Oh, bourbon.
Oh, yeah.
Let me go get the bottle.
Yeah, Mr. Producer was making a motion over there saying,
where's the bottle?
Yeah, where's the bottle?
Memorial weekend, just passed.
It has.
Is that the official start of summer?
I don't know.
What marks the official day of summer, Mr. Producer?
Do you know?
Maybe the
where's that MG or the
the GPT
chat GPT, where's chat GPT when you need them?
Just ask Siri.
Hey Siri.
I thought it was Memorial Day.
What is the first day of summer?
There we go.
I don't believe that's what I asked.
What was it?
It says Memorial Day.
I was thinking that.
Summer solstice.
I don't
know when is it?
That's what I said, June 21st.
Oh, jeez. So we have like almost a whole
month before summer starts?
It's still springtime.
No, that can't be right.
When did they change that?
It was last week.
We changed it.
Congress voted on it?
It was last week.
So it's still summer.
First day of summer is June 21st.
Yes.
I feel so dumb.
Hope you got your pencils ready and your calendars out.
The first day of summer in North America is Wednesday, June 21st.
The first day of spring is March 20th.
It also happens to be still in spring.
Correct.
It also happens to be the longest day of the year.
So
so I was going to
like do grass seed.
You know, do it early spring.
Or late spring.
I was going to say
Are we middle spring?
We have three weeks left
of spring.
March 20th
is the first day.
March, April, May, June.
It's exactly three months.
You can do it the very last day before it.
That's late. Late spring.
It says early spring for putting
down grass seed.
I need some sod.
We put down grass seed
and it was in the middle of summer.
And it worked great.
Really?
My front yard is an absolute disaster.
I have the St. Augustine
and I think I have two gigantic
Chinese pistachios.
And A, it's not getting enough sun.
Is that what you're calling your balls?
No. Chinese pistachios?
I got these two large Chinese pistachios between my legs.
There are two other giant things that I don't
know. I'm not going to tell you the name.
Are they green?
No.
Is it pistachio green?
You're talking about my trees.
Is that your nickname?
I was like, wow, you're getting very personal.
Very, very personal.
What is the grass that grows in the shade?
Is that Bermuda?
Zoysia.
That's a fescue, right?
Zoysia is one of them.
It's either St. Augustine or
I don't know.
St. Augustine does well down here, but...
St. Augustine is more shade tolerant
than Bermuda is.
But not enough. And my front yard
looks like ass. I need a bunch
up front. I need some along my side
because I don't get a lot of sun on my side yard.
So the Pennington dense shade
grass seed is a
fescue blend.
A fescue blend. So that's what I
was going to try, but I thought I already missed my
window.
Where are you going to buy it from?
Home Depot. Do they have that?
They do. Or Lowe's.
Either one. Take your cup.
I'm very disheartened by my
front yard. We used to have Bermuda.
We tried St. Augustine. It looks like
ass. I think
I'm going to have to do something up front.
Because ever since I had my foundation
made, or
fixed, they had
the extra dirt. And in my front yard
I had a, not a divot,
but a dent.
They're like, hey, can you want us to fill it?
We're like, yeah, sure.
And it's been dirt ever since.
That was five years ago.
It's slowly starting.
You're supposed to slowly add it.
No, it was a lot.
I know, but you're supposed to slowly add it.
In fact, like in your front yard, I believe,
you probably just dump like a sprinkles bag
every month or something, every couple
weeks. Well, those are at Sand Works.
Yeah, that's what I meant.
This is dirt. Shit, they dug up.
Yeah, from under your foundation.
Well, before we get too far,
it is,
it's close. So what is today? Today is
May 30th. May 30th. And we haven't had a
podcast in three weeks.
It's ridiculous. Yeah, we've been busy. I know
it was my fault last week, but
what were the other two? You were busy.
Were you traveling? I don't know.
Well, dudes, I got some Sean.
I'm Paul. And I'm Jeff. And we got lots
to talk about. We've got deaths.
We've got the debt ceiling. We've got
the Memorial Weekend events that occurred.
We've got shooting. Paul's first brisket.
Yeah. Paul's first brisket.
We're bursting with information.
Aren't we?
Bursting with information.
Oh, yeah. Yes. Well, let's get to it.
What do you want to start with?
Let's start with the comeback of Paul's
anti-sobriety. Anti-sobriety.
No, let's not.
Let's just pass that. That's probably not
a, that's not a very nice
opening. Let's open.
You know, we had fun.
It was a fun party. And, you know,
and you know what? The food, the brisket
was a little dry, but it tasted fantastic.
And, you know, all of it was dry.
Just, what is it called? A flat?
Two thirds of it? The flat, yeah.
Two thirds of it.
I think you need to work on your rub as well.
I think you needed more of it. More rub?
It takes a shit ton. That's a huge piece.
That's 15 pounds of meat. I put a ton on
it and I thought it's going to be so nasty salty
that I, but it needed more.
Okay. Yeah, I think it needed more.
Okay. And I just needed to pull it off
earlier. And we went through that.
It was like I had three different thermometers.
I couldn't really trust any of them
because they were all over the place.
So does the rub actually,
a lot of times when you have
salt in your meat
and you cook it, if there is a lot
of salt in it, it depletes the water.
But then, during the,
when you take it out, what is it called, the resting period,
the salt actually kind of brings it
back in. Your water is fat.
The crutch is the fat
that you render. That's why you take it up to
203-ish. Because you need
that fat to render into juice.
We were trying to figure out, while
it was resting, if the
towels that
wrapped the meat that were wet
from the juices
was the reason. Also, from the
it wasn't juices, it was just
moisture from the
wrap. It may not have been, but it
wasn't juice. It wasn't discolored.
Your dog was like rubbing itself
all over the, just eating the towel.
There was so much juice.
So anyway, and I
don't use the butcher paper.
I have.
I made a game time decision on that one. I think I won't do
that again. So when do you use butcher paper? Because I suggest
using it. You can do it both
ways. Because there's two things, at least,
that I've found. Maybe I haven't used butcher
paper correctly.
Because the butcher paper helps save your
bark. Right? Yes.
But, in my
experience, it produces a
slightly drier brisket. Interesting.
So it must be letting out
more moisture than tinfoil would be.
Correct. Right. Where if you tinfoil
it. Unless you wrap it correctly.
Maybe. Correct.
It's got to be a tight wrap. I've only done it
a couple of times. I need to try it again.
Because a lot of people swear by it. I just have it in
the tinfoil. I'm not sure if it's a good success for it.
In the brief research I did, the elites,
like the competition guys.
Well, they want that nice
bark. Dark. Right.
And I do the foil.
And it traps all that.
All that juice gets stuck in there.
And it steams it.
And it works back into it.
So all that juice is there.
I'll tell you this. It's way easier to wrap
tinfoil. Like when it's hot,
and you're trying to work quickly because
you're able to lose too much heat. I mean, granted you're opening the lid.
Taking it out, shutting the lid really quick.
Right. Right. And then you're wrapping it
as quick as possible and getting it back on there.
But yeah, tinfoil is way easier. Did you lay two strips out?
Right. How much
fat did you take off? Yep. Yep. And then
like a make a cross. Did you take off a lot
of fat? Did I?
How much fat did you leave on there?
Quite a bit. I mean,
you know, I mean it's all... Well, he
called me, FaceTimed me. Yeah.
And you didn't take...
There was one spot where you bottomed out.
Yeah. It said, don't create that crater.
And I had already done that.
But you know, that was not the dry part.
Did you glue it back? But that was not the dry part.
No. No. It's...
And I left all the fat
on the dry part, on the flat.
Almost. Yeah, because you got a quarter inch.
Yep. Unless it's exactly the way it was.
You could feel it because it would be really hard.
Yeah. It's like if you feel the hard fat, you can
usually cut some of that off. But I don't
know. Try it next. You got to learn your grill.
Do you have any hot spots? Yep.
