Well, well, well.
Somebody to my left is talking a lot of shit.
Hey man, I'm very good.
What can I say?
100% luck.
You gotta know how to manage your team.
Oh yeah, he caught right on.
So he's out of the three games that we've visited, three or four?
This is our fourth game.
So he's won one of four and he's just over there struck like a cock.
All I know is that I opened up Yahoo Fantasy and I said, congratulations.
You know, and it's like had balloons and shit going on.
You're not in last place.
I was like, well, it doesn't matter.
I am in last place.
It was showering me with praise for my win.
You had that open and you were watching it by the side.
You were watching the games.
You're just watching that.
Oh yeah.
I have to win.
I have to beat them.
And then I took a picture of it and I sent it to you guys.
Yes you did.
It's an all natural dudes like us moment and playing fantasy football with a bunch of buds
and it's a rivalry that never ends.
It's a dudes like us moment.
It's October 4th.
How many points did you get?
I'm Sean.
I'm Paul.
And I'm Jeff.
And I had more than 60 points.
How many points?
And you didn't.
Jeff, you have zero wins.
All right.
That had to be historic low though.
I don't think I've seen a score that low.
Last year you were in the 50.
Weren't you about 50?
Last year?
Yeah that was last year.
I don't remember.
So you're improving.
What frustrates me is I would have beaten I think nine of the 12 teams.
You lost and got the higher score than everybody else.
You would have beat everybody else had you played them yesterday.
I mean but look at like last year Beavers.
Beavers was extremely upset.
They had like the highest points and they were like in eighth place.
And it was just like everyone they played had a record week.
That's what pisses me off about the whole FF fantasy football game.
Well you shouldn't get mad at all.
It's who gives a shit.
It's stupid.
Now Paul if you would have lost you would have pissed off.
You'd be like fuck no.
We'd have been like cocking around.
I know.
Okay first off.
Russell sucks.
I never.
Okay.
I don't know what you're doing.
Fucking low cry spasm there.
Yeah no.
I don't make any of those noises.
Yeah.
I do not act like that.
I used to get up.
Oh well I was confused.
But not anymore.
That was the noise I heard this afternoon because you lost your cup.
I'm not sure where it is.
I think it's.
I think it's in your vagina probably.
You know.
We go out of our way.
I think it's my father's my father-in-law's backpack.
Well you need to.
In Houston.
You need to frame up that.
Where I just came from.
Wow.
Oh yeah you went to go see the game.
I did.
I was at the Texans and Chargers game and Brody went with us because he's you know he
kind of always gets screwed because you know the other boys have gone to different games
and he has never gone to a game.
And I'm like well son you're not a sports fan.
Like you don't you never watch some sports with me.
You never you know ever talk about it.
Right.
And so I said OK fine let's just go to this game.
Maybe it's not about the game.
Maybe it's just hanging out with pop.
It's what I said.
I said you know enjoy the game.
It's gonna be fun.
And why would you even contest it.
Well I mean you know.
Trying to make him feel like shit because he wants to spend time with his dad.
I mean but you know at some point you know I'll find something else to do with him.
You know what I mean.
We'll go bowling or we'll go take him to a batman contest.
Go to the skate park and skate board with them.
I've done that.
As a matter of fact when we were in Tucson I took him down to a skate park and like you
know that was like 30 minutes away.
Right.
Did you rollerblade.
I didn't do anything other than just sit there.
Well you should have gotten on and done some tricks.
Oh some tricks.
Hoop to hoops and whatever those tricks are called.
And die.
Well he.
How many times has he broken his arm.
A whole bunch.
He's broken both wrists.
He.
You would have gotten on the thing would have been like an instant like knee break or something.
Instant death.
Yeah.
I would have spontaneously combusted before he was even moved in.
Sir you have 230 bones in your body.
You broke all of them.
All of them.
We're gonna call you evil.
How many bones are in the body.
Is it 230.
232.
218.
215.
213.
I say 213.
Brandon knows this.
All right Mr. Producer.
I do not.
I say 213.
263 what do you say Paul.
I'm gonna go with 263.
You can't just.
Did you just said that.
All right I'm going to get 256.
I was closest.
Oh we all over again.
Yeah.
Paul you should have said one.
No he said.
I should have.
You both said 263.
I said 213 so.
I got more numbers right.
Two and a six.
No mine was.
I said 213.
But I was counting my penis as twice or like five.
That would be boner.
Oh yeah.
Jeff was counting the bones in his fucking nostrils that he calls hair.
Yeah, those are stocks.
That's cartilage.
Yeah, those are...
206 bones.
That's interesting.
Chitness.
Yeah, a lot of bones in the human body, a lot in the wrist.
I mean, did you guys ever give a shit about like any of that stuff?
Biology.
That's biology, right?
In high school?
I found that interesting.
Did you?
Yeah, they had the skeleton.
In fact, this past weekend, Mr. Producer assembled a skeleton in our room for we pulled
out a bunch of Halloween things and getting decorated, getting ready for it.
Yeah, I actually had to learn this.
I had some class, a basic biology class in college, and I had to learn all these bones.
The coccyx.
Why are some blue?
Yeah, they get the fibula and the tibula.
What are the colors?
Are those just...
They're just trying to separate.
We're looking at a picture of the human skeleton, and yes, they're all different colored bones.
I think they're just trying to differentiate the different little shoulder blades back
there compared to the collarbone, so to speak.
This says there are over 206 bones in the body.
There are over 200, and well, maybe they're talking about some people have...
Is a tooth considered a bone?
No, no, that's a tooth.
But they have a bunch of finger and feet bones.
There's ear bones.
Maybe those people that hypothetically count that extra knuckle in there.
I'm on them three knuckles deep.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Someone in the range of 270 to 300.
Oh, babies.
There I go.
Babies are born.
That's because your skull is not completely formed yet.
Oh, I'm sure a bunch of bones are not fused.
Yeah, it says the bones fused together and become less bones.
Interesting.
Yeah, your vertebrae, some of your vertebrae.
As an adult, you have 24.
Like it said, babies have 33.
I think that's what it said.
Yeah.
Interesting.
You know, chemistry is the same way.
I couldn't have cared less about chemistry, but now I'm watching Breaking Bad.
You're like, I want to make meth.
No, I don't want to make meth, but...
You want to melt people.
Yeah, but it literally, I mean, it makes it interesting how, you know, how...
How easy and plain shit is.
And it just, you got to set up the right conditions to do it.
It's not even that.
It's how he breaks that down into a chemistry experiment as opposed to, you know, which,
you know, which it is, of course.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I find it, it's fascinating.
I enjoyed it.
It is a fascinating show.
And when I was that age and taking the classes where you would have some water that was in
the classroom, like with a plant, and you take an eyedropper and pull out a little water
and put it on a slide and look under there and you got all these wigglies moving and,
you know, I thought...
Like the parameciums.
Yeah.
Well, whatever they were.
The proteo, ostomans no more.
Brain and Biba?
Just took that class.
I had an embarrassing moment in that class.
That's when everybody was supposed to take a pluck of hair out of their scalp and then
everybody put it under their microscopes and she would ask, okay, what do you see?
You zoom in and see the follicle.
And I'm looking at mine and there's like a bug hanging on it.
Are you kidding me?
No, I was not.
And a little microscopic bug.
It looked like a little...
Like a mite?
It looked like an armored koala bear.
Like a scabie?
Did you have a lice?
Did you have scabies?
Well, no.
Lice is much bigger than that.
Could have been scabies.
Could have had scabies.
No.
Scabies doesn't hang around hair like that.
Anyway, so I'm like, I called the teacher over.
Guys, big mistake.
I should have just been like, hey.
Oh, hey everybody, come look at this.
Right.
So she's looking at it and people are getting interested and then of course people start
making fun of me.
Look at Paul.
He's got bugs in his ear.
Yeah.
Why is everybody from New Jersey?
In every podcast I listen to, is that all?
Hey, Paul, he's got these bugs in his ear.
Especially the last one I listened to.
Oh, Archie!
Or whatever you do.
That's not me.
No, that was you.
Crazy.
Anyway, yes, they were making fun of me because I had a bug hanging on my hair.
What do scabies look like?
I'm sure they were making fun of you for other reasons.
Oh, they were making fun of me all the time.
Go to scabies.
I'm the hearing impaired kid.
God, I had an awful childhood.
Oh come on.
You got to go over to friends house and watch their parents address.
Okay, that was awful.
That was traumatic.
Is that it?
Yeah, that is scabies.
Scabies is a little bit different.
Scabies will burrow down into the skin.
That looks like something out of Star Wars.
That was kind of weird.
Look at that thing.
It's got like three gigantic legs.
What are those things?
Wow, that is a rather large pregnant scabie.
What is that?
That's just going to burrow.
That thing looks larger than a regular scabie.
That's like the mother lobed.
God, that's disgusting.
Maybe it's engorged on your skin.
She's probably pregnant.
I don't know what it was, but this is microscopic.
These are obviously microscopic, right?
Well, the big one is.
Yeah, anyway.
Well, you know what?
That's terrible looking.
That type of stuff fascinates me because it's like they have these computer rendering of
an infinity type of organism, the crystal or something, where the camera is way out
and it just zooms in and it just keeps going into infinity.
You talking about Ant-Man?
No, I'm just like they-
Talking about.
It was like fractals.
Was that serious?
Fractals is a math.
