Selfie to Succeed Humans First. A community of curious, free, and compassionate humans
finding gratitude and success in the small things, attracting blessings and rekindling
with the chaos we inevitably have to go through in life, regardless of age, sex, status, or
culture. Our vision is to create a place where we experience life and share insights through
other humans eyes as fortunately and unfortunately we will only have a chance to experience one
at a time. So without any further ado. Alright! Today we're very very lucky and excited to
have Kieran here with us. So he's his first guest actually. It is quite exciting and today
it's gonna be a biographic episode. We're gonna have a chance to learn a little bit
more about Kieran and what makes Kieran different. I'm very curious as well to, even though we've
already had a conversation about our past, there's always so much more that we haven't
even touched to be fair. So it'll be quite interesting to get to know what led to the
vision of you that I've met. When was actually the first time that we met? Last year isn't
it? Was it last year? Yeah I think so, six months ago maybe now? Oh what? Yeah I feel
like it. Sounds about right doesn't it? Do you think it was this year? I'm not sure.
It's a funny story isn't it because I was looking on the Airbnb for basically somewhere
that I could like, no because you hear it was cold and I was like, so I used to be at
my dad's place and he smokes cigars and he doesn't want to come upstairs and stuff like
that so I'd just smoke weed in my room and now that I live in with my girl I have to
smoke outside so I'm really wanting to just like, it sounds crackin'. I want to find
somewhere I can like smoke inside please. So I looked on the Airbnb and then I even
said to you I was like, oh erm. Like a message? Yeah but I was like, oh yeah my missus has
seizures and stuff. I'll be meaning to ask about that. I was like my missus has seizures
so if we can smoke cannabis is that okay? Yeah if I smoke funny I'll open the window
and I'll smoke it. And you were like, you gave me a response of like oh trust me that's
not a problem and I was like, oh she obviously blazes it's totally fine man. And then from
that moment on we didn't bring it up again. No seizures. I was like when it comes up it
comes up. Yeah sorry man yeah. No no no. Now that we've bounced I wouldn't know what to
do now. At the time it was just like. Yeah you never know, you never know. Because I
was thinking it was like you can select for smoking allowed roots. Really? Obviously smoking
weed is a different matter so. Yes. So it actually does come up with, you can put it
in the filter, it's like smoking room. Yeah but it's all, a lot of it's bullshit though
because they just say oh yeah you can't smoke outside. Yeah you can smoke outside anywhere
so fuck you. Yeah literally. That's what it was about right. I'm a smoker. Actually after
you told me that night. Yeah yeah yeah. After you told me that night I rewrote the whole
thing I was like I'm a smoker unless the weather allows it. So in the summer of course I'm
going to be, I mean the view is pretty nice so I might just go out. But yeah it's been
an interesting, interesting sort of, what's a friendship? Yeah definitely I'd say. And
actually you're one of the people that reminded me of podcasting because we had a couple
of conversations. We, even just the first day it's just like the, I think it was in
that period it was a long time before I had met someone that was actually like curious
to know more about things or actually like dived into. We really had no, definitely me
but my wife Mariani we came away like obviously meeting you that night and we were like yeah
like Susan real like interesting person and like yeah it's different, it's not all the
time you meet someone like that. It's like up for doing, yeah obviously we share an interest
in wanting to do like yeah do a little bit of podcasting and stuff like that so that's
great. And there was like so many even just coincidences like the fact that we both recruited
our careers, all three of our careers. And well it's a darker secret, not a secret but
a darker part. Yeah I would say part of our story. That's okay. That's the way. Which
I guess that was also one of the reasons why we just like back and forth. I think it's
an easy friendship because we get, we've got something on the side. But because obviously
I wanted to know more. Yeah. Like I'm just gonna, I have a couple of questions that we
should have shown before. Sure yeah of course. To go with. But yeah I'm gonna hand it over
to you. But how was your childhood and like the dynamics as well within the family? New
and your parents or? Yeah it was decent. I guess to like sort of rip the past off of
what we're alluding to there about dark things that we share. Both our mothers passed away
so when I think of my childhood, my mum passed away when I was 20. So my brother was 14,
my sister was 8. So it's kind of a, that when I think of childhood I guess that's all that
happened at the end of my childhood I guess. You mean the big brother? Yeah yeah biggest
brother yeah yeah. Yeah no but childhood each one was good yeah. Normal, suburban, middle
class like I guess. My dad's like one of seven living in Wilsdon. Wow big seven. Irish, his
mum came over so my nan came over from Ireland. In the war I think just before the war. Okay.
Yeah I guess. How was like suburban, what's suburban life? How was your version of suburban
life? Well mate it was great. So it's like you know if you speak to anyone now, you never
see kids playing outside now right? Never. It's sound like an old man. Yeah we lived
in it, it was perfect. We lived in a close, there was like 20 houses in this little close.
And yeah it was like playing football outside, like playing manhunt, all of that stuff on
your bikes. Yeah. Classic, yeah classic childhood stuff. Like yeah. When we still had fun outside
playing with our friends instead of texting our friends. Yeah exactly. Yeah okay and in
terms of obviously like like indoors, how was like the dynamics within like you and
brotherhood? Yeah I was a bit of a little shit really. Basically I remember like I got to
like age 12 and was like oh shit I've been bullying my brother his whole life. Like that
realisation like oh that can never happen again you know. So yeah I was a little, like
my parents would always call teasing, it's like are you teasing your brother again? Don't
do that blah blah. And I'll ask him about it, I'll be like Connor I'm really sorry,
it must have been shit for you for the first six years. He was like, he says like nah listen
it was like normal older brother stuff, you weren't that nasty or whatever. And you know
but we've been, we're great friends ever since. It was all coming from a fistful of love.
