What's up BFam Podcast. Today is a solo episode and I just want to talk about a little bit
of myself. Today I'm going to talk about my upbringing and how it made me who I am today.
Well, my upbringing from my perspective because it may look different from the people who
actually raised me but in my eyes I say this all the time. Growing up I always was moving
around. Whether it be from house to house, mom and dad were never together. So whether
it be from house to house or from living space to living space, we moved around a lot. Downtown,
midtown, southwest, Clinton Township, Grosse Pointe, the east side, the west side. I was
all over Detroit from a very young age and I feel like becoming accustomed to that. I
was always looking for something to be busy with. I was in a lot of activities growing
up. Whatever sport it was, I was in it. If it was an after school club, I joined it.
I always kept myself busy because I thought that was what life was all about, being busy
because my parents always had me moving around. I feel like in a sense it worked out for me
to my advantage because I knew a lot of people who were sheltered during their childhoods.
Parents always hovering over them. Nothing that's not going to stable households but
some households are too stable. Parents don't trust the kid, want to know everything that
the kid is doing, who are their friends, who are their parents. This, this and that. It
was just like I'm glad I got to skip over all of that. Let me think. So yeah, back to
what I was saying, always moving around as a kid and as I got older, I started to realize
the toll it was taking on me because I would start to forget things. You know, always moving
around, yeah I'm getting a new experience but also always moving around, I got a lot
of information coming in from anywhere and everywhere. So I was experiencing so much,
it was becoming stressful because one week I'd be at my dad's house. So I'd be at my
dad's house, school, sports, living arrangements at my dad's house, after school programs,
homework, friends hanging out and then boom Sunday comes and I'm going to my mom's house.
Living in my mom's household, it was way different from my dad's. So now I got a lot of chores,
still got school, still got sports, after school programs, friends, this this and that.
I never really got to embrace all the experiences I was having because my brain was always on
the go. Not necessarily my body but my brain was always moving at this rapid speed. Picking
this up here, picking that up here, let me remember to get that, gotta remember to get
this and I'm doing all of this without a notebook, pen and pad, anything. I'm just trying my
best to grasp onto everything that I had to remember and I was just stuffing it in my
brain and by the time I got to high school it was starting to burn me out. I started
to realize that I was having mental breakdowns and not like lashing out on everybody but
I would become so overwhelmed with the responsibilities that I was taking up that it would build up
and it just spew out at random moments and I'm like this isn't healthy. You know what
I'm saying? So I'll say the negative impact that growing up in a disconnected household
would have to be just the amount of stress it can bring and put on one person. I had
to pick up a lot of responsibilities as a kid as well. Two single parent households,
some things I just had to pick up and learn how to do on my own. Parents can't be there
all the time because they gotta work too to provide a healthy home. So they gotta work.
So I had to learn how to do some things early especially at my mom's house. Let's see,
at my mom's house she taught me how to cook at an early age, taught me how to clean at
an early age. I had to learn how to iron my clothes, had to do chores. She was getting
me ready responsibility wise. You know what I'm saying? So every Saturday morning or Friday
night if I wanted to go out Saturday, Friday night I would have to clean the bathroom,
sweep them out the hallways, do the dishes. She gave me those responsibilities from very
early on because she didn't want, I guess she didn't want to be burnt out cleaning
the whole house up and taking care of the kids. So I'm so grateful she taught me how
to do that because it dawns on me now every time before I go out I make sure the dishes
is clean, before I go out I try to make sure my room is clean, make sure the bathroom clean
of somebody coming over, the bathroom clean if I'm going out. I just like to have, she
gave me the sense that it's important to have a clean household before you leave because
a lot of us don't think about this but dude however you leave your house before you leave
the house is how you going to act when you get outside the house. Yeah it's crazy to
think about how living spaces or living arrangements can affect one's mood and I started to realize
this. It's books written on this, how to make your bed, a book like that. I haven't read
it yet but I'm pretty sure it's about how getting that one little win a day, you know
what I'm saying, waking up, making your bed, seeing your space clean can give you a clear
conscience to start the day. You know what I'm saying? It's way easier to focus on what
you're doing when your space is clean. See I know we always talk about external and internal
problems and should I fix the external or should I fix the internal? It's really a mixture
of both. It's neither one more than the other. You know what I'm saying? Both extremities
are real and both of them have an effect on you so our inner world is really reflected
by our outer world. A dirty room can lead to a dirty mind. Not like that. But a dirty
room can lead to a messy mind. Cluttered. You know what I'm saying? Your mind is cluttered.
You can't think of anything. You can't seem to remember anything. Everything is jumping
around at you. It seems like everything is misplaced but it seems like once you clean
the room you declutter your mind. Now everything is easier to remember. You know where you
place stuff at. You can hear your thoughts. You can witness your thoughts because when
my room is messy I can't see a single thought going in my head. I just know what I'm thinking.
