Very nice.
There we go.
I'm on.
Very nice.
I like it.
He's producing.
Speaking of producing,
that frickin' pervert from the last podcast,
It's all right.
Ha ha ha.
The exceptional series.
Ha ha ha.
What are you, Santa?
God, this is the third episode for Paul.
Who isn't?
It is not.
You finished Old Williamsburg.
I did not.
Oh, do we add that to the infinity bottle?
No, because I have a couple more coconut
bourbon and coves.
Have you tried the Dr. Pepper coconut?
I haven't even heard of that.
I had it the other day.
It was good.
Dr. Pepper coconut.
Yes.
Mr. Producer.
As soon as I see it, I will buy it.
Mr. Austin from the Good Zuck Gus podcast.
Damn.
It's May 7th.
It is the second of the second half of the podcast.
Probably good with Captain Morgan.
Good Zuck Gus, I am Sean.
Oh, fuck yeah.
I am Paul.
And I'm Jeff.
And I want to try this coconut Dr. Pepper.
Is that like a coconut Dr. Pepper or is it like a bourbon?
It's a can, comes in a can.
It's a new flavor.
Whoa, that was an abrupt ending of our awesome music.
Yeah, it was kind of fast.
That was upsetting.
Our listeners want to hear the whole thing.
I really wanted to enjoy that
and it was completely tapered.
I could have fixed that if you guys didn't comment.
Oh.
Oh, damn.
I think I still will.
You guys will sound silly.
Now we sound stupid.
You know what?
I believe that's his intent all along
is to make Sean and I sound like morons.
I usually send you those bits.
My opinion.
You do.
And I get bitter.
I get bitter at my wife.
I get bitter at everybody.
Here we go.
Look, I, I'm, it took 54 years.
To do what?
To figure out that 90% of the food we eat is shit.
And you're bitter at the world.
You're family about that?
And your wife.
I'm bitter because we're all making these bad choices
like this coconut coke you're talking about.
No.
Why are you putting that shit in there?
First off, it's not coke, it's Dr. Pepper.
It's Dr. Pepper.
Whatever, man.
It's a Coca-Cola product.
Dude, they used to prescribe this shit
to save people's lives.
That was not the same coke.
Back in 1905.
That is not the same coke.
It's not the same coke.
We're talking about Dr. Pepper here.
It's not Coca-Cola.
Doesn't matter.
What's wrong with you?
Coca-Cola products.
You don't respect the beginning of medicine.
Dr. Pepper is owned by Coca-Cola.
No, it's not.
The corporate office is right here, that's where my Keurig.
You know what, there are Dr. Pepper employees.
So is it canned by the Coca-Cola company?
No.
Dude, there are Dr. Pepper employees
listening to this podcast right now that want to kill you.
I know.
They are fully on their own, 100%,
and they're very proud of it.
Yep.
And now they have a coconut version of their Dr. Pepper.
Yes, they do.
I just found out about that like 20 seconds ago.
So Dr. Pepper owned by the Coca-Cola company.
No, it is not.
You believe Google?
Keurig Dr. Pepper relies on its own bottling company group
to bottle and distribute the products owned by Coca-Cola.
It is not.
Says it right fucking there.
OK, that's got to be a lie.
Yeah, I don't believe it.
It's Google.
I don't believe it either.
That's fake news.
Anyways, my point about bringing that whole thing up is that I
told you the truth.
But I'm just saying, the point is
that I'm so bitter about all this stuff.
And just like the kids come home with the sweet tart stuff.
And I think it is taste.
Because that's so.
Energy drinks.
How about energy drinks?
How about that?
Dude, dude.
That carcinogens.
Or what is the, oh my god, the thing that they find in Creoset.
Creoset?
Creoset.
The energy drinks that they have.
Awful.
It's like the worst thing our kids can have
is these energy drinks.
Yeah, they're bad.
They are awful.
They have like a lethal amount of caffeine for one thing.
V8 has an energy drink now.
Oh, well that's got to be healthy.
It's made out of vegetables.
Vegetables.
OK, yeah, I'll drink it.
It's got arugula.
Did you ever, volvula?
Yeah, it was close.
Oh.
Did you ever like V8?
No.
Me neither.
Pass.
Nasty.
Yeah.
I mean, seriously, nasty.
I had a guy next to me on the plane.
I get my ginger ale or whatever it is.
And he goes, I'm a spicy V8.
And you're like, you're so gay.
And she's like, the closest I got is the Bloody Mary mix.
He's like, I'll take it.
With no alcohol.
Yeah, with no alcohol.
Oh, gross.
Yes.
What is it?
It's a spicy tomato juice.
You know what?
To each his own.
Right?
Well, who am I?
Who am I to judge?
Yeah, my dad used to drink V8.
V8's nasty.
I'm sure it's healthy for you.
It's healthier than Dr. Pepper coconut.
Maybe.
Pretty sure.
Pretty.
I mean, I'm kind of sure.
Could be.
Sounds better.
It's got vegetable juice.
Vegetable.
Yeah.
So what is a poison that starts with C?
I'm trying to think of.
Carcinogen.
Yeah, that's the, no.
But there's something.
What's the one you get out of a pear?
Apple seeds.
Apple seeds and peach seeds.
It's a.
They say they poisoned you.
They gave you.
Arsenic.
No, it starts with a C. It's.
It's a.
Oh, God.
Clit.
That's it.
No, he nailed it.
You get clit from apple seeds.
Did you know that?
You get clit from apple seeds.
Cyanide.
Oh, that's what I meant.
That's what I meant.
That's what it is.
So the cyanide.
I was close.
You were really close.
Cellulose.
The energy drinks have.
I'm going to start eating.
Eating apple seeds now.
The amount.
They have.
My point is there's poison in this stuff.
There's poison in it.
There's poison in everything.
OK, hold on.
That's a completely natural.
You can't just say that.
There's poison in everything.
Hold on.
Because it doesn't take away.
There's poison in this.
Time out.
It doesn't take away from the fact
that we're making cognitive decisions to buy these things
that were.
I mean, yes, this is alcohol.
I get it.
But I don't care about this because I like it.
I'm talking about the other stuff that's around the house.
Well, you're being selective then.
OK, I am.
I am.
I like this food.
That's bad for me.
But it's not good over here.
But it's OK here because I like it.
That's my point.
Cyanide is naturally occurring.
I mean, you're telling people not to eat apple seeds, right?
No, I'm not saying that because actually that's an argument,
too, because there's a lot of things
that are good about cyanide.
There's some things that are not cyanide,
but there are some good things that you can get from seeds,
like some peach seeds and stuff that's
supposed to help fight cancer.
Right.
Yeah, there's a lot of arguments on both sides.
They're kind of like, oh, you can't eat seeds.
You shouldn't eat seeds.
Yeah, but you know what?
Everything in moderation.
But my point is that some of the things
that they like, these Coca Colas, these drinks
that they have out there, these energy drinks,
they're horrible for you.
Horrible.
The candies that we have out there.
I agree.
Look, the sugar's in there.
The bleach sugar, the fine powder, flour that we're using,
it's the seed oils.
Yeah, there's so much bad stuff.
There is.
I agree with that.
I mean, there are small segments.
In general, Sean, in general, the Western diet is horrific.
It's terrible.
It's the worst on the planet.
Yeah, the Western diet is horrific.
And it's all about money.
And I'm disgusted with it.
Dudes like us out there should be up in arms about this.
It's not.
The problem is, though, if you want to go off of that diet,
you're going to quadruple the cost of your groceries.
I just said convenience.
It's about shelf life.
It's about quick to market.
It's about all those things.
You're buying from small farmers,
or growing your own shit, or you're
going to a farmer to buy it direct from the farmer.
I want that cow.
That's going to be expensive.
And then when you make an effort to go buy some healthy stuff,
you go to the store and you buy some organic apples.
I don't believe in organic.
I know you don't.
But the thing is, when you buy it, regardless organic or not,
you buy an apple, fuck it.
And it's sprayed with this chemical shit on there.
Well, not organic it isn't.
But it looks like shit.
Whatever.
Yeah, it's got worms and stuff in it.
Literally worms poking out of the apple in the store.
It's like, woo!
It's super difficult to even clean off.
They're like, oh, just use some vinegar and stuff.
A lot of times, that doesn't get that shit off.
And you're going to ingest it.
It's just frustrating.
