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Hi everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Real Talking Podcast with your host

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Ashley from Jayad. So we're going to start off with another email questionnaire. So we've

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got a new person, Danjir, we've got a bit of competition there kid. We've got an email

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from David. David boy. David boy. Dave, little Dave, big Dave, don't know who you are, how

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big you are or anything. It's ironic, who's will I? So he's asked, he's emailed just this,

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love the poo stories. Have you got any more? Doesn't have to be about poo, just something

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funner. Right. Okay, yeah. So I'll go to story and it's, we touched on a bit last week where,

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you know, you know, when you had good numbers going out. Yeah. So every now and again, we

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used to go to Buster a full night out and I don't know why we did because we never used

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to stay in the hotel, we just sleep in the van. And yeah, we had a couple of chaotic

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nights like that. Yeah. So this one night in particular though, is the lad that was taking

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us down, he had his big sprinter van. I won't say his name, just in case or whatever. But

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yeah. So if I remember right, we had three in the front, obviously driving the two and

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pastures in the front of the van. And I want to say there was about six or five or six

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in the back of the van at the time. I know which not you run up, babe. I can't remember

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how many there was. I don't, because I think there was about eight of us in total. Yeah.

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So yeah, there would have been about five because no one else drove there. No, no, that

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one particular time was just, yeah, just the one vehicle because we was meant to say someone's

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house, wasn't we? No, not that night. Not that night. I thought we was, that's why we ended

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up sleeping in the van. No, no, no, not this night I'm on about. Maybe that was another

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night. We had a few occasions like that anyway. Yeah. But this night, because I remember this

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night, you was, you got fucked. So anyway. I was pretty much every time. I don't think

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there was a time that we went out in Worcester and I wasn't completely retards. Yeah. Yeah.

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So literally, I remember we were all confirmed going out. Ain't no one of us were going and

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I had to get rid of it, all every was. So I remember thinking, well, I'm going to do

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it because I know we're going to end up sleeping there. That's what we've done. My old bed

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a bed underneath my bed in case someone stopped over. Yeah. So I just took the mattress from

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that and put in his van. And I remember thinking, no, I'm going to get fucked tonight. Went

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up the road, brought a lamb brine, a bottle of lamb brine. Do you remember that? Like

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£2.74 over to Cherry Flavour. You know. Yeah. Cause we used to get the bottles of Jacks

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as well. Yeah. Yeah. So we obviously that's the part where I wouldn't do it now. What

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the fuck would I see in the back of a van? Getting fucked with the fire alarm. So anyway,

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so. Lamb briney girls. No, but I wanted, I wanted to be, when we walk into the club,

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be already on the, on the bus. Yeah. So I remember I put my chinos on, that's how long

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ago we was, even though they're making a comeback. I still wear mine from time to time. I'm not

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going to go out. I've just got them. Yeah. And I just don't always feel like wearing

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jeans. I like wearing chinos now. When we go out, that's what I wear. Cause I feel,

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anyway, anyway, anyway. We'll set it to fashion tick you off for the rest. So, you know, we

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should do our own just to fuck about. Anyway, so back to the story. So went up the shop,

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Lamb briney feeling it. Anyway, chinos on, pair of hands on, I don't know, whatever

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t-shirt was the time ready to go. All of us in the back, three of us in the front. And

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on the way there, I remember all of us just sitting on my mattress, just talking shit,

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drinking. Went out. It was good, good, good enough. No, I remember you and the driver

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though was smash. So one of the other lads had to drive back. Now see, I can see you.

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So, yeah. Yeah. So cause to be fair, when me and him were always out together, it's

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not that it was a competition, but it was, well, we used to egg each other on to drink

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more. And we'd get rounds together. Um, which there'll be a story for another episode really

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of those kinds of antics. But yeah, we almost force feed ourselves. Yeah. You chose to

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outman each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, yeah, long story

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short. So in the club, we went on to seven bottles, seven pound bottles of champagne.

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It was a club called Trump's. I don't know if it's still there or whatever. So you have

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more to rooms anyway. Yeah. Cause there was like five rooms in there. Yeah. So you had

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that strange spiral staircase. Yeah. How did not many people fall down that or up here?

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I can imagine some people did and to have that good view of everything where you could

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do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, good night, usual back to the van, but this is

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always different. Normally we still sleep in the van or get an hour or two, then drive

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back. But the one that does like now I'm going to drive on the driver. So back in the van.

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So much of it now, I think, I think there was only two in the, no, there's a two in

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the front. Anyway, anyway, there's two or three in the front, but the lad that was driving

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is now in the back. I remember him and you being absolutely spashed. I can't say what

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he was saying. It was just on, was it the usual banter that we had together? Yeah. It

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was just, it was like you used to together. I used to love that experience because I know

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it was good night. You know, when you cheeks hurt from laughing. Anyway, all of a sudden

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the lad gets, he's had a fear for you to drink himself. First turn curbs it. Boom, boom. Curbs

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you on the wire. So he set the tone. So anyway, as he's gone and slot the I rode the mine road

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out of there, it quickly bright. So all of us in the back went flying into the front

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of the van. Boom. Yeah. I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait. But he was doing that on purpose.

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He said no burning. He done that on purpose. So I remember them, we all put the matches

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at the back and we was trying to like. Just brace ourselves. Yeah, brace ourselves. So

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when he done it, because literally imagine a van going 70 miles an hour and then breaking

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like obviously gravity just does its thing. Yeah. All them G forces. That's it. So, so

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he's been doing this for about 20 minutes now. And then I remember this one time he's

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done it. And it's like the only way I can describe it. It's from the scene from guardians

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see to where yonder is just broken out the cage with Rocky. And he's, he's killing all

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the people with the arrow and that he's walking normal, but everything else around him is

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going really slow. And he's got that, uh, the giant American song. Uh, anyway, I'm trying

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it. Yeah. Yeah. And a little cafe at the border. That's anyway, that, that's a song that's

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playing on the movie at the time. So just like that in my vision, everything's going

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normal, but everything's going really slow. So the lot of different fronts quickly, the

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breaks on. And I've just seen one, the lab literally legs go underneath him to a complete

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one. I'll it. So he's vertical upside down now. Literally in an instant, like, like, like,

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like he's being possessed. So he's flipped upside down, straight into the, um, I don't

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where we're smashing. So we're still petition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He did the petition and

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strung his head forward and he was like, ah, ah, anyway, we stopped the van got him all

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that. Anyway, I put him in the front. He was falling and that's pretty much, you know,

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cause he thought he broke his arm. Yeah. We thought he broke something. Yeah. And, you

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know, he's just the only way I can describe it is literally it was standing up Roy and

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then just, he was upside down. Like literally within an instant, his feet replaced his head.

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Yeah. And he was just straight into the back. That's it smashed into your head first thing.

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And anyway, it turned out the lad says, all right, it's a good job that he done that because

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we was on a drive to Western super mayor. Cause he was, we was planning to go to McDonald's

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the one up near to us at 24. Anyway, but that was going to park, go to Western super mayor

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and find a McDonald's there and then we'll stop there. But yeah, I thought that was just

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a funny story because literally we were just there, like six men up in the back of a van

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smashing off this barricade of the war. And then the one time it's illicit, just flipped

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like he was possessed upside down into it. It was inevitably going to happen though.

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Cause he was fucking around standing up anyway. Yeah. We're trying to ride it. Yeah. And it's

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not how no one really got properly hurt anyway. I don't know. You wouldn't even think about

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doing that now. Well, no, it's, uh, I mean just the fact that we were just drunk and

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the, uh, drove and he started to carry on driving back instead of, uh, just getting

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his head down for a few hours. It's not, not except what it's not condoned. No, but we

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used to fuck about up there. We used to go back to the van to just talk. I saw the vans

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for about two hours. Yeah. Cause I know sometimes we'd still have a bit of a lot of pre drinks

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in the van. Then we'd carry on drinking afterwards. Wouldn't we? Yeah. Cause I remember on the

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one occasion, we grabbed a McDonald's and whatever. And, uh, the one lad was waving

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his food outside of a tramp who was sitting on the floor hoping for a bit of change. He

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just waved his bag of, like his Big Mac or whatever right in his face. Nasty. I'll tell

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also a funny story. What just comes to me when I was a kid, I went to the shops around,

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um, on break and as I was walking back to school, I've been drove past and he had a

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McDonald's milkshake and he threw it up. Why would anyone do that? Why? I've never looked.

