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Selfie to Succeed Humans First. A community of curious, free, and compassionate humans

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finding gratitude and success in the small things, attracting blessings and rekindling

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with the chaos we inevitably have to go through in life, regardless of age, sex, status, or

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culture. Our vision is to create a place where we experience life and share insights through

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other humans eyes as fortunately and unfortunately we will only have a chance to experience one

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at a time. So without any further ado. Alright! Today we're very very lucky and excited to

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have Kieran here with us. So he's his first guest actually. It is quite exciting and today

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it's gonna be a biographic episode. We're gonna have a chance to learn a little bit

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more about Kieran and what makes Kieran different. I'm very curious as well to, even though we've

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already had a conversation about our past, there's always so much more that we haven't

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even touched to be fair. So it'll be quite interesting to get to know what led to the

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vision of you that I've met. When was actually the first time that we met? Last year isn't

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it? Was it last year? Yeah I think so, six months ago maybe now? Oh what? Yeah I feel

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like it. Sounds about right doesn't it? Do you think it was this year? I'm not sure.

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It's a funny story isn't it because I was looking on the Airbnb for basically somewhere

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that I could like, no because you hear it was cold and I was like, so I used to be at

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my dad's place and he smokes cigars and he doesn't want to come upstairs and stuff like

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that so I'd just smoke weed in my room and now that I live in with my girl I have to

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smoke outside so I'm really wanting to just like, it sounds crackin'. I want to find

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somewhere I can like smoke inside please. So I looked on the Airbnb and then I even

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said to you I was like, oh erm. Like a message? Yeah but I was like, oh yeah my missus has

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seizures and stuff. I'll be meaning to ask about that. I was like my missus has seizures

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so if we can smoke cannabis is that okay? Yeah if I smoke funny I'll open the window

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and I'll smoke it. And you were like, you gave me a response of like oh trust me that's

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not a problem and I was like, oh she obviously blazes it's totally fine man. And then from

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that moment on we didn't bring it up again. No seizures. I was like when it comes up it

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comes up. Yeah sorry man yeah. No no no. Now that we've bounced I wouldn't know what to

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do now. At the time it was just like. Yeah you never know, you never know. Because I

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was thinking it was like you can select for smoking allowed roots. Really? Obviously smoking

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weed is a different matter so. Yes. So it actually does come up with, you can put it

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in the filter, it's like smoking room. Yeah but it's all, a lot of it's bullshit though

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because they just say oh yeah you can't smoke outside. Yeah you can smoke outside anywhere

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so fuck you. Yeah literally. That's what it was about right. I'm a smoker. Actually after

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you told me that night. Yeah yeah yeah. After you told me that night I rewrote the whole

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thing I was like I'm a smoker unless the weather allows it. So in the summer of course I'm

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going to be, I mean the view is pretty nice so I might just go out. But yeah it's been

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an interesting, interesting sort of, what's a friendship? Yeah definitely I'd say. And

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actually you're one of the people that reminded me of podcasting because we had a couple

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of conversations. We, even just the first day it's just like the, I think it was in

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that period it was a long time before I had met someone that was actually like curious

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to know more about things or actually like dived into. We really had no, definitely me

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but my wife Mariani we came away like obviously meeting you that night and we were like yeah

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like Susan real like interesting person and like yeah it's different, it's not all the

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time you meet someone like that. It's like up for doing, yeah obviously we share an interest

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in wanting to do like yeah do a little bit of podcasting and stuff like that so that's

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great. And there was like so many even just coincidences like the fact that we both recruited

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our careers, all three of our careers. And well it's a darker secret, not a secret but

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a darker part. Yeah I would say part of our story. That's okay. That's the way. Which

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I guess that was also one of the reasons why we just like back and forth. I think it's

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an easy friendship because we get, we've got something on the side. But because obviously

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I wanted to know more. Yeah. Like I'm just gonna, I have a couple of questions that we

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should have shown before. Sure yeah of course. To go with. But yeah I'm gonna hand it over

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to you. But how was your childhood and like the dynamics as well within the family? New

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and your parents or? Yeah it was decent. I guess to like sort of rip the past off of

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what we're alluding to there about dark things that we share. Both our mothers passed away

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so when I think of my childhood, my mum passed away when I was 20. So my brother was 14,

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my sister was 8. So it's kind of a, that when I think of childhood I guess that's all that

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happened at the end of my childhood I guess. You mean the big brother? Yeah yeah biggest

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brother yeah yeah. Yeah no but childhood each one was good yeah. Normal, suburban, middle

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class like I guess. My dad's like one of seven living in Wilsdon. Wow big seven. Irish, his

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mum came over so my nan came over from Ireland. In the war I think just before the war. Okay.

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Yeah I guess. How was like suburban, what's suburban life? How was your version of suburban

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life? Well mate it was great. So it's like you know if you speak to anyone now, you never

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see kids playing outside now right? Never. It's sound like an old man. Yeah we lived

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in it, it was perfect. We lived in a close, there was like 20 houses in this little close.

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And yeah it was like playing football outside, like playing manhunt, all of that stuff on

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your bikes. Yeah. Classic, yeah classic childhood stuff. Like yeah. When we still had fun outside

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playing with our friends instead of texting our friends. Yeah exactly. Yeah okay and in

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terms of obviously like like indoors, how was like the dynamics within like you and

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brotherhood? Yeah I was a bit of a little shit really. Basically I remember like I got to

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like age 12 and was like oh shit I've been bullying my brother his whole life. Like that

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realisation like oh that can never happen again you know. So yeah I was a little, like

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my parents would always call teasing, it's like are you teasing your brother again? Don't

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do that blah blah. And I'll ask him about it, I'll be like Connor I'm really sorry,

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it must have been shit for you for the first six years. He was like, he says like nah listen

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it was like normal older brother stuff, you weren't that nasty or whatever. And you know

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but we've been, we're great friends ever since. It was all coming from a fistful of love.

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Yeah yeah yeah to an extent yeah because you're just like toughening them up. Yeah. Toughening

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little shit up yeah. Tough love yeah, have to do a little bit. And yeah I'm about to die.

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You're about to die? Yeah. You're about to smoke up the weed? Yeah yeah. It's easy, can't

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take it. And obviously like being the big, because I'm the little like little child right.

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Yeah yeah yeah. But also I didn't live with my brothers and sisters because like they

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were older and everything. So like in the house or on a daily basis like, if you were

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to describe a little 10 year old you, what was like a normal day to you? 10 year old

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me? If you can't remember. I can't. Yeah I remember I would always get FOMO as a kid.

