I'm back in the woods, I'm back in the woods, I'm back in the woods
Living alone, I think of all the things I've known
When the dark came undone, nobody was home
I'm back myself, I'm back myself
Living alone, I think of all the things I've known
Hello there everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Real Talker Podcast with just me again, if you didn't realise already by the sad lonely music.
Now first things first, I do have to say if you do hear any crunching in the background, it's just the dog gnawing on the bone which seems to be the only way to get him away from me while I was trying to record for you lovely people back sitting here, walking, doing whatever you're doing while listening to me.
I'm on my own again, obviously the reason I'm on my own is because daddy actually is still being a parent, he has to get into the swing of things, it's taken too long if you ask me.
How long does it take to get into a routine of being a dad? I've been like 3 hours or something. But again, also for any of the YouTube watchers, I've not started supporting the wet look, I've just got out of the shower, it is Friday nights as usual.
It's been a long old week actually, Jesus. Just crafting hard all the time. It's the lead up to Christmas, it's always the same. Everyone wanting everything done before Christmas, there's never enough time.
Days in a week, hours in a day, all that jazz. So yeah, long week, literally finished late, quick shop, got the beers in, bought the dog, showered and now I'm sitting down finally.
I'm on my own, the missus is in here as well, so I literally am, all by myself, just me and the dog. So I will be treating myself tonight as well, have a cheeky takeaway, don't know what to have yet but I don't know, I can't just eat or whatever it'll be.
I'll probably let you know if I remember next week. But I think we all know what you're here for, you've seen the total of the episode already and I don't know if any of you know about it but it is, Aunt Bessie's pale aisles.
Now, I know what you're thinking, that sounds fucking vile. And for a lot of years, you won't be wrong, but I was in her city the other day and I just saw her.
So it's the brewery's northern monk and obviously the part of her dog we've Aunt Bessie, famously for Yorkshire puddings and stuffing and roast potatoes and all that. She's a good old dear is she?
Yeah, I saw her. I couldn't not pick them up to be honest but I tried two of them the other day and I should have saved them all to be fair for today but I was actually surprised. So let's just go over the flavours to start off with.
There's the apple crumble and custard, there was sticky toffee pudding and custard, jam rolly polly and custard and last but not least, roast dinner.
Now, of the two that I've had were the sticky toffee pudding and the jam rolly polly. Now, the first one that I did have was the jam rolly polly and surprisingly, it was actually nice.
Now, it was weird because you shouldn't be able to taste a Swiss roll jam or custard in a beer or a pailau to which it is.
But it worked, it's strange. Now, obviously I know it's not everyone's cup of tea or a pot of gravy, whatever it may be that you're into but it was just weirdly nice, a little bit moreish.
I wouldn't want to have too many to be honest, not because they're strong because they aren't that strong, only 4.5% but for any girls out there that's strong.
It was alright, I can't knock it. I'd say for a first time try it would be a 6.4 out of 10.
I wouldn't really go out of my way to get another one even though I probably will get another little mixed pack of these.
I mean to be fair, if I do like an individual one enough and I can find that as a full pack, I will end up buying them.
A little taste of my carding first though.
Oh, beers. I'll tell you what, it's so good having a nice beer at the end of a hard grafting week.
I'm actually having a weekend off for a change. Anyway, back to Aunt Bessie.
The second one that I did try was the sticky toffee pudding.
Now, I'm not the biggest fan of the toffee and the sticky toffee puddings so I think this is where it might deter my opinion of it.
But yeah, it wasn't for me. I drank it obviously because I'm not going to waste alcohol. I'm not that kind of person.
I'm not that kind of man.
It just tasted almost a little bit of burnt toffee for my liking.
But I'm sure any of you sweet teeth people out there would prefer that.
So the two that I have got left are the apple crumble and custard and the roast dinner.
So I thought while I'm here just chatting shit, I'd give a little taste test.
The next one I'm going to try is the apple crumble, aside from the roast dinner for last because every good honest British person loves a roast dinner.
