Hello everyone and welcome to the Real Talking Podcast with your host Jay Deek and me Ashleigh.
Well for the listeners at home that's going to be weird.
That's a special one.
Yeah, yeah, and it was a fucking backwards for them, the OCD people out there.
But it's Ashleigh and Jay Deek.
He's just fucking meadow.
Some of them are always the same sign.
The first couple of episodes we did do that.
We swapped in the screen.
We alternated and then something that I think I might bring back at some point is doing
the singing intros.
To be.
Yeah, because some of those were fucking funny back in the day.
It's like back in the day, months ago.
Back in the day.
During the war.
Like that scrubs.
You always remember that scrubs song.
That's what the intros always remind me of.
Yeah, scrubs are so out there.
Yeah, so for everyone, it is the week after, but for all of us, it's back to back.
So the YouTube watchers log out last week.
We are still in my place.
My fault again, because I'm going away next week.
So while you're watching and listening to this, I'm away having a hopefully a good time.
Excuse me throwing stuff at the moment as well.
The dogs fucking just getting some extra treats and trying to not have them in the way.
Yeah, so anyone that has emailed from the last show to this show, don't worry.
It's obviously because you haven't said the emails yet as of the recording.
Yeah, so we will read them.
We'll read them on next week's as you listen to it.
Yeah.
So yeah, just sit back, relax and let us be music to your ears.
Do a radio voice, actually.
Do your best radio voice.
All I've got is the DJ voice of the ad now.
So you're listening to the Real Talking Podcast with Ash and JD.
Sit back, relax, these smooth jams.
You know when you were speaking about that, you know what comes to mind, emotional fear,
and voice silly, which was probably, you know, when we're done the playlist, we're
going to move your playlist.
I would put voice silly emotional fear is the greatest playlist ever.
Now, I know people are like, listen to this one.
Yeah, emotional fear with Fernando.
Fernando, real ones for the Real Podcast.
Yeah, for a game, it was the best fucking playlist.
Oh, and good song.
We're talking about this Saturday because they've just announced that they're going
to drop information for GTA 6.
Yeah, I've seen a couple of old screen grabs, still pictures and that, and obviously the
graphics look great.
I think it's meant to be like all the previous maps as one whole one.
So I've heard that, but I've previously heard as well.
So voice silly Miami with Las Vegas and San Francisco.
So it's like three cities.
Well, I've heard the same.
It's the previous cities, old cities.
Yeah, they're all together.
Have you seen there's a game coming out?
I don't know if it was fake or anything could end, which is like a GTA version of London,
but you know, I only saw something about that this morning, whether it's actually in production
or or it being made or something.
I don't know.
The getaway isn't it?
It was a bit like GTA.
Yeah.
And was it taxi driver as well?
Was it?
Driver.
Yeah.
Sorry, the dogs just fucking being a little bit.
There's after some treats.
Yeah.
But yeah, the playlist again, we grew up with some good playlists on songs.
Remember the Nipah Speed ones?
Yeah, Tony Hawk as well.
Tony Hawk had some good ones.
And Thief a lot of Thief.
Yeah, old school Thief.
Yeah, but otherwise, I know we've said it before.
I remember just playing Boise City and just just driving around listening to emotional
FM.
Do you remember when I had a good fucking playlist, even though it was four fucking songs?
Does anyone remember a website called Soul Cool?
Was that the fucking the chat room?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you'd create your little avatar and you had five songs.
I remember Dora La Di People, Kanye West was one of them.
Yeah, it was.
And you could invite them to your house.
I think there was a Nickelback song or something that was like Nickelback anyway.
I was here and I know someone like that.
You see, it went to another number.
Like they're an ever-nonsense song on there or something.
Yeah, you know, I'd have to fucking Google it and get the fucking list of that bangers.
But also a few paedophiles in there.
Let's get this right because there used to be you could go and cam and used to see
third year old men wanking on cam.
You know, and falling in your old girls getting the tits out all in the same chat room.
Yeah.
And just for a bit of context, it was when we was like 15.
Oh, yeah.
That we was on this little chat room thing.
Question.
If you ever go to your dick out on webcam.
No.
I thought you would.
You know what I thought you would have?
No.
Right, so little story told now then.
I got catfished fucking hard on MSN back in the day.
So I imagine you remember it back when MSN was a thing for me at the proper old school
desk top computer, a shitty log Argos, but computer standard with the slide.
Yeah.
You had your keyboard and the mouse on, you know, the screen off.
And I didn't have like a normal computer chair.
I had old school, blue, see through, blow up chair.
So, you know, you can already fucking just hear the squeaks of the moving back and forth
getting on enough and that love fucking it was awkward.
I remember because again, it was stuff like that.
So calling that just random chat rooms.
I remember speaking to this bird.
Well, young lady, same age of me at the time, you know, fucking 15, whatever it was.
And on the picture, fucking little darling, any log, you know, obviously, I don't want
to say fucking noncy with any of these coming out.
It was of the same age.
Yeah.
15 year old me fucking.
You sort of a 15 year old at the time was.
So yeah, fucking a lot with MSN.
You could do like voice notes on there.
There was like camera mode and that as well.
And then look, if you was online and you saw the other person was online, you could go
off and on again.
And it would look ping up with another cashier saying that Jamie is online.
Fuck you wouldn't say it on that.
It just pop up.
So you do that if you wanted someone to fucking get the attention of someone to start speaking
to you, not that I was a big log back then, but you know, it was a thing.
But yeah, anyway, I started speaking to this girl fucking through whatever fucking chat
room, ASL fucking that old school, any age, sex, location.
Sorry, I wonder chat rooms are still a thing.
It's going to be like I've grown and he was so sure.
Yeah.
Go on.
So yeah, started speaking to this girl and she only just had the profile picture on
her phone.
She'd never fucking go on the camera.
Anything.
And to be fair, it felt like fucking months.
I was probably only speaking to her for three weeks or something.
