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Welcome to Self-Heed to Succeed, a platform where we hear people's stories,

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where we remind ourselves of being humans first, all of our commonalities, everything that makes us human,

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regardless of all the titles, regardless of all the job titles, the labels, the situations in which we can clearly see our differences,

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our races, or whatever it is, our culture, here is where we are all humans first. So let's get to it.

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Hi, hi, hi, hi, hello. God knows what goes in there, but as usual, actually just a preface, I promised and told myself that I don't want to fake or force myself to speak in a certain way,

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because well, listeners' attention might drop or whatever other bullshit reason why people wouldn't be natural and be themselves, or excuse, we could say.

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But in regards to today, obviously the reason for this episode and the reason why it's called, it's only fair that I share my story before asking for yours,

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is that we'll be starting a new campaign, which is very, very exciting, and at the same time frightening, I wouldn't say frightening, I would say unexpectedly excited,

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in the sense of we never know how things could go, and that's with everything. Every time that we start something new, we just never know where that could lead to,

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or how that would lead to somewhere, or how it would actually manifest, because we can have an idea, we can have a thought process, we can have a strategy, we can have all of that, all the preparation,

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but when it comes to actually doing it ourselves, it's never certain, and which is amazing, it's a great thing, because it's, I guess, the thing that keeps us going for things that we might have not done before,

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and that's why it's only fair that I share my story, because with the new campaign, we'll be basically knocking on people's doors and asking them to share their stories so that we can actually all see that we all are the same,

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like, genuinely, and it's sad, I would say, because I've heard too often, my story is not that exciting, I have nothing to talk about, or who would even want to hear my story, like,

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and when I heard that, I was like, okay, there's an issue here, and the biggest issue, I guess, that our society has these days is the fact that, because there's obviously differences and there's separation, there's clear,

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I would say, representation of the split, in terms of whether it's class, whether it's money-wise, whether it's lifestyle-wise, right, there's a difference between a certain group of people and how they live compared to another one,

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and that's completely fair, like, we need all of that because that's what's been pushing so many people to get out of their box, get out of their comfort zones, whether it's to go upwards or whether it's to actually downsize.

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Some people have had so many things that they just got to a point where they're like, what's the point? There's nothing that's ever gonna make me feel completely full, because the purpose of life is the journey itself, is there's always gonna be something, like, we can never be completely full and satisfied,

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because we can, actually, momentarily, momentarily, do not mind my English, I try to not care, as long as we can understand what we're trying to, the message that we're trying to put across, it's more about the fact that we can feel satisfied,

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we can feel full, we can feel, okay, I'm good now, right, and then time happens, because nothing can escape time, and that's the beauty of life, like, nothing can escape time, why should it?

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Why should life just be this thin, flat line throughout? Like, I don't know why would someone even try to achieve that, because it's unnatural, everything needs change, everything needs a new phase, everything needs a new season.

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All the trees, the only reason why they come and bloom so beautifully throughout spring and summer, it's because they've had the time to rest, they've had the time to hibernate, to shed all their leaves and actually come back to life.

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So why would someone try to achieve or aim for a flat line that's death? If that's your purpose, if that's what you're trying to reach for 100%, like, who's gonna stop you?

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Because it's only fair that we also have choice, freedom of choice, right? But for the majority of people that, and I'm not condoning suicide right now, we have to be so, like, that's the thing, like, we live in an era that you can't say anything without looking behind your shoulders,

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because apparently there's something now cancelling, where people get cancelled for being themselves and sharing their thoughts. It's always good to share the full range of the thought, of course, but at the same time, who's going to be there for it? Like, not everyone is actually there for it, but they only pick and choose whatever they want to hear.

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So, no condoning suicide. I'm all for free of choice, and I'm all for prevention. That's the thing. Like, the better we treat ourselves, the better we are with each other, the less people will choose to exit, isn't it?

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Because the only reason why someone would is because they've been pushed to. But again, that's a conversation for another day. Going back to our story and the reason why for this new campaign is because it's so sad to think that after all these years, we've yet failed to teach each other how to be with each other and how our admiration for others has really nothing to do with our life path.

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Whatever it is, whatever we choose to do, whatever kind of lifestyle we choose to take, we should honor it, be comfortable with it, and who cares about other people's life path? Because at the end of the day, you're here for your own, honey.

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So just live it in the best way you can, in the fullest way that you can. Everything that will make you feel full and proud and that you're a future self can go back, look back and be like, I'm glad I did it, honestly, like, because you helped me.

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Everything that's going to benefit you, go for it. Why not? Why stop? You want to jump off a plane with a parachute? 100% go for it. As long as you have a parachute. Again, that's my old concept, something that I will never stop to say is always jump. Just make sure that you have a parachute.

