God.
So we all learn lessons.
Lessons, lessons.
Life lessons.
Every God-blessed day.
Every holiday.
St. Paddy's Day.
What lesson did you learn?
Eat.
Before you start drinking, dudes like us would say, I'm Sean.
I'm Paul.
And I'm Jeff.
Yep.
Sean got, he and I, you weren't there yet, Paul, and we went to the Rugby House.
I know it's packed there, having their celebration for St. Paddy's Day.
It's packed everywhere.
Of course we had some samples and whatnot at Total Wine.
Of course there are nice samples.
And we go there, he gets a shot of Irish whiskey for us from Jameson.
Two shots of whiskey and we'll make up our mind on the B&M hill.
You did two shots of whiskey?
He did.
I only did one of two.
But anyway, we drank this whiskey and we both looked at each other like, it's like, it's
very watered down.
It's only 80 proof.
It's like nothing.
Yeah.
It's like very flavorful tea.
It's like, yeah, this is nice.
Tea is a good word for it.
It's like whiskey and water.
He even asked the bartender, what Irish whiskey is that, Jameson?
Wow, tastes watered down.
He's like, I don't water anything down.
Oh, wow.
So right out of the gate, you insult the bartender.
I just told him that tasted water down.
That's my job, isn't it, to insult the bartender and get thrown out?
Oh yeah.
You've done that before.
I have.
Unless you have.
A couple times.
I wasn't very late to the game.
And by the time I got there, Sean, you were like, how you doing?
He's like, I had a chicken strip and a mushroom for lunch or something.
I was a waffle and an egg.
I was pretty shocked at how loopy you were by the time I got there.
I was for what, maybe 45 minutes after you guys?
An hour at tops?
An hour at most, because we were like maybe two beers in.
I was pretty funny.
I wasn't drinking them fast.
It didn't take much for me to get drunk to start with, especially on an empty stomach.
And boy, oh boy, oh boy.
I thought the bartender was just being a dick, but he's probably doing me a favor.
People always make the mistake, like you said, eat before you drink.
A lot of people start drinking and then they're like, oh shit, I'm starting to feel it already.
I'm going to go ahead and eat so it'll soak it up.
It doesn't work that way.
What's happened is happened.
The food blocks the port, so to speak, and then you let the alcohol pile up behind the
food that's blocked the port and then it absorbs more slowly into the bloodstream.
But once the alcohol's in the stomach and then you eat, nothing is stopping it from
going.
You're very full drunk.
Yes.
Yeah, basically.
Yeah, you have a swollen stomach and you're shit faced.
Yeah.
There you go.
And that's when you puke.
I guess.
That was a fun night though.
We had fun.
I don't remember.
Do you remember going for dinner?
Yeah, I do.
I remember.
I mean, it's kind of fuzzy though.
I mean, I'm sure you fell asleep at the table.
I did not see that.
I didn't see that either.
I was told that as well.
I was like, I don't remember that.
Yeah, whatever.
He was down the end.
He pulled out a CPAP, his portable CPAP, but just kind of snoozing right there.
We didn't stay out that way either.
No, we did.
No, we were bed.
It was like 10 o'clock.
We were at home.
I thought so.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember you getting home, but I woke up around 11, 30, 12 and wide awake.
And I'm like, what the fuck happened all night?
You know what?
And I started thinking in my mind, oh yeah, I make fun of that rugby player.
Yes you did.
I looked down at my body, made sure I was in one piece.
I was like, no damage.
All right, that's a good sign.
So that was the couple that was leaving when I was coming in basically.
Yeah, we wanted to snag their seats and show them what they were.
Yeah, well that was all it, man.
Insulted them.
I was the one over there at first and I didn't insult anybody.
All I just said, hey, look, we've got some friends coming.
If you guys are leaving, I'd like to commandeer those seats and kind of be here just because
there are people jockeying for position.
So I'm trying to get ahead of that.
It was like, that's a smart idea.
And we just started chatting.
And man, I just opened mouth, insert foot, man.
I just don't know how to say things sometimes.
Even though the intention wasn't to be bad and ugly at all.
But we're talking about rugby and I don't know that much about rugby.
And I'm like, that's such a gay sport.
In my mind, I was like, dude, that wasn't the right word.
Well, first off, you found out that he played rugby.
Well, because he wore an OU rugby shirt.
Yeah, he had an OU tie on.
And I was like, that's a gay sport.
And my brain was kind of like, wait a minute, wait a minute, flag.
I don't think that's the word you wanted to use.
And then I was like, yeah, I didn't mean gay.
I meant like queer.
And then I'm like, I don't think that was the word either.
I just mean it's an odd sport.
And eventually after backpedaling like two or three minutes, I was just like, dude,
what I'm trying to say is that it's not in the mainstream of sports.
Correct.
And then I turned around and emphasized that it's gay.
No, I'm joking.
I emphasized-
Only gay people play it.
That it's an odd sport, and it's just different from everything we're used to.
However, every clip that I've ever seen watching rugby, it is nonstop action.
Oh yeah.
And I was just like, I watch a game and you're like,
I can't get enough of it because it's nonstop.
It's not like four downs and you're done.
I still don't know how the hell they play it.
But it's kind of like, oh yeah, just because you're down doesn't mean shit.
That just means you're down.
Right.
And you get the ball and you-
I think it's done until either someone scores or they steal it from you
and they go the other way.
I think that's big.
I'm not the expert.
And then if there's a stopped ball for some reason, then they have the scrum.
Then they have the scrum.
But even the scrum is quick.
So what's the difference between that and Australian rules?
I'm not 100% sure.
Because I don't think they have the scrum in Australian rules.
Yeah.
I know you can't kick a field goal in regular rugby.
Maybe that's what the difference is.
But you can in Australian rules.
Does rugby do where they throw it in and then they lift the guys up really high
to try to catch it?
Maybe that's Australian rules.
I don't remember that in rugby.
It's like they line up on the side and they throw it.
And the teams pick guys up to try to catch the ball.
Well, first off, in rugby, you can't throw the ball forward.
You can only pitch it backwards.
I think Australian rules is the same way.
I was talking to this guy, continuing.
And-
We're just ignorant on both those sports.
Yeah.
Well, like you were saying, it's an oddball sport.
We never played it growing up.
We never watched it on TV.
Why would we know any of the rules?
So I'm talking to the lady, his wife.
I'm assuming his wife.
I guess she poked her head over at you and says, oh, he's very personable.
And he said he's got one egg and one waffle for all he ate today.
And he's just-
First, you lean over and go, is he with you?
Did she really?
Like it's problematic.
So that was her nice way of saying, this guy's an asshole.
I didn't hear any of the conversation.
I was like, yeah, he's with us over here.
And then she goes, he's very personable.
Like, I don't know what that means.
Can you get him away from us?
You can't be negative about that.
I mean, he's very personable.
I mean-
It's an odd thing to say.
Yeah.
Well, it's about as odd as rugby's gay.
I guess she's trying to one up me.
Maybe.
Yeah, but she might have been.
She turns around and she says to me, is that your wife?
She's gorgeous.
What does she see in you?
She said that.
Yeah.
Wow.
That was a really mean thing to say.
It was.
And I took it in and I was kind of like-
She was retaliating.
Yeah, she was that pleased.
You must have offended her.
And that was her way of getting you back.
My inner monologue was like, I'm just going to show a little
grace because this is not going to end well for anybody.
Yeah, if you get ugly.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, for all parties involved.
Sure.
No, but that was kind of crazy.
That was rude.
It was.
