I'm pretty damn excited about the lineup we have today for our dudes like us.
It's August 23rd, holy sugar water, I forgot to say happy birthday to Grandpa Sean's dad.
Ah, or to my wife.
My dad's nice, text her.
Paul?
You're saying it's uh, yeah.
It's my poppy's 80th birthday by the way.
Today?
Yeah today.
We better text him real quick.
Yeah, well, yeah I'll do that.
This is your grandfather?
No, this is my dad.
Oh, I was gonna say, wow, you still have a grandfather who's alive?
I saw a picture on the old farts on the TV with Joe Biden, I was like, hey, I gotta text
my dad.
You're like, that kinda looks like my dad.
He's gonna hear this and shoot me.
No, actually I was pretty excited about the lineup of bourbons we have.
I get a text message from Total One liquor rep, totally breaking the rules.
He was like, it's somebody from Total One.
Right, right, right.
He won't name names.
He texts me.
No.
I'm just, I get the text, I'm kinda like, hey, we got some wellers.
He said O-A-W and you're like, what is that?
Do we have that?
You were calling us.
I think you FaceTimed us or something.
Yeah, well, you know what?
Oh yeah, you did.
He picked up the Batphone on that one.
Yeah, I was like, we need some immediate attention on this.
So I was like, I didn't even say yes or no to him.
I just said, on my way.
This was a really nice find.
This is a hard bottle to find here.
I think for the most part, most places.
Yeah, no, I've never even heard of it.
So well, we have the one that's easiest to find.
We have the green, the Weller Special Reserve, I think the green label with the yellow print
on it.
Yeah, this one's the red label.
Yeah, the old antique Weller 107.
107.
So I text out a few friends.
I have a little text, a group text with a couple of our cousins, my wife's cousins.
I sent a picture of the Wellers out, the 107.
And Sam, I won't say his last name, Sam P. is his last name.
He runs, he's got an appreciation for bourbon and cigars.
So he hosts down at the McKinney Square at a cigar shop.
I forget the name, in Fuego.
One day out of the month, I think maybe Sunday or something like that, where they have a
bunch of bourbon connoisseurs come up and they bring a bottle and they all share it
and do some samples.
And so there's like 30, 40 people that show up for this thing.
And they get in a raffle and someone wins a, oh, and you know, corn bourbon.
Anyways, we're excited about the Wellers and I take a picture and send it to him and he's
like, I get three of these.
He sends a picture back.
His is like half full and I'm just like, oh, he's got a bottle.
He's got a bottle of it.
He sent a picture back.
I mean, whatever.
That's fine.
But at the same time, I'm like, bitch, please.
He's socky, fracky, pocky.
But we need to go to the, we need to go one of his bourbon tasting and have dudes like
us presence there.
One of his?
What are you saying?
His?
What I'm saying is that-
He owns like a restaurant or something or?
No.
What he's created, I'm not going to look it up right now.
He's created a Facebook group for cigar and bourbon connoisseurs.
Now I won't be spending time inside the place because I don't smoke cigars anymore because
it just tears my stomach up.
And plus I just don't like the smell.
It's something that I just, I'm not into.
I can tolerate it for like maybe two minutes.
As you're walking by the place, you're like, oh, that's like, well, that's not a bad smell.
And then like 10 seconds later, you're like, no, I'm done.
There are some guys out there, they whip out a pipe and you kind of like, oh, I like the
way that pipe smells.
I like pipe smoke.
Yeah, well, I mean, some of these cigars are the same thing.
You've got some cigar smells that are similar to pipes.
You know, they're just-
Like swisher sweets?
No, I would not say a swisher sweets.
Swisher sweets are known for slicing open and replacing the tobacco with marijuana.
That's what they use a blunt for.
Yeah, no, we won't be doing that either.
Yeah, that wasn't in my town where I grew up.
Well, I grew up on a border town.
So just the other day I was thinking about that, Shelly was saying something about, somebody
was smoking a cigar outside of like where we were staying.
And she was like, just going off on the cigar smoke.
And I was thinking to myself, it just made me think I would like, I've never smoked a
pipe, right?
Like what my grandfather, I mean, those big, those big-
Like Sherlock Holmes pipe.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the big one.
I mean, it wasn't that extreme, but you know, as a kid, he would have a pipe and he would-
It doubles as a bourbon zarf.
Yeah, maybe, I don't know.
But he would blow the smoke rings and he would blow smoke out of his nose and we all giggled
his kids because he was like the dragon.
Anyway, I just loved the smell of the smoke.
So if we literally had a night where we smoked pipe tobacco, would we be like-
It probably wouldn't feel good.
I was going to say, would we feel sick?
I mean, would we even taste what we smell?
Does that make sense?
I want to include that in our post-50s hobbies.
That is a topic we'll probably be talking about now.
I was thinking a one and done, but I'm not going to do that if I'm going to, like you
said, if I'm going to feel like shit, if I'm in it, and it's nothing like-
Well, have you ever smoked a cigarette?
One.
How'd you feel?
It was okay.
I'm out.
It was no big deal.
I'm out.
Well, of course, my last, I've smoked some cigars before and it gives you ass mouth for
one thing, and the one time that I felt really bad was when I did a skull bandit and that
thing just wrecked me.
I had to lay down.
I was like, I feel like shit.
But is pipe smoke different?
I don't know.
I've never done a pipe.
I don't know.
Because you take the raw tobacco and you kind of stuff it in the little pipe, right?
Yeah, but tobacco, tobacco is tobacco.
I mean, you're either-
Is it?
Okay, yeah.
I don't know.
Here you're smoking it in a bong or you're smoking it in a paper-wrapped vessel.
Either way, it's the same thing.
You're smoking tobacco.
So what makes the pipe smoke so inviting?
Well, I mean, they have different flavor tobaccos.
Sometimes they infuse the tobacco with certain things.
I mean, some tobaccos are made so that you don't necessarily, you inhale very little
bit, but you take a big inhalation into your mouth, so you pull it into your mouth and
you inhale very little of it, but then you just pull it, blow it out.
So you get the aroma of it and you get a little inhalation.
What's his name?
The old dude that played God.
Bing-
Morgan Freeman.
Do you remember the one that was from the 80s?
No, he had big glasses with John Denver was in the movie.
What?
Was it Oh God or-
It was Oh God.
John Denver?
Yeah, he was in the movie.
Oh, wow.
The movie was Oh God.
Well, whatever.
God was his name.
He was a good comedian from the 40s.
If I could pull it up here.
That would have been nice to find out what Oh God, who the actors in Oh God was.
I guess we'll never know because our producer's falling asleep over there.
Oh, wait.
What's going on?
George Burns.
Yeah, George Burns.
Okay, yeah.
Now we all recognize him.
And he's still asleep.
All right, so what was your point?
George Burns did pipes?
Okay, I'm sorry.
I was distracted by the lack of attention still.
But yeah, George Burns, he would have a cigar all the time.
And he was like, and he was one of his things.
He was just like, you know, he never inhales it.
He says, I take the cigar, I have it.
I always pull the inhalation into his mouth, but doesn't inhale it into his lungs.
I don't think a lot of people inhale cigars, do they?
Yeah, well, yeah, actually there are lots of people that do.
I mean, I don't.
Yeah, the only time I've smoked a cigar and I couldn't finish it because it was making
me sick was, yeah, that's what they all said.
Oh, don't inhale.
Don't inhale.
I was like, okay.
And so I was like, I was like struggling trying to figure out, am I inhaling?
Am I not inhaling?
You know, I mean, I felt stupid.
But anyway, I was like, oh my God, I feel like shit.
I'm going to quit doing this.
So yes, it was also that rot mouth that you were talking about.
It's just even the next day you wake up, you just like, oh, it was awful.
It would get down into my brain, my system, my what were you doing with the cigar?
It would jack up my stomach where it just created an incredible amount of acid.
It was it was.
Did you inhale though?
Or you just in the end?
I did the same thing.
It was very small inhalations.
But it you know, it doesn't matter.
You're around it.
You're inhaling the side stream or second hand, however you want to call it.
You know, it gets into your lungs and you know, you walk into a cigar shop and you got
some guys that are pounding on some some some stogies.
You know, the whole place is just blown up.
Oh God.
I mean, your eyes burn.
Right.
I remember I walked in there.
I've never been in a cigar shop.
I've walked by them.
I have not.
I walked in and visited a friend I was invited.
It was during the Oktoberfest in downtown McKinney.
And I walked in there and said, hello, I forget his name was Cody, Cody, who used to work
for one of the beer distributors out there.
I forget the name.
Frank Coonio.
Yeah, exactly.
Was Frank Coonio.
And so anyways, I walk in there and say, hey, what's going on?
And we're talking.
I'm just like, yeah, you know, I was maybe like, can we take this outside 30 seconds
longer?
And I was like, I got to go.
I can't handle my eyes were burning.
And it felt like I smoked a pack of cigarettes while I was in there for one minute.
Was it just a haze?
Oh, it was.
So and also cancer by the time I walked out.
If you're not used to tobacco, it will.
I mean, like you said, you when you did dip.
Right.
Yeah.
It'll like the one time I only did it.
I was like, I'm never doing that again.
That can make you sick.
So what do you what is that?
It's like a buzz.
It gives you a buzz and it or it's too much.
