racist? It is.
Like horn foghorn is racist.
Oh, are you kidding me?
Is he really?
100%
But it was a it was a chicken
hawk.
100%
No, he was a rooster.
No, no, but he would attack the
chicken hawks.
100%
That's what I'm saying.
He was a rooster.
How can that be racist?
It is.
Boy, I said boy, that boy.
I say boy.
That boy's about a.
How heavy does Southern accent
is racist?
It is.
How?
Because I said so, because I'm
woke.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
You're a pea.
Oh, stop it.
Welcome back, everybody, to the
part two of 14.
This is 14.2, isn't it?
I don't know.
I think it is 14.2.
Could be.
Actually, it's a lot more than
that.
We've done many more, but the
other ones will be bootlegs.
So maybe eventually someday
we'll put some bootleg up.
Yeah, I think we have to.
All right.
So we usually open the second
segment with what we did before,
which is another bourbon that
we're trying.
And so so something went
horribly wrong on this experiment
to your selections of your
purchase.
I just sucked.
I think we're we're all of us.
I can't even say we've had three
different ones tonight.
Yeah.
And we've been kind of
disappointed in all of them.
Yeah, I think Sean's
in mine.
Mine.
No, yours was half.
Yours was half.
For once, I picked a good one.
Dude, it's the best of the three.
All right.
So I'm just if these were
the first two bourbons you picked,
the last two bourbons you picked,
you would be doing OK.
OK, all right.
So let's not push it.
OK, all right.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks, bro.
This is happening.
Thanks, bro.
He made a few of me.
So so Sean's Grayson was kind of meh.
It was it was not bad.
It was not good.
It was just kind of maybe a.
So it's more than man.
It's kind of a six or five.
It was like drinking sulfur sulfuric acid.
Well, it was very hot.
So so so so so so you were cast.
I said, boy, I said, boy, boy regard.
I read I drank sulfuric acid.
That me, Bobby.
Yes. Wow.
Who says that boy right?
That boy right.
Is that Hank Hill?
That boy is right.
Like Horne Foghorn.
I don't know.
Need to watch it.
Wow.
The chicken hawk.
I think it was a chicken hawk, right?
Because the chicken hawk would come in.
That man's about as nervous as a cat
with a 50 foot tail in a room full of rocking chairs.
That chicken hawk was essentially Joe Pesci.
Really?
Remember that?
The chicken hawk, like a New Jersey accent.
I would love it.
Short and small.
It was Joe Pesci.
Oh, the chicken hawk.
Yeah.
The chicken hawk.
I find Joe Pesci annoying.
He's annoying as fuck.
Leo gets in lethal weapon.
And in Goodfellas, where he thinks again.
He was ruthless piece of shit in that movie.
He was.
OK, we're going to get on Robert De Niro again.
But you know how.
Hold on.
So hold on.
The pudding master.
Do you think he is another one of those actors
that thinks he's badass in real life?
Or is he?
Oh, I'm sure.
Do you really, Joe Pesci?
Actually, I don't know.
Oh, I thought you meant Bob De Niro.
I think Bob De Niro thinks he is.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, no.
No question.
I don't know.
I haven't seen Joe Pesci outside of.
I am sure Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci swing dicks together.
I'm not saying that they're bumping it off each other's
ass.
Do they ensheath?
I'm just saying birds of a feather flock together.
These guys have the same mental.
I don't know if that's true.
I would need to see him in public,
and I need to see his social media posts.
I think he's being smart about it.
Yeah, he hasn't been in the limelight.
You know what?
That's a great point.
How many other Italian mobster people, like Ray Leota?
Ray Leota.
Yeah, he's chill.
I know for a fact he's chill.
No, Bob De Niro is a fricking idiot.
And what about who's the other guy that
played opposite him in Heat?
Alfredo Cinecchi?
Yeah, Al Pacino.
You nailed it.
Yes.
Al Pacino.
And he's not obnoxious in like anti-Trump or political or,
I haven't heard anything about Al Pacino.
There are a tremendous amount of movie stars.
They keep quiet.
They just shut the fuck up.
And you know what?
That's something we need to acknowledge,
because we always say Hollywood is out of control.
Hollywood is this and that.
But how many of those people don't say anything?
But would Al Pacino, if Al Pacino
wins the Oscar, is he going to get up there
and espouse bullshit?
No.
I don't think so.
I don't know.
I think the answer is no.
Did Tom Hanks win the Oscar?
I think they always slip in.
Not always.
Always is finite.
But you know what I liked?
Ricky Gervais.
Yes.
When he hosted that show.
Whatever was the Oscar?
That's the Globe.
The Golden Globes.
Ricky Gervais.
Golden Globes.
He let loose.
And I loved it.
He doesn't give a shit.
No, he's just like, he's drinking
the pint, he's like, they're not going to ask me back anyways.
He was dogging people.
He's done three of them now, right?
I know.
Well, he was dogging people in the audience.
To fuck with Tom Hanks.
Yes.
I loved it.
Did they show Tom Hanks he's all uncomfortable?
Yeah, he's like, I'm going to have you killed.
Pretty much.
He's good.
Go to videos.
Have you seen his Netflix show?
No.
I'm kind of intrigued by it, but it seems depressing to me.
It's called Afterlife?
Oh, I've seen it.
It's actually pretty good.
Is it?
Yeah.
Because I've seen previews, and I'm like,
god, it seems so depressing because he's
dealing with his wife's death.
Well, I mean, look, it's based on a sad experience,
but it's an inspirational.
But he also came out with a movie where he becomes,
they think he's like the second coming.
Yes.
And that's also funny.
Because he knows information or something?
What is that?
It's on Netflix.
Yeah, we watched it, and it was heavily atheist.
Shelly and I were like, oh, Shelly and I were both like,
OK, it's funny, but they're also taking a major shot
at Christianity.
Again, I don't have a problem with people.
They're mocking Christianity.
I don't have people mocking people
as long as they mock everyone.
Yeah.
Just like the Family Guy or South Park.
Right.
They make fun of everyone.
If they make fun of me or Trump or liberals,
they make fun of everybody.
I don't give a shit.
I'll laugh.
That's what comedy is supposed to be.
Let's hold on.
Let's back up.
But if you're one-sided, that's where I go, yeah,
I'm done with this.
Exactly.
You could pull up Ricky Gervais on the YouTube
with the Golden Globes.
If you go back to that panel and see
if you can find like a one minute, two minute thing.
Yeah, there's a specific scene where he is.
He's a riddle.
I loved it.
Well, I played that one.
Just play it for a little bit.
Yeah, see what he says.
I don't think that's just an image.
But he's got it.
Welcome to the 77th Annual Golden Globe Awards,
live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles.
I'm Ricky Gervais.
Thank you.
You'll be pleased to know this is the last time I'm
hosting these awards.
So I mean, Kevin Hart was because of some offensive tweets.
Hello.
Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press
can barely speak English.
They've no idea what Twitter is.
There he is.
I got offered this gig by Fax.
So let's go out with a bang.
Let's have a laugh at your expense.
Remember, they're just jokes.
We're all going to die soon, and there's no sequel.
So yeah, remember that.
But you all look lovely, all dolled up.
You came here in your limos.
I came here in a limo tonight, and the license plate
was made by Felicity Huffman.
So no.
Oh.
It's her daughter I feel sorry for.
OK?
That must be the most embarrassing thing that's
ever happened to her.
And her dad was in Wild Hogs.
So lots of big celebrities here tonight.
I mean, legends, icons, yeah?
This table alone, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Baby Yoda.
Oh, that's Joe Pesci.
Sorry.
Oh.
That's the guy that had me whacked.
But tonight isn't just about the people in front of the camera.
Ouch.
This room are some of the most important TV and film
executives in the world.
People from every background.
But they all have one thing in common.
They're all terrified of Ronan Farrow.
He's coming for you.
They are not pleased.
They're not pleased.
I'm telling you.
I love it.
They're showing the looks of the people, and they're not funny.
Leaving Neverland, two popes, shut up, shut up.
I don't care.
He's like, die, die.
He's like, I have you killed.
Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories.
Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about that.
The Hollywood foreign press are all very, very racist.
Look at him.
He's like, ha ha.
Wow.
We're not going to do an in memoriam this year.
But when I saw the list of people that had died,
it wasn't diverse enough.
It just, no.
It was mostly white people.
They can't believe it.
This is shock value.
Everybody in the crowd's looking at him like, what the?
Maybe next year.
Let's see what happens.
No one cares about movies anymore.
No one goes to the cinema.
Those have to be a laugh track.
I bet it's quiet as shit in there.
This show should just be me coming out going,
well done, Netflix.
You win everything.
Goodnight.
But no.
No.
We've got to drag it out for three hours.
You could binge watch the entire first season of Afterlife
instead of watching the show.
Yeah.
That's a show about a man who wants to kill himself
because his wife dies of cancer.
And it's still more fun than this.
OK?
Spoiler alert.
Season two is on the way.
So in the end, he obviously didn't kill himself.
Just like Jeffrey Epstein.
Ah.
That's awesome.
He's your friend, but I don't care.
He's your friend.
Oh, that's good stuff.
Oh, my.
Yeah, that's enough.
Wow.
I've never watched it.
I didn't realize it went on and on and on.
Look, that was only half of the entry.
So towards the end, he starts talking about,
so just get your little award.