It was totally rude.
It was rude that she said that.
And I was kind of like, that was kind of odd,
coming from someone that's got fatty arms.
Who did you say that?
No.
I'm thinking of all these things that I could have said.
I was like-
I'm glad you didn't.
I just showed grace and I was kind of like-
Good for you.
I have no idea.
And I was like, I don't know.
I didn't always look like this, but I've always
been hung like a hamster.
And I just kind of laughed and just kind of like-
Yeah.
Show humility and just kind of like shut the fuck up.
That's good.
I'm glad you handled it with maturity.
What was the guy, a big guy?
He seemed tall.
He was a little bit taller than me.
He seemed older though, wasn't he?
He just seemed older.
I didn't even look at either one of them.
He was a-
He kind of-
Yeah, I-
Buffed all up when-
I never show him.
Yeah.
Or was it puffed all up when I said that it was gay?
You know what, whatever.
At the end of the thing, we're all just having fun.
And there was nothing really ugly that he and I talked about.
Really, the only thing ugly was his wife when she said that
to me about, what is she seeing you?
I was just like, God damn.
You should have been like, yeah, I know.
I don't know.
You know, the only thing I did notice
is that when they were walking away, she gave a dirty look.
Oh really?
That was the only thing I noticed.
And that's why I was kind of like,
is there something going on over there?
Yeah, I didn't pay any attention to either one of them.
I didn't even see him leave.
I don't even give a shit.
I don't give a shit.
I still don't give a shit.
Right.
It was a fun night.
We didn't stay there very long.
No, we didn't.
We were hungry.
Well, I needed to eat.
And we were hungry because I was kind of like, I need to eat.
Let's order some corned beef.
Well, the ladies didn't want anything on the menu.
And the menu was very limited to Irish-y type food, right?
So the corned beef and cabbage.
Shepherd's pie.
Shepherd's pie, fish and chips.
I think that may have been about it.
Yeah, it was.
It was very limited.
Well, shout out to the Rugby's place in Frisco, Texas.
That was the first time I've been in there.
It's a cool little place.
Corner of Dallas North Tollway.
No, it's Preston.
It's Preston and the 121.
Oh, 121.
Yeah, you're right.
Southeast corner?
Correct, yes.
Out there in front of PGA Superstore.
Correct.
Yeah.
So I mean, the places, I've been there once or twice in my life.
And both, they were all kind of, they had a different theme.
I think they've been owned by different people,
maybe because they've got some different stuff going on there.
But whatever.
I think we learned something when we were ordering the drinks.
I got the green beer.
And we were looking at the tab after the fact.
And it was like, the green beer was like $3.
And my wife was drinking like, bourbon and coke,
well bourbon and coke.
And it was like $4 or $5.
And then we were like, oh, let's get old fashioned.
$14 a drink.
It's like, man, what a big jump from like, $3.50 to $14.
$14.
I was like, OK, we need to be a little smarter about what
we're ordering when we're trying to drink on a budget.
I'd like a bourbon with one ice cube, please.
And then bring your own old fashioned mix.
Yeah, but really, what's in an old fashioned
that is any more expensive than getting a bourbon?
Bourbon, bitter, and fruit.
$14.
It's all about demand.
That was crazy.
I mean, that's like, like you said,
that's like Disney World prices.
Yeah, the one I had at Disney World was the best
old fashioned I've had.
It was $16.
And it was a huge drink.
It was a nice pour.
Right.
120 proof Knob Creek Special Edition.
Hey, so you got a much better deal than this.
Yeah.
What was the bourbon we ordered for that?
Was it a special?
I didn't get one.
I don't know.
I think it was Maker's Mark.
Kentucky Deluxe.
Williamsburg.
I didn't get one.
Was it any good?
I didn't get one.
I got one at the other place.
Who got the other?
No, you got an old fashioned.
No, I got a bourbon and Coke because we
were talking about that.
We were talking about how you were talking
about the difference in the prices.
And so while we were there, I ordered a bourbon and Coke.
I recall that.
Wow, OK.
Because it was $6.
At the rugby house?
No, at the second place.
Oh, yeah.
I don't remember.
I gotcha.
Where was that place?
I mean, what was it?
That was Mashed.
Mashed.
That's right.
I don't remember.
I remember being in there.
I don't remember walking in there.
You did fine.
I didn't notice you'd fallen asleep.
Yeah, no, you were.
You did fine.
Yeah, you weren't crazy or obnoxious or loud
or anything that kind of goes along with that.
The menu was very limited.
I don't know about that.
It just seemed to me like it was limited.
Then whatever burger I ordered came with an egg on it.
Yeah.
Yes, it did.
Because you ordered the one that came with an egg on it.
I don't remember seeing that.
Called the trash can or something like that.
It wasn't just like a random ad by the chef.
It was on the menu.
It said fried egg.
You know, at St. Betty's Day and Isla's, there's Murphy.
Let's just throw an egg on there.
Did they put it in front of you?
You're like, that's good, an egg.
Got some sausage?
Actually, fried eggs are really good on burgers.
Yeah, it was good.
I don't think I've ever.
I'm not a big fan of fried eggs, though.
I'm just not.
I like scrambled.
I'm good with scrambled.
I just don't.
No, it's got to be typically the kind you'll see
is with the gooey and stuff.
Is that because you don't like the gooey?
Yeah, I don't like the gooey.
I can't do it.
It's a five-year-old thing.
I get it.
But that's, I mean, but that one I at least have tried before.
And I'm like, I really don't like the taste of the yolk.
I really don't.
It's an acquired thing.
It is.
I couldn't eat that kind of egg for the longest time
and probably the last, within the last five years,
I've been able to eat those.
Really?
Interesting.
Well, when I grew up in Germany, it
was common to have hard-boiled eggs cooked, not so hard.
Soft-boiled eggs.
And that's the way they would serve them.
In Germany, they make these little, these egg dishes.
And you set the egg in there.
And they've got these little special egg crackers.
Little hammers.
That kind of, it's more of something that kind of pops
a crown off an egg, like a cigar cutter, sort of.
And they use the eggshell as a little dish, essentially.
They've got a little spoon.
And you go in there.
And it's like, it's soft.
And it's got a little, it's got the white.
Can you like shoot it?
I don't.
Like a oyster?
I don't think so.
I don't think it separates inside the shell.
But I mean, I grew up eating eggs like that.
So it was easier for me.
Because that one's a brooch in with some of that bread
that they have there.
It was actually pretty good.
I enjoyed it.
I guess if you grow up with it, it's a little bit different.
So St. Patty's Day.
We continued the celebration.
The next night.
Yeah, the next night.
Oh, that's right.
We did.
Well, because St. Patty's Day was on a Friday.
And I had, we were going to have it at the house.
But we were working.
So Tara likes to, she likes to cook and make the Irish thing.
She fucking hit a home run with the menu.
I mean, the corned beef.
Corned beef was delicious.
The chicken and the mashed potatoes.
I didn't have any chicken.
The potatoes were tasty as well.
Yeah, I particularly like the chicken and the mashed potatoes.
I like sauerkraut.
I'm not a fan of cooked cabbage like that.
I ate it.
I love cabbage.
Well, I ate it.
But I much prefer it in sauerkraut form.
Yeah.
It was fun.
It was fun that night.
We karaokeed the shit out of that night.
Oh my god.
How long did you guys go after Julie and I left?
I don't remember.
I don't remember either.
I just remember we left two hours after Shelly started her,
hey, can we wrap it up?
Oh, so you lasted a while.
Yeah, she was with me.
