Merry Christmas. Get those things wrapped around
your ears. There you go. Man, I'm low. You got
to put them around your ears like your old girlfriend.
Is that something? It's not something. At least
it wasn't when I was growing up. Okay, actually,
it wasn't for me either. What's going on? What
are you looking at over there? Well, I see a
lot of Sean and... Not the same amount of Jeff.
Well, we're just going to have to get over that.
Okay. You can edit that. What happened to Sean?
Yeah, he was here. I took him out. I can still
hear him, but I just can't see him. All right,
this is the second half of the Dudes Like Us
podcast. It's fucking Christmas time, isn't it?
Yes, it is. We're what? How many hours away from
Christmas Eve? 43. 43 hours? I have no idea.
I thought you were the mathlete. Mathlete? Yeah.
Not when it comes to time. Well, you know, maybe
we should just celebrate pre -celebration of
Christmas. How about that? How do you do that?
I think we should sing something. Such as? He
sang that last time. Now we know that Christmas
will be green and bright. The sun will shine
by day and all the stars by night. Alekalikimaka
is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas. To you,
Jeff. To Jeff. Jeff. To Jeff. All right. That
is Jeff's favorite Hawaiian song, everybody.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas folk song. That
is the true nature. It just captures Christmas.
Negative. How does that make you feel? Tell us
how that makes you feel. It does not make me
feel anything. Oh, my God. You went to Hawaii
this year. Did you not? I did. Last Christmas.
Last December. Oh. Last Christmas. He went to
Hawaii. And he. Come on. That is not a Christmas
song to me. Ran a marathon. This is coming from
someone that says Die Hard's a Christmas song.
It is. What do you mean it's not a Christmas
song? They say Christmas in it. So what? It's
the Hawaiian Christmas Day. So what? Yeah. I'd
never heard that song before you guys were singing
it. It was Bing Crosby. Is it Crosby? Crosby
with an R. It's Crosby. No, it's Crosby. Oh,
I was like... No, that is... For me personally,
it is for you guys. For me, it is not a Christmas
song. I mean, it is. Bing, he was the master.
Oh, he was. He has a lot of them. But for me,
that is not a Christmas song. What is your favorite
Christmas song? Do you have one? No, not really.
Yes, you do. Come on. I mean, so when you think...
Jingle Bells. Oh, come on. How boring. Did you
hear the controversy around that? No. It is supposedly,
was it Joy Reid has said that it is a racist
song. Of course she did. And actually the truth
behind it, because it was on The Five, they did
some research, and actually it's from when they
did The Menstruals back in the... Oh, yeah. There's
been several things that link back to that. And
they said it actually wasn't even a Christmas
song. It was making fun of the Negro in wintertime.
Oh. Fine, we won't sing that one. How about a
different one? Well, let's sing a non -racist
Christmas song. It tended to lampoon. According
to research by Boston University Theater historian
Kena Hamill, the song emerged from a performance
tradition that lampooned black people's participation
in winter activities, often depicting them as
behaving foolishly, grotesquely, and incompetently.
Yeah. I don't believe that for a second. I think
it's far from my favorite song anyway. Here's
the difference. It's not my favorite. The difference
is that that was the intention back then. It's
not now. It is now. Nobody even knows that. I
know. I didn't know either until I saw the news.
two days ago. And what would be the motivation
of somebody to bring up something historical
like that when nobody knows, nobody cares, nobody
even thinks about that kind of stuff? What would
be the motivation for somebody to bring that
up? It's a gotcha moment by The View. Just another
fat -tard moment. I think it was Joy Reid, I
think. It's a reason to be divisive. And we don't,
this is not a season to be divisive. Well, it's
just like the come in, baby, it's cold outside.
where they've made that such a stink. I love
that song. I like that song. And they've made
such a stink about it, but then you have wet
-ass pussy come out, and they're giving Grammys
to that. Yeah, that part, I got to tell you,
that is just rancid, that song. The comparison,
and it frustrates me. You know, you've got these
new artists, not newer, a newer, up -to -age
artist, Kelly Clarkson, and who's the other guy?
That sings that song, Baby, It's Cold Outside.
Baby, it's cold outside. Whatever. I mean, they
omitted certain phrases of it. It's like, come
on, man. Oh, they modified the lyrics? They did.
Huh. And you know what's sad? I mean, obviously,
that song had everything to do with, like, you
know. I don't want to say sexual tension, but
attraction tension. Correct. Right? She didn't
want to leave. It's very lustful. It's like a
first date or something like that, right? Yeah,
he didn't want her to leave. She really didn't
want to leave. She didn't. And she's like, but
I have to. And he's like, but it's cold outside.
You know what I mean? Yeah, come over here. There
was so much attraction tension. Let me wrap myself.
I know you're hot down there. And it makes it
a one. What? What? What? No, no, no. Go ahead.
What? No, no. I don't think Paul. I think Paul
said something, right? You said you're hot down
there. And moist. Ooh. Yeah, maybe we shouldn't
sing that song. Jeff is checking off each box.
Yes. Definitely Me Too. I have changed my mind.
Definitely a Me Too song. Also, did you know
that the song Black Betty is also... That one
started back in the way long time ago and it
was some say that it was a slave song. Black
Betty was the whip or it was a slave. Yeah. What
about Blackwater? I'd like to hear some funky
Dixieland pretty mama come and take me by the
hand. By the Doobie Brothers. By the Doobs. The
doobs. The doobs. Like you know them? Are they
your buddies, Jeff? They're my buddies. Okay,
great. No. Well, it's only songs. But you can
always go back and find anything about anything.
And it's just like, where do you draw the line?
And more importantly, what's your motivation
for bringing that up? Well, her motivation was
strictly to be an asshole. Yes, I agree. All
right, so let's get back into the Christmas thing.
All right, so do you guys get irritated when
it's like the radio stations the day after? Thanksgiving
start... I think they start earlier now. Do they?
Yes. Oh, really? I think November 1st, I think
there was a radio station that was playing Christmas
music. Dude, I play Christmas music all the time
now. As soon as it's available... Oh, you're
playing music out your asshole. I think I just
did, but as soon as the... November, whenever
it comes out, either before Thanksgiving, it's
on our radio station. Even now, every day, every...
I have Christmas music playing in my office,
and the kids get irritated as fuck. Because I
will sync the Sonos to different portions of
the house with different volume controls. Oh,
look at you, just kind of trying to spread your
Christmas cheer. Oh, man, it is. And I'm telling
you, I do it. And meanwhile, out of your ass
is dingle bears. Well, you know. I had a toot
right there. I was a small little toot. That
smells. That's wonderful. It does not. That's
kind of cool. Do they really get irritated or
are they kind of lovingly? Well, I mean, like
Tara was like, it's so loud. The kids are still
asleep. Can you turn it down? I hate your Christmas
music. I was like, fuck them. You know, I was
going to give my boys and my family and my girls
gifts. This year, nah, fuck it. I did say that
last year or the year before. Yes, you did. I'm
still in that fuck it mode. First of all, I'm
super happy and enjoying every part of this Christmas,
but I'm not, now I'm over it now. So now it's
just like, fuck it. I'm giving them money. Let's
talk about that. So literally, that's... I enjoyed
your gifts to your children this year. It's just
money? Well, look, they beat me up. They beat
me up. I went out and I would buy them things
that are nice. Like what? Well, I mean, like
my son, one of my kids loses his keys. Their
keys. Oh, so a key fob. And I got an eye tracker
thing and he never fucking used it. Because he
was like, Dad, you just want to know where I
am all the time. It's not even attached to me.
I don't even know. Oh. I bought them all that,
though. I bought them all two tags. I bought
one for the keychain. Those aren't cheap, either.
No, they're not. I bought one for their keychain,
and I bought one for their wallet. So it looks
like a credit card. And not one person used it.
No, I don't know, but I don't think they did.
Because they're like, oh, I can't find my purse.
I can't find my wallet. I'm like, well, dude,
look, man, I can only bring the horse to the
water. I can't make him drink. And it's to the
point where I'm like, you know what, man? I'm
just going to give you cash. So you felt unappreciated.
Your gifts were unappreciated. They are. They
sit stagnant. Yes. I get it. I would feel that
way. Well, I stopped buying nice clothes for
the boys. What do you get them? I buy them workout
clothes now. Really? Like super tight spandex?
