Hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Real Talking Podcast
with your host Ash and JD. So first of all just have to say sorry we are a day late
obviously I went to Poland we'll talk about that a little bit in a little while
and then just grafting and that ain't it you know. Too much graft. Don't have enough time. That's it.
Too many things to do not enough days not hours in the days nothing but anyway I
thought I'd start off with a normal little fucking rant. That's what we're here for.
So no but wait do you reckon anyone's like another one or they're like
I suppose it just depends on what I rant about for really. Yeah see yeah
Bits and Smith they're all like woo. It's not about him this this time even though
he's about another prick though. So we've just had the England team announcement
come out the other day. Oh okay. Southgate he's just got no balls whatsoever. Calvin
Phillips in the fucking team played zero minutes this season. For cool. Harry
McGuire back in the team as well. He's in there as well. Played zero minutes for Manchester United this season.
Last season he played more minutes for England than he did for Manchester
United as well and Southgate has still picked him. I know we've said
numerous times we don't want this to be a football style podcast you know we
will bring you up from time to time but I just don't see why he has to keep
picking these favorite players. It's like you're getting rewarded for failure.
Well it is you know McGuire was offered the chance to leave Manchester United. West Ham had a
bid of 30 million accepted. I was fucking ready to crack open the champagne but
he's refused to go because he wanted the rest of his pay. Yeah from his contract.
So he's on around 200 grand a week at United. Which has just gone back up
because they've got back into the Champions League. So it's like 2-4, they're now 2-50.
No no so because of the burn in the Champions League the whole team had like a 50% reduction pretty much.
So even though he put next to zero or imports back into the Champions League.
So he's happy to sit on the bench and wouldn't accept the 6 million
that was offered as a payout. So essentially he was offered a fairer worth of wages.
So you get 6 million plus West Ham's contract plus whatever sign-on bonus you'd get from that.
So in theory you would say it would have balanced back out. Thereabouts he
might have been a few quid short. Over the last two years maybe of his
United contract he probably would have been 50 grand a week now maybe.
It comes to that cliche I would you rather be in a top club to sit on the bench for more money
or a lesser club and play for less money I suppose. Well I think unfortunately
which we're seeing a lot now with the Saudi League coming in with ridiculous
prices and wages for all of them. Neymar's just gone is on fucking
300 million a year or something isn't it. I would love to put this out there to you.
Do you think, email us what you think about what I'm saying.
Do you think anyone has had less. Now what I'm going to say, I always thought he would have done more.
Neymar sorry. Neymar sorry not another guy like.
So when he, sorry just in terms of Neymar I always thought he was expected to be
and I always thought he would be with Messi and Ronaldo.
It should have been your hire. But to me he just always traced the money.
He went to PSG, he gave him what he wants. He has his sister's birth birth every year.
He's always conveniently injured. And he has that parade that they do in Brazil every year.
That big one. He's always there. He's always injured at that time.
And I just feel like for him now to go to Saudi Arabia when he's already,
was he on 500 grand a week after tax at PSG. I mean it's just purely
unbelievable money and he's fairly won that. And I thought you know just go and
prove it one more time that you you are the world's best or want to be of
regard as one of the world's best. But I feel like even at Barcelona he was he
weren't even the fourth best player there because he had Messi Suarez.
In the S there.
Yeah in the S he was there.
And Chavvy was there as well when he first joined.
So I thought it's like Harry Kane in terms of now that he's gone by Munich
you know obviously he's on a world winter office but he's gonna do more stuff now.
And I always feel with Neymar, his career more underwhelming. Is it underwhelming?
Yeah it was underwhelming definitely. He's had all the potential to be as big as Ronaldo.
But I think now we even go into the Saudi League you can't put him in the same bracket as
definitely not Ronaldo and Messi. The likes of Ronaldinho and CR9 and all that as well.
You know them being world-class players of their time he can't be brought into the same sentence.
So here's what I don't understand with footballers in terms of Neymar situation.
He's on £500 a week at PSG all while sorry.
Probably gets paid millions of pounds in loyalty bonus.
He targets he's probably going millions of pounds you know.
Yeah in the league.
Why do you need to go to Saudi Arabia?
And I know he's getting really good money but when's there enough money just to enjoy football?
Now I understand Henderson's point of view because his contracts, don't get me wrong,
in every day's life it's £50,000 a week it's awesome.
I understand when Henderson goes well I'm 32, 33.
Yeah and he's not going to be able to achieve much more if he stayed in England essentially.
And he'd be on the bench, he'd be in rotation for £700,000 a week.
I get it. I think no one was like I don't get that.
But with the Neymar one I mean I've read some of the things he's supposed to be getting
it's absolutely ridiculous.
But why does he need all that?
Well he definitely doesn't.
You know he's not the kind of player that's going to go on after retirement to be a world
class coach or anything.
He's just going to ride on his name for as long as he can really or maybe a cameo in
films or something.
Still do adverts like what Beckham does.
At least Beckham actually made something of himself after the game.
And also sorry his boot deal with Neymar, no his boot deal but his sports deal with
Puma was the most expensive at the time.
So I just feel he's just got lazy and he's just thought fuck it I'm just going to get
more money to do less.
Sorry I know we've went off there but the Neymar one has always bothered me because
when there's some people and you think they should have had a better career.
He definitely should have done.
And have you seen any of the clips of his first couple of games over there?
It's literally it's just like showboating FC.
Every player is trying to do fucking pirouettes and fucking Megham and there's one in particular
he's got flick deep and you know when the ball goes over yours and the defenders head
he's done that.
And then because he's done it so easily he's stopped he's already in the penalty box he's
stopped flicked it back over the sound defenders head out of the penalty box again just so
he could take him up.