You need to find out where my hot spots are.
I think I just needed to pull it off earlier.
That's all. Did you have your... And there's two schools
of thought. I don't know which one's right
because everyone says something different.
Fat down or fat up?
How'd you do it? I did fat down.
Yeah. I typically do fat down.
Yeah. But I just mean
you could do it either way. Yeah, because I've
seen videos where they do that and they're like
it's the same. Yeah.
So there's no benefit to the others.
Yeah. I would think that the fat
up would benefit it just
because of gravity. And it kind
of melts down into the meat. Just
thinking about it. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
I always do fat down. But I thought
it was tasty. It was good.
It was a success. And I would tell you every single time
that I do my
leftover food, I always steam
it. And I steamed...
The next day I steamed the brisket
and it was the flat part and it was
not dry at all.
It was definitely moist. More moist.
When I steamed it. Moist.
Moist.
We had a good showing.
We had Scott. We had
the Jeffs. Yeah, we had a lot
of people I hadn't seen in a while. It was fun.
It was good to see everybody. I thought the women
had a great time. There was a good group of women outside
all doing their thing
and the guys were inside. I thought it was funny that we all
we were out of there before 10.
Everybody was. Yeah, we're all like
the same. We were all in the same room.
We were all in the same room.
And it was cold. Yeah, that was
something different.
Because it's usually
past midnight. Oh yeah.
We're out there singing. Well, I mean look,
Paul was ahead of us in the
drinking part. Not really.
I think I just
I started at the same time you did.
You turned that corner pretty quick.
I know I did. No, but what I mean is
I think my liver wasn't used to it because I
just had beer and I had that one shot.
That's what I meant by it. I had one shot
that bourbon
you brought over.
Which I was not a fan of by the way. Cooperstown.
I don't think it was a fair assessment.
I mean, I agree with you. I didn't like it either.
But I still don't think
it wasn't a fair assessment. I don't like drinking.
I don't like sampling the bourbons
in metal cups.
It was a plastic cup I think.
Yeah, that's true too.
But I didn't
like, no I drank mine out of the metal cup.
Because I had my
cup. You had your tumbler.
It would be nice if we had a tumbler wouldn't it?
Yeah, he's got his elite
drinking style.
Speaking of bourbons, did you lose
your rainbow tumbler as well?
No, the seal
broke and it leaked and
I had to toss it.
So what's the bourbon we're drinking tonight,
gentlemen?
I think this is a remake.
This is one of the first ones that we did.
A rerun.
Let's back up and tell them
for those that don't know,
the Dude's Unguessed podcast, we sample
bourbons the first half and the second half.
And we have a collection of bourbons
over
150, 60, 70.
We were at the, yeah
somewhere around there. We have a lot of bourbon.
And we go through it and we were just
buying a bourbon every single week. Each of us
would buy a bourbon or we'd put our money together
and we'd buy a bourbon. And so we started building
up the collection and sampling it. And the
bourbon that sits out there just sits and we're like,
we gotta go down. So now we do a new
bourbon and an old bourbon for the podcast.
And for the podcast, the first
half, we're going back and
we're re-sampling these because our palates
have evolved. They've
matured. Yeah.
So there we go. And then whatever
is left in the bottle after we hit it a
second or third time, we
contribute to the Infinity Bottle. That's right.
Which we did tonight. Which is, if
we keep doing this, that's going to be done soon.
That Infinity Bottle. Yeah.
We're about two thirds. Yeah.
Maybe even three fifths. Yeah.
So the Infinity Bottle is just a
big jug. It's a big gallon.
It's a big gallon glass jug. Yeah, a big gallon glass
jug and it looks amazing because it's
got a whole bunch of different bourbons mixed
in there. It's a dark color too. I know.
It's got a wonderful hue.
Man, there, I think I'm up to
bottle number 27.
In that bottle?
27 bottles have been dumped into that
Infinity Bottle. And we've been writing
down exactly what they are and how many
ounces. Because if we ever want to
recreate the same thing again. Oh, that's impossible.
That's impossible. What? No, we have
written all down. Yeah, well, you know, some of it was
kind of guessed. But, you know, we actually sampled
a small microcosm
of the Infinity Bottle
halfway through.
Maybe we do that,
maybe we sample right at halftime
before our next tour.
Hey, whoa, is it a...
Just a very small, not a big pour. But is it a
special event? I thought those are special events.
Well, it is a special event. We're a
happy year back. Hey, it's always
a special event. Oh, and I like the shirt,
Paul. That's the first I've seen you wear it. I know.
You're wearing a Foxtrot Juliet Bravo. I am.
I thought it was appropriate. You wear it to
Costco. I get lots of smiles and thumbs up
when I wear it to Costco. Yeah? That's funny.
I do get people glaring at me, though.
Yeah, they're going to glare at you for anything.
How many? Is that like one third? 25%?
Most people have a positive response
to it. The ones who understand it. Right.
And then every now and then I'll get people glaring
at me. It's like when I wear my
t-shirt that says, Make Texas
a Country Again. Oh, yeah.
You get a bad response from that? No, no,
no, no. I get a lot of looks.
I get a lot of looks and a lot of
smiles and thumbs ups and stuff like that.
I don't think I've ever gotten somebody being pissy
unless they thought it was like, Make America Great Again.
You know what I mean? Oh, no. Whatever.
So I've got a couple relatives.
My dad's side is from
the East Coast and there are a lot of
Democrats. So of his
siblings, he's got four. And of the
four, one is Republican, three are
Democrat. And they are so
hardcore Democrat, they
deleted me from Facebook.
Because
first of all, they post
just stupid shit.
And I just... They?
Like your family and they
erased you. Oh, they just beat up Trump
and stuff and... No, I
kind of get rid of them. And are you going to spend time with them on an island
here soon? Well, in July I
am. And that's what I was driving at because we were talking about
the t-shirt. I was like, You know what? I'm
going to buy a bunch
of t-shirts. And
every day. Just to screw
with them. Oh, yes. Well, one of the things I'm
not going to do is I'm not going to talk about politics.
Good. While I'm there because...
What's the point? I mean, why...
What if they're talking amongst themselves?
I'll still avoid it.
There's no way you would be able to.
No. My dad and I had a conversation.
I will not talk about it.
Because they know you.
No, no. I talked to my dad
about it. No, I'm the one that brought it up.
I didn't want any part of it because it would
totally be a deal breaker because they are
so headstrong Democrat. And what's the point?
Yeah. What's the point of making
everybody upset during the weekend and getting into
fights? They're in their mid-70s.
They're in their mid-70s,
their early 80s.
They're never changing. They've been drinking the Kool-Aid
for so long. They just
believe it. It's kind of like,
this is yellow and you're clearly looking at a
red rose. You know? It's not a
yellow rose, it's red. Yeah, I don't understand it.
You're a racist. You are.
Yeah, it's a beat down. Yeah, so T-shirts.
Do it passive
aggressively. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
Yes. Like Democrats like it in the...
Wait. In the...
Go on. Finish that thought.
What would the shirt say?
Well, that's a good one. The five-striped shirt.
I like that one. Too bad mine doesn't
fit anymore. I'm too sausage-y.
So... Alright, back to
the Bourbon ten year.
Yes. Go ahead, Paul. Very respectable.
Straight bourbon.
Undisclosed source. Interesting.
What the hell? What's up with that?
Distillery. Undisclosed source.
Probably because it's an MGP.
Ah.
Alright. They have...
Multi-grain products. I have
heard that they're starting to distill
their stuff, but
Bullet for the most is, as far as
I know, still MGP.
So it tastes pretty good.
It's good, yeah. And it's, what, 91
proof? Yeah, it's got some
spice on it. It does. It's got a harsh
finish. Little peppery. I mean, right at the
front, as Paul had mentioned, the smell
was a little ethanol-y, but after
it goes away a little bit, it's got
a sweet caramel, vanilla notes
are beautifully offset
by toasted oaken spice.