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Really? So like my best friend sort of lived next door to me and then I had another friend

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living in the road so it was like I want to get home and I want to get out and I want

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to like, I remember I even went to, there was this thing Air Cadets and I went to that

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one. Air Cadets? Yeah Air Cadets. Wearing them, getting a uniform. Wearing a uniform

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and all this bullshit. I had to like, I sat at attention on parade and all this stuff.

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And I was like not, you know some guys it's like they really get into it and I'm not,

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you know people who kind of get a kick off of that really I think really like it. And

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I'm kind of the other way, I'm like more a little bit, it sounds stupid to be anti-authoritarian

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but yeah kind of right. Definitely yeah. But yeah so I remember like one sunny summer like

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Friday or something that's when we went to Air Cadets and I came back and we had a nice

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garden, like a nice long garden and like we had this like slip and slide in the garden

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and playing war fights with my little brother and I was like I'm not going to fucking Air

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Cadets, fuck Air Cadets. And I was in and I went again so. So yeah a normal 10 year old

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day would be like trying to get back from school like if nothing. I think 10 years old

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would be year four or around then. That's probably, I think you start to be, that's

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when, roughly when I started to think I started to be a little bit naughty.

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Okay.

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Yeah year five yeah. 10 years old is year five maybe yeah.

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A little bit naughty.

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A little bit naughty yeah but like yeah sort of that I guess that followed throughout school.

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Like you know you're not like, you're not being mean, you're not like I was never a mean or a

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bully like. You just want to grow quicker like everyone else. Yeah yeah. You want the cool stuff.

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I guess. Yeah and now I've subscribed to that thing of like, look we've been humans for like

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what 100,000 200,000 years yeah and it's like the vast vast majority of that 99% or whatever

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was we're hunter gatherers and we're you know from us from when you can stand as a kid you're

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put like I don't know maybe a little bit older but you're like if you're a boy you'd be going

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out with the men and like hanging out with your kin your cousins and your brothers and your family

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and all that and like going hunting and like moving around doing exciting things you know you're

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active you're walking around yeah and it's like now like you know you go to school and it's like

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you learn by rote and you sit down you shut up and you're not moving around and like and all that

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stuff you know you've heard about all that stuff like you know the school system with the bells

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and ringing and it like that's that's prison yeah but it's kind of like prison but it was like it

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was very consciously made like that to prepare kids for the world of work yes yes yes yes

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out of five and all that stuff so yeah so yeah so so yeah I wasn't like I think now I'd probably

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get maybe diagnosed with ADHD or whatever my girls always fucking trying to tell me to like

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uh go get diagnosed for ADHD but I don't know I've got a problem with these fucking labels I think

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it's over diagnosed but anyway yeah it's to me like that should be normal like ADHD it's like

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it just means that you're someone that's full with ideas like you're active you're you're alive you

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know well the thing is it's like it's always a spectrum isn't it so I think people weigh out on

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the spectrum of ADHD really I classify they really have it it's like they say things like

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it feels like my mind is on fire I literally cannot focus on one thing and I'm not like that

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you know if I sit down I'm gonna have distractions and whatnot yeah you can control it yeah absolutely

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and I think if you're you know I think if you were the type of person who are gonna be

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you know people are suggesting maybe you've got ADHD and whatnot that you're the type of person

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where it's like um you know maybe think about getting into meditation and you've got to think

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about all right how can I myself naturally try to improve my concentration and don't and this is

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why I don't know those labels stuff because it's like don't get um hung up on like a certain label

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like I see that with like Gen Z there's a lot man they want to they want to label them so I've got

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everything I've got autism I've got ADHD or I've got this and it's like rather than that you know

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humans for thousands of years have been like uh coming up with ways of like improving our life

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and maybe maybe the way I see things is like let's assume that we're all generally human and

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what I want is what you want and like we're all trying to get the pursuit of happiness all of

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that it's like and generally like you know what's going to scare me is going to scare you you know

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all of that we're much more similar than we're different so it's like so so yes I would say like

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you know if you're yeah like if you're struggling with concentration I would I would veer away from

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trying to label it and just be like okay maybe maybe if I exercise and I get that side out of me

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and then I do some meditation I'm going to be able to concentrate better it helps you calm the mind

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so much as well because uh um and the way that I see ADHD it's also that the fact that it's we have

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all these labels as well is because they look at the majority and they class that as the normal

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just because it's the majority but we don't really know which one is the normal which one is whatever

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well plus I think it's sorry god no it's um it's all different ways of coping but also all different

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ways of thinking and controlling and managing our emotions and how things work so well also I saw

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like a psychologist recently say like um something along the actually to be honest we got skimmed

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like the headline I'm guessing but then but then the larger point yeah but the larger point I think

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was like you know society I mean I think people recognize society is sick yes kind of right so

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it's like so it's like you can't really prescribe to someone well just live as everyone else is

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living because the norm isn't good enough yeah the norm is eating too much fast food watching

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too much tv yeah you know not being active enough that's the norm you know we're much more of a

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secular society than our grandparent society yes so we've got a spiritual lack you know people

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are feeling that and however they're feeling it with yoga or you know with meditation or

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spirituality or going to do ayahuasca in south america whatever the fuck they're doing they want

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they want they've got a spiritual lap yeah they're stuck in their bodies like they can't see anything

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other than yeah what is you know yeah and so those older institutions like church and whatnot like

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you know they're they're maybe falling by the wayside for a lot of people and you know but it's

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clearly a gap that's not going to go away I mean there was this movement called the new atheist

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movement and then and I think they prescribe like you know we can just be materialistic we can be

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or believe in materialism rather than being materialistic but we can you know we can dispense

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with god we can dispense with anything outside the material universe let's be scientific let's

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try and maximize our our standard of living and it's like I think people have sort of said well

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no that's that's not really enough we need something transcendent we need something

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yeah you know were you religious when uh growing up yeah a little bit well not yeah like sort of

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raised catholic but neither my parents really gave too much of a shit they weren't like I don't think

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either of them were like sort of true believers yeah so I would have done that thing of like I

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think a lot of people do it where you go up vaguely religious then you become like sort of atheist and

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then now where I'm at now I'm just like well actually no let's let's give it all another look

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and so I would say to myself like I would say about myself that I'm like you know not very

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observant cultural Christian okay if you like right yeah yeah so it's like you want to have a

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you want to have some sort of moral framework and say like um you know I try and live in these ways

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and you know yeah go on are you are you like reviewing sort of like the perspective that you

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you used to have before to what you've grown to learn well I would say now it's more of a thing

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of like no I'm not sure I can literally believe like that there was a man Jesus and he performed

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miracles and he was the son of God and he revived himself and came back to life and I don't know if

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I can literally believe that but what I can say is like you know I've had this off other people

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this is not my original thought ever but like you you can say that all right Christianity is the most

