Welcome to the important questions podcast. The only podcast that smells each other's
fingers. I'm Dave and I'm here with Smitty Scott and Rico. Scott, I'm glad you got a
laugh out of that. That's my wife's intro for the week, boys.
That's pretty good.
Good job, Dave's wife.
That's a good intro.
Your fingers smell very healthy. Must be. I love it. Smitty, you smell like your balls.
I know what both of them smell like.
They smell like pizza, actually.
That's the similarity.
Nice.
This is the only show that answers life's most important questions. You got four of
us. You got four questions and a mid-show segment where we're going to rant about some
good shit. I forgot to ask before we hit that record button if any of us have an intro for
the week.
I got one we can use as an intro.
Scott fucking hit us with an intro.
But if it turns out like really, really good, just scratch out the part where I say it's
an intro. We'll just count it as my question.
Deal.
Let's go.
All right. Boys, would you fuck a mermaid?
How?
Yeah, right.
I think that's actually what I was going to say.
Romantic.
Rico, did you say anal?
Yeah, I said anal-y.
I mean, fish do have anises.
We could do either mermaid, the stereotypical kind or the kind where it's like a fish head,
but like a woman's like lower half.
I wouldn't be attracted to that.
I didn't say you had to be attracted. I just said, would you fuck one?
No, because I have to have attraction.
The fish top at the woman bottom isn't enough.
The fish top at the woman bottom?
Yeah.
If it isn't enough, he wants more fish.
Yeah, that's not enough fish.
All right.
I mean, I guess you...
No, I don't think I could.
I was going to go into something where it's just like, yeah, maybe, but then I'm just like,
no, I don't know.
That's weird.
I mean, the problem is that is it a good mermaid or is the mermaid going to like sing
you to your death by having you crash your boat on the rocks?
No, we're going mermaid, not sirens.
Well, I mean, some of them kind of mix depending on the folktale too.
So that's fair.
If I look at it, will I turn to stone?
That's Medusa.
Yeah.
That was a Gorgon.
Is it weird to fuck the one that's like the stereotypical one or like the fish head with
the woman's bottom?
I don't want to do either.
Which one is weirder to you guys?
Probably the fish head is more uncomfortable just because it's not...
See, like a half woman, half fish, but it's the lower half that's fish.
At least the upper part and the face is still human.
Would it sing Bob Barley to you while you fuck it?
Bob Barley?
Bob Barley.
No, I had like a frog in my throat or something.
Bob Barley would be like, Bob Marley, but he drinks beer.
Fuck weed.
I only like beer.
I'm surprised Budweiser didn't like do something like that back in like the fucking 70s or
80s.
Fuck weed, I like beer.
Yeah.
What about Bob Barley?
I don't know, man.
There's something about even like the stereotypical mermaid where it's just like, yeah, they
could be attractive on top.
But what do you expect to do?
I have no idea.
The issue is too like...
This is the problem with like fucking any sort of like aliens or like fantasy creatures.
Like what sort of diseases are you going to get by doing so?
Yeah, you brought that up when I asked if you guys would fuck an alien, which is basically
just the same question.
Yeah, it is basically the same question.
Tune in for like three weeks for now when I'm going to pull out what you fuck a different
mythical creature, but...
Fuck a centaur.
Would you fuck a gnome?
Would you fuck a satyr?
A satyr?
Would you fuck an ant?
Yeah, that's a yes.
A giant tree that talks is older than Earth itself.
Yeah, definitely fuck that shit.
Fuck it.
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
How does it do that?
It attacks a shitty creature, right.
I don't think so.
So I don't think that.
So then we'll have what we need to do that sticks together.
Alright, this might have been great.
If I had two likes Ichigo.
Should have reallyizzard them, ended up failing their ending towards manga only, so.
Boothed together without any toadpe luôn.
Blind, I don't know.
answer, which is she lays her eggs and then you just come on them as the man.
Because that's what fish literally do.
A woman lays her eggs and then the fish just float over the eggs and come on them.
It's like, is that how they breed?
Sounds kind of you just like come on their egg pile.
Okay.
Lovely.
Is that sex?
Because if that counts, then like, sure, I'll just on an egg pile.
Yeah, but are you trying to procreate?
You just don't know.
I don't think it would work.
Yeah.
Okay.
That brings up two very good points.
If you're not trying to procreate, but that's what she does.
Do you still have to put a condom on and you're just jerking it near the eggs?
Well, condoms still prevent mermaid STDs.
So you're not actually sticking a dinner.
My other question is, don't mermaids tails go like up and down when they're in the
water, not side to side?
Yes.
So they go up and down.
I don't have to do anything.
Wouldn't that make them a mammal?
What?
Like dolphins and whales and shit.
That's the difference between like mammals, like mammals that live in the oceans,
like seals and stuff and dolphins and whales.
Their tails all go up and down and fish.
Their tails go side to side.
I thought it's because they squirted milk out their blow holes.
What about blow holes?
So I thought it's because they squirted milk out their blow holes to feed their young.
Where would the blow hole on a mermaid go?
Right into her spine.
The back of her neck.
She's all blowhole, baby.
Sometimes it's weird.
You make her wear a, yeah.
No, just keep going.
Would you make her wear a dental dam in her blowhole?
He's reading the Bible again.
Like marine mammals, like whales and dolphins and shit.
Like, Scott, I know you're talking about like the biology here.
Like that makes sense because you're right.
The tails do flip all one certain way.
Yeah.
So if that's the case and they have like a whale bottom and a human top,
that means they still have a vagina and you could breed with them normally.
I also don't think of like whales and dolphins doing things that mammals do though.
Like, do they breastfeed?
And if so, have you ever seen a whale's titty?
Would a mermaid breastfeed?
Isn't it something, don't they like give like live birth or whatever?
Like it's not an egg or something.
Yeah, I think they have birth.
Mostly one of the quintessential parts of being in a mammal.
That's what I'm saying.
Makes them a mammal though, not that their shits turn sideways.
But that's part of it.
Like, I get what I get where it's not a defining feature, but it's a feature.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
Appreciate that. Well, I was seeing manatees are like your head.
I don't know.
I'm going to be that way.
We're going to need to get a biologist guest on here to confirm.
What about manatees?
They have the same sort of orientation for their tail and they're their mammals.
Yeah.
Yeah, they go side to side.
No, no way.
Up and down.
Do manatees have to do platypus and that bitch is a man.
Probably.
Good question.
Rico, are you?
I don't know.
This seems so suspect to me.
I heard a click and usually that's coming from your side.
Usually when I hear like typing or clicks that's coming from you.
No, I'm not.
I'm not clicking shit.
Do whales have titties looking up Rico?
Come on.
You don't think I've looked that up in the past.
The link is purple.
Rule 32 whales pops up in your browser.
Three Willy whale titties question mark.
That's the link on Google.
Three Willy.
That's a different sort of porn.
It's true.
Like, I know, I know they have dogs.
But you see, you see like dolphin dicks.
They're all over the internet.
They rape people, right?
Rico.
I've avoided those parts of the internet, apparently.
I don't think I do it.
Yeah.
I do it.
Honestly, would you guys want quiet?
