1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:09,440 G'day leaders. Do you fear judgment? In this podcast, we talk about judgment and how it 2 00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:16,400 impacts human beings. We talk about a new way of looking at it that people aren't judging 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:20,640 you. They're judging themselves through you. An interesting concept to get your head around. 4 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:25,200 We also talk about fashion and how we're not actually buying fashion. We're buying confidence 5 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:32,240 and many more aspects of removing the fear of judgment. Enjoy. Why did it count backwards? 6 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:38,960 I know that we're now recording. What? Hello captain. What do I say? 7 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:50,400 Come fly with me. Let's fly, let's fly. What are we going to talk about? I don't know. 8 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:55,360 So leadership, life and everything else. Yeah. 9 00:00:58,720 --> 00:00:59,440 And we're live. 10 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,080 You're just trying to slip that in there. You know we're recording. Yeah, you didn't notice it, 11 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:12,560 did you? How are we live? We're recording. How are you? Good, how you doing? Good. I like your 12 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:20,800 fashion today. Ah, but I don't dress for fashion. I dress for confidence. It's who I want to be, 13 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:27,120 who I want to turn up as is how I dress. So my theory and I have read this so it's not completely 14 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:34,240 my idea is that when a person says they have nothing to wear even though their wardrobe is 15 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:41,760 full, they actually have nothing that represents how they want to show up in the world that day. 16 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:52,000 Yep, yep. I had an interesting journey in my own brain the other day about fashion and judgment 17 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:56,240 and confidence because we teach confidence in our workshops. I'm always thinking about different 18 00:01:56,240 --> 00:02:03,440 ways of making it real for people and I've spoken to the kids about this over the last week. I don't 19 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:09,920 think people buy fashion, they buy confidence. So I was telling the kids the other day, 20 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:14,880 so let's just say everyone is wearing skinny jeans. Yep. Yes. So the whole world is wearing 21 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,200 skinny jeans, that's the fashion. And if you walked up to a punter on the street and said, 22 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:24,400 oh, I like those skinny jeans here, I've got this nice new pair of flares, would you wear them? 23 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:31,440 Most people go, oh, no, they're ugly, right? Because they're not the current fashion. But 24 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,800 then the very next week at the Paris fashion show or wherever. Or on TikTok or Instagram. 25 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:42,560 Or on TikTok or Instagram or something. Or an influencer, they throw on a pair of flares. 26 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:48,960 Yep. So big bell bottom pants, right? And then they walk down the catwalk with their strut, 27 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:53,520 you know, struttons from side to side. Swishing the base of their pants. Basically channeling 28 00:02:53,520 --> 00:03:00,960 every bit of confidence that they can have because they, quite frankly, feel confident up there. 29 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:05,440 Otherwise, they wouldn't look like that. And then the next week, everyone's wearing flares. 30 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:12,560 Yes. But they're not wearing flares. They bought that model's confidence. Yes. Yep. Yes. That's 31 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,640 the original. That's the original. And then everyone else starts to notice, oh, flares are in now. 32 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:20,880 It's like the Empress new clothes. Yeah, flares are in now. So they get rid of their skinny leg 33 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:25,520 jeans and they start throwing on their flares. And then we wear flares for the next couple of 34 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,920 decades. And then all of a sudden somebody throws some skinny jeans on the model. They walked in, 35 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:33,760 they walked in. Oh, look at that confidence. I can't believe she's wearing skinny leg jeans. 36 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,760 No, fashion turns over faster than that. Yeah, I know. It's much faster now. I'm old, right? 37 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:44,640 This fast fashion stuff, this Zara stuff. I'm not aware of this. I'm still wearing clothes I had in 38 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:50,720 the 80s, Michelle. So am I. Classics. You call them classics. But it goes back to the principle 39 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:56,800 that people don't, well, this is my new principle, people don't buy fashion, they buy confidence. 