Hi everyone and welcome back to this week's episode of the Real Talking Podcast with your
host Ash and JD. So we haven't got any news this week really, there hasn't been any new
evidence or people talking really about the aliens. They've not confirmed that they do
want to peg us or anything. They've been quiet since the pegging. They've not come out with
any new ragdolls or anything. So I thought we'd start off with my antics of last weekend.
Yeah, you was on a stag dirt? Yeah, my brother's stag dirt. We went out to Nottingham and so to
set the scene a little bit I got some oil digs and the other brother picked me up as we was on
the wire there then which was already staying in town because the price of the bloody Premier
Ring was £130. Travelodge, just wanted to sleep and shit. £140 for a Travelodge and then still
£80 was the next cheapest in the town centre. I remember, I know we haven't done it for a little
while now, but I used to on the day book the Premier Ring at Robbie Nords and it would still
be about £40 but on the day and then literally since Covid all the prices just gone up. So
I got a room just outside of town, three more from the actual centre, £36 bargain. It was almost
like a student accommodation to prepare but I can't knock it for say £36. You just want to
bed. Yeah you just want a gear down and have a shit. That's it. Well I'll get on to that. So because
it was too early for me to check in I've literally parked on the drive, brother's picked me up so
the driving down, well he's driving, I'm sitting in the dark and my brother who's staggy was,
he's rank up so he'd already been in town since like half nine. In the morning? Yeah,
when I had breakfast. Did they go to? No, they literally just went and grabbed breakfast.
I don't know if they went to North Webberspoons or something but they've
grabbed breakfast and they're already on the drinks. So yeah Webberspoons are half nines,
an alpha move mate. Well I remember we went there one morning, sorry I will get to the actual story
at some point, you know what these podcasts are about, we're all over the place with the real talk.
Reno. So I remember we went to one, I don't know what we were doing for the day,
ah we were avoiding some person, one individual, he who shall not be named and so it was three of
us, maybe four of us, we just said yeah we're gonna avoid this person all day. So we went to Webberspoons,
grabbed a breakfast, it was like half eight in the morning and there was people that had still been
on it all night just lagging, they were arguing a lot, yeah a lot, the beer garden we weren't now.
Yeah. And I remember we've gone to the bar to order the breakfast and they're just getting
shot tonight, you can see they were still sniffed off, they'd had a whole nod session and it was
just ongoing, you know typical Birmingham things. So yeah I don't know exactly but I think he was
like the spoons have had breakfast and they're on the drinks already. So he's rang up my brother while
he's driving and he's like, yeah I've got this t-shirt on and it's only gay pride,
you know there's all the gays around and I've got this t-shirt on and I was like well you
thinking then don't you mate? He's like fuck off Joe, fuck off. So I already knew what the t-shirt was
roughly but I hadn't seen it. So as we've got to him it's a picture of Philip Schofield
and then team Philip and then Oli Hart Schofield on the back and to be fair everyone was a true
fad, no one would come over and give him grief ready big but no it was all for the crap.
He was already drunk. Well by the time you got to it? Yeah so it was quarter 12 by the time
we met up with him. And he's already gone? Yeah he wasn't completely out of his face but
he was feeling a bit, already swaying a little bit and we was meant to be in the
games room thing at 12 o'clock because he was booked for an hour of beer pong and then an hour
and a half of playing pool because he was literally wouldn't let you in until 12 o'clock so we meet
into the pub next door. I was like there's no point in us getting a drink but we all got a drink.
That first round was 110 pound. That was 10 people which I says because my dad got the first round
so as Oli says to you when I first says that he was going to go out for this stand doing that
I was like yeah all my brothers mate they're going to be on the cocktails that night
that's what they ordered and it was two for the price of one so there's six lads trying to down
two cocktails and there was a round of tequila shots trying to get all these down the neck within
10 minutes. Well it's not going to happen. I just started off on a giggy guinness. So we've had that
it was like quarter past 12 by the time I've managed to hustle everyone together and I've looked
look you know let's get in next door you paid for it come on let's go so beer pong. I've never played
it before surprisingly. Did you play with the rules where the ball can bounce into it or it's
got to be a clean. Right so the set up that was it wasn't a flat table so it was like raise where
you put the cups then he stepped down and then raised back up the other side for their cups.