And then finally she's fucking gone onto the camera and an absolute state fucking, like
10 dress sizes bigger than the girl that was on the profile picture.
Fucking obviously nothing longer fucking boat race all over the place.
I mean, what do they expect it's going to happen when that like literally, I remember
just like laughing a bit and then fucking just just cutting it off, like just signing
off the whole computer.
Yeah.
Fuck you.
Just just completely warped that one off of the fucking grid.
Absolutely.
Render.
Fortunately, it was before I was drinking and that so I was probably would have still
went there back in the day.
I was in a sale of 19 year old, 20 year old J.A.
Yeah.
Wouldn't have fallen about it.
No.
What a turn did my actually probably would have the challenge time the beast.
A lot of them weren't challenges though.
You know, we'll be honest.
You know, don't rung.
There weren't all months that I fucking was with and I don't say to be nasty or anything.
It was just I went for the a lot of the 12 and one o'clockers.
The 10s of threes.
Very rarely the fucking the three and four o'clockers.
You know, because normally I'd pulled before them.
I mean, I do love the 10s of threes.
I mean, 10, 10 to three girls are I literally literally if you haven't if you see lads, 10
like obviously clubs, clubs are free.
10 to three.
So I was pulled the guy after the mingas, they got 10 minutes to work up 10 to three.
Yeah.
So yeah, not often busy guys anyway.
Yeah.
Fucking good old guys.
J.A. is just my I can't.
I can't imagine now going clubbing three o'clock trying to pull.
No.
Oh my God.
Just give me some food.
Yeah.
Come get me just fucking.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not gonna be here until 10 o'clock.
I'd be ready to go home anyway.
You know, fucking I was at the pub last weekend and literally I struggled fucking 10 o'clock
to still be out and then fair enough got back home and I still had another beer and chatting
with my mate and that little boy.
Yeah.
It was fucking hard.
Didn't have to think about it.
You need prep now.
Yeah.
Prep for is before Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Well, it was routine.
When we was doing that all the time, because we knew.
Yeah, first I would go for a couple of drinks, Friday would go in out, Saturday would go
in out, Sunday we're gonna have a couple of drinks, couple of games, a snook and whatever.
It was just the routine money.
Yeah.
Not these days.
I don't know if we used to afford it, man.
Fucking hell.
Yeah.
And you think we weren't on any gear or anything, either.
All these people are fucking on the sniff and that fucking cocaine.
I don't know how to do it, man.
Fucking hell.
Not for me, mate.
Just stick with me, Bev's or Desperado's.
So yeah, not anything that I was thinking we was gonna talk about, but never any arm
in a bit of little trip down memory line is that?
No.
Well, sorry.
You got some.
No, no, no, you carry on.
Sorry.
Yeah.
So something that is a little bit of a trip down memory line, which you'll realize the
link in a minute, you know, little swag way.
So I saw, I don't know if it was lad Barber or something, but I saw an article the other
day of goats having regional accents.
So in general, everyone knows that different areas have got different accents.
You've got your bromies, your scouts and this and that.
And again, for the American listeners, you know, you Texas and fucking New York, your
Boston's and all that, they've all got different accents.
Yeah.
Alabama's as well, because they're not.
Yeah.
So they're all in the cities and fucking all that jazz.
So yeah, but I saw this, I had to fucking laugh.
So yeah, just madness in general that, so they've done the studies, you know, so goats
between the different farms and different regions and that have got a different dialect,
the sound different, so different pitches and the way that they do the fucking the noise
is it's different from where they are based.
And so it reminded me when it was a one of the times we was after like, yeah, I'm a four
something.
And one of the lads bought up, you think cows have different accents.
And it was something like 20 minutes.
We're all doing like a scarce cow and this and that look new.
No, but that just for ages, we're just moving in different accents.
But that comedian, there was a comedian, I think his name was Lee Mack.
That done that joke about cows having different accents like, well, that must have been after
we've done that.
Yeah, it's got a big member.
This was like fucking 12 years ago, which when we done that.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know if the geezer heard like watched him and the breeding watchable ever
but I mean, because he done the joke was like, like, like millions cows going and then a
scarce, a scarce cow going.
But literally, this is what we was doing just in the car driving fucking off to holiday
for a little carrot cheek, cheeky caravan holiday.
You know, talking of accents, I've seen somewhere that obviously accents are disappearing.
So, so for instance, you know, you cut me your way, or you always have a lawyer that
accents disappearing.
It's more turning to more of a sovereign.
So it was it was called a certain it weren't cut me, but it's called something.
So basically, it's losing it because basically what's what's happening is you you're not
picking up now is where me and you was we was growing up and people was only growing
up with accents of people around you.
So you see just, you know, you you've done in the TV, you heard something different.
But now I've seen, you know, a lot of people are moving different areas.
All these cities are so diverse with not just people from different cities, it's, you know,
all the different cultures of, you know, you, you Romanians, you Polish and everything
going every, everyone everywhere.
Yeah, I remember fucking Scotland and a Pakistani taxi driver with a full on thick glass of
age and accents and that and you just don't expect that.
But yeah, I can see being a thing actually though, yeah, because everything is so diverse.
You know, times are changing.
And now because kids on the phones more and obviously I mean, kids are probably on their
iPads from three and they're listening to a various of accents.
Well, again, yeah, the YouTube culture, the American's and all that.
So apparently like you, you know, your region dial dialect is changing.
So it's a good thing for a few areas.
I mean, I mean, I don't know how you feel about your accent.
Again, I don't know if I've said it on the podcast before, but I do think a lot about
how I try and pronounce words just purely on the basis that the Brummi accent is shit.
And I don't want to talk slow and stupid, not sound stupid.
Anyway, which a lot of brummies do and especially the yam yams and good loads.
Just one of my peaves where people get mixed up with the Black Country accents.
I mean, just the even type stuff backwards.
I'm what?
Yeah, yeah, more, it's like, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's hard to put and say, yeah,
I'm is it draws anyway.
