No, it isn't. There's going to be all these claps.
You're like, which one isn't? Damn it. He's got
the clap? You want to know how I've been doing
it? You go, and you go, and when you do something
like that, I go, oh, oh, I heard that sound.
And I have to freaking, it's crazy. Tell you
what, I think we should have rinsed the glasses
out because I have residue of amber on it in
this one. See, I figured that would happen. Damn
it. No, we're still incognito. You keep telling
yourself that. Right, right, right, right. All
right. All right. Well, it's October 28th, 2025.
We're the couple days before Halloween. We're
on the cusp. We're on the cusp on the day of
evil. Is it a day of evil? I don't know. It's
a celebration. There's a lot of people think
it's like demonic and the Satanists come out.
I think all that stuff is stupid. Then we play
Barbra Streisand in the Bee Gees. See, that negates
it. It does. It wards off the ghosts and the
evil. If you were a ghost, wouldn't you be warded
off by Barbra Streisand? I believe so. Yeah,
me too. I know when I was growing up, Halloween,
we had the, I don't know if this was everywhere
or just the Midwest or where I grew up, I don't
know. The night before Halloween, It was called
Damage Night. Oh. Damage Night. Is that where
we go out and vandalize? Yes. So a bunch of pumpkins.
Well. You do that? Not really vandalizing, but,
you know. You said yes. I heard. The true Jeff
comes out. It was very affirmative yes. He only
comes out Halloween night. Yes. We didn't vandalize.
But we did stuff, something called tic -tacking.
I think I mentioned this probably like six years
ago. I recall that, but I still don't know what
the hell tic -tac -ing is. Is that like ding
-dong ditching? Kind of, but we would get, it's
deer corn, deer feed corn. So it's hard corn.
Like kernels? Yeah, like huge. Yeah, not the
cops. And you'd throw them at people's windows.
Yes, and you'd run up to them, and you'd throw
them at the windows. What a little a -hole you
were. He's chucking full ears of corn. Yeah,
we were. Well, you don't realize today it would
be like, you'd go, boom! It'd be like, did you
get the money? I think so! Well, now you have
these cameras everywhere. What? I'm too loud.
No, you are loud, but I think that's just my
headphones. I think I'm going to have to do a
little tweaking. So we did that. We did tic -tacking.
We never egged or anything like that. You can't
do that. That's destructive. Yeah, that'll screw
up stuff. Paint on cars. Jack it up. Let me finish
out this opening here. Chuck is the producer
here. Dudes Like Us. I'm Sean. I'm Paul. And
I'm Jeff. Halloween, when I lived in New Jersey,
we would go fishing a lot. And we would stay
up until the wee hours and get Nightcrawlers.
Lights just turned on. Very sensual. It's going
to be an interesting night. So do you guys know
what the night crawlers are, the earthworms?
They're earthworms, yes. But they're larger than
normal earthworms, right? They're thick. Of course.
Yeah, they're very, you know, it's got a lot
of - They're girthy. They're very girthy. They're
very undulous. So you can see them out because
they're laying out and there's a technique to
getting them. So anyways, we get them. And when
I say we get them, we get like 50 of them, 100
of them, 200 of them. Well, you shock the ground
when they all come out. Well, we didn't do that.
It was just shock. Shock. The ground. You go
with a little vibrating tool and they come right
up. Oh, you don't use like a. Like a. Like a
teaser. They just smoke. Would it work? No, it
would not. I think that'd be strong. Because
that's called grounding. What? The electricity
would literally diffuse into the earth. Well,
maybe they still feel it and go, what was that?
Well, like a lightning bolt where people are
surrounded by trees and all these bodies fall.
That's dark. Well, I mean, I'm just saying. Okay.
We get the earthworms, and that's what we would
do. You would throw kernels at people's houses.
You know what we'd do? They don't call it out
as false kernels, but it says a prank where a
device is used to make a tapping sound against
a window or door. Oh, corn throwing. There it
is. There it is. Shucked corn kernels at someone's
house. Yeah. Often by somebody who's - As opposed
to a whole ear? Yeah, unshucked. You have to
break the window. But they're big kernels. It
says, often thrown by little assholes. Yeah,
we were assholes then, I guess. Because I remember
one time we did it. This was pretty much the
last time we did it, because we were getting
to be, I don't know, 11 or 12 was probably the
last time I did it. Sure. And we had some new
people move into the neighborhood. Nude people?
Nude, yes. New. Oh, wow. It was a young couple.
They may have been nude, I don't know. So you're
throwing corn at nude people. But it was a young
couple, and they had a brand new baby. Oh, you
a -hole. The baby just went to bed probably,
too. And they're like, thank God, honey. Yes,
that is what happened. And you know how upset
you are when you finally get the baby down? Oh,
you're irrational. And then, yes, well, we did
this. We run across the street. The guy's finally
going to get laid. He's going to go to bed. We
have time. And we had the driveways that went
down into the basement garage, right? So we ran
across the street, and we're hunkered down to
watch. All of a sudden, this guy just comes barreling
out of his door. straight at us, screaming his
head off. Oh, my God. We take off. Actually,
this was fifth grade, so how old were you in
fifth grade? 10, 11? Well, you were 17. I was
17 in fifth grade. The only one who could drive.
I got in the car and drove away. The getaway.
So I run. He's got his tricycle. Running down
the street. We all lived in neighborhoods. It
was a small neighborhood. And we ran, and I ran
around my house, and I was like, this guy's chasing
me. My friend split off, went down my driveway,
and slid underneath some bushes. Yeah, they can't
catch you all. Yeah, so the guy followed me.
So I go around my house, and I know that my house
in there, I had a tree that bent down really
far. The branch kind of swooped down really far.
I was thinking, all right, I know it's there.
I'm going to go underneath it. He's going to
run into it, and that'll be the end of this.
He's literally still chasing you. Oh. This is
an adult male. Yes. Chasing. Screaming at me.
A middle schooler. Yes. No, junior. No, fifth
grader. And what does he think he's going to
do if he catches you? I don't know. Did he kill
you? Did you paint yourself in mud? No. In Predator?
No, I was just wearing. That was October. You're
killing me. So I was probably wearing a black
sweatshirt and jeans or something like that.
Oh, Antifa. And so I could hide in the dark.
He's in full camo with like a ghillie suit. I
was. I was in my ghillie suit running across
the street. So anyway, I go running across all
the backyards. We didn't have fences. And my
friend says he just saw us. I don't think I was
the adrenaline. I outran this guy. Five -year
or fifth grader outran this 28 -year -old. And
he probably ultimately would have caught me.
And we had woods behind our house. You were dodging
and weaving. No, I went like this, and I took
a ride into the woods, and I dove into the woods,
and there was a drop -off. That's where the creek
was where I would climb up into the thing. Oh,
my God. I was like, this guy is not giving up.
And so I dove into the woods. I didn't get very
far because I hit a bunch of trees and everything.
You had to shit poison ivy everywhere and snakes
and shit. Yeah, so I was laying there. Fucking
all out, man. I had the bag of corn. I was probably.
Not even 10 feet from him. I was below him. He
didn't see me. I dove in there. I was wearing
all black and everything. You started pegging
him? And he was. I did. Fucker. Where are you,
you little shit? He was. He was screaming. He
was leaning on a tree, screaming into the woods.
I was basically right below him. Oh, no. That's
creepy. And I'm trying not to breathe because
I was running so fast and so hard for so long.
You know, out of breath. So I was trying not
to breathe very loud. You were scared shitless.
I was. Well, he stood there and yelled probably
for five minutes. That's a long time. And I was
laying there. I was just, however I landed is
how I just stayed. I envision you like a family
guy, like a picture of the falling down the stairs.
Now they're all contorted with their arm behind
their back. Right. And you're not moving. Right.
I think I got extremely lucky. And he's got a
bone sticking out of his leg. I think I got extremely
lucky because I dove. In there. Anything could
have been down there. Yeah, because we played
back there because we knew it was down. I was
like, okay, this drops off. I know it's down
there. There's ants all over your legs and shit.
Yeah, so who knows. But I did that. A badger?
And then he finally left. And I laid there probably
for another 10 minutes going, all right, he's
probably just hiding right there. He's waiting
for you to come out of the woods. Right, right.