And like these players are just standing around like I want to fucking break his legs.
So I think it's because we've seen it when he's playing for Brazil and he's doing all
the showboating where players get pissed off and they'll start booting.
So it's going to get to that point pretty soon I think and someone's going to break
his leg.
So sorry just sorry just bring everyone back to the Harry Maguire situation.
It's just when's enough money as a footballer just a six million quid for Fyling.
Yeah.
You stand in the Premier League at West Ham in Europe.
They are.
They won the Europa League.
So they're being in the Europa League.
So European football.
Yeah.
Six million player.
I assume it'd be about 150 grand a week at West Ham.
It would have been around 100 grand mark.
So obviously with a six million from United it would have back up to about 115ish.
And then he would have been playing week in week out.
And he warrants his position if he was selected again in the England team.
But I keep hearing all these stupid excuses as well for these fucking fake fans these
Southgate Brown nosers saying how oh yeah but Philipps and Maguire have never put a
foot wrong for England.
Maguire plays in a back five for England and he blatantly pushes and guides and tells the
other players and defenders around him where to be where he knows there's going to be an
error.
He's not involved in it.
And he's just he's a shambles of a footballer.
He's rolled his luck.
He got relegated with two teams.
How can he still be fucking making a living at the top tier of football.
Don't get me wrong I know you know I haven't started off too well this season.
Lucky to be a top four club at the end of last season really overachieved a bit.
But he wasn't a part of it and he shouldn't still be a part of it.
If Luke Shaw and Vran were fit because they're both currently injured he'd be fifth choice
centre back.
Yeah because Luke Shaw then goes centre back doesn't he?
Yeah and it's that bad that we've handed Johnny Evans a year long contract as well.
So even with Shaw and Vran injured he's still fourth choice centre back.
Is that behind Martinez, Lindy Lough and then Evans is going to be in front of him.
He's 34 if he didn't have the best of seasons last year for Leicester you know so I think
that's ten hard ways to say you should have gone.
Get the fuck out the door.
How many years has he got left on his contract?
Two years left on his contract.
So after this one he'll be on his year.
So it's just a disgrace.
I understand for some footballers it's a short career, short time to be able to earn money.
So yeah do as much as you can to earn what you can.
But when you run 200 grand a week and that.
And you're not playing and you're still going selected for England.
You know we could go on the whole episode about how players piss us off and that.
But it's just Southgate, he's got no bottle to choose players that are actually in form
for the clubs.
When he first came in I'm sure he said we'll select players that are playing.
And based on form.
And he hasn't.
Because team Sterling's been okay and he's not been put into the team.
Because he never has had Tamori from AC Milan.
He always plays decent at AC Milan but he never gets in the squad.
Ward Prowse has played all roles.
He obviously had a decent enough season last year.
Even though he was part of a relegated Southampton.
But he's coming into the West Ham team, he's playing all roles.
Not even had a sniff.
And again Chris Mourning, he's had a good couple of years over in Italy for Roma.
Not been included.
Obviously if there was all the nonsense a couple of years ago with Greenwood and Foden
piss arse around in the hotel.
Dropped Greenwood, keeps Foden.
I think that's probably a little bit to do with his race.
But he is, he's just a shit house and he shouldn't be England manager.
He's boring football.
And we've all enjoyed the women's football, unlucky to the ladies not to win in the final.
But that's the most international football I've watched.
When it comes to the men's I don't get involved.
We've got an international break coming up, I believe it's next week.
Is this friendly, the break?
I think it's for qualifications.
You don't watch, I don't watch any of them.
I only watch...
It's always boring football.
Yeah, we're 3-0 against Macedonia.
Teams that we should be playing, smooth, silky, attacking football.
It seems that Haru Maguire is a needed to play, even if he was the best player in the
world.
It's just not needed and it should always be big scoring results but it never is.
Even against the teams of the Macedonians and that ilk it's a back 6-7 because it's
the forward defenders, whether you want to count the goalkeeper in there or not.
So the midfielders are drawn into defence and it's just the attacking players at the
front, three of them.
It's just boring to watch.
I'm sick of it, don't get me wrong, I'm sick of a lot of minority games with the way that
we play.
But you know, in clubs you can't choose it.
You can choose to stop supporting them but it's hard.
It's hard on free England because obviously the women's team are doing well.
The under-19s that have won the Euros.
Under-19s, I think the under-21s are always doing well as well.
And you've got this really good generation of players.
How did we get far in the last World Cup now?
Qatar?
That seems like a fucking morning.
Causes was it?
Yeah.
We've had a busy time for them to get replaced.
Right, lobbying the semis actually.
To be fair, the England games in Qatar, I've barely paid attention to them.
I watched pretty much every other game, especially the first week because I'd gone away for the
week.
And as of the...
It was only to Yarmouth, great Yarmouth.
Yarmou!
As we got there on the Friday, that was when the first game kicked off.
Qatar?
Ecuador was it?
I can't remember.
I don't know.
The actual football fans that were listening will know.
It's been that long now to be fair.
So yeah, I watched pretty much every game.
I think the one England game I actually missed.
Well, yeah, the first England game.
I missed a lot the first half an hour because we were out walking the dog.
It's not like the arcades were open or anything.
It was fucking nearly Christmas.
I just put slapping around.
I was like, oh yeah, football's on.
We're led back now.
Fucking yeah.
I'm just bored of it.
Fucking safe gate.
I missed when Sam Allardyce had it for that one game.
Even though he's long ball FC, he's just punted up.
He still wants to attack and he had the players available to be able to play attacking football.
I would have loved him to stay.
I suppose though, if anything, if there was a challenge at the England manager position,
who would have it?
You'd love to see the logs of Eddie Howe.
Obviously he's not going to leave Newcastle into this four state really.
