1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,760 Why did it count backwards? 2 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:03,760 Oh no, we're now recording. 3 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:05,760 What? 4 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:06,760 Hello Captain. 5 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,760 Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away. 6 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,760 What are we going to talk about? 7 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,760 I don't know. 8 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,760 So, leadership, life and everything else. 9 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:23,760 Yeah. 10 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:27,760 And we're live. 11 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,760 No, we are recording again. 12 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,760 Welcome aboard Captain and the Clown. 13 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,760 Today's destination. 14 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,760 Today's destination, resilience. 15 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,760 No, I don't think so. 16 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:42,760 I like it, today's destination resilience. 17 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:43,760 Hi Michelle. 18 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:44,760 Hi Guy. 19 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:45,760 Captain. 20 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,760 And the Clown. 21 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,760 So, we are still up in Darwin. 22 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,760 We are. 23 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,760 Yeah, we went to Parup Markets this morning. 24 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:59,760 Yeah, big recommendation, take cash, which is, because not many people take cards. 25 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:00,760 A sun hat. 26 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,760 Yes, lots of water. 27 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:03,760 A portable air conditioner. 28 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:04,760 And a smile. 29 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,760 Yeah. 30 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:06,760 Because everyone's friendly. 31 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,760 They were very friendly. 32 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:08,760 They were very friendly. 33 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:11,760 Yes, considering it's just the start of the wet season. 34 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:12,760 Yep. 35 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,760 I wonder how it'll be in a month or so. 36 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:15,760 No, very nice people. 37 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:20,760 So, we're going to talk about resilience, because yesterday I was running a resilience workshop 38 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:26,760 and you came along and did a fantastic little talk inside the course. 39 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,760 Yeah, but it was a great reminder and it was well received. 40 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:42,760 I really, you know, a lot of people were open to more resilience, like what it is, how resilience 41 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:43,760 works. 42 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,760 So, what's your definition of resilience? 43 00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:46,760 My definition of resilience. 44 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,760 Well, it's changed. 45 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:54,760 So, I've recently read a book by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. 46 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,760 Anti-fragile. 47 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,760 Yes, yes. 48 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:57,760 Great book. 49 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,440 Recommended it to you. 50 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:05,760 It's not light reading, but it's great changing the idea of resilience. 51 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:09,760 So, I used to think that resilience was the opposite of fragile. 52 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,760 So, bending, not breaking. 53 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:12,760 That's it. 54 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:13,760 Yeah. 55 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:18,360 And I suppose that is, but it always comes back to the original, what it was. 56 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,960 So, the bend, not break. 57 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:25,560 But I, so that I suppose is resilience. 58 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,760 What I would aim for now is anti-fragile. 59 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:34,200 So, the opposite of fragile, which means, so fragile being easy to break. 60 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,600 And then once it's broken, that's it. 61 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,640 It's useless, so to speak. 62 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:43,360 And then resilience would be coming back to the original state. 63 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,360 Anti-fragile. 64 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,960 So, if you've broken, but it's made you better stronger or stressed. 65 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:49,960 Yes, yes. 66 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:50,960 It's come back stronger. 67 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:51,960 That's right. 68 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:52,960 I love that. 69 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:53,960 Yeah. 70 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960 And as human beings, we're under stress. 71 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:59,560 So, there's good stress and there's a certain amount of stress we need. 72 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:05,400 But it's that getting, using the stress for good, I suppose, makes me stronger. 73 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:11,720 Yeah, because I used to aim for resilience because I wanted when things came along, when 74 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:16,280 stressors came along that affected me, that I would bounce back. 75 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,400 I'd go back to normal. 76 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,720 But reading that book and the concepts in that book, every complex system, when there's 77 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,520 a stressor, it doesn't come back the same. 78 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,520 It comes back stronger. 79 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:31,480 And I guess one of the best ways to look at it is if you plant a tree in a biodome, that 80 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,400 tree will grow and grow and grow, but it will eventually fall over. 81 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:39,320 The reason why it falls over is because it hasn't been exposed to any stressors like 82 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,680 wind. 83 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:46,120 And when a tree is exposed to wind, it grows very deep roots to hold on, hold onto the 84 00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,120 ground. 