Yeah.
What is today?
Tuesday.
We're in March, baby.
It's March 2nd.
March, bitch.
God.
This is the first podcast of March.
Is it?
Oh yeah.
It is the first podcast in March.
I'm freaking losing my mind.
Remember we had three first podcasts in February.
According to you.
We had a whole bunch of them.
Yeah, according to you.
I'll tell you what.
I think I didn't have a very big dinner, but I went to Jersey Mike's and Austin had
bought this.
Foot long.
I don't know what the hell it was.
I ate like a pontoon that was cut in four.
You're a little uncomfortable right now?
Not only half of it, but I'm just saying I've got a quick buzz off.
I had what?
I had about half of this beer and it went like boom right to me.
You buzz off like you smell it.
I'm buzzed.
Yeah.
I have a tendency to fumble a little bit when I drink that.
Ying Ling that we got from Louisiana.
Yeah.
I like the Ying Ling.
Never have had it until you had mentioned it and I thought it was an Asian beer.
It's not hard to think that.
But I was wrong.
I'm ashamed.
It is the, according to them, the oldest brewery in America.
I think they're in Pennsylvania somewhere and it was something I grew up with in the
Cincinnati region.
It's very regional.
Now you came back with three different flavors of Ying Ling.
I wanted to get the tan.
What was it?
Black and tan?
The black and tan, yeah.
I wanted to get that just to see what it was like.
It's just a stout.
And frankly, I don't like it.
Yeah, it's just a stout.
I mean, actually it's not true.
I do, it's okay, but I won't buy it ever again.
Right.
I like this.
I like the Ying Ling, the standard logger.
It's got a really light, dry apple after bite.
It's kind of a sweet little bite in there.
I taste coconut.
That's the bourbon you bought.
No.
Well, his dog's name is Coconut, so I was wondering.
No, it isn't.
Yeah, the Ying Ling, like I said, they're fairly regional.
And I think you said that you saw they're going to start selling here in Dallas, right?
They're slowly expanding their distribution.
They were very, I believe, middle west region and they've been...
Is it like Hershey, Pennsylvania?
I don't think...
Am I daydreaming that?
I don't think it's in Hershey.
It's in Pens...
Well, they have a Hershey beer, Hershey chocolate beer, doesn't he say?
You saw that?
Yeah, that's what it was.
It was a Ying Ling Hershey's beer.
Yeah, click on the R beer up there.
See what all of them...
Raging Eagle mango beer.
Not a fan of the fruity beers.
Yeah.
I smelled my sandwich.
It was fantastic again.
Yeah, it's just going to be a really gaseous podcast.
There's the Hershey's right there.
Are we in danger?
That doesn't appeal to me.
Not anymore.
I think it won't have a couple years ago when I was in the whole crap here, but the whole...
You know it's just heavy and thick.
I'm glad we saw that because for a second I thought I was losing my mind.
I bet the Oktoberfest was good.
I like the Mars...
Doesn't that imply...
That implies obviously a partnership with Hershey's, right?
They're co-branding.
So that must be a local...
Click on Visit Us.
Let's see where they're exactly located at.
Yeah, Pennsylvania sounds right, right?
Hershey's is in Pennsylvania, isn't it?
Potsville, Pennsylvania.
They got two locations?
They're in Potsville, Pennsylvania.
Oldest Brewery.
Yeah.
Yeah, look at that.
And on...
How do you say that street?
Mahantongo.
Mahantongo Street?
Mahantongo.
So what is the origin of Yingling?
I think it's someone's last name.
Well, I know, but is it like Polish?
Is it Bulgarian?
Bulgarian, Slavic?
It's Luxembourgian.
That is an odd name.
I don't know.
Luxembourgies?
I don't know.
Gs.
Luxembourgies.
Yeah.
Luxembourgies.
It's not on the top.
I don't know.
I don't know what the root of Yingling is.
Luxembourgian.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Anyway, like it.
Oh, hold on.
I'm going to scroll up a little bit.
You can get it in Shreveport now.
So that's where Sean gets it.
Totally close shoes are required.
We recommend sneakers.
Let's go real quick.
Look at there.
Face masks are required.
Hey, you know what?
I didn't read too much about it.
I just got some notification that said that Abbott.
Big news.
March 10th.
Can you elaborate on that?
I just heard that part.
Yeah, the governor of Texas just lifted all COVID-related restrictions.
So I didn't get into the details of it, but he definitely said in a week from now, they
set a deadline of next week, you don't have to wear a mask.
My understanding is that restaurants can go to 100%.
That is huge.
Huge.
I love it.
Yeah.
So it is going to drive the libtards crazy.
Oh, it already has.
Brandon sent me a little.
He took a video of his screen as he was scrolling through his Twitter feed.
Right.
And I pause it.
And these people are ridiculous.
Well, yeah, I mean, they're like, we finally get our, you know, get a get the upper hand
on the virus and you're just going to do this.
I'm sure they're all freaking out like that.
Well, they've been ignoring the science.
They want right.
They're trying to hashtag something to make a trend that says I hate Texas or something
like that.
So every one of us says I hate this place or I hate Texas or something like that.
Abbott, Abbott is stupid.
We need to vote him out.
But there was this and I told Brandon, I was like, well, you got to look at who's what
source you are.
Your Twitter.
Right.
It's like an echo chamber.
They just feed off of each other.
What they need.
I'm done with Twitter.
What the hashtag needs to be is don't move to Texas.
Yeah, I'm that's what I want.
Hashtag you can leave.
Yeah.
Stay the fuck out.
Yeah, you can leave Texas.
Yeah, I'm bored with it.
If you don't like it, you can leave Texas.
Yeah.
And don't come.
Don't come in.
Yeah.
So that's big.
But wagons.
But stores could still say you need to wear a mask.
That's what my wife was asking.
I wasn't sure you could say anything you want.
I mean, I can say, hey, you can't come in my store unless you wear black pants.
Well, they can.
It's a private company.
Yeah.
You know, and it goes down to and I'll still honor that if I go into a store and they're
like you put a mask on, OK, whatever, I'll do it.
But I think what it's going to do is it's going to open up more confrontations.
Big time.
So I think you'll see.
Yeah, big can of worms right here.
I think you'll see more of that.
I don't know.
Maybe not.
Well, you will because you're going to have people going out of the house without masks
now.
Well, my point is that you're just not going to go to those stores anymore.
Well, every store around here requires a mask.
And now they do.
And you know, we brought up that we're seeing more and more people kind of be noncompliant.
Yeah.
Right.
And now it's happening.
Now it's going to be.
Yeah.
Now it's going to be out of control.
Yes.
Now you need to wear eight masks or something stupid like that.
Yeah.
Double up.
Anyway, I think it's a good thing.
Yeah.
Fauci said that.
Yeah, you got double up.
You could get so much if you want.
Yeah.
He's changing.
He sounds like a muppet.
Speaking of muppets, fuck man, they're getting rid of the muppets.
And then the one of the Dr. Seuss.
I didn't hear the getting rid of the muppets.
I heard that they just slapped a label on it.
They put a disclaimer saying this is highly offensive to certain people.
Just don't watch it.
Is it the two guys muppet sexual?
Is that it?
That's who it offended?
Yeah.
Is it the two guys that make those crass jokes?
I'm sure it is.
And then Lord Dolf and the other old guy in the balcony.
Oh, they're brutal.
Oh, those guys are brutal.
What about the Swedish chef?
Oh, is that offensive?
He just has an accent.
Book, book, book.
So now the Dr. Seuss thing is a little different.
They are not going to publish, like no longer publish six different Dr. Seuss books.
So yes, Dr. Seuss, but the six titles I'd never heard of before.
Yeah, they're obscure.
So they're obscure.
So someone went digging to find something.
Why?
Because they can.
They don't care about what's right or wrong.
They just care about if they can get away with it.
It's like stretching the law to the limit.
I don't know.
How far can they take it?
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't like it.
There's going to be a breaking point.
At least I hope there is.
Yeah, I mean, you push people enough and they're going to come out swinging.
So yeah, I think at some point this is going to run itself out.
That's my personal opinion.
Or we're going to have a feud.
A feud.
And an interesting factoid.
Dr. Seuss was born on this day.
Yeah, he sure the heck was.
In 1904.
I saw that little thing.
Is that coincidence?
That all the news stories hit today?
Dr. Seuss, Theodore Seuss, Ted Giesel was an American child's author, political cartoonist,
illustrator, poet, animator and filmmaker.
He's known for his work writing and illustrating more than 60 books under the pen name Dr.
Seuss.
The works include whatever, all kinds of stuff.
The Grinch.
Don't you find that odd that they only picked out six of them?
Yeah, yes.
So is this a PR stunt?
I kind of wonder which books they were.
They list them.
Yeah, they list them.
What does that say?
The pocket full of boners?
What?
Is that a Dr. Seuss book?
That is not a Dr. Seuss book.
It is.
