Hi everyone and welcome back to this week's episode of the Real Talker Podcast with your
host Ash, yes he is here, and JD.
Sorry mate on that intro I just feel in the back of my head and I've realised I've got
a spark.
Oh that bad boy mate.
The ones in the hairline.
Yeah.
Can you feel it?
Oh yeah that's an ingrown hair laddie isn't it.
You reckon?
Yeah yeah.
That holly.
Well yeah because obviously it's like just as you've had your hair cut it's as the grow
back over there you know.
I remember I used to have it the odd time when I did use the shave.
You get it just from the beard and that.
I feel as massive that.
Yeah.
That's what it is it's just it's gonna be an ingrown hair.
I know it's this wow yeah it's gonna hurt when that pops.
I used to hate getting them back.
I've had one in my head before.
Again.
I've had some sort of like around the back of it similar to where you've got it off.
Yeah.
Obviously it's been a long time since I've had a haircut so.
Yeah.
It's not a common thing for me these days.
Well that was a bit strange intro compared to normal but you know that's what we do yeah.
Yeah and when I'm starting again.
No no that.
Rather tight schedule.
One minute in that's it.
Can't get that back now.
No.
And leave it in the day.
The people listening at home.
They love it.
If you have any ingrown hairs then send them in.
Nobody's listening to you saying it I was just like just.
Yeah trying to brush your head back.
Back and I was just like what the fuck was that.
Yeah I used to hate them.
When you get the odd spot I felt one the other day actually.
Well not for the YouTube listeners.
Yeah I can see.
Viewers but yeah.
He was one that was under the skin though.
Yeah.
As I grabbed my glasses to move them back I was like I was slightly corny.
You know when it's like a little bit of a
slightly corny.
You know when it's that sharp pain as well.
Even the missus was like what was that.
Because I did do the little.
So yeah.
They're horrible.
Fortunately I mean I think you was the same if I remember wrong.
We didn't really have bad long spot braincapes.
Nah.
We just went through a few of it too.
I think I had four.
Like being all in one time being the most.
It was all like congested in between my eyebrows.
Yeah.
Eyebrows used to be sort of the white.
And just sort of around the nose and got the middle of the cheeks sort of thing.
That a bit of main area that I would get the odd spot.
I tell you what I do get like ingrown hairs.
I know we're talking about in the beard.
But again it's because you do you trim it a lot.
Obviously when you leave it to grow longer it doesn't happen because you're not shaving
and that are you.
That's fucking massive Alex.
You'll be playing with that all night though.
The big use.
I'm the spot.
So this is what the missus.
I know yeah.
It's quite quick for you that was.
Yeah so yeah it's been Christmas.
You had a good Christmas?
Yeah it's been nice mate.
It's been I enjoyed the food.
I don't think I've stopped eating.
Like bulking season any.
Well I'm past bulking now mate.
To be fair though even though I've still been keeping my fasting hours.
I have eaten a lot.
It's like a whole pass isn't it.
It's just starting to get New Year.
That's what it is.
It's because it's mainly all the not shit food.
But you know you're not having a proper source of protein and stuff.
Mainly are you.
Even earlier I've scrambled a whole tube of bloody Pringles.
Yeah well no one buys themselves a whole big.
You know those big bars of Toe Blower on the road.
No one does the weekly shop.
But oh a joint Toe Blower.
I'll have one of them.
On Christmas you get three of them.
I've never been a major fan of Toe Blower.
They're just so tricky to break though.
Especially when they're so big.
Yeah I can't say.
Fuck you know.
Just because you've got a bad bit doesn't mean you've got a big dick.
But what I'm saying is with the Toe Blower ones.
When the big ones are really hard to break.
Well I suppose because it's a lot more chocolate.
And with the normal size triangles.
It's just a portion of snap.
More than a comb.
Pretty snapped.
But it's part of the fun for it isn't it.
I heard someone moaning about Terry's chocolate oranges.
No you've got to slap that.
You slam that.
Yeah but now.
Again I'm not an orange chocolate fan.
But now they have an air gap between the chocolate pieces.
So it's even easier to break them apart.
So essentially you can just pick it off one piece at a time.
Where back in the day.
You used to have to literally like whack it off the table.
Or you know stand funny or swat it out the roof.
Because I like breaking my Terry's chocolate orange.
But I slammed it on my partner's head.
See but if you can do that.
Then that shows that they're too soft.
Well.
Yeah.
There you go then.
Well as long as you've got a consent at the end.
That's my opinion.
Don't do it when it's a no.
No that's right.
No it just means fall in another way.
Just pinch Troy hard.
But yeah.
You know.
After this weekend basically.
Then that's it.
Then I'll start eating more sensibly again.
Not drink every day.
That's it.
I'll drink every day.
Just every other day instead.
I'll tell you one of the worst things though.
About Christmas.
It's not so much about Christmas.
It's.
We're talking about.
Going back to the gym.
In the new year.
Oh my God.
But again yeah.
I haven't had that dilemma for years.
Because I haven't been to the gym for years.
But yeah.
Everyone's there.
Everyone's trying to do new year new May.
Yeah.
Getting themselves into shape.
And come February.
You've got.
Well.
February is a whole month of January.
So that's a long run.
You've done it for that long.
But what I'm saying is though.
Yeah.
Come February.
It's back to normal.
Yeah.
But yeah.
I've got to.
I was saying to my partner.
I've got to.
This year.
I probably feel the heaviest of every fall.
I don't know if that's just because.
What do you mean?
Edit that out mate.
No.
Yeah.
I don't know if it's just because.
You know.
Just how the year has gone.
Yeah.
You know.
With her being pregnant.
And when she went to McDonald's.
I'm not saying no.
Obviously.
Yeah.
You've just been getting that.
That's it.
And.
Yeah.
I just.
I've just really.
Want to get slim.
Slim down.
I think that's.
You know.
Talking about stuff that we want to do.
In the new year.
I think that for me is one of.
Another one.
I want to learn a piano.
I just.
I'll play with that idea for a few years as well.
I want to play an instrument.
I want to.
Are you going to buy yourself a piano?
No.
I think I'm going to buy myself a keyboard.
First.
Yeah.
And then just see.