And shut the fuck up.
And thank the gods.
And sit your ass down because nobody wants to know.
Yeah.
Yes.
He doesn't.
He also made fun of them.
He said, I can't remember the exact phrasing,
but he basically said, Greta Thunberg has
had more schooling than you all.
No.
He's awesome.
Greta Thunberg is more educated than you guys are.
Or same thing.
And look at the Oscars.
What happened?
They dropped to 9 million.
It died.
I bet if they brought him to do it, it would be different.
People would watch it.
I'd watch.
I would watch just to see what he tears them up about.
Right.
Who knows?
Maybe they do it next year because there is such a drop.
That's fantastic.
So Ricky Gervais.
I'm going to go back and watch the whole thing.
Because I've never seen it before.
Makes me kind of want to watch the British version
of The Office.
I heard it's better.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I heard it's better.
It's different.
He's a funny man.
Well, it's British for one thing.
So there's a difference between American humor
and British humor.
Oh, Paul just threw it back.
You're going to throw it.
Good God.
I got to put an end to that.
Anyway, I didn't bring the bottle.
Wow.
But we tried a new bourbon.
It's Paul's favorite, apparently.
I think it was another miss, maybe.
It's a miss.
I think it's a miss.
I think we revisit it.
Just like DeGrasse said, we'll revisit.
We'll try it again.
But it was the, what's it called?
The Bone Snapper Rye.
We've always been kind of against the rye.
And I'm not saying that this one is representative of all ryes,
but Paul has a strong opinion there.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it's a rye.
It's a rye.
I think we need to get used to it.
We just need to accept it.
Just like when you started drinking bourbons,
we started drinking Jack Daniels and black powder.
Maybe you need to work your way up to it.
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe it's like, I don't think so.
He's not talking crazy right now.
I mean, just like the first time I had a beer,
I thought it was the nastiest thing in the world.
I didn't.
I did.
And now I really enjoy it.
Just like bourbon.
I had a really hard time drinking bourbon.
I thought beer was horrendous.
I hated it.
Yeah, I had wild turkey back in college.
I thought it was the worst thing in the world.
I'm a ryeist.
Ryeist?
Ryeist.
It's like racist, but I'm a racist.
But I've told this story before.
I struggled in college, because everybody was drinking beer.
I hated beer.
I went to wine coolers to talk about a wuss.
What a homo.
Yeah, seriously.
So you had like a two liter of California coolers.
Oh, at least.
Were you the dude that got on your knee and drank a Zima?
Don't even finish that.
I tried Zima.
No, Zima was after college.
No, it wasn't.
Not for me.
I tried Zima in college.
No.
No, Zima was on around one of them.
Either that or it was too expensive for me to try.
Well, I could afford it.
I was really rich.
White privilege.
Yeah, I was white.
I white privileged my way all through college.
Put your white card.
Anyway, my point is, then I stumbled on Captain Morgan.
Oh my god, that burp was toxic.
It was like rye bread.
I know.
I could have caught that burp on fire.
Yeah.
Well, because it's rye.
So you're saying that 108 proof was worse than your 120 proof.
Oh, hold on.
This rye is 108 proof?
Correct.
Pour me another one.
No.
No, I haven't given up on this yet.
I have.
So anyway, the Bone Snapper Rye Whiskey.
It's an MGP rye.
I don't even know what that means.
Standard stock.
It's where a lot of folks get it.
And it's a-
MGP?
What is that?
It is a-
What does it stand for?
It's distilled in what, like-
Indiana, I believe.
Indiana.
It's kind of like, if you, it's a stock.
It's a basic, core-
I want to know what it stands for.
It's an acronym, and it means what?
It means MGP.
No, it's on the horizon.
Well, it's a specific granary.
MGP is a specific granary.
OK.
So what is it?
Well, although first driven to prominence
because of the proliferation of brands using MPG's stock of 90%-
MGP.
What did I say?
MPG.
MGP.
It still doesn't say, what does MGP mean?
Go down-
MGP of Indiana is a distillery in Lawrenceburg.
Midwest Grain Products.
So it's basically, you're using, they're saying, all right,
how do you make bourbon?
And they said the MGP products, the Midwest Grain Products,
say, hey, these are the grains that you need to put in it.
The ratios range from here.
So you can have-
They distill it, though.
Well, they still need that.
Well, I know, but-
But MGP distills different ratios,
and then people buy the clear shit, and they age it.
Yeah.
And blend it.
So they buy the basic core stuff.
It's kind of like buying a specific type of water.
It's the clear shit, right?
And then they take it, and they blend it, or they age it.
OK, so they're short-circuiting their process.
Right.
Instead of having their own vats where they have sour mash,
and they're fermenting, and they're doing their own thing.
If we were to start a whiskey company,
we would buy MGP product that's already distilled,
and we would just buy the barrels and age it.
You have to have a wheat field.
You have to have all this shit.
No.
Well, you could buy the grain from places,
but you have to mash it.
In terms of the process, you're not short-circuiting that much.
In terms of the entire process, aging in the barrels
is like years and years and years.
But you have to get the mash.
You have to distill it.
You have to.
So the MGPs did it.
Yeah, but that's the whole point.
That's the whole point of making your own bourbon,
is to get your own mash built and making amazing ingredients.
Like bullet bourbon?
Yeah.
They did not distill anything until recently.
So for years and years and years, bullet.
They just bought MB, MGP.
I don't think it was MGP, but they bought it from, I think,
Four Roses.
Really?
So they bought their, yes.
That's kind of shitty, too.
And then they would take it.
Yeah, it is.
Dude, it's all about playing the game.
Yeah, you know what?
That's just wanting to get your.
That's like selling water.
Right.
Somebody else's water.
Yeah, who the fuck's going to know?
Ah, it's Lane, though.
So did you know that Bullet didn't distill their shit?
No.
And it's a big brand.
I did not.
I don't like it.
And it's a big brand.
That crawls all over me.
I mean, to me, this is like an artist type of thing.
Like, when you're going to make your own this,
it doesn't matter if it's bourbon or vodka or rum or this.
These are the producers of the colors for an artist's palette.
Yeah, that's weird.
So a lot of these.
That's weak.
I don't like it.
A lot of these bourbon makers buy their.
Their ingredients from somebody else.
Not just that, but their distilled alcohol.
Yeah, even worse.
From other people.
That's even worse.
So Heaven Hill provides a lot of it.
Buffalo Trays provide.
And we could buy that and make our own bourbon.
Yeah, I don't like it.
And say, we're going to age it here in Frisco,
in this temperate, in this building,
and we're going to have our own Cheddar bourbon.
We have the three major producers here in Texas.
And one's Iron Root.
Root.
Iron Root.
And who are the other two?
You have Balcones.
Balcones.
Well, then Garrison.
Right?
And Garrison.
That's the other one.
So there's the three major ones here, right?
No, but there's more than that.
Well, there's more.
Oh, yeah, there's definitely more.
Yeah.
There's definitely more.
But I think those are probably the biggest.
Are they?
OK.
That's my guess.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know either.
Those are the ones I don't.
They're the biggest because I know of them.
There you go.
So that's the ruling factor.
Nicely done.
The 10 of best bourbon whiskeys from Texas.
Iron Wolf.
Well, it's Iron Root.
Oh, we have that one.
We have that one.
Ben Millen.
Yeah, we have that one.
We do have that one.
That was actually a really good one.
I bought that one, by the way.
No.
He bought that one.
You bought a different one that looks very similar.
But more expensive.
No.
That's bullshit.
Really?
Yeah.
Damn it, man.
That's why you're only.
Yeah.
I'm only what?
I don't remember seeing that one.
Finish that thought.
Two and 11.
Iron Wolf.
I don't remember seeing that one.
Thanks for bumping it up to two.
Very nice.
Thanks, brother.
Yeah, but now you're up to 12.
Ah, such a lot.
Two out of 12 is betting what?
Yeah, really good.
60%.
60?
Isn't that a Meat Loaf song?
0.6.
80%.
Two out of 12.
Speaking of, the guy who wrote his albums.
Two out of 12.
The guy who wrote his albums just died.
From Meat Loaf?
Yep.
The guy who wrote all those albums just died.
God, man.
Why do you do that?
Is this a calendar when you're taking the shit
that you rip off every day?
Like.
I do.
I want to.
Useless factors.
You're like, wow, today's a great day.
Let me look at the death calendar.
Why do you do that?
Because I know you like it.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm not happy that the guy that wrote all the songs for Meat
Loaf is dead.
Well, hold on.
Thank you for sharing that.
Well, let's back up to Meat Loaf.
So Meat Loaf's songs.
I mean, first of all, he was in that movie,
the controversial movie with.
Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Correct.
Meat Loaf was?
Yeah, he was the lead singer.
He's an interesting folk.
He was.
He's not dead, though.
No, he's alive.
He's not dead.
But he's had a lot of hits, obviously.
Yes.
But the guy who wrote all his music and produced it is dead.
He's from Dallas, Texas.
He's lost a lot of weight.
I know he's from Dallas, Texas.
Anyway, his music is very theatrical, I think.
Yeah, absolutely.
Somebody else wrote all his music.
Yeah, typically.
Literally all of it?
Yeah.
God, that's crazy.
Yeah, the guy who wrote.
Who wrote Bat Out of Hell?
So write that.
So who wrote Bat Out of Hell?