Yeah yeah yeah to an extent yeah because you're just like toughening them up. Yeah. Toughening
little shit up yeah. Tough love yeah, have to do a little bit. And yeah I'm about to die.
You're about to die? Yeah. You're about to smoke up the weed? Yeah yeah. It's easy, can't
take it. And obviously like being the big, because I'm the little like little child right.
Yeah yeah yeah. But also I didn't live with my brothers and sisters because like they
were older and everything. So like in the house or on a daily basis like, if you were
to describe a little 10 year old you, what was like a normal day to you? 10 year old
me? If you can't remember. I can't. Yeah I remember I would always get FOMO as a kid.
Really? So like my best friend sort of lived next door to me and then I had another friend
living in the road so it was like I want to get home and I want to get out and I want
to like, I remember I even went to, there was this thing Air Cadets and I went to that
one. Air Cadets? Yeah Air Cadets. Wearing them, getting a uniform. Wearing a uniform
and all this bullshit. I had to like, I sat at attention on parade and all this stuff.
And I was like not, you know some guys it's like they really get into it and I'm not,
you know people who kind of get a kick off of that really I think really like it. And
I'm kind of the other way, I'm like more a little bit, it sounds stupid to be anti-authoritarian
but yeah kind of right. Definitely yeah. But yeah so I remember like one sunny summer like
Friday or something that's when we went to Air Cadets and I came back and we had a nice
garden, like a nice long garden and like we had this like slip and slide in the garden
and playing war fights with my little brother and I was like I'm not going to fucking Air
Cadets, fuck Air Cadets. And I was in and I went again so. So yeah a normal 10 year old
day would be like trying to get back from school like if nothing. I think 10 years old
would be year four or around then. That's probably, I think you start to be, that's
when, roughly when I started to think I started to be a little bit naughty.
Okay.
Yeah year five yeah. 10 years old is year five maybe yeah.
A little bit naughty.
A little bit naughty yeah but like yeah sort of that I guess that followed throughout school.
Like you know you're not like, you're not being mean, you're not like I was never a mean or a
bully like. You just want to grow quicker like everyone else. Yeah yeah. You want the cool stuff.
I guess. Yeah and now I've subscribed to that thing of like, look we've been humans for like
what 100,000 200,000 years yeah and it's like the vast vast majority of that 99% or whatever
was we're hunter gatherers and we're you know from us from when you can stand as a kid you're
put like I don't know maybe a little bit older but you're like if you're a boy you'd be going
out with the men and like hanging out with your kin your cousins and your brothers and your family
and all that and like going hunting and like moving around doing exciting things you know you're
active you're walking around yeah and it's like now like you know you go to school and it's like
you learn by rote and you sit down you shut up and you're not moving around and like and all that
stuff you know you've heard about all that stuff like you know the school system with the bells
and ringing and it like that's that's prison yeah but it's kind of like prison but it was like it
was very consciously made like that to prepare kids for the world of work yes yes yes yes
out of five and all that stuff so yeah so yeah so so yeah I wasn't like I think now I'd probably
get maybe diagnosed with ADHD or whatever my girls always fucking trying to tell me to like
uh go get diagnosed for ADHD but I don't know I've got a problem with these fucking labels I think
it's over diagnosed but anyway yeah it's to me like that should be normal like ADHD it's like
it just means that you're someone that's full with ideas like you're active you're you're alive you
know well the thing is it's like it's always a spectrum isn't it so I think people weigh out on
the spectrum of ADHD really I classify they really have it it's like they say things like
it feels like my mind is on fire I literally cannot focus on one thing and I'm not like that
you know if I sit down I'm gonna have distractions and whatnot yeah you can control it yeah absolutely
and I think if you're you know I think if you were the type of person who are gonna be
you know people are suggesting maybe you've got ADHD and whatnot that you're the type of person
where it's like um you know maybe think about getting into meditation and you've got to think
about all right how can I myself naturally try to improve my concentration and don't and this is
why I don't know those labels stuff because it's like don't get um hung up on like a certain label
like I see that with like Gen Z there's a lot man they want to they want to label them so I've got
everything I've got autism I've got ADHD or I've got this and it's like rather than that you know
humans for thousands of years have been like uh coming up with ways of like improving our life
and maybe maybe the way I see things is like let's assume that we're all generally human and
what I want is what you want and like we're all trying to get the pursuit of happiness all of
that it's like and generally like you know what's going to scare me is going to scare you you know
all of that we're much more similar than we're different so it's like so so yes I would say like
you know if you're yeah like if you're struggling with concentration I would I would veer away from
trying to label it and just be like okay maybe maybe if I exercise and I get that side out of me
and then I do some meditation I'm going to be able to concentrate better it helps you calm the mind
so much as well because uh um and the way that I see ADHD it's also that the fact that it's we have
all these labels as well is because they look at the majority and they class that as the normal
just because it's the majority but we don't really know which one is the normal which one is whatever
well plus I think it's sorry god no it's um it's all different ways of coping but also all different
ways of thinking and controlling and managing our emotions and how things work so well also I saw
like a psychologist recently say like um something along the actually to be honest we got skimmed
like the headline I'm guessing but then but then the larger point yeah but the larger point I think
was like you know society I mean I think people recognize society is sick yes kind of right so
it's like so it's like you can't really prescribe to someone well just live as everyone else is
living because the norm isn't good enough yeah the norm is eating too much fast food watching
too much tv yeah you know not being active enough that's the norm you know we're much more of a
secular society than our grandparent society yes so we've got a spiritual lack you know people
are feeling that and however they're feeling it with yoga or you know with meditation or
spirituality or going to do ayahuasca in south america whatever the fuck they're doing they want
they want they've got a spiritual lap yeah they're stuck in their bodies like they can't see anything
other than yeah what is you know yeah and so those older institutions like church and whatnot like
you know they're they're maybe falling by the wayside for a lot of people and you know but it's
clearly a gap that's not going to go away I mean there was this movement called the new atheist
movement and then and I think they prescribe like you know we can just be materialistic we can be