Look up fractals and you'll see that it has something to do with math, I think.
But you're saying these are like super, super microscopes?
Well, I mean, it's not real.
So it's not real.
Yeah.
Okay.
See right there, it's got to zoom in and then there's like another picture.
We'll kind of, you know, it's like zooming in from outer space onto Earth and you just
like you can keep going.
You can keep going.
It's just like a fun art thing.
Yeah.
Fractals are, they're a math thing, but they're non, the pattern does not repeat itself.
It's like the golden ratio, so to speak.
Yeah, it's weird.
I used to know that.
I have never heard of this before.
Never heard of fractals?
No, I've heard of fractions.
You've heard of fracking?
Heard of fracking.
Sharting.
Shut the frick up.
I know the one time in my chemistry class, it was me, my buddy Roger, and my friend Jeff,
two guys I still talk to from my youth.
That's amazing.
And we were in chemistry class together.
We had every single class together in high school.
Every single class.
We had chemistry and we were partners.
Big mistake.
Yeah, those are solid pictures there, Mr. Bruce.
And one of them, I don't remember what the experiment was, but it had to do, had sulfuric
acid or hydrochloric acid.
And we had it in a little beaker.
Beaker.
And you could see the fumes coming up.
And I told my friend Roger, I was like, I wonder what it smells like.
You should smell it.
Oh my God.
And he went in and just went in and just snorted the thing and these fumes went up his nose.
And the teacher saw him do it.
Didn't she immediately warn everybody, this is acid, everybody blah, blah, blah?
He made, well his name was Roger, what was his name, Kirsch, and he let him do it because
he knew it was going to burn, but it really wasn't going to hurt him.
And he jumped back about 10 feet because it hurt so bad and the whole class was like,
what just happened?
And the teacher called out and goes, Roger's a dumbass and snorted the acid flint fumes.
It was hysterical.
Yeah, no, I don't joke about that after what happened with my chloene incident, man.
That was, I thought I was going to die.
Chemicals are no fun.
No, even regular household stuff that you think is innocent.
You get a compilation of things that you're not really sure.
You're just like, I've got to get this damn stain out.
I've tried just about fucking everything.
And then you apply one more element on there.
Next thing you know, all hell breaks loose and you've got fucking open sores on your
arm and yeah, it's a mess.
You know what's weird?
Growing up, my sister and I, my sister and I, when we were young, probably I was 10,
she was 12, 13 on a boring day.
I got a Sunday and it was storming out.
Right.
And we didn't have anything to do.
We didn't have video games.
We didn't have that TV wasn't 24 seven like it is right to entertain ourselves.
We would go around and get a bowl and we would dump every single chemical in our house
in it to see what happened.
So that brought back some memories.
It did.
I was thinking back, I was like, that was probably really stupid.
That was really stupid.
Oh, look at it change color.
It was swirling.
I don't think there was really a probably about it.
I remember doing that.
We did that a couple of times.
Definitely stupid.
My parents do what we're doing.
They just went, all right, go.
They're not bothering me.
It's no different than us lighting shit on fire and and putting firecrackers in a model
airplane and throwing it.
You know what I mean?
We did a lot of stupid stuff.
Yeah, I blame my sister for that.
Yeah, we used to, you know, we used to older.
We used to fry, you know, ants with magnifying glasses and we used to do cool stuff.
I didn't do the the mean stuff.
There are people that like would take frogs and, you know, pour acid on them and do that.
We did that.
We did some dark, disturbing stuff.
Yeah, we did the did.
I remember I went over my friend Jeff's house and a couple of the older kids.
Brother had older.
He was older, maybe seven or eight years older.
So he was a teenager and he had some friends over.
I remember they would find these bees and they would pull the wings off and they put
two of them in a thing and let them fight.
So they would do that.
I remember watching cock fighting.
What?
You know, chickens.
Oh, no.
No.
What kind of cock fighting do you guys do?
I had some some friends that that did that was flies, big, big horse flies.
Yeah, those are nasty, man.
They would they glue them to toothpicks and make them like little airplanes.
It's like they would make an airplane.
Those horse flies are huge.
And the horse flies, but literally you can imagine a toothpick little plane and then
gluing it to that.
And then the things take it off because then you got two horse flies and then the car is
struggling.
But, you know, it works, though.
Those bite your your ass and man, it hurts.
They do hurt.
Jimmy crack corn.
Remember that song?
Is that what that was about?
I believe so.
Yeah, I thought it was Jimmy crapped corn.
Jimmy crack corn.
Oh, Jimmy crack corn.
It's a song.
I don't remember the words for it, but it was a song that we used to sing in grade school
and choir.
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care.
That's all I know of it.
And then it was about I don't know what the lyrics are.
Pull it up, Mr. Producer.
But I think it had a horse horse fly in it for some reason.
Jimmy crack corn.
Yeah, Jimmy crack corn lyrics.
Yeah, we we know this karaoke version.
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care.
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care when he would ride in the afternoon to follow him
with the hickory bro, the pony being rather shy, would have bitten by the blue tail fly.
I thought it was a horse.
I thought it was a horse fly.
But that's how long it was.
So it's like a it's like a bluegrass.
So Jimmy crack corn.
I don't care.
Hold on.
But listen to hold on.
Don't scroll back down.
So my master's gone away.
So let's break this down a bit.
So the pony began what he would ride in the afternoon.
I'd follow him with my hickory broom.
So who's he was riding on their hickory broom.
Oh, so this is the bug.
I'd follow him with my hickory broom.
The pony being rather shy, when bitten by the blue tail fly.
All right.
So what is this song about?
No idea.
I don't know.
But he says my master's gone away.
So either I mean, are they talking about a slave?
Or are they talking about it's an old song?
Jimmy crack corn and I don't care.
What the hell?
I have no idea.
It's a old, very old piece of slang for sitting around idly gossiping.
A more likely explanation is that Jimmy cracked open a jug of his master's corn whiskey and
kicked it back.
But either way, nobody cares because the master was gone away and wouldn't be coming back.
I don't know.
This is a song we sang in fourth or fifth grade.
So sitting around idly gossiping is basically kind of what this is.
The thing is, what does it mean?
But I still don't get any of it.
I guess they have a whole bunch of-
Oh, he kills his master later.
What?
Yeah, throws him in the ditch.
He died and the jury wondered why.
He says, well, the pony jumped.
He start, he pitch.
He threw my master in the ditch.
He died and the jury wondered why.
The verdict was the blue tail fly.
Yeah, see?
That's a good nursery word.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, that's no different than the ring around the rosies pocket full of posies.
That's the black plague.
Has to do with-
Right?
So when a whole bunch of people died-
It was first performed in the 1840s by blackface minstrel groups.
It tells the story of a young slave named Jimmy who tells us, when I was young, I used
to wait on the master and hand him his plate and pass the bottle when he got dry and brush
away the blue tail fly.
It develops with that when his master went on the horseback, when Jimmy's assignment
was to follow along and brush away the annoying blue tail fly.
So that's why he has the hickory broomstick.
Right.
Is to keep the-
Jimmy Crackcore.
I wonder if they still sing that in grade school these days.
I don't think so.
You're not even allowed to sit Indian style anymore.
I know.
So dumb.
What?
It's called crisscross applesauce.
Crisscross applesauce.
Well, that was back when, not when we were in school, but it was a while ago.
Well, that's what our kids were in school.
Right.
That's weird.
And I was like, no, it's sitting Indian style.
Yeah, but I mean-
You know, hold on.
When you said that minstrel group, right?
That's exactly what people are freaking out about with the Texas Longhorns song.
Apparently, there's some history with some minstrel group, which is like, has racist-
You're just going to let that fly out of there?
Jimmy Crackedcorn?
Yeah, Jimmy did crack corn.
That's just to shit himself.
Jeffrey Crackedcorn.
Anyway, that's interesting.
This minstrel group thing.
I don't even know what minstrel groups are.
I guess there's some folk gypsies or something.
Minstrel?
Minstrel, right?
As in women stuff?
No.
Stuff?
No, min-strel.
But I just, you know, I don't understand that, again, that came up in the University of Texas
fight song.
Yeah, somebody was upset about something about that.
The eyes of Texas or whatever had to do with some minstrel.
I don't-
Screw that.
Anyway, very interesting.
They want to take away all the traditions and-
Well, and what's interesting about it is I don't even think they know the history, right?
They have no idea what the history really means.
That's what it was.
Okay.
So the boy that was supposed to be taking care of the flies got drunk.
And then one day the flies were especially thick.
The horse was bitten and panicked.
And the master was thrown into a ditch, breaking his neck.
An investigation followed the verdict to put the blame for the master's demise on the blue
tail fly.
Jimmy was off the hook and was in a good mood.
Now at last to the part about the cracking corn, that was a very old piece of slang for
sitting around idly gossiping.
So Jimmy, cracking corn means sitting around gossiping.
Kind of like Colonel Pop.
Like popping corn.
Colonel Pop.
I think we should change the name of our podcast to Cracking Corn.
We should.
Cracking Corn.
Three dudes cracking corn.
Corn crackers.
Corn cracking dudes.
Huh.
There you go.
It's Sean Paul and Jeff with Cracking Corn here in Frisco, Texas.
Same, same accent.
Is that new Joey's accent?
Yeah, same dialect.
He once lived there.
Remember who went last year?
I know, because it was the most beautiful place on earth.