The pocket book of boners.
Okay, boners don't mean the same thing.
Well, maybe.
Maybe back in the 30s it meant something different.
Maybe this has some merit.
It's a type of people to make fun of.
Is that a Dr. Seuss book?
All right, okay.
The complete and unabridged.
The complete and unabridged, the pocket book of boners.
And it looks like they have, what is that, a skeleton?
What are boners?
What is going on here?
I don't know.
What are they classifying as boners back in the day?
Yeah, can you zoom in on the bottom of that?
The public section, the title passes, I don't know, I can't read, it's too blurry.
It says in a sale at a public auction.
The title passes so good as the auctioneer knocks the boner down.
Buyer.
Well, it says pocket book of boners.
I thought it said boner.
Yeah, I think you just like saying the word boner.
Well.
A lot.
Yeah, that we should...
Why is the word boner shaped like that?
We didn't solve the mystery.
We have no idea what a pocket book of boners is by Dr. Seuss.
I mean, look at it.
I don't know.
Blunders.
It's blunders.
There it is right there.
Oh, it stands for blunders.
Illustration of boners, which are blunders.
And you guys thought he was a perv.
Well.
I don't know.
How did boner turn into an erect penis?
So I'm also curious.
You know how some of...
How did that transform into that?
The rumor.
The supernatural transition.
For the Walt Disney movies, the rumor like in The Little Mermaid, they've got...
There's supposed to be some sort of phallic representations in the background or instilled
into the fabric of the cartoons.
The lily pads.
You ever heard that rumor and had them show it?
It's like it's on the title.
The Walt Disney and penis pictures.
What?
They said like in The Little Mermaid, for example, the title, the big picture of it,
there's like pieces, there's like penises in there.
Awesome.
Type in penis.
Where?
In The Little Mermaid.
Sorry.
You're telling your son to type in penis into Google.
Yeah, that's a horrible idea.
You can't just see it.
You got to go...
Is it the spires right there?
Well, they may be, but what I'm asking him to do is back out and put the search in, add
the word penises, and then they'll...
You know there's going to be all kinds of just Photoshopped crap as soon as he puts
that in there.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
I don't recall.
There you go.
That's what I was referring to.
Wait a minute.
Look at that.
Well, you know what?
It wouldn't surprise me if these animators had a little bit of fun.
That's my point.
Maybe the Dr. Seuss folks were doing the same thing.
All right.
Click back on that one with the arrows.
So they have like a diagram.
Yeah.
This is the head, the shaft, the scrotum, and the glistening.
Okay, glistening, really?
Like it glistens.
They didn't put cornstarch on.
That's disgusting.
Okay.
If you look at it there, it doesn't look like it.
I think someone altered it.
See, it doesn't have the nice curved whatever.
See, look at that.
That's not there.
It's a nice curve.
That's not the same picture.
Well, that's what I mean.
I think someone either they corrected it.
That's just one example.
There are many.
My point is, well, actually, you know what?
Maybe they Photoshopped them all.
But I don't trust Internet anymore.
Pictures?
Well, that's true too.
But I don't.
Old Walt Disney movies penises.
Oh, God.
I don't.
I'm telling you, it's a thing.
Well, I think it is.
Like I said, I think it's possible for animators to have little secret funny things that they
do.
This is flat out stuff that you can see it.
We're not pulling it up for some reason.
But other than the Little Mermaid, if you get rid of the Little Mermaid, there's Walt Disney
movies penises.
They're everywhere.
Okay.
It could be an inside joke.
It could be just a coincidence as well.
Well, that's right.
It could be the same thing that Dr. Seuss.
It could be that we're just mentally 15-year-olds.
But here's the thing.
We don't even know what was considered inappropriate of the Dr. Seuss books.
I'm assuming it was the words, not the animation, not the illustrations.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm not familiar with the books.
Yeah, I haven't found anything that tells me what exactly was considered offensive or
racist or whatever.
I don't know.
Maybe it was...
They will not be...
So click on it.
Let's...
Six-doctor, click on it.
Maybe it was the one that is Welcome to the Land of Peni, where they all look like penises.
So...
Oh, God.
Let's get off of Wall Street Journal.
Yeah, we can't afford these subscriptions yet.
They go to the Boston Globe.
That's what they were though.
If I ran to the zoo...
If I ran the zoo...
All right.
So...
Okay, there it is.
They talked about orientalism.
What?
Something about orientalism.
Is that the...
If I...
One plus one is racist.
Scroll back up.
So it says, and to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street.
If I ran the zoo, McGelegat's Pool and On Beyond Zebra, Scrambled Egg Super and the Cat's
Quizzer.
I never heard of any of those.
Right, but scroll down.
It tells you what the issue is.
It said racial slurs and...
People start talking about white supremacy because of whiteness and white characters.
That doesn't hold any water with me.
White supremacist messaging through...
I'm surprised.
98% of the characters in the book.
Oh, my God.
A study found that 2,240 human characters in the 50 Dr. Seuss books, only 45 or 2% are
characters of color.
So here we have a modern society social quota being forced on books from...
The 40s and 50s.
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
Is that really what the issue is here?
No, it's not.
The issue is, is they're pansies.
Okay.
I don't...
This is just going to get my blood pressure up.
Let's move to the next topic.
But he was born today, you said.
Born today in 1904.
So he would have been 116, 17.
Well, you know what?
It's probably better that he didn't live to today.
He would be very upset about being accused of being a racist.
It's ridiculous.
I know it.
Ridiculous.
All right.
Anyway, hold on.
Speaking of blood pressure, I had mine taken...
Was that yesterday?
I had a physical yesterday.
And it was 106 over 80.
That's good.
What was it after you had the test?
The prostate jangles.
The prostate...
What'd you say?
Jink?
The prostate was pulled.
Yeah.
What was it after that?
It was 200 over 150.
I don't know.
Just one of those things.
I was just talking with the nurse, and she's checking the lungs and the hearts and the
ears and all that stuff.
And then, you know, talk in, and she goes, all right, time for the prostate exam.
You knew it was coming.
Well, I do, because...
And you chose her because she's got tiny little hands.
She does.
She just...the nurse puts a blob of jelly waiting for her over there.
And you know, it's coming.
I'm surprised that blood pressure was not higher than that.
Whatever.
It is.
I think it's so funny that you pick a female doctor to go to.
We had this discussion.
I was like...
I know.
I can't get over that.
Yeah.
That's so funny.
If I were a doctor, I would have so much fun.
I would have like...
Well, you have to know your patient.
You have to know your audience.
Yeah.
You would have...
Catch up to everyone.
You would have a lot of patients that never come back.
Maybe, maybe not.
But I'll tell you what.
How would you feel if the...come in there and all of a sudden, when you're assuming
the position, the lights kind of get dim and you hear a little...
A little Barry White.
Barry White in the background.
Go wow wow.
I'm gonna look at a little kid.
No, you really have to know because you'd be reported to the board.
That would actually be really funny.
The lights dim and the music comes on, and you're like, hey, I'm just kidding, man.
Or am I?
Yeah, that was not good.
That wouldn't go over well.
Yeah, so that happened and...
That's a good blood pressure though.
That's a healthy blood pressure.
I like that.
Usually when I go in, it's a little bit higher because I'm just tense, just knowing what's
coming.
But yesterday, I guess, I don't know how many times I've had to have that inspected.
But I also got my first...
Get the colonoscopy.
You have to do that, you mean?
Yes.
Yeah, I have to too.
My benefits suck and it's gonna cost me over a grand.
Well, mine's gonna be free because I got my freaking surgery next week.
I want to meet my deductible, so...
Oh, I got you.
I'm gonna get 10 colonoscopies and all kinds of tests done.
Are you allowed to pay?
So I want to buy the booklet and...
Coupons?
I want to buy the booklet.
I want them all.
And spend like 15 grand.
So, all right, I've got my next 15 prostates taken care of.
So you would get more than one colonoscopy simply because it's free?
No.
You're gonna cram them all in six months though.
One every other week.
So I heard that experience is not all that much fun, but I think they put you under.
They put you to sleep.
Oh, that's right.
I say, and...
Oh, for the colonoscopy.
The folks that I've had that say, what's wrong is they kind of, at least they used to, you
blow up with air.
They put some kind of air or gas in you.
And that goes up...
What kind of air that is?
If it's like room air or if it's...
They capture your fart and send it up to...
I don't know.
I don't know if it's like nitrogen or just air.
I have no idea.
They whip out a CO2 tank and...
Just like carbonation?
No, they just bring a little, you know, not a generator.
What do you call those?
Things that make it really loud.
You pump up basketballs.
Like a fire extinguisher?
Like a bike pump?
No, no.
An air compressor.
They bring an air compressor into the room and...
No, it's one of those power pumps where they have to...
They shove a tube up your ass...
And get you all bloated, man.
I tell you, that really grinds my gears is the...
Grinder.
The fricking volume, the decibel levels on those compressors.
