1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,920 Welcome to our podcast, The Why in the 20s. 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,960 My name is Viv and I'm Nat. 3 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:16,280 We are two counselors in our mid-20s navigating our adulthood away from our home country, 4 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:22,880 exploring the why questions we encounter relating to relationships, identities and uncertainties. 5 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:27,480 So whether you're listening to our podcast while going for your walk or doing rituals, 6 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:38,440 you're welcome on board and let the journey begin. 7 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,680 Welcome back to a new episode of The Why in your 20s. 8 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:45,240 Why is it so soft? 9 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:46,600 Welcome back to another... 10 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:49,880 No, okay, let's start. 11 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,040 Okay, you can restyle. 12 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,080 New episode of The Why in your 20s. 13 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,080 Welcome back listeners. 14 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,080 That is so aggressive. 15 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:06,080 Oh my goodness, I say it's soft and you say it's too soft. 16 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:12,320 No, we can keep it like this. 17 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:14,320 We can see the aggressive side of things. 18 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:16,320 It's not aggressive. 19 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,320 I'm trying to be more loud. 20 00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,120 Yeah, okay. 21 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,120 I misunderstood you, sorry. 22 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,120 But yes. 23 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,120 Yeah. 24 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,120 So how's everyone? 25 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,120 Good, I guess. 26 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,120 Yeah, not anymore. 27 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,120 Yeah, I know. 28 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,120 I don't know. 29 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,120 It should be good. 30 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,480 I hope you guys are doing well. 31 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,440 I hope you guys are doing well as well. 32 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:39,720 So recently we have personally, I have received a lot of supportive messages, positive messages 33 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,120 regarding our podcast. 34 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,520 Yeah, that's actually really nice. 35 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,760 Either from our parents or friends. 36 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,520 It means a lot to us. 37 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:49,520 It does. 38 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:50,520 It really does. 39 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,320 That you guys enjoy or like resonate with it. 40 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,320 It feels like what we're doing is making a change. 41 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:56,320 Not a difference. 42 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,320 We're not making a difference. 43 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,320 It's weird. 44 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,920 I don't think we, honestly, I don't think we're making a difference in other people's 45 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,280 lives, but at least for my life. 46 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:10,920 I think at least for like specifically for my parents, like they will understand how 47 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,920 I think, what's going on in my life as well. 48 00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:14,920 Yeah. 49 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:15,920 And I'm not that open. 50 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:18,000 I don't message them constantly. 51 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,560 I don't tell them like I did this, I did that. 52 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:24,720 But through this podcast, when they listen to it, they know, oh, this is going in her 53 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,720 life or something like that. 54 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:30,680 That is actually true because how often you got the chance to talk openly like this with 55 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:31,680 your parents. 56 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,920 And it's just really nice to have people supporting you. 57 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,320 And I think without this podcast, I don't, like, I didn't realize that they were this 58 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,920 supportive of me, like of the things that I do in my life. 59 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:42,920 Yeah. 60 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:46,400 Which is very surprising and very comforting as well. 61 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,040 I'm glad that they are proud of what I'm doing as well. 62 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,040 Yeah. 63 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:55,880 They are supportive and giving really constructive feedback on how we can do better as well. 64 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,520 And I learned a lot along the way. 65 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:04,320 Like either I would just randomly look for research paper, which I would never do. 66 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:10,280 Like I only do it for like essay writing when I was studying last year, but it's just having 67 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,280 that. 68 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:17,080 It's like a hobby to me now that looking for papers and understanding in a deeper level 69 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,400 on the topics that we are going to share. 70 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,680 And of course, on top of our personal experience, it's really rewarding to me. 71 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,680 It is. 72 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:25,680 Yeah. 73 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:26,680 I definitely agree. 74 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,680 So thank you so much for your support. 75 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,200 It really means a lot to us. 76 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:30,200 Yeah. 77 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,200 And I saw your dad's message. 78 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,200 It was very cute as well. 79 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:38,560 Actually, it led me to reflect on something else, actually. 80 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:44,800 Something very useless, but because I saw you saving your dad's number as daddy. 81 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:45,800 Yeah. 82 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,200 I saved it to like my dad's name. 83 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:52,520 Even like my mom, I would save it as her name, her whole name, like first, last name like 84 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:53,520 that. 85 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:58,080 And I was talking to like one of my friends and they were like, yeah, they do that too. 86 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:03,000 And it's because as kids, we were taught that we should not save our parents as mom and 87 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:07,360 dad because if we lose our phones, people can just call your dad and mom. 88 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,360 So I was saying like, oh, your kid is in whatever, whatever. 89 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,640 And then that is creepy. 90 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:12,640 Yeah. 91 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,040 Or I get kidnapped or something like that. 92 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,280 When you get kidnapped, they know who to call immediately. 93 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,000 And I thought it was just my family or like just me. 94 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Yeah. 95 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,920 But apparently no, like other people was like that too. 96 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,720 That's not the reason why I saved my parents, mommy and daddy. 