Hello leaders, in today's episode Guy and I discuss the power of a compliment,
why swearing and languages are stored in different parts of the brain, abundance versus scarcity
mentality, a growth mindset and tips on how to compliment authentically. Enjoy.
Why did it count backwards? Oh no, we're now recording.
What? Hello captain. What do I say?
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly. What are we going to talk about?
I don't know, leadership, life and everything else. Yeah.
And we're live. Nope. Nope. Recording again. Hey Michelle. Hi Guy.
I'm going to give you a quote, you ready? Okay. It's one of my favourite quotes. I can live for
two months on a good compliment. Mark Twain. Oh absolutely. Yeah. Yes. So we were talking
about compliments and how it makes us feel. Yeah. And we thought we'd have a podcast on it.
Absolutely. Well, it's not just the person who receives a compliment feels good, but giving a
compliment feels so good. Yeah, it feels the same. It does. It releases the same chemicals into our
bodies. Yeah. Yeah. So when you get a compliment, it releases nice feelings. That's right. Which are
basically chemicals, emotions are chemicals and, but giving a compliment has the same
impact on ourselves. And there's a lot of research into why this is the case.
Yeah. Well, they over COVID with that, what was it? The loneliness, the lockdown of loneliness.
And people were, the only way they could get compliments by, was by social media,
which I hadn't thought about, but I'd read that a social media compliment is, and you're inviting
someone to compliment you because you're putting something on there and you get a higher like.
You get one. You feel devastated. Yeah. But that's seeking a compliment, which makes it,
I guess, not as rewarding as a surprise compliment. Oh, it feels so good if a random person comes up
to you and compliments you on something that you didn't even realize you were doing well,
or you'd done to them. And it's like, and it exactly is that quote from Mark Twain said,
it's, you feel good. Yeah. You're euphoric. I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Yeah. I didn't do too well at the start of COVID. I wasn't working and it was really quite a
tough time for everyone. And obviously I teach resilience. And so one of the things I did is I
increased my compliment quota. So yeah, I was walking around and whenever I'd see somebody,
I'd give them a compliment. And I was doing it selfishly. Yeah. Yeah. I was doing it for me
because I wasn't feeling great. I was feeling lonely. I was in an apartment by myself and
not working and I love working. I love what I do. And so I was doing everything I could to help
myself be happy and healthy and resilient. And so yeah, I increased my compliment quota.
And I noticed that the more I did it, the better I felt because every time I was
complimenting somebody, I could tell by the look on their face that it was helping them. And
possibly because my mirror neurons in my brain was then making me feel good. And yeah,
giving a compliment feels as good as receiving one. Well, that's, I suppose the balance,
what you were just talking about of positive emotion versus negative emotion. So if you can
not only negate the negative emotion, but then go... Put the balance. Yeah. Yeah. Put the balance on
the positive side. That's right. And that's got a direct relationship to health. I can see that.
I can absolutely. And I feel it yourself. You know, you start to, well, think about it. You
get a negative emotion or you're feeling a negative emotion and your whole posture changes. You slump.
You're not getting the oxygen. You get stress. Yeah. And then you start to go, you can go down
a bit of a rabbit hole. And it's just, whereas if you get a compliment or positive emotion,
then your shoulders go back. You start smiling, open. And it's funny how when you're in the
positive, you attract more positive. So all the good things happen. And when you're in the negative,
it's like you stump your toe and it's like, and then of course you're late for work. You spill
the coffee on your, and it all just gets worse and worse and worse. It seems until you break that
cycle. Imagine if you could be responsible for breaking somebody's cycle of downward spiral by
just saying, I really appreciate what you did for me the other day. Or that was shoes. That's right.
Yeah. I did that this morning. I saw a guy with these amazing shoes. They said, Oh, I love those
shoes. He's all things. He's not so good. And I felt good. Yeah. Yeah. Can I take it? Do a little
side note? No, we can't. Is that all right? Cause you said stubby toe. Yes. I love talking about
this concept. Have you ever stubbed your little toe? Yes. Yep. Did you know that we've got a
language center in our brain and a swearing center? They're actually in different parts of the brain.
Yep. So I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll give everyone this, this, this little test. Do this experiment. Next
time you stub your little toe, in that moment, try and explain to somebody what happened.
