1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,920 Hello and welcome back to Reddit Insanity number 14. 2 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:14,920 I'm Michael. 3 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:15,920 I'm Noe. 4 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,680 And we are the Knights of Entertainment. 5 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,680 We got some more funny Reddit for you today. 6 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,480 Noe actually has one for you guys. 7 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,200 I have a very small one. 8 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,160 It's very short. 9 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:33,000 So this guy wrote, some raw chicken touched my, it's a male 18 penis. 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,000 Can I get an affection from this? 11 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:40,160 So he says, so I was cooking just now and I was cooking a whole chicken and also I was 12 00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,200 at home so I was naked. 13 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:46,720 Basically as I was, let me start over. 14 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,400 So I was cooking just now and I was cooking a whole chicken and also I was at home so 15 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,000 I was naked. 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,480 Basically as I was seasoning the chicken I dropped it and it fell in between me and the 17 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:59,000 counter and got caught like between the counter and my penis. 18 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:04,800 So like my penis was smushed into it because I tried to stop this chicken from falling. 19 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:10,180 And I just, and just didn't think so I pushed my hip forward. 20 00:01:10,180 --> 00:01:11,880 So basically he caught it with his dick. 21 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,880 He wasn't thinking so he just started just ramming his dick into it. 22 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,360 Basically this man fucked his chicken. 23 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,200 A chicken cutlet? 24 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:20,760 And he wants to know if he got an infection from it. 25 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,120 Good salmonella. 26 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,480 And one of the comments later said like that's a lot of work for saying I fucked a chicken. 27 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,480 I've seen that one earlier. 28 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,520 Oh you saw that? 29 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:38,440 Man, so this man, this 18 just decided to just bang a chicken. 30 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:39,440 Yeah. 31 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,440 So basically what really happened is he got one of those raw chicken and fucked it and 32 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,560 then he wants to know if he's going to get something from it after. 33 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:50,880 First of all he needs to go to therapy or something, that's like fucking disgusting. 34 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:51,880 Yes it is. 35 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:59,280 I mean that's like, I mean that is the grossest shit. 36 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:03,080 You mean you don't want to bang the cavity of a dead chicken? 37 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,080 No. 38 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:08,480 Like I spoke at like American pie where he's banging that pie. 39 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,520 I mean that's more sanitary than a chicken. 40 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,520 Yeah, than a fucking chicken. 41 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,880 And I banged this whole pot pie. 42 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,920 Chicken pot pie. 43 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:22,520 I don't know, it was just like I read it and I could not fucking believe it. 44 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,160 And he's trying so hard to get us to like oh and I just, I caught it with like the fact 45 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:31,320 that I caught it between my dick and that counter and I wasn't thinking I just went 46 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,320 boom. 47 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:33,320 Went balls deep. 48 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,960 It's like just admit you're disgusting this. 49 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,040 Yeah like you can go to a doctor. 50 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,640 Like obviously we know you fucked it. 51 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:45,040 Like when people say like oh my friend has this infection and he's. 52 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,440 It's like okay you have an infection. 53 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,440 Like you have an infection. 54 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,480 Like you know like the doctors are not going to believe your bullshit. 55 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,440 Why are you here if your friend is sick? 56 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,400 Well they're embarrassed to ask. 57 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,400 Well. 58 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,600 Okay so you're embarrassed to ask. 59 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:58,600 Basically. 60 00:02:58,600 --> 00:02:59,600 Okay. 61 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:00,600 So again, don't fuck a chicken. 62 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,600 Yeah. 63 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,480 Please for the love of God. 64 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:04,480 Live or dead. 65 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,480 It's sad because you have to add that in. 66 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,960 The little bit of asterisk right there. 67 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,960 People are fucking. 68 00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:12,960 Alive or dead. 69 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:13,960 Fucking people are disgusting. 70 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,200 And that's how we got AIDS. 71 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:18,200 Maybe who knows. 72 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,200 I licked a. 73 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,240 I licked a gorilla turd. 74 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,080 We've heard that story of the zookeeper and that monkey haven't you? 75 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,080 Yeah but who knows. 76 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,840 You know what monkey I'm talking about though right? 77 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,000 The one that swallowed something that a shit knows so he's out there and kept licking its 78 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,000 asshole until shit. 79 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,200 No that's gross too. 80 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,200 Yeah. 81 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:41,360 So he rimmed a monkey until it finally. 82 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,360 Hey my fucking business. 83 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,640 I practice safe sex. 84 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:52,200 You nasty motherfuckers. 85 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:56,320 It's think like that man, whoever got it first right? 86 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,040 Whatever they did to get it. 87 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,480 That person is a vile human being. 88 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:01,480 Yes I agree. 89 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:04,560 It has affected the entire human populace. 90 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,560 Such a fucking disgusting habits you sick bastard. 91 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:12,120 There are people suffering with HIV and AIDS for the rest of their life because some son 92 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,120 of a bitch. 