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Always. Have a safe landing. But enjoy the ride. You know? So, it's so sad to see that so many people are now feeling like their stories are not good enough to hear, they're not excited enough, and we always have to put up this, hi, how are you? I'm so excited with life.

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And I can't just be like, hi, how are you? I'm actually very excited with life, but this is the tone of voice that I choose to have. You like it or not, that's on you, you know? It's like we've put these standards and these ways of how we should be based on the emotions.

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It's like we've attached a way of being to emotions and that's creating that disparity within ourselves to be like, it's okay to be excited and not feel like you want to jump off the roof or literally jump like a kangaroo left, right and center, you know?

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It's like you can also be the chillest, most comfortable and just the quietest in the room and just be the actual excited one. And I've seen this so much, especially recently I've been going to interviews and just looking in the room I can see how people are all trying to be something that they feel like they should.

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And I'm just there sitting laughing to myself and I'm like, okay, why do you do that to yourself, honey? It's such a pressure. It's such a pressure.

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Like we can be in any place and bring ourselves and not feeling like we have to be a certain way that's different than that and still produce and still come with value and still be great to work with or great to be with or great to play with or great whatever in my opinion.

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And the reason why I'm saying this is because comparison, there's comparison and that's never going to go away, of course, unfortunately, I would say, but at the same time, fortunately enough, we need comparison because if I don't know what's current in the market or what's current in life, what's current, how can I try and make something different from it?

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Sometimes, yes, I can just go on the whim. If I'm trying to make something better, I need to also know what's already out there. And that's the whole purpose for this campaign, because I see so many people that are trying to only get the famous and how many, how many followers can I bring to my own platform by using someone that has many followers?

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And to me, I generally don't care about that because the reason why I'm doing this is I want to see people reconcile with themselves and feel like they have something to talk about, feel like they are part of their stories, whatever that is, it happened.

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Like there's nothing that you can change from it. Just own it. Just own your shit. Honestly, just own it, like good or bad. Whatever other people tell you is good or bad. It's subjective already. So like why even care?

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Like, I don't know. The reason why I think people do that, it's easy. It's easy to compare yourself without putting the pressure on yourself to do what you need to do for your own good.

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It's easy to just look at people following their heart and just sit on the sideline pointing fingers. It's easy. So easy. It's when you start putting fingers and pointing fingers at yourself, that's where, oh my god, that's so uncomfortable.

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I wouldn't really want to own that. It makes me look so bad. Who fucking cares, man? It's your life. Like you've done it. You made the choice. Just own it. Yes, I've done it. So what?

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It doesn't take anything away from anything else that I am or could be. And too often we've asked the majority of people to hold the light and microphones to the 1%, not realizing that they were the actual majority. They were the ones that are making this 1% possible.

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Because everything that is happening right now in society is happening right now out there outside of our own circles, outside of our own houses, whether we know it or not, it's happening because someone is allowing that to happen.

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Someone is feeding into it for it to happen. Someone is not stopping. Someone is not standing up and doing something about it.

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And it's quite detrimental. How we're not seeing the community is actually the way out. We keep on seeing, oh no, I need to keep on fighting for myself. I need to keep on doing this. I need to keep on doing that.

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Bro, it's not going to change. Just come together, pull forces together instead of pointing fingers and compare. Let's do it together. Collectively we can do better. It's two brains instead of one. Three brains instead of one. Thousands, millions. Why not?

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And also every time that we get into spaces where we have to put together multiple brains, it's also having the confidence to allow other people to chip in without feeling like you're not chipping in enough.

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Let that sink in.

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Because so many times the reason why people cannot work in teams, it's not necessarily because they don't know how, is that they don't know how to feel confident with allowing space for others to also shine.

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It's like they keep on feeling like if you don't, that means you're shit. You're bad.

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Now on certain aspects, if you stay in that mindset, of course it's a completely different conversation. It should be a back and forth though. It shouldn't be, well, they're good, I'm just going to rest it out. Let them do everything.

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Because then on one side comes the fact that, well, I don't really feel like I'm good enough, like they seem to be doing so good, so I just let them do everything and on the other side it's like, well, look at that guy, he's not doing all girl, whatever it is.

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I don't know how to pronounce it. They're not doing anything. And if they don't, I need to. So putting more pressure on myself. I need to bear all this for the both of us because if not, the whole boat goes down.

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I don't know how to tell them. I don't know how to tell them to collaborate. I don't know how to tell them. It's getting a bit too much, you know? It's good that you're giving me the reins, yes, 100%. And I do have the skills to do so.

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But I don't want to be the one to pull the weight for two people because I already have my own weight to pull. You know what I mean? So yeah, all the slangs are coming out now. It's a free fall. Yeah, just authentic, you know?

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But all of those things also come to show light to how hurt we feel and how hurt we project.

