Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, BFAM Podcast,
and thank you for tuning in to another episode.
Today I'm here with?
Stephanie Westmeyer.
And you do?
I work as a training specialist in the Experiential Learning
Center at the Marshall School of Business,
and I teach introduction to public speaking
class in the Annenberg School of Communication and Journalism.
So how did that come about?
How did you get into that?
I got into my job here at Marshall,
where it's been now over 9 and 1 half years,
because of my background.
I went on and earned a doctorate degree in communication.
I did 10 straight years of school
and earned all three of my degrees.
Then I had taught public speaking communication classes,
and I also wanted to pursue my passion, which
was corporate training.
So I left higher education, worked for a nonprofit,
and then I decided to come home, because it was 9-11 had hit,
and we were not sure where the future of our country was going.
So a friend says, why don't you go back home,
because we don't know what's going to happen.
So I came back here, and the doors of opportunity
were open for me.
And I said, OK, what is it something that I want to do?
I want to train athletes in their speaking skills.
So I worked for a year at the Dodgers
and worked for a year at the Angels.
And that didn't open.
So I'm like, OK, now let me go back
to what my next passion is.
And I had earned a doctorate degree
because I wanted to do corporate training.
So I went to work for In-N-Out Burger
as a training instructor for their entry level management
program.
They're called Fourth Manager.
So I was there for five years.
And then I decided to, based upon the recommendation
of someone else, go back into higher education.
Because I spent about 10 years in higher education,
went into corporate, and then came back to higher ed.
Worked in HR for Long Beach State.
So I did training over there.
And then ventured off to try my hand at independent consulting.
Then I realized, this is tough work to go solo.
And I said, OK, let me find another job
and then work full time and then do the consulting on the side.
So I found this job at Marshall and applied for it.
And what I liked about it was it was exactly what I wanted.
It was the business experience and the teaching experience.
So I applied and have been here now 9 and 1 half years.
In February, it would be 10 years as a training specialist
in the Experiential Learning Center.
And what's so cool about the facility
is that, as you know, you've come down.
That's how we met.
I'm like, you saw me.
You can see that passion in me for teaching and education
and knowledge.
And the Experiential Learning Center
is a preeminent facility amongst all business schools.
So we're one of the only business schools
that has a facility dedicated to help undergraduates, graduates,
and executives train in different areas.
So professors will bring their students down to the facility.
And I will run the exercise.
And then we do a debrief.
So part of my job is, during the semester,
is facilitating the exercises for the classes.
And then, oftentimes, I'm developing new materials
and working on other projects.
So that's where the teaching aspect comes in.
And though I have a high need for connection,
people are important to me and investing in people.
And I've wanted to go back into teaching.
And last year, my supervisor says, well, why don't you
go and see about Annenberg?
So I applied for a job.
And I'm back in the classroom teaching a public speaking
class.
And I enjoy it.
It's just really nice to see people
take one of the greatest fears, public speaking.
People much rather, as Jerry Seinfeld said,
public speaking is number one fear above death and taxes.
And that people much rather, at a funeral,
be the person in the box and the person standing
in front of giving the eulogy.
So it's really cool for me to be able to watch people, what
I call, transform, take their fears
and then develop into a sense of confident communicators.
So I enjoy that process.
So that's how I spend my time here at USC.
That's so nice.
And I thank you for that lengthy introduction.
That's one of the best introductions I've had yet.
Was it like an elevator pitch?
Yeah, it was a great elevator pitch.
So yeah, I take the class History on Stand Up Comedy.
He was talking about how it's hard to get up there
and talk in front of people.
And secondly, it's even harder to get up there and hope
that they laugh at your jokes.
Yes.
So have you had any experience with comedians?
Have they ever come to get help?
No, I haven't had experience with comedians.
I have worked with athletes.
And so that is really a neat experience to watch them.
And when I was working with the Angels,
I had a really unique, very humbling experience
where a broadcaster came up to me.
And I shared what my vision was is
to train athletes in their speaking skills.
He's like, oh, I'm always interested in new techniques.
And so I gave him some.
And he was so gracious because he listened.
This guy knows this stuff already,
but he's taking advice from me.
