1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,680 Hello leaders, in today's episode Guy and I discuss the power of a compliment, 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:12,320 why swearing and languages are stored in different parts of the brain, abundance versus scarcity 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:19,200 mentality, a growth mindset and tips on how to compliment authentically. Enjoy. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,240 Why did it count backwards? Oh no, we're now recording. 5 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:29,120 What? Hello captain. What do I say? 6 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:39,040 Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly. What are we going to talk about? 7 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:43,520 I don't know, leadership, life and everything else. Yeah. 8 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:54,000 And we're live. Nope. Nope. Recording again. Hey Michelle. Hi Guy. 9 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,640 I'm going to give you a quote, you ready? Okay. It's one of my favourite quotes. I can live for 10 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:05,600 two months on a good compliment. Mark Twain. Oh absolutely. Yeah. Yes. So we were talking 11 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:10,880 about compliments and how it makes us feel. Yeah. And we thought we'd have a podcast on it. 12 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:16,560 Absolutely. Well, it's not just the person who receives a compliment feels good, but giving a 13 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:21,120 compliment feels so good. Yeah, it feels the same. It does. It releases the same chemicals into our 14 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:28,560 bodies. Yeah. Yeah. So when you get a compliment, it releases nice feelings. That's right. Which are 15 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:33,280 basically chemicals, emotions are chemicals and, but giving a compliment has the same 16 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:37,280 impact on ourselves. And there's a lot of research into why this is the case. 17 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:44,480 Yeah. Well, they over COVID with that, what was it? The loneliness, the lockdown of loneliness. 18 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:52,000 And people were, the only way they could get compliments by, was by social media, 19 00:01:52,640 --> 00:02:01,520 which I hadn't thought about, but I'd read that a social media compliment is, and you're inviting 20 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:05,520 someone to compliment you because you're putting something on there and you get a higher like. 21 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:12,560 You get one. You feel devastated. Yeah. But that's seeking a compliment, which makes it, 22 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:20,800 I guess, not as rewarding as a surprise compliment. Oh, it feels so good if a random person comes up 23 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:25,600 to you and compliments you on something that you didn't even realize you were doing well, 24 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:31,120 or you'd done to them. And it's like, and it exactly is that quote from Mark Twain said, 25 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:36,080 it's, you feel good. Yeah. You're euphoric. I can live for two months on a good compliment. 26 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:44,400 Yeah. I didn't do too well at the start of COVID. I wasn't working and it was really quite a 27 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:52,720 tough time for everyone. And obviously I teach resilience. And so one of the things I did is I 28 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:58,640 increased my compliment quota. So yeah, I was walking around and whenever I'd see somebody, 29 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:03,760 I'd give them a compliment. And I was doing it selfishly. Yeah. Yeah. I was doing it for me 30 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:08,240 because I wasn't feeling great. I was feeling lonely. I was in an apartment by myself and 31 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:14,720 not working and I love working. I love what I do. And so I was doing everything I could to help 32 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:20,320 myself be happy and healthy and resilient. And so yeah, I increased my compliment quota. 33 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,920 And I noticed that the more I did it, the better I felt because every time I was 34 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:29,200 complimenting somebody, I could tell by the look on their face that it was helping them. And 35 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:35,200 possibly because my mirror neurons in my brain was then making me feel good. And yeah, 36 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:41,280 giving a compliment feels as good as receiving one. Well, that's, I suppose the balance, 37 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:46,640 what you were just talking about of positive emotion versus negative emotion. So if you can 38 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:52,800 not only negate the negative emotion, but then go... Put the balance. Yeah. Yeah. Put the balance on 39 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:58,560 the positive side. That's right. And that's got a direct relationship to health. I can see that. 40 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:03,840 I can absolutely. And I feel it yourself. You know, you start to, well, think about it. You 41 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:11,040 get a negative emotion or you're feeling a negative emotion and your whole posture changes. You slump. 