And if you don't, you're a fucking ranger.
Now, I know times are different these days. A lot of my generation and then definitely younger don't even like tea.
Now, even our very own Ash doesn't love tea. Just shows he's not a grafter. He can't handle it.
Proper copper. But I think that all stems down to the Americanisation of things. Everyone loves coffee.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good cup of coffee.
I love the lattes, the Irish lattes, caramel. As and when I'm in the mood, I'll have a caramel latte.
But it has to be proper milk. Not only fucking almond bullshit and whatever.
Not milk anyway. Water.
So anyway, back to Aunt Bessie again.
I don't know how many times I'm going to say Aunt Bessie, but just bear with me on it.
Maybe someone wants to do a counter of how many times I do say Aunt Bessie.
Let me know in the chat. Send it in via email.
Realtalkinpod at gmail.com or tweet it, exit it, whatever the fuck it is.
Sliding those DMs at Ash and JD.
Or on the YouTube comments. Always drop it on there if you feel like it.
Anyway, yes. I know.
I'm trying not to build up the anticipation. I can't help but just keep talking.
Yeah, apple crumble. I'm not really a fan of apple crumble pudding in general anyway.
So this is definitely going to be experience.
Yeah, let's have a little sniff test first.
Yeah, it smells alright actually. But what it's really all about, the taste.
Surprisingly, it mainly just cost the taste.
Which I'm glad about because I'm not really an apple fan.
Not that there's anything wrong with apples. I've just really been into them.
I was always a bit of a, well not a bit, a really fussy eater as a child.
Something that stemmed from just sort of being a daddy's boy really.
Because dad's never been a massive eater of all sorts of different foods.
So I suppose I just tried copying him in some sense.
So I didn't really eat many veg apart from potatoes.
Because you know, all the rich and shit.
Never liked cheese unless it was melted on a pizza.
Because who doesn't love pizza?
Yeah, just not eggs as well. Never liked eggs.
And then it was sort of like from the age of 12-ish.
Just started trying things. I'm like, yeah, alright, I like you.
I do still try and push myself to try new things.
This year I am going to try, again, I've had them before in the past.
But I'm going to try cooking it my way now.
Because I am the chef of the house.
Because the missy's bless her, she tries.
But if I want a good meal, I have to cook it myself.
So yeah, Brussels sprouts.
I'm going to boil a little portion of those and bang some of them on the Christmas dinner.
Which speaking of Christmas dinners as well.
So you all know me. I do listen to Mark Goldbridge from the United Sand.
I was listening to one of his streams the other day.
Wasn't one of the Man United streams because, I mean, them ones have been depressing.
I'm not getting on to ranting about Man United again.
I'm not going to put you all through my misery again and again.
Week in, week out.
Because you all know what's going on.
And if you don't, you aren't football fans.
Which I appreciate. I wish I couldn't be sometimes.
But yeah, so I was listening to one of his streams while he was doing a watch along for another game.
And he got asked a question.
Yorkshire Punnings on Christmas dinner.
And he says, no, never done it, never will do.
I just found it so strange.
Don't get me wrong, Lord. Roast dinner in general on a Sunday.
Got to be done.
And I've got the Yorkshire Punnings down to where it's at.
Making my own.
Fair enough. From time to time I do be lazy essentially.
I'll get the ready made ones.
Be it the aren't best ones that you throw in the oven and now rolls up after the 15 minutes.
Or just the cheap as the ones that are a lot 50p.
You just throw them in for two minutes, heat them up, whatever it is.
Another little test. Aren't they better?
It is quite nice. I'm surprised.
Yeah, but make my own Yorkshire puddings from scratch.
If I've got one of the pictures on my phone, I'll try and remember to post it on YouTube as I'm talking about it right now.
They're banging. Love it.
But on a Christmas dinner, he was like, no, don't have them. Never have, never will do.
And I thought, why wouldn't you have the Yorkshire pudding or two or five?
On your Christmas dinner, why is that a thing?