85 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,800 But because in a biodome, there's no wind, the tree will grow and grow and grow and grow 86 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,320 as it's meant to do. 87 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:56,560 But because it's got no stressors being the wind, it doesn't grow the deep roots and just 88 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:57,560 falls over. 89 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,960 And so, it's not becoming resilient, that tree. 90 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:01,960 It's actually becoming anti-fragile. 91 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:02,960 Yeah. 92 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:03,960 Yeah. 93 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,240 And so, I love that concept. 94 00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:10,280 Well, even just to use it in current situations. 95 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:16,520 So, with a lot of people have lost their jobs, been made redundant, et cetera, due COVID 96 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:20,840 or other reasons, other factors. 97 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:27,280 And so, that thing of being unemployed, the fear was, what can I do? 98 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,280 I'm unemployed. 99 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:29,520 I'm back to square one. 100 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,200 But you're never back to square one because you're- 101 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,200 You have new skills. 102 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,200 That's right. 103 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,200 Experience. 104 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,200 Experience, skills, et cetera. 105 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,920 So, you're square one plus three squares. 106 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:46,080 So, your new normal or falling back is never back as far as when you originally started. 107 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,720 So, you are stronger. 108 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,720 You're anti-fragile. 109 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:49,720 You're actually... 110 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,720 I don't know about that word and it's not even- 111 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:52,720 Anti-fragile. 112 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:53,720 It's not even a word. 113 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:54,720 Yeah. 114 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:55,720 It's a term. 115 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:56,720 It's a term. 116 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,320 But yeah, I like the idea. 117 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,320 I really do. 118 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:04,120 Getting stronger from adversity rather than returning to where you were. 119 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,120 That's right. 120 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,440 I guess it'd be important to dissect stress, though, to start with. 121 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:12,120 Because if that's what we're being resilient or anti-fragile from, it'd be important to 122 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:18,360 understand what stress is because you can't be stronger unless you've experienced stress. 123 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,280 So, stress, many people, if you ask them, what is stress? 124 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,680 They'd say, oh, it's feeling frustrated. 125 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,680 Well, no. 126 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:29,560 The frustration feeling is the result of a stressor. 127 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,080 But I looked it up one time and I found this fantastic definition. 128 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:41,280 Stress is inappropriate responses to real or imagined threats, whether emotional or 129 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,280 physical. 130 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,280 Yeah. 131 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:44,280 No, that's true. 132 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,280 Yeah. 133 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:50,000 So, if you dissect that a little bit, inappropriate responses, not responding appropriately, 134 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,880 to real or imagined threats, whether emotional or physical. 135 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,400 So let's look at our threats. 136 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,000 What percentage of our threats are these days physical? 137 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:02,160 I don't know about you, but I didn't see any lions or tigers wandering around the parrot 138 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,160 markets. 139 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,800 So the majority of our stressors are emotional. 140 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:10,640 And then real or imagined, if you think about it, right now in this moment, you don't have 141 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:11,640 any problems. 142 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,640 No. 143 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,640 All problems exist in the future or the past. 144 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,640 That's right. 145 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,080 So therefore don't exist at all, which is very deep. 146 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:21,840 So most of our stressors these days are imagined and they're emotional stressors. 147 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:26,360 And so resilience these days isn't from being attacked by marauding tribes coming over the 148 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,880 hill trying to steal your resources. 149 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,440 It's, you know, I've got two emails or I've got a tight deadline with my boss. 150 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,440 Yeah. 151 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,480 Or the mortgage is due or the rent's due or interest rate rises, et cetera. 152 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,080 So they are a stress. 153 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,080 They're coming. 154 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:45,080 And at the time, you know, the effect that it has, physical, et cetera, is real. 155 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,080 Yeah. 156 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,360 But it feels real. 157 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,360 It does. 158 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,360 Yes, it feels real. 159 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,360 But it has a real effect though, physically. 160 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:52,360 Physically, absolutely. 161 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:57,120 Because your mind can't differentiate between what you vividly imagine and actual reality. 162 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:02,960 So yeah, when we think about our stressors, even though they're not real, the effect in 163 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,360 our body is real and we go into fight or flight. 164 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:12,960 So resilience is really about learning to reduce our stressors by, I guess, the first 165 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,760 thing, changing our mindset about things. 166 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:15,760 Yeah. 167 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,760 Yeah. 168 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:17,760 That's right. 