42 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:16,000 You're not getting the oxygen. You get stress. Yeah. And then you start to go, you can go down 43 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:21,280 a bit of a rabbit hole. And it's just, whereas if you get a compliment or positive emotion, 44 00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:26,720 then your shoulders go back. You start smiling, open. And it's funny how when you're in the 45 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:32,160 positive, you attract more positive. So all the good things happen. And when you're in the negative, 46 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:37,600 it's like you stump your toe and it's like, and then of course you're late for work. You spill 47 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:44,800 the coffee on your, and it all just gets worse and worse and worse. It seems until you break that 48 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:51,520 cycle. Imagine if you could be responsible for breaking somebody's cycle of downward spiral by 49 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:57,280 just saying, I really appreciate what you did for me the other day. Or that was shoes. That's right. 50 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:03,280 Yeah. I did that this morning. I saw a guy with these amazing shoes. They said, Oh, I love those 51 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:09,760 shoes. He's all things. He's not so good. And I felt good. Yeah. Yeah. Can I take it? Do a little 52 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,920 side note? No, we can't. Is that all right? Cause you said stubby toe. Yes. I love talking about 53 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:18,880 this concept. Have you ever stubbed your little toe? Yes. Yep. Did you know that we've got a 54 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,720 language center in our brain and a swearing center? They're actually in different parts of the brain. 55 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:28,480 Yep. So I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll give everyone this, this, this little test. Do this experiment. Next 56 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:33,760 time you stub your little toe, in that moment, try and explain to somebody what happened. 57 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,880 You can't, you can't even say the words little toe, but you can find every swear word you've 58 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:43,760 ever heard in the gutter or in the pub because we can, when we're in massive, massive stress like 59 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:47,600 that, we can, we can swear, but we just can't speak. Our language center shuts down. Anyway, 60 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,280 that was a little side note I find very funny. Anyway, coming back to what we were saying. So 61 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:56,960 compliments change the, the, the scale of negative and positive emotions, which can help us be 62 00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:02,560 healthier. Yeah. And, and I, I know myself, well, if no one's around, you've got to try and compliment 63 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:09,120 yourself, which sometimes is hard to do if you're in that rut. So if, um, now that we can get out 64 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:17,600 and about in, I, so even when I work with, um, Ben, who we've interviewed on the podcast before, 65 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:25,200 and we work remotely, so I don't get to see Ben very often and, uh, we talk every day, but we don't, 66 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:29,680 we don't get to see each other. But when we do get to see each other, it's like an amazing reunion. 67 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:34,400 It's like, Oh, have you been, and you know, give each other a hug and the whole thing. And we work 68 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:40,400 together every single day. Um, but one of the things that Ben will often compliment me, I will 69 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:46,720 compliment him. And it's great after that initial meeting, we've both realized the value of it and 70 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:51,840 how we feel, how the other person feels. And we then in our calls, I've noticed we actually 71 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:56,240 continue complimenting each other for another couple of weeks, you know, and it's just on 72 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:01,360 different things. It does. And I really like how you did this or I haven't thought of that. Well 73 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:07,840 done. Good job. And yeah, so it is you and you, you then want to, you want to get more because it 74 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:14,640 felt so good. So you end up complimenting more people and you, because you then have a positive 75 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:20,640 outlook and feeling of gratitude, you then, your whole world is colored with gratitude. 76 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:25,520 And you're starting to move towards the abundance mentality away from the scarcity mentality. Well, 77 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:30,160 you've spoken about that before on the podcast. So when you have an abundance mentality, 78 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:36,640 you think you've got enough, you think you've got more than enough. And so your brain thinks, 79 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:42,320 yes, I'm fine. I have everything I need. When you've got a scarcity mentality, there's not enough to 80 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:47,280 go around. I've got to get my share. And, and I firmly believe when you've got an abundance 81 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:52,000 mentality, you attract more to you because subconsciously your brain's going, oh, I've got 82 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,240 heaps. Okay, here's some more stuff. And you start to see opportunities, but when you've got a 83 00:07:56,240 --> 00:08:00,320 