40 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:02,960 Yes. And it's all to do with this fear of judgment that human beings have. 41 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:07,840 Okay. Speaking of that, let's talk Frank Green. Okay. Or the Stanley Cup. 42 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:15,040 What an experience that was. Yeah. So as speakers, we often get gifted stuff at the conferences. And 43 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:19,040 one of the things I've always been gifted over the years, I don't know about you, Michelle, was 44 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,240 drink bottles. I love drink bottles. I love a good drink bottle. And I've been gifted some 45 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:28,960 beautiful drink bottles, some thermos style where they keep things cold or hot. And I have a bucket 46 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:33,760 load of them, a cupboard full of them. We've got drawers full of branded drink bottles. 47 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:40,640 Yes. And then last year, what happened? Well, last year, my daughter wasn't satisfied with 48 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:44,400 any other drink bottle other than a Frank Green. And it had to be a Frank Green. 49 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:50,880 It did. And she saved. She did all sorts of chores and tasks and asked for extra so that she could 50 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:56,480 afford this. But at first, you said no. I did. Yeah. We've got bottles in the drawer. Yeah. 51 00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:00,800 But it had to be a Frank Green. That's right. And the water didn't taste as good. 52 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,880 Wouldn't be as hydrated because they weren't as large as the Frank Green that she had her eye on. 53 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:12,880 Now, I refused to buy another drink bottle when we had perfectly serviceable drink bottles. I get it. 54 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:20,480 And it was just me saying no. And anyway, I want to see how far this went. So she did. She worked 55 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:26,720 her butt off to save the money to go and buy a Frank Green. And I think it was $80 something 56 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:33,040 by the time she got it engraved and all the rest. She wasn't buying a Frank Green, though, was she? 57 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:39,360 No, she wasn't. She was buying confidence. Yeah. She was buying. And community inclusion. Inclusion. 58 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:46,800 She was trying to be like everyone else. Well, her school teachers had them. Her peers had them. 59 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:52,320 Yep. Everybody had them. She was the only person in the entire world who did not have a Frank 60 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:59,520 Green drink bottle. According to her. But then now you look around the world and it's new Stanley. 61 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:04,320 Stanley. Stanley. Stanley. They had Stanley thermoses when I was young. It's 110 years old, 62 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:08,320 this cup. Is it? Yes. So it's not a new design. They come in new colors. But what happened is they- 63 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:14,560 But it's 110 years old. They jumped on the bandwagon of Frank Green, didn't they? Well, 64 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:22,640 it's amazing marketing. The marketing team, they've completely reinvented and rebranded 65 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:29,120 without changing the design. Just the color. But it is a vessel that holds water. Or yes, yes, 66 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:33,120 or liquid. Yes. But it had to be a Frank Green. Now it's got to be a Stanley. It's because everybody 67 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:38,320 wants to be like everyone else. I love the parodies. Because what do we fear? Yes. Not fitting in. 68 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:44,080 Not fitting in. That's right. That's what it is. We're buying fashion for confidence so that we 69 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:48,480 don't feel judged. So that we like everyone else. We buy Frank Greens and Stanleys so that we fit 70 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:56,000 in so we like everyone else. And this is a bit of a bugbear of mine that we don't grow out of it 71 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:02,720 quickly enough. No. Well- It starts in school. Yes. You remember primary school or even preschool, 72 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:10,240 right? Kids would turn up in anything. You'd see a kid walking in with one gum boot and one high heel. 73 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:15,040 And they've grabbed their mum's lipstick and drawn a picture on their face and they walk in, 74 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:21,440 check me out. And then they go to primary school and high school and they just want to be like 75 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:26,720 everyone else. Even the emos who wanted to be nonconformists all looked like each other. 76 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:32,080 Well, that was me at art school. Was it? We all dressed because we didn't want to conform to 77 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:36,240 society. So we all dressed in black, but we were actually conforming to our nonconformists. That's 78 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:42,720 right. It was silly. Yeah. I mean, it's a natural human thing that we want to feel like we belong 79 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:48,960 because if you aren't belonging, there's safety in numbers. We like to feel safe in groups. 80 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,200 We always lived in groups. We hung around in groups. We evolved in groups because there 81 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,280 was safety in numbers. We're not big, fast and tough like those dangerous animals out there. 