So in the meantime, the neighbor back there,
here's all the. screaming and everything this
guy's doing so he turns on all his lights and
he gets a flashlight he starts in these woods
or his backyard essentially right so he's going
like this i'm like fuck no you should you could
have run to his house mr smith this scary man
is trying to hurt me we didn't know stranger
danger so that was stranger danger mr smith was
like say boys why don't you come over into my
house come into my basement some of these push
-up popsicles come into my basement you'll be
safe there So that was essentially the last time
I did that because that scared me straight. I
was scared straight. I was in prison. And what's
funny is probably a year later, we were out there
in the streets and he came out and was talking
to us and everything. And I think we ultimately
finally told him to go, you remember when you
were chasing those kids? He's like, you won that.
We were like, yeah. He was over it at that point.
Well, yeah. Because by then he had gotten laid.
Right. This kid was a year older. Yeah, he missed
out on his one shot to get laid that night. I
agree with Sean. He was upset. Oh, it was bad.
I would have been really, I'd be pissed. I mean,
he just came blasting out of that door. The door
slammed open. He got a screen door. And as he
opened it, boom, he just came and he was barefoot.
So. So, yeah. And you know he's sore. Yep. And
he probably stepped on some stickers and shit.
Yep. Oh, he's a bitter, bitter man that next
day. Oh, yeah, you knew he went home and he was
just like bitching. Yeah. Fucking kids. Yeah,
and his wife was probably like, did you kill
him? Kill him all? Our child would never be like
that. Any of y 'all other do pranks? You know,
Halloween pranks? I never did pranks. I never
did pranks. I was a law -abiding, fine young
man. You just got your mummy outfit on and went
and got candy from everybody? Yeah, I didn't
do anything. And I didn't like it when the older
kids destroyed all the pumpkins. Right. I never
did that either. I don't know. I was a rule follower,
except when I... I'll tell you what. I'm going
to tell you one story. Oh, here's a lot of thickens.
I don't know how this started, but when I was
five, I think I was five years old, me and another
kid got screwdrivers, and we were taking decals
off of cars. Ooh. That's not cool. Why would
we do that? Decals, like the registration decals?
No, like back in that day, if it came from Bob's
dealership, it was screws. Oh, yeah, so you left
holes. Right. Well, yours was worse than mine.
Mine was no damage. Yeah, we took off the screws.
Well, you broke windows. You just didn't know.
No, there was no broken. It was loud as shit.
I think I did that a couple times. You ruined
cars. And I got yelled at from the window. Hey,
get away from my car. Pumpkins. And I was like.
Oh, my God. And I ran away, and I never did it
again. Did you keep any of the emblems? I'm sure
they're worth gold now. No, I didn't. You didn't.
Actually, I think I had to. My mom, she walked
me over to the house and made me apologize. I'm
sorry. I'm sorry. For ruining your car. I fucked
up your emblem. That was probably the only thing
I did as a kid. I did lots of things. Now, as
an adult. Yes. So, after I cut those earthworms.
Oh, yeah, the night crawlers. We'd collect, because
there was like four or five of us. We'd put them
in people's mailboxes. Okay. And it would like
slime their mail, crawl all over their mail.
Were they mailboxes like we have here where they're
out in front of the house? Were they like hanging
onto the house? They were hanging next to the
front door. Okay, that's what we had. And there
was a little pull down, not necessarily the door,
the whole door opened and everything. So when
you pull it down, those worms are going to fall
out. Right. Ah. So when they get the mint, you
know what sucks? It probably didn't happen like
that. The postman probably received it. Yep.
Postman was probably like, what the hell? What
are all these baked worms doing? Every house
on the street has worms in it except for Sean's.
Oh, he knew instantaneously which kid did it
based on your history, I'm sure. Did you guys
have slugs? Yes. Like ammo? Did you think that
was just Houston only? Thailand. It isn't everything.
Do you have slugs here? Yes, we have slugs here.
I haven't seen a slug. I have not seen one slug
at my house. There's slugs outside my front of
my house. Yes. Really? With the little things
and you put salt on them and they go. Yes. I
don't think I've ever done that. It's cruel.
I've never salted a slug. Okay. I've done it
once. It's the same as taking a magnifying glass
and frying ants. No, that's not as bad. That's
serial killer shit, man. What the hell, dude?
They melt. You guys know you did that shit. I
didn't salt. We did the ant torch. Yeah, the
magnifying glass. Yeah, but that was instant
death, not a slow melting death. Yeah, but weren't
you the one that pulls frog legs off of frogs?
No, that was not me. Was that you? Somebody told
it. I pulled the legs off a frog. That was you,
wasn't it? No, no. You know what it was? It's
the Cajuns. It was the... Oh, that's right. Heather
and... Mike? Yeah. Sorry, Heather. As kids, they
would catch frogs and rip their legs out. That's
called gigging. It's called what? It's called
gigging. Yes, it's where gigum comes from. Yeah,
but what is that all about? What's the purpose
of doing that? To eat the legs. So what do you
do with the rest of the body? No, they didn't
do it to eat the legs. They just did it to torture
the frogs. They don't do stew or anything with
the frogs? Just the gay ones. That's where all
the gats are. And you think putting some salt
on a fucking slug is bad? Yes. No. Frogs don't
have feelings. Slugs do. I think we... I'm out.
I think we... Did we ever blow up shit? I mean,
I know we had firecrackers and stuff. Oh, we
blew up shit. All the models that I made? Oh,
we blew a lot of those up. We put like bottle
rockets in the airplanes thinking, oh, this is
going to fly. Oh, yeah. Straight down. Boom.
Kamikaze style. I think boys are supposed to
be kind of like that. You should be. Yeah, they
need to engage. Get away with a few things like
that. Yeah, they need to engage their environment
and blow up shit and be crazy. The bottle rockets,
we go out to the, there's a creek behind our
house in New Jersey in Fort Monmouth, and we
would take the bottle rockets and put them in
a bottle or whatever, and we'd shoot those things.
At each other. Under, into the water. Oh, yeah.
And it was so cool because it would go under
the water. They exploded underneath? Oh, yeah.
What? Why wouldn't the water snuff out the fuse?
Well, the fire, or whatever you want to call
it, the rocket part is shooting the flames out.
Yeah, the propellant is like, it's going. It's
forcing, it's not allowing the water to go in
to put it out. So it would go boom and it would
go bloop? Yeah, well, yeah, it would make it
bigger than a bloop, and then sometimes a fish
would come with it. Ooh. Come in the right little
area. Nice. So we started targeting fish. You
can go dynamite fishing. I can just see you guys
on the edge of the water getting ready to light
it because you see a fish coming. You know what
the odds are? I would do something like that.
It would be difficult. It would be so impossible.
We would probably tape one of those big paper
clips so it's like a spear. I could see doing
that 100%. I'm going to shoot the fish or each
other. Well, each other thing is without a doubt
happens. But see, I had a distinct advantage.
I was in Indonesia. And you can imagine the rules
for fireworks, not quite the same as the United
States. We could get anything. Oh. And one of
the things that was cool, you know those little
pops? Oh, yeah. Little snaps. Imagine them the
size of a quarter. Oh. And they were the most
kick -ass. fireworks or, you know. Would you
throw them at each other? No, because we weren't
that dumb. But when you do toss it at a wall
or something, it makes like a blast ring. So
what I would do, we would be in the van, right?
We had a VW van and the driver would be, we had
a driver. He'd be going along and I would take
one of those and I'd dangle my arm out as far
as I could and let it go on the road to where
it wouldn't go off. And then we'd go for like
a minute or two, and all of a sudden you hear
this. And because remember, the more pressure
on that thing, the louder. Is it busted in tires?
I don't think so, but damn, the explosion, the
pop was so satisfying. Yeah, we had so much fun,
man. Remember the pop guns that you have the
little roll up? Oh, the cap guns. Yeah, the cap
guns. I remember taking like the entire roll.
Taking the gunpowder out? Yeah. No, just take
the red roll. Oh, yeah. Hammer it. Just take
a big old rock and smash it. A hammer. Boom.
You get a hammer. We would do a hammer. And the
harder, the better. We couldn't afford a hammer.
We used rocks. Oh. Oh. You could put the rock
on a stick, like cavemen. No, we just used rock.