Two hours of her asking me to go.
Was she pleased?
She was not pleased.
I think Wes.
She was displeased.
Desiree left around 2.30.
Holy shit.
And you guys were still going?
You were there still?
I don't know.
I guess so.
Well, yeah, because we wrapped it up around 2.30.
Mr. Producer, what time do you think we wrapped it up?
On Saturday night.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think it was late, man.
I think we left about 10, 30, or 11.
Because I sang a bunch of stuff that I don't even do.
And like I was doing Neil Diamond,
because I know my dad likes Neil Diamond.
He was there.
So you know.
Oh, yeah.
He ended up leaving before all of us.
Yeah.
Hopefully he had fun.
I talked to him for a while.
He did.
He's not as most dudes like us may have gone through
or will go through.
Dads don't do well.
You know?
Your dad had an episode.
My dad is having episodes.
And both of my parents, everyone's parents.
You're saying he's a general health?
Yeah, he's got stuff going on.
And he's going to the doctor frequently.
And there's a tweaking here, tweaking there.
And you can see he's got the shakes.
And he's starting to show signs of dementia.
He'll be 81 this year.
I was talking to him about my dad.
I don't know how we got on it.
But I told him, we flew out there.
He just had a heart attack.
And he's like, oh, no.
How old is he?
I was like, well, he turns 81 next month.
And he goes, oh, I'm turning 81 too.
So that's not good.
Right.
You know?
Hopefully his heart's good.
I think my dad's 82.
So yeah, they're all kind of in that same spot.
You never know what's going to happen.
Well, I mean, hell, you never know what's going
to happen when you turn 60.
No.
Yeah.
Just recently.
At this point, we're entering the realm of shit breaks.
Shit breaks and shit.
Any weird shit can happen.
I just went to the doctor.
I had my yearly physical.
Two Fridays ago, we haven't had a podcast.
So it was right before our spring break.
So it was a week before spring break.
And everything checked out good.
So my triglycerides were the only thing that were high.
OK.
And she asked about family history
and told about my dad.
That just happened.
And my uncle died from a heart attack.
She's like, all right.
Just because of the history, she got a heart attack.
Just because of the history, she goes, your EKG's fine.
Everything's good.
But I want you to go get a stress test.
OK.
Yeah.
So that's always a good idea.
So you've never done that before?
You've never done like an ultrasound of the heart
and done a blockage test?
No, haven't done that.
So she called it in.
Actually, they've been calling the shit out of me
all last week to schedule it.
But I need to be in front of my computer
to be able to schedule it.
So I'm going to schedule a stress test, which
means I'll probably drop dead from running on the treadmill.
Yeah, that's the most dangerous thing,
getting the stress test.
Because my cardio is not good as far as I can't run very far.
I don't know if most people can if you don't do it often.
So I get to do that.
She did not have to probe the prostate.
She did not do it this time.
That's good.
She said that.
Or were you disappointed?
Well, I was prepared.
I mentally prepared for it.
And she asked me.
She goes, we were all done.
She goes, you want me to check your prostate?
I was like, well, if it's an option not to, I'm OK with that.
I didn't realize it was an option.
You're laying on your back with your ankles.
I was starting to stir up.
Yeah, yeah.
Full nude.
Your ankles are behind your ears.
Sir, we don't have to do that today.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, we do.
It's full nude as well.
Full nude.
I shaved, sir.
You don't have to.
It's all right.
No, she said that since, is it the PCA?
I've already pre-lubed.
The prostate cancer, whatever.
PSA.
She goes, your PSA is perfect.
You just had a colonoscopy less than a year ago
because we don't have to do it this time.
I was like, she's like, all right.
I go, I have to mentally prepare for this every year.
She's like, I know.
Oh, yeah.
But even when you're preparing, you know what?
Always.
I think this is the most talked about topic in podcasts
because I'm about to share my urology story, which
I'm not going to now because we just
hammer the crap out of this topic.
I get nervous because we're at the age where shit starts
going sideways.
I was like, all right, we're not going to find out this time
is wrong.
So is it something?
Well, that one you don't want to mess around
because that is totally preventable.
If you do find out you have prostate cancer,
it's very, very treatable as long as you catch it early.
And so many guys are like, I'm not doing that.
I'm not.
Just being stupid, to be honest.
PSA was 0.6 and has to be below 4.
That's good.
So it was good.
That's good.
Yeah, I had a little mole pop up on my nose.
And within two days, I was in at the dermatologist going,
I'm running my finger over this and it feels raised to me.
And I just want to check it out.
And yes, it was $83 for him to look at me
for literally 19 seconds.
And him going, yeah, it's nothing.
Yeah, he goes, oh, yeah, no, it's this, and this,
and this, and that, and that.
Did he check the rest of you out?
Well, I do that once a year.
Oh, OK.
But this one was a one-off because it popped up
out of nowhere.
Right.
And anyway, I mean, it's important to take care of that.
Skin cancer is another one.
If you catch it early, you're going to be in good shape.
So it behooves all of us to be aware of what's
going on inside and outside our bodies
and just take care of that shit.
I've already had two surgeries for skin cancer.
One on my shoulder.
And when that changes, when we came back from Tahoe,
when Sean went with us, because I
don't know if it was all of a sudden we got out there maybe
because it started changing color on me.
So I went in and they looked at it.
They're like, yeah, we better.
They sampled it or whatever.
They biopsied it.
They came back.
I mean, there's different levels of skin cancer.
So it was the good kind, the basal cell, right?
Right.
Yeah.
Well, then they had the ones that are,
it could turn into something someday.
So mice will jump on it now and get it removed, right?
Well, the basal cell will continue to grow.
So if you don't get it when it's small,
like I had one on my face, right?
So that was a basal cell.
They took that out.
But if I would have done anything,
it would have continued to grow and take over
my nose and the face.
Oh, you would have been like the tree man.
I would have.
With like a limb growing out of your nose.
Like the elephant man, yes.
Yeah.
So but it's not cancerous.
It's just something that is looks nasty.
It's basal cell carcinoma.
It's a cancer, but it's not melanoma.
Right, it's not a fatal.
Melanoma is the bad kind.
Interesting.
So melanoma will kill you.
Yeah.
No, my dad had some of that.
So that's another thing.
Again, you have to think about, be aware of your family history
stuff, right?
Correct.
That's important.
So yeah, the physical went well.
I was pleased.
I don't need to see the schedule of my stress test.
Yeah, yeah, take care of that.
That's good.
I got a litany of tests I need to sign up for,
kind of dragging my feet on it.
But I need to get the ball rolling.
All of them, stress test.
Oh.
Well, you went for your physical, though, didn't you?
I did.
Got blood work.
Everything's good.
Just need to get those stress tests done
and get my shoulder looked at.
The colonoscopy.
Get the colonoscopy.
I thought you already did the colonoscopy.
No.
Oh.
I did.
I had mine last summer.
I'm confused.
I thought you did a procedure, and we were like, you know,
you were telling us that you were prepping for it, and.
No, I wouldn't mean.
Maybe you were dreaming that.
You're just like, I can't wait for Sean to dream about it.
Wait.
Maybe.
Sean Blaston's ass now.
Thinking about him in that gown.
I want to be that doctor.
The gown.
The gown with the front, there's no back.
Oh yeah, so your ass.
I wouldn't even wear a gown.
I'd just walk around with, hey, how you doing?
They wheel you back.
I'd have my t-shirt on.
That's it.
Well, you strip down nude, then you put the gown on.
Put the little gown on.
And it's open in the back.