I've not done any research to why it's not a thing, but I just found it so strange.
And any one of us since then as well, like John and that.
They said they always have Yorkshire puddings with the roast dinner.
So I don't know. Is it like a Southern thing, a Northern thing, a Midlands thing?
Where you're from, whether you have them or not.
I know for the Americans, Yorkshire puddings aren't really a thing.
Which I don't know why, because they're fucking amazing.
And if you don't know what a Yorkshire pudding is, the best thing to do is just have a little Google, check out some of the recipes.
It's basically a pancake recipe for you.
Muffin tin, bit of oil, bang it in the oven to preheat the oil on a high temperature, around 200 Celsius.
Pancake mixture, pour the tray out, fill it up, put it back in and they'll puff out.
And they're almost like a cup sort of shape when they come out.
And it's just a little vessel that you can put a bit of your meat, a bit of your mash, a bit of your stuffing and that in.
A little bit of veg if you're feeling fruity as well.
It just ships it into your mouth. It's just beautiful.
It's just one of the best things about a roast dinner.
And why you wouldn't have it with a Christmas dinner? I wouldn't know.
But it's just, it blew my mind when he came out of it. I don't know why he wouldn't do it.
So anyway, yeah, that's a Aunt Bessie.
I do quite like this apple crumble.
So I'll carry on. I'm not just going to down it right now.
I shall sip away and then once this one's done with,
I shall get on to the final roast dinner one.
I'm holding a lot of faith in for this.
I hope it is as good as I expected it to be.
But on the picture, see, so it doesn't say what roast dinner it's going to be.
But on the picture on the tin, which I don't want to fucking drop anything here.
So I'll show you the apple crumble one for the YouTube followers.
You got a little apple crumble and custard in a bowl.
And then on the, I'm not getting paid sponsorship money by Aunt Bessie for this, by the way.
I just thought it would be nice to share the love.
And so, yeah, on the roast dinner one,
a little roast dinner and also them tins.
So it looks like it's a chicken dinner, by the way.
I imagine it's just going to taste like gravy,
which is strange because while we were working before I'd found these,
I was actually talking about gravy beers, essentially,
because there was, so I'll start off from scratch, essentially,
while on the gravy and stuffy section and that in, or as is and whatever,
there are what looks like beer cans, but it's like a bone broth or a gravy in a can.
And so I'd seen a, I believe it was a TikTok video.
I don't know now. I didn't save it.
Sorry, thought it was funny and I moved on, as you do with TikTok.
So it was of a lady recording around the kitchen area or the living room area
of the scenes of empty cans of beers from what her husband or partner had drank the night before.
And then there was one of these gravy cans next to the stack of the beers.
So obviously got rather steaming, run out of his regular beers.
And obviously, oh, and as he's just reached into the fridge,
he's grabbed the gravy tin and he's drank it and fought nothing coffee.
So it was all laughter when he's realized that he's drunk gravy or bone broth, whatever it was.
So the conversation led on to a gravy or broth flavored beer.
Look, because I love Bavril.
Again, it's not really, well, I don't know if it's an American thing anyway,
but Bavril it's basically a beef stock.
Oxo cubes are the same as well.
But in sporting stadiums like football grounds, rugby grounds and that,
especially in this time of the year when it's cold weather, the winter,
it's served in a cup, usually a disposable one,
just a little bit of the Bavril cube, hot water.
And it's just a warm sensation, beefy little drink.
It's just so nice. It never lets you down.
Look, it's not like when I know a lot of people can't relate now,
especially if you're underage and you don't drink.
The amount of times I've been to a pub, ask for a pint of Carly, let's just say.
And then the lines haven't been cleaned or it's not a right pour.
And it just doesn't hit roast.
But with a Bavril, it doesn't matter what shop you bought it from,
where you're drinking it from, or whether you're at home, out in the shops,
well, you wouldn't be drinking it in the shops, you know, at a football ground.
It doesn't matter where you are.
It always tastes nice, makes you feel good.