Why do they gotta be so loud?
Can't they make a compressor?
I mean, come on.
I know.
My son uses it too.
Outrageous.
My son uses it too.
He's a scooter kid, right?
And so to get the grips on and off of his handlebars, or...
It's not called handlebars, but he would kill me if I called it handlebars.
Anyway, but yeah, so he jacks up the air compressor in the garage.
So it's echoing...
So it's like 300 decibels.
Oh my God.
And we're like trying to watch TV and it's like...
And you're on a Zoom call.
Yeah, that's always good.
Yeah, it's crazy.
I don't know why they're so loud.
It's gotta be, you know...
They can't put any kind of muffler or anything on that thing?
I don't know.
I think we should invent the quiet compressor.
I think they're trying to capitalize on getting a small little machine to make it small.
I mean, remember how loud those little model airplanes were?
Those little gas powered little...
Those God-bustin' things were loud as hell.
So hold on, are big air compressors, like the gigantic ones, are they quieter?
I have no idea.
They're not louder.
Some are, but hold on.
So it seems like the bigger they get...
It's like a semi-blah blah blah.
It's like...
The walls are falling down in your house.
The more stuff they build around it.
I don't know.
I mean, I've had some that are louder than others, but for me, it seems like the smaller
they are, the louder.
Yeah, mine's loud as hell.
This is kind of silly.
Anyway, oh, but we didn't...
Okay, so they pump air into you.
With a compressor that's loud as hell.
With a really loud air compressor.
That's the part I'm kind of worrying because, I mean, they stick something up your butt
and they start blowing air in there.
Can you imagine the catastrophe if that regulator kind of lost control and then all of a sudden
it just went haywire and filled you up with 110 pounds of pressure and blew your own ring
into oblivion?
So you turn into like just a balloon.
Don't that thing...
Like the blueberry from Ruelewanka.
Yeah, it's like Ruelewanka.
The girl?
Isn't it the girl?
Yeah, it's the girl.
Eats the blueberry candy and turns into a blueberry.
And they roll her away.
You know what?
That really affected me when I was a kid.
I watched that.
I thought it was a creepy ass movie.
I didn't like it.
I didn't like the movie personally.
Yeah, it was really disturbing.
I think the new one's even worse.
I didn't watch it.
It's terrible.
I hated the first one, why would I traumatize myself again?
But you know, it was one of those movies that we watched every year because it was on a
certain time every year.
They have some good songs.
The humor was a little weird, I agree, but the songs and the story, the fact that they
all shared the same bed was odd.
You know, you have both sets of grandparents in there and the grandson and the mom and
we're all sleeping in the same sleeping bag.
And they just wear like a night shirt with nothing on it.
So you know, like that and they bed is bed down there.
It's like they're in bed forever.
They only get out of bed.
I don't know for church and the rest of the time since they're old, they stay in bed the
whole time.
You guys have seen this a number of times.
I don't remember any of that.
I've seen it many times.
I always liked the belching scene.
Oh yeah, they're trying to try to lower themselves before they get chopped up by the fan.
It's amazing.
Maybe I need to watch it again now that you know, I'm I can handle it.
Hold on, did he didn't he fart once and let him down?
No, he belched or burping.
But he is kind of like an evil man.
Well, he like he he like he was enjoying I would just say dark.
He was evil.
Well, he was enjoying the kids like not like bad things happening to them.
Right?
He was strange.
He's also weird.
We're doing life lessons.
And what's it?
What was his name?
He was actually I like him.
I'm Jean Wilder.
Jean Wilder.
Yeah, it was good.
Stir crazy.
Oh, you can't talk about that.
That's racist.
It is.
He's dead.
Yeah.
I did.
But did we finish the colonoscopy topic?
I'm just coming back to that.
I wasn't sure.
I've never had one.
So well, I'm just kind of cute.
That's why I was.
That's one of my biggest fear.
And I'm sorry, because I know you're about to have one.
I mean, too, I got to get a sketch when they should have one, too.
You're as old as we are.
I'll tell you why.
Why don't we go get a threesome and we'll see if we can't get a couple's massage.
It's like a couple's colonoscopy.
This is going to be paid for.
So Paul, you and I go in week maybe you get a two for one deal.
Hey, no offense, guys, I'm out.
You could share.
You could share hoses.
That's a hard.
That's a hard note for me.
Maybe they'll have a double nozzle hose.
That's a really hard note for me.
They knock you out.
You're like facing each other.
So the last thing you see is each other.
You've been bloated.
You do too.
You're holding hands.
Well, it's better than like facing butt to butt with a double dog bone.
Oh, God.
Yes, it went there.
I always have to go right over the line like, yes, harsh double dildo colonoscopy.
Two for one.
You know, they've got to get that air in there somehow.
It's terrible.
Terrible.
They do.
It's fascinating.
I was going to ask you, Jeff, what happened on this day in history?
Actually quite a few.
Really?
Yeah.
So what happened?
So this day just so happens because I looked at the who died in the last lots of folks
died, but as far as who we may be familiar with, I did not recognize anyone.
So I'm not going to call anyone out.
So we already talked about the Dr. Seuss.
So also Florida becomes the 27th state on this date.
1845.
Now, that was a purchase, if I remember my history correctly.
A purchase from...
Louisiana purchase?
Spain?
I don't know.
See, this is why we need to do our preparation.
Then we would know the significance of the purchase of Florida.
Yeah.
So yeah, so the Florida and...
It is Spain.
Look at that.
Becoming a state, the United States took control of Florida from Spain as part of the Adams
Onus Treaty of 1819.
I did not know this and I don't know where it went.
1857.
So, the United States and Britain declared war on China.
Oh, that's new to me.
I'm not familiar with this one.
I was curious to see if you...
1924?
What?
No, no, no.
Close.
1857.
I was going to say...
Well, it's not close.
We should know that war if it's 1927.
I was like, when the hell did that happen?
Yeah, 1857.
Again, I didn't know...
I saw that and I was not aware of it.
I didn't know if you guys knew.
I wonder how they resolved it.
Or did they?
It's still ongoing?
Interesting.
I don't know.
I don't know if it turned into anything or just kind of petered out.
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, they had a treaty, apparently, based on what Mr. Producer has on the board here.
The Second Opium War.
Okay.
Wow.
Interesting.
The Anglo-French expedition to China was a war pitting the British Empire and the French
Empire against the...
You say that?
King?
Q-U-I-N-G?
Queen?
That's King.
The dynasty of China lasted for four years.
Four years.
All right.
These are the Opium Wars, the second major war in the Opium Wars.
Interesting.
So anyway, there you go, drug wars.
They were happening way back then even.
Yeah, exactly.
Another interesting one, 1863.
Okay.
Abraham Lincoln passed the Conscription Act.
Conscription?
Conscription, which is...
I have no idea.
The draft.
Oh, okay.
So that's for... you needed to sign up to join the Union Army for the Civil War.
There you go.
Or pay $300, which back then was probably like a hundred grand, but...
Yeah, I don't know.
What was $300 in 1863?
Interesting.
Yeah.
And so is that like the modern day draft?
Yeah, the conscription...
It has its roots back to that?
Yeah, the Conscription Act.
Interesting.
1863.
And then I'm sure the Confederacy did something similar, right?
To prepare for the Civil War.
I'm sure they did, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
I'm sure they did.
All right.
One that I think is relevant to what we just kind of went through, in 1877, Rutherford
B. Hayes was elected president.
Think of the timing, because it was a disputed presidency from an election in November.
I think some of our listeners shot their head off in the last five minutes.
So they don't like history?
Could be.
They don't like history?
I have never heard any of these guys.
Rutherford B. Hayes, president of the United States?
Well, I guess I heard of him.
Abraham Lincoln?
Actually, of course I've heard of him, but...
Abe who?
I haven't heard of anything about him.
What makes him so special?
Rutherford B. Hayes?
It was the most contentious presidential election in American history.
Not anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah, so it was going on back then.
I mean, it was...
Shit, it took longer than what we just went through.
Right?
Didn't really.
Well, it was today that he was declared president.
Biden was declared president on the...
Was it the 6th?
Yeah, but back then everything took longer, right?
It was by horse?
It was...
Yes.
Everybody voted by horse.
They voted by mail?
Yeah.
I'll do one more.
Actually, there's two more that are...
That's interesting.
In 1931, President Hoover made the Star-Spangled Banner our national anthem on this date.
And then, like, very soon it's going to be revoked.
Less than 100 years later, people are vomiting on it.
Yeah, apparently.
Not more.
And this one, which I find interesting, which is, again, kind of relevant to today.
In 1952, the Supreme Court rules on the New York Feinberg Law, rules that no communist
teachers can teach in the US.
They need to go back to that then.
So, there's a law out there that prohibits communists from teaching.
Is that a federal law?
Yeah.
The Supreme Court passed it back in, what did I say?
1952.
So, they should extend that to socialist.