How good I am.
How much effort I'm putting into it.
And then progress.
But then.
You know.
It's where you do put piano in the house.
It's.
Time though.
Isn't it.
You know.
Having.
Having the.
Time to learn.
Be the keyboard, piano.
Or any other instruments.
You know.
I wanted to do with guitar a few years ago.
And.
Even I bought one.
I just didn't know.
I didn't know.
And I bought one.
I just didn't have enough time.
But.
I suppose it doesn't help.
I've got small hands.
For an adults male.
I'd have average size hands for it.
And if they're male.
It's handy because obviously.
Yeah.
Do what I need to do with it.
So no fiddling around.
Well.
Yeah so small hands.
trying to get the finger positions with the strings, nothing else.
So, yeah, I think because again, I bought some, well, not bought, but I was watching
the YouTube tutorials and stuff and I just couldn't get to grasp of how they were trying
to do it. I think I actually went to someone or got someone to come to me and had physical
lessons, could have progressed a bit, but just never, never properly got into me.
So if you was to give yourself some things to what you'd hoped to, not definitely, but
hoped to achieve or learn, what would they be, boy, next year if you could have three
things now off the top of your head?
Well, so the main one is I'm going to get back properly onto the intimacy fast. I've
still been in the hours, but I've not weighed myself a little while, but I'd lost probably
about two stone from the start.
Yeah.
And I'll probably put some of it back on, but yeah, just carry on doing that.
Keep on doing that, there's one I know.
Yeah. Well, I mean, we'll get onto it properly, but now that I've got PS5.
Gaming.
Yeah, trying to get back into gaming.
You know what? I know how you feel about this because for me, I'm going as a kid, I could
just play a game and just, when your mom calls you for dinner and you don't want to stop,
you pause and save it, eat dinner quickly.
And your mom's telling you to slow down, sorry, or you're not going back on the computer because
you're just scramming it. But now I play a game and then I get bored. I get like, not
bored of the game, but I get bored of wasting my day. If that makes sense, does that work?
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying? I can't get into the zone, I suppose, with it.
And it's got, because there's that many other things to do and your phone's next to you,
so you feel like something happened on your phone or there's a program or a film that
you haven't watched yet and you think, what if I stop now? I've got enough time to do
that as well. So yeah, it's hard to find that balance. I played it for about four hours
the other night and I did have a headache at the end of the day as well. And I'm like,
it's not like when we was kids, when the TVs were small, the graphics were crap and you'd
have to sit close to the TV. I've got a big TV, I'm a good distance away and it's not
like I'm struggling to read or see anything. It's just the continuous staring at the TV.
It was just trying to my eyes.
Yeah, no, it is hard. I agree. If anyone that is listening or watching has got any comments
to get yourself back in the zone or if you've gone through the same experience and you've
got back into it, just let us know how you did that. Because for me, it is that I'm going
to waste my day on the computer, which when I think about it, I want to play it, but in
the moment I'm just like, no, you can't be hungry. Just like, you want to be there and
just like, ah. Yeah. So going back into intermittent practice.
Yeah. So carry on losing weight.
Get back into gaming.
Yeah. And I suppose the main one would be try and find more time to put a bit more effort
into this. Well, again, we're going back to the same principle of law. Find enough time
to gain, find enough time to do all of this. The only way I'd be able to do that is to
graph less.
We've spoken about this. We feel like this goes better when it's not so much not planned,
but when there's a more flow and there's no objects to be made.
Yeah. So although we do enjoy having topics to find, I've enjoyed doing a little bit of
research on a few things, but yeah, when we haven't really planned anything, we just go
yeah, let's just start talking and see where we go and then finish off with a couple of
emails. Then it's sweet. Obviously no one would have planned finding a spot on the back
of the red to start off an episode. We've just done it. We've rolled with it. That's
what it is.
Look how we ended up from that spot.
Well, yeah, 12 minutes in and we're talking about New Year's resolutions.
That's it.
So yeah, I think that's the freedom.
I love the guy in one. The guy in one something. So for me, the piano, I want to learn it.
I don't want to be fluent, but I would like to speak another language. I'm thinking Italian
and how, man, you spoke about this before. So you know when you speak about it and your
phone, like TikTok listens to you for like the next four swipes, but just someone teaching
me Italian, like listening more and like, well, you made it. I'll learn Italian.
Well, a mad one linked to that. So as I was just scrolling through TikTok a little bit
yesterday, it was one where it's the pictures and you swiped through the pictures on it.
So it started off with pitching and it's all I'm watching you. And the next one says it
was like something along the lines of, yes, I'm talking to you, Jamie. And then the third
one was I'm in your house. And so I've had to click onto the page and it's just the same
thing with loads of different names. But how does he know your name? I mean, it was still
wrong because it wasn't about the same way as mine. But yeah, it's just, it is mad how
the algorithms just, just find what you want. It's too ony. But again, it's just, I found
it's a big problem that the phones and the computers and the tablets have been, the way
that the technology is to make you happy. Like everything's fine tuned for stuff that
you want. Rarely you'll ever stumble across something that isn't in your, whatever you've
thought about or done. There's not really anything random that you ever find when you
just scroll.
You don't learn the new stuff, like stuff that you wouldn't have thought about because
it's not in your algorithm.
Well that seems like, you know, some of the conspiracy theories and that if I hadn't spoken
about them, thought about them or looked up about any of them, they wouldn't be coming
on the TikTok feed. Which again, when I do get enough of the research, there's a big
one that I do want to go through. So listeners out there, get ready for that one day in 2024.
Also going forward with this show, we have, obviously we've done our revolutions. What
would your three things you'd want to get more from this show? So if you could, you
know, you mentioned putting more time in, what would, like for me, I really want to
guess.
Yeah, yeah, getting a guess.
Look, so I'm about to start sorting out the Man Cave slash Pod Studio, which obviously
that would lead to having more time for both of us to arrange coming to my, I know we talked
about doing it in a shed and whatever and that. It's not a little wooden shed, but I
think if we can get that sorted as well at some points in a few months, then at least
we can float around each other's things. Because why don't you just, the table or this, it
will be awkward for a guest. But then you wouldn't be bothered. You could just stand
over there on another little chair or something.