It was beautiful there.
You can't deny it.
You heard us.
I mean, you told us all about it.
He was like, I want to move here.
They have Irish bars on every block.
They had so many.
Crazy.
It was wonderful.
I felt at home.
You literally went from one Irish bar to the next.
I was up one rainbow and down another.
Oh my God.
All right.
See, and that's the weird thing about it.
I can't even say that.
What?
Because you think of an Irish leprechaun and the rainbow falling into another pot of
gold.
And now it's like related to all this other stuff.
It's like they stole the rainbow.
Bigger than that is God's covenant in the New Testament, in the Old Testament.
And they did.
They totally hijacked the rainbow.
I'm taking it back.
Taking it back.
I'm taking it back.
I want my rainbow back.
That would be a bumper sticker.
I'm taking my rainbow back.
Yeah.
Bitch.
Yeah.
You can't say bitch.
That's a mixture.
No.
Hey, acronyms.
I'm taking my rainbow back.
L-B-Q-Y this.
No, no, no, no, no.
Just acronyms.
Oh, just acronyms.
Yeah, because that way.
What are they going to say?
It could be ambiguous.
It could be.
They don't know what acronyms you're talking about.
Oh, I like where this is going.
Yeah.
I like it.
We're taking our rainbow back.
Yeah.
I don't know what you're thinking about it, but you know what?
The thought here is inspiring enough.
Do you ever have those thoughts?
I'll share a thought with you.
Like when the kids were going to junior high or elementary, whatever the fuck it is, and
they had the crosswalk guards.
Right.
Yes.
I was thinking, God, those ladies are out there every morning.
Doesn't matter.
I think I should buy them a gift certificate just to say, hey man, thank you for making
sure our kids are safe.
A thankless job.
And you know, I never did it, but it was just the thought that I could have done it, which
made me warm and fuzzy on the inside.
Yeah, which made you feel good inside.
Yeah, I was kind of like, you know what?
That is such a good thought.
Man.
That's like me saying that I was going to, every single time for Christmas, whenever
the trash people come to pick up the can, I'm going to be waiting out there with a bottle
of Jack.
Right.
Never done it.
Yeah.
That's odd that you do that.
I have.
You get a booze.
I have.
I've given the garbage guys, I give the garbage guys a hundred bucks a year.
Well you throw out like 800 pounds of trash a week.
I have so many people in my house.
I don't understand how much trash you make.
They hate you.
That's why you give them a hundred dollars a year.
Man, they think I'm funny, man.
Because I come out in my underwear, because I hear them coming, and I run outside, I've
got one shoe off and one not, and I'm still pitching a hard on from the morning hard on.
Oh, great.
It's just bouncing around.
I don't even care.
And you know, and he comes out, he's like, those damn kids, they just never get it out
in time, do they?
And I'm just like, huh.
And you're still drunk?
I might be.
I don't know.
What was Dick thinking out?
What do you think?
Yeah, really?
Got one sock on.
Now I know where my other sock went.
Yeah.
We do not need a visual on that.
No, negative.
We already talked about the bourbon, right?
Old sampler?
No, we did not.
Well, I mean, this one was kind of weird.
So when we show, Paul and I show up over at Jeff's house for the podcast and dudes like
us and you know, and usually Jeff's sitting there with eating.
What Jeff does is he waits to the absolute last second whenever Julie's here and he's
kind of like, I am not wasting a second of time with my wife.
You guys suck it.
I am.
I applaud that.
But when he's not, no man, he had like six bottles all laid out, glasses were put out
there.
It was just a complete show.
I'm telling you, it looks really sharp and we need to add that kind of stuff to the podcast.
Instagram.
So we walk in, we've got a collection of bottles to pick from and you know, you just look at
like you look at a movie screen, you can look at a title, you can look at a book cover and
it's just like, man, you don't know what you're going to get based on the label, you know?
And so Paul's like, you know what?
This one's been skipped over so many times.
We just need to give it a shot.
And so you know what, we took the diamond in the rough and we're not quite sure it was
a diamond, but at first it was kind of toxic.
What was the name of this?
It was old.
Old Settler.
It's a sour mash.
It had a rough nose, I'll be honest.
It did.
But being the Somalia Bourbon people we are, which we're not, but we do know enough to
where if we leave it out long enough to let it breathe, it absolutely opens up every stuff.
And that's exactly what has happened.
It's opened up a whole chain of sweetness.
Yeah, I'd give it a solid.
It's a solid.
Probably six and a half, seven.
Yeah, that's what I would go with too.
Julie, did you just burp?
And it's I heard it.
It's 100 proof.
Well, I think, you know, it says some of the tasty notes or the in the in the nose.
It says raisin.
I think I could smell that now because I smell something different on this one.
It's amazing how different the initial taste and the nose, initial nose can be after it
is it opens up.
It is amazing.
And we've talked about before just putting a cube in it, even putting two drops of water
in it.
I mean, it can make any bourbon that you just think is awful.
Better be completely different.
That's very better.
It changes.
Yeah, different.
Well, I mean, hopefully better just like bringing any barrel strength bourbon and adding a little
water to it's going to change the dynamics of it.
But it definitely I mean, like right now, it's it's pleasant.
Yeah, you know what I don't get regarding some of these bourbon tastings, those folks
out there that do taste it is how they complement it with the cigars.
To me, I can't do the cigars.
Yeah, I'm out.
I did a cigar this way to German Fest.
Yeah.
And I don't like it.
Yeah, I've done.
I did that once in college and one and done.
But I went through a period where I enjoyed cigars for an extended period of time.
And then all of a sudden I couldn't do it anymore because it was tearing my system up.
And I really haven't done it since then.
In fact, any time I thought I was like, I'm going to give it a shot.
It would always just made me feel horrible.
So yeah, I've always heard that when you smoke a cigar, it's the equivalent of five cigarettes.
Right.
Well, I mean, then there's a lot of people that don't even light it.
They just chew on it.
Yeah.
Right.
They just kind of chop on a cigar.
Yeah.
And how is that?
I mean, how is that?
How is that dip or something?
I don't know.
You know, you put dip or Copenhagen in your mouth.
I guess so.
Well, I know when I spoke that I woke up that next probably early five o'clock.
I feel like I wanted to puke everywhere.
Yeah.
I felt nasty.
I was like, I'm not doing.
Yeah.
Maybe get used to it.
But something died in your mouth.
I felt very caustic inside.
The dudes like us.
Well, I mean, Jeff and I were at Oktoberfest in downtown McKinney last week.
Paul was out of town doing something.
What was last weekend?
Two ones.
Not what it was.
It was the Oktoberfest two weekends ago.
No, it was A&M.
That's where you were.
Yeah.
You were at the A&M game.
That's what it was.
In town.
Yeah.
But you weren't at the A&M.
So Jeff and I were downtown.
And after the Oktoberfest, we went over to the cigar lounge place you were talking about.
Right.
And, you know, look, Infuego Cigar Shop downtown.
Great atmosphere.
The folks there are great.
There's Taylor, who's been on the podcast before.
Right.
And Taylor is there.
And just walking in, you don't even need to smoke.
You just walk in.
But the poor guy is overwhelming.
I don't.
Yeah, it's just kind of a fall down.
And coincidentally, I went to I went to another cigar place, but I'm going to talk.
I don't know how they complement each other.
I don't appreciate the difference between them.
So I don't sit there.
And granted, when I went to the other cigar place this past weekend, which is odd that
I've gone to a cigar bourbon place twice in within a couple of weeks is ridiculous.
I mean, I haven't gone to one in decades.
And you're saying you went with people.
It wasn't like, yeah, I was invited.
I was invited.
But I've got a little story about this that it really, you know, really grinds my gears.
And it's it's places that, you know, so I was invited to this place.
I'm not going to talk about where it was.
And they had a little private cigar room in the back.
It wasn't a booby bar or anything like that.
It was just a regular place where guys go.
A blue bar pub, spirits, whatever.
And in the back, they have a nice, elegant place.
So nice dark woods like a library.
Yeah, like a grinder hookup.
No, it was a bunch of dudes.
No.
Oh, right.
No, that was not it.
No.
Oh, OK.
So no, no, there was no nudity.
Well, that's good.
Only when I went to the bathroom, I but that's good for you.
So we're sitting there and I order a Weller's full proof.
Mr. Producer, can you pull up Weller's full proof, please, and find out the cost of that?
I've never even heard of the black label.
Weller's full proof.
I don't know.
I don't remember.
I bet it's 60 bucks a bottle.
We'll see here.
Let's just be able to bottle.
But can you find it anywhere?
No, it's not four hundred dollars.
I can tell you that.
Well, well, you got to actually four hundred bucks.
Actually, that may have it looks like this is aftermarket.
Right.
I will go into that shop pretty blue label.
Go up shopping.
The click.
I've never even heard of this to the right.
Well, we have the we have the special reserve.
90 bucks.
Huh?
Does it say?
OK, so it was full proof.
Whatever the full proof.
The full proof, there's one hundred and seventy nine dollar one.
It looks like this is aftermarket stuff.
Yeah, it varies dramatically in the aftermarket pricing.
Yeah.
The stuff we buy that well are one oh seven.
We could get four hundred bucks for that is that seven fifty is not sixty bucks.
That's probably twenty four bucks.
All right.
Well, it was a full proof wellers and I don't know.
It's very misleading looking at that.