Right. So I asked everyone else in general what do you want to do do you want the bounce rule
or straight in no one gave an answer because the majority of them said there was six of them that
were already not really asked about doing it to be fair but they're already on the way to being
at the bases so I was all right I'll take charge straight in no bounce let's just go I've never
played it before with Easewavy's there wasn't shots they give us a trade of I think it was the
10th and the small cans of Koppenberg so fruit and cider Easewavy's it's all of so I've set up put a
little bit up to the line with the Koppenberg and then it was put into teams so there was basically
my family and then the rest of the lads so it was five on five it was all over the place to be fair
but me being me being a man first shot boom straight in made him down his drink second shot as well
boom straight in so so just because it was in teams of five so it was all you get to choose who down
to drink if you get it in so it's who you're playing against who's taking the pro against you
right they have to take drink so
oh so you two in two at the moment there yeah so I was put up
against the lads his nickname was Amy so I'll call him Amy because I can't remember his real name
but it was his nickname anyway shout out to Amy he's a good lad to be fair great at least at first
we'll get on to it it's a long story so he's already down to I'm sweet and I'm holding the
team up but everyone else just can't seem to hold it we'll be ending up winning that first one
I've settled for the uh the second one and it's just all bedlam because it's like a games not a
room but like a venue where there's uh sort of bowling in there there's table tennis tables
yeah all sorts but by the time I've set up the second round like half the lads have already
wandered off they've gone upstairs they've found some other game and they're trying to plan that
what used to be but anyway we had a quick plan that literally just cloud for a week
finished the there was still two cans left so I ended up keeping them because I'm gonna let alcohol
go to waste uh so then we started playing pool again we was in pairs a couple of games before
not really to brag about I hadn't played for years or let's just say undefeated um
I had to laugh though because uh I didn't run a pub yeah I used to live in a pub while the missy's
ranny so my brother's telling everyone oh he's a shark he's a game shark he used to he used to
live in the pub and he knows he's quality rare rare but no you know I haven't played for years
which I hadn't done yeah I really hadn't you know be riding a bike any you just got it you got it
you never lose it so as well as being a tub shagger that we stopped just last week yeah on the
beer pong sorry I'm still a pool shark still got the tekkers so after all that madness
it was time for me to go and check in right so what time is this about now then three o'clock
three o'clock right no sorry actually it wasn't that I wanted to go and check in yeah the rest
of the group well the brother and his mates he decided we'll go for another drink first
so I was all right where's this pub we ended up walking 15 minutes so the other side of the canal
just to go in this one specific pub I thought I might as well go back yes well we was parked in
a car park so I thought we might as well go back I'll go check in then we'll meet you there no no
no it's only down there literally I was walking for 15 minutes then he might as well yeah I was raging
but was who it was had a drink in there then ended up having to put slap back my brother
that was ready to go um your dad did say he was going to jar for jar with you oh he thought he
was going to be a man that day but he wasn't you know he had uh I think five drinks in total so he
just hasn't got it anymore and he's getting too old for it he needs to admit it but he never will
on a cranky day but uh so brothers took me back I'm gonna check with Dean let them tattle on got a cab
when I met up so deck didn't have a drink what he won't drink no no he doesn't drink anyway so got
a taxi nice gentleman as well you know I'm barely going out drinking much anyway but uh he was telling
me about I don't know it was a religious event going on uh down in london he says I'm already
late it started two days ago he says yeah you're a bit more than late hey yeah you've missed it
yeah but he was going to do like another hour or two then he was going to drive to london from
nothing and catch up the last couple of hours but he was showing me on youtube a lot of videos
a lot of live feed it was just hordes of people but just look I might get it wrong I didn't actually
ask what religion he was but he was mostly more Indian he wasn't seen definitely wasn't seen
uh but yeah it was literally it was a mix of cultures there there was a lot uh like a big
market essentially almost like the german market that was around christmas you know there was uh
tents with the foods um I don't think it was alcohol I didn't ask about that to be honest
uh but it looked amazing to be honest you know it's it's not something that english people tend to
do not necessarily just as a religious thing in that there's not really a lot of events that just
thousands of people turn up to and just have a genuine you know sign you know all all would
have been confident going there not worrying about anything kicking off about am I going to get stabbed
or robbed or whatever it would have just been a nice thing to be involved in so I wish them the
best but god aides found the rest of them and this is when I started to think I probably shouldn't
have gone back right how much time was this now so this is about four o'clock so four o'clock so
you've been only for about four hours yeah yeah four hours yeah I've been on it since half-nights
that's still still a few hours to be fair yeah so it's four o'clock now yeah me with the rest of
the rest of them I'm not trying to play catch up yeah look not that I felt that I needed to but
you know I've had a couple of drinks I'm in the mood now yeah so as I've walked in it was a piano