97 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:31,360 No, I mean, like I don't save my parents as mommy and daddy because they, they won't 98 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,360 know who to call. 99 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,760 Oh, oh. 100 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:36,240 Because if someone steals your phone, they will know who to call immediately. 101 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,240 Yeah. 102 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,880 It was just something that we realized, oh, we both actually had the same experience. 103 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:41,880 I know. 104 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,880 I mean, not you. 105 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:47,200 That's the last thing that I would think of, like kidnapping. 106 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,280 I think to me, it's like the idea of I'm the youngest in the family. 107 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,760 So I cannot call my sister her name at all. 108 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,280 I can only call her sister. 109 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:56,280 Yeah. 110 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,400 I call my sister sister as well. 111 00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:01,120 So I wouldn't save my parents name, their actual name, because I only call them mommy 112 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,120 daddy. 113 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,120 I never call them their name. 114 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,120 Yeah. 115 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,200 But it's just something to put in your contacts. 116 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,880 So is it solely because safety reason that you save? 117 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:09,880 Wow. 118 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,440 Why my parents never tell me that? 119 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,480 They don't care if you're kidnapped. 120 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,480 What if I got kidnapped? 121 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,480 They won't pay the rent. 122 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,480 You told my daughter? 123 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,480 Okay, go, go, go ahead. 124 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,480 Wow. 125 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:20,480 That's so interesting. 126 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,480 Yeah. 127 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:28,480 Anyways, that was a tangent and it just reminded me of something. 128 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,240 Oh, it's a cute story. 129 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,200 We always love to start with a story. 130 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,640 But yeah, we are diving deep into our topic today. 131 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:41,480 I'm actually very interested, excited for today's episode. 132 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,240 Are you excited about your regrets? 133 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,640 Yeah, I think it's a good thing. 134 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:46,640 It is. 135 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:47,640 It could be a good thing. 136 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,640 Yeah. 137 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,560 I think I make the past two years, I make friends with regrets. 138 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,560 We become friends. 139 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,560 We have buddies now. 140 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,600 I hope you spend more time with them. 141 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,600 I don't know. 142 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,600 So yeah, do you often? 143 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:05,560 Yeah, but I think when we talk about regret, I think the number one question that I always 144 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:10,120 have in my head is do you often look back on the regrets that you have? 145 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:15,160 I wouldn't say I often look back, but when some stuff happens, then you will look back 146 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:19,800 and say, oh, maybe I could have done things differently, but not often. 147 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,120 I would not say so. 148 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,360 Do you do that often? 149 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:28,280 Yeah, I think I do often look back on my regrets. 150 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,640 It changed from time to time. 151 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:35,240 I think regret is one of my, used to be one of my least favorite emotions because I often 152 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,680 look back on regrets and I ruminate around it. 153 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,280 I'm like, oh, I wish I have done this. 154 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,120 I wish I have done this differently. 155 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:46,160 And it goes into like the rabbit hole of ruminating and self sabotage, you named it. 156 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,840 But I think in the past two years, especially after I read the book, and I think we will 157 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:55,160 reference quite a lot from that book is from Daniel Pink talking about regrets. 158 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,720 The name is the power of regret. 159 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,320 How looking backward move us forward. 160 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:06,120 And I think it really changed my idea of regret because I used to think is a terrible thing. 161 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,560 I hope I have no regrets because you know, like people always say, you know, live without 162 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,560 regrets, like no regrets. 163 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,760 And I'm like, oh, I have so many regrets. 164 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,120 I think I should have done better on this and that. 165 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:22,200 But I think now I changed my idea of it's a fundamental emotion that we have that we 166 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:27,360 needed to, it helps us to make better decision moving forward. 167 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:31,840 So I still now I still look back on my life and I'm like, yeah, I could have done this 168 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:32,920 differently. 169 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,600 How differently not to make the same mistake again. 170 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,040 But I think now I just, it's like a, it's such a shorter look back. 171 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:44,480 I used to go back on the things that I wish I could do differently and then go dive into 172 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,240 it for like a long time. 173 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,920 But then now because I have make a meaning out of it, I do look back on things that, 174 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,280 oh, I wish I'd do it differently. 175 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:53,840 But yes, I learned this. 176 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:54,840 That's my takeaway. 177 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,840 And I end from that period. 178 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:02,000 Would you say you look back at like a certain regret multiple times or is it like different 179 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,840 things in your life? 180 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:04,840 Certain regrets. 181 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,200 And certain regrets do stand out to you. 182 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,200 Yes. 183 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:13,400 And we will touch base on that in a few minutes when we are talking about different regrets. 184 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:19,840 There are four main types of regrets that are categorized by Daniel Pinkett. 185 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:25,000 It's a research that he did, like he asked all the, I think he got like 20,000 response 186 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,680 on people, what regrets they have. 187 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,280 And then he categorized it. 188 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:34,440 It's really helpful in naming the regrets because that's the first step of awareness, 189 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,040 which we always talk in this podcast. 190 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,400 And we'll go through each type of regret. 