Hello everybody and welcome back to the SoCap
Improv Comedy Podcast. My name is Ralph. I am
the owner and artistic director of the SoCap
Improv Comedy Theatre in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
SoCap .ca, 154 Danforth Avenue in Toronto, near
the Broadview subway station. Yeah, and we do
improv classes, shows. rentals, uh, corporate
events, private events, uh, check out my other
company. Yes. Unlimited. Yes. Unlimited .ca for
all your corporate improv needs. Um, whether
it's team building, leadership, uh, uh, creativity,
brainstorming, um, I guess, you know, well, no,
I mean, that's specialized in all that and including,
uh, I was just thinking about, you know, helping
your, um, Well, it's team building, right? Helping
your employees bond. Yeah, so many things that
improv is really great for. And this podcast
is about improv. And I try to pay attention to
improv for non -performers. Like why would, which
is the bulk of my students, which are the bulk
of my students. The bulk of my students are not
interested in performing. Although many will
get on stage, even if it's not their first inclination.
But that's more about, I believe, more about
stretching comfort zones and, you know, doing
seeking discomfort, doing things that are tough
because they are tough because of what that will
benefit you in the longer run. Yeah. So that's
that's what I'm that's what I'm about. And as
I was alluding to, most of the students that
I have. are not interested in performing. And
if you're a regular listener to this podcast,
you're like, yes, Ralph, we know. Move on. Okay,
fair enough. I'm going to work on making that
intro shorter and shorter and shorter because
I try to keep this to 10 to 15 minutes. And if
I'm using the first five minutes to talk about
the same old thing, it's not really getting to
a lot of content. So I want to focus more on
content and less on introductions. So I'm going
to try and keep that shorter. Anyway. Today,
you know, there's a very curious thing that happens
if you've ever been fortunate enough to fall
in love with someone. It's a wonderful experience.
And part of that process that happens when you
meet someone and you start to fall in love with
them. And the same thing happens with friends
on, I guess, a less intense level or a different.
sort of level a different kind of experience
but they're similar uh in that you know when
you're falling in love you one tends to lose
oneself in the good sense of the word and you
start thinking about the other person and you
become much more focused on the experience um
and part of that focusing on the experience is
well you can't stop thinking about that other
person you uh when they talk you're very attentive
uh you're very agreeable Whatever they do, you
tend to like it. Now, in six months, the same
things will drive you nuts. Once you get out
of that limerence phase or that loving, that
first phase, a limerence is what it's called.
And it's the first, whatever, six months to a
year and a half where, yeah, you're gaga about
that other person. You make up cute names for
each other. And, you know, and what's going on
or part of what's going on is, yeah, the losing
of oneself, the self -consciousness goes away.
in large part, and you're focused on this other
person and their needs and what they're doing.
And the same thing happens when you are with
really good friends and you're laughing. Your
self -consciousness, your ego, the sense of yourself
is sort of submerged or disappears for a while.
And you forget your own selfish needs. And I
say selfish, not in a bad way. But we all have
needs when we meet people and interact with them.
And those needs, it doesn't mean that they're
bad. Like a lot of us, our need is to be liked
or to be seen as smart, worthwhile, intelligent,
a range of things. And, you know, when I say
we need things from other people, it doesn't
mean we need, you know, their obedience or allegiance.
No, sometimes it's just we want to be thought
of as good people. part of the group. With really
good friends, falling in love, flirting, I think
probably it also happens sometimes in crowds.
If you're a sports fan and you're with other
sports fans in a setting like a bar or a stadium
or an arena or something and you're cheering
your home team, you lose yourself and get caught
up in an experience. That's what it is. It's
an experience. And I have a podcast where one
of the improv rules for life is serve the experience.
As much as you can, try to get over yourself,
your self -consciousness, and serve the experience.
As I was thinking about this podcast, it also
came to me that, you know, like photographs.
It's probably, I don't know if it's less so now
because everybody's filming all the time. But
certainly back in the day before, you know, cell
phone cameras and everybody had to pull out an
actual camera. You could just see everybody's
back stiff and everybody gets a little bit more
self -conscious, right? They try to hide their
real status. And, you know, the best photos always
were, in my opinion, candid photos. Like photos
when the subject, I mean, photos of people. where
the person being photographed didn't know, right?
And that's not always, of course, there are people
who are professionals at getting their photo
taken. They're pretty good actors as well. Or
professional photographers are good at capturing
moments when people know there's a camera coming
at them. But in general, like for people who
are novices, both in front of and behind the
camera, the best photos are candid photos when
the self -consciousness goes away. And so what
does all of this have to do with improv? Well,
I was observing, I had a class last week, and
an interesting thing happened in that there were
scenes, there was a scene back to back, and in
the first scene, both these scenes were, I wouldn't
say very funny. They dealt with real subject
matter. There were certainly some laughs in them,
but they were more real. There were more people
talking about real things. Just two people having
a conversation. And these conversations were,
by and large, very true of themselves. So it
was almost like watching a documentary in a way.