This planet is in a lot of trouble.
I mean, we have microplastics that we haven't even
touched the surface on what that's
going to do to us long term.
All true.
But here's something that just flies
in the face of all of that.
The average age is increasing.
That has nothing to do with what we're eating.
It has everything to do with the medical technology.
OK, I get it.
I'm just saying.
So we're living longer than ever before.
So let's go back before they had the microplastics
and the pesticides and all the shit you just talked about.
How far back do you need to go?
1800s, right?
You were dying at the age of 50.
Yes.
Just saying.
And yes, you're right.
Actually, 50 was old.
And you could attribute it to advances in medicinal.
That's what it all boils down to.
They didn't have penicillins back then.
They didn't have.
These were all home remedy stuff.
I get it.
But if the food was that healthy, that unbelievably
healthy, then why would medicine be that necessary?
Because people were falling down and breaking their arm.
They get gangrene.
They die.
OK.
But if the food is killing us, if the food is killing us
like it isn't back then, are you following me here?
Yeah, I get it.
There's no statistic back there that
could support what you're saying.
Right?
Because Bill Gates suppressed it all.
That may be true.
It was all written down on tablets,
like they stone tablets.
Bill Gates, and who's the other dude?
The other billionaire guy.
Mr. Producer, is it food or is it medical technology?
George Soros.
It's a combination of both.
It could have been the guy from Oracle.
What's his name?
Larry.
Larry Williams.
Larry Origami.
Larry.
Larry Guess.
Larry and Larry.
Larry Ellison.
Yes.
Oh, you pulled that out of your ass.
Yes, I did.
Bam.
Write that down.
The chief technology officer of Oracle.
He had a house out by my dad.
Did he?
Yes.
He probably suppressed the history of how good food was
or how bad food was back then.
Right.
Is it good or bad?
No, I agree with both of you.
Right.
Thank you.
And unfortunately, to avoid all of this,
it's extremely expensive or you have to live on a farm yourself.
Yeah.
It's not practical.
I mean, you can do it, but it's difficult.
Well.
I don't buy processed foods.
I will concur.
It is difficult.
I can't say I don't buy processed foods,
but I don't buy anything out of the frozen section anymore.
All right.
I want to make one more argument.
And I agree with you.
It's not ideal.
All this stuff you're saying is not ideal.
The fact that it's got all these preservatives
and it stays on the shelf and all this kind of shit.
But if we didn't have this food scenario that we have today.
We'd be starving.
There would be, it would be bad.
Food shortages.
We would not be able to keep up with what's
going on in the world and the population we have today.
So it would be.
But the population wouldn't be as high as it is today.
But that would be a different problem
and it would solve itself.
People would just die off.
Yes, I don't think the population would be as high
because probably our life expectancy wouldn't be as high.
Our food is plentiful.
It is plentiful.
At least in the US, right?
Yes.
Every time I go to the grocery store,
there is a shit ton of food.
I mean, there are still people starving in the US.
Because they can't afford it.
Isn't that crazy?
Well, they can't afford it.
Right.
That's what it is.
Fuck Joe Biden.
Fuck Obama too.
Yeah.
Why, is he throwing in Obama?
Dude, he's a piece of shit.
It's a package deal?
Dude, you tell me that he, are you seriously thinking
that he's not involved in any of this stuff?
Dude, he got a Nobel Peace Prize.
You can't argue with that.
On like his second day in office.
Yeah.
Come on, bro.
He had done anything yet.
Exactly.
He went to the Scandinavian area, got the Nobel Peace Prize,
got his dick sucked off by Greta Thunberg.
I think he literally made it.
She was like two at the time though.
Oh, you guys.
No, she wasn't.
She had stopped.
She's just now what?
1920.
There was grass on the field back then.
Stop.
Not that far back.
Oh my god.
Stop this line of whatever this is.
Immediately.
My god.
What's wrong?
I actually, I'm sorry.
I misspoke.
I think she was a little young.
You think?
All right.
Anyway, I even think that Obama was.
She just turned 21.
I think Obama felt uncomfortable about the Nobel Peace Prize.
He made a comment.
He should be.
I think he made a comment about it.
He got it because he was black.
Because they were like, here we go.
We have a black savior.
Our savior.
Yes.
And he didn't deserve it.
He did nothing.
He made everything worse.
He made race relations worse.
He made everything worse.
Well, no.
He got it shortly after he got in the office.
I know.
Like a month or so after he got in.
He didn't even earn it.
That's what I mean.
He didn't do anything to earn it except become
the first black president.
Meanwhile, Trump did the Abraham Accords
that was unprecedented.
Like never before peace accords in the Middle East.
And he got nothing.
By the way, there was one dude that did nominate him
on the panel.
And I think they shot him.
Did they shoot him?
They gave him cyanide.
They choked him out.
Oh, they cyanide him.
They gave him apple seeds.
They gave him like a bucket.
See how they tied it all back together?
They said a bucket of apple seeds.
And they said, eat them all or we're going to choke you out.
And I want you to recite, let's go Brandon.
Let's go Brandon.
Wow.
Did we get all that out?
No.
No, there's lots more.
There's lots more.
Are you sure?
Let's skim past some of that.
So the second half of the podcast is we're, look man,
the first half is Cardiff Beetween.
We were drinking this bourbon now, which is not horrible.
Fantastic.
Hold on.
We're not talking about it yet.
We're not talking about it.
I'm just comparing it to the first half.
I'm still talking about the first half.
This poor bourbon.
This shit was made in the goddamn bathtub
compared to that.
This poor bourbon didn't stand a chance.
No.
But we're not going to talk about it yet,
because I think it does deserve more respect.
So let's change the, you know what I would like to do?
I want to go to a top 10.
Oh.
Do we have a top 10?
Do we have a top 10, Mr. Producer?
All right, what is this top 10?
Oh.
We got Obama.
So the top, well.
Hold on.
All right, we got like 10 different top 10s up here.
I don't know what's happening.
Get control of that browser, bro.
The 40 iconic restaurants that no longer exist.
OK, we just want the top 10.
Well, hold on.
Top 40 is too crazy.
All right, 15.
15, that'll work.
15.
All right, the 15 best food fashion.
Did you say that no longer exist?
Well, that's what that one said.
I don't know what this one says.
It says 40 iconic restaurants that no longer exist.
What he does is he's got different tabs up there
that bring it down to certain sections.
No, no, no.
So this is good.
So this is the fast food from the 80s.
Yeah, so fast food from the 80s that no longer exist.
The best ones.
No.
The best ones.
All right, so 15.
The best fast food restaurants from the 80s, the Burger Chef.
You guys remember that?
Oh, 100%.
Chef Jeff.
I have never heard of it.
There was two characters.
Chef Jeff was one of them.
And then, yeah, here it is.
Here we go.
Is this your usual place?
This is our usual place.
Now.
Nowhere else but Burger Chef.
Since when?
Since the mushroom burger.
Our mushroom burger.
I love mushroom burgers.
Our chicken, chips, and patties, Swiss cheese, and steak.
I have never heard of Burger Chef.
Are you kidding me?
I used to go there all the time.
Never.
Oh, I love it.
Is that a North thing?
It may have been.
A North and a Northeast?
New Jersey and Ohio?
Hey, Burger Chef.
Come down to Burger Chef.
It could be, because I've heard it had a couple characters.
I don't know if it's he is Fat Chef,
but then there's a Burger Chef Jeff.
Hey, hey, hey.
And we used to go there because my, well, I was a kid.
And I remember my parents saying all four of us
could eat for $10.
God.
Yeah.
And they made money.
Probably.
1982.
Where were we in 1982?
I was in Indonesia.
I was in Redding, Ohio.
That's why I've never heard of Burger Chef.
They didn't have Burger Chefs in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Yeah, so we went there.
You privileged fucks.
We went there.
It's in Germany.
Well, because it was so cheap and we didn't have a lot
of money, so we went there a lot if we wanted to eat out.
So in 1982, the Burger Chef was sold in most locations
and turned to Hardee's.
Correct.
Oh, no shit.
I know Hardee's.
Yeah, so Hardee's is still around.
The Burger Chef we used to go to turned into Hardee's.
And then the Mushroom Burger was there.
But have you ever been to Hardee's?
Yes.
Both of them, yeah.
Both of them?
I've been to Burger Chef and Hardee's.
Both Hardee's.