It's just a heartwarming drink.
It just makes you feel nice and cosy.
I'm losing track of where I'm going to now.
Yeah, so because I've taken the Bavrils to work, cold weather,
ended up talking about it,
and then it was just strange to be walking along in the air as the oils
to see these Aunt Bessie's beers.
Just on the shop floor, just mad.
So I had to buy them.
I'm not going to walk past them.
Yeah, I'm quite enjoying this.
I know for people listening at home,
you're probably not enjoying me just sucking on a can and talking about beers.
But I don't know, you know what you come for.
It's just real talk, real experiences.
This is what you need in your life, just the realness, real taste.
Oh, yes.
Right, so I'll get on to something else for a little while now
while I'm just sucking on this apple crumble.
So even though it has been a busy week,
over the course of the last two, three weeks, roughly,
I've been watching a program on Netflix.
Now, many of you might have already watched it.
I don't know.
It's called Obliterated.
It is a great program, great action scenes in it.
It's not one of these ones that shows from showing a bit of blood
when someone gets shot and stabbed or whatever.
I actually recommended it to my mother
because there's a lot of dicks, big, massive cocks
for anyone that doesn't know what a dick is.
But a lot of nudity.
I'm not saying that my mother's a pervert or anything,
but if you're a woman, why wouldn't you like looking at cocks?
Again, there's a lot of tits in it, and if you're a man, you like looking at tits.
If you're one of the other ways, any of the LGBTQ plus selection,
then you'd enjoy it as well, seeing all the giblets that all these people have got.
Now, I didn't know what the program was about or anything at first.
It was just purely down to, as I saw the trailer as I went on to Netflix,
one of the main actors, Midnight.
I'd know him from another program, and I was like,
oh, yeah, let's have a whirl.
He's trimmed up so much as well.
He was always in decent shape, but he's just slimmed down, muscled up,
and got almost a Brad Pitt sort of star going on.
Post Angelina Jolie, I'd say, when he had the almost bob-length haircut.
But essentially, he's a good-looking man.
That wasn't why I was watching it.
It was just because I'd known him from another program.
Not that I don't appreciate a good-looking man.
I'm not saying that I'd do anything with any men, again.
But yeah, so it caught my eye anyway.
So I started watching it, and I'd say it is a good program.
I think there's eight episodes.
But in general, I suppose it doesn't help because I have watched loads of films,
programs and everything.
Simple.
But it does get a little bit predictable.
You can see what kind of twists and turns it's going to be.
But it is a good watch.
But there's one main thing that has got to me.
Now, obviously, I'm not going to spoil anything for anyone.
It's definitely, definitely go and watch it if you're into the action comedy
sorts of films, programs and whatever.
But one thing that always gets me is the amount of, not just this program,
but all films and these kinds of programs and that over the years,
any time someone gets shot in the head, be it point blank or sniper from hundreds
of meters away, it's always right in the middle of the forehead,
just above the eyes.
But no one can get it that accurate every single time.
And yet when this fucking headshot like that and then 30 seconds later,
someone's running and the car, a fucking look, a bomb post with a fucking nail
or whatever the sign is.
I don't know.
So it's been a long week.
But just because the people's running, even though said person with the gun
has just made a perfect 100 point headshot, but then now the other person's running
and you can't hit the target, but you can't even just clip their arm,
ping the leg or whatever, but you're just missing completely.
Always, always it's been a grove of mine.
Why is it always these writers and directors and that need to start sorting out?
Now, don't get me wrong, anytime I have seen a film or program that hasn't had
a direct dead center headshot, say it's just not gone above the eyebrow,
whatever, I do point it out because it's a bit of an OCD thing of mine.
And the missus, she puts up with me with that.
She'll acknowledge that I've noticed that it isn't directly in the middle of the head.
She'll give me a little nod of approval and then we'll go back to enjoying the program
or film, whatever it is.
But apart from that, it is definitely worth a watch.
Again, if we're doing out of 10s, I'd say a solid seven and a half out of 10.
