Hi everyone and welcome to episode 25 of the Real Talking Podcast with your host Ash and
JD. What has two wings and an arrow? I don't know. Cholene's phone box. We wing our own
own. That's about most of the people to cut your shirt off there. Lots of racist gods.
Lot of people just like that and for me. I heard it on one of those joke videos the other
day and I was crying. Told our John about it and even he was laughing. Yeah, episode
25. We always wanted to get to this point at least reading. It seems to just roll round
quick. It has? Technically it's 27 for us because of those two last episodes. So yeah,
27 weeks that we've been going for. 25 episodes. Going strong mate. Yeah. I can see an improvement.
I know you can see an improvement. Hopefully the fans at home are seeing improvements.
There's still not enough of them downloading, sharing and liking and sending their emails
in. But we have actually got four emails this week. It's a record. I know. It's greatly
appreciated. So when anyone does want to send us an email it's realtalkingpod at gmail.com,
X, Twitter, whatever everyone's calling it these days. X. Gotta give you that. So yeah,
it's Ash, at Ash A JD. Also sorry. So you're in charge of your A-Lon. You just brought
Twitter. You want to rebrand it? X. The best thing you can come up with. What does the
X mean? I really don't know. It's like how, obviously when you used to tweet at someone
or tweet someone, like what are you calling it now? I've just X'd up. I've just sent
someone a message on X. I don't know what the term is. I'm sure people... You tweeted
that. Obviously it was a picture of a bird because tweeters, people that watch birds,
don't mind saying that. Birds tweet. See, here you go. But then X. I don't know. Another
strange one. Just pointing out there. Yeah. What's your thoughts? I'm sure... But why
X and not like? Oh. Yeah. P. I suppose X is the easiest one to do with your arms. It's
easier than doing a V. It's awkward, isn't it? All the YMCI's? Yeah. I don't know. Just
the way it just came to me there. I just... I wonder, cause he's... Spice. Oh, Spice X
in his... Yeah. There we go. There we go. We got there. What does the X mean in Spice
X, mate? Expert on the matter. I was going to say, because his kids got that mad name
and I was thinking about that stuff because of the first letter of E or something. Could
be. Could be. But yeah, that makes perfect sense. Spice X. Yeah. There we go. So yeah,
come to us with more mysteries. If you've got a problem you can't solve, send us an
X. Send it through the Spice. Or you can always just comment on one of the videos on YouTube.
It's real talking pod. So firstly, Mike Jones. Mike Jones. On Josieboy, he's emailed straight
back. We've... Oh, he's actually got a story for us now. Right. I've literally not read
any of these emails. Because we thought he would have some great stories. I'm sure he's
got a lot. Yeah. Just wet the whistle first quickly. Aww. Right. So, HollyLads. Hi, Mike.
So, the funniest thing I've saw was involved in this one man that's been in and out for
years. Everyone knows him, thinks he's hard as nails and can pull every woman in sights.
So he thinks he's a top shot guy. Always has new bragging stories when he's had a few weeks
of freedom all about the fun he's had. So anyway, there was a new bunch of lads turning
up for a stint. So as usual, they get a bit of stick. But this pratt said something to
the wrong person and instantly the new man had his hand around his throat, kissed him
on the cheek and says, I'll see you in a shower later, we man. Just a serf to Donald,
too. That is, that's proper just fucking... Just like literally. He might as well have
just got his dick out and slapped around the face with that. Fucking hell. I'll take
you to Scottish as well. See you in a shower later, we man. We man. Professionally, we
did our job and moved them out. But we all spent hours watching back the footage of this
night, Lucy's head. And he was never the same while his new friend was in prison. Fucking
respect for that. I fucking love that one. No, that was funny. I can imagine there's
loads that he probably couldn't say as well, that he couldn't tell us. Well, I imagine
he's just sent one because he doesn't want to send... Just to taste that. Yeah, just
to taste that. Yeah, he doesn't want to send old paragraphs, paragraphs. Leave us wanting
more. Yeah. And plus, you know, I suppose we could probably do a whole episode of stories
from Mikey Jones. Mike Jones, yeah. Mate, I love that word to be fair. Yeah, no, thank
you. Just imagine it. He's one of the proper dickheads that fucking... He's just bowling
around in fucking prison thinking he's the fuck... I bet he's like a skinny little prick
as well. Like he's only got abs because he's skinny. Yeah, and just smokes weed. Yeah.
I bet he's got his PlayStation in his room and that as well, I know. Fucking prick. Yeah.
Oh God. I know it's a bit of a stretch, but if you could send us that footage. Fucking
hard. Unless you said we was allowed to, we wouldn't put it on the fucking pipe, but I'd
love to fucking see that. You could just imagine it going, yeah, fucking just... And round
his throat. See you there, wee man. Fucking prick. Oh God. Mate, anyway... Yeah, great
story. Yeah, if you've got any more, you can share with us and that. And definitely if
you can send us that fucking CCTV. Fucking love that one. Yeah, it'd be great. Right,
and then we've got another one here. Oh, this is interesting. So from Lauren, hi Ash and
JD. Describe each other's perfect 24 hours. So it would be me saying what your perfect
24 hours would be. Anywhere, right? Okay. So it seems like you've got a bit of thinking
today. No. No, you say, if you already know more and you go ahead, it's just as it be.
Where... Yeah, but you go ahead. So for you, what I would think is, you go up in the morning,
it's early, but not like stupidly early. So say you're getting up at 6 o'clock, not that
you want to be up that early, you are, because you're about to go on out of that. You fucking...
For whatever reason, you're taking the dog as well. There's no issue with you. He can
just get on the plane, got his own seat sorted and whatever. So it's the whole family going
to the airport, going abroad, short flights as well, going off to a nice country. So you're
at the airport, no queuing, you're just walking straight in, straight on the plane, straight
across. And then it's not 10 o'clock, you get in after the plane, you're there. You've already
had breakfast at the airport as well. Big scram. All the fucking scram. And then no
hassle, getting checked in, into the hotel, bags in, having a recce around. And then out
of the blue, you see that on sale, there's a fucking Kanye West, Jay-Z, one night only
show of the, what's it going to say? Game of Thrones. It wasn't Game of Thrones, was it?
Watch the Thrones. Watch the Thrones, fucking concert. That's fucking on. And someone's
just give you two tickets. There you go mate. So you and the missus go, that's later on
the night daddy's, that's about 7 o'clock on the night. So throughout the day, just
doing holiday stuff, you go in having a couple of beers, food, walking around with the dog
and that. And then yeah, you have a nice night at the concert, back home, well back to the
hotel. I'd say that would be a pretty perfect day for you.
See, once it's perfect day, I was like, I didn't understand if it was like a perfect,
you know like.
Realistic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, if that makes sense.
Alright, so if it's a realistic day.
Yeah, let's go with the realistic one.
Alright.
Or do you want me to do both? We'll just do both.
Right.
We'll just do both, cover all the angles.
Well I'll do the realistic one before you go in. So, similar really, it's like a Saturday
or a Sunday, so you've got no work to do, you've got literally no plans for the weekend,
you don't need to do anything. It's anything that you want to do that day. So, weather's
nice, it's warm, not hot. So you can walk around with shorts and t-shirt and you're
not going to be cold, it's just the perfect temperature. So look, for you, that's a good
20 to 22.
Yeah.
So, you can walk around where you're not walking around sweating. Me, I'm already drenched
at that temperature. But yeah, it's comfortable for you. Taking a dog out for a walk or whatever
parks and that. Get back, have a little bit of a breakfast, whether you pick it up on
the way back home or you order a McDonald's breakfast or something. Then, a couple of
hours watching Pokemon. Have a take away and watch some films on the north.
Pretty much, yeah. No, I'd say that's pretty much bang on.
Yeah.
Yeah. Pretty simple really. It's a dog walk. For me, I consider like, there's nothing
more on a weekend than a like. Not early, but early in the morning.
Yeah, decent hours.
So you've been in all the traffic, get the dog out.