or believe in materialism rather than being materialistic but we can you know we can dispense
with god we can dispense with anything outside the material universe let's be scientific let's
try and maximize our our standard of living and it's like I think people have sort of said well
no that's that's not really enough we need something transcendent we need something
yeah you know were you religious when uh growing up yeah a little bit well not yeah like sort of
raised catholic but neither my parents really gave too much of a shit they weren't like I don't think
either of them were like sort of true believers yeah so I would have done that thing of like I
think a lot of people do it where you go up vaguely religious then you become like sort of atheist and
then now where I'm at now I'm just like well actually no let's let's give it all another look
and so I would say to myself like I would say about myself that I'm like you know not very
observant cultural Christian okay if you like right yeah yeah so it's like you want to have a
you want to have some sort of moral framework and say like um you know I try and live in these ways
and you know yeah go on are you are you like reviewing sort of like the perspective that you
you used to have before to what you've grown to learn well I would say now it's more of a thing
of like no I'm not sure I can literally believe like that there was a man Jesus and he performed
miracles and he was the son of God and he revived himself and came back to life and I don't know if
I can literally believe that but what I can say is like you know I've had this off other people
this is not my original thought ever but like you you can say that all right Christianity is the most
dominant religion right and why is that maybe because it's like most people have been convinced
that that is the best possible way that we could we could live moral life but I know so you could
take it further and say like even let's say Christ is like a uh the model like that's that's the
ultimate right that's the ultimate way to behave and it's like so it's like he's turning the other
cheek and it's do all the things he did but also you know he got he got pissed off at times and like
got the money lenders out of the church and stuff like that and so so yeah so it's obviously I'm not
going to live a Christ-like life but I can say to myself that all right that that's a that's a general
model that I'm never going to live up to but I you know I can try and get there you just really
your own vision yeah yeah yeah but like you know I think I think you know I think the lights are you
and I see I think we're like we're moral people you know we I'm sure we'd have I don't know I
don't think I ever fuck anyone over like you know I break the law but I don't think that's it's never
in a way to like hurt someone or steal from someone yeah exactly yeah I have that consideration that it's uh yeah you know I heard this thing before where it's like
you know there's there's legality and there's lawfulness and lawfulness is really just like
don't steal and don't harm right and I think I think aside from that you know in the way I say
I break the law because I maybe I'm speeding or I'm like you're buying weed or whatever it is but
it's like that's that's just legality that's not yeah yeah that's not a moral thing yeah 100 100
but um and it's in terms of uh especially that um because like even towards religious like it grew into
uh something different and you were hinting before that uh yeah like different stages so yeah so how
was like growing up uh from like teenage to adult to like how was that experience to you actually
like yeah I guess I guess like yeah just like every boy of like he's 13 14 you're trying to
you know you sort of cut it you obviously pubes kicking in like girls are coming online now for
you just like trying to check them out so I remember yeah probably did like different um
you know stumbling advances um don't we all yeah exactly yeah yeah trying to do that yeah um
um yeah I remember like yeah I did I did I think I did okay like just sort of standardly I wasn't
um you know I wasn't I wasn't a guy who was going out and very successful with girls straight away
or anything like that but like yeah I did standard sort of stuff got a girlfriend at 16 and um yeah
so it's a nice guy no I don't think I was ever really the nice guy I don't think I ever really
fell into that um yeah no I'm just joking there um so it's like and that was like like romantically
wise but like um at that time you were studying how's I don't know exactly the year that you
study why it's in like 13 14 yeah so all right so like 11 12 like 11 you're moving into high school
high school yeah so yeah secondary school so okay yeah yeah how was uh how was high school like yes
or yeah so high school was finally like so I went from so I went in year seven I had this school in
Ealing and that was um so my parents were like oh they didn't want to the closest schools around me
that was gonna go to yeah um were were not so good you know not so good so they were like okay let's
try and get him into a grammar school which is like um you don't pay but it's a higher standard
of teaching and all that it's like okay so you're around smart okay and like there's a there's an
entrance exam to get in so you have to be a certain level of cleverness or all the rest of it right
it's like uh iq thingy yeah no it's like a verbal reasoning test and non-verbal reasoning test and
stuff like that so you have to do those um and so yeah I did those and I basically didn't get in
to this grammar school so some a lot of my mates got in but I didn't um so I had to go and pay
well my parents I had to go and pay for me to go to this private school so you'd also get
a good standard of teaching but um but now you're paying for it yeah so that was it so I went there
for a year um and it was like I said to my like my memory of that is like just lots of fights
but not like it wasn't like malicious fights it was like gladiator school like these little kids
like just wanted a fight like the whole like all number like it was just like that sort of
environment where they were just like it was almost like a training like it was just like
I don't know like a rite of passage yeah like a rite of passage yeah I like I think you know it's
funny because you say about like oh I didn't was I the nice guy maybe I was the pussy guy a little
bit like I was like I was always popular I became like yeah I just I think I was like the sensitive
popular kid and then I saw when I think when I was in this in this school in year seven I think
well ah Kiran's cool but let's test him so um so yeah we'd get like but that was fun yeah
it's stressful I mean it's stressful at the time you're like fuck it all and I remember
there was this little kid called Taylor and he'd like you know he's so he'd be like 11 years old
right and so he must be like five foot or like four foot eight or something at a time
and he's like this little kid he looked like a little like a little goat like a little blonde
goat like a little that's just how I remember this kid and he was like and he was like yeah yeah he's
like so yeah yeah my like my dad knew the craze that's like a classic thing of like triathlon
craze like this British gangster okay his two twin brothers like from the 60s or whatever
and it's a classic thing is people always are my dad ran with the craze and so this kid was like
he was one of those who said oh my dad was this and like um and I was like and I was sort of like
you know we're sort of getting in fights with each other every lunch break like every day