93 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:18,760 Or whatever the fuck that person did. 94 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:22,240 Fucking god that makes me mad actually. 95 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,120 Yep and then the last person ate a bat supposedly. 96 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:30,160 Ate a bat or fucked a bat like Randy Marr who knows. 97 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,160 Exactly. 98 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,160 Multiple times. 99 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,600 All three are going to lie to you. 100 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,560 That's whatever the meme told me just now. 101 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:46,400 All right we're going to change topics slightly from fucking a chicken to fucking a dog. 102 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:47,400 Jesus. 103 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,400 This one's. 104 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,000 I don't know why I said that. 105 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,000 I just ruined my day. 106 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,560 This one's by Universal Winter. 107 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,400 This person puts I am honestly quite shocked that it happened but also not at the same 108 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,400 time. 109 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,400 I could have fucked a chicken too. 110 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:06,240 That wasn't a shock to the dude he'd been to do that. 111 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,440 You could have banged a pillowcase or something you nasty. 112 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,760 Or in between a mattress or something normal-ish. 113 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:19,440 You could have banged a pile of clothes but a fucking raw chicken you nasty son of a bitch. 114 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,800 They wanted that salmonella off lime. 115 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,840 That's all that was. 116 00:05:25,840 --> 00:05:31,280 But this person puts before I begin I'm a 20 year old college student with Asian roots. 117 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,800 This is important to the story. 118 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,880 Oh but the fact that this matters to the story. 119 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,960 So there's a high school I have to walk past to get to my bus stop and an orientation for 120 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,040 new exchange students was going on out front. 121 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:47,560 I already knew this was happening since the sign outside was displayed for about a week. 122 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,200 I casually walked by as usual but I hear a voice yelling, hey you where do you think 123 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,360 you're going? 124 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,600 I paused for a split second and continued walking along thinking it was for somebody 125 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,600 else. 126 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,120 Then again, hey you have to listen to your teachers. 127 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,120 Get back here. 128 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:06,400 I now turn around to look at a lady leading the orientation was furiously waving her hands 129 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,240 at me and then yelled again, come on you're holding up the group. 130 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,480 I then responded, I don't go to this school. 131 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,520 They proceeded to walk back to my stop. 132 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:20,680 As I see my bus approaching from a distance I try to sprint to make it but then I feel 133 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,560 her hand grab me from behind. 134 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:23,560 The fat woman. 135 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:24,560 She was fast. 136 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,560 Yeah but they caught up there quick as fuck. 137 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:31,320 And then began to berate me that I don't just get to ditch the school here. 138 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,120 I guess she didn't hear me the first time so I grabbed my student ID for college to 139 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,480 show her and told her again, I'm not a student there. 140 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:42,720 As this happened the bus passed us by since I wasn't at the bus stop. 141 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,280 She made me miss my damn bus. 142 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:49,760 She kinda just chuckled about it and I half heartedly apologized for it before returning 143 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,040 back to her group. 144 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,780 At that point I had to pay $30 for an Uber just to get to school. 145 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,880 This bus only comes by once an hour. 146 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:57,880 Damn. 147 00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:01,080 It's like, oh so just because I'm Asian huh? 148 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,680 I'm part of the exchange program? 149 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,400 I guess that's what she was thinking, who knows. 150 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,400 How young does this guy look? 151 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,400 I mean damn. 152 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,400 He's 20. 153 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,680 Probably look like he was 12. 154 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,160 Next one is by Flagstaff. 155 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:17,440 It says I go to a really nice fitness club. 156 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,200 It's worth it because they have a huge indoor playground and daycare is included. 157 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:26,160 Lately, my 2 year old has been dealing with some major separation anxiety so every drop 158 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,040 off he has a bit of a nightmare as I tear myself away. 159 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,200 Today was a typical day like this. 160 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,000 I finally got away and headed to the men's locker room to put my gym clothes on. 161 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,140 After changing I stopped for a minute to linger at the tiny window at the back of the play 162 00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:42,120 area to see how my little man was holding up. 163 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,920 He had calmed down so I was happy. 164 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:48,040 I turn around to go work out and there's this guy staring at me with the most disgusted 165 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,040 look on his face. 166 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,520 I can only imagine he thought I was a creep who enjoys looking out on kids or women who 167 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,120 sometimes breastfeed in there. 168 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:59,480 I tried to babble something out about my son but he was already walking away shaking his 169 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,480 head. 170 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,480 TLDR. 171 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:06,240 A guy at a gym thought I was a peeping tom as I was trying to see if my son was okay 172 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:07,240 in daycare. 173 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,240 Oh that's weird. 174 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,240 I was like hey mind your own fucking business. 175 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,120 I'm trying to talk to my son. 176 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:19,400 It would kind of look weird though if you're just peeping him. 177 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,080 Was he like fucking out the corner of his eye? 178 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,080 What was he doing? 179 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,080 Like on the edge of the window. 