I have a real high guys.
We're official on the second half.
It's nine oh three September eight.
We've got dudes like us just sitting around talking about shit that's going on.
Drinking.
What are we drinking?
What's this one?
This is early times.
This is the early times bottled and bond.
I like this one better than the black ridge.
When I first told Sean I was like yeah they're recommending a early times.
He's like that blew it off.
Early times was like well I bartended 30 years ago.
If not more.
It was more.
That was the 90s.
I bartended in 1988.
So in 1988 they had early times.
Those 32 years.
I know.
Not to be confused with family time.
Dynamite.
Oh my god.
So I was bartending.
That was the well liquor.
It was early times.
I remember in the office back then when you'd make drinks they had a gun.
They have two guns.
They got a gun that dispenses the coordinated drinks.
They'd have the L. For some reason L meant seven up or sprite.
I don't even know why.
Lemonade maybe L. The Q was tonic water.
S was soda.
W was water.
C was coke or Pepsi.
But there's always C. And there was a couple more random ones.
There was one that was tab.
Oh wow.
Yeah tab.
What the hell man.
You just completely dated yourself.
They still sell that shit.
So in the back of the office they had these reservoirs.
They had on the wall and there was a bunch of tubes coming out of these.
So they had like five big one and a half liter tanks of booze that would fall into this funnel
and the funnel would fall into this reservoir and it would all consolidate into this one
tube and it would be pumped into these little handguns.
And so if you wanted a bourbon and coke you hit the B for the bourbon which are very simple.
B G V. So the gun would dispense distilled.
It would be liquors.
Yeah whatever would come through the tube.
So they'd be like bourbon and coke.
That's done.
I've never seen that.
V is for vagina.
Nice.
Viva section.
I don't think that's what that meant.
Oh Collins.
That was the other thing.
There was a Collins mix on there too.
See vagina it spurred his memory to Collins for some reason.
Can you time stamp that Mr. Producer?
So we're not allowed to use the V word.
I've got a nice phraseology to solve some of our heavy topics earlier and we'll use
your early times example.
Well let me finish about the early times.
The reason why I discredit the whole early times thing.
He scoffed at it.
Because I did scoff at it because it was a horrible tasting bourbon back then.
It's a cheap bourbon.
Well in retrospect now I understand back then it may have tasted okay but I started realizing
that the bar owners would take the booze and they would add water to it.
Oh hell yeah.
And so they would take.
That's what they do in Mexico man.
Whatever.
That's such crap.
This was in El Paso.
It was right over the border on 800 North Saragossa.
Yeah but that's in the US of A baby.
You don't do that shit in the US of A.
They had kerosene and formaldehyde in Mexico.
Oh that's a good point.
Good lord really?
Yes.
At the all inclusives there's been a spur of women.
Not all women but women mainly because what they'll do is they'll fill these bottles
up but they'll mix it with you know how you're supposed to mark the bottle so you can't reuse
it.
So they'll find it and they'll fill it up with kerosene and chemicals and shit like
that and then add color to it and then they'll serve it and what that does is it knocks these
people out.
You think?
And a lot of the ladies get raped and a couple of ladies get killed.
That's fucked up.
Really?
State rape shit.
Yeah so that was happening at some of these all inclusives down there in Mexico.
People were passing out and dying yeah.
Yeah and dying too.
You know there was a trend of that going on in the Dominican Republic wasn't it?
Where people were drinking the liquor out of the mini bar and dropping dead of a heart
attack.
Yep that's the same deal.
They were trying to point to the alcohol.
It was the same deal.
It was the alcohol.
That's crazy.
So yeah I've gone to one of those all inclusives where they have all the liquor bottles in
the room and I tried one of them and I was like I mean come on you know.
That's good.
Stand close.
Well only savants that board on alcoholics like us can taste the difference.
No I'm a full blown.
Full blown alcoholics can tell.
You'd be like yeah that tastes like muriatic acid.
I just balanced my pool with that.
It eats my insides.
I recognize the smell.
I clean the algae off my pool.
Exactly.
When you bring the glass to your lips and your eyes start burning that's a really good
sign.
So usually at an all inclusive I'll just do beers a little safer or when I chat up
the bartender I either know he's a friend and if I haven't convinced him we're friends
when he asks me what I do for a living I tell him I'm a chemist.
That way I know I get the purest stuff.
Interesting.
The last one I went to.
Jack Handy baby.
You just throw a few like periodic table elements out at him.
Yeah I'm like don't make me do the Perkins reactions.
37 steps.
Our favorite element is strontium.
When you oxidize that that's like crotchium.
And I'm a little confused with cornstarch.
That methane.
What about the hour part?
I want to go back to the hour part.
Smells like onion.
Yeah heavy fermentation process.
Got to break out the flunsen burner.
That is real.
It is.
Vagetium.
Vagetium?
I think they need to make a new one.
I think we all know what it smells like.
I know what it smells like.
Carp.
You married the wrong women I'm telling you.
Salmon.
What do you mean the wrong women?
I'm just saying.
Oh my gosh.
That reminds me I'm not going to say who it was.
Somebody within my family was a total womanizer.
In your family.
In your dad.
There's only so many.
Not in my family.
We're going to go through it and find it.
Anyway.
We're going to go to Colorado for our trip.
We're going to find the family.
This dude in college was the ultimate womanizer.
He was a total man whore.
Total man whore.
He's with a girl and for some reason he gets a close up in terms of smell or something.
She goes to the bathroom and he crawls out the window and runs away because it was so
bad.
That was a real thing.
He really did that.
Biologically that just means they're not supposed to mate.
Pheromones and stuff don't jive.
Anyway.
We had a plan.
I did not do that.
That's totally true.
She just didn't take care of her shit.
It could be part of that.
Can you imagine the conversation though?
I don't think you and I are supposed to mate.
Why do you say that?
Because it smells like shit.
No, it smells like condom.
I'm not feeling it, meaning smelling it.
We're at a hamburger joint and I can't get the fucking smell of salmon out of my nose.
It smells like Long John's.
This is going to be an extended time stamp.
Extended time stamp.
For those listening, if you've made it this far, over a few shots of bourbon we decided
to lighten the mood.
I think we've accomplished that.
It was a hard laugh.
Anyway, you have the floor, sir.
Me?
What the hell?
You were going to say something.
We've been trying.
Oh, sorry.
What?
It was unrelated to a vagina.
You were going to say something.
Were you?
That was so many laughs ago.
We'll see if it comes back.
Here's something I'd like to chat about.
I'd like to talk about tattoos.
I'll start off a couple scenarios.
I'd first want to declare that I don't have any tattoos.
Racist.
I'm not against tattoos.
Excuse me.
I'm not against tattoos.
I actually want one.
I just can't figure out which one to get.
Fascinating.
I'd love to get one.
But I can't figure it out.
Get your mom's face on your left hip.
Wow.
Damn, dude.
You could have said breast or pectoral.
My tits.
Yeah.
That's pretty inflammatory.
I was thinking about something about my name, the crest of my name, tied into a Millennium
Falcon, tied into a sword, tied into I don't know.
You're making fun of your son's sword.
Well, I did a little bit.
But then I started really digging into the sword as the word of God.
I get it.
There's a lot to it.
And really, it's personal.
So tattoos are personal.
I don't like anyone getting these generic tattoos just to get a tattoo.