Yeah, it shows all their moose knuckly and everything.
Do your boys have moose knuckles? Yes. That's
kind of interesting. That is interesting. Let's
talk about that. Kind of the antithesis of what
I was thinking. Well, the moose knuckle's the
boy, isn't it? The camel toe's the girl. Oh.
No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so. I
believe the moose knuckle is the boy. No, no,
no. Camel toe is a normal person that's wearing
two tight clothes. Camel toe's the girl. A moose
knuckle is someone that has a larger gap than
normal. No, I've heard it the other way. I think
they're both attributed to women wearing tight
pants. No. I've heard moose knuckle as the bulge
that's just like. cranked over only chuck were
here he would show us pictures he probably would
knuckles and i could be wrong we are we are so
missing our producers not here if i'm wrong that's
the wrong term but i thought that's what it meant
well i i honestly thought i made up the word
moose knuckle because oh no no no way to try
to you try to what do you call that you appropriate
I've been saying moose knuckle for a long time,
and it's never, ever been attributed to a male.
It's always been attributed to a woman whose
area looks like a knuckle that belongs to a moose.
It's enlarged. It's enlarged. Like a fupa. Very
large guy. A fupa. Moose knuckle is a slang term
that primarily refers to the visible outline
or bulge of a man's genitals through tight -fitting
clothing such as pants, shorts, or spandex. Meanwhile,
his little AI agent. I'm thinking your AI hasn't
caught up yet. Exactly. His AI agent was like,
I got you, Jeff. I got you. Yeah, but it's based
on the 70s. The name comes from the resemblance
to the cloven hoof or knuckle of a moose. Oh,
yeah, no. All right. We just jumped in. I established
in the last podcast that AI is not correct. So,
you know, when it didn't even know that Rob Reiner
had been, you know, killed. Anyway. All right.
So going back. So you don't do clothes anymore.
What do you do? Tools, knives, shit that we're
going to use. Knives. Yes. That's exactly what
I do every year. Shelly buys them. A bunch of
knives. Clothes and shit. Like chef knives or
hunting knives? No, no, no. I'm giving you a
Rambo knife. Well, one year I bought them all
Swiss Army knives. With all the little compartments
and stuff like that. Right. And then last year,
I bought Dawson a bigger one, like one that had
like - Like a Rubik's Cube? No, like actual tools
you could use. And he was like, hey, Dad, remember
when you bought me that? It totally came in handy.
I didn't have anything. It was in my car, and
I used it as a screwdriver. And I'm like, there
you go. There you go. Right. And I got them the
battery jumpstart things. I got them those things.
I got them portable air tire inflators. Yep.
I give him shit like that. For Dylan, I got him
the laser tape measure. Ooh, that's nice. That's
nice. It's only got 10 feet. Yeah. I mean, well,
yeah. Actually, it's the one that only goes two
feet. My laser goes down to a 30 second. I mean,
how ridiculous is that? That's super cool. I
mean, that's nicer. I don't even have one of
those, but I bought him one because, you know,
he's in his own house now with his girlfriend.
Right. And I bought Dawson a laser level. Those
are cool. Yes. I have one of those. Laser level.
Yeah, I have one of those. Right. And then I
got Dawson. He just moved into his own apartment
with his girlfriend, and I bought him a, you
know, it's like a smaller, it's not a drill drill,
but it's got like all the drill bits. Right.
And it's a smaller kind of handy, you know, do
things into the walls and stuff like that. Right.
And I got Brody the magnetic sleeve. You know
what I'm talking about? Where your tools and
your bits, when you're working on a car, you
can. stick it to your the nuts and the bolts
okay you put them on your sleeve on your wrist
okay that makes sense yes so you don't drop your
shit i didn't know they made shit like that oh
yeah no it's super cool it's a do you know what
i'm talking about yeah yeah it's just a little
magnet yeah it's a magnet wristband and so you
can put this shit there i mean all of these things
i'm looking at them like oh my god i would love
to have that for myself right i don't have any
of that shit they drive nicer cars they have
nicer tools i'm like what the fuck's wrong with
me Just go buy yourself shit. I need to. Or buy
it the same time you buy theirs. There you go.
I need to. But as far as Christmas, and, you
know, it's not as big as it used to be. And now
we have two ladies that join us. So, you know,
you got to include them and stuff like that.
Yeah, it gets expensive. It does. Dude, I made
the mistake. So I switched credit cards. Like,
you know, we put everything on the credit card,
right, to get as many points as we can. And it
used to be Southwest, and I switched to American.
And when I signed up for the card, I clicked
the box that said, send me a text every time
there's a charge. Oh, God. What a mistake. Can
you not uncheck that? Oh, my God. During Christmas,
I can't. But during Christmas, like Shelly's
shopping, it's like, cha -ching, cha -ching,
cha -ching, cha -ching. I'm like, oh, my God.
What's happening right now? It just goes, it's,
I'm like, I don't know. And your card is like.
Do you have the card? Right. Seriously, I'm like,
did you buy this? Did you buy that? She's like,
yeah, I just submitted it. Like, blah, blah,
blah. I'll tell you what that really irked me,
grinds my gears, is once in a while, because
I use Chase app, you know, and like I tried logging
on last night, which, what, Sunday night, and
I needed to send somebody some money because
I bought a new bottle of Rare Character that
I haven't told you guys about yet. Oh, God. I
mean, yay. I mean, it was like... It was only
$200. It was $95. Oh, that's better. Dude, come
on. It's better, but... Well, you know what?
I don't care. I'll keep the fucking thing. But
the point is... That's what he says every time.
And I will. Every time I grimace, he's like,
fuck it, I'll keep it in my own collection. I
mean, that's... Look, I'm buying it no matter
what. I know. If we want it for the podcast,
great. If not, fuck off. Oh, God. I'm just saying.
This has become a very hostile podcast. We need
to continue purchasing stuff, and they need to
be good stuff. No, we need to be donated bottles
by distilleries so that we can... I attempted
to reimburse somebody for the purchase, and the
Chase Bank said... Hey, man, we think your account
has been compromised. Oh, God. That's a good
feeling. You don't have access to it right now.
And so you can call this number. Sunday night,
I would call the number. We're sorry. We're closed
for now. So I'm like, really? This is my banking
going on. You don't have somebody 24 hours that
can fucking monitor what the hell's going on.
I called this morning and they were like, yeah,
it's just a normal routine thing. It shuts down
your account every now and then. We reactivate
it. It's normal. I'm like, well, if you're going
to do it, why don't you do it on a fucking business
day and not Sunday when I need it. It's like
you shut down. Are you saying the card was shut
down? You couldn't use it? The cards still worked,
but access to manage them was not available.
I mean, that's a big deal. It can be. It brought
some relevance to how much control your banking
has to you that can literally shut you down to
where you have nothing. Oh, yeah. And that's
kind of like, I was thinking that, and I was
thinking, well, fuck, man. Wait till digital
currency comes along. Well, that's what I'm thinking,
man. I'm just going to, should I just start buying
cash, bringing cash home, and just keep the cash?
You'd be gold. No. I wouldn't do that. Why? What
benefit does it have for me to keep, to not keep
cash? Well, there's more and more. Or you say
gold. I didn't say gold. I said gold. There's
more and more places who do not accept cash.
We are cashless. That's not okay. It's not because
it says right on there that our cash is legal
tender. You're correct. And it should be available.
And if they don't take cash, then fuck them.
I think you could file a lawsuit and win it against
an establishment that refuses to take cash. Yeah,
there's several that are cashless. I'm not okay
with that. Yeah, there are. There are. Like right
by the restaurant place off of the west side
of the tollway, there's a big... A place where
they don't have any cash at all. Only fans? Cash
only? I didn't know anything about that. You
have to mail it? You take Bitcoin. What it does
is it was kind of a... It'd be like the six weeks.
Remember in the old days, something you cut out
of a cereal box? Oh, yeah. You had to wait six
to eight weeks. Then you get another mail that
says, all right, you log on this day. Then you
can look at my boobs. Yeah. You're subscribing
to an OnlyFans with cash only, and you're like,
okay, I want you to do this. I'm sending cash
in the mail. And then like eight weeks later,
I don't think that would work. No, it wouldn't.