I mean, so. Hold on. We weren't that involved.
One of those times where I ended up taking several,
like two or three of them, and I stacked them.
Yeah. And I went wham with a big old rock, and
I remember the rock exploded, and fragments went
in my eye. Oh, nice. Do they still make cap guns?
I was just about to ask that. I don't know. Do
they still sell that? They don't sell those rolls
of caps. I don't think. The rolls, and they also
had the rings. You've seen the rings? Oh, yeah.
Oh, the rings were good, too. Nah, the rings
weren't as good as the... They weren't as good.
Remember, it was a red roll. It was paper. Yeah,
it was paper. It looked like little pills of
gunpowder. Yeah. Those were much better than
the... Why don't they sell that? They're there.
Do they really sell them? It says Dollar Tree,
so apparently you're shopping at too nice of
a place like Kroger or something. But I bet you
they're not the same. I bet you they're not the
same cap gun kind of rolls. I remember ours were
silver. They weren't orange. See, there's no...
Yeah, see, that's the ring. And it's probably
lame compared to what we had. Yeah. Do they make
Ja -roo? Okay. You okay? That's what it says,
Ja -roo. It does say Ja -roo, yes. That's so
unfortunate that the kids nowadays don't. Yeah,
see, there's the rings. Okay. Do they have the
paper rolls? I don't see them. Yeah, see, that's
what I'm used to seeing. Oh, yeah. Those little
silver revolvers. I've got it right here. Those
are right there. Yeah, that's it right there.
That's exactly what we had. Yep. Yes. Yeah. I
called them simply caps and smashed them with
a hammer, it says. Yeah. And you open up the
gun. I'm going to look at this page right here.
gun, and it's got the little slide thing on the
side, and you put your little roll in there,
and it comes out right where the trigger's at,
and snap, snap, cap, cap, cap, cap. Chuck, go
back, because I saw a musket. I had a musket.
Oh, you had to always one -up us. Go down. Keep
going, keep going, keep going. That right there?
No. Was it like double the size? There it is.
Oh, yeah. I had that. That's not a musket. The
Kentucky Pistol. What the fuck? It looks like
a musket. I got a blunderbuss, though. The Colonial
Double Penetration? Whoa, yeah, that's a different
website. It's Double Percussion. Oh, I was reading
too fast. What's the cowgirl? The cowgirl. Look
at you wanting to know. Oh, pink. Yeah. What
do you mean it's not? Why isn't it a musket?
The muskets are like rifles. Okay, so it was
a revolutionary pistol? Yes, that's exactly what
it was. It was a sawed -off rifle. Well, that's
what I had. It was pink. Those are illegal. That's
badass. I guess kids don't play with that shit
anymore, do they? I've never seen kids around
here. I had the rifle, too. What, the Crockett's
old rifle? Yes, I had that. The old Betsy Kapp
gun frontier toy rifle. And it did the caps.
You put those in there. Now, that was, by the
way, not a roll, but you cut them, you ripped
them, and put one in there at a time. You guys
ever had the pump -up BB guns? Oh, yeah. I never
had one, but my buddies did. I still have them.
So I had pump -up BB guns. I got some downstairs,
pellet guns. But the cool one that I used to
have was not a BB gun. It was a pistol. And this
was a .22 caliber pump pistol. Oh, damn. And
you could pump, and it was the real deal. And
it shot out the pellets, not the BBs. I've got
that downstairs as rifles. It shoots .22s. It
has a... Instead of putting a pellet in there,
it's got a dart with a little red feather thing
on the end of it. With a toxin on the end of
it. Dude, man, I'm telling you, you could shoot
that thing across the room and it's like, it
just hits right into a piece of wood. It is amazing.
I mean, that could do some serious damage. Yeah,
we also went through a phase. This was seventh
grade. Specifically, I know it because of the
classroom that I was in. Me and my friend started
making darts out of needles. So at home, we would
get a needle and we'd get some feathers, right,
out of whatever, toys, stuffed animals or whatever.
Obviously, the backyard dove. Or that, kill your
animal and de -feather it. So we would get this
stuff and we'd take thread and we'd wrap it so
you have this needle and the feathers on the
back and you'd get the straw and shoot people
with it. Wow. Seventh grade. You never actually
did it, though? I never shot anybody, but I think
my friend, Sushi, I think he shot him. Wow. Did
he die? Where did you shoot him? Like in the
leg or something. Because he was sitting in the
same class. The one place. The one damn place
in the body that is irrecoverable. Right. We
didn't have a whole lot growing up either, man.
We took paper, and we'd fold a piece of paper
into a tube. one -inch tube -ish. Then you take
another piece of paper and you make it a cone
that'll fit in the one -inch tube. Ooh, this
sounds complicated. And then, you know, probably
about six inches long -ish. And then you take
the needle, as you were speaking of, and you
tape it to the front of that cone. And you can
blow dart that thing. Yeah, that's what we did.
We blow darted. Sometimes they wouldn't fly because
you had to weight them correctly. Sometimes you
got it just right. It was like his gun. Probably
wasn't as powerful as the gun, but... Oh, I shot
my brother in the butt with it. Yeah. Wow. Stuck,
too. I had broke skin. I got stuck. Did you ever
shoot each other with BB guns? No. Oh, man, that
was the thing to do. We never did that. That
was dumb. That was really dumb if you did. Why
don't Brandon got shot? You know the pellet guns
they have? Brandon got shot in the face. He was
just walking home. Oh, damn. And some kids were
playing, and they ended up turning on him, and
they shot him, and it hit him right below. Like
a pellet. Good Lord. No, you don't fuck around
with pellets, Shane. Pellets are a little bit.
Hit him right underneath the eye. Holy cow. Did
he stomp on him after that? He dismembered him.
I don't remember. I just remember he came home
and said, someone just shot me in the face. I
was like, what? They're all Rambo. Hassan Chop,
I'll find you. I got my .357 out there and blasted
him. Were you guys bullies and did spit wads?
No. Remember that? They'd roll them up and they'd
spit in their mouth and then they'd... Well,
we did that. I did spitballs. We didn't shoot
them at anybody. But yeah, I usually like stuck
them at things. We did them at the ceiling and
stuff. Yeah. Right. Like to see like, can we
hit that? But there were some dicks in school
that did that stuff, man. Of course. They did
it once to me. I wonder how they're doing now.
I wonder how those assholes are doing now. Dead.
Wow. Wow. I don't know. It's like an automatic
sentence. Yes. They're dead by 40? Yes. Wow.
Okay. Yeah. We also did the, because we had the.
What's it called? The suspended ceiling, the
tiles. Drop -down ceiling. Drop -down ceiling.
So we'd also get the pencils, try to stick them
in the ceiling. Did you guys do that? You mean
the tile? The tile? What does that mean, drop
-down ceiling? Acoustic tiles. They have the
grid that you put the acoustic tiles. So if you
were to get a ladder, it'd push up. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Okay, okay, okay. I've never heard them
called drop -down ceilings. Well, I don't know
what the official name of it is. I don't even
know what they were made out of. Yeah, the little
tiles, like you said. Foamy looking. Easy asbestos.
And we'd get it really sharp. Yeah, no shit.
No shit. Back then it probably was. And we'd
stick our ceilings up there and the teacher.
Pencils. Pencils. The teacher would come in like,
bitch at us. So your teacher was the German thing
on the Muppets? It was Charlie Brown's teacher.
That's good shit, man. Well, anything else? Well,
we had a Halloween party last week. We did. That
was fun. Well, you said you were sick. Well,
so. Diarrhea. I left. Is that diarrhea? No, I
did not say I had diarrhea. You said I had diarrhea.
So I came home at like 1 .30 on Friday because
I wasn't feeling well. I slept from 2 o 'clock
Friday afternoon to bedtime, woke up in the morning,
and slept from then until 4 right before the
party. Oh, you were well managed. I was in bed
for a long -ass time, and I felt better. Sometimes
you need it. You need rest. I mean, I had no
body aches going on. I had no COVID, no flu,
no nothing. I had no fever. I just... Felt like
shit. And party rolled around. I felt good. Yeah.
And, yeah, I partaked. Partook. I partookened.