Like when you and I went to the Island Bar and Grill out in Pottsboro, High Point, the
lake, there was a couple of folks that sat down and they were just, you know, it's not
so much that it's just it didn't look very, you know, they had the the fun in ear lobes
because they had taken the gauges out.
It's just like the they it's like the ear lobes, you know, and it's just like, come on, man,
what are you doing there?
You know, those people that made those life decisions to get that far.
I'm not against tattoos.
I think tattoos are cool.
I think if you forget it for yourself and it's personal, hats off to you.
I'm not I'm not all about those people being having like their whole body as a mural.
You know, with that being said, you know, my brother has a lot of tattoos and every single
one of them mean a lot to him.
I don't disrespect my brother.
I love my brother.
But it's very personal.
So I don't want to step on toes for all those folks that have tattoos because for whatever
reason you get a tattoo, that's your reason.
I just can't figure out a solid reason for me to put one on my body.
Now, my wife has tattoos.
She's always said to me, hey, let's go get tattoos tonight.
And I always cringe.
And I'm kind of like, you know, it's forever.
If I get a tattoo, I don't want to be rushed.
I want to get my tattoo on my terms.
Yeah.
And I want to be solid on what I get.
And you really want to be special and mean something like the Millennium Falcon.
I mean, it lasts a millennium.
That's right.
And it needs to be from shoulder to shoulder.
You know what?
First of all, how dare you?
Millennium Falcon.
Sacred ground.
It was one of the fastest ships.
In like 15 parsecs.
In the galaxy.
Yeah, 10 parsecs.
Yeah.
And it's so easy to fly.
Everybody flies it in that series.
It's amazing.
It's like you ride a bike, you know how to fly that thing.
That's not true.
There were no bikes.
You can turn it sideways and go through all sorts of tight spots.
It's like a Daihatsu Charade.
It's charade.
If you guys disrespect my car one more time, there's going to be an ass kick.
You guys can take turns kissing my ass.
Okay.
All right.
So to level set the tattoo discussion so our audience understands, Sean's already admitted.
He has none.
Paul, where are we at?
Oh, tattoo?
Yep.
Oh, he's got a tattoo.
How many?
It's a huge vagina.
No, it's not.
I just armpit.
No.
It's a big vagina.
Most people think it...
Because it works the hair and it looks pubish.
I got a picture of it.
So it's on my personal...
Junk?
Personal junk.
Okay.
And most people think it's just a W-Y.
It's a V.
And they're like, what does that mean?
What does that mean?
And I said, well, when it's elongated, they think it's Wendy.
But it's really welcome to Jamaica, man.
Have a nice day.
That's a good one.
That's quite elongated.
That's a good tattoo.
That's a scar.
That's not a tattoo.
That's your armpit vagina.
Oh, I said it again.
Sorry.
He had a surgery and it doesn't...
If you see that from afar, does that look like something that you think it looks like?
That looks like a testicle buried in an ass.
Like with a Cadbury egg tint.
Oh.
You know, that's what's interesting.
You asked for my impression.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I was a kid, I was like, oh, my God.
You asked for my impression.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when I was being rolled into surgery...
I never heard that adjective, a Cadbury egg tint.
When I was being rolled into surgery, I was under the impression they were going to fix
my shoulder.
When I woke up, they had sewed up my vagina.
And I was not expecting that.
I don't appreciate them making those decisions.
I know, me neither.
I mean, it's your body.
Why is the government making that call for me?
They needed soldiers.
Oh my God.
Must have been a draft.
Illegal draft.
Is that a mental scar or menstrual?
What are we?
It's a menstrual scar.
Okay.
So, by the way, we still don't have a...
I do.
I do have one.
I did...
We make fun of them.
Is it a tramp stamp?
No, I don't.
I don't get upset.
So I designed it.
I had been drawing it for years and years and years.
And I kind of went through my first of several midlife crises.
And yeah, I took it to a tattoo artist.
And yeah, he drew up a version of it.
So I really liked Egyptian hieroglyphics.
So I kind of designed an Egyptian hieroglyphic tattoo.
And he convinced me to make it more artistic.
Just blocky, rounded out, give it some color, all that kind of stuff.
So in a nutshell, it's a combination of Egyptian hieroglyphics inspired with a kanji symbol.
And considering the Cadbury egg color, to be fair...
We all know what that is, by the way.
It's got that Cadbury tint.
Yes.
We just fucking popped something in brain.
He's like, what the fuck just happened?
Oh, he doesn't watch that show?
We have never prepped him for that.
Oh, you never talked about that?
No, we have not.
We'll come back to that.
I haven't watched the show, but I know I'm supposed to sing it.
Okay.
It's a show called Letter Kenny.
Well, my point was, he's got some color in there.
But it's not just...
Well, it's a lot of color, but of course it's super faded now.
I should probably get it touched up, but whatever.
And Jeff, your count?
I have 54.
Mine is 54.
I have zero.
That would have been a safe bet.
Vegas wouldn't have even taken the odds on the board.
Yeah, I have zero.
I'm kind of in the same boat that Sean is.
I'm not against them, but it's got to be right.
It's got to be meaningful, and it's got to be in the right place, right?
And I really like what my son did.
Steven.
Yeah.
I talked to him about it, and both my boys wanted to get tattoos.
And I said, if you get one, it needs to mean something to you personally.
Does it need to be some tribal thing around your arm that has absolutely no meaning to
you?
Right.
It needs to have a story behind it, a meaning.
So when someone comes up to you and asks you, because most likely, when you look at a tattoo,
unless it's very blatant, you don't know what it means, and get the meaning behind it, you're
able to explain it.
And Steven did a really good job at it.
And I'd like to be along that same vein, but I just haven't pulled the trigger, right?
Well, yeah.
I mean, it's got to be right for you, and you have to have a calling when you have that.
So to round out the disclosure, I have two.
Two.
Nice.
So you'll hear that.
For the audience who doesn't know, Jeff's son Steven dates my daughter, my one and only,
so I love him and I hate him.
So I love him because he's actually a really decent dude.
And sometimes the conflict I had realizing I liked him was difficult, that I had to bear
on my own because I couldn't show it.
Right.
But the part where I hate him is he has my daughter's heart at this point, and that comes
with a lot of fear and anger and a lot of veiled threats that will stay forever unless
he hurts it.
And so, you know, that's the reality of my world right now.
But yeah, so I've got two, and it's interesting we've talked about.
Let's go, Sean, where you want to go first with tattoos?
Hold on a minute.
That top left, what does that say?
Pussy eater.
On the lip.
So we're looking at this dude's face.
He's got a text written above his lips.
And I think that can't be a tattoo.
That lacks any depth or originality.
We all know that.
I bet he just gets the chicks ribbit.
He just shows up at a bar and just like, son, you spelled your sister's name wrong.
Do me.
So I was in a bar in Vegas, very, very intoxicated with a friend, and the dude next to me.
Hold on.
Actually, when you say I'm at a bar in Vegas, you could skip the second sense.
We already know.
Yeah, that's a good point.
That's it.
It goes without saying.
Anyway, so this dude next to us is completely patted out.
And the friend that I have here, he talks to people that you kind of like, why are you
stirring up trouble?
Like don't talk to that person or that person or this person.
He talks to everybody.
And this guy is completely tatted up.
And he's asking him, what does that tattoo mean?
Oh, what does that tattoo mean?
And I'm like, oh, God, this is not going to end well.
And finally, he says, what was the most painful tattoo?
And he goes like this.
He drops his lower lip.
