1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,920 Welcome to our podcast, The Why in the 20s. 2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:09,920 My name is Viv. 3 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:10,920 And I'm Nat. 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:16,520 We are two counselors in our mid-20s navigating our adulthood away from our home country, exploring 5 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:22,880 the why questions we encounter relating to relationships, identities, and uncertainties. 6 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:27,840 So whether you're listening to our podcast while going for your walk or doing your chores, 7 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:34,560 welcome on board and let the journey begin. 8 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:38,000 Welcome back to another episode of The Why in your 20s. 9 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:43,200 I hope everyone had a great week and are excited for our new episode. 10 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,200 How's your week, Viv? 11 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,200 It's been, it's been good. 12 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,200 It's been a long week. 13 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,200 I feel like it's been a long week. 14 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,200 Right? 15 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,200 I feel like it's forever. 16 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,200 It's never ending this week. 17 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:55,200 I think it makes sense for you to feel that way because you have work. 18 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,360 No, I think it's the other way though, isn't it? 19 00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,040 If you have more things to do, it feels like it goes quicker. 20 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,960 I mean, you have work, but there's nothing at work. 21 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,960 Yeah, that is true. 22 00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,400 Yeah, but it's tiring. 23 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,880 I think both of us, our whole body is refusing to record today. 24 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,160 I think it's because we know that we have to do the marathon next week. 25 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,480 Our body is just telling us to, you know what? 26 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,720 It's okay. 27 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,760 Don't do it. 28 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,560 No, we have to. 29 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:28,200 I think when this episode release, the marathon episode will be out already. 30 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:32,640 So if you haven't listened to it, check it out because we spent three, four months training 31 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:33,640 for it. 32 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,680 Well, I mean, to be fair, maybe two months. 33 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,040 Cause I think the first month we were still like, eh. 34 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,400 No, but that is also training part of it. 35 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:41,400 Yeah, I guess. 36 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,440 But overall I have a really great week. 37 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,120 I know it's very long, but I had a great week. 38 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:52,040 I catch up with like a friend that I haven't text or like chat in two years and it's so 39 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,040 nice. 40 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,320 I just want to check in or like catch up with her, but it's just like, you're not sure 41 00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:02,600 whether the person is in a good mental state or like whatever they're going in life. 42 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,600 Because I think like in our twenties, a lot of people goes from very active on social 43 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600 media and then suddenly they just disappear. 44 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,600 Oh really? 45 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,560 Yeah, I think it's very common at least for my friends. 46 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:16,800 And she was one of the friends that just suddenly disappeared from social media? 47 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:22,120 I think it's like slowly fade out from posting quite often to only posting on stories and 48 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,280 then less on stories and then just quit. 49 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,360 She quit posting, but she still uses? 50 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,720 I don't think she use anymore. 51 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:30,720 Yeah. 52 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:34,680 So it's those time that you're not sure whether there must be a for a reason why they stop 53 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:40,120 using social media and you feel like contacting them might be burdening them or something. 54 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:45,120 So I just never, I'm always not the person that I would say, hey, just checking in if 55 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,720 you are doing well or hey, it's been a while. 56 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,360 Do you want to catch up that kind of thing? 57 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:53,280 And especially we are in, I moved to Brisbane so she's a friend from Sydney. 58 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,520 Sometimes you just go different pathway, hey? 59 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,640 But I'm so glad that she reached out and then we had such a good dinner and we catch up 60 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,240 and it's just so nice. 61 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,240 Yeah. 62 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,240 Yeah. 63 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,120 I think she reached out because she was in town. 64 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:11,480 Yes, she is visiting Brisbane for a few days and I'm sure she saw it from my Instagram 65 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:13,880 that I moved to Brisbane now. 66 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:15,480 So it just makes me reflect. 67 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,800 I'm like, oh, I wonder if there's also some friends out there that waiting for me to reach 68 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,840 out or I can reach out. 69 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:22,840 Why? 70 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,320 Because you were waiting for someone to reach out to you? 71 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,160 I'm sure there's some people that I haven't keep in touch with and just you feel like 72 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,600 you guys go to different pathway and there's no point reaching out again. 73 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,280 But then I think after this reunion with my friend on Friday, I feel like I should be 74 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,560 more active in it. 75 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:44,200 And if you cares about that person, then you can reach out, especially I moved cities a 76 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,320 lot and once I moved city, then I feel like I just disconnect with all the people from 77 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,320 the previous city. 78 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,960 Yeah, that is very true. 79 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:51,960 Yeah. 80 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,760 So being a bit more active in that aspect can be beneficial, I think. 81 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:56,760 It is. 82 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:57,760 I think it is. 83 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,680 I really do agree that you don't know if you should reach out or not and it's hard to determine 84 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:03,680 it. 85 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:04,680 Yeah. 86 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,480 We have a lot of assumptions just thinking, oh, maybe they don't want to or they're going 87 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,720 through a lot or just a lot of assumptions in general. 88 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,720 Yeah. 89 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,160 That it prevents us from reaching out to them. 90 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,600 And I'm sure there's some situation when you end up meeting and then you realize, oh, you 91 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,400 guys already gone different pathway, then it's fine. 92 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:27,400 It's just like a closure or the worst of what can happen might be a no response or a no. 93 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,400 Yeah. 94 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,960 It's just, at least for me in my head overthinking and that stopped me from reaching out to people 95 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:33,960 as well. 96 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:38,280 But anyway, if other listeners also have some friends that they wanting to reach out, but 97 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,360 then also unsure whether they should give it a go. 98 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:46,240 I think it's always, I think 90, 95% it will be a good experience. 99 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,240 Yeah. 100 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:52,000 I think even if you don't actually reconnect with them, like be best friends or like be 101 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,320 really close friends, it's still a good experience. 102 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,320 Yeah. 103 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,120 You can still learn a lot from the other person. 104 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,120 Yeah. 105 00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:59,120 You can grow as a friend. 106 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,000 That actually connects to what we're going to talk about today. 107 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:07,120 It's that we actually feel like a burden in asking for other people's help. 108 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,200 I think we both really resonate with it. 109 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:12,120 And I think a lot of other people do as well. 110 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,600 Or maybe it's just the things that I see, I searched for on Google. 