Hello and welcome to episode 38 of the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
And we are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown
movies, games, comic books, anime, and more weekly.
We appreciate you being here and hope you enjoy the show.
This is what we are covering tonight.
We're going to cover Black Adam.
Tell him the man in black sent you.
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slash KLE podcast.
But let's go ahead and get into it.
Black Adam.
So this was the big fucking new DC vehicle that's going to drive forth and conquer Marvel.
It's going to on the on the back, the broad shoulders of the rock.
So it's not the Shazam Lee.
It's not the Shazam Lee.
It's you know, this was going to be the movie of movies is what they kept touting it as
I remember the rocks like, man, I don't I don't need the fast series anymore because
I got I got the fucking fucking headphones are stuck.
Like I got this movie.
I'm going to make the biggest franchise of all time.
And it was a absolute office box office bomb.
It fucking exploded.
And I think naturally people can tell a bad story from a good story, even if they can't
explain it.
Sometimes they can just they can feel it.
I would agree with that.
Like that's why some movies are like, wow.
And the other one was like, wow.
Wow.
Whoa.
It's like it's like the Peter Griffin going through Russia where it's either a wow or
a whoa.
I didn't see that.
That's funny.
But Russian women are either a wow or a whoa.
So yeah, this movie was a whoa.
We want to go.
Oh, I don't think I'm going to get my time back.
So it starts off with a huge exposition dump off the bat, like immediately a whole explanation.
The one thing you don't want to do when you write a story is don't don't explain.
Show don't tell.
And it just fucking tells immediately before Rome, before Egypt, before Greece, there was
Qatar or Kadaq.
I forgot how they keep calling it.
But it was it was back in 2600 B.C. and this came by the name of King.
What's his fucking name?
And he he was a cruel king in Kadaq.
And they had this material, this metal called Eternium that he wanted because he this man
loved black magic like he loved heavy metal bands and he loved all this stuff.
Death metal.
He was just into that shit.
So he wanted to make it.
He wanted to get this this metal and craft it into a crown, the crown of sabacc that
would allow him to once he put the crown on, he would become the champion for the devils,
the demons.
And so did Lucifer have anything to say about this?
I don't know.
Like six demons were like, he's our champion.
Yes, he is.
If he can't do it, no one can.
They were cheering and everything.
Oh, no, they made it worse than it was.
It probably doesn't take much.
And so this kid's like he finds this big, thick piece of no, this old guy finds this
piece of Eternium like a thick ass fucking stone that would fit perfectly on the crown.
And the kid's like, oh, all these people see him, right?
Although they're basically everyone's enslaved.
Just digging in the desert in Kadaq, it's like a desert region.
And he finds it and all the other workers try to get it off of him, right, to claim
it so they can give it to the Kingsguard and then the Kingsguard will reward them with
food or water or whatever.
So this kid pops out of nowhere like, what the hell is wrong with you guys?
You can't be doing this to our own people.
This man, you know, so he gets, you know, he's one of those like, oh, it's all for the people.
So he takes the old man to the Kingsguard.
He's like, here's this big ass piece of Eternium.
The king's like, awesome.
And the kid's like, so does he get the king's reward?
And the guards are like, yeah, and he fucking throws him up the cliff.
I'm like, well, God, that's not the reward I was hoping for.
I quicked down.
Basically, the kid gets mad.
But then the kid's father steps in to save his son.
Like, oh, don't mind my kid.
He's a fucking moron.
Come on, son.
And the son's like, we can't live like this.
This is our home.
This place is gorgeous.
And all I see is just desert, son.
I'm like, this place is gorgeous.
It's just a fucking barren wasteland.
But OK, I mean, you grow up.
You love where you grow up.
Whatever.
I wouldn't live there.
Fucking just my face would melt.
Plus they're all bald.
So you can only imagine the sunburn on the top of their damn skull.
Take it from a fellow bald man.
When you ever had a sunburn on your fucking scalp, the top of your fucking dome, it is
quite an experience.
You're like, damn, my head is warm as fuck.
So the kid's like, fuck all that shit.
So he starts to rebel.
He keeps doing this fucking symbol.
Like, the fucking like, look like they're doing a little heart symbol like this.
But they're not doing like a diamond symbol in the air.
Right.
I just imagine him doing the heart thing.
I can't do it.
But he gets a bunch of people rallied.
The King doesn't like that.
So he has a kid fucking captured and executed.
But before they can execute him, he's teleported away to that fucking rock of eternity.
And the wizard are like, we choose you, Barry Batson.
Billy Batson.
That was his name, Billy Batson.
His name was also Billy Batson.
It wouldn't surprise me at this point.