Oh boy. A noticeable deeper
layer of citrus, cherry, butterscotch,
and pepper
adds a small but beneficial layer
of depth. A healthy inhale of the
aromas is even more satisfying
as it brings out an extra layer of intensity.
While it will be going too
far to call the sense amazing,
they definitely leave a positive impression, better
than some of the Bourbons, twice its price.
I kind of pick up a urine smell.
Oh, like urine what?
Oh.
Sorry.
You know what reminds me? My dad sent me an email.
It's like a dad joke. I've been on that
23 and me.
I've been on it for a while. My mom was on there.
And my dad, I was like, Dad, you gotta get in it,
you gotta get in it, get your test done. So I want to see
some of your other family members that pop, that show up on the
thing. And so I
sent him one. I bought it on Amazon Mail,
and he received it today. And he
sent me an email. He says, Hey, I got my
DNA test. I was like, cool.
Well, spit in it and send it back.
He was like, spit in it? I peed in it.
What the hell?
Good for you guys.
Hope he's joking. But I'm
sorry. I just thought it was
funny. Now the FBI is going to show up at his
door in about a week.
Yeah, we found you. And your 15
illegitimate kids.
I don't know. I don't know how I feel
about that. I don't know if I'm
going to be able to get that, the whole 23andMe
thing. I guess. Yeah, I'm not doing it.
I don't want to be on the radar like that.
But I mean, I have nothing to hide from.
23andMe, I think, shares their information.
There are certain ones that share information with the
government. 23andMe is one of them, I believe.
Right. I mean, I do like how it's
breaking cold cases, right?
Yeah. Sean, you gotta be careful.
And some obscure uncle. I don't think it
matters. All that time in El Paso.
Yeah. I don't think it matters.
I mean, I think it's a good thing that
they're doing regular labs and stuff like that.
But if they can pull your DNA
out of your saliva,
listen, I have, I mentioned
that my dad has, or maybe I did,
my dad is, he's one of five siblings.
So his parents were married.
He was born. His parents got a divorce.
And his mom married
somebody else and they had, she had four
additional kids. Well, when I took
the 23andMe, I mean,
bam, instantly.
It's just amazing. It is amazing.
That, you know, my dad's half-sister
just populated on the test. Boom!
Just like that. I was like, this is some real shit.
All your cousins should be on there as well.
Well, I mean, people that
participated. Yeah, for sure. But now,
I mean, now I've got cousins
everywhere that I'm seeing. In fact,
I mean, it's kind of crazy.
That's creepy. All over the United States.
I don't know if creepy is the right word, but...
And I got people reaching out to me, hey, who was your
grandmother on your mom's side?
I would have no idea.
Grandmother? Your mother's
grandmother?
My grandmother. Oh. On my mom's side.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Just stuff like that.
And even my great grandmother.
You know, I mean, back
there, there was some indigenous blood up there.
I mean, I don't have any of it. I don't need to know any of that.
I think the ancient stuff would be
interesting, but the current stuff, I
know my cousins, stuff like that.
I don't need to know some obtuse. But how accurate is the
ancient DNA? Like, for them
to say you're related to Christopher Columbus.
I don't know. How accurate is that?
Do they have Christopher Columbus's DNA?
Right. Well, he was not part of the 23andMe
program, was he? Right.
That's exactly right. I mean, how do they
do that stuff? Well, it's just like
I saw, you know how the PBS has
the You're Related To show?
And the black lady who's
a big, militant black
lady found out she was
a descendant of the Pilgrims.
The original. Somebody
who came over on the Mayflower. Yeah, came over on the
Mayflower. So again, how
So I mean, how do they have
that DNA? They don't have that DNA.
They died hundreds of years
Unless they dug a bunch of bodies up and scraped.
Maybe.
Unless they have the, what is it called, the genealogy?
Unless they have
that and you trace it back
Well, it's by DNA though, right?
Well, up to
a certain point. Yeah, he's right.
They trace it back up to a certain point where your DNA
can factually check it
and then they just do database
reverse research
and then they go back to the records. That's exactly how they do it.
Okay. That makes sense.
That's it. I thought it was interesting.
How far does yours go back?
To the 1800s?
Great-great-grandfather, yeah. Is that when
they came over from
Chechnya? So that's why I want my dad
to do it
because, you know, he's got
his real
grandfather
owned a
god bless it, a
hardware store. Plantation.
What do they call that? What do they call the hardware store
back there?
This is a specific name
that they call it. It wasn't a hardware store.
They called it something else. Blacksmith?
No, a hardware store, like a Home Depot.
But they called it something else.
So that was kind of interesting.
So he got off the boat and he
opened up a common
hardware store.
A mercantile.
General store? Yeah, it's called a mercantile store.
And this was in Boston.
So he opened up a mercantile store
in Boston and that's where it all started.
And then my dad's
dad became a plumber
in the Hartford
area of Connecticut and then my dad
came along. It's kind of interesting.
It is fascinating. Is that
mercantile still there?
I don't know. I don't know.
I kind of envision what it looked like. I don't know if that's
just something I made up in my mind.
Looks like a Lowe's?
I don't know.
Big box?
No, it's just a mercantile store.
It was probably back then. Dirt roads
had hitches for the horses.
Or wagons.
And they had horse shoes.
I think it's cool though.
I'd like to know that stuff.
Again, I don't care about
people reaching out to me today.
I don't need that. I don't need that mess.
Well maybe they need a closure on something.
Maybe they don't know who their mother or father is.
They need to research more.
You're part of that cog.
The missing information. Of course.
They don't need my stuff. You're the blocker.
I'm not saying you're the blocker from
thousands of people getting closure.
Thousands. Thousands.
Yeah, but thousands of cousins.
Your son can do it and then
there's just an empty little space.
Yeah, there'll be just like a black thing
or whatever. And then he'll fill it in.
Jeff.
It'll say top secret sealed. Can you fill in names?
Yep. Oh, alright.
Oh really? Yep.
So when I did mine,
I basically filled in my
family tree.
Of what I knew. And they kind of
revamped it.
And with the empty
spaces that were empty,
they... And so they didn't try
to fill it in based on public records or anything
like that.
Because if your dad didn't do it and you did, they know who your dad is.
That's pretty easy to figure out. I didn't do my dad's side.
I did mostly my mom's side.
Because AI would be able to figure that out in a freaking hurry.
Chet GBT. That's probably true.
In fact,
I think that's huge.
I don't know why they don't...
I mean, that would be the
perfect mechanism just to use
AI to determine genealogy.
Oh yeah. I mean, it's...
Researching public records. Oh gosh.
Bam. I mean, it would
totally figure all that out.
You should do it and see
if you'd have to pay into reparations.
As my family are our own slaves.
Well, we never did.
I can say that for sure.
Now, even on my mom's side,
we didn't because
they lived in Germany. Very few people these days,
their families,
did. Yeah, so that
seems kind of shitty. So back to that reparations
thing, I don't want to be strumming that guitar too hard,
but you know, that is kind of shitty.
I mean, why should I have to pay for
people that...
I didn't do it, and they
weren't affected. So why am I,
the person that didn't do it, have to pay
this... Because you're white.
Am I though? I think it's absurd.
Yes. You're as white as I am. I think it's absurd,
and I think it's absurd that for us
to be against it makes us
targets. Yeah, that's basically it.
Totally right. I mean, I'm like,
really? Because I don't support that,
I apparently am automatically
probably labeled a racist.
And I'm like, that's... I saw one of the
squad
just introduced, I think it was
a 15 trillion dollar
bill
for reparations. They think it's not
real money. They think it's not real money.
It is real money.
Where's that coming from? They don't care,
because it's already 31 trillion, what's another
15? Well, that's half of our current debt.
I know that, but they don't think it's real money.
Is it Cori Bush who did that?
Probably. One of them did.