Well, they just won't declare to be communist.
They'll stay hidden.
Right.
That's what they do.
Anyway.
Interesting.
Some fun facts.
I wonder why.
I wonder why what.
Why they made that law?
Well, during the whole fear of communists infiltrating our government.
Is that McCarthyism back then?
Yeah.
Infiltrating our Congress, infiltrating the judges, the teachers.
It's amazing when you think about how far along that we've come and how far along we
really have not.
We have not.
You know, it's just.
Human nature is cyclical, guys.
History is cyclical.
It's amazing.
You know, I mean, just think, just, I mean, we were talking about the Bosnia-Serbian thing.
I mean, that was a full on genocide.
And that was what, in the early 90s?
Early 90s.
And I was watching the Netflix show, was it World War II and HD?
I was telling you about it.
Yeah, I want to watch that.
And Hitler was killing the Serbs and went into Yugoslavia and was killing the Serbs.
Yeah, because they were they're Muslim.
Yeah.
So that's been going on for a long time.
So yeah, it is very cyclical.
You know, I was disappointing.
We were down at College Station and I saw a lot of a lot of the girls wearing clothing
look like straight out of the 60s, the bell bottoms and the flowy tops and stuff like
that.
Fashion has always been hugely cyclical.
Yeah.
I mean, like the big flurry bell bottoms.
Yeah.
Hey, Austin, can you grab me a bottle of water and throw it over here?
Uh oh.
There's bottles.
Oh, God, you just broke the wall.
That hit you right in the hands.
It jammed my finger.
I have a hang now now.
Speaking of, isn't it amazing how painful hangnails are?
I think that may have been one of my topics.
Well, the worst injury I've ever had is ripping off my toenail, my big toenail.
Wow.
It wouldn't be your bicep in your vagina.
No.
Why would you do that?
I didn't mean to do it.
I was running up some cement stairs.
I don't hear that.
And my big toe caught and half of it tore out of my heart.
It was excruciating.
I'm serious.
It was the single most painful.
I mean, there's a reason why people torture.
They rip out fingernails.
It was, I mean, I had to go to the hospital and they had to remove the rest of the nail
because it was hanging out.
I mean, it was ripped out from the side.
All right, stop.
Yeah, no.
I have pictures.
Let's see.
This reminds me of the family guy, you know, when Peter Griff is running and he trips and
fall and bangs his knee and he sits on the ground for a while.
That's almost exactly what happened.
My boys can remember it.
They remember it was Wednesday.
Was it bleeding everywhere?
Because I was bounding into the, oh, you want to know why I was bounding in?
Such a pansy.
I was escaping a bee.
Yeah, I hate wasps.
So instead of a bee sting, you ripped your toe off.
Exactly right.
I hate bees.
I hate wasps.
I just do.
Anyway, so I was bounding away from it.
I like them.
You don't hate them.
You're just afraid of them.
They're like, you know, cute.
You guys bond.
We snuggle.
Yeah, wow.
I was running in and I did the whole, oh, oh, oh, hop through the house and then I went
into this like, I went into a fetal.
How old were you?
Oh, I was a grown man.
This was last week.
I mean, this is like, I don't know, less than five years ago.
Oh, yeah.
It was up in Wisconsin.
We were vacationing.
The worst.
Yeah.
On vacation.
You got to like deal with it.
It's now.
No, no, no, no.
I'll show you the pictures and you tell me that you would have dealt with it.
Well, I just met now.
Now it's it's a handicap for the rest of your vacation for the next maybe for the next
three weeks, four weeks.
So now you got to sit there.
And what are the worst things like that and have to take a shower every day, have to put
medication on it, bandage it, walk around with it, put a shoe on it.
Was it wintertime?
No, it's summer.
At least you can wear a flip flop with that big old nasty sauce.
That's probably what you're wearing with flip flop or barefooters.
I think I was barefoot.
It was excruciating.
I'm telling you, there's nothing in my life that has been more painful.
Was there kind of like meat dangling and I mean, yeah, I mean, it ripped the nail out
from the side.
That sounds just horrible.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, I'll show you.
Why don't you just like clip the rest of it off?
I mean, because it was the entire big nail.
That's what I mean.
If it was almost off, just finish it.
No, no, no.
Like, no, you it needed to be surgically removed by a doctor.
And then he had to freaking stick the needle into the soft part, like the top of your knee
into the flesh in the top of the nail that was underneath.
I mean, the top of the toe.
Why are we talking about this?
Because we're talking about because you asked our most excruciating moments.
It's just I'm I can't handle that kind of stuff.
I'm weak.
What the hell?
Make fun of me running from a bee and you're like, I can handle that.
I mean, the bee were to sting me.
There'd be a different story.
I'd be crying.
Yeah, that was Sean gets like leg gonorrhea.
Yeah, you know, well, like, you know what?
I tell you what?
My leg gonorrhea.
I remember before my kids were born and I met my wife and I was married and all that.
I got an opportunity to go to South Padre with a friend of mine, two friends of mine.
And we got on the plane, flew down here.
The first thing I got to do I wanted to do is this is back when rollerblading was on
the cusp of still being cool.
Not really.
So keep going.
It was cool.
I read on the very, you know, the very like ninety five ish kind of cool.
And so we get off the plane, get on the the the taxi.
They take us down to Padre Island.
And one of the guys that I was going with, his name is Marcelo for I won't say his last
name, last name.
And he he his family had a condo down there and it was really nice one.
So we got in there and and we had been partying all night drinking and just being twenty five
years old, however old we were.
And so they went to sleep.
I didn't.
I was like, I'm going to go have fun.
I slapped on my roller blades, went down the street.
I got all the way down there.
I mean, because back then, you know, we have more tenacity, we have more energy.
We just kept going and going and going and going.
Don't you mean stupidity?
Yeah, stupidity is well also known as stupidity.
Not at this point, not at this point.
But I sat I I crashed.
I was coming to this intersection.
You're shit faced, right?
I said, no, not really.
I mean, that really.
So I was coming up to this intersection.
Did you just say he was drinking all day?
I was going to say you either are or you aren't.
It was all night because back then I was working as a disc jockey and I'd get off at two and
we were up all night long.
The airplane left at like seven a.m. and I didn't care.
Right.
I didn't care.
I was wide awake.
And because back then I usually went to bed about seven or eight in the morning.
You know, it was just the lifestyle.
You know, go to school and you know, about three o'clock in the afternoon, four o'clock
go to go back to work at nine o'clock at night.
So it was just this stuff.
So we get out there.
I hit this intersection.
There's a bunch of gravel.
I slide sideways and I freaking grind my leg.
So you had a bunch of road rash.
Oh, it was huge road rash.
And I'm telling you what, it's like you're damn you're you're you're big, big toe being
all swatted up like that.
My road rash on the side.
I was picking freaking pebbles out of it.
And it was like, ah, you know, but the whole thing is that there was all kinds of hot chicks
around.
I mean, it was just the place is packed.
And that's what you want.
You want to face plant right in front of the hot.
Yeah, well, I didn't face plant.
I just kind of slid because I had to stop.
And so I did a power slide and the power slide was very cool.
Right up until I hit the gravel.
And then when I hit the gravel, it went from a power slide to a punk into a slide.
And then so did you like play it off like, hey, what's up, ladies?
Like what did you go?
You just hop up and went like, yeah, I want to know.
Everyone knew you start crying.
I manned up.
I got up and I looked at my leg and I before the blood started with cheese just permeating
through, I was just kind of like smack in it, getting off, pulling all the the pebbles
out of it.
And I went back all the way back.
And then so when it started to heal, when it started to heal, did it get all gelatinous
and yellow and it was listening and it was moist.
It was a very uncomfortable thing to manage, just like you tell you.
It doesn't matter where a cut is on your body.
Wherever you have a cut, it always seems to be the most inopportune place for it to be.
It's kind of like it's on my pinky.
Oh, great.
I touch everything with my pinky.
You know, it's like, fuck, I have one of those.
I have one of those now.
My finger is split and I didn't realize how often I use this little piece of my finger
when I type.
Yeah.
It's like, shit.
And then you're and then you're chopping lemons or chopping onions and all that shit seeps
into the little cracks.
You're just like, damn it.
Yeah, it does.
It's just like the perfect cut position.
You don't realize it.
I think the foot is bad.
I think the leg is bad.
I'm trying to figure out which one was worse.
I imagine the foot would be worse because it's the lowest extremity.
What about when you had your leg smeg?
Oh, from the campfire?
No, the poison oak.
Oh, that was bad.
But that was a different time.
What the hell?
What's wrong with you?
You just get into it.
I don't know.
You're not taking care of yourself.
Well, fuck, man.
This was like a year ago.
Well, you still have scars from that.
Yeah, I have like permanent scars on my leg.
Well, you know why?
What were you doing?
Because I'm five.
I'm just like you.
I'm five years old.
And when your parents say, hey, look, stop scratching that.