So.
Fucking Billy Batson.
There's another Billy Batson from 26 B.T.E.
Would it surprise you at this point?
Probably not.
The amount of bullshit they do.
So this kid, he gets turned into a he gets given the powers of Shazam.
They actually get what the powers are from every every God.
But I was too lazy to write him down.
Like the wisdom of Zach, the the the strength of.
Well, if I remember right for for Black Adam, isn't it mostly Egyptian gods?
And I have no idea because I know the ones for Shazam like S is Solomon, the wisdom of
Solomon.
They gave it to they gave it to Black Adam, the same exact.
Yeah, they didn't even use the comic book version.
No, they're just like, you get the same ones as Shazam Shazam.
So he gets all the powers.
He goes to the fuck.
Here's the funny part.
So they finally made the Crown of Svag, right?
And instead of having some awesome ritual scene where he's about to put the crown on
his head, the king, they have some dude running down the fucking hallway.
I got the crown boss and the king's in on his fucking throne.
I come on, come on, bring it over here.
Come on.
He's hauling ass to the king.
I got it, boss.
I think it was so fucking stupid looking.
Just a dude running with a fucking pillow and a crown on the pillow.
Say, I'm coming.
And the king's like, I'm fucking most.
Bring that crown to me.
Like he's not crippled or anything.
He just sit on the bed.
They could have at least some kind of ritual or made it look cool.
Like some kind of ceremony.
Yeah.
So some dude running his ass.
I would have just worn it if I was that guard.
Like, fuck, I'll be I'll be the crown of the guy.
So before the crown gets put on his head, fucking Shazam shows up.
He's like, fuck all this.
He blows up half the fucking country and then fucking black.
What did I say?
Shazam black Shazam blows up.
And so, yeah, he blows up the fucking palace, the fucking everything blows up everything.
He was like a thousand people.
I don't know what the fuck happened.
We lost the shit and blew up everything.
So it cuts the future or present time now.
Kandaka has been under twenty seven year military occupation by inner gang.
I guess I don't know if inner gang is a criminal organization or if they're like a legitimate
mercenary like sanctioned force.
Because like they're just like they got checkpoints everywhere.
There's a bunch of soldiers patrolling.
It's a police state.
And they're basically just mining Kandaka of the atrium.
Like atrium is like let me turn is basically kryptonite for fucking black Adam.
He gets hit with some atrium rocket or some rocket mixed with atrium.
He fucking falls like a rock.
So yeah, I don't know what the I don't know what the organization is and there's nobody
stopping them.
So it's just like it's been a kodak's been occupied for twenty seven years by inner gang.
And this woman named the fuck was her name.
She has the most American name Adriana compared to everybody else.
So Adriana she used to be a she worked at a college and I guess she was an archaeologist
or a historian.
And she's trying to find the crown of sabacc to keep it out of the hands of inner gang.
The inner gang wants the crown after twenty seven years.
I mean you would have found it eventually if you covered the whole damn country.
So she goes up to the mountain place where the crown was and lo and behold she finds
it.
But then there's a traitor in the gang and there's four of them.
They go up there her brother her some dude that gets thrown off a cliff.
There's a common theme here.
And then another guy they get found out by inner gang and she tried to take the crown
that they're trying to get her and she she they're about to kill her brother.
So she gives herself up and then there's this fucking like like inscriptions on the floor
and she writes she recites the fucking whatever it says on the thing right.
And fucking she's am that fucking black Adam blows out of the fucking some cell he had
like he was like asleep or in some tomb fucking blows out of there.
Boom.
And then the song painted black shows up and he just starts fucking killing everybody.
All the inner gang right there just fucking throwing everything they have him and he's
just like they made it seem like he was just that fucking guy because they were like everything
was they were moving in slow motion and he was moving normal.
Because they were following him at his speed level.
He's fucking putting a he's fucking putting a grenade down a guy's throat and then like
the time when when that guy's reaction catches up to what the action that happened.
Yeah.
He's like what the fuck.
I'm like what the fuck.
She gagged on a grenade.
I just as much as I don't like the movie I like that idea that having super speed if
they do something to you when that when that action catches up to your recognition you'd
be like what the fuck happened.
That was my asshole her son.
I had to do the quick silver thing basically.
Yeah.
I was like that's like I I never like I never thought like I guess I never thought about
it but yeah like if if all of a sudden like my fucking jaws like broken I'm like what
happened.
You know what I mean.
The fucking flash socks you in the face and then like three minutes later you realize
what the hell.
So why is my booty hard.
What the fuck.
I like that meme that's been going around with a zoom professor zoom where it's like
it was me Barry.