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This was like a grown man. I mean, like it was probably about our age. And that's like

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35, like going up like 35, 40, like a man milkshake. Like a 40 year old kid. Like what

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the fuck man? You've not enjoyed a simple pleasure there. Thank you. Cause I've done

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that before. I've not launched a milkshake at someone, but I've drove past like a group

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of school kids and a lot of people, a lot of shaggy little wankers or whatever. Cause

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it's just funny just to see the reaction. But it wasn't even a group. It was just me

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and the other lad walking back into school from guns to shop. And I mean, his gazes and

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passionate side aren't like half out, like, like torso out the van. Why? I'd say that

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one of the funniest times of something along them lines was in the van with a builder I

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used to work with, I think it was around star bridge. And we've the, not that it's sunny

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at the moment, when the sun's out, people ought to get the guns out. But these lads,

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he was, he was just a skinny lad. You know, one of the ones that thinks that the lot hens

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and that. So he's got his big old walk on him thinking he's the fucking dog's bollocks.

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And the builder is just, as we're driving past, his wolf whistled a lot at him out the

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window and going, all right, gorgeous. And this lad, his face just corrupts. And he tried

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not running at the van, not even though we're driving up the road, he just tried running,

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you're fucking puffs and whatever he's shouting. He just ruined his day because he's thinking

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he's a geezer and he's fucking, like women are driving past and they're all getting

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pissed or something. That's all wrong with that geezer because he's so, he hung up on

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a big comment there. He just said that. He definitely says something along them lines

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there. So wrong. But he, he, he. He should know better. He was probably about 12 years

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ago. So yeah, it was acceptable though. Definitely acceptable to be a queer basher. So my story

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is a little bit different. It does involve drink really, because the night before, as

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most weekends, we was always on it, Friday, Saturday and occasional Sundays as well. So

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to be fair, I don't know where we would have went or who I would have been with or anything

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that I thought, just know I'd had a right to drink. And I've been roped into working

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on the Saturday for the sound builder, actually. He got in with his architects and we ended

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up doing a lot of footballers houses. And this was the first one that I've worked on.

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So the whole job we was doing the kitchen and whatever extension work and stuff. But

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I was absolutely hanging. Ed was banging. I hadn't had a breakfast or anything.

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Oh, she's hungry as well.

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Yeah, I was hungry. I grew up next to the bank as well. So I had to get a bucket of

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water and washed that away. And got to the point then, stomach starts to go a little

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bit, not for another seat, but the other end, I need to go for a dump. But the builder,

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he just used the toilet downstairs and he cleared out the whole of the ground floor

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basically anyway. He just stunk it out and I was not going to go into that toilet.

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Well, after this, I've got a story about you as well.

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I know what you want to go through.

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Yeah, sorry. So the builders stunk at the toilet downstairs.

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The rest of the lads, they're trying to ride through it, but they've all gone out for some

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fresh air. But I needed to go to the toilet as well. So I've done the next best thing.

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I've gone upstairs. First bedroom I've walked into, gone into the ensuite.

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So was there not a toilet upstairs that you could have used?

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There probably was, but I wasn't going to start opening all the doors.

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Oh, so you wanted to go in the ensuite.

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Yeah, I just knew it's a rich person's house. Every room is going to have an ensuite.

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And I just so happened to walk into a bedroom, saw the ensuite there, so walked into it.

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Started to let loose. Next thing, phone starts ringing and it's you that's called me up.

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And I don't know if I told you I was working the night before or whatever, but you was like,

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what are you doing? I was like, I'm having a shit.

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You'd asked me whose I was at and I didn't know what footballer's house I was in at the time.

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I just knew I was at a footballer's house.

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So once I'd finished the business, wipe my ass, which there's a right way to wipe your ass.

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I'll say that for another time. I've heard too many people.

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There's been discussions on other podcasts I've listened to over the last few weeks of people not wiping their ass right.

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I don't know why.

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In what way?

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I don't know. I've had skids in the boxes afterwards.

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I know accidents can happen when you trust the fire too much and a little bit of the seat's got to be out or whatever.

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But you've got to wipe right.

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I don't get boy, particularly men, don't wipe their ass right.

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You've got to make sure everything's gone.

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Do you stand up to wipe your ass?

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No.

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I do both. I style off sitting down.

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We'll have this conversation now. I'll come back to the story.

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So I have tried standing up. I find that you can't get everything off.

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I know you folder or scruncher.

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You can't scrunch.

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See I'm a bit above mate.

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No. So, right.

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Excuse this conversation for a few minutes.

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If you're eating, pause it, finish your meal and then press play again because it's going to get a little bit graphic now.

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So on the initial wipe, I'll get two sheets.

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Now, it's always this is always dependent on the quality of the toilet roll as well.

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You can't do this with as the special home brand of sandpaper.

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You've got to have a good quality, you know, puppies on a roll or a shadow or something.

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If you really if you can afford it because they're expensive.

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Well, to be fair, a lot of these ones that everyone's seen on TikTok where it's 60 odd rolls for 12 pounds and that.

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I'll show you the other month.

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Wasn't on TikTok. It's from Amazon.

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But that's good stuff.

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Triple quilted and that.

194
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,200
So the initial wipe, you get two sheets off.

195
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,200
So two squares put together.

196
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,200
So fold it in half.

197
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,200
It looks like one square, but it's double quilted.

198
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:36,200
So if it's triple quilted, you've got six quilts on there.

199
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:43,200
You do your initial wipe because especially if it is a bit of a messy one that you know you've got to get the toilet brush out.

200
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,200
You can give it a clean afterwards.

201
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:51,200
You gain a good coverage and you're not going to have the accident of your fingers slipping through or anything.

202
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200
So you give it a wipe.

203
00:18:53,200 --> 00:19:02,200
And why do people look at the tissue after the first book, even though they know there's stuff on there?

204
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,200
It's the first boy.

205
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,200
Right. So I don't look at it too.

206
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:10,200
Luckily, but look, you know, there's stuff on that first board.

207
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,200
Everyone knows there's stuff on there.

208
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,200
Unless it's a ghost one.

209
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,200
Those are amazing when it's a ghost one.

210
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:23,200
Boys, and the ghost book ones, it's when you're pooping.

211
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,200
Yeah, it just comes out and there's no evidence.

212
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,200
It's like you never had a shit.

213
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,200
A fart mott in the toilet, but there's no evidence.

214
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,200
So, yeah, I don't look at it to see what's on there.

215
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:36,200
I do the wipe and I fold it.

216
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,200
And then I give a second wipe.

217
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,200
You double it on the same what?

218
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,200
Reuse the thing twice.

219
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,200
This is something you need to remember.

220
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,200
I'm fucking tight.

221
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:51,200
And with every with all this crisis going on, everyone's got to save the pennies.

222
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,200
So take notes.

223
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,200
This is how you save on toilet roll at home.

224
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,200
So, yeah, do the first one.

225
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,200
Fold it in half.

226
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,200
Give another wipe.

227
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,200
Let it drop into the toilet.

228
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,200
OK.

229
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:06,200
And then it's one square at a time.

230
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,200
Why? Yeah.

231
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:12,200
So then you give a wipe back out, fold, give another wipe.

232
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:20,200
So you do that for as many times until you've got the initial poop from around the hole in between your bum cheeks.

233
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:27,200
If you've got a hairy ass, you know, any clinging onto the hair and that until that's all gone.