You know, it wouldn't be one that I wouldn't want to watch again.
I would aptly put it on, you know, because I've watched it on my own.
I'm not alone all the time.
I know it seems like it.
The missus works away after a week.
Actually stays at home all the week, apart from when he's working,
because he has to own one.
I've always got the dog.
I'm never that lonely.
But yeah, so let's say I've watched the program on my own.
So if the missus wanted to watch it, I'd actually sit here and watch it again with her.
Yeah, wouldn't turn it down.
So yeah, I think that's all I need to say about that.
Yeah, it's all right.
I did actually make some notes for a change.
Yeah, great action, loads of nudity, which it's always a bonus, isn't it?
And yeah, the headshots.
So I think now, there's time to actually just down the rest of this apple crumble.
It's almost empty anyway.
So bear with me a second, please.
Oh, lovely. Absolutely lovely.
Honestly, I'm surprised because I'm not an Apple crumble fan.
So yeah, it's nice.
A lot better than the sticky toffee pudding one.
The sound.
Well, a lot of things I'm still not a fan of.
Now is the moment that you definitely will be waiting for now.
Roasting it.
I can't really smell anything on it.
This one's a brown ale as opposed to the others being pile aisles.
It's going to have to go for it or not.
Mm. Doesn't taste like a roast dinner.
I don't know what it tastes like, but I can't taste gravy.
I can't taste roast potatoes.
I'm disappointed. I can't believe it.
I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have waited for it.
So surprisingly, the roast dinner is the failure.
Now it's better than the sticky toffee pudding.
I can.
I think I can kind of taste parsnips, but slightly burnt, not completely,
but roasted parsnips.
But there's not much difference from a normal brown ale.
There's not much flavour, really.
Again, I don't mean to sound like a sewer of alcohol.
I'm not a raven, if you said. I do promise.
Only on the weekends.
Excuse me.
I don't know what happens. It's the whole effect of drinking.
Don't do drugs, kids.
Kind of tastes like hobgoblin, which is another brown ale.
I've never been a fan of that, either.
I had it as a Christmas gift years ago, when I was 16 or 17, actually.
So I shouldn't have had it as a Christmas gift.
I'm still going to drink it, though, as I said. Man.
Oh.
Right, so that leads me on to emails, anyway, which again, as a reminder,
realtalkingpodcast at gmail.com, at Ash and JD on X, Twitter.
You all know the score, anyway. Anything you want to ask questions,
give us stories, just chat shit in general, whatever you want to do.
Fingered over. I've got all the time that I can give to yous, because not in the world.
I do have to work for a living.
Now, normally, I don't have enough time, or I forget to check the emails beforehand.
And plus, I like to, when it is me and my co-host, Ashley,
I do like to get an instant reaction, so I read it at the same time
that he's hearing it for the first time, and then it's an honest review.
I did have a quick look the other day, and we've got Lauren and James,
who emailed us last week.
So James has asked, well, sorry.
Firstly, let's get on to, so James asked about the OnlyFans.
Do I follow any of the OnlyFans or anything?
I made notes about it. I didn't want to switch between the two emails
to try and make it easier, and then I'm still fucking it up anyway.
So I don't know what I bother sometimes.
So firstly, he says he knows all the porn sites, because I gave him
a recommendation of what to do that gives him the links for all the sites.
Sorry, yeah, because he asked me what OnlyFans I subscribe to,
which the answer was none, because I don't, you know, we're all skins, basically.
So I can't afford to pay some other slapper to send pictures of the tits or whatever.
When it's all free on the internet, that's a point.
Just Google it, Porn Orb and all that jazz, any fucking,
you all know the sites, I don't know why I'm telling you.
But yeah, so he was like, I already know all the porn sites,
but OnlyFans is better because it's more personal.
So without going on to it and reading it all again,
I believe he says that you can interact with them,
speak with them, text messages or whatever,
and then slowly into the DMs or something. I don't know.
I sound like I'm a fucking old man sometimes,
which some years I might be an old man, but I'm only 34.