it's been draining and like and I was like look man we need to like outlaw some certain things
and we can't be punching each other in the face and this and this and I'm 11 years old like
the school I was at before wasn't this wasn't happening right and uh and this kid Taylor he
was just like no punching in the face he was like what are you going to do if someone comes up to
you on the street night you're going to tell them no don't punch me in the face it's like no we're
going to say it was real life out there of course we're gonna punch each other in the face
in my day there probably wasn't that many fights but it felt like
like at least there was a like maybe a fortnight of like every every lunch or maybe less than that
but there was a lot of proving yourself fighting yeah I don't know yeah it was but it's fun it was
like I remember going there it was like okay shit new school no one I know is going here
so I'm starting again um no allies and I remember just saying even like at 11 years old just thinking
like well I want to like rise to the top of this class in terms of popularity so that's that's
funny that that's the way I that's what I valued at the time yeah education I guess same same as
you yeah yeah 100% you really you less care about your grades more care about uh it got to that so
yeah I was like I was really good with grades up until the first year of high school okay and
that's when uh after losing my mom like every year like the the grades started just going down
so you lost so you told me before you lost your mom how old are you uh 14 so you're yeah yeah 14
and fucking so difficult yeah but the popularity went up because that was the coping mechanism like
right I was like the uh the like I was friends with the cool kids and yeah I was dressing I was the
one oh the she's the one that dresses well whatever but what was your how did that impact you at the
time because I know you obviously a super positive person now and all that but like 14 is like you
can't even emotionally process it yeah exactly I did not do it that at all um it literally caught
off with me and I just threw it through the ears I just yeah you put it in the back of your head
yeah so what it's so so what I mean you cried about that obviously privately or what I mean yeah I
cried for like a whole a whole week like my eyes literally red like that that much and then and then
the second week was more of a week of okay now we need to uh this happened we need to we need to go
back into life like yeah but it wasn't a matter of integrating that but it was a matter of okay now
we need to try to make the reality that we had the exact same without a big component of my life
yeah um so do not deal with my loss my like my like there was a lot of uh um regret yeah like things
that I didn't say or um more than like I remember I think I don't remember if I if I mentioned it
but like the last day where I was like saying bye I was like standing from the from the door the main
door yeah and he didn't give even give me like a hug and that was like a week like that she was at
she was already away yeah um and then that happened so there's a lot of oh I should have I should have
gone and say hi I appreciate it and say I love you whatever so all those things like started
caught up with me but it was uh it was but you I mean I guess so where do you where do you stand
on the now because it's like I I I can completely see what you're saying like I was lucky obviously
to be being the 20 because it's like you know you're obviously a lot more emotionally mature
I felt like I could um I I don't share that so much in terms of like oh there was things
that's been said I bet my brothers are saying obviously being 14 but yeah 14 years just like
yeah I mean but you don't expect it yeah and until you hit you you don't expect it and just
so just maybe for the listener or whatever maybe explain it again so like if you want to say how
how did you find out how she died like um yeah so uh she was in Sierra Leone for this uh business
travel and you're in Italy I was in Italy yeah and she left the what's it I don't remember the
exact day she left I remember the day uh that I was uh that I came home and then I got sold
and this was one week after her travel uh it was the last day she was supposed to come back and on
her way to the airport she had a stroke to the brain uh anectis and they took her to the hospital
she spent there another another whole week and um and then that it was a Thursday they told probably
told my family and my dad and my dad told my family and where it started going around I was
in school like completely clueless and on my way back uh it's normal day one on the bus uh came off
the bus and I started walking home um like my street it's like an L shape so uh you go to the
like half of it and then you turn and then like there's like a whole 500 meters open to like my
building as soon as I turn around like there was uh I've never seen so many so many people in in
the street like that day um it was like surprising I was like oh maybe like she's come back there's
like there's a party uh we're here to I don't know to welcome her back whatever because like
as I was walking down everyone was greeting but no one was really talking about what was happening
everyone was like so you got that terrible walk and like I said it's the unknown not knowing yeah
and everyone's like just go and speak with your dad so it kind of creeped you really thought
someone would have stepped up and just pulled you aside and said listen you know it's bad news and
your mom's passing but uh to be fair I'm also grateful for them because I didn't want to hear
from my dad like I'm glad that he was the one that like that told me right and I can't even
imagine how hard it must have been on him uh because we haven't had that conversation yet um
right but yeah uh so I made my way in and then set my dad sat down and like looking
mom is not coming back the first time was like no what do you mean yeah I really didn't hit right
yeah the second time that he said it that's when like literally just coming crashing down um and
it being out of the fucking blue as well it's like there's no build up that she's not sick
it's just nothing nothing so yeah that's that's how it was and uh but I mean it's and you know
it's it's you know it's just so so devastating and it's like you know the ramifications that's to you
and it's like and what you want to be able to say you know and again like you know talking about um
you know religion and possibilities of what happens outside of this universe and
and different you know like I do believe there's a chance that you might see her again and like
you know and it's and and that's it isn't it that's all we've got that's all we've got it's like
there's a chance you know and it's like and things are so strange and it's like and I think the
materialist can say ah well that sounds crazy you know you're never gonna and it's like well
it was but it's like reality so fucking strange like like sleep is strange like you know we don't
know the nothing literally literally so so who knows and it's like yeah and so so that's you know
that's the thing that keeps me going um it's the fact that it's impossible that all this energy one
day just goes away like not non-existent like it goes somewhere and whether we live in cycles
whether it's reincarnation whether it's whatever it is I know that there is a after uh after my
body dies because this like we have consciousness in a body we're not the body itself and even our
brain it's it's an organ but where the consciousness dies within the brain and controls the brain so