And one was very riveting. And the second wasn't.
And as I was watching the second one... What
made it more riveting was, in my opinion, that
the people taking part in the scene had lost
that sense of their need. Their ego was gone.
And there was an ease about them. There was an
informality, if you like, even though they were
presentations being on stage, that kind of actor
quality. Whenever, if you are an improviser or
you watch people, the minute the scene starts,
people tend to get their back a little straight.
Sometimes their voice changes a little bit. Some
people adopt postures on stage. And this is all
part of their self -conscious coming out in their
bodies. And I have noticed that for a while,
that the people that are really compelling to
watch, and even the ones that are funny, but
the ones that you really can't take your eyes
off of and you really want to, oh, more of that,
please, are those individuals who on stage, their
sense of what they need, you know, their need
to be liked, their need to be interesting or
entertaining goes away. And they are part of
an experience that as someone watching them,
you become part of as well. And then the whole
audience and people on stage, if it's on stage
and it's an audience, or if you're in a dinner
party and you're holding court, the same kind
of thing happens where people just get caught
up in an experience and they lose sense of themselves.
And how captivating that is. Being in the moment
is, I think, captivating for all of us. We love
getting swept up in moments. Whether it's game
seven of some sporting event, an amazing story,
whether it's a play, a movie, a book, a television
show, a YouTube video. These are moments where
you forget the past and the future and you're
just caught up in this moment in time, this moment
we call eternity. Eternity is not a when. Eternity
is right now. It's this moment. This one, this
moment that just stretches on and on and on,
the here and now, the present. And so one of
the things that makes people captivating on stage
to watch is when they can submerge their ego
and submerge their selfish needs and just be
in a time and place serving an experience and
being totally okay with what happens. No matter
what the other person says, their mindset is
like, perfect. What you just said did. expressed
was perfect and i'm just going to deal with that
i'm not going to try to change your mind i'm
not going to make you see my point of view which
is changing your mind i'm not going to convince
you of anything except i'm going to honor what
you just said and deal with that in some way
so and to me that comes from the suppression
of the ego which is one of these things that's
easy to say but incredibly difficult to do And
so I would encourage you to look into that and
see if there is a way to do it. For me, it comes
through laughter and it comes through suspension
of judgment. When you're with people who are
suspending judgment and opening up, we tend to
open up. We sort of overcome our fear. And that's
it. It's letting go of your fear. You know, John
Cleese once said about creativity, the surest
way to kill creativity is the fear that people
will make a mistake. And I think that's very
wise. And I think that's true. That the minute
we are concerned that something we will say or
do will be taken, will be judged negatively or
seen as a mistake, makes us want to be safe.
And then we shut down all these ideas that are
coming up and popping out of us. You know, and
where do these ideas come from? They come from
our subconscious and they come from our, you
know, I think desire, maybe not desire, that's
the wrong word, but they come from our subconscious.
And our subconscious, you know, most of our behavior
is subconscious. We just, after it happens, we
give ourselves a conscious reason why we chose
that, which is, you know, I'm not going to talk
about free will in this podcast, but that's,
to me, that's what's going on. Creativity first
is getting over the desire or the fear of making
mistakes. To embrace the desire of the experience
over my selfish needs. And to be relaxed in a
moment. Again, easy to say. Much easier to say
than to do. And so the only other thing I can
think of about a recommendation. is to find places
where you can do that when the stakes are very
very small you know like uh wanting to do that
and going on stage for the first time it's not
compatible with uh trying to get out of your
head and serve an experience i mean anybody i
think on stage for the first time is going to
be so focused on themselves which with good reason
i'm not i'm not saying that's foolish of course
that in the second time too uh but the first
you know but uh But by and large, over time,
the repetition of it hopefully will allow one
to put that aside. And that's what I would suggest
is finding ways where you can let go of your
need, whatever your need is. And that's part
of looking deep inside yourself and figuring
out what your... gimmick is like what is it that
you need from people maybe you don't know um
but that's a whole that's a whole other thing
but anyway what i just wanted to you know like
to go back to serving the experience and letting
go of your selfish needs and your yeah need to
get things from people and just serve the experience
i think if you can do that if you can find a
way to make that happen And again, at low stakes,
it's hard when the stakes. It's like play. You
can play with people when there's no stake on
the outcome. Like if you play a sport with somebody
or a board game, there's desire to win. We all
have the desire to win. Nobody wants to lose
when there's actual chess, right? I want to win
at chess. I'm still going to enjoy it. and probably
have a good time, but I want to win. So there's
stakes. But with improv, one thing that's great
about the playing of improv is there shouldn't
be stakes, or as much as possible, there's no
stake for me to win, for my character to win.
What I want to do is serve an experience so that
we both win. Anyway, that's my time today. Try
to find a time and a place where you can let
go of your needs to be impressive. uh funny uh
liked and just get into the experience try to
let yourself go easy to say difficult to do anyway
thanks so much everybody uh that's my time see
you next time here on the improv so cap improv
comedy podcast have a great week be kind bye