Good chair, yeah.
Yeah, but again, when you've got the other table that you get in, there's more room for
it. But yeah, once we're more set up properly, then it's going to be easier for guests. But
again, just even just having the emails, you know, there's never going to be too many people
that email seeing, you know, we're always here to give the advice.
Well, sorry, it's good. No, carry on. I was just going to say, I think so for you, I thought
that was the end of the story.
No, no. So obviously anyone that wants to give a bit of advice or just ask questions,
the would you robbers and any stories that anyone's got as well. And you know, it's always
good to get up. And as we say, makes our job easier.
Yeah. The other thing that I really wanted to do like, so you know, we talked about like
doing like a ghost hunt or something. That is something that, like just record it with
obviously the microphones and then film whatever we can. Yeah. As I said, maybe with the cameras
on our heads, like the fucking. Well, yeah, we'd have to get go bros. Like the fucking
triangle. I'm not really a fan of those 360 counts. No, they just look good. Imagine if
you saw a ghost and you reaction, it just, it just be better. Yeah. So that's something
that I would like to do. Yeah. I think that that should be on the agenda of stuff to do
next year. Um, summertime, no, I may cause I've been to some and they've all been the
winter time. Fuck me, man. Cause it's just an empty boat and all that. It's fucking freezing.
Yeah. Summertime. Seeing your own breath. It's going to add to the spookiness. No, not
the, I mean, we'll add to the spookiness for some people, but it's going to confuse your
always cause you seen the breath coming out. So what was that? So it's just in breathing
too heavily. So yeah. Uh, least in the warmer weather, it's a, just, uh, I dunno, more enjoyable
experience, at least if you're not freezing cold. Yeah. Um, so yeah, we'll definitely
get something like that sorted. Um, yeah, it's again, we need like a, a day where we
can just sit down and start banging out some of these ideas. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, just
some plans in motion. I mean, the guest bunch shouldn't be too hard, but it's just, you
know, find the right person when they say they're going to turn up, actually turn up.
That's the only thing. And, you know, have, um, Warren coming onto the podcast to bring
something for our, but then take away something that makes sense. Yeah. Um, so if, if, well,
if any of the listeners, if you've got a story to tell, um, you know, interesting life, uh,
you know, just anything really doesn't have to be funny. It could be a tragedy. Um, uh,
well, just anything, you know, if you, if you do fill log, uh, you want to be a guest
and just send it in, send us the email. I'll keep saying email. So read realtalkpod at
gmail.com for anything you want. So yeah, if you want to be a guest questions, would
you rather stories, anything just fang it over, uh, YouTube comments, Twitter at Ash
and JD, uh, just send it all over the, we're here for everything. Um, yeah. So I don't
know if we finished them. So we've got more free resolutions. Yours was so piano, uh, language
and Louis went, yeah. Yeah. So I just popped him here. Did we finish it? I'm determined
to get someone out of six pack again. That that is my goal this year to get it. Don't
it doesn't have to be ripped or anything like that. Just the, yeah, just something, just
something. Yeah. Yeah. I really bothered about getting into that corner. Yeah. Yeah. Just
carry on losing a bit of ice. Um, but yeah, so, uh, nearly onto the new years now then
I'll take it. You just going to do the same as me. Just noticing food films. I mean, does
anyone really go off new years anymore? That's the real question we should be asking because
when you think about it, it's a load of bollocks. It is. It's a load of bollocks. It's you go
to the pub, your local pub or one of your local pubs pay 10 pounds for the pleasure
of going in for that evening. So have less time. Well, bar close your half 11. Is your
half 11 or quarter to 12? I think, well, when we was running the pub, what we used to do
was, uh, half 11 was the last order at that point. So it would mean everyone had a drink
for the countdown and then it would open for like another 15 minutes afterwards. Yeah.
And then put the, the pub would essentially get one more drink and then, and then as you
want to clock the pub close, your half 12. So a lot one o'clock everyone's got to be
out. Yeah. So just like, I get it. It's a lot of hype for nothing spectacular really.
Yeah. But what I sort of realized the other day was we're kind of being this, not a weird
age, but just a boring age. Some people might say, so it was definitely a young person's
game going out on the new years and all that. Yeah. But it's also an older person's thing.
So I found out that, uh, well basically the modern law, she's out off at the clumsy swan
club, goes there all the time, but they've got bands on all the time and everything.
And it's only five pound entry, but it's all of the similar age group that he's going to
be there for the new years and having a good time with you. Yeah. Apparently that's quite
a common thing now then. So I don't know, maybe in 10 years time we'll find a second
wind. And so I think that, yeah, maybe I'm not anticipating it. No, I mean, I really
do enjoy letting everyone else, yeah. Waiting those long queues at the bars and I'm just
at home sitting on a tin auto and going to bed at 10 o'clock. Yeah. I was going to say,
I think I've been asleep for more like new years passing than I have been awake for.
Yeah. Cause even we've, well pretty much like the last 10 years when I haven't done anything,
I've woke up as you know, midnight shocks just because of the fireworks and you sort
of like panicking about the dog and that dog. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, that's the only reason
why I'm on. Here's another thing. What do you think, you know, in terms of 2024, that
would be next year. Yeah. What do you think? Do you think is like, when you think about
the year ahead, what do you think is going to happen next year? So before it happens,
you can go, oh, I thought about that. You've actually got it recorded. What do you think
is going to happen? Like just, you don't have to be like. You're talking about personal
thing. No, I'm going to buy like just like, you know, like wars going on at the moment.
Do you think there's going to be another war or do you think. Well, I think they need to
finish the current wars before the start of another one. Really? You know, it's a bit
of a joke. Yeah. Either bomb them or don't bomb them. Just stop fucking around. Just
get done. But I think it's going to be, it's going to be something stupid. See, these were
all minutes because I asked this question because I think it's going to be something.
I know we've spoken about it a lot. Ali and relial. There's got to be something that's
got to come out because I've been slowly putting this out slowly for surely. Yeah. So next
year there's going to be something. That's what I mean. It's going to be something stupid
like that. Yeah. Because, you know, as you say, yeah, we've seen the videos and that.