111 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:20,040 Cause like a lot of suggested articles, it's like, Oh, why do I feel like a burden asking 112 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,040 for help? 113 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,840 Like as you've seen those articles, there are articles out there like this because a 114 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,200 lot of other people do feel like a burden. 115 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,680 They don't want to ask for help because a lot of different reasons. 116 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:31,680 Yeah, absolutely. 117 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:32,680 Yeah. 118 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,320 So when did you start feeling like a burden? 119 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,920 Like, do you remember the first time you felt that, Oh, I shouldn't ask for help because 120 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,000 I might be a burden to the other person. 121 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,000 I actually don't know. 122 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,880 I feel like I've always been like this. 123 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:50,700 Like even when I was young, I feel like I'm a person that always solve the problem on 124 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:55,480 my own, unless like there's some crisis situation, then I would ask my parents. 125 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,120 But yeah, it's such a, I don't even know where it starts. 126 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:04,200 So like you mean like crisis situation is you only ask for help when it's out of your 127 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,280 control or ability to manage it? 128 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:12,920 Especially money wise, like you ask your parents for money to, I don't know, get to somewhere 129 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:16,920 or other thing, but if I can solve it on my own, I'll try to. 130 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:23,880 I think one reason might be I'm a very efficient person that I like to do things very quickly. 131 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,960 And I feel like if I ask people for help, it slows down that process. 132 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:32,840 I'm like, if I do it on my own, it'll be so much quicker than asking and then they need 133 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,280 to figure out what to do. 134 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,880 And then, but then I already have all the things in my head. 135 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,320 So if I do it on my own, it's more efficient. 136 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:45,400 Yeah, that's a fair assumption, especially if you already have a method or a way to do 137 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:49,560 things already, there'll be more efficient than you doing it and telling other person 138 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,160 to help you teach the other person to do it your way. 139 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,600 And then they do it. 140 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,600 Yeah. 141 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,600 Do you feel the same way as well? 142 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,880 I think in that sense, not really. 143 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,000 Honestly, I don't think it would be more efficient if I don't ask for help. 144 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,560 It would be more efficient if I asked for help because I don't have to do it my way 145 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,800 because I don't really have a way of doing things anyway. 146 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:13,480 But I really resonate with you that it started very young. 147 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,640 Our society actually encourages us to not ask for help. 148 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,160 I think that's the main thing. 149 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:23,880 Whenever we do something by ourselves, like for example, as a young kid, you wear your 150 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:27,800 own clothes, you eat your own breakfast, they'll praise you saying, oh, good job. 151 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,680 You ate your breakfast today by yourself. 152 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,360 You wore your clothes today by yourself. 153 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,920 You went to school by yourself. 154 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,920 Good job. 155 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,760 These messages, at the same time, it does help you be more independent. 156 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,040 Yes, that's very good. 157 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:44,080 But at the same time, if we overdo it, I think it gives, at least it gave me the message 158 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:50,080 of right, when you do things yourself, that is the right way of doing things in the society. 159 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:54,080 Like our society encourage the independence and not seeking help. 160 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,720 I think that's why we're so over independent. 161 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,040 That's why we don't ask for help. 162 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,360 I think for me, it's going overseas and a lot of things you don't really have people 163 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:04,360 to reach out to. 164 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:08,280 Especially new to the place, you are not really familiar with the other people. 165 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:12,200 You might not feel comfortable asking help and you end up just Googling everything and 166 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,000 sort everything out on your own. 167 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:18,720 So for me, I do feel like I have an issue of over independence. 168 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:22,400 Sometimes I struggle to seek help and even ask for help. 169 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,320 Just seems like you forgot how to. 170 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,640 Yeah, it's just, actually, it's just one word, help. 171 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,200 Yeah, I need help. 172 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,200 Can you help me this? 173 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,800 It's so easy, but again, easy to set and done. 174 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:37,160 It's very easy to say it, but a lot of stuff prevents us from saying it. 175 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:38,160 Yeah. 176 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,800 Yeah, absolutely. 177 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,480 And do you remember the last time you asked for help then? 178 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:48,960 I'm assuming that we will remember because we rarely ask for help. 179 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:53,360 When we were talking about it, it's mainly we split into two things like physical support 180 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,360 and mental support. 181 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,400 Maybe we can start with physical support. 182 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:01,160 I think this has not happened, but I should going to ask you to get my marathon bib. 183 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:02,800 Yeah, I offered yesterday. 184 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:07,840 Yeah, you offered and I was actually going to ask you whether you can take it for me 185 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:12,320 because I feel like you're already there, you know, it's not like an extra burden to 186 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,320 you. 187 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,720 I think this is the most recent one, even though I haven't asked. 188 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:17,720 I shouldn't have offered then. 189 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,720 I should have waited for you to ask me. 190 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:21,720 Yeah, you should. 191 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:27,240 But I think it's not that difficult for me to ask for your help because as you said, 192 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,960 it's like a physical task. 193 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:34,120 It's very different from asking for mental support, but we can talk about that later. 194 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,000 But for me, it might be asking you for collecting my bib or... 195 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:43,680 Even last time when your place got flooded, I would say that is physical, kind of like 196 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:44,680 physical support. 197 00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,240 Oh yeah, that is huge. 198 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:52,480 I think I would not foresee myself doing so, but I think in that situation where it's 199 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:58,120 so urgent and it links to safety, then it's like my body is very alert that I need to 200 00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,120 ask for help. 201 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:04,160 A bit of background story, my place got flooded because one of the flexi pipe got burst. 202 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,880 So we nearly get electrocuted because water and electricity don't go well. 203 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:13,080 Wow, thank you for that. 204 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,080 Life lessons from that. 205 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,760 Well, it sounds simple, but at the moment you might not realise that. 206 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:25,120 I'm very thankful because my dad always teach me and my sister every time we go for a long 207 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:29,600 holiday, we shut down all the main electricity, power and stuff because you never know what 208 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:30,600 will happen. 209 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:36,560 So I think it's so ingrained in my head that when that thing happened, I immediately say 210 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:37,560 we need to turn off the power. 211 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:38,560 After that, I freeze. 212 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,160 I'm like, I don't know what's next. 213 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:41,240 I don't know what to do. 214 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,320 I don't know where to stop the water. 215 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,920 We turn off all the stuff and we call the firefighters at the end. 216 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,920 But then the problem is we don't have a place to stay because we can't stay at the house 217 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,800 until it's safe to do so. 218 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:57,040 And two of my housemates, there's no friends that they can call for allow us to stay. 219 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,260 So I'm like, oh, okay, I'll have to call someone. 