And there's not a load of people there as well.
Get a coffee. Now a walk. Talk about stuff and then solve all your problems and just
go back out. But yeah, that's pretty much it. But for me, really, thanks for you. I
would say to me, get up early. Not early, but obviously you just get up early.
Well, to be fair.
You just used to it.
Yeah, because even when I've got nothing to do, a day off or whatever, my body's still
waking up at about four, half four in the morning. So I am still going to be getting
up around that time.
See, and here's the thing. So a nice, nice big straw for you. No work, obviously. No
work. No graph.
Yeah. No jobs to close or anything.
That's it. Just, that's it. Phone solar.
Yeah.
I can imagine, I don't know if you'd rather cook your own breakfast or maybe get something
in. So maybe I'm a bit, you get food, maybe cookie, maybe order it in. And then, you know,
you chill out, 12 o'clock, few beers, money on it.
Yeah.
It obviously realistically, they do not.
Not gonna work.
Yeah, but you know what I mean.
Yeah, I did. It's the perfect night to get good results.
Good result. You had a few beers and then here's the thing. You cook, you cook a scram.
But it's like, I don't know. Cause you do, you do cook quite a bit, don't you? So it's
hard to.
Yeah.
So you, I don't know actually. Have you done the pizza breads the other week than yours
bar?
Yeah. Yeah. I cook my own pizzas and steak notes.
Yeah. So you, then you cook like your own meal of choice and then down to the pub.
That would have been years ago. Definitely go into the pub at the end of the day. But
barely go night. You know, it's fucking, it seems a bit sad really. We've got older and
fucking, this is a perfect day for us. Both starting off, walking the dog. I mean, to
be fair, yeah, on a Saturday or a Sunday, I've not got nothing else to do. I take the
dog up, so it's like a normal walk, round trip and that. So I'm out for about three
hours. And so then that's the difference, whether it's a Saturday or a Sunday, Sunday,
I'm definitely fucking, because I do my roast dinner on a Sunday. Saturday, I would probably
do breakfast for myself, but then have a takeaway on the night time.
Right.
That's more like a, instead of a takeaway on a Sunday. Just cause of roast dinner, always
gonna have a roast dinner on a Sunday. And again, yeah, you know, we divided the prem
fixtures are all the time. You've got Friday, Saturday, Sunday on Monday, fucking games
and having, yeah. So.
That is a good question actually, because it's like, you know, you think about all your
perfect days, you know, would it be something realistic like, cause ridiculously I'd get
up, go gym and not be tired.
Yeah.
Then go take the dog down the floor.
Win the lottery.
Yeah, yeah. Then, you know, yeah, win the lottery, go bookies, win everything in the
bookies. Yeah. You know, but yeah, I feel like for a generic day that would be, as we
just described, each other's perfect, you know, generic day I'd say.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, that's, that's what I'll be doing. Cause going away for a couple of days and
a couple of weeks. And that's what I'll be doing pretty much every day. I'll be getting
up, nothing special, just a little caravan for a couple of days. And yeah, so I'll be
getting up, go for a stroll along the beach with a dog, get back, have myself a cup of
the teas, a couple of cups of tea. Probably have like bacon and egg, sausage and egg sandwich,
whatever. And then again, throughout the day, while there's nothing to do, cause it's during
the week, there's nothing to be watching on the TV. Yeah. Just go out for walks and that
and have a couple of beers.
It is mad, isn't it? Cause as you just said, you know, when we was younger, you wouldn't
really thought you'd be in this mindset.
Well, no, it wouldn't. Years ago, especially with the way, man, fucking, that donut was.
It would be just drinking all day long.
Yeah, all day. And when they say all day, I mean, you wake up, you literally.
It was, it was stupid.
As soon as one of us woke up, we'd wake the other one up, we would be out. And I don't
know how we used to do it.
I don't know how he used to do it. I don't know how he's still doing it.
But, uh.
Squaddle if any, fucking hell.
But now, yeah, it's just, um, it is weird. But I do enjoy a dog walk. I do find it the
most peaceful.
It's nice any.
Peaceful time of the week for me. Like a long dog walk where you can, you drive. So you,
no, like, no, nothing around the block where you drive.
Yeah, well, obviously where I go for the big walk.
Yeah, you don't have to.
I carry dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I can cut through the farm and that near mine. So yeah, that's what it ends up being
around about a normal walk.
I feel now with me, I want my dog to come with me everywhere. So like, if it was to
do stuff, I always think first, I think where can Alfie come with me?
Yeah.
It's the main thing I would do. Like, you know, obviously not just Shearer at the moment,
but when it was Manny as well. When it comes to holidays, it would be, you know, like Yarmouth,
Skagness and whatever. Because it's somewhere you can take the dog and you've got the beach,
the walk on or, you know, if you go into like the Lake District or whatever, you've got
dog walking routes.
And this is where when I see Auntie Tuck, I think in some airlines in America, if your
dog's under a certain height or weight, they can come on the plane with you and come as
a carry on luggage. If you find, obviously in the States and other states.
Yeah, there is some that you can buy a seat for them as well.
Yeah.
I think I saw a plane Sear video, I believe it was a great day and your man got three
seats. So he was on the one and the great day was on the... the dog was definitely on
two seats anyway.
Yeah. I think that'd be cool though, when he's jumping on a plane Sear and the dog...
Well, like that's... when we go away abroad and we leave the dog, Alfie, with my mom,
I always, every morning I'm like, is Alfie all right?
Yeah, yeah. I know.
I call them pup dates.
Yeah, but they are no any, you know, it's... the dogs have just got the kids for us.
You know, it's... yeah, I do want a couple more dogs to be fair, but it's a lot of fucking
time and effort that you need to put in with them.
What would you have?
If I had a bigger house, I'd have fucking another Malamute to be fair. But I've always,
with the way the shearer is, I could have literally any dog, it'd be fine. Even this
morning when I was walking, so obviously when I'm up at four in the morning, take him out
for a walk, because I try and give him about an hour before I go to work. So the morning's
getting a bit darker now, so I'm fucking walking along, just about seen really, and he's fucking
started running forward, and I've clocked, it's a cat that's standing there, and he's
just ran off. It's because he wants to sail up, and this cat, wow, bless him, looking,
the cat swung up to his face and then just ran off, and he just stood there, just all
confused, like, what's going on? I'm trying to sail up, and the cat's just full on like
whack, ran, I was like, come on mate, don't worry about it, fuck you know. Yeah, it's
just such a fucking soft thing, all these other cats and that, because there's one woman
around the corner from me, as I go around onto the park, I'm not saying that she is,
but she's like the crazy cat later, and she'll take her dog for a walk, and all the cats
follow her, and there's like about eight of them, and literally they're just walking along
with her, and so obviously mine being fucking as friendly as he is, he tries to sail up,
and all of them just hissing him and everything, because well, you live with a dog, and you
don't interact with another dog, strange, but I suppose it's just because he literally
does look like a wolf, it's them thinking, you know, no, scary, it's not a fuck of a
way. I assume anyway, I don't know, fucking, cats are just shit, you know, let us know
if you're a cat or a dog person, because if you're a cat, you're shit. Thank you for that
question, Laura. Yeah, yeah, appreciate it. Honestly, we sound pretty boring now. Yeah.
I was thinking, literally, I was just thinking like, oh, maybe I need a hobbit. So what would
be the unrealistic one for me then? Oh shit, yeah. What would you say for me then? So unrealistic,
but still within the bounds of fucking, because obviously, we would fucking have the winning
euros ticket of 100 million or whatever. Okay, okay. So get up, dog walk obviously. Yeah.
Then you get some food, but then we go out, not too heavy, few beers. So we're looking
at around midday. Yeah. We watched a football, Warrington football, carry on. Then, hmm,
it is where, see, I'm thinking then we could go and watch some of your comedians, your
favorite comedians back to back. Cause I know you like, I keep forgetting their names. Well,
there's a lot obviously. Yeah, yeah. We went and saw Tom Sikora, I took him on the go.