What does that mean?
Both the Burger Chef and Hardee's.
There's only two in the world.
And Sean's been to both of them.
Right.
And one of them's in Jakarta.
So when did you go to Jakarta?
Anyway, where did that come from?
Both of them.
What does that mean?
Well, I've been to both Chef Burger and Hardee's.
Burger Chef.
Oh, Burger Chef.
OK, that was very misleading.
All right, I'm not sure I've ever been to Hardee's once.
Actually, I've been to it a lot.
OK, that was a good number 15.
I like it.
Number 14, go.
Roy Rogers been there as well.
I've never heard of it.
It was roast beef.
Never heard of it.
Oh, shit.
Houston, we're down.
So the next 80s food restaurant worthy of the list of the Roy
Rogers, a beloved fast food chain
from the mid-Atlantic and northeastern US
did that become?
Juicy roast beef sandwiches and golden brown french fries.
Did that become Arby's?
No.
No, it was different.
It was very, very, very similar roast beef-wise.
But they also had fried chicken.
And it was good.
We had one in Blue Ash.
Wasn't he a country singer?
Roy Rogers?
Or was he a TV star?
He was a TV star.
And he's from Cincinnati, of all things.
Oh, wow.
He's from Cincinnati.
So you must have, your family knows his family?
Well, that's why they probably had them in Cincinnati.
Did you get a discount?
I did.
Going to Roy Rogers?
Roger's belt buckle?
Roger Stahlbeck was from Cincinnati as well.
Oh, god, here we go.
I bet he had a Roy Rogers belt buckle.
Probably.
Everything's about Cincinnati.
It was good.
We ate there a lot.
Terry wants some Cincinnati spaghetti.
Cincinnati chili.
I'll make it.
You need to.
God bless you.
Number 13.
Yes, please.
Racks.
Very quickly.
That's roast beef again.
Have you seriously heard of all these?
They sound like stripper joints.
They are stripper joints.
So that's why Jeff knows all about it.
Why were you so little going to these places?
His dad would treat him to, hey, let's go to Racks.
He's like, hey, it's $1.99.
Bring your kid to Racks.
It was, where can we eat?
Enjoy these mixers.
Where can we eat for cheap?
Although I don't remember the alligator or whatever
the hell that thing is.
That's a picture of Jeff.
Look.
There I am.
He looks like a turd.
Hoity my little lizard cup.
That is you.
No, that is not me.
What the hell?
I've never heard of any of these.
Racks?
I've never heard of Racks.
Racks restaurants.
R-A-X.
So this is totally a northern thing.
Pittsburghers love to wax nostalgic about bygone chain
restaurants.
So Racks.
Hold on.
Did you pick top 15 restaurants from the north?
Like top 15 Yankee restaurants?
No.
Or what'd you pick here?
Let's scroll past this.
First three I've never heard of.
Arthur Treacher's?
Yeah, that's like Long John's.
Here we go.
Long John's.
Here's Jeff.
Oh, of course.
Yeah, I know that.
We went there every weekend.
Arthur Treacher's?
Arthur's what?
Treacher's?
Arthur Treacher's.
Oh, get out of here.
Treacher's or Treacher's?
I always said Treacher's.
Yeah.
And he would know because they were all over Cincinnati.
This has gone bad.
You've never heard of any of these?
Look at that.
None of them.
It looks just like a.
It is like a Long John's.
No.
Oh, look at that.
The fish and chips.
That is totally a Long John's Silver's.
And Long John's Silver's is probably the worst fucking
place you can ever go eat on the planet.
But it's so good.
It is yummy.
What are you talking about?
Dude, the oldest.
What's the last time you've been to Long John's Silver's?
I will never go to a Long John's.
We go about once a year.
When I did, I enjoyed it though.
Hell, it was so good.
It was a canned meat night.
Do not.
For those of us folks out there, we did a canned meat night.
Do not for a second shut down any food anywhere.
We bought Spam.
We bought canned clams.
We bought canned oysters.
And canned fucking everything.
Canned chicken in a can.
Don't ever say that a fast food restaurant is below you
or beneath you.
Because we did canned food night.
I'm just saying.
It was awful.
That the Long John's Silver's was rated as the most unhealthy
restaurant to go in the United States of America.
Instead of our part two of canned meat night,
we're going to Long John's Silver's.
I'll eat it.
I can have it about once a year.
That's exactly what we're doing.
Do they still have Long John's Silver's?
Of course.
Yeah, there's one in Frisco.
We're doing it.
And is there really?
But it can't be the only place we're going.
We have to go to two places.
What's the second worst?
I feel sick after I go to Long John's.
No.
I couldn't hit another place.
No, we are.
We're hitting two places.
We can always purge.
All right.
Keep going on the list.
We'll find another place that we're going to go.
We're going to go to both ends.
All right.
Here we go.
What are we on?
What number?
Showbiz.
Oh, yeah.
That's the precursor to Chuck E. Cheese.
Yeah.
I barely remember that.
Often shortened to Showbiz Pizza, or simply Showbiz.
Showbiz Pizza plays captured the hearts of both children
and adults for its combination with delicious pizza
and full family entertainment.
Yeah, I've been there as well.
Is that kind of like a Crystal's Pizza?
So hold on.
Did it literally?
No, it's like Chuck E. Cheese.
Did it change?
Did it change to Chuck E. Cheese?
Oh, I don't know.
But it's probably because they had the monkeys and shit
like that.
Chuck E. Cheese is one creepy ass place, man.
It's so sticky.
Those animatronics of his.
And they have this weird tap coming out of the wall for beer.
We make the dough fresh every day.
Oh, my god.
That is Chuck E. Cheese.
We make them and make them and serve them with pride.
I showed this pizza place.
This is horrifying.
This brings up horrible memories.
Look at this thing.
He's got one tooth.
Looks like he's got epilepsy or something.
Five Kansas City locations.
Well, go figure.
Another Yankee place.
All right.
Why would it be Yankee?
It's a Kansas City.
Yeah, that was full blown Yankee, wasn't it?
No.
All right, moving down the list, we got Orange Julius.
I've heard of that.
That was a mall thing.
It's in every single mall, which is a distinction.
I don't think they're still there, are they?
It's like a Jamba Juice type thing.
And it kind of a.
Are they?
They're not available now.
Dude, they are a Jamba Juice.
Well, Jamba Juice is here at Frisco.
No, I'm talking about Orange Julius.
They're not in malls anymore.
I've never had an Orange Julius.
I think they're done.
Did they just do like orange smoothies?
Do they sell the corn dogs there, too?
Do they have vodka?
Did they sell the corn dogs, too, where they take a hot dog
and dip it in the corn thing and then deep fry it?
In the Orange Julius?
What?
I have no idea.
I didn't eat an Orange Julius.
I know I've seen them.
Oh.
Well, they didn't have a wiener.
Superheroes.
They have a big hot dog.
Are you hungry?
I'm not.
I am.
The magic in the drink.
Maybe there is vodka in it.
God.
Are they still around?
They had like a cream coffee.
Orange Julius.
I've definitely heard of that one.
By the way, that's not a Yankee story, apparently.
Well, look at that.
They're kind of hand in hand with the malls.
You know, the thing about the Orange Julius and the malls,
which I fucking miss.
You know, it's just.
They're falling apart.
Malls are going away.
It's Amazon.
I'm telling you, man.
Bad bastard.
Amazon like it.
Look, good for Amazon.
There's Sean.
There's Sean and Austin.
Yeah.
Sean.
So what we're looking at.
That's back when Austin didn't have hair.
Because we don't have video.
But it's a really creepy guy pushing out
his stomach with a mustache that's really in the 70s.
Yeah, that stash is bad.
And we got a bowl cut, which definitely.
I just had 15 burgers.
It definitely was Austin as a kid.
Bowl cut.
Right?
Did you have a bowl cut, Austin, when you were a kid?
The guy has a trucker hat on.
I have no idea what's.
Very nice.
All right.
Move on to the next one.
The next Yankee store.
Yankee store.
All right.
Howard Johnson's.
Never heard of it.
That's a hotel.
Seriously, that is a hotel.
We used to go to.
It was the Orange Room.
Here we go.
At the Howard Johnson's there on.
13th and Imperial Drive.
Yeah, and they used to have a buffet.
And we'd go there and we would kill their crab legs.
Oh, did you?
Oh my god.