180 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,600 Oh oh yeah. 181 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,600 Nowadays. 182 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:27,600 Exactly. 183 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,960 The next one is by luthus. 184 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:35,160 Lucifer. 185 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:40,320 I was on one of my cleaning binges and while in the bathroom I decided to clean the sink. 186 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,760 Sink was clean but the water was draining, not draining properly, from the sink. 187 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,480 It's been a while since the trap was clean so I opened the cupboard under the sink and 188 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,720 carefully unscrewed the cube bend in the pipe. 189 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:55,440 Being careful not to drip any of the absolutely vile liquid into anything on the cupboard. 190 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:59,680 I removed the pipe, dripping only a little bit so now the sink was just a pipe that ends 191 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,280 directly above all the things in the cupboard. 192 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,320 Shaving cream, soap, spare TP, medications, etc. 193 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,320 Yeah well this was well overdue. 194 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:11,000 There was so much crap in there and it smelled really bad. 195 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,880 I needed to dump this crap somewhere so I could clean it up. 196 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,560 Throw it in the toilet. 197 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,440 The little puddle under the cupboard. 198 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,400 Oh hey here's a handy sink to tip this into. 199 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:25,880 TLDR, I removed the U-bend pipe from the sink and proceeded to tip the disgusting contents 200 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,320 into the sink straight into the cupboard below. 201 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,320 Come on now. 202 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,320 No way. 203 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,280 Then it was absent minded but hey, yes they are. 204 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,800 It does happen. 205 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,040 Next one is by Bella68. 206 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:44,160 The fuck up was actually about a week ago but it came to fruition just the other day. 207 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,440 My husband and I have a playful relationship. 208 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,440 Sorry. 209 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:51,200 I'm tired of spitting my throat. 210 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,880 It wasn't anything you said. 211 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,200 You don't spit in your throat? 212 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,760 Like I don't know, it's just like you know when you swallow it sometimes it gets caught 213 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:57,760 in your throat. 214 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:58,760 Whatever. 215 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:04,560 That sounds so much worse. 216 00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:05,560 Not really. 217 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,560 But I guess kinda. 218 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:12,080 Alright so my husband and I have a playful relationship in which we sometimes mess with 219 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,080 each other. 220 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:26,520 One day he decided to poke me a bunch of times and mess with me and then ran off to escape 221 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:27,520 before I could poke him back. 222 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,520 What is he 11 years old? 223 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,520 Exactly. 224 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:35,520 I chased him down the hall but didn't reach him before he locked himself in the office. 225 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,960 I can hear him giggling at his triumph. 226 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:38,960 Jesus Christ. 227 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,560 But what he didn't know was that I am really good at unlocking doors. 228 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,560 He didn't know that. 229 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,560 I had a shock. 230 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:48,400 This door was the easiest lock to pick. 231 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,960 Let's play it back a little bit. 232 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,960 You can pick locks. 233 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:56,960 Or open locked doors. 234 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,760 That's a story we need to find out about. 235 00:10:58,760 --> 00:10:59,760 The origin story of that. 236 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,760 How'd you learn? 237 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,760 Yeah how'd you learn to pick locks? 238 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,440 That's not a tray you just pick up randomly. 239 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,520 That's a necessary skill for thieves. 240 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:14,600 Some of our dudes that hide stuff in their closet they don't want you to find. 241 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,760 She must have a lot of bad boyfriends then. 242 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,760 Apparently. 243 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:24,000 But I mean yeah lock picking is like a skill you learn. 244 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,360 Not that whole bullshit about putting a fucking credit card in between the fucking door. 245 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,720 No that doesn't work. 246 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,680 This door was the easiest type to unlock as it only required something. 247 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,920 It was a Adams 1115. 248 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,440 I've unlocked these several times. 249 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,520 I was like what the fuck is going on? 250 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:45,280 It required something flat to turn the slit on the outside of the lock. 251 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,280 What the fuck? 252 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,680 How the fuck did she know? 253 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:53,400 I quickly unlocked the door with my fingernail and proceeded to barge into the room. 254 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:57,160 I thought my husband would see me barge in and immediately remember the type of lock 255 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,280 and how easy it is to defeat. 256 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,160 Instead he was bewildered. 257 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,080 He just shouted it was lock. 258 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:05,080 I definitely locked that. 259 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:12,040 It's not that often that I outwit or outplay my husband so I decided to keep my secrets 260 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:16,720 on how to unlock the door to myself and bask in my smugness. 261 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,440 Now to the day of fruition when the F-Up became apparent. 262 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,960 My husband and I are in the office. 263 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:27,520 I'm finishing up a project meanwhile my husband decides to enjoy some solo time. 264 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:28,520 I know I don't mind. 265 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,120 He knows I don't mind. 266 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,680 And I even enjoy the occasional glance in his direction to see how things are coming 267 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,640 along. 268 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:40,080 Right now we happen to live with other people including a kid so my husband always shuts 269 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,400 and locks the door before starting such activities. 