I thought somebody was Googling if whales actually have tits.
And I don't think they do.
Do manatees though?
I feel like manatees.
Like what does a baby?
Well, I mean, a baby whale is already big enough to work.
It could probably just be a little bit of a little bit of a
little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit
of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little
bit of a little bit of a little bit.
Like you know, instead of Sedona in Florida,
they do like the guy in front of you on the brink of a baby.
They're doing a little bit,
and you know, they're doing like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit
of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit,
a little bit of a little bit of titty,
a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit.
They do the thing.
You know a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little
bit of the little bit of a real little bit.
But you mentioned they don't,
when you did this,
you used to dig in bare referencing and be like,
put up your nose or the�
A.
B.
most rely on their mother's milk for early development.
Holy shit.
So whales do have titties.
Dude, I've never seen a whale tip before.
Look up whether or not the tail being sideways has any effect on them being
a mammal.
That's a little too suspect Rico.
I'm not going to Google that shit.
I'm going to put this in my letters to the editor.
I do want to say that related searches does include female whale teats and nursing
whale nipples.
Click them both.
New tab.
That shit.
I'm not the first one to think about this.
Do whales only have one or do they have like the row of like six of them, like a pig?
I don't think it's one.
I don't think any mammal has one tittie.
You never know, man.
Yeah.
We didn't even know the whales had titties.
Who's to say that just one of them is that fucking weird for that?
It's two titties, but they're sideways.
Yeah, I like those reptile birth earth.
Sorry, fish titties.
How big is a whale nipple?
Bigger than your hand.
Take us, buddy.
I figure it as much, but like how big is it for sure?
Just a pancake.
Yeah.
Flapjack nipples.
Size of a hubcap, maybe.
I feel like I really know.
I have to spit in the dark.
There's no way.
If I don't look this up, I'm not even going to know.
So I could just say anything.
Like, I feel like whales, like the way that their faces and their jaws are shaped would not,
they don't look like they'd be allowed to even like latch if they tried.
I will say this.
Looking painful.
Without having actually looked up whale nipples on Google, the picture that I see of the whale nursing,
the young whale that is nursing, it appears to be closer to the abdomen of the whale than the chest.
So that makes me think, Scott, it's probably more like a row of six to eight, like a dog rather than a set of two, like a human.
I mean, why don't you just keep Googling a little bit further and give us all the answer that we're eagerly waiting for?
I've gone as far as I'm comfortably willing.
If you're a biologist, write us.
Yeah, Bo, write in.
Write in on the show. Glinko, you're probably out there marine biologist in it up.
Yeah, you're probably a man of science.
Hell yeah.
Um, I think we call that a pretty solid intro.
I would agree.
It's better than my actual question, which by the way, Rico, what is that?
Um, so I was listening to Radio Lab and they were talking about how it sucks that we like swallow food and breathe through the same hole and it causes choking and stuff.
And there was a study apparently at one point that showed that rats can breathe out of their assholes.
And I think humans possibly too can get oxygen through their assholes.
What?
Um, yeah, basically what they did was they put rats in a, I don't know.
I after I learned rats could do this, I kind of blacked out a little bit.
So left your body shakes your whole worldview.
They put them in like some hypoxic tank or something like that where they didn't have like really low oxygen and they shoved a tube up their asses and they their oxygen levels shot back up.
I'm already so much about animals today, boys.
Yeah.
A tube that has water in it.
Rico, like, no, no, no, I think they think it like, I don't know.
I assume it like went out of the hypoxic chamber and into like the room or something and they, you know, where there was oxygen in it, you know, so breathing to, but for your breathing to a but whole breathing to.
So I'm curious.
I don't really have a great question around this, but I'm curious what the positives of being able to do this as a human would be.
Like if you only breathe out of your asshole, literally zero, it would, it would affect your life completely negatively.
If it was like, like, joke less, probably my, my quality of life would completely nosedive.
Like, would there be a difference between like an exhale and a fart?
I think they call it a quiff.
I don't know.
Is this if you could only breathe out of your asshole or breathe out of your asshole in addition to breathing out of your mouth?
I'm going to say only out of your asshole.
Oh, there's, there's, that's what I thought you said.
That's what I thought you said.
That's for that.
I guess you like wouldn't need a nose, right?
You'd be more aerodynamic.
Would I still talk with my mouth?
Yeah.
So I'd have to sit there.
Well, I guess you just talk forever.
Fucking weird, man.
I'd have to stop to breathe ever mother of shit.
You're right.
So I'm not, I'm pulling up the art.
Not that I didn't believe you before, but like, holy fucking hell.
Scientists say mammals can breathe through their butts in emergencies, but breathing could be no joke for future patients with respiratory failure.
Hell yeah.
I don't, that's actually fucking amazing.
I am.
That's insane.
I need a better name than but breathing though.
Human body man.
It says only in cases of emergencies though.
I kind of want to like only do that.
What about a financial emergency?
When I start breathing, man?
You just
Your, your, your breathe,
I have a lot of money.
You have a lot of money riding on the big game.
You start bleeding out your ass.
You put a paper bag up to your asshole and everyone else in the room is like, what the fuck.
You're going to shit the middle of the room.
You're going to shit the middle of this.
All right.
I'm satisfied.
I see no better.
The current shape of the butthole would also make any exhalation sound like a fart too.
That's true.
Yeah, you have to like your cheeks apart all the time.
Yeah, you'd have to like open up your pants.
Otherwise it's going to be like wearing an N95 24 seven worse.
I don't, I don't think breathing through denim would be very fun.
You know, I'm thinking back to the pandemic.
Scott, for a lot of people that wore glasses, I think you included you complained about the fact that like when you wear a mask, your glasses fog up.
Yeah.
That's a benefit right there.
No more foggy glasses.
Just breathe out your ass.
That's true.
Yeah.
Cool.
We found the one benefit.
Yeah.
The one and only benefit.
So I'm, I'm wondering like this has to be like oxygen absorption because like, isn't that the anus like absorbed by the
anus like absorbs things really easily.
Yeah.
Like you can get extremely drunk, right?
Yeah.
Just take a tampon up there.
So like if you could stop someone from breathing with like an actual respiratory infection and just get them air through their buttholes, you could like eradicate disease with that shit.
Okay.
So no, no foggy glasses and eradicating disease are the only two benefits.
Yeah, dude.
One of those is wildly more, more press was the other.
The only two is if eradicating disease wasn't impressed of enough.
You breathe out of your asshole, but you can only eradicate disease.
That's kind of lame.
Not interested.
Or maybe there'd be like a new breed of super viruses that evolve that could like live in the, the secondary respiratory system, which is your
butt.
They rot your asshole out.
Yeah.
It's like COVID, but in your butt,
Wait, but you're still, you're still pooping out your butt.
So there's got to be like your butt just can't absorb oxygen when it's got like all this poop.
So wait, if you're pooping, that means you have to hold your breath.
Yeah.
You could drown from diarrhea.
It's like puking.
You can drown into it in two inches of diarrhea.
Getting an animal is just waterboarding yourself.
Yeah, basically.
No more bidets for us.
A lady who has a stoma from fucking smoking cigarettes.