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Because someone hurt us, hurt our confidence now, we're now appearing like this in this environment. And we're also aiding to that because instead of stopping ourselves, we're feeding into it. And it's a cycle. And that same mentality goes into, oh, I feel less. My story is not powerful enough.

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Or what I've done is not good enough to share or whatever it is. It's not the what. It's the why that matters. And our goal is to redefine the way we look at ourselves, find empowerment in our history, in our story, in our practice and compassion and empathy with our struggles because we all have.

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It doesn't matter how good you make it look, you still struggling, bro. It doesn't matter. And the word struggle again. We're the ones that are giving power to words.

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Words wouldn't be the words that they are if it wasn't for the meaning that we gave them. We chose to give them. I could say, I could say and mean, how are you today? It's a perspective kind of thing.

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And because it's a majority common way of meaning, I can say then that's what we all go for.

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But hopefully with this platform, I want to be able to provide hopefully, but that is the purpose. That is what we're doing is provide people a platform to share their story, to see how their differences equally match our similarities.

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Because we all go through some forms of pain and pleasure, wins and losses, and love and heartbreaks.

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So I can't wait to also hear other people's stories because we're going to be knocking on those doors and you'll receive a letter with a stamp on it, an S with a actual waxed C-Draw.

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I play with it just to make it a little bit colorful. So check your doors, check your doors because it might be you.

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One day I might be holding the microphone for you and I can't wait for you to also be able to be in a place where you feel like you can share and not feeling anything less or more than anyone else.

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Because that's what it's all about. It's just about sharing.

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Now, let's get into it, right?

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We've been waiting for this.

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It's about sharing. I'm just going to keep the exact same questions that I would ask someone else that I would knock on their doors and take it from there.

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So, let's get into it. Okay.

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A couple of these questions also had me, the moment I asked myself, they had me question. I was like, oh my God, I actually never asked myself those questions, which is quite interesting.

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But the first one is, how was your childhood, the dynamics in the family and friendships at that time?

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How did you feel about being a child looking back? I'm just going to go through all the questions, have a wee break, then come back.

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How was growing up through teenagehood to adulthood?

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What came easy to you and what did you struggle with?

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How would you define this current time in your life and your feelings about it?

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Which life events disguised as curses have you experienced to get here?

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Link to the question, what had you saying or thinking? I'm so glad I tried, regardless of the outcome and why.

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And then I also have two, I guess, two more sections.

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The first one is hard question, which is not really a hard question. It's just a very thought provoking one.

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But to be fair, all the questions are thought provoking, so potato to potato.

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We all make excuses, right? And I suddenly did my own batch of excuses throughout my whole time, throughout my whole 24 years of life.

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I've tried to make excuses even before I started speaking to this microphone and distracting myself less, more in center, because anything that could distract me at the time was a good reason not to start yet.

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And then I realized, well, it's just stage fright.

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Don't we all have stage fright? I mean, we do. It's how quickly we get out of that mental space and actually do it.

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Just go for it. However it comes out, it's supposed to be a way of.

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No manifesting. What's the word for it?

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Expression. It's an expression. It's creativity. And as such, it should be free flow. It shouldn't be controlled. It shouldn't be, I don't know, putting boundaries. It shouldn't be controlled.

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It's creative. That's what we're all here for. To be able to have those spaces where we can express ourselves.

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So, as we all make excuses, which have you hid behind to in your life that you could free yourself of?

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And then looking at the future, what are five things that your future selves will be grateful for from today onwards, old and or new? Meaning, what is that it's either happening, has happened, or that could happen that your future self will be proud of and grateful for?

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And then going into more of a challenge kind of thing. And this only people that will want to touch those topics will be asked, would you be able to identify your reckoning with yourself?

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What was happening? If you don't mind me asking. Would you be able to share which were your faults and which were the faults of the other person or entity in the situation?

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How did it affect the following time you find yourself in a similar situation? Or how would you play in the future if it hasn't happened yet?

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And those are kind of like the questions that I would go, obviously, it's going to be more conversational. So it's not going to be as ta ta ta ta ta.

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And we're excited. Like I can't wait to hear people coming out of their shells and be willing to be vulnerable. Because we shine when we're vulnerable. We're more beautiful when we're vulnerable. People fall in love with us when we're vulnerable.

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Because we're showing our humanity and we're showing that we are human first. No one, no one in their right mind would make you feel bad for being vulnerable.

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If they do, that just means it's because they are not willing to reconcile with themselves. They're not really to accept the fact that they're not willing to be vulnerable.

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And that's uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. But hey, we'll be back in five.

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Oh, OK, we're back. We break after a job offer after. And yeah, we're good to go.

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So I guess in regards to how was my childhood, the dynamics in the family and friendships that I've had at that time.