And it's that first word written so that when you turn the lip down, you can read it.
So that is so why?
That is so- I don't know.
So when he gets that drunk, angry, I want to fight look, does his lower lip automatically
fall like- You pee.
To be fair- Oh, I almost said it.
I didn't.
I stopped myself.
I'll still pull up to be fair.
It wasn't which one was the most painful tattoo.
It was most interesting or something like that.
And then that's when he asked, was it painful?
And the guy said, I have no idea.
So a lot of times people get the tattoos that they get, they wake up with it.
They didn't even know they had it.
So I'll open us with an interesting, hopefully dialogue producing statement.
So if you think about what you guys said about getting tattoos or not, some people are very
thoughtful and intentional about what they want to say.
Some are a little more free spirited and they say what they want and they roll with it.
That comes off the tongue, but also applies to the ink on the body.
And some are more thoughtful with that and therefore they wait until they have the right
thing to say.
Jeff would be one of those guys, a thinker first, talker second, which is why I think
you're probably not there yet.
And then there's people that talk first, think second, who have tatted their body up accordingly.
But it's also who the audience is for the tattoo.
Yeah.
What's your why on it?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Hold on.
If you're wanting- I love that one.
We're going- ReGIRT is awesome.
This is a picture of tattoos gone bad.
Yeah.
The one below it.
The armpit.
Yeah.
Look at that armpit.
What is that?
Why?
Is that an onion?
Onion?
I thought that was-
So that's a very funny person.
So good for her, I guess.
But back to your question.
It's like, who is the tattoo for?
Right?
It can either be for you or it can be for who sees it.
Yeah.
Right?
For me, it was for me.
Right.
It was 100% for me.
Sure.
I was very much so.
Shelly says?
Shelly's hardly ever commented on it.
Ever.
Well, I was kind of making fun of you.
I love this pretzel dialogue.
This is interesting.
She will always come to my defense.
The pretzel dialogue right now?
These pretzels are-
It's like a bridge to a song.
It's like a little tangent.
Is that a wiener?
Okay.
You're going to have to stop Mr. Austin.
Yeah.
What's the one that says Africa?
They're getting so-
ADD kicking in here.
Scroll down.
I see the one that says Africa.
Now we're in real trouble.
Keep going.
So some of the things that we're seeing on the screen here for my audience, for our audience,
is pictures of people.
Oh my God.
There's a Caucasian female.
Oh no.
She looks to be within the 200 pound range.
She has a tattoo across her back in large font that says, once you go black, and if
I were to guess, I would say the black word is bold, you never go back.
And it's like, seriously, from the left to the right shoulder, two lines, and then there's
a huge drawing of African continent, and in the center of the African continent, it says,
I heart Africa.
Once you go black, you never go back.
I heart Africa.
What the hell?
I think that's a woman who's in touch with her sexuality, and she has said, lengthen
girth mean a lot to me.
That's what she's saying.
I mean, if we break it down into its logical components.
We have to call this segment something.
This is tattoo, tattoo therapy, tattoo insights.
We got to stop the wrong.
We could go deep.
Tattoo insights, I mean, where we're trying to project onto these people what they're
thinking.
This wasn't the design of this discussion.
No.
Let's get back to what we thought.
So it's a form of expression, and if you have something to say, maybe you've said it.
If you haven't, you're thinking about saying it.
Maybe you never will.
I can see religious people saying, my body's a temple, can't do it.
There are others, there's many religions where tattoos are part of celebrating that religion.
Absolutely are.
And then there's other reasons why you want to do it.
Some do it to get laid or eat pussy, we heard.
Time stamp.
Others do it for self-expression.
We timestamped.
Just to be sure.
Not to Simon Sinek it with a what's your why, but why your tattoo.
So you guys think you're going to get one eventually, Sean and Jeff?
I do.
Yeah, I do.
I think at some point possibly.
I think it's going to focus around my mother.
I just haven't figured out how to represent it yet.
So you guys are not going to get one where when you're standing next to each other, it
completes the tattoo on one side and then on the other side?
So it's like half the face here and half the face there.
So you go like this.
That's exactly right.
Yeah.
So I've made a decision.
If Trump gets reelected in 2020.
Oh, don't go there.
Are we doing a subject change?
No.
Are you doing Trump across?
No, no, no.
I dare you.
I will not.
Trump 2024.
If Trump gets elected in 2020, I will get a tattoo, not of Trump, nothing related to
Trump.
It's just that it'll be a benchmark in my life.
And I think that a catalyst.
It will be a sign of times.
And I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to I'm going to take the time to to create
that tattoo and the things that I really love in life is family culture, the culture of
my family, you know, going after the DNA tests saying I'm 98 percent percent from the the
northeast of Europe details that.
So I'm thinking no, no Native North, North East.
So you're like the United Kingdom, Scandinavia, Scandinavia.
Yeah.
Well, East, it includes it includes the United Kingdom, the northern tip, the Ireland, Scotland.
Yeah.
I don't do that.
I found out I found out that I'm related to Elizabeth Warren.
Really?
So you're like one one thousand twenty fourth Elizabeth Warren.
I think we were both related to the same Indian chief.
But I was going to do the tattoo.
Sincerely, you have a family tree interest.
You have a genealogy interest.
I do.
My mom has spent a lot of time.
Yeah.
And there's a lot that I've learned.
And I want to develop the the crest, the Murphy crest of what it is.
There's several Murphy crests that is that is because we were spread throughout Ireland
and we have we actually have two crests because our family was split.
So one of the Murphy crest and strange enough, even the name Murphy means sailor, not like
sailor.
He's right.
You know, but it's kind of like we were we were.
It's not to sailor sea warriors.
It's a seaman.
A lot of that.
A lot of a lot of warring, a lot of whoring.
All right.
Well, I call me off guard.
I think it's stuck to your shoulder.
That's a classic Murphy move.
What is that?
Me walking?
Yeah.
What do you guys think?
The Murphy.
Yeah.
Murphy with a dong.
Yeah.
It's calloused from dragging on the ground.
Kind of scaly.
But it's a little scam on the board.
Definitely calloused after the night I came home Saturday night.
God bless, man.
Thank you.
So it's like club time stamp.
Yeah, please.
The other this the other part seriously is I really want to develop something about Star
Wars in it.
I don't want something mainstream.
I don't want a millennium Falcon or something like that.
I want something kind of and I haven't figured it out yet.
I don't know.
I know.
Kel Duku.
Like you could do Jar Jar Binks in the background.
You can do like I've hit a wombat from 65 yards to do a wombat with a 65 in it.
No one knows those things.
Yeah.
Be cryptic.
You got this.
How about the serial code on the trash compactor that almost kills them?
Like you can do a lot of cryptic stuff.
I don't want it cryptic.
I don't want it that cryptic.
Okay.
I just want how about Carrie Fisher when she's sitting on Jabba the Hutt?
Oh, yeah, as he's eating like the slug.
Yeah.
You always wonder where the end of his tail is when she's looking like that.
Yeah, she's like, can you elaborate?
I'm lost.
Where's the tail?
All right.
So what kind of tattoo?
You said you were going to get something about your mom.
I think so.
I think something about my mom like Roman numerals.
No, I'm not doing a Roman numerals.
I don't know.
I also think that I'd like to do something patriotic, right?
Sure the hell would be.
Oh, nice.
I like the patriotic.
Something with the American flag.
So maybe I'll get two.
Yeah.
They'll be separate, right?