I know it is.
But and if it was four hundred dollars.
OK, but here's here's where I'm getting that.
What really grinds my gears is that when you go into a place like that, how much would
you suspect each drink was?
I ordered a full proof old fashioned.
What would you think that would cost?
Well, I mean, that's a premium.
That's a premium bourbon.
So I'm going with and you got to probably an ounce and a half standard old fashioned.
And you know, when we went to Rare Books Club, those were what?
They were twenty to thirty dollar shops.
So I'm going with thirty bucks.
Yeah.
What say you, Senior Jeff?
If you're in a bar with a shot outside of Disney World and I had their select bourbon
and it was eighteen dollars.
Well, Disney World.
OK, old fashioned, though, old fashioned.
Forty nine dollars.
Yeah.
Oh, forty nine dollars.
They're smoking crack.
But here's the thing.
We ordered them.
And here's the thing.
We ordered another one and another one.
But you didn't pay for them.
It doesn't matter.
The point is, is that nobody knew how much they cost.
And if any drink costs that much, I think you were ordering, not knowing how much they
were correct.
So then the bill came and you're like, yeah, I just thought that could have been it right
there.
That blue right there.
It's fifty nine ninety nine at Liquor King.
Yeah.
Well, so how come we've never seen it?
It's hard to find.
It's going to be up on the top shelf.
It'll be a point.
That's perfect.
Mr. Producer, sixty bucks.
Oh, my God, I would have.
So they made their money back basically on one drink.
But the thing is, it's it's it's more than that.
It's more than the money is absolute.
I think it's just crooked.
It's crooked to charge that much.
Yeah.
But that's OK.
You know what?
If you want to charge that much and you get away with it, great.
But that's another thing where it's kind of like they should tell you, hey, man, that
drink is fifty bucks.
Do you want to the round?
This is like, you know, I think it was rude for them to do that.
You know, and it's it's it was just telling you the bill came.
Did you see them go?
No, they didn't do it at all.
But that's not the point.
They in fact, they didn't even give a shit.
But I did because in fact, we were because it's hiring robbery.
The guy that picked up the tab, well, he was just like, just signed his name on it, didn't
give a shit because it's all written off.
But when he left charge, we stayed and watched the end of the football game.
And so we had one more round and the other guy that was there, he picked it up and he
was just like, dude.
That was 100 bucks.
Yeah.
That without the tip.
Right.
And he was like, he's like, what the fuck?
And that's when we were both like, we were just like, we both were kind of like, well,
you know, it's not right.
I don't mind paying.
But it's just like you should have said something.
Right.
You know, because if I think it's something like maybe 15, 20 bucks, you know, or have
a price list, this is what you're drinking right here.
Right.
You know, yeah.
Just it was just rude.
Well, I mean, it's like when I went to the Texans game, I mean, my father in law always
wants to, you know, he wants a double a double Bacardi and Coke Diet Coke.
And so I got myself a double Jack and Coke.
Sixty bucks.
Yeah.
Well, you expect that.
Yeah, I know.
But even that, I mean, Bacardi, that's what?
Nineteen dollars for a half gallon.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
The whole thing is that, I mean, they probably get even less than that.
Right.
I mean, I just I don't understand why they have to have to do that.
I can because people pay for it, you know, and then I had this aha like light bulb above
my head moment because I'm thinking, oh, here's why, because, you know, they have that you
have to have so much food sales versus alcohol sales.
I'm like, wait a second.
That would be the opposite.
You would want the you would want to make your drinks cheap so that the food bill is
bigger.
But otherwise you won't get you in danger of losing your liquor license.
Yeah.
Or you get these good looking servers in there.
Yeah, so the girls that so that way they they can get away with it because the last thing
you want to do as a male is be to look bad.
Well, I don't want to I don't want to afford that.
I can't pay that.
You know, they're going to say they don't like the deal.
Yeah.
And that's why they have those pretty girls working in there.
And then they got a tip on top of that.
Right.
I just spent twelve hundred bucks.
Well, guess what?
That bitch just made one hundred fifty two hundred bucks on serving twelve drinks.
Yeah, I want that job.
It was funny.
I'm going to go to the bar.
You have to wear I'll go to the base.
Did I work?
I wear a frickin elephant trunk in the front.
I don't care.
Well, you need to ask other people now that I fit that with that guy where did I name
my borrow book called Grandimals.
And yeah, so you call your favorite song.
Banana hammock.
Very nice.
Yeah.
Banana hammock.
I don't know about that.
I don't know if you can have a variety of different didn't Borat wear something like
that.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you remember it was like a red?
Oh, no.
Somebody know what one of the your person added.
Oh, no, it was a it was our Halloween podcast and bought in our friend Ryan came in and
he's like Ryan's a big ex Marine six foot four six foot five Halloween party.
It was our Halloween party.
Yeah, and he comes dressed up as Borat with a military outfit on his his cliche military
outfit.
Yes.
And we started we started getting drinking and drinking and then his jacket came off
of the shirt opened up a little bit and it exposed some glue on hair.
And then after about an hour and later, the shirt kind of like comes off a little bit.
He has on a onesie that I mean, it was like, dude, there was nothing else on.
He barely had his junk covered and he had red ribbon going up over his.
He had his junk area stuffed with with.
Oh, yeah.
He had like hanging out of like pubes.
I was like a moth.
It was over the top.
I wish I could show the picture.
It got it got laughs for like the first 10 to 15 minutes.
And then the rest of the night it was like, you're like, cover up.
Yeah.
Because the thong went right up his butt.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely obscene.
You know, he's one of the paintballers.
Yeah.
Well, we did our paintball excursion.
He was a paintballer guy.
That was that was cool.
Anyway, he's a yeah, he's a crazy guy.
So he was a Marine.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, he's a he was a Marine.
He also he also do you remember when we had our dog, our German Shepherd Ray for a short
period of time?
You don't have that dog very long.
No.
It was because the dog had picked up Ginger and punctured her by the skull, by the body
and just kind of wailed her around.
And I am not her.
So we had a nightmare.
Well, we had a rescue dog.
I don't know where the dog.
She was a puppy.
Yeah, we got her as a puppy and she was all right.
But it got to the point where she didn't know her place because she didn't know her place
because I think we had yet we have Bronco.
You have Bronco, you had the boxer.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, we had Lando and Ginger and she didn't know her place in the pack.
I have no memory of you having so she thought she was the pack leader.
She was the alpha.
Oh, yeah.
So whenever we went out for a walk, it was extremely difficult to walk her because she
was the alpha.
She needed and look, we didn't know how to handle her.
She picked up the dog, did some crazy shit, and we were like, we got to give her.
We can't have her.
Ryan takes her.
He's got two dogs.
He had somebody come out here, he's tried training her for a little bit and it didn't
work.
And then there was like, all right, man, you know what?
We're going to get rid of her.
So he calls up one more person and so I'm sorry, I was starting.
So he calls up one more person.
Otherwise, he's going to have to get rid of the dog.
So this other person comes out.
He was like, really?
The dog whisperer.
And he comes out.
He was like, no.
The dog has an alpha problem because he had bit the other dogs.
Right.
And so he was basically says, you got to take them all out and walk at the same time.
And it was really a struggle.
So that was the reason why he only took out one or two at a time because to manage the
alpha dog, Ray was her name, we named her after the Star Wars character.
So he was long story short, we were trying to the dog had the dog had to become part
of the pack and not the alpha.
So when you bring all the dogs out there together and they're all tethered onto the master,
then the dog start learns his rank, the ranking.
Right.
And that's what he had to do.
He had to do it every single day for a couple of days for a week.
And then everything kind of gelled.
And he never had a problem with her after that fact.
She's a great dog right now.
That's good.
That little dog moment there.
And plus I learned a little bit.
Yeah, I forgot what the precursor was to that little thing.
But you know what?
We were talking about dogs.
That was no.
Oh, yeah, no, that was just random.
Yeah.
You just started talking about the German Shepherd.
Yeah, you're like, you had a dog really awkward segue.
Yeah, you're talking about the banana.
And I can't.
Yeah, you're like, I have a German Shepherd.
Oh, no, no, no.
I have a German Shepherd.
That's right.
Ryan.
Ryan took our dog.
That's what it was.
We gave our dog to Ryan and the Ryan made you think of that.
Yeah, that's what it was.
Yeah.
So I mean, Ryan, you know, whatever.
That was that was fun.
He's crazy.
I got he is crazy.
Oh, my God.
Literally crazy.
I mean, I got a picture of Desiree, my wife, Angel.
So it's like an Adrian.
So there's four women.
OK, so imagine four women in kind of a U shape.
And there's a little crack in between the two.
Right.
All right.
Ryan had bent over and pulled his pants down.
OK, the girls are oblivious.
They're smiling.
It was a perfect picture.
But whole and there's a but in between the girls and they're like right there.
And then it was so him.
Yeah, it was perfect.
Yeah.
Speaking of crazy, have you seen some of the footage, the news footage of these crazy folks
like on the streets of New York and Chicago and stuff like that, like the guy who beat
the crap out of that lady who had just exited an airplane at I believe it was Kennedy in
New York?
What?
You didn't see that footage with that security officer?
She had some sort of yellow.
No, she was just some lady who got off a plane or it was walking out and they at the airport
at the airport.
What do you mean?
So they're being let out on the tarmac?
No, it was in the car in the actual terminal and the terminal.