So when I see him broadcast in baseball for different games,
I'm like, wow, what a cool person.
That's really what I call that servant leadership.
He knew what my dream was, and he wanted to support it.
So that's kind of what I like to do.
I mentioned to you, I'm a connector.
I have a need for people and connection.
And I like to help other people find ways
to make their dreams come true.
So when people say, oh, I have this need,
or do you know anyone there?
I'm like, oh, this, or I will think of people.
People describe me as being very thoughtful.
And so I say, OK, let me see.
And that's where my strength is.
So I haven't worked with comedians.
I have, though, worked with a few athletes.
And so it's nice to see them gain their confidence
in front of them speaking.
Yeah, so one of the things that stuck out to me was listening.
So how important is listening to public speaking?
They seem like total opposites almost,
but how do those two play into each other?
Well, that is a really great question.
Because in order to be a great speaker,
you have to learn to be a great listener.
And the reason I say that is because when
you can learn to listen to what people say,
you learn what's important to them.
And you can learn what's important to them.
Then you can connect with them to the audience,
as audience members.
And when you connect to them as audience members,
then they're drawn into your presentation.
And so what you're doing is you're
speaking to an audience instead of speaking at an audience.
And that's often what I think happens as speakers.
We think, I'm the expert.
I have all the knowledge.
And I'm going to tell you what you need to know.
Instead, it's like, I've listened to what you say.
I've heard what your needs are.
Let me share with you some information
that I think is valuable.
When we do informative speeches, I
have students focus on, why should the audience listen
to you, the WIFM, what's in it for me?
And so I really emphasize that part,
because it breaks the barrier as a speaker and audience.
It just seems to be this like physical.
Glass wall.
Yes.
And I like the idea of that image of a glass wall.
It becomes like a psychological barrier.
So when I can say, as a person who's
interested in finding out about people,
let me tell you a little bit about how
this topic relates to you.
You'll benefit more by learning about me.
And I'll benefit more by learning about you.
So now you feel drawn into the presentation.
And it was really cool, because just this morning,
the students were giving their presentation.
And a student who normally doesn't
have connection with another student made reference to him.
And I just saw that psychological emotional
connection.
And it was really cool.
And that's the value of listening,
because I thought, he listened to his audience.
And he knew about his audience.
So I think listening is a very important part of speaking.
And we also have different ways we can listen.
Yeah.
Even with listening, another thing, I think,
can bring a really good connection
is when people learn each other's names
and reference back to them during the speech
or during the conversation.
Yes.
And that exactly happened, too.
Someone referenced someone else in the speech to the audience
names, because the person just got out of the speaking.
They're getting it.
And that's where the joy of teaching comes in,
is because I've been talking, and I've
been sharing information and experience.
And then when I see them put it into action, I'm like,
they get it.
Yeah.
And that just shows to me that they're listening to me, too.
Yeah, and they're actually engaged.
Exactly.
That's a good way of putting it.
So what about when speeches go wrong?
Like, how do you say it?
Improvization.
Yeah.
Improvization.
So I'm glad that you mentioned that,
because when speeches go wrong, you have to just go with it.
And I actually had, for me, one of my worst nightmares
is giving a presentation and not knowing my material,
or having technical issues.
And a couple of years ago, I was giving a presentation
to a class with a brand new computer, and we had tested.
You can see where this is going, right?
So I tested and practiced in another classroom.
It was here in a 302 class.
I practiced in another classroom,
and then I went into the classroom,
and the professor says, oh, can you just email it to me?
I said, no, that file's too big.
We'll just use my computer.
And my audio card and my HDMI connection didn't work.
And so he kept working with it, and working with it,
and working like, I've got 32 people in front of me.
What am I going to do?
And I got this great presentation
with all these videos.
And so I had to go with it.
And so I just like, OK, this is it.
And fortunately, because I was familiar with my material,
I walked through it.
And it was a frustrating point, and especially for me,
because I thought, I know I should have sent.
He asked for it.
I should have sent it back up, back up, back up,
back up to the back up.
And I didn't, because I thought my way was the right way,
and that's an area of getting help, too.