You get a puzzle, a thousand -piece puzzle set.
All right, if you want to see my boobs, you got
to put together the puzzle. I like doing puzzles.
I like doing jigsaw puzzles. Of boobs? Yeah,
probably. You know what? That would be incentive
for people to actually do the puzzle. Right.
We traditionally have some puzzles. That is actually
a pretty funny idea. I mean, I wouldn't buy a
puzzle of a nude woman, but that's very interesting.
I bet you there is a market out there for that.
They're probably out there. Porn puzzles. Porn
puzzles. Chuck, damn it. Where are you right
now? Seriously, just for fun. See if that even
is actually a product. Porn jigsaws. It's got
to be a product. It has to be. It has to be.
But I'm with you. So that was a big family deal.
Like we would have a 5 ,000 piece puzzle. Right.
And it would be on the big table that was for
the, you know, puzzles. And it would take months.
Oh, yeah. But the whole family would kind of,
you know. Find a piece. Yeah. And then I would
always be stuffing it in. You know what I mean?
It didn't quite fit. And everybody would be like,
it doesn't go there, pal. I'm deaf. Yeah. I can't
hear you. Well, I know the ladies at. So I just
plugged this in there. It says, yes, adult themed.
Adult -themed and pornographic picture puzzles
exist in various forms, ranging from artistic
nudes to explicit content. They're available
through specialty retailers, custom -made services,
and vintage markets. Vintage? Vintage. Photos
.com. 1930s porn. I was going to say, is it like
the black and white with the huge bushes? Huge.
And they're all super pale. Yes, they're kind
of a little overweight. Red bubble seems to be
very popular. And their hair is all weird. You
can clearly see it's American. The curtains don't
match the carpet. And they're leaning uncomfortably
on a chaise lounge. Why would they leave you
uncomfortable? Because it was just weird back
then. They weren't comfortable in their own skin.
Not like now. We just prance around nude. Look
at me. All right, so for those listeners out
there that are really interested in this, the
specialty market in places, the explicit jigsaw
puzzles and nude art puzzles, fine arts for America,
Red Bubble. Red Bubble. Red Bubble. That's where
it's at. Now we're plugging porn puzzles. All
right, what were you saying? So did you ever
get together as a family and do puzzles? Red
Bubble? No. Big, 5 ,000 -piece puzzles. We love
doing them. We'll set them up. We do them all
the time. Oh, do you really? Oh, yeah. Someone
will show up with a 1 ,000 to 2 ,500 piece puzzle,
and it'll flop it upside down on top of our kitchen,
not our kitchen, but the dining room table. Upside
down? Well, they just dump the box out, leave
the lid there, and then all of a sudden - It
starts coming together. Oh, yeah. Everyone, in
all phases of the day. I love that. All phases
of the day. I'm actually going to start that.
You need to have a table set up. Yeah. Out of
the way because you don't want to do it on your
dining room table. Then you're like, oh, I didn't
have dinner. I got to pull this shit away now.
Right. And then all that hard work. Yeah. You're
like, no, we're going to eat in the corner over
here because the puzzle's there. Interesting.
Yes. Because we've done that before. I was like,
set a puzzle up. Yeah, but you have, in your
house, you have your dining room table, which
is similar to this. Right. Then you have the
breakfast area. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's where
we eat. Yeah. That's where we typically eat.
And you know what's so cool about it? I'm just
kind of thinking about this. It's like everybody's
involved. And then I'm looking for a piece, and
you're holding the piece, or you're like, hey,
no, no, no, that comes up. That's right over
here. I mean, it's teamwork. There's teamwork
involved. We don't even do that. We just take
it. But it's intermittent. So it's like, again,
I'm there certain parts of the day, and I'm there
for 45 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever. I walk
away, and then all of a sudden, some kid comes
down, and they start working on it. I love that.
Emily will come by. Austin loves it, man. We
all sit down, and Tara's like, Hercules. She's
so excited. She just loves the camaraderie of
it. Well, there's a good Christmas gift then.
I'm going to go to redbubble .com and I'm going
to see if I can make a new tradition. And hide
the box so they don't know what it is until it
starts coming together. They're like, oh. No,
the very last piece. Okay, what is this? Oh,
it's a nipple. It's a massive bush. No, like
a regular bush. Oh, like Chewbacca? And the last
piece is like the clit. You're like, what is
that? Who's got the clit piece? Okay. Yeah, Merry
Christmas. Not so much for that part, but I do
enjoy them. The old landscape stuff, and it could
be just about anything, even like Star Wars stuff.
We've done Star Wars. We've done so many different
types, and we got to a point where we would buy
the clear puzzle glue. We did that. Oh, and you
make it permanent. And you frame it. I got one
in Brandon's room. Do you really? Yep. Yeah,
and it's so easy to do. From Redbubble? It got
to the point where, though we had so many of
them, I was like, fuck it, we're getting rid
of this. What are we doing with them? You know,
because you just save them and it's kind of like,
eh. Like the frame? After we glue them. Okay,
so you got rid of them after you framed them?
Oh, we had a bunch. Our goal was to try to memorialize
it somehow, like our little trophy for putting
it together. But it turned out that it was just
like, yeah, it was fun, it was an experience,
but so was taking a walk. That is, it kind of
boils down to that. That's as much we wanted
to put into it because after, fucking get rid
of it. I was going to say, I would leave it as
a puzzle and put it back in the box and then
a couple years from now you do that puzzle again.
The heart -wrenching part is when everybody is
working hard to get this thing put together at
their own leisure and then you are missing a
fucking piece. Oh yeah. Oh, no. Fell on the floor,
got vacuumed or something. It's sitting there.
Or one of the kids will deliberately put it somewhere.
And they'll wait until it's finished. Your kids
would do that? And they'll be like, are you looking
for this? That's never happened. That has never
happened. Are you kidding me? For real? Have
you met my kids? I guess that's probably true.
I mean, they've hung out with you. They've picked
up a lot of horrible traits. No, that's not me.
I don't do stuff like that. That's horrible.
They do it on purpose. What other traditions?
That's a great tradition. I'm going to start
that. I mean, we did that as a family, but I
never had started that. When you wake up Christmas
morning, and it could be you, it could be you
growing up, it could be you now, I don't give
a fuck. When you wake up Christmas morning and
you go downstairs and you've got these Christmas
stockings filled with stuff. Are you about to
sing? And you've got the Christmas tree and the
presents on the ground. What do you gravitate
to start with traditionally? Do you open up the
stockings first or do you save those to last?
Do you open up the Christmas presents first and
save the stockings first? Well, me growing up,
my parents, Santa Claus, would not put anything
in the stockings. Don't blow it. But you usually
have like coal? Just coal. No, they'd be hanging,
but she wouldn't put anything in them. We'd just
have the gifts underneath the tree growing up.
So downstairs, We put in stuff, and it's normally
just tchotchke shit, you know. What shit? Tchotchke.
Tchotchke. Stuff. Stuff. Toothpaste. But what
is that word, tchotchke? I've never heard this
word. Am I an idiot? Yes. Maybe I shouldn't have
asked. I'm sorry. Have you heard that word? John?
No, you haven't. That's why you're looking it
up. Tchotchke. I wanted the official term. Tchotchke.
So tchotchke is a small brick brack trinket.
Little trinkets around the house. I've never
heard that word in my life. Anyway, so you put
tchotchkes all over the - Well, just silly things.
You know, packs of gum and mints. You're talking
about in the stockings. In the stockings, yeah.
Condoms. Condoms. Definitely condoms. Especially
when they hit nine. Yeah. So we open them first,
and then we go to the gifts. At least in this
house. Nice. Yeah. So first. Correct. So first.
That's what you do first. So I make an old -fashioned
first. And then... Old -fashioned. You really?
Old -fashioned eggnog. I don't know. You don't
know, man. I don't know. Well, first off, it
depends on the age of the kids, right? If the
kids are like... Five, six, seven. That is a
double of that. Then you make them one. No, I
mean, they're pulling you out of bed, right?