And it's like, it made me very lightheaded, made me nauseous.
Yeah, give you the spin.
And that's totally if you're too, if you swallow the, you know, some people, you got to spit
the spit out.
Yeah, you don't swallow that.
You're not supposed to swallow the spit, you know, and she's that is a nasty habit carrying
around a big bottle of flammables.
Oh, I mean, it's just just leaving it somewhere and it spills.
Well, that was that was one of the worst things I had to deal with when I was working at that
movie theater.
I was picking up cups as fast as possible.
It's disgusting.
And then, yep, I plunged two fingers into a dip cup, you know, one of those courtesy
little cups.
And I was like, oh, gee, you know, I remember back at the time when I tried my gold bandits
for the first time and we went to the movies.
And I'll tell you what, what I remember from going to the movies in the 80s the most as
a kid was I would go by because this was the post exchange in Fort Monmouth, New Jersey,
when it was a fort.
And we go to the post exchange and you can buy like a pound of lead bullets, anchors for
fishing.
And there were little balls.
Oh, yeah.
And they had a little they were like little ball bearings, but they had a little.
I mean, oh, yeah, they're there.
Yeah.
But you could buy like in line.
We're sinkers.
Yeah.
So we would sit at the top of the movie theater and we would lose.
We'd let a couple loose and, you know, they would roll down.
They're so loud.
And they hit a chair leg and bounce and you can hear them.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Would you like dump a whole box out?
Well, well, I mean, I was just trying to work.
Well, I mean, the bag came in like a bag of thousand.
I don't know.
It was a lot.
I don't remember how you literally did all of them or just a few.
Oh, I mean, we have done all of them before.
This is something that happened more than one occurrence.
You got to imagine we went to Sunday or Saturday matinee frequently, like every Saturday, because
it was like it's like twenty five cents.
Right.
Twenty five cents.
So we went down.
Anyways, it was five cents for the little bag of lead.
So it was just it was funny for me at the time.
That's what I remember.
But the school band, it brings me back that memory of it as a dog.
You'd be like those fucking.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah.
You know how long it takes for that lead marble from the top of the all the way down to the
bottom.
And you've got like this is a big auditorium.
I mean, this is designed for, you know, ceremonies and things.
So it wasn't like the small movie theater.
This one had probably a thousand seats.
I don't know, a thousand.
But it was it was a lot.
So it made a lot of noise.
It took like a minute for it to get down to people really interested in the movie.
I wait for a really slow part to, you know, people like ding, ding, ding, ding.
Will they turn around and those five?
Oh, you know, it's us, too.
They'd be like you, you right there with the fucking spit down your front of the chain
because you don't know how to do a school band.
It quickly.
And you're the same kid that on the elevator pushes every single button and then gets off.
No, I never did.
I never did that one.
I've been the victim of that.
That's not true.
I've done it once and I wasn't a kid.
I did it when I was a full grown adult.
I bet you did.
And then we were.
And then someone got like some kid, just stupid kid.
I'm stuck.
Have you ever been in those hotels?
Well, all you have to do is there's no button to push.
You just brush it.
Right.
And so we were in Singapore and the Mandarin hotel, you know, it's got like 40s floors
and you just go run your finger down the whole thing.
And then yeah.
And then you get off.
I didn't do it too many times.
Maybe a couple of days.
Nice.
Yeah.
That movie with George Byrd.
Oh, God.
That was funny.
What year did that come out?
It was like late 70s.
I don't think I ever saw it.
77.
Yeah.
There's an Oh God part two as well.
I've heard the names, but I just have never seen them.
Yeah.
George Byrd was funny.
I saw it.
I saw one of them in the theater.
That's one I think we saw in the theater.
The first one, I think.
I saw the second one, you know, going back to the cha.
You were talking about this school.
That was one of the things that the cool kids in high school, they'd walk around with that
in their back of their jeans.
So you could see it's that outline.
Oh, yeah.
And now I don't know.
So I went from that perspective, I was not cool.
Well, I went to a school, a Cypher high school in Houston where there was a lot of ag, right?
A lot of cowboy kids, right?
Agriculture, kids, right?
This is for our listeners in Ireland.
Right.
That's Australia.
Yeah, no, that was bad.
Anyway, so yeah, those were the they all walked around with their big belt buckles and their
cowboy boots and their.
Their buckles and cowboy boots, right?
Those were for our Irish listeners.
Right.
Yeah.
No.
Anyway, but I'm trying to think what.
Yeah, that was, you know, those were the, I guess, the cool kids at my high school.
I don't know if we necessarily had the cool kids.
We had the, you know, they were just like anyone else, but for some reason they, you
know, they didn't have anything different or anything like that.
They just, for whatever reason, hung out and they were the cool kids for whatever reason.
I mean, they didn't.
They went to the parties and they're the ones who always had the parties, I guess, in high
school.
They weren't the jocks.
Some of them are, you know, but I was bigger than all of them.
I mean, I mean, I would imagine they wanted me to play football.
And I was just like, no, I'm not interested.
I was dead now.
I mean, you know, you had the, just like today.
I don't know if it's any different today, but I mean, high school is pretty much always
the same.
It's got the jocks to hang out.
You got the nerds.
You got the band kids.
You got the whatever kids.
Yeah.
I mean, that's always been that way.
My school was so small that we all knew each other.
Right.
But we all had our friends that we hung out with.
How many do you have in your, in your.
At one hundred and four people in my class.
In your class.
Oh, good Lord.
I had five hundred and forty eight in my class.
At four hundred and something in my whole school.
Actually, I don't even remember how many I had.
Hmm.
That's interesting.
Well, what the weird thing was is me and my buddies, we kind of floated, you know, we'd
hang out with the cool kids.
We'd hang out with the hoods, the guys who smoked the cigarettes on the court.
Oh, yeah.
They'd always go to the Iron Maiden concerts and stuff like that.
Right.
They were the.
We call them the hoods.
Oh, OK.
I don't think we called them hoods.
I'm trying to remember what we called them.
They were the.
You know, come to me.
Call rats as well.
But hoods and rats.
Hoods and rats.
So me and my buddies, we kind of floated in between.
Not that we were either one of them, but, you know, for the most part, everyone in the
school got got along from what I remember.
But you just had your clique of friends that you hung out with.
Yeah.
So and that's so important.
Nowadays, you've got to have a little group of friends that have your back.
Right.
You know what I mean?
You're in this world of social media and you can be alone so quickly.
Right.
Well, what's weird is and ostracized and all that.
What's probably well different from what you guys probably experienced is I went to school
with the same kids K through 12.
Yeah, that helps.
So I knew them from the time I was six years old.
Your categories have a tendency to broaden a little bit because you've been friends.
You can merge into.
Well, I think that's why.
At least my you know, I had my core friends and then but I was I was also I could hang
out over here.
Yeah, because you knew over there because back in first grade, those hoods were not
hoods at the time, but they were friends of mine.
I was going over the house all the time.
And then in middle school that you start splitting off a little bit.
And you know, even even the jocks of the day, right.
Then you know, second grade, you're not like that.
Right.
And you know, as you got older, they just kind of you split naturally.
I know.
Right.
And that happens.
But in my school, in my class, again, we all grew up with each other for 12 years.
Right.
School.
So we all knew each other.
And, you know, like I said, for the most part, we all got along.
There's exceptions to that.
But yeah, it was it was no real big conflicts as far as that group.
I guess in a bigger school, you probably have more separation.
Although, you know, it's the same kind of thing.
He's that's what was so difficult for me.
I came back to the States when I was in ninth grade.
Right.
So all of these kids knew each other since, you know, kindergarten.
And you did like kung fu on them.
And I did not do kung fu on them.
Oh, yeah.
You were like, hey, hey, what is Paul Mickey on from where?
Indonesia.
They're like, oh, introduce me from Indonesia.
Oh, look at Paul.
He from Indonesia.
You got no more bangy my wangy.
What is that?
What long duck dong said?
Is that Indonesian?
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think so.
No more Yankee me my wanky.
That's right.
The food.
It was it was not probably a big adjustment for you.
Oh, it's sucked.
High school sucks for me.
I ended up for a while.
I ended up having like two friends.
You know what, though?
I mean, it was absolutely horrible.
Really?
That sucks.
Yeah.
As a freshman, I remember telling I think I told myself this.
I was like, well, you know, just, you know, just wait till you get to college.
College will be better.
I was a freshman in high school.
That's exactly what I said.
College will be better.
But by the time you were a senior, I'm sure two friends.
Really?
Kid, you not?
No, it was bad.
Well, I didn't have that experience.
I was similarly I went to I traveled as a military brat.
And I think we ended up ultimately in in El Paso.
And you know, there.
So in our high school, being a military brat, you have a clique of military dependents that
are also going to the school.
So in addition to the jocks, the chess club, the math club, the cheerleaders, the whatever,
you got all these different people, the variety of people that are coming, the gathering cliques.
And you have you have the the military soldier clique.
And now the dependents from the base, which is kind of cool from the perspective that,
you know, we we would go and we would also be included in the other categories.
So I am also hanging out with the jocks.
I'm also hanging out with these other groups.
But when it comes time for lunch or something, we're all meeting the quadrangle in the morning,
the quad in the morning or in the lunchtime.
You know, I remember I used to go out there.