if I have the understanding then I also have the understanding that there's also people that have
had experiences where they've experienced more yeah or the aftermath yeah so that to me it just
keeps on set like it keeps me calm in the sense of everyone has to die it's a part of life like
we can't do anything about it it doesn't matter how much I try to avoid it how much I try to
ignore it or not think about it it's going to happen at some point everyone in my life is going
to be included so that that's another thing that just keeps me healing like yeah the healing process
um that's right it's eventually it's acceptance yes yeah yeah and it's the only thing that's
right and it's like um you know like uh there's and there's a there's a huge power in that as
well it's like um you know I hear 50 cents say similar stuff and obviously his mom was killed
when he was like uh 12 I think right he's eight or 12 no maybe he's eight I think he's eight
when his mom dies right uh and um you know the rapper right the big rapper yeah yeah I just don't
remember the story right right right but like um but he was like he was part of my fearlessness
came from knowing that the worst thing has already happened for him and if you think about it like
that I mean you know certainly for me at that time you know my mom was the most important person in
my life yeah and I'm sure for you same story exactly I didn't realize it but exactly yeah
and it's like so nothing taken away from my dad obviously no of course yeah yeah me and my dad
like 50 percent of your life gone exactly yeah exactly that or more and it's like and so there
is a power in that and it's like so which brings me around to that so um I think in the one of the
good things good things like you know obviously I would rather my mom be alive but like a good thing that
happened because of her dying is is me and my father getting so close and yes we really do have
that it's like you know well yeah and it's just you know when you bring up like you know you've not
um there's a line you said before you said that you've not spoken to your dad about this right in
terms of like and it was quite a um a glaring thing to me to hear like oh you know it's like
that's that's almost quite an important conversation yeah and I think me and my old
man have had many of those and you know obviously I'm not chastising you no no no absolutely you
know but like sharing your story but no but I would like that for you if it's possible and I think
we spoke privately before and it's like yeah I would really be on encouraging that and like
and I think it's and it's more than possible yeah I really hope that it's going to come one day but
I mean what's the crap because it's like because my wife has something similar where you know she's
the stuff that she wants to say to her mom and it's in her way it's different it's almost like
you know she needs to sort of stand up for herself a little bit and have some of those
conversations okay yeah whereas you know you you your conversation with your dad's different yeah
you just almost just want to get something for your chest right um
um like what what what's something you're just calling him insane uh I've tried to have that
conversation so many times and I've shared I've been sharing with him like more and more of at
least me like just to let him know and I'm hoping that also doing so will make him break down a
little bit and show him that it's okay to do so um for the people that you love you know and
and he's a very private person and as much as I want to uh respect that uh I also want to
respect myself in terms of healing that relationship that I have with my dad so it's to me it's really
important that I keep on trying and trying and trying as much as I can because then he gets to
understand me he got we get to be a little bit more genuine and authentic with each other yeah
so I know that there's going to come that day I really hope that it's going to be
before anything happens and that could be me or him yeah um because again it doesn't it's not
because he's uh older than me that means that I'm not going to be I can't uh like before um
because we've seen many examples of people that we've virtually had um but at the same time
um I know that it's going to take time for him um but I can see this little by little he's opening
up right but so he's in Italy yeah or no yes so I mean I think these conversations are best had
in person we right so we have had um majority of those in person right over the phone as well
even this uh December I went home and we were supposed to like go to Rome together because
that's where he's lived before yeah and actually have one of like a conversation uh vacation you
know yeah there's a chance that you know I can get him that yeah exactly and uh unfortunately
we didn't get to to get to that point why um because different excuses um whether it was
uh like his part yours or his his um um well I don't think that he was ready um
to have those conversations and it's hard on him I know I I have told him like I cannot
imagine how hard it must have been for you um all those things but again it's so it's so difficult
isn't it because it's like there's a golf yeah between you guys it's like how so how do you
how do you how do you cross that golf and I guess it's like one very small step at a time exactly
so I get me yeah I don't know because it's like yeah I feel you man I feel you and it's just you
just want that little it's one you know it's almost like it's like there's an abyss and you're going to
you're going to thread your your like rope bridge across and it's like yeah but yeah but so that's
like because he's obviously wary that you're going to get into you know deep conversation and he's
got resistance against it so that's the thing he's got resistance getting that deep conversation
he's lived like that a long time my dad is like three generations before me so like what do you
mean three generations oh in terms of style of yeah in 1953 um from coming from Africa like
close mentality already like very old-fashioned um and he's always been the person that
he's always been like he's always been like he's always been like he's always been like
feelings or emotions or being vulnerable uh self-conscious about it like being self-conscious
about it and he's always been the the nice the nice guy um the uh I would say and because I've
you 150 percent even if you're giving 50 percent like that type of guy right um and
for him to also show the vulnerable parts of him um it's it must have been very hard um probably
the relationship with his parents as well would have been the same maybe they didn't have that
sort of uh environments where they can just open up so I'm just looking at it he's learned from
someone um or something made him feel like that's how he should be um so I'm just like
by saying that's how he should be you mean like you know he's a people pleasing guy
clothes clothes yeah and that people don't think it's big because it's like yeah that you don't
you know that that's gonna shut off your emotions yeah you don't want to be a burden exactly yeah
exactly exactly though yeah yeah and uh that's that's uh that was like my my time in Italy as
well right um then coming to London just flipped everything up and just like allowing me to just
press reset you know start right because no one knows who you are that's the beautiful yeah trying
like like moving around yeah no one knows who you were so you can literally start being yourself
yeah and see who sticks around you know yeah yeah yeah you got that opportunity you got that