234
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:33,200
Then the last couple of sheets with the square again, just a little tease.

235
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:37,200
Just I mean, I was going to say, do you stick anything?

236
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,200
And I mean, you just piercing into it.

237
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,200
You're not playing with it.

238
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,200
Yeah, you're not doing the job.

239
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,200
If you touch your first knuckle, you've gone too deep.

240
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,200
You literally you don't even want you don't even want to feel your fingernail.

241
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:55,200
You just want a little bit of insertion.

242
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,200
So you do it on one corner.

243
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,200
Rotate the paper.

244
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,200
Do it on the.

245
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,200
But if people like getting pecked, then they should.

246
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,200
Yeah, you definitely need to go to the knuckle.

247
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,200
If you enjoy being pecked, you should be douching anyway.

248
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,200
So you're cleaning your ass in that sense.

249
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:19,200
So you give three little pokes and you check after the first two to see how much residue is on there.

250
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:22,200
And you do that on a step until it's all clean.

251
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,200
So you're just seeing pure paper left.

252
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,200
You don't want to see any brown stains whatsoever.

253
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:35,200
And that is the most convenient way to clean your bum.

254
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,200
Right.

255
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,200
All right.

256
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,200
Now we've.

257
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:42,200
Now I've had it before where I was on a building.

258
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:47,200
So we convert a load of houses and I had to go.

259
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,200
There was no toilet roll, but I was right next to a sink.

260
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:54,200
So I have had to use my hands.

261
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,200
But I did wash my hands afterwards.

262
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:05,200
To be fair, that's a cultural thing that do the back side of that.

263
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,200
Yeah.

264
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,200
Several Asian countries.

265
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,200
And it was kind of eye opening.

266
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,200
Not because I think.

267
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,200
And that when you do with a bidet.

268
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,200
Yeah.

269
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,200
Yeah.

270
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:23,200
So which that's something that I do want to get actually, because there's I think the product is called Tushy.

271
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,200
So it's like a little attachment that goes onto the toilet.

272
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:31,200
Gives a little squirt just to help clean.

273
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,200
But yeah.

274
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:34,200
So anyway.

275
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,200
Back to the toilet.

276
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,200
The story in question.

277
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,200
So yeah.

278
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,200
Finished wiping.

279
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,200
Back to our door.

280
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,200
Not clean.

281
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,200
And what I ended up doing was finding a picture.

282
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,200
And I had to send it to you.

283
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,200
This was before WhatsApp as well.

284
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:54,200
So I've literally.

285
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,200
As I've left the ensuite, I've realized I was in the master bedroom.

286
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,200
And it was a wedding picture.

287
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:08,200
And I'm not going to pro evo because that would be like.

288
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,200
Risk, crunt.

289
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,200
Because the pro evo is now.

290
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,200
Former West Brom captain at the time as well.

291
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,200
Chris Brunt.

292
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,200
I was in his and it's his wedding picture that I'd sent over to you.

293
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,200
And then within seconds of you receiving it.

294
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,200
Phone started ringing again.

295
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,200
And all I've heard.

296
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,200
As soon as I've answered, he's just pure loud laughter.

297
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,200
Which was too loud for my hangover at the time.

298
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,200
So I couldn't even hold the phone next to me.

299
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,200
And you're in between your laughs.

300
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,200
You're trying to get out.

301
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,200
It's Chris Brunt's house.

302
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,200
You've just had a shit in Chris Brunt's house.

303
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,200
Yeah.

304
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:51,200
It was only was it just his house.

305
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,200
He was on sweet.

306
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,200
I remember being in the car with a few of the other lads.

307
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,200
And I saw them.

308
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,200
What you said.

309
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,200
I called to see if he's coming.

310
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,200
But because obviously for God that you had.

311
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,200
Yeah.

312
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,200
Anyway, we was just joking about.

313
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,200
I've seen all the lads.

314
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,200
So when it came, when you send the picture.

315
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,200
Obviously.

316
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,200
Yeah.

317
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,200
She couldn't get the words out because he was just funny.

318
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:16,200
Yeah.

319
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:21,200
And because I remember I was in his garage at some point during the job as well.

320
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,200
There was a man of the match.

321
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,200
Bottle of champagne.

322
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,200
Playing against Man United.

323
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,200
Which I did want to steal that to be fair.

324
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,200
Because that would have been an expensive bottle of wine.

325
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,200
But champagne, sorry.

326
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,200
But that sort of started a bit of a running theme then as well.

327
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:41,200
I worked in several footballers houses after that.

328
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:45,200
Matthew Lawson, who was playing for Aston Villa at the time.

329
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:50,200
Absolute fucking wanker.

330
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,200
Apologies for going off the stories now and going on to a bit of a rant.

331
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,200
But what a lazy piece of shit he was.

332
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,200
And his missus.

333
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,200
So we got there.

334
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,200
They're on holiday.

335
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,200
I don't go to these houses to see the...

336
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,200
I didn't go there to see the footballers or anything.

337
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:09,200
It was just to do the work.

338
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,200
But he's gone on a holiday.

339
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,200
They've left dirty clothes all over the place.

340
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,200
Dirty nappies and everything.

341
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:20,200
Not just in the bathroom, but in the kitchen where we're working.

342
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,200
Left them light for the cleaner to come and sort out.

343
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,200
You've got people coming in your house.

344
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,200
Have a bit of decency.

345
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,200
So we ended up doing all of his house up and that as well.

346
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,200
When he'd come back on the last day, we'd already finished.

347
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,200
I was sitting in the van waiting to go.

348
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,200
And he's pulled up.

349
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,200
Top of the range, Land Rover and that.

350
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,200
And he meets his missus and the babbys got out of the car.

351
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,200
And them two wouldn't even look at us.

352
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,200
As I say, I'm not there to have a conversation.

353
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,200
I'm not a Bill of Fan.

354
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:55,200
I'm not a Layton fan.

355
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,200
I'm not trying to get a conversation and have an autograph or anything.

356
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,200
Just fucking crack on.

357
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,200
To throw it out. I want to go home.

358
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,200
But the fact that they wouldn't even look to say hello.

359
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,200
And the child was probably not free or something.

360
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:12,200
He's walking around and he's like, Hiya, he's trying to say hello to us.

361
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,200
And the mother's just grabbed him.

362
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,200
Get away from them. Get away from them.

363
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,200
I don't even want to speak to you child either.

364
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,200
Just fucking, just have a bit of respect.

365
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,200
Absolutely ignorance.

366
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,200
Jamie Vardy was saying, his missus wasn't.

367
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,200
Did you poop in his arse?

368
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,200
I did yeah.

369
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,200
In his underwear?

370
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,200
No, it was the downstairs toilet next to the kitchen.

371
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,200
And utility that we were doing for him.

372
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:41,200
Because we conveyed his double garage into his games room.

373
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,200
And that was just before they won the Premier League as well.

374
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,200
Because that's where they celebrated.

375
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,200
Yeah.

376
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:48,200
Winning the league.

377
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:50,200
I imagine you can probably get it on YouTube.

378
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,200
But the party they had after the celebration are winning the Premier League.

379
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,200
Yeah.

380
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,200
That room.

381
00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,200
They watched, was it the Tottenham Chelsea game in Vardy's house?

382
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:06,200
And obviously I think if Chelsea won, obviously Leicester became champions.

383
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:09,200
And that's where they were watching the game.

384
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,200
Yeah.

385
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,200
Jamie was saying, we had a skip on his drawing.

386
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,200
And he had a McDonald's wrapper or something.

387
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,200
And he's throwing it, trying to throw it into the skip.

388
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,200
But completely missed.

389
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,200
Us being men just laughed at him, took the piece.

390
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:26,200
Sticked to football you dickheads.

391
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,200
And he's like, fuck off.

392
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,200
But again, he's missed his ball, miserable fucker.

393
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,200
He did study.