So she starts smoking out her ass.
In her coccyx.
Hmm.
Her stoma would be until that one doesn't work out.
She needs a stoma in her ass crack.
Be on her gooch.
It would still have the robotic voice.
All the farts are like.
It sounds like the emergency alert tones.
Yeah.
Truck backing up or something.
It sounds like fucking Peter Frampton where he's got like the talk box.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
That's a solid damage.
Now I'm satisfied.
Yeah.
That ship rules.
I'll take credit for Smitty's joke.
All right.
Which joke are you talking about?
The fart one.
It's good.
And it was funny.
Well done.
Thank you.
Thanks dad.
Okay.
Peter Frampton is quite the timely reference.
Smitty, would you like to, to ask a question?
Smitty.
Sure.
So my question this week is there's a direct context of this and Dave kind of know some of it too, but my question is, is $20 the new $10.
And I'm not asking like specifically like about inflation because I know inflation is all fucked.
But I'm more talking about how like it felt like years ago you could like with $20 you could like,
you could like a decent product that's probably not going to fucking break.
Like you buy like, I don't know, a humidifier for $20.
It should be okay.
You know, you can fix it or whatever.
But like $20.
It feels like now, like everything's made really shitty.
And like when you buy a product that like breaks really easily.
And I'm talking specifically about humidifiers because my wife and I have gone through like four or five or maybe even six or seven humidifiers.
Over the course of like the last two years.
And yeah, like they break so easily.
And I know I had asked this in the group chat and Rico, I looked up the humidifier you send a link to and like all the recent reviews are like one star.
So I don't know why you have a have a nice humidifier and everybody else got a shitty one.
But like we've been looking for a humidifier forever.
And like we're looking through the reviews and stuff and like tons and tons and tons of like one star reviews.
We out of curiosity, my wife did looked up like a $600 humidifier.
And all the reviews were like one in two stars, like calling it shitty.
And then also there's one guy who like wrote a review and he said, you get what you pay for on like a $600 humidifier, which strikes me as like humidifier that should be able to, you know, work properly.
I know part of that shit is the bias of people that get shitty products tend to be the ones that review the products more.
And that's kind of true with like any product and or service, right?
Like if you have a bad time, you're going to want the whole fucking world to know about it.
Sure.
If you buy something and it works as advertised, you just pretend it never existed.
Like, okay, it's it's blowing out humid air now or it's blowing out mist, whatever the fuck.
Like I'm not going to go back to Amazon and be like, it provides perfect humidity.
But if it didn't work, I'd be fucking enraged and I'd be like, don't buy this piece of shit product.
That's fair.
That's all I never considered that.
So many do you do you put in like distilled water in your humidifiers? We treated it so nicely. We put it like distilled water in it.
We had like one of those little tablet things that like cleans it while it runs.
We, you know, didn't fill it above the required fill line.
We had one that like, and I'm talking about multiple like fairly nice ones.
Like a couple of them we spent like 60 bucks on at least 60 bucks.
And one of them just like the tank is just up and cracked in the middle of the night.
Just like split up the side for no apparent reason.
We just woke up and it was like, there was water on the floor.
Oh, that sucks.
We just have like really bad luck with humidifiers or something.
I mean, I got one that I'm pretty sure was like 20 or 30 bucks and it's working out pretty well.
And I don't do anything fancy that I don't buy distilled water.
I fill it up intermittently.
Like it works out still.
I'll link it to you if I can find it.
Yeah, my wife, my wife and I have gone through two vicks in the last like six years since like 2017.
And both have worked out pretty fine with just tap water and super minimal care or effort.
So you, you, well, maybe this is maybe just a me thing.
This is the curse that I walk the earth with.
Do you put like essential oils and shit on there?
No, it's like I treat it fine.
It like literally it's nothing crazy about it.
I just fucking, I treat these fucking machines properly and then they die.
I was like, just like, I wasn't asking like in an accusatory manner.
I put some in mind and I don't know if that like fucks it up or anything.
No, I'm like convinced that I have like the touch of death when it comes to humidifiers or something.
One specific appliance, which I mean, if you're going to pick an appliance to get the touch of death for that,
I mean, a humidifier is not the worst one you can do.
It's better than like having the touch of death for a fridge or a microwave or something.
Keep buying fridges.
That would suck.
I don't know what your question is here, Smitty.
It's a completely related conversation.
I have an example.
Well, like my question was like, is everything just made shittier now?
I don't know.
And like, I guess it kind of is just by virtue of me paying more attention to how shitty products are.
But anyhow,
Yeah, there's like a lot of things that now it's like when it breaks or when it starts to not even when it breaks,
when it starts to like malfunction just a little bit, it's like, I fucking just order another one because it's only 20 or 30 bucks or whatever.
Instead of actually like fixing it like back in back in the day.
Yeah, back in the day, like we could fix things and it wasn't a problem.
Just order like replacement parts.
Yeah.
And nowadays they're like, they're like, yeah, we're not giving you replacement parts.
We're going to make this thing seamless so you can't take it apart and see how it works.
Or the replacement parts are just as expensive as the actual like item itself.
Yeah, so the items so cheap.
My shit is batteries, man. Like I don't know, like maybe it's gotten worse.
Maybe I just never paid attention.
But I feel like I'm buying like Duracell and Energizer.
I'm buying batteries that are like brand name shit.
I feel like they don't last very long anymore.
I feel like I'm like constantly buying packs of batteries for some reason.
We'll do like items. We'll do the items use more electricity than items back in the day probably did.
I don't know, but I'm talking like we have like a sensor light on our stairs for nighttime.
And they only run when you walk or they only run the lights when you walk past them and it detects sensors at a certain time of night.
Sure.
And I feel like we have to replace the batteries on those things all the fucking time.
And it's it's just like a LED light.
I don't think there's like really that much to power on them.
Yeah, that's wild.
Or we have like we have one of those video doorbells and I felt like the battery lasted for like three weeks, maybe.
And then after that, we had to replace the batteries and because it died, it disconnected to our Wi-Fi and then like we just stopped getting the doorbell rung when people would ring it.
So I actually did miss a guy, but but that was besides the point.
I don't know. I feel like they just don't last very long or like the the nine volts that I put in my acoustic guitar.
I feel like those are just constantly going out and I don't understand why.
Huh. I haven't changed mine in like forever.
I know. And people like people, I say like take it out when it's not in use.
I was like, no one else fucking does that.
Yeah.
Boy, I got to remember to unplug my acoustic guitar.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I'm getting shit luck with batteries.
Yeah.
Like I've heard the take batteries out while it's not in use thing before, but that makes zero sense if the thing is not on.
I've heard it.
I've heard it for like not just like musical instruments, but like other things too.
And like you're really going to do that with fucking everything.
You're going to like take the batteries out of your TV remote until you want to use your TV remote again.
Yeah.
What the fuck?
Weird neurosis there.
When I go to work, I have to take the batteries out of my clock and get it off the fucking wall.
And then when I come back home from work, I could put the batteries back in.
I take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide and smoke detector until there's smoke or carbon monoxide.
Obviously.
Should Dave remember when you helped me move in like two months ago and we took out that smoke detector because it had a bad battery?