It's going to leave a mark.
Well, guess what?
It does.
What were you doing?
Where was poison oak?
Man, my dad called me and he's got this new air conditioning system and it wasn't working.
So I went over there to investigate.
I don't know.
We went over there for something else.
And my dad was, you know, when your parents live close to you and they ask for help, you
fucking do it.
You have to.
And there was evidently a small fucking piece of poison oak by the damn condenser unit
outside.
And you rolled around in it?
I mean, no.
You got dude and it was like rolling in it.
Hey, look, this.
What are you doing, son?
Leave me alone, dad.
I want to be alone right now.
Here's the thing.
This thing.
Wipe his ass.
And then the poison oak incident, it happened very slowly.
I mean, it was kind of like two dots, two little tiny fucking dots.
And it looked like a goddamn snake bite.
I was going to say it sounds like a cobra cobra attack.
That's all it was.
It was two.
And then it just.
Bomba.
There we go.
I got to say it stayed that way for like two, three days.
And I was kind of like, what the hell is this?
And then all of a sudden it started itching.
And then it got worse and worse and worse until it was on both my legs.
And then I tell you what, I put everything on the God bless him planet on my legs to
try to get that thing.
I finally found something.
Spooge.
I don't remember what it was, but it had some sort of sand based.
It had like really fine sand inside the cream.
And when you would put that rub it on your agitated areas, that sand in there was like
sandpaper.
So it's scratched and it felt so good and opened up the pores.
And it says, hey, man, do this for like 30 seconds.
And you do it for like an hour.
I would take like a tube and I would just like just basking it, just rub the shit until
my fucking legs would fall off.
But that was the reason why I've got the scars because I'm an asshole.
I don't I don't follow the directions.
There you have it.
I'm sure they didn't have anything like that with your foot, though.
Sandpaper cream.
Yeah.
And I just like to rub on your.
No, I just wrap the thing in gauze and let it ooze and ooze and ooze until eventually
a nail grew back.
Yeah they do.
Sometimes they grow back kind of funky.
Oh, it is all.
It's all worked to me.
I've got a wavy.
It is a memory kind of jarring its way through from you lifting a fusion or a jet fuel infused
Christmas tree and loading it onto a bonfire and then pulling it off about 20 minutes later
and getting like second degree burns all over your hands.
I did get some burns.
Yeah, because it was sticking outside the fire.
You know how you want to always like move the stuff to the middle.
Right.
Well, it was somebody had pushed it through the fire sticking out on the other side.
And so I don't touch that.
I did not.
What did not hear?
Are you going to touch this?
We just moved that out of the way so we could burn.
No, you did not.
That's a lie.
That's all lies.
He doesn't remember.
If you did say it, I didn't hear any of it.
I believe that I was like, what?
What?
Don't tell him.
I'm going to tell him.
Yeah, make fun of me.
I'm deaf.
Yeah.
And then you let me grab it.
And I got fourth degree burns.
I lost three fingers that night.
He just bone spontaneously combusted.
He had bleached bones.
Wow.
I look pretty nasty.
I hurt like hell.
I'll tell you what, you get these little burns or something like that, some insignificant
little burn or cut like that.
And I don't remember how you mean.
I think you had several, right?
I don't know.
I mean, you know, I grabbed it very briefly and then I had the healthy burn on your leg.
Yeah, same night.
Which one?
The same night?
Oh, got that one?
Yeah, some idiot put...
Yeah, we had a big bonfire going because what we would go, we would go, this was a tradition
that we did.
Well, I call it a tradition where we did it like maybe three, four, five times.
We went out to a buddy's house in Pottsboro and we would go paintball shooting.
It was so much fun.
It was a blast.
And we got, it was like, I don't remember how it was like five on five, six on six.
And he had about an acre, if not a little bit more in the back of his house.
Yeah, we set up.
It was...
Cardboard.
It was densely wooded.
It was about a tree every 10 foot ish, you know, ish, maybe a little bit more, less I
meant.
So we had like 30 wardrobe boxes peppered through the backyard.
That would be the, one of the annual things that we do, we'd go out there and play paintball
and we'd load up the guns and there'd be six on six.
And the barbecue next door.
There was a barbecue place...
There's a little tiny barbecue shack.
...called Rocky's.
Damn, it was good barbecue.
Is it still there?
No.
Probably not.
It was, it was so many different things.
But when we were there, it was the coolest because they would have...
Was it strip joint?
They would have, they'd have black performers.
And I'll never forget the guy that he had this like Neil Sean keyboard guitar.
Do you remember that?
A keytar?
I remember a bunch of old geezers in a band.
That's what I'm talking about.
Oh, okay.
There's a bunch of old geezers in a band, but one of them was playing the...
Singin' Journey?
They dressed like it?
They had the Steve Perry Leopard print shirt on?
No, these guys were old.
Well, hold on.
There were multiple nights.
They were probably our age then.
There were multiple nights there and there are some crazy characters out there because
you gotta imagine where Pottsboro is at.
Lake people.
Yeah, it's like backwoods, backwoods kind of environment.
Lake people are different.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, they really are.
They don't give a fuck.
They're kind of...
I mean, they're adult.
They live as free as they want.
They do.
Yeah.
It's just like, I don't give a shit.
They do what they want, they wear what they want, they drink what they want.
I mean, there's no rules.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's no rules out there.
But it was fun.
We'd play paintball all day.
We would drink, we would do bonfires at night.
I mean, it was a lot of fun, man.
And the bonfires were cool.
And then he sold the place.
Yeah, well, the bonfires was the thing that we were kind of driving towards.
The bonfires at night was we would go eat and then we'd come back and we'd kind of get
cleaned up and we would start the bonfire first thing in the morning.
And we'd get it going and going and going and going.
And throughout the day, the bonfire would get bigger and bigger and bigger because at
the same time, we're kind of clearing the land of the fallen branches and everything.
And that was part of the whole goal too, was to try to kind of clean and purge the property
back there.
And we'd burn all that stuff.
So the bonfire got huge.
And then one year, we decided to bring some glow sticks because we wanted to play some
night paintball.
Oh, that's right.
Night paintball.
And that was the most retarded thing ever.
It totally was.
I mean, because we were all, oh, you're supposed to wear your glow sticks.
Well, fuck, man, if you don't want to be seen, you just put your glow stick away, you know?
Yes.
So everybody did that.
You're like, I can't see anyone.
It didn't last very long.
We all kind of just wandered back to the bonfire because it didn't work.
No, it didn't work at all.
But the thing is that we threw the glow sticks in the fire.
But the thing is that you can throw an unbroken, because inside of a glow stick, it's a little
tiny glass vessel in there and it's filled with something else.
It's very light and you can crack it when you bend it.
But when it's sealed, I mean, you've got M80 in there.
Yeah.
Which you don't know.
And you don't realize that.
It boils and expands.
When you put that thing into, and they make different size ones.
Mind you, I had like the little mini ones for some reason.
They had like a 50 pack, so I bought a bunch and I started throwing them in the fire and
I was like, oh, man, those are kind of cool.
Those will make like a little black cat sound.
Bam, boom, pop.
Oh, that's so cute.
If you put a regular glow stick in there, that you'd buy at the camping store.
Like a stick of dynamite.
And it was put in the fire and you didn't know it.
Yeah.
So we got done with the day.
I sit down and I went and bought a bunch of a variety of beers.
That was back when I was drinking the heavy IPAs.
I had a large quart of Eric and Bastard from Stone.
So I sat down, I took a long shower, put on some sweatpants.
They have these little nylon wind pants.
And I had my Eric and Bastard.
They were parachute pants basically.
Yeah.
Bunch of zippers all over.
I never really did understand why he was wearing those that night.
Made out of acetate.
But it's a part of the story.
There's a Michael Jackson leather jacket too.
I don't know about the jacket.
Wearing gloves.
One of the guys at the bonfire, he goes out to the car and he throws a regular camping
one on there.
And I'm sure it's got, he was just innocent.
He probably knew.
No no, I distinctly remember.
They made a point to drop it near you and not tell you so that you would be surprised
when it went off.
Well I was surprised because there was a thick robust solid piece of wood in there.
And when he dropped that glow stick in there and started to boil, it exploded the embers
that had been burning for 10 hours.
And shrapnel went everywhere.
I thought it was the smoldering liquid that landed on your leg.
You're saying it was just regular embers?
I have no idea what it was.
It exploded and the liquid landed on your leg.
But it melted through your pants.
Yes.
It melted through my wind pants.
And then my wife and everyone made fun of me because I wore wind pants.
I'm like well you know, who would have known?
You know, sitting by a bonfire, I'm sure lots of people would have worn wind pants.
First off, it melted, not only did it melt through, it melted the pants to your skin.
Yeah.
And then I'm like, I didn't know what it was.
I'm sitting there, I hear the boom and I'm like, haha, that's funny.
And then I'm like, start smelling it.
What the hell?