And then as I was on about with the algorithms, I keep seeing all the conspiracies or even
one earlier. There's apparently there's a hole in the sun that's continuously throwing
out solar storms. And there's one due to heat in 2024 apparently. And the last time it happened,
I think it says was like 1869. So the potential from this solar storm is all the satellites
get destroyed. It will be mass blackouts and it can even have hard drives and that of your
computers, your laptops and phones and stuff. So essentially it would mean the world would
be shut down because we'd have no internet or anything that, you know, wouldn't be able
to access your money in your banks. All your cars would die. You wouldn't be able to turn
them over. Well, the logs of me would be all right because if I, as long as I'd be able
to charge the battery, then I'd be able to use it because I've got an older vehicle.
Whereas the newer models where it is all because of the electronics on the inside, they'll
struggle. So people with Teslas and other electric cars, Fox. Yeah. So anyone with a
classic car, you're loving it. Yeah. Yeah. At least one thing that would drop fuel prices
down. So I don't know if it would. I think, I reckon they'd pull it up because it's like,
well, you've got to drive to go get your food now. So it would be something stupid to find
a way to do it wouldn't it? Cause it's, it's been, it's been creeping down a bit over the
last two months. Cause I've got the free petrol stations by me. So obviously every day, I
think was it 145 that they asked that. See again, all these are 0.9 or 0.7 and that's
just loaded. I always just round it up to the full pen. So I think the as is 145, SO
is 146 and then the BP, I think that's 47. And it's a diesel. Diesel. Yep. Yeah. Not
as much difference on the petrol. But yeah, I'll keep watching it go down a little bit
any every couple of days. So it's nice that it's under a pound and a half night, but still
too much, you know, especially all the driving that I would do. It does add up a fair bit,
but I've looked into it. I've done it. I've done it for the sat on one of the episodes
on the earlier episodes. If I was to get an electric van, because I looked into it, I
know what I'd do to be able to keep recharging itself while on the road. So essentially I'd
hook up because it's annoying. Why these electric cars can't recharge themselves. You think
with a normal car, they have the alternators that charge the battery. So why can't they
do that themselves? Now it's the volume of it needs more volume of power to run it. Yeah.
The technology would be there to be able to adapt the alternator to be able to charge
the batteries. They just won't do it because then they can't charge the electricity at
the fuel pumps. So yeah, it's all down to the money. So essentially I'll know what I'd
do to be able to charge the car back up itself, what the van, it wouldn't completely charge.
There'd still be power loss along the way. Yeah. Get more miles out of it. It wouldn't
bother me. Plus I haven't got the money anyway. But wouldn't bother me getting an electric
van at the moment because I'd only get about a hundred miles at a time when the tools are
on and everything. So I'd have to charge it up at a customer's house, which would mean
I'd have to dock some money off the day rate, the price of the job or whatever. And it just
costs me too much. Wouldn't be efficient enough. Well, that's it. And the one thing that cracks
me up about electric cars is the charge points. These are generated. A lot of them are. And
your cars come on a plane or by a ship and then get put onto a diesel lorry. It's just,
and then you've got like 36 batteries, which is probably more harmful than just fueling.
No, look, not if you last forever, but do you know what I mean in terms of, yeah, I
just find it. Yeah. The carbon footprints of how much it costs to make it, how much
it costs to make it and to get it to where it needs to be just to you. I know that stats
are out there, but it's something like, I don't know, say 34 years worth of a carbon
footprints just to make them, to get them to you. And you're not, you're not going
to be able to achieve that out of that individual vehicle because by the time you'd be on like
four or five more down the line. Yeah. Well, you don't see fully, well, you don't really
see that of any, like out of a vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just because like
I've seen technology is moving that quick. It's really out there. It will be through
the electric cars and that, you know, it's a, cause have you seen, sorry, have you seen
the Tesla truck of, so not properly seen, but I've seen beats when it was in production
and stuff. I like, it looks pretty cool. Cause I think with that, was it something like the
brake pads, they'll never wear out. Yeah. It's something like that. And I'm sure with
that vehicle, the advice to charge at 80% because it's done charge all the way to 100
because 80 you'll get more mileage from me from whatever reason or I can't remember.
He did explain. So yeah, I think that premise is the same with your phones and other bits
of a lot of battery technology. Cause when you're charging it to a hundred percent, it
wears the battery down more. Whereas if you're only charging it partially, you're getting
more life expectancy out of it. I don't know why it works like that, but yeah, I mean,
we're all guilty of it. Just low. Do you know what I mean? Just cap it. Yeah. If you cap
it to a lower capacity, you'd still have to do the same though. So it should be like four
phones. Then it should be like a warning of sorts. Like your phone is at 80% battery unplug.
Yeah. But as I will do, we believe it on charge over notes and you see those horror stories
of blowing up and setting on fire underneath people's pillars. But again, we don't care
do we? We just put that radiation next to our heads all night long. Don't care. Yeah.
So I think it'd be something stupid like that. The adding invasion. There's a mysterious
solar storm that's disconnected the internet and so now we're all stranded. We have to
fend for ourselves. But if it was along them long, it'd be like martial law then. It would
be literally like when you see the end of the world movies and there's fires everywhere
and everyone's like started eating each other and it just won't be similar. Everyone's
rubbing the toilet paper. Yeah. There'd be so many dickheads that just won't chill and
just relax and be like, yeah, it's all right. Give it a couple of weeks and don't get new
satellites up and we'll be back running again. You know. Well, yeah. So I'd say stock up
on walkie talkies. If they can't get rid of the radio waves. Yeah. So I think we've rattled
on long enough. It's due time to get onto these emails. Right. Because, well, we didn't
have enough time last week because we was heading out on the booners. Nothing major
to report about that. I don't know. Oh, we spent over £280. But how? I don't know.