Isn't that amazing, though, that these massive, massive musical.
Jim Steinman.
So successful musical artists.
Massive, right?
Didn't write any of their own stuff.
They're all supported by somebody else.
That's just shocking to me.
Look at Jim Steinman.
He kind of looks like.
He's a rocker in his own right.
He looks like Iron Maiden Danny Dickinson a little bit.
Ooh, that's a bad picture.
God, look at that picture where he's dressed in.
That's not very appealing at all.
So anyway, but he's.
Yeah.
Hello?
Hey, what's up, baby?
How you doing?
Sup, baby?
What's up?
But I won't do that.
So what are you wearing?
I'm not taking a phone call.
That's the Meat Loaf song.
Can we move on to Meat Loaf, who doesn't
write any of his own stuff?
I think Paul is shocked.
I am?
You know what?
I'm actually not.
It just makes it crystal clear to me
how many people ride to the top of success.
They ride on the coattails of other people.
Yes, 100%.
And then take all the glory.
Exactly, and all the money.
Kind of politicians.
And all the money, too.
No, I bet Jim Steinman got paid well.
And that's a little, I don't know.
I don't know.
I hope he did.
Because the goal is to get writing credit on these songs.
Yes, I get that.
To get paid.
So I guarantee Jim Steinman got paid well.
Because he wrote everything.
Now, I'm sure Meat Loaf helped in some of them.
But I think I saw that Bat Out of Hell
was based off a musical that Jim Steinman wrote.
I don't know.
I just hope when these guys make it massive.
It was developed from a musical, Neverland,
a futuristic rock version of Peter Pan.
I haven't listened closely enough to that album
to really pick that up.
So I just hope that when these guys make it huge,
they take care of the people that got them there.
They won't.
And you know what?
It's all ego.
And most of the time, I think they don't.
Look at Billy Joel.
Billy Joel wrote his own shit.
Pardon?
He wrote his own shit.
Yeah, but he had people that helped him
for the whole trip, like the drummers,
the session players that worked at the band.
He didn't give a fuck about his band.
How do you know that?
Well, one of his band members killed himself
because he was kicked out of the band.
And well, not necessarily kicked out of the band,
but he was discontinued.
Well, there's probably a good reason for that.
No?
No.
No?
I don't think there was.
No?
It just probably had to do with convenience
and everything else.
There's a-
You guys know that for a fact?
Yes.
There's a documentary.
Because that is very controversial.
There's a documentary out there.
It's inflammatory, but it's not controversial.
There's a documentary out there that I watched.
I showed Sean, you need to watch it as well.
It has a lot of Billy Joel's band members in there
talking about all of that.
Billy Joel's a dick.
And he comes across as quite busy.
That's upsetting, because I love his music.
I do too, man.
And by the way, he writes it all.
Like, he is a full-blown-
But here's the thing.
Billy Joel got taken advantage in his early years.
Yes.
Taken advantage grossly.
And he was at a point, he was like, fuck everyone.
Everyone.
And basically, he fired everyone and says, I keep all of it.
Yep.
And he did.
And to the point where all of the band members that
helped him get those albums, he just wrote them off.
Just like, discontinued.
Who were with him for years and years and years.
10, 15, more than that.
Decade, yeah.
That's bullshit.
He cut them out and then they hired Session.
They didn't have a job.
They didn't have any money.
And they killed themselves.
Not all of them.
I think one of them could get dead.
All of them.
All of them killed themselves.
It was like-
It was one, I believe.
It was like the thing in Africa.
Mass euthanization.
Jonetown.
That was not Africa.
Trink the Kool-Aid.
It was in Africa.
No, it was not Africa.
Jonetown?
No.
That's Toto.
Yes, it was.
No, it was not.
I thought it was in Africa.
No, it was in Ghana.
That's Africa.
No, it's not Africa.
Ghana.
Ria.
What are you saying?
It's in Ria.
Ghana.
Where was Jonetown?
Ria.
Ghana, Ria.
You guys are so clever.
It was in Africa, you idiot.
That's where Ghana is.
No, it was not.
Where was Jonetown?
Jonetown.
It was not in Africa.
You know what?
We're going from Billy Joel to Jonetown, and that's my fault.
But we're going to go.
Yeah.
Oh, is that Africa?
No.
Guana?
No, it isn't.
It's a South Africa, you dad son of a bitch.
That's South America.
But it's on a tangent to Africa.
That is not a tangent.
Yeah, it's South America.
A tangent is in a circle.
Holy shit.
I never knew that.
I thought it was Ghana.
It's not Ghana.
It's Guyana.
It's not Goyana.
It's Guyana.
You're an idiot.
Like I said, it's Guyana.
Dude, I always thought that was Africa.
No, negative.
This is shit.
I've been educated tonight.
And duodenum.
That's another word you learned.
And duodenum and perniculum.
So the Northeastern continent of Africa
is the country of Guyana.
No, South America.
It's South America.
What did I say?
South America?
You said Africa.
I meant to say South America.
It's not in Africa.
It's right next to Suriname and probably Venezuela.
Mexico?
Is it Venezuela on the west?
Or is that Colombia?
Can you zoom out on that map?
Mexico.
Venezuela.
It's Venezuela.
And south of that is Brazil.
Brazil's a huge, beautiful place.
It's massive.
And somewhere in there is Hitler's grave.
Oh, god.
That's not true.
He killed himself.
It said Mato Grosso.
He killed himself in Germany, dude.
Well, there is a tribe of German folk
that lives somewhere in the Alps of Brazil.
Alps?
It said Goyas.
All right, I don't believe that.
What?
Actually, no, that's true.
There were a number of Nazi sympathizers or Nazi
involvers that went to Brazil.
They paid the country of Brazil to be able to hide out there.
And the government protects them.
It has protected them for the last 70 years.
Well, they're all dead now.
Well, not all of them.
Their children are there.
Well, the children aren't the perpetrators.
Got to kill them all.
Yeah, but the reparations, right?
They took.
There are treasures.
Oh, they brought the artifacts?
There are treasures that were art.
But the treasures are doing them no good,
because they live in a jungle in a hut.
Why have a treasure if you're living in a jungle in a hut?
But I've got $80 million worth of gold right here.
No, no.
How do you know it's not a nice 2,200-
It's not.
They're in the frickin' Amazon.
How do you know that?
With anacondas.
How do you know that?
And banana spiders.
Banana spiders?
It's a banana spider.
No shit.
Mr. Producer, I want to see a picture of a banana spider.
I think you're full of shit.
There's no such thing as a banana spider.
I think there is.
And it scares me, awfully.
Why?
I've got your banana spider right here.
There you go.
There it is, banana spider.
Oh, it looks like a banana.
Look at that.
Yes, it does.
It's yellow and black.
That looks like the bananas downstairs.
It does look like the bananas downstairs.
The ones that he's going to make banana bread out of.
Those are the spiders that hang out in the trees.
Black and yellow.
That is a banana spider, if I've ever seen one.
Actually, have you seen the coconut spiders?
We have coconut spiders, too.
Shut up.
There's no coconut spiders.
He's got huge balls.
Those are the ones that-
That what?
Look like a coconut?
No, they're-
You look like a coconut.
Coconut spider.
Those banana spiders look very aggressive.
Look at that thing right there in the middle of the tree.
What does that mean?
Down there.
It doesn't look like anything.
What the fuck is that?
Have I just seen that, dude?
That's a coconut spider?
That looks like a-
Coconut spider from Indonesia.
Look at that.
That looks like a crab.
Apparently, that's where I was born.
That looks like a crab.
That can't be real.
That's creepy.
Is that a spider?
I don't know.
That thing is-
Massive.
OK, well, let's move on.
Massive, like larger than a cat.
Yeah.
So this is the arachnophobia segment of our podcast.
I'm not afraid of spiders.
Actually, I was today.
Freaked me out.
And it was a daddy longleg.
Oh, those are the most-
Actually, what did they say?
They say they're crazy deadly, but their teeth
are not big enough to bite you so they can't-
Deadly longlegs?
Yes.
That's what I heard.
There was-
They're highly venomous, highly venomous,
but they don't have a mouth big enough to bite you.
They can't cut you.
That's what I have heard.
So the-
They smell if you smash them or rip their legs off.
Wow.
There's an aroma.
Hold on.
If you rip their legs off.
So is this something you do?
Can you look up to see if they're venomous or not,
please?
Well, no, because we had a shitload of those
in Cincinnati, and you'd pick them up,
and they'd flail around, and you'd rip the leg off.
But it always emitted this stench.
Our daddy longlegs venomous.
A smell.
There it is.
There it is right there.
Here we go.
This is a legend.
There's a legend that daddy longleg spiders
are the most potent venom of any spider,
but their fangs are either too small or too weak
to puncture human skin.
The same legend is also repeated of the Harvest Man
and the Crane, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So what's the answer?
Keep going.
It's called an un-gate.
Daddy longlegs myth, the famous myth.
So it's a myth.
It's a myth.
Well, the longlegs venom is one of the most toxic kinds
in the world, and that it could be fatal to humans or animals.
And we think, yeah, so it says.
So it's false.
Everything I just told you guys was false.
Well, hold on.
Is it or is it or not?
Because I don't know.
What are we clicking on here?
It just said, foal kids are venomous predators,
and they never naturally bite people.