Yeah.
So we won't get down that route.
The Black Country accent.
But I used to have the period of time that I'd be spending over at my dad's wine when
I was living there and that lot, but the Arbacher and that.
And so I took duck and I got so sick and tired of being called duck and like, are you okay
duck?
Essentially was what they're asking.
I'm like, yeah, quacking, mate.
Because I'm not a duck.
But fucking just call me.
Well, again, I suppose people might think the same.
My main go to his log or art mates or art buds are still say Babelart, which what we're
seeing as the relative to the females out there.
But you know, it's fucking better than getting called a con, Danny.
But yeah, it's just, yeah, yum yum's and all that.
Just fucking get it in the bin.
Here's a question for her.
Is anyone for you had a different accent?
So we're from me once with someone said, Oh, do you know who's from Birmingham?
You've had to tell him you're from Birmingham to them real eyes.
No, I've had it where so we've made me to uncle's work and together all the time, but
I've picked up the phone and they've thought that I was yeah, like either Chris or John.
But I suppose that's just pure because we're together all the time.
We're going to speak quite similar with how we say things and that anyway.
And then again, well, to be fair, Chris is brought me accent.
It's still there a little bit, but you know, he's lived over Worcester Bay and at the 30
years ish.
So it's not, it's not like ours.
I do have some comments saying that they can tell him a Bromie, but it's not as thick as
most of us, which again, I'll do just say it's because I think about what I'm saying.
I don't want to sound like a retard.
But I was no, I imagine you've been to the States a couple of times.
I imagine you've had it where they just see you as lockdown to now be or something.
Yeah.
So a lot of people when I'm out of the UK, I think Australia, when we were in California,
this thing used from Australia.
No, you know, now that you said that, I suppose it could be seen quite easily with the Bromie
twang block, almost look good day.
Yeah.
Almost a fucking, you know, barbecue.
Yeah.
I suppose it does kind of make sense.
At least it does in my head a little bit for Australia.
Yeah.
People are going to be like, I'll put the fucking one.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, but I tell you what the other one I have is, um, it's from Australia.
And when I went to Amsterdam to actually drive, I picked us up because we didn't want to get
the trams all over.
And, uh, no, it was just one of them.
And, uh, it jumped in the car.
It was like, and, uh, it was like, oh, and Birmingham was like, yeah, it's, you know,
he's like, it's so heavy.
It's so heavy.
Like, why, why?
I was like, I don't know.
I'm like trying.
I don't know.
I mean,
the best one was, uh, when I was in Poland, my brother's wedding the other month.
And, uh, I know all fucking around Europe straightaway, but I popped into the shop and
I, I know you're still there listening.
Um, but yeah, walked in, got myself a bottle of water, uh, because I wasn't getting it
out of the mini bar.
Um, but yeah, got straightaway thought, oh my God, I love your accent.
I could listen to you all day.
And straightaway I was like, well, funny you should say that we have a podcast.
So I promoted us.
Like all of you should be doing back at home.
Uh, don't forget to like, share, subscribe and download.
Um, we do appreciate it.
Uh, but yeah, fucking that, that would be the best compliment about my accent.
Uh, because you don't, I know people at home are sitting there listening to us in any way
in general, but you don't expect people to want to listen purely because of our accents.
Um, so yeah, it's nice to know that people do like us.
So there is another question.
Has anyone thought you was different nationality before looking at you?
So they've said the four you was, but then you've had to go on a British or when you've
talked they've said, oh, you know, you're from England.
Uh, well, no, it's, it's like, I mean, just being like ginger in general, though, they
sort of know that there's the Celtic, uh, Scottish and Irish in me, which there is.
Um, Blue Wards now.
No one's ever looked at me and thought, oh, is he Scandinavian or something?
Cause I've just got nine of them looks.
Um, yeah.
I mean, again, when I do have the hair fucking braided up and whatever, or bold and soil.
Um, I mean, again, yeah, it's just the Celtic look, the fucking, yeah, I've not been, not
been confused for more Nigerian heritage right now.
You know the one that gets me, people speak to me in Italian.
Well, because you've got the olive skin though.
What?
It happens all the time.
And like they're speaking, it's like, even a, going back to Amsterdam, a woman came up
to me speaking French and I'm like, I don't know what he's saying.
Oh, English.
Yeah.
Look, look, I don't know why it's the olive skin.
That's all it is.
But I get it's telling a lot.
I mean, yeah, when was in Cyprus?
Um, I remember this geezer come up to me.
Uh, they said like, I mean, he spoke to me like a few senses in Italian, I don't know
what you mean.
And he's like, Italian.
No, no.
And I was like, no, no.
He's like, oh, I'm like, look, the hand, the hand's question's never a thing.
I was just like, it was like, where are you from?
I was like, you can't.
And he's like, hi, yeah.
And he said something to his misses.
And it was like, wait, wait, where do you think he from?
But like, well, a lot of it is all the hand gestures.
Um, I think it's like the tip top video, this woman and she winds up a Italian boyfriend
all the time.
Um, like there was one of them.
She fucking, uh, with a pizza.
She was, uh, rolling it off.
And he was like, no, you can't do that.
You're looking, you're going to do this and that spaghetti.
She was cutting spaghetti while eating it.
And he's like, no, no, what are you doing?
Like ready to fucking chin her up.
They're like so passionate and violent at the same time.
Yeah.
The Italians, the Greeks and all that, they really are the very, I mean, I would do it
quite a lot to be fair.
Um, I think it's quite an old fashioned thing as well to be expressive with your hand while
talking.
I suppose the youth don't really understand about it these days because just the hands
are always occupied by the phones and the trials that they hold on the board.
You get me, bro.
See, I know sometimes I'll be sitting at home and I'll fucking, I'll have me hands
like under me fucking me pyjamas or my shorts or whatever.
But I'm not fucking playing with my balls.
Uh, I'll just, just be fucking, I'll just, just hand on the leg.
I'll just touch and skin.