270 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,980 Game time. 271 00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:50,440 When I put that fucking sign on the outside of the door it says game time. 272 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:51,440 Everyone leave this house. 273 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,440 This is game time. 274 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:56,680 The only way we do it is people in the house get the hell out of this damn house. 275 00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:03,320 On this particular day the kid had thought of his 220th question of the day and it was 276 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,440 so urgent that he ran up and knocked on the door. 277 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,840 My husband responded just a minute. 278 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:15,720 But before we knew it the door was sliding open and we were faced with an excited 8 year 279 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:16,720 old already mid question. 280 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,640 Don't look at my dick. 281 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:23,400 The kid saw the computer screen and my husband and he just quickly shut his mouth and shut 282 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,400 the door. 283 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:25,400 Boy oh boy. 284 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,960 I was shocked and asked my husband why the door wasn't locked. 285 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,560 His only response was the lock is broken remember. 286 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,200 So she broke it? 287 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,160 She never told him how she got in. 288 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,560 Oh so he assumed it was broken. 289 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,240 Not broken just easy to defeat when needed. 290 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,160 Yeah especially when it's not locked. 291 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:46,720 So he's just like it's broken I haven't even locked it. 292 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,880 Man I would have put a fucking chair in front of that door. 293 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:50,880 A couch. 294 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:51,880 A bookshelf. 295 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:58,680 Get my business done with it. 296 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,280 Next one is by Jack Jones 116. 297 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,120 Jack Jones. 298 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:11,880 So I a 28 year old and my girlfriend a 21 were laid in bed naked after a long day. 299 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:16,720 I decided to put my finger near her butt crack to squeeze her butt in two or three times. 300 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,280 A way we frequently say I love you without verbally mentioning it. 301 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:27,640 However we're both weird about the anal play and as such fingers near the booty hole. 302 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,400 I unfortunately got a bit too close accidentally. 303 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,880 It's dark and she got a bit weirded out. 304 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:37,820 Very serious and jokingly we're both very comfortable with each other though. 305 00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:43,440 However in passing she said she was watching porn recently and never really realized how 306 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,320 in view assholes are and doggy. 307 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:54,040 I then as a joke but serious about being serious I said I can pick your asshole out of a lineup. 308 00:14:54,040 --> 00:15:00,160 This then led my girlfriend to over four years of cry laughter but neither in a funny nor 309 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,000 upset way just a strange middle ground. 310 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,680 I won't lie I'm confused. 311 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:09,040 We're okay happy and talking but she seems upset yet bemused by it. 312 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:13,680 I just guess she never realized how much I've seen her asshole. 313 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,680 Do I show her mine? 314 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,680 I don't know honestly I'm confused. 315 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:17,680 Police and hell. 316 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,960 I'm confused what the hell we're talking about right now. 317 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,520 What the fuck do they got to do with anything? 318 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,080 I have no idea either. 319 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:30,520 Apparently she was weirded out after he said that she shouldn't worry too much because 320 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,800 he's seen it a million times. 321 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,560 Yeah well there you go. 322 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,560 Why are you worried? 323 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,760 If you didn't have to worry before why are you worried now? 324 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,040 Apparently now she's worried after she's seen it. 325 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,040 Now she's conscious of it? 326 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:44,440 Yeah pretty much after seeing it in a porn. 327 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,200 Next one is by Jago Kestrel. 328 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:54,480 They put alright so this does involve me, a 27 year old male and my girlfriend but it 329 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,480 doesn't go not safe for work because of the very fuck up. 330 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,200 How come he didn't say the girls age? 331 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,200 Well 26 is on here. 332 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,520 Okay I'm just making sure. 333 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,920 I didn't think it was pertinent to the story. 334 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,880 Every other one we always hear the ages right? 335 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,920 When I'm done I'm like how old is she bro? 336 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:12,920 Hey. 337 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:13,920 Hey. 338 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,280 How old is she? 339 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:22,480 The only context you really need is that I am absolutely god awful at verbal communication 340 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:27,240 which is my fancy way of saying I can't flirt with the shit in person. 341 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,840 I'll be god darned because I'm not going to say that. 342 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,120 Love poet over text. 343 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,880 But the moment I try to channel that energy in person I choke up. 344 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,840 Wait and I'll say what? 345 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:37,840 GD. 346 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:38,840 Okay. 347 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:39,840 Personal reasons people. 348 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:40,840 I'm like I thought it was like it's a completely different person. 349 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,640 I'm like I thought it was like it's a completely different phrase he was saying. 350 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,120 No they put it but for personal reason. 351 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:54,600 I'll say fuck all day but. 352 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,600 On to the story. 353 00:16:55,600 --> 00:17:00,120 Last night my girlfriend and I were watching Blast from the Past, a movie we both knew 354 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,120 we just loved. 355 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:06,120 I don't know it's a random movie. 356 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:12,320 I 100% know that Brendan Fraser movie. 