I figured that shit out, man.
I felt so proud of myself.
I have yet to replace that battery.
You have no smoking in your house.
God, what the fuck?
No, I got one in there somewhere.
Just not in this room.
What the fuck?
You're a dead man, dude.
There's a detector around here somewhere.
I have two carbon monoxide detectors.
One of them is this one that I'm showing you guys now with the empty bag.
Wow.
Because the batteries kept fucking going out and it would start beeping all the goddamn time.
I know it's not the beep for carbon monoxide because I looked it up.
There wasn't getting a headache.
It's when I walked in my house.
With like a woman's like, oh, yeah, I had to unplug the thing because it's a beep kept driving me crazy.
And now I have a headache and I'm really sleepy.
I actually lived in an apartment that had a gas leak for a while.
My first year out of college, the apartment I lived in, it had a really old stove.
And I noticed like, I started like getting headaches in like the middle of the day because I just hang out at my house because it was like the summer.
And I didn't know what was going on until like I had like company over and they're like, why does your house smell like gas?
And like, I just didn't smell it.
And then I call my landlord and like, I think the stove is leaking and he got me a new stove almost like immediately.
That was the only good landlord I lived under.
But yeah.
Why does your house smell like gas and how come that burner in the back of the stove never turns off?
Oh, shit.
Rico, how's your internet?
Do you have any examples of things?
No, I don't have examples.
I'm trying to debug because you guys sound and I like shit and you're moving at one frame per minute.
You sound like shit.
I sound like shit.
You look good too.
And you look great.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.
Sexy.
Well, Rico's still here guys.
Just remember that one.
You're trying.
But he's debugging.
You should have taken the medible before this.
It's the same fucking results as when you did.
I appreciate that, Scott.
Thank you.
Anytime, babe.
That's my example.
Everything else in my house runs great.
You satisfied, I guess.
Yeah, I don't fucking whatever.
Just move on.
Stop pissing in your humidifier, Smitty.
Yeah.
Stop pissing in your starter and starting in there.
I'm vomiting in the humidifier.
Maybe that's the problem.
You should start.
Okay.
I'm starting to pregnant my humidifier.
See if that changes things.
Hey, guess what guys?
It's fucking mid show Jesus.
So great.
Glad this is the only mid show we've done recently.
I heard.
I heard about 30% of the notes in that car.
But the important question is how much of the scream did you hear?
Zero of it.
You gotta play it again, Dave.
I heard about that.
It's just fucking cracks me up that you just put in your house and screamed to the top
of your lungs went, yeah, that one will work.
Your neighbors are like, God damn it.
Dave just cut his big toe off.
What happened?
Yeah, we've been through it a lot of rain.
We've been doing a lot of rants lately boys, haven't we?
Yeah.
It's easier to come up with than funny or dumb or anything else because everything
pisses us off like on a day to day basis.
I have an anti rant.
It just goes well, right?
Here's my rant this, this, this evening gentlemen.
I want to rant about frozen God damn dumplings.
That doesn't matter if it's like Asian dumplings, German dumplings.
This particular one was pierogies, so Polish dumplings.
Anything that comes out of the freezer that you can't unstick from itself without ripping
like the integrity of the other one pisses me off.
We had these pierogies, three of them were stuck to each other and I couldn't break them
apart because they're fucking frozen.
You do what you do with pierogies, which is you put them in a little bit of boiling water first,
then you fry them so they get nice and crispy.
Because I tried boiling them while they were stuck together, the dough just continued to stick together.
When eventually they were soft enough to pry apart, I ended up ripping off the skin of the other ones
that it was stuck to, making giant holes in my frozen dumplings in which all of the filling
then spilled out when I went to go fry it, leaving me with like a half empty shell of a dumpling.
And it's goddamn garbage, man.
Like it pisses me off so fucking bad.
So why didn't you just leave them stuck together?
Because I wanted three individual dumplings, not one mega dumpling.
You could still cut it with a fork and a knife afterwards.
I'm sure it wouldn't have exploded all of its innards out of there.
But it's also, I'm missing surface area for frying.
What kind of filling was it, Dave?
So this is the worst part, man. It was a cheese filled pierogi.
So like it blew out, man.
Damn.
It's fucked up.
Let's try.
I really invite you the next time you buy those, which just sounds like you're never going to.
But if you ever get the frozen ones again, I urge you to just cook them stuck together, then cut them.
All right.
They should individually wrap each pierogi.
Each one's just wadded up into a thing of wax paper.
No, like plastic. We need more, more plastic.
Plastics good and definitely not a hard thing to get off when you throw them in the freezer.
Right.
Yeah.
Each pierogi is individually wrapped and then a bundle of six pierogi is also wrapped.
Best of both worlds.
I like that. Yeah.
You boys ever had to deal with that shit or am I alone on this rant?
Ever bought frozen dumplings?
Well, shit.
I don't. I feel like I've had similar experiences, but I can't come up with anything as per usual.
I mean, I've, I've had like frozen food stick together before, like, I don't know.
I never think about it, though.
I did have a frozen pizza and the cardboard was stuck to the bottom of it.
So by the time I like pride it off, um, I've either cracked part of the pizza crust because you're like trying to get the leverage to pull them apart or I've flung some of the cheese off of it.
Ooh, that hurts.
It does.
You know what? Like this reminds me of also are those paper stickers that you get on like items and yeah, they never pull off in an entire piece.
Fuck.
I just shred the fuck out of like whatever they're made because it's like, like it's just paper. Right? Like there's no, there's no like plastic to it.
You're making your right now, Spitty.
Like you get like you have to pick it off with your fingernail and then it gets like wadded up under the nail. Yeah.
I fucking hate those stickers so much.
You know, it's worse is when those stickers are scored.
Like they've got like, I don't know if you guys are like, little diagonal lines.
You're like, why couldn't you just rip off the one fucking square? Now I got three little triangles to try and get.
I run that shit under hot water like the hottest I could possibly get.
Yeah, but you didn't do that with your pierogies.
I should have. God damn it.
You're right. I should have. I should have just thought it in like a little bit of cold water first.
You just had a look. You looked off camera like, God damn it. Why did I why didn't I fucking do this? So fucking simple.
I just I didn't do the simplest thing and I'm just really regretting it. I'm kicking myself.
Why am I so goddamn dumb?
Oh, do you have a gas leak?
If I did, I wouldn't know.
Damn bad news, man.
All right. That's that's my fucking rant.
Oh, shit. Scott, you started this episode, so I think you're gonna you're gonna end this episode as well.
You do. You do smitties anti-ramp.
Oh shit.
Yeah, we can do that.
I hate that. I hate that.
It doesn't.
One more for the people in the back.
No, please. No.
Okay.
You only get the side whistle this time.
Okay. My anti rant is I fucking love it when you get like a new piece of some kind of equipment or like a new material, like, or a craft or something.
And you start to see like signs of wear and tear on it just because it's been used.
And the example that I have is my wife and I just bought a Dutch oven for our like cook things in.
And, you know, it's like, it's got like white enamel and like we've used it a couple of times.
We use it like four or five times at this point and we only just got it. It's fucking awesome.