82 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:01,760 And the only way we survived as a species was to have this instinct of working together and 83 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,920 living together and belonging. And that's why human beings don't like to be judged. Because 84 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:10,240 if you're judged, you feel like you're separate to the group, which means that it triggers the 85 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:14,160 final flight response because you're not safe anymore. That's where it all comes from. 86 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:26,720 So in order to release yourself from being captive by this fashion and influences and having to buy, 87 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,680 usually buy the latest things. Which is useless because you've already got something that functions 88 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:39,600 at home. That's right. We do sound old now saying that. But when I was a kid, in order to get to 89 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,880 overcome that, you really need to then stop fearing judgment. Yeah. Which is we've had a 90 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:50,960 whole podcast on this confidence. Self-confidence is when you stop fearing the judgment of others. 91 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,320 It's got nothing to do with what you're good at, your skills, your knowledge, your experience. 92 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:58,880 It's basically when you stop fearing the judgment of others. It's the foundation of confidence. 93 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:04,720 Mm. But regrettably, in high school, we want to be like everyone else because we fear judgment, 94 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:09,760 which is a lack of confidence. And so we can't just go our own way. It's very rare to see somebody 95 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:19,360 who'll just go their own way and just, what is it, buck the trend. Yeah. You helped me the other 96 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:30,720 week. I wanted to be included in a group, a professional group. And I put an application in. 97 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:41,040 And I was excited about the possibility and hadn't heard the outcome. And you said to me, 98 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:46,640 well, be excited that you applied and you got given the opportunity. But if it doesn't happen, 99 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:51,600 they're not your group. So don't worry. It's not the end of everything. It's just that's not your 100 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:58,800 audience. That's not where you're meant to be at this time. And it's true. And often I think back 101 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:05,440 about times where things haven't worked out exactly as I've planned or wanted them to. I've not got a 102 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:14,080 job that I applied for or I put a tender out for speaking and didn't get it. But it has always – and 103 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,400 it's just that I think there's a time-fellows episode where it's equal. It's the opposite actually 104 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:23,680 with – Opposite day with George. Yeah, opposite with George. And Elaine, they kind of switch out. 105 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:30,560 But George was equal. If something bad happened to him, their replacement happened pretty well 106 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:37,040 straight away or something better. And that's how I consider things that happen. And I tell my kids 107 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:41,200 this. If something doesn't happen the way that you want it, it's because something better will 108 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:47,600 come along. And it always does. I cannot think of an example where it has not. 109 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:54,240 Well, when it hasn't. When it hasn't been better than what I originally wanted. 110 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,920 Yeah. Well, when you think about it, when things aren't going your way, at the other end of that 111 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:01,520 is something going your way. Because it's not going to last forever. 112 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:04,080 No, not at all. Unless you're one of those people, 113 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,440 the doomsdayers who can't see the positive in anything. 114 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:14,960 Well, we try and instill in the kids that stop fearing this fear of judgment. And what if 115 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:20,480 you did something completely different? You might actually be the trendsetters. You might be the 116 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:25,280 ones who start the new fashion or the new trend. The Audi ice cream day. 117 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:35,600 Yeah. Okay, let's talk about that. All right. So I'm trying to get all of the kids to not worry 118 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:43,760 so much, not fear the judgment of other people. So everyone in the family owns an Audi. Now, 119 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:50,000 an Audi is not a fashion statement. An Audi is a blanket with sleeves. It's fur lined. 120 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,240 It's got a hood and it's for comfort. It's not a fashion statement. 