I don't envision incorporating my mother into something like the American flag, but
maybe two at some point.
But I just need to figure out what it is.
And then, you know, it's nervous because I keep thinking this is forever.
Right?
This is if I don't like it, what's going to happen if I turn out there and it's screwed
up and I get in up on Google as 35 wars tattoos?
You know what will happen?
You'll be hosting friends at your house and then your friends will start making fun of
your tattoo.
That never happens.
What do you what do you mean?
I've never heard that to happen.
That's never happened ever to anybody.
So if I if I put my arm on it says, re-gurt, I'd expect to get picked on.
You should get some free shots out of it.
Sympathy.
So I'm going to as a pro tattoo guy, I'm going to ease some of your anxiety here.
So one is you don't have to show it to be on the Internet.
Number two, I know it's forever, but every year that you live, you're forever shorter.
So your your anxiety years are less behind you.
You're also getting to we're all getting to the age of where we almost don't give a
shit about anybody like we're married, we're not worried about getting laid.
I'm actually shocked you guys are only at that point.
Exactly.
I mean, dude, I got this back in 2005.
Wow.
And that was that was my first that was my first midlife crisis.
So it was yeah, it was it was risky.
But I have been designing that since college.
I was also thinking of the Tyson face tattoo.
I think you can't go wrong with that.
Yes, I get that on my dickhead.
I will tell you, like the head of your dick.
Yes.
Oh, I've never heard the term dickhead described as the head of your or or dickhead referred
to themselves.
Right.
I'm a dickhead.
I have never heard it described that way.
But you need to do it with other friends who when you enslave, you enslave becomes a total
mosaic.
Yeah.
You saw the picture, right?
I did.
Not the true.
The ensliving.
Yes.
No, that was oh, my God.
That was the other picture he forwarded to us.
Thank you for that.
Just the horrible thing.
Hold on.
You made you made I think.
Never mind.
Yeah.
You know what we did.
So here's another thing to also make you feel good.
Paul, I'd like your opinion.
We're still drinking.
Yeah.
If you agree with this or not.
OK.
So one of your worries might be, oh, my gosh, I'll have to look at this for the rest of my
life.
I will tell you, I hardly see my tattoos.
Well, is it when I got your arm?
Yeah.
I mean, mine's on my back.
Mine's on my back behind my heart.
The only time I see it is when I turn in the mirror to look at it.
It was never designed for me to see it.
It was always designed for me to know where it is.
It's on his taint.
I got it.
I thought I saw one under your arm.
I think I did.
I got a left bicep and I've got a right hip flexor.
Did you say taint?
No, he did.
Let's be clear.
One of these he's did.
OK.
Here's my concern.
I've never looked at your taint.
All right.
So if I could be honest now.
I'm the only one that saw it.
We have one that Jeff brought up the one in your leg.
I never saw it because I wasn't looking.
We have one that wants to put it on his taint.
The other wants to put it on his dick head.
Right.
This is why they haven't done it yet.
This makes sense.
We should probably walk you through other options.
Yeah.
I'm hoping for the technology to become a little bit more...
Paul, an intervention.
An intervention.
You don't have to have it on your taint or your dick head.
A tattoo and intervention.
I'm just thinking of the application.
What position am I going to have to be on to get it on my taint?
On the taint?
Yeah.
Legs are spread.
I can promise you that.
So a recommendation for you guys.
Here it comes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the last that we've been waiting for.
Cockadoodledoo.
We're going to just let it go.
I'm going to stop.
Oh, damn.
I thought we were going to get a good roll there.
I actually envisioned his ass.
Legs spread.
Legs and stirrups.
You did.
You actually envisioned it.
Let's get that taint tattoo.
I'm scarred.
I can't think of it now.
It's terrible.
So this will help you.
I'm going to stop.
So this will help you guys move this progress forward.
So first of all.
Look at all Jim Gaffigan.
Yeah, baby.
My wife loves tattoos.
And I mean, she would love me to get a sleeve.
Oh, wow.
And I would love to.
Now, you'll know I've made it to where I have so much money I don't give a fuck when I get
that sleeve because I'm an executive guy.
I've still got to worry about, you know.
Why?
They cost a fortune.
You wear long sleeves.
Five grand?
No, forget the cost.
It's the perception of you having one.
Well, that too.
Right.
So as a businessman, I wear a long sleeve shirt and stuff.
No one knows I have any.
So when I finally make it and I'm wearing a sleeve it's because I've got so many clients
that don't matter and they don't care.
But for you guys, what you would do is you just go to a tattoo specialist and you tell
your story.
Like you tell your life story.
And they're artists and their greatness is to be able to extract what means things to
you.
They're patriots and they can do things that us not, well, I'll lump you in with me as
non-artists.
But as people who can't do that piece and they can build very beautiful things that
are beyond your expectation that you would get so jazzed about that you'd be like, sure,
I'll do this over months and pieces and do it.
But I will say this.
Don't get the tattoo on the day.
Like consult with your, consult with the artist.
And they are artists.
They are.
So what I wish, I wish I had gone with what I wanted originally.
There are some things that I did not think about.
I didn't think about touch ups.
Inevitably the tattoo fades.
This tattoo now, how intricate he made it, is in my opinion probably almost impossible
to touch up.
But I don't know that because I've never gone back.
I've never asked him to touch it up.
So I don't even know if I could find the guy.
Do you have to find the same guy?
I mean, I would have to find somebody.
Well, you have to find the original artwork, right?
So this is what the original.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I have a picture of the original tattoo right after it was done.
Any good tattooist I would think if you have the original, say this is what it looks like.
I needed to look close to that again.
If I would have done it again, I would have gone with my design.
So I gave him the design and he talked me into kind of changing it up and making it
very artistic, very like as if it were drawn with a brush.
Right?
Which it looked cool.
It did.
I liked it.
But in hindsight, I wanted it simple, practical, so that now in hindsight I could have touched
it up very easily.
You know what I mean?
Because it was very blocky and very hieroglyphics looking.
Right?
So my point is have an idea what you want.
Go in there, talk it over, talk through some options, and then leave.
And then come back.
And then with his, he'll give you, and he'll even potentially give you this is what I can
do with this.
Like different options.
So what I can't stand.
So this is, my point is, sorry, most of the time you think about, you're slightly drunk,
you go in there, you pick something, you go.
Exactly.
Don't make it like that.
Don't make it like that is what I'm saying.
Most people don't.
There's a lot of people that do.
So I guess what I'm getting at is that when.
I didn't mean to air that.
The whole thing about tattoos is that it's got to be personal.
You can't just show up like a fucking vending machine and pick one of 50 and get one.
It's got to be something nice.
I understand you walk in and they'll have this shit all over the wall.
You're like, I want that one.
What does that really mean?
Oh, it looks cool.
You're going to think it looks cool in 10 years.
It's a snow sled.
Yeah.
So you like that?
It's rosebud.
It kind of looks like snow.
Yeah.
So it is an artistic process.
I mean, have that mentality.
You have something in mind.
You even probably have something down on paper that you kind of are playing with or maybe
somebody helped you draw and you take it in there and you say, this is where I'm going.
This is what it means.
You had a great point, Randy.
Explain to him what it means.
Or her.
I keep saying him.
Her, him, whatever.
And take it in there and say, tell me where to go with this.
Give me a couple of different options.
And then you give them a week.
You come back, you look at them and you say, love it.
And we look at.
And then you spread your legs and get that taint.