Um, but again, look, so, so don't fucking play with me balls all the time.
But, uh, you know, if you got itchy bollocks.
You did a little pinch and twist.
Don't physically fucking scratch your bollocks now.
Do you?
I kind of like grab me from underneath and pull it even if it's an itch.
I kind of just like, if you got no connection, handle, whatever you physically nails on,
right, you don't do that with your body.
So yeah, it's almost like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's mad at it.
Well, fucking how that's just a universal male thing.
But I'm doing a lot talking about it.
It's your bollocks now.
I can't say anything, but, um, yeah, it's just all men fucking know how to fucking do
that.
Like it's just accepted.
Um, I mean, I don't fucking do it, but a common one is when the fucking, uh, scratching their
ass and sniffing the fingers.
I think it's fucking ball that is, but I know fucking in general, it's not known out of
10 fucking blokes do that again with scratching sniff with the balls as well.
And it's just, oh God, like if you sniffing, you've got a doubt in your head.
So like, don't do it.
It's fucking weird.
I've even seen fucking people.
Well, I'll fucking scratch a bit of wax out of me every time, Tom, if I have to, but,
uh, scratch it and then look at it and then fucking licky.
And again, fucking nose pickers.
Again, obviously with the, the line of work I do fucking on the tools, brick, sword or
something like that.
I pick my nose a lot, but I don't fucking look at it and then fucking eat it.
It's absolutely disgusting.
I know talking about that.
I'm sorry to go cringe.
I know there's bear lads on this, on this now that's tasted the wrong cup.
I swear to God, I swear to God, I know some of you's out there.
I can know about three of my mates have done it and I'm going to say the name, but I don't
know if we'll fact three of them have done it.
Daniel's definitely done it.
We got a couple of Daniel mates probably fucking all brave and to be fair.
But yeah, no, 100% no, sniff the God, not for me.
Not more cup of tea.
No, no, not saying there's fucking anything wrong with the partners doing it all, but
yeah, you don't, you don't taste your own serum there.
But yeah, so back to the nose picking.
It's, it's good for kids to pick the nose and eat the bogies because lots of obviously
it's not build up.
It stops bacteria, germs and whatever good going in.
So as the pick the nose and eat the bogies, it helps build up the immune system.
So I've been saying this for years.
This is part of the reason why all the kids these days have got fucking allergies, fucking
everything fucking wrong with them under the sun because everything's too clean now.
I mean, I know you're going to start doing it fucking soon enough anyway, where everything's
going to be fucking sterilized and fucking X, Y and Z.
But show me a person that show me a 55 year old who's got a nut allergy, but no one's
fucking in general over our age, it's very rare for someone to have a proper allergy
block that yes, in general, some people have allergies law, but all these kids now are
fucking allergic to fucking everything.
It's the high fever one, I guess may mind high fever can come fucking out of the blue
or get it.
I thought I was getting a couple of years ago, so it can just come out of nowhere.
But the, but all the fucking lot.
The celiacs gluten fucking allergies and fucking, yeah, as I know, allergies and whatever,
fucking, it was never a thing when we was a kid.
I know in primary and secondary school, I don't ever remember a kid having a nut allergy.
And if there was, it wasn't severe enough that you couldn't get a snickers fucking
law nearer.
But it's that much now, I mean, fucking three of my nieces are that bad, you can't even fucking
talk about chocolate around them, let alone fucking have any near them, because they're
ready to fucking pass out.
It's all horrendous.
But as I think it stems down to the fact that everything's clean.
He has just bought a wife.
It's not me.
So just cool away.
Yeah, fucking.
It's just bulk barten.
And his ass is in more direction as well.
So fucking coming straight out of somewhere.
Yeah.
So, you know, you think when we was kids fucking out on the streets all the time, playing football
out in the rain, fucking, not that I ever fucking ate a mud pod, but you'd be playing
in the mud.
You'd be fucking doing this and that.
The disinfectants, like your, your, your death toll sprays and all that, they're all
99.9% bacteria killing and that these days, where it wasn't that when we was kids, you
know, you had a fucking dirty kitchen side, a bit of warm water, wiping up the stain and
fucking this and that.
So because everything's so clean now, the kids can't get any immune system boosted
up.
I wonder if that's got something to do with obviously when kids were growing up, back
in our day and further, they used to spend more of the time outside.
Well, yeah, I was having this conversation every week.
I've seen, I don't see kids playing outside anymore or nothing like that, which is understandable
because it's just why the world is now.
Yeah.
But what my argument to that sort of thing is this, paedophiles have always been around
and yes, fair enough, there's fucking the knife crimes.
I think more that I'm on aspect now with it though, isn't it?
Well, yeah, you think like, so if, if my fucking daughter was like 13 or whatever on TikTok,
I'd be more worried about that because of the potential fucking grooming and stuff on
the TikToks and fucking Facebooks and all that.
Whereas like out on the street, going to the park, fucking playing football, Kirby, well,
I bet these kids don't even know what Kirby is, man.
Lucky track it.
Yeah.
Fucking, you know, knock door run, ding dong, ding dong dash, fucking different regional
ones.
The kids in school still play.
What's it called?
Now heads down, thumbs up.
Remember that?
That one, they probably would, but there was, was it British Bulldog?
That and, what was that one fucking?
What's the time, Mr. Wolf?
A lot of fucking.
I can't remember that one.
It was fucking gay to be fair.
They're all gay now in a big way.
You wouldn't do that.
No.
So say fucking on the wall, so you got a fucking, you're facing the wall and it's like the rest
of the kids are behind.
On the traffic at the step.
Yeah.
They're walking towards the wall.
Oh look what they used to do on Takeshi's Castle.
Kinda, yeah.
And so it's like, they've got to get to the wall and so it's like, what's the time, Mr.
Wolf?
And he'd be like three o'clock and like, they'd step forward a little bit and then it'd be
like dinner time and he'd turn around and run and then grab someone.