169 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:22,480 If you can change the way you think about it to reduce or eliminate completely that 170 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,840 fight or flight response. 171 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:25,840 So change your mindset. 172 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,840 Yeah. 173 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,800 And one of the things I love talking about when I moved from Albury Wodonga, which is 174 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,520 in the country, to Sydney, the thing that annoyed me the most was traffic. 175 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,360 So I'd be sitting there in a car and I'm all frustrated. 176 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,880 I'm paramount of road and we're not going anywhere. 177 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,600 I remember I'm coming home one day and I thought to myself, you know, I was really stressed 178 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,600 there. 179 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,320 And then I realized, you know, I teach this stuff. 180 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,360 So I thought, well, why am I stressed? 181 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,280 Well, it's because I was thinking that traffic is a nightmare. 182 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:55,280 But traffic is just an opportunity to spend time in a car doing something you enjoy. 183 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:56,280 You can't do anything else. 184 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,600 You can't control the traffic. 185 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,600 You can't control how fast traffic's moving. 186 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:04,680 And so what I did is I realized that traffic is just simply an opportunity to do something 187 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,680 I love. 188 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,800 And what I love is learning, as the same as you. 189 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,960 And so I just started to listen to audiobooks and podcasts in my car. 190 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:12,960 Now I love traffic. 191 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:13,960 Yeah. 192 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:14,960 Yeah. 193 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:20,800 So all my stress disappeared simply because I changed my perspective about it. 194 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:21,800 Text messages. 195 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:22,800 Yep. 196 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,560 So I'm not a fan because you can read anything you want into it. 197 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,640 You can read any tone. 198 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,640 That's right. 199 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,640 Yeah, that's it. 200 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:32,640 The time, whatever you're feeling, your emotion at the time, it's then, you know, that's the 201 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,320 voice that you read it with. 202 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,880 Projected onto the text. 203 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:36,880 Yeah, absolutely. 204 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,920 And so I was getting a text from a person or getting text messages from a person and 205 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,120 my, I immediately went into fight or flight. 206 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,120 Like I'd hear the ding. 207 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:47,120 And... 208 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,120 Round one. 209 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,120 Yeah, yeah. 210 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,120 That's right. 211 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:54,200 So the text message would come in and I was ready for battle, you know, and I hadn't even 212 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,200 read it. 213 00:08:55,200 --> 00:09:00,160 But I was immediately, that was my response and it was a stressful thing. 214 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:06,880 It was my body, you know, I'd constrict everything and I'd almost get a sick feeling in my gut. 215 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:14,720 And I had to stop giving that text messaging, that power over my body. 216 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,280 And more content that was there. 217 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:17,280 That's right. 218 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,280 That's right. 219 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:23,880 So yeah, similar to confidence with the feedback thing, it and information, I had to look at 220 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,200 the text message as though it was just written. 221 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,920 And now, you know, tone of voice can change it up. 222 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,920 And so just highlight, almost highlight in my mind, the important facts and then take 223 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:35,920 the emotion out of it. 224 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,480 And that reduced the stress for me. 225 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:46,000 And then I suppose as far as resilience goes, I could then be a normal human. 226 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,000 And respond differently. 227 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,000 Yeah. 228 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,000 Yeah. 229 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,320 Because when we're not resilient, we can become very reactive rather than proactive in our 230 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,320 responses. 231 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,320 Absolutely. 232 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:59,600 Another perspective change that I had, and it was quite a big one, COVID affected all 233 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:04,480 of us and a lot of people lost jobs or stopped working. 234 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:09,240 And you know, our, my industry, the training and speaking and our industry, the speaking 235 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,640 industry shut down. 236 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:11,640 Yeah. 237 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:12,640 We weren't doing conferences. 238 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,640 We weren't doing keynotes. 239 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,280 We weren't doing what we love doing. 240 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,280 And so I had a lot more time on my hands at home. 241 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,200 And at first it was stressing me. 242 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,680 It was getting to me. 243 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,920 And then I realized I had an opportunity to use that time that I typically wouldn't have 244 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,120 to do things that I wouldn't have time to do. 245 00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,400 So I read a lot more. 246 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:37,200 But the best thing about those years where we weren't really busy with work, if at all, 247 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,040 it was to spend time with my son. 248 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,560 And so I traded that now, he's nine. 249 00:10:41,560 --> 00:10:46,440 And I had two years of good quality, solid time with my son that I would not have had 250 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,080 if it wasn't for COVID. 