bar uh so it's never going to be the cheapest of places some was a as I say there was a
the sound increment saying a gay pride uh you know it was an lgbtq plus a parade yeah the whole
shebang was there um no sam smith luckily I would have had to tell him about himself
tell him to take his titles out get off we should ask sam smith to be on this podcast
yeah I think he'd really take well to us wouldn't he be our new best mate
yeah I think you know I mean really love it or you just would like that that
uh yeah I don't think it's our house um but yeah so the the queue for the bar was already
got five people deep and it's it's always been a pet peeve of mine you know I've always had
manners you know I'm looking around knowing who's ahead of me yeah because you know there's
10 people wide and that's right yeah they were there first but now you always point
yeah it's them next and you still get people trying to push in front you know you look
what are you doing but I weren't bothered yeah I always feel like you think everyone thinks the
same way as you do because they should do it but there's just a lack of etica with everyone isn't
that so ended up probably took about 20 minutes to finally get to the second round so did you
double up I did yeah I got myself two pints of guineas because I mainly stuck to guineas
the whole of the day got my brother-in-law a drink a brother a drink I did ask some of the other
lads if they wanted something but they'd already just got drinks and I was already starting the
cocktails yeah so they were all odds then as I've come back out this is where it gets interesting
why I got recognized for the podcast no I've walked out and I was talking to the rest of the lads
they've heard the Brummie accents a few people look like from Birmingham what you doing around here
my brother's stag do any log so that struck up a couple of conversations there was a lady that was
there she leaves to be fair not far from here she thought oh yeah I'm out with my friends and that
blah blah blah all right so we're all sitting outside starts getting windy drinks are getting
knocked over I'm ready to find a nice little pool as we do sit down have a few beers yeah relax
yeah yeah I'm saying I'm the oldest there I'm not two years older than the rest of them yeah
but I'm not in stag do mode yeah you want a lot of kind of like relax a little bit get get to the
point where you know it's not like it's what he needs to get served yeah and then this you just
chill there for two hours and then just see what happens then you just have one of them ones yeah
that's that's I know it sounds arrogant or ignorant and lazy but just to hold for it
I enjoy getting drunk don't get me wrong but I'll just I'll it's been a good 10 years or so that I've
been willing to stand in those queues and that you know the reason why we don't go clubbing anymore
we must start a thing in this podcast where it's like it was a show where you pull in the bin where
it's like you just don't you know just put in the bin so I feel like for our podcast version of that
which is not entirely like that it's totally different we should put paying to get into a club
over thoroughly in the bin so if you have to pay to get into a club and you're thoroughly
you shouldn't be there yeah you're all right so yeah well again we'll get on to that
yeah it was a long night so what's on now set the scene so right so
we this did you move on from yeah so we did a couple of girls that yeah because when I first
walked out and got down and I'm like you're not from around here you're probably from around here
I've had to confirm but we've had to prove that we're actually brothers fair enough
like we're step brothers yeah but we're still brothers and they're like you're not brothers
but we'd convinced them that we're actually biologically all blood brothers and yeah they
accepted after that so because they were they've ended up joining our group it was all well you
couple a local where do we go now so it was all after revolutions or whatever I don't know I
didn't know at the time but some of the things started getting a bit hazy from there so we've
tunneled around and revolution a bar used to or is it there definitely was a revolution
wherever we went anyway it's a pub that once it gets to like a certain time then it's a nod
club but it's still inside a pub yeah essentially they just turn the lights off put disco lights
did it open up an extra bit or whatever no no literally so just a pop don't do food yeah
yeah loads go off dj turns musical and then fancy been to you mentioned food I take you have an
ear and still I hadn't had breakfast when we was in the games room I had three or four small squares
or three squares of pizza or three that massive my friendship depends on who you're asking
yeah it wasn't feeling and I did want to have something else to please
but I just never ended up getting around to me
again you know tangent from the story the amount of times I've done that so I think about days when
I've met everyone at the raven or whatever and the fun was have food but I start drinking and
then I'll just donate and I'll just carry on drinking well I don't want to do that these as
I try and have a pot to eat so yeah we've gone around to this pub that turns into a club eventually
we're in there we're all having a like a laugh and chat and that and as I've turned around
we've been in this book about 20 minutes right I'm just no I've literally just gone to the bar to
get a second drink in there and how are you feeling are you like I'm still all right right
because I've kind of had you're going back and I was worth of love not drinking yeah
back to the car to the data then back into town so I'm all wrong at that point
so I'm all wrong at that point but yeah I've just gone to the bar got a second drink in this book
then as I've gone back over to everyone else chatting I've just seen a bit of commotion in
the corner of my eye on the left hand side as I've turned Amy has decided to get on the table
and try and hang from the life eating from the CD which oh wow yeah which for anyone that knows