We had so much.
Although it was second and privilege drive, wasn't it?
Privilege, yes.
Privilege drive.
Oh, the crab leg privilege.
Yeah.
Hojo's.
Right there on the corner.
There was a restaurant called.
Motor Lodge.
The Orange Room.
It's a little more upscale than that.
That was the height of the vacation movie.
You know what I'm talking about?
Vacation.
Da, da, da, da, da, da.
Like National Lampoon.
Yeah, National Lampoon vacation.
That was like the kind of.
Wacky World.
Yeah.
Wallis World.
That was like the hotel they would stay in.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh yeah, we'd stay in.
The Logos Las Vegas.
Yes.
Yes, totally.
The Motor Lodge.
Oh, nice.
OK, all right.
Number.
Anything with the word lodge attached to it is kind of.
Awful.
My parents stayed in the Econo Lodge.
Preconceived.
Econo Lodge.
Econo Lodge in Dalhart.
Every single time they went to Colorado.
We passed by it when we went up there this.
Yeah, I remember you showed us.
About a month ago.
All right.
All right, what's next?
They had cocktails there.
Did they have cocktails?
Jack in the Box.
OK.
Jack in the Box still exists?
I've heard of that.
Yeah.
We didn't have those in Cincinnati.
This is the ones that have.
These are the ones that have gone away.
This is the.
These are the most popular ones.
We used to call this E. coli in the box.
Really?
Yeah, because remember they had a Jack in the Box
had a huge E. coli breakout.
Oh, shit.
That sounds.
And we didn't have any in Cincinnati.
So we didn't experience.
So here's the thing.
I've been there maybe twice.
Oh, I like Jack in the Box.
I don't mind it.
I've only been there twice.
Tara, my wife loves the tacos.
It's like Burger King.
I've been there like twice.
You either go to McDonald's or you go to Burger King.
And we go to McDonald's.
I never went to Burger King.
I never went to Jack in the Box.
Hit that Jack in the Box thing.
What are you doing to the Jack in the Box?
Is that the Where the Beef?
Where's the beef?
He's going bye bye, lady.
But he's so cute.
Cute was the old Jack in the Box restaurants.
Now we stand for great new food.
Like I knew Chicken Supreme, juicy all white meat chicken.
More of that.
Frozen chicken patty.
Hell yeah.
That's what it looks like.
I'm in on that deal.
Swansons.
I drank that.
I ate that all the time, the frozen chicken patties.
Like the big sleeve of them.
I still get those.
Those are nasty, though.
I still get those for Brandon.
Do you really?
Because he doesn't have time to cook.
I tell you what, if you put them in the oven
at the exact temperature for the right time, they're good.
They're crispy.
Crispy.
Yes.
If you nuke them, they're kind of flimmy.
No, they're soggy.
You have to do the oven thing.
All right, so I did love those.
All right, move on.
Jack in the Box.
Yes, what have we got?
Oh, shit, we just lost everything.
Del Taco.
That's a California.
Well, they were in Frisco, and they closed.
Well, because they suck because they sell tacos,
and you had french fries with them.
How did they close?
They sucked.
Why?
That was terrible food.
Be real.
No, it was bad.
We went there at least one or two times before they closed.
No, so did I.
I gave it more than one shot, and I was like,
these tacos are terrible, and they serve you french fries.
What's wrong with french fries?
You don't get white meat.
White meat.
Because you don't eat french fries with tacos.
You have chips and salsa.
Look at this elitist over here, this Yankee.
They're trying to pull.
They're like, hey, look at my white meat.
Are you hearing this?
He's like, ugh.
Hit play again.
Are you serious?
You're serious.
White meat, chicken on the grill.
Chicken.
Fajitas, ooh, what a thrill.
Bag of chicken, stick on the side.
Get ready, open wide.
Fried chicken, a hot bowl, a tumble pack.
Wow, three bucks.
And french fries.
Come to Del Taco.
Well, they don't have fries here.
They must have changed it.
Two chicken or steak fajitas, chips, and a medium soft drink.
Really?
So you were offended that they have french fries?
Yes.
That's ridiculous.
No, it was not good food either.
That's ridiculous.
It was not good food either.
Really?
Yes.
Either?
Yeah, either.
That would be the only reason why you shouldn't go.
If they were good fries, maybe I would have.
You're like, oh my god, Julie, look.
They have french fries here.
Fuck that.
French fries, I'm out.
Yeah.
I'm out.
Hey, would you like to go to McDonald's?
Oh, I love their french fries.
Oh, they have french fries.
I love them.
What are you, communist?
Yes.
So the next one on the list, the Hardys.
Hardys.
I remember when the Hardys came in and replaced burger chef,
their hamburgers were octagon.
They weren't round.
Octagon.
Like a stop sign?
Like a stop sign.
Yes, they were.
Did you pass geometry?
It was a Doheke-de-drin.
It was a 20-sided burger.
Burger.
Yeah, no, their burgers had a octagon.
That's odd.
It is odd.
You know what that screams?
That screams trying to be different.
It screams stupid.
How would you just go with a round burger?
I don't know.
They got to pay extra for the little thing to smash it.
It's just come up.
Yeah, I don't know if they're still like that,
but they were back then.
Hardys.
You know what?
What did it do?
Did it save room in a box?
Did they stack easier?
I mean, walk me through this.
So hold on.
Hardys.
And what was the one earlier that sounds like Hardys?
It was not Carl's Burger Jr., but what was the one,
like number three?
We talked about it earlier.
Chef burger.
Burger chef.
Rats.
And maybe we already talked about Hardys.
Yes.
Ah, I'm getting confused.
I'm getting confused.
It's that third round.
All right, so we can move on.
Hardys.
All right, Dairy Queen.
Dairy Queen.
Oh, shit.
Oh, lord.
Dude, I stopped and got one of their blizzards
just the other day.
Man, I won't.
I'll tell you.
So good.
I try my best not to eat any of this food,
but I fucking love it all.
Don't take away by me saying I don't want to eat it anymore,
but I don't like it.
Their blizzards are unbelievable.
Because when I do get weak, and I will.
My wife, she'll be like, hey, let's go there.
When you get a blizzard, I want a gallon.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Every once in a while, Shelly throws out Andes.
Oh, those yogurt things.
Oh, my god.
Andes is wonderful.
She's like, let's go to Andes.
And I'm like, OK.
Have you been to Handel's?
She doesn't finish the word Andes.
She goes, let's go to Ander.
I mean.
Have you been down to Handel's?
Chocolate, peanut butter.
Yeah, you talk about weak.
You talk about like zero.
Like zero willpower.
I'm like, because I get the chocolate.
Why get the chocolate concrete, Andes?
Go to Handel's ice cream.
I love the chocolate peanut butter.
I like chocolate peanut butter on everything.
It doesn't matter what it is.
That's good shit right there.
Oh, what are we talking about?
What's Handel's?
Why are we talking about Handel's?
That's good ice cream.
Carvel's ice cream is good too.
I've never even heard of Handel's.
I remember these commercials in New Jersey.
We were like, Carvel's ice cream.
Come down here.
Why are you glaring at me?
There's one right down in Plano.
What?
For real Handel's?
Yes.
I've never heard of it.
I thought it was called Handes.
You get a handy.
That's why it's creamy.
I'd pay 30 bucks for that.
Yeah.
30 bucks.
For a handy?
Handles.
Oh, Handel.
My bad.
You go straight down Coit.
This just got awkward.
And you turn west on.
It's right off of Coit and Legacy.
Have I been there?
The Derek Queen Summer Treat Pale,
80s commercial in 1988.
Oh, OK.
Here we go.
I wonder if you could bring like a KFC bucket in there
and say, Philly.
There's a Walkman.
They had a Walkman on the side running a skateboard.
Skateboard.
Got the classic Converse high tops, striped shirt,
Ray-Bans.
Got the 80s techno music keyboard.
Oh, man, the Casio just going to town.
Oh, yeah.
Come down to Derek Queen and enjoy our pets.
Ride soft drink, wassat, Dairy Queen Cone.
Check out that turd cutter.
Did you see that little tip on that?
That cone, that was like one bite.
I mean, I'm totally in.
I'm so hungry.
After Derek Queen, what have we got?
Come on, hit me.
Pizza Hut.
You always make the joke.
You always know if it was a Pizza Hut before.
The building?
Yes.