She was trying to leave and you see her running.
He catches her, slams her against the wall and then starts kneeing her, punching her,
kicking her in the face with a boat passengers on that plane.
So there's no one else there.
Some dude, I thought it was a subway terminal, but I guess it was the airport.
I think it was the airport.
So there was some dude that runs out, some dude that runs up and the guys to stop him
and then he was like, this dude stands up.
He was like, he runs off.
He was like, yeah, fuck that.
He turns around and this lady's on the floor and he goes up and kicks her in the head like
half a dozen times and she lost her eyeball.
Oh my God, just a random attack.
Hundred percent random.
The dude murdered his grandmother.
The guy that did that murdered his grandmother.
He was already out.
Well, I mean, I think he did it when he was a kid, but whatever, man.
That was a crazy story.
Yeah, these people need to be put down immediately.
Well, that's what it is because I was watching the news and they were talking about that.
They're like, it's these random attacks and they showed them over and over and it's just
someone to walk up, teenage kids, just walk up behind.
And this is black on black, so this isn't black on white.
Out cold, falls like a board.
Just sucker punch people from behind.
I don't get it.
Shoot people.
I mean, at least if it's a, I'm saying at least, I know there's TikTok challenges where
to cold, you know.
Are there?
Oh yeah.
I mean, cold cock somebody on a sidewalk and if you knock them out cold, then you won the
challenge or whatever.
I mean, there's some bullshit like that, right?
And you said these people are dying.
Yeah, like old people are getting punched and they're dying.
Yeah, they showed that that happened a few months ago with a guy got cold cocked.
He fell, hit his head.
He died.
He died, which is murder.
Yeah.
He was just walking to work.
Yeah.
Let's play a game where we go out and murder people.
I mean, really?
Yeah.
I just, it's unbelievable.
And then guess what?
They get arrested and then they get let go of the same night and they go do it again.
Let me go do it again.
Sure.
Why not?
I mean, why wouldn't you?
I mean, it's just like you saw the footage of the the wall outside of Philadelphia.
Unbelievable.
Where those kids came in, that was a mob, a mob attack, just trashed the place.
And then the lady up front, she goes, you're going to cook me a sandwich?
Did you see that?
No, no, no, no.
What?
Well, she was, she ordered the sandwich at the counter.
And then all of a sudden all these people came in and just trashed and she's like, and
she's looking around and they left and no, you could hear her going, you're still going
to be able to make my sandwich?
Like, she didn't care about the shit that was going on behind her.
She was kind of looking and you're going to make my sandwich?
The guy's like, no, I think I'm going to get out of here.
She would kind of like perturb like, come on, I need my sandwich.
I mean, just even even in those moments, the people that are not doing anything wrong are
clueless.
I mean, seriously, she's selfish and wants her sandwich.
Yes.
When the store is being attacked.
Yeah.
So pull up the video of the of the Wawa.
I just don't get it.
Transacking or whatever you want to call it.
Literally W A W A.
Yeah.
Wawa.
Wawa store.
Yeah.
It's the lady up front and she said, are you going to make my sandwich?
You might want to do your archie.
Archie.
So obnoxious, but it's literally dead on.
I like to reserve this.
Yeah.
You want to use it for special moments.
All right.
Here we go.
This 15th district looting of Wawa on September 24th is ridiculous.
Yeah.
So they got a bunch of people that are walking.
Oh, and guess what?
They're none of them are not wearing masks.
They're not wearing masks or anything.
They can.
They know exactly who they are.
Yeah, they do.
They got video footage of all that.
And their clothes are very distinct.
Oh, she's got a mask on over her.
It doesn't matter.
Her clothes are incredibly distinct.
This guy's this guy's whole face is visible.
This is a video that I saw.
But anyway, I thought it was funny.
The video I saw the lady was up front.
Look at that.
It happened last night at Tyson Avenue and Roosevelt Boulevard in the Mayfair section
of the city.
And did they steal anything or they just destroy the place?
Oh, no, they stole everything off the shelves.
Kati Cattrow is following this story and has details.
Philadelphia police are combing through videos trying to find the people responsible.
They will.
While there are no injuries to report, we spoke with people who say they are frustrated
watching those videos.
That lady up front.
It's disgusting.
It really is.
It's horrible.
Philadelphia police are investigating any videos like these that they come across on
social media.
All right.
Large group ransacking.
All right.
But that's it.
This is like a regular occurrence.
That's what I mean.
That is a trend.
That's what they're doing.
They're going into places like that.
And it's not just I mean, they're going to like these luxury purses places and these
elegant clothing stores.
Oh, yeah.
Christian Dior or something like that or are they just get overwhelmed?
They just get overwhelmed.
They go in there and just rip shit off the racks.
Well, when you go in there with with 30 people, you know, it's kind of hard to do anything.
You just don't want anarchy.
And then guess what?
The stores start closing.
Oh, yeah.
And they start leaving.
Well, especially if you say San Francisco.
If you rob one of those Louis Vuitton, that's hundreds of thousands of potential shit gone.
Right.
That stuff's expensive.
Yeah.
And it's it's it's costly.
And how many times does that need to happen before they're like, yeah, we're done.
You know what they need to do?
They have a system where when they come into the store, the doors.
Yes.
Boom.
The doors lock and then they put on gas mask and gas goes and they all just kind of crumple
to the floor and then and then slash.
I saw I also just saw a couple to the floor.
They kind of melt.
Sorry.
Yeah, that was kind of like the guys and raiders raiders of Los.
I do like the idea of the of the doors locking.
I think there should be like some exit stage left door, you know, for the people that work
there.
Well, there's a there's a new one I just saw where brilliant.
Some punk comes into I think New York, Odega or something like that.
And he's like, give me your money.
Give me your money as a gun.
And he's not paying attention.
He hops over the counter.
Well, the workers leave and they lock the door behind him.
And it's like we enforce steel and everything.
And he finally goes, he realizes where he's at.
He tries to open it and he's stuck in there.
Oh, no.
He's trying to kick it.
He's trying to he's running into it.
It's not budging at all.
He's trying to shoot it, trying to shoot the lock.
Oh, not budging.
It's not doing anything.
And you can hear me goes, because I'm stuck.
What am I going to do?
Then he started then he starts getting desperate.
He starts praying to the people walking by.
Let me out.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
And then the final scene are the cops open the door and arresting his ass.
And slitting his throat.
What the hell's going on?
Wow.
It's time to put these guys down.
I don't know, man.
Maybe maybe I'm getting a little too dark here.
You really think?
Yeah.
I mean, at least I mean, euthanize them.
I mean, I mean, stick them in a gas chamber or something.
I'm kidding.
God.
It's just really aggravating.
When is he going to stop?
You know, that's the thing.
I mean, it's these, uh, the things that you see in the
movies that they don't punish the soft on crime here.
You can steal nine hundred dollars worth of stuff and no problem.
Yeah.
You know, when I was in San Francisco, I went to TV these days.
Yeah.
I went to an oracle.
Oh, here's a video right here.
Yeah, he's like, OK, do you want me to kill you right now?
Guy around the camera.
Yeah, this guy walks up and he's got he's he's he makes him lay down.
So this is a like a phone looks like a cell phone shop.
Yeah.
And he's making him lie down on his stomach until the cops get there.
Yeah, this is not going to.
Oh, there we go.
Yeah.
And they're they're doing stuff to him.
They're they're arresting him and cuffing.
Kind of was that a big booing?
I have kicked out.
OK, this is going to this is going to like.
So there's a compilation of videos where there are different people
holding up the stores and she like not listening to them or something.
I told her, I don't know what's going on.
The lady's checking out is checking out people and this other person
pushing this person out the story.
I was the gun.
Was she just like an old Jewish mom or something like that?
Get out of here.
Yeah, I can see that's plastic.
And what's going on?
This guy, this guy's trying to steal.
He's trying to steal.
Probably the ATM machine.
That's what he's doing.
Time.
That's like a Home Depot truck.
He rented the rope cut.
See how the ropes broke right there?
So he pulls off the truck and the ropes totally disconnected.
He's like connection back up together and he can't reach it.
So now he's got to back up the truck to get closer to the chain.
Oh, he gave up.
Well, you know, funny story I read today was this guy did a Tinder.
You might want to shut that off, Mr. Producer.
He ordered a Tinder.
What's a Tinder?
Tinder is where you can do like...
It's kind of like Grindr.
Except for like heterosexual people.
We were giving you shit on one of the podcasts about Grindr.
You're like, I don't have a Grindr.
Yeah, so this guy orders a Tinder.
But it's regular dating.
He orders a Tinder and the hookup is at a hotel.
So he goes to the hotel, he knocks on the door, he goes in the room,
and it's a husband and wife or just a man and a woman.
And they basically, you know, rob him.
And they make him take him to the ATM store, ATM, and pull out a bunch of money.
And then they let him go and he goes to the police.
And they rented the room under their own names.
Brilliant.
And one day stole his car.
So then they figure out where his car is and they...
They arrest him.
There's a car chase, right, and then they steal another car.
And they eventually do that again.
Well, the criminals, they're not...
They're just stupid.
So there's Tinder and there's Grindr.
Grindr's the gay app.
Tinder is the normal heterosexual.
That's why you guys are saying it.
You guys are jackasses.
You didn't know what Grindr was, huh?
I didn't know what Grindr was until you just said right now.