There you go, man.
Get that taint rolling.
Get that taint tat.
And you look at the examples of our kids.
And I mean, I don't think Steven will look at what he did and ever regret it.
He's proud.
It feels good.
I'll tell you, Camden, my daughter has one on her inside forearm.
Wow.
That says, I love you big as the sky.
And it's in her grandmother's handwriting.
Oh, fantastic.
Who passed away seven years ago.
And she's not going to have a grandmother for the rest of her life.
But she'll never look at that and feel anything but warm feelings.
And so, I think our kids so far are doing good, sentimental, what's it mean for me.
I think that's great.
Things with it that, who knows if that ever helps them in a time they're struggling.
Right?
But they're not doing their reckless choices so far.
And I think if people do it that way, good for them.
Good for them.
And both of my boys have said that they want tattoos.
And neither time did I say, well, granted, I wanted them to be a little bit older.
I don't want them to make a mistake.
But I said, just make sure you don't rush into it.
Hold on.
You said both of your boys.
I mean, two of your boys.
The ones that are old enough to get them.
That's kind of what I meant.
Yeah, I do have a third.
Oh, I forgot about him.
Time's up.
No.
He's not listening.
Well, I tell you what.
He came up in the news lately.
He wants a piercing.
Your youngest?
Yeah.
Really?
He's 15.
He wants an ear pierce.
I'm like, we don't do that.
Why?
I don't know.
I'm just like, we don't do that here.
Does he want the big grommet?
I know.
Is he ultimately going to want the big grommet thing?
I don't know.
Like the National Geographic?
Yeah.
Has anyone here had an ear pierced?
I have.
Yep.
So have I.
I had multiple.
I was in college when I had it.
I know.
I'm traditional, man.
I'm, I don't know.
I was in college that when I did it.
I was 15 years old.
So was I.
College.
I had a story when I was 15.
First of all, I did it myself.
That's a good idea.
Always a good idea.
It was tragic, and I'll share with you.
I think I've heard this story.
So I'll try to make this quick.
This is when you bled out, I think.
This is a, I took an embroidery needle of all things.
It was a little bit thicker than.
So like a six gauge.
Sounds like a great story so far.
Yeah, it sounds like a blowgun dart.
So I listened to my friends and it takes some ice.
It's like a ball pulling pin.
No, it's a calligraphy pin.
So I took ice.
I made it numb.
So I thought.
And I took the embroidery needle.
When I say embroidery needle, I'm talking like.
Crochet?
Yeah, it's like a knitting needle.
It's like the knitting.
You're knitting through this little.
Did you make it red hot?
It's like the diameter of a chopstick.
It went through the fucking ear and I couldn't get it through because my hands kept slipping.
So I took my.
I took the needle and it was halfway in already.
And I walk away and the needle's like in my ear and I'm like fuck.
So I go up to the wall and I apply pressure.
It goes through and then goes like an inch into my neck.
Right next to your juggler.
It did bleed, but your neck did not bleed.
It did not bleed.
It came right out and it was like, oh, yes, it was just.
Mr. Producer, a thousand points.
Nicely done.
Game set match.
The producer has put the Gobstopper on there as a symbol of the brain being unwrinkled.
So that was pre-recording, right?
We talked about the wrinkle brain.
Wrinkle brains are smart.
Smooth brains are not.
He has a big picture of a Gobstopper.
Well, you know.
So Sean's brain is ultimately smooth.
That was fantastic, Mr. Producer.
This is only my second show, but that little bit from Sean was the most dudes like us story
yet.
For sure, because there's a lot of dudes out there going, I see nothing wrong with what
he just described.
And I bet there here's the thing.
That hole went through.
OK, I got another one.
And the thing is, I never filled that stuff.
Original hole.
I didn't put the earring in there.
I put the I got my but the second one is I went to the store and got it done.
Oh, good.
Done.
I was like, wow.
So did the same type of needle that you use?
They did not.
Oh, that's weird.
And the these the latch hook.
The weird thing is now latch hook.
They shaved down a chopstick.
Is that I still have a hole in my ear that I could put.
I could put a right now.
I could put a earring in my ear, not the one that they put in, but the one I put in.
Well, sure.
It's the size of the Grand Canyon.
Yeah.
Well, it's not a fun.
It's a and you can barely see it, but there's a hole there.
So if I ever wanted to be a pirate, I could be one.
We call that a deformity.
So did so did anyone else experience this after you removed the earring when you decided
to grow up or get out of that phase that you could pop like pus or shit out of it for like
the next 10 years?
Well, I know.
Well, here's what I do.
What?
Out of that hole in your ear where you had an earring, but for 10 years, you could just
like a man who's got an earring.
You can go you can go and a little bit of like zit grease and stuff comes out for like
a decade.
Well, I tell you what, you wouldn't know.
But yeah, here's my story.
I got the dick pierced.
Yes, I had the Van Dyke.
Your dick head.
The Van Dick.
Yeah, the Van Dick.
Dickhead piercing.
No, it was not there in the ear.
I can't get over that.
Which part?
The dickhead thing.
What?
The tattoo on the dickhead?
No, just the term dickhead in the turn.
The Mike Tyson.
Referencing the tip of the penis as a dickhead in that same phrase.
I know, but it's just never been used like that.
I wanted some go fast stripes on the head of my dick.
That's what I would put because that's kind of what it looks like.
Yeah, I hear you.
I'm gonna have to digest that.
Please continue with your dickhead piercing.
Back to the zit ear.
The zit ear.
Zit ear.
Yeah.
So I was a sophomore in college, still in the dorms.
And I got the ear piercing.
And I had it for about six weeks.
And I remember we were in the dorms and we were all drinking and everything.
We started having WWE rustling night.
Oh, that's always a good idea.
Let's see where this is going.
And I got, I don't know, we were down, everyone was just flying elbows and everything.
And I got cranked right on the ear, right where that piercing was.
This was in your apartment?
That was in the dormitory.
So you had a mosh pit in your dormitory.
It was in church.
Yes, it was big time.
And I got cranked right on the ear.
And over the next couple days, it swelled up like massively big.
And I had the little stud in it still.
And it completely swelled over it.
Oh, like a tree.
Yes.
And it was just, it was big and nasty.
And I was like, forget it.
I'm done with this thing.
So I pulled it out.
And when I pulled it out, all this brown, viscousy nastiness came out of it.
Viscousy.
It's like an ear vagina.
Correct.
It's like a vagina.
Wow.
There's menstruating.
During its cycle.
Your ear menstruated.
Yeah.
It was brown.
Fantastic.
So I was like, that's nasty.
Oh no, it was like pretzel flavor or color.
Oh, you tasted it.
Pass the pretzels, please.
So anyway, I was in the dorm.
I didn't have anything except I think rubbing alcohol.
So I filled up a...
It's a horrible choice.
Which is actually what we drank.
It was called like Stoli.
So I think it was rubbing alcohol.
Filled up a...
Before you continue, how thick was it?
Was it like you were a wrestler's kind of thick?
Like a cauliflower ear?
Like a cauliflower ear.
It was just the earlobe.
You don't know what that is?
All right.
If it swelled so much that it was...
And it golfed the stud.
It went, dude, what are you...
Oh, there it is.
See that context.
And that's a cute little...
No, no, no.
A cute little gob.
This is the image to the podcast.
This is the out feature right there.
Oh my God.
I'm going to disagree with that.
I don't think that's what we want here.