Anyway, I'm just like...
From their perspective, capitalism is evil.
That was Tlaib, I believe that did it.
They're all idiots.
I know. But they think capitalism
is evil, right? Because
capitalism rewards the
few, or the hard working,
and it screws the other people.
The hard working, if you work, you get paid.
Right. So, in other words, if they
hate capitalism, then they don't
think that the debt is real.
They don't think money is real.
Well, AOC said, well, you just print more.
That's right. They just think it's...
She's not grounded on anything.
They just think it's... At some point, we're going to do
away with it, and everybody's going to make the same
amount, and money will be an irrelevant
thing. Do you see AOC in
a town meeting, where they were
just yelling her down? Throwing verbal...
That was about a year ago, wasn't it?
No, this was recent. Well, yes, it was a year ago,
and then she had another one, and it occurred
again, and this time, she was the same thing,
just snarky, and just kind of like,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Well, I mean, I didn't watch
it either, but they had the highlights of it.
She is totally disconnected
from the base
in her district.
She's only been there this week. Is she?
She's still getting 90 plus percent.
Well, I think that's just sheer ignorance.
I think people that were there
really called her out, and they were
just like, hey, look, man, this is what
you voted on. Why are you voting on this?
Because we don't want that. Explain yourself.
And she completely dismissed
everything they said. She couldn't explain
herself, that's why. She could not, no. Big time.
I watched a video today of Ted Cruz,
and it was during a... Was he naked?
You know, Ted Cruz
naked up there, helicoptering on the
tradition committee. Only fans? You were on his
Only Fans? I was,
under your account. Oh, on my account?
Yes. Damn it.
Geez. I should not have given you the password.
Anyway, he was
a couple days ago, March, middle of
May, I guess.
And he was,
it was during a, they were trying to confirm,
I think, three or four federal judges
that Biden nominated. Right.
And he basically said, they are
wholly unqualified,
stupid people.
You use the word stupid, but... We've seen
some of those testimonies. And he's like,
and I think they were all
sitting there, and he was
relentless, and he had examples and all
this stuff. He goes, you are terrible.
And basically, what I want to
get to is, he was calling out his
Democrat counterparts, going, I can't believe
not one Democrat
will tell Joe
Biden, yeah, you need to try
again. And he goes, when Trump
would notify, yeah, we,
we passed
a lot of really good judges, but if a bad one
came around, we'd send them back.
Not one time
on one nomination has
any Democrat ever done that. Because they're
just not rational. And that's basically
what he was getting at. He was slamming the thing,
but he was also slamming all the Democrats on that call.
Because that's who's accountable. They're rubber stamping it.
They're like, he's like, they're not going to take your
Democrat button if you say, hey, not
this one. Right.
But not one of you is going to vote for this person,
and he laid it out on why they were
terrible. And you know what, that's what,
that's why I've lost all faith in
all politicians, because, again,
and I'll, the same, the same
vision is during that stupid
State of the Union address.
They keep saying these broad themes
that are good for everybody, or
not good for anybody. Right. Half the room
standing, half the room sitting. There isn't one person
standing on the other side or one person sitting
on the other side. Not everybody could
possibly have that level of groupthink.
It's literally not possible.
And they do. So that
means it's a lost cause. Right.
So there you have it. I think
term limits would help that.
That's huge. Because you have these
people that are in power. Mitch McConnell
is one of them. Yep. And they
and they're thinking their careers. Yes.
Like, I'm going to be here forever. I want to
be here forever. Yes. This is my career.
And if I don't toe the line, I can't
upset anybody. They'll pull the money,
they won't help me win again. That's right. And I'll
get pulled off of committees. Correct.
Where I have like important resume
building stuff. Right.
Yeah, that's it. Right there. So I think. Term limits
completely solves that problem. Schumer,
McConnell on the Republican
side, all of them,
all these guys that have been there forever.
They need to be there for two terms, get
the shit done for the people that sent them there
and leave and then leave, which is
what it always was intended to be.
And then I think there needs to be
an age limit. Feinstein.
I'm not sure.
She doesn't even know she knows how it's going on
anymore. The week it is. Yeah.
She didn't understand why Kamala Harris was there.
But is she in these committees voting on stuff?
Yeah.
They're probably, you know, guiding her hand
and pushing a button or something. Her little
skeletal finger. Yes. I mean, she's
90 something. It's ridiculous.
There comes a point where you go, OK,
in all fairness, you can't do this.
She may be complacent. She
she has
more faculties
than our president.
It could be true. She
still can talk.
It's a tough fight on that one. They had a
they had a flat out. They were interviewing her
and she's having the full long conversation.
She's lucid.
She looks very frail.
She looks frail. She is frail. But I mean,
when her brain is still there, she seems
sharp as a tack. In fact, when
they asked her or they shared with her
that she was retiring
because she didn't know
and her staff had released that she was
retiring.
She was planning on it.
It did. So you saw part of that?
Yeah, it made her look like so stupid.
But the thing is that during that
that interview, she was there.
She was there in mind.
I mean, she was able to answer questions and
she sounded like she knew what she was talking about.
She may have been full of shit, but it doesn't matter.
She had, you know, it was a full
round. It can happen.
I mean, I had a great aunt, maybe a great great aunt.
She lived to like a hundred.
And I'll be damned if
she was. Well, there's different, right?
She was on it up until
my dad is the same age as Joe Biden.
He's still smart. Right.
You know, he could string along a
conversation. Yeah. So it isn't necessarily
age, but it is its behavior.
Well, that's why I think when you see Biden
behave the way he does, like wandering
around, not knowing what's going on and losing
his sentence and not being able to follow a teleprompter.
Right. That's syndication.
And everybody's recognizing it.
And he walks like he's a corpse.
I know it. I can't stick. What
they call that? A gate. His gate.
He's got old man gate. There's something going on.
It's gate. G-A-I-T.
Yes. Gate. And what does that mean?
It just means an old man shuffle.
It's how you walk. Yeah, it's your
walk. Oh, OK.
Your gate can be, you know,
strong and powerful or your gate can be
frail. It can be John Travolta, Senate Live.
It's just a manner of walking.
That's a good gate.
That's a great gate.
Yes, we all want the John Travolta gate.
And the Bee Gees video.
Watching the three of them walk with their big collars
and their hair flowing.
Super tight polyester pants. Beautiful.
There are certain social
inner city
folk that walk
a certain way. Urbanites.
Yeah, urbanites. You know, like
They have a certain gate. Yeah, they have a certain
gate. Everybody has a... Cowboys
have their bow. There we go.
They walk all, how you doing,
lovely lady? The assless chaps.
I think the spirit
of... He said what you told me. I think you watch
Yellowstone too much. Gate abnormalities
are usually due to diseases
or injuries to the legs, feet, brain,
spinal cord. They say that the
gate that Biden has is to do with his brain.
Hold on, hold on.
So gate is not... It's referring
to something wrong with you? No.
The word gate,
G-A-I-T, just refers
to the manner of walking. Your style
of walking. Yeah, it can be good, bad.
But there are certain gates that are
created because of
impairments. Oh, I see. Yeah, I see.
Abnormal gates. Like the way he walks.
Like Biden's shuffling around like he's going to fall
over at any moment. Correct. And then
you get petrified because he starts to run.
You're like, oh my god, he's going to break a hip.
That sprinkler
head is going to get him. That is the president
of the United States, the leader
of the free world. And look,
look at him. It's just so
painful. He's frail.
And he announced his presidency
what, two months ago?
Zero press
release. Or not...
Press conferences.
Oh yeah, well no.
Or interviews.
He won't do anything. He'll sit in his basement just like
he did in the first. Someone had a...
I was watching, I think,
the Five today, a portion of
a Greg Gutfeld
mentioned something about how...
No, maybe it was
the other one. The guy in the middle. What's his name?
The guy in the middle?
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
The hair.
I don't like the hair. Jesse Waters.