freedom to yeah and I like what you're doing at home and I like I think it's a bold move to be
like that I'm gonna have my room on Airbnb and and that's a good way of meeting new people and
that's obviously like we said how our friendship came about and like um yeah you're doing you know
I'm very impressed I always say I like it yeah I love what you're doing I love the way you're doing
it's um it's a fun there's um an opportunity to also see just like this podcast like see
all these people's experience of life you know um because if I if I hadn't met you I wouldn't have
never if I hadn't put if I hadn't put yeah uh the room there I wouldn't have never met you and
I've never met you and I would have never uh seen your way of living life you know right right because
everyone has their own you would have never known about DJ discretion exactly oh my god
strongly recommend to everyone get on Spotify right now or DJ discretion youtube
no but just aside it's uh it's uh it's been a it's been a great curve uh learning curve as well
for me so um that's why it makes me feel grateful every day so good good if you were to look back at
uh like your life right there's always you know there's moments where you feel like oh my god why
always me this is just oh my like why was me yeah like just those moments where um you feel like
like just there's no light at the end of the tunnel yeah no light in the tunnel yeah I guess
looking back um you you then realize oh that's why it was happening when you start making those
connections right what kind of lessons have you learned from situations like that
where on the face of it it seems very dark at the time yeah and then it's like a blessing in disguise
yeah I mean I guess like it's covering old ground but like both of those things I've
already talked about with both count right so it's like you know your mom died like and it's
that's I immediately think of that obviously because that is a dark place you know that's
that's the worst thing that's happened to me so um yeah and like you you build a fortitude from
stuff like that and like um yeah like you know even yeah silly things like whatever getting in
fights as a kid and you do that there's build a fortitude you know I'm not I didn't go to
the military or anything like that like uh um so you know you know I don't have those sort of
experiences but um yeah dark places like yeah like you know I I dropped out of university and stuff
um no shitty jobs like selling a bit of weed stuff like that lying to my like I'm living at
my dad's house like you know paying like not very much rent selling weed he's just like how the
fuck are you living or what's going on and I'm like you know all of that bollocks yeah um you
know they're all sort of dark places um doing a job you don't want to do like from all those like
different experiences that you had yeah which would you say have taught you the most
of who you are
um
I don't know I don't know it's like um you know to an extent I think I'm a very like
sort of ordinary guy you know like you know I've done sort of gone traveling and um
have like you know I have my own set of beliefs and opinions and well I'm kind of an ordinary
guy so it's like you know when you're talking about like sort of peak experiences that you learn from
I value loyalty in my friends so you know it doesn't like it sounds sort of immature to talk
about silly little fights you got as a kid and stuff like that but that doesn't stick with me
because I like that is a sort of um it's part of me as well yeah there's something that in
my archetype that just you know values that for whatever reason it is maybe it's a foolish reason
or whatever but like yeah I just um yeah man like things I've learned the most from
I like that's the thing I feel so far from any sort of finished article that it's like
I feel like I kind of would be getting ahead of myself to be saying okay oh you know this is where
I'm at like you know I've got you know there's long ways to go like so yeah yeah absolutely
lessons I've learned like that like you know um you know standard stuff isn't it like everything
like everything is just going to be persistence and that's been my thing like consistency yeah
consistency is that is basically the key to success isn't it we all know it it's also
instability, increased accessibility yeah just showing up every day and that's always been my
bubble and I've not conquered that and so that's my focus that's where I ever want to get better and
and I'm like you know my core there's something about me that I'm like a lazy little shit like
so you know go back to like the psychological way of looking at it um like I think so my mum was an
artist there so my dad like my dad was working hard doing his own business so um you know that
a child minor didn't have too much interaction with my parents as well so I think they should
showered me too much with like um you know love whatever when they did see me so and obviously
the eldest and my mum would say stuff to me like you know my brother's born and my mum would be
like she's like you know she's like you know I love all of you the same but yeah she's like you
know you're my oldest and I was like mum you're like who knows there we go but like yeah um yeah
so I think there was I think I think there's a certain element of like as a parent your your
it's not like your love is conditional obviously but you know you just kind of reward good behavior
and all of that and I think yeah I think there's probably a little bit too much like of letting
Kiran run around and do what he wants to do sort of thing and that sort of like also shapes who you
are yeah yeah yeah so it's like how how do you feel about like where you where you're now and
like where for yeah because obviously we talked a lot about like the past and everything yeah
we haven't like touched in terms like where you are right now sure I know that you have like some
like some things that you're looking at like for the future as well so yeah 100% yeah no like um
yeah like I mean we were talking before like you know being in shitty jobs you don't like and stuff
like that and that's been me until very recently I've tried to do different ventures and I think it
comes back to that sort of consistency if I'm being totally honest with myself yeah um you know
I've done a uh I've got this which is now almost like a kind of side hustle that I'm not putting
an enormous amount of energy into at the moment called ghost g-o-s-t getting our shit together
right and it was like a it's like a dating um like foremost a dating consultancy uh side hustle
business right yeah um with an element of like you know similar to what you're saying like
a success sort of mindset so um yeah conquer your mind yeah like well so I tried to do like five
pillars kind of like Islam but obviously not that right um like so like fitness finance um nutrition
spirituality and dating right and like and again and the whole gimmick if you like it being I
understand the dating thing yeah I understand that quite well you know I like um the rest I'm
a complete you know effectively beginner on right so it's like my nutrition's not amazing it's okay
I'm not on that journey fitness again I play football a couple of times a week or what not
but I've got a little potbelly all of that so you know I'm like you know none of these I have no
mastery in those other four things spirituality again we're talking about we were talking about
that before um and finances yeah like you know I do comfortably okay at my recruitment job I'm
you know but I could do better and there's other ventures I'll be looking at but um but yeah no the