220 00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:00,960 So I actually reached out to two friends. 221 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,480 I didn't even think, I did not hesitate at all. 222 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,040 I just call, which is very out of character. 223 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,040 Right? 224 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,520 Yeah, because it's not me. 225 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:13,840 I would rather stay at the 24 hours gym than reaching out to friends. 226 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,120 But I just don't know. 227 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,360 It might be I'm so hyper vigilant at that time. 228 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,360 That's why I seek help. 229 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,360 Or maybe you weren't even thinking. 230 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,360 You couldn't think straight. 231 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,520 Yeah, I'm definitely not thinking. 232 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,960 I didn't even hesitate to call you and the other friend. 233 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,160 I'm just, hey, do you have a place to stay? 234 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,160 We're going to come down. 235 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,120 Well, we didn't go, but. 236 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,560 But you still asked for help. 237 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,080 It's very out of character for me. 238 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:40,840 I think that's one of the most recent and I'm sure like at work or like at other area 239 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:44,560 in my life, I would have asked people to do simple tasks if they can. 240 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,880 I think it's not an issue for me to do so. 241 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,280 But yeah, is it the same for you? 242 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,280 What's your most recent? 243 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:50,280 Okay. 244 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:53,760 So yeah, a few months ago I moved from Gabba to city. 245 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,280 So it's like 15 minutes drive. 246 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:01,240 Previously when I moved, I completely did it myself and it was a walkable distance. 247 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,680 20 minute walk and I moved everything by myself. 248 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,040 I just kept going back and forth, back and forth. 249 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,240 It was, it was still okay. 250 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,240 It was manageable. 251 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,240 I would still say it's manageable. 252 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,760 It's not good, but manageable. 253 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:12,760 Yeah. 254 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:17,000 And it's, as I said, like it goes back to what I said in the beginning where it's not 255 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,000 most efficient. 256 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,440 Like it will be so much more efficient if I ask for help. 257 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,440 Yeah. 258 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,880 But yeah, I didn't ask for help because I can do it myself. 259 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:28,400 It just takes a bit longer and I'm okay with being a bit longer than rather asking for 260 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,400 help. 261 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,760 It's just me, me being stubborn. 262 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:37,000 But a few months ago when I moved the new housemate, well actually they offered. 263 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,680 Yeah that's what I'm going to say. 264 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:43,320 Well, like it wasn't like black and white saying, okay, I will help you. 265 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,960 They only said it like when we met up, they asked me once or twice. 266 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:47,960 Right. 267 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:48,960 Okay. 268 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,640 So I wouldn't consider that as an actual verbal agreement. 269 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,920 Like you didn't sign a contract? 270 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,720 Like it's not, it's not like, cause a lot of people just say stuff. 271 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,920 So I wouldn't take that as a promise. 272 00:12:58,920 --> 00:12:59,920 Right. 273 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,520 Like they just offer as a kindness gesture. 274 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,520 Yeah. 275 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,520 Yeah as a gesture. 276 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,680 If it's not black and white, like saying like a text message or whatever, I wouldn't assume 277 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,320 it because a lot of people just say stuff without thinking. 278 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,320 Yeah. 279 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,480 And that's what I assume as well. 280 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,800 Like I wouldn't take it as a promise. 281 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:21,520 So then I asked, are you sure or are you still up for helping me move or something like that? 282 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:26,400 So I would consider that as me asking for help, even though it was offered previously 283 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,400 already. 284 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,400 Yeah. 285 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,400 Oh, I didn't know about that part. 286 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,000 Like I was actually forced to help you. 287 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,080 And maybe they would still come if I didn't ask. 288 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,080 I don't know. 289 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,560 But that's a huge step for you as well. 290 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,560 Yeah. 291 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:42,000 I think for me, that part was partially, I feel bad if I decline it, like if I don't 292 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,720 ask them for help because I'm moving in with them. 293 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,880 Cause most of the time, like when people feel good to help other people, right? 294 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:49,880 Yeah. 295 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,640 So that part of me actually feel bad if I don't accept that help. 296 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,640 Right. 297 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,640 Wait a minute. 298 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,640 There's a lot of assumption going on here. 299 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:02,440 Actually, maybe I shouldn't say it because they will hear, they will listen to this podcast. 300 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:08,800 No, but that's what this podcast for, like to break down stuff that we don't talk about. 301 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:15,960 But the first thing is you assume that you will burden them if you ask for help. 302 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:16,960 Yes. 303 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:26,560 And the second is you assume that you will upset them if you decline for their help. 304 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,800 So there's a lot of assumption going on here. 305 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,000 And I know it's illogical. 306 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,000 Yeah, absolutely. 307 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,600 I'm fully aware of that. 308 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:40,240 I'm very aware of it too, but it's how my mind worked and I just try to process it and 309 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,760 tell myself it's illogical. 310 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,840 That's why I actually made myself send the message. 311 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:50,000 And even I told, I actually told her before sending that message, I actually waited for 312 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,480 10 minutes and thinking if I should send that message. 313 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,680 I'm like, okay, I'm just going to send it and I took a shower because I was like, I'm 314 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,320 not going to look at my phone. 315 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,680 That's what I usually do as well. 316 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,480 Like if I send a message that I don't want to face it anymore, I just do something else 317 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,480 and ignore it. 318 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,480 Yeah, exactly. 319 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,280 Just get your mind off it. 320 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,680 But even though it was hard, like physical support is hard for me personally, it's still 321 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,760 easier than mental support. 322 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,240 I'm still so proud of you though, right? 323 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:17,400 For asking help. 324 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,080 I think that's a huge step for Vive. 325 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,080 Well, actually, no. 326 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,320 I asked, like, for example, I needed a sleeping bag. 327 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,320 I asked you for help. 328 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,320 Yeah. 329 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,320 I would consider that as asking for help as well. 330 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,320 Yeah, that too. 331 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:33,080 But it's like not really a burden because because I bought that sleeping bag like four 332 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,560 or five years ago, I never use it once. 333 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,720 Yeah, I use it more than you did. 334 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:43,120 Yes, I borrow people in Sydney and then when I come to Brisbane, I borrow to other people. 