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I'll start from my childhood. It was fun as first little as I can remember. We always had we always had people around in the house or always like almost every weekend. We were at parties with my cousins and it was just fun.

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I was the kid that I knew. And up to this day, there's uncles and aunties that come to me and be like, oh, you remember when you were a kid, they used to hold you used to play with me. You come to my house and everything.

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I was like, I'm so sorry. I don't remember. But it was fun. I was definitely loved. Definitely had a lot of attention.

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My mother is one of six. I don't want to be out. I might have to wait. Let me redo the calculations there. One, two, three, four, five, six. Yes. One of six. Got it right. It's nice.

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So and very close with her family. So she was really I'll I'll say and I'm sure that they could all back me up on that. But just like the like like the Queen Bee of sort of like the community.

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There's always someone around like whether it was like weekends shoot through like especially in summer shoot like barbecues at home and things like that. And we used to live in for now.

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It's like a small town in north of Italy. No, San Giovanni putting on the map. I spent six years of my life there in between, which I remember fully remember the day that I lost my granny because she came all the way from Sierra Leone in 1999 in 2000.

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Actually, when I was one year old, so she's then helped my mom like growing me and taking care of me. And we're very high. I literally spend all day together. She didn't have much energy. She was very old. She was in her 70s.

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And she had, I think I don't remember exactly what it was, whether it was an ulcer or cancer or something. I have fits. Walking wasn't something that she would do a lot. But she took care of me the best way that she could.

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And I remember when I was six, I took the year before, not the year, like the same year 2006. Yeah. She was sent back to Sierra Leone because her food was getting worse.

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And it was a matter of time more than how to salvage it. So, of course, I did not know. And but she was sent back home. And then I remember 2006. I don't remember the exact date.

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The night that she was dying in Sierra Leone was the only time I ever sleepwalked. And I found myself, I'm literally in my PJs, six years old.

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We used to live on the third floor. So I came out of my house, closed up, no keys in my, also, how do you call those, like PJ slippers? I don't know, like they all look like teddy bears on your feet.

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I went downstairs, got on my little bike, because I used to go out a lot with my dad. We were really outdoorsy. We would go for these long rides or days in the park.

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And we also had this like twin, Macro, a Hodges? Like in Italian it's, yeah, we call it Giammatle. The ones that you use to look at the stars. It's not as good as the big ones.

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It's the other ones. I don't know what the name is. You can Google it. But the thing that you use to look at the stars, right now it's not coming. It's at the tip of my tongue. But I want to move forward and I don't care about that word.

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As much to be stuck on it for like a minute, a minute.

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And so we were very outdoorsy. So I come down downstairs, get on my bike. There's little moments that I remember about my childhood. But this is definitely one of those.

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And I want to start from here because I guess I can either work backwards. I don't know exactly the timeline specifically, but I can go backwards or like ahead.

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Basically, go on my bike, get out. We used to live, it was like the end of this road in the middle of like fields, literally middle fields. Like at night there's no lights, like no lights whatsoever.

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It's like countryside. And there's like this long SL road that we get on the main road, which if you think of a main road, divide that by five. Those were the main roads that we would have as main roads.

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Yeah, little small town, right? And I got on my bike and for some reason, somehow, some when, whatever, I found myself in front of one of my schoolmates.

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They used to live on the opposite side of this small town. And I think I woke up as I was pressing their bell. It's like parents came out and they're like, what's happening? Like super confused.

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I remember them taking back home. But by then they'd already decided that my parents were bad parents. And for some reason, they didn't deserve taking care of me.

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So they did, the day after they did call social services, which we had to go to here and there for a couple of weeks in a row. Everything got sorted and everything. Of course, it was something that was higher than science or normal human beings could ever understand.

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It was literally in the exact same moment as my man was dying in Africa, which was miles and miles, kilometers away from where I was. And I remember it. I remember coming back.

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So again, just a little back story of my mom, right? So very African lady. I don't want to put the African tag on it, but for people to understand, whatever.

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So someone that would discipline, she would discipline if I did things wrong or not what she ordered me to do, like cleaning or whatever.

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She would discipline me if I was like to raise my eyes while she was talking. I was literally standing in front of her. She could actually see it or talk back. It was like that, right?

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And I remember the night she was angry as fuck. So I got disciplined.

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And in the morning got the call from her mother-in-law, not mother-in-law, the woman that married that, yeah, the second woman of her dad.

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And I don't want to touch too much because I feel like those are sensitive topics.

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Probably my family wouldn't even listen to this because to be honest, they don't care as much.

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But it's all they don't care. They are so focused in their own lives that they don't take effort to check in. But if they ever do, at least they know down there that it's how it is.

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But I'm going on a tangent right now. It's just really uncomfortable. So yeah, I would get disciplined a lot.