I don't know. It's just, it's well below, not well below,
but it's below my generation, plus because I've been with the Misses
for nine years-ish, it's nothing I've ever been into,
as we've said on previous podcasts and that.
I never really got onto the Tinder.
Tinder was just about starting out, I think, as I got with the Misses.
I was on plenty of fish, Puff, some people know it.
I don't even know what all the ones are around now.
I'm sure there's countless of them at the moment now,
Tinder, Grindr, Fucking, Bombalore or something.
I don't know. I really don't know.
So, again, I'm losing track.
So OnlyFans, that's, I suppose it is different for,
again, we've gone over it on previous podcasts.
There was, I was out on a night out, stag do, whatever it was,
and there was a younger lady that just shoved the phone in my face,
showing a video of her deep throat on a dildo.
I was like, yeah, sound, that's lovely.
Well, I don't know what she was expecting.
You know, I was tapping on the wedding ring saying,
no, I'm a rock babb-tar, you know,
following some of the participating,
willing participants to show the video to and do that activity with.
Yeah, I think it's a generational thing where the OnlyFans is,
I'm not saying it's not acceptable,
but it's more appreciated with younger generations, I assume.
Then again, I imagine there's a lot of people my age and older
that do thrive off of it.
And as I've said before, fair play to these ladies.
Well, no men do it as well.
Fair play to these people that make a living of it,
because there's money there to be made, make it.
I suppose if I could do it, put an effort into it, maybe.
I don't know.
I mean, I should put more effort into these podcasts, really,
but I don't have enough time,
which I apologise to all you folks for.
I'd love to put more effort into these,
but I have to work for a living, I have to earn some monies.
Another beer teeth.
No, it's just not getting right.
Yeah, OnlyFans, not for me.
I'll just stick to the free stuff.
But you should have...
Sorry, I've got a fucking hair on my tongue now.
Oh, God.
See, real things all the time.
This is what you're here for.
Can't handle the realness.
Ah!
So, yeah, James, you, I would say,
I would ask your recommendations for the OnlyFans,
but I don't know...
I wouldn't know what to do with them,
plus I wouldn't pay too tall, is that not?
Irish.
But anyway, outside...
Oh, God, I don't know, I've got some shit.
So, outside of that part of his email,
he's asked if I've got any kids,
as I say, leads on to what Lauren was asking.
So, to James, no, I haven't got any kids yet.
And then Lauren asked,
when am I going to have kids?
And thought on any names.
So, with me, as I say, no, no kids.
Just the dog.
He's the second dog.
Old one, cheap-ass.
Obviously, before I got him.
Well, it's not obvious, but before I got him,
cheap-ass.
A couple months before I got married.
And then I could have got another dog straight away,
but the missus says, no,
why do you still have to do the wedding?
Blah, blah, blah, all that shit.
So, yeah, no kids at the moment.
So, I'm 34.
The missus, three-year-old, younger than me,
she's recently just turned 31.
So, in general, it's just as and when the missus says.
I mean, I'm ready, but I'll say I'm ready.
Can you ever be ready?
I don't know.
We'll ask this question when Ash finally gets back
onto the podcast.
God, take it forever.
But, yeah, for me, I'm easy-going.
When it happens, it happens.
I ain't bothered.
The main thing is waiting for the missus to be ready, really.
Now, it's a conversation that I've had a lot of times
with mom and dads.
Like, when are you going to have kids and blah, blah.
The main one that pisses me off is when you're going to start
a family.
Now, for me, the family's already started.
So, being with the missus is a family.
With my old dog, we was a family.
With this one, little Shiro, he's not little.
But he is.
He's fucking tiny for a man of moose.
Fucking, he's small.
But, yeah, so having pets in general, that's a family.
You don't need to have children to be a family.
And this is what I try saying to anyone that does ask me
the question, when are you going to start a family?
I've already got a family.
I have.
And it's not just about having the children.
Obviously, there's brothers and sisters and all that.