251 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,080 And so at first I was very stressed because I was focusing on the fact that COVID was 252 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,080 stopping me doing things I love. 253 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:55,760 Then I changed my perspective. 254 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,200 And now I look at it as a fantastic opportunity. 255 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:03,800 It was obviously a horrible period of time for many people, losing loved ones and the 256 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:04,800 lockdowns. 257 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:05,800 The isolation. 258 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,800 The isolation and everything that people endured. 259 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:12,720 It was horrible to think of what people were going through. 260 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,560 But we can look back at it now. 261 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,320 And I certainly have changed my perspective. 262 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,160 It gave me some fantastic opportunities. 263 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,240 I certainly learned to meditate more. 264 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,240 Yeah, yeah. 265 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,200 I've meditated for, oh, since I was a teenager, I suppose. 266 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:34,960 But it was a good reminder because my aviation career ended and I was attached. 267 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,200 My ego was attached to that identity. 268 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:44,840 But I had that opportunity to sit with myself, with my ego and process it. 269 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:52,680 And again, similar to you, my kids, I'd had years and years of being away for work. 270 00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:59,320 And now I was able to be at home for my children, wholly, solely, not miss anything. 271 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,640 And it's just that lovely reconnection with them. 272 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,400 And I know they appreciated it. 273 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:11,560 And lockdown wasn't that hard because I did have my kids. 274 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,880 And yeah, just playing games and just chatting. 275 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:15,880 That's right. 276 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,400 Well, we were going through renovations at the time as well. 277 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:24,520 So it was, we were living in my bedroom basically for 12 months, which was fun. 278 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,600 We kind of did it like a sleepover. 279 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:31,040 You've labeled it as fun rather than labeling it as a chore, I guess. 280 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,040 Yeah. 281 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,040 Yeah. 282 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,040 Which is a great perspective change. 283 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,040 Yes. 284 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,040 Yes. 285 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,040 Yes. 286 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:42,200 I had a funny incident with a lady in a course years ago. 287 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,960 I said, does anyone have a perspective that it's causing them stress that they can't change? 288 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,560 And she said, yeah, I've got one for you. 289 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,560 I said, what's that? 290 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,680 She said, getting the kids ready for school in the morning, it's stressful. 291 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,840 And I said, okay, so tell me more. 292 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,480 She said, well, I get up in the morning, I put their clothes on their bed, I put the 293 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:02,120 Weet-Bix in the bowl, I yell at them to come down and eat their Weet-Bix. 294 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,520 And five minutes later, they're having it in their breakfast and I'm dragging them to 295 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,520 school. 296 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,840 And getting the kids ready for school, stressful. 297 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:08,840 She said, fix that. 298 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,760 Everyone else in the course was laughing because she was quite passionate about it. 299 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:16,800 And I said to her, all right, well, challenge accepted. 300 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,280 I said, what about this? 301 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:20,600 Why don't you look at it like this? 302 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,820 Kids are here to teach us how to slow down time. 303 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:25,880 Kids operate on a different time scale to adults. 304 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:30,280 You remember school, nine to three o'clock was just such a long time. 305 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,800 But nine to five goes like that, Monday to Friday. 306 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,200 We're just about to put up the Christmas tree and I feel like I've just taken it down. 307 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:43,360 And so I said to her, what about this? 308 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,760 How about just get up a little bit earlier? 309 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:49,080 So when it was my turn to get my son ready for daycare, I'd just wake up 15 minutes 310 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,080 earlier. 311 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,640 I'd go into his room, I'd open his blinds, I'd get out a couple of t-shirts. 312 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,440 So he's got a choice, set up his little train set and he's woken up. 313 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,440 And I said, mate, do you want to play trains? 314 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:57,440 He goes, yeah. 315 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,680 So we played trains for a couple of minutes, five minutes. 316 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,760 Five minutes of trains for a kid is like hours. 317 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,440 And then I said, mate, which t-shirt you want to wear? 318 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,440 So he's got a choice. 319 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,440 He feels in control. 320 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,440 We go downstairs. 321 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,440 Mate, do you want porridge or wheat bix? 322 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:09,800 And he gets to choose what he has for breakfast. 323 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,400 And then I said, hey, do you want to go to school a little bit early and play on the 324 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,400 equipment? 