It's just, I had that in my pocket and apart from the change. Yeah. Well, you lost some
money there. You couldn't turn it in. So it would have been included in the taxi fare
because with the taxi. Oh, I'll go back to Coventry. Yeah. So when dropped off, dropped
Sutherland up to his hotel and then me back to Coventry as well. So yeah, that was, obviously
I didn't pay for all of it myself. He would have paid half of it roughly. Yeah. It was
just, we did loads of stupid rounds of shots and everything. Before you left, you might
have put in baby Guinness and that. You did buy some shots, didn't you? Yeah. You broke
all a few actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, nothing major to report. I remember
recording three geezers, Tories. By the way, you know, proper posh cunts. They started
talking to me about the power range jumper that I had on. And yeah, at first I was chatting
to him and then you could see they were starting to block an in-between joke, an inside joke
between the three of them. I was like, yeah, well yous can fuck off, don't you Torry cunts?
I just got up and walked off. So yeah, they probably told me to fuck off or something
because I've walked out the door, but I'd already gone. Yeah. In the crowd of everyone
else there. What the world? Bricks. Fuck them. Yeah. So we've got a few emails that relay
from a few weeks ago, to be fair. Now in no particular order. I've just put them on my
phone so I don't have to make an easy film itself. So we've got one from Steve. Steve.
Steve Martin. I'm guessing it's just Steve anyway. I'll put the name Steve. I can't remember
what the full email address was, but Steve, thanks for your email, mate. What is the nastiest
or most explicit thing that happened to you in high school? I saw this and I thought,
so again, for us it was secondary school. I know they all call it high school now, but
it's American and eat log. Oh, I know that was for me. But it wasn't up. So it was in
year seven. So year seven is your first year in senior school. So you're 11, 12, depending
on whatever age at the time. So anyway, the last school used to work is you could just
walk out in the year seven because our year seven block was detached from the rest of
the school. And you could literally just walk out the front door. So I've walked out the
front door and we walked around and went to the shops and I don't know, brought some sweets
from the, because they used to have the old fashioned sweet shop, didn't they? Yeah. So
I brought some sweets in there. Literally as we are walking back, a van man kind of
like slows down and then throws a milkshake from his van, like a McDonald's milkshake.
It's been spot on my chest and it explodes. That was probably the nastiest thing from
high school or senior school. I'm just trying to think as we got older, they weren't really.
Yeah. I mean, I had not milkshakes thrown over me, but a lot of things happened to me
from being bullied, you know, ginger kidding school, it was always going to happen. That
was just fucking the everyday life. There's no one thing that really popped into mind.
The nastiest thing. What was the nastiest thing? I tell you what, what was the nastiest thing
you've seen? Well, so it wasn't in secondary school, it was primary school. I don't know
how old I was probably nine, 10ish maybe, I can't remember. I don't know why it was
ever allowed. So if you forgot your piki, you had to just wear the pants and vest. And
in primary school, it was just like the white polo shirt and the shiny blue shorts is what
we had. And there was the one girl, I can't remember her name to try and say or evo style
it, but yeah, she was standing there. She's like, can I go to the toilet? And the teacher
was like, no, you had a chance before going in. Pricks have gone to the toilet as well.
I remember in primary school, the toilets were literally just outside the gym hall as
well. You just walked out the door, up like three steps and the toilets were on the left.
So it's not like she would have been gone for long. And she's like, I need to go. And
they're like, no, not going. And she'd forgot her piki. So literally in the little pants
and the vest. And then all of a sudden, as we've noticed, she's got like a fucking lug
of shit in the back of her knickers. So you can't lift that down even when you get older.
Can you? Can you? No, no, no. I remember thinking, we just more so felt sorry for her because
the teacher, the teacher was embarrassed and that then stopped the PE lesson, got her out,
got her cleaned up and that. And then had to get the last and found clothes for her.
She asked me to go to the toilet. I said, no, she just, yeah. I know it's just stupid.
But then again, she might have forced it out. I don't know. I didn't really ask her.
No, I only asked that about what was the first worst thing you've seen because now school,
senior school, there was a few things that, you know, was, you know, it weren't a nice
school to be at. Let's put it that way. Naver school that I went to was really a nice school.
But the one thing that comes to mind, there was a lad and he suffered with eczema really,
really bad. And I mean, like head to toe, like eczema, you could see, you know, you
could physically see it in his face and his arms. Like he might even have a little bit.
And, uh, the little lad, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't want to say his
last name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we just call him Jane. Yeah. And, uh, and then some
lads come in and I can't remember what they put over him. They put like, um, like some
powder over him, but obviously his skin just obviously irritates him and he just dived on
the floor and he started just like, like trying to scratch it all off. And you could see,
cause like the poly under his jumper and under his shirt. And he just, I remember him just,
just didn't do anything. So it dropped on the floor and it looked like he was having
a fit, but he was just trying to scratch. But he was all, that was the nastiest thing
I think I've seen. Maddening. I remember that this wasn't intentional, but I remember we
were standing there talking and, uh, Phil, uh, so Phil's always just wanting to go in
different ways. And the deeds, um, and he wasn't really afraid, but it wasn't a friend
of mine in school. So I remember he's called standing there talking and I'm just like,
why would a fairies thinking of my, uh, when's this conversation going to, when's like,
I don't know, want to go play football or do whatever we was going to do with that.
But, and he's gone, what do you reckon then Jack? And I was like, Oh shit. He was talking
to me. Cause literally standing there, he's looking at both of us. That's how the conversation
was going. So if he was talking to both of us, but I just thought he was talking to you.
Um, so that's probably the nastiest thing that I did in school, but it was unintentional
really, really. I remember him calling me like a prick or whatever and just walking
off. Uh, yeah, just didn't know. It was fucking wasn't my fault. Bless him. Thanks for your
email. Is the most email or was that? No, no, that was all it was from Steve. So thank
you for your email, Steve. Um, so then James, he'd sent a copy. Uh, so, uh, Matt, this one's
school related as well. So what is the most inappropriate thing you'd seen a teacher do?
So that's the first one. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. So, so this is the first, he's got two questions
on two emails. Yeah. Yeah. So separate ones off, just put them together. I almost did
an exile spreadsheet, but just on the notes. The one thing that comes to mind was my form
teacher in year nine, his name was Mr. Carter. And you know, in senior schools, you just
have the two seats to a table more or less. I don't, you know, it might be different now,
but in our school, he was in this classroom. He was, you know, two seats to a table. Yeah.
And you could, you could see the teacher constantly, like the way the room was. And whenever a
girl, he wouldn't come up to you, you'd always have to go to him. So if you finished something
call, I needed the question, you have to stand up and go to him, which I felt was weird.