And that's it, you're out.
No, you're not.
Fucking, yeah.
I was thinking of Takeshi's Castle's where, you know, when they're that person that's
counting and then after they try to walk and then when they're trying to have to stop.
But they've got like the big ball suits on.
For us, that was stuck in the mud.
Yeah, I know because you got tacked just stuck in the mud and someone had to go under your
arms.
Oh yes, so what was it?
Well, I suppose it was a lot of fucking musical statues then, I mean.
Yeah, I suppose.
God.
I mean, I had loads of them.
But again, fucking, we had all these games, didn't we?
Fucking, yeah.
God, I dread to see what it's walking the fucking playgrounds these days.
I imagine it's literally just quad bikes.
No, I reckon it just on the phones and I know just quad bikes.
Yeah, phones, quad bikes.
Yeah, just gangsters, just tough boys.
No, worried about the ups.
Also, if you're furlying up, go up.
The fucking day.
I don't know.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I mean, again, I know I've said it enough times, I say to customers that all the time
there's no fair factor in the look for these guys.
You know, they all need a good fucking slack.
But yeah, I mean, we could reminisce on the good old days, the hours and hours really
long, but since we haven't done it for a little while, I thought I would bring out some of
the old fest holes.
Right.
So in general, fest hole, most of you will know about it anyway.
It's, you know, people giving confessions on the Twitter.
You see, I've done with these though, it's hard to, you know, I think because of that
crazy not that you automatically assume they're fake, but you know, that's what I suppose.
Well, some of them will be definitely.
Yeah.
Well, I like to think that I weed them out.
Yeah.
And I find the good ones.
So got one here.
Wife has bought a stove kettle working from home.
I challenge myself to have a wank before it whistles.
Haven't lost yet.
No.
I mean, you said that going forward on another stove once.
Yeah.
Well, it depends on how good you are.
So if it's an electric stove, we'll take fucking like 20 minutes to heat off the gas one.
If you've got enough, like the rice and out of water in there because it's a bit of a
pet peeve of mine, the Mrs of law mostly fill up the kettle to make herself one cup of tea.
I'm like, no, just put in, it shows the little cup symbols on the side of the kettle.
So just put in where it says minimum line or two cups and then it takes off 30 seconds
to boil.
So yeah, if you do that one with a stove as well, then you're looking at minute, two
minutes.
So that brings us back to what we was on about the other week.
We're a kettle challenge.
Yeah.
The kettle challenge.
John and Ben went out and he's running.
He always wanted it.
So yeah, I think that's Mr. Green that sent that one in, but he's not married.
So yeah, obviously it can't be a lot of that one anyway.
Fucking, you know, you're not going to make it.
Now that one's reasonable.
But then like, well, he found the time to mank all the time.
But come where is he ranking more the Kettles?
Hopefully not next to the cattle.
Well, because if you accidentally sleep or if you get common, the cattle needs more
burning and that.
Or if it's in his car, I don't need milk in this to your beach.
Making a coffin.
What's cream with that?
So another one, a colleague recently invited me to a private you less vandalism Facebook
group.
There's been an uptick in people reporting that the police have taken an interest in
the actions.
So basically this decade fucking goes on for a little bit.
So this decade, I say we all a lot of us have seen the.
I forget a fucking name the group now, but the go around finding the you less fucking
bands that are parked.
Oh, yeah.
Destroy more block and they're not the don't necessarily vandalize on that book.
They'll park up in front of it and they'll make it awkward for the drivers to continue
recording and so this decade he's been invited in a Facebook group and he's reporting them
to the police.
What a fucking.
Well, it's nice man.
There's no need for it.
Ignore it.
This is some Tory come that's wrote that one in.
Well, he's got the money to pay.
Yeah, or he doesn't drive.
Yeah.
Yeah, I bet it's a bike one.
Karen.
Yeah.
Fucking give his helmet.
Not even in the proper boy.
And as well, even as a boy, and he still has to be in the road.
Yeah.
Well, I don't know if you did see, but there was a fucking dickhead.
So I creased someone with the dash cam recorded it basically because of the drone beyond and
they had a stick look at a meter and a half.
Lord sticking out to his right.
Essentially forcing drivers to go around the stick.
He's fucking van man in front of these car at the dash cam anyway.
We saw fuck you and fuck you stick.
It's the stick.
The side please just spot around.
I was like, yes, that is exactly what I would have done.
You don't need to do that.
You don't need, you know, you know, thinking that's all the bugs doing that.
It just makes you a target.
That reminds me when I ate that cycle is before.
Okay.
So I'll start telling the story anyway.
So I'm going to have to since I bought it up now.
I didn't hit the cyclist in a bad way or meaning.
So we was heading from Birmingham town centre towards like one of ours.
I don't know what we've done, where we was coming from, whatever.
Basically we was bored of blues ground and it was like, as it starts going up the hill,
there was this black man on his bike and he was proper swaying left to right because we
was going up the hill.
So he was pedaling hard, but he was bouncing left to right.
And as I've gone past him, he's gone on his right as he's pedaling down and the mirror
has hit his arm or hit him on his leg or something.
And you started laughing straight away.
You know, you just hit him fucking rare, rare.
I was like, fuck that dickhead.
But then where we was, there's always that the traffic lights and there's always a lot
of fucking traffic there.
Just before you hit the park, he's well, it was a park or Lloyd's CSB.
So we've hit the traffic lights there and he's fucking caught off the windows down
and he trolling gobbling off to me.
I was like, fuck off your dickhead.
You shouldn't be in the road anyway.
This was years ago.
This was, you know, fucking probably 15 years ago.
Right, yeah, because I just remembered you was laughing.
You were at Australia.
I thought, fuck it.
I just hit you.
I remember, I want to say was was in the car park and you come out and I was like, she
fucking hit me.
Now you hear her.
The woman in the red car.
When you come out and click the car on the turn.
Oh man.
I didn't hear that car.
I was like, you fit that car.