Yeah, how was it? Did you have the normal folks
there? Well, no, you guys weren't there. So it
was a pretty big deal. You know, I mean, well,
you know, you guys had a big impact on it. But,
you know, we've had, we had a lot of different
people there this time. Right. You know, there
was some people from out of town that we knew,
some people that. Some youngers. Brody and his
girlfriend were there. Yeah, that was cool. That
was cool. That was cool. And Austin came in.
My son Austin came in from out of town. That's
right. He hung and they sang. We had a full house,
and it was fun. Everyone had a great time. Good.
Tara, as usual, she goes all out with the decorating.
She does. She does an amazing job at that shit,
man. It was a successful event. It was. We did
miss you guys, though. Both of you. For sure.
You were in Washington, D .C. watching people
run in a circle, and you were watching the Cowboys
get the shit kicked out of them. Oh, yeah. What
the hell, man? We need to talk about that. Which
part? The Cowboys. Both of them. Well, let's
talk about your exciting thing in D .C. So this
was your wife's last marathon. Yeah, she says
it's her last. We'll see. But I believe her because
she's having some jointal issues. You know what?
Whatever. But maybe in two years, she may go,
I want to try another one. Yeah, she's done 11
of them. She's finished 11 of them. I think she
can check that box, quite honestly. Yeah. And
who knows? Maybe in a couple of years, she might
do one. And if she quits early, fuck it. Right.
Right. It's open -ended. Right. Good point. And
so we went up there. We flew out Friday. And
I was worried about... The fucking shutdown because
it impacts flights, right? Oh, yeah. So we get
there. We get there early because I was like,
you know, actually there's a website that it
could tell you the wait times of all the TSA
checkpoints. Oh, nice. So I looked at that. They're
like, oh, they're all green. Excellent. So we
just. Perfect. We got there on the normal time.
We didn't want to get there. I've been surprised
that the shutdown hasn't affected as much as
people say, but now apparently LA went down.
Oh, did it? LAX said they were doing a ground
stop because they didn't have enough. Air traffic
controllers. Those Californians are stupid. I
know, right? I almost think they do this. Santa
Barbara was another one. I almost think they
do this shit on purpose. Yeah. Just to spite,
you know, Trump and whatever. And Republicans.
Anyway, but continue. So anyway, so we get in
there and the security was a breeze, right? And
I thanked the young man. I was like, thank you
for being here, for doing this. Oh, look at you.
And he actually stopped and he looked at me and
he was very appreciative for me saying that.
He goes, thank you very much for recognizing
that. He goes, a lot of people don't. That's
very cool. So we blew through TSA, and we got
on the plane. Zero delay. Nice. Zero delay. And
then we got there. Non -stop. Yeah, it was non
-stop. Smart. And we landed about 5 o 'clock.
I tell you what, Dallas has bad traffic. D .C.
has worse traffic. It's a fucking nightmare at
all times. And so we land about five. We had
to get to the Gaylord Harbor or something like
that. It's on the Potomac. And it took an hour
to get there to go like 20 miles. And it was
a disaster. So we ended up going there because
that's where Julie had to pick up her running
packet and everything for the marathon. It's
horrible. So I was caught some of that. Where
did you have to go? Like downtown New York? Where
did you have to pick the packet? D .C. I wasn't
in New York. It was D .C. I'm sorry. It's actually
in Virginia, but the Gaylord National Harbor.
I guess that's Virginia. I don't know. I was
thinking you said New York earlier. I'm not quite
sure where D .C. and Virginia kind of, where
that border is. It all just kind of melts together,
to be honest. Probably where the crime has stopped.
That's the D .C. area. Right. No crime past this
point. Yeah. Well, it's a huge just metropolitan
area. So, yeah. So, that little right there.
So, we had to work our way over there. And it
was a disaster. That area there is kind of like
shops at Legacy. Look how congested all that
shit is, though, man. Look at that, man. It's
a mess everywhere. Anyway, sorry. Keep going.
Is that actually in Maryland? Yeah, technically
in Maryland. Scroll out a little bit. How far
does that go down, that lake? That's the Potomac
River. So where does the Potomac empty out? Into
the ocean, right? Into the Atlantic. So potentially
someone can like... Chesapeake Bay. Someone can
scuba dive all the way to the White House. Scuba
dive. Well, the river doesn't go next to the
White House. It goes pretty close. That's an
awfully big strap. Are you worried about Chinese
frogmen coming out of the Potomac? They could
show up right at the Lincoln Memorial. I wouldn't
doubt if they have some kind of underwater...
I guarantee they do. Something monitoring. So
anyway, we flew in the Dulles, which... In hindsight,
we should have flown into Reagan, but we flew
into Dulles, which was farther out. It wasn't
a shit show, but I tell you what, Dulles, if
you ever go in there and you check a bag, you
have to walk at least 13 miles to get to the
baggage claim. At least. They didn't have those
fast track walking paths where you stand on it?
On some of it, yes. On some of it, yes. Because
the terminals are exceptionally long, and then
you have to go underground underneath the railroad
to get to the other side. That is quite the distance,
13 miles. It wasn't quite 13 miles. Well, that
was her marathon warm -up. Yes, that was her
half marathon. That's good to know. Don't wear
Crocs, right? Yeah, no shit. So then we just
went to, they had a Whole Foods right across.
We went over there. It was late. We got a salad
and went back to the hotel room and ate a salad.
No, no, no. I had a solid. Well, first off, you
took eight or ten pictures of old -fashioned.
Yeah, it was a fucking old -fashioned salad.
Every three minutes. Every three minutes. Oh,
here's another picture of an old -fashioned.
Oh, another one. Hey, Sean, Sean, look at this.
Another picture of an old -fashioned. Was it
just a drink -a -thon? Dinner's time it was.
Was it buy nine, get one free? No. I think you
had one, and that was it. Whatever. One an hour?
No. What the hell? It seemed like every five
minutes, another picture was popping up. Yeah,
yeah. I enjoyed some. One of the restaurants
we went to the night before the marathon was
Lena's 151 Havana, I think. But they had stag
there. And I asked, I was like, of course the
waiter doesn't know jack shit about whiskeys
or bourbon. I was like, at the bar you had a
couple. I'd like to know what the price is per
pork. I was going to get a couple for me and
the other guy that I was with. You should have
played it off and gotten a really cheap, like,
confuse him and make it sound like it's a shitty.
Was Tim with you? No, it was Colin, Amanda's
husband. That's who they. Is he a whiskey guy?
Yeah, that's who we went up to visit in Wyoming.
Yeah, that's where we went. How much did you
say it was for a stag? Well, then I go, you have
a stag up there. I want to know how much it is.
He was looking at his computer. It wasn't in
the computer. So we get up to the bar. He brings
the bottle. as well as the George T. Stag, the
really expensive stuff. Did you butt lose it
real quick? Yeah, you should have. I did. I just
chucked it. No, you should have said, oh my God,
look at that guy over there. What was the proof
on them? It was the 127 was the Stag. I didn't
look at the other one because I was like, I know
that's going to be too expensive. Well, it was
$50 for one ounce. What the hell? I was like,
yeah, I'm going to pass. What would you expect
it to be? Well. 25? Yeah, I was at a place. You
would have done it for 25 an ounce? I would have
bought two for 25. Whoa. Okay, hold on. So you
didn't drink the stag? No. So I just had some
beers that night. Devil's Backbone Vienna Lager.
That's really good, actually. Okay, good. They
have it everywhere up there. So anyway, the marathon
was the next day. Julie gets up like at 4 o 'clock
in the morning or 4 .30. It was from when to
when. Usually they start early, right? They start
at 7 .20 in the morning. Yeah, because they want
to tear that stuff down so people aren't... hugely
inconvenient. Hey, like we were. Remember when
they had the marathon here in Frisco? But you
know what? They were probably warned for like
three to four weeks prior to that so they could
plan. Yeah, no, that didn't happen. And be aware.
No, I don't think it happened. They don't let
them know. This is only the 50th time, so they
weren't expecting this, were they? You know what
would be kind of cool, though? Honestly, regarding
the Frisco thing, honestly, look, they have signs
everywhere, like Jeff said. They have signs everywhere.
All they have to say is, Go north. To escape
this rat's nest, go north. Here is your way out.
Just go north. Like emergency exit sign. Like
on an airplane. Like detour. I mean, yeah, just
kind of like go north. I agree with that. Literally
could not get out of there. I mean, it was painful.