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dominant religion right and why is that maybe because it's like most people have been convinced

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that that is the best possible way that we could we could live moral life but I know so you could

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take it further and say like even let's say Christ is like a uh the model like that's that's the

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ultimate right that's the ultimate way to behave and it's like so it's like he's turning the other

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cheek and it's do all the things he did but also you know he got he got pissed off at times and like

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got the money lenders out of the church and stuff like that and so so yeah so it's obviously I'm not

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going to live a Christ-like life but I can say to myself that all right that that's a that's a general

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model that I'm never going to live up to but I you know I can try and get there you just really

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your own vision yeah yeah yeah but like you know I think I think you know I think the lights are you

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and I see I think we're like we're moral people you know we I'm sure we'd have I don't know I

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don't think I ever fuck anyone over like you know I break the law but I don't think that's it's never

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in a way to like hurt someone or steal from someone yeah exactly yeah I have that consideration that it's uh yeah you know I heard this thing before where it's like

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you know there's there's legality and there's lawfulness and lawfulness is really just like

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don't steal and don't harm right and I think I think aside from that you know in the way I say

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I break the law because I maybe I'm speeding or I'm like you're buying weed or whatever it is but

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it's like that's that's just legality that's not yeah yeah that's not a moral thing yeah 100 100

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but um and it's in terms of uh especially that um because like even towards religious like it grew into

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uh something different and you were hinting before that uh yeah like different stages so yeah so how

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was like growing up uh from like teenage to adult to like how was that experience to you actually

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like yeah I guess I guess like yeah just like every boy of like he's 13 14 you're trying to

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you know you sort of cut it you obviously pubes kicking in like girls are coming online now for

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you just like trying to check them out so I remember yeah probably did like different um

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you know stumbling advances um don't we all yeah exactly yeah yeah trying to do that yeah um

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um yeah I remember like yeah I did I did I think I did okay like just sort of standardly I wasn't

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um you know I wasn't I wasn't a guy who was going out and very successful with girls straight away

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or anything like that but like yeah I did standard sort of stuff got a girlfriend at 16 and um yeah

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so it's a nice guy no I don't think I was ever really the nice guy I don't think I ever really

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fell into that um yeah no I'm just joking there um so it's like and that was like like romantically

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wise but like um at that time you were studying how's I don't know exactly the year that you

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study why it's in like 13 14 yeah so all right so like 11 12 like 11 you're moving into high school

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high school yeah so yeah secondary school so okay yeah yeah how was uh how was high school like yes

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or yeah so high school was finally like so I went from so I went in year seven I had this school in

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Ealing and that was um so my parents were like oh they didn't want to the closest schools around me

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that was gonna go to yeah um were were not so good you know not so good so they were like okay let's

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try and get him into a grammar school which is like um you don't pay but it's a higher standard

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of teaching and all that it's like okay so you're around smart okay and like there's a there's an

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entrance exam to get in so you have to be a certain level of cleverness or all the rest of it right

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it's like uh iq thingy yeah no it's like a verbal reasoning test and non-verbal reasoning test and

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stuff like that so you have to do those um and so yeah I did those and I basically didn't get in

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to this grammar school so some a lot of my mates got in but I didn't um so I had to go and pay

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well my parents I had to go and pay for me to go to this private school so you'd also get

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a good standard of teaching but um but now you're paying for it yeah so that was it so I went there

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for a year um and it was like I said to my like my memory of that is like just lots of fights

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but not like it wasn't like malicious fights it was like gladiator school like these little kids

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like just wanted a fight like the whole like all number like it was just like that sort of

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environment where they were just like it was almost like a training like it was just like

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I don't know like a rite of passage yeah like a rite of passage yeah I like I think you know it's

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funny because you say about like oh I didn't was I the nice guy maybe I was the pussy guy a little

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bit like I was like I was always popular I became like yeah I just I think I was like the sensitive

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popular kid and then I saw when I think when I was in this in this school in year seven I think

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well ah Kiran's cool but let's test him so um so yeah we'd get like but that was fun yeah

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it's stressful I mean it's stressful at the time you're like fuck it all and I remember

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there was this little kid called Taylor and he'd like you know he's so he'd be like 11 years old

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right and so he must be like five foot or like four foot eight or something at a time

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and he's like this little kid he looked like a little like a little goat like a little blonde

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goat like a little that's just how I remember this kid and he was like and he was like yeah yeah he's

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like so yeah yeah my like my dad knew the craze that's like a classic thing of like triathlon

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craze like this British gangster okay his two twin brothers like from the 60s or whatever

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and it's a classic thing is people always are my dad ran with the craze and so this kid was like

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he was one of those who said oh my dad was this and like um and I was like and I was sort of like

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you know we're sort of getting in fights with each other every lunch break like every day

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it's been draining and like and I was like look man we need to like outlaw some certain things

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and we can't be punching each other in the face and this and this and I'm 11 years old like

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the school I was at before wasn't this wasn't happening right and uh and this kid Taylor he

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was just like no punching in the face he was like what are you going to do if someone comes up to

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you on the street night you're going to tell them no don't punch me in the face it's like no we're

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going to say it was real life out there of course we're gonna punch each other in the face

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in my day there probably wasn't that many fights but it felt like

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like at least there was a like maybe a fortnight of like every every lunch or maybe less than that

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but there was a lot of proving yourself fighting yeah I don't know yeah it was but it's fun it was

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like I remember going there it was like okay shit new school no one I know is going here

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so I'm starting again um no allies and I remember just saying even like at 11 years old just thinking

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like well I want to like rise to the top of this class in terms of popularity so that's that's

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funny that that's the way I that's what I valued at the time yeah education I guess same same as

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you yeah yeah 100% you really you less care about your grades more care about uh it got to that so

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yeah I was like I was really good with grades up until the first year of high school okay and

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that's when uh after losing my mom like every year like the the grades started just going down

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so you lost so you told me before you lost your mom how old are you uh 14 so you're yeah yeah 14

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and fucking so difficult yeah but the popularity went up because that was the coping mechanism like

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right I was like the uh the like I was friends with the cool kids and yeah I was dressing I was the

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one oh the she's the one that dresses well whatever but what was your how did that impact you at the

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time because I know you obviously a super positive person now and all that but like 14 is like you

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can't even emotionally process it yeah exactly I did not do it that at all um it literally caught

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off with me and I just threw it through the ears I just yeah you put it in the back of your head

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yeah so what it's so so what I mean you cried about that obviously privately or what I mean yeah I

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cried for like a whole a whole week like my eyes literally red like that that much and then and then

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the second week was more of a week of okay now we need to uh this happened we need to we need to go

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back into life like yeah but it wasn't a matter of integrating that but it was a matter of okay now