No, we had a podcast about it.
Yeah, but you said...
We did the podcast.
I was there.
You guys never told me what it was.
You've had a Grindr before.
I was like, I have not heard of Grindr.
And then no one explained what Grindr was.
Ah.
You were Googling it.
Grindr, the world's largest social networking for Pauls and Jeffs.
Speaking of...
No, not what it says.
Did you see...
For dudes like you.
Did you see the new movie that came out that bombed?
It's called Bros.
I heard about it.
The director is all bent out of shape because no one saw it.
Oh.
What a shocker.
And he's blaming all the homophobic, heterosexual people.
Of course he is.
What's it called?
Bros what?
It's called Bros.
And it's woke.
All I heard is that it's woke.
It's highly woke.
It's a gay rom-com.
Well, I mean, if at best, it would get 5% of the population.
Well, I read a review of it, and this guy made a perfect point.
He goes, the people who like rom-coms are women.
Right.
And women don't want to see this.
And there's two guys...
Yeah.
Touching each other's ass.
From the producer of Bridesmaids.
Yeah.
So...
Comes a romantic comedy.
And basically it's this...
With balls.
It's this guy who has sex with everybody.
Yeah.
I'll pass.
Yeah.
So it's failing miserably.
Come to a theater in September.
It failed miserably.
Opening weekend, I think it made four to four and a half million.
Good.
So hold on.
So Billy Eichner, if you go back down to the stars...
He's all bent out of shape about it.
So Bill Eichner, was that the guy?
Bobby, is that the guy from...
Never mind.
He's a hardcore activist.
Oh, of course he is.
Hardcore activist.
I recognize one of those actors.
He was in some...
Go back, please.
I recognize one of them.
McFarland.
Luke McFarland.
Yeah, I recognize him for some reason.
I don't know...
Miss Lawrence was on some...
Wanda, I was on some show.
Man, I don't know.
I haven't really...
Jim Rash.
It doesn't matter.
It's an entire cast of...
I guarantee.
Deborah Messing.
Wasn't she on the...
Willa Grace.
Yeah.
Whatever, man.
Of course she signed up for that movie because she's going to show support.
Here's the thing, man.
I don't care either.
Nobody cares.
No one cares.
In fact, you know what?
Some gay movies are fun.
Look at Robin Williams with that...
The Bird Cage.
That was freaking hilarious.
That is actually a brilliant movie.
The part I was calling out is he's all bent out of shape because it tanked because it's
getting bad reviews and people don't want to go see it.
Right.
Yeah.
So he's saying that it's the homophobes that are causing it to go to it.
So Robin Williams, that's such a great example.
So is that an appropriation?
He was a straight guy playing a gay guy and very flamboyant about it.
Right.
Oh, man.
It was fantastic.
But not as flamboyant as the other guy who might actually might be gay.
I think he is.
He is.
That's the guy who did Timon and the Lion King.
He's a butt rider.
He's...
God.
He's a brilliant actor.
That movie is fantastic.
Bird Cage?
Yes.
I never saw it.
It's absolutely fantastic.
I like the guy that was the main...
Nathan Lane.
Oh, the pool boy?
Yeah, the pool boy.
There was one who was the pool boy.
You know, that is Azalea.
Frank...
Azaria?
Yes.
Hank.
Abu from...
Yes, Hank Azaria.
That's exactly who that is.
He also played a lot of the other guys.
Yeah.
Hank Azaria, that's exactly who that is.
He also played on the...
He also played on A Night of the Museum and he was the guy that was like, it's a tunic.
Yeah, that's him.
Hank Azaria.
He was also in Godzilla with Matthew Broderick.
Who was?
Yeah, nobody cares about that.
Hank Azaria.
That's the pool boy.
Remember he goes, you're what the melanist?
So, I mean, a lot of the dudes like us, if you're our age, you've seen The Bird Cage,
you probably thought it was pretty funny.
I'm not saying that.
Have you not?
No.
Oh, well, it really is funny.
It's fantastic.
I mean, Robin Williams did a great job on it.
The idea is that Robin Williams used to be married at one point, has a daughter or son,
I don't remember which one, and I think it was a son, and Robin Williams was meeting
his son's fiance for the first time because they were going to get married, and so he
was meeting the in-laws to be.
And so Robin was dressed up like a woman, and his husband was dressed up like a real guy.
And I forget the dynamic, I think they really believed that Robin was a woman.
Yeah, so this is doubt fire.
Kind of like that, yeah.
Well, yes, yes, so the daughter who's getting married is Robin Williams' father, who is
gay and has a partner.
Well, he is introducing, she is introducing her fiance to her father, and of course the
partner can't be in the scene because they're ultra conservative.
They just wouldn't understand.
It was Gene Hackman.
Yeah, Gene Hackman, and they just wouldn't understand.
So they hide him away.
Well, he comes out dressed out as a woman.
He is a senator or a congressman or something like that.
Yes, yes, and they completely fall in love with him, her.
So it's kind of like Letter Kenny.
It's absolutely classic.
Let us explain it.
It's hard to get across the quality of a comedy by explaining it.
By explaining it.
It totally is.
I misspoke, Robin Williams was the guy and the other woman was the, the other partner
was the female.
I tell you, I'm just thinking about it.
But not a cross dresser.
He's just a gay man.
Birdcage was, Terran and I's first movie we ever got, it was Terran and I's first date.
Yes.
And I...
Oh, that Kalista Flock cartoon.
Yes, I thought that was Harrison Ford's wife.
Correct.
Yes.
And Solo's wife.
And that movie with Terran and I went, you know, we smuggled a bottle of wine in and
a bunch of Taco Bell.
Oh, so you've been doing this alcohol smuggling thing for quite a while.
For years.
Oh, well, dude, come on.
Really?
I didn't realize that.
Well, I mean, it's just like, why would you, this is the thing.
I mean, there are some people, there are some movie theater experts, movie theater enthusiasts
out there, they're kind of, that is so bad.
Those people depend on the money from those refreshments.
You know what, man?
I'm not going to drop $20 on a small popcorn.
I hear you.
Suck it.
Period.
Yeah, no, I get it.
You know, I'll spend the ticket.
I found all sorts of shit, I'm not sure.
You know, it's just like...
People would bring in everything.
Would you care?
But, you know, I had one person explain to me, well, they don't make a whole lot of profit
on the theater, the movie itself.
Yeah, but you need to make 3,000% on my popcorn?
Right.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Exactly.
And then even after COVID, it's kind of like, remember, you get the super large popcorn
and then you can come back and get yourself a free one.
Well, then you yank that one out.
You know, they don't even give you out that free one anymore.
That was really disturbing.
Oh, they don't have the refills anymore?
No, that guy would have the refill.
But COVID...
We had the one refill and then we would take it and they, you know, usually they wouldn't
mark the bottom of it.
And so the same guy would come back with this nasty ass popcorn bucket.
You could bring it back like another day.
Oh, really?
Bring it back another day and if it didn't have an R on it, which meant refill, then
you could just keep using it.
Well, one day I took it and filled it up and wrote R on the bottom of it and he got all
pissed off.
Really?
Pissed off.
Because he wanted free popcorn forever.
And I was like, there you go.
So he had to buy a new one.
It was a nasty, nasty carton.
Would you look at it and kind of go...
Well, you know what people would do?
They would grab, they would go going through the trash and grab a carton, grab a large popcorn
and they would go up there and get a free, free bucket of popcorn.
Yeah.
You've seen people do that.
Oh, yeah.
They would grab them out of the trash.
I don't need popcorn that bad.
Yeah, no kidding.
Upsets my stomach for eating that much with all the butter and everything.
I never did butter.
But it's so good.
Yeah, you don't know where that butter's been.
Oh, butter's nasty.
It's just oil.
It's not butter.
It's oil.
Well, it's still nasty.
It's petroleum that's probably not even digestible.
It probably doesn't even absorb it.
It's just a bunch of salt.
It's hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated.
Partially.
It's fully...
So we cooked our popcorn.
I'm remembering this.
We cooked our popcorn in peanut oil.
Correct.
And then when you get it, you open up the can and it's like solid.
With peanut oil?
Yeah.
It was solid.
I remember that.
So you had these long sticks, the heat sticks, heating sticks, and you would just, you know,
stick them down in there, plug it in and make...
And then that was part of the whole, you better make sure that shit is ready to go.
Right.
Because when popcorns are flowing and it's summertime and all the lines are out the doors
and it's crazy.
I mean, you got to make sure that shit's ready to go because, you know, and then you...
It never failed.
I'm the usher and I'm supposed to do all that swatching out, switching out of the sodas
and get more ice and do the oil.
Paul, we need the Coca-Cola canister and the CO2 machine.
Come on, we got to go.
Stop, stop.
We ran out of popcorn kernels.
Do we get it?
I would go back there.
Need some more coconut oil.
I'd go out there and I'd grab the, yep, I'd grab the peanut oil and I'd open it up and...
Holy shit, they finished all the cinnamon jolly ranches.
No, they never said that.
We never had jolly ranches.
Oh, yeah.
Snowcaps?
Anyway, then there'd be panic.
There'd be panic because the damn thing wasn't defrosted or whatever you called it, thawed.
What do you call it?
Melted.
Thank you.
Melted.
Rendered.
Anyway, I was a genius.
I made it melt faster.
No, I put three heat sticks in there.