121 00:11:54,240 --> 00:12:01,680 Very, very popular during COVID. Work from home outfit. And you could, because the neck's so large, 122 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:06,400 you could just kind of slip it down during a Zoom call. So it was around your waist. And then as 123 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:11,360 soon as the Zoom call was over, you slip it back on and cut down on your heating bills. 124 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:18,160 Now, I've heard people, I've seen and spoken to people who, when you mention Audi, screw up 125 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,800 their noses. How could you possibly wear one of those? 126 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,320 It's in the same realm as Crocs. 127 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:28,960 Crocs. No, the Crocs are back in. You might tease people with Crocs, but they're fashionable again. 128 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:34,960 Everything comes around in circles. Flair jeans are coming back. Anyway, so we said to the kids 129 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:39,680 just recently, we can go up to the ice cream parlor, but you can only have an ice cream if 130 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:47,680 you wear an Audi. And the look on their faces, go out in public in these things. Even though 131 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:52,640 we've gone for walks late at night after dinner with these Audi-ons down the park, but there's 132 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,320 hardly anyone down there, but now they're up on the main street of the ice cream parlor. So I'm 133 00:12:56,320 --> 00:13:02,560 trying to create this new fashion, this new trend that people in our suburb go and get ice cream 134 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:07,440 during winter, go and get ice cream at night after dinner, go for a walk, go and get a nice 135 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:12,960 scoop of ice cream from the ice cream store up on the main street wearing an Audi. Basically saying, 136 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:19,120 I don't care what I look like. I feel I'm warm. I did not fear the judgment of others. 137 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:26,240 And I won't mention his name or who he is, but I spoke to a friend who, when I mentioned it, 138 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:31,040 we go for a walk in the Audi. He said, what? You go for a walk in your Audi? I go, yeah. Oh, 139 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:36,000 why would you do that? I said, because you wouldn't. And he went, what? I said, because 140 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,320 you don't have the confidence to do it. Oh, I'm not stupid enough to look like that. That's again, 141 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:45,120 because you don't have the confidence to do it. Oh, I'm plenty confident. You're insecure because 142 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,120 you worry about what people think about you. You wouldn't wear it because you'd fear their judgment. 143 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:53,360 And he goes, oh, he couldn't understand what I was saying. But I'm basically saying, the reason why 144 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:57,280 you wouldn't do it is because you fear judgment. Look at you and your nice shoes and your nice car 145 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:01,760 and your nice house and all that sort of stuff. You're basically saying, I need people to think 146 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:06,480 well of me so I wouldn't wear those Audi things. But that's exactly what I'm trying to teach the 147 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:17,440 kids. We shouldn't fear what other people think. Well, that also leads us on to that you're actually 148 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:23,920 not judging others. You're judging yourself through others. We speak about a fair bit. 149 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:32,480 Oh, it's now in a few of our courses, isn't it? Yeah. So try this on for size. This is hard for 150 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,840 people to get their head around. I've had so many people kind of push back a little bit on this, 151 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:43,760 that we are not judging anyone. We are judging ourselves through them. So nobody judges you. 152 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:51,680 They judge themselves through you. So I say to people, have you ever said out loud or thought, 153 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:58,640 I would never wear that when somebody walks past. For example, I would never wear that. So even just 154 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:03,280 the statement, I would never wear that. So the fact that someone else is wearing it, you're not 155 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:09,280 actually judging them. It's the fact that you yourself would never wear that. Yeah. So judging 156 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:15,840 yourself through them. And I don't know if we've done this example in the podcast, but I'll repeat 157 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,760 it. There's nothing wrong with repeating things. I was running a leadership course. And when I got 158 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:25,360 into the room, there was a screen at the front and a table about a meter and a half in front of that 159 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:30,560 in the middle of the room. And then the chairs were set up in a semi-circle. And I'm looking at it 160 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:33,920 again. Oh, I don't like where that table is. It's kind of blocking the front. So I went to move it, 161 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:38,560 but it was