357 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:20,960 I don't know any other human being on the planet has seen it but me. 358 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,200 I can't do not I've seen it over a hundred times. 359 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,200 Oh my god. 360 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,680 Like growing up it just comes on and that's all we had. 361 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:27,680 It was King. 362 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:28,680 So I watched Blast from the Past. 363 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:33,680 Oh my god it's a Negro. 364 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:39,880 I've seen that movie a thousand times. 365 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:47,680 But I have never actually seen it all the way through. 366 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,840 While we're enjoying it cuddle up in bed you know cute couple shit. 367 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:57,080 Then my girlfriend out of the absolute blue says you know the bed could be a bit dirtier 368 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,280 in a devilish flirty way. 369 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,280 After about 15 seconds. 370 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,920 I'd be like bitch I just washed these sheets what the hell you talking about. 371 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,840 After about 15 seconds of processing I replied with all confidence. 372 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,800 All the fucking maths equations going to. 373 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,800 Yep. 374 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:13,800 Yep. 375 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:14,800 That's what that is. 376 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:15,800 All she wants stuff. 377 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:16,800 What he says. 378 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,800 I could certainly use a couple of germs. 379 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,240 As if I'm some kind of. 380 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,240 That's what the music is about. 381 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,760 As if I'm some kind of anti Mr. Clean sex icon. 382 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:33,560 Yes I mean Mr. Clean has an ass on him if you've ever checked. 383 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,560 You're welcome. 384 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:42,080 Yes I fucking said that our bed could use a couple of germs. 385 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:48,840 What followed was my girlfriend being comically flabbergasted by my absolute foolishness. 386 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,160 A fit of laughter that killed any kind of down dirty mood. 387 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,240 What does the back to the Blast from the Past have to do with the story. 388 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,560 It's just a movie that they're watching. 389 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,000 But you always you never mentioned something in the story unless it has pertinence to the 390 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,000 end of the story. 391 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,640 It's probably something they've seen multiple times. 392 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,640 Now I gotta go see Blast tonight. 393 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:12,240 Blast it for the hundred and one time. 394 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,240 Basically. 395 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:18,560 TLDR my girlfriend said that we should get the bed dirty and I saw with all my Riz in 396 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,560 the world. 397 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,440 Yeah they could use a couple of germs. 398 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:23,440 Horrible. 399 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,440 He tries. 400 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:29,120 He has a girlfriend so he must be okay. 401 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,000 He just doesn't understand what dirty means. 402 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,880 His Riz must not be that bad. 403 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,920 Just bad enough. 404 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,920 Just bad enough. 405 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,920 Just underneath. 406 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:39,480 No just a little bit above what she can't tolerate. 407 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,480 Exactly. 408 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,480 So he got her. 409 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,480 He quit. 410 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,200 He lost it all as soon as he got her. 411 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,000 Now he's a little bit under. 412 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:50,000 Next one is by PowderKegSuga. 413 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,480 So I went with my husband to see the new Spider-Verse movie. 414 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,680 And since it was the first dinner in a movie. 415 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:56,680 The one that's now? 416 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:57,680 Yeah. 417 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:58,680 Huh. 418 00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,680 I gotta see that. 419 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,600 On a movie night in a while we dressed up a little. 420 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,440 I dressed kind of all to goth what have you. 421 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,840 So I thought tonight would be a movie. 422 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,760 By the way I'm scarred by that movie now. 423 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,760 Which one? 424 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,760 That new Spider-Man. 425 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,760 Are you? 426 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:16,360 Cause I was going through Twitter and there's a dude in a full Spider-Man suit and a woman 427 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:21,640 in a full Gwen Stacy spider suit on a flettable bed in the middle of New York City in the 428 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,080 straight just a doggy style in it. 429 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,080 In front of everybody. 430 00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,960 And I'm like you dirty motherfuckers. 431 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:30,960 Don't you ruin it. 432 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,960 You rule 34 of this. 433 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,120 You evil fucks. 434 00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,560 And it plays in my head and it's fucking. 435 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:44,280 I saw it today and it's driving me crazy. 436 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,720 Alright. 437 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,880 So apparently she dresses as an all to goth what have you. 438 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,880 Gwen Stacy Spider-Man. 439 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:51,880 Yeah. 440 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,880 She dressed up as punk spider. 441 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:54,960 Yeah. 442 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,060 So I thought tonight would be a really great night to debut a new necklace I'd recently 443 00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:01,520 gotten from a local art Nautilus shop. 444 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:09,640 It's center feature is an ethically sourced small vertebrae. 445 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,360 What animal did they rip this thing out of? 446 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,360 Or person. 447 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:16,880 Is that what you said ethically sourced? 448 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:17,880 Ethically. 449 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:22,040 How do you say that they donated to the people? 450 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,040 It could be that. 451 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,480 Why would you wear the necklace of another human being? 