And then I would take it, whatever was melted, and I would pour it into an empty one and
run that out there and get the poppers going.
Meanwhile, I'm still doing...
I mean, you know, you got to be smart.
You got to be smart.
You know what I'm saying?
That's why your wife fell in love with you.
She was like, oh, check him out.
He is a multitasker.
That's what I want.
Not to mention he was pre-lubed.
Oh, yeah.
He had oil everywhere.
I told you this story.
Oh, he smells like peanut oil.
He was incredibly irritated with me.
She was the head...
Oh, yeah.
You had to check her out.
Yes.
She was the head concession.
I was the head usher.
The head usher person has to tell...
Clean it again.
...the concession crew when they can go.
And yeah, I mean, first off, we were flirting like crazy.
And I took the napkin and I would...
Nobody does this, right?
I walked up and I did the inside of the thing.
And if there's anything on it, I would just go, yeah, do it again.
Yeah, she was like...
Did she kick you in the balls?
Oh, she was just like glaring at me.
She's like, you're not getting any of that.
And I was like, you want me, you know it.
How about that?
Suck it.
Well, she didn't.
I know you're about to say she did, but she didn't.
No, I didn't want to...
Yeah, you were.
You were going to say that.
No, I wasn't.
Well, later she...
No, I wasn't.
Later she did.
I was just...
God!
I was just pictured in your...
Not that night!
After we had kids.
Your black and white checkered vinyl movie theater pants, pitch in a tent.
Yeah.
With oil all over it.
Damn it.
The material was so thin.
So, yeah.
If any of that happened, you kind of had to stay put.
You had to see outlines.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
Well, I know the...
You just got to stay put.
You can't go anywhere.
The uniform I had when I worked at McDonald's was nasty.
It was a real thick polyester, and it got so greasy.
Did it breathe?
I guess it did breathe.
It did breathe.
And all...
I'd be a sweaty mess back there.
I had the shirt in the pants.
You didn't have an apron?
No.
And then, this is when you actually cooked hamburgers at McDonald's, right?
On the grill, and you flip it.
And...
You said you had like 100 going at the same time.
It was crazy.
Oh, yeah.
I cooked so many hamburgers.
I literally just listened to that podcast like last week.
Oh, really?
You were so far behind.
I mean, you remember I'm a year behind.
I know.
But I remember your hands would get so greasy, I'd wipe them on my thighs.
And at the end of the night, my thighs were so greasy, I'd take them off at home, and
my leg hairs were greasy and stuck to my legs.
That's so much grease.
That's wonderful.
Yes.
Yeah.
So those are things that certain kids don't appreciate, you know, when you're growing
up.
No kidding.
They have no idea.
No.
But I'd be so tired, I'd close.
I'd close Friday, Saturday, and I'd work 11 to 7 on Sunday when I was in school, right?
Yeah.
In high school.
And I'd get home about 2.30 at closing.
So I'd be dead tired.
And then go to school?
No.
This was on Friday nights, Saturday nights.
Oh, damn.
I used to close it.
I mean, I'd get home at 1 o'clock and have to go to school the next morning.
Well, my parents didn't let me work during the week during school.
So I'd get home at 2.30, 3 o'clock, depending on how trashed the place was.
And I'd be dead tired.
I'd be like, I need to shower.
But I just felt like a hamburger.
But I just can't.
Yeah, I just fell in the bed.
You just feel like a hamburger.
Right.
And so your bed was all greasy.
My mom, I never thought about it.
My mom would probably change my sheets and it would smell like a burger.
It was probably all greasy.
She'd be like, what's he doing in here?
At first, you're probably like, oh, that smells wonderful.
But then after a month of that, yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, it was a mess.
Yeah.
I mean, it's I mean, I might your face is all greasy because it's splattering everywhere.
Yeah.
Everything's going out of your pores.
Yeah, it was bad.
Hair is all greasy.
My hair is longer back then.
I didn't have long hair, but it was longer than what it is.
Do you have it in a ponytail?
Did you have a man bun?
No, I did not have a man bun.
Do you have a woman bun?
Did you ever have a man bun, John?
No, I had long hair, but I never had a bun.
It was never put up in a bun.
I had a man bun.
I had long hair, but I never had a man bun.
No, but actually, you know what?
I did have long hair, but it was actually for a very short amount of time.
I think it was like junior to senior.
I think, you know, a little bit asshole or to your shoulders.
It was below the shoulders.
But you know, I think that's where it capped.
And then and then I got to the point where it was I got it to much work.
It was too much work and I didn't give a shit.
And after I cut it, it was just I was a woman magnet anyways.
I didn't matter if it was long or short.
OK, I've always had the I've always I've always liked my hair short and I've got it always
short and it's only been recently that I started looking bad after I gained two thousand pounds.
So now I've got short hair with a bob.
Probably need to grow long again.
Maybe you grow long hair again.
Like that would be a great look.
A man bob really should do 400 pound fat dude with a man bun.
Yeah, it's hot.
What's going on with my deep voice?
You guys hear my deep voice?
Is it sexy? Do you like my sexy voice?
Are you sick? You have allergies?
Yeah, I think I have covid.
Oh, no. Hey, sorry, guys.
I have covid.
You saw Canada just lifted their on October 1st.
They lifted their all their shit completely.
So now you can go to Canada.
Yeah. Oh, I can't wait.
I want to go. I want to take I want to take Julie up there and go to Vancouver.
It's beautiful. It's beautiful up there.
It is. You know, there's places up there I want to go.
And I was just like, we're looking for places for vacations.
Right. You know, and you kind of dealt with this.
She's like, I want to go to New York City.
This is before I have no desire to go down with the crime and shit.
I do not. I was like, well, I'm not going to go because everything shut down.
I'm not vaccinated.
So now I'm not going to New York. Right.
Don't want to go to California just because that's a piece of shit out there, too.
Well, let's look at Canada. Oh, well, we can't travel to Canada
because they're not letting people into Canada right now. Right.
And everything shut down, even if you did go and it did make it up there.
So now it's finally open and all the mask mandates are gone.
Yeah. Finally up there.
Well, you got to make make your plans, make it happen.
Yeah. You want to hear a funny story.
So I went to Chicago, what, like a month ago, maybe three weeks ago,
and I was in the Uber and I was talking to the Uber girls, a young,
young black woman, pretty, and and I was asking her, you know,
so how long you've been in Chicago and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And she was like, where are you from? I'm from Dallas.
And she's like, I'm thinking about moving to Dallas.
And I was like, really? Why?
I thought you said, you know, you like Chicago and whatever.
She goes, well, you know, I'm ready, ready for change.
Long story short, I was giving her my perception of Chicago,
which is I may not last 24 hours. Right.
I'm going to get shot a million times while I'm wearing body armor. Right.
And her impression of Texas, she had to choose.
Apprehensive about going to Texas because, you know, everybody's got guns
and it's probably really, really unsafe.
And and everybody, you know, just won't let anybody have an abortion.
Really? Yes. That was her.
OK. Yes. So, yes, literally. Yes.
She had two reasons.
She could get an abortion and everyone has guns and everybody has guns.
Well, and I'm like, OK, my my perception of Chicago
is probably extreme to you, isn't it?
Well, yeah, I mean, we have crime, but it means not that bad.
And I'm like, and your perception of Texas is very extreme. Right.
Is this so you whatever you learn on TV, whatever you.
Well, I tell you what, that's the perception.
Keep those fuckers out.
The perception of Texas is we are we're a bunch of rednecks
with a bunch of guns.
Just walking around shooting into the air like every day.
Because I went to a wedding and it was in St.
Louis and I met up with the guy who I went to college with. Right.
He was older than me. He was actually
someone else's friend, but he was there.
I had my two sons with me. Right.
Went up to him and I was like, hey, how's it going?
I haven't seen you in a while. First thing in his mouth, he goes,
so you're from Texas. Did you bring all your guns with you?
Oh, my God. That's the first thing he said to me.
20 years. How ignorant at that point is kind of went.
Good to see you. Yeah.
You're like, fuck off. You from California. Yeah.
No, he's from Ohio, just to live hard. Right.
Hard. And I was just like, whatever, dude, you're a lost cause.
If that's the first thing out of your mouth after not seeing me for 20 years.
Yeah, that's sad.
Finding out that I've been living in Texas the whole time.
And my two boys were like, what was that?
What's wrong with that guy? Yeah.
Who is this? Just a guy I used to know in college. Yeah.
That's sad. Yeah. Well, you know what? It's ignorance.
It is ignorance on both sides.
Yeah, it's ignorance on both sides.
I mean, we think about the same shit about how I thought the same thing about Chicago.
You know, you think about that anywhere you go.
We literally just got done talking about how we would never go to California
because California is not that bad. Right.
Well, I think it's not that bad. Well, the Angeles.
Well, the only stories we hear, I mean, think about it.
There's five million people living in Los Angeles.
The inner city.
Yeah. You're talking about like certain areas at certain times. Right.
There are no desire to go there.
I understand. But you see what I'm saying.
Like people in Los Angeles, you know, would would.
Are they numb to it, though?
They would think it's ludicrous that they have our opinion.
There are parts of that are desirable in this part.
I'm sure there are parts of L.A.
that they do police some of the the the homeless folk
and corral them into the area.
I thought they were trying to clean up some of that stuff.
Well, I mean, they're trying to get rid of tent cities,
but they don't have a solution.