Their fangs are similar in structure
to those of brown ray clues, which are bad.
Brown recluse.
Brown ray clues.
Not ray clues.
It's recluse.
It's ray clues.
Well, it depends where you're going with it.
You are not a rock.
If you're an alabama, you're not a recluse.
No, it's a recluse.
OK, first off.
If you were like, and the rest of the planet's recluse.
He's not an arachnologist or whatever it is.
Remember that movie?
It's an erection.
So we get an erection.
An erectionologist.
An erection.
Remember that movie, Arachnophobia?
Yeah, it was great.
With the guy that was in Dumb and Dumber.
Was Tom Hanks in that?
No, Dumb and Dumber guy.
Dumb and Dumber.
Not Jim Carrey, the other guy.
Jim Carrey?
No, the other guy.
There's more than one person.
Who was the other Jim Carrey?
Dumb and Dumber.
Wow.
Arachnophobia.
I actually like that other actor.
I don't know who the fuck he is.
Jeff Daniels?
Is that his name?
You nailed it.
Jeff Daniels.
He's in that movie?
Wasn't Danny DeVito?
No, Danny John Goodman.
That's close.
Yeah.
Danny and John Goodman.
Thanks for bringing up John Goodman for no reason.
What was his name in Roseanne?
He was in Arachnophobia.
No, he wasn't.
He was the exterminator.
Exterminator.
I feel bad.
Sorry.
I apologize.
Way to go.
On behalf of Jeff.
Jeff Goodman?
Goodman.
Was it Harley Jane Kozak in that?
Yes.
Oh, would you shut up?
Wow.
Look at you.
That's bullshit.
He's reading off the screen.
Jeff Daniels is actually, I think he's a Republican.
Julianne Sands was in it too, wasn't he?
So was Stuart Pinkin.
Oh, shut up.
OK, let's move on.
We got on Arachnophobia because of banana spiders,
because of something else.
Wow.
Well, you said they're the most venomous.
No.
Creatures get long legs.
Well, I was.
Before that, you said banana spider.
What was before that?
I went somewhere today.
And I had walked into a room.
Rattlesnakes.
I put my.
Black mamba.
I was doing what they call an evaluation.
I go in and I will evaluate a building.
And I'll take measurements of the floor plan,
say what type of wood there is, blah, blah, blah, paint, blah,
blah, blah.
Oak.
I walk into this room.
I put my shit down.
My shit.
My my folder.
And I've got these measurement tools and lasers and stuff.
And I feel something on my shoulder and my neck.
And it kind of creeps me out.
So I kind of brush up.
And I feel like a spider web.
And above me, there's probably 50 little dead long legs.
How many?
So it's like 50.
Like a pack of daddy long legs.
Yes, it was like Indiana Jones.
Yes.
Yeah, there were so many.
Instead of tarantulas.
And they were like cute little daddy long legs.
But the oh my god, they're so cute.
There was not a daddy long leg on my shoulder.
What there was was there was it was just the web
had got stuck on me.
And it freaked me out so much.
I have had the weebie jeebies.
Weebie jeebies.
It's called the heebie jeebies.
I didn't realize that was.
Is heebie jeebies a word?
Heebie jeebies.
Oh, it is.
It's not weebie.
You know what that makes me think of?
I can share weebie.
So we did a family vacation on whatever river that is,
where you go tubing south of San Antonio.
San something?
Sanskrit.
San Marcos?
San Marcos.
So you go tubing.
Francisco.
All right, so here we go.
We're on the river.
It's very slow moving.
And then you have to pay attention
to what you're doing, because sometimes you
are right under trees and stuff.
Or you can go into the bank and there'll be shit that might.
Hold on.
You're tubing and you can go in a bank.
Yeah, because you're not paying attention.
You're drinking, listening to music.
I've never experienced that.
And you're just, I'm always in control.
Dude, how the fuck can you get in a bank tubing?
I'm just telling you.
You're going like 0.03 miles per hour.
Yeah, because you're backwards and you're
talking to other people and you don't know.
You're not paying attention.
Oh, so you're exaggerating.
No, no, no.
You're not.
I'm not.
You're drunk.
You're drunk and you're drinking.
And you're having fun and you're backwards
and you're talking to other people.
I just think it's you, Paul.
Anyway, so check this.
This is you.
It is me.
Not just me.
So my father-in-law, my father-in-law is in his own.
And he's got the cooler on a tube.
The cooler's on inside of a tube that's
designed for the cooler behind him.
And he's rowing with oars, like a kayak.
And then he just stops paying attention.
He goes under a big branch.
Nest of scorpions.
In the river.
And there is a massive, like a big spiderweb-looking thing.
And so I'm watching.
I'm probably about maybe 30 feet away.
And he goes under the branch.
And he starts freaking out.
He starts freaking out.
And this guy's a Marine, right?
He's a Vietnam vet Marine.
And he's like, oh my god.
All right, so he goes into the branch.
He goes into this nest thing.
And there are some sort of black spiders or black beetles
that fall out of this thing.
And there's hundreds of them.
Hundreds of them or thousands of them that fall on him.
And then.
There's got to be hundreds.
Millions.
Dude.
Did he just like dump in the water?
Well, he started like.
Did he scream like a girl?
No.
No, he didn't.
I got to give him credit.
I would have totally thrown myself off the.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks.
I could hear the girl.
Yeah.
Eek.
Oh my god.
Eek.
But he started just kind of brushing stuff off his chest,
off the tube.
So there's a downpour of beetles.
It was the most panicked I've ever seen him, right?
Ever.
And I was like, what the hell?
And by the time I.
Because I started paddling over there, right?
And I was like, what the hell?
And he was like, dude.
Dude.
Let's do a shot.
Yeah, seriously.
Oh, I was just like, wow.
I would have dove in the water.
I totally would have bailed on the tube.
I totally would have bailed.
Because you could have caught up to it.
I would have been like, screw this.
Oh, hell.
I've got flesh eating beetles on me.
Yes.
I mean, in the water.
100%.
Just like the mummy.
100%.
I'm gone.
I'm sorry.
Anyway, I give him credit.
And he hops out, and he's like in six inches of water.
He's like, kuh.
They're still on him.
It's a very anti-plamatic story.
God, it was awful, though.
It was awful to hear him talk about it.
Yeah, there's some crazy bugs out there, man.
Crazy, crazy bugs.
Funny stuff.
And stinky, evidently.
I've never heard a story about somebody ripping off
the legs of a daddy long leg.
Well, it wasn't necessarily ripping them off.
No, that's what you said.
Well, I did say that.
But I once hit there.
Like a fucking psychopath.
Yeah.
But you pick them up, and the legs fall off easily.
Just saying.
And sometimes you just smash them with your foot.
But they smell.
There's a smell.
They emit an odor.
Maybe it was the rubber on the bottom of your shoes.
No, it was a specific insectoid aroma.
Why would you be so close to it that you smelled it?
You don't have to be close to it.
I didn't go, I didn't stick my finger in my ass
and smell it kind of thing.
OK, well, that would be the smell of your ass,
not the spider.
But still, next time you have a daddy long leg,
rip a leg off and smell it.
No, I'm not doing that.
That's inhumane.
Because it still twitches.
It's a hard pass.
And just like.
That's inhumane.
Have you ever seen a daddy long leg leg?
A dad long leg leg?
It twitches.
That falls off, and it's got that little twitch.
No, and it stinks.
It stinks.
Oh, that's the worst.
Yeah.
Really?
I know that smell.
It smells like campers.
That's so stupid.
What the hell?
A daddy long leg leg does not smell.
You always doubt me in my words.
You're doubting me in my daddy long leg aroma.
Dude, fucking Google daddy long leg smell.
Don't.
We do this every time.
We go.
And I'm always proven correct.
No, we look up crazy shit.
We don't need to do that right now.
All right.
Can we get back on track?
What's the first topic of the night?
Now, you know what?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
So here's what's going on.
We got together this past week.
Hold on.
Daddy long leg's smell, they're killed.
The daddy long leg spider smells so bad when they're squashed.
No, why?
Why do daddy long leg spiders smell so bad
when they're squashed?
You know what?
I got to say, you are what, 141 for 141?
Yes.
No, he's the only one batting 1,000% in this podcast.
Oh, bullshit.
Yeah.
Sean, you're at 11%.
And I'm at about, I think about 42%.
I like your bourbon.
1%.
You know, although we all missed tonight.
What a dick.
Why would you bring that up?
He brings that up because he likes fire.
Kind of like our fire experience this weekend.
So not cool.
Nice segue.
You're going to say something profound.
We're going to get back on track with topics or something.
Yeah, we're going to talk about our fire pit this weekend
and how we like to cut up shit and stuff.
I'll tell you what, I had a very relaxing Saturday night.
Well, first of all, two weekends in a row, is it?
No.
No, well, there was a gap in between.
But you know what?
Anytime you sit around a fire, fire is always mesmerizing.
You sit there and watch.
And to feed the fire, you have to have, of course,
something flammable.
Who?
Huh?
Fuel.
In what form?
In a wood form.
A bundle of sticks.
Isn't that what I said?
No, we're not going there.
But I said that.
You did, technically.
You did?
Anyway, let's go.
So on the side of my house, the side of my driveway,
I had a compilation of lots of different flammable wood-based
materials.
Did you have a fucking couple of pallets that were ripped up?
Some plastics.