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we need to try to make the reality that we had the exact same without a big component of my life

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yeah um so do not deal with my loss my like my like there was a lot of uh um regret yeah like things

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that I didn't say or um more than like I remember I think I don't remember if I if I mentioned it

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but like the last day where I was like saying bye I was like standing from the from the door the main

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door yeah and he didn't give even give me like a hug and that was like a week like that she was at

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she was already away yeah um and then that happened so there's a lot of oh I should have I should have

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gone and say hi I appreciate it and say I love you whatever so all those things like started

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caught up with me but it was uh it was but you I mean I guess so where do you where do you stand

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on the now because it's like I I I can completely see what you're saying like I was lucky obviously

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to be being the 20 because it's like you know you're obviously a lot more emotionally mature

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I felt like I could um I I don't share that so much in terms of like oh there was things

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that's been said I bet my brothers are saying obviously being 14 but yeah 14 years just like

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yeah I mean but you don't expect it yeah and until you hit you you don't expect it and just

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so just maybe for the listener or whatever maybe explain it again so like if you want to say how

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how did you find out how she died like um yeah so uh she was in Sierra Leone for this uh business

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travel and you're in Italy I was in Italy yeah and she left the what's it I don't remember the

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exact day she left I remember the day uh that I was uh that I came home and then I got sold

285
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and this was one week after her travel uh it was the last day she was supposed to come back and on

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her way to the airport she had a stroke to the brain uh anectis and they took her to the hospital

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she spent there another another whole week and um and then that it was a Thursday they told probably

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told my family and my dad and my dad told my family and where it started going around I was

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in school like completely clueless and on my way back uh it's normal day one on the bus uh came off

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the bus and I started walking home um like my street it's like an L shape so uh you go to the

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like half of it and then you turn and then like there's like a whole 500 meters open to like my

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building as soon as I turn around like there was uh I've never seen so many so many people in in

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the street like that day um it was like surprising I was like oh maybe like she's come back there's

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like there's a party uh we're here to I don't know to welcome her back whatever because like

295
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as I was walking down everyone was greeting but no one was really talking about what was happening

296
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everyone was like so you got that terrible walk and like I said it's the unknown not knowing yeah

297
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and everyone's like just go and speak with your dad so it kind of creeped you really thought

298
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someone would have stepped up and just pulled you aside and said listen you know it's bad news and

299
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your mom's passing but uh to be fair I'm also grateful for them because I didn't want to hear

300
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from my dad like I'm glad that he was the one that like that told me right and I can't even

301
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imagine how hard it must have been on him uh because we haven't had that conversation yet um

302
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right but yeah uh so I made my way in and then set my dad sat down and like looking

303
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mom is not coming back the first time was like no what do you mean yeah I really didn't hit right

304
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yeah the second time that he said it that's when like literally just coming crashing down um and

305
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it being out of the fucking blue as well it's like there's no build up that she's not sick

306
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it's just nothing nothing so yeah that's that's how it was and uh but I mean it's and you know

307
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it's it's you know it's just so so devastating and it's like you know the ramifications that's to you

308
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and it's like and what you want to be able to say you know and again like you know talking about um

309
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you know religion and possibilities of what happens outside of this universe and

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and different you know like I do believe there's a chance that you might see her again and like

311
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you know and it's and and that's it isn't it that's all we've got that's all we've got it's like

312
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there's a chance you know and it's like and things are so strange and it's like and I think the

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materialist can say ah well that sounds crazy you know you're never gonna and it's like well

314
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:06,160
it was but it's like reality so fucking strange like like sleep is strange like you know we don't

315
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know the nothing literally literally so so who knows and it's like yeah and so so that's you know

316
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:20,880
that's the thing that keeps me going um it's the fact that it's impossible that all this energy one

317
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day just goes away like not non-existent like it goes somewhere and whether we live in cycles

318
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whether it's reincarnation whether it's whatever it is I know that there is a after uh after my

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body dies because this like we have consciousness in a body we're not the body itself and even our

320
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brain it's it's an organ but where the consciousness dies within the brain and controls the brain so

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if I have the understanding then I also have the understanding that there's also people that have

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had experiences where they've experienced more yeah or the aftermath yeah so that to me it just

323
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keeps on set like it keeps me calm in the sense of everyone has to die it's a part of life like

324
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we can't do anything about it it doesn't matter how much I try to avoid it how much I try to

325
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ignore it or not think about it it's going to happen at some point everyone in my life is going

326
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to be included so that that's another thing that just keeps me healing like yeah the healing process

327
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:30,080
um that's right it's eventually it's acceptance yes yeah yeah and it's the only thing that's

328
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:35,680
right and it's like um you know like uh there's and there's a there's a huge power in that as

329
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:40,880
well it's like um you know I hear 50 cents say similar stuff and obviously his mom was killed

330
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when he was like uh 12 I think right he's eight or 12 no maybe he's eight I think he's eight

331
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when his mom dies right uh and um you know the rapper right the big rapper yeah yeah I just don't

332
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:58,080
remember the story right right right but like um but he was like he was part of my fearlessness

333
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:02,240
came from knowing that the worst thing has already happened for him and if you think about it like

334
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:08,000
that I mean you know certainly for me at that time you know my mom was the most important person in

335
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my life yeah and I'm sure for you same story exactly I didn't realize it but exactly yeah

336
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:20,160
and it's like so nothing taken away from my dad obviously no of course yeah yeah me and my dad

337
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:26,640
like 50 percent of your life gone exactly yeah exactly that or more and it's like and so there

338
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:33,280
is a power in that and it's like so which brings me around to that so um I think in the one of the

339
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:38,000
good things good things like you know obviously I would rather my mom be alive but like a good thing that

340
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:42,560
happened because of her dying is is me and my father getting so close and yes we really do have

341
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:48,080
that it's like you know well yeah and it's just you know when you bring up like you know you've not

342
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um there's a line you said before you said that you've not spoken to your dad about this right in

343
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:59,440
terms of like and it was quite a um a glaring thing to me to hear like oh you know it's like

344
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:03,520
that's that's almost quite an important conversation yeah and I think me and my old

345
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:07,920
man have had many of those and you know obviously I'm not chastising you no no no absolutely you

346
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:13,440
know but like sharing your story but no but I would like that for you if it's possible and I think

347
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:19,520
we spoke privately before and it's like yeah I would really be on encouraging that and like

348
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and I think it's and it's more than possible yeah I really hope that it's going to come one day but

349
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:30,000
I mean what's the crap because it's like because my wife has something similar where you know she's

350
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,800
the stuff that she wants to say to her mom and it's in her way it's different it's almost like

351
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:39,120
you know she needs to sort of stand up for herself a little bit and have some of those