And he was like, did I look back and the fucking was like.
I thought you were a week.
But I think I did.
Well, so I was reversing and then our kids walking behind us like I'm looking in the
mirror to make sure I don't eat him because he's decided to walk behind me.
You know, so I'm making sure I don't eat him.
No fucking as I spun the wheel.
I thought because where I was, I thought I've dipped in the fucking car park lock.
Well, it made a bit of a foot and I think I caught this out.
It was parked up.
But I don't know if the mark was already on the bumper of the Audi or not.
I couldn't tell on my bank because the bands are fucking.
It's already like dented and scuffed up and all that.
And the thing is, if you was to be honest with me, look, I don't know if it did.
Then he's got a scratchers in the gut.
Yeah, he was.
Yeah, you did do it.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I just hit the putt hole that I thought I went for.
But because I was like, hang on, there is a scuff there.
No fucking.
And it's a white scuff.
I've got a white van, but there was no mark.
There was no black panes or anything on the van.
Yeah.
And as I said, it's already dirty and fucking everything.
So I don't know if I literally had done anything.
I might have done a mark not.
But there's cameras around there and he hasn't fucking.
He hasn't made any complaints anyway.
So I don't think I actually did.
Just talk shit anyway.
I'll give him a fucking bit of tea cause.
So, yeah, so fuck's all please anyway.
And then we've got another one here.
I really try to avoid talking shit at work.
But when I do, I lock the other.
Sorry, not talking.
I'll start again.
I really try to avoid taking a shit at work.
But when I do, I lock the other cubicle from the outside with a coin.
As there's no way I'm shitting in tandem inches away from another bloke.
I get that.
Now this is where we're ying and yangi.
Yeah.
Because you, you can't even stand in a cubicle.
No, sorry.
You can't stand at your rhino on your own.
So if it's no, cause it's not.
Well, we've someone else there.
Sorry.
We spoke about the etiquette when it comes to stuff like this.
You ever first, you go to the side one.
You just go, like if there's four, you go to the end ones.
Yeah.
If you walk in, definitely if there's three, you go to the left or the right.
You never stand in the middle.
And there's nothing worse than having someone else's splashback.
Yeah.
Especially on the night out when the lagging.
The worst.
And I agree with what this guy is saying.
Because I remember I don't like having shit in public toilets.
But I remember I needed a shit in the airport.
And long story short, it was at the time where I just couldn't poop.
So I thought, I remember smashing some coffees and I'm going to have a shit before John Pond is playing.
And I went into, I remember ready for, I went into the end cubicle.
She was like, twice as big for 10 minutes.
We saw her pulling because the geezer next cubicle was having a shit.
And he could see it was like some big 50 year old man called Dave or whatever.
Just, I mean, it just, you know, when it hits the pan.
Yeah.
Some dense cheese.
And then look that graph of it.
Oh, look, you shitty, mate.
Well, he must have been constipated.
No, he were, mate.
No, he must have been holding it in for a long time.
To fill that kind of release.
I just think he's a big lad.
That was just a fit.
But yeah, I mean, I get what these geezers saying.
I respect that.
See, no, I'm the opposite.
Because if you've got to go, you've got to go.
No.
Again, so the last time I was in the airport, I hadn't eaten because I do my intermittent fasting.
Before going away, I didn't eat for like 36 hours.
So I had breakfast and as soon as that had went down a treat, by the way, it was like, my body was like, hang on, you need to go to toilet now.
So fucking went and all airports as well fucking 10 Q because whatever.
And yeah, as soon as one opens fucking warm seat wasn't happy about that, but you got to go, you got to go.
And then fucking I weren't holding back.
I ain't gonna fucking sit there trying to be quiet and fucking thought everyone knows that you're in there to have a dump.
So you just go just fucking.
It is what it is.
And if it smells, it smells everyone else is thinking anyway, fucking.
Then if it's loud, if it's fucking gassy, whatever, just fucking.
It is what it is.
We're all fucking people.
Then they're like, oh shit.
Yeah, but no one likes to be here and other people shit.
Yeah, but if you in the toilet, it doesn't matter in a public bathroom.
No, I get the public.
Everyone else is doing it.
Yeah, if you go in there knowing that person next to you, shit in any.
Well, you're hoping the sheen because they're having a wank.
That's when you don't want to be in there.
That's the weird thing as well.
So when I went to America, we used public toilets.
There's no, there's gaps underneath and on top.
So if someone stands up and walk past, they can see you having a shit because it's only like, it's like literally outside five foot something car.
And obviously it doesn't, it's not all the way to the ground like ours is there's a gap and you can see for the gaps of where the hinges on the door.
It's, it's a lot of them over here.
I have a big gap on the hinge side as well.
Yeah, but that's annoying because it's one thing you're having a fucking shit next to someone and walking in the public toilets, but you don't want to be making all contact.
Yeah.
You know, if I wanted to make all contact, I'll be having me phone on selfie mode.
Fucking.
Nah, it's not Roller Titans.
Okay.
So this bloke who done the first order and you need to man up a little bit or recognize.
Have you got anymore vessels or?
Well, I'll just give this last one here.
So this is from an electrician.
I don't know that because he starts off with electrician here.
I have a pair of long nose pliers in my toolbox.
Well, it's where you want to have all your tools really anyway.
But I use them mainly for plucking out straight ear hairs.
The satisfaction as they pop out is better than sex.
This doesn't sound like a person that has a lot of sex to me.
Yeah, always just had really bad sex.
And why are you fucking on a job?
Fucking plucking out your hairs.
Now it's this type of dickhead that gives electricians love myself a bad fucking name.
So you go to the job, you do the fucking work and fucking get paid.
Electricians and plumbers and that the fucking love the ones that do it solely all the time.
Just ridiculous, ungrateful money and do fuck all.
So annoying love fucking the amount of them that are fucking put to shame over the years.
Well, going in banging it out the job not another shit.
And they're all looking at me like what are you doing in that first pass for? I've got stuff to do.