So Jesse Waters was talking about
he was making a comparison about
playing football. He made
a comparison about quarterback. Joe Biden's like the quarterback.
You're not
allowed to go in there, alright, we're going to play
a game. For the Republican
side, it's do whatever
you want. Ne'em, head to
head, whatever you want. For
the Democrat side,
there's nothing. You're not allowed to do this,
you're not allowed to do that. It's like Tom Brady.
It's a two-hand touch, you're not allowed to do
any of this or that. It's just like all these rules
to set them up for failure.
To keep him from failing. And then he sits there
and unloads on the press. It's like it's all on
the press. The press is the number one
problem of this. You know, it's because they don't
report anything new or real.
Right. Unbelievable.
Yeah, it's quite shocking.
And it...
It's back to...
I want to say George Soros.
And whoever owns these
news organizations.
What is it? Blackfoot?
Black... Black...
Water? Blackwater?
Well, it's all these parent companies. Blackrock.
Blackrock, yeah. Blackrock. All these parent
companies that... Vanguard. That...
And Berkshire and just these big companies
that they own everything. Yeah, they're
really running the show, right? They really are.
Yeah, it goes back
to... That's what's driving
a lot of this Bud Light stuff. Bud Light's really...
I don't think they're going to recover from this.
30% now.
It's 30% now.
It was 25. It jumped to 30%
down. They're still selling
a shit ton. Yeah, they're the number one
seller. Are they still? Oh, I
don't know. I don't know if they still are.
So they were... After dropping 30%?
So they're selling 70% of what they
were. Yes.
Where does it come to where they're like
all right, we need to stop this brand
and create something new?
The other brands are getting... Taking a hit too.
Mick Ultra.
Yep. Down 6.8%.
Stella and
Corona. The other ones are taking a hit.
There's a couple others in there. I know.
Regular Budweiser. And you know what's really interesting?
That shocked me.
So the amount that they're down
is what the main competitors are up.
Right? Coors is up. Miller Light is up.
And they...
They weren't anticipating this
overnight demand.
When I say overnight, like I'm talking
about in like weeks, they
were not anticipating this demand and
it could be causing a supply
chain issue for them because it takes a while
to make beer. Right.
And so they're scrambling to make as much
beer as they can to have this lovely
situation. Well, it's a good problem.
I think... Wonderful problem. I think
the beer we're drinking, Ying Ling,
I think they could really capitalize
on this. If they went nation... Because they're not
nationwide yet. I think if they went
nationwide and really
did the... Because they're the oldest
brewery in America. Yes.
If they capitalized on that,
they could grab a lot of market share.
And all they have to do is have a commercial that says...
They don't even have to dog-bud light.
I mean, they'll do it indirectly, but they can just say
we know who you are,
we know who we are, and
we're just going to make you enjoy
a great beer. Yes. Something simple.
Very subtle.
The oldest American beer in the...
Whatever. Yep. And we've known our customers
from day one. Correct. That's it.
That's all you got to say.
And they would do very well.
Did you go to Harvard
in marketing? I did. I did.
You should be VP of marketing.
And you know what I love about this whole situation?
Is that now they're coining this as
when other companies do
something stupid, they said they...
We need to bud light them.
Right.
Like when Target did their thing,
they were like... And now Coles.
Coles is celebrating onesies
that have
gay pride on them and stuff like that.
And so the moms that were upset about it
were like, we need to bud light them.
Right. Now it's a verb.
It's great. And there's
some people that are complaining, saying you guys
are a bunch of cry babies. You know?
Fuck them. That's what I got to say about it.
How many times have they tried
to shut down Chick-fil-A or Hobby Lobby?
Chick-fil-A is now,
Chick-fil-A, glad you mentioned it, has
jumped on the bandwagon.
Of wokeness?
They are now in the D, E,
and I scoring system.
Well, that doesn't necessarily
mean... If they are
traded publicly, I think they have to
have some sort of score like that.
Who put that rule in?
That doesn't mean that they're woke.
From what I understood, the D, E, and I,
whoever owns that company, I thought it was
someone mentioned, or I saw on something, was George Soros.
I don't think it's a company.
It's diversity, equity, and inclusion.
It's a program that...
Each corporation has a DEI team.
That's right. It's just the phrase they
coined for, we need to make sure that
we are a...
There is an entity
that comes up with the rules
for this,
the scoring system.
That's the human something.
There is one out there.
But it's not the DEI score,
it's their own score.
It's a human rights...
It's a HR something.
That one's owned by George Soros.
Yes.
Well, you know what? Again,
the whole thing is that you have a...
Oh no. What is that saying? Chick-fil-A CEO
Dan Cathy says all
whites should get on their knees and
shine black people's shoes with a sense of shame,
a sense of embarrassment. Is that real?
Yeah, it is real.
It is.
Share with me by a dear friend
who shared with me about a revival
that was taking place at a church in Texas.
And at that
revival in the front seat was an
older African-American young...
Older African-American man
that was sitting there.
And this young man got up
that was there in that
service, and he'd been
so gripped with conviction about
the racism that was in that
local community in a small town in
Texas that he
took a shoe brush
and he walked over to this
elderly gentleman and he knelt on his knees
and began to shine his shoes.
And tears began to flow
in that service.
It was an attitude
of conviction.
So I invite folks
just to put some words to
action here. And if
we need to find somebody that needs to have
the shoes shined, we need to just go round
on over and shine their shoes.
And whether they got to be
any shoes owned or not,
maybe they got to stand their own.
It really doesn't matter.
But there's a time
which we need to have
some personal action here.
Maybe we need to give them a hug, too.
And some stocking Chick-fil-A.
It's embarrassing.
The optics
missed the mark.
In my opinion.
This is going to hurt them.
This happened after the George Floyd thing as well.
There was a very highly publicized
thing where people were
washing the feet of...
You remember that?
And I think
it misses the mark. I know what they're referencing.
They're referencing when Jesus washed
the feet of his apostles at the Last
Supper. Because he was trying
to tell them, he was trying to teach them, that
to be what God wants you to be,
you need to serve others.
But that is
not as culturally
back then, culturally
different than doing that now.
That's weird now.
If you want to serve somebody
now, that looks different now
than what Jesus was doing to show
his apostles. Because that
was a regular thing. You had servants
and servants washed your feet before you went to bed.
Or whatever.
Now, it's weird.
You know what I mean?
I understand what he's saying
and I get it, you want to serve
others, but they need
to make it relevant to how you
serve someone. Because we should do
that. We should be in servitude
to others and try to make everybody
better around us.
He should have done it to both of them then.
Oh, absolutely.
Not just the black guy.
They've done that multiple
times and I don't agree with it.
Simply because it
doesn't get the reaction
that...
It gets a bad reaction.
That's right. It's the opposite reaction.
You're not demonstrating
how to honestly serve others.
You're demonstrating
how to be a good person.
It's just... People don't understand
and it's weird.
So, I don't like it.
I got to tell you,
I'm extremely disappointed.
I mean, what do you do? Do you
fire them? Do you release them from their
contract?
The Dallas Stars goalie?
I mean,
6-0.
But I will tell you,
I was watching when it was 4-0.
But I will say,
the first three goals I saw, I can't remember what the fourth one was,
honestly. But, it was shitty
defense, man.
Yes. It was shitty defense.
If you're going to put your goalie in that position and not
skate hard down the ice
and let people in front of you and not guard
the guy that's out in front of the crease,
I mean, fuck that. That's not on the goalie.
That was shitty, non-hustled defense.
I remember when the Dallas Stars first
came to Dallas, Texas.
They had, I don't remember all the
Guy Carbonell, Mike Madono,
Hatcher Brothers.
That's when they won.
Well, they're,
I swear, there was
a guy in the penalty box
and they were shorthanded. They were
almost fail. They were
almost better, shorthanded.
They would,
I mean, it was amazing.