One of my biggest thing I go out there and I'm like, how did really loud when I walked
out there?
It was just like one of those things that I look retrospective and I was fucking retarded.
But you know what?
Everyone's like, oh, there's a shot.
Hey, Sean, how you going?
And so I was hanging out with all of them.
I was hanging out with the cheerleaders, the the whatever, whatever different categories.
And then after a little section of lunch was over, we said, hey, later, I'm going to go
hang out with my guys and go around the corner and go smoke a cigarette.
Oh, nice.
You are allowed to do that?
No.
Oh, no.
In fact, I don't even recall smoking a cigarette.
I think I would just go with them while my friends smoked a cigarette.
Yeah.
And I would like hold the cigarette for a second and maybe take a puff or something
and pretend I was taking it.
But I never really did.
You choke.
Oh, you know, back then I wasn't really into it.
We had an outdoor smoking area.
We did not.
Wow.
And you had to get explicit from permission from like your parents to be able to smoke.
Oh, wow.
That's why I'm just now remembering that it was bizarre.
They serve beverages.
Now the kids had to get off of Coke, please.
And my my parents said it's OK.
At our high school, there is a house right as the entrance and you had to be off school
property.
So they all hung out in this guy's yard right on the corner.
Oh, boy.
Right outside the parking lot.
Oh, dude, I would be selling cigarettes.
Yeah, no kidding.
I believe the miners.
Yeah, I don't care.
Well, the police do.
Wow.
So they're basically just flicking cigarettes all over this dude's yard.
The little machine.
Yeah, probably.
I'd have been pissed.
Yeah.
I would have come out there and says, I don't give a shit.
Don't leave trash.
Yeah.
You know, is what I do.
I would say, why don't you put a little can out there.
I think I would turn on those sprinklers.
There you go.
That's a good idea.
Put up like an electrified fence.
You have garden hose.
Well, yeah, you'd be that guy in the black socks, the shorts going out the hose chasing
the kids off.
Or get like two Dobermans and put them on a chain just long enough to be like halfway
halfway over the sidewalk.
So if they're on the sidewalk, they get bit.
So they had to be on school property, then they get in trouble.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm thinking you would get to the other side.
Yeah, you probably would get in trouble.
You guys ever did you guys ever ditch campus?
Like we weren't allowed to leave campus at lunch.
No, we well, what one day it was we never had a snow day.
As much snow as we got up there.
They never called a fucking snow day.
It pissed me out my entire high school career.
And there was one day that it was it was heavy snow and it may have been delayed like an
hour.
I was like, this has never happened before.
So we were just like, let's go.
Right.
And we took off and we just took off.
But that was just the one time.
And we were nervous as shit.
Oh, I know.
Because you'd go somewhere like 11 years like, well, they know I'm supposed to be in school.
Right.
Because you're missing like the first period after lunch or whatever.
Schools is very it was very addictive to me.
I never did school.
I never skipped school.
What do we want to call it?
People call ditching.
I'm a ditching.
What the hell is playing hooky?
Yeah, playing hooky.
Yeah, I never did it.
I'll tell you that one time I never did it.
So it was it's very addicting for me because it was just like I once I started not going
to class, it's just like I didn't want to go to class.
Right.
Like it is because it I didn't want to get in trouble and face the teacher.
Right.
So it got to the point where it just it manifested into something that got out of control.
Right.
And you know, anyways, so I had the one friend I had my senior year because the other friend
the other friend got out early because he worked.
We call that early release.
Yeah, I don't know something like that.
Anyway, so the other friend and I would we would go have lunch.
We'd leave campus and you're not allowed to do that.
Right.
So we would get, you know, chased by the security guard that does the, you know, the parking
lot patrol.
Right.
So we'd look over there and we'd like to see which side of campus is on and we would wait
until he's on the other side.
You run.
Oh, and then we run out to our car and yeah, go go to lunch.
And then we would always be late to the period after lunch.
Right.
And then one time, yeah, we had to park on the other side because, you know, we have
to figure out where he is when we're coming back.
Right.
So we would park and we were running past the window of my biology of my biology class
that I missed.
Right.
And then, yeah, the next day, you know, she talks to me after class.
She's like, I was like, yeah, I know I was sick or something.
Something happened.
I saw you running past the door.
That's exactly what she said.
Yeah.
Well, we all watched you all the whole class watched you from the window running across
the parking lot.
So yeah, don't try that.
It's not.
I was like, oops, I didn't do it again.
Well, she was I mean, we were seniors.
Right.
I mean, she was just like, you know, just come on.
Just finish the finish the school year.
You know, I mean, I keep diving into this this antique Weller and I'm good.
I am.
I mean, I want to come up with a rating system for this because normally I'm just calling
it's good.
It's bad.
This is exceptional.
Yeah, it's really how about the nose on it now?
Now this opened up like butter scotch.
So this is the Weller Antique 107.
Wow, it's the red label and it's a hundred and seven proof.
And I don't know how old this thing is, but it is a weeded the but Buffalo Trace undisclosed
mash bill.
But it is weeded.
Yeah.
You know, the colors like it's a dark copper color.
Yes, dark.
Surprisingly, it wasn't that much.
I don't the the website here says like 50 bucks.
I don't recall exactly how much it was.
You said it was 40 bucks or forty two ninety nine or was that it was?
Yeah.
It's good.
It's well worth it.
If you if you could find it, get it.
I don't think it was that it was fifty eight.
No, it was in the 40s.
Well, regardless, man, this is a this is kind of like the other Buffalo Trace one.
Rare breed.
No, no, no.
Turkey.
Not Walter.
Rare breed.
What is the other one?
You got the plug had three bottles and didn't get a chance to didn't buy it because you
know, Colonel H. Taylor.
No, no, no.
Fuck those H. Taylor.
I was I'm talking about the other one, the Eagle Rare.
Are you rare?
Yeah, the rare.
I knew there was a rare Eagle rare.
Oh, I've never had an opportunity to buy an Eagle rare.
That would have been nice.
We have two bottles out there.
We've had it.
Oh, well, we never heard.
Yeah, I don't think I was here when I.
Yes, right.
Yes.
Oh, we had a podcast with that.
And we did.
You were told about that podcast.
No, you had it.
Dude, you totally had it.
Shut your face.
We all love to do a podcast without you.
Yeah, he's like, that's his favorite bourbon now.
He butthooshed it.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Nice.
Well, yeah, let's think about that for a second.
So some other 80s stuff that, you know, I mean, I think about the 80s for me.
I don't know about dudes like us out there that grew up in the 80s or even the kind of
went from 70s to 80s or from 80s to 90s.
You know, there's back then you've you had like the you know, they don't have like the
iPods.
You know, back then they had like cassette players.
And then they had like a double two sided cassette player, which is extremely rare.
Then they started coming out with the CDs.
And then the CD player was kind of ridiculous when you would carry it around the Walkman
CD because it was big, big and flat, wouldn't even fit in your pocket.
You're kind of like, really?
You know, it's skip.
Yeah.
So I remember the very first Walkman.
Oh, Sony Walkman.
Remember those?
I never had one.
The very first one.
Yeah, I never had this one.
Walkman.
I think I had a Panasonic.
I was for Look at you.
I mean, that was when I mean, that was when we were probably all getting our first taste
of electronics that we talked about the the player or for the cassette tape.
No, just the players.
Right.
I mean, well, I had a little boombox, you know.
I remember I saved up money to buy my first boombox.
It was sixty dollars and it took me months and months to save up to save up for sixty
bucks.
And then I had the one.
Obviously, had radio and cassette.
It's all had a radio AM FM and a shortwave radio on there and a cassette deck.
And then I had the one.
Actually, my brother had the one with two cassettes so you could record.
Oh, yeah.
I didn't have that.
Yeah.
I had the one cassette because I couldn't afford it.
And then he saved up.
So you can you can tape one cassette while playing the other so you can dub the.
Well, yeah, you could copy one tape to the other.
I mean, a quick like I had a like a fast.
Fast record, something or other.
But anyway, I mean, it was I mean, that was when we first were getting into buying our
own electronics.
Well, that was like I said, that took me a very long time to buy that.
I think of all the different electronics they had that are laughable now today.
Like, for example, well, look at all the little tiny game things like the NFL game.
The one that cracks me up the most right now is the game called Merlin.
It looks like it's a little red telephone looking thing where all it has on it are buttons.
That's it.
It looks like a telephone, you know, and it's a game.
It's a handheld game.
It's a handheld.
They still make they still make handheld games.
They make Simon still, don't they?
Well, I don't know if we can pull it up here.
Merlin, they still make still make.
So it essentially makes like it's like nine games on there.
One, two, three, four, five, six.
And it's like one of them is a memory one.
One of them is like tic tac toe.
One of them, you know, that all over that.
You know, it was such I mean, that is what they had back then.
And it's like kids want to get that nowadays.
They'd be like, get the fuck out of here.
Really?
Yeah, I didn't ever had never had that.
Well, you remember the little the games that that were had the two buttons and it would
be like, you know, the little graphics going across the thing and it but like mine was
Trojan horse.
So they'd be little soldiers going into the castle.
You had to drop the drawbridge for the good guys and lift the broad for the bad guys.
Right.
And so we would go faster and faster and faster and faster.
Right.