They're jumping on your bed and they're being
all weird and, you know, excited and all that
kind of stuff. Santa Claus. Exactly. Right. And
then you, yeah, and then you hope that, you know,
I look over at Shelly, I was like, did you do
the bullshit cookie thing? We ate on the cookies
and, because I slept. Right? Is the mom always
the one that does the Santa stuff? No, it was
me. Oh, you guys did the Santa stuff? No, it
was me. See, I was hearing impaired. We all did
it together. I mean, I remember I was up to like
four in the morning putting this thing together.
Oh, yeah. We would have put together the thing,
like the bicycle and shit like that. This one
was like an erector set thing that was life -size.
So it was like an amusement park. I had a lot
of fun doing it. Painful. I was so shit -faced.
Right. By the time I finished, I was like, this
is how it's going together. Yeah, and then you're
hungover on Christmas Day. That's perfect. You
wake up still drunk. No, but back then, we were
pretty resilient. So I woke up, and it was pretty
good. Because you were younger. You could handle
it. Well, it was always me staying up late to
bring all the gifts out. So we'd have all the
gifts back in our closet or somewhere back there.
So it was always... kind of creep upstairs? Are
they asleep? Are they watching? Because, you
know, back then, they still believed in Santa
Claus until Brandon figured out when he was seven
or something like that. Well, but you threaten
them. You say, Santa won't come if you don't
go to sleep. And they're not going to risk that.
Right. So I'd stay up late, 11 midnight or something
like that to make sure they're asleep. Then I'd
come out and I'd bring all the gifts out so they're
all there when they wake up. How did your oldest
figure it out? The UPS bar on some box. He's
like, Santa Claus doesn't use UPS. He works for
UPS, Dad? Barcodes. Oh, no. And this handwriting,
Mom, that's your handwriting. Oh. And Stephen
was like four. Yeah, my kids don't know Stephen.
And Brandon was 17 when he figured it out? No.
I have no idea. He was seven, maybe, six. And
Stephen was like, there's no Santa Claus? He's
like, there's no Santa Claus, Stephen. He blew
it for his little brother? Well, we were all
together opening gifts. He's like. There's no
Santa Claus, is there? Because there's a barcode
and that's your handwriting. No, that's not okay.
We were part of Santa's elves clan. I always
had an answer. Yeah, so who figured it out? Who
blew it? I don't even remember. You don't remember?
We've never talked about it. Really? We have
never ever talked about it. Your kids didn't
confront you about it? No, it's kind of like,
you know. having sex you know for learning about
sex it's like it's it was something that we just
never talked about you never had the birds and
the bees discussion i uh no they they knew it
they the kids nowadays they fucking know it they
knew more than i did i was like really i mean
when i found out they were playing that video
game and they're beating the shit out of each
other with that purple dildo i was like what
the hell and i was like i gave up at that time
Man. I'll tell you when Dylan figured it out.
So Shelly, I had these old, you know, silver
dollar coins that were in the stapled square.
Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.
And Shelly didn't have quarters for the tooth
fairy. And so she put one of those under his
pillow. Right. And he goes, I know what this
is. This just came from, dad has one of those.
He came in, he goes, you're not, mom, you're
not the tooth fairy. And then he goes, he goes,
that probably means the Easter bunny. And then
he literally sucked the air out of the entire
room. And he goes, Santa Claus is real. He started
to fall apart. Oh, really? Right, yes. And then
Dawson, like, you know, he was four, you know,
whatever. And I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit.
He's about to blow it for everyone, right? And
he got so mad. And I kind of guided him into
the game room upstairs. And I was like, whoa,
whoa, whoa. And he was like, I'm going to tell
Dawson. And he was so angry that Santa Claus
wasn't real. Right. And I totally just fought
on my feet. I was like, I said, son, I have been
waiting for this day for so long. And he was
crying. What? I go, you're part of the secret
club now. What secret club? I go, now you and
daddy, you know, we're part of the secret club
that we know that Santa, you know, blah, blah.
You know what I mean? I totally drummed it up
into this man moment. Right. And I go, so now
you know something that Dawson doesn't know.
You know that Santa, he's not real though, but.
Did it work? It totally worked. Wow. He was like,
yeah, I can be part of the secret club. And I
totally just winged it. Totally winged it. And
Shelly was like. Totally like it. Well played.
Oh, well played. Yeah, Julie and I just kind
of looked at each other and went, all right,
gig's up. Yep. You're like, sorry, Steven. You
fuck. Yeah. There was no problems or anything.
There were some questions. But he wasn't upset?
He's like, all right. Steven wasn't upset? Maybe
a little bit, but then he's like, all right,
that's next gift. You know? Just keep it coming.
It was the middle of unwrapping gifts. He's like,
all right. Just make sure they're more expensive
than last year. Right. Yeah, we got a lot of
clothes. Tara has... She buys a lot of clothes.
I mean, really, there's a lot of boxes down there,
and they're all clothes. So many boxes. I got
to go shopping tomorrow, honestly, because I...
For whom? Just in general. I need to go walk
in... I'm not buying... Tara. Oh, you... Because
you're not buying it for your kids. No, I'm not.
I'm done with that. I went to the bank this morning,
pulled out. I withdrew a large amount of cash.
And I went to... Plus, dude, this is off the
record here. Off the subject here, not record.
Nothing's off the record. We're a public podcast.
I got my tree raped this morning. You remember?
I had some issues with my tree. No. What up front?
I've had some large limbs fall off. The real
tree. Correct. And so I called an arborist. They
came out and they were like, oh, it's going to
be a significant amount of money to do this,
this, and this. And I was kind of like, fuck
you. Are you kidding me? Here's the estimate.
And he throws in like this lanky ass, like. God
damn it, a fertilizer for the tree. Oh, yeah.
He adds all this extra, which is great. Thank
you. But really, it's a fucking tree. You're
like, I have a pull saw, bitch. I can do this
myself. Well, so I used somebody last year. I've
got one. It was from Wes. So, you know, it was
a fraction of the cost. Oh, of course. A fraction
of the cost. And you can use it every year. Dude,
they were there. They showed up at 1030. And
they were gone by 12 and everything was done.
Oh, I'm confused. I'm confused. Okay. You didn't
use Wes's pole saw. You use Wes's guys. Wes's
guys, yes. I use, okay, Wes referred me to some
contractors that did his house a year ago. And
I kept their name. And they're like zip, zip,
zip, zip, zip, zip. Dude, they went in there
and they just knocked shit out. This guy was
like four feet tall, right? Oh, yeah. And he
climbs up there and he's like zip, zip, zip,
zip. All those little tiny little cuts. He's
like, boop, they're falling down. And this guy's
down below. He's picking shit up and throwing
it. Those guys are amazing, man. And they're
like. They're like monkeys. Yeah, they go to
the end of the thing and it bends down on purpose.
And the other guy zips, zips. I mean, just unsafe.
Well, I mean, they're tied up. I mean, they've
been doing this a long time. And look, trees
are pretty resilient. I mean, yeah, some can
break. But when you're leaning on a tree like
that and the branch decides to break, there's
usually, it's not going to like free fall. Right.
It's going to fall. With some grace. There's
no way I would be up there doing that. No. No
way. So is it pretty bare right now? Yeah, so
you guys just drive by. It's like a stick. No,
I mean. Torn up pretty good, huh? It's definitely
different. So, I mean, and it's not even done.
I just said, that's enough for now. Are there
any leaves left? Does it look like an African
canopy, like way up in the sky? Like, you know.
It needs a reboot. So, I mean, it needs a marking.
It needs something. Right now, I'm just going
to have to wait for spring to happen and find
out where all those leaves are going to find
themselves. Has Tara seen it? I don't know. Does
she care? It's too late now. Shelly is all in
on the trees looking perfect in the front. Yeah,
but here's the thing, man. I want that one cut.
I want that one cut. But the problem is that
it was unsafe. Yeah, his tree was breaking. You
had a big limb. Yeah, it's unsafe. And the parts
that they cut down were strategically taken down
because they were just oversized. They were way
too big. And even it's still taller than I want
it to be. I want to knock it down a little bit.
Anything above the house line, I want down. Yeah,
I get it. And we'll just remap it, reform it,
whatever. I don't even know, man. These guys,
I mean, they're good at what they do. And they
can shape it. They can shape the tree. But it
went like, and I'm not exaggerating, it went
from like almost two grand down to like 500.