And then they wheel you back there to the operating room
or procedure room or whatever.
They say, all right, lay on your side.
And then they give you the stuff.
They give you the propofol.
And then you're just like.
Yeah, and they say, count down to one.
And you're like, 10, 9.
Out.
Next thing you know, you're waking up.
Yeah, that's the freakiest part of it.
Next thing you know, you open your eyes,
and it's like literally no time has passed.
And they're cleaning you up, and you're like, what's up, Boonie?
Well, you already cleaned.
Well, I was anyway.
They weren't wiping my ass or anything when I woke up.
I mean, they were just kind of moving me around.
That's so horrible.
You wake up, and you feel someone wiping your bottom.
And you're like, god.
That's the freakiest thing.
I remember when I had my shoulder surgery.
Yep.
And same kind of thing.
I counted down.
They were wiping your bottom.
And then next thing I know, I open my eyes,
and there's a guy standing in front of me.
I've never seen him before.
And he goes, congratulations.
You said it was the worst shoulder he's ever
seen for a man your age.
And I'm just blinking.
I'm just blinking at him.
He's like, what's the surgery?
I'm like, what are you talking about?
Where am I?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, that is a very strange feeling.
You've never been put under, have you?
Yeah, once.
A long time ago, I had a procedure.
It is.
I mean, my shoulder was the first time.
I mean, I had wisdom teeth way back.
Twice.
Way back.
But the shoulder, it is.
I remember them, because you're in the little prep area
shaving wherever they need to.
And then they get you all hooked up with the IV,
then they will you back.
And it's cold as shit in there, for one thing.
And you're just laying there, and they
put your arm where it needs to be,
and then they push the stuff.
All right, count back from 100.
I think I got to 99.
And I was waking up.
That's what it was like.
I'm serious, 99.
And you just wake up.
And I was sitting in the recovery room.
And I'm just like, and your arm's in a sling.
I think it's funny, too, how nowadays four different people
will come up to you and talk to you about what's going on
before the surgery.
And they always say, so what are we doing today?
And you're like, my right shoulder.
OK, you want to point to it?
OK, that's the shoulder?
OK.
Because you hear these horror stories of people waking up
and their left leg is gone when they came in to take a hang
nail off or something.
So then they'll initial it, too.
A lot of doctors will initial it, too, saying, all right.
And the surgeons will initial it.
It's just amazing that that could even happen.
It does.
It's incredible how it happens.
It does.
Anyway, it's kind of funny.
But anyway, you get to experience it.
Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that.
But I'm looking forward to getting it behind me.
Yeah, it's not bad.
They're calling it.
No pun intended.
No, they'll get behind you.
All right.
The mental workup to it was worse than the actual thing.
It wasn't a big deal.
Yeah.
Yeah, it wasn't a big deal.
But the biggest thing is after going through the horrific,
you know, drinking the stuff or taking the pills.
Some people do pills.
I did the stuff, which was awful.
And you go through that whole cleansing thing,
and then you're starving to death
after you're done with the procedure.
And to me, it was like we're going straight to one burger.
Right.
That was like the exciting part because I
was so freaking starving.
Anyway.
Yeah, that's what dudes like us have to do nowadays, man.
Unfortunately.
We have to take care of all that stupid stuff.
It's just age and shit that goes wrong with it.
You know, it's funny.
Our lives seem to be dominated by either health things
that we have to go do or house things to fix.
Correct.
You know what I mean?
I mean, let me tell you the latest on my house thing.
So during the winter, you would think
that's when you would use your spa more often.
I have a pool in a spa.
Nice, warm spa.
Right, right.
I mean, not when the weather is like totally freezing,
like you can't get out and you die on the way into the house.
But anyway, so yeah, so we started warm up a little bit.
We thought about getting the spa heated up.
And of course, it didn't work.
Your heater.
Yeah, my heater didn't work.
So I go out there and I'm like, this
is like a regular thing where I have to pull it apart
and figure out what wires fell apart or something.
I open up the thing and it is packed full.
I think a family of rats, a family of rats moved in.
Did they all scurry out?
No, there was nothing moving or alive.
So it was abandoned.
It was abandoned.
But I will tell you, I pulled out two dead ones.
Oh, really?
Yeah, there was a dead adult one and a dead,
like a adolescent.
Like a teenager.
Yeah, like a teenager, a teenager rat.
And they obviously froze to death in there.
And so anyway, that thing was so jam-packed full of shit.
I was just like, oh my god.
It was like twigs and brush.
Everything.
Everything they could get their hands on.
Do you know how pack rats are?
It was pieces of plastic bags.
It was like part of a napkin in a rag,
mixed with leaves and acorns.
And anyway, so I rip open the thing.
And I was like, it stinks.
All the urine.
Oh, the shit.
Right.
So I put on gloves.
I'm starting to clear the shit out of there
and all this kind of stuff.
And I'm just like, and then I was thinking, OK, well,
I got all cleaned out now.
I checked all the wires.
Everything's good.
Still wouldn't fire up.
And figured out that it was something else.
And I tried to get that little sensor taken off.
And it snapped off inside the pipe.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.
So now I had an open hole in this heater.
And so I was like, shit, when this thing turns on,
it's going to shoot water.
That's exactly what happened.
I just did it for fun.
I turned on the pump.
And I was like, it was shooting like 10 feet up in the air.
And I was like, shit, man, I got to plug this hole somehow.
Because I need a new heater.
There was no question the thing was dead.
20 years old or 10 years old.
So anyway, I managed to plug the hole.
And now I ordered a new heater.
And now I'm trying to get bids on getting it fixed.
Did you get the same size or did you get a bigger one?
I got a bigger one.
But I'm regretting I should have gotten.
I think you should go big.
When you're getting a pool heater, go bigger than you need.
Because it heats it up much faster.
And that was a complaint we had about the other one.
It took it like an hour and a half or two hours
to heat up the spot, which is retarded.
I mean, it's a tiny little spot.
It shouldn't take that long.
So I think I made a mistake.
I went from 200 BTU to 266 BTU, which is a pretty big job.
But what's the next step up?
Well, there is ones that are 400 BTU.
It's probably three times as much money.
Yes, it was.
And that was the issue.
I was like, we never heat the pool.
We only heat the spot.
It shouldn't take that long.
But maybe it's more efficient.
And I'm really hoping it works out.
But anyway, I've got it sitting on my driveway.
I ordered it directly.
You could use one of our sous vides.
Oh, there you go.
Just kind of stick it in there.
Yeah, we'll make it like 100 of them
and just stick those in the spa.
Yeah, a couple of them.
It'll circulate it.
Yeah.
It's electric, so you have to kind of watch that.
Yeah, we don't want to get killed in there.
Electric, you don't want it to fall in.
You have to attach it to the side.
It puts a meat in there, too.
You could cook your meat.
Yeah, there you go.
A pork button.
Yeah.
Right there while we're sitting in the spa.
Nice loin.
Yeah, put it in a little Ziploc bag, a little vacuum pack.
How hot do you get the spa?
I think the hottest it will go is like 104.
Oh, OK.
And that's uncomfortable.
You want to get up to like 140.
Yeah, 100 is.
No, that would kill us.
100 is uncomfortable.
Yeah, no, it's too hot.
98 is like perfect.
Right.
Oh, it's got to be 99, 100.
Oh, OK.
OK, big difference on there, right?
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, well, your body temperature is like 98.6.
So you think warmer or cooler than that is it's going to be cold.
Not exactly cold, but yeah.
Yeah.
Well, your body will feel it.