how to fit a light fitting essentially you only have a couple of small screws that fixes the light
to the CD so as he's grabbed it it's all fell down and he's landed on the floor and it's a long
cable with a big metal log sort of like a cast iron effect lamp shade that's pretty much sitting
on the table now as well just hanging from its wires and I've just shook my head and I says I'm
not with him I'm finishing this drink and then we'll go wherever else now so obviously the
bouncer's come over and have took him straight out and the one of them's come over to me to try and
say you need to get out because your mates just done that I went I don't know him which to be
fair I'd only known him for a few hours technically I'm not lying but I was like I don't know not with him
so finished the drinks left there and then obviously had to go somewhere else there so what
time is this about so again now we're probably looking that was probably about half five ish
and these are the same lads have been on it since about half night yeah because there's only
seven of us out yeah because you that no sorry there's eight of us your dad's one there yeah
that little brother went that is out of the safe still so from there it's literally where everyone
sort of started getting lost from each other one group of lads just completely disappeared
I still knew where I was with my brother and brother-in-law and then my brother's
disappeared because he's found out where the others were so he's gone to find them so me and
the brother-in-law just standing there trying to phone people to see where they are trying to meet
up and then out of nowhere comes this lady with half a head shaved
it's a lime green dress thingy on not really a dress but a galeotard no no
it's just not what you expect a dress to be made out of the material okay but you know it was a
dress he covered her went down to her knees and because I'm standing there talking to my brother-in-law
she's heard my accent and she's thought ah you're a brother I thought you're a fucking yum yum
because I've heard that twang which I know we've got a twang but yum yams are just it's different
mate it's just I know a lot of people out there they won't notice a difference trust me there's a
difference so to be fair she was saying like she'd lost her friends she wasn't local obviously
so she's just wanting to not a familiar voice but cling on speak to someone and just try and make
her friends which was fair as I said she was sound we had a little bit of a walk around while I was
trying to find everyone else because when getting through to my brother he couldn't tell us where he
was so we've gone around and then ended up finding them eventually she's still with us
because she completely lost her friends she was smashed out of face to be fair but she was all
right with it she wasn't like you know holding over or anything she was she was in a good mood
she was hammered but in a good way she was spirited yeah so I didn't mind that she talked along with us
talk along with us and then so it's probably getting close to probably we're probably on about
seven between seven and eight because I'll be honest I wasn't looking at the time at this point
yeah and my brother my brother-in-law they've gone now I was with a couple of the other lads
because they decided to stay out ended up losing there then no sorry I have skipped a little bit
when we'd all met back up again there was another group of ladies that decided to join us
which I get he you know you're on a stag yeah you kind of like brother's got a
Phillips go for the top he's drawing attention yeah you kind of like anyone that isn't from the
city on it like yeah you're from here it's interesting it's a talking topic and again
I have my hair down when it is all nice and fresh and clean and it's all curly so I had a few people
that's not just walking past Jack and Jesus and whatever I don't claim to be the son of God but
you know if you want to see me that way then so yeah you sort of a group of girls that joined with us
I remember so it does start to get hazy obviously I've had a fair few to drink now barely eat so
I remember standing there at one point and this one girl from the new group of people that joined
us she's talking to me and then out of the blue she shoves her phone in my face yeah this kind
of links on the little bit to what we spoke or touched on last night and she's like oh my god
yeah this kind of links on the little bit to what we spoke or touched on last week
we've got the younger generations so she shoved the phone in my face and it's her deep throaty
a massive dildo and she's like she's following up and she's like what you think of that yeah
that's nice and look I've got my wedding ring on I've already got says I'm married and why
is she just randomly showing it it's just weird this is what I was confused about like is this a
thing that the younger generation want to show us like you know a show in each other about look I
can do this do you want some yeah or like what they say like it was literally it was like ah
what do you think of that I was like yeah that's saying like fair play I just I didn't give a shit
and the fact that she's done it wanting a reaction as he thought oh yeah oh come on let's find an
alleyway or something so I've turned it down essentially you tell her that she's 10 years too late
I didn't actually know I literally just says oh yeah that sounds like fair play to you and also
these touches on the stuff we were on about last last week that these youth today don't give a fuck
yeah they're all in the room or next level let's just love it next level so I don't know they
joined us knowing that we was a stag dude thinking this is going to be a raging gangbang tonight
massive order probably fucking thinking that was done as a guess they were early to mid-20s
yeah so so you know around 10 years younger than me I'd say but that pretty much ended more
conversations with back with them Lord I'll remind her that I'm married Lord yes I literally tap the