Yeah. I was kind of like, what would you do?
Now, did they know they're coming back? Or you
looked at it and were like, yeah, I need some
more work on this. Yeah, well, I told them they're
coming back. I said, yeah, come back in March
and we're going to firm up a few extra spots.
In March? Yeah, spring. Springtime. Before shit
starts growing. Are you going to put some fertilizer
stakes down and everything like that? Yeah, I'm
going to do some love to figure out some stuff
to do to the tree by myself. You're talking about
the tree spikes. Whatever. Do you do that or
something? I've used those in the past. Yeah,
I have in the past too, but it's been like five
years. Typically, once your tree gets old enough,
you don't need that. You're supposed to do it
on the perimeter of the drip line. And the drip
line is the farthest out. Well, mine's in the
street then. Right. No, there's the problem.
Yeah. Because, I mean, as it's growing, right,
it's the farthest point of drip line is you make
a circle around the tree. Where the roots are
supposed to be. Correct. And then at some point,
it gets too big to make that work. Right, right.
So, and then I think you probably don't even
need. tree spikes anymore after that. I think
the fact that I've reduced the amount of things
for the tree to feed. You made like a cone. It
looks pretty barren right now. But I mean, it
will recoup. I mean, it will. Because there was
another portion of the tree that did the same
thing. My God, this was a big... It was like
a 16 -inch in diameter leg that was coming up.
And it was like... almost hitting emily's room
it was over the house but it was coming back
it's spanking that wall non -stop and they cut
that shit down and it was just like a freaking
just big ass log aiming in the air yeah you know
but if that thing would have fallen it would
have taken out my house in the neighbor's house
right so this was a tree that existed before
the house was built it wasn't planted with no
i think it was it was planted with the house
wasn't really oh wow yeah typically with these
how old is your house I would say 20 years. Mine,
my trees are not as big. Well, a different kind
of tree. He's got an ash. Those may grow a little
more aggressively. An ash, okay. Yeah. Which
the ash tree I was reading, those may just go
away because the ash beetle is ravaging country,
across the country. Really? Killing them all.
Yeah. Oak's the way to go, man. I got two big
burrows out front. What is it? Red and... What's
the other one? Red oaks are nice. Oh, there's
white oak, there's red oak. Live, live. Live
oak and red oak. Live oak, white oak. I've got
a burr oak. My trees are burr oaks. Okay. I've
got a charred white oak. Charred? Charred alligator.
Alligator char. Actually, I have two Chinese
pistachios is what I have. So back to Jeff's
word, tchotchke. Okay. Tchotchke. Tchotchke.
How would you think that's spelled, Paul? Yes.
Close. You're very close. Thank you. I would
think C -H -A. I don't know after that. I think
C. Maybe a T in there somewhere. I think C -K
-Y -H -H -L -Y -E -R. So it's pronounced tchotchke.
Okay. There's a T in there somewhere. T. I say
T. So it starts with a T. Yeah. So it's T -C
-H -O. Cho. Cho. T. T -C -H -O -T. Chot. Okay.
And then key. Chi. Ch -key. Tot. Ch -key. Ch
-key. C -H -K -E. So. T -C -H -O -T. That's not
a real word. Tchotchke. It reminds me of like
a - Can you use that word in a sentence, please?
Yeah. Tchotchke and what is the other dude's
name from the Happy Days? Tchotchke. Tchotchke.
And what is the other guy's - Tchaikovsky. Well,
Jody loves Chachi. Who are the actors? There's
Henry Winkler as the Fonz. There's Richie Cunningham.
There's Chatsky. And then who's the other guy?
The Fonz? No, besides the Fonz. Ralph Mouth Pottsy?
Ralph Mouth Pottsy. It's Pottsy. Pottsy? Pottsy.
That character there trips me out. I love calling
people Potsy. Potsky. When somebody starts acting
like it's not Potsy. Is that offensive? Is that
a slam? It's kind of like some overzealous nerd
forward slash college student. Is it like that
annoying kid on Saved by the Bell? Perhaps. Who?
Screech? Yeah, he wears a bow tie. No. Screech.
It was a black kid with glasses and a bow tie.
That was Urkel. So annoying. Oh my God. Did I
do that? I never watched that show. Was that
Shaped by the Bell? No. Yeah, we didn't watch
that show. That was called Urkel. That was Urkel
or Family Matters. He was in Family Matters and
had his own show after that. He had a show called
Urkel? Yeah. His name was Urkel. Maybe, I don't
know if that was the name of the show. I think
it was Family Matters. His character became the
most popular thing, and then I think he had a
spinoff after that. It was so annoying. It was
annoying. And the fact that it just... Can you
imagine him being an actor? He's like, oh, this
is okay. This is where I'm making my money. Right.
And will be forever known as Urkel. Even when
he does shows, because he is kind of a good actor,
and he shows up every now and then on some sort
of show, whatever it is. He's like, oh, that's
Urkel. Yeah, that's Urkel. It's like he will
never beat it. Hey, it's Urkel. Just like Pee
Wee Herman, right? I mean, there were one something
pony. Did Pee Wee Herman die? Yes, he did. Yeah,
okay. I used to watch that TV show in college,
I think, and then he got busted for - Hold up.
Pause. You used to watch what show in college?
Pee Wee Herman. That was a show? He had a TV
show, Pee Wee Herman. I thought he had the Pee
Wee Herman's Big Adventure. Yeah, he had a TV
show as well. Which was actually funny. It was
funny. Feliz Navidad. That means Merry Christmas
in Spanish. Say it. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad.
Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad.
Feliz Navidad. Right. I've seen it, but I never
watched it. I know that there's a difference.
It was shock. It wasn't even shock value funny.
It was just stupid funny. It was stupid. It was
kind of like Dumb and Dumber. It was one of those
shows that you put, because we had, what, two,
three channels, and it was on, so you'd watch
it, right? The scene where he's out in the wilderness,
and he hears all these noises or whatever, and
he turns on the flashlight, and there's literally
a thousand animals all around him. There were
some really, really funny scenes in that movie,
but for the most part, it was really stupid.
Anyway, yeah, he got busted. I think he was touching
himself in a movie theater. It was called masturbating.
I didn't want to say that word. There's something
gross about that word. Touching yourself is different.
Jacking off, is that better? No, that's also
offensive. Okay. Well, I mean, that's what he
was doing. He was at a - Porn. A porn place,
and he was - Polishing the bishop and spanking
the monkey. Okay. Slopping the knob. Frosting
the pastries. I think. Hold on. Slopping the
knob is not. That's different. Is that what you
said? He's like, hold on a minute. That's wrong
terminology. What are you, slobbing the knob?
Yeah, that's not. Frosting the pastries. Oh,
that's. Yeah, somebody. else. But it's interesting
because you had brought up the... Can we move
on? I'll try to... So you brought up in college,
you're watching fucking the Pee Wee Herman show,
right? And I immediately was like, what the fuck,
man? And then I started thinking, hold on. You
watched it too. No, I didn't. I didn't watch
that show. But I did watch shows equally as stupid
as that. I just pulled up the DuckTales. DuckTales.
I remember that. I never watched that. Do you
remember DuckTales with Scrooge McDuck and the
boys? I've heard of it. I've never watched it.
I have never watched it, no. Oh, my God. I'm
not even sure what it is. It's a cartoon. It's
a cartoon. It's a Disney cartoon. Is it Disney?
Donald Duck. I know VeggieTales, but I don't
know DuckTales. VeggieTales is another one, and
VeggieTales was something I watched with the
kids, which is a whole different animal by itself.
Oh, we all did. VeggieTales. VeggieTales. It
was great. Yes. Broccoli. Celery. Caterpie. VeggieTales.
And you know what's funny? It wasn't actually
that painful to watch as an adult. Well, there
were catchy songs. Yeah, it really wasn't. There
was a lot of catchy songs, but there was a lot
of adult humor in there. You're like, oh, I can
read between the lines. And the songs that they
had, I mean, they were so like. But it also,
like, taught lessons. Correct. It brought in,
like, Costco, the big supermarkets, and how it
squeezed out the little guys, and you had Madam
Blueberry. But it was a big spiritual message,
too, wasn't it? There was some faith -based.