We already, since we've been using it, we started to see like bits of wear and tear on like the enamel, like some discoloration and whatnot.
And like none of it's like, it's not like degrading and it's not like, you know, busted or anything, but like just like the, you know, it's being used.
So you kind of see that wear and tear somewhat. And I fucking love that because like it's a, it was a new item and we're starting to give it a history.
And like, I love that about like materials because like I get that with art materials too, like where I'll get like new pens or like a new pencil or something.
And like as it's getting used, like, you know, I'm giving it some sort of life in history just by using it and that feels cool.
Hell yeah.
Is that all you get that? But I'm also sharing that.
My prime example that I can think of on that on those lines is seeing like guitars and stuff that are like that have like the lacquer worn down and you can see like the wood grade underneath and seeing the little dings and scratches and you're like, that's fucking awesome.
And then you get a new guitar and you get a ding and you're like, oh my God. Oh no, I don't want to because one is by design.
One is meant to look road worn and I've seen the way that they do it like a YouTube video.
And it's actually, it's actually hard to make it look stylistically worn versus like just kind of scratched up.
Oh no, I'm not talking like the ones that you ordered direct from Fender that are pre-worn.
I'm talking like you see somebody play a show and that's like their guitar that they've had for like 20 something years and you can see the stuff wearing down.
And it's like that stuff's badass. But then when I look at like the little dings that I have on mine, I'm like, that's not God damn it.
I don't want it to like wear down.
It's not enough to be cool yet.
Yeah.
There's like a middle phase where it's just kind of looks raggedy.
Yeah, exactly.
Same with like jeans too. Like if you eventually get like those, the nice broken in like kind of worn looking jeans.
Pretty nice shit.
Shoes are like that too sometimes if you got like a pair of boots where I got a pair of brown shoes that are like nicely broken in nicely worn.
Fucking love that shit.
Kind of similar, but sort of opposite.
I guess when you wear something out after you've had it for like 10 years and you just get that feeling of, you know, this is a good purchase.
I made a good choice in buying what I bought.
I mean, it's kind of long same lines. It's just like farther along in in like my scenario is just like it's the actual life span of the thing.
Yeah, like clothes, but also like, I don't know, I had it. I'm on my computer like probably 10 hours a day because of what I do for a living.
So I'm using my mouse all the time and probably five or six years after I bought one of them, it started wearing on the side just where my thumb is always at.
And I'm like, you know, I mean, it sucks. I have to get a new one, but this thing really did the job that it was designed to do for a very long time and like, yeah, hold up.
So for sure.
So Smitty, I'm guessing you don't have any of those wear lines on your humidifiers.
Six minutes.
Yeah.
They just keep dying on me. That's, I don't know.
And like it's, I never think of this stuff as like electronic stuff. It's always like manual stuff.
And like, I think of it in like the same way with like textbooks or just like regular books too, where like a book starts to get a little bit worn and kind of dog eared.
Yeah.
And it's like, shit, I've read this book a lot. That's great.
Well, like electronics don't have that like sort of same mysticism to them to me.
But like, I still understand what you mean with like the, like I, with the mouse where it's like, you know, I bought this and it did exactly what I needed it to do.
And I'm like grateful for having it, you know,
There's like a physical touch element to the mouse where it's like it's worn down because of me.
So there's still kind of a physical element to it.
Like, I recently had to change a laser out on my PS2.
That thing is like 20 years old and that laser lasted for 20 years, but like that was nothing to me but an annoyance to have to switch it out.
Because I don't think that was like very hands on, but I should be grateful.
I mean, that I think put out 20 years of goddamn lasers.
Yeah, pretty cool.
Yeah.
Fucking lasers, man.
How do they work?
Are you satisfied?
Yeah, I'm satisfied.
You guys want to talk about sex?
Hell, I don't know a whole lot about that.
Good.
Jen, Steve, you've undoubtedly seen, if not the advertisements themselves, then the memes that have to do with it.
But you guys know those, let's try not to come games, right?
You see them pop up and says try not to come.
You won't last two seconds playing this game.
And it's like a picture of a horse with roller skates or some shit.
But there's, there's a lot to be desired, I think, in the market of sexual video games that there is no just like video game where you just fuck.
And it's kind of odd that like for as prevalent as pornography is that like there's not a good video game to just fuck, you know,
I'm saying sex is not a game.
It was made for one specific purpose.
What have you created a mockery of in God's eyes?
Yeah, I mean, that's that society as a whole right now, buddy.
It's all a God's eyes.
They should make a game where you jerk off on fish eggs.
They should.
That could be a mod potential for the question at Bay here, which is let's say you are in charge of creating or just consulting on the newest sex video game.
Would you prefer that to be a realistic game with with like a really good graphics engine where it's like the unreal engine, everything looks really, really fucking real.
Or would you prefer something maybe more arcade style where you get points and you earn coins and you can like upgrade and like all that shit, like like almost like a, you know, class style arcade.
With addition to that, would you prefer with or without a storyline and what sort of in game achievements would you want to earn?
What is the purpose of this game while you're playing it to make you horny or you're supposed to jack off to the game?
No, you're just fucking in the game.
Your character is fucking.
No, I know.
The player, the player of the game, though, you're just playing the game.
So you're just playing a game, you're not jerking off and you're playing a game trying to have sex.
That is correct.
I'm playing that for real in real life, dude.
And it's not a fun fucking game.
I am.
I am losing.
I need cheat codes.
This is my game shark.
My question is, though, like if you're playing this game, though, while you're playing the game, is it supposed to just like make you horny?
Or you like supposed to like play the game and then want to pause the game to jack off through the game?
Smitty, do violent video games make you want to shoot people?
Yeah, all the time.
The goal is to entertain you, Jackass.
You're playing a game to fuck with your character in game.
You flick the nipple a thousand times, achievement unlocked.
I think it'd be like an interesting hybrid, like almost like Grand Theft Auto style, like graphics and stuff until you get to have sex.
And it's like, oh, you got to press the X button at the right time.
And then like then your person.
It's all quick time events.
You have to like rapidly like match like the square button or whatever.
You miss slapping her ass.
She doesn't come.
Game over.
So like it's almost like your cum bar just keeps increasing.
But like her cum bar is like it's like it's like it's like a fucking fighting game, but our health increases.
And if you press the wrong combo, you like make yourself come faster.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's like that sounds definitely more like arcade style than that.
You could almost see like button mashing like they would have this actually at a physical arcade somewhere where you just like mashing buttons and whatnot trying to earn the high score on your fucking.
But you still have to like run around and like punch NPCs and they drop like condoms and pick up and use them like currency.
Yeah, it's like those Capcom games where like you pick up the barrel that's on a fire and underneath it, it's a rubber.
Yeah.
Like hell yeah.
What would a skill tree look like in this game?
Like your charisma goes up.
So you have a better chance of, I don't know, getting a getting a date or something.
Yeah, I think definitely the the charisma acts aspect is in there Rico.
Yeah, that's what that's what gets you to the fucking in the first place.
I put all my points in science.
It hasn't done shit man.
Hey, did you know humans could breathe out of their assholes and emergency baby?
Take me.
That understand that could go under charisma to a baby.