Fucking, the amount of them because I fit a lot of kitchens and bathrooms and that these days as well.
When it's not me doing the electric sort of plumbing, it just holds up so much time.
Because I'm waiting for this other country fucking do it.
Like I'm waiting for them to turn off, do we not got the stuff to the going out of fucking.
Whereas I'll just turn off unprepared. I've got X amount of fucking stuff on the band anyway.
Just do it. Just don't know in general, they're all fucking Egypt.
So I'm glad that the company that I was doing the country was for lost the contract for it.
Because that was when I went on to doing all the kitchen fits and everything.
And you know, I'll do pretty much fucking everything these days.
It's just so much better, you know, do all myself. No fucking around.
Just no hassle. You know, got a good team around me really.
But yeah, so we'll leave that on the fessoles. We've had a good couple of days.
Well, I've got a few questions for you.
What's the most what's an embarrassing thing you've done and never told anyone about?
Hmm. You wrote so.
I mean, this stems back to fucking one of the older episodes.
I don't know what number episode it was, but there was the story that fucking.
I mean, obviously I told you and everyone that listens about when I fucking was gonna shit myself and I shit in the fucking million trees around the corner.
So there was a time.
I think it was black hole that I went to with Jim Bob and someone else.
But yeah, it was a fucking.
Well, as you do, well, lads just fucking.
I mean, it was worse in a sense because we was fucking on the vodka, but Vodka and lemonade from stupid o'clock.
Again, I don't know if we fucking went to the chip or something.
I don't remember basically is who's at the club fucking like.
Like it out my head and fucking shy myself.
So I've ran to the toilet fucking look at the cubicle was empty of gunning realize it's all in the fucking box.
Yeah, he's already got. Yeah, it's all in the boxes, man.
So I fucking I've just took the boxes off.
There wasn't really any in the James.
I had a little bit to fucking clean out of James, but not like the box has caught it all.
So I've claimed me also fucking hopefully all fucking that needs to be cleaned up.
But yeah, what me asking that and the boxers just went behind the toilet.
I couldn't take them out and try and fucking put them in the lucky lucky man's.
Honestly, lads, how many times have you seen a pair of boxes in the toilet in the cubicle?
It's too many. Too many lads are shooting themselves and I have because I've seen too many boxes from the back the toilet.
It's fucking.
It's because you just have to you know, you don't have to shoot yourself.
I didn't plan on shit. I didn't plan on fighting.
It just fucking came out of my own.
Right. What's the cringiest thing you've ever done for girl?
It's got here girls or girls number.
So what's something he looked back on and go that was big cringe.
So again, is it just in general or log?
Wait, so it's done for girl. So I assume that's your site to get a girl's number or to get girls attention.
Um, I don't know. I mean to fucking the younger listeners, dead sea is not when I'd be on the fucking karaoke or something.
But that one for the girl in general.
When you look back and you've got to be all hours, be cringe on that.
All I'm thinking about is the first fucking girlfriend that I was with and that was a lot pretty much the whole time was fucking cringe.
I was young and stupid and first love and I didn't talk.
I mean, cringe not for me, but for the fucking missies when I proposed to her. Do you remember that?
Yeah, obviously it wasn't cringe for me. She was.
She wasn't expecting it.
So I'll get the story because obviously people don't know.
So we was living in the pub. I was DJing and it was a birthday.
Yeah. And also, which do you have a few beers? Do you know how?
Because I remember you going go to the bar.
So Jodie said two things to me. When I proposed, play the song.
Yeah. And I was like, all right. And then he went, when you go to the bar, give me a drink.
So why I'm in the queue to the bar? He does it then.
So I'm like, and then you look at me as the same. Why are you playing the song?
To be fair.
You're playing yourself.
It was busier in there.
And that was shit for getting. Yeah, it wasn't too bad at first, but it was typically because it should have been two minutes for you to get served.
10 minutes, 10, 15 minutes.
Yeah. And so because obviously I didn't pay attention that you was fucking.
Yeah.
You see him back in.
Yeah. So but yeah, so it was the missies birthday.
I was DJing and.
Literally everyone was there. Loads of family, her family, my family, friends and that.
And it's not like it was a special fucking birthday.
She was fucking none of the wiser.
She just thought people said I had said I had a birthday, but I'd already preempted to everyone that this was going to happen.
And so I started giving a fucking little bit of a speech.
Well, called her up fucking because she wasn't working at no because it was a birthday.
Called her up next to me, give a little fucking speech.
And then I asked the question.
Fucking because even when I started giving a speech, she just thought I was embarrassing her because it was a birthday.
And then obviously, yeah, ask the question.
And yeah, she fucking embarrassed the fucking I suppose cringed out, but I was.
No, the only things that can fucking think of really is just the generic stupid first love, first girlfriend fucking.
The stupid stuff you do when you're fucking teenagers or any.
The green. Yeah.
I saw as for me the cringes thing I've done is you know when he takes a girl.
Yeah.
And then they don't look nowadays.
If they don't text you back, I would never take out the fucking leave him just fucking if you're not taking whatever.
But then you send them those texts again, you're right.
When I look back, I think that was cringe because you just ignored me for four or five hours and I had to send a sign text.
I would never do that now.
So that's that's something that when I think about go and it was to one person as well.
And after that, I never did it again.
Pretty much after that first girlfriend, I was like, well, I'm gonna have got fucking mugged off with her.
I'm not going to be locked up with anyone else.
So it was from then I was like, you even want to fucking talk or you don't want to know if I got blank on the text fucking.
I weren't bothered.
I mean, the Mrs. Does It To Me All the time.
I'm definitely not bothered.
You know, so yeah, looking.
I suppose that's about it really looking on the gringiness.
Right, so one sec.
It's just literally.
All right, here we go.
You can tell we do all the prep.
Yeah, no, yeah.
It's because there's a few good ones.
I don't know which one.
Obviously, I want to get the one that's the best.
