WEBVTT 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:04.400 Preacher: Whoa, boy, I sure do love Jesus. Boy, howdy. 00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:05.360 Cindy: Oh, preach. 00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:08.640 Alfred: That's what he's doing. He's a preacher. 00:00:08.800 --> 00:00:09.599 Cindy: Preach it. 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:15.148 Preacher: One time there was a footprint, then there was 00:00:15.172 --> 00:00:20.160 another footprint, and then. Wait. I'm all screwed up. 00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:20.960 Cindy: Amen. 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:22.399 Alfred: Praise be. 00:00:23.120 --> 00:00:27.498 Preacher: But our religion here ain't all about footprints. Now, 00:00:27.522 --> 00:00:31.760 I'm here to tell you. Tell you about the devil's playthings. 00:00:32.619 --> 00:00:33.820 Alfred: Idle hands. 00:00:34.140 --> 00:00:36.219 Preacher: No, no, that's "apocryphiphal". 00:00:36.859 --> 00:00:38.539 Cindy: Plant based burger patties. 00:00:38.859 --> 00:00:41.899 Preacher: No, but you're on the right direction. 00:00:42.060 --> 00:00:44.219 Alfred: Well, I just can't take the suspense. 00:00:44.539 --> 00:00:45.500 Cindy: Just tell us. 00:00:46.219 --> 00:00:49.659 Alfred: I'm gonna have an aneurysm and die if you don't tell me. 00:00:50.619 --> 00:00:51.500 Preacher: Pancakes. 00:00:52.140 --> 00:00:55.100 Cindy: Oh, Lordy, Lordy, he went there. 00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:59.340 Preacher: That's right, folks. Pancakes are the devil's plaything. 00:00:59.899 --> 00:01:01.420 Alfred: A powerful message. 00:01:01.899 --> 00:01:05.596 Preacher: Those decadent dripping lights are 00:01:05.608 --> 00:01:09.400 not for us. No, no. Not for the lambs of God. 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:11.400 Cindy: Isn't that a band? 00:01:13.079 --> 00:01:17.479 Preacher: If you're wondering who invented pancakes, that would 00:01:17.491 --> 00:01:22.040 be Lucifer Morningstar. That's right. He made them. To deceive us. 00:01:22.040 --> 00:01:24.439 Cindy: Oh, why are they sinful, preacher? 00:01:24.439 --> 00:01:30.420 Preacher: Virtue is like butter. Put it on a pancake and it slides right off. 00:01:30.432 --> 00:01:33.494 Now, if you put it in a waffle instead. 00:01:33.506 --> 00:01:36.810 Instead, that butter stays right in there. 00:01:37.450 --> 00:01:39.689 Alfred: Why did Satan make pancakes? 00:01:40.250 --> 00:01:45.312 Preacher: He knew. He knew that them decadent, scrumptious 00:01:45.324 --> 00:01:50.569 little treats, when eaten, led directly to the lake of fire. 00:01:51.049 --> 00:01:54.090 Cindy: Oh, the Bible definitely says this. 00:01:54.170 --> 00:01:56.489 Preacher: That's right. It does. That's right. Amen. 00:01:56.730 --> 00:01:59.530 Alfred: Is this why you own your own Waffle House there, Mr. 00:01:59.530 --> 00:02:02.534 Preacher man? Preacher: In-Dibbley-Dobbley- 00:02:02.546 --> 00:02:06.136 -dubitably I swear I make tasty waffles. So that 00:02:06.148 --> 00:02:09.085 nobody has any temptation to taste those 00:02:09.097 --> 00:02:12.550 sweet, sweet pancakes that the Satan done made. 00:02:13.110 --> 00:02:16.789 Alfred: Oh, but they are sweet. Cindy: How would you know? 00:02:19.750 --> 00:02:20.150 Cindy: Al??? 00:02:20.870 --> 00:02:26.069 Preacher: Alfred Wainsley III. Have you tasted of the devil's flatbread? 