There's Bert Kreischer, Adam Roe. That's the one I was thinking of. Yeah, Dan Nightingale,
Jamie Hutchinson, there's fucking loads. Yeah. There's a good comedy club, a good comedy
night. Yeah, sitting front row. Yeah, front row so you get heckled. Yeah. Cause I would
love someone to heckle you. I think that'd be a great, I think we've missed a trip there
not pulling you front row of every like comedians show we've had. I know we wanted to before,
didn't we? But I think we got in a little bit too late so we couldn't get right to the
front. The beard and the hair is like really tough. Especially these days. And I know you're
willing enough to say something on the spot. So actually that'd be a part of my day. We
sit front row, JD gets heckled and heckles back. Yeah. Cause I wouldn't start anything.
Literally, but like, so the top comedian that would start to talk to us is not Paul Smith.
So he's a skater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does speak a lot, doesn't he? Yeah, he picks out
people in the audience. So yeah, as you say, with the hair and the beards, it'd be like
fucking hell, look at you kids. And then I'd be like, yeah, so I'm fucking. And so once
he'd start giving me stuff, then I'd just bring back. So yeah, otherwise I'm not going
to be one of them dickheads that fucking, when the drunkenness starts saying, oh, when's
the comedy start? Oh, fucking hell. God, if you're going to be one of them dickheads,
don't go to him. I'll get it if it's not a new comedy or it's, it's everyone's got
an amateur and the fucking the real struggling. Yeah. Give them a bit of stick. But when it's
professionals on that Jimmy Carr special and fucking. Oh, so it's a little sweet. Yeah.
It's like this man writes all his own stuff and he's got such a dark sense of humor. You
think you're going to fucking be able to banter him? No chance. No. Yeah. So something like
that. Yeah. I know you don't like the heat too much. No. So maybe that that's selling
what I've just said, but maybe I'll maybe a different location. So it'd be like, cause
you just said you are going away. So not in your hometown. Yeah. Well, to be fair, even
though it's not my hometown, but to be honest these days, Coventry has got a hot water comedy
club, which I suppose knows as good as Tom as ever. I do want to book us some tickets
for soon. I have been looking every now and again, I'm just waiting for someone that I
actually know to come on and so we can book and go and see him. But yeah, I've always,
you know, as long as it's not too hot. I mean today, over these last couple of days and
over this weekend, we are having a bit of a mini heat wave. I don't know if you've noticed
on your car, but have you seen like, as if look, there's been like a dusty rain on there.
Oh, I've seen it on Reddit. That's some people are, yeah. I've actually seen it on a couple
of cars. So it was on the wife's car. You can't see it on the van. Do you know what it is?
Yeah. It's from the fucking, because of the African heat wave, the Sahara heat wave. So
it's essentially sand that's come over with it, hasn't it? And so yeah, the same don't
scrub your car, rinse it before doing anything, cause otherwise it'll scratch. You know, also
that Sahara desert sand has an important, so that goes all the way to Amazon rainforest.
Now I don't know if it's important, but that going all the way there is an important feature
for the rainforest for some reason. I can't remember that, sorry, I'm sorry. But I always
remember being fascinated that that travels all the way around the world and goes there
to the place that needs it. Yeah. And it's just, yeah. Cause there's all them jet streams
in the air, right? I don't know what the speeds are, but that's wind turbines essentially
just, you know, just randomly around the fucking orbit. Yeah. It's not even with the equator,
the, it's something like a thousand mile an hour, the winds can hit around the equator,
you know, to the flat earthers out there, that won't be real. I saw another one the
other day, God's sake, these flat earthers. So they've got essentially it's like a glass
ball, but it's cut in half. So they've made this dome of a ball themselves out of like
a fucking resin or something. And because they haven't cured it properly. So I don't
know if you've ever seen any of these videos where they're making the resin tabletops and
stuff. So it's, it's, it's, it's just like a liquid plastic essentially. Once it's set,
you can work with it off wood, but when you pour it, it has little air pockets in. So
you meant to have like an air, an air, a blowtorch just to heat it up and it gets the air out.
Right. So anyway, they've made this little fucking half a ball and it's full of air pockets
like you can see them. And so they're trying to say that those air pockets are what are
in this firmament, the fucking dome that's covering the flat earth. So they've had no
stars, it's air pockets. And then they're holding a torch over it and they're like,
yeah, how you can see that little dot there, that's the moon. And then the bigger dot on
the other side, that's the fucking sun. And it's like, no, because if you shine a torch
on a fucking prison, you see the rainbow. So is that how the fucking rainbows are made?
We've got prisms up in the fucking firmaments as well. It's just the fucking things that
these people come out with. Well, the main thing I've never heard any of these idiots
fucking say is why, why, why have all the fucking governments, people in power, NASA,
even Elon and that nav as well with his fucking SpaceX, why would they have to lie? There's
no reason for it. Yeah. What beneficial was there to lie about it? Yeah, I just don't
see. And then it goes down the rabbit hole of the ice wall is just stopping, it's separating
us from other lands, other islands and whatever. And I saw this one Egypt, Jesus Christ, he's
fucking, he's like, said there's like Asgardia, Asgard and fucking this and that Lord, fucking
mythology, Lord, what you're seeing in fucking the Bible and fucking all sorts of different
things. You know, I reckon fucking Narnia was one of the islands, but he's like, yeah,
so all the dragons are there. And the reason why they don't come over the ice wall no more
is because of the, the free G four G and four G signals. And so we've had fucking mobile
signals for like 20 years. Why, why did the dragon stop coming? Yeah. Where was that in
the seventies? Yeah. No, you know, what, what stopped them coming to them? So I was the
radiation because of the electric and this and that's not no fucking. I mean, I believe
this, I only since the, what this man just said for the first time, I'd be like, yeah,
it's being some truth. It's being real though. I'd love for it to actually be fucking true
that there's other unexplored, like areas, islands, worlds, whatever the fucking going
to be classed as past the ice wall. But it just isn't like it's, it's, it's the earth.
It's not a perfect sphere, you know, but it's a fucking globe. You know, it's just stupid.
Yeah. There's fake NASA videos. You know, you see, you see them and up there. They're
fucking, you can see that the strings are holding them up as they're doing their flips
and whatever. And there's one, he's got like a deck of cards and then he drops to the floor
and fucking whatever. Oh yeah. The fake and a lot of the shit, but that's just them doing
it just to be dickheads for you though. Because you're asking for proof that they can't give
to the trying to make things. Did you see the fucking any of the footage of the Indian
crap lot of space crap landed on the moon? Oh Jesus Christ. The actual footage of it
because it shows them in their log like space center. Yeah. Like Houston. Yeah. So it shows
them in there and they're all fucking off. Oh, it's getting there. It's getting there.
What was the rocket called? I don't know. Cause you know like the like Houston, like
New Delhi and was he like Indian national wants as well on it was just like, yeah, man
on mancraft. So I'm sure there was fucking, I'm sure there was people on there. They're
definitely fucking taking pictures in that anyway. This would be the first moon landing
for years. Wouldn't it? Cause Russia attempted it. Yeah. So ISRO, Indian space research
organization. So September the second launched the ambitious Aditya Alwansodamissha. That's
not the one though. It's been there for a couple of weeks. How was that? So Chandrayan
Bray. Well, while I'm fucking, I've got it on my phone for you. I'll just see if I can
write. Sorry for everyone that's listening. You can Google it yourself. If I can, I will
put it on the fucking video. So you're showing this space caps and that. Yes. So what's landed
on the moon? It's just not covered in gold, even though it's not, but the actual footage
of it as it landed, it just looked like an old, like PlayStation one game that's landed
down onto the fucking moon. And it was just so comical because they're all standing there.
I've got the video. I've got the video. Well, I'm going to try and put it on the video.