scarcity mentality, you're saying, I don't have enough. And so your subconscious mind is going to 84 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:06,240 create situations and experiences that give you lack so that you don't have enough, so that you 85 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:10,320 can be right, which is similar to that previous podcast we spoke about with regards to your 86 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:15,280 subconscious mind. Yeah. Yeah. So when you're, when you're giving compliments, you said you're 87 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:21,360 feeling grateful and gratefulness is linked to an abundance and yeah, that's right. And so that 88 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:27,440 practicing gratitude every day, even if you don't do it by getting, giving or receiving a compliment, 89 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:33,280 you are grateful for how you feel even just in, in that tiny little, rather than the whole, 90 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:38,720 you know, thinking about what else it does for you physically, scientifically, emotionally, 91 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:43,360 it's just that you're feeling that instant gratitude of, oh, that's so nice. And if you 92 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:50,000 receive one and giving one the smile on someone's face, that even on the phone, you know, hearing in 93 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:55,760 their voice that, that they're like, Oh, thanks. Yeah. You don't want to be that creepy guy walking 94 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:01,840 around going, Ooh, I like that joke a bit, but just give genuine compliments. I'm going to put this 95 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:06,160 out to everyone. Please increase the number of compliments you give during the day by a factor 96 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:13,200 of 10 or start with one. And then even if people don't feel, if, if that's not their normal and they 97 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:18,240 feel like it would be fake because they're, you can tell a fake compliment. So the easiest way 98 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:25,440 to, and, and I found this, I read it a couple of years ago, but I've also found this, that if you're 99 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:32,000 wanting to compliment somebody, but it's not coming straight up to you, like it's not obvious, 100 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:37,520 you don't want to come across as, as not genuine. So if you get in the feeling of gratitude, 101 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:42,720 think about all the amazing things that you have in your life, you know, your family, your friends, 102 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:50,320 your partner, your colleagues, the fact that you've got a warm home, you've got a car, you get to ride 103 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:56,480 on a ferry or a train or a bus to work and, and, you know, have great food, all of these things to 104 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,960 be grateful for in your life and really get that feeling happening. And you don't have to, to 105 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:05,680 meditate. If you don't have the time, you could be sitting on the bus and there's a person there 106 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,920 that's maybe you've seen them a couple of times and you think I'd really like to, you know, 107 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:15,360 connect with this person, but don't want to come across as weird and creepy. Just think about how 108 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:20,400 all the good things in your life in that two minutes it takes. And then when you get up and 109 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,240 leave the bus or you say to them, Hey, you know, you really like your jacket or your bag or, 110 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:31,600 you know, you, it's, it's smiles amazing today or your perfume is nice. Then it does come across 111 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,920 as genuine and not that you're faking it. So that I don't come across as a creepy bloke, 112 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:43,280 do you know what I do? I give it and then look away. Hey, I love that jacket. And I'll turn away 113 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:48,640 as if I'm now going to go about my business somewhere else. And, and it's almost like drop 114 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:53,680 the compliment and walk away dropping the mic because I'm not doing it for their reaction. 115 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:57,600 No, I am doing it to make them feel good because it, but ultimately it makes me feel good. 116 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,920 That's right. I know that I'm currently in an environment around myself. There's a positive one 117 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:06,560 and that's the sort of world I want to live in. Yeah. So guys, if you're listening, 118 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:11,760 don't be that creep and don't expect a response. Don't, don't expect somebody to then all of a 119 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,720 sudden give you a compliment. You're not doing this for them to compliment you. You're not, 120 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,640 you're just dropping the compliment and going like this morning we were, we went for a walk 121 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:23,840 before we recorded these podcasts. And, um, I saw a guy with these fantastic pair of red shoes. I, 122 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:27,840 I immediately, I thought they were brilliant. And when I was younger, I would have held that in. 123 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,040 I would have thought, Oh, I like those shoes. This is all inside my head. I like those shoes. 