ring again because obviously I'll speak to anyone especially when I've got a bear down my neck as
well you know I'm friendly and the fact that I'd already Lord says to everyone married blah blah
and then to come out with stuff like that it's like I don't know what you're trying to achieve
but there's other lads in the group that will happily go off and do whatever I don't know how
many of them add misses or whatever but you know you know that the coin edit that they're going to
do stuff well I can't be arsed with anything like that no I ain't gonna go into more history or
anything growing up but it's not more cup of tea I don't see why if you're gonna especially
married Lord why are you gonna go off and cheat and that if you're not happy just you gotta win
the end yeah there's just no need fucking dragging on so yeah after that they pretty much just left
I don't know probably found some other bullables start to show a video of a deep throat and a dildo
well I couldn't even say how big the dildo was I'll just know there was fucking
just slobber everywhere and you just pretty much seen nostrils eyes dildo in the mouth
yeah so then after that then I've kind of lost the rest of the lads so my brother
and brother-in-law they've gone home but I'm out now so stay out yeah also because
you remember a message to me at 12 o'clock or not? Is that not? Yeah. Yeah all right I just wanted to make sure that
you still are aware yeah at that time so I'd floated around went to a couple of different clubs
didn't realize one that I've already been that changed into a cup so I've had to pay
up fucking nine pound to get in ended up with a wristband and then nine quid it was something
nine quid just to get it it was something all that and I remember because that was the last place I
went so I'm on my own I saw the cubers mad scene and then I saw the shot girl floating around
I was like bab I'll have some of them jagger bombs like four jagger bombs stood at the table
with these four shots I just remember standing there looking around like what am I fucking doing
here yeah you don't need to be doing jagger shots yeah I'm too old for it I'm on my own
yeah and I wore my hair so I just fucking spent 10 minutes just down there and then I fucking
tottered off and so I'm trying to find fucking which way to go what kind of general direction
to get a taxi at this point it's the usual typical stuff I didn't have any cash in my body left
I've gone through 120 cash and I know that I've bought drinks on my card so I've come back to old
JD days and then for some reason the taxi driver didn't have a card machine whereas all of the
me's days have a card machine I'm like what we're gonna do then mate I've got no cash I want to pay
on my card so he's ended up having to take me to a petrol station so I could draw out 20 pounds
give you I was like am I getting change no I was like it's been a five minute drive for you and you tell me that's 20
pounds he's like yeah that's mate you lucky I'm fucking not local to home because I fucking would have just walked off
but yeah went in and uh again I suppose this is where it takes another fucking left turn
so I decided to get into bed I'm sorry to go into bed I've had a sleep lock an hour or so
and then I woke up and I'm needed to go to the toilet as I say this accommodation it's like a
student accommodation there's no personal ensuite I'm on the top floor so I'm about to go downstairs
go into the toilet but I didn't get dressed again I was just literally in my boxers yeah and I
remembered in the morning there's bloody cameras in the corridors and out so the people that are only
safe looking at me walking around the street for the clock to go to the toilet and I barely just sat down
and there's someone trying to open the door I'm like give me five minutes okay okay
okay so then I've ended up going back up to beds and then I woke up at four o'clock and I'm like no
woke again after that not five o'clock no so I ended up properly because I couldn't sleep properly
then anyway not in my own bed and well just restless so I've watched a bit of crap on my phone
then ended up heading back nine o'clock in the morning so just the moral of all that really is
that you're too old to be doing stupid stuff like that you know I say I know it was self-inflicted in the
end of I was out I was drunk I've stayed drinking but I think the main outcome of it is though
well twofold really two things that point out to say it was a pride uh like gathering going on
and I'd like to give a shout out to the general of them because I didn't have any of them coming up
to me the conversation I did have with people passing by and all that none of them were trying
to log on uh they them on this and that like trying to call me cis male or whatever it was all of you
know just nice pleasant conversation your old mate how you doing you know back log out was when we
did use to go out to the uh like the gay quarters in town and then the other part of it is what is
with the younger generation so I'd love me money I'm still back for them but I'm still
back for them what she thought she was going to achieve oh you sort of uh yeah especially
well she must have been set as a favorite video so she can just like and she's not still like
who just shows random people that yeah so fair enough we've tried she's my thoughts because I've
been speaking to everyone in the group now I might have spoken to it for like five minutes
or in total uh the whole time we was all together and then just a bit of yeah what you think about
this just don't get what it was yeah yeah yeah because at the time I wasn't I didn't really care
about it and then it was just I was always driving back I'm like what's that all about
yeah when you reflect what was she trying to achieve I just don't get it yeah if any of you
any of yous out there that do listen and watch on the YouTubes we'll talk about on YouTube
if you want to give your side of it or you know if you are of the younger generation
that's showing you sucking dildos yeah and let's into this kind of thing go and loathe to us