Look, for the YouTube listeners, that is. Oh, the fucking cookies. Right. Well, but yeah,
you fucking describe what you see as you're looking at this. No, it looks, you know what
it looks like to me. If anyone's ever played Kingdom Hearts and you jump on the gummy ship
in between worlds, that's what it looks like to me. This, no, that, no, no. No, it's definitely
going to be a lot easier for people to just google it and watch it themselves if they
haven't already. But I am going to try and overlap it. At least a couple of pictures
or something I'll try and put on the YouTube. But it literally is just, it's not cartoon
style, but it's poor fucking old school, look, a good 15, 20 years old of like, well, even
longer than that, really, if you think fucking films when we were kids, it does look like
a PlayStation. It looks like the Shukrin Derby. If it was a spacecraft, yeah, fucking car
is what I used to love. I did actually, when the side of releasing some of the old games
on the PS4, probably about six years ago or something, did actually download that on the
cost me like four pounds. I remember just playing it for days and days. Look, there's
no concept to it other than just drawing it, smash and fucking try and survive yourself.
It fucking was, man. Yeah, check that out. It looks like, let us know what you think.
It looks terrible. It does. And there has been a lot of TikTok videos because there
was one where it was like what the Indian astronaut looks like walking on the moon.
And so your man is there in a fucking astronaut costume and he's doing all the slow walk and
that. And you can see he's not on the moon. And at first, because you think fucking out,
like it is, because it's all dark and that. But as soon as you see him start walking,
it's like, all right. And then it's like, you think, well, hang on, where's that coming
from? Next thing the car drives past. And so he's walking on the gravel fucking roads
in India or something. Fucking out. It is funny. There's been a couple of them like
that. But yeah, it's just, it just. If anyone wants to say that it's fake, they just need
to look at India's footage. Yeah. There's a bit of deception there. Yeah. And then
with that landing that had happened, there was a lot of controversy. So again, I don't
know if it was GMB news or GBN news or whatever. But one of these news programmes, the one
presenter, he says, if they can afford their own space exploration programme, then they
should return the money that we gave for India aid, I don't know, 12 years ago, whatever
it was, because there was a nationwide emergency. So as the UK do with everyone, they'll fucking
send one in. And then it was all because of that and the other social influences as what
the woman fucking says, there was an Indian reporter that fucking blasted about that then
saying, well, what about the fucking four trillion pounds worth of fucking, because
of how we obviously, well, not we personally, but you know, history, the ancestors. Yeah.
Britain obviously took over the whole world essentially at one point. So, you know, it's
all the fucking resources and whatever the talk from there and fucking this and that.
I was looking at it, I was thinking, all right, it's not tit for tat. Fucking you got a space
programme. It doesn't fucking matter. You're on the moon, allegedly. Yeah. So if anyone
is going to doubt it, don't fucking look at India's footage. It's just shit. Yeah. It's
what we do. Just being real, mate. Yeah. So yeah, Lauren, thanks for that question. Yeah,
thank you for that. Really appreciate that. So we've got little Kirsty back again now
as well. She has asked, if you had a time machine and could go back, could go back and
shag anyone with no consequences, who would you choose? P.S. Tom for that story, J.J.
I'll keep it back now. We'll get to that, Kirsty. We'll get to it. Time machine. Hmm.
I mean, there's a lot that you could choose from really. I mean, I'd love to see what
Marilyn Monroe was like in real person because you'd only ever seen, essentially, little
bits on TV because obviously she was well before our time. Apparently she was sleeping
with the president, John F. Kennedy and his brother, Bobby Kennedy, at the same time,
which is a bit weird. That's not her brother's. Yeah, it's still weird though, isn't it? If
you know your brother's, if your brother's doing it with some girl, you're going to jump
on it. I ain't going to jump on it. No, that's what I'm saying. Because why wouldn't you
jump on it? Because it's weird on your brother's. So I'm not a bad from her point of view, but
I'm just saying like. She was just building up that vibe. Just a bit weird though. Maybe
mad though. Yeah. I'm just trying to think of fucking women from the past really. I have
to admit, I don't find people on the TV. And I've said this. I don't look at them and think
that way. It's because a lot of them, they aren't real. The eyes don't make them. But
a lot of the actresses, it's the fucking, the face filler, the lip filler, the boob
drops and all that. I'm not much of a fucking fake. So you know when you watch Love Island
though? I don't watch Love Island. No. But look, it's just a flow. Yeah. Yeah, a lot
of them. So yeah, Pamela Hamilton wouldn't have gone back and done her in the prime.
Not saying she's passed it now, but never was more cup of tea. But also, I saw it now.
I love how everyone wants to know about this story, don't they? Which one? To be fair,
yeah, I've still got a good couple more. I know which one I've been teasing for weeks
though, to be fair. I'm just struggling on who to go back for really. Yeah, I mean growing
up, me and Jadie used to have this thing. When I used to stop over Jadie's, obviously
I'd start up a play, whatever. And then that's when I used to go on. We used to end up going
to sleep. Jadie used to be on the top bunk. I used to go up on the bottom bunk. And then
obviously we used to talk about, I don't know, girls used to fancy and score. Remember that?
Yeah, it was pretty much every week. Every week we used to do it. And it was always the
same collection of girls really. Do you remember we had the conversation a fair while ago now
or could you imagine how, well, because a few of them would know what they're like now
that we would have happily done things within school and it's all, I wouldn't touch them
now. There was a couple that weren't on the list that would be on the list now. Yeah,
mad days. I don't know if it would have been anyone from school if it was to go, well,
actually yeah, there would have been one that I would have been happy to go back with. Can
you really say that about your blog? Because that's how you fought and fought in school
and you can't really do it about school days in Kenya. I'm not a nuns. Someone who was,
I mean, I haven't seen what she looks like now, but the mother from Back to the Future,
she was a fucking darling. I've never watched Back to the Future. How can you never watch
Back to the Future? Oh my fucking God. Let me tell you a little story. Tell me a little
story. I watched Armageddon last week for the first time and I also watched Volcano last
week for the first time. Volcano? Yeah. And what I found out about these early 90s movies
or mid 90s that everything goes wrong, but it still works. So Armageddon, one of the
shuttles- Was Armageddon the one with Bruce Willis? Yeah, one of the shuttles crashed
and then half of them survived there and then everything goes wrong, but it still happened.
Like, they're still getting done. What always made me laugh about Armageddon was like, boy,
why wasn't it easier to teach astronauts how to be good? Why did they have to teach fucking
holdigers how to fucking be astronauts? And when Bruce Willis is chasing Ben Affleck at
the beginning when he finds out he's sleeping with his daughter, he's actually trying to
kill him. Like, they want to be part of it. Well, you just try to kill him. Like, literally,
everything that could go wrong went wrong, but it was still successful in terms of the
objective was complete. Yeah. And Volcano, Volcano, mate, let me tell you about this
scene. I was like, fuck off. So, humanity is you one from Men in Black. But, er, fucking
hell. He was like, he was like Will Smith's character's, er, gender, I don't know how
to, er, is he ageing B or age? No, it's M, wasn't it? M, whatever. I've just got Robert
De Niro in my head, but it's not him. No, it's Mickey, so Mickey and Lee or something,
Lee Thomas or something. Anyway, Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones, that's it. He was
a good looking man when he was younger as well. I know that's just gone off for another time
as well, but I remember seeing fucking one of them TikToks and he shows them from when
the first started the career and going through the years and fucking out. He was a good looking
man when he was young. Fucking. Because he's in a good movie called Fugitive, bad boy movie.
Yeah. But also, can we just get a little shout out to Con Air? Because at least, Con Air
is a fucking great movie. You know what? I've only watched it once. Right. And that was
when I was younger, so I can't even say if I enjoyed it or not. Honestly, get it on.
I'll get it on. It's a man film, if you can call it stuff that nowadays. Anyway. Proper
man film or man film or top one? Oh, no, that's a bit sus film. Sorry, I'm going off on a
tangent again now. Fucking. Look at the question sheet. Fucking. So look, my brother and his
mates, the large things that we was at, there was a lake there, but there was a bit of a
manmade beach and so there was a little swimming pool for the kids with a slide and stuffy.
