Hello, I built this city on rock and roll, but stuff still happened.
So what's up? Hey, Dell, you doing okay? You all right, dog?
Yeah, that's right. I'm on a casual first name basis with computer manufacturer Dell.
Dell recently made the very bold choice of asking all of their employees in the U.S.
to come back into the office at least three days a week, if not full time,
to which about 50% of their employees said no.
Dell gave their employees an ultimatum saying if you don't come back into the office,
you're not going to get any more promotions. Sure, you can stay remote, but
you're not going to have any upwards momentum in this company. Take that, employee.
Turns out they did take that. They did take that. About half of the employees who were hit with this
were like, nah, I'll stay remote. I don't need your promotion. Fuck you. Now, there's all sorts
of reasons why they might want to stay remote. It could be that it's just more comfortable,
you know, not having to commute. That's a nice one. But there's also like business reasons why
this is just dumb and way too heavy-handed. For example, one of the employees said that
most of their team is just scattered around the world and there's basically nothing to do when
they're in the office. But this employee is clearly ignoring that they might be helping one
of the executives finally reach climax by seeing all of their little worker bees in the office again.
File for me. Yes, send that email. Spread those sheets, dear God. I don't have an
OnlyFans, but I do have a merch store anyway. The point is, stop making people go back into the
office. Dell and everyone. Speaking of things that we should be stopping, colonialization.
This is my application to be the new head boy of France. My platform includes stopping colonization
of New Caledonia. New Caledonia, an island territory of France, which is a remnant from when
France colonized it in the mid-1800s, is not particularly happy with France right now.
Or rather, the indigenous people there are not happy with France. And as far as I'm concerned,
that's what matters. So there's a lot of headlines. As I was trying to put together this
article, there's a lot of headlines talking about the violence unrest in New Caledonia and how
some cops got hurt and people died. Not often do they mention the second half of that, which is
because indigenous people are fighting for the rights of their homeland. Quick history, stick
with me. France colonized the archipelago in the mid-1800s, and at first it was a penal colony,
because every colonizer's got to find an island to send all the criminals to. That's just what's
hot these days. But then they discovered, wouldn't you guess it, natural resources? Let's go, baby!
They found a lot of nickel. Like the back, you know? So yeah, they found a lot of nickel and
they're like, well, hold on now. I mean, we've been putting the criminals here, but we could instead
extract the resources. And so it became a bit of a jewel. They were like, hey, oh, free money.
What they were calling free money was the destruction of the natural environment and the
subjugation of an entire people. That kind of free money. The favorite kind of free money.
So they colonized the region, put the natives in reservation, exclude them from the economy,
don't allow them to work in the nickel mining operation, and flash forward a few hundred years.
And wow, why are they so mad? The latest uproar is being caused by an attempt to expand the voting
rights for non-indigenous people, which has been up until now. There's been rules around that.
And they're like, let's get rid of those. Let's let more white people vote, actually.
And so a lot of young indigenous, conic folk from that region are not happy and making it heard.
Making it heard enough that Australia and New Zealand, among other countries, are trying to get
their citizens out of there. Meanwhile, in France, like the elections have just kind of gone buck
wild and Macron has already been like, I am gonna hit pause on that whole situation. Let's just,
can we just, can we just not do this right now? Towards the indigenous people said,
sorry, I can't hear you from all the way over here where your country is not. Here's an idea.
Stop doing colonization. Stop that, he said, from America. Moving on, ask not for whom the TikToks,
because it's the US government. TikTok and a bunch of TikTok creators have filed a lawsuit against
the US government saying, stop it, knock it off. After the recent deeply unpopular legislation
that's forcing TikTok to essentially be banned in the US, TikTok and a bunch of creators were like,
hey, maybe you don't? And when I say, I said unpopular legislation, 31% of Americans want a
TikTok ban. 30% ish in America, that's like the floor of support. Like you'd be hard pressed to
find an issue that you couldn't find at least 30% support for. You could have a candidate running on
the slaughtering puppies platform. And you'd probably find 30% of Americans to support that.
But anyway, TikTok basically came out swinging saying, hey, this is dumb. You're dumb. But
beyond just saying you're dumb, they also brought receipts. They were like, hey, here are all the
things that we proposed, which were way above and beyond, including a kill switch that the US
government could control to cut off access to TikTok at their whim. They're like, we did all
of this. And yet you still crafted legislation that specifically singles out TikTok and bite dance.
By name, instead of actually addressing national security threats, because, and I cannot emphasize
this next part enough, China. So this has been filed. We're waiting for the US's response. They're
probably going to say not as they do. I want a future. I kind of like doing this. I kind of
like making kind of like making things for y'all. But the government disagrees to men yelling on a
stage. It's going to be real dumb. Don't watch it. That's my song. I made it for you. Oh no.
