Preacher: Whoa, boy, I sure do love Jesus. Boy, howdy.
Cindy: Oh, preach.
Alfred: That's what he's doing. He's a preacher.
Cindy: Preach it.
Preacher: One time there was a footprint, then there was
another footprint, and then. Wait. I'm all screwed up.
Cindy: Amen.
Alfred: Praise be.
Preacher: But our religion here ain't all about footprints. Now,
I'm here to tell you. Tell you about the devil's playthings.
Alfred: Idle hands.
Preacher: No, no, that's "apocryphiphal".
Cindy: Plant based burger patties.
Preacher: No, but you're on the right direction.
Alfred: Well, I just can't take the suspense.
Cindy: Just tell us.
Alfred: I'm gonna have an aneurysm and die if you don't tell me.
Preacher: Pancakes.
Cindy: Oh, Lordy, Lordy, he went there.
Preacher: That's right, folks. Pancakes are the devil's plaything.
Alfred: A powerful message.
Preacher: Those decadent dripping lights are
not for us. No, no. Not for the lambs of God.
Cindy: Isn't that a band?
Preacher: If you're wondering who invented pancakes, that would
be Lucifer Morningstar. That's right. He made them. To deceive us.
Cindy: Oh, why are they sinful, preacher?
Preacher: Virtue is like butter. Put it on a pancake and it slides right off.
Now, if you put it in a waffle instead.
Instead, that butter stays right in there.
Alfred: Why did Satan make pancakes?
Preacher: He knew. He knew that them decadent, scrumptious
little treats, when eaten, led directly to the lake of fire.
Cindy: Oh, the Bible definitely says this.
Preacher: That's right. It does. That's right. Amen.
Alfred: Is this why you own your own Waffle House there, Mr.
Preacher man? Preacher: In-Dibbley-Dobbley-
-dubitably I swear I make tasty waffles. So that
nobody has any temptation to taste those
sweet, sweet pancakes that the Satan done made.
Alfred: Oh, but they are sweet. Cindy: How would you know?
Cindy: Al???
Preacher: Alfred Wainsley III. Have you tasted of the devil's flatbread?
Alfred: Yes, preacher, yes.
Preacher: You better go and repent.
Alfred: I repent. I lay down my satanic ways.
No more will a pancake pass through these lips.
Preacher: That ain't good enough, Alfred.
Cindy: Not nearly. I can't believe we had a sinner in our mist.
Preacher: Now, now, now. I'm gonna tell you right now. Let he who is
without sin cast the first egg yolk. Alfred, I have news for you, brother.
Alfred: Can you help a wretched sinner like me?
Preacher: I sure can.
Alfred: Tell me what to do.
Preacher: Sure. You just -
Alfred: Just say exactly what I need to do.
Preacher: Well, come on.
Cindy: Do it.
Preacher: You just. Well, you just -
Alfred: If you tell me to throw my body in front of a school bus full
of children barreling down the interstate. I won't think I'll do it!
Preacher: Alfred. Alfred: Yes Preacher
Preacher: Alfred, you just calm down now, all right?
Alfred: What do I need to do?
Preacher: Well. Well, you just come on down and eat at my Waffle
House down the way every Sunday for the rest of your life.
Cindy: Oh, praise and glory be hallelujah.
Alfred: I'm saved.
Preacher: That's right. Now, Al, don't you skimp on eating them waffles now.
Alfred: Oh, I won't, preacher.
Preacher: It's a marker of your faith. I don't
want you buying from that dollar menu neither.
Alfred: I'll buy the most expensive thing on the menu every time.
Preacher: And don't you forget to tip your wait staff.
Alfred: I'll tip them 20%.
Preacher: Don't y'all ever forget now. Love
Jesus. Hate them pancakes. Eat them waffles. My
waffles. You know, them ones right down the road.
You eat my waffles. Nobody else's. Hallelujah.
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