It's just everything bouncing around. But when I clean the room up even if I just tidy
it up. I'm not saying you gotta deep clean, wash the sheets, wash the covers, clean the
floor. Some people might have to do that. I'm not saying you gotta do all that but once
I get a little bit of order going on in my life it's easier to think. So instead of my
thoughts being scattered around it's more like thought. Oh okay thought. Oh alright.
Thought. Oh alright. Thought. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's easier for me to think.
So I'm really grateful for my mind and that aspect for teaching me about that. Now let's
think about, let's think about, hmmm, hmmm, always moving around. Oh yeah. Growing up.
Yeah I used to be with my parents sometimes. Not a lot. Well I don't know. As a kid it
didn't feel like a lot. And I'm not mad at that. Because I would get to spend time with
the older people in my life. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. And I'm so so
so so so happy that I did that. Because getting that outlook and perspective on life really
helped me today. I'm so glad they gave me off to somebody older and wiser. You know
what I'm saying? I got to spend a lot of time with my great grandma. Even my great great
grandma. You know what I'm saying? I got to witness them and be there with them. And I
might not remember everything that they were saying word for word, bar for bar. You know
what I'm saying? But I'm sure, I'm sure they were passing on knowledge beyond my years.
And it's important to do that for a child. Because even if they can't remember it's still
going to show up in their daily actions. Because I don't know if a lot of people know this.
But when a child is developing, I want to say all the way up until the age of seven.
They really developing off of a subconscious mind. I forget if it's the theta waves that's
going on. Beta waves. It's a certain type of brain wave that is prevalent. That is prevalent
in the mind at an early age. And if you, essentially you can program your children. You know what
I'm saying? So I was getting programmed by my nana, my great grandma had a PhD. So I'm
getting programmed by a college professor, a doctor. And then I'm getting programmed
by my great great, my great great grandma, uh, Graham. I don't know what she did, but
I know she was smart. Me and her years. Uh, my granddad, working man, uh, somebody who
knew a lot of people, a very sociable person could start a conversation with a brick wall.
You know, I was there. I know that seemed possible, but he'd find a way to do it. So
I'm getting his outlooks on life when he's just talking. My grandma, uh, my granny, somebody
who was very personable as well. I'm getting her outlooks on life. And it's just, I was
able to get all of these different walks of life. So young and that, that worked to my
advantage. And even when I did see my parents, they weren't particularly, uh, they weren't
so much as a, how can I put this? They was beyond their years as well for as young as
that, for as young as they were, they knew a heap of stuff. You know what I'm saying?
So I was blessed to have some kindness and parents. Some people out here don't got, don't
got, I'm talking about being smart, don't got. No, I still don't know what to replace
it with. Some people don't got, do not got. Some people don't got some parents that got
any type of sense. And I would hate for that to be me. That'd be so crazy. I don't know
where I'd be at with my parents. I'm so grateful for them. But yeah, they were smart beyond
their years. So picking up on conversations growing up, even if I can't remember them
now, I know they had a huge impact on who I am today. And that's amazing. You know what
I'm saying? Let me think about how else my upbringing affected me as a person. Growing
up, I did have to go without, I wasn't the, I was privileged in the people that I was
around. But as in money in that aspect, I wasn't, we weren't the richest at all. I don't
even think, excuse me, I don't even think we were middle class for a minute. My parents
never really pushed that narrative onto me, making it my problem. But now that I look
back or when I hear them talk to me about how I was raising me and my sister, it seems
like we didn't have much. But I'm so glad that I got to come from poverty essentially.
I wasn't homeless, but it was times that I wasn't, I didn't have my own home or my parents
didn't have a place to call their own home. And I commend them for staying steady because
they doing great now. And they inspire me every day. They like two different people,
but like they quadrille in the sense of how they operate when it comes to kids. But yeah,
so coming up from poverty, living in the projects, it gave me a very, very humble beginning that
I still and always will remember for the rest of my life. They taught me how to be without
and a lot of people are always with so that when they without, they life is falling apart.
But my favorite quote is a corner bread, no, no, no, no, no, a crust of bread and a corner
to sleep in. It's a quote from a poem, but a crust of bread and a corner to sleep in.
That's all I need to operate. And that's, I'm glad I can have that mindset because it
don't take much for me to be happy. I'm not so much as a materialist. I do like clothes.
I do like fashion. I do like good quality things, but I know if all of that was stripped
from me and I had to wear the no brand, the no name brand, the Walmart stuff, I'd be all
right. Because I'm grateful that I'm still living because there was a lot of times I'm
pretty sure I was on my way up out of here and I wasn't, I didn't even know it. So I'm
able to have that crust of bread and corners of sleep in. I remember I didn't even have
a bed. I mean, when I was born, I didn't have a crib. You know what I'm saying? I went straight
to the big boy bed. I was, tied me up in a little cover and put me on the bed, man. We
didn't have the money to get a crib. You know what I'm saying? I still turned out fine.