The Pizza Hut is that they're very definitive building.
You know what a Pizza Hut is.
They were comparing it to a trans person.
It's like, yeah, trans people are kind of like a Pizza Hut
building.
It's like, you could call it anything you want,
but everybody knows it was a Pizza Hut.
Yeah.
That's right.
They painted it a different color.
That's so, yes.
Well, they don't have as many sit down restaurants anymore,
but we used to go to Pizza Hut.
They used to have Hoogies.
What is that?
Is that an Italian hat?
Why'd they go with that?
It's a hut.
Oh, I guess so.
A hut.
It's in the name.
It's a hut.
Yeah, you're right.
Fair enough.
Now I feel dumb.
I feel dumb.
Thank you.
It is a hut.
It's not a feeling, Paul.
It feels.
Oh, it's not a feeling.
I am a dumb ass.
OK.
Well, great.
The thing about Pizza Hut that I remember the most.
Well, first of all, I love the hell out of going to Pizza Hut.
I got two things to bring up.
I got two experiences.
Number one, when I was Austin's age,
I went with a group of friends down to Pizza Hut,
and one of my friends had a girlfriend that
brought one of her friend's hair.
Her girlfriend was blonde.
She brought a girlfriend's hair that was brown,
and she had a needle thread.
And she tied the hair in the needle.
What, like a lock of hair?
Like a strand of hair.
And she took it.
Was it a pub?
No, it was a long hair.
Why?
15 inches or something.
Why?
OK, it could have been a pub.
No.
We ate like, because we bought the largest pizza they had.
At Pizza Hut.
A pub.
Really?
She took the needle and put it through the pizza
so that the hair went through the pizza.
OK, that's just gross.
Who would do that?
Well, after we got done eating our fill,
they were like, hey, there's a hair on our pizza over here.
Oh, let me take care of that for you.
So it was a pub.
No, it was not a pub.
It was a 15-inch pub.
And it was a Merkin maker.
And they straightened it.
And they straightened to their pubes.
It was a Merkin maker.
The Merkin folk were like, yeah, she needs to be on our team.
Yeah, this girl's got it going on.
The second memory I have from going to the Pizza Hut
were one of my kids.
I don't which one it was.
We would go there and somebody.
They got free pizza because they did this.
Yes.
That was the whole reason she brought the hair.
I know.
I get it.
But that's just lame.
Yeah, but that's what she did for you at that age.
That's like somebody that brings a cockroach
to a super expensive.
A what?
A cockroach?
A super cockroach.
The second reason, the second thing
that we did when we went there with the kids.
This is like when my kids were a little bit young.
One of my kids stole the Pizza Hut spatula.
You know, they go to the table and they got the spatula.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The spatula.
It's a kick-ass spatula.
They made it home.
It made it home because we had a to-go box, right?
It was the best spatula I've ever had ever, dot, dot, dot,
ever.
And they don't make those on Amazon.
You don't have it anymore?
I have no idea where it's at anymore.
But it was still a fantastic one.
It'll show up in you.
It'll show up in your estate sale.
Well, I remember Pizza Hut Pizza being better way back then.
About a mile down.
Before they turned into just a to-go section.
It seemed better back then.
To me, it did anyway.
It was better because, you know, they used to have a salad bar
and they have video games back then that were, you know.
Yes, they did have a nice salad bar.
Well, it was an actual restaurant where they,
the pizza would be fresh when they brought it out.
And they'd come out of there and the guys would be like,
I, I, I, I have pizza for you.
I don't remember any of that.
Yeah, that didn't happen.
So hold on.
Shawn, give us a minute.
So Jeff, when you were going up, when you went to Pizza Hut,
did you have a weird ass guy going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
There was some bitter teenager going, here's your pizza.
Exactly.
Here's your fucking pizza, bitch.
Yeah.
By the way, I creamed on it.
Can I get some cheese and pepper with that, please?
Yeah, are you a Yankee?
Skat, skat, skat.
OK, moving on.
What's next on the Seal List here?
The one that looks like a hut.
Wendy's.
Wendy's from the 80s pizza.
Wendy's is known for the unique square shaped burgers
and fresh never frozen high quality ingredients
as well as for his catchy and highly successful Where's
the Beef campaign in 1884 where he quickly became
part of America's popular.
So here's the thing.
This is a regular for me.
If I go to a fast food restaurant,
this is Wendy's over McDonald's.
Where's the beef?
I do the, you know, the five for five or the six for six.
What about Whataburger?
I do Whataburger too.
I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
But Wendy's is a regular.
I do their.
I'll tell you what.
You know I'm talking about there five for five.
I skip all the restaurants.
This is fucking awesome, man.
It's a lot of shit, man.
I'll go to Whataburger.
And I don't fuck around.
If I have to go to a burger joint.
Like I'm having a triple.
With extra bacon.
I'm not saying no to that, but I definitely have a double.
Extra cheese, extra bacon.
I definitely have a double.
And I don't know.
If I'm going to do it, I'm all in.
You're like, I would like the triple.
I'm sorry.
There's not a number for that one.
When we went to a local home, I said,
go see one of the concerts.
And we go eat breakfast the next day at the restaurant.
And when she says, would you like bacon, ham, or sausage?
And I'm like, yes.
You have all of it.
You were totally over the top.
I said, yes.
I will have every meat you have.
Hold on.
Come back here.
All of the meat.
And she said, that would be a $100 up charge.
That's OK.
And you're like, bring it all.
I remember what I remember about Wendy's is we'd go here,
and they had the salad bar.
Yes, they had a great salad bar.
And my dad.
They don't anymore.
My dad was a master at somehow creating this salad that
was about a foot Paul on these little oval plates.
Like the leaning tower.
It was just this humongous pile of salad.
You know, he could have gone back as many times he wanted.
I'm sure he did.
But man, he'd come back, and there
would be like dressing on it and everything.
I was just like.
And he would manage to eat it without making a complete mess.
It was a master.
They had great salads.
They were the ones that were known for their good salads,
despite being a fast food restaurant.
I remember we went to Wendy's one time
with a couple of friends and their mom.
The mom actually drove, took us there.
Super bar.
They had some peaches in there, and they were
fermented in the salad bar.
And the kids ate them.
They got ill.
Food poisoning.
No, they got high.
They got drunk.
I don't think they did.
They just said, hey, it was bubbly.
It's in the mouth.
And all of a sudden, like an hour later, rove, rove.
You know what?
That's always a danger for buffets, right?
Buffets or salad bars.
I mean, that's always a danger.
There's a risk.
It's always a risk, right?
Plus you have these.
I mean, do you guys do like Asian?
We do every day.
Chinese food buffets?
We do every now and then.
I love them.
But there are some people that are like,
I will not do a buffet.
Like, hell no.
Yep.
Well, I don't do a buffet for those reasons.
I do a buffet because it's just unhealthy anymore.
But I do like the China Wallop streak.
Oh, so good.
I tear it up.
There was a time, but that time is done.
I won't ever go to.
I'm not going to.
Is it really that unhealthy?
I'm tired of all these.
It's a wok, broccoli, chicken.
OK.
So it's not about being able to find healthy choices.
It's about overeating.
Oh, yeah.
Because they go there, you could eat like fucked.
No, I got you.
I got you.
I get that.
Look, you want to get your money's worth.
Weight tables.
So when I go there, I have like three plates.
I've got like two in my hand and one in my arm.
And I'm just like, yeah, load them up.
I show up with three dump trucks of food on my pants.
I just lay them down.
I get it.
It's hard.
It's over the top.
It is hard to show any restraint.
You go to Gordon Corral?
Oh, that's another thing.
Oh, good lord.
Really?
I'll be in bad for you.
Oh, yeah.
No, I'm eating everything there.
And I'm one of those guys that will stand.
You know the guy that's cooking the steak?
You know they cook all fucking slow.
They take their sweet ass time.
I'm just like, I don't care.
I'll wait.
And you're bumping the old ladies out of the way?
Like, bitch, you can wait.
I've been in line.
She's like, I'm going to get steak.
Bitch, get out of the way.
I got your steak hanging, all right?
Ooh.
You say that to an old lady?
Then she goes, where's the beef?
You'll bring it.
Boom.
That just happened.
Where's the watches commercial?
Next one.
Hold on.
Let's see the commercial.
Oh, here's the where's the beef?
It certainly is a big bun.