But it'll set the expectation so low we could only go up.
I'm so glad you got all this energy to do this, but you can't look up shit.
The love of the sun.
Anyway.
Okay.
So you have a cauliflower ear that's bursting poop water.
This thing was just oozing all kinds of nastiness.
You should be looking up cauliflower ear.
And I got the rubbing alcohol.
I got the cotton ball and I put it on there.
And I just remember when you pass out the tunnel.
I just go in like this.
You're shocked and just shut down.
Really?
Yes.
Was that painful?
You passed out?
Cold.
And my friend was standing there when I did it because we were...
Yeah, cauliflower ears.
Mine did not look like that.
But anyway, I did it.
And he said that I stood there and I fell like a tree.
And I went straight back.
Didn't stop myself.
I mean, I just went and I groaned all the way down.
And he goes, he goes...
And because I remember the tunnel.
This is before smartphones, so nobody caught it.
No, nobody caught it.
So I remember the tunnel.
The next thing I know was me on the ground looking up and him shaking me, yelling my
name.
And I was like, what the hell just happened?
And he's like, oh my God.
You just went straight back and you just fell like a...
Just in the process of pushing brown stuff out your ears.
No, I put the alcohol onto the ear to say, I need to clean this out.
All I had was rubbing alcohol.
So I was like...
And it was so painful, you blacked out.
I guess I don't remember it hurting, but apparently it did.
But it was.
I just distinctly remember the tunnel and I just went...
Was this like immediately after you took out the earring?
Yes.
That has a lot to do with it.
That's where the body is fascinating.
It will literally knock you out so that you don't send it into cardiac arrest.
Oh, well I did.
I was out.
It was like take it off and go.
I was out.
And he goes, you groaned all the way down and you hit the ground.
I didn't hurt or anything.
I didn't hurt myself falling, but he goes, you went straight back.
He goes, you didn't cushion your fall or anything.
Your brain said, I'm out.
I felt like, yeah, I'm out.
I was out.
And he was at the point where he almost ran down the hall looking for help.
I don't know how long it was, 10 seconds or whatever.
I'm thinking about what Jeff's brain is saying to itself in there as it gets ready for this
moment.
He already fucked up and got the earring.
Then he got it banged in a wrestling thing.
Now it's engulfed this foreign object in my ear.
Oh, now he's going to put this on it?
All right, we're shutting this down.
It's a reboot.
I think the exact what was, fuck you, asshole.
We're taking over.
You can't drive anymore.
You're done.
You're done, you dickhead.
So I felt fine after that, though.
With the control alt delete of your body?
My body's like, we need to reboot.
I got the blue screen.
So when you came back and your system reboot, did it block off the pain you were feeling?
Again, I don't remember it hurting.
It was numb after that.
I guess.
I don't remember it hurting.
And I think I didn't put any of the alcohol, it didn't happen until I put the alcohol on
it.
I was squeezing it and there was stuff coming out.
Then I finally was like, all right, there's an infection.
That sounds exceptionally painful.
Exceptionally painful.
So I did it and I was out and then I was fine after that.
You could still hear out of that ear.
Yes.
Yeah.
And when I saw you, I never saw deformity.
So kudos to your body.
There's still a scar.
If I kind of pull on my ear, you can still see the scar.
It looks like an ear hole.
Can you imagine all the cancer you would have had had you not done that?
Imagine if you just left it and you were like, oh my God, I need to go to the doctor.
Look at this ear.
Yeah, it would have been bad.
And they're like, there's a stud inside there.
Oh.
Yeah, it's swelling up all around it.
I had to work on it to get them out.
They would have had to stick a needle in there and extract it.
It was good.
You know, for the listeners who stayed the whole time tonight, who felt bad early on,
like, wow, I don't really understand what they're doing.
I'm inadequate.
Then they hear this half.
They're like, I am so smarter than these guys.
Yeah, they're good.
And we're not done.
So we got some dumb stories from these two.
Now we're going to do some dumb stories from us.
What's your dumb story?
I don't have any.
There has to be one.
Or painful stories.
It's so dumb to think I have dumb stories.
I have many leather bound books in my library.
I'm kind of a big deal.
Ron Burgundy is my hero.
Oh, nice.
No, I think we've, geez, we've all done.
Idiotic decisions that resulted in pain.
Oh, we have.
Yeah, come on.
Let's do that one.
Idiotic stories that resulted in pain.
Well, I told you one last time.
I don't know if it was last time or whatever when we were talking about the bikes and I
had the big banana seat and I, we built this like humongous ramp.
And I went straight up and then fell straight back down.
And I could have, I may have broken my ankle.
I don't know.
But just the power of youth just powered through it.
We should call this segment things we immediately regretted.
Well, it's a little bit of growing up and it's like a twin or something.
Pink one.
Except actually that orange looking one right there.
It's also Darwinism, right?
You survive natural selection or you don't.
Oh God, there it is.
Yeah, it looks like that orange one right there.
I think I share the same thing.
I did the same thing.
I went up on a ramp.
I wasn't riding that, but it was it might as well have been the same thing.
It was a little more sporty.
I think it was a huffy, you know, I think the seat.
That's called a muscle bike.
What the old the orange road runner muscle bike.
Orange Road Runner muscle bike.
Yeah.
Good branding.
Good branding there.
I think that's the only way they could have got rid of that.
It looks like a creamsicle and they're like, we better call it muscle bike.
Yeah.
Check out that bar.
We need a.
That's hot.
Yeah.
No, any banana.
Whatever.
I don't care.
I did the same thing.
I lived in Germany at the time.
We had huge military housing developments, big, big apartment buildings.
And it was like 100 of them where the military soldiers and their families stayed in between
each one.
There was a huge alley and the alley was probably 50 yards.
It was a big one.
And in between the alley, it wasn't an alley where cars can drive.
Right.
It was just a big open.
It was a lot of grass.
And sometimes there was there was dirt.
There was dirt path.
All of a sudden one of these weekends, someone had constructed a very large ramp.
And from what I from what I remember, it was probably about three feet tall.
It it may have been two feet.
It may have been 18.
But back then it seemed like it was really tall.
And I saw all these guys going up and they were doing all kinds of fancy shit.
And then I go up there, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it.
Boom.
Bust wipe out.
Licked my wounds.
I didn't cry.
You can't.
You get beat up and it would hurt worse.
I picked my bike up because that was my building right there.
So I picked my bike up, put it on my shoulder and walked home.
And they were just like, oh, I'll feed us in.
I mean, if you cry, they would have put you in the third riker or something.
You got to be tough.
I was going to say that.
There were no German people.
This was a military community.
So it's kind of weird because it was called Benjamin Franklin Village.
And it's like right in the middle.
Like nowadays, I think there's like a huge wall around the community.
But back then, you mean another wall up another one Gorbachev down that wall.
Well, I mean, they made another one.
It's well, it's military soldier housing.
So they need to protect the soldiers and families.
Otherwise, you know, Germany, especially the way it is currently, there's there's a lot.
There's a mixture of other foreign elements that are in Germany that didn't exist there.
But I've been told walls are bad.
Walls are bad.
They keep people out of whatever.
So they didn't have any back then.
They didn't.
OK, so we could you know, it was clear.
In fact, I really enjoyed living there because we were able to merge with the German community
and I could get on my bicycle.
I can ride down the street and I can go to the candy store.
You get shot with salt pellets.
Well, when I took the shortcut past the soccer fields, that's when you get shot with the
salt pellets.