335 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,600 I've never used it once. 336 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,600 Yeah, and I've used it at least twice. 337 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,600 Yeah. 338 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,440 So it to me is not a burden. 339 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:55,540 And I'm sure on your side, I'm just assuming that you won't feel it is a burden to me because 340 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,080 I don't use it anyway. 341 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,080 That's my reason of okay, I can ask. 342 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,000 Yes, that's why I say it's easier. 343 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:05,000 For say, you remember one time you're looking your sister is coming over and you're looking 344 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,400 for blankets, you need it? 345 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,240 Oh, that's a bit different. 346 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,520 Because I'm not asking for help for myself. 347 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:15,000 Because I'm asking help for my sister or like for someone else. 348 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,800 Asking for someone else is so much easier. 349 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:17,800 So much easier. 350 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:18,800 Yeah, that's true. 351 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:24,800 It's like, because I would put myself in your shoes when your place got flooded. 352 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,720 Because you have housemates, then I would like you would ask for help. 353 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:32,760 Because if I put myself in that situation and I'm living by myself, I would not tell 354 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:33,760 anyone. 355 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:34,760 Oh, yeah. 356 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,760 I would just go to the gym. 357 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:40,080 Yeah, I would just go to 24, 7 gym or like if I know I have a gym membership, I would 358 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:45,120 just honestly I would rather stay at McDonald's Maccas than asking for help and telling other 359 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,360 people especially it's in the middle of the night. 360 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,360 Wow. 361 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,520 Now I'm not that proud of myself. 362 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,520 No, you should be. 363 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,520 You should still. 364 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,400 Like the whole situation was a very crisis mode and you managed it very well, honestly. 365 00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,400 Proud of both of us. 366 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400 Yeah. 367 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,400 The first step. 368 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:06,320 But mental support, do you ever ask for help on that? 369 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,320 You want to share first? 370 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:11,080 I don't know where to start. 371 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,680 I think I used to. 372 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,960 You used to be able to ask? 373 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,480 Not really ask, but just like renting. 374 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:23,480 If people know me back in high school, I'm those people that I have a big mouth. 375 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,840 I talk everything about myself. 376 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:31,600 I rip myself over and pull out all the facts and past history, everything. 377 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,200 So it's more about yourself, not about other people? 378 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,200 No. 379 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:40,760 Well, sometimes I do too, but it's more about myself that I share about everything that I'm 380 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,440 going through in my mind. 381 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:46,920 For me, it's very easy because it's not only telling other people, but also vocalising 382 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,480 it and process my thought out loud. 383 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,560 And I remember one time someone told me, oh, not everyone wants to know. 384 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,280 And at that moment, I just, not at that moment, but like every time I think back of it, I'm 385 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,480 like, yeah, no one cares. 386 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,480 You know? 387 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,640 No people do care. 388 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,640 But not everyone, yes. 389 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,320 When I was a teenager, like 16, 17, I think that way. 390 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,120 I'm like, no one cares. 391 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,200 Why would they want to know about what's going on with you? 392 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,760 And you are forcing people to hear what you are sharing. 393 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,800 And it is such a burden to everyone. 394 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,440 You never ask consent to share. 395 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,800 I mean, not on everything, right? 396 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,800 You wouldn't. 397 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:30,040 Like you want to ask, oh, can I share something with you about what I had for dinner the other 398 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,040 night? 399 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,040 You wouldn't. 400 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,040 Because it's just something very normal. 401 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:37,400 Yeah, but now I feel like out of courtesy, I should. 402 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,160 Because what I'm sharing is emotional dumping on people. 403 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:45,680 And I think that's the difference between emotional dumping and seeking help for mental 404 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,680 support. 405 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,680 Yeah, or ranting. 406 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,200 I think that's, it's very different. 407 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,200 Yeah. 408 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,400 But I think with the past experience, I still kind of link both together. 409 00:18:54,400 --> 00:19:00,200 So for me now, it's a bit difficult to seek help for mental support because I always go 410 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:03,120 back to the phrase, no one wants to know. 411 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,940 Not everyone wants to hear what you're going through. 412 00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,720 If you can just deal with it on your own. 413 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,840 And it's very different from what I'm studying. 414 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:12,280 Like what I'm working in the field as counselling. 415 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:16,280 We ask people to seek help, but I don't personally. 416 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:21,680 And it's something that I'm also actively learning from it and changing that, rewire 417 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,840 that thought. 418 00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:26,600 So yeah, I think that's how I feel about my mental support. 419 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,600 Yeah, definitely. 420 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,680 I agree with everything you just said. 421 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:35,780 Well, it is hard because of that statement to share now. 422 00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:41,360 When was the most recent time where you actually asked for help to support you mentally? 423 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:46,560 Or it doesn't have to be like asking, or it's just like sharing, or I guess in any way you 424 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,560 ask for help. 425 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,680 I think I always share after I have processed part of it. 426 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:57,620 I think a lot of time now I think through it first before seeking help. 427 00:19:57,620 --> 00:20:00,280 And it's very different from asking for physical help. 428 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,280 Like, Hey, can you help me to do this? 429 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,440 For mental support, I might do, Hey, do you want to catch up? 430 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,600 And then through the catch up or like the meals that you share what you're going through. 431 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,440 But I find it way more difficult than physical support for sure. 432 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:17,640 I do personally have experienced seeing a counselor. 433 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,480 That is freaking hard. 434 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:24,920 I don't know how many times have gone through in my mind to cancel that appointment, canceling 435 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,720 that appointment, changing the appointment to telehealth, rescheduling it. 436 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,960 So I fully understand why people don't attend their first appointment. 437 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,140 Yeah, the first one is very hard. 438 00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:40,640 And every time now I see a client, I really appreciate them taking that one step courage. 439 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,640 That's a very big courage. 440 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:46,760 That is very big, like one huge step, like a giant step. 441 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:51,880 But yeah, I think I would thought seeking help from a random stranger would be easier, 442 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,760 but it's actually equally the same difficulty for me. 443 00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:02,120 So that was your last time of reaching out to ask for help, specifically just to support 444 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,120 you mentally. 445 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,120 Would you say so? 446 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:09,240 Yeah, I think that's the seeing the counselor, but I do occasionally. 