Those little stupid games.
Right.
And then we had like Nintendo, Donkey Donkey Kong.
I never had that.
I had the old football.
There you go.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
Those things right there.
Right there.
Yeah, I had the I had the football.
Actually, no, I'm sorry.
It was the basketball.
But my buddies had I had the basketball and watch.
My buddy has the football one and we'd swap out.
And of course, the basketball you get so good at it, you score every single time.
Every single time.
You get it because it's just a pattern.
I have the football one.
I still have it.
The football one.
Does it work?
It does.
Have your kids played it?
No, I don't think so.
You should pull it out and say here, this is like seriously.
This is what I have the Donkey Kong game to the orange one right there.
Yeah.
And I have the Donkey Kong one.
Good stuff.
But it's it's it's not even it's like they're images that are always in the same place.
That's correct.
And they just yes, they just light up.
Yeah, they just light up.
Yeah.
You know, with that Merlin game, you can you can they had a game similar to what Simon
is where you follow a sequence of numbers.
Right.
Boop, boop, boop, you know, right.
Right.
And the thing is, it was like, you know, you played you picked to select the game and
then you select.
All right.
Well, how many tones do you want?
You select from I don't remember how the range was.
I would pick like one.
So I was a strange kid.
Well, we know that.
And I used to get into like some ESP kind of stuff where I would like to be.
Well, I would like to guess the card, the symbol on the card.
Well, I would play like my like my sister and I played with my mom and we take turns
guessing my mom was like freakishly good at it.
She would always guess it.
And I would pick the Merlin game to to to one digit.
Right.
So what you do is you would you would hit the button and it would go boop.
And then you have to guess, you know, it's easy when it doesn't want, you know, but I
wouldn't hit the button where it recalls it.
I would just guess it.
OK, does that make sense?
Yes.
And I remember the first time I guessed it without listening to it.
And I thought it scared the shit out of me.
You thought you were some sort of I thought I opened up a portal.
It's like it's like it's like the Ouija board.
Yeah.
Ouija game.
Yeah.
They still make those.
You can still get the Ouija board game.
What is your dog doing?
Did you guys ever go through a craze where you know how when the the watches came out
that were a calculator?
Oh, yeah.
I had one of those.
Yeah.
And then it's so small.
Oh, if you oh, it's so retarded like whoever would use it to ask, we would find reasons
to to oh, well, let me let me use my calculator watch to figure out like, you know, I have
to get a pencil out to hit the things.
Absolutely not practical at all.
But we looked for reasons for why we could use it for things.
Right.
Because but you know what?
You look cool in the 80s.
Oh, if you had one, suddenly it was like, oh, I mean, it's so different than today when
one kid has the stupid, you know, squeaky toy, you know, some stupid toy that's like
the hot toy.
Right.
There you go.
Yeah.
He's got a black one right there in the top left.
That's what mine look like.
So I had that exact.
Yes.
Oh, it's just so not practical.
What's the point of having a calculator on your watch?
I don't know.
It's so stupid.
Well, they had some one of those calculator ones where you can enter like people's names
and phone numbers you could store it or dial it or write that one.
Right.
It would be five eight zero zero eight.
And you turn upside down.
It's so boob.
Yes.
Walk around upside down.
Oh, everybody did that.
Hold their stuff upside down.
What?
There's some other ones too.
So stupid.
You do boobies.
Do you do boobless?
Oh, yeah, you could do boobless.
See, that's that's where the future of America is.
Yeah.
When you're holding your calculator upside down, you got to create your own entertainment
by looking outside the box.
Yeah.
I remember that again before video games, before really technology, my sister would
always play jacks.
Like jacks with a real red ball, the little red ball and the jacks.
Yeah.
She'd sit in her room and do it for hours.
And you'd have to pick up.
I think that the game is you pick up one, then you pick up two, then you pick up three.
Right.
You pick up all of them and catch the ball.
Why not just bounce it like 400 feet in the air and then you could pick up the whole thing?
I don't know.
I thought the idea was well, first of all, you were in a room.
Yeah.
Jacks.
How how simple.
And she would she would entertain herself for hours with that.
Yeah.
Jackson pick up sticks and all kinds of stupid.
You know, they look like they look like there's a little tank things on the beach to keep
the tank busters to get to keep the boats from.
Yeah.
From launching.
Yeah.
They look like like that from that scene in Save It Private Ryan.
Yeah, they do.
Huh.
It doesn't seem like they'd work, but I guess they did.
I wonder if the Germans invented jacks.
Big jacks.
And then they're like, well, this makes small ones and then we'll make a game out of it.
Right.
Yeah, maybe not.
Right.
Yeah.
Those are crazy things.
What are the 80s stuff?
Well, the 80s really more than anything.
It was the music for me because that was when we all probably had our first cars.
Right.
So we're driving around.
You got your you just bought a stereo and you put it in your car.
I never could.
I never did that.
I said the stock.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I had a 1976 Mercury Cougar, so I had to I had to get a new radio because it didn't
do anything.
My car was like it had no older.
Look at me.
I was a 1980 Chevy Citation.
OK.
So you have a built in cassette player.
Set at a 1985 vet.
I don't remember.
I think it did show that.
See, I had to buy one so I could listen to cassette.
Yeah, I think it did have a cassette.
It was vertical.
So it's like, oh, that's weird.
Yeah.
Huh.
So it slid in and you have to inject it would come out.
I mean, it's just a strange thing.
Our kids will never, never appreciate.
Right.
Here we are listening to our music and all of a sudden it goes, oh, no, Mr. Producer,
I did say vet, but it was a Shavette.
And I want you to notice the difference.
Sure.
That we call the shit vets.
Right.
The CHEV.
But remember when we listened to the music, our cassettes and it would make that noise
and we would panic.
Why?
Because we knew.
But I used to tell all the chicks, I've got a vet outside.
Is my mic working?
What's wrong?
Am I still here?
What's going on?
Am I invisible?
Yes.
Am I audible?
That's what my Indian coworkers all say.
Am I audible?
Instead of can you hear me?
Right.
I thought that was hilarious.
I had never heard them say, oh, am I audible?
Anyway, it was a great car.
I missed that.
All right.
I should vet.
All right.
What's special about us?
Ugly.
It's just a itty bitty.
It looks like a little a Pinto.
It was extremely functional.
Yeah.
It was a bunch of them.
It was a, they were very reliable cars.
So really.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Who made the car?
I don't know.
Who makes it?
Chevrolet.
Oh.
Chevrolet.
Yeah.
Chevy.
Chevette.
Huh.
And I was just that that was an eighties thing I was exposed to.
I remember when I was in middle school, one of the things that was a fad was to have a
big, what'd you say?
Oh, fad was to have a big comb in the back pocket.
Oh, yeah.
Mine was a huge orange rectangular.
It was about 12 inches long.
Did you have long hair?
And it said terrific on it.
And it had that little handle, right?
It had the curved handle.
No, mine was exactly a rectangle.
Oh, I remember that being a fad.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you had to get the one with the handle.
That's what stuck out of the pocket.
That could be, but mine was not like that.
I wasn't able to get that.
So did you have long hair to comb?
Well, as long as it is now.
And I feathered it right there.
Wow.
You parted down the middle, and you'd feather it back.
For sure.
The style back then.
I had long hair, not as long as our producer, Austin.
But it was past the shoulders.
It got up there.
I think around the senior year, I cut it.
Yeah, I tried to grow it long and color,
but it was always probably to the collar.
That's what it was, acceptable back then, right?
I just remember being a freshman.
And you're in high school now, and that's
when you wanted to make sure your breath was good.
You wanted to make sure that you were wearing deodorant.
And you wanted to make sure maybe you're not
but not a spray.
You know what I mean?
It's like you became obsessed with making sure that you're
Is my BO, do my armpits spray.
Right.
Got any mortifying experiences during that time?
Because you are trying to dress nice,
and wear deodorant, and be presentable.
I remember going to a birthday party,
and we had some little game called Spin the Bottle
or something like that.
And I remember sitting in a group,
and I had sat down, and I had farted inadvertently.
That's when it started.
But I was just like, we're all sitting
in a style in a circle.
And I was kind of like, I moved from left to right,
kind of just jockeying for position.
All of a sudden, a little fart came out.
And I was like, did you just fart?
He was like, no, it was Paul.
Yeah.
And then, right?
I didn't know anybody.
Who's Paul?
I didn't know anybody.
I was a military brat.
So I mean, I was like, I didn't know anybody in the circle.
Were you farter?
No, that was your nickname from that point on?
I was embarrassed, man.
I bet.
I was mortified at that.
Did it stink like the caustic gas you expunged?
No.
So how'd you go from being mortified to super, super proud
every time you fart?
Well, I mean, it's kind of symbiotic.
Yeah, walk us through that journey in your life.
That you eat certain foods to try to trap people in cars.
I'm going to eat a bucket of beans.
And being in public places and giggling.
Hehehehe, I just farted.
Hehehehe.
So walk us through how you, yeah, what happened to you?
The transformation.
Yeah.
You know what?
I guess to share with you, at the time it was symbiotic.
I didn't want to fart.
I was really, I was.
But you couldn't help it.
Well, I mean, you know, you got gas that builds up.
And you know, you're sitting on the floor.
And all of a sudden, it comes out.