So I think that that's an example of there
are speeches that will go wrong.
And it's not so much the mistake that is made
as how did you recover from it.
So that, for me, is a technology issue.
And when you come to 307, the marketing class,
for those who have taken the Marshall Marketing class,
there's an exercise where they'll do their PowerPoints,
and at the last minute, we'll pull some of them away from it.
And I tell them, this is reality,
where you're going to go, and your PowerPoint's not
going to work, and then you're going to have to say,
and they're going to say, I still want to hear it.
No, we cannot reschedule this meeting.
Just share your information.
So I think that that's an example of that.
And with students in classes, there's this need
like, I have to say everything.
So instead of improv, we use what we call extemporaneous,
where you know what you're going to say,
and then you start flowing with the presentation.
So I know my introduction, my main points.
Oops, I skipped a main point, but they really
know that part, so I'm just going to improv if you want.
You can't miss it if you don't know it.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's one thing that I'm trying
to help the students understand.
If you forget a part, it's OK.
It's better just to move forward and go on with it.
Yeah.
So I see familiar.
These are big words.
Being familiar with the content that you are presenting
is very important.
But how does research play a part
in actually being interested in what you're learning?
Oh, I'm so glad you say that, because it's
so important to have more information,
so that way it shows that you're credible.
There are three parts in speaking
that we talk about, ethos, pathos, and modos.
And ethos is where you're building your credibility
and your knowledge.
And so that's an important part.
Like, I've done my research.
I want to share with you what the findings have said.
And it just shows, I think it can also,
I don't think people realize that using knowledge
and resources or research also helps create
a connection to the audience.
Because people are thinking, why should I believe you?
Because you're speaking in front of me,
doesn't mean I have to believe.
And then when you say, according to the 2023 USC website,
only 10% of those who applied were accepted.
That's just something.
And it just shows, wow, this person
took time to find out this information to share with me.
Count every single person.
And I also think it's important in research
to be able to share both sides.
Because nowadays, we have our views,
and we use a platform to share our views, which is good.
Also, the audience nowadays, we all
come from diverse backgrounds.
We might not all share the same views.
So it's important to acknowledge what other people say.
It's like, OK, this is what this research says.
And other people have different points of view.
And this is what the other point of view says.
I think if you can show balance, then it
shows there's more objectivity as a speaker, which
people want to hear nowadays.
Yeah, and I see that rhetorical analysis is a really good thing
to have a speech.
Because you have to be able to provide the information,
the data, and then give your insight behind it
to convince the listener to actually want to listen to you.
And another part is every coin has two sides.
Yes, it does.
You can't just present one side of the coin heads up
and forget about tails.
So can you talk about the importance
of presenting the counterargument,
not giving all the way into it, but acknowledging it,
and giving the data that would potentially bring down
your entire argument, but still being
confident enough to support your own argument at the same time?
So I think it's interesting, because there's
a concept, an approach that we use called
Monroe's Motivated Sequence in the persuasive.
And you start off with the attention step,
then you go to the need step, and then the satisfaction,
then the visualization, and then the action.
And the attention is, OK, what the situation is,
what's the topic, and what you're
wanting to persuade people to do.
And then that need step is exactly what you talk about.
You talk about what are the advantages,
what is the needs, what is the problem.
And when you're presenting your problem,
you have to recognize the fact that there's
another side to it.
So when you're stating the need, you
will present that opposing need.
And then when you talk about the satisfaction,
you talk about the benefits of the reason
why you recommend this side, and then also the drawbacks.
Because people need to really persuade someone,
you need to give people freedom to choose.
And your argument is designed to let the audience decide
what they should do based upon the information.
And that's what's nice about Monroe's Motivated Sequence,
because you then go to the satisfaction step,
then you go to the fourth step, which is the visualization step.
And then you paint a picture for the audience.
OK, this is if you adapt and take action
for what I'm telling you to do, these are all the benefits.
If you don't, then this is a drawback.
So then this is seeing both sides, I always say.
And then finally, the call to action, which is, OK,
now it's time for you to take that step.
And with the call to action, it's important for audience
members to have something physical to do,
because that's where persuasion comes in.