325 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,920 And he goes, oh, okay, dad. 326 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:19,000 And so we go to school early and he's got control over the fact that we're playing together, 327 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,000 not rushing. 328 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,000 We're in his timeframe. 329 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,360 And then I say, see you mate. 330 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,040 Tonight when I get home, more trains. 331 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:25,040 He goes, yeah. 332 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,520 And that was a great start to the day. 333 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,800 But if I ever tried to get my son into my timeframe, come on, mate, get out of bed. 334 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,400 That's got to mean, come on, come on, put your shoes on. 335 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,800 Have a foot, mate. 336 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,680 And he'd be, I don't want to go to school. 337 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:36,680 I'm guilty of that. 338 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,440 I'm very guilty of that. 339 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,800 So I said to her, kids are here to teach us how to slow down time. 340 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:46,200 And she said, I'll try that. 341 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,800 But then about six weeks later, she contacted me and she said, oh, you've changed my life. 342 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,800 I said, I haven't. 343 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:52,800 You have. 344 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,840 She said, oh, but when you said that in the training session, I hated you. 345 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,840 I said, I know. 346 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:57,840 She said, how'd you know? 347 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:58,840 I said, I was looking at your face. 348 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,840 It was that obvious. 349 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,800 Yeah, she was giving me the death stare. 350 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,400 And I said, can I guess why you didn't like what I said? 351 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,400 She said, sure. 352 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,240 I said, how many people have you told how stressful it is getting the kids ready for 353 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,240 school? 354 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,240 She said, everyone. 355 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,200 That's all I talk about at book club and in the morning. 356 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:18,440 And I said, so when I said what I said, you felt that I was telling you, you were wrong. 357 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,440 And she said, yeah. 358 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,440 I said, I wasn't. 359 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,600 I was saying there's one way to look at it and you get this result. 360 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,400 There's another way to look at it and you get a different result. 361 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,400 It's about choosing a different result. 362 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,040 It's not about right or wrong. 363 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,640 It's about changing your perspective. 364 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,640 Yes. 365 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,640 Yeah. 366 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,640 Yeah, that's right. 367 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:36,680 Well, yeah, even just 15 minutes earlier, isn't, it's not hard. 368 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,480 And yeah, although those people that, you know, struggle to get out of bed, it could 369 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,680 seem like a big thing, but just do it. 370 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,680 It's a mindset. 371 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:44,680 Yeah. 372 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,600 Just go to bed 15 minutes earlier, wake up 15 minutes earlier and slow down in the morning 373 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,160 because kids operate on a different time scale. 374 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,160 Yeah. 375 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,160 Yeah. 376 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,160 What's another perspective? 377 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:55,160 I'm going to put you on the spot. 378 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,160 Yeah. 379 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,160 Yeah. 380 00:15:57,160 --> 00:16:00,120 What's another perspective that has reduced your stress levels or changed the way you 381 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:03,880 see things, which helps you be more resilient to events? 382 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:10,360 Yeah, probably the traffic thing is a big one because I, when I take my kids to school, 383 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,880 it's a 30, 35 minute trip. 384 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:13,880 Yeah. 385 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:19,080 And yeah, we listen to podcasts or music and then on the way home, the other side of it, 386 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,880 we chat about the day, we listen to music. 387 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:23,880 It's good. 388 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:28,680 It's an opportunity that we didn't have before with school being, you know, only a couple 389 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,680 of minutes away. 390 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:30,680 It's even further away. 391 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:31,680 We did. 392 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:32,680 Yeah. 393 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,280 And it's so that that's a nice thing because I, you know, the first couple of times we 394 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,180 did it, it was, we did it begrudgingly and thinking, Oh my goodness, I've got months 395 00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:44,400 of this ahead before they go change schools next year. 396 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:49,000 And but yeah, having that mind shift change and my kids love it too. 397 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:53,800 So they tell their kids, their kids, they tell their friends. 398 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:54,800 Yep. 399 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,480 That, you know, every morning on the way to school, they go over the Harvard bridge and 400 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,640 other kids with their friends, they're like, no way, you know, that's really cool. 401 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:06,480 And so they, they now have that thing of it's cool. 402 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:11,520 They, you know, they, they do that every morning and, and then we, we come back home. 403 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:19,160 But probably even my attitude to exercise in the morning and getting up early. 404 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,160 Yeah. 405 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:27,960 So I've been a morning person, but the making it an hour earlier, the daylight saving shift 406 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:32,040 was a little bit of a struggle there for a week, but got there. 