I'm one of seven.
Dad was one of seven.
Mom's a tween.
One of three.
So, yeah, family's already done.
I don't need to start a family because I'm in a family.
I've got my own family.
We are all a family.
And I'd love to see all of you lovely people listening as well,
all watching as family.
I think we need a nickname for you, don't we?
Well, I suppose the obvious one is the real talkers, the realists,
the RTs.
Nah, because that sounds bad, actually.
People have been calling you as the retards or something.
Yeah, the real talkers, I think.
I don't know.
Let us know.
Send in your suggestions for your nicknames.
You know, like the Swifties.
Obviously, you can't be the Swifties.
That's already been taken.
The Leeds or whatever.
Again, Leeds is taken.
But, yeah, give us your suggestions for your nicknames.
So then, yeah, back onto Lauren's email.
Otherwise, do we just go off on the tangent?
So answer to when I'm having kids.
Yeah, whenever the MC says, without kids, without kids.
You know, I'm all up for trolling anywhere.
You know, I'm never going to say no to that.
And then she's asked, thoughts of any names?
Yeah, this Aunt Bessie's roast dinner isn't the best.
So, I mean, to be fair, I've always thought of names since I was in school.
To be fair.
I've brushed names against the Mrs.
every now and again, whenever we spoke about children.
Always one name that I was keen on when I was younger was Jessica.
Just because the initials would still be JD.
And then for a boy, it was, so I was going to be called Jason.
So mom wanted to call me Jason.
Dad decided it was going to be Jamie.
And for any of you that don't know, it's spelt weird.
And it's not even spelt Irish.
It's not Mexican, basically.
So it's J-A-I-M-E instead of the J-A-M-I-E.
So with Mexican, it's Jaime.
It is also in the French language.
So if you were to say your name in French, it's J-A-M-E.
And the start of J-A-M-E, you use J-A-I-M-E.
There's some funny characters in there as well.
But anyone that does speak French, you'd already know that.
But dad's reasoning behind that was apparently he has a cousin that spells it that way.
It's the Irish way.
But then when you ask anyone else in the family, he hasn't even got a cousin.
Well, they haven't got a cousin called Jaime, let alone know anyone that spells it that way.
But there is enough people out there, because as you do, you always Google yourself.
Or Google your name anyway.
And there is a lot of people out there that spell it my way.
I don't know whether they're male or female or anything in between.
But yeah, it's not common, but it's out there.
It actually did get me thinking though.
Sorry, I'm all over the place as always.
So even though I've got no kids and waiting on the missus,
it got me thinking about a couple of little fucking stories, really.
So first story, there was a lady, an ex-partner of mine that I was with.
And I wasn't with her for a long time, to be fair.
Well, I wasn't with her for a long time, up to this conversation.
So everything was going fine.
I thought it was alright.
I wasn't saying at the time that I felt like I was going to be with her forever,
because it was still pretty early doors.
But I don't know, conversation came up from her saying that next year we'll have kids.
And I said, no.
At that point, I definitely wasn't pretty for children.
Because I've always been a bit old fashioned, like wanting to get settled down first, married,
house, then have kids.
But she was like, no, I'm going to have a baby next year.
And I just nipped it straight in the bud.
Says, well, if you're going to have a baby next year, it's not going to be with me.
And that was it. Ended it.
Quite amicable, to be fair.
I suppose it probably could have been put a little bit politer on my end.
But at the end of the day, I wasn't ready.
And it would have been unfair for me to have gone into that situation and provided a baby that I wasn't ready for.
Because it's just not fair.
You've got to be mature enough and capable of looking after a child, a small person, a tiny mini me.
I wasn't there. I wasn't ready for it.
No, I mean, as I'm talking about 15 years ago, maybe.
Probably not as long, but between 10, 15 years ago.
I don't know exactly.
I could just about look after myself, just about afford my own personal bills.
Wouldn't have been able to afford to bring a life into this world.
And it also got me thinking of another time of an almost.