It's not just changing my thought,
oh, that's a really good idea.
I support your idea that I need to go to the gym
three days a week.
Six months later, I'm not at the gym.
But if you give me a free pass that I can, or a product
that you're wanting to sell, that I'm trying it,
then I'm willing to go for it.
So it's the action that is also needed to it.
And that's why it's important to present both sides.
And nowadays, I actually had a student
who wanted to give a topic on a person that they found
controversial.
Some people would consider controversial.
And I said, no, I think you need to do it.
Because first of all, you have the strength as a speaker
to do it.
And then you also talk about the other side of that speaker.
So instead of vilifying or demonizing
that person as a bad person, show the other aspects
of the good that they're doing.
Because that's where we can really
start to see the opposite side.
Like, oh, wow, I didn't know that person received
the most tweets for anti-Semitic comments.
Like, wow, I didn't realize that that person struggled, too.
Or wow, that's why that person has the views that they do.
And so that's what I'm saying.
I agree with you that we need to present both sides.
And we also need to listen to both sides as well.
So one of the things I enjoy doing
is I was actually challenged by this.
It was called the love challenge.
To find people that you have a difficult time connecting
with or understanding and reach out to them.
And I did that.
So I found someone who comes from a different group
than I do, different cultural groups.
And so I got to know that person.
And that person got to know me.
And they paid me the greatest compliment.
They said, wow, you really are who you say you are.
And that meant a lot to me.
And so now my mind is open.
And I'm able to see people from different perspectives.
So in some ways, the person comes
from a different background.
And the background is one that my background usually
doesn't like.
And so I've learned to be more in the neutral area.
There's an author.
And open to learning.
Yes.
Because we have so much to learn.
And there's an author.
Yes.
Called Bob Goff.
And he wrote a book called Always and Everywhere.
It's love always and love everyone.
And that was like a transforming book for me
because I realized if I can learn to love everyone
the way I'm loved, and then that means
that the gift of love is being perpetuated.
And that can start then building bridges and breaking down
barriers.
So that's why I think it's good to learn to love and respect
and honor people, even if they have different views
and values from you.
I can still have my views and values.
And I can still learn to respect and see
where someone else is coming from.
I have a friend.
We come from two political different views.
And a few years ago during an administration,
it was really nice because we got to listen to each other.
And we had what I call civil discourse.
OK, so why are you here?
Why are you there?
And it was just nice to be able to maintain a friendship
through different perspectives.
And we would learn from each other.
And so when the person was voted into office,
and it's like, why?
What's going on?
I'm like, OK, OK.
And then her person was voted in office.
I was like, OK, why?
Why?
Yeah, so it was really cool.
I think that's where I feel like growth is.
It's not just about book knowledge
and getting A's on tests.
It's also the idea of how do we respond to people in a way that
shows that we're kind of interested in them.
Yeah, and honored, too.
Yeah, and a lot of times, I believe,
it's not even about, well, for me,
it's not about being right or wrong in situations anymore.
Because I feel like once you hold that view or aspect
of anything, you kind of shut anybody out from coming in.
And once you start to shut these people out,
it's extremely hard to change your views and viewpoints
on a lot of things.
And once you're stuck in this cycle,
you begin to believe that your life is just repeating itself
over again.
And that's when the days become long.
And that's when they start to feel like they're repeating,
because you're stuck in this circle.
And the only way to get out of the circle
is to step outside of yourself and look at these new groups.
And then a lot of people, I feel like they shy away
from doing this, because they feel like, oh,
once I step outside the circle, I have to conform.
And now it's this conformity factor that they're scared of.
And they're not going to be themselves anymore.
But that's the joy of life, is that you get to change every day
that you wake up.
And even if you don't change at all,
now you have a new neurological pathway of thinking.
And now your brain is working again, because our brains age.
And we only, I learned this in sociology class,
is the brain fully develops when you turn 25.
And once you get there, it's like,
if you're not bringing in any type of new information,
you start to plateau.
So that's where depression and emotions start to roll in.
And you start to become confused on who you are.
And it's crazy that around 25 is when the brain starts to shut off.
So it will make sense around 30 or mid-30s.