191 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:45,600 Maybe from our lives, we can think of an example that will help us understand more about our 192 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:50,300 own regrets and help listeners to kind of think of their own regrets in this category 193 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,300 as well. 194 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:52,300 Yeah. 195 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:54,120 And the first type is foundation regrets. 196 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:59,160 You seem so happy about foundation regrets. 197 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:03,480 It's a neutral tone. 198 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:04,480 Foundation regrets. 199 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,680 Does it sound more sad? 200 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:07,680 Yeah. 201 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,680 Okay. 202 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:09,680 Foundation regrets. 203 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,680 Yeah. 204 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:11,680 So what is foundation regrets? 205 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:15,720 So foundation regrets are regrets that are failure to be responsible, conscientious or 206 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:16,720 prudent. 207 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:21,760 It can be our education, finance or health regrets as example. 208 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:26,920 So one of the most common theme is if only I have done the work. 209 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:32,480 So I think from the book it said, oh, if only I have take, look after my health or if only 210 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,440 I look after my health and not smoke or drink too much. 211 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,320 I think that's an example of foundation regrets. 212 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,320 So do you have any? 213 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,480 Oh, definitely. 214 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:46,320 I think the most, I think one that comes up quite frequently past few months is that I 215 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,440 wish I had taken the learner's permit earlier. 216 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,440 Yeah. 217 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,440 Yeah. 218 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,080 That's one of the foundation regrets that I have recently. 219 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,480 And there's not much I can do about it. 220 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,320 It's just more about, okay, I have to do it and wait. 221 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,080 I have to live with the consequence. 222 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:06,800 But the lesson, you did take the lesson away is to start things earlier. 223 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,800 If you can. 224 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,800 I wish I learned that. 225 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:16,040 I mean, I was certain that I probably do do that, like not waiting, not pushing stuff back. 226 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,120 But on certain levels, I still make the same mistake. 227 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,200 So I haven't completely learned from it. 228 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,200 I would say I will still repeat the cycle. 229 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,080 It's easier said than done. 230 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,080 Yes, absolutely. 231 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:33,560 I think because one, we are counsellors and we're doing this podcast, so we are more aware 232 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,120 of the things that happens around us. 233 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,600 We are more focused on our emotions. 234 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,440 We're just talking, oh, we don't, our people don't want to hang out with counsellors because 235 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,740 we psychoanalyzing everything. 236 00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:47,040 But because it's our job, so we are more conscious. 237 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,520 But as you said, it's easier to said than done. 238 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,640 In that moment, you might, you don't really immediately take lessons out of the regret. 239 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,000 Might take a few times and you learn from it. 240 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,000 Yeah. 241 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,280 I do have the same regret that I could have got it earlier, the license. 242 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,280 It's enough though. 243 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,080 No, it's not good enough. 244 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,080 It's good enough. 245 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,880 I could have done earlier. 246 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,400 I think that goes back to us being very harsh on ourselves as well. 247 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,520 Yes, but I do have the same regret. 248 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:19,560 I think another regret that I have on like foundation regrets is if only I have put more 249 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,120 effort in studying back in high school. 250 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,480 Oh, that's a big one. 251 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:25,480 Yes. 252 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,480 I agree. 253 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:32,880 I think it will be a very different experience if I got into uni in Hong Kong, like the subjects 254 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:34,120 that I want to do. 255 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:39,160 But it's not like a regret because I don't enjoy the career that I'm doing now. 256 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,160 Absolutely not. 257 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:45,320 I'm very grateful and thankful for my parents' support and myself of sticking into this pathway. 258 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:50,440 But I feel like there's nothing you can go back in that age of working hard and do your 259 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,040 best academic wise. 260 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,760 Yeah, I wish I had done that as well. 261 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:59,560 I think putting in the hard work and learning, I felt like I didn't learn anything in high 262 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,400 school. 263 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,440 So I don't know any like hard science like biochemistry, physics. 264 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,160 Like I honestly, I don't know much about it. 265 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,800 So I wish I had learned that, have that knowledge. 266 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:12,800 Yeah. 267 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,600 It's not really about grades anymore. 268 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,080 I think I just want to learn. 269 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,440 Learn like common sense. 270 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,280 Well, it's not common sense. 271 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,160 A huge tangent here, but I think I need to share. 272 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,320 I used to think we have free throat. 273 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:25,320 Huh? 274 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,440 Yeah, free throat. 275 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,240 One is for solid food. 276 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,240 One is for water, like liquid, and one is for air. 277 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,000 Yeah, how ridiculous that is. 278 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,400 And I only know I'm wrong until I'm 18. 279 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,760 That's why I say common sense. 280 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:37,760 Okay, maybe that. 281 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:38,760 Okay. 282 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:43,280 Because I didn't study biology and I'm really bad in chemistry. 283 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,120 Just science wise, it's terrible. 284 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,120 Same. 285 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,480 But not to this point, hey. 286 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:58,360 But it is terrible and yes, I wish I start learning sooner. 