tell us what the uh benefit of it is or what what you feel what why you're happy doing that
yeah because they say we're not old 34 just people weren't going people weren't doing that
I suppose we didn't have phones good enough to do anything like that what do you mean my
phone free time was fucking top tier yeah but if you wanted to send a big pic it was
it was a number three or a capital b a couple of equal signs and then a capital d
yeah so yeah you know that he's showing our age now um so yeah if any of yous out there do
have an explanation of why that's uh acceptable um I'm not not throwing a shame on this god or
anything yeah it's just not my cup of tea yeah you know I'm I'm I wouldn't have done anything
anyway so I don't know what her end goal was maybe just had just moved now just moving man
again it probably is because everyone's into everything so it might be oh yeah you're
married but it don't matter yeah corner mentality I don't know um but yeah let us know uh if you
have a comment on the youtube page uh Tweet see or trodden the dm on hash and jd well it's not
twitter no more is it it's changed to x well they've changed name yeah Elon's uh made a new
crypto called x um so he's changed twitter to x all right all right yeah I know it's confusing
to be fair uh because it's all like in dark mode now so it looks better when you're scrolling
through on a personal preference that is um yeah tweet us trodden the dm or uh send your opinion on
it uh via email realtalkingpod at gmail.com yeah hi everyone it's me this is me face just want to
remind you we want you to send in any questions that you might have uh any topics you want us to
talk about uh email us at realtalkingpod at gmail.com tweet us it's ash and jd that's the twitter handle
uh so literally anything that you might have uh just tell her it literally don't doesn't matter
to us send them in see ya
yeah so I think that leads us nicely onto another email now
we've had a reply from Kirsten okay so thanks for emailing me again as well Kirsten
uh so hi guys thanks for the advice I'm not a puppet shagga even though he is a muppet
don't know if he was cheating but don't him anyway he's been a twat of weeks so ended it anyway
I know my worth I'm only 19 so don't need that shit uh loving the pub anyway keep me laughing
thanks uh thanks for the calm words yes thank you for this damn it's a shame obviously she
wasn't happy in the relationship you've done the right thing as you say you're 19 um too young for
it don't need to be tied down at 19 I remember them days I was like you know oh shagga what
should we do those videos deal those soon then yeah if you're one of them um don't send us the
video of you actually doing it um but you know just give your views on that uh do you like to
rub a dildo I don't know what other materials there might be made off to be honest
but yeah the main thing you you're gonna be happy now you know you're still young you don't need to
be fucking around um I suppose you might be a little bit gutsy you didn't have to get the
chance to rub dp on his bollocks and cause him a bit physical pain maybe for the next one though
yeah yeah the next one I'm not hoping he does but the next one might be a dickhead or just like
pegging yeah yeah but again the next person might be into that I don't know right well they're
young so they probably are into that mate yeah um have you not tried it this week no no I've never
I've never walked not even says to the missus just slip a little digit in there no no no really
surprised about that so yeah you just sat in the back you seem eager for it like like you've done
it I'm on my own most of the week so you know what I haven't had a chance wrong finger
the foam as well get the biggest one in there lad I ain't got a long foam which is
obviously forms usually the voilies so yeah glad that you've got yourself happy it's always the
main thing personal growth and positivity always the best way to be um obviously actually didn't
actually mean that he was a puppet shaggot uh was all good advance yeah it's all good hearted yeah so
I'm glad you you saw the funny side of me um since you called him a puppy so there's a nice bit of a
segue for yourself there then we have got the return of the mac oh gee Danny G
he sent his message
he's got what David don't stand for that mate don't stand for that hostile so he's gone
you might not have heard that over actually laughing but he's gone hat jokes so David
you might mean it you might not he's put jokes so I'll wait for your comeback
give us an embarrassing sex story I know you've had a flop or two and then he's signing Danny G
Danny G Top Shaggot Top Shaggot story time um fuck that as well honestly mate hostile hostile coming in
no it's all much love anyway um not sounding like raggy or anything
well why did you why did you why would you why do you think you was a top shaggot
yeah well let's get let's dive into that little bit I mean how long we got left on the episode
nice well when I was younger before I met the wife
uh just just have a lot of success with the ladies um and I never had any complaints
right not to my face anyone yeah no I'm not gonna try and say I hit a holy number or anything because
I don't know what the number was
yeah it's just you know just just was any you know still I'm to be fair just one one later
uh so yeah not trying to sound like a brag or anything but never had a time where I've not been
able to get it off um but a few times where I've not been able to finish but that's down to alcohol
no drugs never done the drugs uh yeah just you're that lagging you can't finish
uh so I suppose that leads me to one funny story where I can't say all of it because
one it's long and that's what she said uh there's too many details that do need to say
out of it but uh the end of it was went back to this girl's house about lady's house not girl
was of age right and how long ago was this how old was this this was in the caravan days
we now if anyone's been into carry man it's you know and also you know what kind of girls go in
the carry man so so you can establish that from the clientele well to be honest as part of this