idea really behind that was like um I can sell this dating consultancy thing um and that's uh
yeah that's like um that was yeah that was like a big thing so I like you know just to give a
brief sort of quick history on that I was one of these nerds did you ever read there was this book
the game and it was like all these tricks and like you know you can learn these tricks to get good
with girls oh yeah and I was like he's watching the videos on youtube yeah yeah there's this guy
that'll just like explain everything yeah yeah there's like a mystery there's got style and like
and I got sucked in like but hard yeah like read different books about it and like I remember going
I was in the books for once like I like that book the game and like this other one and which is
even nerdy right like I'm thinking shit it was like it's like a scene from like a sitcom or
something because the guy was like this like tough guy and he was like and I was like sharing him
these books like oh can I get these please and I'm like uh said something like oh not for me
but like you know I got like super into it and then like you know it just became um
um became a thing where I fell into watching this particular guy on youtube right or this
particular company I should say multiple and and they were you know I took these to be my sort of
um unofficial mentors because they did but like but what I'm talking about in ghosts they that
was their sort of thing and they were very professional about it yeah but but really
mostly with a with a bent on dating um but like but sort of moving away from any sort of tricks
and so the game was like this book that came out in 2006 or something it was like you know
the game the game yeah right so it's like the game yeah and it was like um the big thing from
that was like negs and peacocking and like so so negs is like um I'm going to say something
about you that's like um a little bit nasty but like not fully nasty so you're going to be like
kind of trying to chase my validation after that yeah yeah yeah yeah so with this so so
bad to teach someone that awful awful awful and I am peacocking is like oh you wear something
garish and then they're going to comment on that and blah blah and there's all this psychology
behind it so I just fell into this rabbit hole of like all of these psych it's basically psychology
of attraction yes and came out on the other end of it like with I think a very solid understanding
what this is which is really you know um the the psychology of attraction is yeah there are a list
of attractive behaviors traits you know characteristics more than behaviors because it's
what you are yeah more than what you do right and that's true like it's like so you know if
you're a guy and you're like oh what's an attractive girl so you know it's got something about her
uh poise it's got something about the way she holds herself yeah obviously the walk her physical
looks of course you know there needs to be the body fat in the right areas and with that stuff
you know it's something about her going to the gym like it's going to help all of that stuff right
her relationship with her dad all of that is that going to come into it same same for a guy right
and it's like a guy it's like you know a little girl wants a tall strapping you know we know the
physical stuff that girl wants right but on the on the non-physical stuff she wants to go
huh not everyone not everyone right but there's you know there's an average
you know there's we do a lot we saw well it's a sort of standard but we also know
I know probably you Suzie you're not going to go for the four foot you know hunchback if this
six foot guy with the abs is coming over you know it does it does of course both things being equal
but we need to hear as soon as okay all right maybe the hunchback is not like anybody's like
comedic genius it's like oh my god yeah there's oh no honestly there's okay there's been some
people that are like wow but this is it right so this is what i mean they open the mouth for you
like oh no please this is what i mean but that's that's that's what i'm saying it's the personality
is like and it attracts you first that is the thing that attracts you and you could break that
sort of down into lots of different so it's like eye contact is yeah right yeah you can't be like
this shuffling little guy who's afraid to look in the eyes smile you know comedy all of it and
it's like that's that sort of really does mean what it means to be attractive and like and and
my thing is like i think there's a gap in the market here for someone to come along and say
listen all of that because it's called pickup pick up advice you know game advice dating whatever it
is all of the pr around that is awful terrible stinks yeah everyone is a laughing stock you know
it sucks blah blah but um you know what you guys what the public doesn't understand about it is like
the inside that community um they've chucked away all the all the trash and what's left is quite
you know quite nice and sort of what i've just been saying now and it's like the community is
really not like nasty and like hating women and all of that and like you know trying to trick
women it's like it's about like betterment of guys and they you know they understand like
you know guys want to get their dating life handled right and and these are guys who have like kind of
doing it yeah and therefore it's part of their and they're getting self-growing and all of that yeah
well that's the thing that yeah because but it's without understanding of that i just really want
to highlight it's like yeah the the there's there's such an emphasis genuine obviously and of course
you know consent and all yeah and you know that's very important you know obviously yeah but um
but yeah no but what i'm saying is i believe there's a gap in the market but like i said i'm
being lazy about it i've got my job i'm being comfortable in my job but really i should be
going off to the side office and saying there is a gap in the market here someone needs to come along
and say like this is the message the messaging is before it's been dog shit yeah but really like
there's this massive gap between the sexes and it's fucking tricky out there you go on reddit
i'm on these reddit oh whatever our social skills so many people can't meet each other
you know it used to be like like it'd be the odd guy that doesn't have any friends i'm in these
things and it's like this reddit post every day it's like i don't have any friends like you know
this is this is huge gulf between people and social media social media because then people
are sitting in their homes not meeting up exactly exactly no one is now playing around like we we
used to like uh like there's no that sense of community oh let's after school let's go and just
play around and like me or our friends like that's why it's fun though we're meeting up now to fuck
around have a go do this podcast we're having a laugh but you could do this we do that like at
the beginning and then it just drops in like teenagers whatever because now we have to
like fill our boots and uh and that's and that's links back to also what you were saying because
now we're all trying to fit the standard that society has created because and that's why things
like that work because everyone is just trying to be that image that we look at whether it's in movies
or people sing about or whatever uh and that's why it works it's uh perfectly for everyone that's
trying to fit that um or just no one that like maybe steers away from like the norm or um like
what majority like looks for in interpete or into people and relationship right because like