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But at the same time, because my parents worked, my mom worked two jobs. She was working in a factory of textile.

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She would dye the threads, like massive, massive rolls of threads that then would get used to obviously make clothes and things like that. So, color tinto ria. Tinto ria trevillese.

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And on the weekends or a couple of days even there when she had time, she would also do the cleaning at this funeral care, funeral house.

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And I remember going there quite often because she was also one of my mom's closest friends. Like she was poor a lot.

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And God bless that woman. I don't remember her name right now, but I definitely remember where she lives. And every time that I pass by, I always get the memories of her big Alano dog chasing me down because I used to do like funny faces at the dog.

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And yeah, he definitely didn't like that.

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I guess that's that was my own way of saying hi, I'm beyond the fence. You can't get me, even though I'm super, super scared of you because you're twice as big as me.

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But it was fun. It was fun. And we would go there and choose the nicest for whatever. God knows if she's still alive. But I hope so.

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If not, I'm sure she was taken properly care of.

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And that was yeah, that was her way of cheapening in the family and making sure that we had the roof up overhead and that she would also be able to support not just the kids but also other members of larger family that needed it.

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And I was the last of three.

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For my mom, at least.

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My brother and sister, older. My sister was the second one. And she was 18 years older than me. When I came to life.

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My brother was 19 years old. So they were already out of the house when I came in so I grew up as a single child.

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My dad also had a child from a previous marriage with a woman with another woman and bless her. Also, she passed away.

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And he was living in Paris so I wouldn't see him as much. And I think he was 16 when I came to life.

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Or probably younger than that even.

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So I didn't see him a lot and we grew up quite far away from each other.

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And I understand now that this question is so big, like there's so much that goes into childhood. So many little events. But I guess from each and every single one of them, whoever and whatever they would like to start from, it would give them sort of like a something to hold on to and just keep on going back and forth between time.

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But I remember living a comfortable beginning of life. Our house was big enough for me to have a little Jeep that I would literally go around in the living room.

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And I had this massive, massive teddy bear. It was beautiful. It was so squishy. I used to sit in front of it and I would literally just sit in its lap.

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And I have pictures of it. That's also why I remember. Good Lord, that was born in 1999. We already had pictures. Things like pictures. Something I could go back to.

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And I mean, yeah, my childhood was good. Obviously, tough mom. But at the same time, we were kids. Like we don't really understand much of what's happening. We just take whatever is and make the most of it.

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And I remember at six years old, I was already I already knew how to take care of myself. I cleaned the house. I would even iron for the first time, actually, when I was six.

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I remember just because I have a scar for it. I was I think I was watching TV or something. I was distracted. And I got too close to the board.

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And I literally the the side of the iron touched my belly. And I remember just jumping back. And yeah, that scar never went away. Still cleaning up.

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But it was fun. And I have little like little pieces. I remember at three. They told me because I did not. I have obviously you all understand why I did not remember.

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I could not remember me and my cousin. And we grew up together. Basically, she's the daughter of the brother of my mom.

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And my aunt's amazing woman. And I remember we were three and they told us that we might not.

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She used to love drinking vermouths like this white spirit. Very, very sweet. And she would keep her in a bedroom with a little glass in the neck.

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Like next to him. And me and her, it was just us three in the house. I think she was either in the toilet or in the living room.

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We were playing in her room and we started drinking it. We would pour it for each other. We started drinking it.

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And oh my God, we got drunk. Fortunately, the glass was a plastic cup and it had a hole in it. So we didn't really got to drink as much and enjoy as much.

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But they tried it all to get us to come back to soberness because you cannot bring a three year old to the hospital and say, well, they're drunk.

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You know, that is definitely social services taking them away. And I can laugh about it now because again, it's part of my history. It's part of my story.

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And I guess it's also part of me. I like to try to drink things and just go with it. See how it feels. See how it goes down and then we'll take a lesson from it.

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But at least it's from experience, not just from other people's. So yeah, they gave us, I think they gave us milk, bread, whatever we could try up, the alcohol.

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And it was fun. It was a fun one. It was a fun one. Definitely, definitely taught me a lot.

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I remember how this is all mess, but hey, like our memories are ahead. It's a mess.

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And I guess this, yes, this question is so broad. It's beautiful as well because it gives people the ability to literally talk about whatever they can remember of their childhood

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and the feeling that they had of their childhood more than like specific one of like events, one after the other one, because it's all it's an amalgamation of a lot of little things.

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I remember that my dad was very daddy-like, you know, like things in the house he would fix instead of like throwing them away.

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And I can see how that grew into being a hoarder, but hey, he always saw purpose and found a solution to anything that they would face.

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And it was very supportive. Obviously, they had their quarrels. He was very, I guess he was very submissive as a person.

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More than submissive, I would say he's just a people pleaser. He's very intelligent, very mathematical.