Some plastics and some OSB.
No, there were no.
Well, yeah, there were plastics.
So we were burning stuff.
We burned everything.
I have nothing good left to burn.
And that's what happens.
We have been.
We have conducted so many little bonfires here in Texas.
I would classify them as bonfires.
I would.
Shit.
I mean, it got up to about seven feet.
Maybe not necessarily.
They get very large.
Not here, but just in general.
Between the three of us, with all of our experiences
at these outings, the fires, they've got huge.
Yeah.
What have we got?
Does this smell good?
And they're toasty.
It smells really good.
What are we drinking?
Oh, this smells like.
This is the replacement.
So we got a misters small batch Kentucky straight bourbon
whiskey.
And it's a batch number.
It smells a little very nice.
It smells really good.
Yeah, I like it.
All right.
So just make sure we know that it's sweeter.
Mixters.
It's probably got to be about a small bar.
I smell I smell apples in that.
That's good, man.
Anyway, we got we got derailed.
Yeah, we did.
Let's get back.
It's forty five point seven.
So so it's not even worth 90.
Whatever that point for.
Oh, it's under 100.
It's not even worth drinking.
Bitch spit it out.
Go back to your fire.
We're talking about we're talking about burning fires
at your house.
So great in the backyard.
You have your little fire pit going or what do they
call those things?
Fire pits.
Our pitch is that what else they call them?
Fire pits.
Fire pitch.
All right, whatever.
That's what I've always called them.
So those metal contraptions that you
put in your yard to burn fire or your driveway.
Yeah, it's a fire pit.
It's a fire pit.
Yeah, I agree.
So I they're they're very enjoyable.
They're very relaxing.
And it's a good way to purge all the extra trash.
Because look, let's be honest.
When we are burning things at 10 o'clock at night,
eight o'clock at night, and you're kind of like looking
for materials to burn, you're like, oh my god,
we ran out of wood.
Oh, we have a bunch of styrofoam.
Oh my god, we got this.
Let's burn this.
Let's burn this piece of cardboard.
Let's let's burn this.
Cardboard's fine.
Let's burn this part of the chair.
Let's burn this piece of wood sitting here.
Don't get crazy.
We don't burn styrofoam.
I just got three new TVs for Christmas.
All that styrofoam needs to be burnt.
Oh my god.
I don't burn styrofoam.
I don't.
That was just happened to be one year where we.
Sean did.
We you insensitive mother nature prick.
Dude, it was bad.
It was you can't do that bad.
It was Vos like.
Yeah, it was possible.
There was Vos like smoke.
It was thick and I don't do that.
Corrosive.
I don't do that.
I do natural burning.
Well, this was natural.
No, styrofoam is not natural burning.
It burned.
Yeah, it burns.
Oh, it'll burn.
Anything will burn.
But I tell you what, I put I put the clip
in of my Sego Palm.
Your Sego.
Sego.
OK, first off.
OK, first off, remember, remember Snowmageddon?
Did it kill your tree?
Yeah, two trees, two trees, six bushes, and my Sego Palm.
What was that called?
Storm?
Yuri.
When you're on Yuri.
Yuri.
Yes, right.
I had a mound.
Cat 16.
Yeah, I had a mound of shit on my driveway.
And then I heard I was going to try to pile it all up
and take it to the dump twice.
And then I heard that there was a fire at the dump.
There was.
Yes, and it was shut down.
So I was like, well, fuck it.
I'm going to do a burn.
I'm doing a burn because I got to get rid of this shit.
It's piled up on my driveway.
So I burned for four straight hours, one bush after another,
cutting up all the branches and taking all the Sego,
Sego leaves.
And it was every time I put the Sego leaves on the fire.
It was just ash everywhere.
Oh, it burnt quickly and smoked like a motherfucker.
Smoked like crazy.
And I was so worried about my neighbor,
because I don't want to be a dick.
I mean, if they're outside being like, hey,
let's play in the pool.
Now I'm breathing this.
Yeah, I get real.
Let's go inside.
What the hell is happening?
Their pool water is now black.
Yeah, totally, totally.
I shortened the lives of my neighbors, right?
But they were not out there, so it was not a big deal.
I think they were out of town or something.
But anyway, so I burned.
I burned for four hours straight.
And then you guys came over.
And then I burned all the stuff.
Then I burned all the stuff that was way prior to Snowmageddon.
Then we were very, very smartly, after about 10 beers each,
we were using power tools.
Yeah, well, I had a circular saw.
We were cutting up the pieces.
Very odd-shaped pieces of wood.
They weren't odd-shaped.
Yes, they were.
You're like, eh, eh, eh, eh.
Oh, come on.
OK, it's funny you say that.
It wasn't odd-shaped.
It was wherever the circular saw took me.
Into my fingers.
Right.
No, I have all my fingers, because I did check.
Well, I was the one who owned the wood.
I checked multiple times.
But wherever the circular saw went is what we cut.
And it was great.
Yeah.
What do you think, Sean?
Was that a good night?
Were we cut up all the wood with the circular saw?
I was frankly concerned that you were going to kill Jeff,
or at least dis-finger him.
Well, I lost control of it a couple times.
I'm not going to lie.
Well, it got to the point where you're like, I, you know.
Here's the most disturbing part.
You were like, guys, I cut my table.
Yes.
I cut my table.
And the fact that he didn't cut his table, I was kind of like,
well, you have no idea what the fuck you're doing over there.
Do you think you actually cut your table
and you didn't cut your table?
Your faculty is way off.
He's talking about my little black and decker saw horse.
Which is cute.
It's a cute little saw horse.
If we saw our boys doing this, we'd
have been like, no, no, no, no, no.
Let me do it.
So first of all, my wife came out.
Remember that?
She was like, OK.
First off, she was like, we have neighbors.
Right?
We're like running.
You're using power saws at like 1 AM.
Oh my god.
It was so loud.
Oh, Jeff, it was so loud.
Even for me, I was like, man, my hearing aids
are ringing right now.
It was so loud.
And I was like cutting up these boards and stuff
and these particle board.
Hell yeah.
Oh, that was so loud.
It was midnight.
What a call.
It was so bad.
But it was, you know, we were enjoying the fire.
That's what booze does too.
No, that's what fire plate, fire pits do.
True.
And we burn.
We burn some good stuff.
We burned a lot of stuff that night.
We melted a lot of bottles.
We melted some beer cans, some beer bottles.
That's the life, man.
It's the best.
I'm sure we inhaled some sales.
So when I said I was going to do another burn,
not the next weekend, but the weekend after,
I set up the saw horse.
I set up the circular saw.
I had it all ready to go.
And Shelly was like, no.
Really?
You're going to do that again.
You're going to get drunk.
It was fun.
And this is what she said.
She goes, can you please cut up all the wood
before you start drinking?
Everyone, besides you and me, everyone was nervous
with the saw.
I know, but it was fine.
It was 100% fine.
Come on.
Was it?
Oh, I'd blown up so many fireworks and explosives,
being way drunker than that.
I easily could have lost fingers.
No, you could not.
OK, first off, I wouldn't let that happen.
I would.
All of a sudden it grabs.
No, I would cut off my own leg before you
had anything damaged at all.
Yeah, we had a good time.
It was good.
It was fun.
And what are you doing?
Get off your phone.
Here's the problem.
I use the word Voslek.
It's not a word.
And it is a word.
Yeah, but you've been on your phone the entire time
I've been talking about this cool topic.
Well, I want to find that word.
You're not going to find it.
No, it is a word.
Voselik.
Well, we'll look for it after.
After.
Not during.
This is where we go.
Or let him do it.
The downfall of society is we are obsessed with our phones.
Correct.
And that just happened for you.
I was yearning for more education.
He was yearning for validation.
You were yearning for more education?
I wanted to fuck it.
Well, not education.
Validation.
Thank you.
Validation.
Yeah, because Jeff always gets it.
Perniculum.
142.
What?
Sean's like, I want to get up to at least seven.
Oh, 142.
He's 142, 442?
You remembered that number?
What the hell?
I remember some things, yeah.
God, I was like, what number are you talking about?
But going back to the Burns, I've had some at my house.
That's crazy.
I've had some at my house.
Burns?
But yes.
Yes, you're talking about Burns.
At your house, they're called Burns.
No, at his house, they're called house fires.
Well, earth scorching.
Yes.
God.
I believe you.
Christmas trees and everything.
I believe you torched an entire recliner, right?
You did not.
I did.
You lit a recliner on fire?
So I wasn't there.
Let me build this up.
Thanks for the invite.
Let me build this up.
So I don't think I was there either.
I had a fire pit.
In fact, I had the current one I have now.
And I had some 2 by 4s that were put.
I created a grid over the fire pit.
So that you could put a recliner on it.
I did.
That fucker went up.
Oh my god.
What a nightmare.
Man, if I was in that chair.
How high did it go?
Well, I mean, it's all relative.
Do you have a video?
We have lots of videos.
I don't know if it's necessary from that particular one.
Well, we've caught fire to everything in my house,
basically.
Anything that the wife wouldn't get mad at, we burned.
What about the chiminea?
That thing was, so first of all, if you
don't know what a chiminea is, because I don't even
know what one is.
It's a clay thing.
It's something you buy.
It's Hispanic, Mexican, whatever.
And you put like wood in it.
It's supposed to keep you warm.
It's got to hold the top of it.