personally i i noticed that as well especially doing sales yeah um because even there they just
give you like step by step like even like there's a one thing called like the five steps to conversation
yeah and like once you master that like you like you can literally speak yourself into something
into anything uh or into speaking with any person that you were attracted to or whatever
um but they're all tactics um it is i mean i would always try and veer away from like tactics as
much as possible yes and like more it's more zooming out yes and being like like being aware of it
yeah um and also because just because like um just finishing that on that um because the the thing
that we i think it's happening that collects to all like those uh people that are now like staying
indoors because they can't really relate to people is because everyone is just being so they're trying
to use tactics instead of being genuine they're afraid that being genuine is going to be seen bad
people are yeah yeah it's crazy because that's what makes you you special but what makes you
accepted and yeah like liked you know a good like um analogy i once heard for that is like it's like
it's so um excuse me like um being like being genuine yeah uh like like really just letting
your actual personality out and like let the chips fall where they may right that's kind of like
like imagine that like um like you're hanging you're hanging on to something right and it's
like people are around you who are like genuine they've got wings and they're just like just let
go just let go of what you're hanging like you won't fall like you'll be fine yes you're like
no i would just want to hang on to like this like whatever society says like how i should
express myself as like yes oh yeah that is beautiful yeah yeah just let go like but right
but so but here's where the rubber meets the road right because it's like okay what do you say to
someone who says got you okay i'm gonna be myself and myself is someone who's very unconfident
very maybe they attach one of those labels to themselves i've got these issues you know i don't
have any friends what are they gonna do well that to me that is not someone that is being genuine
because um and that's only because i see those as uh symptoms of an underlying lack of self-confidence
that comes from not right but there's a practicality to the situation as well it's like they are where
they are they currently have no friends say and it's like so what do you so what do you do that
when they start to become genuine they're going to start and appreciating things um for what they
are they're going to start emitting a different energy they're going to they're going to start
not being afraid of actually approaching people and speaking with them and uh like walking down
the street uh just saying how to the to the random person that's there uh or uh talking with the
with a postman or whatever and that's normally it's going to start getting them to make friends
naturally you could be a pickup teacher yourself but this is exactly what they say that's exactly
what they say you just go out talk to everyone life is good like yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah
like be awkward be like if you have to be awkward but yeah um being afraid of being you that's what
creates the inability to then have like genuine conversation genuine relationship genuine fun
genuine presence as well because then you're you're overthinking you're overthinking you're
so much in your head that you're not even enjoying the moments and whatever it's in front of you
okay yeah so just to finish that point we're saying really quickly that um you can live your
life in a way where you know you can be expressive you can be lean into being a little bit more
extroverted you know speak to the people around you if you're getting into cabs speak to the cab
driver this and that you know speak to people and whatever where you get your food like you know
just get that going and like you know that's if you're at the bottom that's a way to dig your
dig yourself up yeah so there you go be open with the world be open with the world and good things
will come back even if it feels like you're you know you're desperately in a dark place
it will pay dividends i would love to hear the the tips that you have uh that you have to give
in your in your dating service honestly yeah and i have a question on that especially um to
as i said before like if you if all the things that are stopping you from making it happen
tomorrow um we're lifted or we're non-existent like from this moment like what would that look
like how would uh like what's the vision that you have for this uh this service well the thing is
right um so i have a uh like a career as a recruiter and i've got um you know i'm doing
okay in that and there's opportunities in my current company i also have another potential
opportunity that that's something else um so so you know i'm moving into a house with my father
and my misses you've got to pay a certain amount of rent each month yeah there's responsibilities
there's this and that we've got ideas priorities there's ideas we have about having family and this
and that and um so so you know stuff like that takes a lot of thought but what i can definitely
do is you know put a little bit more effort in and and like you know rather than thinking all right
you're gonna jump in to this to what you what you really want to be doing which is like you know i
believe there's a plate like i said there's a place in the market to take guys who are like you know
well i'm struggling with this a little bit yeah and give them a little bit of consultation i i that
is my passion i really i really get a kick out of that and i like you know doing it in a moral way
and doing it like you know these guys are sweethearts by the way yeah you know these
guys who struggle with this stuff they're not you know how to you know exactly it's just it's a dance
as well a lot of it and it's like just learning those patterns yeah yeah exactly yeah there's
like you know people if you ask most people they'll be like it's the vibe and but you say that to like
a an engineer who's just like what are you talking about i don't know what you mean so you've got to
break it down in a different way yeah so um so yeah that's up really yeah yeah nice and uh well
that was uh that was such a very insightful conversation and uh i get to it's great to see
also a bit more uh in your being and uh your person and uh your history and uh everything that you are
so thank you so much for for joining us and thank you i look forward by the way this guy is about to
to step into a new path as you mentioned yeah yeah like uh also opening up family and everything
so let's see let's see we send you all the blessings in the world thank you so much thank you so much
no worries no it's not easy really really um you'll be great you'll you'll be great i can't wait to
also give witness to it you know so we'll make sure the swimmers work let's not count our chickens
but yeah thank you so like take all those blessings and it means a lot to me no thank you dude
and thank you for listening in and as always we look forward to the next episode while in the
meantime we'll scroll below here on spotify where we can find the poll it's uh it's an amazing tool
for us to collect a bit of feedback but also uh to for us to build a pipeline of individuals that
would like to use this platform to come and share their stories and dive into different topics
you know get the conversation started so thank you so much for that and yeah i look forward to
speaking with you soon take care