287 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,360 That's actually very cute. 288 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,200 It's like one for solid, one for water, one for air. 289 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,600 Because my mom always tell me like, don't eat and drink because I have a tendency of 290 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:08,600 not chewing. 291 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,920 I just swallow with water because I'm, I don't know. 292 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,360 I don't know what I'm thinking as a children net. 293 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,720 I don't know what she's doing, but I don't like to chew. 294 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,480 I just like to eat and then swallow it with water. 295 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,920 And my mom is like, don't do it because it will go into the wrong path. 296 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,400 I'm like, oh, okay. 297 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,680 So and I know that's one is for the air. 298 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,400 So I was always curious. 299 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,640 My brain is actually, or like my body is so smart that it can flip. 300 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,040 How can they know I'm eating? 301 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,040 So wait, wait. 302 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:39,200 So if you're eating medicine, so when you swallow it, it will just go separate ways? 303 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,200 Maybe that's how I thought. 304 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,200 I don't know. 305 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,200 That's so cute. 306 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,200 I don't know what I'm thinking, but I just didn't really think deep into it. 307 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,120 I just thought, okay, I have free throw. 308 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,680 One is for air, one is for food, one is for water. 309 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:51,680 Awesome. 310 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,680 Human body is amazing. 311 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:53,680 Very smart. 312 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:57,920 That's actually another way of thinking it because our bodies are quite smart. 313 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,160 Yeah, not that, but that's a big tangent. 314 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,320 And the next type of regret is boldness regrets. 315 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,160 It's basically the chances that we didn't take. 316 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,760 If only I had taken that chance. 317 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,960 If only I have done the things that I didn't do. 318 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:15,640 And I don't know if the audience agree, but I absolutely agree as usual. 319 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:20,840 What you're saying here, of course you agree. 320 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:25,120 That we always regret on things that we didn't do, instead of things that we did. 321 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,920 At least for me, I believe in that. 322 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:33,960 And I hope that as a value, not value, as a reminder when I'm making decisions, if I'm 323 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,800 thinking, oh, should I do it, should I not do it? 324 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,520 I would say I'll regret if I don't do it. 325 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:38,520 So do it now. 326 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,760 I think most of the time I live by that as well. 327 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,120 But do you have any boldness regrets? 328 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,400 Yeah, that's the thing. 329 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,120 Because I live by that, I can't think of one. 330 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,160 Can you think of one? 331 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,320 I think I have one. 332 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:53,960 I think it's an opportunity that I could have taken more responsibility in the role. 333 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:54,960 And I didn't. 334 00:14:54,960 --> 00:15:00,720 I do regret because I would wonder, oh, what if I have taken that extra step? 335 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:01,720 Where will I be now? 336 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,800 I have to think of that. 337 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:09,480 It's not like a strong regret to me because I'm very happy of where I am right now. 338 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,560 And it's also not a regret that I always in my head. 339 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,040 I need to think a bit more time to figure out this regret. 340 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:21,480 But yes, I agree with you that we always hold that thought of you always regret on things 341 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:23,760 that you didn't do, the things that you did. 342 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:28,720 So I always push myself to treasure every opportunity that I have. 343 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,360 Now that you're looking back, like you have identified this as a regret. 344 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,360 Looking back, what stopped you from actually taking up that role? 345 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:42,200 Just don't believe I have the ability to do so. 346 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:47,920 And I've heard people said, if you don't have that talent, then don't take it. 347 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,440 Like that's a saying in Cantonese, like if you don't have the size of the head, then 348 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:52,440 don't take it the head. 349 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,440 I don't know. 350 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:54,440 I'm terrible at translation. 351 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:55,440 Don't have that big head. 352 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:56,440 Don't have that big head. 353 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,440 Don't have that big head. 354 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:05,240 If you don't have that size of, like it means you have a small head, but you're trying 355 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:06,960 to wear an oversized hat. 356 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:07,960 Doesn't fit. 357 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:08,960 And I'm a people pleaser. 358 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,160 So, duh, I listened. 359 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:14,400 It really tackles my self-confidence at that time. 360 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:19,880 But yes, I would wonder where I would be at or what would I have gained from that extra 361 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,200 steps if I didn't self doubt at that moment. 362 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,520 But my takeaway from that is every experience leads to different things. 363 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,520 What about you? 364 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:34,680 Actually thinking back, it's not really not a big regret because I had to think very hard. 365 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:40,240 So I had the chance to play a game, like a soccer game for the school because the person 366 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:45,440 who was usually the goalie, she's injured so she couldn't play in the game. 367 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,600 And they asked me if I wanted to. 368 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:52,160 And I immediately said no because I didn't believe I didn't have that ability to do so. 369 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,800 Now looking back, it's like if it was offered to you, why not just try it? 370 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,040 Even just trying it, it's okay. 371 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,800 If you don't like it in the future, that's fine. 372 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,800 But just trying it. 373 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:02,800 Yeah. 374 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,620 And moving on, I think, yeah, boldness regrets, I think for both of us, it's not a big thing 375 00:17:06,620 --> 00:17:08,680 that we keep going back to. 376 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:14,200 But like moral regrets, I think in the book it says it's one of the biggest category of 377 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,920 regret where we do think about it a lot. 378 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:21,120 So moral regrets is when you had a choice and you took the low road. 379 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:25,480 So it's more along the lines of if only I had done the like quote unquote the right 380 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:26,480 thing. 