But there was one section of the sand that had a volleyball court. Fucking, I remember
as soon as I saw that, I was like, how much you want to bet that Nathan, his gay boy mates
are going to fucking mabrick it up? Yeah. Fucking half an hour after the fucking bags were in
the room, they were out there in the shorts, tops off, sunglasses on with a fucking ball
playing volleyball. I've walked past and I was like, how are we to the danger zone? Fucking
not even got the reference. No, well, they wouldn't would they? Well, they're only two
years younger than us, so they should have done, but they're not men, not proper men.
Top gun men. Wait, Lil' Sire though, have you ever played volleyball? Not going to know
often, probably people who are in school. You know, like, hey, you have people that can
just join a crowd and like, hey, so whenever I've been, I've never played it. I've seen
people play and they've asked me to play it and I want to play it, but I don't know how
to play it. And also, I don't want to be that rubbish guy on the team. What is it? It's
essentially the same as Pairs in Badminton. Yeah, but you have like four people, four
of us all. Yeah, yeah, you can have a few of us. So I know the one in the corner is supposed
to serve it to the other corner. Yeah, you've got to spot it. And then you only can touch
it once in one go. So you can only touch it. Yeah, so all it can pass to you, you can lay
it off and then it'll fucking whack it back down again. So it just, I've never, obviously
it's not something you can plan your own. So yeah, I've always wanted to try, but I've
always been scared to be that rubbish guy. Well, maybe one day we'll do it together.
Fugitive will try and work our way back again. No, sorry, no, volcano. Volcano. So there's
a scene where they have to blow up a building to stop the lava or magma coming through.
Yeah, not a lava. But then anyway, he sees his daughter that he sent with the nurse to
the doc, with the doc, to the nurse doc, I don't know. And then the, then the nurse and
doctor said, you've got to look after this kid. So she takes her eyes off the kid for
one second. Anyway, the kid's walking out, well, it's the point where they're blowing
up this building, obviously. And then he sees them from about a foot, he looks like on the
floor, 400 yards away. And she's just there like, then he, instead of just, instead of
her just grabbing the kid and running, he runs from 400 yards away. Honestly, it's just
like, it was, it was, it's like everything went wrong, but it still worked. Also twist
that great film. I mean, it was okay. It's, it's just that stereotypical fucking world's
going to end, so I don't know, isn't it? Have you ever seen one of those actual tornado
hunters on Tik Tok? Not on Tik Tok. I remember watching the programme. Yeah. My partner,
she watches her, like, just straight to it. Yeah. Driving after her. But while it's still
on my head. So the actor from Last Man on Earth, he was also, remember in How I Make
Him Mother, when Barney had his wingman from work, that every time he got a burn, he had
a nosebleed. Oh, vaguely, vaguely that answer. So if you saw his face, you'd know him. Right.
Funny comedy actor. He did like a little sketch show on, I think it was, not exactly not live,
however it was, where fucking, Will Ferrell and all that used to do fucking comedy sketches.
But I saw a fucking video the other day where he's doing a piss take of these men films.
And so it starts off, he goes fucking into like a gym, like a boxing gym or something.
Chris Jericho goes up to him. He's like, oh yeah, the good times we had bro, that rare,
when I'm setting up a team, I've got something to do. He's like, I'm there. And so he fucking
starts going around, all the WWE wrestlers. So he's got like Mark Henry, fucking this
and that. And he's like, he just goes in, like they give the little nod to each other.
The great Carly was fucking one of them as well. And he's like, yeah, setting the team
up. And he's fucking there. The last one, it's the big shot. And he's like, he's in a
garage, fucking as a car mechanic. He's like, hey brother, I'm setting up a team. I need
your help. He's like, yeah, give him the nod. I mean, fucking one of his colleagues comes
over, fucking leans down, kisses him. He shakes his head. Next thing he gives the cut out
scene of the zoomed out scene with all the wrestlers there behind him, but no big show.
It's like, no, he's gay, he's not on the team. Right. And then back to it again anyway.
So that was the mother in fucking back to the future. So if you could bang anyone, this
would. Well, it's just one that popped in my head. She was a fucking darling back in
the day. Um, what was, there's not many that I can think of, but yeah, all natural and
that anyway, there's no fake tits or anything on her. Or at least wasn't back then. Um,
don't know about these days. No, that's a picture of a night. So I'll buy a side. Um,
you can't go get it yourselves as well. Yeah. Uh, it's a hard one really. And it's, you
know, it, oh, again, fucking Kimberley original pink Power Ranger, every fucking lad had a
thing for her really. Uh, you know, who am I? Is that, you know, who my first crush was
in terms of, and I'll just say that I'm really see people on TV. Sure. I would have known
ginger sports. Again, yeah. So we dispose cause everyone always had the fire. Mom was
always Jerry as well. Um, I think most people's was looking baby sports though. Right. No.
I'm a bunting. Yeah. Yeah. Jerry just boring redhead any. Yeah. That's the reason why I
split up any of that because of her and Mal. They split the group up. So yours would be
Jerry then. I just think I'm just going back to that. If, if this, it's, I suppose it's
hard to say cause you don't want to be, I'll try and think about it throughout the week.
And if there's something that comes to mind, not something, someone that comes to mind,
then, uh, I'll drop it in. I mean, again, I'll, you know, old school Megan Fox before
she started having the work done. Um, you know, so she still machine gun killer. I think
the spill. Uh, we had a little bit just, just as, and then before she did transformers because
after that, that's when she started having the work done and that then. I don't know.
I haven't seen this since transformers to be honest with you. She's not done much. She
was in fucking new girl, but she, Oh, she's a fucking darling. Um, Zoe, Zoe Deschanel.
I don't know. Yeah. Um, but then you're not really needing a time machine for that really
higher for her. Sorry. I don't want to sound sexist on this podcast. We're all about the
political correctness. So, uh, yeah, thank you for that. I really appreciate it. Who
would you go back? I reckon she's got a few. Yeah. Men and women, probably women as well.
Yeah. Uh, let us know. He'd, uh, Tom traveled to, would it be someone like Bill Clinton,
JFK, um, so-called Steve Austin. Um, Tony Fee would have been much of a sex symbol. Really?
I can't say. Maybe someone like, I think it was resting as a sex symbol, heartbreak kid.
Shawn Michaels. Yeah. Cause he even had that song getting, I know a kid. I'm just a sexy
boy. Yeah. And the other one as well. Uh, ask man, the one in the generation X, uh,
rolled out exchange. Yeah. Uh, I mean, I'm guessing so anyway, just because he did that
fucking look when he just had his pants on and he, you mean Val Venous? Yeah. Uh, Val
Venous. Fucking hell. He used to make me laugh because he used to have the towel and like,
yeah, like didn't want to undo it. But then when he used to rest, like he walked down
like, when he wrestled, just take the towel. I'm sure there was one where someone pulled
socks out of his fucking pants. So like he was always packing to make it look like he
had a bulge. Sure. Someone did. Yeah. That was the best, best ever for us. Yeah. Thank
you for your email. Yeah. Let us know. Cause who would, to be fair, it doesn't have to
be going back in time. Does it? Could just be fucking, uh, if he, is it the golden card,
the golden ticket, uh, free pass? Well, couples do it. Like a hall pass. Yeah. Uh, couples
have like a list, not all couples, but you see it on fucking, there was a lot of friends
or whatever on it. They had the list of if you met this celebrity and you could sleep
with them, you would. Um, so yeah, if you've got like a celebrity or several, uh, would
be on your list, let us know. Um, I mean again, of modern day celebrities and I'm not gay,
but you would do it to fucking Ronald Reynolds really, wouldn't you? I think that's just
every straight man's just straight. Yeah. Just, I think Brad Pitt, not so much for us. That's
more of a, an older persons, not one same as, um, Oh, what's his name? He was fucking, he
was in, he does coffee adverts and I oceans 11 George Clooney, George Clooney. He was
a Batman. Everyone always used to love him as well. Didn't they? Yeah. My mom used to
love him in ER. Yeah. Yeah. Was it ER? Was it, was it called ER? Sure. The American one.