You want to breathe out of your asshole?
She tells you to choke her.
But what she really means is anal.
I'm glad you guys got that.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
I anal is definitely like you have to unlock that shit.
DLC.
No, I mean like physically unlock like you like it's like a lockpick mini game in like Skyrim.
Would you unlock new moves as you progressed?
Oh hell yeah, absolutely.
The you have to go on like the shocker.
What's up?
You'd have to go on side quests.
Like a what are those escort missions?
Yeah, that's like a double entendre in this kind of game.
I think yeah, I was gonna say escort mission sounds like a totally different thing.
Could be the only fun escort mission.
You meet up with a guy who's like sure, I'll teach you reverse cowgirl.
However, I've lost my lucky cup.
All right, I want to play this game.
This game sounds fun.
I think endurance is definitely in the skill tree.
Like your first two fucks like you got like three to four pumps max.
You can run away fast when the the ladies husband comes home that you didn't know about.
Ooh, that's a good one.
Would you still like a hunger bar and like a water bar so you could like potentially get dehydrated like when you're in the middle of it.
Can you just sandwich under the covers?
That's that's that's like a mission is like you like you're almost there to sex you're like excuse me.
I go to the restroom. You have to like discreetly like raid the fridge of shredded cheese or something.
Yeah,
decrease shame after sex would be a skill, I think.
I feel like if your charisma was high enough, it wouldn't be a walk of shame.
You just be like walking out like finger guns and like winking at people and maybe like it's cool.
Strut of pride.
Another thing in the skill tree is like the the refractory period.
Lesson that by upping the skill.
There you go.
Because at first there's like three to four in game hours before you could actually fuck again.
This is the whole purpose of the game.
Could you like increase your dick size?
I know.
I've done a lot of research on this.
Your dick size is directly tied to your charisma.
Ah, straight.
You could have like a special like attribute like you could pick like traits and things.
Maybe you have an attribute called like double barrel where you can come twice and like a certain shorter span of time or something.
No, you get the opportunity to do that via a quick time event.
Maybe there's like a debuff called like quick on the draw where you come too quick.
Jump.
Hair trigger.
It's like a curse.
Jesus Christ.
I would definitely buy this game.
Then you know, like after you beat it, it would have like the the old fashioned like high score.
Like a section where you have to like go over and put in the three letters to spell your name.
So it could be displayed on the arcade thing and everybody's just a sex over and over again.
I don't say they all say ass and tit.
There's the one that's a.
Does anyone have three quarters?
I want to play again.
Two credits.
It's just flashing like, no, I gotta fuck.
You know, like those old fighting games where you get to like the boss levels and like their health bars green.
And then when it goes all the way down, it like reappears again as like yellow.
Yeah.
The boss lady to make her come.
It's exactly the same concept.
Yeah, I don't think I'd win at that game either, but it would be fun.
So I'm, I'm definitely getting more like story mode vibes than the more arcade style.
What do you guys care about the story?
What about crafting?
Every good game, every good open world game now has crafting.
Build a sex swing.
Good.
Or you could just, you just craft a more comfortable atmosphere to have sex in and that will like drive up your, your odds of being able to like have sex.
You could put a mattress on the floor and you get like plus point five points or you could put a nice bed with a bunch of pillows and shit.
Make it look all nice.
And then you get like plus 20.
Okay. Here's what you do.
You, you go out, you have to hunt cows and with like a sword until you get the proper drop rate for like meat.
And then you put meat in like a, like a crafting bench with like a torch and then you get tallow and then you have to like find lie and mix it with tallow.
Not lie.
Whatever other some other sort of like chemical and mix it with the tallow to create a candle.
Then you like infuse that candle with like a love spell and then you have fuck candles.
I thought you were going to say mix it with lion makes soap that way.
That's what I was thinking of first.
And I was like sex soap.
What is that fucking sex the game and you still have to start out by punching trees to get.
Guys, I just made a wooden dildo.
I can make a bronze dildo.
I got dildo.
I have the obsidian dildo and enchant my dildo with like plus five fire damage or something.
Pain of arthropods.
Pain of G spots.
Stupid.
All right.
I'm satisfied.
That were game developers.
It was great.
Thanks. Thanks for consulting with me boys.
Scott, you started this episode.
So why don't you end this episode?
Alrighty.
Japan has brought us the wonderful creations of Godzilla.
And also Gamera to a lesser extent and countless other super cool kaiju with varying backstories and habitats and explanations as to what wakes them up.
What is the kaiju backstory for the American kaiju?
What is the kaiju story for the onion?
Oh, this is the part where you guys answered the answer to the Scott.
I don't know the lore of this shit.
Like what what actually wakes up Japanese Kaiju, do you have examples?
So the original Godzilla came about when they said that like we were doing nuclear testing and they said that's what will come up.
But the original Godzilla was also a metaphor for the destruction
that the nuclear bombs cost.
So that's right.
I mean, that one's pretty, pretty deep rooted and it's changed a little bit
like throughout the years and stuff.
But I always thought those were super cool and we get a fucking lumberjack
dude with a blue ox that likes the woods and flannel.
So how can we make that cooler? You can't.
It's already as cool as it possibly be.
All right, I'm satisfied.
A giant blue ox is pretty bad ass, though.
I mean, yeah, so like a dude with a giant axe would be kind of.
Yeah, he's a lumberjack, though.
Yeah. Well, he wouldn't be lumberjacks, but you guys suck.
I would think like if he's that tall, he wouldn't even ask for it.
He beat the sex game.
He became Paul Bunyan.
And so did his ox.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
He got that in a side quest.
You think you fuck the ox?
It's like I hope the charisma is high enough.
Just by virtue of being a giant.
If you go down the DC-88 tier.
Unless there's like another giant woman somewhere.
You never hear about that, though.
Yeah, he really only had his beast.
We're King Kong.
And also like what's life span of Paul Bunyan?
Because like Godzilla didn't come around to like the forties.
Maybe the fifties.
Fifty four. Yeah.
Paul Bunyan was like.
Eighteen hundreds.
Yeah, I know nothing about his actual origin, just the fact that he's all over
like Wisconsin and anything that's like log cabin slash bear themed.
Like a.
Opened up in Minnesota and then Paul Bunyan crawled out
as like a giant slug creature.
And then he birthed arms because the first thing he saw was like a
lumberjack in the woods.
He's actually like some sort of like Eldritch being.
Boys, I just googled how tall is Paul Bunyan and he's really not that tall.
Eight foot.
Yeah, he's seven feet tall.
He's like a tall as.
What I was joking.
He's seven foot.
Whatever.
He's like he plays basketball.
That's just a normal guy.
Yeah, this is Larry Bird.
That's just Paul Bunyan, my fucking neighbor.
Not they are not the American kaiju that everything else makes him seem like
he's fucking like if like 500 Paul Bunyan's wandering around
in the United States right this second.
Yeah, what woke up Shaq?
Shaq's more of a legend than Paul Bunyan at this point then.
Yes, this bullshit.
Also, Shaq could probably beat the shit out of Paul Bunyan.
Someone should give Shaq an ox.
It just be a right.
You know, it's bullshit, too.