It's basically a super large vase.
Well, it's got a spout.
It's got a spout.
It's a super large vase with a hole in the front and the top.
So you put the wood in there from the front.
So that the smoke goes somewhere else.
And the smoke goes out the top.
I had an extra large one in the backyard that was,
we just kept loading with wood, kept loading with more wood.
And then when we couldn't fit more wood, no, it did not melt.
We started shoving shit down the top of it.
What the hell?
And there was, it sounded like a jet fucking engine.
So it didn't melt?
It didn't melt.
It's clay.
That thing.
I was waiting for you to tell me that you put the whole thing
on the other thing.
Shot a, it literally had a.
Tornado fire.
A plume that went well over 15 feet up in the air.
Really?
And this thing only stands like four foot tall.
Put it this way.
This is before we were hanging out.
My son came home and go, Dad, you
should have been there for this.
But he was explaining to me what happened.
He's like, dude, it was so bad.
It was surreal.
So you filled it with jet fuel and that thing went up.
Man, just everything we had around the house.
What does that mean?
Well, rubber tires?
No, no, no.
We didn't put anything like that in there.
It was mostly wood.
It was all wood, actually.
There may have been some paper, but mostly it was just wood.
You just stuffed shit down in the top.
Man, and then on top of that, there was some sort of.
You know, those are the rocking chairs
that you find in front of Cracker Barrel
that they sell for $1,000.
There was one that.
That's worth like 20 bucks.
Yeah, I had one sitting on my pad and we burnt that.
We just set it on top of the Chimneya.
Why?
Because what was wrong with it?
Why not?
Absolutely nothing.
There was nothing wrong with the chair.
You just burned it.
Oh.
It was wood.
They needed fuel.
Yeah.
You burned outdoor furniture for no reason.
Well, the wife was complaining that we
needed to get new furniture.
OK, well, there you go.
That's what I need to hear.
Otherwise, it makes no sense.
What I heard out of that was the power of suggestion.
I was like.
You need to get rid of what we currently have.
OK, let's burn it.
Yeah, we're going to burn it.
Correct.
Let's not give it away.
Let's burn it.
Look, let's be honest.
It's fun to burn shit.
It is so fun.
As long as it's controlled and you're under control, it's good.
And the biggest thing, the number one thing is never,
and I repeat, never burn one of these things when it's daytime.
Daytime.
Because it has to be at night.
The cover of darkness is better.
Well, the smoke.
The smoke, because when you're rummaging through your garage
to find shit to burn, I mean, you're pulling out everything.
You're pulling out work gloves.
You're pulling out coolers.
There's nothing green about this conversation.
Well, gloves are leather.
Fuck, we're throwing in like aluminum beer cans.
And those things are like melting down.
Yeah, but they're not that toxic.
Well, the thing is, you start cutting up like plywood and OSB,
which is bad.
Yeah, that smokes.
That smokes bad.
Kind of like what you were burning.
Yeah, you were burning that.
I did.
Yeah, you should have burnt that.
And the next morning when I had the big thing of ash in my fire
pit, there were flakes.
No, there were white flecks of white that never did anything.
That never burned.
It just fell off the wood and didn't burn.
Oh, that was your baseboard.
Those are the cinders.
No, but they didn't burn.
They never burned.
All those flakes?
Off of the baseboard.
There was white flecks everywhere.
That's unbelievable.
It didn't burn.
So the paint did not burn.
No.
It just fell off.
Burned off the paint.
So the paint existed and the board disappeared.
That's exactly right.
To a mound of ash.
That's crazy, man.
Pyromaniac person.
Let's talk about pyromaniacs.
A person suffering from pyromania.
And what does pyromania mean?
An obsession with burning shit.
I believe in school.
You don't control disorder in which individuals are
repeatedly failing to resist impulses.
Someone who rummages throughout their house looking for shit
to burn.
That's a pyromaniac.
That's just a maniac.
That's true.
And we're all maniacs.
You know what?
Let's face it.
Fire's awesome.
It is.
Fire is fun.
We burn shit we shouldn't burn.
And yes, we're going to get the wrath of the green psychos
out there.
But you know what?
We have gone on where we had huge bonfires.
And some of these participants that some of these bonfires,
for example, we went out to a paintball excursion.
And we would have a large bonfire.
And some individuals showed up.
We wanted to show great detail.
Great detail.
But I believe some of it got cut.
No, not enough.
But the point is that when you're burning shit,
we came across some glow sticks.
And you throw a glow stick on a fire that has not been popped
yet, those things have a vessel inside that's pressurized.
And when you throw those in the fire, they explode.
And it is like an M80.
Again, that was covered in great detail.
I don't know which one's been cut, though.
No, none of it was cut.
I listened to it.
I cut probably 20 minutes of that.
There's still a half hour of it.
It was the longest story in history.
It's a good story.
It was a good story.
Anyway, fires are great.
So let's move on.
Well, going back to the bonfire, I know you're an Aggie.
And I know we kind of touched on it.
The bonfire that was down there, that was didn't end well.
No, not for 10, 12 people.
That was 100 years of history, of tradition.
And it was tragic.
12.
And the irony is, everything about A&M is 12th man,
12th this, 12th that.
12 Aggies died.
How crazy is that?
Well, I think it's also the manner.
They were inside this thing.
And these are like telephone pole size trees.
I mean, they're like full trees.
They weren't inside.
You can't get inside the bonfire.
Well, they're on it.
They're on it, yes.
So then the thing clasped.
So here's what they do.
First off, they put a center pole, a gigantic center pole.
And then they start wiring logs to it.
OK?
Look at that pile.
Yes.
So at the very base, there it is.
At the very base, the biggest logs, the biggest logs
are wired to the center pole.
And then each log extending from there
are wired to each other.
And then when they have the lower space,
they start working on the next space, right?
The next platform.
And then they wire the smaller logs all wired together
to the center pole all wired together.
And then they move on, move on, move on.
So it's like a big wedding cake.
Dude, it's a big wedding cake.
And it's thousands of pounds of gigantic logs.
Logs.
OK.
So that's one tooth.
That's probably four stories high.
Four stories high.
And it's no slouch.
And they did take it seriously, right?
When you were to be on the stack,
you had to have a certain level of understanding,
a certain level of experience.
Red pots, they were called red pots.
If you were a red pot, you could.
Experience in what?
Bonfire building?
Yes, from what was handed down to you from previous years.
Yeah, but these are.
I know.
But they're still college students.
They're Corps members, mainly.
Fraternity Corps members.
Well, the power of suggestion doesn't qualify them.
I understand that.
But I will tell you, I will tell you
that they did not adhere to that safety standard very, very
clearly because my brother wanted to come out and help
with that.
And in two seconds, he was at the top of the stack.
And nobody was asking him what pot he had.
Nobody was asking anything.
All right, so it wasn't really supervised
from an adult perspective.
I mean, when I say it was supposed to, though, right?
Yeah, but when I say adult, I mean, honestly,
even if you're red pots and you're a senior,
you're 22 years old, you're still a child, right?
I mean, from our perspective, right?
And so it was not supervised by engineers.
It was not supervised by adults, like true adults
to have experience.
Anyway, so what happened was they built this thing
unbalanced.
They built it unbalanced, meaning
it wasn't completely centered around the center pole.
And the center pole holds the whole thing together.
And the center pole snapped.
And when the center pole snapped, the entire stack fell.
And when it did, everybody that was on the stack
got consumed by the falling logs.
Because they fell in it.
Well, they fell in it.
They fell around it.
It fell on them.
It was awful.
Basically having a 1,000 pound log fall on you.
Fall on you.
Fall in between you.
And then 10 of them fall on you after that.
Correct.
And so 12 Aggies perished.
12 Aggies died.
So this picture here says 60 hours before the collapse.
See, so can you see at the very top
how the center pole is not centered on that top tier?
See that?
It's not in the middle.
So the entire thing, the entire center pole was not balanced.
Everything is to the left.
You see that?
Do you guys see that?
Yep.
There's more of it on the left.
Way more on the left than was on the right.
So the whole thing was unbalanced.
And it created a strain on the center pole.
And it cracked.
And when it did, the whole thing went down.
Yeah.
It's unfortunate.
That happened in 99.
I know.
So that's 22 years ago.
I know.
22 years.
I know.
And 100-year-old tradition was extinguished
with the lives of these 12 Aggies.
Should it be?
As an Aggie?
You know what?
I'm going to say no.
You think it should go on?
I think it should have.
And it's gone now.
You think it should be that big?
Well, maybe they ought to do it privately.
So privately came into play.
So there were Aggies that had land around A&M.
And they said, we can continue to do this.
We don't have to do it on campus land.
If you knew how much tradition went into building it.
So all the wood that goes into the building of the stack
is cut by underclassmen.
Where at?
Lands around A&M.
So when we were freshmen, we were living in the dorm.
And they were, it's time for cut.
Get your pots.
I have a pot.
I went on cut.
They call it cut.
So they gather all the underclassmen
and the older, the upperclassmen,
God the younger classmen.
And we all go out to cut.
And it's early in the morning, we all pile into cars
and trucks.
And we go out to this land.
And we clear land.
We cut the wood down.
Everything is done by.
Did you have to pay for that?
No.
So these trees were on this land.
Completely donated by Aggies.
So these people just have ranches and ranches
with a bunch of trees on them.