I know people have said about Brendan Rodgers before.
No, overrated.
Hence why he's gone back to fucking Scotland because it's the only place that he can win
any trophies.
I think it's a bit of an old fashioned thing that's still in a lot of die hard England
fans minds.
There has to be an English manager.
There's a lot of managers out there.
One of Mike Bassey.
Yeah, you know, it's a fucking lot.
The logs of a Mourinho would be funny and you know it's going to be attacking football.
It's not always going to be sitting there.
Probably Mourinho would be attacking.
Because he'd have the players for the attacking side.
You know, the defence is there solid enough.
If he actually played the role of defenders.
He wouldn't be picking McGuire for starters anyway.
You know, Caldwell, Chelsea, he's playing well.
You know, not getting picked.
Younger, better defender than McGuire.
Fucking hands down.
And Mourinho would pick him on the form because obviously he hasn't got the budget to be able
to buy the players.
So he'd actually be looking at them all.
Again, Paciatina is struggling at Chelsea at the moment.
But when he was at Southampton and Spurs, next to no budget, actually training the players,
bringing the youngins in and all that.
He'd be a good one for international teams.
You know, there's plenty out there.
It doesn't have to be fucking Southgate who struggled to be a Middlesbrough manager.
But yeah, as I said, we could go on and on about football.
Well, we're still on football actually, on fucking little congratulations and slash happy
for Mason Greenwood.
He's gone on loan.
It's Galatasaray.
No, not Galatasaray, Gatafé.
Again, I know there's going to be a lot of controversy about it.
But it is a season loan.
Hopefully he gets his form back, starts banging in the goals and then...
You seemed at one point, Manu, was going to keep him.
There was a kind of...
Deep ones, yeah.
What the reaction was like.
Yeah, but it all kicked off.
There was fucking on about rioting and strikes within the fucking staff and that.
But I think 12 months away, about 12 months, he's there until June.
So, you know, no one wants to whatever away.
Getting some form and then I'd love to see him back.
But, you know, he's getting himself back out, he's going to start playing football again.
And that's the main thing, you know, he's guilty in the eye...
Sorry, innocent in the eyes of the law.
But guilty in the eyes of the public.
But again, not to all the public.
Everyone that I've actually spoken to about this whole situation have said it's bullshit,
you need to be playing.
It's because you heard the recording and there's that recording of it.
Yeah, if the recording, the pictures and all that wasn't put out there, it wouldn't be an issue.
And also, it's just one of them, the woman that pulled out the recording is now got a baby with.
Yeah, married.
So it just seems like one of those relationships where it's dramaful.
Yeah, yeah.
Do you get what I'm saying?
So, I think that's how it feels really bad for an injured career.
Yeah.
No, that's how it seems to me, like it would have been Jerry McQuile.
Oh yeah, I know.
Good old Jerry Springer episode as well.
Jerry.
Right, that's football done.
Yeah, we'll get up for that.
So we shall move on to the emails we've got.
My favourite part.
Yeah.
So, Kersi's back again.
She loves it.
Yeah.
Hi Kersi, thanks for the email.
She just says, hi guys, nothing new to say.
No new rag dolls in my loft.
Yeah, she's got the bantas.
I can keep it real.
She's just looking forward to hearing these stories you're holding back.
Stop being stingy.
Well, you're going to have to wait a little bit longer Kersi, because next week's episode is number 25.
So, you know, a little bit of a landmark as some people would see it.
So, I've got a story loaded, ready to come out for you.
I don't want to drop any hints, but yeah, we're going to have a bit of a fun episode.
Every episode's always fun, you know.
But we'll do a couple of stories, try and find some outlandish wood giravas or something.
I don't know, if you've got any ideas, let us know.
Email us.
Email us in general if you've got any questions for episodes.
Realtalkingpod at gmail.com.
Tweet us or X, whatever everyone's calling it now.
X's going to give it to you.
It's Ash and JD.
Again, YouTube, Realtalkingpod.
Drop on the comments or that on there.
But yeah, the stories are going to come.
We'll find you before you email us, Kersi.
Yeah.
So, this one, we've got Mark Jones.
Mark Jones.
How we doing Marky boy?
Wee.
Hold your chaps and join the pod.
Fair play to you for having a go.
Anyway, I work as a prison guard and see all sorts of characters come and go.
My question for you is have all of you ever been arrested?
If so, what for?
And then, if you were to do hard time.
Hard time.
That got a cape on or something.
Don't drop the soap.
So, if you were to do hard time, what do you think your crime of choice would be?
And he says, I ask the second question because some of these guys actually choose to be locked up.
Yeah, okay.
You know what?
I've always thought, so, Mike Jones.
So, if I was homeless and had nothing and I was starving and I was cold, wouldn't you do something to get arrested to get fed and clothed?
So, I understand boys, some people do it from that aspect.
Yeah.
Do you want to answer the question first on that?
What was the first one?
Sorry.
Have either of us been arrested?
No.
I've not been arrested.
I've been pulled over several times.
The one time, ironically, I was watching the fucking England game the night before, had a few fucking beverages.
I had a good enough drink, about nine pints or so.
And then the next day, we was going away, probably to Yarmouth again or something.
But I had to go to the post office because whatever should have been delivered, you get the red card through the door.
So, Mrs. got in the van with me.
I think we was going to go shopping or something as well.
So, driving to the post office.
And as we were going around the corner, police were doing stops, doing the breathalyzer tests and that.
Obviously, because the football had been on the night before, they were doing it for that reason, to catch people drunk driving.
Mrs. is fucking flapping it straight away.
She said, oh, you had a load to drink last night.
You know, blow over, blow over, we'll fucking deal with it.
He's what he is.