That's when mid-life crises start to fall in.
And that's when people start to question themselves
and what they're doing with their life.
And it's never too late, but 35 is kind of late
if you already had the information before.
And then one of the things that I like to think of
is that once you learn something, you can't forget it.
And so you get a pass for being ignorant
before you learn whatever you were learning.
But once you learn that thing, it's up to you
to put it into action or not.
And that's when you lose the, not even the ignorant is bliss
part, but the I feel bad for you because you don't know.
But once I teach you, now it's like,
it's up to you to use this information.
And if you don't want to use it, I'm not going to make you.
But I wish I could help.
And I think that we don't see that too much anymore
in the sense of people learn information
and they make a choice of whether they're going to store it.
It's kind of like studying for a test.
So I'm going to learn this to get that A,
and then I'm just going to forget it
until they learn to use it.
And so that's the one nice thing about life.
When I was in graduate school, a saying that I had living life
is a lifelong learning process.
So what is it that I can learn?
What is it something new?
And being OK with making mistakes,
because I think that that's something
that we're not used to.
There's this need that there's only one way
and it's the right way.
And now I'm in my years where I'm learning,
it's OK to do things differently.
And it's OK that things don't go my way.
And so I think that's important.
And I value and respect people who are in their 20s who
are still learning or who have that attitude.
That's, to me, a wonderful attitude and definitely
a good mindset to have.
And it is true that we make the conscious choice of what
we're going to do with the information.
And if we choose not to use it, then isn't that once,
fool me once?
Shame on you.
Fool me twice.
You can't fool me again.
Yeah, shame on me.
Oh, I'm thinking of a song about that.
Exactly.
Sounds like a good song.
So it's the same idea.
And so what was the fool me twice and what
is the song there go?
He said, fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, well, you can't fool me again.
It's a J. Cole song.
Oh, that's cool.
That's awesome.
It's the same idea that it's making a choice
to learn and change.
I think that's another part is what
we do with the information.
Are we going to change?
And it sounds like you've done a lot of work in neuroscience
or studying neuroscience.
Yeah, I just like to read.
I pick up the reading and then it's not even
one book that teaches you it.
But once you read multiple books, the information from A
starts to correlate with the information from B.
And once you get in this habit of reading,
the dots start to connect themselves.
So even if you haven't picked up the book that you referenced
to in a long time, once you get on that thought pattern,
the neurological pathway lights up again.
And once it lights up, it's going that way
and it's going in that direction.
So that's when you can increase the amount of epiphanies
that you receive.
Because if anybody that's listening
doesn't know what an epiphany is,
it's like it's a sudden idea or a thought
that you feel drawn to.
And your body has an emotional connection to it
and you don't know where it came from.
It's not random, but it's something
that your subconscious mind was working on
before you even realized it or if you ever realized it at all.
And that's kind of like how my story was with coming here.
I had an epiphany to just want to go to USC.
I'm not sure what I was picking up over the years or growing up,
but ended up sparking at the right time.
But once you build the familiarity with the things
that you really love to do, it starts to work for you
and not against you.
And I think that's another thing that people fall into often
is when they think they're going to their calling
and they start to shut out every other option
to move on to a new path.
It becomes very troubling to stay on point.
And then they start to question themselves.
And the way that they question themselves isn't, OK,
how can I do better?
But it's like, what am I doing wrong?
And once you start to ask your body what you're doing wrong,
the brain is now trying to protect itself.
Because it's like, what am I doing wrong?
The brain sends a message to the body saying, oh, something's
going on here.
Something's not right.
And it starts trying to correct things
that don't need to be corrected.
So if we can change the way that we question ourselves,
we can improve our ways to look for a new path.
And it doesn't even necessarily have to be a new path
to a new goal or a new direction.
But it just has to say you're walking down a street
that you usually walk on and it's construction going on
there.
I can take a right and then take a left on the next street
and take another left and go straight
and I'll be back on the right path.
So sometimes we have to break off into these ventures
to learn this new information to see what life is all about.
And I like you say that because there's two things that
come to mind for me.
The thought is that sometimes we have
to retrain the brain.
So we can be on a path that is like a destructive behavior.