I had a shot in salt rocks.
So yeah, that's one thing you only have to get shot once to say disqualified.
I'm not going that direction anymore because that farmer clearly didn't like us there.
Right.
Yeah.
I didn't even really feel it at first.
You just kind of see it's like the movies.
You know, you see the movies and someone's running and they see like a little like a
third of a cornfield or something.
They see like a stalk fall.
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
I'm just going to keep running.
And all of a sudden you feel this pain in your butt.
Son of a bitch.
I got a shot.
I just know I did.
Yeah, I got shot.
Got shot with some salt rock.
Very painful.
And the pain.
Well, it's salt.
As the salt.
It's a rock.
As the salt leeches into your wound, it starts to get worse and worse.
And all of a sudden you just slice it.
Son of a bitch.
And you grab your hands and you're like, oh, and then you're trying to pitch it out.
It's just not working.
So farmers, the farmers gift just kept giving some weapons investor inventor who likes Shakespeare
was like salt in a wood.
Yeah.
Salt rock.
Yeah.
So let's make the wound whistle.
Yeah, we're going to do perfect.
Poetic justice.
You probably had it coming.
Well, this guy was probably the creator of some of the gas chambers.
Nice.
God almighty.
So do Germany and Western Europe have their governments right?
Are they not struggling with turmoil like we're talking about?
Oh, yes.
They have their issues.
It's different.
With what?
With Muslim population?
Or just in general?
Just in general.
We've talked about a lot of things, but we haven't talked international.
Well, Europe is struggling with unchecked migration.
Yeah, big time.
I'll tell you.
I'll tell you some snippets that I know for a fact.
So I know that for a fact because I've got two friends that are citizens of Sweden.
OK, so Sweden has a Sweden has an open border policy.
Sweden has a I don't know if it's called communist, but they have socialism.
They call it.
That's what that's what the socialists today try to yearn for is the.
Yeah, but it's they're like, that's a working model.
It's not working.
So I know that's that's the part of it.
So they have an open border and they're they're getting slew.
They're getting so many immigrants that are coming from the Middle East.
And it's just it's consuming the whole entire country and changing the culture and changing
the culture.
And they're they're integrating and changing the fabric of the laws and trying to develop
a Sharia law and creating no go zones.
Man, I'll tell you what, the the the Sweden Police Department have areas, I'm saying no
go no go zones.
Yeah, they have no go zones where they simply don't go in.
Yeah, there's kind of yeah, we know you're bleeding out, but yeah, we're not going in
there.
And that sucks.
What kind of place is that to live?
It wasn't like that.
And I tell you that I feel bad for them.
And you know what?
That's not getting any.
No, it's not on TV anywhere.
No, most of the publication is that Sweden and Finland and Norway are the happiest societies
in the world.
They're the model.
They're the socialist utopia.
Ninety nine percent of the eighty five, eighty percent of it is eighty percent of it is really
nice.
They've got a lot of of traditional stuff still ongoing.
But it's twenty percent of the place that these people have lived there for centuries
and centuries and thousand years that it is completely changed.
The hood.
Can you imagine an entire region being the hood?
I mean, yeah, it's like the size of Massachusetts is like a hood.
It's huge.
And they have their own.
Yeah, their own policing, their own laws, their own territory.
It's tribal.
Yeah, I had somebody that I used to work with whose son lived over in Sweden and they're
realizing the expense of living there because they were looking at buying a car.
Yeah.
And in order to buy a car, I can't remember what he said.
It's like a 60 percent tax or something ridiculous like that if you wanted to buy a car because
he I think they moved back over here for a short time and they bought a car.
They couldn't believe how inexpensive it was because there's such a surcharge and a tax
on everything over there.
Because you have to pay for everything.
Yeah.
But on the flip side, everything there's a ton of things that are free.
Correct.
But it's not really free.
I know that.
And you're paying 60, 65 percent of your check out.
So here's some of the guy, the economics that that was given to me.
And these aren't exact numbers.
But what it is is there is a cousin and he lives here now, but his brother, his whole
family was there and they pay about 65 percent of whatever they make.
His brother was out of work.
OK, so they he was out of work for a couple of months and maybe even six months.
And they paid for everything.
It was it was like he still had his job.
Right.
So there was there was no break in it.
The problem with that is that all these immigrants that are coming in are getting the same benefits
with zero incentive to go find work, zero.
And they're not doing it.
That's right.
Why would they?
Why would anybody?
A human nature is to be is to default.
You can find a sugar daddy or sugar country.
Bingo.
And they're they're populated like fucking rabbits.
Yeah.
They're kind of like, well, if you have two kids, you get this much.
If you have four, you have five.
And they're kind of like, I want to keep them going.
You know, it's just like.
And then you can add the conspiracy about, you know, these the long term Islamic plan
if you want to go there.
I don't want to go there is there.
And, you know, it's I don't know.
I feel one side of me, I feel it's kind of shitty.
But at the same time, I'm thinking, you know, if they're going to if they're going to want
to kill people for drawing cartoon caricatures of their interpretation of Mohammed, then
fuck them.
Time stamp.
I just think it's ridiculous.
I'm with you.
I'm with you on that one.
We could get into all sorts of things that we don't understand about that religion.
But that's a different topic.
That's a different topic.
Well, I mean, that'll be another day.
Any any religion that gets to the point of intolerance and violence towards different
is it really a religion?
I agree.
You know, come on.
Where are we?
It's completely ridiculous.
You're never going to convince me that that is a a peaceful religion if if if that's how
they are taught.
I need to do more research on the Ottoman Empire.
And even prior to that, and just I mean, just the barbarism that came from, I mean, just
the inhumanity that just severing of heads.
And I'd like to learn a lot more about the whole Moors and the whole crusade.
That was not pretty either.
Well, and that's where the the historical bias comes in.
Yeah.
So anything from the Western civilization is deemed expansion.
Correct.
Or invasion.
It's expansion if we went and conquered.
Correct.
It's invasion if they conquered us.
And it's the opposite for the other people.
Exactly.
And, you know, we're back to control.
We're back to the basic tenets of what we're talking about with civilization.
We're back to control, power, manipulation.
We're back to responsibility and accountability.
And unfortunately, we spend look at this podcast, but most of our governments and entities,
we spend so much time and resources trying to manage those who don't want to contribute
to the tribe.
Yeah.
And I mean, you look at a wolf pack or most animals, like if you're in a pack of 12 and
you can't contribute, you're one dude that do that who can't like they're like, we'll
leave you behind in the wild, we'll kill you or we'll kill you and put you out of your
misery.
But you're not contributing to the tribe's well-being and survival.
Eventually.
And they get to that.
And when we have society of people are like, I just want free handouts.
I just want to live off everybody else.
You can't do that.
I think a seal training, like nine guys holding up a raft and they keep loading bricks on
it.
One guy decides he doesn't want to put his arms up and hold that.
You know, eight other guys are struggling.
And like we hide that in 330 million people.
But you know, you think about a 10,000 person company, there's a lot of people literally
sleeping at their desk and you don't feel it.
You're in a 10 person company.
That one dude, he's out.
And I think we've got to have everyone's got to stand up and go, I'm going to be a contributor
to my society.
And I should give more than I take.
Yeah, but that's not how but that's right.
The default mode of human nature is not that.
And so we enable programs that allow that.
Correct.
And it's like, look, everybody stand up every day.