story I can confirm that I personally says that she looked like Heidi Cropper from Coronation Street
it's not a proud moment it's nothing I ever brag about but it was a time that I winged a certain
friend in yeah also also whether I need to make sure whether we're off the thing what about the
other no no not that one yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so
ended up going back uh I remember she had a cat with literally like a knob of a tail
and so I called the cat Arthur classy and she's like what you call it Arthur
Arthur tail we had a few more drinks in the others and then I was like come on then we're going to bed then
being all drunk and confident and went upstairs I don't know how long it was going on for but I
know I fell asleep on top of that while inside um so as I woke up in the morning she happily told me
that I fell asleep which I wasn't bothered about was not going to deny and I says all right then
you're going to make a bacon sandwich then which she did okay yeah when I made a bacon sandwich
did the bacon sandwich keep you awake mate not for round two no I had that sandwich and
and dipped I was not staying uh so that that's the the only kind of like
closest to that of like a lack of performance that I could think of um
I've got another time that comes to mind
I mean back in the day we like a lot of men do this anyway but look it's it's so hard as a man
to be able to pull on a night out but the effort that you have to go through because literally
most women in general can just be like yeah I'm going to go home with that person tonight and
not necessarily just because they're attractive because the later on in the night the less
attractive they are the more likely they're going to be able to because men are drunk
horny and don't give a shit in general it's what we call in the tribe 10 to 3 girls yeah so uh
there was one occasion I'm not saying this lady was like a monster
wait what are you saying that she was all right to be fair
look so because of how much effort we had to put in just chatting shit and that lies after lies
and just just big yourself up make you seem like the best person in the venue at the time I can't
remember what I'd actually says what weird I'd spawn I probably said I had a lot of like a horses
or something I know that's not the term but we'll go with that um well ended up going back to this
woman's house doing the deed you know top chug of references and all that and she said I was the
best one of her lot on gold stars all around um but I remember waking up in the morning anyway
and looking to the side that on the bedside table there's a picture of her two young lads
they were like 14 and 12 something like that and I remember he was 19 at the time so I'm thinking
I'm old enough to be their older brother she was probably about 40 she thought I was a lot older
than what I'd said and where did you meet this woman do you remember it probably was the airman
again so I don't remember the clientele in there I just remember so again as a couple she's actually
making me breakfast so I've sat there had breakfast the sons were at her home they were at the dad's
for the weekend so I suppose that's why she was out really um so yeah had my breakfast
uh done all the pleasantries as you do and then as I've gone to leave I was like oh yeah by the
way I'm only 19 and the look of like horror sort of like shame on her face and I saw she wanted to
fuck me as well so I'll just run there was like a little brick wall with a gate in the middle a
metal gate I just ran through that ran down the road they didn't know where I was I ended up
Kings Norton way no King Stanley way um I just remember running for like two minutes to make
sure I was outside the house I took a couple of laps of roads and that ended up getting a bus back
into Birmingham town centre and back to sodium where I used to live
not really an embarrassing one for me so to say um I've done my job for the night I had a good
night yeah you got yours yeah I got mine she definitely had hers um I don't know if she listens
to podcasts right now it's just like you know I couldn't I don't even know if I remember the
name that night let alone try and recall what it was today uh I mean the caravan weren't a
safe space was it really we had some good times in that caravan though did we yeah
maybe you did but that's the difference well I know we've said it before when I went out I was
out out and you you've rarely ever got onto that same level of drunkenness I don't think I actually
recall a night that you're black out drunk no it's just something that when you are in the bar
just it just doesn't seem a natural thing to do well not so much these days but my attitude
used to always be go hard or go home I went that hard I couldn't go home
the amount of times because we'd always go for the breakfast in the morning and
not that I was ever ashamed but it was always yeah you was asleep in the chip shop and you'd
face planted before yeah and this and that well it weren't that you fell over sitting down
yeah I was sitting on the window ledge no no yeah but you you fell over
when you hit the floor he was like
because also I didn't know what was going on there was a there was a delay so you fell and then
screamed like you was falling but he was already on the floor at that point that's what I remember
when you were sick as well you know snops oh my that was yeah yeah so snops before he moved used
to be on on the corner I can't remember the street but it's now uh well it's still on the
corner but it used to be in a smaller venue and uh you was it was for my brother's birthday
and you was fucked before you even run the car and I had to like kind of like coach it against
the taxi went in there went into snops and you just slowly thrown up and he he would just
literally look huddle it covered distance do you remember that that's the same night you fell over
sitting down no I can't remember that um I had a good night there you know and it was always
uh fun reminiscing for everyone else the next morning so I was happy with that that was one of