452 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,240 What are you Conan the Barbarian? 453 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,160 I mean she said she's goth. 454 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,160 Goth is one thing. 455 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:39,120 A fucking necromancer is a whole other thing. 456 00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:43,360 So she puts we went to dinner, had a few glasses of wine, then went to the movie. 457 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,560 We shared a bucket of popcorn as you do and spilled a small handful down the front of 458 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:47,560 my shirt. 459 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:48,560 Whatever. 460 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,280 I started hearing voices behind me for some reason. 461 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,720 A soul? 462 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,760 Or possession story. 463 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,280 Whatever. 464 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,280 So I'm comfortable. 465 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,600 So like the absolute degenerate I am, I ate a few of the pieces that were clinging to 466 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,000 my shirt and cleavage. 467 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:08,720 Yeah I know how similar the weight and texture is when you're sober, but when tipsy they 468 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:09,720 were pretty similar. 469 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:15,960 So I probably wouldn't have noticed if that particular piece of popcorn hadn't had a tether 470 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:20,080 the rest of my necklace whenever I bit down on it, which would have sucked for a number 471 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,280 of reasons. 472 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,120 We both thought it was pretty funny though. 473 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,120 TLDR. 474 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:29,520 When I went on a date and got tipsy enough to mistake a piece of bone for popcorn, I 475 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,920 nearly consumed it. 476 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:31,920 Yeah. 477 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,920 Almost released a subac. 478 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:41,520 Alright and we got a couple more. 479 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,320 One by throw me up. 480 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:49,560 I see this was a terrible idea now, but I wanted some privacy and I thought the shower 481 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,320 was the only way to do it. 482 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:58,960 I wanted to masturbate in the shower, but I wanted to avoid the water because it messes 483 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:03,040 up my bladder if I do it under said water. 484 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,240 I don't even question it. 485 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,240 I'm thinking. 486 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:07,240 I'm confused. 487 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,240 You and me both. 488 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,400 It doesn't go up your pee hole. 489 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:11,400 Not exactly. 490 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:17,120 After turning the shower on, I realized the shower head was a bit too high, so I tried 491 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:19,560 to edge my way around the water towards the water. 492 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,560 Diva. 493 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,600 I got jacked in a mud hut. 494 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,400 Put mud all over you. 495 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,560 The doors locked. 496 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:32,560 I was in the bathroom. 497 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,440 Bookcase a rock. 498 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:39,520 I wanted to lower it so I could do it. 499 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,520 Masturbate away from the water. 500 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,440 Well, it turns out edging around a shower while the water is on is a terrible idea. 501 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,280 Why the fuck are you in the shower in the first place? 502 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,280 I don't know. 503 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:48,280 What is happening? 504 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:49,280 I throw up people. 505 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,280 What goes through people's brains? 506 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:51,280 Apparently not much. 507 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:57,960 I got to jack off, but I can't jack off in the shower, but I have to jack off in the 508 00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:58,960 shower. 509 00:23:58,960 --> 00:23:59,960 Right. 510 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:00,960 So then what the fuck are you doing then? 511 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:06,440 Did he say earlier that it was too many people or some shit? 512 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:07,440 Not him, no. 513 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,440 What the fuck, bro? 514 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,240 He just wants some privacy. 515 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,240 So there is people. 516 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:14,240 Apparently maybe one or two. 517 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:15,240 I don't know. 518 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:22,040 Well, it turns out edging around a shower while the water is on is a terrible idea. 519 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,520 Who would have thought it? 520 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,260 My life flashed before my eyes. 521 00:24:25,260 --> 00:24:29,040 First person perspective, a wall falling away from me and my hands reaching out in front 522 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,120 of me desperately trying to grab onto something. 523 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,120 What, did he fall? 524 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,560 Anything that was saying to me. 525 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:34,560 Ouch. 526 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,360 Well, that obviously didn't work out for me. 527 00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:40,080 I fell ass backwards halfway through my journey, taking the shower curtain and the rail with 528 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,360 me straight into the hard floor. 529 00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,640 I think I actually bruised my ass on the way down too. 530 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,120 My back definitely hurts. 531 00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,120 Damn. 532 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:50,960 But because I fell backwards, I was trying to catch myself the whole way down and didn't 533 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:52,760 hit my head or anything as a result. 534 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,400 So I'll take that as a win. 535 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:56,400 Sure. 536 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,440 I'm now going to ask my brother's girlfriend to help me put the rail back up. 537 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,360 She's the only one here. 538 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:04,760 Hence the reason I wanted to masturbate in private. 539 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:05,760 There we go. 540 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,640 I won't tell her that part, obviously. 541 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:08,640 I imagine not. 542 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:09,640 TLDR. 543 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,000 I fell out of the shower because I wanted to avoid the water to masturbate. 544 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000 Took the rail and the curtain right down with me. 545 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,000 Won't be trying that again. 