bolted to the ground. Who bolts a desk? Anyway, so there was only a little bit of space 162 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,640 in the front of the desk where the screen was between the screen and the desk. And then there 163 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:47,360 was a big space in front of the desk where the chairs were. So I thought, oh, I'm not going to 164 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:52,960 stand up the back there. There's not enough space. So I walked around in front of the desk. And so 165 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,560 the desk is behind me. And then the students are sitting in kind of like a semi-circle around me. 166 00:15:56,560 --> 00:16:00,880 There was no, they didn't have desks. And the lady who set up the room, she looked at me and she said, 167 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:06,320 why aren't you standing up the front? Why aren't you standing up there? And it was the perfect 168 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,920 timing because we're teaching confidence in this leadership course. And I said to her, 169 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:16,480 if you were doing the training, where would you stand? She said up there. And I said, 170 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:23,200 you're judging me, aren't you? And she went, no, no. And I said, that's okay. I said, 171 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,720 where would you stand if you're doing the training? She said up there on the other side of the desk. 172 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:29,440 Behind the desk. 173 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,560 Yeah. I said, and because I'm not standing up there, you're feeling a bit uncomfortable, 174 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:40,240 aren't you? She went, oh, I don't know if I'd use those words. Well, that's what you would do. 175 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:44,480 And I'm not doing what you would do. So it's making you question things. And she went, yeah. 176 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:48,560 I said, it's okay. You're not judging me. You're judging yourself through me. And she went, 177 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:54,800 no, I'm judging you. And I went, no, you're not. You're judging yourself through me. 178 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:59,440 And she said, I don't get it. And I said, well, you need me to be standing up the front, 179 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:05,280 which is what you would do. You need me to be up there so that you feel comfortable about what 180 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:10,000 you would do. The fact that I'm not doing what you would do makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. 181 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:15,360 So you're not judging me. You're judging yourself through me. And she said, I don't get it. I said, 182 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:18,720 you will later. And then at the end of the workshop, she came up to me and she said, 183 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:23,280 I get it. I get it. I said, what's changed? She said, yeah. It's like when you say to somebody, 184 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:29,680 oh, I wouldn't wear that. Yeah. You're saying I wouldn't wear that. If that was me wearing that, 185 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:34,960 I would be judging myself. So she was saying, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Yeah. 186 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:40,320 And so that's really what it is. No one's judging you. They're judging themselves through you. And 187 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:46,240 if you can put that into your head and let that resonate for a while, does it freeze you up? Yeah. 188 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:50,080 So when somebody is looking at you and you're wearing an hoodie and an ice cream parlour, 189 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:54,000 and they're screwing up their nose, they're screwing up their nose at themselves. What they're 190 00:17:54,000 --> 00:18:00,480 basically showing you is I am insecure. And you, what you're wearing and being confident in it, 191 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:06,400 is making me feel insecure. So just leave it with them. Don't worry. Don't bring on their insecurity 192 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:15,680 onto you. Yeah. When we were talking about doing this podcast, it got me thinking about 193 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:23,120 the goals that people set. And I have been guilty of this, where it's not based necessarily on 194 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:32,160 what I want out of life and like deep down rooted what I want in life. It's what the judgment. So 195 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:39,600 for example, a car of a certain brand or a certain position, you know, to be, and in flying, it was 196 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:44,320 a chief pilot, which I became, and then I wanted to become captain. And then you, you know, try 197 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:49,920 for training captain, et cetera, after that. So it's always reaching for the next thing, which is 198 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:55,520 great that you're striving. However, it wasn't based necessarily on, and I'm admitting this 199 00:18:55,520 --> 00:19:02,640 truthfully that it wasn't, yeah, it wasn't necessarily based on what I truly wanted. It was 200 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:13,840 what I thought was expected. And also the, not only expected, but to get the coupons, 201 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:21,600 kudos from my