It was absolutely a faith -based show, I thought.
Yeah, it was. Look, so VeggieTales won. Going
back to DuckTales, it reminds me of how immature,
how mature we think we are. But in reality, we're
fucking just children. Because immediately when
you said that, I was going to make fun of you,
but I was like, wait a minute, pump the brakes
there. Immature man. So I started thinking of
DuckTales and there's all kinds of stuff that
was going on. I was watching. What's the stupid
cartoon? Beavis and Butthead? Yes. My roommate,
that's all he did. That's all he watched? Yeah,
I would come home from class and he would just
be watching Beavis and Butthead. The other one,
I think Beavis and Butthead may - You talk about
immature. I was out of school at that point,
but the big one was Ren and Stimpy. Remember
that one? That was so brutal. Hey, man, I got
something special for you. But it was so bad.
It was violent and gross. Yeah, but the pictures
they would show, the close -up of the zits popping.
It was real juicy. It was so gross. What's with
you? It kind of reminded me of The Simpsons'
Itchy and Scratchy. Yes, yeah. Yeah, remember?
Except so. It was so graphic. So graphic is the
word. So graphic. Yeah, it was so... Ren and
Stimpy was graphic? Yes. Yeah, well, they did
the close -up. So was Itchy and Scratchy, man.
It was over -the -top graphic. That was the point.
It was like making fun of Tom and Jerry and how
graphic Tom and Jerry was back in the day, right?
And it took it to a whole new level, right? Right.
And Simpsons is still going. Do they still do
Itchy and Scratchy? I have no idea. I haven't
watched that since college. It is the longest
-running show in history. Well, I wasn't in college,
and I graduated over 30 years ago. I know. It's
insane. So are you guys watching any Christmas
shows? We watched Red One last night. What is
that? Red One. Red One. That's the one that has
the rock. Santa Claus gets kidnapped and he's
like the head security guy and they go look for
him. It was actually pretty good. Really? Red
One, what is it on Netflix? It's on Amazon. And
Santa comes out of the house. And he's all buff.
Yeah, and he's like killing. He is. So I've watched
National Lampoon. I've watched twice. I've watched
Elf several times. I've watched Scrooged with
Bill Murray. Oh, Bill Murray. I actually watched
Die Hard. I actually did. I did not watch Die
Hard. I did watch Die Hard. See? I did. Not a
Christmas movie. It is 100%. I just happened
to see it, so I watched it. It was so good, too.
I forgot how good it was. It's a great movie.
It really is. And the villains. It was one of
the movies that... Hans Gruber. It was one of
the movies where they actually make the villains,
like, not likable, but totally respected. Well,
entertaining. Yeah, I mean, they were actually,
like, good villains. You know what I mean? Like,
they held their own. Right. They're smart. Yeah,
they're smart. They're smart. Thank you. I mean,
it was awesome. It was a good movie. I like the
part where he's falling. Hans Gruber. Yeah, Hans
Gruber. He's hanging on the edge of the building.
And they said when they were filming that, that
they actually let him go on purpose. Without
him knowing. Without him knowing. And they actually
captured like, oh shit. The real response. Yeah.
It's very believable. So I would totally buy
that. Yeah, I would have been all, fuck you.
But that guy died. He did? Yeah. He died. He
was also on Harry Potter. He was Severus Snape.
Snape. What did he die of? Cancer or something?
I believe so, yeah. Oh, that's too bad. He was
also in Robin Hood. He was the Sheriff of Nottingham.
He was really good at that as well. He was a
pretty good actor, man. Yeah. There's a lot of
good actors out there. I couldn't do it. And
the scene where they're on the roof and he is
looking to see, he runs into Bruce Willis. And
he acts like he changes his accent to be American.
Oh, yeah. And he's like, don't hurt me. Yeah,
don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt
me. And he was like, yeah, I'm not going to hurt
you, man. I'm not going to hurt you. And I was
like, damn, he's totally believable. Yep. But
he figured it out. Right. Bruce Willis. Well,
he was smoking those European cigarettes. Well,
Bruce Willis, yeah. Well, he handed him a gun
with no bullets in it because he knew he was
one of those guys. It was the European cigarettes.
Really? It was the cigarettes they gave away?
It was the cigarettes. Yeah, the cigarettes.
Oh, I didn't catch that. I can't hear. It's in
the subtitles. Did you have your little thing
set up at home? We can't afford that. I can't
afford the extra. Hell, I tried putting on closed
caption at their house, and I almost got kicked
out of the fucking house. What are you putting
closed caption on here? No one did that. We went
over there to watch the football game. Oh, well,
you don't need closed caption on a football game.
No, you don't need closed caption on any sporting
event. That's a man rule. Actually, that's true
because it's a pain in the ass because usually
the closed caption covers up some pretty important
information. Yes, absolutely. All the stats.
That should be a man rule. No closed caption
during a sporting event. It's not a man rule.
It's just a pain in the ass rule. I don't know.
It's a regular thing in my house now. It won't
be after this weekend, but I do Red Zone and
My Game. I carry a 50 -inch TV into the family
room and put it on chairs next to the other TV,
and I do Red Zone on that one, and I do My Game
on the other one. Do you really? Absolutely,
every Sunday. Do you want one of those little
rolling stands like I have for the karaoke? Nah,
it's pretty easy to carry it over there. I don't
need to overcomplicate. It makes it just rollable.
Yeah, it's all good. It's got wheels. Remember,
that's what I put on Instagram. So Shelly was
watching the proposal on the main screen, and
I carried my TV in to do my Red Zone deal, and
the Titans weren't playing yet, and I watched
Red Zone on the left TV and watched the proposal
on the front TV. So how did you listen to the
Red Zone? I mute it. You don't even need sound
for Red Zone. Oh, you use closed caption? No.
You don't need closed caption or sound for Red
Zone. You're just watching people play football.
Come on. It's not that hard. Right? You couldn't
tune in your hearing aids to pick up the TV?
That would have been fancy. Actually, I don't
know. Can you do that? Yeah, you can. They have
ones that plug into the TV, and then they send
the Bluetooth signal to your hearing aid. Oh,
my gosh. That's genius. I don't need it, though.
I used to have that. I got those from my mom,
the Bluetooth headphones. It's more trouble than
it's worth. So she could have it on. Did it work
pretty well for us? Oh, yeah. 100%. Oh, really?
100%. Yeah. And then when she passed away, I
brought them home because my dad wasn't using
them. So I used them here for a little bit. Yeah.
To me, I'm old school, so that kind of shit's
more trouble than it's worth. You know what I
mean? Let's talk about what we're drinking, because
it is effing phenomenal. You know, I'm... Is
this another 1 .3 rating? It's very complicated.
What's going on here up front? First of all,
this is Woodford Reserve. This one is a... is
from the distillery. So this is Woodford Reserve
Chocolate Whispered Redux. It's a very small
bottle. And I don't even know if this is pronounced
right because usually Redux is like E -U -X,
but this is - It's French. Yeah, this is Redux,
R -E -D -U -X. Features, well, I don't want to
get into that, but it's a tiny little bottle
for one thing. It's a smaller bottle because
- That's the only way they packaged it. Yeah.
So it's very unique, and it's called the Chocolate
Whisper Redux, whatever. It definitely has that
dark, dark chocolate thing. But you know what
I taste in there? I taste that Band -Aid taste,
that peat. There's something going on. It's hidden
beneath there somewhere. I don't pick up the
peat. There's no double oak on this either. No.
So this is the Cooper Ridge. Yeah, it's a new
charred oak barrel, and it's 139 .4 proof. That's
high proof. This is the highest ever Woodford
Reserve. It is unbelievable. They've never had
anything higher than that. How coffee, chocolatey,
toffee. I mean, every bit of all those. Candy
-like notes. I mean, it's dark, dark chocolate.
Dark chocolate. Like you said, I pick up the
coffee. Coffee. Coffee. Very dark fruit. Very
dark stone fruit, like a dark cherry. How do
they do it? That's amazing. I don't know. I don't
know how old it is. There's no age statement
on there. Does it say what you're looking at?
The bottling date is 2025. The bottling date.