You can't, you can't even say the words little toe, but you can find every swear word you've
ever heard in the gutter or in the pub because we can, when we're in massive, massive stress like
that, we can, we can swear, but we just can't speak. Our language center shuts down. Anyway,
that was a little side note I find very funny. Anyway, coming back to what we were saying. So
compliments change the, the, the scale of negative and positive emotions, which can help us be
healthier. Yeah. And, and I, I know myself, well, if no one's around, you've got to try and compliment
yourself, which sometimes is hard to do if you're in that rut. So if, um, now that we can get out
and about in, I, so even when I work with, um, Ben, who we've interviewed on the podcast before,
and we work remotely, so I don't get to see Ben very often and, uh, we talk every day, but we don't,
we don't get to see each other. But when we do get to see each other, it's like an amazing reunion.
It's like, Oh, have you been, and you know, give each other a hug and the whole thing. And we work
together every single day. Um, but one of the things that Ben will often compliment me, I will
compliment him. And it's great after that initial meeting, we've both realized the value of it and
how we feel, how the other person feels. And we then in our calls, I've noticed we actually
continue complimenting each other for another couple of weeks, you know, and it's just on
different things. It does. And I really like how you did this or I haven't thought of that. Well
done. Good job. And yeah, so it is you and you, you then want to, you want to get more because it
felt so good. So you end up complimenting more people and you, because you then have a positive
outlook and feeling of gratitude, you then, your whole world is colored with gratitude.
And you're starting to move towards the abundance mentality away from the scarcity mentality. Well,
you've spoken about that before on the podcast. So when you have an abundance mentality,
you think you've got enough, you think you've got more than enough. And so your brain thinks,
yes, I'm fine. I have everything I need. When you've got a scarcity mentality, there's not enough to
go around. I've got to get my share. And, and I firmly believe when you've got an abundance
mentality, you attract more to you because subconsciously your brain's going, oh, I've got
heaps. Okay, here's some more stuff. And you start to see opportunities, but when you've got a
scarcity mentality, you're saying, I don't have enough. And so your subconscious mind is going to
create situations and experiences that give you lack so that you don't have enough, so that you
can be right, which is similar to that previous podcast we spoke about with regards to your
subconscious mind. Yeah. Yeah. So when you're, when you're giving compliments, you said you're
feeling grateful and gratefulness is linked to an abundance and yeah, that's right. And so that
practicing gratitude every day, even if you don't do it by getting, giving or receiving a compliment,
you are grateful for how you feel even just in, in that tiny little, rather than the whole,
you know, thinking about what else it does for you physically, scientifically, emotionally,
it's just that you're feeling that instant gratitude of, oh, that's so nice. And if you
receive one and giving one the smile on someone's face, that even on the phone, you know, hearing in
their voice that, that they're like, Oh, thanks. Yeah. You don't want to be that creepy guy walking
around going, Ooh, I like that joke a bit, but just give genuine compliments. I'm going to put this
out to everyone. Please increase the number of compliments you give during the day by a factor
of 10 or start with one. And then even if people don't feel, if, if that's not their normal and they
feel like it would be fake because they're, you can tell a fake compliment. So the easiest way
to, and, and I found this, I read it a couple of years ago, but I've also found this, that if you're
wanting to compliment somebody, but it's not coming straight up to you, like it's not obvious,
you don't want to come across as, as not genuine. So if you get in the feeling of gratitude,
think about all the amazing things that you have in your life, you know, your family, your friends,
your partner, your colleagues, the fact that you've got a warm home, you've got a car, you get to ride
on a ferry or a train or a bus to work and, and, you know, have great food, all of these things to
be grateful for in your life and really get that feeling happening. And you don't have to, to
meditate. If you don't have the time, you could be sitting on the bus and there's a person there
that's maybe you've seen them a couple of times and you think I'd really like to, you know,
connect with this person, but don't want to come across as weird and creepy. Just think about how
all the good things in your life in that two minutes it takes. And then when you get up and
leave the bus or you say to them, Hey, you know, you really like your jacket or your bag or,
you know, you, it's, it's smiles amazing today or your perfume is nice. Then it does come across
as genuine and not that you're faking it. So that I don't come across as a creepy bloke,
do you know what I do? I give it and then look away. Hey, I love that jacket. And I'll turn away
as if I'm now going to go about my business somewhere else. And, and it's almost like drop
the compliment and walk away dropping the mic because I'm not doing it for their reaction.