381 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,480 Right thing, yeah. 382 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,440 And it's representing only 10% of the total regrets. 383 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,280 It's the least percentage, but we think about it the most. 384 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,280 Yeah. 385 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:35,280 Why do you think so? 386 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,920 I think that personally, I value doing the right thing. 387 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:43,880 And I think we are human being, we are wired to do the right thing. 388 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:44,880 Wanting to do the right thing. 389 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:45,880 Yeah. 390 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:46,880 Wanting to do the right thing. 391 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:47,880 Yes. 392 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,880 And we can't undo it, that's the thing. 393 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:49,880 Yeah. 394 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:50,880 Like the damage is done. 395 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,680 Do you want to share your moral regrets? 396 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:53,680 I can. 397 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,680 You want me to share first? 398 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:55,680 Yeah, why not? 399 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:56,680 I mean, eventually it gets to you. 400 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,680 Like we only have two people here. 401 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:58,680 This podcast is so raw. 402 00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,680 It's too... 403 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:09,680 It's too uncomfortable, but hey, we are sitting with it and we are learning. 404 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,080 Actually this regret, I don't think I've told anyone about it. 405 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,440 It's definitely associated with like shame. 406 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,200 I could have done better. 407 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:21,680 And I know what the right thing is and I didn't undo it. 408 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:27,000 So back in grade four, during recess time, I remember exactly where it happened. 409 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,640 It was right outside the tuck shop. 410 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:34,520 I was just walking by, but myself, there were two younger kids, I think a grade lower than 411 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,520 me. 412 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,880 They were walking towards me. 413 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,720 I think they were going to stop at the tuck shop to buy something. 414 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,840 Her wallet fell and I just kicked it. 415 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,480 I do not know who they are. 416 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,560 They don't know me either, but I just kicked it. 417 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,840 Like for no reason. 418 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,840 And then I laughed and walked away. 419 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:54,040 At that moment I was like, Oh, what am I doing, man? 420 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:55,680 There's no meaning to it. 421 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,040 Is it one of those like impulsive thoughts that you have? 422 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,160 Maybe, maybe I just acted on it. 423 00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,160 Right. 424 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,600 But you're a kid, so you don't have that. 425 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,080 I did not have that awareness. 426 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,080 Awareness. 427 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,160 Yeah, I did not at all. 428 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,680 I tried to avoid like not think about it. 429 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,680 Yeah. 430 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,240 And then after recess, I got called by my homeroom teacher. 431 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,360 She said, Oh, can I talk to you for a second? 432 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:18,160 And I had no idea like what it was about. 433 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,720 I thought it was about my tests. 434 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:24,000 And she was like, Oh, I was looking down from fourth floor. 435 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,320 And then she was like, Oh, I saw something happen. 436 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,040 Do you have anything to say? 437 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,480 So she just asked me. 438 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,040 And it's like even more regrets. 439 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,600 It's more about I lied again. 440 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,600 Yeah. 441 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,080 It's to cover the shame that I had of myself. 442 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:43,040 And then I blamed it on her saying, No, you you you mistake me with someone else or something 443 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,040 like that. 444 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:45,400 I don't remember what exactly I lied about. 445 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,400 Yeah. 446 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:47,400 How I lied. 447 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,400 But I remember lying about it. 448 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,400 To this day, I still remember it. 449 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,480 Is it something that is still very memorable? 450 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,240 That's so vivid in your mind. 451 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,880 I would say kicking the water was a bit. 452 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,560 Yeah, very vivid. 453 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:02,400 But I would always think about it when someone talk about bullying. 454 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,440 So it's like bullying plus lying. 455 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,440 Yeah. 456 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,440 That's something you. 457 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,880 At first, I didn't think it was bullying because I associate like bullying with more like a 458 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:15,680 group for laughs or for some purpose, some meaning behind it. 459 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:21,320 But I think recently I do not recently, but like quite a few years, I would say I associated 460 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,960 with that to bullying. 461 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:27,080 And it's unfortunate because I can't I don't know if it made an impact on them. 462 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,080 Probably like, like someone random just kicked your water. 463 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,520 Like it's at least some memory. 464 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,080 And it's unfortunate that I don't remember who they are. 465 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,080 I can't apologize. 466 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:37,080 Yeah. 467 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,080 So it's something that you I have to live with. 468 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,200 Accept it and remember and be a better person. 469 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,200 Yes, absolutely. 470 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,200 I agree. 471 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,840 I think that makes it more significant because the damage is done and you have hurt others 472 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,920 cannot undo it. 473 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:55,360 You have to live with it and it goes against a lot of the things that I feel like I stand 474 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,240 for being a kind person. 475 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,040 And that's definitely not a kind behavior. 