And then that's just it. Regardless whether they
tell you or not, the average folk aren't going
to listen to any of that stuff. And I know we've
covered this before, but I want to go over it
again. You know how when you lived here as long
as we have, we've been here a long -ass time,
I knew every secret escape route. I was like,
okay, I'll just go through the subdivision. I
know there's two exits there, and I bet you that
one way on the far side nobody knows about. Every
blessed one was completely shut down. I was like,
oh, my God. We can literally not get out of here.
I don't understand because I got out. I had zero
problem. Because you flashed your badge. You
went the right way. I'm a marathoner's husband.
No, I wasn't going to the marathon. Yeah, but
you knew how to go. You knew which way to go.
I just went out Rolliter. No, you got the secret
code. And you can get out through Rolliter? I
did. That's because you knew. Anyway. Anyway,
move on. So the marathon, she gets there. They
tell you to get there 90 minutes before. So you're
getting there at what? Before 6, right? Jeez,
that's an early morning. And so they get there,
take the Metro over there, and the race starts
at 7 .20. She crosses the starting line a little
after 8. And you had an active role in this one.
Oh, yeah. You had to be on the whole route, and
you were... They call it Sherpa. That's right.
Sherpa. Because you're carrying around... Just
like the Himalayan Sherpa. I was wearing my big
ox wool thing. I bet you were comfortable. Is
that like Beethoven, the... The big old St. Bernard.
You were carrying a big barrel. Yeah, it was.
It was strapped to me. And you were, like, pumping
into people's drinks. I was. And a straw. Do
you have a straw? You all right, mate? You all
right? You had stags in the barrel? I did. Stags.
She was drunk as shit when she finished. 50 bucks
a pop. Here we go. No shit. Open your mouth.
So anyway. That's actually a good idea. They
have, in the past, they've had, they shoot a
huge cannon off to launch the. the marathon.
They used to have paratroopers come down as well
on a big flyover. Really? For some reason, they
didn't do it. Probably because the government
shut down. So they didn't do that. They shot
the cannon, though. And like I said... What's
a cannon? That's the start. I mean, I know what
a cannon is. Here's a howitzer. I don't know.
I mean, usually they have a little gun. There's
all kinds. That was a cannon. Was it a really
big one or like a Civil War, Revolutionary War
type cannon? Or was it like a howitzer? It was
like that big Nazi one that could shoot like
800 miles. Oh, my God. Remember that one? And
it was on a train? Yes. It was a train gun? I
have no idea what size it was. I would say it's
big enough. God. Yeah. Why do you have to throw
a Nazi gun in there? Okay, German. What, American
howitzers aren't good enough? Those things were
huge. They were. And some of them were literally
on trains. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if America
ever made them that big back then. No, we didn't.
So anyway, so like I said, it started at 7 .20.
She crossed the starting line at 8. That's how
many people there were to unwind and get going.
That is a long. Took her 40 minutes to get up
to the starting point. And this whole thing takes
like three and a half hours, four hours, five
and a half hours. What does it take? She did
it a little over six hours. Six hours. Yeah.
This would be my last one too. Yeah. It would
never have been my first one. Yeah. Yeah, not
for me, but she enjoys them. Yeah, kudos. So
I was going to say, if you ever want to do a
marathon, I would recommend that one because
it's very cool. Washington, D .C. is absolutely
beautiful. It's a very cool city. Weather was
perfect. No weird protests. No, none of that
shit. That's good. Mid -40s in the morning. Trump
cleaned it up. It got up to 60, 61 degrees. Have
you been there before? Oh, yeah. Was there any
weird shit going on then? No. Damn. I thought
it was Trump. I don't know. I guess it wasn't
Trump. I saw some pictures. You were Jefferson
or Lincoln Memorial? I thought it was shut down
because they have a lot of construction out there.
Almost every building is under construction or
rehab of some sort. Everywhere. But the Lincoln
Memorial is being rehabbed and they're adding
stuff to it. It's going to be gold -plated. Are
they adding a ballroom to the Lincoln Memorial?
That's what it is. The whole area is just going
to be one big ballroom. Yeah, they're just tearing
everything down and making a ballroom? Yeah.
Awesome. Part of the steps were, they actually
have a huge ramp now for wheelchair folks. The
steps are about half that size. They have a huge
switchback ramp. Going up as well for the. So
they tore out those stairs and made a ramp? I
think they built something over the top of them.
Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. So that's not, doesn't look
like that exactly anymore. That was August 2013
right there. Yeah. So I don't know how long the.
Wheelchair ramp's been there, but the steps are
about half that size now. I wonder if that family
knows that everybody who looks at the Lincoln
Memorial, their family is like right there front
and center. Well, that kid's probably married
with three kids at this point. Right. That's
12 years ago. You're right. Yeah, that's a while
ago. Parents may be dead. Wow. Jesus. Wow. How
dark did we get there? They were probably killed
in a plane crash. So, yeah. I may have a picture
of it. I don't know. Well, you never know. No,
you don't. But, you know, they could be happily
still alive. So, who was the artist that did
the Lincoln Memorial? Not necessarily the memorial,
but the actual statue in there. Are they well
-known? Da Vinci. I mean, but to me, it's a...
Great piece of artwork. Oh, brilliant. So I'm
just like, you know, these people are like unheard
of. You kind of see the ramp there. That's looking
out at the memorial or at the monument. Oh, yeah.
Well, they built it on the side. I see that.
So there's a huge, huge ramp. I guess there was
enough complaints that there weren't. There's
people like dying from lack of oxygen trying
to get up there. But that is pretty cool. And
you went into, can you go into that memorial,
that space? What is it called? Oh, yeah. It's
outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Lincoln Memorial?
The Lincoln Memorial, but what about the tall
one? Yeah, well, you used to be able to. I think
you still can. The National Mall? National Monument?
No, the Washington Monument. Not Washington,
but that's part of the mall. That's part of the
mall, yes. Okay, okay. Yeah, the National Mall.
The Washington Monument, yes. I believe you could
go up into it. We did not. It was closed. I might
have done that as a kid. I don't remember. Doesn't
count. No, it doesn't count. There's a lot of
things I did as a kid that doesn't count. It
sucks. So hold on. The Lincoln Memorial was carved
by, what was his name? By the way, he's big.
Daniel Chester French. It's a lot bigger than
people think. Interesting. Oh, the National Monument?
Yeah, well, the carving of Lincoln. I mean, if
you've seen, what's the show? National Treasure.
See, look how big it is. I mean, those are little
tiny humans next to the, well, smaller humans
next to that carving. It's a big statue. It's
brilliant. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Like, even,
like, I guess what I'm kind of driving at is
that there's, like, even, where was that? Was
that New York or Boston? But there's, like, around
these city buildings, they have, like, these
statues out there. Right. They're done incredibly.
They have these draped cloths over these stone
things. And it's like you can see the features
under the cloth. And to me, to have that vision,
to be able to put that, it's pretty crazy. And
carve it out of one block of marble. Yes. I've
seen some statues in my life that the level of
detail, you would just be astounded. Yeah. By
the way, you guys crack me the hell up on those
bourbon bottle suits. What? Paul's bourbon bottle.
Oh, yes. Yes. I was laughing so hard. Yeah, and
of course you had to top me. If I knew we were
getting ugly about it, I would have made it worse.
You said everyone drinking that one is something.
After the listeners not knowing. Jeff, explain
what you did. I didn't do it. Paul started it.
What did you do, Paul? You know, we've all been
doing this thing where wherever we are, we have
a picture of, you know, we're throwing each other's
faces. Yeah. We're totally just throwing each
other's faces that we're holding a glass of bourbon,
you know, in front of some amazing background.
Well, then we got retarded with it and started
doing AI where this big muscular arm is with
fairies and shit in the background or whatever.
I made a video of this last one. Yes, you did.
Yeah. And they were like. It was a griffin and
a hydra fighting. And they were hovering over
your glass of bourbon. Anyway, I was going to
take this to a whole new level. And I was like,
you know what? I'm going to take the picture
that we have on the wall here of us in some sort
of French, faggoty French royal general stuff.