Cause normally, you know, I teach floods about, but he'll just, it will stay on his desk.
And whenever a girl used to ask, girl and girls, when they turn around, he used to look
at their ass, like do a little thing. And he got to the point, honestly, about three
months in one, the lads was just like, I'm going to call you man on it. And we was all
like, okay, you know, don't do that. I'm going to, it was like, I want to fuck it. And he
went, sir. He went, yeah. He went, what would you look at girls asses? And the turn around
and the teacher lost his shit. It was like, why are you accusing me of, why are you accusing
me of? He was just like, no, but you know, you imagine teachers just going mad. And then
he's just like, just like proper chill with it. No, but I'm just saying every time a girl
comes up, you just done it to, I won't say the name, disperse. And then he done it to
disperse and we all seen you. And someone else was like, you do sir. And like, it just
went from there. So that I've seen, but that was probably the, for me, but I've seen teachers
hit students and get in a fight with a student. And I've seen that as well.
I don't think I saw any of the teachers hitting the students, even though a lot of them could
have done with a fucking getting knocked out. Again, yeah. Trying to think of anything really.
There was, I don't know what a name was. My memory is terrible. You know, I was thinking
about it when I was looking at these emails the other week. I was sure to remember stuff
from school and that when we was kids. I don't know what.
I think just because I didn't really enjoy school. So I just sort of lost most of the
ice. Well, yeah. Trying to think of stuff. There was an RE teacher. I don't know who
she told. Says to one of them to fuck off. Strangely, it was the, that was the same first
teacher that I swore in front of. She says something to me. I was like, I don't know
why, why we're bothering with this. Cause I didn't care about religion or whatever.
I don't suppose it was an equal thing to say. But at the time I wasn't enjoying the lesson,
wasn't wanting to learn anything. And she says something to me and I was like, I'll
just fuck off. So I got in trouble for that. But yeah, on another occasion, she told someone
else to fuck off. Which obviously raw log. Oh, she just told the students to fuck off.
I don't know what it was. I couldn't really think of anything. It was just thought. I
remember winding up one of the teachers. What was his name? I think it was Mr. Chip. Old
science teacher. Yeah. So it was as we was leaving the lesson. Cause he was a weirdo as
well. He didn't have a TV. He would only read books and he just chatted shit all the time.
He was important. He probably was. He was 100% guy. He was a man of his own. Just at
the time, if you think about it. Cause for a bit of context, for the audience, he looked
a bit like judge Rinder. Yeah. The way I remember. Yeah. And just completely bored. Yeah. Which
I reckon was by choice as well. But yeah. So as we was leaving the lesson, the classroom
was like, Oh, so you've got something on the back of your shirt. And so he's done the,
the, the heel lifts and looked behind to see what's on his shirt. And he's fucking screwed
up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't really think of anything. Is there another part of that
email? Is that just, that was one of his emails with a question on it. And then, so then I'm
guessing, yeah. So this, this was in between the last episode. I've been a daddy's going
to be a good to have you back. So he's talking to you there. Just JD's mad moaning about
manuals. You know, no, thank you for your email, James. But yeah, I think cause it would
be hard to be on your own. You just revert it back. Like obviously you do know that on
your own. Yeah. I'll try to be, you know, quote, it's not moaning about stuff too much
really. But I think my gold, we just need to get you on that show and just get off.
We haven't just started winding you off. Anytime I get the call, I'll be ready. No,
it needs to happen because he's winding you up now. Cause he knows what he's doing. He
knows he's listening. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he is. Um, yeah. Uh, no, but thanks for your
email, James. Well, there was another part to that then. So he's asked another question
that, uh, what is the gayest slash most inappropriate thing you did at a sleepover? So every time
I'm a mate, so one of my mates, he said he's not gay, uh, but does have gay tendencies,
gay tendencies, stopped all of his mates once. Uh, and then the person he was stopping all
of our with said, let's get both get naked. So they both got like naked, then lied on
top of each other, boy, both getting hard. That is, that is, it's good 15 or 16. But
now, so the other geezer is gay, but my mate, our mate, he's technically, well, he's got
a very, Mr. Green. Oh no, no, no. Okay. No, I'm gonna have to remember for you to tell
me after this. Cause I don't know. No, I've got to know I know. Yeah. Um, but the guys
think, I mean, so you know, sleepovers, it was mainly between you and then Lord, uh,
the lad in primary school. I didn't really sleep at anyone else's house. Um, yeah, cause
it's, it's a mad thing. But when you see, well, not really see on the TV, but when you
hear about, uh, the lads fucking just putting on porn and wanking in the same room as each
other. And we never did anything like that. We'd like play football or play the computer
and that. And then every, every time it would be spending like an hour or so once we've
already gone to bed, cause I had the bunk beds and I would say the same things. That's
the same. Uh, who was never fucking, I don't think, no, I'd say the most inappropriate
thing we did was when, uh, you fucking John and it's all J onto the street. The car's
going fast. Not, not like a laser to blind it. It was just like flashing the torch just
so we're like, Oh, what the fuck's going on? Um, Lord, yeah, we never did anything stupid
to be fair as Johnny said, we used to go back, uh, to ease when we used to stop over his
and just, they just judge it. But we used to look at the window a lot. As I said, with
his flash drive, we saw some things. Remember that he's got absolutely never, but it gets
the air just walking, just walking along. Cause like a Friday or Sunday night and it
was like, yeah, it was like two o'clock in the morning. And he was caught. You could
see he was like proper. Next thing you know, this car slowly creeps past him, goes, you
ever saw a past in reverse is all these frames. He feels too lousy at the college. Absolutely
never the fuck. Yeah. And then there was still the driver in the car as well. Cause as soon
as the guy drove up, so yeah, they started fucking slapping him up on that. Uh, well,
he's sort of on the grass a little bit. They give a couple of boots and then they've just
jumped back in the car and just drove off. Yeah. And I remember getting up. What the
fuck? He started punching the side. Cause every time we walk past, we was fucking out
of the side. But yeah, I mean, I think that's as gay as he got or inappropriate as he got.