No, I am doing it to make them feel good because it, but ultimately it makes me feel good.
That's right. I know that I'm currently in an environment around myself. There's a positive one
and that's the sort of world I want to live in. Yeah. So guys, if you're listening,
don't be that creep and don't expect a response. Don't, don't expect somebody to then all of a
sudden give you a compliment. You're not doing this for them to compliment you. You're not,
you're just dropping the compliment and going like this morning we were, we went for a walk
before we recorded these podcasts. And, um, I saw a guy with these fantastic pair of red shoes. I,
I immediately, I thought they were brilliant. And when I was younger, I would have held that in.
I would have thought, Oh, I like those shoes. This is all inside my head. I like those shoes.
Oh, they look really comfortable. They stay, they look, yeah, really cool. But this morning,
no, it's got to come out. Hey, I really like their shoes. And then he actually told me the story
about the shoes. Yeah. And where they came from. That's it. Yeah. And he had a spring in his step.
He did. He did. And that, that made me feel good. It obviously made him feel good. And
well, because you want to do more to get more, I think it's, if this is, you know, we're talking
leadership and, and inspiring teams, a well-placed compliment. And again, not, um, uh, a false
compliment, like becoming, coming across as not genuine, but a genuine compliment. And there is,
there are so many good things about every person on the planet that you can, you will inspire
your teams to actually do more. Yeah. Yeah. On leadership and giving compliments, we'll probably
do a whole podcast on this about growth mindset, fixed mindset, and that we should always be
complimenting effort. Yes. Yeah. But we won't go too deep into it now, but yesterday, my son came
off the soccer pitch. They got absolutely slaughtered. Um, they just got regraded and
the team that they played against got regraded. And somehow they're playing a team that looked
like they were professionals. Um, I'm not sure how that works, but anyway, my son came off,
he was a bit dejected. He'd scored a goal. He was quite proud of that, but you could just see he
was dejected because of the scoreline, but it was an opportunity to give him some praise and some
appreciation. I said, mate, I'm so proud of you. You never gave up. You tried your hardest, the
whole game. And, and it didn't seem to raise his spirits straight away, but I'm sure planting that
seed in his head, um, would have slowly over time picked him up that, yeah, even though they got
slaughtered, he always did his best and surprising effort is, is a useful way of making people feel
good. If you're a leader or a parent. Hmm. Hmm. That's great. I like what you did there, guy.
What's that Michelle? Oh, just how you brought that in. That's amazing how you did that. Thank
you, Michelle. I really appreciate that. That makes me feel amazing. I feel warm and fuzzy.
Well, one of the things you said earlier about hugs, I can't remember what the context was.
You said something about hugs in this podcast early on. No, anyway, I remember it because it
made me think of something and I want to share it with you now. You know, the fastest way to produce
oxytocin in the body, oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel love and connected and bonding.
They call it the happy hormone, the love drug, the moral molecule. It's got lots of different names.
Oxytocin is a wonderful hormone that human beings have in our, in our bodies that makes
us feel connected. The fastest way to get it, hugs. Awesome. Yeah. Now the person has to want you to
hug them both. Again, creepy on the bus. Don't hug, yeah, creep. Don't be hugging strangers.
But if your friends are up for it and mine are, I love the fact that all my mates are huggers. Yeah,
we hug. Yeah. Hugging is the fastest way to produce oxytocin. So it's similar to giving
a compliment, but you're doing it with your arms. You're just going, come here, give me a hug.
Yeah. And you walk away feeling better and they feel better. Hmm. The world would be a better
place with more compliments and more dogs. You get compliments when you've got dogs. You do. You do.
We've noticed that, yeah, when we've looked after people's dogs in the past and taking them from a
walk after recording a podcast, we'll take a dog for a walk and all of a sudden people talk to you.
Yes. That's why the world will be a better place with more dogs. That's right.
Good to see you again, Michelle. Thanks, guys. Bye.