Yeah. It was called ER. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was called what it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Uh, I've been shot. Could everyone stop getting shot? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Right. So who we got next fucking Danny G. I'll be minding this one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What did he say? He was saying stuff like dead and you know, you, you got no reason.
Yeah. Singing's dead. To be fair, if you were singing to a girl now, it would be a bit.
What? But again, that's to the fucking the young guns today. It'd be dead. You know,
I was fucking trying to get laid. Now, you know, imagine a scenario. Alicia's gone. Um,
you know, she ran away or she's been hit by a bus or something. So she's at this. She's
not in the picture. Yeah. So if I'm out now, for sars, I'm not trying to fucking pull in
the club because I need to go to bed early. You know, I'm going to get up early. It's
not worth the three days you miss the hangover. So yeah, if I'm just out in the bay, you know,
I'm just chatting a woman up. And again, if it is one of them more of my age, you know,
if we do go on a date, it probably is going to be karaoke or something. So yeah, that's
when the singing comes back into me. But now fucking with the younger ones, you're not
going to be able to do that because that's not what they want. They want to be fucking
chatted up. Don't they want to be raised? Well, well, I do want to be chatted up because,
you know, we've seen some, well, you've seen some stuff. So, you know, yeah. Oh, well,
sorry. Cause just about your story. What we're going to do with that. We're going to leave
that to the end. I'll get onto it in a minute. Yeah. All right. I'll get onto it in a minute.
Everyone's going to be a slightly longer podcast. You know, as well as episode 24. That's it.
Four years. That's it. So the man, the man's reply. Yeah. Little G. Right lads. 24 and
single. Oh yeah. Cause we asked to nobody. Yeah. Cause he said dead and he assumed, cause
I always assumed he was like fairly soon. Cause he said dead and raised. I was like,
yeah, he's going to be under like. So 24 single got all the rest that's needed. No gang. Yeah.
Not about singing. You just go up to the ladies and drop some lines. It's simple. What lines
are you dropping? What are you saying? I think you could just drop anything nowadays. I suppose.
I don't know, man. I know there was. Show him anything. I don't know. There was sort
of like a short window of time where I could pretty much just go up to a girl and just
be like, yeah, you want it. And then you got the no filter. Yeah. So yeah. And it's not
sound, a couple of drinks. Go have your fun. So whether it's just completely like that
now that I'd get more trim than you on a night out. More trim. Trim. Yeah. T R I M.
I assume that's girl. As I said, my barber called me 30 the other week. I guess that's
right. I had to go. Asking what trim is there. It must be women. Make fair play to her if
you can put a few birds on an old hat. So he's 24, he's single. Yeah. He's got all the
rest. Singing is dead. Yeah. And then what's your sad answer? So you just got to go up
to him and drop a few lines. Give us one of your pick up lines, Dan. We want to, we don't
need advice. We want to know what you're fucking wrecking there. What is your go to line? We
assume trim means girls. It must do. Unless it means guys. But it might be fucking just
both. Trim might be picture. I'd get more action than you on a night out maybe. I don't
know man. Fuck you. No? Well. Yeah. So you should. 24. Fucking. I was involved prime
back then as well. Fuck it up. Put it this way, if you can still count on your hands
and toes, you ain't got more reason than what I had fucking back in the day kid. I suppose
it's a question to be asked. Is it easy to pull now in your opinion or would Danny G
find it hard to pull in your generation? In our time. So if you could just drop a few
lines. If you reckon Danny G would find it harder in your time line, then obviously he'd
find it harder. I mean you'd find it harder in his time. So now. Well yeah. Cause I've
had a good couple of advances on myself the last few times I've been out. So, and that's
for me. Walking around with a ring and not even putting any effort in. So let's put 24
year old JD into that is. I'd fucking have more of that. And then you put 24 year old
Danny G in your time line. Who's doing better? I'd still be doing better. Because fucking
I had to put a crack. It was a full on shit for us back in the day. I know Danny G in
having that. No, because he wouldn't be able to have it fucking drop a couple of lines.
Give us what the fuck. You know what I'm thinking. I'm getting angry at him. He's not even there.
I reckon Danny G, I reckon he smokes a vape. He's one of them. Oh, he's got a little weed
one. Drives a Ford Fiesta. Or a Corsa. No, yeah, like Ford. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little
Corsa, little fucking. He could have boost one. Put the exhaust on it. Yeah. He's got
a traffic cone attached to his exhaust to make it sound like a bra as well. Or he just gets
the buzz mate. Yeah, little boss won't go. In between us there, kid. Fuck you. We'll
have to get Danny G on the show actually. Tell us some of your stories. Mate, yeah.
Fucking. And take you out. That'd be great to see actually. We can do an IRL in real
life. And I found that idea with that as well, mate. There you go. Gaming terminology, that
is good. IRL, yeah. I was watching that sneaker. AFK. Awake on keyboard. Fucking hell. That
was when we was in school though. That was. Fucking hell. To be fair, there's too much
of that. Like, it's bad enough with like LOL, LMAO, LMFAO and all that. But when you fucking
see where it's just like someone's just whacked the fucking keyboard and it's like meant to
fucking say, what do you think about this? Blah, blah, blah. How are you meant to fucking
know? Just type it out. Everyone's got limited characters on a text message these days. Just
fucking write it out. It's annoying. But yeah, Dan, tell us what you do then. Not just drop
a couple lines. Give us an example of what's your go to line of what you say that gets
you some trim. Maybe Danny G's presence is a present in itself, the girls. We'll talk
about that. Maybe he's just got it, mate. Maybe he has just got it, but we don't know
what it is. We just know Dan. You just know Dan. I think he's... Dan the man. Fucking
desperate, Dan. I think now's a good time to fucking start a story then. But Dan, thanks
for your man. Yeah, appreciate it, you little prick. Nah, I'm joking, mate. Fucking always
appreciate. Yeah, so I had that much fucking game that I didn't even have to try most of
the time. So this is one period. Obviously, you're self proclaimed Top Shagger, or used
to be a self proclaimed Top Shagger. Yeah, yeah. Fucking... And we're going after these
Top Shagger stories. I mean, there is a good few, but the main one, you've been waiting
to fucking hear it for a while again. Percy's started to hear it, so I've got to fucking
tell him. Yeah, I mean, we're 25D, so... Yeah. No, we're by the balls now, you know, so...
Fucking hell, she had me by the balls as well. I'll get to that in a minute. So, one point
in the younger days, I spent a lot of time in Derbyshire, because that's where Dad was
living. And at the bottom of the garden was the double garage, and we had two caravans
down there. So one was my brother's bedroom, the other one was my uncle's caravan that
was just left there because he had no head story. And so every weekend was just a general
fucking, you go out on the sesh, and then go back there and just fucking have a chill,
listen to music, carry on drinking and that. But he's one night in particular, the uncle
and his mates nicknamed ears, he had a big nose. To be fair, no, his nose was normal,
so his head was just too small for his ears. Funny as fuck. And back then, to be fair,
I don't know about ears these days, but uncle, he's not a raging alcoholic, like what he
used to be. But back then, it was fucking hardcore. So, you know, started off as normal,
a couple of drinks, gone out, met some friends and whatever. And it was just one girl I'd
been chatting to for most of the night and that. Nothing happened with her. But one of
her friends, I won't say her name, but everyone, because of her last name, everyone called
her such and such fat because it rhymed with it. I'm not going to say her first name.
But describe what she looked like then, Jay. She was a fucking moose. So she was a larger
lady, a lot larger than the average lady. Wasn't nice looking. And just not someone
that you'd want to wake up next to in general. One that you take out to a carvery just so
there's all you can eat there. And it's what we call in the trade, 10 to 3. 10 to 3 girls.