546 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,160 You could just sat on the toilet. 547 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,160 You over complicated fuck. 548 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:25,400 I mean, honestly, you're going to lay down on the fucking floor. 549 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:30,680 He wanted to go around the edge of the tub. 550 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,440 This whole complicated fucking master plan. 551 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,720 Turn the damn faucet on in the water and just sit outside of the bathtub. 552 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,720 Apparently not. 553 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,520 The next one we have is Megan P. 1000. 554 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:42,200 Megan P. 1000. 555 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:47,040 For starters, I'm 24 years old, a female, and my partner is 21. 556 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:53,240 I have become fucking pedophile. 557 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,920 I've become very bland in terms of our relationship, and I find myself questioning if it's meant 558 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,040 to be. 559 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,280 We have a baby who's coming up in eight months. 560 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,280 This. 561 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,280 What? 562 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,280 Eight months. 563 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:05,280 Fuck this month. 564 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,360 I'm waiting for that. 565 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,400 And I think we're both trying to just make it work. 566 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:10,400 The romance isn't there. 567 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:11,400 Oh, man. 568 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:15,900 Today, after a month of no sex, I try initiating and be cute. 569 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:17,840 After he asks me to ride him, I get on. 570 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,520 Then he says he can't breathe and just wants to kiss. 571 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:21,520 Can't breathe. 572 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:35,120 I apologize. 573 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:39,400 After he goes to have sex with me and doggy, I'm going. 574 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,120 It's going well. 575 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:42,920 I'm happy and feeling good. 576 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:43,920 Then he suddenly stops. 577 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:44,920 He says he's tired. 578 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:49,960 He proceeds to tell me how sexy my ass is. 579 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:54,400 Shaps it around here and there for about 30 seconds, spreads it and asks me when the last 580 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,360 time I pooped was, which was prior to my shower around eight ish. 581 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:01,840 This is getting out of hand. 582 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:03,320 Much information for me. 583 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:09,200 I know it would clean prior, especially knowing I was going to have a good ass time. 584 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:10,800 I was so embarrassed. 585 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,200 And then he went back to the computer and told his friends about it. 586 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,200 Now I'm mortified. 587 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,200 What the fuck? 588 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,200 Anyways, I take it as a sign of the universe is literally telling me my relationship is 589 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,200 actually shit. 590 00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,200 T L D R. 591 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,640 Pooped during intercourse with my girlfriend. 592 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,880 And I think the universe is telling me our relationship is actual shit. 593 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,080 I thought she was the girl. 594 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,080 I do. 595 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,360 But why is the guy saying at the end? 596 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:36,360 It's not. 597 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:37,680 T is a T L D R. 598 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:38,680 T L D R. 599 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:39,680 Too long didn't read. 600 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:40,680 No, no. 601 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:41,680 Read the last part. 602 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,880 Pooped during intercourse with my boyfriend. 603 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,880 Oh, I think he said girl. 604 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,680 If I did, I know it's my mistake. 605 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:48,680 Okay. 606 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:49,680 Okay. 607 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:50,680 I was like, I was confused. 608 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:51,680 Yeah. 609 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:52,680 Apparently she should. 610 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,000 Well, she's like, it was bad enough. 611 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,000 It's like, you know what? 612 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,000 This isn't great. 613 00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,000 Imagine looking down. 614 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:05,520 It's like, I mean, you already can't handle that kind of stuff anyway. 615 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,520 Oh, really? 616 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,440 Then again, I did go to a journal. 617 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,560 So I've been using the journal at the my work because those bathroom's broken. 618 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,560 The shit's all over there. 619 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,560 You, you toughen up real quick. 620 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:22,120 You gotta take a man up. 621 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,120 It's a lot of shit down there. 622 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:25,600 We're going in. 623 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,600 So we got to. 624 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:28,880 All right. 625 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:33,720 And the last one is by a mute TV. 626 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,520 Two five three. 627 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:40,760 This person puts, so I had a dried apricots for the first time a couple of weeks ago with 628 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,280 wine and cheese and like how it takes. 629 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,120 In delicious dried apricots. 630 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,600 That's forward to today. 631 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:48,600 I was early. 632 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:49,600 Blow your asshole out though. 633 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:50,600 She warned you. 634 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,600 Is that where we're going with this? 635 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:52,600 Cause I could have told you that. 636 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:53,600 That was early. 637 00:28:53,600 --> 00:29:05,760 So I stopped off at a grocery store before work and got some snacks. 638 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:06,760 I went. 639 00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:10,440 I ate them before a trip back from Mexico. 640 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,880 Two day trip back from Mexico. 641 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:18,760 These apricots on the right back a blue up close down a whole fucking stall. 