peers, my friends, my ego could be stroked, you know, certain, and you see it, 202 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:28,640 people buy certain labels in clothing and accessories and guilty as charged, but it's that 203 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:36,320 thing of, do you do it because you truly like and appreciate that particular item? Or could you get 204 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:45,360 the same thing cheaper that is as functional, but the, if you, it had no label or a cheap label on 205 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:50,960 it would, you know, in amongst your peers, you'd fear the judgment of them or they can't afford it 206 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:57,120 or they're not successful because they only have Kmart or whatever. Yeah. You know, and I feel, 207 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:04,160 I think it's a wisdom age thing that is, yeah, it's now like, you know, I don't care. It's 208 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:10,880 – if it's functional. That's right. And I think finally I've got the confidence, finally, where, 209 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:18,080 yeah, I'm not fearing the judgment of others. I'm willing to put myself out there to say things, 210 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:26,320 feel things, do things, wear things that aren't the norm necessarily following the fashion or, 211 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:30,000 and you know, maybe even not doing something even though it's expected. 212 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:34,240 Doesn't it feel good? Because it doesn't resonate. Oh, it does. It's the judgment. It's the freedom. 213 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:40,320 The freedom, yeah. And growing up a shy, insecure person, most of my life, my biggest fear was what 214 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:47,200 other people thought. It is such a freeing concept to no longer fear the judgment of others. 215 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:54,080 And it reminds me of another thing that we teach that what is criticism? 216 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,640 Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's a label, isn't it? 217 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,960 It's a label. Yeah. So for example, if you said to me, guy, I don't like that t-shirt, 218 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:08,480 that isn't criticism. That's just information coming from you to me. It only becomes criticism 219 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:13,680 when I get out my little sticker book and I find the one that says criticism and I put that sticker 220 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:18,480 on what you've just said. Oh, Michelle just criticized me. So it's up until that point, 221 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:23,120 it was just information. It was just information about feedback or just know it's just information 222 00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:27,040 about what you think about this t-shirt. So you're saying I don't like that t-shirt. That's just, 223 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:31,360 Michelle doesn't like this t-shirt, but it only turns into criticism when I put a label, 224 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:36,000 a sticker on it that says, I was criticized. Shakespeare, there is nothing good or bad, 225 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:40,000 but thinking makes it so. I was in Hamlet. I found out the other day. I've always been quoting 226 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:46,240 that. I didn't know which of his plays it was in, but yeah, it's just a label. We stick on things. 227 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:53,760 We have so much more control over this fear of judgment than I realized growing up. It doesn't 228 00:21:53,760 --> 00:22:02,480 need to be. I know. If I could rewind, not that I want to at all, but the knowledge and the wisdom 229 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:09,600 of getting to the stage, and again, I'm old. We're old. Yeah, we're old. We're older now. 230 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:18,720 Getting to the stage where really you shed all of that expectation, the needing to conform, 231 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:25,360 the needing for approval. I love those names. I've got zero fucks to give. Are we allowed to say 232 00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:28,400 that word? I don't know. We did. We're going to have to put a language warning on this one now. 233 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:34,160 I think that's the first time we've used the FH. No, I have heard. Yeah, our first episode. 234 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:40,800 Was it? Someone was shocked that I saw. Really? Were they judging you, Michelle? Maybe. Was that 235 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:46,960 criticism? It wasn't criticism. No, just information. It was information until we 236 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:53,920 labeled it as criticism. Yeah, this is something I've been working on personally for a long time. 237 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:58,720 Just remove the fear of judgment because that's what true confidence is. Confidence is when you 238 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:05,280 stop fearing the judgment of others and being shy, sensitive, as I keep repeating, I was. It was a 239 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:10,000 journey. It was challenging. It was really challenging to overcome my insecurities and 240 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:15,280 my shyness and all the things that kind of held me back early on in life. I was getting good at stuff 241 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:21,520 when I was young, but I did not have any confidence because I feared the judgment of others 242 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:31,440 constantly. Detaching feedback from ego is huge, but look, I'm a work in progress. I still, 243 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:36,000 someone says something and if I start to feel like they're attacking me personally or my ego, 244 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:46,320 I sit with it for a bit and my way is I write as bullet points or a list and reframe it as feedback. 