So, I pulled over, had a chat with the officer, blew a complete zero.
And even Art was surprised about it, to be fair.
Fucking, because I'd had six hours sleep.
Yeah.
So, I was expecting it to still be an assistant.
And then he's like, again, because I was honest, he was like, did you have a drink last night?
I said, yeah, you know, good few pints watching the football.
So, he was like, obviously, I've got a breath load, you know.
So, he was like, all right, fair play, zero.
Check the rest of the van.
And there was one tire, I couldn't have done a fucking check for how big of a break is still.
He's like, well, that one's barely legal.
So, since you're on the system that I've checked you out, if you get pulled again and you haven't done it, you're going to get a fine and whatever.
So, I ended up fucking going to the post office, then went to, well, QuickFit or whatever.
Ended up having to get three new tires, fucking 200 pounds just before going to work.
I was gutted.
Well, why didn't you just get four then?
Well, all four I was just going to have to get the one done.
But they were like, God, these are about to go.
So, you know, just have these done as well.
Because when you get the back one, I tend to get, if it's been a wall above.
Yeah, yeah, I understand.
But then if you got three, I suppose you should just go four.
Yeah, I think one of them was my spare tire, actually.
Oh, God.
If I remember right.
But yeah, I was gutted anyway.
But the other times it was just stupid. I remember one time.
We'd been to cinema.
I don't know if it was us collectively or if I'd been on a date or something.
Top sugar.
Yeah.
So, I just remember driving back anyway.
And I'd seen the police car come around the corner and then they were behind me for like five minutes.
So, obviously, they're checking the plates and they're fucking checking insurance, tax and MOT and all that.
And then I've pulled up outside.
And as I've jumped out of the van, pulled up right next to me.
And they've got the red out the window because they're trying to smell the breath to see if you have had a drink.
And I was like, you're all chaps?
Yeah, yeah, where you been?
Just been to the cinema.
Okay, you had anything to drink?
No, I've been to the cinema and I've drove back.
Because it was before you could really buy bottles or anything in the cinema.
And the one who was the passenger side, he says something fucking proper sarcastic.
And obviously, he's trying to make me bite, but I didn't.
And I was like, right, I'm going to go to bed anyway.
So, yous have a safe note then officers.
And I just turned around, walked off.
And you could see them looking at each other like they wanted to get me for something.
I thought they couldn't.
Another time, again, they've done the check around the van.
Nothing wrong with you.
And I was like, no, it's beard anyway.
You can crack on.
And I thought, did you really just pull me over just to say no, it's beard?
That was body poachers.
Fuck you, that was.
Fuck you.
So, yeah, arrestee boys, no.
I think the most likely reason I'd get arrested would be full road rage.
Because someone's done something and I'm just like, nah, fuck you then.
I just smashed the van off into their car.
Yeah, I mean, we've all had the thoughts of how we'd kill someone.
Or should we've all got the flag?
I'm sure you've said it on air before.
Oh no, I won't do it anymore.
I won't say it on air because some cunt will be fucking using it, killing her.
I'm not fucking, oh no, that's respect.
I'm sure that you've got someone that you would happily fucking just like ring the neck, just like write them off.
There's got to be at least one person that you know.
No, I'm just going to say it.
That every time you see you're like, oh, I wish she was dead.
No, I know what you said, but I'm never full of that.
I've never, I've never been too over-customed with wine.
Well, people at home, back me up there, fuck you.
You don't need to know how you do it.
But if you want to, then yeah, I'll keep you anonymous.
Yeah, sending any messages and that of one, if I'm right for saying you thought of it.
You're not even wrong.
I wish people wasn't there like would just fuck up and die.
But I never thought I'd be the one to do it.
I've had that a good few times over the years, to be fair.
Yeah, say your opinion on the matter.
You know, you don't have to say who you'd kill.
Sure, some of you might want to bomb Sam Smith to death.
Fucking.
Oh God.
He's getting it for no reason.
That's what she said.
So yeah, I'd say most likely being just because of road rage.
You know, I'm not a thief.
I don't need to fucking burger or anything.
Yeah, I mean, so you think if you used to go to prison, that's why it most often because of that,
because someone's fucking doing something they shouldn't be doing.
Or, you know, they're just being a dickhead.
So I don't just say fuck this and I'll just hit them with the band.
Into their car, not physical person.
I'd say that would be most likely because you know what?
I mean, I've had a few road rage rants on here anyway.
And it's just annoying.
There's something about driving where I think it's because it's,
if someone wants to fuck up that bad, he can obviously end your life.
That's why it's so rageful.
But the same story, when people drive slower, if not more rageful, you know,
when you're still going somewhere and someone's doing something.
I've done it again on the way here earlier.
You know, I'm staying in the left lane.
So lane number one, for the non-English people,
the left lane is just the first lane.
So on the motorway, it's all 70.
Unless there's an accident or whatever and it's all just so down.
Every lane is 70.
So lobbies tend to always stay in the first lane because they max out around 50-55.
And then you overtake, you move back into the left lane,
and that's the rules of the road.
So I've stayed in the left lane for a good five minutes again.
And there's four lanes on this M6, and every other dickhead,
two lobbies on the tuck as well.
And I'm like, what are yous doing?
And so I did it a couple of times earlier.
It's a regular occurrence of mine.
Nice little Bruce Burness away on the seat.
Makes me smile at least anyway.
I'll give a little bit of a two to the horn and a thumbs down.
They know that I disapprove of their shit driving.
Yeah, there's no need to be in that second lane.
No.
If the slow lane, obviously once you overtake, just cut back in.
Yeah, it's not hard.
Now, fair enough, you can anticipate,
well, if I move over now, in five seconds, I'll be moving back again to overtake that vehicle.