394
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,200
He doesn't live in his house anymore anyway.

395
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,200
So what was a converted life?

396
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,200
Half of it was their bedroom, the ensuite.

397
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:48,200
The other half was what we made into a walking wardrobe.

398
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,200
And there was 17 different compartments, all just for shoes.

399
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,200
Just absolutely ridiculous.

400
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,200
And there and on, this is before he was earning good money.

401
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:01,200
But don't get me wrong, he was only earning good money.

402
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:07,200
But obviously when they won the pre-election, he started earning I think 75 grand a week or something like that.

403
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,200
So yeah, just absolutely ridiculous.

404
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:14,200
I nearly got the chance to work at Bale's, but I didn't get to go there.

405
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,200
But again, I've heard stories about that.

406
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:25,200
I don't know if it's still the case, but he used to pay his brother-in-law 50 grand a year just to pull his cars in and out of his garage every couple of days.

407
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:28,200
Perfect job, isn't it?

408
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,200
Take my Ferrari for a spin for 10 minutes.

409
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,200
Just up and down the country.

410
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,200
Jewelry service.

411
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:41,200
I know at the time he was having his garden landscaped into an 18-hole golf course as well.

412
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,200
Nice.

413
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,200
Yeah, not bad.

414
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:50,200
The daughter's Wendy house was bigger than most average three-bedroom houses as well.

415
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,200
They had a horse riding paddock around it.

416
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:57,200
To be fair, he was on 600 grand a week.

417
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,200
Yeah, something like that.

418
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:00,200
It's nothing.

419
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,200
Pocket change for him.

420
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,200
Yeah, fucking...

421
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,200
So that was my funny story.

422
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,200
David, I hope you enjoyed that.

423
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,200
That was a good question, thank you.

424
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaking about the builder stinking out the downstairs, I remember another time we went to Worcester.

425
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,200
And we went to McDonald's in Worcester.

426
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:28,200
Yeah, so this was one of the occasions that we actually did go to sleep after being eight or nine.

427
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,200
Yeah, so I think the McDonald's opened about five o'clock.

428
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:32,200
It was early anyway.

429
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,200
He went at 24.

430
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,200
Was he at 24 or 7?

431
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,200
That was all day.

432
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,200
So anyway, I had a little kid.

433
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,200
He needed his shit.

434
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,200
And one of the lads was like, I don't want anything.

435
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:49,200
So anyway, he comes in about four minutes, walks in and stands next to me.

436
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,200
I can't remember if I've just finished my food or just got my food at this point.

437
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,200
He walks in and goes,

438
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,200
the fuck's that smell?

439
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,200
Fucking stinks.

440
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,200
And I went, mate, that's JD.

441
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,200
And you've literally just come out of the toilet stand.

442
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,200
And I remember him being so angry.

443
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,200
Look, he just turned away and went back in the van, didn't he?

444
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,200
He went, eh?

445
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,200
And I remember him going to me after.

446
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,200
Was that really JD?

447
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,200
Yeah, he was like, fucking disgusted.

448
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,200
I remember that.

449
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,200
Oh yeah, it was a wave.

450
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,200
Literally.

451
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,200
It's like,

452
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:26,200
I remember at one point going outside and coming back in.

453
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:30,200
And as soon as you got in, and I mean, the toilets were at the back.

454
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,200
Yeah, yeah.

455
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,200
Because where the counter was, you could order the food.

456
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,200
Because back in the day, you used to have to go to the counter.

457
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:43,200
There wasn't these screens to order your food.

458
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,200
You physically went to the counter.

459
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:47,200
And he was to the right of that, wasn't he?

460
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,200
He was to the right.

461
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,200
Because you had a door on the left to go into the kitchen.

462
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,200
Or the doors on the right were for the toilets.

463
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,200
So I can imagine people smelling it.

464
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,200
And then progressively, as they were to order food,

465
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:01,200
getting worse.

466
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,200
Oh, it was so hard.

467
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:04,200
Oh my God.

468
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:08,200
I remember obviously sitting there.

469
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,200
I'm already smelling it because it's coming out of there.

470
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,200
But these gays have come in,

471
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,200
and they've opened the door like, what the fuck?

472
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,200
He's gagged a little bit.

473
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,200
It's so horrible.

474
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,200
And then he's walked up.

475
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,200
So it must have been as he's come in, that's just opened the fucking cell.

476
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:28,200
Yeah, just like.

477
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,200
And allowed the smell to escape.

478
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,200
I can't describe it to you.

479
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,200
But it hit.

480
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:41,200
And when it hit, it was like the back of your throat.

481
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:47,200
Yeah, for the male audience of legal age that does like a bed,

482
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:54,200
it's your typical pure alcohol induced load.

483
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,200
Because nothing was started, let's be honest.

484
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:57,200
Nothing.

485
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:02,200
And so it's a mixture of all the different drinks.

486
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,200
You know, the beers, the shots and fucking everything.

487
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:06,200
That just all come out.

488
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:12,200
They would have had to open all the windows and doors for a good few hours to air that out.

489
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,200
Because that was horrendous.

490
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,200
Which as we all know, McDonald's can't do that.

491
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:17,200
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

492
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:21,200
So that must have stayed in there for good while.

493
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:26,200
I mean, I reckon people about three hours later would walk in and be like, oh.

494
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,200
The problem DJ.

495
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,200
It was a bad one.

496
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:30,200
Yeah.

497
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,200
It's the worst smelling shit of smell.

498
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,200
And I didn't even in the cube.

499
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,200
I went even in the toilet.

500
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:39,200
That's how bad it was.

501
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,200
I was in the restaurant, a bit like a restaurant.

502
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:49,200
I was in the restaurant having my McDonald's premium breakfast meal.

503
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:55,200
And I went in the toilet, sat on the cubicles and it smelled bad.

504
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,200
The problem with most of them McDonald's toilets,

505
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,200
because I remember that one being the same anyway,

506
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,200
there was like two urinals and one cubicle.

507
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,200
I see it was tight.

508
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,200
Yeah, so it's already a small room.

509
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:12,200
There's not much space for that gas to escape.

510
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,200
It was just there.

511
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:15,200
You've got to go.

512
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:19,200
I've done enough damage to toilets over the years.

513
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:23,200
Also, even though this one meant to be a poop question,

514
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,200
we talked about it.

515
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,200
Look, it didn't have to be poop, but there's a lot of poop involved.

516
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:32,200
Yeah, I mean, look, I've got loads of stories that we could go on and on about.

517
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:36,200
We'll save them for other occasions.

518
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:42,200
If anyone else wants to email in and ask us questions, ask for other stories.

519
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:45,200
Yeah, yeah, just anything, just advice.

520
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:46,200
Yeah, yeah.

521
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,200
He's given you advice how to wipe your ass.

522
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,200
That's the best advice I've learned this week, I tell you.

523
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,200
Hi everyone, it's me, this is me, Face.

524
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:59,200
Just want to remind you, we want you to send in any questions that you might have,

525
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,200
any topics you want us to talk about.

526
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:05,200
Email us at realtalkingpod at gmail.com.

527
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:08,200
Tweet us, it's Ash and JD.

528
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,200
That's the Twitter handle.

529
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:13,200
So literally anything that you might have, just tell us.

530
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,200
Literally, doesn't matter to us.

531
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:16,200
Send them in.

532
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:18,200
See ya.

533
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:22,200
That's for those who don't know.

534
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:27,200
It's always been a bit of a touchy subject as well, the toilet roll issue we pay.

535
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,200
Because...

536
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,200
I know who he's going to say.

537
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:35,200
We can't say.

538
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:40,200
I don't get why so many people have to waste toilet roll.

539
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:44,200
So I won't say any direct names or anything,

540
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:49,200
but there was a time where I had guests staying over at mine,

541
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:55,200
and I had to take my personal good toilet roll out of the bathroom

542
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,200
because it was just getting wasted.