I hold it until I'm almost sick.
Well, I was almost sick.
Speaking of sick, your dog is going to die.
Yeah, when you hold your gas so long that you almost
make yourself sick.
Well, you have to do that at work sometimes.
It's like your stomach's hurting, your chest hurting.
If you're in meetings all day.
Yeah.
And you're just like, man, if I rip this now,
it's going to be either so loud or it's going to be so pungent.
Right.
And you're in this enclosed conference room.
Right.
It's like, you know.
And then usually when you get up and say you have a bathroom
break, it creeps back inside.
And you're just like, fuck.
What is that all about?
What do you mean?
You have to go so bad.
And then you're like, oh, I got to go to the bathroom.
But as soon as you go into the bathroom, it suddenly,
you can't.
It just subsides.
The fart goes away.
Why?
How does that happen?
I don't know.
OK, so it's not just me.
It's God's fucking with us.
It's not just taking a dump.
It's farting too.
So you stand there.
It's like, oh my God, I got to fart so bad.
It's dumps and farts.
And then you're standing there just going fart, fart, fart.
You just can't do it.
It's like, you're trying to push it out.
Yeah, you start punching your stomach.
Get out, you son of a bitch.
And then you walk back in and all of a sudden it's like,
you start doing squats and lunges.
Oh, here you are.
Yes, you do lunges in the bathroom.
And you're right.
As soon as you leave the bathroom,
you're like, oh shit, I can't do it.
And then as soon as you leave and you get back into the room,
it's like, boom.
You sit down, it's just like, the pressure is back.
Sometimes you're just like, I've been so much pain,
I don't care.
I'm going to bury my ass into this cushion seat
and it's not going to make a sound.
Well, no, you guys understand the Robert Tilton?
Well, you have to cough.
You have to cough or make a noise when you fart
so that it masks the sound.
Sometimes it's too loud.
I've tried that before, though.
You know what I mean?
Paul, Paul, did you just fart?
Well, we didn't have any people from New Jersey
in our conference room.
Paul, did you just fart?
I'll be like, no.
It was bad.
That's so funny, though.
That's so true that as soon as you need to.
Yeah, it's like you get up.
It creeps back and it goes away.
I made it without shitting my pants.
I'm going to get out.
I'm going to go to the bathroom real fast.
You get to the bathroom and you're like, all right, guys.
It's season.
It's go time.
Let's go.
Let's party.
Let's get this thing rolling out.
I remember being in class in high school
and I'd be like, really needed to fart.
And I was clenching, clenching my butt to make sure.
And then I would smell something.
And I would be like, shit, did it seep out?
I don't think I would think I would feel it if it slipped out.
And I was like, oh, shit, it slipped out.
But then I was thinking, it's slipping out
because I smell something and I'm looking around.
Shit, they think it's me.
And you're going, yeah, it's even worse.
So much like my face is getting all red and shit.
Is that possible?
Lord.
And it slips out without you knowing it?
I mean, I imagine a little seepage could happen.
Was I just being super crazy paranoid?
Or is that possible?
I mean, even a pressure cooker has a little release.
You know, I mean, something's got to happen.
To where you literally don't know if it's you or not.
That where it's never experienced that.
Well, you know, yeah, I think it was me.
I think it was slipping out.
I think the person maybe next to you had a little issue.
I'm going to blame Paul.
Girls can get away with it because they never
blame the girls.
He's got the I took a shit look on his face
or I've got to take a dump.
Look at him, he's sweating over there.
It's so funny.
God, this stuff we stressed about,
or at least I stressed about in high school, man.
It's uncomfortable.
Yeah, I mean, you're coming of age
and you're like unsure of yourself and you've got pimples.
I don't know about you.
I've got a process in the mornings.
So, you know, I imagine, you know,
part of the process is taking a dump.
So, and it's not necessarily in the mornings,
but it doesn't have to be, it's just,
whenever that process for you, evidently for you, Paul,
you take like three dumps a day, right?
Yeah, I took three today.
That's.
It can't be normal.
Well, I mean.
And they're all full size.
I'm like, I didn't even eat that much.
Where's this shit coming from?
Literally.
You're just full of shit.
Yeah, I am full of shit.
But I have a very healthy digestive system.
I'm happy about that.
Well, that's good.
And damn, it's on like timer too.
Yeah.
Crazy.
Yeah, most people are.
But I mean, as a child though.
Why are we talking about albums?
And you being, well, the point is,
we're getting those in the 80s when we were going to school,
you know, that timer was kind of offset a little bit
because we weren't really sure.
I never really, in school, I never really shit in school.
Oh, no.
The circadian rhythm, I never really had the urge,
unless it was a diarrhea.
What's it called, a circadian rhythm?
Circadian rhythm.
Circadian, huh, interesting.
What are you talking about?
My body wasn't shitting though.
I never had the need to.
Circadian?
Circadian rhythm.
C-I-R.
Circadian.
All right.
Circadian rhythm.
The physical, mental, and behavioral changes
that follow a 24 hour cycle.
Correct.
Oh, so it's not just bowel movements.
Well, there's, yeah.
It's anything.
Your sleep, your bowel movements.
Respond to light, dark.
Right, so your body's used to taking a shit
in the morning probably.
It is, yeah.
Maybe one before bed or whatever.
Right, yeah, whatever it is.
It's the rhythm of your body.
And in school, I can't recall ever really taking a shit
in school because I never really had to.
Well, I couldn't, remember I had that phobia.
You had a phobia, but by mine I was just.
I bet you there's a name for that.
Phobia of shitting in public.
I guarantee there is, there's a phobia.
There's a phobia for everything.
Yeah, it's called growing up.
Can you find the name of what,
afraid to shit in public, or poop.
Poop in public.
Poop in public phobia.
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be amazed
if this comes back with something.
I guarantee it does.
All right, phobia of defecating in public.
All right, let's see here.
Oh, there it was.
You had it.
It was coprophobia.
Coprophobia.
No, I don't think that's it.
Fear of feces or defecation phobia.
That's something different.
Well, no, hold on, hold on.
The act of.
No, that's just a fear of shitting.
Oh, that's being, oh, okay.
That's being scared of your own shit.
Well, that's because some people feel
as if the poop in you is part of you,
and you're like, oh, don't go away.
Here we go.
Is using the public restroom your worst nightmare?
I guarantee that there's gotta be some sort of phobia.
Toilet phobia.
Now, they're talking about being afraid
of getting infections.
There's parru-ri, parru-si, parru-sis.
You know, I don't have a problem.
I'll go in there and do it.
Oh, you have it.
I have a preference.
Go back to it.
I have a preference of being in my home,
but if I have to take one and I'm in the,
but what's weird is.
Okay, all right, hold on, hold on.
One second, hold that thought.
It is parko-precious.
The fear of having a bowel movement in public.
Parko-precious.
Now, does that mean when you say public
in a public bathroom?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm not talking about like squatting on the corner
in front of everybody.
That would be everybody's worst nightmare.
Anyway, there it is.
Parko-precious, that's retarded.
Parko-precious.
All right, what were you saying, Jeff?
Go back to what you were saying.
I knocked you off the game there.
I don't remember.
Oh, stop it, yes you do.
No, he was saying he didn't have a problem
really going to the bathroom, public bathrooms.
Yeah, I don't have an issue,
because if I have to do it, I will,
but what's weird is the body sometimes
doesn't let you do it.
That's right.
No.
And you're just like, you know,
the sphincter won't release.
That's right.
I don't have that problem.
And I don't have, and I don't understand that why,
because I'll be sitting there,
I'm just like, come on, let's just get this fucking over with.
Right, especially when I'm in a public restroom,
I have that problem.
I need to have a few items in check ready to go
that make me feel a little bit more comfortable,
and I can basically go anywhere.
That's why I like to carry my satchel around.
Like anywhere?
Well, I mean, in a bathroom, per source,
but I'm not talking about getting in the middle
of a forest or something.
I could though.
I mean, it's uncomfortable though.
I crapped an itch in my elk hunt.
I believe you.
Preston has done that.
Yeah, Preston has done that too.
But I prefer to have my little wipes.
I think we talked about that in my little setup, you know,
when we go to the bathroom.
We've talked about this for different occasions.
Snacks and your beverages.
We talked about, you know,
going to the bathroom in an office building.
When was your, why are we doing this?
Yeah, we just talked about this.
We didn't change subjects here.
We really do.
Back to, okay, so taking a dump in the 80s
because we thought we were cool.
You know, in the high school, I'll tell you what,
it was the worst taking a shit in school
because not necessarily because you have to take a shit
because our high school didn't have shitter doors.
Yeah, my dorm.
What's up with that?
My dorm was like that.
We had no stalls.
They were just toilets against the wall.
Yeah, we had stalls, but they were like three feet tall.
So you're sitting there and your head was above everything.
Hi, Bob, how's it going?
Yeah, and the sinks were right across the way.
So people would come in the morning
and you're sitting there on the toilet
and they're brushing their teeth.
They turn around and just have a conversation with you.
I was like, why is there even a door at this point?
Purging this old stroganoff here.
I'll be out in a little bit.
That's exactly how my dorm was.
We had three shower heads in this little tiny square
with three guys. Absolutely ridiculous.
Yeah, if you can handle that.