And then I feel it for a split second.
And then I know.
And so I reached down to feel it and my hands are getting burned by touching my leg.
Because something has melted through my pant leg, my wind pant leg, and stuck to my shin.
And it was not cool.
I couldn't get it off.
I wanted to rip it off.
Like if I wore a regular pair of sweatpants, I think I could have ripped them off.
But the wind pants are extremely resilient.
He was jumping around like there was a beehive on his head.
I lifted up my pant leg and then that didn't work.
And then after, I was freaking out because now I'm in fight flight mode.
I'm fucking flighting.
And so I stand up and I have to get these pants off and I pull my pants down and my
ding dong comes out.
I must have blocked that out.
Did you start helicoptering?
Well, there was at least two.
And I remember I dropped my pants and my ding dong.
I forget who was sitting next to me.
But whoever was sitting to my left, I want to say was Sam.
I don't remember, but whoever was sitting to my left almost got a mouthful because I
jumped and then I almost fell on him.
And then I kind of wobbled over there.
And I've got a picture on one of my social media things.
Of your junk smashing his face.
The video of you helicoptering.
They're assholes.
We're assholes.
OK, nobody, nobody cared.
You know what?
Everyone was like, everyone at the same time getting their phone, grabbing their phone
and it's all slow motion and snapping photos.
And the earliest one was me where I barely pulled my boxers back up because the picture
was taken in my hands.
My elbows were up in the air.
Like I just pulled up and you see my shin.
There's a white spot where the pant had melted all the way to the third layer.
And then when I ripped my pant leg up, it took everything with it.
So you had like a big hole in your leg.
It was nasty.
It was really bad.
It was a third degree burn.
It was funny, though, but it just, you know, that's another one of those moments where
it just ruins everything.
Yeah.
I actually didn't think it was all that funny.
I don't know how disappointed.
Yeah, I was I was pissed at how how funny everybody thought it was.
I was like, we may need to go to the hospital.
That's how not funny this is.
So anyway, but those were good times, though.
It was mostly.
Yeah, it's too bad that that still doesn't go on because it sounds like fun.
It was.
I miss paintball, man.
Paintball's fun.
Yeah.
In the games we played, I mean, remember I told you the wardrobe boxes.
The thing about is that you can when you're running up and you hide behind them, the paintballs
when they shoot them, they're strong enough to almost penetrate one layer.
And if it does penetrate one layer, it doesn't get through the second one.
So if you're behind the box, you can hear it.
Oh, yeah.
And sometimes you hear thick because it hits through both layers.
And then I remember there was one guy's name is Ryan and he had picked up a wardrobe box.
And he had cut out a top of it and some sides for the arms.
And he was running around like he was SpongeBob.
And he didn't know that it went through one layer, one layer.
Did you just like everyone lit him up, even his own teammates?
It was just a free for all.
Yeah, it was a lot of fun.
I miss that.
And that's my favorite part.
We would play Revolutionary War where we all stood in a line and we all had one shot like
on both both sides.
So like, did you had bayonets?
No, we literally stood like we're like maybe 25, 30 feet apart.
Yes.
How accurate are those things?
So if you like, not very, not very.
It could be.
Well, you know what?
Some are.
So the ones we had weren't.
No, you know, it's kind of like what you do is you when you when you shoot the gun, you
can see if it's going to hook or slice and you kind of like when you shoot two, three,
you kind of follow the tracers.
Yeah.
Tracers.
So we what we would play Revolutionary War and we'd be about 25 feet apart.
Everybody get one shot from both sides and then whoever got hit would, you know, they
have to leave.
Right.
And it hurt.
I mean, we're close enough to where it started to hurt.
And then we would take a big step forward and do it again and do it again and do it
again until finally there was whoever's left standing.
Right.
Oh, it was so much fun.
How close are you guys getting up?
Getting maybe maybe 10 feet.
The sucky part about it is that let's say you're new to the group.
All right.
And if you have like let's just say five to five, five on five.
If you're new to the group, psychologically, the new guys doesn't get hit because I'm going
to hit Paul.
Yeah, you want to hit someone that I don't know.
Yeah.
Like two or three people are aiming at the same person.
So the final thing is that that happened one of the times at least was the new guy had
like it was like one against three.
Oh, it's more than that.
It was like four or five people.
That's bad.
And Brian was one of them and he got shot twice because he well he got shot in the dick
and then and when he bent over going, oh, he gets someone waited.
It was had a delayed shot and it went from the top because he was bent over in his mask
was at a 90 degree.
The paintball went from his forehead into the interior of his mask and it looked like
the paintball has this yellow jizz that kind of creams its way through life.
And when that thing hit his forehead, it looked like a dog.
A dove egg was just splattered.
I remember he was leaning over because he got sniped in the balls and he got smacked
in the face and he's like, oh, and of course, while we were playing, we didn't adhere to
any rules whatsoever.
Right.
Of course.
Like you're not supposed to fire within like five feet.
Right.
You're supposed to be hiding behind a tree and then somebody sneaks up behind them.
You're supposed to say mercy.
Right.
Like, you know, but no, they would just hold the gun like three feet away and you'd be
like, oh, fucker.
It is not the worst to get like capped in your fat roll.
So the idea was, I mean, you got to start drinking because you have to tell the pain.
Yeah.
You got to tell the pain.
We all had wealth.
We had wealth all over.
Here comes the we had wealth all over.
Justification.
Yeah.
You know, that's that's that's the reason why we're drinking.
We don't know we were drinking because we were fun.
I remember we would we would leave like this is how excited we were.
You know, excited we are to come to this podcast.
I mean, we're excited about in the morning because that morning we get up at four thirty
in the morning and we we'd have a bunch of people outside of somebody's house, my house.
I forget exactly.
Yeah.
Rendezvous somewhere.
And then we head out.
And when we get there, the first thing we do when we get there, set everything out,
crack a beer.
Oh, yeah, of course.
We would we would be drinking the whole time.
We're five thirty in the morning and we're the first thing we do is we make sure it's
mandatory.
We all crack a beer.
And then, of course, it's all set up the bonfire, go in the house.
I mean, the house was a small like a little had a large head to two living rooms.
So you just slept wherever.
Yeah, we just slept all over the floor.
Yeah.
It just bring your sleeping bags and stuff.
It was fun.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, that's something that I want to do is I want a piece of property somewhere.
I don't need to do.
I mean, this it's called mine.
And I go out there and if I want to rent a bulldozer.
Yeah.
Well, I'm just saying, you know, I'd like to have something like that.
My dream is to have a house out in the middle of somewhere, not just a house, but I want
mine to be like subterranean.
Underground.
Yeah.
That's my thing.
Oh, like a prepper deal.
Yeah.
You want to bury like this gigantic steel cylinder.
I don't want to misconstrue that I'm a prepper, but I'm talking about for a geological for
energy reasons, you know, just because it's always 55 degrees and we could start a militia
and have like training out there.
Come on, have fun with the Ruby Ridge.
We can have some like Ruby Ridge.
Was that that dry food was that God bless the stuff called?
Dry food.
Dehydrated food.
Yeah.
Dehydrated food.
That was that's the whole prepper thing.
Yeah.
You buy big five gallon buckets of it.
It's not cheap either, is it?
No, it's not.
But it's supposed to last like 20 years or something like that.
30, 40.
Like right now, if you, if I were to buy, I think it's a hundred per bucket or something
like that.
I can get, I can get it's two, it's 2000, 2000 calories a day and you can buy a year's
supply for one person, 2000 calories a day, a variety of food for a thousand bucks.
I think I'll just buy a bunch of Hungry Man, Hungry Man TV dinners.
Just buy a bunch of cans of beans.
Yeah, that too.
Big bags of beans and rice.
Did that ever go bad?
Well, how many buckets is that?
I don't think Hungry Man, oh, I don't know, but it's, it's, it's.
Where the hell would you keep that?
Well, I mean, you know, I got to look at it, but I don't remember because it does come
in buckets.
They come in these, these square tubs and there's a variety of flavors.
You can look at our Mountain, Mountain Food.
Mountain Food.
Yeah.
That's the verand name?
That's one of the brands.
It's Mountain Food.
I think it's called.
Yeah, there it is.
Yeah, a hundred bucks per bucket.
Yeah, those things are, I mean, there's big demand, right?
Hey, look, man, that's huge demand.
Man, when that, when that COVID came out, they were nine months behind schedule.
Yeah.
So it's, and I think it's actually kind of important when, when you have, we don't know
the next time the power grid is going to go out.
I think about that kind of shit.
I think the snowmageddon thing and the psycho, what were the reasons why people were emptying
all the shelves?
What was that again?
It was COVID, right?
It was COVID.
They don't have toilet paper in these things.
They ran toilet paper and light salt wipes.
I mean, the point is irrational, irrational shopping or panic.
That's not irrational.
Panic buying.
But toilet paper is a huge commodity, man.
That's very, very necessary.