So again, me back in the day, I just all know, Top Shagger.
There was a, I can't even remember how I started speaking to this lady.
I really don't know.
Ah, yeah, friend of a friend. That's how it was, I think.
I don't know.
Anyway, lady I was speaking to, she was living in Stoke.
I'm assuming she said this to be honest, I don't know what it says.
Yeah, lived in Stoke.
Go over there on a weekend or whatever.
Yeah, just hang out, do what you do.
Went on at least one, I think there might have been two.
Just little caravan holidays, nothing special.
Not that caravan holidays aren't special.
I love them older. Can't beat them.
Tiger Club.
Pontians for anyone that doesn't know.
So yeah, there was one time in particular when we was making love.
Doing the deed.
Banging the law at that.
And at the end of it, fucking, as I've finished, well obviously she's finished as well.
I'm not selfish like that.
Always got to give first before you get your own.
And yeah, as I've finished anyway, I've noticed that the condom, because always save sex.
Gotta fucking protect yourself and the person that you're having the coitus with.
Well yeah, I've noticed that the condom had split.
So obviously I'd finished dinner.
I fucking panicked.
I didn't rush to get out of there, but I got out of there as quick as I could.
And it wasn't because of that, but essentially didn't speak to her for a little while.
Literally was like three months later or something.
Phone call out of the blue.
And my heart sank as soon as her fucking name come up on my phone.
I just shit myself. I had to sit down before answering the phone.
I was thinking the worst. I was thinking she was going to tell me she's pregnant.
Obviously it would have been mine.
But fortunately it wasn't the case.
It was just to have a catch up and see what was going on and all that.
So yeah, I think that was the only near miss.
I say near miss, you know.
Well, I suppose it can just happen easily.
In general, a lot of them aren't planned.
But I was never one that wanted to be on Jeremy Coyle.
So yeah, I think I fucking rattled on long enough.
Well, just me and myself and all.
The dog is looking for something now as well.
He's finished chewing on his bone for a little bit.
I had a lot of mess again.
Yes, I'm talking about you, mate.
That is my son. He's definitely wanting some actual food now.
So on that bombshell, which isn't a bombshell.
Aunt Bessie's roasting a brown ale.
One final test.
Still not there, isn't it?
So I'm going to finish this.
Aunt Bessie's jam roll-de-poly, yes.
Apple crumble, yes.
Sticky toffee pudding, no.
And roasting, no.
If you've got any recommendations of other strange beers, ales or whatever, let me know.
I want to try them all.
Again, I know I'm sounding like a fucking raving alcoholic.
It's Friday.
You've got to have a little drink on a Friday, Saturday and a Sunday.
I do like to have a drink while I'm cooking a Sunday roast.
It's a nice Sunday routine, that is, to be fair.
But yes, if you've got any recommendations, let me know.
I'm all ears. Well, ales, ales, because I'll be fucking reading you.
Don't let it be anything stupefuly expensive.
I don't want to be like that mixy, mixy guy that does all those random shots, cocktails and whatever.
If you've just got a general, strange beer that can be easily accessible in as the...
I'm sorry, I'm a little bit gassy now.
These fucking Aunt Bessie's getting to me.
So, yeah, if I can pick up a hot to shelf in a general shop or it's not too expensive to order online, let me know.
I'll happily buy some and try them out for you.
Could be a new little feature for you, if that's what you're into.
JD's taste tests.
Otherwise, if you've got anything else that you want us to do, foods, yeah, let me know.
Otherwise, we're going to go back to the festivals and shit, aren't we, really?
Not that I don't enjoy doing that.
None of you have said that you don't like them.
I need to wrap it up.
I'm hungry, I'm tired, it's been a long week.
In a sec, the dog's mooching around.
He's looking...
I don't know, he's looking for food somewhere where there's no food.
He's going to start getting the Missy's Bull or something now.
I don't know.
Anyway, as always, hope you enjoyed.
Don't forget to log, share, subscribe, download, all that jazz.
Use note, score.
Peace.