352
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:44,080
conversations okay yeah whereas you know you you your conversation with your dad's different yeah

353
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,840
you just almost just want to get something for your chest right um

354
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:55,280
um like what what what's something you're just calling him insane uh I've tried to have that

355
00:33:55,280 --> 00:34:01,440
conversation so many times and I've shared I've been sharing with him like more and more of at

356
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:08,240
least me like just to let him know and I'm hoping that also doing so will make him break down a

357
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little bit and show him that it's okay to do so um for the people that you love you know and

358
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and he's a very private person and as much as I want to uh respect that uh I also want to

359
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:27,600
respect myself in terms of healing that relationship that I have with my dad so it's to me it's really

360
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:35,040
important that I keep on trying and trying and trying as much as I can because then he gets to

361
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:41,760
understand me he got we get to be a little bit more genuine and authentic with each other yeah

362
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so I know that there's going to come that day I really hope that it's going to be

363
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:55,760
before anything happens and that could be me or him yeah um because again it doesn't it's not

364
00:34:55,760 --> 00:35:03,520
because he's uh older than me that means that I'm not going to be I can't uh like before um

365
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:09,200
because we've seen many examples of people that we've virtually had um but at the same time

366
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:15,760
um I know that it's going to take time for him um but I can see this little by little he's opening

367
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:22,240
up right but so he's in Italy yeah or no yes so I mean I think these conversations are best had

368
00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:28,720
in person we right so we have had um majority of those in person right over the phone as well

369
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even this uh December I went home and we were supposed to like go to Rome together because

370
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:41,520
that's where he's lived before yeah and actually have one of like a conversation uh vacation you

371
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:48,320
know yeah there's a chance that you know I can get him that yeah exactly and uh unfortunately

372
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:56,880
we didn't get to to get to that point why um because different excuses um whether it was

373
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uh like his part yours or his his um um well I don't think that he was ready um

374
00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:10,720
to have those conversations and it's hard on him I know I I have told him like I cannot

375
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:18,240
imagine how hard it must have been for you um all those things but again it's so it's so difficult

376
00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:22,720
isn't it because it's like there's a golf yeah between you guys it's like how so how do you

377
00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:28,480
how do you how do you cross that golf and I guess it's like one very small step at a time exactly

378
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,600
so I get me yeah I don't know because it's like yeah I feel you man I feel you and it's just you

379
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:38,400
just want that little it's one you know it's almost like it's like there's an abyss and you're going to

380
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:46,480
you're going to thread your your like rope bridge across and it's like yeah but yeah but so that's

381
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:51,200
like because he's obviously wary that you're going to get into you know deep conversation and he's

382
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:55,200
got resistance against it so that's the thing he's got resistance getting that deep conversation

383
00:36:55,200 --> 00:37:02,560
he's lived like that a long time my dad is like three generations before me so like what do you

384
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:09,360
mean three generations oh in terms of style of yeah in 1953 um from coming from Africa like

385
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:16,800
close mentality already like very old-fashioned um and he's always been the person that

386
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,440
he's always been like he's always been like he's always been like he's always been like

387
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:30,720
feelings or emotions or being vulnerable uh self-conscious about it like being self-conscious

388
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:41,280
about it and he's always been the the nice the nice guy um the uh I would say and because I've

389
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:48,880
you 150 percent even if you're giving 50 percent like that type of guy right um and

390
00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:58,000
for him to also show the vulnerable parts of him um it's it must have been very hard um probably

391
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:04,320
the relationship with his parents as well would have been the same maybe they didn't have that

392
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:10,000
sort of uh environments where they can just open up so I'm just looking at it he's learned from

393
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:18,400
someone um or something made him feel like that's how he should be um so I'm just like

394
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:23,440
by saying that's how he should be you mean like you know he's a people pleasing guy

395
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:29,520
clothes clothes yeah and that people don't think it's big because it's like yeah that you don't

396
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:35,200
you know that that's gonna shut off your emotions yeah you don't want to be a burden exactly yeah

397
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:44,640
exactly exactly though yeah yeah and uh that's that's uh that was like my my time in Italy as

398
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:51,600
well right um then coming to London just flipped everything up and just like allowing me to just

399
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:56,320
press reset you know start right because no one knows who you are that's the beautiful yeah trying

400
00:38:56,320 --> 00:39:02,800
like like moving around yeah no one knows who you were so you can literally start being yourself

401
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:07,440
yeah and see who sticks around you know yeah yeah yeah you got that opportunity you got that

402
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:12,320
freedom to yeah and I like what you're doing at home and I like I think it's a bold move to be

403
00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:18,640
like that I'm gonna have my room on Airbnb and and that's a good way of meeting new people and

404
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:24,560
that's obviously like we said how our friendship came about and like um yeah you're doing you know

405
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:29,600
I'm very impressed I always say I like it yeah I love what you're doing I love the way you're doing

406
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:39,360
it's um it's a fun there's um an opportunity to also see just like this podcast like see

407
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:48,640
all these people's experience of life you know um because if I if I hadn't met you I wouldn't have

408
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:55,120
never if I hadn't put if I hadn't put yeah uh the room there I wouldn't have never met you and

409
00:39:55,120 --> 00:40:01,200
I've never met you and I would have never uh seen your way of living life you know right right because

410
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:05,680
everyone has their own you would have never known about DJ discretion exactly oh my god

411
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:12,320
strongly recommend to everyone get on Spotify right now or DJ discretion youtube

412
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:22,800
no but just aside it's uh it's uh it's been a it's been a great curve uh learning curve as well

413
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:31,520
for me so um that's why it makes me feel grateful every day so good good if you were to look back at

414
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:36,880
uh like your life right there's always you know there's moments where you feel like oh my god why

415
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:44,560
always me this is just oh my like why was me yeah like just those moments where um you feel like

416
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:51,680
like just there's no light at the end of the tunnel yeah no light in the tunnel yeah I guess

417
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:59,280
looking back um you you then realize oh that's why it was happening when you start making those

418
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:04,880
connections right what kind of lessons have you learned from situations like that

419
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:13,440
where on the face of it it seems very dark at the time yeah and then it's like a blessing in disguise

420
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:20,800
yeah I mean I guess like it's covering old ground but like both of those things I've

421
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:25,920
already talked about with both count right so it's like you know your mom died like and it's

422
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:30,080
that's I immediately think of that obviously because that is a dark place you know that's

423
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:36,880
that's the worst thing that's happened to me so um yeah and like you you build a fortitude from

424
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:41,760
stuff like that and like um yeah like you know even yeah silly things like whatever getting in

425
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:46,960
fights as a kid and you do that there's build a fortitude you know I'm not I didn't go to