642 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:28,320 They had to shut down that fucking good gas station as a biohazard. 643 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:32,520 I work a 10 hour shift and have to be in front of my computer majority of the time. 644 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:34,080 So snacks help me cope. 645 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:38,480 I seen a bag of dried apricots and added them to my snack basket and checked off in the 646 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:39,480 car. 647 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:40,880 I crack open the bag and start munching on them. 648 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,600 I just kept eating it until I looked down and the bag was gone. 649 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,200 It wasn't a big bag so I didn't see anything wrong with it. 650 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,880 Oh, was I wrong? 651 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:56,400 I get to work, grab my cup of tea and sit down and get started. 652 00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,640 About an hour or so later my stomach is rumbling. 653 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,320 Soon after I get out of, I let out a roaring fart. 654 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:07,800 Lucky for me where I sit isn't around too many people so no one heard it. 655 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:08,800 Nice. 656 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,280 About 10 minutes later I feel the rumble again and another fart brewing. 657 00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,080 This time I let it go and let it out and almost shit myself. 658 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,840 Oh I hate those. 659 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,120 Very carefully I make my way to the bathroom and go. 660 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,240 This happened to me at least 7 or 8 times today. 661 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:28,440 The worst part is that one of my bosses came into his office today and he sits near me. 662 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,800 He kept seeing me get up and be gone for a couple of minutes and get back. 663 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,200 This caused him to send me an email stating we need to talk about how many breaks you 664 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,200 are taking throughout the day. 665 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:40,640 I'm like hey I gotta shit, I gotta tap your rules and regulations. 666 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:46,200 He usually doesn't work in the office so now he's thinking that every day I'm doing this 667 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,080 and that's where they leave it off. 668 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,560 8 or 9 times man. 669 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,960 I'd say he must be constant because that's like a one time. 670 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:55,960 It flushes out everything. 671 00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:01,920 He must have, God dang, he must have not shit very well very often. 672 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:09,680 See it doesn't just go for apricots though, you don't eat prunes, you don't eat raisins, 673 00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,240 you don't eat a large amount of peanuts. 674 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,040 My cousin, he would eat, like shit you not. 675 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:21,000 We went to a restaurant at 4 o'clock and then we go back to my grandpa's. 676 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,480 Two hours later he had to shit it all out. 677 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:28,160 His fucking metabolism is superhuman. 678 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,040 He has to like just, we gotta get going. 679 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,720 We ain't got time for this. 680 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:41,200 Like on the car ride back he won't be like alright, like damn bro. 681 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:46,320 Like he shits like three times a day, can eat three meals a day. 682 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:47,320 Each time. 683 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:52,640 He's almost a fishing asshole I've never heard of. 684 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:53,640 But don't. 685 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,960 Peanut, I didn't know about peanuts. 686 00:31:55,960 --> 00:32:01,920 Yeah the oil, maybe eat too many of them, just straight through you. 687 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,400 You gotta love a good shit. 688 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,440 I've seen some people that eat like, you know those cans of peanuts that they have, those 689 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,320 planters peanuts, they'll eat a whole thing and it's like I'll be back. 690 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:16,640 I was watching that new episode of Always Sunday with Philadelphia and Mack, one of 691 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,720 the main characters, he's allergic to peanuts but he bought a large family size container 692 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:25,000 of peanuts and he ate them throughout the whole episode and you can just see his lips 693 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,000 getting swollen. 694 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,520 He's getting like, he's slowly dying of an allergic reaction. 695 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,760 He just would not stop eating these peanuts. 696 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:34,080 I just need more peanuts. 697 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,520 Because they were trying to cut back on their money that they're spending. 698 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,960 So like oh we gotta cut back on beer on all that and he's like oh I just bought a family 699 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,480 size jar of peanuts and that's all he ate. 700 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:45,480 Allergic reaction. 701 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,480 And he's just eating peanuts. 702 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:54,920 I'm so glad that I don't have those kind of food allergies or anything. 703 00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:57,520 I wouldn't want any of them. 704 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,200 I wouldn't know until I got it, you know what I mean? 705 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,480 Oh you've tried enough stuff in your life, you should know. 706 00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,600 I'm lactose intolerant I think. 707 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,320 Well there's a lot of people that are. 708 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,240 They'll be blowing out ass cheeks immediately. 709 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,760 I definitely don't want that at your work. 710 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:14,760 No milk for me. 711 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:15,760 Drink a chug of hoga. 712 00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:20,680 See that'll be the next like, chug a whole fucking thing of milk. 713 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,320 The dare videos that we'll start. 714 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,960 It's like chug half a gallon of milk before you go into work. 715 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,120 I can blow ass cheeks all day. 716 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,560 It's like damn it no way. 717 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:31,560 That sucks though. 718 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:32,560 Milk is delicious. 719 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:33,560 That's in my preference. 720 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:41,680 It makes me, it gives me strong bones. 721 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,960 I want those strong bones. 722 00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,000 But that is everything that we got for Reddit. 723 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:49,440 Anything else to add before we head out? 724 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,880 Yeah don't fuck a chicken. 725 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:52,880 You're gonna love God. 726 00:33:52,880 --> 00:34:22,840 We'll see you guys next time.