407 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:37,400 And so getting up at 5am is, and I used to always get up at six, but 5am gives you so 408 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:38,560 much more time. 409 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:46,320 So doing breath work, doing lemon water, exercising, so a walk. 410 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,600 So morning routine. 411 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,800 Morning routine, definitely, and it's reduced the stress because I know exactly what's going 412 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:52,800 to happen. 413 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,800 And same with the kids. 414 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:54,800 Making your bed. 415 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:55,800 Absolutely. 416 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,800 That's the first thing. 417 00:17:56,800 --> 00:18:00,400 So, you know, tumble out of bed some mornings and talk about this these days, don't they? 418 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,400 Yeah. 419 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,960 Well, even I'm on my knees basically, cause my back's a bit dodgy and I'm, you know, pull 420 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:10,120 up the, the covers and my partner's on the other side, pulling out the covers and it's 421 00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:12,740 just, it, it makes it easy. 422 00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,040 One less thing to think about. 423 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:18,320 Plus I come home, the bed looks amazing with the 50,000 pillows. 424 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,800 What is it with, with ladies and pillows? 425 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,040 I have to ask, what is the function of all these extra pillows? 426 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,040 Oh, it looks like a display home. 427 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,040 Oh, it's like a display home. 428 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,040 Okay, just for you. 429 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,040 That's right. 430 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,360 No function at all because you can't dare put your head on the pillow because it, or 431 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:35,920 on the cushion because it would cost so much money. 432 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:36,920 Okay. 433 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,200 But the, just, just doing that routine. 434 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:44,120 So my little boy, he really, really does well on routine. 435 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:47,960 And if it's something outside of the scope of a routine, it throws him. 436 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,840 And I probably myself felt a little bit like that. 437 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:51,840 Cause he feels out of control. 438 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,460 Out of control, definitely. 439 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:55,280 So it's that control thing. 440 00:18:55,280 --> 00:19:03,240 So if you know what's coming next to a point, or you can put time towards, you know, allocated 441 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,360 time to this, you know, one hour is this and anything can happen within that. 442 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:17,200 But it's that's dedicated to that, you know, activity then, yeah, it's just let's decisions 443 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,160 and you know, Steve jobs did the same. 444 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,920 Elon Musk does the same, you know, wears the same outfit, et cetera. 445 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,560 It does exactly the same thing. 446 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,920 Puts his, you know, she's in socks on the same way every day. 447 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,840 It's that routine, not having to think about it. 448 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,240 Which then saves you decision making muscle. 449 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,240 That's right. 450 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,840 And also reduces stress because it's all, you know, what's going to happen. 451 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,840 It's that control thing. 452 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:39,840 Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 453 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,840 I've got a morning routine as well and it's the best start to the day. 454 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:47,160 It makes you resilient for what's, if anything comes up during the day and you've had a great 455 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,360 start to the day, you're much more resilient than if you've just, oh, I've got to get 456 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360 a bed now. 457 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,480 Cause you slept through your alarm or you forgot to set your alarm and you know, start 458 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,280 the day in a fight or flight sort of state. 459 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,280 Yeah. 460 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,440 So much better to have a morning routine and own the morning. 461 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:05,440 I do the breath work as well and meditate during the breath work and make sure that 462 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:11,000 I'm setting myself up for success during the days. 463 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,920 Another thing I do at the end of the day, I call life university is I look back through 464 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:22,280 the day and I see if there's anything that I've done or if I've, if I've reacted in 465 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:29,560 a way that I aren't proud of or if I've reacted in, in so the difference between reacting 466 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,080 and, and acting. 467 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,240 So I like to be proactive rather than reactive. 468 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:38,040 What I mean by that is if something happens, I don't want to react straight away. 469 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:43,440 What I want to do is I want to pause and then think and then choose my response. 470 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:48,040 And that's something I'm constantly working on because being an insecure little kid, I 471 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,840 found myself to be quite reactive. 472 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,840 Yes. 473 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,840 And so at the end of every day, I just look at how I went during the day. 474 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,840 Where did I react in a stressful way? 475 00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:04,840 Well, it also does take confidence to be able to stop, pause, to think about your response 476 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,480 and it can be practiced and it can be learned. 477 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:12,080 And it's powerful because instead of being the victim and blaming whatever happened, 478 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,280 you now realize that you're in charge of all of your responses. 