So yeah, that's sound.
But when it's open, there's next to no one on the road.
There's no need.
I remember coming back from yours early in the morning one time,
and all I do is cruise control, 70, cruise control, there you go.
And there was just no one else there.
I'm driving down, all to see.
Quiet, in the second lane, there's no one.
I looked beyond, there's no one.
The audience, they look forward, there's no one.
Is it in the second lane?
Yeah.
Look, I just drove past it.
It wasn't even doing 70.
In the slow lane, like, just fucking...
It's annoying.
And then I always look in the mirror as well to see if any of them pull back in.
Yeah, after.
And I'd say 98% of them, even after I've given them the phones down,
they still don't move back in.
And it is just annoying.
So yeah, I think that would be one worse lot with a fucking scenario.
Well, the only time I've ever got close to being arrested is one night when I was taking a piss,
and the police come out of nowhere, stout style.
Like, honestly, there was like...
Honestly, I don't know where they're still though.
Hiding in the bushes.
And like, mid-flow as well.
See, like, we do.
I'm like, look, so the place, like...
Well, I've started, but then you know what it's like, you get a bit straight, but I'll get stayed.
Yeah, you do.
So I'm like, that's...
This was when I was young, this was.
I can't remember where I was coming back from.
I imagine uptown, so it would be an off-road street or something.
Maybe Soliol.
I can't remember where I was coming from, but I remember I was walking back
a long distance anyway.
So I'm having a piss.
And I can't remember who was with me.
I'm like, oh, that's...
One minute, I'm having a piss.
And they was like, we should be doing that.
And like, trying to talk to...
I've already committed the crimes, let me finish the list, you know.
And I was like, what were you doing?
And they like... I felt like I was going, what the fuck do you think?
I was like, maybe it's good.
They was like, you can't do that there.
I was like, well, where's public toilets?
And they were like, this and that.
I was like, you ain't going to piss yourself.
You know what I mean?
But honestly, that's the closest...
But I was like, I don't know.
It was all right in the end.
I think it just started off a bit that way.
But all we would do to do jail time is rob money.
Because I think if you're going to do the crime, it's going to be worth it.
If you're going to go to jail, it's going to be worth it.
And also, it wouldn't be like nothing major bank robbery.
We're doing major time.
So let me tell you, an incident happened at work.
I was next door to work.
And I dealt with a lot of cash.
Now one day, I don't know, I think it was an insolid job.
So every Friday, they'd take all the cash to the bank.
But they'd do it every Friday, 9 o'clock in the morning.
And obviously, this is what I think was an insolid job.
One time, the guy that carried the cash got jumped.
Obviously, he got his head kicked in, took the money, ran down the canal.
The police come with him about half an hour after that.
And the sphinx was just here, he was like, no, no, no.
I said, do you think he'll ever catch him?
And he was like, honestly, unless he cashes in any of the checks, which he would have.
Never going to catch him. He's gone.
And I went, how much was it?
He said about 50k. 50k.
But to be fair, it's... Sorry, that's what I would do.
Yeah, yeah. It's not...
Yeah, it probably was most obvious, an insolid job.
But it's not that hard to suss out the routine.
Especially when it's every Friday, 9 o'clock.
You've just said that and I've remembered that already.
Yeah, to the point where on a Friday, I see if they've started doing it again.
From there, I'd love to see if someone's carrying the bag money.
I did used to see the person that got booted up every now and again.
On a Friday, carrying these, not backpacks, like rugs.
Like a small gym bag sort of thing?
Yeah, like a gym bag, sorry. Like two of them.
I've walked in there a few times to sort out paperwork and give them money, whatever.
I've walked in one time and they've had about, I would say, about 30k on the table.
About 30k. Yeah, yeah, about 30k.
And I remember going back and thinking, fuck me.
You know, you just send yourself up.
But yeah, I suppose that's what I would do.
But that's what I thought was an insolid job, just because...
Or someone's told something like me telling you.
Yeah, yeah. It's easy to sort that out.
And if the police come to me, I'd give a different...
No, it was 6 foot 4, I think he went that way.
Yeah. Well, I remember when I was living in the pub and the missus was running it.
Even though the post office was literally over the road.
You know, it wasn't hard to know what they were going over there for.
And a few times I offered to go over with a few of the staff.
Because all you know, just from me sitting there, what they're doing.
Yeah.
Because it was every couple of days as well.
Because I think, depending on the time of the year, if anything had been on and that.
You know, he'd have...
Well, not he, whichever person it was.
Would have between 6 and 24 grand walking over the road.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you know, it's worth the risk.
Especially if you can just get a wire.
You know, we had a friend that worked in the bookies and he said the same thing.
It was like, if I was going to do anything, I would do this.
Because when he changed bookies to get to the post office to walk along an alleyway.
Yeah.
And he said, I would just wind the alley, take the money, run away.
Yeah, but he'd run away before anything worked.
Because I know where you're on about.
In fact, he...
No, no, I thought it was someone else.
Oh, no, no, sorry.
I'm on about...
Yeah, I was getting confused because the person I was thinking of is always in the bookies.
Oh, right, no, no, no, sorry, no, no.
So, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He, like, I think...
Oh, sorry, I was about to say that.
Yeah.
But yeah, I was for...
And he said that and that's why it's always stood in my mind.
If I was to do anything, it'd be a cash job.
Couple of grand.
Yeah.
I think if I was going to choose to do a crime, yeah, that's the one that you're actually going to do.
Because everyone needs money, everyone wants money.
So you are going to rob of some sorts for that way.
The thing in today's world, everyone, no one carries cash.
No, which is a shame.
I've seen some shops posting signs in the window saying that cash is still golden.
We don't have a cash machine.
Look at the card readers.