It's a very big bun.
Big, fluffy bun.
It's a very big, fluffy bun.
Oh, god.
Where's the beef?
Some hamburger places give you a lot less beef.
Oh, my god.
Look at the graphics quality on this.
What a great ad.
It's not even 480.
It's like 110.
But what a great ad.
Where's the beef?
I don't think there's anybody back there.
You want something better.
You think those ladies are still alive?
You hear the lady?
Oh, hell no.
You see the lady on the left?
Nothing is in there.
You hear the, see the lady on the left?
She's listening to, like, she's listening like it's
like a telephone.
Go back.
She's listed up.
She's listening to it.
Oh, my god.
Great ads.
Yeah, they're all dead.
They're all dead.
God damn.
You know what?
You've done that before.
We did a podcast.
We were watching the 80s commercials.
Like two years ago.
They were on a bridge with some grandma, grandpa.
Out of the blue, Jeff's like, you know they're dead, right?
Sean's like, oh, that was so cute.
And I'm like, that's so funny.
He's like, you know they're all dead, right?
Like, who does that?
I don't know.
God, that's so morbid.
All right, next one.
But true.
Taco Bell, it is true.
Taco Bell.
Well, they're a staple, man.
Do you remember when they used to be?
So they've gone through a, what do you call it?
A journey, I guess.
They were super cheap.
No, they were super expensive.
Then they were super cheap.
And now they're expensive again.
Are you following me on this one?
I didn't eat them at all growing up.
They used to be really expensive.
The first time I had Taco Bell, I think,
was when I was down here.
I don't think I don't recall.
Help me on this one.
So I don't know.
I can't answer that.
Sean, you need to help me on this one.
It's always been cheap down here.
So here's what's going on with Taco Bell.
Think about Taco Bell in the very beginning.
But here's how Taco Bell got, in my opinion,
how it got super popular.
Because Taco Bell down in Texas right now,
people are like, bitch, please.
We're fucking Texas.
They were expensive.
But hold on.
So I'm about to say, bitch, please,
because people in Texas were like, bitch,
Mexico's right there.
What made-
Well, then you're giving me shit about Del Taco and french
fries.
What made-
But hold on.
I don't agree here.
What made Taco Bell-
I'm right.
But what Taco Bell, what made them so popular
is when they migrated to California
in the northeastern, where Mexican food wasn't popular.
And all of a sudden, you have a Taco Bell.
And you've got a culture of people
that think that the food at Taco Bell
is authentic Mexican food.
It's not even close.
It's not.
However, it became a culture.
And that's how it became popular,
because it was simple to make.
And everyone fucking loved it.
And they made the cheeses perfect.
The food and spices they put in there,
and it was all fucking fake.
Fake meat, fake beans, fake cheese.
It all tastes the same.
It's a different form factor.
Because I've gotten different things there.
I was like, this all tastes the same.
It doesn't.
But it tastes fucking-
Oh, yeah.
No, it does not.
It all has the base meat, lettuce.
Tomato and cheese.
Hold on.
If I get a steak taco there versus a chicken taco
versus a hamburger meat taco, they taste different.
If you get a tostada, you got a taco, you got an enchilada.
Brother, please.
It's all the same thing.
You got beans.
It all tastes the same.
Beans, sour cream, lettuce, tomato.
It all tastes the fucking same.
Same spices and everything.
No, I disagree.
But that's not the argument I was making.
There was a major-
Hold on.
Two against one.
We win.
I know.
You guys win.
You always win.
Always.
It's always.
You're always against me.
Anyway, there was a time-
Where's beef?
When there was a price war.
Do you guys not remember the major price war?
I guess we do.
Taco Bell against McDonald's.
And there was a major price war.
And Taco Bell came down big time on their prices
when they were originally expensive.
And then-
All right, well, actually, there's some merit to what he
said.
I don't remember.
You guys don't remember that?
No, I do.
That was huge.
No, there was.
Because look, it became convoluted.
Because there was the fast food-
I mean, back when first Taco Bell came out,
they had a dynasty because they were the only Mexican taco
place.
There he goes.
As customers ditch McDonald's, they're flocking to Taco Bell.
Yeah.
So they had-
Oh, that was like two months ago.
What the hell?
I'm talking about back in the 80s.
No, but the point is still true.
It's valid.
They were, because it was so damn popular.
People fucking loved it.
When I lived in New Jersey, you got to imagine,
I didn't live in Texas to start with.
I lived in New Jersey, overseas.
I wasn't accustomed to Mexican food.
I'm like, what the hell?
Never, never.
New Jersey had a Taco Bell.
We were there a lot.
When we ate, it was off the charts.
I was kind of like, this is the best food fucking ever.
When we moved to El Paso, my dad went to Fort Bliss,
to the United States Army Sergeant Major's Academy.
I was introduced to some authentic Mexican restaurants.
Oh my god.
Really?
Off the charts.
It was-
Did you like Taco Bell?
Taco Bell who?
Taco Hell.
You have Chico's Tacos down there that blows them all away.
Just insane.
So down there is Del Taco?
Chico's Tacos.
Oh, Chico's Tacos.
Chico's Tacos in El Paso, Texas.
So why is Chico's Tacos not in Dallas?
That's a good question.
It's probably a little shopped.
I'm being serious.
Well, probably because they didn't want to-
If that stuff is so much better than Del Taco and Taco Cabana,
why is that shit not here now?
Not because they're family-owned.
They don't feel like migrating up here.
Come on.
That's crazy.
I don't know.
I don't have an answer to that.
I will tell you that Chico's Tacos is tremendous.
All right.
Well, where is the closest one to here?
El Paso.
Really?
At 42, 30 kilometer Alvin.
Are you telling me they never left El Paso?
Are you kidding me?
They're family-owned.
OK, they're not that good.
All right, moving on.
Next one.
They were established in 1950.
They only seat 50.
Yeah, well, it's not that good.
All right, Taco Bell.
McDonald's.
Hold on, Mac D Nudes.
Big Doodles.
What's that one?
Mickey?
McDonald's, bitch.
Oh, McDonald's.
I've never heard of that.
Well, I worked at McDonald's.
That was my first job working at McDonald's.
Actually, it was not my first job.
But my first.
Mr. Privilege.
Well, I worked at McDonald's.
I made $3.10 an hour.
I hate.
Don't turn on me, bro.
I'm just saying.
$3.10 an hour.
Dude, homeboy was racking up those basketballs.
So I'd work an eight-hour shift.
Look at him being all sensitive.
I'd work an eight-hour shift, and I'd
clear like $16 after taxes.
You know what I made?
$3.
Yeah.
Plus tips.
Mr. Privilege.
Yeah.
$3.10.
It's fucking ridiculous.
Right?
Now these people want $20 an hour to fucking flip burgers.
Yeah.
Fuck that.
California's freaking out, man, about this minimum wage thing.
Well, they're hiking the prices, and they're closing.
They're closing.
Or they're advancing and automating everything.
Yes.
And going, I don't need you anymore.
They're replacing you.
I would make all my.
I'd make, if they were going to restaurant,
I'd make them all contract.
How does that help?
You just pay them a fee, and you take it or leave it.
I think they have a law about contractors, too.
The AB5 or AB4.
Do you remember that one?
All the freelance contractors got screwed in California.
Yeah.
Anyway.
So anyway, I worked there for two years, and I closed.
I only worked weekends.
So I worked Friday night, Saturday night,
and I worked Sunday as well.
Did you spit in their food?
No, I never spit in the food.
Did you ever take a piece of meat patty
and rub it on your testicles and then put it in someone's bun?
No, I've never.
I never did anything gross like that.
Oh, wait a second.
I never did anything gross like that.
When you say gross, when you say gross like that.
I never did anything to any of the food.
So whatever you did to the food, you ate it yourself.
So it was the drinks?
No, I didn't do.
Did you make a special batch of dark sauce?
What we would do is we were assholes.
God, what's wrong with you?
We had little name tags with the little pin.
We would poke a little pin hole in the bottom of the cups.
So they would slowly drip.
That's so mean.
And we would do it to the drive-through.
So they'd come back in, and they'd bitch.
And I remember the manager, after the fifth one,
she pulled over.
She's like, this one's doing it too.
There's a hole in the bottom.
And she was looking at all of us.
And he was like.
Jeff's back there.
He looks like Fred Flintstone.
Yeah.