All right, let's just go for this one.
Let's go.
What's one thing that's pretty deep?
What's one thing you would change about yourself as a confident guy?
Well, the first one that comes tomorrow is so for a couple of years, I had the shave back and sides with the long care, you know, mainly known as the top nut.
And so for the last like eight, nine months, I've been growing this back and sides out.
So that would be the main thing I've changed at the moment is just to have it all the same length because.
You know, I mean that mad transitions phase of we, you know, the two different lengths.
It's not too far off now.
I can tie it all back and not all of it falls back out again now.
So that bit of main thing I changed really.
You know, I suppose a lot of people would say fucking bigger dick and that, but you know, it's not the size of the hammer.
It's how you fucking hit the nail.
And I've never had any complaints, mate.
You got anything you change about yourself.
Yeah, stress.
I wish I could just relax a little bit.
I really wish I could just relax.
It's always been like that though.
It's something in my mind.
It has to be done.
I just, just one thing.
Fucking hell, I've tried, I've tried, but I just can't.
You just need to start drinking more.
Again, because you've made the comments maybe four lock.
It's not that I'm laid back.
It's just that if it's something that I can't do, I know that I can still get it sorted.
So work wise, if I can't do the plastering, I've got a plasterer.
I can't do the gas.
I've got a gasman that will do it.
So I'll take that.
I know, it wasn't always like that.
But yeah, just in love in general, something's gone wrong.
Well, yeah, I'm not, we pissed off about it or stressed about it or whatever.
But in general, it's like, well, it's going to get better.
I do hate, well, there's shit going on.
We fucking mum's out of the moment, which obviously you know about.
I probably will mention it on another episode.
Well, yeah, in general, it'll all get fucking sorted.
I'm not going to fucking stress about it.
I'll just fucking just crack up.
There's bigger things in life.
The best one that I like to fucking talk about to people and that is when we went out for
Ryan's birthday last year or whatever it was.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I make Ryan, he's a cerebral palsy.
And with his care group, he's got a lot of Down syndrome friends and that.
And we was at the party.
Amazing lads fucking all having a beer and that one of them fucking party popping all over the place and that.
And I remember you turn around and saying to me because obviously we've always got some shit going on,
but you was going through a bit of stuff at the time as well.
And I remember you turn around and saying puts all into perspective, doesn't it?
Yeah, these people, they're living with it, dying, dying out.
Got problems, daily problems.
And they just didn't give a fuck.
They were living their best lives.
I mean, when I go proper deep into it, I do think of that tiger song.
I come in the name of song, but the lyrics goes.
Here's my stress in when I should just be happy that I can.
Do you know what I mean?
So, yeah, there's the quote of the podcast.
Again, I was on about it to one of our mates, Super Week.
You know, the times that we've been in yours, talking about fucking our hair and that,
you've got thick hair, I've got a big fucking head of hair.
And we're both like, I do have fucking nightmares about fucking going bald.
I think yeah.
It's just, it's just fucking.
There's, there's Usain with the rose reverse there, isn't it?
Cause you're like, don't worry.
Yeah, but that is fucking, I have nightmares about it.
But we've both got a good fucking, obviously fucking people that watch on the YouTube.
I've got fucking the hairs fucking past me nipples on that vlog.
But it's like, ah, if it went, I'd be fucking so devastated.
But yeah, it goes to get it fucking done and that.
It's just the longevity of why like obviously it's, it's a long process.
Cause you have to, you have to have two or three in other states.
The process of just hoping that it catches as well as others have.
But it's, it's the fact that we're both not showing any signs of fucking bald and that.
And yet it's a fucking problem.
But when you was growing up again, the, the, the old school is on the podcast that do watch in that as well.
They would have seen you when you had your fucking, your curtains and then you've gone back to you, you should walk back in solids again.
So when you was growing that day, it was fucking the effort, the maintenance, fucking, like the problems of fucking, you had of having it that long.
And it's like, oh, it's a problem. Oh, we've got all this hair.
It's a fucking issue. And then you've got all people out there that are like, oh, I wish I had hair.
I wish I had that problem.
But it's fine. People, that's got fine flat hair. Wish to have curly hair.
And then people that's got curly hair, wish just had fine hair.
Because I really sometimes, you're so jealous of people that can just like, literally get back in the morning, throw their hair back.
And they look cool. Because if I do that, I look like I've been electrocuted, like frizzled.
Yeah.
Yeah. But I've got some more, but just, let's go back to them once because these ones.
Give us one more. And then we'll call it because we're already hitting our back.
Right.
I know you're all enjoying it. I don't want to drag it out too much for you.
What do you just want to give us one more?
Who is someone you wish you could apologize to?
Oh, fucking hell.
Apologize to.
Oh.
No, we don't have to be something magic. Just some day you might have something for, maybe I was out of order.
No, the first one that comes to mind is Uncle Martin, may he rest in peace.
No matter the times you wanted to go fishing.
Don't worry, it's not like I promise him, yeah, we'll go fishing next week or whatever and let him down.
He asked me so many times, he wanted me to come and I never did go.
So yeah, I'd apologize for not just not spending more time with him in that sense because, you know, he fucking it always does end fucking sooner than you expect.
I mean, it was undercars for a long time with him. I started calling him Mr. Wong because raving alcoholic drinking the soda all the time.
He started turning yellow.
You know, so yeah, it was a bit of a racist nickname.
He never said it to his face. So fuck me.
He would have fucking stabbed me up. No, yeah, it's the only fucking one really.
As I was just relating to, really, I try not to fucking dwell on things, with regrets or anything.
Shit is what it is. In general, we can't change what's going on.
Yeah, you can say sorry and fucking try and pretend like you mean it, but you really give a fuck at the end of that.
I don't. And yeah, I'm that depressing shit.
Hope you've enjoyed. And again, yeah, as you all know, real talking part at gmail.com, Ash and JD on Twitter, the X-Beer.
Love yous and we'll see you next time. Peace.