There's a cash machine around the corner.
So draw some money out and pay it out.
There was, I don't know where the pub was, but they interviewed him on, I think it was that news channel that fucking Piers Morgan's on and that.
He's a GV news or whatever.
So they interviewed him and he was all, I don't have any card transactions.
When it comes to the barrels of beer and whatever, go to the wholesalers, give them cash, take the stock.
And then it was all 50 pence less per point.
Yeah.
Because he's not paying for any transactions.
I'm saying it's like you have to pay like a grand or whatever per week because of all these card transactions.
So you're losing on every time you tap your card.
And then at the end of the month, when you try and get your money from the bank, you have to pay for that as well.
So you pay twice just to get your money.
So he's like, I'm sick of it.
It's just a pure cash only pub now.
And obviously it's easier to fill the books that way, but he's already been on the news.
So he's going to have to make sure he gets it spot on.
No, no messing around.
But yeah, I think I'd love cash to still be a thing.
You know, even yesterday driving around, you pull up at these traffic lights and you get the homeless people,
which aren't always homeless and a lot of them are homeless because of fucking drugs and all that.
And then they're coming up to the window with a cup.
And the one lady yesterday, it's like a fagging amazing one.
Any change?
Oh God. My window was down because it's a hot day.
Just blowing a smoke in the van.
I was fucking choking.
But I had no change on me anyway.
Yeah.
You think of how these actual homeless people are going to be able to survive off the few quid a day that they do get from people being generous.
When it's a completely cashless society, not the planning for, I think in four years, 20, 20, 20 is in my head anyway.
You know, it's not like they're going to be able to carry a card reader because they're going to have to keep it charged.
And then they're still going to need a bank account, which a lot of homeless people don't have, or actual homeless people don't have a bank account.
Just to have a bank account, you need a home address to let us go to.
Obviously you can't put it to a street corner.
Yeah. So it's going to be going to be strange when it actually gets that way.
Even just the little things like you think people busking and that.
You know, they they will have to have card readers to get their little tips.
But what do you think back in the day?
I mean, it still happens now anyway, but you walk past someone's there, it gets a hard hat on the floor.
You just chuck a couple of quid in and that's all going to be completely gone.
Even a few years time.
I don't see it anywhere. I don't walk around town centres or anything.
Too many people man. That'll be around people in general. Just fucking annoying.
I'm not getting back into a rant again. That one's gone.
So Mike, I hope that answers your question. Thank you for the email.
Let us know about some of these characters.
But there are some lads in there, but also some faggots in there as well.
Yeah, yeah.
I reckon it's like, you like some of them for what they did.
Also, there was that MMA fighter. I can't remember his name.
Did he kill someone? He killed someone because he found out he was trying to molester his daughter.
I think it's Vanquish or something.
Yeah, I know the story you're on about. I don't know if he killed him, but he definitely beat the shit out of him, didn't he?
Yeah, stuff like that.
Stuff like that?
They'd be respected, but not in prisons.
They're not going to be fucking coming in as a fucking rapist, batterer or whatever and not be respected.
Because I know there's no fucking person.
You see it on the films and the programs and that, that they have sections that they're like, right, their card's marked because they're vulnerable.
Yeah, vulnerable wings and all that, aren't they?
But even like, it's just like, they're a sex offender of whatever, rapists and that.
So as soon as they know that they've done that type of crime, then they'll make you go and fucking shank them or whatever.
So, yeah, I've seen it with a couple of people interviewed.
I don't know what the podcast scored. It's the other clip that I see from time to time of like ex-prisoners and there was one saying, yeah, he was a sex offender.
Well, apparently he was.
So it was his new cellmate. And then, yeah, the gang leaders in the fucking prison says, look, yeah, he's here, his card's marked.
You've got to fucking do me. You know, so it might not just be on the films and that.
But then again, it's not going to be every fucking prison is it?
You see the fucking prisons that we've got over here and it's just a fucking like a little holiday home.
They've got the PlayStations, TVs, fucking.
Yeah, you don't mind going backwards, you know, when you've got all that.
Yeah, you've got all that. Yeah, you'd fucking, you'd never want to leave.
It's ridiculous. You know, I'm not saying bring back the death penalty, but some of them do deserve to die.
I was on some of the stuff should. I think anything, you know, if you take a life.
No, everyone, you know, depending on the circumstances.
But that the nurse that she was on the news about two weeks ago, I think she killed a few babies.
Oh, yeah. And she got a life sentence.
She was just killing a lot of babies. She should then get.
Yeah, I only saw a little bit about she got jumped in prison as well.
Yeah. So it's a fucking you know, you've gone through all the training and that to be a nurse, a doctor or whatever.
And you start fucking around with the patients.
But I suppose this book would be good to get.
Mark's the only obviously because now he's in there, I suppose, would have to be not sensitive in his prison.
Obviously, he's due to the to protect that. Yeah.
You know, from someone that's maybe not affected personally, but knows someone who knows someone who knows someone.
Yeah. You know, you know, you really are in a position and obviously, but you do have care is to everyone, I suppose.
Yeah. It's interesting. It's an interesting thing, isn't it?
Really? When you think about it. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, do you turn a blind eye from time to time?
You get a few biscuits because normally biscuits in your back pocket.
Yeah. Do you take bribes and get people cigarettes and stuff?
You know, sneak a bit of contrabanding.
Have you ever stuck a mobile on your bumhole to sneak in for a prisoner?
Oh, you know, sorry. Oh shit. Can I say?
So I know someone who, right, I've got to be careful. I know someone who used to be in prison.
And what he did is that's the only one. No, no. I'll tell you after.
So he got his mum to visit him and went to the toilet, but then perhaps he went to the wrong toilet and then put something.