426
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:54,080
the military or anything like that like uh um so you know you know I don't have those sort of

427
00:41:54,080 --> 00:42:03,520
experiences but um yeah dark places like yeah like you know I I dropped out of university and stuff

428
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:10,880
um no shitty jobs like selling a bit of weed stuff like that lying to my like I'm living at

429
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:16,240
my dad's house like you know paying like not very much rent selling weed he's just like how the

430
00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:20,720
fuck are you living or what's going on and I'm like you know all of that bollocks yeah um you

431
00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:27,840
know they're all sort of dark places um doing a job you don't want to do like from all those like

432
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:35,360
different experiences that you had yeah which would you say have taught you the most

433
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:38,880
of who you are

434
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:46,880
um

435
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:52,400
I don't know I don't know it's like um you know to an extent I think I'm a very like

436
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:58,480
sort of ordinary guy you know like you know I've done sort of gone traveling and um

437
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:06,080
have like you know I have my own set of beliefs and opinions and well I'm kind of an ordinary

438
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:10,400
guy so it's like you know when you're talking about like sort of peak experiences that you learn from

439
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:16,560
I value loyalty in my friends so you know it doesn't like it sounds sort of immature to talk

440
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,960
about silly little fights you got as a kid and stuff like that but that doesn't stick with me

441
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:26,400
because I like that is a sort of um it's part of me as well yeah there's something that in

442
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:32,240
my archetype that just you know values that for whatever reason it is maybe it's a foolish reason

443
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:39,520
or whatever but like yeah I just um yeah man like things I've learned the most from

444
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:44,720
I like that's the thing I feel so far from any sort of finished article that it's like

445
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,760
I feel like I kind of would be getting ahead of myself to be saying okay oh you know this is where

446
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:56,560
I'm at like you know I've got you know there's long ways to go like so yeah yeah absolutely

447
00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:04,640
lessons I've learned like that like you know um you know standard stuff isn't it like everything

448
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:11,440
like everything is just going to be persistence and that's been my thing like consistency yeah

449
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,120
consistency is that is basically the key to success isn't it we all know it it's also

450
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,520
instability, increased accessibility yeah just showing up every day and that's always been my

451
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:26,720
bubble and I've not conquered that and so that's my focus that's where I ever want to get better and

452
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:32,240
and I'm like you know my core there's something about me that I'm like a lazy little shit like

453
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:38,800
so you know go back to like the psychological way of looking at it um like I think so my mum was an

454
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:43,760
artist there so my dad like my dad was working hard doing his own business so um you know that

455
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:49,440
a child minor didn't have too much interaction with my parents as well so I think they should

456
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:55,680
showered me too much with like um you know love whatever when they did see me so and obviously

457
00:44:55,680 --> 00:45:00,160
the eldest and my mum would say stuff to me like you know my brother's born and my mum would be

458
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:04,400
like she's like you know she's like you know I love all of you the same but yeah she's like you

459
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:10,880
know you're my oldest and I was like mum you're like who knows there we go but like yeah um yeah

460
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:18,160
so I think there was I think I think there's a certain element of like as a parent your your

461
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:24,560
it's not like your love is conditional obviously but you know you just kind of reward good behavior

462
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:28,960
and all of that and I think yeah I think there's probably a little bit too much like of letting

463
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:34,000
Kiran run around and do what he wants to do sort of thing and that sort of like also shapes who you

464
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:40,160
are yeah yeah yeah so it's like how how do you feel about like where you where you're now and

465
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:45,520
like where for yeah because obviously we talked a lot about like the past and everything yeah

466
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,760
we haven't like touched in terms like where you are right now sure I know that you have like some

467
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:56,560
like some things that you're looking at like for the future as well so yeah 100% yeah no like um

468
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:00,000
yeah like I mean we were talking before like you know being in shitty jobs you don't like and stuff

469
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:04,960
like that and that's been me until very recently I've tried to do different ventures and I think it

470
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:10,000
comes back to that sort of consistency if I'm being totally honest with myself yeah um you know

471
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:17,840
I've done a uh I've got this which is now almost like a kind of side hustle that I'm not putting

472
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:22,640
an enormous amount of energy into at the moment called ghost g-o-s-t getting our shit together

473
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:31,520
right and it was like a it's like a dating um like foremost a dating consultancy uh side hustle

474
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:36,080
business right yeah um with an element of like you know similar to what you're saying like

475
00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:43,600
a success sort of mindset so um yeah conquer your mind yeah like well so I tried to do like five

476
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:51,680
pillars kind of like Islam but obviously not that right um like so like fitness finance um nutrition

477
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:58,720
spirituality and dating right and like and again and the whole gimmick if you like it being I

478
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:05,520
understand the dating thing yeah I understand that quite well you know I like um the rest I'm

479
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:11,280
a complete you know effectively beginner on right so it's like my nutrition's not amazing it's okay

480
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:15,520
I'm not on that journey fitness again I play football a couple of times a week or what not

481
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:20,240
but I've got a little potbelly all of that so you know I'm like you know none of these I have no

482
00:47:20,240 --> 00:47:24,400
mastery in those other four things spirituality again we're talking about we were talking about

483
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:32,160
that before um and finances yeah like you know I do comfortably okay at my recruitment job I'm

484
00:47:32,160 --> 00:47:37,600
you know but I could do better and there's other ventures I'll be looking at but um but yeah no the

485
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:46,000
idea really behind that was like um I can sell this dating consultancy thing um and that's uh

486
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:54,400
yeah that's like um that was yeah that was like a big thing so I like you know just to give a

487
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:58,880
brief sort of quick history on that I was one of these nerds did you ever read there was this book

488
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:04,160
the game and it was like all these tricks and like you know you can learn these tricks to get good

489
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:12,080
with girls oh yeah and I was like he's watching the videos on youtube yeah yeah there's this guy

490
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:16,880
that'll just like explain everything yeah yeah there's like a mystery there's got style and like

491
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:22,080
and I got sucked in like but hard yeah like read different books about it and like I remember going

492
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:26,080
I was in the books for once like I like that book the game and like this other one and which is

493
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:31,360
even nerdy right like I'm thinking shit it was like it's like a scene from like a sitcom or

494
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:35,360
something because the guy was like this like tough guy and he was like and I was like sharing him

495
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:41,120
these books like oh can I get these please and I'm like uh said something like oh not for me

496
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:51,120
but like you know I got like super into it and then like you know it just became um

497
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:57,360
um became a thing where I fell into watching this particular guy on youtube right or this

498
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:03,920
particular company I should say multiple and and they were you know I took these to be my sort of

499
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:09,600
um unofficial mentors because they did but like but what I'm talking about in ghosts they that