447 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:14,240 Not every time I ask friends to hang out is I have something that I need to get support 448 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,240 from. 449 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,480 I think three weeks ago, I did send a text to a friend and say, Hey, they want to catch 450 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,480 up. 451 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:25,800 And in my mind, there's a no agenda, but like a purpose that I want to ask for opinion 452 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,720 or get a different perspective. 453 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,640 Therefore I send that message. 454 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:34,800 I would say I asked mental support for a more subtle way. 455 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,800 Okay, yeah. 456 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:36,800 Yeah. 457 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:37,800 Is it the same for you? 458 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:42,360 In comparison, physical support, you mentioned it's hard already, especially it's hard for 459 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:43,360 me already. 460 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,480 So mental support is even harder. 461 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,360 Yeah, sorry. 462 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:54,920 I think in my life, it would be, there's only a handful of time where I actually asked for 463 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,840 help in supporting mentally. 464 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,520 Do you remember when that was? 465 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,400 If you don't mind sharing to the public. 466 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,080 Yeah, I don't think she would listen to it anyways. 467 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:13,480 So end of last year, I was thinking of, Oh, okay, maybe I should share a specific event 468 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,960 with someone else or specific issue with someone else. 469 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:22,920 So I was like thinking in my head, okay, who can I tell that I would kind of get the support 470 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:23,920 that I want? 471 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,200 So I was like, okay, I have a lot of counselor friends, but I don't want them to be my counselor, 472 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:29,200 right? 473 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:34,240 And I know they will go to the counselor mode of asking me even more questions, even though 474 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,440 I think it's just out of care. 475 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,000 It's very genuine care. 476 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,600 I do caught myself doing the counselor talk all the time. 477 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,200 So I'm fully guilty for that. 478 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:47,160 Every time you'd ask me a question like that feels like the counselor mode, I would laugh. 479 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,480 But anyways, another topic. 480 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:54,400 So I was like thinking, okay, but I don't want to ask them for help because of that side 481 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,320 that that's a factor that you want a non bias aspect. 482 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,320 Is that what you're looking for? 483 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,840 Oh, maybe not non bias. 484 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,360 It's just because I don't want them to be my counselor. 485 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,040 I still want them to be my friend. 486 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:10,380 I feel like if I do share the dynamic would change a bit and he's in that conversation 487 00:23:10,380 --> 00:23:12,600 and I don't want that to change. 488 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,680 So I was like, okay, no, no counselor friends. 489 00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,280 And I want it to be face to face. 490 00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,280 Right. 491 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,920 So I asked, what is the purpose for asking? 492 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,240 Because you mentioned you need to tell someone. 493 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:27,600 I think getting more perspective because I'm stuck in my way of thinking it's not helping 494 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:28,600 me at that moment. 495 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:29,600 Yeah. 496 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,520 So then I was just going through the list of the people that I know here because I want 497 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:33,520 to face to face. 498 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,520 Okay. 499 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,320 So then I landed on a person, a friend. 500 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,320 Yeah. 501 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,760 I crafted like a message like because I didn't want an emotional dump. 502 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:45,400 And I think at that moment or until now, I still think the issue at hand, it's a bit 503 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,600 more heavy, I would say. 504 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,560 So then I crafted a message saying, Oh, can I share something with you kind of thing and 505 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:52,840 asking for consent basically. 506 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:53,840 Yeah. 507 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,040 And I think that's like out of courtesy. 508 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:59,200 That's really nice of you doing so given you have an understanding of what you're going 509 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,040 to share that might have an impact on the other person. 510 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:07,100 Even though it's completely like my experience is not about the other person. 511 00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:12,240 So then I crafted a message and I waited for like a month, just a month. 512 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,560 Yeah, just a month. 513 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,600 It was just annoying me. 514 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:19,240 I showed the message to the two housemates and asking, Oh, should I send this? 515 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,160 Or is there anything to edit on it? 516 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,760 I blacked out some of the parts that I didn't want to share. 517 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,480 And then I realized the note created dates was a month ago. 518 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,440 And then they were like, just send it now and get it over with. 519 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,040 It's been one month, just send it. 520 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:33,680 It's clearly bothering you. 521 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:41,080 And I think deep down, it's partially why I shared the message with them to have that 522 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,580 accountability of like that they are going to push me. 523 00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:46,640 To send that message. 524 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,720 And then at that time I was like, Oh, but then like she has work. 525 00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,320 I shouldn't send it during her work hours. 526 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,720 I shouldn't send it in the morning. 527 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,200 I shouldn't send it at night. 528 00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,400 There's so many reasons of why I shouldn't send it at that time. 529 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,160 But in the end I was like, okay, I'm going to send it, send it. 530 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,000 And then I went for my longest run at that moment. 531 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,060 I then ran for 12K. 532 00:25:08,060 --> 00:25:09,240 It was so easy. 533 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,000 That 12K was so easy. 534 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,400 Run, okay. 535 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,320 Because my mind was just on that and I was not focused on my run. 536 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:18,320 Right. 537 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:19,320 Wow. 538 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,680 That's a lot of assumption again. 539 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:27,160 I think it's because I don't know what she is going through herself. 540 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,160 Like I have another assumption. 541 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,600 Oh, maybe she's going through something herself already. 542 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,360 I shouldn't share something negative. 543 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,400 Like, this is not a positive thing. 544 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:37,400 Yeah. 545 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,720 So yeah, I don't want to burden them in that aspect. 546 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,360 And what was the result? 547 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:45,880 Do you feel better after you sending it? 548 00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:46,880 Oh, sending the message? 549 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:47,880 Yeah, definitely. 550 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:54,240 I felt, um, not immediately. 551 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,360 I'm just assuming she's not going to listen to it. 552 00:25:57,360 --> 00:26:00,600 So I'm going to share it. 553 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,180 We just hope for the best. 554 00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:07,080 Not immediately because I send it at five or six and I went for a run and then I came 555 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,080 back. 556 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:13,200 I expected a response, but I didn't assume she would just say yes. 557 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,320 I assumed just a response, like whether she doesn't want me to share, it's okay. 558 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:18,320 I'm fine with that totally. 559 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,320 But I just wanted a response. 560 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,640 And then when I'm done with the run, okay, no response. 561 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:24,640 It's still okay. 562 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,080 Like it makes sense that people don't reply you immediately. 563 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,080 Right. 564 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,100 But then we have WhatsApp groups together. 