And so how do we learn?
In fact, I'm listening to the audio book Power of Habit.
And it talks about that.
We have to develop the beginning and the end, the reward
and the initiative part can be the same.
But it's the pattern in the middle that needs to be changed.
So what's the new habit?
What's a new way of doing things?
Because there might be bad habits such as running late
or procrastinating.
OK, what's the new habit that I can develop into it?
So I think that with the power of the mind,
we have the opportunity to re-change or reprogram,
retrain the brain into thinking new things and in new ways.
And I think that that's important.
And I also agree with you that it's also important to be
open to new opportunities because sometimes our paths,
we're so focused and we think there's only one way
to get to the goal, we could be missing out
on a better opportunity.
And so as they say, when one door closes, another door opens.
And so to be open to say yes, there's
a saying that I learned that Trojans say yes.
And so I think that is really cool.
Because when we say yes to new experiences
and go in without any preconceived ideas
or expectations of when are I going to get out of it,
just like I'm going to go and I'm going to show up.
And then go and show if you want to say.
And I think that that will help people
have better experiences that will then
lead to new opportunities.
And I remember hearing the story of a lawyer who lost his job.
And he had a family.
And so he was hustling.
He was working a catering job to put food
on the table for his family.
And this is a lawyer.
You don't think of that.
And he said that that was a great experience.
Because that job led him to a contact at a party of a person
and they're looking for a new lawyer to hire.
And he would not have known that if he had only been in that.
So now his life and his mindset, his neuro paths
have now gone to have more empathy for people
who have lost their job, have learned
to show more humility to people in the service industry.
So he has now grown as a person.
And ended up on the same path that he was on before.
Exactly.
He ended up to the same goal.
And if I may share a quick story.
I'm listening.
So one of my, the reason why I work
for the Angels and the Dodgers is
because I had wanted to train athletes in the speaking
skills.
And that didn't happen.
It didn't happen.
I'm like, OK, I have to move forward.
And so I come back here.
And now I'm working with athletes.
And I thought, wow, this is just so cool.
From my experience, from my faith experience,
to see how the desire in my heart
to work with athletes has come true in a whole different way.
Yes.
And so I look at it.
And I'm like, wow, some of these student athletes
have the potential of becoming Olympic, Olympians,
and gold medalists, and MVP, and stuff like that.
I'm like, oh, that's so cool that I
had the opportunity to be a touch
point in their life in communication.
So I just think of that.
We often think there's only one way to get to my goal.
And it has to be my way.
And sometimes we have to just let go of our own ways
and be open to the way life comes about.
For me, let go of my ways and let God's ways come into play.
Another thing I've been learning to reiterate
what you were talking about is that now when I see a problem,
instead of attacking it directly,
I try to solve problems by attacking them indirectly.
How so?
What can I do?
The thought process that goes is, OK,
I wish I had an example.
So let me see if I can think of one.
So say I'm having a problem.
I guess you could say writing a paper.
You would think if I just sit at the computer long enough,
an idea will come.
But no, that's not how it works.
And the paper isn't due in the next five minutes.
So you'll be fine.
And so I'll try to get up and go around.
Or just walk around, go outside, listen to some music,
watch a video, go get active, go play sports.
Do everything except writing a paper.
And once I take myself out of the mind state
of just straining the idea and straining the thought,
it pops back up and it just comes to me.
So a lot of times when we think that we're
pushing and grinding, pushing for what we think is right
and what we think is wrong or whatever,
we're pushing our goals further away.
And when we're pushing our goals further away,
it's almost like we become frustrated.
Yeah, I could see that.
And once we become frustrated, that's when we give up.
But it's almost like the idea of the diamond miner
is he's hidden away, hidden away for hours, for days,
for months.
And he just gives up.
But he doesn't know on the other side was one more hit
and you could have did it.
So sometimes we just need a break
to walk away from our goals like the lawyer did indirectly.
But we need to walk away from our goals
and let the universe do its work on us so we can come back.
The universe isn't going to put a problem on you
that you can't handle.
But sometimes it will.
And we have to be in the right mind
to be able to walk away but not quit.