But I, well, but it was irrational at the time.
There was no need to rush out to get that.
That is correct.
That's correct.
So.
Oh, interesting story about the toilet paper, though.
I was talking to this guy and he was like a huge prepper and buying all this stuff.
And he was telling me, yeah, toilet paper is a big deal.
And he's like, you remember my grandmother, not my grandmother, but he was telling his
grandmother would use the JCPenney's catalog and she would wipe her butt with it because
that's what she was used to.
And when they just kind of move it from one section to the butt to the other.
Well, she was talking about during the Great Depression.
What are we talking about here?
Maybe, maybe something like that.
But she, they had, but she, they had out, they had outdoor plumbing.
They didn't have the sears catalog.
So they were pooping that she went pooping out house and she used the catalogs.
And he told me that the ink on the catalogs gave her cancer.
Oh, God.
How about that?
That's horrible.
How do you?
Well, yeah, it is.
But how do you prove that?
I don't know.
So it's like ass cancer.
I don't know.
Is that a thing?
We didn't get it is actually because that's what Farrah Fossett died of.
I think we had a discussion.
Yeah, we did.
I just don't think they call it cancer.
I don't know.
Yeah, that's that's something.
I don't know.
Anal cancer.
That sounds terrible.
I mean, if you think about it, you know, that the red dye causes cancer.
I imagine if you I mean, I mean, I don't know.
Whatever my point is, is that you got to be careful and you got to make sure toilet paper
is important.
And it's crazy.
Those times are just nuts.
Yeah.
I'm going to stop wiping my ass with Victoria's Secret magazines then because I don't think
that sounds like it's not healthy.
Sean uses hustler.
Do you I mean, it's strictly for this for the paper, the way the paper feels.
Yes.
Speaking of toilet paper, we can we had we had a grand adventure this is one thing.
Dudes like us that us we forgot to say that at the beginning.
I think they know that.
And you know what?
We didn't talk about our bourbon either at this point.
At this point, if they've gotten past like one or two episodes there, you know, they've
they're good dudes like us.
Sorry, I'm sorry.
I apologize, but I had a little note here and it just went off.
Yeah.
Anyway, we tie in into the toilet paper talk.
Yeah.
We and maybe the prepper talk.
I don't know.
We had this moment brought to you by the toilet paper.
Toilet paper talk by Jeff Johnson and Johnson, Johnson and Johnson.
So we went out of town.
We visited one of our boys.
We each of us has a son down in the college station region.
We went down there and enjoyed ourselves.
And on the way back, Sean had an urge.
He had an emergency.
Oh, it was an emergency.
He had to come on the way back.
Yeah, on the way back.
You had the purge.
Oh, he stopped by Mr. Hamburgers.
What is that place called?
Mr. Hamburger.
There you go.
Delicious.
Nailed it.
And as we were walking out, you're like, I have to shit.
And we're like, just go in and do it.
He was like, no, I'll do it on the road.
Well, when you're on the road and you get in the middle of Texas, there's nothing out
there.
And also, he is exceptionally particular about where he wants to go.
He needs a toilet seat recliner, essentially.
Right.
We had limited options.
I like to have a clean toilet.
Well, we all do.
But your criteria is your bar is very high.
You know how when you're traveling when you were a kid and your dad was like...
I definitely sucked it up this time.
You know how your dad would say, we're not stopping.
We're not stopping for anything.
This place was so bad.
We stopped like eight times.
Paul bailed out.
We stopped eight times.
And every time, Sean's like, oh, yeah, this isn't going to work.
I know.
No, no, no.
Hey, guys, keep going.
Get back on the freeway.
This isn't going to work.
I went inside.
First of all, the place was full, but it had one pooper and some dude was in there.
Yeah.
Sorry, I'm out.
A lot of people stand outside the door and wait for the guy to come out.
You were like, let's go.
The toilet seat is already warm.
You're not going to get that shot and sit down.
Well, I assure you, the toilet seat was very warm where I was at.
Yeah.
So we stopped at a rest stop.
And actually, this is a nice rest stop as far as rest stops are concerned.
It should have been.
But it was not up to par for what Sean was expecting or what he wanted his experience
to be.
I wanted like, come on, give me a corral, something to go inside and shut the door.
OK, that was odd to me as well.
So two...
What, half walls, quarter walls?
They were five feet high.
So all you had to do was walk up and just kind of look over the edge.
I could sit there.
If I were to sit down, I would not have eye contact with the next person.
Unless somebody walks up and kind of...
Yeah, if someone walks up and says, oh, how you doing, Paul?
Hey, Sean, you almost done?
Oh, I see you're wiping.
I'll give you a minute.
But that's just it.
When you try to go and wipe...
You see your back hunch over the wall?
Yeah, it's like you kind of look up and, oh, I see everybody.
OK, first off, I was in the stall next to you.
And apparently there was...
Apparently, yeah, no shit.
And there was apparently a flood because there was water everywhere.
Was it water or just like...
There was water on my side, too.
And that sucked because my shoelace wasn't tied.
Well, that's what I was saying.
So I'm thinking to myself, OK...
Absorptive, just sucking all that in.
Yeah, I'm thinking, OK, I got some khaki shorts on.
I'm thinking, OK, the bottom edges of the khaki shorts are going to be wet.
I'm thinking, I'm not doing this.
And not to mention, I'm thinking to myself, I'm looking the whole time, waiting for eyes
to come over the top.
Oh, sorry, dude, I didn't know you were in there.
So I'm saying, I said, fuck it, I'm out of here.
I bailed, but Sean stuck it out.
I thought Paul was there.
I had picked up my phone and put the camera on and went over the wall.
Did you really?
And he wasn't there.
Did you really?
So some Ramirez dude is like, hey, man, what are you doing?
He was kind of like, oh, my God.
You see the other guy's phone come over.
There was no one in there.
There was no one in the stall next to me.
You're lucky.
Thank God.
That would not have gone well.
They get lucky with some little kid.
Yeah, so I get back to the car and I let you know that Sean is exceptionally unhappy right
now because this is a worst case scenario for where he wants to shit.
So we wait.
We wait for you to come out.
Full lounge.
I know.
And we're waiting for your body language and you come out and you all like, oh, yeah, you've
got this frumpy growl going on and you're kind of hard stomping over to the car.
Looks like your ass kind of hurt because, you know, the toilet paper, I'm sure, was
Sears Robuck catalog.
It's a combination of the sandpaper.
But I brought little wet wipes with me.
I always have a little snus.
So I mean, you brought this on yourself.
You had like four options before that one and you shot them all down.
So well, the place was so bad, you bailed out.
Well, I'm just saying.
I stuck it through.
And I'm the one complaining.
Yeah, because you had a turtle head sticking out.
You had no choice at that point.
I could have held it.
It was you guys that were going to have the problem.
No, you kept saying I need to shit.
Let's find a place.
I say, hey, look, I told you we have an option.
You can pull over for me to go to the bathroom or you can smell my stinky.
I got to go to the bathroom first.
Yeah, well, I wasn't at Defcon 2.
He was at Defcon 1.
So I mean, you were you were you were struggling.
Yeah, his bear was peeking out of that cave.
Yeah, so I'm saying anyway, we enjoyed that.
It was that we enjoyed.
We enjoyed being at the
hotel.
The lobby bathrooms are always the best.
Right.
They are.
Yeah, they are.
Especially they got these new hotels popping up everywhere.
Go to a new hotel and you're a public bathroom bathroom expert.
I feel like I've been in lots of them.
Very particular.
Probably shouldn't have said it like that.
But seriously, what the hell does that mean?
Wow, that's kind of gross.
Yeah.
So that was that was a that was a fun experience.
It was.
Yeah.
Being down there to visit with the boys was kind of cool.
You know, I, you know, of course, I was kind of tired, but you guys had fun, right?
I know Paul did.
He got back to the hotel and yeah, we played.
I'm not done.
Oh, yeah.
Well, two thirty.
I'm not done.
And about 40 seconds later, I was snoring.
Yeah.
Nude.
Yeah.
OK.
I was not nude.
I don't know about that.
I deleted every one of those.
Thank you.
Because that was really awkward.
Look like your way to get mounted.
No, I think I just fell over.
Why did you sleep with your butt near like that?
I didn't.
Like I said, I we had two queen sized beds and then there was a couch and the couch was
a pullout.
All right.
It just slumped on the bullet.
Well, you know, we we did it fairly.
We we had this little little thing card and we ripped it in three and we folded it and
we noticed there was what was that card?
It was a it was from my it was from my.
It was a yeah, it was a Yukon cups and we ripped it in three and we said, all right,
whoever gets the UKO in is the one that's got to sleep on the couch.
There's Yuko Yuko.
You go there.
Whoever gets Yuko has to have.
So we wanted it up and then we threw it on the counter and then we all grabbed one.
Sean was the first one to pick one up.
But he didn't open it.
We didn't know.