Yeah, it was a lot fucking lighter than that. So anyway, like, here's her fucking trying
to chat her up all night. She wasn't having none of it. And then it's got to the time
of the morning at this point where clubs are closing. So we've all gone back to the caravan
to carry on drinking and that. And she started trying to put it on me. I was like, no, I'm
all right, bab. Don't want nothing. No, I'm all right, so. Fucking here's his game. Go
on, look, and he's still fucking trying to even though she's kept moving around the caravan
and she kept following me. I said, caravans not big fucking. Oh, sorry for the suspension.
And I said, I bet that was rocking all the way. I mean, even before, just walking around,
I still could buy a roof. You can have a look at that. So yeah, been going on for like another
hour by fucking drinking away. We've that caravan that we was in, it never had a toilet.
So if you needed a way, you'd go out and just piece next to the caravan. To be fair, I'm
assuming that the line is still designed. I'm guessing so. I don't fucking. I don't
think I really paid attention. Plus we was always drunk. So I just didn't care. If the
girl's going out for a piece as well, it is what it is. So literally is at the fucking
end, how old was still awake? I don't know. Because obviously there'd been a lot of drinking
at the club before going out, shots in the club and that, and then still knocking up
a fucking, I don't know, four or six cans of snow or whatever fucking back in the caravan
because we used to buy slabs of 24 each and then we'd go through that over the whole of
the weekend as well as going out and drinking. So I've gone out, gone to have a piece. Next
thing I'm getting dragged into the other caravan and it was just all the fucking blur at that
point. Well, who's dragging you Joe? Fucking this fat bitch has dragged me into the caravan
and essentially she's right man. Cause I already didn't consent. At least I didn't want to
consent. But I've just sat to mind up at that point and all. So yeah, somehow fucking got
hard. I suppose I just closed my eyes and thought of England. Maybe it was the beer.
Yeah. At that point, because I was drunk, I didn't remember too much at the time. So
then I woke up in the morning and it was back in the day before we had touch screen phones.
So there was buttons you had to physically press and you'd be trying to get a letter
and you'd have to press two, three times to get C and fucking like six, three times to
get O. Fucking proper old school. So I'm lying there and all. So it's waking me up. I've
tried not to move and I'm thinking who the fuck is texting next to me? And then it all
starts coming back. Normally when you start having a flashback of something that you're
not happy about, then you see it on the films and the TV and that it's all the full head
movements. So I was doing that movement in my head, but I'm trying to stay still because
it all started flashing back. So I remember the dragging me into the caravan. She starts
fucking going down on me. Then fucking she's bent over and I'm banging from behind and
this and that and fucking. Yeah, it all blurred at the end anyway. I know I didn't finish.
Fucking I wouldn't have been out. I was that drunk. Fucking no chance. Remember I fucking,
you saw I wear a ring on my middle finger as well. And obviously as you do it, you fucking,
you gotta give the lady a bit of pleasure. And I'm thinking my rings on my finger. That's
inside of that. I've lost my ring. So this point now, the five minutes of pure disgusting
flashbacks coming into my head. I've gone out of the bed. I'm like Rob, Bob, fucking
yeah, throw my James back down. I'm like, Rob, I'm just gonna go have yourself a cup
of tea. I'll be back down in a minute. Fucking never went back down to the caravan until
she'd left anyway. Fucking hell. The old man was laughing at me because he fucking
had winded up what had happened. Cause me brother had fucking told him. Oh God, I was
so ashamed. The whole of that fucking day. Couldn't believe what had happened. But after
a couple of hours, cause she waited down there, waiting for me to go back down. Fucking nah.
Wanted another round mate. Fucking never had it in me in the first place for round one.
I think I just fucked off in the van for a bit. I didn't say I put it out anyway cause
she could have easily come up. So when I knew that she'd actually left, went down, found
my ring on the fucking floor in the gravel. So fortunately fell off while I was having
a piss or something. Fucking hell. I did give it a sneak test. Didn't smile like fucking
ass or anything. And then yeah, after that fucking for weeks, I was making sure not to
bump into that. And everyone she'd spoke to, she was saying that she was going to fucking
beat me up. And she'd fucking easily do it as well. She was going to knock me out because
fucking trying to say that I'd use that. But the golden thing was, ears was fucking having
a rock go at me the next day saying I'd fucking stole these bird. I sat there and told her
to fucking have you. I kept moving away and he was following her around off the fucking
last puppy as well. It was just disgusting. It definitely isn't one of my proudest moments.
I mean, I can tell you about another time that would be more of a proud moment, but
we'll save that for another time. Yeah. I mean, there's plenty more to come. Don't worry
about that. There is a lot more to come. Are we mentioning, this is the same one with the,
I don't know what to say on the podcast, but it was the funniest part. I thought it was
the funniest part of Bali. Oh, shit. Yeah. I mean, for me, this just went. So from my
point of view, when JD and our roommate used to go down, JD's dad used to come back with
his stories. But he wasn't, we'd been on that weekend. No, no. But normally we used to be
the two of us. You make weekend of it. Yeah. You're out there all weekend, come back. And
so yeah, I was running for the story. Yeah. And then, but this one was funny because obviously
he's told the story as he was telling me, like the dread, like the story, like how the
boss looked like the dread, the fear. But the thing that had me creasing the most is
that he had the flashback that you had. Yeah. So the flashback, see, I blocked it out. You
don't want to go there, right? So I remember, I don't know why I fucking forgot because
fucking, I just mentioned about the ring. So yeah, she, she didn't have to ask twice.
She made me do it. So I ended up forming that. Probably an easy role to get into to be fair.
But so I was in her asshole. But once she's had a pleasure off of that, she's fucking rolled
around. She didn't speak. Fuck no. Look at her on the back. Yeah. Yeah. She started sucking
her ass right away. 80 and 80 and. No, it might be fucking completely different these
days. It might be a fucking, you know, obviously we've already had Seegan and that, it might
be a fucking. I reckon a lot of people they're just like, it's just bummed, isn't it? Yeah.
But like back in the day, Asthma, that was like a disgusting thing that you'd see on
porn. Not a regular occurrence. In a car van, yeah. You wouldn't even sweat in a car when.
You're in a back garden. It's not even on a caravan sauce. Fucking. So apart from that
night, there were good old days, you know, fucking madness. So that, that's yeah, nothing
to be proud of. It's not big, it's not clever. Don't get raped when you're a, I know it's
not a choice. You don't get to say no. Just the boy being that drunk and getting abused
off. I still just don't know how I was able to fucking do it. Wrong. Yeah, there's definitely
more stories. The rest of them from now on will be a bit more cheerful than that. Yeah.
You know what? Cause you loved the story. You should have told the story yourself. Cause
it's been fucking like a down moment for me. No. With our group of lads like growing up,
they always had stories. Yeah. And I mean stories and like obviously when it comes to
girls, nights out and it was just always when, when the lads are telling you the story from
their perspective, like in the moment, like obviously Jaylee's telling his story like,
I don't know, 15, I don't know, I don't even want to put a number. It's about 19. So yeah,
about 15 years ago. 15 years ago. See when you're telling it, from my point of view,
like two days after it actually happened. Yeah. Cause all the memory was fresh from
me at then as well. Yeah. And just the dread, the fear, the, it's the ATM that got me. Yeah.
Cause I just remember you telling me and one of the lads was like, you ATM that? I didn't
even know that many to that person said it at that time. Yeah. But yeah, now it was,
yeah. I need to fucking, I need to give another story out cause that's, I don't want to end
these podcasts, be me selfy and a little bit distressed with that one. A bit uncomfortable.
Well, before I tell another story actually, so a couple of years after that happened,
my dad was in the pub with my stepmother and whoever else. There was a lad that I know
from over them ways, used to do a bit of work with him. Fucking same lads, electrician and
that. And he was drinking with me dad as well at that point. But I don't even know what,
but that started chatting to this girl, this same fucking girl. Fucking so and so fat.