543
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,200
The time before when they had stayed over,

544
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:05,200
two rolls were used within the space of a day.

545
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,200
So let's just say I'd gone to work in the morning,

546
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,200
come back ten hours later,

547
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,200
and it was like...

548
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,200
Say it went from four down to one and a half that was left in the pack.

549
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,200
I'm like, how has it all gone?

550
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,200
No one's shitting that much.

551
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,200
Between three people in the house, no one's shitting that much.

552
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,200
So on that second occasion,

553
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,200
I took my puppy's own roll out of the bathroom,

554
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,200
I went to ASDA, bought their fucking sandpaper,

555
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,200
and left it in there.

556
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:37,200
And over the space of two days, six rolls were gone.

557
00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:38,200
Two days?

558
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,200
Yeah.

559
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,200
Well, it might have been three days, but still.

560
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,200
Yeah, look, so like Friday to Sunday, point-of-point, yeah.

561
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,200
Yeah, it's just not acceptable.

562
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,200
I don't get why some people have to get the roll,

563
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,200
wang it around the hand several times,

564
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,200
like they're trying to make the fucking mummy hand or something,

565
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,200
just to wipe.

566
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,200
Awesome. Yeah, awesome.

567
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,200
I know we're not going on this theme, but we're doing it.

568
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,200
When we went to Cyprus, yeah,

569
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,200
obviously you can't put your toilet paper down,

570
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,200
obviously the pan in it.

571
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,200
Some countries...

572
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,200
Yeah, so like Greece, Cyprus, nothing Turkey.

573
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:16,200
The sewer system doesn't allow it.

574
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,200
Yeah, because they literally are

575
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,200
that ancient of sewage systems.

576
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:24,200
The pipes aren't big enough to be able to cope with

577
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:28,200
toilet roll and other stuff to go down along with poop.

578
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:31,200
So what you're meant to do is wipe

579
00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,200
and put it in the bin.

580
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:35,200
Oh, it's just...

581
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,200
Yeah, well, I remember when we were in there,

582
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,200
you had a shit, I was like...

583
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:41,200
Did you flush, and you were like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

584
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,200
I was like, you weren't supposed to, and you were like, fuck up.

585
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,200
But that bin, so it's like...

586
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,200
It was just a tiny bin.

587
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,200
How long?

588
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,200
How many? Six of us in this fucking villa.

589
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,200
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

590
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,200
So six people's worth of fucking shit tissue.

591
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,200
Then who gets that bag then?

592
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,200
One of us would have had to have taken that bag out

593
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,200
and put it into the bin.

594
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,200
I think we all flushed it, and he just flushed it down.

595
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:08,200
Yeah, because obviously we just informed you about McDonald's

596
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,200
or something, so I'm not going to put everyone else

597
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,200
through that throughout the whole day,

598
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,200
especially when we're trying to have a drink

599
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:18,200
around by the pool and fucking having a barbecue and that,

600
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,200
and you're just smelling shit coming from the bathroom.

601
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,200
Fuck that. It was a lead-on living, but still.

602
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:27,200
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, for a question that didn't need to be

603
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,200
she'll be out, spoke a lot of shit.

604
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,200
We have got other stories, they're not all peer-related,

605
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:34,200
but do promise that.

606
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,200
You'll hear about them over the time, you know,

607
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,200
but we're planning on doing a lot more podcasts

608
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,200
in a few jacks, not just a few poop episodes.

609
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:48,200
I think we should lighten the load a little bit now.

610
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,200
Excuse the pun.

611
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:58,200
So if we go back to some Would You Rathers,

612
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,200
which I say go back to, it's on one of the last episodes

613
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:05,200
that we couldn't salvage the footage for.

614
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,200
Yeah, and the controversial one on that one,

615
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:12,200
which would you rather, what was it,

616
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:15,200
would you rather be completely hairless?

617
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:19,200
Yeah, so completely hairless, so no hair on your head, arms,

618
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:26,200
eyebrows, nothing completely bald, or as hairy as a gorilla.

619
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,200
Yeah, and all the way bald, no hair,

620
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,200
and you went hairy as a gorilla.

621
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,200
Yeah, and you really dug down on that.

622
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,200
Just because the minds of that, it's just,

623
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,200
you'd have to spend about two hours a day,

624
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,200
because you'd have to shave people, all of that.

625
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:49,200
No, but that wasn't the point of the question, though.

626
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,200
It's just, you're just hairy.

627
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,200
Hair all over you, buddy.

628
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,200
Yeah, I'm already hairy in that video.

629
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,200
Yeah, but you haven't got hair everywhere.

630
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,200
But I have.

631
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,200
You've only seen me Nike three times.

632
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:05,200
So yeah, I'd be hairy, Ash would be bald.

633
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:08,200
Yeah, so it's a shame we lost that episode,

634
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,200
because I thought he was over it.

635
00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:14,200
Yeah, because on that as well, we'd had a couple of drinks on that one,

636
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:16,200
which we are planning on doing another episode

637
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:20,200
where we've had a few beverages.

638
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:25,200
Maybe that would be the same, with some would-you-rather questions,

639
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:29,200
and probably quiz questions or something.

640
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:32,200
Because it was a shame, because both them episodes were good,

641
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:37,200
because for any new listeners, that was over the Kings Coronation weekend.

642
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:41,200
We did two episodes in one day, and the first one,

643
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:45,200
we had a little flag up, and we had little bags and stuff,

644
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,200
and we spoke about the King and his sausage fingers,

645
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:51,200
and we had some funny...

646
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,200
Yeah, we had some facts in one, yeah.

647
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:58,200
...British facts and strange British traditions.

648
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,200
Yeah.

649
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,200
Which, again, we want to do that on another episode.

650
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:07,200
Also, I think when you think about it, some traditions are dying,

651
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:10,200
because you remember biscuits on a plate, what your nan used to do.

652
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,200
I still get that a lot.

653
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:17,200
I just eat it from the pack now, but people put biscuits on it on a plate.

654
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:19,200
Oh, that miles me, actually.

655
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,200
I went to have a couple of biscuits last night,

656
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:25,200
some posh Fox's cookies with chocolate in the middle,

657
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,200
and I grabbed a fucking orange.

658
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,200
I didn't look at the pack properly.

659
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:31,200
Orange chocolate?

660
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,200
Yeah.

661
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,200
As soon as I opened the pack, I could just smell the orange.

662
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:37,200
Don't you look at it?

663
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,200
No, I don't like orange chocolate, I don't like Jaffa cakes or anything,

664
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:41,200
I just love chocolate.

665
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,200
Well, Jeff, are you a cake?

666
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,200
I put the salt next to the biscuits.

667
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,200
Oh, yeah.

668
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:48,200
Right.

669
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,200
Yeah, I was absolutely gutted,

670
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,200
so that means the missus has got some cookies.

671
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,200
I bought them for a treat for myself as well,

672
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,200
just some cookies, posh cookies.

673
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:02,200
But yeah, sometimes, mainly, yeah, if I have biscuits,

674
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,200
I'll eat straight out of the packet,

675
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,200
which is what I went to do last night.

676
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:11,200
But no, to be fair, it is mainly the older customers,

677
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,200
when they do offer to make a cup of tea,

678
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,200
they'll put a plate of biscuits.

679
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,200
And they have hard sweets.

680
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,200
Oh, yeah, the Wervers originals.

681
00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,200
Yeah, hard, bold sweets.

682
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:20,200
Yeah, chocolate eclairs as well.

683
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,200
I want that snack.

684
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,200
They're little sweets.

685
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:27,200
But to be fair, I barely, look, if I have any biscuits or anything,

686
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,200
I'll eat them as a treat for myself from time to time.

687
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:32,200
What was that bold sweet where strawberries and cream,

688
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,200
what was that called?

689
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,200
Oh, because it's like a swirl.

690
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:37,200
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

691
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:39,200
My dad was fucking nice.