00:02:26.870 --> 00:02:28.909 Alfred: Yes, preacher, yes. 00:02:28.909 --> 00:02:30.310 Preacher: You better go and repent. 00:02:30.789 --> 00:02:33.899 Alfred: I repent. I lay down my satanic ways. 00:02:33.911 --> 00:02:36.830 No more will a pancake pass through these lips. 00:02:36.830 --> 00:02:38.930 Preacher: That ain't good enough, Alfred. 00:02:39.009 --> 00:02:42.930 Cindy: Not nearly. I can't believe we had a sinner in our mist. 00:02:43.330 --> 00:02:47.496 Preacher: Now, now, now. I'm gonna tell you right now. Let he who is 00:02:47.508 --> 00:02:52.050 without sin cast the first egg yolk. Alfred, I have news for you, brother. 00:02:52.289 --> 00:02:55.090 Alfred: Can you help a wretched sinner like me? 00:02:55.090 --> 00:02:56.849 Preacher: I sure can. 00:02:57.490 --> 00:02:58.689 Alfred: Tell me what to do. 00:02:58.689 --> 00:02:59.650 Preacher: Sure. You just - 00:03:00.050 --> 00:03:03.250 Alfred: Just say exactly what I need to do. 00:03:03.409 --> 00:03:04.370 Preacher: Well, come on. 00:03:04.530 --> 00:03:05.009 Cindy: Do it. 00:03:05.009 --> 00:03:06.449 Preacher: You just. Well, you just - 00:03:06.979 --> 00:03:11.148 Alfred: If you tell me to throw my body in front of a school bus full 00:03:11.160 --> 00:03:15.340 of children barreling down the interstate. I won't think I'll do it! 00:03:15.340 --> 00:03:17.820 Preacher: Alfred. Alfred: Yes Preacher 00:03:17.832 --> 00:03:20.580 Preacher: Alfred, you just calm down now, all right? 00:03:21.060 --> 00:03:22.659 Alfred: What do I need to do? 00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:26.971 Preacher: Well. Well, you just come on down and eat at my Waffle 00:03:26.983 --> 00:03:30.180 House down the way every Sunday for the rest of your life. 00:03:30.340 --> 00:03:34.379 Cindy: Oh, praise and glory be hallelujah. 00:03:34.379 --> 00:03:35.379 Alfred: I'm saved. 00:03:36.750 --> 00:03:40.830 Preacher: That's right. Now, Al, don't you skimp on eating them waffles now. 00:03:40.990 --> 00:03:42.469 Alfred: Oh, I won't, preacher. 00:03:42.469 --> 00:03:44.957 Preacher: It's a marker of your faith. I don't 00:03:44.969 --> 00:03:47.469 want you buying from that dollar menu neither. 00:03:47.870 --> 00:03:51.629 Alfred: I'll buy the most expensive thing on the menu every time. 00:03:51.710 --> 00:03:54.509 Preacher: And don't you forget to tip your wait staff. 00:03:54.750 --> 00:03:56.750 Alfred: I'll tip them 20%. 00:03:57.150 --> 00:04:00.781 Preacher: Don't y'all ever forget now. Love 00:04:00.793 --> 00:04:04.363 Jesus. Hate them pancakes. Eat them waffles. My 00:04:04.375 --> 00:04:08.086 waffles. You know, them ones right down the road. 00:04:08.098 --> 00:04:11.599 You eat my waffles. Nobody else's. Hallelujah. 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:20.000 Rare Nadir: I've been Rare Nadir with true conspiracies. If 00:04:20.012 --> 00:04:25.725 you enjoyed unraveling this hoax with me, share it with a friend. 00:04:25.737 --> 00:04:31.183 Or you could subscribe to the channel or leave us a review. Or 00:04:31.195 --> 00:04:36.480 all three together we will turn the sheeple into the people!