479 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:19,320 And so yeah, my, my routine is at the end of the day to look at the day and think, okay, 480 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:23,480 did I behave in the way I wanted to, but want to behave in a resilient way? 481 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:28,000 So if something bad happens, something happens that you weren't expecting, something left 482 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:33,360 field comes in that typically gives you a bit of a shock or a bit of stress. 483 00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:37,760 What I want to do in those moments is pause and then choose the best response. 484 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:41,200 And so if I ever find that I haven't done that at the end of the day, I just look back 485 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,440 at it and I think, okay, what will I do differently next time? 486 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:48,480 And then as I fall asleep, I've programmed my mind so that in the future, if that sort 487 00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:54,720 of event happens again, I'm more likely to behave in a less reactive way. 488 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,200 And therefore I'll be more resilient and more proactive in the way I respond to stressors. 489 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,400 Oh, that actually, that makes sense. 490 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:05,440 I've had situations, I don't know if you have where someone said something to you and 491 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:10,640 like half an hour later after that person's gone past, it's like, oh, I should have said 492 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,640 this. 493 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:12,640 I wish I'd said this. 494 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:13,640 Absolutely. 495 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,640 Yeah. 496 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,040 Well, yeah, that's your opportunity to think, all right, in the future. 497 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,720 So rather than, I used to try and rewrite history. 498 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,360 I used to go back in my mind, oh, I should have done that. 499 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:25,800 Rather than thinking like that, what I do now is okay, if that happens again, this is 500 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,840 how I'm going to adjust. 501 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,480 And so that's you being proactive into the future rather than reactive. 502 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:35,400 Sounds like training for the simulator, which is what we do for flight. 503 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:42,360 So if an emergency happens, we've practiced it, we've trained for it, we've gone over 504 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:48,400 it, we've dissected it so that if it does ever happen for real, then it's not the shock 505 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,120 of never seen it before. 506 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,160 You've actually practiced it. 507 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:53,160 So it's for me. 508 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,400 Armchair flying, that's right. 509 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,640 And you can do that with anything. 510 00:22:55,640 --> 00:23:03,000 Same with doing speeches on stage, any sort of training, even you're going out to meet 511 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,640 someone and you can kind of run through and rehearse a little bit how you'd like the day 512 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,640 to happen. 513 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:20,160 And it's that feeling of control, again, basically the resilience, you're taking less, less, 514 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,160 actually that's not at all. 515 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,160 That's okay. 516 00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:25,160 Right, rewind. 517 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:29,600 And back to you, Michelle. 518 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,400 So we've spoken about resilience today. 519 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:38,080 I think we're getting to the end of the podcast, but I think there's a lot more here that we 520 00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,080 could talk about. 521 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,080 We could unpack a lot. 522 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:47,040 But probably the takeaway from today would be if you can create a routine, then the resilience 523 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:52,680 in that is that you've got something to fall back on, to go back to. 524 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:53,680 And that's in your foundation. 525 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,680 Correct. 526 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,360 And you're in control of that to a degree. 527 00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:01,880 And the other key takeaway is your mindset, your perspective. 528 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,760 Just analyze your perspective on things because stress isn't what happens to you, but rather 529 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,640 how you choose to view what happens to you. 530 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,760 Nothing is good nor bad, but thinking makes it so. 531 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:12,760 Thanks, Shakespeare. 532 00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,760 Yes. 533 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:14,760 Excellent. 534 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,760 Okay. 535 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:16,760 So how do we sign off these podcasts? 536 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,760 I don't know. 537 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:18,760 We still haven't figured it out. 538 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:19,760 We just press stop on the recorder. 539 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:20,760 All right. 540 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,760 Lovely to see you again, Michelle. 541 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,760 Love you. 542 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:23,760 See you too. 543 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:24,760 Okay. 544 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:25,760 Take care, everyone. 545 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:26,760 Bye-bye. 546 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,760 Have a great week. 547 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,840 So Michelle, where can they find us? 548 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,720 Captainandtheclown.com. 549 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:38,200 Where you'll find links to our websites for keynote speaking and corporate training. 550 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,120 Yes, that's captainandtheclown.com. 551 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:43,720 Well, that was fun. 552 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:44,720 That was fun. 553 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:45,720 You're such a clown. 554 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:46,720 The clown. 555 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:47,720 Lady captain. 556 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:48,720 And who's going to listen to this? 557 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:49,720 Maybe our mums. 558 00:24:49,720 --> 00:25:08,720 Thanks, mum.