Three guys taking a shower,
one guy standing at a urinal, three guys on the toilets,
one guy brushing his teeth, one guy's wiping,
and you walk in and you're like, what the hell?
I'd like to incorporate my life as a day.
Find out how that experience would.
Is that Stephen experienced that over in Greece?
But they really enjoyed it.
Yeah, I was in a lot of international hotels
and bidets were they weren't,
I don't want to say they were common,
but you know, a couple of times there were bidets there.
And we were like, is the bidet designed to,
so to use less toilet paper?
I think you still wipe, but then you get up and let the.
The idea is to be as,
to have your bottom be as clean as possible.
So it blasts water upward into your, you know,
into your junk.
Into your anus.
So whenever you don't have wet wipes available
to be as you've used, as clean as possible.
So instead of just using toilet paper.
Yeah, you.
Yeah, it blasts off all the fecal matter.
And then you take the toilet.
Kind of indirect blast at Jeff.
And then you take the toilet paper and dry off your anus.
Yes.
This is really, really a great conversation.
This is not a dudes I guess.
No, no, no.
Was that on the whiteboard?
I think a lot of people deal with the same, you know,
anxieties, parko presis.
Holy crap.
I tell you, I had to, man, we had the rain yesterday.
I had to, or today too.
I had to drive all the way to fucking Louisiana back.
Today you did?
Yesterday.
Oh, okay.
Yesterday.
So I left, I wasn't able to do my job until,
I think it was scheduled at 4 p.m.
Which was kind of lame.
But you know, it is what it is.
Oh, so you had a, I had a late departure.
An inspection, an inspection scheduled at 4.
I got you.
Yeah, so I mean, I picked up the car
and it was a nice Honda Pilot.
It was one of the newer ones.
Right, yeah.
And I'll tell you, the technologies,
they're just, they're kind of cool now.
But I headed down there, Louisiana,
you know, I wish there was something cool
I could pick up while I was at Shreveport.
But there's just simply not.
You know, I was really.
You used to be yingling.
It used to be yingling
because they didn't have it here in the Texas, but.
Cause it's a Boudin.
Well, I don't think I'm ever gonna eat again.
I don't think I'm ever getting Boudin in my life again.
I mean, cause the one time trip I went down there,
I brought back like 100 pounds of Boudin
and nobody fucking wanted us.
I ate it when you had the party,
but after that, I don't know what you did
with the other 250 pounds.
Yeah.
I had no idea you were gonna buy that much.
And then the other thing I bought was some sort of,
you know, some chowder and some other stuff.
And at the end of the day, I was like,
this wasn't even worth it
because they've got some place around here
that sells that kind of stuff.
Like at the chowder and what is the other stuff?
The red beans and rice.
There are some traditional Louisiana dishes.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, basically what I'm getting at.
And it's like, now, even now,
it's not even worth driving to Louisiana for that.
Or while I'm there, it's like,
well, what can I pick up there
that's gonna make the trip worthy?
Right.
Now, if I gambled, that might be kind of fun.
You know, because then I can-
Because they got those river boats
or whatever they are, right?
Well, they have the Shreveport.
You don't need Shreveport.
Oh, Shreveport's got a full line up, yeah.
Yeah, you can go down there and gamble all you want.
Right.
But I'm just not into gambling.
I don't really see myself spending money, period,
when it comes to things like that.
It's not really spending, it's just losing.
Yeah.
Yeah, you have to have, you know,
the attitude that you're, you know,
I'm gonna set aside 100 bucks
and that's my ticket for having fun.
But, you know what I mean?
And don't expect to come back with it.
That could go so fast, 100 bucks?
Oh, yeah, no, we went to Vegas and I set aside 600.
And that was how much we gambled
and yeah, we didn't come back with any, but.
To me, that's just not worth it.
I would, at all.
I'd rather spend that 600 bucks
at somewhere else at a really nice dinner.
Yeah, I get it.
And we haven't gone back from the standpoint of,
I mean, we've been back to Vegas,
but we didn't go back for like a gambling trip.
You know what I mean?
That was the one time we did.
They're actually, you know, I'm gonna go back
on what I said there.
I could, like, I wouldn't do slot machines.
I could get up there and play some blackjack.
You know, I'm not looking forward to dropping 100 bucks,
but I mean, I could set aside $100
and play a $5 blackjack table.
There's not very many $5 blackjack tables anymore.
No, not really.
Well, I don't know.
There are 15.
Everybody knows that when I was there,
the last time I went there,
there was $5 blackjack tables.
Maybe Shreveport.
Maybe Shreveport does.
Yeah, the smaller, I think the smaller gambling places.
Yeah, maybe Shreveport does, but out in Vegas,
and unless you go to a really small casino,
those $5 hands. Off the strip, yeah.
Those $5 hands don't exist much anymore.
Well, I really enjoy, I really enjoy roulette and craps.
I can spend, as long as the money lets me do it,
I can play for hours.
I like the style of craps that they do right now.
I mean, it'd be different if you had actual dice
that you sit there and throw,
but a lot of these places, at least here,
right over the border of Oklahoma,
they've got that little digital thing,
like do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Well, that's because, yeah, that's because they passed,
they passed a law for Oklahoma.
But what, you can't have dice?
No, yeah, they were trying to,
so that's, you know, there's always a way around the law.
I think the idea was they're gonna craft the law
such that you can only have card games,
so they were trying to keep out the hardcore gambling,
like roulette and craps.
So what they do, they just figured out a way
to play those same games using cards.
Right.
You know what I mean?
To get around the law.
Well, I don't trust that dice.
I mean, it's a computer in there making those dice,
and it's not as random as throwing dice.
It seems like there's more control over the computer,
be like, yeah, we're gonna have 1% winners today
or something like that.
Oh, yeah, no, I don't trust any.
I mean, I remember watching a 2020
that had this computer programmer guy,
and he was like blacked out, like in the shadows, right?
Because he didn't want to admit, you know who he was.
Or running around walls.
And he was saying, yeah, was a digitized voice,
and his job was to program, you know,
it was poker, electronic poker.
And it said that if it draws a royal straight flush
or a royal flush, it will discard it and draw another card.
Really?
Like you can't get the biggest long shot
that you can get in that game.
You know, with the big board, it's got the numbers.
With $10 million.
Yeah, it's got the numbers going,
but you have to get a royal flush.
Right.
And yeah, it will discard it, he said.
I mean, it's so easy.
You know how easy that is in programming?
Yeah, it's a computer.
It's the easiest thing to program ever.
Like, yeah, I don't trust any of that.
Even with cards and dice, and roulette,
there's ways to cheat.
Right.
Right, you can count the cards.
Yes, if you're a green man.
I never quite understood how people do that,
but you know, even dealing cards,
you know, these people are so fast with their hands,
you can't tell that they're from the bottom of the deck
or something like that.
Right.
They really are, they're talented.
Yeah, and they work on it, and that's their skill.
And then roulette, you know,
there's ways to cheat that as well.
Is there really?
Well, for the casino, right?
Yeah, I don't know.
Magnets and all kinds of shit.
I do know it's the single worst odds game is roulette.
Like, it's totally in the house's favor.
All of them are in the house's favor,
but roulette is particularly in their favor.
It has the biggest payout, though.
Does it?
Well, one in 36, right?
So if you put a, that's what it is,
there's 36 numbers on there, right?
And the single and double zero.
Yeah, so.
So it's 38.
38 or whatever.
Yeah, but I mean, yeah, so I mean,
that game I have played for hours,
hours and hours and hours, and at the end, yeah.
I lost everything.
When it starts getting down,
you start playing all the lines.
Oh, yeah.
I'm just gonna go red this time
because like, 50-50 chance.
I'm usually playing stuff all over the place when I play.
I love it, it's so much fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm out.
I don't give a shit.
Yeah, you don't do the gamble thing.
That's cool.
I'm out.
I don't do it very often, I really don't.
Yeah, it's, you know, I'm happy with those people
that enjoy it, I just don't.
And again, if there's like a $5 blackjack table,
which evidently they're becoming more and more rare.
They are, yeah.
I'm out, I mean, I just.
That's why I don't play the card games anymore.
It's just not worth it.
Because I'm not very good at it.
I'm like, I don't wanna lose 15 bucks every two minutes.
People dropping in nine dollar tokens
into the slot machine and you know,
do do do do do do do do, done.
You just lost five bucks.
Oh, oh, you can lose money so fast on slots.
Nah, forget about it.
Well, the slots, even the dollar one,
let's say you put $100 in there,
they have all these lines.
You could pay, play like 20 bucks a hand.
Yep.
And be done in five times, boom boom, 100 bucks.
Yes, well, because you're trying to maximize
your chance of winning.
Oh yeah.
You got these crazy lines going all over the place
like you were saying.
And it's so damn confusing nowadays.
It is.
I'm sitting there looking at the board going,
okay, when I first sit down, I'm like,
okay, what's the big win?
Like, what am I looking for?
Right.
And I couldn't figure it out.
I was like, okay, well, there's three lines going this way.
There's some weird vertical lines.
And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna get them
going to another one.
Because it was just like,
it's like, why does it have to be so damn complicated?
Well, because they want you to lose.
Right.
But you know, they're, again, I mean,
I were probably gonna beat me up on the TikTok thing,
but I was watching TikTok where this guy
gets these people to,
convinces them to spend $1,000 on these slots.