692
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,200
We don't know about that.

693
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:41,200
They don't do them anymore.

694
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,200
No, no, it was on about the drifters and stuff last week.

695
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:48,200
I think the late two Wervers were called strawberry cream.

696
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:49,200
What was the strawberry cream?

697
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,200
Frastis, do you remember that?

698
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,200
They're a bit newer.

699
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,200
But those...

700
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:58,200
Yeah, they're little, they were like, just a jelly with sugar on them.

701
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,200
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

702
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,200
I'm never much of a fan of them, to be fair.

703
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,200
But the strawberry and cream ones,

704
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,200
they look like Wervers' original but with strawberries and cream.

705
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,200
Yeah, it was the same shape, but literally was just a swirl of...

706
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:09,200
What was that called?

707
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:10,200
...white and cream.

708
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,200
I feel like strawberry swirls or something.

709
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:14,200
Swirlies?

710
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,200
Probably, yeah.

711
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,200
Swirlies.

712
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,200
Swirlies.

713
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,200
Oh.

714
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,200
It's going to come like two o'clock in the morning.

715
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,200
Yeah, if any of yous know what we're on about,

716
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,200
I mean, I imagine you'd have to be...

717
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:29,200
Of a certain age.

718
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:34,200
Yeah, if you're in your teens or your early 20s,

719
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,200
you're probably thinking what are these dickheads on about.

720
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:40,200
But yeah, if you do happen to know,

721
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,200
it might be a part of the Mandela effect,

722
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,200
they probably never existed at that.

723
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:49,200
No, but it's not like opal fruits.

724
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:53,200
Starburst, that's what opal fruits are.

725
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:57,200
They were originally opal fruits and then they changed to starburst.

726
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,200
But there was loads, like...

727
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,200
Remember flake snow?

728
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:03,200
Yeah.

729
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,200
Flake with white chocolate in the middle.

730
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,200
Really nice chocolate.

731
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,200
It was nice.

732
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,200
Most of them just don't do anymore.

733
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:11,200
Rob?

734
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,200
Yeah.

735
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,200
We're going off on a tangent again.

736
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,200
So we've got some would you rather questions.

737
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,200
If you've got an opinion of your own,

738
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,200
then feel free to email it to us,

739
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,200
realtalkingpod at gmail.com

740
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:32,200
or tweet your opinion at ashandjd.

741
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:35,200
So I see you're dying to ask you.

742
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,200
Yeah, so just two easy ones, which, well, I think they're easy.

743
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:42,200
Would you rather lose your sight or lose your hearing?

744
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:47,200
So as a person that's sure of both.

745
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:48,200
What was that?

746
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,200
Exactly.

747
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:53,200
So I am actually half deaf in my role there.

748
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:58,200
That's just negligence over the years from not wearing ear defenders

749
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:02,200
with the power tools over the years.

750
00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,200
And then also...

751
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:09,200
Also, sorry Jack, you talk about Graff so much.

752
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,200
Why don't Salco sponsor us?

753
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,200
You know what I mean?

754
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,200
Salco, we know you're listening.

755
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,200
You told the story when you used to get the free sandwich.

756
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:22,200
Yeah, you used to get a free bacon sandwich or a sausage sandwich.

757
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,200
Salco, how cool.

758
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:24,200
Just drop us the email.

759
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,200
We're ready to share you out with the sponsors.

760
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:28,200
I'm sure they'll love that.

761
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:29,200
Yeah.

762
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,200
So...

763
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,200
So we do think of it.

764
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,200
Yeah, so I know this is another tangent again.

765
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,200
I was actually having a conversation the other day

766
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:44,200
because my cousin's daughter has got to start wearing glasses now.

767
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:47,200
She's only seven, I think.

768
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,200
So you think it's going to be quite a common thing now

769
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,200
because we're guilty of it anyway.

770
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,200
Always phone in hands or watching the TVs.

771
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,200
So you think all the kids know that are just literally told to stay quiet,

772
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,200
put with a tablet in their hands, watching stuff.

773
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,200
So imagine most kids are going to grow up wearing glasses now, aren't they?

774
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,200
I wonder if evolution would like...

775
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:09,200
I don't know how long he was like.

776
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:10,200
Adapt to be made.

777
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,200
Yeah, so I don't know.

778
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:12,200
Would that...

779
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,200
Would he make your eyes more open

780
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:16,200
in terms of...

781
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,200
Or would he make your eyelids more...

782
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,200
Well, I know what some of you are thinking out there, it's land's off it.

783
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:27,200
But that evolution was down to...

784
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:30,200
From the snow and in the face of the road.

785
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:31,200
Yeah, from the wind to the sand and everything.

786
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:32,200
But what I'm saying is obviously...

787
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:36,200
Because after so long when you squint, you squint kind of like...

788
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,200
What's that?

789
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:45,200
So I'd...

790
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,200
I think I'd rather go deaf.

791
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:51,200
I think so, because you can still...

792
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,200
I think seeing stuff visually is more important than hearing stuff.

793
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,200
Yeah, and as someone that loves the food,

794
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:02,200
you can't hear how good your meal is going to be,

795
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,200
but you can see how good it's going to be.

796
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:05,200
Yes.

797
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,200
Obviously, again, when it comes to TV,

798
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:12,200
you've got all the subtitles, which a lot of the time goes too quick.

799
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,200
I'm sure to read some of it.

800
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,200
But at least that way you can still enjoy it.

801
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,200
And again, when watching a football,

802
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,200
most of the time I don't listen to the commentators.

803
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,200
I'll happily sit there with TV muted,

804
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:30,200
and I'll listen to my own commentary, like Mark Goldbridge or someone.

805
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:33,200
So, yeah, I'd rather go deaf.

806
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:35,200
Right, and then do a quick one.

807
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,200
Would you rather have a living chef or a living cleaner?

808
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:44,200
Well, for me, the living cleaner, just because I do enjoy cooking.

809
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:46,200
Yeah, see, mine would be the opposite.

810
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,200
I don't mind cleaning, but...

811
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,200
Well, your missus is actually a lot of cooking as well, compared to mine.

812
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:56,200
But no, I do...

813
00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:02,200
I told you off the pod, I got myself a stand mixer last weekend,

814
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:07,200
and I've been doing a lot of bread throughout the week, homemade pizzas and stuff.

815
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,200
I just enjoy it, especially...

816
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,200
I love cooking a Sunday roast.

817
00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:15,200
So I've got some pork ready for this Sunday.

818
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:21,200
But it's just nice, you know, if there's football on, I'll watch the game.

819
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:25,200
Depending on the time I kick off, I'll do the prep before, watch the game,

820
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:28,200
or watch the game, then we'll start cooking.

821
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:30,200
It's just very beauty.

822
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:33,200
You can just have a couple of drinks, do all the meal prep,

823
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,200
get the meat in the oven, and the smell...

824
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,200
Oh, God, it's just great.

825
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:41,200
But you can still get the smell of someone else cooking it for you, mate,

826
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:43,200
and you can still have a beer.

827
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,200
Yeah, but I just enjoy doing it.

828
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,200
It's just...

829
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:54,200
A roast dinner, I mean, it's a staple meal of a British home anyway.

830
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:59,200
But I grew up having the best and worst of it, really.

831
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,200
So with Mum working most weekends,

832
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:06,200
my sister used to cook the Sunday dinners on the weekends.

833
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:08,200
Obviously on Sunday.

834
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:15,200
But then when I'd be at my dad's, I'd have some of the worst roast dinners ever.

835
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:17,200
Who used to cook for your dad?

836
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,200
It was that mum.

837
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,200
Now, I get it.

838
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:24,200
I appreciate when there's six kids that you're trying to share out a fucking chicken,

839
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,200
and dad's always got to have the legs.

840
00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:31,200
But you can't always get a good portion of chicken,

841
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,200
but it has to be cooked properly.

842
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,200
And to have burnt sausages on the dinner as well.