If Paul Bunyan was only seven foot tall, then that ox was just a normal size ox.
Yeah, he was blue.
That's the whole thing.
Like, OK, so like they couldn't like paint an ox blue.
This bullshit. I'm mad now.
Do they have bright blue paints in the like the 1800s or whatever?
They had everything in the 1800s.
I'm guessing seven feet like seven foot tall people are probably more
rare than than they are.
Not like they're common.
Oh, they're probably uncurtive.
That's probably why he was like a freaking nature.
It's like today's seven or that time seven foot is like today's seven six.
You know, yeah, but I would even say like nine foot probably.
You don't see like restaurants and like fucking like Wisconsin or New York or
what like anywhere specifically touristy with like statues of Robert Wadlow
and making him seem like he's even bigger than he actually was.
He wasn't cool. He didn't chop trees.
That's that's fair.
He'd eat Robert Wadlow kind of looked, you know, dumb, but pretty fair.
When you're when you're close to nine feet tall.
That's your whole chances.
What chances do you have?
It's your whole personality.
Like if you are if you are not a normal, yeah, like, and it's not like he gets
like he can't say anything, right?
Because people are just like, yeah, OK, you're tall.
That's that's who you are.
You're the tall guy.
That's fair. I've heard of him making like meaningful relationships or
like connections with people because they're like, oh, he's just a tall guy.
I bet he fucks an ox.
I bet like these tall I bet the really tall guy has like a normal sized dick.
And then everybody who's seen it is like, damn, that dick looks tiny as fuck.
I do wonder about that sometimes.
Not very often.
Do you know?
I feel like a normal sized penis.
Yeah, it's like you ever see like videos or pictures of Shaq
like drinking a normal sized water bottle?
Yeah, it looks tiny because he's a huge man.
That is tiny.
But like a water bottle sized dick seems huge.
But attached to Shaq that like that's not proportionally big enough, you know,
that's that's like a tiny dong for Shaq.
What the fuck, man?
You just broke my brain a little bit.
Rico's never going to be able to get out of a water bottle ever again.
You know how like big a hotdog is like compare your your own cock to like the
size of a hotdog like a bun.
OK, I imagine Shaq was holding that hotdog.
OK, the big Jack's dick is part of the sex game.
Provided it was the normal sized dick.
Can you do that again?
I got stuck on the fact that Shaq is holding a hotdog that's
the exact same shape as my dick.
Yeah, imagine Shaq holding a hotdog.
Well, consider how big your dick is compared to a hotdog.
Yeah, and girth, I guess, whatever.
Yeah, I'm more girthy than a standard dog.
Yeah.
Why did you just say dog?
Hotdog.
I know, but anyhow.
Did one of you guys just say bun girth?
Bun length?
No, I thought one of you said bun girth.
Like they sell like bun like hotdogs.
But what if they had bun girth hotdog stickers because the bun itself?
You need a French roll.
It's just a bread spheroid.
Just a summer sausage.
It just it sounds like a.
Probably Shaq's dick.
It's probably summer sausage.
It's just a bratwurst.
Yeah.
That's pretty big.
But not on Shaq.
It looks like a fucking.
Little smokey in the Shaq's.
I think that would look normal on Shaq's, a summer sausage.
Maybe that's like a six.
That's like a five and a half, six inch here on anyone else.
You know, yeah.
Yeah, that's how Paul Bunyan woke up.
Yeah, I'm.
Honestly, I'm just I'm I'm still going to curious how big Shaq's dick is.
I think we all are, buddy.
Yeah, well, I'm not going to Google.
It's probably pictures of him wearing gray.
Sweatpants figured out Shaq's dick size.
You Google that, but not whale nipples.
Huh?
My internet's bad.
I couldn't.
That's size.
It comes up immediately, like 24 inches.
God damn.
It's a campfire log at that point.
Holy shit.
Shit.
I'm satisfied enough.
I'm satisfied.
I'm satisfied enough.
Shaq, right in.
How big is your dick, pal?
Some kids.
We accept pics of the voicemail line, by the way, because it is an active texting
line. You can text a picture to that line.
I can't wait for a robot to have to like describe the picture.
I'll describe it.
I'll post it in the show notes.
Somehow I was just thinking, like, you know, when you get like texts and like a
the Siri voice, like read out what the text says.
Yeah.
You get like a voicemail.
You send a picture to the voicemail, like a Siri robot voice has to describe what
the picture is because it's a voicemail line.
Wait, will Siri actually do that?
Or will Siri just say like Rico sent an image to the chat?
And they'll just say the image like, I don't know if the other technology
exists. I was just making a joke.
I bet you it's around the corner.
Having a laugh.
A little giggle.
Would the modern Paul Bunyan just be like some douchebag looking hipster
that wants to be a lumberjack?
Probably.
I realize I'm still living in like 2013 with that comment because
it's just haven't looked like that in a very long time.
I don't know if hipsters exist anymore.
Oh, they do.
Do they?
They absolutely do.
And any counterculture shit is is hipsters, you know.
Right. Am I am I wrong?
Hell, yeah.
I just don't think a lot of lumberjacks anymore.
I think like a lot of culture is so like homogenized in general that like the
counterculture doesn't really exist anymore.
Just because like the modern culture in general right now just consists of like
so many niche things just kind of smashed together in a lot of ways.
That's kind of sad.
Yeah, there's no like outgroups anymore.
Yeah.
As far as like, I mean, there is like less mainstream stuff.
Yeah, but like because like you can always kind of find a group
of people who are into like non-mainstream stuff to like,
I don't know, like it feels like a lot of like countercultural stuff
doesn't really exist anymore.
Maybe it's Q.
That's maybe Q or the new hipsters.
They're the new people who wish they were on the Epstein flight lists.
Yeah.
Oof.
Yeah, I'm still satisfied.
What are you?
Are you what are we doing here?
Alrighty, God damn it.
If you like what you hear, leave us a rating or review on your podcast
directory of choice.
Leave us five goddamn stars because you know we've earned it.
You fucking know we've earned it.
Text or call to our voicemail line again.
Can't reiterate this enough.
You could send us pics.
Pics of your of your dumps.
Pics of whales with tits.
Pics of of of that.
Pics of pics of your dog.
Both tits.
We accept unsolicited dick pics.
So this this is my consent to say that this voicemail line is a safe place
for dick pics.
Now we reserve the right to do whatever we want with those dick pics.
What was that, Smitty?
The pictures of hands holding guns.
That's good.
Send us that.
Just know every single next to pill bottles.
Every single dick pic that gets into the voicemail will be photoshopped
into Shaq's hands and made to look extremely tiny.
So if you have a humiliation fetish, I mean
seven zero eight four three three nine one five three is that number.
Send in your questions and dick pics.
Social media at questions, PTC are slash important questions pod on reddit.
We don't use that anymore.
But hey, we might and the important questions podcast on Instagram.
We're on YouTube now.
You could subscribe there as well.
That'd be cool.
It'd be real cool.
And Patreon.com forward slash the important questions to support
and get a bonus episode that is one goddamn dollar donation.
You go through the subscription process on Patreon on the last Thursday
of each month, you will either receive no episode or a bonus episode
that is entirely dependent on your status as a Patreon donor.