So I am getting bids to have people install the heater,
because I don't want to deal with the gas line.
That's probably not something that I'm qualified to do.
So I got a bid for somebody to put it in the gas heater.
And I have a bid to somebody to fix it.
My pump doesn't prime.
It's got an air leak somewhere.
So I'm just going to have them tear out all that piping
and redo the piping too.
Yikes.
I know.
It's not going to be cheap.
What about, yeah, that sucks.
What about any kind of cracks or leaks?
Do you have to deal with any of those in your pool?
Not in the pool itself, just in the piping around the pump.
Right.
But not in the pool itself, thank god,
because that can be really expensive for them
to go find pipes underneath the ground that have cracked
or whatever.
But no, I haven't had.
What, do they have pipes running underneath the pool?
Not even like the actual shell, the actual pool itself?
No, I don't have any cracks in the gunite or anything
like that, although periodically you've
got to re-plaster the pool.
What is gunite?
What is that made out of?
It's a type of cement.
Melted guns?
It is not.
It's not.
It's almost like when they spray it,
it's almost like when they spray insulation in the roof.
When they kind of expands?
Yeah, when they spray it, it looks a little fluffier
than when they're pouring cement.
But yeah, they just shoot it out of that little tube there.
We're looking at the pitcher here.
It's called shotcrete.
Yeah, it's a form of concrete.
Gotcha, OK.
I never knew.
I always say that these pools are made out of gunite,
but I never really understood what it is.
I guess they shoot it and they kind of smooth it?
A lot of the differences, one of the main differences
between regular concrete and gunite
is pure concrete is extremely porous.
So gunite is less porous.
So when it dries, it has to retain.
It has to not absorb the water.
Otherwise, you'd be constantly filling up your pool.
If it were a concrete pool, it would go right
through the concrete like a sponge.
Well, it says today, gunite generally
means just pneumatically applied concrete.
Since gunite is made of concrete,
gunite has the same ingredients as concrete.
It's very repetitive.
Cement, sand, and water.
Yeah, maybe it's different ratios.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe.
It's got to be.
Well, again, concrete is porous.
So they won't typically make this kind of thing.
Do they cover the gunite in something that is not porous?
It says later, gunite does not have any pockets of voids
that poured concrete can have.
So it's really how it's applied more so than what it's made of.
Right.
Maybe the pneumatic application is what helps.
Well, I'm trying to think.
But don't they take plaster and shoot it
on top of the concrete?
Because right now, they've got to re-plaster our pool
where we live.
They're not having to rip out concrete.
They're ripping out plaster.
Well, that they just spray.
I think they just spray plaster over the plaster.
They re-plaster it.
I don't even think they take the existing plaster off.
They're ripping our plaster off.
Oh, wow.
I just didn't know.
They're taking a jackhammer.
And they're literally jackhamming about an inch
and a half of that plaster off to get down to the concrete.
And then they're spraying some new stuff.
Because they have those really thick shoes that they
not thick shoes.
They were those shoes like nails.
So they could walk around.
So they could walk around and not leave footprints.
And then they'd sit there and they spray it.
It's a long ass hose.
And they spray down.
Plaster.
Or new plaster.
And they just use these little trowels.
And they flatten it up.
Yeah, I'm going to need new plaster at some point.
I mean, because it discolors.
And then eventually, if your water chemistry isn't perfect,
it kind of calcium builds up.
And just paint it.
Well, it becomes black.
Well, but there can be little holes in it too.
I mean, it just over time, it's just kind of like sandpaper.
It can like.
Right.
It gets rough.
Yeah, like if you're walking across it,
you can literally scratch the bottom of your feet.
Yeah, I've been in pools and I've done that.
Yeah.
And it has to do with, I mean, you never
have your water chemistry absolutely perfect.
Sometimes there's too much, like I said, too much calcium.
Not enough calcium.
Sometimes it leaches.
All that kind of stuff.
So it just.
You have salt water or chlorine?
I have chlorine.
Yeah, I started out with a salt water pool.
I was going to say, you originally had salt water.
Yeah, and I pulled it.
Does that work very well?
It's just, I don't know.
I just didn't want to, honestly, I didn't.
To replace the cell every three years,
it was like $600 every three years to replace the cell.
And I was like, yeah, what the hell?
I'll just go with tablets.
It just seemed easier.
And I'm glad.
Oh, no, no, the biggest reason, I forgot.
The biggest reason was the boys would splash, right?
You know, boys jumping in the pool.
We couldn't keep anything alive around the pool.
All the salt?
Yeah, all the landscaping was all dying.
So chlorine doesn't kill it?
No, no, not like salt water.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Salt water is devastating for landscaping, man.
And it wasn't good for just lawn furniture and stuff like that.
I mean, it affected everything.
Everything rusted.
And what about your skin?
Very corrosive, right?
Yeah, your skin or your health.
What's better, salt water or chlorine?
Probably the salt bath.
Well, so the nice thing about the salt water pools
is that it can maintain a lower level of chlorine.
I mean, ultimately, both pools have chlorine, right?
But when you're doing tablets or shocking the pool,
you know, that type of thing, it has higher levels of chlorine
than a salt water pool.
It keeps it nice and level, maintained.
It's always running, right?
The salt water generator is always creating chlorine
in smaller amounts.
So I think from that perspective, it's probably better for you.
OK, I realize that salt water still had chlorine in it.
Yeah, it's just another way of creating chlorine.
Gotcha.
Yeah, it runs through that little cell.
And I forget what the chemistry is, a little chemical reaction.
E equals FC squared.
That's it.
That's the one.
Yes.
Yeah, excellent.
Einstein.
Yeah, time travel.
Right.
Anyway, so that was my pool heater story.
So yay.
Yeah, we've talked about throughout the years,
especially when the boys were here,
we've talked about getting a pool.
But we couldn't bring ourselves to pay $100,000 for a pool.
Yeah, they're not cheap.
And that's for like a basic pool these days.
Yeah, the cost is on quite a point.
I think ours was like $42,000.
That was back in 2002.
Yeah, they've gone astronomical.
Yeah, and you may get money out of it for the price you pay.
But they say you don't get your money back out
when you add a pool.
No.
No, you don't.
So you get the fun of a pool.
But it's not an investment to say,
I'm going to get twice the price of my house.
No, you won't.
It's almost not worth it.
Like with my backyard, I would just get a hot tub.
Right.
Julie and I have talked about that.
I get a hot tub.
Because it doesn't need to be a hot tub.
I mean, you don't have to turn the heat on.
If you want to just sit out there and soak,
turn the bubbles on.
Oh, during the summer?
Yeah.
Yeah, you can just sit in like you do a pool.
I mean, we've had some good memories over the years.
We always hope.
Yeah, we hosted the Memorial Day weekend.
I haven't been in your hot tub in quite some time, though.
I mean, we've had a bad run on your hot tub.
Was the last time when all the shmeg was on it?
Oh, it was like some fucking shmeg.
It's like an army of giants all took turns blowing loads
in your hot tub.
No.
Oh, yeah.
There was something going on there.
Shmeg.
Do you have to clean the pipes, or is that what the chlorine does?
No, we've never cleaned the pipes.
I don't know if that's a thing you have to do with the pool.
Like a gang of pigeons all came by just to help.
I don't know what happened.
It was kind of weird.
I do remember that.
Yeah, you get out of the pool.
It's like stuck to your leg.
No, it wasn't.
It's a froth.
Oh my god, what is Paul and Shelly doing in here?
No, there's nothing like that.
It's like an after-hours brothel.