124 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:36,480 Oh, they look really comfortable. They stay, they look, yeah, really cool. But this morning, 125 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,720 no, it's got to come out. Hey, I really like their shoes. And then he actually told me the story 126 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:45,280 about the shoes. Yeah. And where they came from. That's it. Yeah. And he had a spring in his step. 127 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:50,720 He did. He did. And that, that made me feel good. It obviously made him feel good. And 128 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:56,080 well, because you want to do more to get more, I think it's, if this is, you know, we're talking 129 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:06,800 leadership and, and inspiring teams, a well-placed compliment. And again, not, um, uh, a false 130 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:12,800 compliment, like becoming, coming across as not genuine, but a genuine compliment. And there is, 131 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:19,920 there are so many good things about every person on the planet that you can, you will inspire 132 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:27,280 your teams to actually do more. Yeah. Yeah. On leadership and giving compliments, we'll probably 133 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,840 do a whole podcast on this about growth mindset, fixed mindset, and that we should always be 134 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:37,520 complimenting effort. Yes. Yeah. But we won't go too deep into it now, but yesterday, my son came 135 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:43,680 off the soccer pitch. They got absolutely slaughtered. Um, they just got regraded and 136 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,960 the team that they played against got regraded. And somehow they're playing a team that looked 137 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:51,680 like they were professionals. Um, I'm not sure how that works, but anyway, my son came off, 138 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,440 he was a bit dejected. He'd scored a goal. He was quite proud of that, but you could just see he 139 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:59,920 was dejected because of the scoreline, but it was an opportunity to give him some praise and some 140 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:04,880 appreciation. I said, mate, I'm so proud of you. You never gave up. You tried your hardest, the 141 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:10,800 whole game. And, and it didn't seem to raise his spirits straight away, but I'm sure planting that 142 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:16,480 seed in his head, um, would have slowly over time picked him up that, yeah, even though they got 143 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:22,480 slaughtered, he always did his best and surprising effort is, is a useful way of making people feel 144 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:28,240 good. If you're a leader or a parent. Hmm. Hmm. That's great. I like what you did there, guy. 145 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,800 What's that Michelle? Oh, just how you brought that in. That's amazing how you did that. Thank 146 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:37,440 you, Michelle. I really appreciate that. That makes me feel amazing. I feel warm and fuzzy. 147 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,560 Well, one of the things you said earlier about hugs, I can't remember what the context was. 148 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,960 You said something about hugs in this podcast early on. No, anyway, I remember it because it 149 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:51,440 made me think of something and I want to share it with you now. You know, the fastest way to produce 150 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:56,240 oxytocin in the body, oxytocin is the hormone that makes us feel love and connected and bonding. 151 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:02,560 They call it the happy hormone, the love drug, the moral molecule. It's got lots of different names. 152 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:07,760 Oxytocin is a wonderful hormone that human beings have in our, in our bodies that makes 153 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:13,520 us feel connected. The fastest way to get it, hugs. Awesome. Yeah. Now the person has to want you to 154 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,080 hug them both. Again, creepy on the bus. Don't hug, yeah, creep. Don't be hugging strangers. 155 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:22,640 But if your friends are up for it and mine are, I love the fact that all my mates are huggers. Yeah, 156 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:27,600 we hug. Yeah. Hugging is the fastest way to produce oxytocin. So it's similar to giving 157 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,280 a compliment, but you're doing it with your arms. You're just going, come here, give me a hug. 158 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:36,400 Yeah. And you walk away feeling better and they feel better. Hmm. The world would be a better 159 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:42,160 place with more compliments and more dogs. You get compliments when you've got dogs. You do. You do. 160 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:48,720 We've noticed that, yeah, when we've looked after people's dogs in the past and taking them from a 161 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:53,840 walk after recording a podcast, we'll take a dog for a walk and all of a sudden people talk to you. 162 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:58,000 Yes. That's why the world will be a better place with more dogs. That's right. 163 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:06,800 Good to see you again, Michelle. Thanks, guys. Bye.