And then, well, for whatever reason it was like, Oh yeah. So what, what kind of lad do
you go for and that there? Cause I don't know the full story, but yeah, she's ended up saying
fucking she's into gingers. And so my mate he's ginger, but she wasn't into him. Plus
I don't know if he had a girlfriend or something at the time, but she started fucking describing
me and she didn't know that there's more with that. And so fucking that's trying to ring
me. I remember I was out, uh, I don't know, somewhere having fucking dinner with the missus
anywhere. He's trying to ring and I ended up saying, sorry, I've got to take this. Cause
I'm thinking, fuck, it's so important. So I've answered his, Oh, we're all so never
gonna see all just fucking met. I'm like, who? You got, well, she's into gingers, blah,
blah, this now. So for fuck's sake, that I said, you didn't tell her you're my dad. Did
you? He went, no, but I wanted to. So that you see her again. Don't fucking say anything.
Fucking, but yeah, she kind of fucking says about how she fucking love this one ginger
lad and fucking, you know, did it.
But what did she find out that you was his son or your brother?
Yeah, but I don't know if, well, I'm guessing she didn't know that that was Rob's dad as
well. I think it was just, he was in the pool and not that being daddy just chatting to
people. Don't know. Um, so yeah, I've just started the conversation and then just after
he's had a couple of drinks, she starts chatting shit even more. So yeah, well, let me give
another little fucking story now before we finish the part. Cause that has brought me
down a little bit. Um, so again, the same areas. Remember this one bird that, uh, it
wasn't like a back on enough fucking relationship. It was just, she'd messaged me a lot. Like
she had a boyfriend and everything and just like out of the blue, but do you want to meet
up? Oh yeah. Fucking sound. Um, obviously I wasn't the one getting cheated on. She wasn't
always with this kid, but I remember when she was with him, she was still fucking wanting
to meet up and that, you know, I don't condole cheating or anything, but you know, I wasn't
one doing anything or anything, so it didn't bother me. But yeah, anyway, I remember fucking
meeting up with that, picked her up and then look with that same house of dads, there was
like a road, he carried on down the road and it sort of led to like a field. It was like
a football pitch and whatever. Remember fucking driving down there to like the gates where
you could open it to the farmers to go whatever. And have you ever tried having sex in the
car? Or had sex in the car? Yeah. Not driving, but it's one of the most awkward fucking things
to do. Were you in a car in a van? I was in a car, had a car, fucking focus, things of
focus or a fiesta. Not focus, yeah, because fiestas are smaller. Fucking, so yeah, getting
into it in the back, fucking, you know, banging around. It's just, you ain't got room, you
can't fucking load the seats down properly and fucking whatever. So awkward anyway. So
I ended up just fucking opening the door, I'm standing outside, fucking banging the
wire nap, done the deed. And then, well, just as I fucking finished, I was in this car,
fucking pulling down towards us, fucking out, so I jumped back in, scrambled into the front,
fucking, put on my fucking clothes and that back on, she's doing the same. And then we're
just sitting there, I've put the radio on, just fucking music, just drawing out act all
innocent, because I'm thinking, is it a police car or something? Well, they've just sat behind
us, about 20 meters behind, they've got the headlights on, and I think it's not the police,
because they've not fucking put the lights on and fucking come over or anything. So I'm
thinking, have I accidentally pulled down to a dogging spot or something there? You
know, you're giving the look, because you have to say, what's going on? Do they give
you a little flash? No flashing or anything, fucking. They must have known what I've just
done, because again, with the old showing. Yeah, the modest scene. Well, the modest scene
we get him dressed in the car as well, because it's fucking 12 o'clock in the night or something.
Their headlights are shining straight through the car, so they'd be able to see me putting
my fucking top and that back on. So yeah, fucking, she's flapping it hard then as well.
So I ended up just fucking starting the car, spinning it around, and then look, then we're
carrying up my as I drive past, but I thought, you know, just don't look, don't look. Yeah,
so that's a bit more of a funnier story to end that up on. I feel a bit better now. I
feel like you needed to get that one off your chest to come safe with your one jar. Yeah,
I mean that guy in the teak hat, fucking hell, loads of fucking things about her. Again,
I won't ever name any names, because if, for the sum of the cross, as far as the last I
heard of that, she was still with the same lad. Still with the same lad? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, she's made for the streets, mate. I think, look, she had a lot of two kids or something
at that point as well, because she'd messaged me, because before I moved out of Carpentra,
she'd messaged, oh yeah, how are you? And I thought, I can't be having this bullshit,
with the missus and that. No. I was like, sorry, I don't know, yeah. Look, try to just fucking
nip it straight in the bud. Yeah, you do. No, I'll just block the strata of that. I
thought, I ain't having this fucking, lord, messaging or anything. Fucking, yeah. I mean,
it had been a good couple of years before I got with the missus that I'd done anything
with her last anyway, so it's not like she could fucking try and ruin anything, but I
thought, nah, because it was sort of a common theme. She'd have an argument with a fella,
and then she'd fucking, lord, chin him off, get in touch with me. I'd fucking make her
happy again. Yeah, she'd go back home then. Good old days, my fucking heart. Top shagging
days, Dan. You don't know about it, kid. No Riz. So yeah, hopefully yous are all satisfied
with that now. We've got more stories to come. Read it over in the emails. Anything that
yous got, any questions. If you've got any answers to any of the questions we've had
as well, send them in. Mike, we want to hear more stories from you. I would have loved
to. If you can send that footage in, fucking please, Divi. I won't put it on if we're not
happy. I'd love to see that kid just getting strangled. Yeah, no. And again, thank you
for everyone that's emailed, and everyone that's emailed throughout the show for the
first 24 episodes. We're building a tidy little fan base, to be fair. Well, obviously
we can't do without yous last, so it is much appreciated for asking the questions and wanting
to know. Yeah, wanting to know about us in general as well. It's not just a bit of comedy
coming out of some of it as well. Shout out to the Welsh fans. We've got a big Welsh
following. Madness to be fair. You wouldn't expect Welsh to enjoy the Bromianth and the
heck. I think that must be like a uni town, and someone said, listen to these two. It's
just gone from there. It's got a bit. We could do a little tour there soon. Yeah, man. Get
Danny G on stage or some Riz. No Riz, man. Fucking hell. We fucking shagging a she. Where
did Riz come from? It's just a Riz. When I first heard it, I just assumed a Rizla. It's
like rolling up your joints and cigarettes and that. But I don't know. Rizla, roll up,
roll up to the women. It's got to be an American song. Yeah. But now, yeah, obviously, once
again, thank you to everyone that's emailed on this episode's podcast. If you've got any
new slang that you want to teach us as well. Yeah. If you know what trim. It's got to be.
I mean, I'll ask my Bible, I'm going to trim what it means. So if not. Trim, get your hair
cut. But he's definitely going to get his hair cut more than me. I don't know how, because
I don't have it cut these days. Unless it's more pubic region. Man-scape, do it myself.
I'm not paying for that. But yeah, do appreciate it. Just saying again, because the majority
of you do listen, don't download. So even though we appreciate you listening, if you
could just download, it shows us exactly how many people are listening to us. I can see
the Spotify numbers there going up. I know we need to put more effort in on social media
side and all that. We'll get there. You would have seen by now as well, but we have got
a new logo as well. Oh yeah. Sorry for leaving it so late. But the designer. Yeah, Tanya.
Tanya's tail's gone around grooming business. And in Tamworth, so check her out, just Google
it. But yeah, thank you for doing the design. We loved it. But also the concept art that
we gave her, my partner for was absolutely hilarious because he was just like, he literally
was a two second job. And she said we should have kept that one. If I remember I'll fucking
paint it up here now as well. Yeah. But now, yeah, so thank you for that. Yeah. I'll say
that should be back down on this episode. It will get that sorted in the morning. And
then it will all be on there when this is coming in your ears tomorrow. Well, today
for you. But yeah, that's been the Real Talking Podcast, episode 25. Hope you enjoyed it as
much as we did. We shall see you next week. Peace.