I think we're ahead of the game this year,
because the water looks pretty good.
So hopefully nothing crazy happens.
Do you ever have to replace much water?
Does it evaporate?
Oh, yeah.
No, I mean, I was having to add water every week.
Oh, really?
Yeah, and I don't have the one.
You know, a lot of people tap it.
You don't have a float valve?
Yeah, they tap it into their sprinkler system.
And then, yeah, it automatically fills.
Mine, no, I just drop a hose in the pool and fill it up
and put the timer on the oven.
So I'm going to fill it for an hour.
But I will tell you, there were times
I forgot to set the timer, and we wake up the next morning.
And you rip it out.
Oh my god.
Hours, hours and hours of water just overflowing the pool,
running down into the street, you know,
and all that kind of shit.
I'm just like, you know, you get through it.
And then you get that bill.
And it's through your chemicals all the way off.
Not so much that, but it's really the bill.
Right.
And the embarrassment.
Yeah, you get $150 bill just for the night
that you overflowed the pool.
And then the code enforcement comes in.
It's like, sir, you're wasting your water.
Don't you know we're on drought?
Yeah, well, that's never happened.
But they probably should have talked to me
because I was an idiot.
I think that's happened.
Over 20 years, I think that's happened twice.
So that is the nice thing.
Well, then I hear stories of people
who have it tied into their sprinkler system,
and it malfunctions.
So it just sits there and just keeps filling, filling,
filling, filling.
And they're like, they don't eat.
And they don't see it because it's
Because it's waiting in the drain.
That's right.
So they don't see it like I do.
My pool overflows, and then it's obvious.
But theirs just kind of runs into the drain.
And then they get the bill because it's
been doing it for a week.
Yeah.
So yeah, that's like a $600 bill.
Yeah, our pool down at our community pool has a,
it's a closed system.
When I say it's a closed system, it does overflow.
There is an overflow.
But it's essentially a closed system.
But up high, there is a drain up high.
And it runs out directly into the street.
So if you're aware of it, and you ever drive by,
and you see it, then you're like, uh-oh.
That's not normal, right?
Yeah, so that was one of the markers that I knew.
It was kind of like the pipes that overhang your roof
when your pan underneath your AC fills up.
Yeah.
I wonder why that water's dripping.
Yeah, where's, most homeowners don't know that.
They don't know that it's, and you're
supposed to put it over a window so that you
can see it dripping.
Well, you usually see the big old rust stains on the roofs
of the window.
Like ours is right over Steven's window.
We have that little bay window that,
it's actually my bedroom.
And when ours was doing it, and when we first started
noticing it was when it was turning the rust,
you could see the sediment starting.
That's when we kind of noticed it.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, you don't know.
You know, they've got, now they've changed the codes
a little bit to make it easier.
And frankly, I don't know why they didn't do this sooner.
Basically, what they're doing nowadays
is they take the HVAC line.
Yes, they do have an overflow still that runs outside.
However, before they would run, like right now in my house
and your house, probably your house,
they wanted down the drain into a bathroom.
They do, mine.
That's mine.
It dumps into a P trap, which is retarded.
I mean, if you think about it from a scientific way,
you're like, that makes zero sense whatsoever.
So nowadays what they're doing is
they attach it straight to an exhaust, which
is basically an air stack.
And because the air stack is just a way
to prevent from getting stuck, it does away with the vacuum.
You know, the air stacks go right through your roof
so that any off gassing from the sewer line
won't get anywhere in your house.
It goes straight through the roof.
So the sewer line air goes up and out the house.
That's what air stacks are for.
And so what they're doing is they're
tapping into the air stacks that run through the attic, which
makes absolute sense.
They should have been doing that since day one.
I mean, it's retarded that they haven't.
It's funny you say that because I'm
trying to remember what the symptoms were,
but I had a blockage somewhere.
And it was leaking outside the house.
And so I was crawling all through the attic,
trying to figure out where the block was.
And I was cutting pipes.
And I was looking down the pipes and running wire
through the pipes.
And it turned out I had no idea I did this,
but I was having to follow the pipes all throughout the house,
like looking through the roof and looking down the walls.
And it ran to my son's bathroom.
And the pipe went into the side of the thing.
And it was just gummed up.
It's liquid snot.
It was a five-second repair that took me all day
of crawling through the attic the whole weekend,
a whole weekend of cutting pipes and doing
all sorts of crazy shit.
But I had no idea.
I had no idea that pipe went to that bathroom.
All I had to do was disconnect it,
stick my finger through the sludge that blocked the hole.
And went right through.
And then the whole thing drained.
Yep.
I was just like, so hot.
Water went everywhere.
Oh, I was so pissed.
I was so pissed.
That's all me I had known.
Anyway.
So is that clean water, the condensation?
Right off the bat, it is.
Is there no way to collect that?
Until it sits in a nice reservoir?
See, that's what I'm saying.
It is absolutely criminal that we're not
harvesting the water from these condenser units.
Do you know how much water is produced
from these condenser units all over?
You're talking about millions and millions of them.
Oh, my gosh.
It's ridiculous.
In my great opinion, I think that all these condenser units
should go into lawn sprinkler systems,
or what do they call it, class three?
What kind of water are they called?
Non-potable?
Yeah, the non-potable systems, the purple lines
that they have.
Absolutely.
It is an absolute waste of resources
because condensation or that type of water is pure.
Right.
I mean, it pulls it out of the thin air.
Yeah, it's coming out of the air.
So I mean, it hasn't touched the ground or anything.
I mean, it's pure.
That's a great point.
I mean, you're right.
It's literally just wasting water.
That's what you do when you distill, right?
You steam it, and it collects.
Yeah.
Sort of.
And then it drips back down.
It drips back down, yeah.
So it's an interesting notion.
I mean, especially if you do have a pool.
It almost seems like I would hook my condenser units up
straight to the pool.
Drained into the pool?
Because just run a big, long pipe
so it runs over the, just right in.
Yeah, and just hover it over the pool.
Yeah, like 20 feet up, just like a waterfall.
It drips down.
Oh, yeah.
Honey, we're going to add a waterfall effect.
You think kids can play in it?
It's a water feature.
It's going to be talking about a drip, drip, drip, drip, drip,
drip.
I don't know what kind of water feature you want to play with,
but that doesn't sound like all that much fun to me.
However, you know what?
Compounded, there's a lot of drippage.
I mean, you've seen them.
Well, they say when you leave a faucet, you know, like a,
you refuse to.
Or your toilet.
Yeah, a toilet that runs, actually, that's even worse.
But you know, just the drip, drip, drip of a faucet that,
you know, leaks and you just don't go fix it for 10 years,
it's a shitload of water over time.
I mean, and a toilet's even worse.
A running toilet.
If you hear it going, dripping like that, too,
that's a bad one, too.
I mean, toilets are immensely inefficient.
You've got to look at a harvesting, condensating, or HVAC
line water.
I mean, why aren't they doing that?
Is it drinkable?
I don't see why not.
I mean, I wouldn't feel comfortable.
As long as the condenser's clean.
Yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't know why it wouldn't be.
It does have to hit the pan.
There are elements in your attic that may not be fantastic,
like the insulation.
However, if you have a clean system, it doesn't matter.
At the end of the day, if that water falls into some sort
of filtration system, it won't matter.
It cleans all that stuff out.
Sure.
Hell, there are places that clean sewage water
and recycle it back to homes.
Like the reverse osmosis that you have.
Right, there you go.
That thing wastes a lot of water, too, by the way.
Oh, really?
Yeah, did you know that?