There is no age statement. Does it say on your
little webpage? Hey, why don't you get your fancy
glasses? What does it say under Master Distiller
Notes? Read that to us. So the Master Distiller
Notes, it's an unparalleled proof of this. Uh
-oh. The glasses are failing him. This equitable
extended aged whiskey showcases the bourbons.
Extended aging. Something chocolate and espresso
notes. I think this is... Exquisite. Exquisite
chocolate and espresso notes. Yeah. I think this
is probably a little bit older because it's dark.
I'm going eight years. At least. At least. It
doesn't say, but I would... I mean, look, this
bottle is dark. Where did we get this bottle?
You got it at... I got it at Woodford Reserve.
I am curious. How much did you spend on this?
That was $100. God bless. That little bottle.
It's a half bottle. Worth every penny. It's tremendous.
It's not quite hazmat, but. It absolutely is
tremendous. Yeah. No, it is hazmat. It's $139.
Well, $140 is official hazmat. Yeah. Just. So
technically. Just. So technically you could take
that on the airplane. Really? Yeah, if it's $140
and above, you cannot take that on an airplane.
Like in checked baggage. Because it's considered
hazardous material. That's why they call it hazmat.
Oh, shit. Yeah. Well, maybe that's why they did
it, because they want people to carry this all
over the country. It could be. In the belly of
an airplane. Could be. Yeah, they sold this at
distillery only. This is the only size, and you
had to ask for it. At least it was when I was
there. How'd you know to ask for it? I heard
someone talking about it. Oh, my God. While you
were there? Yeah, we were walking around the
store. They were like, it's a lesbian. Literally.
It wasn't available. They didn't have a big display
up or anything like that. And they came from
the back room and handed you one? Well, no. They
had them underneath the counter. Oh, my God.
Yeah. They wanted somebody who knew about it
to ask for it. I asked. I was like, well, it's
$100. I was like, this was our last stop, too.
And you were like, and? I was like, should I
do it? You're like, do you have any idea what
podcast I'm associated with? Do you know who
I am? Do you know who I think I am? And then
I looked at it. I was like, $139. I was like,
I'll take it. $139 proof. Woodford Reserve Chocolate
Whisperer Redux features intense dark chocolates,
cocoa nibs, and coffee on the nose and palate.
100 % all that. Bounced with rich notes of toasted
oak dried cherry, cranberry, and bacon, spices,
cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove. I can't believe
it's not flavored. It's not. That's how. How
does it get? That's how extreme the flavor is?
Known for decadent yet complex chocolate forward
experience with significant oak and fruit. How
does it get that chocolate? I don't get it. Is
it a decaying barrel that they're using? It could
be the yeast. It could be the barleys, the wheats,
the corn that they used. It could be all of that.
Gentlemen, this is going to get the highest rating
I've ever given. Hands down. Is it really? Yes.
I'm going to give it an 8 .8. Damn. That's pretty
good. I have never given anything that high.
Not even close. I've given it a 9, haven't I?
Yeah, I don't know which one, though. Oh, shit.
Chuck's not here to take the... We'll have to
write him down. And by the time Chuck gets back,
it may go 9. I mean, you can't get better than
this. This is good. So, I mean, I don't want
to give it a 10 because that just doesn't seem
right. Yeah. But, I mean, you cannot get better
than this. You can't, in my opinion. I mean,
if you're into a dark chocolatey, rich, no, zero
burn. How do you have no burn for 139 proof?
I don't know. Yeah. Well, you saw me when I took
the first pool. I would go over nine. I would
go over nine because I don't know how to rate
this. Yeah. This is very, very rich. That first
pool of mine almost took me back. Zero burn.
Yeah. I was like, wow. So what are you calling?
What are you doing? I am in the probably high
eights, eight, seven, I think. You know, talking
through it, I'm going to go higher. I'm going
to go 9 -1. I'm going to go 9 -1 -2. There you
go. 9 -1 -2. You're going to go 1 .9 -1 also.
9 .101. I'm going to go 9 .01. No, no. You already
said. You already voted. I'm going to go 9 -0
-2 -1 -0. Fuck. 9 -0 -2. That's higher than mine.
9 .0210. Yeah, that's higher than mine. Did you
ever watch that show? 90210? 100%. Did you really?
The original, the OG, yeah. I didn't. OG. The
OG. Did you just hear that? The OG. Well, they
remade the damn thing. What does OG mean? What
does the old generation? Original gang. Gangster,
yeah. Original gangster. The blonde was so cute
in the first show. There was a couple blondes.
I know, but. You would probably recognize. I
mean, you know the one I'm talking about. What
is it called again? Beverly Hills 90210. What?
Did you ever watch that? Why are you acting like
you've never heard of it? Because that's literally
impossible. Was it Jenny Garth? Yes. I've heard
of it. I just never really watched it. Look at
this guy. This guy, he's like an elephant. He
remembers everything. Do they remember everything?
Elephants do. Supposedly. Yes. So before that,
there was another kind of show similar to that
one. And Heather Locklear played in it. That
was after. That was Melrose Place. Beverly Hills.
Beverly Hills came out first. They came out with
Melrose, which is a slightly older crowd. I haven't
seen what Heather Locklear looks like. Bad, right?
Has she aged well? See, this is what I'm saying.
I want them to be always like I remember them.
I don't want to see the bands that I like being
all old on stage and weird looking. I mean, like
Tori Spelling. Oh, yeah. I mean, they just age.
Guys. Yes. And Shannon Daugherty's dead. Yeah,
she died. We don't look like we did when we were
20. You sure? Pretty sure. I don't know. I mean,
I look amazing. I mean, don't get me wrong. Well,
we all age. We don't look the same. I can guarantee
that. And they're not. They try. Oh, hell. I
remember being at a bar and some woman looking
at me and says, how did you get her? Talking
about my wife. And I was like, well, I didn't
always look like this. You know, that was at
that. That's when you said he was gay. Yeah.
Rugby. You offended him first. I don't care.
What did you say? Oh, he said rugby was gay.
Yeah. And he was a former rugby player. Yeah.
And he was like. I should kill you, but I won't.
You can try. Oh, he would have torn you apart.
Whatever, man. Oh, look at him all. I would have
bit slapped his wife. See? Oh, wow. She was rude.
Yeah, she was. Well, she was angry because you
had offended her. She didn't even hear that.
I think she did. That was at the rugby house,
wasn't it? I was there. I was there. She didn't
even hear it, honestly. She was on my left and
he was on my right. We were talking in a different
direction. But when you walked away, she made
a comment and I can't remember what she said.
She was like, yeah, your friend something something.
And I was like, oh boy, here we go. She did.
She made some sort of comment. But what is it
that she said? She was pissed off. Her husband
was pissed off and that made her pissed off.
I don't care. Anyway, but that wasn't during
COVID. Yeah, but we were there. Who was there?
You and I first? We were all there. Yeah, we
were there first. That was St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. And we all went there. The ladies were there
and everybody. We just got blown up and we ended
up going somewhere else to eat dinner. Yeah,
because - Somebody fell asleep at the table at
the dinner that we went to. Was that you? I don't
remember. I think it was you. I think it was.
It was him. He fell asleep. Did we go to Kelly's?
Is that where we ended up? No. It was pretty
nice. Yeah, it was a nicer place. It wasn't Kelly,
though. Oh, that's right. Where the fuck was
it? I don't know. I remember that. You did fall
asleep. I have images of it, but I don't remember
where it was. We were all in the same place,
and that was intoxicating. It was fun, though,
but it's kind of a staple of the time. Whatever,
man. I don't give a fuck. I don't care about
that either, but that lady... When I was going
back up there, I hunted them down because I wanted
to have a follow -up on that. By the way, still
gay. Oh, I thought you were going to say, hey,
do you remember a year ago? No, I don't care.
I didn't mean that. I hope you guys are okay.
I didn't say gay. I said queer. Let's be clear.
You did say queer. I said queer because it is
an odd sport. Yeah. And he's the one that kind
of took it somewhere it shouldn't go. Look, it's
queer. Is it queer? Rugby? Yeah. Is it queer?
Rugby was the... Hold on. You're saying it's
not an odd sport? It predates football. It predates
football, yeah. So? Does it make it queer? I
don't think it's queer. I don't think it's weird.