That's the question. Gay or inappropriate. Yeah. Gay slash most appropriate thing. Yeah.
So thanks for that James. Um, but yeah, there's nothing wrong with that moment. That man, you
know, fucking to be fair, I could, I could have gone on for fucking half an hour or so
today cause all this Jim Ratcliffe shit that's gone on. Um, I don't get why it's had to
be a news story in school sports and all that saying that no other, the glazers nor any
from India, anyone from any sort of Jim Ratcliffe can say anything negative about the other
party. But why is that a clause in the contract? So to me, that means that they've already
had negative things that, you know, cross paths, said things wrong in the meetings or
something for it to be a clause. Maybe they can say stuff internal, but it's external.
They can't go to the paper. You know what I mean? Make a story from it. So it has to
stay internal. It's just, why, why it has to be a clause and the clause. Yeah. What
was it even? You know, it's just, I found the whole fucking situation strange. Which
is 25% takeover bollocks. Fuck you. Should have been a full sale of fucking glazers.
Uh, but yeah, save the full run for another day. Uh, but old faithful Kirsty on the emails
as well. Um, so yeah, she said congratulations the other week. Um, and then, uh, she says
that she had a one night stand because we all have needs. So, um, the lad was fine and
lasted long enough. The only thing was he had a matty push. Yeah. Well, you know, wow.
So, right. Yeah. So she says, I don't mind a bit of pubes, but it was just a crazy amount.
Uh, and then she asks what's, what's our views on general hairstyles? Well, you know, sometimes
you've got to change it up. It's like a hairstyle. Yeah. Sometimes you've got to go bold. Sometimes
a little bit. Sometimes just let it grow. Yeah. So back in a day, oh, yeah. Manscaped
like every two weeks back in the day. Yeah. Always get rid of you. The main reason for
me to just love the whole gene prospect of it. Cause a lot of time I'll do the op air
all the time still, because if you are out and about and you're sweating, it holds the
smelly. So, uh, but yeah, these days it happens when you get settled down and that you don't
put as much effort into it. Um, but you know, if it was going wild, you know, every, probably,
I don't know, every six weeks, maybe I'll get the old man's gate date and give it a
go. Um, but I don't have to fucking get the big razor out as well and fucking go full
baby dick. Not that I've got a little dick. Good size, you know, reasonable. Never had
a complaint. Well, let's see. No, I'm just thinking, you know, maybe he's be shaved and
he's like, you know, fuck it. I'm growing it. Or was he a last minute thing? You know,
when I was last many things where he weren't expected, you know what I mean? If it wasn't
expected, if he had time and he knew in van in advance, obviously that's a lifestyle choice
there. But my views in it, I'm all right with it. Yeah. As long as you know, it's like,
as long as it needs neat and yeah. So maintain it. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. It's all white.
Yeah. Just, uh, just put a bit of personal effort. Yeah. I've got a cush for the push.
Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Obviously he had more than enough cause for the push. You know, um, thanks
for that. Uh, and then we've got two from Lauren. Right. Uh, have you ever accidentally
seen your neighbor doing something that they thought was private? So I've not had a neighbor
personally that I've seen out in the garden nude or anything, but several times on jobs,
but the most recent one I was parked up around the back. It was almost like a call to sack
or, you know, when it's like the back of the houses. Yeah. So I've gone out to the van
getting whatever. And as I've shut the door looked up cause it was like a T road. As I've
looked up, there's a woman standing in her bedroom quite rightly. So her house is in a
bedroom, but she's took a top off log as I've looked up and the tits were just out. And
I don't know if she's got done it on purpose. It's a daily routine thing. Just letting the
girls out for everyone to see. But yeah. Um, I mean, I looked sort of, and then just went
on with the job. Uh, so stuff like that. I've seen a few times the funniest one was, uh,
it's older ladies fucking off her head to be fair, right? Not case. Uh, she, so this
wasn't me personally. I was on the job, but, uh, while we was there, the roof was getting
done at the same time. So there was the scaffolding off. And when we turned up to the job, the
roofers, there was still fucking crying of laughter. So they'd got there, uh, you know,
don't say seven, half seven in the morning, whatever it was. Constraught scaffold. She's
out the back already sunbathing with a fucking bat site. And all they could say was love.
It was love the scene from fucking something about Mary, the old woman just all browns
fucking crusted up and that. So, uh, yeah, that was quite an unsightly one for them.
Um, Lord, yeah, not neighbors. No. Well, I've got a good one, but I don't know if I should
say, um, but fuck you. I'm sorry. So there was a time when I lived at my partner's mom's
and, uh, a brother come up to me and was like, Ash, come here. So I thought it's pretty strange,
you know, the way he said it. I went, I went into the hall. I thought what's up? Cause
you're upstairs. It was like, stand in the bath, look out the window. So I'm in the bath.
I looked out the window and he was the neighbor's son sucking off one of his friends. Then
he stopped. And then the other lad that sucked him off like 30 seconds.
Well, well, I was in the garden or something. So behind the garden, in the garden, I had
like a shed, so I was behind the shed. So the only place you could see him from was if you
put your head out the window and turned, but because my partner's brother said I heard
noises, so I was like, what the fuck's that noise? So like he's putting his head out the
window and turned, he said, right. And obviously he saw like the neighbor's son giving head
to a friend. And then he slapped when you sucked him up and he sucked you up then.
Ash, that looks good. That does.
So that's the weirdest thing I've seen a neighbor do, even though I was a neighbor's kids, but
yeah, it was funny. Like there was only like 12 or 13, you know.
Just exploring, learning about ourselves.
There's some stuff that you just can't live without. That'd be one of them.
Yeah. Now there is still a couple more emails, but we're hitting the hour mark, so it's up
to you. You want to sign for next week?
No, we'll get these ones done.
Okay. Hopefully more people email in then.
Yeah. So Lauren had another one. What was your most awkward or embarrassing truth or
dare experience? Now I think in general, we've all done the, well, just go walk outside naked
and whatever, really. There was nothing that popped out to mind. It wasn't really something
that I'd played a lot of, to be fair.
No, no. I'm just thinking, no.
