progressing
Because that, Matt Hummels commands
As soon as
To do with not bad for the
Harvesting in reference to
Germany being a farmer's league
Yeah, to say about a lot of them
I don't know
Yeah, well
Yeah, it's just
I feel like James is deflecting
A little bit by calling me out
On me
Openly being a dickhead
When it's all about
Jürgen's bottle jobs again
You know, and
Yeah, when
Man United lose on Sunday against
Coventry, I'll not be
Surprised because I expect it
You know if they lose, you'll get an email
He'll have to
James will have
To come at me with
All of the banter
You know, ready
For the Undertake podcast
But
It's funny because you both live in different cities
And support different cities
Yeah, because he establishes from the
Rural Yeah, yeah, he's a wolf
I fucking scapes
Yeah
Mine
We've said it before, mine was
Not a choice, it was pushed
Upon me
But yeah
They were all fucking
They're just, heads are gone
They're just, you know, not going to have it
I mean, how much more funny would it be
If Villa still
Finished above them
I do think when Jürgen
Not there, they're going to fall off
I don't think they'll be
Obviously they won't be second or third
They will fall off where they'll be battling
For fourth with Chelsea, Newcastle and
Things like that Yeah, I think
It's going to
Be another rotational
Couple of yards for him now because
Amoran
He keeps saying he's not intre... well he keeps deflecting
Doesn't he? Yeah, well
Allegedly they've had the
Behind the scenes talks, he just can't
Come out and say
Yeah, I'm going because
The team won't just
Well, we're not going to play if you know how to know it
But yeah
Yeah
I don't know, I've not seen enough of him
To know if he's going to be
Able to
Take the whole tub of Liverpool because
You know, same as we've been, you know
It's a big club, it's a lot of pressure
But saying that though, Jose
Amorino did it, but he won the Champions League
But like, when he
Come over
I remember thinking, this guy is going to do nothing when he did
Something, so saying that, you just never know
Do you really? You never know, but
I do just have that feeling that
It'd be hard for him to keep up with the
Progress
That's made since Jürgen Klopp
But
What I was thinking the other day
Sorry to go off of
James' precious Liverpool
But it's not all about them
But
Obviously with Man City knocked out of the Champions League
I'm still hoping that Arsenal
Do manage to
Win the Premier League, especially since they're
Out of the Champions League
Or they've got to go for
So, they've got
Liverpool and Arsenal have got a harder run
Than Man City for the final games
Of the season anyway, but
I think if Arsenal were to
Do it, you know, because I saw
Pep, his comments
After the Real Madrid game
And he's just got
Not as bad as Klopp
But you know, he fucking
His bitterness
Shines out when he's not
Had a result go his way
So it got me thinking
Would he potentially
Leave at the end of the season if
They ended up with no
Trophies, no, you know
They're already in the final
Of the FA Cup
No, fair enough, yeah, they've still got to play
Saturday against Chelsea, you know
It's only going to be one way
I don't know, you know
I've got a
Good, no
Chelsea have had the number one Man City
Chelsea next season
I mean, they're a bit all
Off the place at the moment, I mean if they can get
So moved the Roy players on
And bring the Roy players in
But they need a better manager
Pachichino is not good enough
For that squad
I don't think you can get a better manager
That's 14
That's not in Europe
It's that
And it's
Not a good manager's market at the moment
Because there's too many big clubs
That want a manager
Negaussmann has just
Extended his contract
With Germany as well until 2026
So
Yeah, there's not enough
It's only sedan
That's really available because
Well
He's only going to go to Man City
There's been no links of it or anything
But apart from
Again, I can't see him going back
To Real Madrid, apart from either
France or PSG
Man City is the only other team I can see
I don't think he'll ever go to PSG
Because he's from Marseille, so it's just like
I think it's the money though
He don't need the money
I know he don't need it, but I think because
PSG would be the same as
Real Madrid
It's a safe option in terms of
He's already got
A great bunch of players and that
So it's an easy job for him
I would love to see
I know when Carlo Ancioli took over Everton