476 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,400 So I regret that. 477 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,480 You know what you have to live with and move on from it. 478 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,480 And it's your turn. 479 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:06,480 I have to. 480 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,480 Okay. 481 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:11,280 I think when you when you're talking about primary, then I could have think of one, but 482 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,400 I think it's very different from my second one as well. 483 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:18,080 I think my first one is I got back my dictation. 484 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,640 I don't want it's always dictation. 485 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,600 I hate dictation. 486 00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,520 And I remember exactly I got 90 marks. 487 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:25,520 I got two wrong. 488 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,800 I changed the answer. 489 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,400 I just used the eraser and change and get back to the teacher say, hey, you mark it 490 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,400 wrong. 491 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,900 And then the teacher did not immediately point it out. 492 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:36,600 She just take my book away. 493 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:37,960 It's similar to you. 494 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:42,880 She asked me to see her during the recess and I just thought, oh, maybe I don't know. 495 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:47,120 I don't remember what I'm thinking, but I might think I'm so smart that I fool the teacher 496 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,120 or whatever. 497 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:51,720 And then she said, oh, is that something that you want to say? 498 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:52,720 And I'm like, no. 499 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,920 And then she's like, I know you changed the answer. 500 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,320 Do I admit here or do you want me to call your parents? 501 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,400 And then you're like, oh, please don't call my parents. 502 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,400 Please don't. 503 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,400 And I admit it. 504 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:05,400 And it's like a shame. 505 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,400 You're right. 506 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,000 It's a shame that carries to now that you want to be an honest person. 507 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:14,560 And I think that's the lesson that the good thing about moral regrets is often a heavy 508 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,560 lessons that carries on that benefits you in a long run. 509 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:19,560 Yeah. 510 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,560 Yeah. 511 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,600 Actually, when you're talking about that, I do remember cheating on the test. 512 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,040 I cheated on Christian ethics. 513 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,080 Hi, Ronick. 514 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,080 Did you get caught? 515 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:33,080 In front of everyone? 516 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,080 Not in front of them. 517 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:37,800 So like a pretty great teacher, like who was, oh, you want to stay back? 518 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:39,720 He just loved asking you to stay back. 519 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,280 I know it's the scariest thing. 520 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,240 If if there's teachers listening. 521 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,240 I don't know. 522 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:46,240 You can still say it. 523 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,680 I think it's I think that's how we learn. 524 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:48,680 Everyone have to experience that. 525 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:49,680 Yeah, I'll take it back. 526 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,680 You're doing great. 527 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,680 You guys are doing great out there. 528 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,960 I mean, if there's a meaning behind it, yes. 529 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:54,960 Yeah. 530 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:59,200 But if there's no meaning, then no, don't just randomly do that and scare students, scare 531 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,200 kids. 532 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,480 But anyways, he asked me to stay after after class. 533 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,600 He didn't question me. 534 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:05,680 He didn't ask me anything. 535 00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,400 He was I think he handled it very well. 536 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,080 It's more not about getting into trouble. 537 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,720 It's more about he knows. 538 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,480 I understand it's something that I shouldn't be doing. 539 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:20,160 And that matters more than getting a zero on my grade. 540 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,080 So this time it's a shame that you instilled on yourself. 541 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,760 And both times it was similar. 542 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,920 I was ashamed in the bullying part as well. 543 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,880 But this one was more only from myself. 544 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:36,640 Yeah, I do think teacher pointing it out is very important because I do cheat in high 545 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:37,640 school. 546 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,840 I think some people, most people, I don't know. 547 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:45,200 We don't verbally say it out loud that yeah, I cheat, but I do cheat in high school and 548 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,800 I never get caught. 549 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,920 I never see it as a regret because I never get caught. 550 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,960 I didn't have that shame. 551 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,640 I feel like it's a success. 552 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:58,680 So it's very important if in the long run to benefit us as a person getting caught, 553 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:03,840 of course, at that moment is shame is anger, but that's too good for you as well. 554 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:04,840 Yeah, I agree. 555 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,400 Because I've never seen, I've never thought cheating in high school as one of my regrets 556 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,400 because I never get caught. 557 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:13,320 But now thinking back, if I get caught, I would be even make it more memorable. 558 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:14,680 What was your second one? 559 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:21,120 No, my second one is more like harms doing to other people that I would say is bullying. 560 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:24,000 It's just I have bad intention towards the other person. 561 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:28,720 I choose not to share explicitly on what happens until now. 562 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:34,080 I still never apologize for doing, but what teach me is be nice to people. 563 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:38,440 Even though you are not friends with the person, don't do harm to people. 564 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:42,120 I think that's what I take away from it because I feel really bad. 565 00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:44,560 I feel I'm such a terrible person. 566 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:48,600 I self sabotage on, I never thought Natalie is such a terrible person. 567 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,360 I thought Natalie is always a nice, decent human being. 568 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:56,520 And that is the most harmful thing that I could do to one person. 