my roles as a part of the group back in the day just to be that guy just to beat up shagga well
you know obviously when I wasn't having a bad night like that I was
but yeah I know we wait did we talk about it on another one when we was in Wusta
across the bed yeah no I think we've yeah I think we did um
ah fuck it uh for any new listeners because we know you're out there and we do appreciate
you don't forget to log subscribe share download you know what to do yeah you know what to do
but it's nice to remind you it does you no harm it's literally just yeah press that on your phone or
laptop whatever yeah so for the new listeners uh it was a time when we went to Wusta and just
being divs really long because we went to the bar we was at the bar before the rest of the lads
we'd already had a good few drinks anyway but we went to the bar and for whatever reason that
night because every now and again we would buy cigars just to have a little little section in
that club where you could buy cigars yeah in there yeah well if I remember these ones were
ones the ones I brought from the dominica anyway anyway it's it don't matter anyway but those
guys was that the ones I don't know why we went out and started to smoke them before the rest of
the lads come out anyway no he was no he was before that yeah no he was yeah so yeah we've
gone out while we're waiting for the rest of them so it's a lot of on our own instead of waiting for
everyone else because I remember where we were the public museum uh it was basically all downstairs
and after a certain time it opened the barrier for the stairs yeah the external stairs for the
upstairs and essentially it was just a park bench inside blocking them steps we're next to that
lit it up we're having a chat fucking off inhaled it which you're not supposed to do cigars you're
meant to just take it in the mouth enjoy like that video last week Jesus um enjoy the taste even though
it's never enjoyable and then blow it back out so I've been hilding while I'm talking and
I just remember just putting my hand up giving it one second like okay turn and it was like the
same from the exorcist reject oil straight across that bench and it weren't just like it's not
I had range yeah it was like I might be exaggerating the people it was like two meters it just went
straight out yeah like it just fucking moved it was like you use water got my bulletin sick
yeah you because I remember I finished turn and you're like gobsmacked like your jaws hanging
as if you have like 10 lines not that you ever have but it was it was because no one else
noticed it yeah because it was like there was a lot of people outside no one's seen no one I've
stopped turns you you're gobsmacked I went hang on again for another like two seconds about what
minutes to be further okay and I remember just like we need to move from here so we've walked
away because it was like a big outside table and then everyone else has come out and I remember
me just saying no one's seen that don't worry about it don't worry about it okay so I felt
sorry for the staff when they would have had to have moved that chair just to let people
upstairs oh I just want to sit on it oh cool on the bottom of the dress and that love
geez with the jeans on stains carrots and peas and even I hadn't had none sweet corn
oh god but it was like no it's like that that's what we was made for they had a good old days
I don't I can't do stuff like these days as I last weekend's doing wrong like I was tired when I woke
up when I worked on go bar I didn't have a pound in my main thing these days I just need an up
sleep so I can have a sober night like not just a school night basically just not have a good
night's sleep and wake up feeling crap in the morning I had it the other night
I don't know where but in the roof there's a like a cracked hole or something so when the
rains come in a certain direction I've got an old-fashioned house where you have a phone cord
in the bedroom for the clock turn the lights on and it just so happens to be in the middle of the
bed so when the rain comes through at a certain angle wherever this damaged tile is the roof
tile it comes down through the hole of the ball cord ripped right on my pocket head
so two o'clock again the other morning so because I'm awake at two o'clock even I'll get up at four
o'clock anyway but I'm awake two hours early I felt shit that day because I've only had like
four hours sleep essentially so that's my main thing I can have a good drink and then as long
as I have enough sleep you know for eight hours whatever then I'm more old but I don't know I
used to do it just drink all night have two three hours if that and then do it again still be able
to lock graph the next day and then yeah you say drink the next night well I suppose just the joys
of being a youth yeah you're a gargling youth I mean I can't get over that you know Danny G just
had to fuck Dave to be honest I know thanks for the email dad I hope those stories were sufficient or not
for your needs of knowing I was a top shagger I'm a top shagger always be top shagger do you
reckon Danny G is a top shagger or used to be Danny G hasn't got it in him I know personally that David says fuck you
I hope we get the baby yeah I think I like that you don't but no Dave seriously you need to uh
apologize to him you know if you want to send a picture of your massive slung and say
how you've heard about it this time I'll send it to him I've got his email address I'll forward it
yeah I think that's another night we'll leave it at that I appreciate you again yeah thanks for your email
address first look I hope you're happy now or you're on the road to being happy anyway
anything else you might have any needs of advice or you know you are listening to the broadcast
because we will give you the real talk as always and the real advice just the realest of everything
the real needs the real quench real thirst real yeah we've already said it you know what to do
email tweet like subscribe share download all the love appreciate yous we'll see you next week
friends