In like the system. Yeah. But while he was in the toilet, he cut a little hole from the scrolling board on the toilet.
Yeah. And then she put like the phone and everything in there and pushed it back.
And then when she came out and said, sorry, I went to the wrong toilet.
And when he left, he went to the toilet. Went out and got the phone. There we go.
Yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah.
You've got to have your wits about you because there's like anything that can happen will happen there.
Any corner. Any.
When I ask a question, thank you for that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Free share that Mark. That's Mark's first, isn't it? It is, yeah.
Yeah. Marky J. MJ. Hopefully not like that.
Please don't be a nonce.
But yeah, back us in your fucking info. Let us know about any of the cats that are in there.
Fucking actual cats. Cats is like an old slang sort of term for a person, characters.
And also cats is like cat B, cat C, cat I, prisons. So universal there Johnny.
Yeah. All the fucking links there. All the real talk there.
That's all we do. Real times.
Real prison time.
That's not what the sketch is Mark. Fucking.
Obviously if you've got any more questions about that as well.
I've got a question for you actually Mark.
What's the maddest thing that you've seen while working as the guard?
Yeah, his base or some stuff.
Doesn't have to be anything specific. I'm giving you a wide range.
Have you walked into any of the inmates bombing each other or something?
69ing off the bunk beds or whatever. I don't know.
Or just doing this train. Fucking human centipede. Just with dicks and bumholes.
Any faults or whatever. Or if you've seen some shady shit. Another one of the guards pulling out a phone out of the bomb hole and that.
Doesn't have to be sexually orientated. But yeah, let us know.
That's a good question. Solid question on this Johnny.
Cheers mate. Solid podcast there.
Here for all the real topics. We just want to cover the real nuts.
Right, so have we got one more there?
Yeah, so. Connor left it a little bit too late. But Danny G is back at it again.
He loves it.
Fucking. He's after a bit of beef there.
He's got. J.D. ain't got the Riz.
Fucking.
This Riz man.
It's a new thing.
I know, but it's like. Riz a Ruh? It seems like it's a fucking bag of cocaine or something.
You got any Riz? Riz la? Fucking. Nah kid. Ain't about no Riz.
So you got no Riz?
Singing for pussy is dead.
So all we thought Danny G was older. But now Danny G must be about 20 years old.
Yeah, yeah. He's definitely older than us.
Fuck yeah.
And he's after what I was.
Singing for pussy is dead.
To be fair, it is a bit dead now.
Yeah, but the thing is back in the day. Fucking. You start singing a couple of lyrics and that.
And it just got the fucking juices flowing and the panties dropping.
Dan, you don't understand. I bet you're there with some fucking shitty little grime MC bollocks playing on your fucking phone.
I bet you Danny G, yeah.
Obviously, it does all these Riz over his phone. I think that's the difference.
Yeah, you know, when we was, you know, calling back in the day.
Danny G's after like Google that means mate.
But when we was a lot younger, going out, trying to woo the women, it was an effort that had to be put in.
Well, yeah.
He was never Riz.
No, no, he was hard mate.
As I said, there was never women coming up to us with videos of them fucking sucking on a dildo and that.
Danny G.
I can't believe it. I thought Danny G was 30 or 40.
I don't know, man. Let us know how old you are, you little prick.
I think he's about 40 as well.
Fucking Tim Westwood.
Was good.
Yeah, it was an effort to put in and it was never easy.
I mean, to be fair, there was a short period of so long, you know, fucking derbyshire days and that where I had to put no effort in.
I was just giving fucking text messages and that.
You want to meet up, fucking sound.
But, you know, that was just because fucking when you're good at your job, you don't get to pass the round, don't you?
I don't have advertised for my business.
Devlin's installations.
But yeah, it's, you know.
I think what we should do, Jay, obviously you're married now.
Yeah, that's the ultimate restart is being married.
This fucking game's over, game's won.
You don't have to raise anyone up now.
Boy, you look like the kind of guy that would leave voice notes, singing the names.
Have you ever seen one of them?
Where they like improv the name.
We're saying that, voice notes wasn't around when we were fucking...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Now you would be that guy.
I don't know.
And I think that because maybe Danny G's jealous because he can't sing and he ain't got the riz like that.
Maybe he's looking for you.
Maybe he needs you to take him under his wing.
Be the fucking...
Be the Barney Stintzer.
Yeah.
But it's whether he can handle all this fucking riz.
You know, mate, look, I'll just drop you for you know, you've got to be a smooth talker.
You can try and do all that bollocks, like the negging and all that.
What's negging?
Negging so you look...
Oh, I like the colour of your dress.
Makes your nose look smaller.
So it's a backhanded compliment.
Right, yeah.
You know, again, your glasses make your eyes look beautiful because their eyes are horrible or whatever.
I don't know.
I never had to do any of that.
Right.
You've just got to be fucking real.
You know, Kersie's an audience voice.
She loves it.
But you can't be a fucking dickhead thinking that it's just all easy stuff.
No, but I think that's what it is now, don't I?
I mean, as I said, I went out last week and...
Go on, yeah.
Ashley's got the story this week there.
So...
I haven't even heard this.
What was that?
This is exclusive.
Yeah, no, I went out last week and as I said before, I never really get pissed, but, mate, I was fucked.
So anyway, we went out to Kozol and, you know, I'm sitting at the bars.
You do see some braids and stuff like...
It's literally...
People just come up, say stuff that you just wouldn't think of saying.
And you're like, fucking hell, that can't work.
And you see, you see, works, mate.
You're like, fucking hell.
So, maybe Danny G, he's got some quite nice singing nowadays.
He's dead.
He probably is nowadays, but I don't know.
What's the new thing then?
What's your channel blind, Dan?