569 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:02,280 It might not be very harmful to that person, but very harmful to myself when I think of 570 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:03,280 I have done that thing. 571 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,320 Yeah, be nice to people, people. 572 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,440 We all deserve some more decent human being in the world. 573 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:13,440 And I always believe people are nice to begin with and there must be certain things that 574 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,120 makes you do that, but that's not an excuse for it. 575 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:20,120 That's my second one. 576 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:23,760 Moral regrets is so uncomfortable to say. 577 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,600 It's because I think it does relate it to a lot of shame. 578 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,600 Yeah. 579 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:31,920 And even when you were saying that, like a lot of regrets does come into my mind. 580 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,320 And you cannot undo it. 581 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:34,320 That's the thing. 582 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:35,320 You cannot undo it. 583 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:36,320 Yeah. 584 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,920 And to this day, a lot of stuff that I've done wrong to other people, I would say I 585 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,160 don't apologize for it. 586 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:42,960 I haven't apologized for it. 587 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,440 And that's the thing. 588 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:48,320 Regret is one thing, whether to apologize or not is another thing. 589 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:52,680 And a lot of time apology is for ourself, not for the person. 590 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,080 It's to make us feel better about ourselves. 591 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:01,160 And that doesn't mean not to go apologize, but we shouldn't assume that the other person 592 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,600 will forgive you. 593 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:03,600 We'll stop from there. 594 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:04,600 Next one. 595 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:05,600 Connection regrets. 596 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:06,600 Yeah. 597 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:20,760 Connection regrets is when you neglect the person or the people who matter to you. 598 00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,920 So it's more like if only I had reached out to this person. 599 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,080 I can 100%, 200% relate to this. 600 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,360 When I was reading the book, you're like, yes, yes, yes. 601 00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:32,760 This is me. 602 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,680 I feel so naked when I was reading this book. 603 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:40,240 I feel like it speaks to me in every single part of it. 604 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:46,360 I think connection itself is very important to us as a human being anyway, which I wouldn't 605 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:51,760 surprise if connection regrets is another important regret that we have. 606 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:52,760 Do you have any? 607 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:53,760 Yeah. 608 00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:59,920 I'll be surprised if you say no. 609 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:00,920 You want to go first? 610 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,520 I think especially like, I don't know about you, but I'm definitely avoidant type person. 611 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,280 I think I have several friends that I care about them. 612 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:13,640 I value our friendships, but because of my avoidance, my, I don't know, I don't want 613 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,760 to blame on my avoidance or whatever. 614 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,160 I just didn't reach out. 615 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,320 I'm just too scared to reach out. 616 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,920 I have bright leather that I didn't give it to the person. 617 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:28,120 I have draft message that I didn't send. 618 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:33,960 I have practice conversations that I didn't act it out. 619 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,960 It's such an avoidant. 620 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:38,720 I'm laughing cause I agree with you. 621 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,040 I have the same thing. 622 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,040 I feel yeah. 623 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:47,400 So yes, I think moral regrets and connection regrets is the importance is similar that 624 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:52,820 if only I had reached out, but I think the good thing about connection regrets is you 625 00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:55,360 still have opportunity to act on it. 626 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:56,360 You always have. 627 00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:59,800 I don't know, just that's what I think like moral regrets, the damage you have done, but 628 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,440 connection, you always have the chance to reach out, but do I want to? 629 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:04,440 No. 630 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,440 Do I want to? 631 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,440 Yes. 632 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:07,440 But have I did it? 633 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,440 No. 634 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:09,440 It's contradicting to yourself. 635 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:15,440 The one side of you that really wants to, but a side of you that is the ambivalence in 636 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:16,440 between. 637 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,440 So yeah, that's my side. 638 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,440 200% agree. 639 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,560 No, like no, seriously, I do agree with you. 640 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:28,640 The connection regrets is that I do practice conversations that I know I will never have 641 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,400 letters that I know I won't send. 642 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:36,120 I think it's, I don't send them or I don't actually connect with them. 643 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:39,720 It's more about the uncertainty along with it. 644 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,120 And you don't know what to expect from them. 645 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,120 That makes it scary. 646 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:45,120 Yeah. 647 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,920 And for all these like connection regrets, I can be completely honest with you. 648 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:54,720 I have sit on my bed overnight overthinking about it like, Oh, should I do this? 649 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,720 Should I do that? 650 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,080 Because as I said, it can be good, but it can be bad because there's always chances 651 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:04,600 for you to do it and you choose not to do it yet. 652 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:09,320 So that's why I said it's one of my least favorite emotions to begin with. 653 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:14,360 But what I see it differently now is it doesn't matter whether you defer the action that you 654 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:15,360 take. 655 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,920 What's important is what you take out of it and what I take out of all those connection 656 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:23,520 regrets is you know what kind of friends that you want to be. 657 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:28,160 And if the similar situation happens, think back on all the previous connection regrets 658 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,160 that you have. 659 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,440 It might help you to make better decision. 