Correct.
They said, come get whatever you want.
And it was a huge tradition.
And then it was cut, cut.
And they were banging on your doors,
it's time for cutting.
They had axe handles.
And a pot, an orange pot or a red pot
would be banging on the door saying, it's time for cut.
Time for cut.
And we would all pile out.
And we'd all go out there.
And we would cut the wood.
When you say pot, what the fuck are you talking about?
A pot.
It's a military.
It's actually a World War II helmet that was painted.
And I had a pot.
And every single dorm that contributed on campus
to the cut, they all have their own pots,
which is a military, you know, the military surplus.
Yeah, I know what a military helmet is.
Yeah, yeah.
And so we had World War II helmets.
And you spray paint them to be your dorm.
And so everybody, like the whole campus
participates in this.
It's a big tradition.
Oh, not anymore.
Not anymore.
It's gone.
100 years of tradition gone.
Do you think it would have been a good, what
do you want to call it, tribute to the folks that
died to continue it?
I do know that the parents of the kids that died
said the last thing they would have wanted
is to end the tradition.
That's going to be the president and chancellor
and shit that ended it there, right?
Yeah, exactly right.
The people that didn't want to deal with the liability of students
being at risk.
I'm sure they paid out a pretty penny.
Huge, I guarantee it.
And I can understand that.
I do too.
But it's unfortunate because it's not for fucking them.
It's for the fucking students.
So what is the good work around?
The other is, I walked away and got a P.
What about the private sector?
Well, make it smaller.
It doesn't have to be that big.
Make it smaller.
That wasn't that big.
Yes, it was.
Well, I mean, if you don't think so, it was huge.
It was four stories high.
When they burned it, it was massive.
Four stories.
Those were like full trees on the bottom.
So everything from cutting it to building it to burning it.
So that was the massive pep rally
that Texas A&M had against Texas.
Texas, yes.
And they put the outhouse on top.
And we did everything around.
I mean, going to bonfire was the thing.
It was the biggest event of Aggie life.
And then we went out there.
And yes, we'd been drinking.
We'd be arm in arm.
And we're doing the bonfire.
And we're swaying.
How fantastic.
Probably hot as shit.
It was fantastic.
Was it hot?
It was extremely hot.
Were there naked guys?
No naked guys.
Nude women?
No nude women.
Butt luge?
No butt luge.
No butt lugeing?
No butt lugeing.
It's a tragedy all the way around,
from losing the 12 Aggies to it being something
that doesn't happen anymore.
I feel bad for the Aggies of today.
So is it coincidence, the 12th man and 12 Aggies?
I'm telling you, it's crazy.
What are the odds, right?
Yeah.
And what's crazy is a number of them died right away.
And then a number of them work.
And the 12 guys that were on there,
how many really needed to be on there?
Why were they on there?
Well, because they were directing.
Were they?
Yeah, they were bringing logs up.
But your brother climbed up there.
No, well, yeah.
But that was much earlier in the process.
But there could have been others up there like that.
Maybe.
I don't know.
Honestly, I don't know.
But they were directing, bringing up the logs,
and wiring them in.
I mean, it's a process.
I mean, it wasn't.
There was no slouch process.
It took quite a while to build this thing.
It was the real deal.
I thought that there were architecture professors
that kind of oversaw it.
Yes, I believe so.
And then even after the fact, they said, OK,
let's continue the tradition and have engineering firms
be in control.
Nobody wants to sign off on that.
And then the university said no.
Engineering firms were like, we'll accept the liability.
We'll guide the students.
We'll build this.
We'll do this.
But the university said no, no, no, no.
Non-Aggies, by the way.
All those fucking people were probably non-Aggies.
I'm surprised the private sector hasn't picked it up.
Well, OK.
OK, so they started doing unofficial bonfires
off campus.
I thought so.
Yes, they did.
And they were not as big.
And they just didn't have process that.
Well, it wasn't on campus.
So it wasn't as easy to get to.
You had to get in your car and go drive it.
But here's the thing.
And it wasn't the spirit of the whole thing.
Like, the whole thing was you're underclassmen.
You go cut.
And then you do this.
And then you do that.
You go cut?
What?
Well, yeah, you were gone.
Yeah, you were shitting with that conversation.
Yeah, the freshmen were.
I was gone.
I know.
Hold on.
So the freshmen were asked to go to cut.
They call it cut.
So the freshmen were piled into trucks.
And they went out with their pots.
And everybody had to wear a pot.
You couldn't be out there if you didn't wear a pot.
They were parked in the middle.
So they circled out along the street.
So they dragged people into their tubs and newmias.
And they wereoricou'd tundinuvarnies around the campus.
They accepted 몇 Baba outdoor ramps.
They were allowed to bear in there.
But they were road safety.
And then we cut down the trees.
I was part of it.
I did it too.
We cut down the trees that contributed to the bonfire.
Where does you go to cut these trees down?
We went to a donated land from Aggies
around the university.
I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know how far they went out for the big ones.
I don't know.
But anyway, but my point is the entire campus got involved.
Well, it's extinguished now.
Yeah, it's done.
It's been 22 years since it's been going.
So it's done.
But they should bring it back.
I think it's too late.
In some form.
It's too late.
Too late.
And not to mention Texas.
We don't even play Texas anymore.
Yeah, that tradition's gone.
Yeah, so it's an undue.
There's been too many generations.
I mean, there could be a kid that was born in 99,
like my kid, who has a kid,
who would not even know about it.
So the tradition's dead.
Outside of Paul, and people our age,
and you know, younger, obviously a little bit younger,
but the new students, I'm sure they're aware of it,
but they're just like, yeah, whatever, man.
Give me my cell phone.
Yeah, we don't even play Texas anymore.
Yeah, that's another thing.
I mean, what the fuck?
We've played them for what, 10 years?
Yeah, they're done.
It's over.
We're in the SEC, and they're in the Big 12,
and it's over.
I mean, it could move to, we're playing Alabama now.
I can't believe that they couldn't work out
a pre-conference schedule
to where they play each other every year,
just for the sake of Texas fans.
I think it was ego.
I mean, what is up with that?
I think it's ego.
Why could not Texas, and you know,
well, no, it's more than that,
because these two teams are always powerhouses,
and they play each other, and they don't want,
neither one of them wanna take a loss.
Wants to take a loss.
They don't wanna take a loss
before the bullshit national rankings.
That's why you see a lot of these teams.
I'm not saying. That's why.
That's 100% why, and how selfish is that?
I'm not saying all of the big schools do this,
but a lot of the big schools will have cakewalks games
before conference one. Of course.
A&M and Texas both pad their pre-conference schedule
with bullshit teams.
Sam Houston and Prairie View, A&M.
I mean, the bullshit.
I mean, even Alabama does it.
Yes, bullshit.
Actually, the entire SEC does it.
No one is gonna take the chance
of a loss in pre-conference, period.
All the schools do it.
All of them.
There are exceptions, where you'll see
an Oklahoma-Ohio State game.
Right.
First game of the year.
They're out there, but they're not very many.
And you know why?
Because all of them won a shot at the national championship
because of the money.
Well, it's all about the money.
Money, money, money.
And then more than money, more is prestige, right?
Look how Alabama gets the top recruits every single year.
Do they?
Absolutely.
They're not ranked at the top.
Alabama?
They're in the top five.
Doesn't matter.
But they're not the highest.
They get the highest recruits every year
because that is their chance, best chance,
to get to the NFL.
I agree, but you have schools
like Ohio State, you have Michigan, you have Alabama,
you have Texas, you have Texas A&M.
Right.
And they're always in the top 10.
Alabama's never number one.
They may have been number one.
No, Alabama's in the top three every year.
Not top three?
Yeah.
No.
Okay, but keep going.
No, but I agree.
I think Saban has identified a specific type of player
that he wants.
Yeah, and those players make the NFL.
Correct.
And so he gets the top recruits every single year.
You talk about Alabama still?
Alabama.
Yeah.
I think Sean's done with the Alabama talk.
Yeah.
No, look.
We're done with college football.
Well, I like Alabama.
I'd like to have a college football discussion.
Not tonight, though.
Yeah, not tonight.
So we talked about bonfires.
Okay, bonfires.
What I'd like to talk about,
I don't know how we're gonna segue this,
Sean's a little bit better at this segue.
We talked about it in the past,
about impactful deaths recently.
I don't wanna go back too far.
Yeah.
Right?
10, 15, 20 years maybe.
I tell you what, are you talking about musicians?
Musicians, celebrities, just people.
Basically anybody in the-
Politicians, whoever.
So here's the thing.
The course of your life.
I'm okay with going as far back as it is an impact to us.
Can I throw that out there?
All right.
All right, so let's go.
So what is-
I'll tell you what, one of the first things,
it didn't really have an impact on me,
but it is a very memorable moment.
Simply because my parents were impacted,
and I recall them, Elvis died.
So when Elvis died-
You told me last week when we talked about this,
I don't care about Elvis.
Hold on, in 1931?
No, it was 1970, late 70s, right?
79?
Whatever.
You remember that as a kid?
I do.
I remember my parents were-
Do you really?
100%.
Talking about it.
And so it didn't impact me that Elvis died,
it impacted my parents that impacted me.
Wow.
That Elvis died.
So both of you remember the moment-
Oh dude, I remember the concert they showed up on the TV,
and he was like,
hey, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on, on,
and he had the fucking little towels.