No.
So just the way it squeezes water through the membrane,
it's very inefficient.
And yeah, there's a ton of, I think it's called brine water.
And it just runs down the drain constantly.
I was like, I kind of didn't know that.
It's interesting, too, wasting water subject.
They have two different types of ice makers.
They've got the same type that everybody's ice machine runs on.
And that uses a condenser unit that turns on,
a compressor that turns on, that applies pressure to the pipes
that create the freezing.
Well, some of these ice makers, they don't have fans.
Like our refrigerators have a little fan
to cool the compressor down.
Right?
Well, they have these, they're loud, though.
So they're not desirable for some restaurants and bars
because you turn this big fan on.
So they have what they call these water-cooled compressors.
So now you have a water line that will dump onto the compressor
and cool it off.
And then run down the drain.
And go straight down the drain.
It's great.
That's great.
It's ridiculous.
I honestly think toilets are a bigger opportunity
for saving water than anything else on the planet.
I mean, think about it.
Half of the tank, sometimes the entire tank
empties when you flush the toilet.
Sometimes it's needed.
I know.
But there's got to be a better way
to handle human shit and pee.
Yeah, it's called an outhouse.
Well, OK.
You want indoor plumbing?
Or do you want to shit the hole?
I don't want to go to that level.
But I just think there's got to be a better design.
Well, over in Europe, they have the bidets,
which is even more water that shoots up your ass.
Right?
I mean, they have these houseboat pots or toilets
that you dump into this bucket, and then it drops it into the.
It's actually like one of these little sacks
that they're quite unique.
So you sit on the stoop.
And when you look down there, it's
basically like a plastic bag.
All right?
And you do your business.
And then you flush the toilet, and it's
got an automatic little mechanism.
Takes a little bag and snips it, and then drops it,
and then burns it.
And then it incinerates it, and then it dumps in the lake.
And then you've got this little plastic,
and it goes right back in there.
It's ready to do it again.
It's got the little bags that keep it.
Dumps it in the lake.
It incinerates it to ash.
I don't know if it'll dump it in the lake.
Maybe into like an ash bin.
I couldn't see them dumping if there's a bunch of houseboats.
Some of these, like Lake Carbilluna,
there's a shit ton of houseboats.
But it incinerates it, though.
Yeah, but you're not going to be dumping a bunch of ash.
That doesn't sound good.
Yeah.
They could.
I don't know.
It's got to be back to the fish.
I would think they'd capture that,
and then that's one of the things that you have to empty out.
It's just like when you have an RV.
You have the gray water.
Yeah, you got to.
Black water, whatever they call it.
You got to pour that down the drain or whatever.
Yeah, sure.
I guess all our houses could turn into that.
You just have to, like airplanes,
you have that blue water.
I just think there's got to be a better design than what
we currently have.
The whole sewage system was vacuumed.
So when you hit the button, it just sucked it down.
Oh, like on a cruise ship.
Yeah, or an airplane.
Yeah.
Yeah, on a cruise ship.
You got to be careful that it doesn't pull part
of your ass cheek.
Yes.
I mean, that shit is intense, man.
So your butt's going.
Yeah.
Puk!
Ah, ah, Shelley!
Your balls are like.
I stand corrected.
So what it says, the toilet owner
is required to perform both regular emptying the ash
container once a week or every other 100 flushes.
What is it smells like?
What's ash?
Burnt shit.
It's burnt shit.
Does it smell like nice oak fire?
No, once you.
It's not like a bourbon barrel.
Once you incinerate something, there's no smell left.
Well, sure there is.
I mean, other than ash, like burnt.
I'm sure that styrofoam that Sean burnt
didn't smell like a nice.
Was there two throwing it on the fire, by the way?
Black, billowing smoke.
I have burnt styrofoam before.
It is not a pleasant experience.
It's a one and done.
I think you got like three TVs or something.
We had those huge styrofoam inserts.
Oh, no.
God.
It was.
Luckily.
And you did it at night.
Yes.
That helped.
Yes.
It helped.
However, the smoke was so thick it set off motion sensors
down the alley.
I mean, you would see like you'd see like lights turn on
and you're like, that is so bad.
Yeah, luckily it was blowing away from one time it
switched directions and we both scattered.
But it was blowing that way.
So luckily we scattered for your life.
It was so toxic.
That was a bad idea.
Well, we got rid of it, though.
Yeah, that was the goal of it.
Well, you could have just thrown it in the dump.
Takes too much time.
Yeah.
This was far more fun.
I guess.
There was a lot of it, too.
Wasn't there?
I mean, I don't know.
You got a bunch of TVs or something
because there was a shit ton of it.
There was a lot of it.
I hate styrofoam because even when you break it into chunks
and you put it in the garbage can,
there's like all the little things.
Little white beads.
Yeah, they just go everywhere and then
they end up in the pool and then they're
just all over the place.
And I hate that shit.
Styrofoam is just awful.
It's not a good.
It's not good for the environment.
I don't think.
I don't know.
Is that biodegradable?
It was a bad invention, I think.
Well, you just melt it, then it turns into like a melted blob.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good thing.
It's much smaller.
You just throw that away at that point.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, earlier this week, there was a museum.
Of natural history?
It was the, they were featuring the Miami artist Steven Gampson.
I don't know.
So it's a sculpture.
And there was this person, a guest.
The guest came in and accidentally
bumped one of the art pieces.
Oh, no.
It's kind of shaped like a balloon,
like a clown makes those little balloon animals.
This feature was like a little balloon dog.
And it was out of porcelain and a metallic blue 2021 piece
titled the balloon dog was valued around $42,000.
Made of porcelain and measured about 40 centimeters
by 48 centimeters by 16.
It was big.
It was more than a foot tall.
And anyways, $42,000.
I thought that was kind of a funny story.
I'd run.
Did he shatter?
Oh, into a million pieces.
So he bumped it and knocked it over.
The visitor accidentally knocks over and shatters $42,000 Jeff
Coons sculpture at art exhibit.
So does Jeff Coons go, you owe me money for that?
Yeah, are you liable?
Or is he like, I could just make another one.
So it all falls on to.
It's a balloon animal.
Insurance.
It falls under the establishment of where it's at.
So that place picks up the insurance on it.
Could they sue the patron?
Well, I mean, if there was negligence, I would assume.
If you just walked by.
Yeah, that'd be different.
If they were like belligerently drunk and kind of bouncing
into shit, you know.
Well, then they could turn around and be like, well,
bitch, you handed me like 15 glasses of champagne.
I said no more.
Yeah, it's your fault.
But get me shit faced.
Right.
Whatever.
And you gave me food after I started accident.
But can you imagine being that guy?
That's like going up to some rugby guy and going rugby's gay.
Yeah, that's not advisable.
I'm trying to think, what is this?
Like that.
What is the worst thing like you did that you were just horrified?
I'm trying to think if I've ever, you know,
like you knock down a display at the grocery store.
Well, I got in a car wreck.
I hit a parked car driving down a regular street simply
because I wasn't paying attention and no.
Watching Walking Dead.
There were no phones involved.
They didn't have phones back then.
This was in 85, 4, 84, 1984.
And I was driving this Aries K car.
You're like 13.
But 14, you were illegally driving.
Yeah.
And I was driving somebody's car that I borrowed right up
to the store real quick.
And I was just driving around the neighborhood.
And then I just, it was one of those things
where I was looking at something else in a different direction.
The track tape or something.
I barely clipped it.
Like, you know, just I fucked it up.
And I'm here off.
I hit at the corner of the thing and just
contorted the whole thing.