500
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:14,480
was their sort of thing and they were very professional about it yeah but but really

501
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:25,440
mostly with a with a bent on dating um but like but sort of moving away from any sort of tricks

502
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:30,320
and so the game was like this book that came out in 2006 or something it was like you know

503
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:37,600
the game the game yeah right so it's like the game yeah and it was like um the big thing from

504
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:43,440
that was like negs and peacocking and like so so negs is like um I'm going to say something

505
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:48,640
about you that's like um a little bit nasty but like not fully nasty so you're going to be like

506
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:54,160
kind of trying to chase my validation after that yeah yeah yeah yeah so with this so so

507
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:59,280
bad to teach someone that awful awful awful and I am peacocking is like oh you wear something

508
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,560
garish and then they're going to comment on that and blah blah and there's all this psychology

509
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:08,640
behind it so I just fell into this rabbit hole of like all of these psych it's basically psychology

510
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:14,880
of attraction yes and came out on the other end of it like with I think a very solid understanding

511
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:22,080
what this is which is really you know um the the psychology of attraction is yeah there are a list

512
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:27,600
of attractive behaviors traits you know characteristics more than behaviors because it's

513
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:32,560
what you are yeah more than what you do right and that's true like it's like so you know if

514
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:36,720
you're a guy and you're like oh what's an attractive girl so you know it's got something about her

515
00:50:36,720 --> 00:50:42,400
uh poise it's got something about the way she holds herself yeah obviously the walk her physical

516
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:47,280
looks of course you know there needs to be the body fat in the right areas and with that stuff

517
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,960
you know it's something about her going to the gym like it's going to help all of that stuff right

518
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:57,520
her relationship with her dad all of that is that going to come into it same same for a guy right

519
00:50:57,520 --> 00:51:02,480
and it's like a guy it's like you know a little girl wants a tall strapping you know we know the

520
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:06,880
physical stuff that girl wants right but on the on the non-physical stuff she wants to go

521
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:11,360
huh not everyone not everyone right but there's you know there's an average

522
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:17,520
you know there's we do a lot we saw well it's a sort of standard but we also know

523
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:24,880
I know probably you Suzie you're not going to go for the four foot you know hunchback if this

524
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:31,680
six foot guy with the abs is coming over you know it does it does of course both things being equal

525
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:36,560
but we need to hear as soon as okay all right maybe the hunchback is not like anybody's like

526
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:42,560
comedic genius it's like oh my god yeah there's oh no honestly there's okay there's been some

527
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:46,320
people that are like wow but this is it right so this is what i mean they open the mouth for you

528
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:50,880
like oh no please this is what i mean but that's that's that's what i'm saying it's the personality

529
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:55,120
is like and it attracts you first that is the thing that attracts you and you could break that

530
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:59,680
sort of down into lots of different so it's like eye contact is yeah right yeah you can't be like

531
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:05,120
this shuffling little guy who's afraid to look in the eyes smile you know comedy all of it and

532
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:10,480
it's like that's that sort of really does mean what it means to be attractive and like and and

533
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:16,080
my thing is like i think there's a gap in the market here for someone to come along and say

534
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:22,800
listen all of that because it's called pickup pick up advice you know game advice dating whatever it

535
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:30,160
is all of the pr around that is awful terrible stinks yeah everyone is a laughing stock you know

536
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:38,000
it sucks blah blah but um you know what you guys what the public doesn't understand about it is like

537
00:52:38,720 --> 00:52:45,680
the inside that community um they've chucked away all the all the trash and what's left is quite

538
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:49,200
you know quite nice and sort of what i've just been saying now and it's like the community is

539
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:54,480
really not like nasty and like hating women and all of that and like you know trying to trick

540
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:58,480
women it's like it's about like betterment of guys and they you know they understand like

541
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:04,080
you know guys want to get their dating life handled right and and these are guys who have like kind of

542
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:09,440
doing it yeah and therefore it's part of their and they're getting self-growing and all of that yeah

543
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:15,280
well that's the thing that yeah because but it's without understanding of that i just really want

544
00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:23,280
to highlight it's like yeah the the there's there's such an emphasis genuine obviously and of course

545
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:28,080
you know consent and all yeah and you know that's very important you know obviously yeah but um

546
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:32,960
but yeah no but what i'm saying is i believe there's a gap in the market but like i said i'm

547
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:37,440
being lazy about it i've got my job i'm being comfortable in my job but really i should be

548
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:41,520
going off to the side office and saying there is a gap in the market here someone needs to come along

549
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:47,280
and say like this is the message the messaging is before it's been dog shit yeah but really like

550
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:53,680
there's this massive gap between the sexes and it's fucking tricky out there you go on reddit

551
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:58,560
i'm on these reddit oh whatever our social skills so many people can't meet each other

552
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:04,640
you know it used to be like like it'd be the odd guy that doesn't have any friends i'm in these

553
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:09,280
things and it's like this reddit post every day it's like i don't have any friends like you know

554
00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:15,200
this is this is huge gulf between people and social media social media because then people

555
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:20,240
are sitting in their homes not meeting up exactly exactly no one is now playing around like we we

556
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:25,760
used to like uh like there's no that sense of community oh let's after school let's go and just

557
00:54:25,760 --> 00:54:30,800
play around and like me or our friends like that's why it's fun though we're meeting up now to fuck

558
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:35,600
around have a go do this podcast we're having a laugh but you could do this we do that like at

559
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:39,680
the beginning and then it just drops in like teenagers whatever because now we have to

560
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:45,440
like fill our boots and uh and that's and that's links back to also what you were saying because

561
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:50,720
now we're all trying to fit the standard that society has created because and that's why things

562
00:54:50,720 --> 00:54:57,840
like that work because everyone is just trying to be that image that we look at whether it's in movies

563
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:03,200
or people sing about or whatever uh and that's why it works it's uh perfectly for everyone that's

564
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:14,320
trying to fit that um or just no one that like maybe steers away from like the norm or um like

565
00:55:14,960 --> 00:55:21,360
what majority like looks for in interpete or into people and relationship right because like

566
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:31,120
personally i i noticed that as well especially doing sales yeah um because even there they just

567
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:36,880
give you like step by step like even like there's a one thing called like the five steps to conversation

568
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:42,320
yeah and like once you master that like you like you can literally speak yourself into something

569
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:49,280
into anything uh or into speaking with any person that you were attracted to or whatever

570
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:56,400
um but they're all tactics um it is i mean i would always try and veer away from like tactics as

571
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:02,000
much as possible yes and like more it's more zooming out yes and being like like being aware of it

572
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:11,600
yeah um and also because just because like um just finishing that on that um because the the thing

573
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:18,800
that we i think it's happening that collects to all like those uh people that are now like staying