Because I feel like, again, it's more of like an American thing, isn't it? Where, you know,
they're having the sort of like the sleepover and there's a bunch of them. Because when
it's just two people staying at the house, it would have been a bit sad if we were saying
the truth or dare of each other. So yeah, we didn't really do much of it. It was more
so when we was like 18, 19 with a drinking bit of a party or whatever it would ever happen.
Yeah. It was just all generic stuff. Nothing major ever happened.
I can't really give you an answer to that because it's the same as you, mate. It's just,
yeah, whenever you're partying.
Yeah.
I would always go for truth because I would never do it there. So it was like walk down
a straight night. I could never do that.
I think with us two together, it was only the one time that, was it like King Standing
Way or whatever it was. And then Nozzle was with us. I think he was the one that picked
the night walking up and down the road that night.
Was that a different night? I can't remember.
I think it was only one night when we've been together.
He lived there. Was that from his house?
Yeah, he might have lived with that person. I can't remember now.
Yeah. I can't really answer that. So I don't know really by any chance. But I would just
go for truth rather than dare just because I didn't have to. I don't know the first
thing would get naked. So it would probably be the truth on that one.
I always feel like it is more of the American thing where you...
You can't fancy someone, isn't it?
Yeah. And it's like you have to go in the closet and do the one minute in heaven or
whatever the call it where you've got to be in there with the person that you're
with and hopefully something happens. But it's never, at least for our generation, it
hasn't ever really been much of a thing.
Yeah. I grew up with friends. It never... No. I mean, yeah, there is one, but yeah.
But yeah, thanks for the questions, Lauren. And then last but not least, we have Jess.
I'm glad I put this last. Actually, I don't think I've really paid attention as I saw
it at this little note section.
Is this the last one?
It's the last one.
Lauren, thanks for your email as well. We had two emails. Was it two on that one? Sorry.
Yeah, it was two from me.
Yeah, it was two separate ones, but I'll just put them together on the notes. So Jess says,
hi guys.
Hi.
My fella pleases himself. Pleases himself a lot. Is the problem with me or him?
See, I know where I stand on this. I won't do it. If you're with someone, no, I won't
touch myself. I laugh because obviously, my partner has had this conversation lately,
obviously, because she just had a baby and obviously, you have to wait a couple of weeks
and she goes, just go and touch yourself. I'm like, no.
Right. So, I mean, again, so at the end, she says, am I making a big deal out of nothing?
So I think we've got two opposite ends of the voice sticker there.
So are you saying he's all right to be touching himself?
Yeah, I think it's fine. If you want to do it, what more issue would be if he's both
in the house together and you're both doing it separately, not together, then you've got
a problem.
Yeah. So if he's in and she's out and he wants it, you can just whack on the hook.
Yeah. But if she's downstairs flicking for a TikTok on her phone and he's up in bed
and then they both end up doing it themselves separately while she's downstairs, he's in
bed, then he needs to have the conversation. Look, we need to stop doing it separately.
Let's do it together.
I mean, for me, I think wanking over porn is a young man's game. I'm just pointing
out there.
It depends on what porn you're into. If you're still just watching the old boring missionary
stuff, you need to up your game a little bit. Now, I'm not saying don't get into the extreme
stuff.
Was it BDSF when they had the watching train stuff?
Yeah, yeah. You know, watching someone fucking getting the balls booted off or something
like that.
I'm paying for that. Imagine people paying for that.
I know.
This mission is.
It is. Some of the stuff's fucking weird.
So do you think there's a problem?
I think there's a lack of information on this, Ema. So how often is he doing it? If he's
wanking four times or that, then he's got a bit of a problem.
If she can't keep up with it.
Yeah.
So that's where I was going to get to next. So if you're still servicing him regularly,
then it shouldn't be an issue. But if you're just not doing anything and he's getting frustrated
and just going off and fucking sorting himself out, then there is a problem. But yeah, otherwise,
if he's got a normal sex log and then he still thinks that he has to bang one out fucking
all the time every couple of hours, then he's got the problem. So yeah, if you could give
a little bit more detail, we'd be able to give you more accurate advice. But otherwise
in general, man's going to do what a man's going to do sometimes. It's going to be a
stressful day and you need to just get a bit of release.
I think I was trying to say what Jodie's saying. If he's doing it and you're in the house,
then there's a problem. So yeah, I mean, I love how these emails, there are many podcasts
that get these kind of emails, but that's what we're here for.
Yeah, we're here to give you the best emails.
Is it Agony Uncle on calls? Because remember the Agony Aunt in the saw?
Aunt Judy.
So you could be Uncle Jodie.
Yeah. And Daddy Ash.
Yeah. If you do feel like giving us more information on it, then yeah.
That was from Jess. So thanks for your email as well. Is that our first email as well?
It was.
We should need a saw room when we have a first email.
Well, again, maybe that's for the part of the New Year's resolution. I do actually get
a soundboard. I think the easiest option, the way that we do the records now with these
microphones, the easiest option is probably going to be a little soundboard on the phone.
Just press the button.
Yeah, something like that.
Yeah. I don't know. We'll probably sort out a jingle for when we've got the email time
or something. Advice from two cunts. Yeah. I don't know. We'll say we need a day to sit
down, brainstorm some things and get something sorted out. Yeah. I think we've breached
over the hour. Yeah. Hopefully people are still listening. And if you have, as always,
you know what to do. Drop a log, share it, download it, subscribe if you're new. And
yeah, if you want to send in any emails like these, lovely people have already done. It's
realtalkingpod at gmail.com. All the links are in the description and that anyway. You
don't hear. You already know that. Yeah. Just say, just share it, share it off to all your
friends, your family, anyone that you think would enjoy listening to us. Just chat on
waffle on all the nonsense, all the advice, all the real talk. That's it, mate. Just,
just the realest podcast out there. Yeah. What's his name? Mark Goldbridge. Just fucking
just email us over. Just get him on. He's not too far from here as well. Yeah. I mean,
he's a sponsor us early or more. That's it. Just get him on. It's winding us up now. I
think it's winding us up. It's winding me off thinking about it. To be fair, if I send
him an email, I'd probably bug him. So leave it. Leave it. Happy new year to everyone as
well. And we'll shall see you next week. Bye bye. Peace.