Did you like my song? That's gonna just play that on loop for an hour. Instead of watching the
debate, which is going to be on the 27th, but it doesn't matter because you're not going to watch
it. Yes, we are already at Biden and Trump's first debate. If it seems early, that's because it is.
They're not even the actual nominees yet, but we're just doing this. Now I will concede that
this debate will at least be interesting because they've agreed to the following rules, which are
relatively out of the ordinary. Unfortunately, there will be no audience. Mike's will be cut off
at the end of their time. There's no prewritten notes allowed on stage and no interacting with
staff during breaks. Yo, so like that's kind of neat. That's kind of how debates are supposed
to be. But like it's a debate between Trump and Biden. We've literally had this already.
What could they possibly say? What could they possibly say that is of any consequence whatsoever?
If you want to watch it, go ahead. I'm not saying that it's a stupid thing to watch.
It's just, I made a whole song for you. You don't need to watch it because I made the song. And I
would highly recommend that if you do tune in to watch it and your blood starts to boil,
turn it off. Just file it under noise. You probably know who you're voting for already.
The words they say on the stage are just going to rile up either side. Sorry. It's just the one
side, but they're going to be riled. Gaming. Nintendo just dropped like 800 bangers at their
most recent Nintendo Direct, including finally making a Zelda game where you play a Zelda and you
duplicate objects. Hell yeah. I'm going to duplicate all day. What's up? That sounds gross.
Wizards of the Coast are releasing their overhaul D&D fifth edition D&D one next whatever evolve
D&D prime. That's coming out in September, but you can pre-order now. Don't pre-order things.
Don't do that. I feel like I'm saying don't do that to basically everything recently. And it's
because I'm right. How about hotel is releasing a classic relaunch sort of like World of Warcraft
classic, but much more intense. The Elden Ring DLC, Shadow of the Erd Tree is out. Remember to drink
water. It's important to hydrate and feed yourself. Take your medicine. Maybe go outside and look at
a tree every once in a while. Not the Erd Tree. Different tree. Lightning wrap. YouTube is now
experimenting with injecting ads directly into the actual video that they're otherwise serving to
you. As in like making it so your computer or any ad blocking software or whatever cannot distinguish
the difference between the video you're trying to watch and the ad. They're specifically trying
to thwart sponsor block as well. Adobe is being sued by the US over how hard it is to cancel their
subscriptions. If we can get that for gyms, I would I would appreciate that. I just recently
canceled a gym membership. Fuck that shit. Remember those like weird mysterious monoliths that popped
up around the world? A new one appeared recently in the Nevada desert. It's gone. McDonald's was
trying out an AI ordering system in their drive-thrus and they've already stopped because it was a
disaster. It was just like creating bogus orders and there's a really great video of a woman trying
to order food and it just kept adding sticks of butter under her order. Remember that stingray
that was like mysteriously pregnant and no one knew how it got pregnant and they thought that it
was maybe a shark that got the stingray pregnant and so the stingray would have like hybrid stingray
shark babies. It turns out it was like a it was a disease like like a like a reproductive disease.
I was hoping for shark gray Jesus but no. The great state of Louisiana passed a bill that
requires teachers to display the 10 commandments in every public school classroom. This is a very
normal thing. Very very cool. Very good. Not at all invasive. Conservative billionaire Timothy
Mellon has donated 50 million dollars to the Trump campaign and 20 million dollars to the RFK
campaign. This is your reminder that RFK is an anti-vaxxer who stands with Israel. He is a quack
and a failure with brain-eating worms. Stop letting him swindle you. A cyber attack hit a software
company that provides software to car dealerships taking out like 15,000 car dealerships across
the country. Vroom. And finally according to Big Weather it's going to be a hell of a hurricane
season. Like get ready y'all. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of Stuff Keeps
Happening. Head to SKH.News for sources, bonus content and a 50 million dollar donation to
your presidential campaign. My name is Endeavorance. I will be off next week and back the week after.
Take care and be well. Hello dear listener. It is Endeavorance again this time after the outro.
Thank you so much for listening to Stuff Keeps Happening. It really means a lot to know that
folks are out there enjoying what I am making. It would help me a ton if you would be so inclined
to leave a review on whatever platform you are using to listen to this podcast. Maybe tell a
person or two. Maybe even consider heading on over to patreon.com slash endeavorance where there are
brand new support tiers that you can pick from to get access to a whole bunch of bonus content
starting at $3 a month. Anything helps. Thank you so very much. I'll be back in a couple of weeks.
Take care and be well.