660 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,520 That's my takeaway from after reading this book. 661 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:41,240 I think all these regrets allow you to learn from your experiences and help you person 662 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:47,080 better self and for honestly for connections like better friend, better daughter, better 663 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,800 sister, like just any role that you have. 664 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:54,240 Just a better person in general and be the person that you want to be. 665 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:59,400 And I think we have mentioned before we start like regret, it seems like a bad thing. 666 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,160 It is a bad emotion, but good for us in long run. 667 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:07,460 And I saw a graph in the book, The Power of Regret. 668 00:30:07,460 --> 00:30:12,040 And if the audience is interested in regrets, I highly recommend this book. 669 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,600 It's really mind-blowing and inspiring. 670 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:21,800 Anyway, the graph say three options for responding to regret and we have mentioned all the four 671 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,800 regrets. 672 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:23,960 That's three response in the graph. 673 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:28,400 So the first response is ignore, you know, you feel the regret and you choose to ignore 674 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:29,400 it. 675 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,240 The result is it is a delusion. 676 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,640 The regret is still there. 677 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:34,480 It's only you choose to ignore it. 678 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:35,480 It's a delusion. 679 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,200 The second response is feeling is for feeling. 680 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,200 So you can feel the regret and you keep feeling it. 681 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:42,200 That's despair. 682 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:47,480 Like it is rumination is into that rabbit hole that you just digging deeper and deeper. 683 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:53,160 But what we try to bring out of today's episode is the third response. 684 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:56,240 Feeling is for thinking that you know that regret. 685 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,000 The first step you name that regret, that awareness. 686 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:00,860 The second is think about it. 687 00:31:00,860 --> 00:31:02,960 What is the takeaway of that regret? 688 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,620 And the next step is thinking is for doing. 689 00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:07,120 So what will you do about it? 690 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:12,200 Like what lesson that you take away and that will lead to better decision, improved performance 691 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:13,440 and deeper meaning. 692 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,600 And that's the ultimate goal of regrets. 693 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:21,120 That's the benefits of regrets that it looks bad on the surface, but in deep it beneficial 694 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,440 to you in the long run. 695 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:28,960 And if you only see on the surface of feeling is for ignoring that you ignore the regret, 696 00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:32,760 it will always be that little monster that haunts you from time to time. 697 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,580 Your regrets can be your friends that guides you to better decision. 698 00:31:36,580 --> 00:31:40,320 So yeah, I'm very thankful that we have this conversation. 699 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,080 Very thankful that I saw this book as well. 700 00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:48,000 Really helps me climb up off that rabbit hole and have a whole new perspective, like really 701 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,000 life changing. 702 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:53,720 And I think this whole conversation that we have, I want to say before when we were preparing 703 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,120 for it, like I was like, what's my regret? 704 00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,520 Like I couldn't think of one. 705 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:04,400 But I think mainly it's because I would say my response is usually ignoring it and not 706 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,700 thinking it exists. 707 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:10,160 But yeah, diving deeper, you do realize that there are regrets. 708 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:15,480 Well in my life, there are regrets and it's acknowledging it, feeling the regrets that 709 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,720 I had in my past, thinking of how I can benefit from it. 710 00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,920 As I said in the beginning, I'm already friends with regrets. 711 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:24,360 We are besties now. 712 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,080 I'm not sure about besties, but we are great companions. 713 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,080 Oh, yeah. 714 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,080 Great companion. 715 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:38,680 Not a little monster that haunts you anymore, but a great companion that leads you to better 716 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,520 pathway, better decision, better performance. 717 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:48,280 So listeners, we covered mainly the four types of regrets, foundation regrets, bonus regrets, 718 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,080 more regrets and connection regrets. 719 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:56,160 And to increase your self-awareness, you can go deeper like how we did throughout this 720 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,400 episode. 721 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:03,240 Just thinking deeper on some of the examples in your life that matches the type of regrets 722 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:07,800 in these categories and how it can benefit you as well. 723 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,880 I think that's it for today. 724 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:14,280 If you resonate with our podcast, you can share with your friends and this will be a 725 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,520 very interesting conversation between your friends as well. 726 00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:21,280 Because we normally don't touch on regrets. 727 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,880 And regrets is different from disappointment. 728 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:28,680 It's not someone that did something wrong to you, but it's something that you did it wrong 729 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:29,680 to yourself. 730 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,220 It's on you. 731 00:33:31,220 --> 00:33:35,080 So as you said, it's a shame that we don't usually share it with people. 732 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,880 And you can tell from the whole conversation that we have, it is very uncomfortable. 733 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,120 We don't really know we should share it or not. 734 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,280 And sometimes I didn't even share explicitly what it is. 735 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,040 But if you want to know, I can tell you after the podcast. 736 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:55,720 But yes, it will be a very interesting conversation to have with friends as well. 737 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,040 We highly recommend it. 738 00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,120 Yeah, so that's it. 739 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,080 If you want to know more, get the book. 740 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,080 It's great. 741 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,080 It changed my life. 742 00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,080 I think that's it for today. 743 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,040 I hope you guys have a great week. 744 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,720 So if you like our podcast, give us a comment, give us a review. 745 00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:11,840 Follow our Instagram, the whyinyourtwenties.podcast. 746 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:17,040 We will post additional information on top of our podcast if you want to know more. 747 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:18,720 So yeah, that's it for today. 748 00:34:18,720 --> 00:34:21,720 And we will see you next Wednesday. 749 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:42,720 Bye.