565 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,080 She replied in one or two of them. 566 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:34,080 I forgot. 567 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:38,360 Like you know that she's seen the message, but she didn't reply. 568 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:39,360 Right. 569 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,360 Okay. 570 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:41,360 And that's scary. 571 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,360 Yes. 572 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,760 I think it's just like you put yourself out there being vulnerable and you don't have 573 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:46,760 a reply. 574 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,760 I think it's okay to, I really was fine with her saying no. 575 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,520 It's just like not having a reply. 576 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,680 And then I will have to see her very soon again, face to face in other group settings 577 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,720 and I didn't know how to handle that. 578 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:01,720 Yeah. 579 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,760 And it's okay for us, the sender to feel scary as well. 580 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,320 Because as you said, you are being vulnerable. 581 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,600 You have been thrown into this uncertainty of not knowing. 582 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:16,200 She will say yes, she'll say no, or she will say whatever. 583 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,060 There's a million chance of saying other things as well. 584 00:27:20,060 --> 00:27:23,720 So it's okay for us to feel scared as well. 585 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,920 It's just like at that moment I couldn't sleep, which is annoying. 586 00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:27,920 It's very annoying. 587 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,280 But yeah, that was my last time. 588 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:35,920 Would you say the incident that you're going to share with that friend is one of the biggest 589 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,360 mental block that you have? 590 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:39,360 At that moment, yes. 591 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:41,160 That's why I reached out for help. 592 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:46,440 It wasn't, if it weren't the biggest one, I would think I can still manage it myself. 593 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,840 Because if it's not the biggest thing, then I've managed worse in the past. 594 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,920 Then what is this anyways, right? 595 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,400 We all seek help for mental support when it's very last minute. 596 00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:58,720 We're not encouraging it though. 597 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,840 I think now looking back, I wish I asked for help. 598 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,280 I reached out for help earlier. 599 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:10,680 Yeah, and it's a common analogy, the water bucket, that you can't only seek help when 600 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,360 your tank is empty. 601 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:17,400 The most ideal is halfway through, you realize you don't have much water left. 602 00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,040 You seek help and refill that bucket. 603 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:25,040 But again, it's easier to say than done that we always tend to seek help when we're in 604 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:26,040 drought. 605 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,040 Yeah, exactly. 606 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,480 And what I was saying, there weren't any expectations from the other person. 607 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:36,200 And that's how I tend to rationalize with me asking for help. 608 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,160 I have to expect nothing so I don't get disappointed. 609 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,040 Right, it's like self-protecting as well. 610 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,120 Yeah, exactly. 611 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,560 It doesn't matter what kind of support. 612 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:49,760 I'll just assume that, okay, if they say no, then how can I deal with it myself? 613 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,240 Or how I can ask other people for help? 614 00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:56,640 Well, actually immediately I would go to how I can do it myself first. 615 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:02,560 And it's so funny, I'm not saying like physical or mental, but if people ask for my help and 616 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:07,360 I would 95% say yes because I feel bad saying no. 617 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:13,960 But if I'm asking for help, I'm fully okay that people reject me because I understand 618 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:18,440 that they might not have the time or other reasons that they couldn't help. 619 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:19,720 It's not because they don't want to. 620 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:24,320 So it's so funny that we don't give ourselves that self-compassion. 621 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,240 It's interesting to observe how we think as well. 622 00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:31,160 Yeah, I agree because if I can help, I would definitely help. 623 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,720 I'm always glad that the other person asked me for help. 624 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,040 And you feel good to help people as well? 625 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,520 Yeah, I think again, I feel like even when I'm helping the other person, it comes from 626 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:46,680 a selfish aspect that because I know it will feel good, that's why I help the other person. 627 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,160 I think for me myself, I feel that way. 628 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:54,400 Because even when I'm helping the other person, it's not actually 100% genuine. 629 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:59,840 I feel like at least a percentage of it is because I want to feel good. 630 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:02,720 And I think that's part of genuineness as well. 631 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:08,280 I think it's reciprocal, that you help people, you make them feel easier in their life, happier 632 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:09,280 in their life. 633 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:13,920 But at the same time, you receive something back as well, is you feel happy on your own. 634 00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,400 You help someone and you do good. 635 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:22,000 I don't see that as selfish, but I think the nature of give and take in a life. 636 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,160 Yeah, that's one perspective, but that's a bit... 637 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:26,160 Side-track. 638 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,160 Yeah, a bit side-track. 639 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,260 Anyways, yeah. 640 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:32,760 So going back to our expectations, what do you expect when you ask for other people for 641 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:33,760 help? 642 00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:37,960 I think my expectation is I'm okay with them saying no to me. 643 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,800 I would be glad if they say yes. 644 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:47,360 My expectation would be no matter what their response is, I'm fine. 645 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:53,440 I think that's my expectation, that I'm forcing myself to think it's okay if people say no. 646 00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:57,920 And I'm pretty sure if people say no, I wouldn't be sad because I would understand... 647 00:30:57,920 --> 00:30:58,920 It makes sense. 648 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,320 ...where they're coming from. 649 00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:05,600 But other than talking about the response prior to asking for help, I have a lot of 650 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:06,600 expectation. 651 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,120 I would feel like, are they busy? 652 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:14,440 As you said, oh, they might be busy at work, they might be tired after the work, so I shouldn't 653 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,080 spend around those time. 654 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:21,520 I shouldn't text them in the morning because I'll ruin the day for the rest of the day. 655 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,640 So there's no good time to send a message or ask for help. 656 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:29,680 If you have an assumption that once you send that message, you're bordering the person, 657 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:34,480 you are burdening them, then no matter what time you send, it is a burden to you. 658 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,240 I think that's just how I feel. 659 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:41,200 So I think we mentioned a lot of reasons why we tend not to ask for help. 660 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,000 Sometimes we feel like we are such a burden to other people. 661 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:49,040 I feel like I will be more efficient to doing or solving the problem on my own. 662 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,640 We have a lot of assumptions, too many assumptions around people might be busy, people might 663 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,480 not be in good mental state, they have their own things going on, they might be going on 664 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,280 a holiday and enjoying their life. 665 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:04,240 It can be seeing seeking help as emotional dumping as well. 666 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,880 Or we have expectations from others or our perception of others. 667 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:13,020 And I think the last thing is sometimes people feel being vulnerable is weak, that they want 668 00:32:13,020 --> 00:32:15,320 to protect themselves so they don't ask for help. 669 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:20,560 I think for me, it's not the case because I study counselling so we are very emotionally 670 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:21,560 in touch. 