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He always pushed me to be good in school and making sure that education was a prime focus because he was aware of how society worked,

185
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not necessarily because he saw value in it or he saw less than me if I wasn't too,

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because now he's actually come to the realization that me not graduating and it's something that I'll get probably after me not graduating in high school

187
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was something that also led me to be the person I am today because I never got back into education.

188
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And I became a life educator, a life student to them, going to life educator.

189
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And but he was always there. He was a horcruolic. He used clean offices in Milan and still to this day does.

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God bless him is in his 70s from the 53. Yeah, 70 on the dot. Born in New Year's Eve.

191
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So New Year's Eve was always a big party because he was the first of January. Mom was the third of January.

192
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So I always say that the second was like a sandwich, like a party for both.

193
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And then on Christmas, it was my brother's birthday. On Women's Day was my sister's birthday.

194
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And I was born the day before Fettagosto, which is a big celebration in Italy is like split, split summer in Britain, too.

195
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And we just go out and like party or have like barbecues and this and that with family.

196
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So it was really hands on very community.

197
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Unfortunately, I didn't get to experience the Congolese community because.

198
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Yeah, my dad moved to Italy on his own when he was in his 20s because he got sponsored to with his studies.

199
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Again, he was a brand new. So it got sponsored to come to go to Italy where he would study.

200
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Great question. Something either energy or something like that.

201
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I generally do not remember, but I know that he was sponsored and then the sponsor just went and left it on its own.

202
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So he had to raise himself as well. So on the dot, sort of.

203
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And he's also the bigger, bigger brother. No, not the bigger. He's actually in between.

204
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But he has a lot of brothers. So he got to experience a big family.

205
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I didn't get to experience his big family. So I never even teach him.

206
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I guess he came with the with the assumption that because I was so close to my mom's community,

207
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I did not want to learn as much about the Congolese community.

208
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So I never learned French from him directly. It's something that I'm now picking up by myself.

209
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And again, it's whatever is.

210
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It was just it was just the best that he thought he could.

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He was doing and he did not want to fear as much, I guess, on me, my closeness with the other side of myself.

212
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And it's a conversation that we had in the last couple of years.

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I was very, very much in touch with my mom's side of the family, like cousins.

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I grew up with my cousins. They were like my brothers and sisters.

215
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And that was also probably because we were always we were all close in years.

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So my cousin, with whom I grew up together, she was only two months older than me.

217
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My other cousin was one year older than me. And it was like our three.

218
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It was the three year, the right three year.

219
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And then, oh, my God, there's so much.

220
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So many memories flashing back.

221
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But yeah, I would not end I would not end if I was to like go over them all.

222
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I just remember that was a good fun.

223
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At times, tough because obviously, again, I had to I was.

224
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I had my first phone at six because my parents would go to work and my nan was dead.

225
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And I was in the house, obviously going to school and then coming back with a bus.

226
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Like we had like school buses that would leave me at the end of the road and then just like work it up.

227
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So I really had to go myself and learn how to cook quite quickly.

228
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And as much as I hated it back then, I mean, who likes doing chores when you're like six year old or eight or seven?

229
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I keep on using six just as a reference. But who likes to do that at that age?

230
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But at the same time, I'm so glad that I did because now I can take care of myself.

231
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And I remember also that if you hear some noises, this is Stella.

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Hey Stella, say hi. There she is. Bye.

233
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She's been with me for eight months, five, six months now.

234
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She came in in March.

235
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She's a little devil, but she's so cute. She's like the tiniest cat.

236
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I don't think she will ever grow out of her size, but she's so cute.

237
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In her painting, yes. But hey.

238
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So it was quite fun in the sense of...

239
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I keep on going back to it because I really don't remember much.

240
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I see what's happening.

241
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I see what's happening because it's such a broader question.

242
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People can get lost. It's like, what do I cover? What do I do?

243
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Well, not even what do I don't. What do I cover with their stuff?

244
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But hey, I'm sure people will be able to find their own way.

245
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And it will take as much as time with people because we want to make sure that everyone feels in.

246
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No matter how structured or unstructured you might go about your story,

247
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it's all about hearing your story and watching it.

248
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What happened? What led to you being the version of you?

249
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The version of me that I can never be because I wasn't put in the situation that you were.

250
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So growing up, school-wise or friend-wise, out of the family,

251
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we moved from that little town for another...

252
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around 6, in 2006, October 6, 6, 10, 6. I'll never forget that.

253
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And we moved to this other town, Terniano, which is under Cremona.

254
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And the first one was under Bergamo. So two different accents.

255
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Two different complete different environments as well.

256
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This was tiny bit bigger because it was closer to another city.

257
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And it was tough because I was the new kid. I was the only black at that time as well.