And what I like about your example about the paper
and getting frustrated, oftentimes we
will try to push our way through it.
And sometimes that's where we need to,
as Elsa says, is let it go.
Let it go, let it go.
And when we let it go and we're able to take a break,
as you say, and go and do something else,
it's giving our mind that time to renew and refresh
and restore and new ideas.
So if you go and play that video game and you're playing,
I could see an epiphany come.
Like, oh, wow, I hadn't thought about it
from this perspective.
Now you're refreshed and you're renewed
and you're ready to go back into that paper.
The one thing that your example also reminds me of
is the importance that we need to take time.
And one of your other, I forget her name,
had mentioned about having alone time.
We need to have downtime.
And taking that break becomes that downtime.
If this paper is due, I know it's due,
what am I going to do?
And so, okay, I'm gonna take a break and then come back.
It's also setting that boundary so that the break
doesn't become a form of procrastination.
And just also learning to be kind and gentle to yourself.
I like what you said earlier about,
oh, what did I do wrong?
You know, like people tell me, Stephanie,
you've got a lot going on.
Just give yourself grace.
You know, like learn to develop.
So that's my new mindset, new neuro pathway.
I'm like, okay, I'm okay.
I'm safe, I'm doing the best I can.
This is good, as opposed to what did I do wrong.
And so that then, what I'm finding is that when I have
that positive self-talk in a negative situation,
it's an open me up to be more creative
because I don't have all that negativity in me anymore.
And I do feel a lot more freedom in that.
So I think that that's good.
Because it's easy to say, what did I do wrong?
As opposed to just saying, well, that's their perspective.
And I think also it's important, as I mentioned,
I like to connect with people.
That it's important to connect with people
when we're having some roadblocks
because they will offer perspectives.
And sometimes we want people to say, oh, you're right.
Instead, they'll say, well, wait a minute,
what about that perspective?
I'm like, that's right.
So that's also, I think, a way of retraining our brains
that when we listen, when we are open to get feedback,
so feedback is an important part of listening to.
So in giving communication, we share our thoughts,
we listen to what is shared,
and part of listening is receiving feedback.
So when someone is willing to be honest and say,
oh, what about this perspective of why this happened?
I'm like, okay, that helps.
Because now my mind is getting out of that rut of negativity
and it's almost like filling the pothole.
So now I can walk over that pothole
because the pathway is smooth.
And I'm like, okay.
And so I think that that's really how it helps.
Like the brain is just, you know,
it's just such a powerful muscle in our body
that we don't really take,
we don't recognize the power the brain has
in retraining our way of thinking,
and then not only retraining our way of thinking,
but retraining the way we do based on what we think.
And then another thing where you were talking about
just saying yes and going.
Yes.
It's, there's a new way of thinking I'm trying to pick up
is if I don't like it, I can leave.
Oh, that's awesome.
We're never stuck, like,
we're not as stuck as we make ourselves out to be.
So we're like, oh, if I do this, then I have to do that.
Like we're coming up with these scenarios
that haven't even happened
because you haven't even decided to take any type of action.
So what I try to do now is if I want to go somewhere,
I say, okay, it's gonna cost X amount of dollars.
Oh, okay.
It's not like, even if I don't have the money myself,
it's not like I'm not gonna be able to get back home.
I'm gonna be able to get back home from wherever I go.
So how about I just go and if I don't like it,
I can simply just come back.
That's a great idea.
But at least I got out and tried it.
Exactly.
To give my brain the reassurance
that it's okay to do things that are new
and it's okay to step out and not shut everything out
because of all these different scenarios
that have come up with that
probably weren't gonna happen anyway.
Right, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's cool.
Yeah.
I don't know, is that all you?
Yeah, I just, I've enjoyed this opportunity
to speak to you and listen to your perspective.
It was such an honor.
This was like a yes moment for me.
Yeah.
And you're probably like, is she gonna say yes
or is she gonna say no
because I wanted to do my research.
So when you sent me the podcast, I listened to it
and as I shared, it was such an honor, first of all,
when you were in the ELC and you came up,
the first second we could pass, like,
hey, would you be willing to be on my podcast?
I'm like, wow.