He's like, whoo, whoo, whoo.
He's like.
Barney Rubble.
No, he's like, I could.
She got so pissed off.
He's like, I confess.
We're like, wow, how's that happen?
Ah, zizibaba.
But she knows one of us.
But she couldn't prove it.
But she was so pissed off.
Why would you do it?
Because I was 16.
Was it only to people that were marginalized?
No, it was in the drive-through.
You just.
Oh, you don't hire 16 people.
But only for marginalized customers?
You'd do like 10 cups.
Moving on.
Let's have to McDonald's.
Well, hold on.
I want to say one thing about McDonald's.
Do you go there now?
I do occasionally, usually on a road trip.
Oh.
Do you go there now?
No.
I do.
I do it on road trips only, usually.
I will not.
And when I go, I enjoy it.
It's good.
I'm disappointed in the size.
It's not real food.
It is real food.
You know what?
There are people that would vehemently, vehemently,
vehemently disagree with you.
I actually watched how they actually watched how they.
They are apparently the gold standard of real food.
I actually watched how they made the chicken McNuggets.
Go.
It's actually real chicken.
Yeah.
OK.
Some of the stuff is good.
No.
All of it is good.
But the potatoes.
Imagine.
Imagine you have to have the perfect potato, whatever
the potato it is.
It's got to be super long.
And they harvest these things.
It's super hard to harvest.
They put them in this big field.
And they spray it with so many chemicals, so bad.
No.
Are you saying none of that's true?
All I'm saying is that I knew somebody
that worked for McDonald's.
And they were like, they were the fucking gold standard
of food quality.
They're obviously a proponent to the company.
No.
And they're trying to sell it.
No.
Actually, I retract.
They didn't work for McDonald's.
They knew of them because they were in the food industry.
And they said they were the gold standard through and through.
I'm out.
And that made me.
So that made me.
That's OK.
I was skeptical.
Me too.
But that's not just McDonald's.
I don't do any of them.
I won't do Burger King.
I won't do any of them.
I'm out.
All right.
Next.
I eat it.
Water burger, maybe.
I eat Chick-fil-A.
That's got to be double meat with it.
Great steak and potato.
That was another mall one.
I've never heard of them.
That was another.
It was just Chee-steaks and the big.
Oh, that was the last one McDonald's.
What was the last one?
No, it wasn't.
That was Wee.
Chick-fil-A was in there.
I saw you scrolling around.
That was number one McDonald's.
So these are the 1980s fast food restaurant chains.
OK, well, there you go.
That's the last 15.
I think the first maybe four.
We're anticlimactically so mad right now.
Well, where's Burger Fucking King?
I'm so mad right now.
Oh, you want to throw some shit on the ground?
Burger King didn't even make the list.
Didn't make the list.
They suck.
What about, there was no, I don't know if it's fast food.
Steak and Shake.
The flame bro.
Wendy's, did Wendy's show up there?
Yeah, Wendy's was up there.
So you know what the thing about Wendy's is I love the chili.
I had that the other day.
I will get a Wendy's chili.
It's good.
It is good.
I like their spicy nuggets.
Yeah, those are good.
Yeah, I went through a period where they had to think about it.
We had to think about it.
Because I was thinking, did I ever have it?
But I have.
They're good.
I like their chili.
I'll get that.
Okay, here's the thing.
None of this shit is good for you.
I think we can all agree.
A diet based on the 80s, the 80s fast food
or the nowadays fast food is not good for you.
But it's fun to have a night out
or to have an afternoon where you're like, fuck it.
I had a stressed out day.
I'm going to go to Whataburger.
I'm going to go to Chick-fil-A.
Or I'm going to go to, we didn't even talk about Chick-fil-A.
It's not on the list.
Right.
You know what's weird?
What?
We were talking earlier about Coca-Cola.
Was it the second half or first half?
We're talking about Coca-Cola distributor.
Oh, the coconut Dr. Pepper.
That was the first half, I think.
That was this one.
Was it?
I don't remember.
This bourbon that I'm drinking right now
has an aftertaste of Dr. Pepper.
And it's great.
I think it has an aftertaste of just...
I finished mine.
Whoa.
And it's not bad.
You guys are going to dog it because we had this, oh,
that was a nine.
You say it's not bad because you're drunk.
Before that, you're like, yeah, this is not good stuff.
I didn't say that.
I never said that.
Yes, you did.
It didn't come out of my mouth.
Yeah, you did.
Totally did.
Maybe.
All right.
So let's talk about...
I'll give us a five.
Oh, damn, that's harsh.
This is a revisit.
Comparing to what we just had.
All right.
So I know the music just played, but this is Uncle Nearest.
Well, Uncle Nearest premium whiskey
honors the world's first known African-American master
distiller, Nearest Green.
Nearest Green is his name.
It was the first spirit brand in the world
to be named after a black American.
The portfolio is the most awarded bourbon
in American whiskey 2019, 20, 21, 22, and 23.
It's good.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, suck a dick, suck a dick.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on.
What's his influence on Jack Daniels?
Oh, all right.
Well, let's look at this.
So our seven ultra-premium whiskies have...
Ultra-premium?
That's what it says.
Generated over 1,000, 1,100, actually, awards in accolades
since the 2017 launch.
They are.
Includes 750 gold medals, 120 best-of-owners.
No, no, no.
Well, look, Uncle Nearest is currently sold in all 50 states
and 12 countries.
And it's sold in more than 25,000 stars, bars, hotels,
I was going to say schools, and restaurants,
as well as the 432-acre nearest green distillery
in Shelbyville, Tennessee, dubbed as...
Did you just lean?
I belched.
You have to lean to belch?
Sometimes.
Did you belch out of your asshole?
Yeah, no, sometimes.
Did you see the lean?
I did.
You're very susceptible to leanage.
I'm very susceptible to your leanage, all right?
Yeah.
And you know what, fair enough.
I back Sean on this one, because it's weird.
No, it was a...
No one does that.
It was a belch.
Oh, really?
OK.
Plus, I did want to do it to the microphone,
that's also part of the reason.
Yeah, but it affects everyone.
So here's the thing.
I don't want to throw stones at this.
This is a C-grade bourbon.
Five.
That's halfway.
Yeah.
It's a C-grade bourbon.
It's a good mixer.
It's something that if someone were to pour in a glass neat,
it would be, like I said, it'd be difficult to drink.
But actually, it tastes like Dr. Pepper at the aftertaste.
Difficult to drink?
That's a little harsh.
I've had many that are better.
I've had some that have been worse.
There we go.
It's in the middle of the road.
Middle of the road.
I think I'm being shitty.
Hold on.
Middle of the road.
Yeah.
OK.
No, we can't rank everything seven.
This is a five for me.
Yeah.
We don't have to do...
But it is sweet.
It's 100 proof.
So it's a...
I expected more for 100 proof.
I didn't know that.
You can't taste the 100 proof, which is a good thing.
That's a positive thing.
I think it knows too bad.
Less rated.
I give it a 6.1.
You don't mind.
Five.
God.
That's something close.
3.1.
5.5.
All right.
OK, fair enough.
So drop the middle and the high?
No, just throw out the low and the middle.
So 6.1.
It's not horrible.
Come on, guys.
No, it's not.
I didn't say it was horrible.
Look, this isn't school where you fail if you get a five.
No, they all fail.
Well, hold on.
It's like the protesters.
Right.
Oh, they get a free pass.
They get an A.
You have PTSD because the cops showed up in armor.
I know.
Do we talk about that?
They were in armor.
Do we talk about that?
That was at the end of the last one.
Austin had a fit.
Oh, you did.
Yes, Austin, weight in.
Good for you, man.
We have a revolutionary right here in the room.
That's right.
A young revolutionary.
I love it.
Did you find that Tom Brady roast with that shit?
Now that we have audio.
The laser?
Yeah, now that we have audio.
See if we can pull up the old one, then.
Just in full, F-U-L-L after that.
Can I give you guys a sports update?
I'll hold for the Mavericks and the Stars.
The Stars are playing tonight.
To the fans, I guess, listeners out there,
tonight is Tuesday, May 7th.
And the Dallas Stars and the Dallas Mavericks
are playing the playoff game tonight.
In the second round, the Stars are up 3 to nothing
at the end of the first.
Holy shnikes.
Fuck yeah.
The Stars are doing awesome.
What was the score?