843
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,200
Oh, God.

844
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,200
Back then as well, because I never used to eat any other veg,

845
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:46,200
so it literally would just be some mash, a couple of roasters,

846
00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,200
and a Yorkshire pudding or two on the plate.

847
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:53,200
So there was nothing to enjoy on one of those dinners.

848
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:58,200
But at least when my sister cooked, big sister, they had a nice dinner.

849
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:01,200
The mash was always nice and buttery,

850
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:06,200
and the roasters would be cooked nice and crisp, soft on the inside.

851
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:11,200
And you're actually getting a portion of meat, no burnt sausages.

852
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,200
So it was from then, really.

853
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,200
I mean, because I'm pretty much from the age of 14.

854
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:19,200
Sometimes I'd get home from school and I'd have to cook for myself anyway,

855
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,200
do my own washing or whatever.

856
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,200
So I think it just stems from that.

857
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,200
Because I've had to do it, and then I just enjoy doing it.

858
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:31,200
And especially when I started trying new foods and getting used to different foods

859
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,200
and actually eating more healthily,

860
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:37,200
it's just a nice way to cook something that you don't like

861
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,200
to a way that you will enjoy it.

862
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,200
Yeah, not have a clean up.

863
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:48,200
Another one that I find, could split opinions.

864
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:57,200
Would you rather be the most overdressed or the most underdressed guest at a party?

865
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:01,200
I sometimes have the thing where you go somewhere,

866
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:08,200
not so much hours or something, but sometimes you turn up wearing shorts

867
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:12,200
and everyone else is half decent.

868
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:14,200
So which one would you rather be?

869
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:19,200
Would you rather be the most overdressed or underdressed guest at a party?

870
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:25,200
Well, for the watchers on the YouTube videos,

871
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:30,200
you'll mainly see that I don't really care what I'm dressed as.

872
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:34,200
So I'd be the underdressed.

873
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:39,200
Unless it's a special event, a wedding or something,

874
00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:43,200
I just don't see the need to have to put on an appearance for people.

875
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,200
Not all on the same, underdressed or whatever.

876
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:52,200
Even with my wedding, I'll say to everyone, dress how you want,

877
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:54,200
and then they could have bought a change of clothes,

878
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:58,200
changed into shorts and t-shirts or whatever afterwards if they wanted to.

879
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:03,200
I even plan to do it at some point.

880
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:06,200
I'd prefer everyone to be comfortable.

881
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:08,200
So yeah, it's just underdressed.

882
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,200
That's the way I'd be.

883
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,200
I've got another one interesting here.

884
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:19,200
Would you rather know the date you would die in the future or the cause of your death?

885
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:23,200
So I have heard this one a few times.

886
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:26,200
For me, I'd rather know the cause,

887
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:31,200
because if you knew when you was going to die, it's just like a big count there.

888
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:35,200
But if you knew you were going to die in a plane crash, you would have never gone on a plane.

889
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:41,200
Yeah, but that's where you can't be as specific as that.

890
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,200
Because if it says you died because of a plane crash,

891
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,200
that plane could be not failing.

892
00:51:47,200 --> 00:51:51,200
You could just be driving on a motorway, going from A to B,

893
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:53,200
and a plane crashes into you.

894
00:51:53,200 --> 00:52:04,200
So you wouldn't be able to live that way of avoiding death, because it could be numerous ways that could still kill you.

895
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:07,200
So what one would you rather...?

896
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:09,200
I'd rather know what's going to kill me.

897
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:14,200
Because you've got a bit of a thought in your chance.

898
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:20,200
But again, with most of the things these days, it would probably just be something boring or cancer or something.

899
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,200
Yeah, I'm looking. But yeah, you're going to die of cancer.

900
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:27,200
Here's an interesting one actually, a bit more, but actually keeping on the same.

901
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:31,200
Would you rather die before your spouse or after your spouse?

902
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,200
That's a hard one, because...

903
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:36,200
I think it depends on what age you're at, really.

904
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:40,200
Yeah, but obviously in that person,

905
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:45,200
you know, either you'll have to go through that torment of losing, obviously, your partner.

906
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:46,200
Yeah.

907
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:49,200
Or would you rather them go through that pain?

908
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:53,200
So that's why I think it depends on age, because if you're old, you know,

909
00:52:53,200 --> 00:53:02,200
if we're lucky to get to the age we're known to, and then you die at that age comfortably, naturally,

910
00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:08,200
then it's not too bad, because you're expecting it, you're old, you're waiting for that to come, really.

911
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:16,200
But if it happens within five years, and either yourself or your partner's still got another 30, 40 years to live

912
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:21,200
with that pain on them, then that'd be a lot harder.

913
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:32,200
So if it was a lock around now, I'd rather them go.

914
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:39,200
No, because I'd rather be selfish and not have to put them through the pain.

915
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,200
OK, and would you be allowed to move on?

916
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,200
Yeah.

917
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:49,200
I'd be back to being a top shagger again.

918
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,200
It's a hard one, I don't want to hear that one.

919
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,200
But it's just keeping on the morbid sort.

920
00:53:54,200 --> 00:54:00,200
Yeah, I'd rather have to go through the pain than put them through the pain.

921
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:03,200
Yeah, I do agree with that one.

922
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:06,200
Another one, which I think me and you are going to agree on,

923
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:10,200
would you rather arrive super early or super late in an event?

924
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:11,200
Early.

925
00:54:11,200 --> 00:54:14,200
Why do people so label this one?

926
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:19,200
No, again, it's going to seem like I'm bashing my wife a bit again today, like episode four.

927
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:25,200
It's not going to be anything as bad as that, even though I still haven't had a birthday present.

928
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,200
Oh my God.

929
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:28,200
We're in July.

930
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:32,200
So yeah, I don't see why.

931
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:34,200
So I have to lie to my missus.

932
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:40,200
So let's just say we're going to the cinemas and the film starts at half 10.

933
00:54:40,200 --> 00:54:42,200
I have to say it starts at 10 o'clock.

934
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:49,200
So it gives me a fighting chance to be there at quarter past 10 because it's like always in the reds.

935
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:51,200
I'm going to leave it until the last minute.

936
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,200
And especially if it is not the cinema, you haven't got to get dressed up.

937
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:57,200
You don't even need to put any fucking make up on or anything.

938
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:01,200
But no, it's make an effort, drag everything along.

939
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:07,200
I'll go for a shower at quarter past nine, knowing that we've got to be at the house in 45 minutes.

940
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:09,200
Fair enough, I live two minutes away from the cinema.

941
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:10,200
But it's not the point.

942
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:16,200
And I know, yeah, it might say it's half 10, but it would be 11 o'clock.

943
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:18,200
But I just want to be there.

944
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:19,200
I want to.

945
00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:23,200
So whether it's the cinema, the pub or whatever.

946
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:27,200
If it is, especially if it is, you're going from here or something, you're getting a good seat.

947
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:29,200
You're getting a nice time.

948
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:36,200
You've got to get comfortable because especially if it is a party, you're arriving an hour or so late and you've got nowhere to sit.

949
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:40,200
You're standing up and you just know about that.

950
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:41,200
I've got to be comfortable.

951
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:42,200
Yeah.

952
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:43,200
Fucking hate it.

953
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:44,200
Because of the ambience, right?

954
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:45,200
Yeah.

955
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:52,200
And especially if you know, it probably is just mainly because we've got the drink thing in our heads.

956
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:57,200
But you want to go out, you want to have a good time and enjoy it.

957
00:55:57,200 --> 00:56:01,200
So we'll get there late and miss most of the stuff.

958
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:02,200
Yeah.

959
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:03,200
Then catch up.

960
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:04,200
You can catch up on it.

961
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:07,200
Just be there the whole time, if not earlier.

962
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:10,200
But that's what I'm trying to do.

963
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:11,200
So yeah, it's all right.

964
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:14,200
I'm going through some of them and some of them are not that great.