258
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And I was in second in the second class, second elementary school.

259
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I remember my first day. I did not know what to sit with.

260
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It was so uncomfortable. But I grew close to this one friend.

261
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I think she was the only one that actually approached me throughout those first days of me moving to the new school.

262
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And she was the friend that supported me.

263
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She was there. We had fun together. And she was always there.

264
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I guess she also... I see it now as we bonded our trauma of being the immigrants.

265
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She was half Romanian, half Argentine. And yeah, we grew close.

266
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She was my best friend. I was also friends with others because my neighbor was also going to the same school.

267
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And we would also go to Valibre together.

268
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And so I started meeting people in Valibre and Sunday classes.

269
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That's what Americans call it. Catholic.

270
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Because I was baptized. My parents were Catholics, but they did not go to church as much.

271
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Only for festivities like someone's baptism or someone's christening or someone's wedding or the one in between communion.

272
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So I used to go to Sunday classes as well and be a church girl.

273
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I would come home a lot, smell incense and I used to hate the hell out of it because of the smell.

274
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So we also have, fortunately enough, in the summers there's this thing that they call grass, gray grass.

275
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Basically, all the kids of the town come together and they split in ages based on their age.

276
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And we would just have like do games, like yeah, team games, like one team against the other.

277
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Or prepare for the last show that we would have at the end of the summer where we would be dancing something,

278
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just like doing a whole storyline out of it, a bit of entertainment.

279
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And it was fun. It was fun. We would go swimming to the swimming pool.

280
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I did not know back then how to swim. I started doing swim classes at the age of eight.

281
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Yeah, you know Africans, we don't go to the sea in summer.

282
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We like to stay in the town that we are and celebrate parties with our community because that's all we have there.

283
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So it was interesting. It was interesting.

284
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I did feel the pressure of being the only blackhead at the beginning.

285
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And I was bullied of it, but also because I grew, physically grew very quick.

286
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And I was an obese child. So that was an easy thing for people to...

287
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Did you just play this? She literally just brought the toilet paper that she's been playing with.

288
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As if to show me, oh look, I'm so proud of what I just did.

289
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She's having the zoomies. There she goes. There she... Oh, what's up next?

290
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And it was... Yeah, it was... I can still see their faces and know exactly who their names are.

291
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And I see them every time that I go back to that town. I see them now.

292
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I'm like, you... something. Were my bully when I was a child.

293
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And I'm grateful for that because it grew me quite quickly and it allowed me to also start seeing people who they are.

294
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But at the same time, I also now have the understanding that they learned those stuff.

295
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They learned how to pick on people.

296
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Probably maybe because they were either picked in their homes or brothers and sisters or their parents would say those things about the people.

297
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So, you know, it's the egg, the kind of like dilemma. The chicken comes first or the egg comes first.

298
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And I have now the understanding that we all learn the stuff. We all learn to be a bully.

299
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And I can rest in peace with them now. And I still greet them.

300
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And when I'm there, because again, I've done my also bits of like bullying, maybe like my cousins, little cousins and things like that.

301
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So like, it's something that we all do. We play with each other.

302
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We think that it doesn't affect people as much, but it does because we also don't know how to also voice how certain things do touch us at that age.

303
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And if we didn't learn it from our parents, that's definitely something that I put.

304
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I would like to put pressure on myself to be able to voice my emotions so much that in my family, we learn like my future kids will learn how to voice their emotions.

305
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We learn how to voice their boundaries. We will learn how to be with people.

306
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I have that compassion to see them for who they are and where they come from, not just for what they're saying.

307
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That doesn't mean stay with the abusers. No, just allow them to see parts of themselves that they might not realize their and consequences that they might not realize are happening.

308
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So I was I was a people pleaser. I grew to be friends of everyone.

309
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But at the end of the day, I didn't feel like I was friend of anyone because I kept on wanting to buy their love, which is again something that we all do.

310
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I realize now in the way that I felt it was because I was kind of like the outcast.

311
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:44,960
I was the only one of my kind, I would say, until until my one of my best friends came through.

312
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:49,960
Shout to you, Armand. It was also my neighbor.

313
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:53,960
And we grew together like brother and sister. We've been there for each other.

314
00:55:53,960 --> 00:56:00,960
I don't see each other as much because we live in two different countries. But we were pals. We grew close.

315
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:04,960
And we were there. We had fun. We would play.

316
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:11,960
Oh, yes, I used to play a lot like football, like street football, because I wasn't allowed to actually play football.

317
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,960
So I started playing volleyball at the age of eight.

318
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:24,960
I did that for nine years until I got injured.

319
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:31,960
Yeah, my heaviness didn't have my back, which is fair enough.

320
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:44,960
I used to use food as comfort and just eat all the emotions that I wasn't that I didn't feel like I was allowed to speak about.