245 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:52,880 So I need to externally write that down, but once you've done it, then you can have your 10-minute 246 00:23:52,880 --> 00:24:00,960 hissy fit or emotional whatever, and then actually look at it and go, oh, hang on, 247 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:11,520 it's not about me. Or it's something I did. Yes, I take ownership of that, but it can either be 248 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:18,320 repaired, improved, or it's a lesson or whatever. It's feedback. It's a journey. I'll never get there. 249 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:22,640 I'll never get to the point where I no longer ever fear the judgment of others. 250 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:29,200 It's really important to clarify that we're not saying that you stop caring. Oh, no, that's right. 251 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:36,480 It's about stop caring. You don't stop caring about others. You stop. Care deeply. Do not fear judgment. 252 00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:40,640 Because if you care deeply, then you're open to listening to other people's ideas. You're open 253 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,480 to seeing it from their perspective. You're not going to be labeling things as criticism. You're 254 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:48,960 going, oh, I care about your opinion. Tell me more about your opinion, even though if traditionally 255 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:53,440 you would have called it criticism. Because if you don't care, you're disregarding. If you're 256 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:59,200 disregarding, you're lacking compassion, and you're probably arrogant as well. And so it's important 257 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:04,400 for people to realize we're not saying stop caring about what other people think. We're saying don't 258 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,960 fear what other people think because there is a very, very big difference between somebody who 259 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:13,440 doesn't care and somebody who doesn't fear. Somebody who doesn't care disregards others, 260 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,200 and they look down on others. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about being 261 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:23,120 more like Muhammad Ali. He was supremely arrogant about his ability to box, but he wasn't a better 262 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:27,600 person because of it. He was a humble and compassionate human being. That's the sort of 263 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:33,440 empathetic. That's the sort of character that we want to move towards where you don't fear the 264 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,400 judgment of others, but you care deeply about everyone. I like in some of the workshops you 265 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:43,600 run, and you invite people to listen to our podcast, and you say, take a listen, and if we're 266 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:50,560 shit, don't listen. That seems to work. We look on the website and people are click, click, click, 267 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,720 click all afternoon. Yes, all over the world. Yes. It is. We're getting so much feedback around the 268 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:59,120 world. So to everyone who's listening overseas and people that we've never met in person, 269 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:04,480 thank you so much for joining our crew of listeners and the feedback that we're getting. Thank you so 270 00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:10,400 much. It makes this even more fun for Michelle and I because the reason why we do this is that 271 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:16,160 we think the world will be a better place when we all become our best selves. Absolutely. And we're 272 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:22,160 hoping to pass on wisdom that we've acquired from other people. And we want to keep acquiring from 273 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:28,880 other people. So if you have amazing ideas or some little rule that you do have in your life, please 274 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:35,840 let us know. None of this wisdom is ours. If we can quote Einstein and Newton that I love, I don't 275 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,360 know which one said this, but they both said something along the same lines. If I have seen 276 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:44,160 further, it's because I stood on the shoulders of the giants who came before us. This is not our 277 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,160 knowledge. This is just wisdom we've collected in my passing it on. That's right. Repackaging it. 278 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:54,720 Yes. I like that one. That was fun. Yes, it was. Thanks, Guy. Bye. Bye. Well, that was fun. That 279 00:26:54,720 --> 00:27:07,920 was fun. You're such a clown. The clown. Lady captain. And who's going to listen to this? Maybe our mums. Thanks, mum.