That really lifted up my spirits.
Yes.
It was something else going on in my life
and like, wow, it just showed that who I am
and what I say can add value.
And so then when we connected, I thought,
well, let me listen first to make sure
that what I have to say matches with what your topic is.
And then when I was listening, I'm like,
wow, this is so cool.
Austin thought of me for this opportunity
because you've had such powerful people
with incredible life stories, just sharing their journeys
and having conversations like the gift to communicate
and share experiences, which is so powerful.
And so that's why I really appreciated the opportunity
and I said, yes, it is an honor to come
and be part of your podcast, to support you,
to support our audience, and to encourage
those who are listening the way those who have been
on your show have encouraged me.
Just to remember the things that we talked about,
there's power in listening, there's power
in the way we think things, there's power in saying yes,
and there's power of getting to know people
who are different from us because that is
what is going to really be the opportunity
to get rid of anger and hate and learn to love
and honor and respect more.
And I'll end with this quote from Dr. Henry Cloud.
He says, the one way to resolve conflict,
the best way is to listen.
Because when you listen and then you can actively listen
by resharing back, then it shows that you have
respect and understanding, and that's what people want.
They want to know they're being heard
and they want to know that they're being valued.
So I want to say thank you for your time.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts
and thank you for valuing my perspective
and as you're coming back.
And I wish you the best.
I look forward to other future guests
that you'll have on your show.
So stay strong and fight on.
Thank you.
Okay, if you're still tuned in, this is a bonus clip
from when me and Dr. Stephanie's podcast ended.
Feel free to listen.
All right, it should be back on, here we go.
All right, so you know what?
When we were talking about learning new things,
I just think of what happened here.
When I came in, you had mentioned that you were working
on this new program called Adacity.
And I said, oh wow, I know Adacity.
And so I here was getting to teach you new things.
And here I'm impressed by the fact
that you're willing to teach.
So to me, Austin, you're a person who walks the talk.
You're able to try new things and say,
let's just do it, if it doesn't work, it's okay.
And so I think that's what's so cool.
Then we ran into a problem because the adapter.
To the microphones.
Yeah, it didn't work on your.
Macbook.
Yeah, so I went over, I'm like, okay, we need help.
So I'm gonna use my connections.
And I went over next door and I went to ITS
and I said, hey, how do I do this?
And then he pulled it apart and I'm like,
oh my goodness, there's a solution.
So we came in and we're using a new equipment.
A new app.
And it all came together.
And see, that's the idea of learning to walk
in the freedom of doing things new.
So now you've got a new experience
and you've got new equipment.
Oh, this is beautiful, this is nice.
And you have a new way of seeing.
So hopefully this example will be encouragement
to other listeners.
Yeah, anybody that wants to start anything,
just go for it.
Go for it.
And it'll build on itself through the years
because, well, not even through the years,
through the months.
I started this at the beginning of August,
right before, yeah, July 31st was my first episode
and I started through August.
And I was just using the voice memos on my iPad.
But look at this.
I know, this is awesome.
I got a new computer.
I found a new app by just getting here early
and doing some research on how to clear up white noise.
And I ended up finding an entirely new free tool
because they try to make you pay for this stuff.
I'm not doing that.
I'm not doing it.
No, no, you shouldn't have to.
So yeah, I got this.
And that's beautiful.
Anything you guys wanna do, just jump into the water.
The moment you feel this most scary to jump,
that's when you jump in.
Yeah, and also remember to take someone's hand
when you jump because this came about
because we worked together.
You need to go and ask people out there for help too
because there are people who have information.
As they say in business, if you wanna go fast,
you go alone, but if you wanna go farther, go with others.
So build your community.
Austin is one of them.
I'm one of them.
If you see me in Marshall, if you see me in Annenberg,
send me, say hi or even just shoot an email like,
hey, can we connect?
I'd love to be able to be here
because we are part of this Trojan family
and we're part of the world that has been created
and we're here to help and support one another.
So with that, we wish you the best
and we love and appreciate you all.
You are worthy of love, you are valued
and your voice has value too.
So stay strong, peace out.
I like that one, I like that cut.
Thank you so much.