671 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:26,280 But I'm sure for some other people, especially certain culture, they see seeking help as 672 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,040 being weak, being vulnerable is weak. 673 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,120 So that might stop us from seeking help as well. 674 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,480 Moving on to that recently, I found another reason of not sharing. 675 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:43,280 I think it ties back to one of the previous experiences I had as a younger person, teenager, 676 00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:48,400 often ask people for help, physical stuff or assignment help or whatever, or just asking 677 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,400 the other person to help you print something. 678 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,940 So I often did and they always help. 679 00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:56,560 So I was like, okay, they're very willing to help, right? 680 00:32:56,560 --> 00:32:58,920 They just say yes immediately. 681 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:05,920 But I think eventually I got the feedback or I heard someone say that person felt like 682 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,600 I was using them. 683 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,760 And I didn't see it as a big deal, printing a thing or even like what you said, getting 684 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:13,760 your bib. 685 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,640 Like, it's not a big deal, I would say. 686 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,640 It's like you're printing something already. 687 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:20,640 Like might as well. 688 00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:25,760 Yeah, might as well do it because it takes five more seconds of your time. 689 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:30,520 So I think that experience really prevents me from asking for help because what if they 690 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:35,360 really just saying yes because out of, I don't know whatever reason, but they don't actually 691 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:36,520 generally want to help. 692 00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:37,520 Yeah. 693 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,080 So they say yes, but they don't mean to. 694 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,080 Yeah. 695 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,080 And they don't know how to say no. 696 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:42,080 So they say yes. 697 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,080 Exactly. 698 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:44,080 Right. 699 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,540 That's actually true sometimes as well. 700 00:33:45,540 --> 00:33:51,000 So I'm sure that makes a huge impact on how you think nowadays as well. 701 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,200 That's actually true. 702 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:57,520 Sometimes the feedback that we got from people can really have a huge impact on our thought 703 00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:58,520 process. 704 00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:59,520 Yeah. 705 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:05,200 So my experience, like I have a negative experience with receiving help and it prevents me from 706 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,440 receiving more help and asking for help. 707 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:08,480 What about you? 708 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,520 Do you have any negative experience like similar to that? 709 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:17,120 I think from a giver perspective, I do have some times that I don't want to help people, 710 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,040 but I don't know how to say no. 711 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,120 So I say yes. 712 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:25,160 But I feel like it is my responsibility to be accountable for that. 713 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:30,520 It shouldn't be the receiver's responsibility to carry that burden or whatever you name 714 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:32,920 it because I'm the one say yes. 715 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,840 You know, if I say yes, then I have to be responsible for my yes. 716 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:42,280 So even though if I don't want to, it's my responsibility that I need to help the person 717 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,280 and can't complain. 718 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,920 Oh, I don't want to do this. 719 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,680 I don't want to do that because I said yes to myself. 720 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:54,120 But yeah, I feel like from a receiver perspective, I'm pretty sure I have received negative experience, 721 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,840 but I just couldn't recall at the moment. 722 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,840 I'm just pretty bad at reading people's feedback. 723 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:01,840 Okay. 724 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:06,120 So not a lot of experience or like negative response that is standing out to you at this 725 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:07,120 moment. 726 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:11,520 No, but from a giver perspective, I fully understand why you think that way as well. 727 00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:12,520 Yeah. 728 00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:17,280 So actually as a giver perspective, because it's hard for you to say no, do you think 729 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:20,320 like the people you ask for help would think that way as well? 730 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,960 Like they don't want to say yes, but it's just they don't know how to say no, then they 731 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:24,960 just say yes. 732 00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:25,960 Yeah, I think so. 733 00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:30,160 I think it's definitely the catch 22 where you don't know how to say no and next time 734 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,640 you ask for help, you feel like they don't know how to say no. 735 00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,040 So you feel like, oh, I shouldn't ask because they will have to say yes and they are not 736 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:41,800 happy and I'm such a burden to them and you know, it goes on and on. 737 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:42,800 So yeah, I definitely agree. 738 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:48,920 But as you said, like you feel like it's your own responsibility of having to actually voice 739 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:52,520 out like you don't want to help or you can't really help. 740 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,120 That's just me being harsh on myself. 741 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,320 So you have different standards for yourself and others. 742 00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:58,320 Yeah. 743 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,840 And you have much higher expectations and standards for yourself than you do for other 744 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:02,840 people. 745 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:03,840 I think absolutely. 746 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:08,640 I think that ties back to the previous episode where why we are being too harsh on ourselves. 747 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,320 I think absolutely right. 748 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:15,600 I'm just we have different standards for ourselves and other people and that's just how I am 749 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:16,600 at the moment. 750 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:22,480 Yeah, I would say similar to you where I have more high expectations of myself and especially 751 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,880 in the aspect of helping other people. 752 00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:31,080 But I think and I add on something, if I know that person is more confrontational than me, 753 00:36:31,080 --> 00:36:34,280 I feel like whenever they say yes and no, they're genuine. 754 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:39,680 But if the person that I'm asking for help, I know he or she is also a people pleaser 755 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,840 or they struggle to say no, then I will overthink. 756 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:48,560 Is that a genuine yes or is it I don't know how to say no, yes, because I do have friends 757 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:54,320 that are very confrontational and very explicit in saying how they feel in that situation. 758 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:55,800 I don't overthink that much. 759 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,640 So it really depends on the people that I'm asking as well. 760 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:02,920 So would you say it's easier to ask for the people that are more confrontational or it's 761 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:03,920 still similar? 762 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:08,240 Still similar because if they are confrontational, I'll be scared that they say no and I'll 763 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:10,240 feel hurt. 764 00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:15,640 Okay, so similar is still very challenging and asking for help. 765 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:16,640 Yeah, yeah. 766 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:21,760 So how do you think we can improve in that aspect of just asking for help in both mentally 767 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:22,760 and physically? 768 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,120 I can be completely honest with you. 769 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,120 I don't know. 770 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,360 It's something that I'm still not still working on. 771 00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:33,520 I haven't even started. 772 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,640 But very cliche practice makes perfect. 773 00:37:36,640 --> 00:37:40,560 The more you try, the easier it can be. 774 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:41,760 I don't know. 775 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,480 I don't know if that's true. 776 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,920 But yeah, I'm fully honest with you. 777 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:46,920 I don't know. 778 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:47,920 Do you know? 779 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,480 I actually don't. 780 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:55,920 I know I asked this question, but for me personally, I don't like this question because but for 781 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:58,920 me is I don't want to improve in this. 782 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:03,040 I'm very stubborn in this way where I have to be the person who help. 783 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:06,360 I don't want to be the receiver. 