321
00:56:44,960 --> 00:56:49,960
Again, in the house after we moved to the new house, things change.

322
00:56:49,960 --> 00:57:05,960
I could feel physically feel the switch. Also between my parents, there was a bit more of tension because from the only thing that I knew, it was we lost the house and we had to look for a new one.

323
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:11,960
And I did not know what was happening behind the scenes because my parents didn't voice things that would go bad.

324
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:17,960
They didn't voice what was happening within our family.

325
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:27,960
So it was more about, yeah, focus on your study, take care of the house, help out.

326
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:32,960
Oh, we're getting ready for this event this weekend.

327
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:36,960
We're going to go here or tomorrow, this aunt's consorts, whatever.

328
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:45,960
It was more of a management, but keeping me away from all the strategizing that was going behind.

329
00:57:45,960 --> 00:57:56,960
I did not know much about our family situations. I only knew that I couldn't afford to go to all the trips that my friends would go to.

330
00:57:56,960 --> 00:58:06,960
I would not go and travel and they would tell me about how the little travels that they would do go to like south of Italy. I would dream those things.

331
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:11,960
Not even that much because I didn't even know what that would look like.

332
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:29,960
I definitely felt the pressure of having not just like not lack, but little money to spend on me. But at the same time, I would see my dad going and buying food and toys for my cousins.

333
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:35,960
And I'd be like, why can you do that for me as much as I want?

334
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:43,960
That's not how I sounded, but that's what was basically what was happening in my head.

335
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:51,960
I did not know how to appreciate the little that we had because again, I was invoiced with those kind of like emotions.

336
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:59,960
My parents didn't teach me that this is as much as we can afford. We're going to make the most of it. We don't need necessarily more.

337
00:58:59,960 --> 00:59:05,960
We are working towards getting tomorrow. But like all those things like they're they weren't voices.

338
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:17,960
So I was very I felt entitled to have more than what I was getting because I didn't understand that what I was getting was already a lot more than we could actually afford.

339
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:29,960
And I can imagine also, I can imagine I can also remember the pressure that I had towards the fact that my parents were older.

340
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:39,960
My mom had me at 40 years old. My dad had me. Yeah, because he had me at 46.

341
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:51,960
So my parents would not like hang around with all the other parents as much as they would like my friends parents, because again, they're all younger though in their 30s.

342
00:59:51,960 --> 01:00:03,960
They're like they could have been their parents, you know, so I felt that pressure and that also got me to be I guess the old soul that I am today.

343
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:19,960
And then I can see how they did their bit in already raising all the kids and maybe a little bit more those kids to a point that okay now baby enough.

344
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:32,960
Now I have my community that's helping me with this kid. I don't need to baby them as much kind of thing and I yearn that because again I did not understand what was going behind.

345
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:35,960
I did not have that transparency, I would say.

346
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:40,960
And it was.

347
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:47,960
It was interesting, because though we didn't have much.

348
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:52,960
I was always doing something. I was like either playing volleyball.

349
01:00:52,960 --> 01:01:12,960
Or just going on the little like here and there we will have like some trips that would go with like church, the church class and that will not cost as much so because it was like not just like fun things also linked to church and religion.

350
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:15,960
I guess that allowed me to.

351
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:23,960
Yeah, green up as a child is a black fat.

352
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:33,960
Those were the labels that I would go for that I would describe my childhood black fat.

353
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,960
Introvert.

354
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,960
Masculine as well.

355
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:45,960
Soccer lover.

356
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:49,960
I mean, oh my god.

357
01:01:49,960 --> 01:02:00,960
There's so much. There's so much and again there's going to be, there's going to be some things that will probably come up in conversations with other individuals so I'm not going to stress so much about it.

358
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:06,960
But moving to my teenage hood.

359
01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:14,960
Okay, so that was part one to a totally fear that I share mine before I asked for your story.

360
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:28,960
And we'll put a different episode second episode for part two, going into the teenager then going into adulthood and my feelings about the process.

361
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,960
Because it is a process of its own.

362
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:40,960
So yeah, just hang on and look out for part two.

363
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:55,960
So, thank you so much for listening in. As always, I look forward to hearing from you. If you have any questions any thoughts, or yourself wants to share your own story, or you know someone that wants to share your story.

364
01:02:55,960 --> 01:03:07,960
And again, this is all part of a bigger plan. Like we look forward to the day where we can all be ourselves our natural raw authentic self and be honored for it.

365
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:20,960
And it's just one little step towards that. So let's come together and yeah, let's change this world for the better for our own sake, for the sake of everyone else, and especially for the sake of our legacies.

366
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:33,960
So, if you want to reach out, the place to go is shshumanfirst.com. You'll find a blog page and also a post podcast page so yeah, I look forward to hearing from you. Cheers.