So one dollar a month, $12 a year.
That is that is such a small investment for such a worthwhile
pile of content that you can be receiving.
Boys, we have a we do have a message from Bo, by the way, he responded
to to episode 31. I'm not going to save it for post show
because I'm pretty sure this is us just going to say like, huh, OK.
So I'm just going to use it as I'm going to use it as today's final thought, boys.
What's his thought?
First and foremost, Bo said he just heard the new episode for context.
He means episode 31.
I know that 32 is already dropped at this point, but this is the time of recording it.
He then says it was wonderful.
Like always, thank you, Bo.
Fucking thank you.
What was my name?
But wanted to say we just got an in and out near me
and the wait time was eight hours on opening day.
And even still, they're at three hours for a wait time.
Fuck everything about that.
Yeah, it's not worth it.
Like you just go to the workouts and get get french fries
and dump thousand dressing on it like, come on, make your own burger, dude.
Yeah, I mean, big tacos the other day.
Big tacos. Yeah.
We're going to taco shells.
You use.
I don't remember the brand.
It's the corner corner.
Our yeah. OK.
How did how did how do you make big Mac tacos?
We just put the meat like, you know, what is it called?
Like real thin beef, like a smash burger.
Smash burger. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Basically, just like edge to edge on the tortilla.
And then you just cook that side and it just cooks through because it's so thin.
And then you just put whatever you want on top and big Macs.
She's lettuce, Maxos.
OK, that sounds awesome.
I just did a pickle. Yeah.
And cheese is pretty good.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
There's a tortilla in there too somewhere.
No, it's full of it like a taco.
That's true to be a truly a Mac taco.
You need that middle piece.
I think the biggest takeaway here is that first sentence from Bo
just heard the new episode. It was wonderful, like always.
Oh, that's cool.
That's the most important part.
Praise. Any final thoughts, boys?
I see, you know, I brought that up and you almost missed out on what a big Mac taco is.
Yeah.
My heart's just a flutter with Bo's kind words.
Yeah, continue to write in Bo.
Let us know what you think of this episode.
There's a thing about Shakespeare.
And just the right place.
Thank you.
I will see you next week, boys.
You have a fucking good one.
There's like there's something like sex thing
where like you put a clove of garlic in your partner's ass
called like figging or something.
Why do you look?
Yeah, it's a real thing.
Feel free to Google.
Speaking of
big, I G G I N G.
Right.
Speaking of sex, is it the same as toothpasteing?
Because that was all shit.
Bro, this is ginger, not garlic.
Oh, my bad.
My bad.
Is anybody else pissed that it's not different?
Strong aromatic vegetable.
Well, ginger is way more fucking pleasant
and at least sweet.
Like I would prefer the smell of ginger
in my lover's ass versus a garlic.
God damn.
Why do they call it a figging?
It's not even figs.
I don't know.
If you have potato.
By the way, if thinking has a Wikipedia page,
this shit's legit.
People actually do this.
Hey, thinking is the practice of inserting
a piece of skinned ginger root into the human anus
in order to generate an acute burning sensation.
Historically, this was a method of punishment,
but it's since been adopted for the practice of BDSM.
The term figging comes from the 19th century word
figuing or gingering.
I don't think I've ever met anybody that's into BDSM
that's like, all right, I'll get the ginger root
in the vegetable peeler
and we're going to have ourselves an amazing time.
I don't know if I know anybody that's into BDSM.
Not anybody.
You're supposed to actually skin the ginger.
Like you peel it and you carve it into the shape
of a butt plug, which causes an intense burning sensation,
often intolerable to the subject.
Finally, have a use for my whittling badge
that I got in Boy Scouts.
Saving it for just this moment.
Yeah.
Garlic would be pretty misrule,
but it keep a vampire from eating your ass, I guess.
It's also harder to carve into a butt plug.
Good. Yeah.
You could do a holy water enema.
But that, yeah, it's that work.
Holy water, what?
Holy water enema.
Oh, for the vampire thing.
Vampire from eating your ass.
Yeah, it's a bit of a weird thing.
The bad spirits out of your ass.
It's a mental crisis.
Did you have a priest bless the water in your blood?
Well, it's a question for next week.
Yeah. You mean like so a vampire can't like drink your fucking blood, right?
Yeah. It's like a loophole.
And shit.
I mean, religion's built around loopholes
or vampire myths. So it's fair.
I don't know. Bless the image in make that.
Make that turn into poison in the vampire's mouth.
I don't know. Whatever.
It's good. I think that would work.
There's a shit.
Couldn't you just like bless the vampire?
Fuck. No, he burned.
There's no water in the vampire's corpse.
You don't have to bless the water.
Couldn't you just bless it?
I don't know. Yeah.
He sneezes, maybe.
And that is how Paul Bunyan woke up.
Oh, we've already closed out the episode.
Rico saw a post.
Well, yeah, Rico.
Yeah, Rico.
How's your internet now?
Rico is better. It's fucking awful.
Yeah. No, you guys are like a slide show.
Are we still sounding like robots?
No, thankfully, that went away.
I don't know what that was going on.
I think it's probably because of the cold.
I don't know.
It's cold as fuck here, too.
You got ice on the inside of the windows.
Yeah, you need new windows.
Yeah, do you need new windows?
I had an all this house.
Yeah, we're getting new windows on Friday this week, actually.
Oh, yeah.
Because we are also getting frost on the inside of our windows,
which makes me feel comfortable.
It's so cold here.
I don't know how cold it is to you, Rico, but like we're
the real feel right now is like negative 33 or something like that.
Yeah, we had negative 40 earlier.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, what it is right now.
We've got the faucets.
Yeah, yeah.
We've got the faucets dripping right now, so the pipes don't freeze.
Negative 30 right now.
Can you believe that?
Fucking insane. I can't believe it, dude.
I literally can't believe it's that cold.
I also can't believe the fact that we're almost through January already.
Like halfway through or not.
I don't even know how to understand you like halfway through.
Time works.
It's the 14th.
Yeah, we're halfway through tomorrow, I guess.
I feel like yesterday it was it was like just barely even New Year's.
Yeah, yeah, because because it was.
Yeah, 13 yesterday's ago.
Yeah, yeah, I'm not satisfied anymore.
Very close to just yesterday.
Can't believe it.
A linear time works.
I'm not as passionate about the subject as I used to be.
No.
Passions.
Become desensitized your own anger.
Yeah, funny how that works.
It's like, man, I used to be really mad at this thing.
Now I just pretty much everything anger turns to acceptance, eventually, right?
Yeah, sadly, yes.
Yeah, this will success, dude.
Yeah, we're like, yeah, it does.
And that's like, you know, in one year, ask me how I feel about frozen dumplings.
I'm like, yeah, you know, it is what it is.
Yeah, give a shit.
It's a rip.
Sometimes they rip all the cheese floods out.
What are you going to do?
You stand there and want to kill yourself.
I'm not angry about it.
I'm just disappointed.
A new disappointment mid show segment.
What is it?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
How long this podcast goes on?
Rico might start talking about his kid.
No, no, no, hate him.
No, no, no, no, no.