784 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:08,840 So you're happy with where you're at right now? 785 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,880 Okay, maybe not happy, but more comfortable. 786 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:12,880 Okay. 787 00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:13,880 I'm comfortable. 788 00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,920 I don't want to rock that boat. 789 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:20,400 I know it will be uncomfortable, which is how you grow. 790 00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:24,960 And I think in the past, I just tried to build that resilience through different challenging 791 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,280 stuff. 792 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,200 And you do build it up through those experiences. 793 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:33,400 But it's just more comfortable in helping other people. 794 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:38,520 And I think for me, how do I improve in asking for help, even though I don't like this question, 795 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:42,000 but I think what I can do is be more humble. 796 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:43,520 I don't have it all together. 797 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:46,080 I have to tell people that I don't have it all together. 798 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:52,160 I may seem like it to especially to people that I meet for the first time because it's 799 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,960 was your first time seeing the other person and you try to put your best front, at least 800 00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:58,600 for me, I would do that. 801 00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:04,500 And I think it's that humbleness, that humility where it gives you a perspective of you don't 802 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,760 have everything together and it's okay. 803 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:07,760 Yeah. 804 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:12,880 And given the chance for other people to help you because other people, even though they 805 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:17,320 may not be counselors, and even if they are counselors, they are more skilled in some 806 00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:18,560 things that you're not. 807 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,320 They have more experience in the experiences that you don't, that you have gone through 808 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:26,800 maybe or you have not gone through that they can teach you a lot. 809 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:33,080 And it's just having that perspective gives me a reason to ask for help and tell people 810 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,080 what I'm going through. 811 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,800 It's still challenging, yes. 812 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,680 Because we're being vulnerable at the same time. 813 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,040 And especially when you're going through it, it's even more challenging because you 814 00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,080 haven't figured it out. 815 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,280 But that's how I would reason myself in asking for help. 816 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:52,400 This is a really good way, like being humble and knowing that no one is perfect. 817 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:53,400 That is true. 818 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:54,960 Never think it that way. 819 00:39:54,960 --> 00:40:01,600 Does that give you a perspective in knowing how to improve and asking for help for yourself? 820 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:05,640 It can be something that I could try. 821 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:11,920 I think for me, I'm the opposite from you though, that I want to rock that boat. 822 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:18,960 I want to make myself feel uncomfortable to be able to seek help physically and mentally 823 00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:24,400 moving forward instead of overthinking, over-assuming and not seek help. 824 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:30,320 I think because the older I get, there's a lot more stuff going on that you have never 825 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:34,800 experienced and you never know what you will experience. 826 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:40,600 And I just feel like it is very important to have that skill of seeking help instead 827 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,480 of waiting till last minute. 828 00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:49,080 You're in crisis, you are drowning and you don't have that life buoy to pull you back 829 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:50,480 to the water surface. 830 00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:56,840 So I might actually give it a try being humble and seeing if that's easier to seek help. 831 00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:02,360 And I think finding a trusted person that you're close with to start is very important 832 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,360 as well. 833 00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:07,520 I know we're going towards the end of the podcast, but I suddenly have an experience 834 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:13,680 that I had last year where I slowly just start crying and I couldn't stop. 835 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:18,880 I was just bursting into tears for like 20 minutes and then I have a break, a water break 836 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,720 or a breathing break and then I start crying again. 837 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:27,720 So I called my sister and we have a chat which is very out of my character because I never 838 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:32,440 call my sister but the thing is related to family so I think it makes sense that I call 839 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:33,440 her as well. 840 00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:39,400 So we chat even though the response that I get is not what I expected but at least it 841 00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:43,400 gives me another perspective in thinking and it calms me down. 842 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:49,480 I think in that situation instead of letting myself to keep crying, talking to someone, 843 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,000 give yourself that buffer. 844 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,720 I don't feel I'm thinking anymore. 845 00:41:53,720 --> 00:41:55,680 I think that's just how I feel. 846 00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:02,040 So find a person that you trust even though the response that you get might not be positive, 847 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:05,040 it can still be beneficial in that situation. 848 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:10,680 Yeah because the analogy that you beautifully put is the life buoy, like your sister is 849 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:14,960 that finding that trusted person is very important in your life. 850 00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:19,440 And of course I want a fancy boat drive past and pick me up and I have a nice shower or 851 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,440 dry it up. 852 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:25,200 That's the most ideal situation but sometimes you might just have that life buoy and floating 853 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:30,360 and then you slowly go to the island and land and you're still wet but that's okay as well. 854 00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,400 But you're not drowning, you're not sinking. 855 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:33,400 Yes exactly. 856 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,200 Yeah thank you for sharing that. 857 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,200 I don't know if the audience feel the same way as us. 858 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:43,760 Are you a person that is easily able to seek help or are you a person that, same as us, 859 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:48,040 struggles to seek help and feeling like we are such a burden to other people? 860 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,000 And when does that happen? 861 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:54,480 Is it something you experience that caused you to think that way? 862 00:42:54,480 --> 00:43:00,040 I think as we said, the awareness and thinking deep to the root is what we always encourage 863 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,040 as well. 864 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:07,360 Yeah and just having the awareness and also the reasons behind of you not asking for help, 865 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:13,880 the reason preventing you from asking help, it gives you a way in finding how you can 866 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:16,680 improve it as well in asking for help. 867 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:18,300 And it's different for everyone. 868 00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,680 The humbleness helps be in asking for help. 869 00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:25,160 It may not help for everyone else because the reasons are very different and the way 870 00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,760 we think is very different. 871 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:34,240 So it's having the awareness of your experiences, of your thoughts, gives you that way of working 872 00:43:34,240 --> 00:43:37,800 through in asking for help or in everything else honestly. 873 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:42,160 Yeah I think that's why I like this podcast is I can get a perspective from your side 874 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,160 as well. 875 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:48,000 And sometimes the audience share how they think as well when we ask questions on Instagram 876 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,100 so that's really nice to have that community. 877 00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:55,720 That being said, if you still haven't followed our Instagram, our Instagram handle is the 878 00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:57,680 one in your 20s.podcast. 879 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,160 I think that's the end of our episode this week. 880 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:04,240 If you like it or you resonate with it, you can share it with people. 881 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:08,320 I hope you all have a great week and we'll see you next week. 882 00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:30,680 Bye!