They would turn up a notch. They would turn up a notch
and they would steal and they would score.
I mean, I'm telling you, probably would break,
I think they broke records of
scoring shorthanded goals.
They've got none of that now.
There's no sense of
urgency. They just flat out
suck. I mean, they were just
dropping shit and
passes were pathetic.
They were mishandling the puck so badly.
Yeah, every time
they one-timed it, they shoot it off in the fucking
stands. I wonder what happened because
I watched the last period, the previous
game. I tell you what, they made a
fight of it. Yes, they made a fight of it in the
series. They were down 3-0. They battled
back to make it, to force a sixth game.
That's honorable, at least.
But man, the effort that they put into
game six was not there. I wonder
what happened. You know, they might
be tired, but at them, they were home.
Well, the other team's just as tired. I know.
And they were home. So they should have been
feeding off the crowd, but man,
same thing happened where
the Knights scored like right away.
Right. And then they took the air out of the
stadium, and everybody was like shocked,
and then boom, a second one.
And then it was 2-0. And then 3-0,
you're just like, shit. But I will
tell you this, I saw a play I had never
seen before.
So somebody, the Knights
shot it on the goal,
and the puck was flipping
in the air, right?
Flipping in the air above the goal, but the
trajectory was it was going to drop right
into the goal. And the defenseman
turns around and whacks it out
of midair, whacks it out
of midair and like
out over the ice.
And it was a penalty.
So it got a power play when they ultimately scored
on the power play. But if you watch that,
it was the hand-eye coordination
in the moment was
astounding. It was incredible.
I've never seen anything like that before.
He just turns around and whacks it out of the air before
it went into the goal. It was incredible.
Anyway. Yeah, I feel bad that
it ended that way. My son was not
happy. So I asked I asked Randy
this question the other night. I was like
as far as all the sports, football,
hockey,
basketball, soccer,
I'm not going to count baseball. Which
one do you think are the best
in shape athletes?
We've talked about this before.
I'm actually going to go
with, I'm going to go
with soccer. I agree
with that. I'm going with soccer
because they don't, I mean, they don't
sub. Right. And that's what
when I was talking to Randy, he's like
because I was watching the game, I was like, God, that's
up and down, up and down. I'm like, yeah, but they sub
like every 90 seconds.
The whole 25 seconds. Yeah. So it's
very short shifts. Yeah. And I didn't
I'm not a big enough hockey person. I didn't know that.
So I was like, oh, and I
played soccer and I know what it takes. I mean, not
at a pro level or anything, but you're running.
He's like, on average, you're getting seven
eight miles a game. Constant.
Constant. Yes.
I mean, I briefly played
coed
with some of my coworkers. And
it's the only
team sport I've ever been in where
I'm on the field. You know how you never really
want to come off, right? I mean, you want
to play, you're so excited. I'm looking to
the bench to suck in
wind. And I'm in this. I was
playing basketball four times a week. I really
was in the tip top shape. And they're all
looking away. You know, they're
all like, I don't want to be in. Absolutely. They're
looking away and like acting like they're talking
to people. And I'm like, dude, I'm dying here. I need a
sob. Nobody wanted to come in.
Right. And it's because we were all
dying. Right. Dying.
So absolutely. I would agree.
Soccer. Because when they make a sub, you can't come back in.
You're done for the game. Right.
So which is weird to me. OK.
So we all kind of you dance to agree on soccer
as being the most in shape.
Yeah. But it's number two
hockey or basketball.
I don't think it's football. Football
is a different type of shape.
I think it's hockey.
Instead of basketball. Yeah.
You know, they're running up and down.
Yeah. But when you're doing half court
half court basketball, I mean, which is
a lot of it. I mean, a transition basketball
happens a lot. Right. When you're running up and down the court.
But most of the time teams are slowing
it down and they're playing half court basketball, which means
maybe field hockey.
We didn't throw field hockey.
Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking the main.
Well, I would say
soccer, then ice hockey,
then basketball, then football.
Then baseball.
Because they just stand there.
They just kind of stand there. That's why I was like, I'm not going to count baseball.
They're athletes. But as far as
cardio and shape, I think
it's different between some of the other ones
that have a lot of running. What's interesting
about football is the wide receivers,
right? I mean, they're running long routes and they
don't even get targeted. Right. And then they got to
run all the way back to the line of square major, and then they run
a long route and they come back. Right.
But they get subbed out quite a bit.
And the linemen are basically
getting into car wrecks. I think
I think every play. I think as far
as I think. Seriously, they're like five mile
an hour car wrecks is what their bodies go through
when they smash into each other. Well, I think
the top athletes
are going to be your offensive line and your running backs.
Yeah. Because
they're involved. Offensive line or defensive
line? Well, probably both. The line.
Well, general, probably the offensive line, because
they'll sub a lot of defensive line sometimes.
Yeah. Offensive line. You don't sub
you play the entire game
unless you get injured. Right. Right. So
the offensive lines out there for the
entire game. Unbelievable. And
you're having these impacts.
They may look. I mean, they're
huge dudes. They may not look like
they're in shape, but they're out there the entire game
trying to shove around 300 pound
dudes. And they can run
faster than we can in our
greatest sprint of our life. Correct.
And they're 320 pounds.
Six five plus.
What about
triathlon?
Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, when you're talking
that kind of stuff like Iron Man, where they
they bike and they swim and they.
So we have the
team sports. We have an official
what? We have an official list
here. The top ten most physically challenging
sports. Okay.
Mountain climbing. Ranked
at number eight is
soccer.
Number seven is triathlon. Number six
is hockey. Number five
is rugby. I'm sorry.
Number five is American football.
Number four is rugby.
Number three is boxing.
Number two is wrestling.
And the number one mixed
martial arts. Well, that's physically
because you get the shit beat out of you. Yeah.
Well, top ten most
physically challenging sports.
I'm thinking I'm thinking cardiovascular
in
shape athletic stuff.
As I said, the baseball guys
are pure athletes, too. But
can they run
like cardio wise? Yeah, they're standing
there for the most part. Unless you run to the bases
or run after a ball. I mean,
you know, I mean, they are chasing balls
and they are. I mean, there's a lot of stand
them. Yeah, there is. There is.
And then you sit for
15 minutes.
And then you sit for the rest of the
day. You sit.
Then you go to the bench. Yeah, no cardiovascular
is not dancing, not challenging
at all. Yeah, I'm thinking
exhausting or
cardio swimming is another one.
So yeah,
actually, water polo was the
15,000 meter
is there a 15,000 meter swim
And then if someone gets like three laps ahead,
you're just like, oh, I'm not gonna launch it now.
Right?
Yeah, I don't get it.
I was like, why do they have to do a 15,000 meter swim?
I played water polo in college.
I would play that today.
If I could find some league,
I never was in such good shape when I played water polo.
You tread the whole time.
You can't touch the bottom, right?
Yeah, we played.
Do you think we're a little bit more buoyant now?
No.
Oh, so you don't have to tread at all?
You just kind of float?
Oh yeah, just weable.
I mean, you're out there.
We were in the, we were in the.
What are weable wobbles?
It was a 20 foot deep end in the college pool.
And the first few classes or whatever it was,
you're out there treading water for an hour.
A lot.
And then he starts making these little games.
And then by the, by a couple of weeks, you're out there,
you're swimming, tread water.
There's no touch the sides.
I know.
There's nothing.
And you're in great shape.
Yeah, and I came home that,
I came home for Christmas that year.
My dad's like, wow, you lost a lot of weight.
I was thin.
I was gay.
And you're like, I played water polo.
I was like, yeah, it was water polo, dude.
In Chamorros, I'm a champion.
He still calls that out today.
He goes, you never looked so good
as when you were playing that water polo.
Oh, there you go.
You do need to find a league.
And I tried.
Either that or pickleball.
Yeah, pickleball.
Pickleball.
That's apparently fun as hell.
I played it when I was a kid.