I liked him for that
Because you never see
Managers take hard jobs now
I would really love
To see Jurgen Klopp
When he took Liverpool, that was a hard job
Because they weren't doing
For course, so it was nice
That's why I like him because he's not just
Winning and just
Spending loads of money, he's actually both
And that's what I liked about Jurgen Klopp
He already had that from
His Borussia Dortmund days
Any way of bringing up the talent, training them and that
And that's what I really liked about him
But there's not many other managers that
I can't see Per
Or Zidane
Taking a boxed under team
And
Over here implementing that
You know, way of playing
And progressing
It's just the money, it's the instant market
Because if Per could
Turn any player into
The logs of the De Bruyne
Or an app, then he wouldn't be
Spending 100 million on
Jack Grijic to sit on the bench half the time
Or
60 million on Calvin Phillips
For him to be on loan at
West Ham and sell the main shit
Yeah, you know
It's just
It's all the money
There and all the
Fucking 115 charges as well
That's made Man City
What they are at the moment
Sorry, I think I'm going to put a bet on
Next season's chassis to win the league
You know, just have it
There's just something
Literally, there's just something
Just
I think that needs to move a lot of the players on
Because they've got fucking egos
Did you see the penalty situation?
I mean, what the fuck
If I put more pressure on the lad that's taking the penalty
Because you haven't scored the goal
Just let your team win
And fucking go off that fucking boost
Yeah
I just think there's need to move
I do think there's need to move at least
Because the staff does not
Bring the right players, the right players in
Because they've still got Lukaku
On loan
A stroke is the main thing that's needed
For three years now I think
I know when he come back he's starting off good
Then deep, but I feel like
You know, with Pachatina
Who, I know you don't mind
I think could probably get the
Better out of him if he can link up
I don't want to go too fucking football
You know, yeah
I've got a good feeling about Charles next season
To a point where
It'd be good to see them, right?
Because I'd like to put a little wage around that actually
Put some on it then mate
You know, bet 365, come at us for a sponsorship
Any sponsor we do at the Barber
Yeah, I know, yeah
I need time to be able to
Sit down and do some stuff to be fair mate
So James
I'm glad you're still listening anyway
He loves it, he loves you really
He loves the shout outs
Yeah, he does
Just going off what Jadie said earlier
Anyone that hasn't
That texts the hotline
We'll get to them next week first off
I will make sure it's on
It's calming down a little bit more
Next week worldwide, so we'll have time
To properly get into it
And make sure we've got
All the
The prepped emails and everything back
As it should be
And just also to touch on what Jadie was just saying
Obviously as he's mentioned this week's been a bit
All over the place
What I wanted to ask is
If you can
Could you subscribe
Follow and share
Yeah, we haven't said it enough
For a long time
I've seen some podcasts where they're like
Friday every fucking 10 minutes
We're not bigs
That's why I only shout out the hotline
07 470
4808 096
Every now and again sending you whatsapps
Your messages, voice notes, t-features
We really do appreciate you
Because the downloads are doing
Good numbers
But it's just not showing enough on how many
Are following and subscribed
So please if you are listening to this podcast
And you have enjoyed it
And you haven't subscribed
Just please do so, just hop out the podcast
Yeah, click the little follow button
You know, keep sharing it
To your friends and family and that
Yeah, it's always appreciated
We probably should
Start following
Starting with this
Instead of leaving it to the end
Because apart from James
I don't want to leave people listening
But yeah, as always
I hope you've enjoyed it
I appreciate you all
Thank you for listening
And obviously
I just want you to know that
We appreciate your time
Texting or emailing
And obviously as JD said, we're not bigs
So we don't want to keep asking
Can you do this, can you do that
But if you can just subscribe
And yeah, we are going to
Try and start putting more effort in
But yeah, as always
Have a good one, we'll see you next week
Peace
Oh so sly, their chemistry's electric
You can't deny