Okay, but is it part of the normal? What we consider
football. For the rest of the world, yes. How
about for the United States? Because that's where
we're from. Actually, that's big in colleges
and stuff. There's rugby teams. It's big now,
but it wasn't back then. My wife played college
in college. She played college in college? She
played college in college. And she also played
rugby in college. For the majority of the United
States citizens. I think it's bigger than you
think it is. Okay, but still. I'm with him. It's
not a big sport. Most people don't know the rules.
I wouldn't use the term queer though. You wouldn't,
but I'm just saying it is a queer sport. Not
to be confused with homosexual. I think you used
that word wrong. It's an odd sport. I don't think
queer is the right word. Queer is the right word.
Queer is odd. Like a $2 bill is queer. He's saying
odd. He's just saying odd. And that is listed
under one of the definitions of queer. I understand
that. Because a $2 bill is queer. Yeah. You know,
it doesn't make a gay or... I just don't see
it as an odd sport. You don't think... I think
it's a less popular sport. You think Thomas Jefferson
is gay? Is that what you're saying? I don't know.
I don't care either. Isn't he on the $2 bill?
Thomas Jefferson? I don't know. You don't know?
I think that any sport that most of the United
States is not familiar with, we're not familiar
with it. Do you know all the rules to... No,
I didn't say that. I said it's less popular.
That doesn't make it odd. But do you know all
the rules to it? No. I just don't think it's
odd as it's a less popular sport. I think camel
riding is odd. That's an odd sport. Camel racing?
Queer sport. Camel racing? Yes. Yeah. It's odd.
I don't think rugby is odd. It's just... Horse
racing could be odd and queer because not a lot
of people do it. I guarantee that American football
is queer as shit around the rest of the world.
Correct. Yeah. These dudes running around with
a faggoty ass helmet. The reason why I went kind
of full circle on this is because I didn't flat
out say that. Rugby was gay. You didn't mean
that. No, but that's how he took it. Well, that's
because he's uneducated. It doesn't matter. I
think today when most people hear the word queer,
they think gay. Correct. You're dwelling. Why
don't we move on? Come on. I think we've beaten
this poor little horse. He's killed this poor
little horse. Okay. Right. Excellent bourbon.
It is. What did I say? 9 -1? 9 .01. I'm high
8 .8. One of the best we have, I think. So to
be clear, we can't say that word? What? Queer.
No. Never again. The F word. Cigarette. No, I
mean, it's a slur, right? Yes. It's clearly a
slur. Has queer become a slur? No. It depends
on the context. So if you refer to a homosexual
as queer, it's now... Probably, depending on
the context. I would never use queer... Because
you're calling them odd. Yeah, I would never
use... Well, because I don't interpret queer
as being gay. I interpret gay as being gay. I
think a lot of people, most people would interpret
queer as gay. Well, I mean, they - LGBTQ. Yeah,
they actually embrace it themselves as a word
to describe - Yeah, but they try taking over
everything. They try taking over the rainbow.
They have. They have. Successfully, I might add.
Yeah. Yeah. So - Disappointing. It is disappointing.
So, this is a one and done. I don't think we're
going to be able to get this ever again unless
we find the - Slap that on the shelf, man. We'll
just totally - Holy shit. This is - Keister it,
whatever we're going to do. I've never given
this high a rating. I am - I'm thrilled, beyond
thrilled with this. And, you know, unfortunately,
you're not going to find this anywhere. Nope.
No. This is, did you register so that it only
drams? Does it register as impossible? I don't
know. Let's find out. Look at, Jeff got all excited.
I don't know. I don't know if I've added this
yet or not. Oh, God. So incredible. I want another
pull, but there's no way I'm going to take another
pull of this because it needs to last forever.
You know. Yeah, I agree. You know, we got to
stop. It's a rare. It's a rare. Oh, so it's not
a uni. It's not even a unicorn. Well, I mean,
because the reality is if you want this, you
can go to the story and you can ask for it and
you can buy it, which makes it not a unicorn.
Right. Or impossible. I'm very curious on how
the chocolate part comes about. I don't know.
Is it regular oak barrels? It's insane. That's
why I think maybe it's the type of malt they're
using or the barley or something like that that
may be imparting some of those flavors in there.
I don't think so. I mean, this is a bourbon.
You think it's all just barrel? It's how it came
out of the barrel. It's not even double -oaked.
Yeah, but the Nashville plays into some of that
as well. It does. Otherwise, everyone would have
the same shit. Yeah. You know? Are they using
a different type of oak? Is it American oak?
I don't know. Is it the location within the rickhouse
that's doing it? Is it where they got the wood
for the barrel? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know
either. It's a fascinating. It's a fascinating
taste. Was it next to a chocolate tree? That's
it. You nailed it. Yes, it's aged in a chocolate
tree. Actually, it's an oak outside of Hershey's
plant. There you go. Yeah. They use the Hershey
water. It's chocolate water. What are you finding?
Well, I'm looking for Woodford Reserve Chocolate
Features Tasting. Okay, so it doesn't really
say. I'm asking, how is it getting that chocolate?
You know what? It's going to be a well -kept
secret. These guys are good at what they do,
man. And they don't want to spill that secret.
And it's a blend. I mean, it's not a single barrel.
Oh. It's a blend. So my guess is, otherwise it
would say single barrel, right? No, no, no, no.
So it doesn't say blend on the bottle? It doesn't
say a whole lot on that bottle. It doesn't say
a whole lot. But it does not say the word blend.
It doesn't say blend, but it doesn't say single
barrel either. I guess, well, turkey doesn't
say. Does wild turkey say blend? Okay, so, okay.
I guess that's the clarification we need to make.
When you are blending barrels of the exact same
mash bill that's been aged for the same amount
of time, that's not a blend. That's not a blend.
A blend is 8 -year, 18 -year, 3 -year. That's
a blend. You know what I'm saying? When you make
a small batch. Small batch is you're collectively
picking out a batch of barrels. The same stuff.
The same stuff. That's not a blend. Same mashed
barrel. I don't know. It doesn't say anything
on here. Distillery. I mean, I think that's an
important distinction that we need to make here
because, I mean, and I'm kind of asking at the
same time while being assertive that I think
I know. I think it's a hazmat, so they're pulling
the shit out of the bowels of a frickin' barrel.
I think you're right. I mean, it may not be a
single barrel. I still don't understand how it's
getting that chocolate residual in there. I don't
know. That is a tremendous thing. We're going
to have to dive into this. We're going to have
to ask a few people that are smart. I love it.
I don't know how you guys can expect it like
that. Holy shit. Merry Christmas, guys. Merry
Christmas. Cheers, guys. Cheers. Yes. I guess
I need more. Yeah, I guess I need another full
two, three, four ounces. Actually, that's okay
with me, too. God, this is going to kill me.
I'm going to be a rock star tomorrow at work.
Seriously, I'm going to stroll in. My hair's
going to be all kind of funky. You're going to
be breathing chocolate. I'm going to be like,
hey, guys. Merry Christmas. Does anybody else
want some of this or no? No. Yeah, I'm going
to do a little bit more. I'm going to do a little.
I don't care. I've got about four hours of actual
work to do tomorrow. We've had a lot of high
proof tonight. Is this high proof? Yes. Oh, it's
114 .8. Motherfucker. Look at this. What the
hell's going on over there? Sorry, I didn't mean
to. Yeah, you did. All right, guys, second half
of the Dudes Like Us podcast, December 22nd.
Merry Christmas, man. Hope you guys, everything
works out. We'll talk again after the new year.
I think it's going to be that long, right? Or
next week sometime. Chuck's not here, but it'll
be us three. Yeah, I would love if we could do
another one next week. That'd be wonderful. Cool.
Because I know they're going to miss us if we
don't. And we have some cool schwag popping up
here and there. Jeff just produced it. Yeah,
show. Okay, yeah, bring it over. All right, so,
okay. No, that's perfect, Jeff. I like it right
there. So, listeners, if we do not, if you don't
hear from us between now and New Year's Eve,
Happy New Year. That's right, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. I hope you guys spend a lot of
time with your families and your loved ones.
And you know what? Shed the stress. Shed the
bullshit. Get ready for a new year. Be excited
about a new year. And let's roll. Dudes Like
Us, I'm Sean. I'm Paul. And I'm Jeff.