You get what they say they want to, but they're not going to. Right.
And you know what?
It's called you don't have tent cities.
And where you put these people, they got to figure it out.
Well, a lot of these a lot of these people are mentally ill.
I know. Well, then you start or addicts.
And then you put them into institutions.
Those are the those are the two categories.
You addicts and mental.
You put them in those communities.
You put them in those institutions because I'll tell you what,
the amount of money you're going to save
because they're out there buying.
I think there was retarded.
They're out there buying tents for these folks.
And at the sixty thousand dollars, there you go. Nailed it.
So that type of thing with that type of funding.
Why not? Why not just pay for the facilities to rehab them
and to say, all right, hey, how are you doing?
You know, and we got a job for you set up.
You know, you're going to be doing this.
There's this. And, you know, we've got a cot for you to sleep here
because they've got this open area.
Actually, they've got places set up like prisons.
And it's not I mean, because it's a small little room.
I know what you mean. And it's a lot of cops and stuff there.
Well, it's a it's a.
It's a cage, sort of speak, but it's only like four foot wide,
enough for a fucking bed for you to walk around it.
It's not enough for you to be happy and to be in there.
It's a place for you to exist while you figure shit out.
Right. You know, and they lock you in there.
I don't think they lock you in there, but it's I think you have the ability to.
I don't know.
It's a sleeping place.
I don't know what to call them to shelter. Yeah, it's a show.
Yeah. So they don't want to live in the shelters.
Well, but why? Because they can't do drugs.
Right. There you go.
And they can't take their shit in there.
Their belongings.
There you go.
So they live on the street because they want to do drugs whenever they want.
Right. And they don't want to give up their possessions or they're mentally ill.
Well, then, you know, what?
They don't know anybody.
Maybe we ought to find some storage place for them.
You know, I mean, if they have a room that's allocated for them,
then have a storage place in that area for them.
That's an.
Accessible for all that.
Well, I mean, they're already paying for their spending
sixty four thousand dollars on a tent that cost.
I don't want to pay that.
That's in California. I want to pay for that.
Well, like this big hotel complex where every room has big TVs.
But I'm sorry, they're doing that now.
And they can have like a really peaceful place.
And so we link. Yeah.
Is people. Yeah.
Well, that's fucked up that they're making the hotels pay for that type.
Yeah, they're going to do.
They have to claim their open rooms by two or three o'clock.
So they could let the homeless take the rest of them.
Oh, my God. And would you want to stay in that hotel?
No, I'm going to do that.
I'm going to go visit.
Just homeless. Yeah.
For free. Hey, I'm homeless here. Yeah.
Everybody's going to be hanging around the wall door for story.
I'm going, I'm first. Yeah, first.
Yeah, I yeah. I have nowhere to go.
I get the luxury hotel.
Not sure that those guys at the wall door have special plans set up
to keep those those those fools.
Now, I think a lot of it has to do with the mental illness.
And how do we treat that? How do we treat it?
Because they've closed a lot of those mental facilities.
Yeah. So the facilities aren't there anymore.
And why? Why?
They decided to close these.
It was federally funded and because they were evil places or something.
Yes. Yeah.
I mean, you do hear horror stories.
Right. What happens in mental institutions? Right.
I mean, they just keep them drugged all the time.
And nothing wrong with them.
And who knows what else happens. Right.
But I think they need to reevaluate that and open up some facilities and
send these people there.
You know, these guys that are just on the streets strung out,
you know, mental illness. Right.
All right. Let's send you off.
Let's see if we can't make you better, make you a contributing citizen.
You know, and there are some like, you know, non-government,
NGOs, NGOs that do that stuff. Right.
You know, and they hook them up and they hold put whole families in like,
you know, an apartment complex and they get them on their feet.
And yeah, I have empathy.
It's for the folks for the folks that are really down on their luck.
Families. Yes.
But the people who want to choose that lifestyle.
I know you can't you can't help them that I want to live on the street.
Yeah. And fuck you. I would live on the street.
I want to do my drugs. Right.
I want to shit wherever I'm going to go.
I want to shit wherever I want.
I want to beg on the corner.
Yeah. I want to do whatever I want.
And I don't want to follow the rules.
There's a lot of those out there. There are.
Screw that. Let's.
And guess where they all gravitated to, to states that allow it to happen.
States and cities that allow it to happen. Correct.
Austin, Texas.
Austin. Yeah. And San Francisco, L.A.
Right. And Democrat run cities. Right.
It's it's it's the folks that are they still doing that in Austin?
Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah.
Good Lord. And there, you know, is there something we can do to protest that?
No, you have to vote the mayor out and all those folks.
And they just that's the city.
That's why it's swarming with liberals.
So that's never going to happen.
It's the city. It's a city government.
Yeah. Abbott can't do anything.
He maybe would pass a state thing, but the city will just say,
well, we have a city ordinance. Yeah, we're a sanctuary city. Yeah.
So, oh, my God. Yeah.
I would find a way around that.
Yeah, I don't know. I'd figure it out.
I'd go buy a billion dollars worth of stink bombs and just
and just make them keep moving.
Make it uninhabitable. I don't know.
It's just, you know, it's it's so not it's so it's so frustrating.
That's what it is.
There's no reason why these people just talk some form of fashion
can't be functioning members of society.
It's like I said, some of them are mentally ill.
And well, they can still get help. They can.
But they're not getting any help right now. Right.
They're getting handed drugs. Right.
From these governments.
Needles with drugs. Yes.
Say, I don't share needles here. Here's a fresh bite and sent out crack pipes.
Yeah. Yeah. To and phones so they could call their drug dealers.
Yeah. That's what I don't get. You're feeding it.
Well, they're going to buy it anyway.
We need to make sure they're clean and safe and safe.
Oh, man, I would just want them to euthanize themselves.
You know, I mean, wow.
You get mad at me for one.
Wow. Killing all the homeless and you're like, slitting the thug.
I'm not OK. I'm not.
Look, if they're if they're dust, if they don't care
and the government's not going to step in and help them, who's going to help them?
I mean, why should I have to pay for them to sit there and take drugs?
That's my point.
I mean, why should I have to pay for that?
You know, that's bullshit.
You know, and I totally disagree with it.
I think that they should be yanking that shit off the street.
If they're going to spend money on something, it would be to rehab them.
And I wouldn't mind spending on money, helping people get better.
And there are some folks that the bar has passed.
I mean, so they will do away on.
Maybe you get I would say the most of them, the majority of them are simply lazy.
Well, maybe you get three strikes.
And then if you blow it on that, they send you to Ukraine
and you fight on the front lines against Russia.
Well, it's possible.
Or they just put you on a rubber raft and push you off of the ag falls.
No, no, just towards that Google boat off the shores of California.
I know. Yeah, I saw I saw a news story where
it was in L.A. where this homeless guy was camped in front of this guy's business.
And he was there's a video.
He goes, this guy lives right outside my business.
And he shits in like a tent.
No, he's just underneath like a little awning. OK.
And with his shit.
And there's this video the guy pulls up and you see the guy.
It's kind of blurred out.
He's squatted down and he's catching his shit.
And then he throws it at the guy.
At his car. See, that's mental illness.
And so he contacts the local news people.
You probably call the cops, too, but he called the news.
So the news goes out there and tries to interview this guy.
And she starts questioning him and he starts yelling at her.
He goes, I don't want any help.
I want to be able to shit wherever I want to shit.
Well, I mean, I think we've all felt that way at some point.
And he needs to he needs to let me do it.
You don't want to shit wherever you want.
That's called a baby.
A baby. That's called the person who has been
that's called a person who's elected to live that way.
What the hell? That's called a baby.
It was a baby. No, but seriously, that's the mentality of a baby.
Mental illness.
But he's he's happy being there doing that.
Shitting on that guy's business.
Yeah, Gifflin, get out of my way.
You know, we'll move him over to Pelosi's house.
They're all on her driveway.
That's that's sheer defiance.
You know, I don't think that he's an older guy.
He's in his fifties. That's old.
You don't think he knows any better.
I just think he's lost it. Maybe even 60.
Those type of dudes. I don't know, man.
You need to beat them into, you know, just, you know,
they need a new start somewhere else.
They need to be rehabbed. And he was well, he wasn't skinny.
I mean, and that's the unfortunate thing.
I mean, in all seriousness, we all want the best for everyone.
Right. We want the best for these people.
We want them to get back on their feet and feel good about themselves,
feel like they're making a contribution, you know, confidence and all that.
Right. I mean, but there are some people, especially drug addicts, man,
you just nothing you can do until they make a decision
to make a decision to change their life.
Or they die usually. Yeah. Unfortunately.
Right. Well, and speaking of addicts, that was a great bourbon tonight.
I need to finish my shit.
Oh, my God. Neither one of you finished your bourbon.
You shot got yours and your beer.
Yeah, he well, who did? Yeah.
I thought that's what we were supposed to do.
No, you're supposed to sample it. Try it. Dudes like us.
It is October 4th. It is a fantastic day.
We got the second half coming up with another fantastic one hundred
and twenty four proof.
Are we going strong?
Why not, man? This was what you're doing the ride.
That's one hundred and fifteen.
Well, the other one is one hundred and twenty seven.
We have a lot of cool topics from reserved for the second half of dudes like us.
I'm Sean. I am Paul and I'm Jeff.
Shout out to our producer, Mr. Austin.
Wake up over there.