I loved it.
You guys ever played pickleball?
No.
It's great.
I played something similar.
I think you should get something in your driveway.
There we go.
Because you need a slightly bigger court.
Let's do four square.
Opscotch.
Remember four square?
With the little, those springy balls?
Springy balls?
Yeah, the ones that made that noise.
It's like they were hard and.
Boing, boing.
Boing, yeah.
Those are the kick balls, like the red kick balls.
Yes, yes.
Oh, yeah.
And that's what you played four square with.
I love the sound when it bounces off someone's head.
It's just like.
Boing, boing.
Well, that's not very nice.
You were the bully.
I was the one that got hit in the head.
Were you one of the bullies at school?
No, I was not.
Are you sure?
I am absolutely positive.
Were you bullied?
I was once or twice,
but I fell into a trend of being able
to defend myself pretty well.
Ah, so you fought back.
Yeah, I'll tell you what, one of the,
there's the ball right there.
There it is.
Look at that interesting pattern.
That's a dodge ball.
Give me this.
I don't know if that was it.
I don't believe that's the sound.
That's not the noise I ever heard.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
The hell.
If you threw a dodge ball and it made that sound every time.
The ball going through like a Shannon here.
The ball hitting the wall in our loop.
Do that one.
Why would you need an hour of this?
No, let's keep it on.
Turn it up and we'll do the podcast
while that's going on in the background.
Maybe it'll take us back to our childhood days.
So I remember, I believe I was like first grade,
maybe kindergarten, and I remember it was like
the playground, we went outside,
and I was going out there and I saw some kids
have these red circles on their face.
And I was like, what the fuck is that all about?
What are those kids?
Yeah, and then all of a sudden,
I see these two bullies that,
they kind of remind me of the kids on the Christmas story.
You know, the skinny kids.
Oh yeah, right.
And they have their mom's blush,
which is like a super large lipstick looking thing.
Right.
And you had one kid that would grab them from behind
and put them like in a half Nelson, full Nelson.
They'd hold their arms back,
and the other kid would dot their cheeks.
Put the rouge on or the blush.
Well, they got a hold of me,
and they did not put it on me.
I mean, I didn't beat them up,
I didn't do anything. Did you kick some nuts?
I didn't do anything physical to them.
I didn't hurt them or anything.
Did you kick some nuts?
They weren't able to physically hold me.
And they tried to, I got close to them,
I ended up smacking the thing out of their hand.
And I didn't fight back at all.
You were the anti-bullinator.
I just prevented them from doing it.
And that was really it.
And I'll tell you what, that was the day I hit my sister
in the face with my lunchbox.
Why'd you do that?
I was distraught.
You were in a fury.
Well, you know, we're about to board the bus,
and we're heading back,
and she says something snarky to me.
So I turn around and smack her with my lunchbox.
I can't do that, those are metal.
Was it a metal one, like Scooby Doo?
These were made out of steel,
the same thing they made Chevrolet's out of.
You have the Star Wars one, man.
Sharp edges.
Jabber jaw.
No, jabber jaw.
Actually, it was Scooby Doo, to be specific.
I had the Star Wars Empire Strikes Back.
I still have it.
It's in Colorado.
Does it have the thermos container inside?
No, I don't think I had the thermos.
I think I had the monkeys.
Oh, the monkeys were good.
The monkeys? Yes.
So when you open up the lunchbox,
there's a little thermos,
but there's also like a little spring arm
that comes down and holds the thermos in place.
Oh, nice.
So it doesn't squish your lunch.
It must have been one of those reds.
Sandwich.
Oh, what do you mean?
Oh, I didn't have a spring in my lunchbox.
Oh, well it's just a little clamp
that holds down the thermos.
I didn't have that.
You might have been like, you know, understating it.
Oh, it's no big deal, it's just a spring.
Oh, most of the time.
I love that noise.
I had like a brown sack.
Look at that.
But you can't say brown sack lunch anymore
because that's racist.
You're correct.
Brown bag.
I don't think mine had a yellow band around it.
I guess brown sack lunch is racist.
Brown bag is.
It's so dumb.
It's so dumb that that, ugh.
Six million dollar man.
I see if you can open up one of these lunch boxes.
Do they show the inside, type it inside.
Which one do you have?
You had the monkeys right there on the left?
That was very similar.
It wasn't yellow like that.
Yeah.
So the bouncing ball, it's all right,
but I wish it had a little bit of variety.
Or spring.
Well, you know, cause it.
Is it really an hour of the bouncing ball?
Yes.
Dukes of hazards.
You could stop it at any time.
It's been going off for three minutes.
Yeah, why don't you like forward it
like to the middle or something.
I think it's gonna be the same the whole time.
Oh, hold on.
There's a little area where there's changed.
Most replayed.
Why wouldn't they bounce it faster or slower or something?
Yeah, it has some variety.
It's probably a loop.
They probably did it once.
And you know what's funny?
It says dodge ball sound effect,
one hour version with an exclamation point.
Okay, what's even worse is,
while I scroll down just a hair,
we're at 125,000 views.
And we're one of the idiots.
And look at the 2.3 thousand likes.
Well, they don't show the dislikes anymore.
Oh, they don't.
Well, they still have the icon up there.
So you can click it, but they won't show you how much.
I guess I've listened to nearly a whole hour now.
At first I was beginning to have more questions
about why and how this sound came to be
and more questions about following.
Well, I'm here listening and partaking in this experience.
But then something clicked and I realized
that dodge ball sound effect wasn't the question,
it was the answer.
I can see the much clearer now.
My eyes and ears have been opened
by the grace and mercy of the red rubber ball.
Then the next one down.
A minute, 27 and 42 seconds is my favorite part.
You gotta love some humor that the world has out there, man.
All right, we could probably pass
on the rest of the bouncing ball thing,
although that was funny.
I remember, did you guys,
because we had gym class in high school.
Freshman and sophomore year,
I had to partake in phys ed gym class.
We all had to.
I enjoyed it.
You had to wear the little shorts.
Oh yeah, the uniform.
Did you say it was a nightmare
because you had to wear shorts?
Well, I mean, you had to wear these little outfits.
Your nuts were hanging out.
What kind of little outfit are you talking about?
Well, you know, the one with the.
Oh, that's because you were three years older
than the rest of the group
and they didn't have shorts that fit you.
Well, that too, but we had the tuck pants.
Oh yeah, those didn't exist back then.
Oh, they didn't?
No.
But I remember one of the.
Oh, your balls were all squashed to the side,
they're left to the right.
Yes.
You got a fanny pack in your pocket?
What's going on over there?
But I remember one of the sports that we would do
would be dodgeball.
Oh yeah, so fun.
It was always interesting because I could throw hard.
You would hurt people?
You'd make the girls cry?
Well, the baseball players, that was boys against boys.
I see.
What are you saying, Jeff's throwing at girls?
Of course he is.
Well, you can these days.
Stupid picture, get it?
Turned me down for that junior high dance.
But I remember the baseball players,
especially the pitchers would be like,
I'm gonna nail everyone.
And they would, they'd try to throw it at me
and they'd miss and I'd pick it up
and I'd throw it just as hard back of them.
They were like.
Oh, you earned some credit.
Yeah, so that was kind of, I was a freshman
and the sophomores were the big guys.
So they like picked you to be on their team.
That's like the ultimate, they're like,
yeah, we want Jeff.
Right, no, it was just fun because.
We don't like him, but he throws really hard.
Yeah, but he's amazing at dodgeball.
Yeah, I can throw as hard as, I can't do it now
because I threw my shoulder out.
But back then I could throw pretty hard.
Yeah, I was a kid that never got picked.
I don't even remember.
I remember playing it, but it was pretty uneventful.
I'll tell you what I enjoyed was the,
and I think we've, I know we've mentioned this before,
was the American Fitness.
The Presidents.
The Presidential Fitness.