Like, generally, we want to know a bit more about you.
What's your fucking story?
Also, I'll do it because if you are 30, don't say it.
Yeah.
I only found out what 30 means.
Certified.
Yeah, so Giz was coming over, I was like, no, you're one of the surly ones.
I was like, surly?
What was he trying to say, you were certified?
He was like, basically, some customers are shit basically and don't talk to me.
Oh.
Because I chat to them.
How old's your barber?
24.
Fair enough.
He says some stuff and I have to ask him.
That's why I was like, what was that, mate?
Nah, fucking...
I mean, to be fair, like, language is a mad thing really because it changed a lot while
we was kids.
There's always the words that get recycled, sick and fucking...
Well, I suppose sick's the main thing really, isn't it?
Which sick was always, oh, that's really good, that is.
Oh shit, that's sick, that is.
Because I know people older than us says that when they were younger as well.
Oh, that's fire.
I never loved that.
That was fucking overrated.
Oh yeah, that's hot.
Don't touch it then, burn yourself.
That's fire.
Oh yeah, hot.
Fucking, you know, still one of the best ones is that guy.
You're never going to get rid of that.
Because it is.
And if someone's guy, that's certainly, it's strife.
So, you know, just be inclusive.
I think we need to bring it back.
No one says it anymore.
You can't even get cancer with my...
Honestly.
We don't mean it in...
No, that's dead.
Yeah, that's dead, yeah.
We don't mean it in the negative, homophobic way.
Nah, just, you know.
Just a bit of banter.
So, to answer Danny G's question.
Sorry, was it a question actually, or was it a statement from him?
He wants a bit more fucking...
Stories, he wants a story out.
Yeah.
Well, to be fair, because we're coming up to another now.
I haven't even talked about the fucking wedding yet either.
True.
So, I think we're going to save that for episode 25 as well, because some shit went down.
So, yeah, listen to episode 25, which will come out next week.
Next week.
We're going to try and get it on time.
Definitely on Saturday.
We've got finished work early on from Friday.
I mean, we'll discuss the plans off the record, but yeah, try and get the record done on Friday.
Ideally, if not Saturday morning, get it in your ears as quick as possible.
Because, yeah, we don't want it to be late.
We'll be sounding great.
Always lyrics.
Just come.
Fuck you.
As always, fuck you.
Don't forget, like, subscribe, share, download.
Yous all know what to do.
Thank you for everyone that has emailed.
Thank you for everyone that's listened.
Thank you for everyone that's downloaded.
Shout out to the fucking Welsh gang out there as well.
In Wales, the fucking downloads just do bits, mate.
We need to start speaking Welsh, don't we?
They need to learn English.
True.
Only the old school, rural ones need to learn English.
Get with the Times Welshies.
Please don't stop listening to us.
We'd appreciate that.
If any of yous are Welsh that hasn't already emailed, just drop us a little on.
Let us know what the score is.
Ask us a question.
Obviously, being episode 24, we do want a little question box.
We want as many as we can.
As many as we can.
We don't mind doing a longer episode if it's full of questions.
Just banging in.
YouTube, realtalkingpod.
realtalkingpod.gmail.com
And on Twitter, it's at Ash and JD.
Also known as X.
X gonna get ya.
Elon's gonna get ya.
All gonna get it.
Bitcoin, crypto, it's the future.
I ain't got any of it.
I'm gonna be a broke motherfucker.
Unless yous all start paying some money.
The more people that listen, the more we're gonna earn.
We haven't earned anything.
Also, I had those people on TikTok that beg for gifts.
So they become semi-successful and now need to live on it.
I ain't doing anything so I don't get gifts.
You've seen the latest one where it's the AI characters.
Whoever's watching it says something and they do the reaction for it.
So it's like double motion.
Oh, it's like the NPC thing.
Yeah, yeah.
If they get a gift like a hat, they're like, fuck yeah.
God, it's so fucking cool.
That is dead.
There was even one the other day I saw this girl.
Real-life Simms character.
She's got trying to fucking walk around doing the Simms movements.
How are you not getting slapped in the face for that, man?
But that's one thing we can promise people.
If we do anything from this podcast, we'll never be like that.
No, no. We're not gonna change.
We're always gonna be just chatting shit, having rants.
I'd like to be rich and have a rant about something.
Yeah, but that's rich rants, problems, rants then.
Future, action JD problems.
Yeah.
My ride's a bit broken.
It'd be a fucking more expensive band for me, wouldn't it?
Yeah. A Cadet.
Yeah, maybe.
Probably more like a Transporter.
Because they're bigger.
Everyone's Googling that, they're in a graft now.
Yeah, yeah.
Always, yeah, just got a little seat-train at the moment.
Not a grafted band though, to be fair.
Fucking proper graft.
Order graft.
Anyway, yeah, sorry.
Once again, thank you everyone for emailing, listening, downloading.
And obviously episode 25 next week, so please email in anything and everything.
Mod Jones, if you can get back to us on that.
Yeah, mate.
Danny G.
We want to know what's going on in that prison.
Don't tell us where it is, but we want to know.
If Danny G. can screenshot off some of his riz that he's selling up on Tinder
or on Tinder or whatever platform he uses.
I don't think he's got balls.
No, I think he would, you know.
I will see what, mate.
I'm backing Danny G.
Okay, okay, we'll see.
Just give us information about you, Dan, as well.
I know we have asked before, but age.
Don't need to know where you live.
Don't need to know your penis, always.
Don't grow a penis.
Don't send us a picture of you.
You're going to dig big now.
Mate, you send me a picture of your dick.
You're getting blasted on Twitter.
Oh, fucking hell.
So yeah, hope you've enjoyed.
We'll see you next week.
Peace.
Bye.