And he would throw them out?
He would take the towel off,
throw them out to the crowd,
and he would do the next one.
Is that what he sounded like?
Give me another bit of-
Yeah, he was fat.
He was, he was, sandwich, sandwich.
He had the white-
What?
He had the white Elvis suits on.
That was the worst Elvis impression
I think I have literally ever heard.
Hey, dude.
Sandwich.
That was literally the worst.
But it was that guy right there.
You see how he's all-
That guy.
Yeah, the fat bitch on the bottom, look at that.
The fat-
Fat bitch?
The bloated one.
Dude, I don't know what that is, but right there.
What are you doing, Mr. B?
What is, what is what?
What is wrong with you?
What is going on there?
It's the-
It's thinking, it's thinking.
We lost the internet.
It's probably because there's 15-
But I remember that because I remember being at,
waiting for the school bus and walking up there
and one of the kids saying, Elvis died.
Really?
And I remember this.
You know, I was what, eight, nine years old?
And I could give a shit, but I was like,
but I knew who Elvis was
because I watched the specials with my mom.
Right, right.
The ones that Sean was talking about.
You know what?
And that's the connection.
Whatever your parents care about, we connect with that.
And I don't think she was a huge Elvis fan,
but we watched-
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
We watched the live concerts that he would have on TV.
Take this towel.
And it was, he was fat and sweaty.
Thank you very much.
And he would throw the towels out into the crowd.
Give me a peanut butter, banana sandwich.
Okay, he never said peanut butter and banana sandwich.
Look at that.
That's what he used to eat.
Oh my God, I'm sitting in my room
and I'm fucking taking drugs.
Okay, okay, okay.
Look at that.
Okay, so we're gonna move on.
Look at that fat piece of shit.
So amazingly, amazingly-
Look at that double chin.
Amazingly, I have zero,
I have zero recollection of the death of Elvis.
No. Zero.
I recall it.
Like my parents were not into Elvis at all, I'm guessing.
I'm guessing.
I would have to ask them.
Well, I mean Elvis-
But no memory at all.
He kinda reminds me of Steven Seagal a little bit.
He kinda had to look a little bit like-
Boy, he looks bad today.
Seagal?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, Bud's Seagal.
All right, so-
Seagal's the only guy that you cannot,
he is so deadly with his mixed martial arts-
Throat punch.
Not anymore.
No, no, absolutely not.
How do you know that?
This was a-
If Steven Seagal could kill us now-
Did you fight him?
This is-
Did you fight him?
This was a topic that was brought up on the
Rogan, Joe Rogan show,
where they were talking about mixed martial arts
and competition.
He's a competitor.
And Joe Rogan said that-
We don't talk about competitors, right?
Joe Rogan said that-
Um.
That he is,
Steven Seagal is not somebody that they would invite
into the ring because he would kill people.
Wow, very nice.
Regardless of age.
Even now?
Even now, especially even now.
I love it.
Because he's-
He's a badass.
He's different.
Yeah, he's kinda creepy.
Does he have a wig?
No.
Look at that hairline, it looks unnatural.
It looks unnatural.
Which one?
Well, that one right there in the middle.
It looks very wig-ish.
Yeah, I dare you to tell him that.
Okay, I'll tell him.
So-
Can you imagine that motherfucker
coming at you in the middle of the night?
So hold on, who's the other guy?
Who's the other guy that's kinda like him?
He's 6'4", I didn't realize he was that tall.
Hold on, dude, he's a big motherfucker,
and not only is that, but he's been trained by,
he's passed the police academy.
Bruce Lee.
He's a sheriff or I don't know what kind of fucking-
Deputy.
I don't know what they call it.
Chuck Norris.
Same thing as Ted Newsom.
Yeah, Chuck Norris, that's who I was thinking of.
Walker Texas Rainer.
Chuck Norris against Steven Seagal, who wins?
In their prize.
In his prize.
That is a goal, hands off.
No, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris, no.
Fuck Chuck Norris.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck Chuck Norris.
What?
That is outrageous.
Did you ever watch the Octagon?
You are a liberal.
Fuck Chuck Norris.
You know what, you are a liberal.
Half.
Fuck Chuck Norris.
Bruce Lee.
Wow.
What about Bruce Lee?
Okay.
All right, well different.
I think Bruce Lee would kick his ass.
I like this, so we're doing like kind of like
old fighters in their prime against each other.
Chuck Norris.
Okay, you already said that.
I can.
Relax.
I can kick Chuck Norris' ass.
Relax, okay.
All right, ease down Mr. Testosterone boy.
Ease down.
Chuck Norris is a piece of shit.
He's a good guy.
You know what?
He's a good guy.
Fuck Chuck Norris.
No, why?
Why are you getting so angry all the time?
He's a piece of shit.
He must have run into him.
Because he's from the Dallas Fort Worth area,
he must have run into him.
Oh, you must have.
He kicked your ass.
He must have stolen a girl.
No, no.
He kicked your ass.
He cock-pocked me.
I knew it.
All right, all right.
There's a lot of violence there with Chuck Norris.
Let's try to shed some of the negativity right now
and move on to other people that we had an impact
on our lives, that past, that passion.
Well the other one that during the similar time.
Prince.
No, the similar time.
Not for me.
Similar time frame.
Was John Lennon.
I was not a big Beatles fan,
but I remember when he got shot in the head.
By his biggest fan.
Supposedly.
What the hell is that all about?
Yeah, right there on the sidewalk.
You're my biggest fan, I'm gonna kill you.
Right?
It doesn't make any sense.
What year did he die?
I think it was 70.
80, 1980?
Was it 80 something?
80, 1980, there it is.
Yeah, 1980.
So three years after Elvis.
Who is the?
Mark David Chapman.
Is he still in prison?
He murdered John Lennon, formerly of the Beatles,
outside Lynn's apartment at the Dakota in Manhattan.
Yeah.
Shot him right on those stairs.
Hit him four times in the back.
Oh, he.
And he was, John was waiting in the building's archway
with his wife, Yoko Ono.
So he shot, he shot John Lennon in front of Yoko Ono.
She watched him die.
How sick is that?
That's terror.
And what was the reason for it?
None.
Did we ever hear the reason for it?
He was just mental.
I don't know, I don't know what the reason was.
No, that is the reason.
Well, that's just like the idiot that shot.
Ronald Reagan.
Ronald Reagan, because he wanted to win the approval of?
Lesbian Jodie Foster.
Jodie Foster.
You have to say lesbian, that was important.
Well, I think it's a clarifier because she was never,
show him any attention.
I don't think that's necessary.
He was from Dallas, by the way.
God, everybody that kills people are from Dallas.
Yes.
And lesbian.
Jodie Foster's from Dallas.
She's from Dallas, and she's a lesbian,
and she kills people.
Okay, moving on.
All right, so we got John Lennon, okay,
so you did Elvis, you did John Lennon.
I'm, you know what, I'm gonna go way,
I'm gonna go way earlier, like not earlier,
but later in our time frame.
Jesus.
That's really early.
Noah.
Really?
No, I'm going later.
I'm going Tom Petty.
Tom Petty was a big hit for me.
That's not early, that just fucking happens.
I'm hearing music.
It's Tom Petty music.
Also finish your thought.
Tom Petty was a big blow for me.
I mean, that was, he was an awesome artist,
and I loved his music, and that affected me.
He didn't do much for me, so it didn't impact me.
No, not at all.
I love the hell out of Tom Petty.
Me too.
Every song he put out, there wasn't,
there's not a bad song by Tom Petty.
Yeah, I'm sure there is.
As far as I'm concerned.
Well, I mean, there's a bad song from every artist.
No.
But the point is, he,
he, he went too early.
He went too early to me.
Look at that beard, look at that goatee, come on.
I thought he was awesome, man.
That's mine a little bit, Jesus.
Yeah, he didn't do much for me.
Maybe I'll go back and listen to his catalog, but.
Did he?
I was never a big Tom Petty fan.
I don't understand that. He was taking too early.
The bottom line is he was taking too early, yeah.
No, I agree with that.
But it's drugs, right?
No, heart attack.
Because of drugs?
No.
Like earlier drugs?
It was because of bad bourbon.
Grayson bourbon?
It was because of Grayson bourbon.
I think it had something to do with drugs.
I don't, well, I mean, who knows, right?
I mean, all these rockers.
Well, actually, who knows?
What does it say here?
All these rockers, man, they, they, they all have,
all these rockers have history with drugs, right?
Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin,
I mean, all these guys, and they're still alive.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
That's, that's the end of tonight's show.
We ended on a high note.
Death.
Yeah.
With Tom Petty.
And Tom Petty.
The death of people we care about, yeah.
Gap plus.
So Elvis, Tom Petty, and John Lennon.
John Lennon.
Well, I had a good time tonight.
Thank you. I did too.
I've had a, well, I'm a little buzzed.
We've had four shots to sample of a variety of bourbons
and a misch-tel, or misch-ers was the last one.
It was.
I think the best.
And. Yeah, it was the best.
Your wife joined us tonight.
She did.
At the earlier podcast.
And unexpected.
That was unexpected.
Always.
So I hope everybody listened to 14.1.
We're finishing up 14.2.
All right. Get the fuck out.
You guys good night.
Later bitch. Bye. Bye.
All right.
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you