Baba Lysaga: Welcome back to Kill Them all, the
podcast about world domination. I'm Baba Lysaga, the
Witch of Borovia, here to interview a couple of
lady villains. This week we are sponsored by Myconid
Hallucinogens. Need a boost to your creativity?
Want to look at your lair with a fresh perspective?
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before. As part of my my spiritual practice, I gave
this a shot. It unblocked several of my chakras,
allowing my energy to flow more freely. Side effects
may include talking about energy flow as if it's a
real thing. Listeners, I don't have any siblings,
but today we thought we interview two sisters at the
same time. They are twins and their bond is obvious.
Please welcome Nilafny and Zerera, the Harpies.
Nelaphine: Hi, I'm Nelaphine
Zerera: And I'm Zerera. Thanks for having us.
Baba Lysaga: Thanks for coming on. I appreciate
all the colors in each of your feathers. And
what bedazzled beaks. Do you mind if I give you
both another compliment? A slighty saucy one?
Nelaphine: Go ahead.
Baba Lysaga: Your breasts are so perfectly saggy.
How did you get them to look like door knockers?
Zerera: A lot of flying.
Nelaphine: We're up in the air most of the time and it seems to help.
Baba Lysaga: I'm not sure if that's how gravity works. I appreciate the tip.
Nelaphine: Also, never wearing clothes.
Baba Lysaga: Ah, that's probably what I've been doing wrong.
Zerera: We use our nudity to lure sailors to their doom.
Baba Lysaga: I like having my bits covered when I'm doing alchemy, which
is most of the time. You don't want endless fire on your nether regions.
Nelaphine: Try luring people to your hut and eating them. See what happens.
Baba Lysaga: Well, I could use a break from
alchemy every now and then. Maybe I could try that.
Zerera: Go get em.
Baba Lysaga: So you mentioned sailors.
Most harpies live up in the cliffs. Whereabouts are you located?
Nelaphine: We lived together off the coast
of Chult. We made a nest next to a shipwreck.
Zerera: We wanted to travel, but there was so much shiny stuff in the shipwreck.
Baba Lysaga: Was it difficult collecting the treasure?
Zerera: Our wings got really soggy. Also, the ship was haunted, but
we just swam around the ghost and we didn't have too many problems.
Nelaphine: The main issue was how we smelled afterwards. Wet bird smell.
Zerera: Nellie, don't talk down on yourself like that. We are more than birds.
Nelaphine: We are majestic sky creatures. I know, I know.
Baba Lysaga: I'm sensing a common argument here.
Nelaphine: My sister has a higher opinion of ourselves than I do.
Zerera: Well, I mean, just look at us.
Saggy boobs, beautiful voices, long luscious hair.
Nelaphine: I wish I had your confidence.
Zerera: It's alright. You don't need it.
Baba Lysaga: I think you're both gorgeous.
Nelaphine: You're sweet.
Baba Lysaga: I'm not being sweet. I'm being genuine.
Especially you, Nelafine. I love your makeup.
Nelaphine: It's sailor's blood mixed with coral.
Baba Lysaga: It stays on real well.
Nelaphine: Thanks. I came up with the idea.
Baba Lysaga: You have to show me how to make it sometime.
Zerera: It's a cinch. We'll show you.
Baba Lysaga: And the eyeliner is bat dung, I presume.
Nelaphine: Mixed with sailor's blood.
Baba Lysaga: You must have a steady supply of sailor's
blood if you use it in so many different ways.
Zerera: I mean, they come by often to check out the shipwreck.
Then we sing our beautiful song and they have no choice.
Nelaphine: And then we eat them.
Baba Lysaga: So are most of the sailors you
kill pretty generic or do they do any stand out?
Nelaphine: We had a cleric of Saint Cuthbert come
by once. He said he was on a holy mission to bury
the missionaries in the shipwreck. So he asked
us for help for burying the people in the wreck.
Zerera: Imagine the gall. Us majestic creatures of
the sky. He wanted us to dig in the dirt like rabble.
Nelaphine: We let him dive down and get a body. Then we ate both of them.
Zerera: The dead one was starting to turn. Got a lot of blood out of him, though.
Baba Lysaga: Where were you before you lived next to the shipwreck?
Zerera: Well, we were near the Emerald Crater
for some time. You know, eating firenewts.
Nelaphine: We were eking out an existence. Hungry most of the time.
Zerera: We were unsatisfied with the amount of treasure
we could find near the Emerald Crater. There was a recent
explosion and most of the treasure had been melted. So
we packed our things and headed for the northern coast.
Baba Lysaga: Are you going to keep looking for treasure or have you settled down?
Nelaphine: We're pretty happy. We have plenty of gold to enjoy and there's
a steady supply of sailors. We sing our song and they come to their doom.
Baba Lysaga: You keep talking about the song. I've got to hear it.
Zerera: Oh, what a fantastic idea. So many listeners will be drawn to us.
Nelaphine: Let's do it.
Both: [singing] Oh, we made nests we live close to the sea. Harpies ambush!
We beauties collect your gold, give it for free.
Harpies ambush. If our soggy boobs are a thing that
you wish. Harpies ambush. We'll lure you to your death.
Your blood is delish.
Both: Harpies ambush. Harpies ambush. Harpies ambush. Harpies ambush!!!
Baba Lysaga: What a thing of beauty. Let's end there.
Acererak: If you enjoyed my monster interview show, you could
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channel. Or you could leave us a review. Or you could do all
three. Soon the evil we create together shall span the multiverse.