Anyway, I was like, I told AI, put that on a
bottle. Call it Jeff of us. Jeff of us, you know,
bourbon. Right. And then I was going to do a
review of how horrible it was. And I said, put
it on a ledge with a Roman background. And it
did a pretty damn good job. It was good. Yeah,
it was good. And then, so I did that. And then
the review was that it was really horrible. And
then you just had to get ugly with your. With
your return. I did not get ugly. Well, my feelings
were hurted. That's all I know. Yeah, I had to
stick with the Roman theme. It was called Paulus
Minimus. Tastes like coconut. You know what?
Okay, guys out there, if you want to have fun
roasting and mocking your friends, use AI because
you can have a ball with it. Yes. When you had
to use a more recent picture, I at least used
your... Oh, that's not recent? Well, but it's
not real. It looked good, though. It looked good
in the label, didn't it? It did. Yeah, everything
looked great, man. Yeah, AI is the way to go
if you're going to give each other shit about
stuff, man. It's fun. And it's limitless. It's
whatever you can imagine and tell it effectively
in prompts. Well, if it gets it right. I had
to do a couple times to get the background to
be something. Did you see your hand? You've got
a hoof. In the picture, it's a dead -on hoof.
Yeah, take a look at it, Chuck. I'm telling you,
it looks awful. That's funny. Yes, it's like
three big, thick fingers. AI still doesn't get
things right. Oh, it still struggles on some
things. It's really kind of interesting. Yes.
So anyway, to wrap up the marathon, she did great.
She finished. Yeah, she's huge. But there was
a snafu with the infrastructure at DC. They have
the metro there, the train, right? And the station
where the finish line is, Roslyn, was down because
one of the escalators broke. So they shut the
station down, which caused everything to back
up. The finish line? At the finish line. So everyone
was going to the finish line, but they couldn't
get there. Oh, no. All the spectators, the family
and everything, right? Oh, okay, but the runners
could. Well, the runners were up top running
around. Okay, okay, okay. So you want to get
to the finish line so you can pick them up and
then go back to the hotel or whatever you're
doing, right? Yep, I got you. So all the spectators,
probably 500 ,000 people or something ridiculous.
I heard a million people were out there watching
this. Oh, wow. Oh, no, thank you. That's too
much. We're trying to get to this station, and
they couldn't. People were going to different
stations. But we finally got on a train, and
we had like eight stops. We wanted to go see
her again, but we couldn't get there in time.
Each stop, they sat there for five minutes times
eight stops. So we sat on the train for 45 minutes.
You must have been pulling your hair out. So
it was like, well, okay, we're not going to see
them because there was another lady running.
We're not going to see them where we wanted to.
We're just going to go to the finish line because
by the time we get there, they're going to be
finishing. That's what happened. I would be kind
of worried about safety. Like too many people.
Oh, well, when we got off at that, it opened
back up for one thing. But the trains were still
having problems. And it was running really slow.
Well, when we got off, it was like, did you ever
see those India or Japanese train stations where
it's like 20 people deep trying to get onto the
train? That's the way it was. So the doors open
and you have this horde of people wanting to
get on. Right. So I was just like. I just busted
my way through and the people were following
me. I was like, I'm getting off. And we fought
our way through this. It was ridiculous. And
we finally made it up. People were lined up.
It was a sardine can in there. Because it's underground
for once. You have to take the escalators down.
They're all just standing there, not going anywhere.
What a nightmare. And it got worse. As more people
finished, everyone wanted to leave. It was taking
a minimum of an hour just to get onto the platform.
I'd have lost my mind. And there was a humongous
line just to get to the station. Anyway, it was
a disaster. We were like, screw that. So we walked
to Georgetown. The last thing they wanted to
do was walk. But we walked to Georgetown and
called an Uber. Good call. Which ended up being
the best thing because it would have taken. So
she had to walk another. It was probably a mile
and a half, two miles. She's exhausted. Well,
it's not that there was a blister on her foot
that was getting her. Oh, that's right. But she
did. She goes, we were like, well, it's either
that or you're going to have to stand for at
least an hour to get to the train. And then you're
probably going to be another two hours on the
train to get where we need to be. Right? Yeah,
but it was her last one. It was a great experience.
Oh, yeah. No, it was a blast. It all worked out
great. We had a really good time. Again, highly
recommend D .C. in the fall. It was absolutely
beautiful. It's God's country. Oh, that's right.
It is God's country. Irish bars everywhere. Yes.
Well, you know, it could have been worse. Imagine
being a Cowboys fan at Milehouse Stadium. Oh,
I know. What could be worse than that? Yes. Being
an LSU fan in Baton Rouge. Yes. That could be
worse. Yes. At least our coach didn't get fired.
Right? Oh, that's right. The coach got fired
from LSU? Oh, yeah. Because of that game. It's
leading up. This was the straw that broke the
back. In mid -season. Guess what he's walking
away with? $50 million? $53 million. Yeah. Oh,
my gosh. Fire me. Right? Hell, you can fire me
for a fraction of that. Isn't that ridiculous?
That's not as bad as the Jimbo deal. That was
60 million. Yeah, that's fucking stupid. I thought
it was 70. It might have been 70. Who knows?
It's just stupid. And you know what's funny?
The coach we have now was the interim coach,
the assistant interim coach that they assigned
when Jimbo left, and now he's the coach that's
leading us to quite possibly a national championship.
Well, he's also a Brian Kelly disciple. He was
an assistant coach at Notre Dame. That's where
he got his start. Yeah, he's getting it done.
So what the hell happened to the Cowboys, man?
Was the crowd going nuts? So we didn't go actually
to the game. What? We were in the parking lot
tailgating. And you knew that? Did you try to
get into the game? Yeah, we tried. And the tickets
were still like $500. Are you freaking kidding
me? So you were trying to pull an audible. Yeah.
But you still had fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Sunday
we went to the game. It kicked off at 2 .30.
That time, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so
we had these $90 tailgate tickets, all you could
drink, all you could eat. Oh, there you go. Did
they have brats? No, they just had pizzas and
like pitas and stuff. Tacos. All you can eat
and drink? What kind of beer? Just beer? All
kinds of local stuff. Oh, nice. That's not a
bad deal for $90. But that's poor tailgating
food, pita. Oh, yeah, it is. And pizza. It should
be brats and meat. Yeah, you got to open up your
hood of the car and cook them on the engine block.
I tell you what, the Broncos are playing ball
right now, right? They are. I mean, I know you've
got the—so let's take a look at this. All right,
so we've got the— The Pats are in there. Yeah,
isn't that crazy? They're 5 -2. The Pats are
great. No, 6 -2. 6 -2, the Patriots, which makes
me sick because Rabel left the Titans and now
he's like— doing well. I shouldn't root against
him. He's not a bad guy. But still, anyway, so
then the Bills are 5 -2. Dolphins have fallen
apart. Yeah, but they won last week. I'm surprised
that... They beat the shit out of somebody. Who'd
they beat? The Dolphins kicked the crap out of
somebody last week. I'm surprised that coach
hasn't got canned yet. It was the Falcons. That's
right. Yeah, they kicked the shit out of the
Falcons. Couldn't do anything. And then you got
Bronx and they're 6 -2 and they're in the NFC
West. And then your poor Bengals, man, they lost
again. To the fucking Jets. Yes. Yes. You know,
I hear that the Cowboys have the worst defense
in the NFL. I find that hard to believe because
I watch the Bengals, and their defense is terrible.
First off, have you seen the Titans' defense?
Come on. We're 1 -7. We suck so bad. But you
know what the shocking story of the NFL right
now is? The Ravens, 2 -5. I'm okay with that.
I am, too. I'm just saying it's shocking because
they won the Super Bowl last year, did they not?
The Ravens? No, no, no, no, no. No, they went
to the Super Bowl against the... No, they didn't.
No, they didn't. No, they didn't. Philadelphia
and... Kansas City. Kansas City, yeah. Fucking
Chiefs. They're always so fucking good. It drives
me nuts. Oh, that's a good coach. He's got a
good quarterback. I know it. I know it. I get
it. They don't have some dipshit coach in there.
I'm surprised by the Ravens being 2 -5, although
they were 1 -5 until they won last week, so...