I opened it first and I was like, oh, it's not me.
Thank God.
And then I opened it.
It was not me.
And then it was just like, yeah, the mystery, the mystery is over.
So I slept on the couch and it wasn't that bad.
You woke up and you said, I don't think my back will ever be right again.
Well, the funny thing is there was a curtain that separated that little area.
Well, I know, but it separated that area from the other two beds and we're like, yes, trying
to leave the curtain closed for us.
I mean, we kind of segregated him off to his own little shitty little area.
So I'm perched away from the air coming into the room.
You know, it's over by Jeff.
So I'm thinking, fuck, I'm downstream from Jeff and Paul.
So everything that's just expelled is just going to blow right onto you.
It just kind of hovers.
Yeah.
Everyone would smell like a refugee camp.
That was fun.
Yeah, we played beer pong.
That was fun.
I realized I'm the world's worst at beer.
I'm the best.
Steven, I was defeated.
I suck ass at that game.
Yeah, you did.
My son was getting so frustrated with me.
He was like, what are you doing?
I was like, I'm drunk.
I was going to say, you didn't beat me.
I lost because.
Yeah, you were an idiot.
No, I didn't care at that point because I had already won.
No, you didn't.
I did win, but you guys had one more chance.
Yeah.
You know, I was going to say, I'm going to beat you.
I'm going to beat you.
So, we won.
And you kept swatting the ball away so we won.
Yeah, well, for the record books, we won.
You can have it.
But that was fun.
It was a fun night.
And then we went clubbing.
I left.
You did.
You went back to the hotel room.
What was that all about?
You were exhausted.
You've been working a lot that week.
You guys had fun, though.
And you know what?
I had fun too.
I need to get some stuff done. So what about the club? What do you guys do?
It was fun.
We went to the same place we did with the huge martini glasses. I didn't get in. I didn't
drink. After we left the apartment, I had water.
Oh really?
Yeah, I didn't drink anymore.
And I probably had a couple gallons.
Seven or eight, nine.
Dozen.
Jack and Cokes or whatever. No, I really didn't. I had two or three maybe.
Per bar?
No.
I didn't get blown up.
Really?
When I was in the parking lot, I roided up. Come on, somebody fight me!
I was glad he heard.
He was too. Ripped his shirt off.
Are you not entertained?
I don't remember taking my shirt off.
Pinching your nips.
I was a little irritated by a car that got...
A little irritated?
They got super... They were going at a dangerous speed and got really close to us. And I let
them know that I was not happy with their disrespect for pedestrians.
Well, you do that area, especially with the friends that we know. Some people are just
stupid.
And there's lots of traffic. Lots of foot traffic and there's lots of car traffic.
And I'm surprised there isn't more accidents there, to be honest.
I do believe they need some bollards or some railing systems set up to protect some of
the pedestrians. It seemed to me like, especially coming up to that intersection like that,
where they're walking.
Did I say bollards?
You did say bollards. I'm kind of not sure what that is.
I'm assuming some sort of barrier.
B-O-L-L-A-R-D.
Bollard.
I just said it, but I didn't even know what I said. Those are those...
Sounds like a sex object.
Those tubes that stick in the ground.
Those posts that stick in the ground.
There you go.
Oh, there you go. You used it correctly.
All right. I was just making sure.
Bollard.
Because I said it, but I was on autopilot.
Did I just say bollard?
Yeah, they didn't.
That's the first time I've ever heard that term.
Bollard.
I've never... They have the target, the big round ones. Big red balls.
Yes, they do.
Interesting.
Those are spelled differently.
B-A-L-L-A-R-D.
Concrete Sphere Bollards.
Yeah.
God bless. That is a huge... A concrete sphere. 700 bucks will plan what you're going to do.
Yeah.
One of these spheres out there.
Yeah. See, target has them. Those big red ones.
Well, and then they have these ones that come out of the ground. They like raise up.
Oh, yeah.
So you can...
The cars are going through them.
So the cars, so if you need to get out, they lower down and back up and stuff.
Pretty cool. Pretty cool stuff.
Yep.
All right.
Well, there you go. Word of the day.
Bollard talk.
There you go.
So this bourbon that we got...
Yeah, yeah.
Let's circle back.
Why don't you close the first half, the pre-show, with some discussion on what we're drinking?
Oh, I have no idea. I know it's 1835. I know it's bourbon. It's a whiskey. It's 90 proof.
It's not a bourbon.
What says bourbon whiskey?
Oh, is it? I thought it was just a whiskey.
I thought so, too.
It's Texas. Well, it's Texan, 1835 bourbon. And there's a cannon tube that's on there.
So it's a nice big piece of cannon.
Now, you see what it says underneath, right? 1835 is the start of a battle. You remember
the come and get it flag?
Yeah, come and get it. Yeah.
That is the start of the 1835. There it is right there. 1835.
What is the name of that flag? The come and get it flag is called the...
I don't know.
Oh, maybe I'm thinking of the snake. Look up come and get it flag. I want to know the
name of that flag.
Well, that's a cannon. Don't tread on me is the other one.
Well, and yeah...
You're talking about the snake that's cut up? Well, there's a different meaning for the
snake that's cut up, if that's the one you're referring to.
The Gonzales flag?
Oh.
Oh, okay.
That's the Texas Revolution. That was the start. So 1835 must be the start of that battle.
At least that's what I read according to what I saw on that bourbon.
But as far as flavor, meh.
Yeah.
I'm not real impressed. It's not terrible, but it's one of those that I don't know if
I'd get again.
Yeah, it doesn't have a lot of flavor.
I was hopeful.
And it's not all that smooth either. So I don't know. We don't know the mash pill, right?
So it's corn.
Definitely 51% corn.
So the snake that's on Don't Tread on Me, they have a... there was a join or die.
A what?
A join or die flag that had a snake that was cut up into eight sections, which were the
eight colonies.
Okay.
And they used the same snake for Don't Tread on Me, I guess before it was cut up.
Was it at 13 colonies?
It was, but...
What's the significance of the eight colonies?
That's a good question.
So I definitely know that the coiled up flag, that's yellow, the coiled up snake, there
it is.
Don't Tread on Me.
Yeah, that has a name. There's a name for that flag.
So New England was represented as one segment rather than the four colonies it was at that
time. It later became a symbol.
Okay, so it was because they didn't start out with 11. They got to 11. So this was back
when they had... it was England. There you go. Actually, if you go back one, there's
little letters on top that represent Vermont, Maine, Pennsylvania, New England, New York,
New Jersey, Maryland, or that's Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina.
New England.
There you go. That's it. The more you know. Join or die.
But that's still not the flag I'm thinking of.
Which flag wasn't you talking about?
The Don't Tread on Me, that one right there.
It's that one, but there's a name for that flag.
That's the Gadsen flag.
Gadsen. Thank you. Gadsen.
Yeah, man. What the hell's wrong with you?
No, I mean, they're all legit.
I do like them. I like all those flags. I'd like to try to incorporate that in my imaginary
office once I figure out what I'm going to do with them.
That's on my Yeti here. Come and take it.
Yeah, that's the Texas Revolution.
It is. Yeah.
That's a prideful thing.
It is. So as far as the bourbon is concerned.
Yeah, they probably should have started in 1835 to try to get the recipe right. I'm not
I'm with you guys. It's it's not fantastic. I want to be honest. It's got that taste.
And we try to nail that taste down. Paul mentioned it's got that that what do you call it?
I don't remember. It's got a bad taste to it. And Jeff said it's like the tobacco scene,
but it's like it makes me when you smoke a cigarette that aftertaste. Yeah. Sort of reminds
me of anyway. I hate slamming a bourbon and it's it's it's not horrible. I just you know
what I think it's big comes down to it simply comes down to how long it's been in the barrel.
I mean, it's got to be that's got to be the difference. I think that's a bit it's been
there for three years, three years or less. It's also the combination of stuff. So that's
in it. But when you taste the alcohol, I mean, how do I phrase that? It could be a very young
does it have an age statement on there? What is the mash bill on this? Yeah, I think it
has to do with any any bourbon that's been there three years or less. Take it. Unless
there's an exceptional recipe. It's got it. You can. It's I don't know how to describe
it. In 1835, the first battle for Texas independence was fought a white makeshift flag bearing
a painted image of a cannon was proudly raised. The flag simply said, come and take it. More
than 175 years later, I think they should add to the word bitch. No, I think they did.
They come and take it, bitch. Well, cancel culture in the later part of that century
made them take off, bitch. So 1835 bourbon is aged and is now in charred oaks been handcrafted
in limited quantities. In every patiently aged sip, you will find brighter aromas. I
don't know. It's kind of hard to read to. All right. What time is it? I don't even know.
We are wrapping up the pre show. Perfect timing. Yeah. Pre shows done. We're going to go take
a break and get to the yingling. That was good. Yeah, that was tasty. Anyway, we'll
be back part two. See you shortly. Thanks for joining us.