And my dad was just like, you know,
they had to take it to the shop.
And he was like, yes, 500 bucks.
You know, I don't know.
It's a lot of money.
Oh, yeah.
Well, yeah.
It'd be like it'd be like three grand today.
No shit.
Yeah, that was held to pay because my dad was kind of like,
well, whose car is that you're driving?
Why are you driving this person's car?
Oh, yeah.
Endless questions are coming after that one.
Then what's funny is you caught Preston and Stephen probably
the same age driving, I think it was one of your cars.
Yeah, they were in my car.
My car.
And Steve had tried to lay down or something like that.
He was all trying to hide.
Hold on.
They were driving your car?
Yes.
They took the car without permission.
And I found out that they did it all the time.
And Tara, she's such a bad parent from this perspective.
She didn't care.
Oh, no.
And it was just like, I was so mad.
And I almost wasn't mad that they did it.
I was more mad that they didn't believe
anything was wrong with it.
Taking your car.
Steve, he was like, I know this is wrong, so I'm going to hide.
Preston didn't care.
So they didn't wreck it.
They just were driving it around.
They were driving at Western.
They were fucking around.
And they were coming out of Western.
And I was like, what are you doing with my car?
Oh, my god.
Whatever, man.
So yeah, nothing happened.
They're 12, 13, same age, I think, weren't they?
Yeah.
They were in middle school at the time.
I don't think mine ever did that.
But of course, I'd have to ask them.
I mean, they do all sorts of shit you never know about.
You don't know.
Yeah, you don't know.
You really don't know.
I know me and my buddy, Sushi Cefalon, his sister
had a 1970-something Mustang.
No power steering, no power brakes or anything.
And we took that thing out when we were 13, 12,
or something like that.
Such a bad idea.
And we ran into, I don't know who was driving, he or I.
But you watched your parents, when they drive,
they let go of the wheel.
When you have power steering, that goes back.
You don't have power steering.
You have to turn the wheel back.
You have to move it back.
Yeah, you have to move it back.
Well, if you don't do that, you keep turning.
Generally, yes.
Yeah, and I can't remember who it was.
But we ended up running into, I think
we went to the gas station or something.
We had to get some candy or something like that.
So we ended up running into a gas pump, like that.
That could be really bad.
So inexpensive.
So we got in real quick and it's like,
all right, we got to take this back before.
Oh my god, you did a hit and run?
Yeah.
You were 12.
Yeah, of course.
That's what you do when you're 12.
Yeah.
So you hit a bunch of shit and you run.
I mean, it didn't do any damage.
But it was enough to go, holy shit.
Yeah, this is bad.
So yeah, it didn't knock anything down.
It didn't dent anything.
I've done some insurance claims that evolve around gas pumps.
Those fuckers are expensive.
Oh yeah.
I mean, you're looking at, if you hit one,
I mean, you're looking at $35,000 to $50,000.
$35,000 to $50,000 in case you didn't hear me the first time.
Wow.
For one.
But don't they normally have those big concrete pylons?
Pylons, yeah.
Buck ballards.
Yeah, you can't really run into one.
Sure you can.
Oh yeah.
You can run into one.
You're going to hit those pylons first.
Not all of them have those.
Oh, OK.
Well, the pylons are normally on the ends.
But if you come in, just like I did when we were driving that
car, and you just keep turning, you can run right into it.
That's true.
So yeah.
I'm trying to think.
So the most damage I've ever caused, not car related,
we were living in Japan.
And we were in the 10th story of a 10 story apartment building.
We were on the very top floor.
That's where we lived for like seven months.
In the penthouse.
In the penthouse, yeah.
And this is in 1978.
And we were in the laundry room.
And I'm in first grade.
We were in the laundry room.
And there was a big deep sink that had no pipe
on the bottom of it.
It was just an open hole.
And so I was playing with the knobs, turning them on and off.
And no water was coming out.
But I was just turning them back and forth, back and forth.
And my mom snapped at me and goes, leave that alone.
Turn it off.
And I'm like, turn it off.
OK?
Nothing's on.
So I was like, I wasn't sure which way was off, which way was on.
So I just turned them both to one way.
We go to bed.
We wake up the next morning.
And during the night, it turned on.
Ha ha ha.
And water.
And it was a closed laundry room.
So the water was running onto the floor.
On the 10th floor.
On the 10th floor, running onto the floor,
rolling down under the door into the carpet.
So my parents, they wake up the next morning.
And they put their feet down into wet carpet in their bedroom.
And my mom's like, what the hell?
And then she realized water was just sitting there running.
And then that's when the doors, people
started knocking on the door.
And they had to call the lawyer from the Amaco Oil Company.
Because my mom, all these people were talking to her in Japanese.
And my mom was like, I need help here.
Water went down to the sixth floor.
Yeah, that happens.
Ran down the walls all the way down to the sixth floor.
And they were like, I don't remember.
I always tell this story.
And I say, it was like half a million dollars worth of damage.
I don't know what the damage was.
Well, four floors.
A lot.
It was a lot.
I mean, they were like mad at me.
And I was like, it wasn't working.
It just came on in the middle of the night.
And it was your specific.
That's how they knew it was you.
Because it was you.
Because I was the one that was.
Who saw you besides your mom, though?
Punch people?
No, no.
I mean, my mom was mad at me.
That's what I'm saying.
Not anybody in the apartment.
I'm kind of curious why this thing didn't have a drain.
Well, because it had not worked, I guess.
I mean, no water was coming out of the stick it.
So at some point, it became an abandoned sink, I guess.
And somebody took the pipe off on the bottom
and used it for another floor.
I have no idea.
But it was literally just running out through the hole,
onto the floor.
Boom.
That was bad.
And my mom was freaking out.
She got on the horn with, well, she
told my dad, you get people from the company here right now
to translate and figure this, solve this problem.
Because people were really upset.
I mean, all the other tenants were like, what the hell?
You're the youngest, right?
Oh, yeah.
So what were your brothers saying?
I mean, no one could really get mad at me.
Yeah, all I was doing, I wasn't doing anything wrong.
I was just playing.
And you have a sister, right?
Yeah.
I've never met them.
Have I met any of your family?
I think I've met your brother once.
Yeah, I don't know.
Big tall glute.
He's tall?
He's about my height, a little bit taller.
You talking about Peter?
Yeah, I get one of them.
He was the DMV player.
The oldest one is shorter than I am.
Anyway, yeah, that was probably the most damage
I've caused from a unintentional insurance claim type of thing.
It was bad.
Oh, man.
Yeah, lots of stories out there from different dudes.
I mean, you see it every day.
I mean, that's your job, is to go assess stupid things
that people did.
There's a little song there.
Dumb ways to die, dumb ways to die.
Anyways, people like doing stupid things, like Darwinism.
Feeding bears and lions and shit.
We didn't even talk about our bourbon.
All right, well, Elijah Craig.
Slip it on there.
Elijah Craig, it's 94 proof, made from Heaven's Hill.
It's 2019, MSRP is really $26.
Is this 12 year?
This is the standard Elijah Craig.
That's it.
It's good?
I like it.
It is good.
Yeah, it's tasty.
Solid.
I mean, it's not a high proof, which is why it's really easy
to drink.
It's 94 proof, right?
I don't think this is the 12 year, though.
All right, it's March 21.
Oh, they removed the 12 year age statement.
It's dudes like us.
We're getting wrecked and ready for the second half.
We'll see you in a second.
Dudes like us.
I'm Sean.
I'm Paul.
And I'm Jeff.