He says, hey, look, spend a thousand bucks
and if you don't make money,
then I'll pay you a thousand bucks back.
Oh boy.
He gets them over there and every time, $1,000.
And there's evidently there's a machine
where you can drop $1,000 on a slot machine.
And he knows all the rules.
And he was just like, yeah, well, no, dude,
hit this, hit that, hit this.
No, no, pass, pass, pass.
Hit this, do that.
And bam, next thing you know, the guy won five grand.
And he's got video after video after video
of doing that with a bunch of you think
they would kick that guy out, but you know.
Yeah, you would definitely think,
I mean, they take that stuff really seriously.
Count, card counting, yeah, that's,
and they know how to.
But this is for slots.
Well, I don't know how, I don't know how he does that.
Yeah, well, he just knows the rules.
That's what I'm saying, it's so confusing,
but I bet if you know all the rules
of the little squigglers up there,
what is the word, it's called obfuscation.
It's where they make things so difficult to know
that you would really have to be a master
at the machine to do it.
I mean, there's, our producers,
yeah, some seasonably or some cool things
up on the screen right now.
Yeah, it's kind of hard not to get enamored with it.
They're showing some guys at a roulette table.
Look at that ball.
And.
You know what, when I see that,
you know what I'm thinking?
That place really stinks like smokes.
Oh yeah.
That's the problem.
Like I asked Shelly, because my son and his friends
all went up to Choctaw, and I was like,
do you ever want to go up to Choctaw?
And she's like, she's not really into gambling at all.
Like she's done slots, but it's the smoke.
She can't do it.
Yeah.
And so I was like, where are they ever gonna
on the planet find a smokeless casino?
That does not exist.
Well, I'm sure it does.
I remember the worst one that I saw was,
I remember I flew into Reno for work.
And I went down to the casino,
because I stayed in one of the hotels there
at the casino for work.
And I went downstairs to the casino,
and I remember seeing,
and Reno is not like Vegas.
It's an older casino town, it's smaller.
It's, I don't know, I don't know what you want to call it,
but it's more white trashy maybe,
at least it was back then.
And I just remember sitting there,
and I see this lady,
and you probably see them all over the place.
She has emphysema, she's got a bottle,
got her oxygen bottle, cigarette in her mouth,
doing slots, and a whiskey.
Oh, there's a lot.
A bottle of oxygen next to her.
And a bottle of oxygen went next to her,
and she's like hacking a lung out.
And she's like.
There's tons of people,
that's what they do for a living.
And she's probably using her disability check or something.
You'd be surprised, I mean, a lot of these people,
that's their career, their job is gambling,
and they make about 65,000 a year gambling.
No, I can't.
That's what they do all day long.
They sit there plunking into slot machines,
making 65,000 a year.
So anyways, I ended up running the car,
driving out to Shreveport, and driving back.
In both ways, it was just nonstop storming.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm telling you, thank God for the cool effects
and features on the car.
I mean, with the sensors in the front,
where it detects cars in front of you,
and staying in the lane.
Oh great, so you just like slept?
Look, look, don't throw stones here.
Had Netflix going?
Well, I did have Netflix going,
but that's besides the point.
But the thing is, oh, the fact that I was watching Echoes,
it's rather interesting.
Dave, have you guys seen Echoes?
I've seen the previews for it.
I would want to see it.
It's, again, man, some of these miniseries,
they're rather difficult to get into.
I mean.
I'm watching Sandman now.
I agree.
Sandman was another one.
I mean, episode eight.
We dumped it after.
It's completely shifted gears.
Completely.
It's not, I don't much care for the second half.
Yeah, so I mean, again, you gotta finish it.
But this.
I'm amazed you got that far.
We watched.
You gotta finish it.
We watched one and a half episodes,
and we were like, done.
Was it was the one that you almost turned off,
the one in the diner where they all killed each other?
Yeah.
I was just like, wow, that just turned.
Yeah, I got really, really dark.
I mean, there was this blood and all this shit.
And I was just like, dude.
Yeah.
I almost stopped it there.
I was like, no, just keep going.
Just keep going.
It was an interesting show until it got to that point.
I was just like, no one could lie anymore.
The guy had this power, and no one could lie.
So people were telling what they actually thought,
and they acted what they really wanted to do.
Right.
And it didn't end well.
At all.
And everyone had a perspective.
And so there were 15 people in the diner,
and then all 15 had very unsavory endings for everybody.
People are truly evil in nature is essentially
what the guy was suggesting.
But the Echoes is essentially it's about these twins.
And something happens to them, which I can't share,
because you won't know until you get to the end.
If we're going to try to watch it, don't tell us.
Spoiler alert.
There's twins.
Well, Tom, I mean, let's just watch it now.
It's called Echoes, OK?
It's the twins.
So it's a
It could be like in a Grand Canyon or something like Echoes
coming back in.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was.
Jack Wagon.
So in episode five, you finally learn,
because it's so kind of what the fuck.
Until you get to episode five.
And then they start explaining the show.
Oh, oh, this is what's going on.
And then you start filling in the blanks
until it gets to the very end.
And then even at that point, you're kind of like, oh.
I'll tell you one of the shows that really intrigued me
was Dark.
That's a great show.
And it was hard, hard to follow.
But it was very dark.
But they helped you show pictures of like the older,
younger take notes.
Almost it was a great show.
I recommend it.
Dark.
No, it's called Dark.
It's a German.
I think it's German.
It is German.
And I couldn't do the subtitles because I couldn't read
and pay attention at the same time.
Because there's so much that you have to pay attention to.
So I had to dub it.
So this is back in 2017.
I would love to watch it again.
It was that good.
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, you really have to pay attention.
It's time travel.
It's a German science fiction thriller television series
co-created by Baron Boeodor.
Yeah, here it is.
He's got the preview up.
Ran for three seasons.
The story follows characters from the fictional village
of Winden, Germany as they pursue the truth
in the aftermath of a child's disappearance.
That is so good.
I would love that show.
I must have seen this.
Come on.
Oh, you would know.
You would definitely know.
Oh, Walkman.
Yeah.
Are you sure?
What I found that interesting is they go back in time
to the 80s.
And you recognize a lot of the fashion.
Oh, yeah.
I love it when they do that.
And then they pull out the clothes.
That's one thing that's amazing to me.
All these period piece movies, right?
Whether it be 70s, 60s, even late or early 1900s,
how they have all the stuff for it.
Right.
Like I said, we got the cars.
We just finished Downton Abbey.
Yeah.
And it's interesting there because their clothing
and their technology changed throughout the show.
They introduced the telephone.
The telephone.
That's right.
They introduced the car.
Yes.
And then the car progressed.
At first, it was the hardcore with a steering
with a stick type of thing.
And then they ended up with a nice roadster.
Right?
Right.
And the toaster would show up.
And the technology would show up.
But it's funny to think back then going,
wow, there's not even phones.
And some people frowned upon them.
They were like, this is the end of civilization.
Right.
The phone.
Right.
I mean, imagine living in a world where you needed,
somebody had to show up with a letter.
That's how it was communicated.
They always write letters.
Crazy.
Well, they had telegraph before telephone.
Right?
Where you could do like, tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk.
More code, right?
Is dark where they had some sort of little tiny clock that
Yes.
Yeah, there was not a tiny one.
I think it was a box or something.
Well, yeah, they had that.
And then they had the handheld ball or some sort of.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was really good though.
And yeah, so you're watching that now or did you already
finish?
We just finished it.
And we finished the two movies as well.
So good.
Yeah.
We loved that show.
Yeah, really well done.
I held out.
I was like, I have no desire to watch it.
No desire to watch that.
My wife and I was like, what do we want to watch?
You want to try it down to now?
It's on Amazon Prime now.
So we watched it.
We enjoyed it.
Yep.
Me too.
So.
Yeah, I was like, really, I'm going
to watch an old English soap opera.
I stopped watching it.
It was really well done.
I need to watch.
I need to finish up watching it.
Yeah, finish it up.
There's only six or seven episodes.
I got burnt out when seven episodes or seasons?
Seasons, I'm sorry.
I got burnt out right after Homeboy with a Limp's Wife
got raped.
And probably a couple episodes after that, I was kind of like,
eh, I'm just going to take a break because it frustrated me.
I got frustrated with several of the characters.
And I was just like, these people
annoy the shit out of me.
Oh, yeah.
And I kept arguing.
I'm not arguing, but this comment, I was like,
what do these people do with their lives?
Especially at the beginning.
Near the end, they started getting jobs and stuff like that.
Some of the people did.
But I'm like, what do these people do?
They worked for the mansion.
They didn't do anything.
No, like the daughters.
They didn't do anything except shop and.
Oh, you mean the aristocrats.
Yeah, the aristocrats.
They didn't do shit.
They were looked down on if they worked.
That's what I was just like, they didn't do anything.
If you worked, you were like a working class.
That's like one of the daughters wanted to get into the investing
side of the business where she was.
Well, that was the progression of the show, I think,
and the attitudes of the people.
It changed.
And they had to change with the times.
Correct.
So I find that interesting.
I mean, hundreds of years of aristocracy.
That's exactly what that was.
I couldn't live like that.
They did nothing all day.
Well, I mean, no, they rode horses and they.