Anyway, yeah, there we go. The Colts are a force,
man. 7 -1. Who's that QB up there? Is that Anthony
Richardson? No, he's hurt. Daniel Jones. Oh,
that's right. Yeah, and he's playing ball. Daniel
Jones and Sam, the quarterback for the Seahawks.
They were both on the Minnesota Vikings last
year, and they've got neither one of them now,
and they suck. And they suck. Did you guys see
the Scataboo injury? I didn't watch. Dislocated.
It's that kind of thing where he goes down and
his foot's pointing that way and the rest of
his body is pointing the other way. That was
painful to see. Dislocated ankle. Out for the
season, I imagine. You know, I don't know how
you couldn't be. Yeah, I mean. Did he get up
and start running, though? No. Yeah, he started
hopping. He was hopping down the sideline. But,
you know, the thing about it is. See if you can
find that, Chuck. I mean, because when it gets
dislocated, it's not just dislocation, it's the
muscles around it. Oh, all the ligaments? Oh,
yeah. All the ligaments are all jacked up, man.
Well, it's also got to be concerned about the
blood supply as well. That's what happened, remember,
when Teddy Bridgewater had his knee destroyed?
Oh, God, we're going to see that. They said that
he almost lost his leg. I hate seeing stuff like
this. Yeah, I'm not sure I want to watch it.
I haven't seen it. No, but go ahead and play
it. Yeah, go ahead. Let's watch it. We're not
pansies. It doesn't bother me. If I can find
it. I know. Yeah, look. That was a reaction video.
Yeah, the quarterback was upset. Yep. Now watch.
And he doesn't. Yeah, he. Oh, there's the. And
they go over there and he's like. Yeah, I'm not
going to get up from this, dude. Oh, yeah. Did
you see? Oh, yeah. There. Yeah, look at his.
It's pointing sideways. Oh. Maybe not. That's
full dislocation right there. Oh, my God. Yeah,
you can see like a stump. Oh, that's awful. Yeah,
he could have torn a lot of shit in that. He
probably did. Oh, yeah. There it is. It's unfortunate,
too, because, oh. Yeah, he's something special.
Again. The way he plays. That's what's so fun
for the Giants fans. They have a rookie quarterback.
They have a rookie running back. There's so much
young energy and they're playing well. There's
a poor timing of this. Yeah. But it's a violent
sport. It is. It so is. You don't have, that's
why, look, I don't support them getting paid
that much. I really don't. You know, it's a gamble.
But it does warrant them getting paid. More than
the average. It does. I get frustrated. I mean,
look, we talk about the coach for LSU. I mean,
53 million? To walk away. Fuck him. Yeah, to
walk away. Fuck him. That is so much bullshit.
Why does he deserve that? Well, you're paying
it. The boosters are paying it. Yeah, if you
could get it, get it. Their football program
is. And I don't disagree with that, but I just
think it's bullshit. It's crazy. I think that
that's one of the biggest problems that we have
right now with all of our tuitions going into
these schools. For what? So we could pay shit
like that? No, the tuitions don't pay. That's
what everybody, everybody jumps on that. And
this is, the football programs are paid by. Boosters.
Boosters. Yeah, and the boosters are funded by
who? Very rich people. Yeah, that's it. The bottom
line. It's just a wasted fucking money. Well,
it's their money. It's their money. They can
spend it how they want. Exactly. It's their money.
I want to give $100 million to... They do. Oh,
yeah. Because they've got shit tons of money,
and they want to see their program do well, and
so, boom. They pay the football coach. So if
the boosters don't do well, then they don't get
paid? Obviously. Well, the boosters already have
their money. Let me rephrase the question. The
coaches don't get paid by the school? If they
have a guaranteed contract, they're going to
get paid. They do, but it comes out of a different
budget, so to speak. It doesn't go into the athletics.
It's the athletics budget that's paid by boosters.
And probably ticket sales and other revenue sources,
TV. Merchandise and TV revenue, absolutely. It's
a different budget than tuition in the school.
teachers concessions parking all that other what
is the movie idiocracy i mean it to me it just
like it gets classified yeah and i'll watch them
i'm guilty of it it's just it's it's just frustrating
when you have so many people on the planet struggling
and and this guy walks away from 53 million dollars
fuck you well imagine nba players that make ten
thousand dollars every second Yeah. Every second
that they play in a basketball game. Well, just
like, well, you hear this whole NBA gambling
thing. Oh, boy. That was a big deal. He's getting,
what, $35 million a year or something like that,
and he was gambling for $50 ,000? Right. Like,
why are you doing this? Right. You're getting
$300 ,000 a game. Right. It makes no sense. Yeah.
And apparently, Kenny Smith called it out accurately.
He was like, it may not make sense to you, but
people who have a gambling problem, this makes
total sense to him. Wow. And then, I mean, it
doesn't make sense. No. You have $30 million.
Why are you risking all of this for pennies?
Because they have $30 million. Well, because
gambling is an absolute addiction. Well, he was
under contract still, so he's probably not going
to get that $30 million. Right. And he was a
setup person. His job was to bring high rollers
to a poker game that was rigged. Did you see
some of the shit that these mobsters are doing?
Yeah. How they have these programs that basically
can read the entire deck through the table. Right.
And they know exactly what's going to be dealt.
Unbelievable. Yeah. And it tells you, you know,
the second hand is going to win. So the coach
that got arrested, they were the people that
were milked out of, you know, defrauded of $7
million is what that. scandal was about oh is
that why people get so mad like i hit on 18 if
we're playing blackjack for example like and
i should be hitting on 18 dude I get it. You
shouldn't be hitting on 18. But what I'm saying
is that is that why they get mad is because that
it's counting cards. It throws them off. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. No, they're looking at they're working
the odds super quick. And they're like, when
you do something unexpected, it fucks up what
they think is going to happen next. Yeah, but
it seems kind of fraudulent to me. But part of
that ring that you were talking about, these
guys were wearing glasses. This is like Ocean's
Eleven shit, right? They could see the. God bless
it. The card blue. They can see what's on the
cards. You know, the infrared or whatever it
is. They have tables. Yeah, I don't know. Underneath
the cards. That too. So there was x -ray under
the table that could read the cards, but also
they had glasses that you could write on the
card with a pen that you can't see with the human
eye, but you could see it with these glasses.
Glasses or contacts. They had contacts. Oh, there
were contacts even. Yeah, there it is. X -ray
poker table. My God, that's so crazy. Well, hey,
he needs to go down. Who is it? He's a freaking
Hall of Famer, man. That's what's crazy. Chauncey
Billups? Yes, Chauncey Billups. Oh, my God. The
x -ray table. Can you imagine everyone sitting
at the table? It's probably sterile. Probably.
Yeah, it can't be good. I don't think they thought
of that. They say, hey, wear lead pants when
you play at this table. Yeah, it's sad. But whatever,
man. They need to go to jail. Well, I wonder
how deep this actually goes. Man, I'm telling
you. It probably goes deep. But you bust the
one ring and then you're not going to find another
one. You better go after the biggest one you
can find because they're going to scatter like
rats. Is this going to be one of these where
I keep your mouth shut or you're kind of a thing?
I bet you. We're talking about mob families.
The big ones, the Gambinos. Crazy, man. You wouldn't
think that shit goes on. Especially with as prevalent
as online gambling is now. Well, then again,
it was all... Go up a little bit. Look at how
clear that picture is, the one in the middle.
Yep. The cheater's view, they can clearly see
what those cards are. Wow. Well, someone sees
that view and then relays that via earpiece.
Yeah, review it. To some middle -aged guy with
hearing aids. I wonder if you brought a sheet
of lead and put it down and go, I want my cards
on this. Ooh. If they would argue with you. They
probably would. Probably would. Of course it
would. A little placemat. I don't believe any
of this shit. I'm putting a piece of lead down.
No shit. Prove to me this is an x -ray before
I play. And then they'd be like. If you're a
high roller, if he was just going there like
me, I wouldn't give a shit. But if you're a high
roller and you're betting thousands and thousands
per hand, prove to me that there's no cheating
here. And they're like, man from Frisco missing
since poker game. Hey, man. They found a lead
sheet. Anytime you're dealing with money, there's
always wiggle room that. People are psycho, man,
about money. Even if you have tons of it. Well,
look what it does to families. It makes no sense.