965
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:18,200
So I'm just trying to find one way we can get a little bit divided about.

966
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:19,200
Well, I've got a little one here.

967
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,200
Well, you're trying to find another one.

968
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,200
Go on then.

969
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:26,200
Would you rather have a time machine or a teleporter?

970
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:30,200
So obviously the time machine, we all know the laws of physics.

971
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:38,200
The time machine will take you forward or back in time, but the teleporter would take you from A to B in an instant.

972
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:40,200
Well, that is a good one actually.

973
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,200
Let me just process that.

974
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,200
Oh, mate.

975
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:46,200
That is a good one.

976
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:50,200
I actually, I think we'd go for the teleporter.

977
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:51,200
Yeah.

978
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:52,200
Yeah.

979
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,200
Just because of the unknown I've gone in the past.

980
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:59,200
Yeah, because if you've got a time machine, I know you can go back in the past,

981
00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:03,200
but you'd have to be so careful not to change anything.

982
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:06,200
Like, you know, the butterfly effect and all that.

983
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:09,200
Literally, because if you go in the past,

984
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:17,200
your main thing that most people are really going to go in is to try and find that big winning lottery ticket numbers.

985
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,200
That's what everyone's going to do.

986
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,200
But if you're not going in the future, then come back.

987
00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:25,200
Yeah, if you're doing that, you're changing the future then as well.

988
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:30,200
So you don't want to do that because you don't know what wave you're going to do.

989
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:33,200
I just think a teleporter is just, you could just go, do you want to go away?

990
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,200
Yeah.

991
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:38,200
But again, sticking with that money thing that I got in the eight,

992
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:44,200
teleport into the bank with all the monies, get yourself a couple of hands full,

993
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:48,200
teleport back out, in and out, no one knows, done.

994
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:49,200
Yeah.

995
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,200
Yeah, so it's win-win, really.

996
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:52,200
That was a good one actually.

997
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:53,200
Yeah.

998
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,200
No, yeah, teleporter.

999
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,200
Is it, yeah, speaking of the gender thing,

1000
00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:07,200
because there's more, well, would you rather be a kid or an opposite gender for a month or non-binary,

1001
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:10,200
if you wanted to be non-binary for a month?

1002
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:17,200
Yeah, I think you've got to go for the opposite gender because why would you want to be a kid again?

1003
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,200
Why would you want to?

1004
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:20,200
No.

1005
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:21,200
What do you mean?

1006
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:24,200
No, because you've got to think of it practically,

1007
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:29,200
so we'd have to go to work as the child, because you can't just not go to work,

1008
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:32,200
so we've also got to learn our money.

1009
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:36,200
And you can't, you're losing your physical strength,

1010
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:41,200
so I say that because with me and yourself, we wouldn't be able to lift stuff

1011
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:46,200
and not use the tools properly and that if we're a child again.

1012
00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:50,200
And it's not like everything is just going to be free because you're back to being a child,

1013
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:57,200
at least if you're the opposite gender, you're still capable enough of living that month

1014
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:00,200
and doing what you need to do.

1015
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:08,200
Plus, you know, as a man, I'm sure women would do the same as well if you could swap just for a temporary man, Tom.

1016
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,200
You're going to have a good life.

1017
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:18,200
I think every female, that if this was like, there was like, yeah, I'd be a man with helicopters straight away.

1018
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:25,200
But that's if they've been given a big enough dick to be able to do it, because how gutsy would you be?

1019
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:29,200
If that was in your head as a woman, you want to be a man for a week or a month or whatever,

1020
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:31,200
you think, yeah, I'm going to do that.

1021
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:34,200
But how gutsy would you be?

1022
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,200
Janie, yep, there you go.

1023
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:39,200
You swapped over. You got a micro dick.

1024
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:41,200
You got a mushroom sticking out.

1025
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:46,200
So you can barely even flick it, let alone fucking get a bit of a swing on it.

1026
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:50,200
No, look, Mr Chai, you fucking, the hand go over.

1027
00:59:50,200 --> 00:59:54,200
Imagine it's like that small so that you literally can't do anything.

1028
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:55,200
You'd be gutsy, wouldn't you?

1029
00:59:55,200 --> 01:00:03,200
At least, if it's the other way around, male to female, you've still got the box to play with.

1030
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:11,200
You're still going to have some form of breasts to play with as well.

1031
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:16,200
I think it's only the men that are going to be the winners in that situation.

1032
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:20,200
It's always going to be harder the other way around.

1033
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:22,200
So yeah, did you have any other ones?

1034
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:27,200
Yeah, I mean, there's a few, but I'm trying to find the good one.

1035
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:30,200
I don't know if you want to do some of those.

1036
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:32,200
Have you got any good ones there?

1037
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:37,200
Well, to be fair, there is loads.

1038
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:42,200
We could go on for another hour or so doing them, but we are at the hour point now.

1039
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:47,200
I think we need to find a proper adult one.

1040
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:51,200
Some of them are just a bit cliche, if you will.

1041
01:00:51,200 --> 01:00:54,200
Yeah, one we would have heard before.

1042
01:00:54,200 --> 01:01:00,200
I mean, there's even one here, would you rather hop all the time or squat?

1043
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:07,200
As you walk in, you've got to do a lunging squat or you're hopping around.

1044
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:15,200
Yeah, I'd have to go for squat really, because if I'm carrying stuff,

1045
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:22,200
could you try and imagine you walking up in with a cup of tea in your hand?

1046
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:26,200
At least if you squat or do a lunging squat, you've got a bit more control.

1047
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:31,200
If you're hopping around, you can play with the food, food's going everywhere.

1048
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:33,200
If you're lunging, you squat in.

1049
01:01:33,200 --> 01:01:36,200
So I'm thinking of the practical sort of things there.

1050
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:39,200
But yeah, we've gone over an hour again now.

1051
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:46,200
So just a reminder again, we appreciate questions coming in.

1052
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:49,200
Please do send any more in.

1053
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:56,200
So as we say, it's realtalkingpod at gmail.com, Twitter is Ash and JD.

1054
01:01:56,200 --> 01:02:00,200
So tweet, send a DM, whatever.

1055
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:02,200
We should know more of what to do.

1056
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:04,200
We're getting old.

1057
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:08,200
We're too old for this technology malarkey.

1058
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:12,200
On the YouTubes, Real Talking Pod.

1059
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:17,200
The links will be in the description as you click on the podcast as well

1060
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,200
for any of those.

1061
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:24,200
The downloads, it does make a difference with the stats.

1062
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:29,200
With the downloads, I can physically see how many are downloaded.

1063
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:31,200
And it does no harm.

1064
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:35,200
It takes up next to no space on your phone or laptop, whatever you're listening on.

1065
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:39,200
And I think with Spotify, after 30 days, it automatically deletes itself anyway.

1066
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:43,200
So you're not continuously storing all your memory on your phone.

1067
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:46,200
Plus everyone's got unlimited memory on the phone.

1068
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,200
It's very radiant.

1069
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,200
Millions of pictures and all sorts.

1070
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:52,200
Like the cloud and whatever.

1071
01:02:52,200 --> 01:02:55,200
So it's no large hit.

1072
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:59,200
Say, log in, share it, tell everyone.

1073
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:04,200
If you've got a friend or colleague or family member that you think,

1074
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:06,200
they'd enjoy listening to us more bits.

1075
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,200
And just tell them, give a little nudge.

1076
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:11,200
Say, yeah, mate, I've listened to these.

1077
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:13,200
Really do appreciate it.

1078
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,200
Yeah, thanks again, David.

1079
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,200
Danny G.

1080
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:20,200
You know, slacking a bit there now, ain't you, kids?

1081
01:03:20,200 --> 01:03:23,200
Another messaging, another email.

1082
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,200
Roper for everyone.

1083
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,200
Please do get in touch.

1084
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:43,200
We'll see you next time then. Peace.