When I lived with my grandma, with my mom, we didn't have a bed. But she didn't make
that me or her problem. She didn't let, my mom didn't let that show in her actions that
that was a problem. So, so we on the flow. Set the palette up. You know what I'm saying?
As long as I got to be with my mom or have a place to sleep, a room to sleep in, I was
grateful. And it really, stuff like that still dawns on me today. So when I'm in situations
where it's like too many people for the hotel room, I sleep on the floor. Y'all can have
a bed, man. Cause it's like, they going to do all this complaining. All you need is a
cover and a pillow. And really all you need is a cover or a pillow. You don't always necessarily
need both, but to have both is a luxury as well. And yeah, I'm just, I'm just so grateful
for that humble beginning and having that different perspective also makes it easier
to see both sides of the coin. Because think about it. Some people are born into poverty
and when they born in the poverty, some don't know how to get out. So they only see that
side of the coin. They think they know what the other side look like cause they see the
high life, the rich life. They might see it on TV ads, newspapers, or they just might
see people who they think are rich. And some people that's born into royalty. Yeah. Some
people just born into royalty. They don't know what it's like to be poor. Yeah, they
don't know what it's like to be poor. They don't, they don't understand what it's like
to struggle. And that can have a negative impact on them as well because nothing is
guaranteed. So if they were to lose everything that they had, think about how that would
affect them. They had lose their mind. They never been there before. It's too dark to
see, you know what I'm saying? But me, you know, essentially growing up poor in a sense.
And then where I am now today, I went to a private school. I went to a private school
so I was able to see these rich people firsthand. I was able to go to their house and see how
they live. Now I know what it look like on both sides, hand to hand, firsthand experiences.
And I feel like that make it easier to choose. You feel me? That make it easier to choose
what I want to do with my life. You see some people live their lives based on what they
think they, how they have to live because they know no other choice. No other choice
is available to them. But me, yeah, I know what it's like to sleep on the floor. I know
what it's like to sleep in a king size bed. You know what I'm saying? You waking up with
a maid in your face or you waking up on the lake. You want to yeah, I know what that's
like now. I've experienced it. So now I know I have to, I have the choice and I choose
to go get this paper. You know what I'm saying? And not even because I'm scared to be poor
because I know that's the better option. Both is hard. Being rich is hard and so is being
broke. So I might as well have be rich and let it be hard too. Even when this is just
a piece of advice, even in life, life is going to be hard regardless. All right. And we get
a choice. I mean, you got to pick a struggle. I read that in the book. You got to pick a
struggle because whatever you do, you're going to struggle anyway. So you might as well struggle
having fun. You might as well struggle doing something you like. It's hard to succeed and
it's hard to fail. So I rather it just be hard succeeded. You know what I'm saying?
You have a choice and never forget that. I want anybody that's listening to understand
that you have a choice. It's really up to you. All your bad decisions are up to you.
All your good decisions are up to you. And I'm going to tag on that in a minute, but
all of your bad decisions are on you. All of your good decisions are on you. Everything
is your responsibility. So be responsible. But also think about it like this. There's
no such thing as a good or bad decision because we always make decisions based on the information
that we have at hand. That's one part. And then there's also no such thing as a good
or bad decision because we not God. We can't distinguish between what is good and what
is bad. We only see what is good and what is bad in that moment. But think about the
quote unquote bad decisions that you have made in your life. Right? Think about them
then and think about them now. Are you glad that they happen? Because look at the outcome.
We don't know what the other outcomes is. So it would be naive for us to deem something
as good or bad or have a regret about it. We got to be grateful for everything that
has happened. There's no reason why we should be complaining and we're doing better today
than we were doing back then. So yeah, that's a great thing. Let's see. Growing up without
a car also put me in a position where I didn't have to have the luxuries of a fast car, fast
bike, this, this and that. All I needed was my friends, you know what I'm saying, and
my imagination. I was in communities where it weren't too many kids, but it were kids.
They might not necessarily have been the same age as me, but I was young and they was young,
you know what I'm saying? And we got to play together and I got to share that experience,
that humbling experience that there's no worries even when we should be worried. I know somebody
could feel that. There's no worries even though you know you should be worried. We were just
kids. We were just hanging. And I'm glad I got to get that experience because some kids
was stuck in the house. Some kids' parents just hated the idea of danger. I don't know
what my parents was on. I guess they just trusted me to go out and not die. But Detroit
is a scary place. That's only if you let it be. Let's think. Yeah, this is a short episode.
I'm pretty sure I can think of some other things, but I just wanted to get that quick
episode off of my chest. Just so I can leave you with one thing if you didn't pick anything
up from this video. I will say, don't use your past as an excuse. Yeah, don't use your
past as an excuse. You can finish the sentence if you want to, but that's all I got for that
piece of advice. Don't use it as an excuse. Do not use your past as an excuse. Let your
past push you forward. Be grateful for whatever upbringing you have because if you still alive
today, you're doing something right. If you're still alive today, you're doing something
right. That's the BFM Podcast, man. Thank you for listening.