When parents die and there's an inheritance,
some families go bonkers trying to get everything,
get their share. And then there'll be a situation
where there's three or four siblings and one's
named the trustee, and they're like, they're
all in agreement. Okay, yeah, equal, equal. Don't
worry, don't worry. But as soon as the trustee...
Gets into the situation, they're like, you know
what? No, no, no, I'm taking it all. Yeah. And
they get fucking crazy. I'm doing the work, so
I get a little bit more. Right. It's crazy. Speaking
of unfair things right now, Hurricane Melissa
is beating the shit out of Jamaica. Well, that's
what you get for putting an island there. Put
an island there? Way to go, God. Wait, did the
Saudis build Jamaica? What are you saying? No,
it's a bad, I don't know. Saudis? No. Well, you
know they built islands. Someone in the Middle
East built some sort of chain of islands. Dubai
has fake islands over there. Maybe not the Saudis.
Well, my point is, if you're born there, you
live there, raised there, I understand why you
live there. But if us, we're like, oh, I'm going
to retire to Jamaica. I think that's a stupid
move. I think this whole region, why would you?
It's beautiful. I get it. But you're dealing
with this. Yes. A lot. 165. Category 5, 165 miles.
I agree. I'm thinking of the locals. That's what
I mean. Not the ultra rich that are vacationing
there or retiring. Well, I know. But, I mean,
dude. I mean, they're getting. It's awful. They're
going to have landslides. There's going to be
decimation. Oh, great. Haiti's right in line.
Yep. So that means they're going to be. Oh, the
Clinton Foundation is going to be revved right
up. Oh, my God. No, I was going to say all their
money is going to be gone. I wonder if it's going
to get barbecued. Well, it's hitting Cuba, too.
Look at that. It's going right over Cuba. And
right over Cockburn. And then right into the
Bahamas. Yeah, I've seen Cockburn Town a lot.
I think someone just likes that name. I was like,
I've never seen that before, but I've seen it
on all these maps now. Cockburn. Check it out.
Did you guys see there was a town somewhere in
the United States? that has a park, a city park,
and they created it in phases. And the end picture
is a huge cock of balls that's spewing sperm.
No, it can't be. Google that, Mr. Producer. Because
we need to see that. No, no. Look, this is the
thing. How? It happened because they developed
certain areas first. And then it became like
a gag at the end? I think that when they presented
the picture, it was upside down or something.
That's it. Right there. Top left. Right there.
That's it. That's exactly it. Oh, okay. Hold
on. Okay. You're just... No, no. But look at
the tip. Okay. Wait, just a tip. So this is by
Brambleton Library. I don't know what city or
state this is. Okay. For our listeners, we're
looking at the map. It's not a big penis in a
park. If you look at a map. It's the green area.
It's the green area of a map on Google Maps.
If you look at it, it looks like a cock and balls
with something shooting out of it. That's so
silly, though. I mean, come on. I don't know.
You think it was deliberate? Of course. And how
could that not be deliberate? Well, come on.
Look at that picture. Look, even right down to
the water park. And it's got veins. It does.
It does. And it's got walking trails. And that's
in Brambleton, Virginia. It's got pubic walking
trails all over. It's very vascular. Yeah. But
look at the balls. They have a little sack of...
It looks like pubes. The truth is those roads
that form the outline of this park were probably
built years and decades earlier. Do we know that?
No, we don't. Well, look at the street view.
How old are the buildings? I don't know. But
look, the end result is there. I get it. It looks
like a big... That looks pretty new. Those buildings
look new? Yeah, that looks pretty new. You know,
and they told me that, like, they told me that,
sorry, this was recent. Okay. Like, within the
last five years, and it took a while to get there.
That's kind of funny, though. I thought that
was hilarious. You know what, if it's somebody,
if it's a, what do you call them, Chuck, party
planner, city planners, if somebody came up with
that design as just a joke, then, yeah, kudos
to them. They pulled it off. Nice one. They managed
to pull that off. Yeah. All right, we need to
talk about this. This bourbon. All right, well,
I'll tell you what. I reached into, I just kind
of just was like, fuck it. I wasn't even looking
at labels. What I was looking at was the bottle
of how full it was. And I just grabbed it. I'm
like, fuck it, man. We need to get through this
stuff and figure it out. And I pulled out Chattanooga.
We liked this last time. Oh, yeah. There's one
out there we didn't care for. We always liked
the Chattanoogas. This is Chattanooga whiskey,
91 proof, straight bourbon whiskey. What do we
know about it here? It's made in... Okay, Chattanooga
is where, guys? Maryland. No. It's Tennessee.
Tennessee. Yes. Well, I mean, I'm just trying
to make sure you know what you're going with.
Is it Tennessee whiskey or is it Bourbon? It's
high malt. It's a rich malt forward approach
to bourbon made from the finest malted grains.
Each step of the process has been crafted to
highlight the complexity of these ingredients.
Do they distill themselves or do they source
this? Let's see. Known to our distillers. So
sourced. As barrel 91 was selected from the first
100 barrels produced at our experimental distillery,
we hope you enjoy it as much as we do. So, yeah,
they distilled it on site. Very nice. Let's see.
The mash bill is yellow corn, malted rye, caramel
malted barley, and a... What does that say? What
are you doing? It says honey malted barley. Honey.
Honey -malted barley. Sorry, I couldn't read
it. It's on the TV screen there. This is only
$35. Oh, two years. It's two years old. Oh, it
does say straight bourbon. Greater than two years.
Yes. So we got this. This is one of our first
bottles. This is good. You know what? I like
it. I mean, it's not very strong. It is very,
very easy to drink. But this one, you know. I
think it's got good flavor for a 90 proofer.
Yeah. It's got good flavor. It kind of, it doesn't
last very long, but it does have a good flavor.
I enjoyed it. I think this would be a good bourbon
to recommend for someone. Yeah. You want to start
out? What do you recommend to start out with?
Get the 91 Chattanooga. It's a wonderful shipper.
Yeah. Kind of has an Ambarano hint to it, though.
I wonder why. Yeah, we don't understand that.
Everything we've drank tonight has that tinge.
Yeah, we'll talk a little bit more about the
Ambarano. I'll tell you what, I am sold on it
because we had a couple at my house. Stan brought
over, shout out to Brian Stan and Stan Sr. Stan
brought over a bottle of 101 Turkey that he had
put about an inch of the Ambarano Stave in there.
Perfect. Dude, everything we have put it into
so far that I have tried, even Jim Beam. I had
a half gallon of Jim Beam, and I put in a half
a stave. It was excellent. Put in a half? That's
one and a half gallons. Right, yeah. It was a
handle, which is 1 .75 liters. Did you buy your
own, or did you just put what I gave you? I took
half of what you gave me. All right, we'll tell
you what. The Chattanooga Whiskey 91 Proof Straight
Bourbon notes of dried apricot, honey, toast,
butterscotch. The nose, medium -bodied palate
featuring a brown sugar toffee and malty sweetness.
I'm going to categorize this as a 6 .8. I was
at 6 .5. I was going to go 6 .3. Not that I didn't
like it. I think it's excellent. Yeah, it's good.
It's a good bourbon. Shout out to the Chattanooga
Whiskey folks out there. Jeff, I'm glad you're
back. I am sincerely a little, not disgruntled,
but I get disappointed when we don't do our podcast.
And you guys are all scrattled all over the planet.
I get it. Everyone's busy. Shit happens in life,
but God bless it. This week we got... We're back
together. That was Paul's fault last week. We
couldn't do a podcast. It's mostly Paul's fault.
Yeah. Where was I? Tucson, I believe. Oh, look
at me. I got a winter boat. It was your birthday.
You were in Albuquerque. It was your birthday
on Wednesday, right? I was in Albuquerque, and
it was my birthday. Yeah, not too soon. That's
right. Albuquerque. The big five -five. Whoa.
What was that? It's so crazy. Yeah. All right.
All right, well, the first half of the Dudes
Like Us podcast is over. Check us out on Facebook
and Instagram, dudeslikeus .podcast, or dudeslikeus
.woodcraft. We don't have any attention to that
area anymore. Maybe I should just drop that from
our closure. We haven't made anything in a while.
We need to. All right, well, dudes like us, I'm
Sean. I'm Paul. And I'm Jeff. Thank you, Mr.
Producer. Chuck.