Hold on, Jeff.
I think you get bored.
And you shoot guns.
I mean, they would go hunting.
Dude, they lived the god-blessed life.
No, they all got bored.
They got meals made for them.
They went out and they hunted.
They all got bored.
They traveled.
Guys, it's no different than super rich families now.
Think about it.
Think about some trust fund kid.
They went to college.
Yeah, they were educated.
And they could what?
No, who did?
No, they didn't go to college.
The aristocrats?
These ladies didn't, I don't think.
Well, I don't think women went to college back then.
It would look down upon to even get an education.
An education would be for to go get a job, I guess.
The women were.
I don't know.
It was finishing school.
Were they used as like token chips,
like the Indians used to give their daughters away?
I mean, because it's kind of what.
It was.
Yeah.
There was some of that.
Yeah, there was some of that.
You need to marry up.
You promised stuff.
You can't marry down.
That was part of the struggle.
And you're merging two really prominent families.
And you need to produce an heir.
Correct.
That was a big deal.
Yeah, that was a huge deal.
Like one of them, they were going to lose the mansion
because they didn't have an heir.
Right.
I mean, it's always handed down.
It's always given to you.
Your life handed to you on a silver platter.
Yeah, but these period pieces, some are done very well.
I think I've mentioned this one before is the deuce.
Very 70s.
I don't think I've seen that.
It's deuce.
It's good.
It's about the mid 70s.
OK.
I think it's the 42nd Avenue.
They call it the deuce, I think, in New York.
Where all the prostitution and the porn industry.
Yeah, and the porn.
About pimps, hookers, and the porn industry.
And the cops.
Really?
And it's really well done.
I mean, they capture the feeling.
Oh, nine yards.
The look.
Is there any nudity?
Lots.
OK.
Oh, yeah, I'm in.
Yeah, there's lots of nudity.
The deuce.
Yeah, it's good.
Is it on Netflix or Prime or anything?
It was on HBO.
She was a hooker.
And she started making porn movies.
Oh, wow.
And they show behind the scenes.
There are scenes you see them making it,
but you're kind of back and you see them,
and they're filming it, and they're
trying to figure out all this stuff.
And they're shooting white gravy through a basting
tube for the final shot.
What was that other one that was a really
popular porn-based about making porn?
It wasn't a porn movie, but I mean.
The movie?
Yes.
There was a movie with Marky Mark in it.
Yes.
Boogie Nights.
That was a good movie, too.
He had the big old schlong there at the end.
Oh, yeah.
Loosely based on John Holmes.
Yeah, I didn't really need to see that part, but.
God.
Yeah, I forgot about that.
Boogie Nights.
Yeah, deuce.
I recommend it.
It's good.
It's gangsters, as you can see.
There's gangsters, there's cops, hookers, strippers, porn.
What else do you need?
Yeah, everything you want in a movie.
Nice bourbon.
Did they have bourbon?
They had whiskies.
Whiskey.
We didn't really talk about it, but yeah.
OK, well, I'm going to see if I can remember that.
So anyways, I was coming back from Louisiana,
and it was storming big time.
I mean, all the way there and all the way back.
And I guess it's like downtown Dallas was like.
15 inches of rain.
15 inches.
Our systems could not handle it.
No, flooding, bad flooding.
It was bad flooding.
And Fort Worth, too.
It wasn't just Dallas.
Have you seen some of the videos of these?
I haven't seen anything.
I haven't.
There's some videos out there where
their cars were like fucked up.
Yeah.
I mean.
Well, they said that at DFW Airport,
it rained three inches in one hour.
And it was the most rain the airport
has gotten since 1953.
Wow.
And I was thinking to myself, was DFW Airport
around in 1953?
Or they just mean like the Dallas-Fort Worth area?
I don't know.
No, I don't think it was.
No, there's no way it was around in 1953.
Dallas Love Field first.
Yeah.
And then they built DFW.
Yeah, we didn't get that.
We got some good steady rain up here.
We did.
Oh, we got plenty of rain.
We didn't get any 15 inches.
No.
We don't want that.
That causes problems.
Exactly.
It causes lots of problems.
Oh, yeah.
There's a flood of insurance claims
that are coming through right now.
I guess you're going to go on cat duty from home?
The volume, well, I mean, whatever.
But the volume.
I need a hotel room, please.
Yeah, the volume of water that came through
was just ridiculous.
15 inches is extremely hard for this region to manage.
Especially after 60 days of no rain.
Honestly, anywhere.
And the ground is so hard and dry.
If it comes down hard, it's just going to run straight off.
Yes, right.
It doesn't soar.
It doesn't soak in.
Yeah.
I remember, so you guys remember
Shelly's brother used to work down on Northwest Highway,
right?
And he drove on one of those roads
that you just don't drive on when it's a ton of rain.
Right.
And you don't drive into flooded areas, right?
Well, he got stranded.
And I had to go down there.
And we had to wade to his car to get stuff out of his car.
But basically, the stuff you were talking about seeing on TV,
that was him.
How deep was it?
It was probably
Was it moving water?
Was it just standing?
It was just kind of standing, stagnant water.
Yeah.
And it was
He didn't get an inflatable?
No, we just waded out down.
I mean, it was up to our waist.
Did you do like a backstroke?
No, I mean, I didn't want to really get more
into the water than I needed to.
Was the stuff he retrieved from the car wet?
I guess it was just below that.
So it must have been at the top of the wheels, maybe.
I don't know.
Butterfly stroke is what you used to get out there?
I did.
I was always a very strong breath stroker and butterfly.
Those were my really good
Well, I remember one time when I was coming back from
when I had to go to the office, it was down there at Forest
and 635 was where my building was.
You were doing freestyle?
Yes, I freestyled all the way home.
But there was a lot of rain.
And I've driven home in a lot of rain before,
and I've never had any kind of flooding problems.
I'm driving home, I'm going up Hillcrest,
and there's a section.
And I was at the stoplight.
It didn't look deep.
It just looked like there was a little bit of water there.
But these side streets, it looked like a frickin'
white rapids were coming down, just all this water.
And I hit it, and it was about 100 yards or so
past the stoplight.
So I was going 35 again, 40 miles an hour.
Right into it.
And I hit this.
And it went midway to my grill.
And it snapped my fan inside the motor.
Oh, wow.
It snapped the blade off.
I didn't know that at the time.
And I just went, I hit it.
I went, bam.
And it just stopped.
The car just screeched to a halt.
Screeched to a halt, and it shut off.
I was like, fuck.
That would be the appropriate response.
Right.
And so it was raining.
And so I started it again, started it up,
and was making a horrible racket.
And you're like.
Because I was missing a blade.
Was that followed with another fuck?
It was.
I was like, am I going to be able to get home?
No.
Then I backed.
I did.
Really?
So I backed up, and it was like a U-turn.
And if I got up to a certain speed,
whenever the fan kicked in or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
It was going apeshit crazy.
It was all unbalanced.
Yeah.
I was making a racket.
And I was just like, I just need to make it home.
Just need to make it home.
Just make it home.
And it ran like shit.
Whenever it was due that, the whole car would just shake
and vibrate.
And I'm like, something's fucked up really bad.
But again, it was one of those things where it didn't look deep.
That's how people die in flash floods, man.
But when I hit it, it was probably
2 and 1 half, 3 feet deep.
Right.
Because like I said, I hit it, and boom.
The grill, it was midway up my grill.
It all came over my car.
The power of water is absolutely astounding.
And people will drive into that, and then they'll
get stuck like that.
And then they'll get swept off the road.
Right.
Well, there's no way place for me to go.
Well, I know.
But you know what I mean.
That's like flash floods, right?
That's exactly what happens.
Somebody tries to drive through that.
They exactly experience what you just experienced,
except there was a moving current.
And then the car starts moving, and it
gets swept into the river.
Yeah.
Anyway, it threw me off because of the way it looked.
It didn't look deep.
It looked just like it was a regular puddle, right?
But man, it was deep, and it stopped on a dime.
Damn.
And this water just came all the way over the top,
the whole nine yards.
Oh, what a nightmare.
Yeah, it was bad.
All right, well, we're reaching the end
of our first edition here.
And it is, what?
We didn't even say what it is.
Is it the 22nd of August?
It's the August 23rd.
It's my dad's birthday.
23rd.
Ah, all right.
August 23rd, and we have, let's see.
We've got one more week left.
Is this the last one of?
No.
No, this is, so we've got one more.
We've got one more.
One more in August.
It's the 30th.
And then Labor Day.
Labor Day.
That's when the fast ends.
The alcohol fast.
What did you have to drink tonight?
You could dive in head first, huh?
This was tea, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was tea.
We were drinking some sort of one.
It was very sweet.
Weller's 107.
107 tea.
Whatever.
Fantastic.
Very good.
I haven't finished mine.
I'm about to swallow the last bit of it.
Yeah, because we've got to start on the next one.
Angel's Envy.
Yes.
Anyways.
This is a barrel 1555, if I recall correctly.
Something like that, yeah.
We'll have to investigate.
It's supposed to be the good one.
Well, I'm glad we got to talk about our bowel movements
tonight.
Again.
We're all over the place with shit like we usually are.
I'm Paul.
I'm Sean.
And I'm Jeff.
And our producer, Mr. Austin.