Yeah, wasn't that Arnold Schwarzenegger?
No, it was not.
No, it was prior to that.
Yeah, it was.
It was Pridle Todd.
I thought he was Ronald Reagan's fitness.
No.
It was before Ronald Reagan.
This was before, what was Ronald Reagan when I was,
I guess it could have been before that,
but I remember the Ronald Reagan one.
This was in the 70s because I lived in Germany.
Yeah, I was in grade school.
Yeah.
Okay, but Arnold Schwarzenegger was
the Presidential Fitness guy.
Maybe in the 2000s or the late 90s.
Maybe, I don't know.
Maybe it got the year wrong.
So it's American Presidential Fitness Test,
and I remember they had the men's and the women's,
or the girls and the boys, or whatever it is now.
And we've mentioned this before,
and I don't hate talking about this.
In fact, I told a statement.
We talked about this before, but here I am talking about it.
The women, or the girl, the females, I should say,
they don't do pull-ups.
They just hold their head above the bar.
So there's a credential.
You gotta hold above.
The guys would do actual pull-ups.
And I don't give a fuck,
because yes, the women don't have the stature
to do pull-ups, typically.
Some do, some are really strong.
I don't wanna generalize,
but that was the consensus back then.
But from what I remember, which was the funnest,
was the shuffle run, where you got these little erasers,
those little chalkboard erasers.
Okay.
So the shuffle run is basically where they have
a eraser set up on the ground.
I think it was maybe two or four, I forget exactly.
And you would take an eraser,
run it over to the other side of the gym,
set it down, sprint back, grab the other one,
and then sprint back over there,
and put the two over there.
And it's called the shuffle run.
I think it was called the shuffle run.
Cool.
And you had a timer,
and you have to get it within a certain amount of time.
And then you climbed the rope.
Yeah, I remember climbing the rope.
And, oh, with the knots in it.
It was push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups, climbing the rope.
Do they still have the presidential fitness thing?
I doubt it.
I doubt it, too.
I don't know.
Because the kid that couldn't do it was shamed,
and so they canceled the whole thing.
Well, I remember in grade school.
See, there's a good picture of the third one over.
The PE, you know, I'm not really,
in fact, they even have the little squares over there
that look like a...
Do you have to get in that stance?
Yeah, I was totally bending over,
stretching my glutes out like that.
I can see you looking awkward like that.
Yeah, I remember doing the, see, right there.
If I scroll up to the center, up one more.
Right there.
See those cones?
We had erasers.
I guess they have like cones there.
You know, but anyways.
That looks like fun.
Yeah, it was kind of fun.
And you'd try to sit there and try to get your fastest.
And there was the rope climb,
and then there was the sit ups.
That was your way to impress the girls, too.
I wasn't really into impressing girls and stuff.
I didn't think like that.
You weren't into girls?
No, I didn't say that.
Like at all?
I said, I was, well, you know,
during that time, you know,
most people aren't really sexualized.
Nowadays, the kids are really exposed
to a lot of sexual stuff.
Hold on, I'm not talking about sexualizing.
I mean, but from a very early age,
you wanted to impress the girls.
I mean, it was a thing.
I don't know.
I mean, it had nothing to do with sexual anything.
It was like, I'm big and strong,
and look how fast I am.
Don't you think I'm awesome?
I didn't have that chromosome.
That was a natural little boy thing to do
to impress the girls.
I think at some point I was up on grade school.
Yeah, that was for me.
Maybe in high school.
You were a teenager in grade school though, right?
Well, that's a good point.
That's a good point.
And that always seems to be awkward
when we bring that up.
Oh, pubie everything?
So pubie.
You get a full chest of hair.
And when you play dodgeball, everybody was like, no, no.
I was like, let's do this.
I'm gonna nail you.
That's right.
Now after this, we're gonna drive in my truck.
You're right, beer.
Let's go smoke a cigarette.
Geez.
Wow.
Yeah, phys ed.
I was thankful that when I was done with it,
I was done with it though.
Sure.
I was done after my sophomore year.
I was just like, yeah, I don't wanna do this anymore.
I kind of enjoyed it.
I enjoyed the running and I'll tell you,
farting during sit-ups.
Oh, fantastic.
I could totally see you loving that.
That's just so long.
Well, it wasn't my loving.
But you had a partner.
Actually, it totally was.
Yeah, someone's face was down there.
Yeah, you had a partner.
You did that after them.
Blew them up.
Oh, it's just like the video you said, Sean,
of the Kweef world record.
Okay, I didn't finish that.
That was the Howard Stern.
Well, there's a guy down there
holding a microphone in her crotch.
His face was down there.
I turned it off immediately.
I didn't even watch it.
It was ridiculous.
Yeah, and you watched it.
Well, I mean, the Howard Stern.
But of course you did.
It was all 30 seconds.
Well, back, yeah, it was like tough.
It was really a beat down.
There was really nothing.
All she was doing was Kweefing.
She would like suck in air
and she had a really strong vaginal muscle
that was able to take in and push out air.
It was rather vacu.
They're called those Kegels.
I don't know what she was doing,
but she was able to do it.
The muscles, the...
There are other people.
You can do that with your anus,
or some people can do that with their anus.
What?
You're able to, some people are able to take
and reverse and make a song out of it.
They could suck in air through their butthole
and then force it right back out.
Like, and like do like a song,
like the national anthem.
I'm not really sure.
Hey, so they could fart on demand.
Yeah, essentially, you know,
and long, fabulous ones.
I definitely know you can light them on fire.
I, there was a dude.
You've done that?
No, there was a guy in my dorm.
I was like, really?
He was like, yeah, you can do that.
I was like, no, you can't.
I've done it once.
You gotta get it pretty close to the butthole though.
It did work out very well.
He did, and it was a flame, and I was amazed.
And then didn't you send the video with the guy?
He lit his fart and the cat was jumping by.
Oh, yeah.
And the cat was on fire.
Did you see that?
The cat lit on fire.
Yeah.
I don't know if that was doctored.
I remember I had, I had tighty-whities on,
and it could have gotten disastrous.
Well, it didn't necessarily, because I was on my back,
sitting in the sitting position,
and my legs spread with the lighter.
What you needed to do is make a visual for our listeners.
Then after, you know, legs are propped up,
I'm sitting on my butt, I'm leaning back,
I've got the lighter on, and then I light it,
and then when I fart, the gas was,
it didn't expel, like shoot like a flame,
like a flamethrower.
It was trapped.
Well, what'd Tara say when she saw you do this?
Oh, this wasn't, this wasn't,
this was like when I was like 14.
She said, not on our bed.
No, but my point is, is that the gas didn't go far at all.
Why are you on our kitchen island doing this?
When I lit it, it went all the way up my belly, you know,
cause that's where the gas was all at.
And I remember, I was like, oh my God,
can you imagine if it was a long fart?
Well, that's how people spontaneously combust.
By farts.
They're idiots, that's probably.
Like they're farts.
Yes.
Just scratch the surface, and all of a sudden,
shh, little implosion.
By death.
I wonder, I wonder if you have to eat,
eat particular foods.
Well, my dad said that, he told me about it,
he called them lightums.
Your dad.
My dad, he never did, he goes, but when he was at the Navy,
he's like, there were guys who were doing it.
He goes, so, he told me about this when I was a kid,
he's like, yeah, you could do this,
cause I was at the Navy.
I was skeptical until I watched it with my own eyes.
Well, it's a good healthy source of alternative fuel.
And he did it, he did it multiple times,
and one time, yes, it caught his underwear on fire,
and he had to pat it out.
Now, there's too much sensitive stuff down there.
Yeah, forget that.
Bullet, Burbin, 10 years, enjoyed the hell of it.
I'm about to finish mine up.
I wanna say thank you, Mr. Producer Austin,
dudes like us, I'm Sean.
I'm Jeff.
I'm Paul.
We'll see you guys in a little bit,
when I'm snacking.