By the way, I'm not saying your contribution has to be equal.
Right.
But do something.
Person A could invent something.
What's your strength that saves a million people or builds a company to employ a million
people, whatever your strength is, right?
And somebody could save two children a year from committing suicide because they're a
happier person.
Like it's a different contribution.
But get up, do the work, engage, lean in on your society and contribute.
And others could even guide people on what the best bourbons are to drink.
I mean, the possibilities are endless.
Endless.
Yep.
That one.
Guys, what's his name there at Total Wine for you?
Yes, sir.
We.
What is his name?
I don't know.
We are the least racist country in the world.
I believe that.
But no, by I don't believe that.
Listen, I played professional soccer like first of all, Hispanic world is the most is
really racist.
Hispanic.
Yeah.
Hispanic community culture, older, darker culture, like Mexican.
You're the races against each other.
Each other.
So listen, it's social.
The Spanish, the Spanish are the top.
They're the Vishnu of their world.
And then everybody's another layer until you get to the Mexican.
Right.
I say Spain.
You should talk about Spain.
Spain.
Where you're from, Irish, you're the fucking bottom.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You got Irish, Scottish, English, everything.
And they're treated that way.
Asian, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Laotian.
Like they all have their own teching order, hierarchy of that stuff.
And then Western Europe, dude, when I played like crowd would throw bananas at the Black
players on the field.
And this is 1997.
The what?
The fans would throw bananas at the Black players on the field.
Holy shit.
In 1997, Greeks.
Listen, are we timestamped?
Listen, Italians, Italians, Greeks.
They're all like uber races.
And by the way, what's funny is that's too bad that this this segment is never going
to see the light of day.
What's funny, Hispanics can't tolerate Blacks more than we can.
Like of course, they're more racist towards each other than we are.
Like it is the craziest system.
But I do love that we're screwed.
I love our country is so heavily scrutinizing it because I think we're trying to evolve
more than any other country.
I really do.
That's fine.
But there's a fucking way to do that.
Well, that's and it doesn't involve burning down fucking cities.
That's true.
I mean, are we in the business of treating everybody equal and holding everybody to the
same standard?
Everybody.
Period.
But I guarantee that.
The answer that yes, I guarantee it's not going to happen.
It's it's seen as an American culture.
So isn't it?
Couldn't it not be interpreted as a racist comment to say we need to change our border
leadership because it is too much?
It's anything.
It's insanely white males, insanely, insanely.
It has nothing to do with performance.
Nope.
Right.
Color of your skin.
Inclusion.
So it's so the striving for diversity, by the way, I get it.
I do too.
But it's got to be on merit.
It's a man and it better stand up and we should be able to scrutinize it.
If somebody gets it, we should scrutinize their performance, their qualifications as
as even as possible.
This conversation came up between men and women in one of our prior podcasts, and it's
just not there.
I mean, people do not get a pay difference if you're a male or female.
That's right.
Indian white, black, whatever.
It's just not there.
That's right.
You know, the discussion came up was women get paid 76 percent of what men get paid.
That's not true.
And I said, that's BS.
That's not accurate.
I think it's flawed numbers.
It is.
And there's reason for that.
Any statistical is flawed.
Yes.
And I immediately said, you know, my wife is a teacher.
She's a female.
Does she get paid less than a male teacher?
She said, well, it doesn't apply to that industry.
And then we switched to IT.
Yeah, we switched to my industry.
And I said, I'm in a position to where I hire people.
Me too.
I have applicants, male and female.
I hire who I feel is best.
I don't say, oh, she's a female.
I could pay her less.
He's a he's a male.
I could pay him a little bit more because he deserves it or whatever.
And Paul, you reiterated that.
Yeah.
And she didn't have a comeback for that.
And after the fact, I should have brought this up.
I was like, if that is true, every company in the world would only hire women because
they would save 24 percent off the top line all the time.
Yep.
Right.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
But every 28 days they would lose a tremendous sales.
No, but that's why I think it's BS.
Now, are there are there situations?
I'm sure there are.
But I have never seen them.
Does a female policeman when she gets hired in the same class as a male, does she get
paid less?
No.
Fireman?
No.
Teacher?
No.
In my industry, at least on my team and in my company?
No.
Paul's company?
No.
And in sales, I think, you know, it's you're going to get a 10 percent commission while
you're a woman.
So you're only going to get seven percent commission.
Right.
So you're not going to get paid more?
Nope.
Yeah.
I'm not really buying it.
Now, I guess it's possible that there are industries where we're just not privy to kind
of the way it works.
But one thing I was thinking, I mean, I need to look at how the stats are put together.
Right.
If there are certain industries that are lower paying jobs and they are we talked about this
and they're dominated by women.
I mean, let's say make up make up people at Macy's.
OK.
Dominated by women.
How many men are in that industry?
Right.
And they don't get paid a lot.
So are they are they taking those kind of that's just an example.
But are they taking those kind of numbers and saying women make less than men when they're
looking at industry wide?
Now, my point is it has the only way it's legitimate is if it was within the same industry.
Correct.
That's the only way it's legitimate.
Correct.
Yeah.
Because like you said, you know, maybe the maybe the all the ladies that work at Macy's
and the cosmetic counters, they make twenty thousand dollars a year.
Or then you compare that to, let's say, steelworkers, right, who may be dominated by men.
Right.
They make fifty thousand dollars a year.
That's my point.
They gloss over and say, on average, women are making that's exactly right.
I have to see how the numbers are put together to really know if it's legit or not.
But what we have seen is not legit.
So I've got three kids.
I've got one daughter and I want her to work for medium to large companies because she
is going to be set for success.
Yeah.
I'm going to tell both my boys own your own company.
Interesting.
Five to twenty man shop, make three to five mill a year, be done.
But stay out of the game where diversity and inclusion is going to complicate your hiring
practice.
Look, 70 percent of the G.
Big enough to have a Christmas party, but small enough to have alcohol.
Right.
70 percent of the GDP is small business.
Find your niche.
Don't have to.
You'll have to.
By the way, under 20 is where massive rules in most accounting and corporations and reporting
for H.R. and policies and handbooks are.
I'm like, if you can find a way to make an 18 man person firm, you know, get your employee
revenue per employee person up to like 100 grand a person, do it all day long and control
your livelihood.
Because if you're a white male now, do not subscribe to the system because you're going
to be hurting.
Yeah.
Right.
And that's kind of the message that was told to me.
And I've heard that for my entire life is is, you know, being a white man is bad.
And you know, it's kind of coming back now.
There's too many white men in this position.
Well, for four years at Yale, which were the most fascinating of my life in a lot of ways.
The debates.
I mean, there were two educations at Yale.
That was your curriculum and then your debates like this in dining halls and courtyards and
whatever with just other folks.
And I mean, for four years, it was a tug of war between apologizing for being a white
male and then angrily defending I've never owned any slaves.
In fact, all of you Asians and blacks have more money than I have.
You're from a family that makes a million dollars.
My family makes 30,000.
Right.
What do you want from me?
What?
I didn't do it.
Yeah.
So why don't you give me some of your money?
And we'll call it even.
And it was great, fascinating debate, but the broad brush doesn't work.
And that's why find your niche, find your way to make it work.
And I mean, my neighborhood, you've been there.
It's 95 percent in the Indian nation.
And I'm not loud.
Oh, no, no.
Oh, they're very respectful.
Wonderful neighbors.
Yeah, the quiet.
Everything about them.
whether
you