574
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:24,960
indoors because they can't really relate to people is because everyone is just being so they're trying

575
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:30,080
to use tactics instead of being genuine they're afraid that being genuine is going to be seen bad

576
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:35,280
people are yeah yeah it's crazy because that's what makes you you special but what makes you

577
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:41,760
accepted and yeah like liked you know a good like um analogy i once heard for that is like it's like

578
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:50,960
it's so um excuse me like um being like being genuine yeah uh like like really just letting

579
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:56,400
your actual personality out and like let the chips fall where they may right that's kind of like

580
00:56:56,960 --> 00:57:02,240
like imagine that like um like you're hanging you're hanging on to something right and it's

581
00:57:02,240 --> 00:57:06,480
like people are around you who are like genuine they've got wings and they're just like just let

582
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:10,320
go just let go of what you're hanging like you won't fall like you'll be fine yes you're like

583
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:14,800
no i would just want to hang on to like this like whatever society says like how i should

584
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:22,160
express myself as like yes oh yeah that is beautiful yeah yeah just let go like but right

585
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:27,360
but so but here's where the rubber meets the road right because it's like okay what do you say to

586
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:33,680
someone who says got you okay i'm gonna be myself and myself is someone who's very unconfident

587
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:39,280
very maybe they attach one of those labels to themselves i've got these issues you know i don't

588
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:45,840
have any friends what are they gonna do well that to me that is not someone that is being genuine

589
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:54,640
because um and that's only because i see those as uh symptoms of an underlying lack of self-confidence

590
00:57:54,640 --> 00:58:01,120
that comes from not right but there's a practicality to the situation as well it's like they are where

591
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:06,320
they are they currently have no friends say and it's like so what do you so what do you do that

592
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:12,080
when they start to become genuine they're going to start and appreciating things um for what they

593
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:17,920
are they're going to start emitting a different energy they're going to they're going to start

594
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:22,800
not being afraid of actually approaching people and speaking with them and uh like walking down

595
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:29,600
the street uh just saying how to the to the random person that's there uh or uh talking with the

596
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:35,520
with a postman or whatever and that's normally it's going to start getting them to make friends

597
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:40,880
naturally you could be a pickup teacher yourself but this is exactly what they say that's exactly

598
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:46,960
what they say you just go out talk to everyone life is good like yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah

599
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:54,960
like be awkward be like if you have to be awkward but yeah um being afraid of being you that's what

600
00:58:54,960 --> 00:59:02,400
creates the inability to then have like genuine conversation genuine relationship genuine fun

601
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:08,160
genuine presence as well because then you're you're overthinking you're overthinking you're

602
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:13,040
so much in your head that you're not even enjoying the moments and whatever it's in front of you

603
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:21,200
okay yeah so just to finish that point we're saying really quickly that um you can live your

604
00:59:21,200 --> 00:59:26,720
life in a way where you know you can be expressive you can be lean into being a little bit more

605
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:30,880
extroverted you know speak to the people around you if you're getting into cabs speak to the cab

606
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,640
driver this and that you know speak to people and whatever where you get your food like you know

607
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:39,680
just get that going and like you know that's if you're at the bottom that's a way to dig your

608
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:44,720
dig yourself up yeah so there you go be open with the world be open with the world and good things

609
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:48,560
will come back even if it feels like you're you know you're desperately in a dark place

610
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:54,800
it will pay dividends i would love to hear the the tips that you have uh that you have to give

611
00:59:54,800 --> 01:00:01,200
in your in your dating service honestly yeah and i have a question on that especially um to

612
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:08,880
as i said before like if you if all the things that are stopping you from making it happen

613
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:16,160
tomorrow um we're lifted or we're non-existent like from this moment like what would that look

614
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:23,440
like how would uh like what's the vision that you have for this uh this service well the thing is

615
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:32,960
right um so i have a uh like a career as a recruiter and i've got um you know i'm doing

616
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:38,400
okay in that and there's opportunities in my current company i also have another potential

617
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:48,720
opportunity that that's something else um so so you know i'm moving into a house with my father

618
01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:55,760
and my misses you've got to pay a certain amount of rent each month yeah there's responsibilities

619
01:00:55,760 --> 01:01:00,960
there's this and that we've got ideas priorities there's ideas we have about having family and this

620
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:09,840
and that and um so so you know stuff like that takes a lot of thought but what i can definitely

621
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:15,360
do is you know put a little bit more effort in and and like you know rather than thinking all right

622
01:01:15,360 --> 01:01:21,120
you're gonna jump in to this to what you what you really want to be doing which is like you know i

623
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:26,560
believe there's a plate like i said there's a place in the market to take guys who are like you know

624
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:31,280
well i'm struggling with this a little bit yeah and give them a little bit of consultation i i that

625
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:36,000
is my passion i really i really get a kick out of that and i like you know doing it in a moral way

626
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:40,640
and doing it like you know these guys are sweethearts by the way yeah you know these

627
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:47,120
guys who struggle with this stuff they're not you know how to you know exactly it's just it's a dance

628
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:53,280
as well a lot of it and it's like just learning those patterns yeah yeah exactly yeah there's

629
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:59,040
like you know people if you ask most people they'll be like it's the vibe and but you say that to like

630
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:04,240
a an engineer who's just like what are you talking about i don't know what you mean so you've got to

631
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:11,280
break it down in a different way yeah so um so yeah that's up really yeah yeah nice and uh well

632
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:17,760
that was uh that was such a very insightful conversation and uh i get to it's great to see

633
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:26,720
also a bit more uh in your being and uh your person and uh your history and uh everything that you are

634
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:34,400
so thank you so much for for joining us and thank you i look forward by the way this guy is about to

635
01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:42,960
to step into a new path as you mentioned yeah yeah like uh also opening up family and everything

636
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:48,640
so let's see let's see we send you all the blessings in the world thank you so much thank you so much

637
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:54,560
no worries no it's not easy really really um you'll be great you'll you'll be great i can't wait to

638
01:02:54,560 --> 01:03:01,520
also give witness to it you know so we'll make sure the swimmers work let's not count our chickens

639
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:07,520
but yeah thank you so like take all those blessings and it means a lot to me no thank you dude

640
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:17,600
and thank you for listening in and as always we look forward to the next episode while in the

641
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:24,480
meantime we'll scroll below here on spotify where we can find the poll it's uh it's an amazing tool

642
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:31,280
for us to collect a bit of feedback but also uh to for us to build a pipeline of individuals that

643
01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:37,520
would like to use this platform to come and share their stories and dive into different topics

644
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:43,680
you know get the conversation started so thank you so much for that and yeah i look forward to

645
01:03:43,680 --> 01:04:01,600
speaking with you soon take care