3 to nothing.
Against the Lanch?
Yes.
Colorado Avalanche?
Dude, I can't wait to watch this.
Can't wait to watch it.
So basketball, I don't have a score on that yet.
Let me get the NBA score here.
The Mavericks are trailing 62 to 53 at the half.
Oh shit, that's not good.
Well, you know, nine points.
That's not horrible.
All right.
So are we catching up on the Tom Brady roast?
Yeah, I was seeing if we could pull it up.
But honestly, he already, Mr. Producer
already said it's difficult to find.
But I think it's going to be a good deal.
It's going to be a good deal.
Now try all.
Just don't get off the videos and hit all.
Let's pull this up.
Because it's out there, God bless it.
Just play a chunk of it then.
Yeah, play the Nicky.
Oh, we already did the Nicky reel.
Yeah, but we didn't have sound on the first half.
Oh, that's right.
So just grab one.
Let's see what it does.
Here's a look.
I also lost $30 million in crypto.
Tom, how did you fall for that?
I mean, even Gronk was like, me?
No, that's not real money.
Like.
Oh, no.
Where's Gronk?
Is he there?
Yeah.
Tom also lost $30 million.
Yeah.
So it's unfortunate that they have it.
Yeah, well, you know, it's unfortunate that we don't have a clip like that.
That's why we have to have these preparations provided.
Yeah.
Well, that's why we need a team, right?
When we start being sponsored by all these distilleries that we are touting.
Right?
Whatever.
All right, moving on.
She did a great job, though.
She did.
I mean, she was funny as hell.
And I know the roasts are for everybody, but there is Liza Minnelli.
Is it Liza Minnelli?
No.
There's Liza something that does a lot of roasts.
Who are the roasts?
The components of a normal roast, OK?
They have these consistent comedians that are on there.
And they're all super good at what they do.
Yes.
Yeah.
They're amazing.
And they're being squeezed out because everything's woke.
Woke?
Yeah.
Oh, you have to be PC.
The woke bullshit, right?
Well, what about the Saturday Night Live thing after the Colombian thing?
Oh, it was funny.
I thought I heard some of it, but it was...
I didn't see it.
It was...
I stay away from Saturday Night Live.
I even know.
So the only reason why I watched it is because it said, what?
SNL is funny again?
It was a headline.
And so I clicked on it.
Play the second one.
And I played it for my wife and I.
It was great.
Drag the slider to pick the puzzle.
This is going to do all these little...
Were you successful?
Your daughter must feel so supported when she's out there.
What's that now?
When whose daughter is out there?
At the protest.
No, no, no, no, man.
You bugging.
Alexis Vanessa Roberts better have her butt in class.
Let me find out she in one of them damn tents instead of the dorm room that I pay for.
Wait, I thought you were in favor of the student protests.
Brother man, I am supportive of y'all's kids protesting.
Not my kids.
My kids know better.
Shoot, Alexis Vanessa ain't crazy.
Well, Alphonse, your daughter attends Columbia.
What do you think about the students that took over Hamilton Hall?
That's good for y'all's kids.
But they ain't mine.
That's all I'm saying. They ain't my kids.
You feel me, Ryan?
Yes, I feel you, Alphonse.
But tell me, with the rise in attendance in these protests,
how does it make you feel to see the increase in police presence?
Sarah, are you concerned about students being arrested?
Very concerned.
I mean, one of my worst fears is my daughter getting thrown behind bars.
This is a crucial time in her life,
and I'd hate for her to have an arrest follow her forever.
I ain't worried about five.
Oh, my business is Alexis Vanessa Roberts.
OK, I know free this free that because I tell you what ain't free Columbia.
So funny.
It was actually good.
The thing about this actual skit really turns a corner with us now
because they finally take a subject matter that is sensitive to all of us.
And they spin it.
But the one politically charged.
The one thing that kind of sparks an interest in my mind is that
why did they have to use a black person to illustrate that to make it OK?
Yeah, that's the part that I know.
Why couldn't it be a white person that does?
Because that would it would not have resonated.
OK, now, Mr. Producer, buddy.
Why are you saying? Why is that a big problem?
Why can't he be black?
I'm just saying, no, why can't he be black?
What I'm saying is that it's easy for SNL to choose to select a black person
to represent that narrative to stand up against what's going on over there,
because they're not going to take as much heat as a white person.
That's right.
Is what I'm kind of insinuating.
I mean, yeah.
But that's that's my point.
Yeah.
But that but the way you put it, you just sounded racist.
No, no, I disagree. I disagree.
It kind of did a little bit, but at the same time, it was real.
You jump you jump the cannon and say, why is it a black person, not a white person?
But the thing is, is that it bothers me that we won't stand up as a as as it doesn't matter.
They always got to use they always step on the backs of other people to make make their points.
That's kind of my point.
I get it. I get it.
Yeah, but you shouldn't.
Yeah, it shouldn't be your main focus.
You shouldn't be focused on why it's a black man.
You should be more focused on the message.
No, but the point is to your defense, SNL cannot make that joke if it's if it's a white father.
Yeah, that can't be it can't be a white father.
It can't be Alec Baldwin. Yes. No, it can't be a white father making that joke.
Phil Hartman. It has to be a Hartman.
It has to be a black dad, a black father of a of a of his children making that joke.
Hundred percent. I agree with that.
I mean, you know, it's not it's and that's not racism.
That's the sensitivity of where we are.
They're a bunch of pansies.
Speaking of pansies, do you guys hear about the new technology, the fusion breakthrough stuff that's coming through?
So I don't know. I don't I don't know if I tie it together.
I don't know if I subscribe to like a certain feed, but I'm getting feeds in my in my news like news feeds totally focused on hydrogen engines, hydrogen engines.
Oh, my God. Fusion is in 10 glasses of bourbon.
Do I'm just saying I'm just saying I'm getting I'm getting all these feeds on technology.
Oh, my God. We're going to have to we're going to have to edit this.
No. Yeah, we do. What is it?
What is this? It's not going well.
Hold on. What is the Warner Brothers cartoon?
Oh, and it was Duffy Duck when he's like he's like being Tarzan and he swings on the vine.
He hits a wall. Oh, and it hits a wall.
Oh, and it gets worse.
That's that's me right now.
Yeah, that's me right now. So hydrogen.
No, I'm telling you, there are I don't know engines that are hydrogen water driven fusion.
Yep. I don't think batteries are going to be the long term answer.
It's going to be something else. But here's the thing. They have no interest in investing in anything else.
That's a problem. Because fucking Biden is mandating.
Yes. Things. And that's the technology that's currently on the table.
What's the biggest? It's a trillion dollar.
Because they're making money on selling the batteries.
They're making money harvesting the materials for the batteries.
Yes. And you know what? They've got some. It's an unstoppable economy.
There are interests that are supporting this cause.
That's fucking nuts. The whole thing is nuts. Love it. The second half went by fairly quick.
Yeah, I think so.
I enjoyed the uncle nearest. It was a five on my scale or five, five, five.
No, I think we agreed on six one.
No, whatever. But I mean, look, it wasn't horrible. And I don't want to knock it.
I hate the fact that if it's bad, it's bad.
It's not bad. I didn't say it was bad. It was just.
But the thing is, is that you what if we came out with a bourbon that says, you know what?
We were the first white person bourbon on the planet.
So you're being since they were black, you have to give them extra points.
Yeah, I'm just that's the part that kind of bugs. No, no, it's five.
It's good or bad. No, this is going to rank with other bourbons that are.
They're not elite, right? I mean, they're just math.
And they're not. But my point is, they're not meant to be.
They're they're like all the other bourbons we see at Total Wine.
I go on Merritt. Yeah, they're four year bourbons.
And they have the solid and suggest to their friends to trick it.
Hey, try this. They like it. They have it in their portfolio.
The house, they're they're already.
Look, it's it's the second half. It's worth. We're done.
It's May 7th. And thank you, Mr. Producer, for staying on top of shit.
Thank you for being involved in this. We had some technical difficulties.
We did. We tried doing some stuff that's different and we're happy with the results tonight.
Dudes like us. I'm Sean. I'm Paul. And I'm Jeff.
And check us out on Instagram. Dudes like us dash.
I guess dudes like us dash would craft and find us on Facebook this time.
And only dance. We do not. That's just Paul's. Oh, my bad.
The stage name is Paul to use to use.