I'm going to check you off at super speed.
You touch it.
You came when your girlfriend touched it with me Barry.
My sick motherfucker.
Basically yeah.
So he fucking kills them all.
All the inner gang.
They're all freaking out.
I mean you back up this guy got a motherfucker right here.
Breaking people in half.
Then he gets hit with an internium rocket.
It's like a rocket lace with a little bit of an internium and like it actually hurts
him to this to the point that he fucking just disintegrates the guy with a lightning bolt
and he's like well time to fly away.
And then he fucking falls back down to the ground and then he fucking wakes up later
at the ladies house.
And he meets the lady's son who fucking like all your basically Teth Adam.
Teth Adam yeah.
Is a legendary character in Ken Dock history.
It's their champion and like they've been under oppression for so long that they the
son wants that champion.
There he is to fucking liberate them.
And they're still under basically slavery.
I wouldn't say slavery because they're not being forced to do anything.
They're just they're not being able to live their life freely under oppression.
For this long?
27 years.
That's a lot.
Well after a while I mean people like they get used to they get complacent.
If it's not too bad they get complacent.
So okay so Teth Adam's back and that activates the JSA.
Fucking Amanda Waller shows up because she's in all these movies now.
She's freaking Nick Fury.
So is this supposed to take place around the time as Shazam?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I was gonna say it feels the JSA back in the 1940s.
Amanda Waller wouldn't have even been born yet.
It's the modern iteration.
Okay.
Or whatever.
Like at least current time.
Yeah their current roster.
Which is very small apparently.
So Amanda Waller calls the JSA.
So you gotta deal with this guy.
And then fucking you got Hawkman.
He's like oh god don't you fucking worry about it.
I'm gonna knock this movie.
Isn't he from the same country?
Kazak?
Yeah.
No he lives in St. Rock Louisiana.
No I mean originally wasn't the.
I have no idea.
I'm trying to remember back to something.
I'm just following whatever the movie tells me.
If I remember right him and Hawkgirl were king and queen of something to do with that.
Thought it was Egypt.
They changed it so often.
I can't remember if it was Egypt or it was where Teth Adam was from.
Like they've changed the history so many times in DC.
You gotta keep making the piece fit.
So she tells.
She activates.
Or I guess she.
I don't know what the fuck she has to do with him.
The JSA from what they told in the movies like they protect global stability.
So yeah this is what we do.
We didn't help with the Kryptonians when they invaded.
Exactly.
This is what we do though.
They were too strong.
We couldn't deal with that.
We've got our man.
Okay.
You got you got Hawkman and then you have Pierce Brosnan as Dr. Fate.
Say hello.
I'm James Bond.
I became Dr. Fate after I retired as 007.
And by the way his powers are drastically limited.
Are they really?
Like if I know what Dr. Fate in the comics was supposed to be.
Like extremely powerful.
He's like a quarter of that.
A quarter?
Like 10 percent.
I don't know.
He was not even effective at all in anything he did in that movie.
Really?
I was like what the fuck is going on?
So and then so they hired two new people.
They got two rookies coming and they got some chick named Maxine Hunkle.
Yeah her cyclone.
She has aerial telekinesis.
Aerial kinesis.
So she can control wind.
Yeah tornado stuff.
Then you have Al Rothstein.
The nephew of the original Atom Smasher.
Now he is the new Atom Smasher because he actually inherited the abilities.
I don't know how he would inherit his uncle's abilities if he's his nephew.
Because his mom didn't have the powers.
So did he fuck his mom?
Probably.
That's what I don't understand in that part at all.
So you inherited my powers.
I'm your uncle though.
Wait wait wait.
Wait wait a minute.
Look here Barry you got my you got my sister's jeans and my jeans intertwined.
You know you got I'm gonna smash your powers now.
There was a lot of smashing going on that night.
You know who his uncle is?
It's fucking Henry Winkler.
Fonzie.
Hey.
Oh God.
Hey nephew.
I can't do his voice.
So he basically just becomes really big.
And yeah I guess I didn't think about it but when I said he inherited it from his uncle
I was like that wouldn't make any sense though.
That would not make any sense.
When I came out of my mouth I was like wait a minute.
That nasty motherfucker.
So and he has his old uncle's suit.
His uncle I'm gonna do paraphrase.
His uncle probably his dad.
Just passed him off to his sister.
I can't take care of this fucking sick kid of mine.
Take care of him.
We just told him he's your son.
But how did he get your powers?
Oh fuck.
I'm his uncle though.
God dang it.
So he got the four of them and they get onto the ship and fucking.
So there's only four JSA members?
Yeah you got the two heavy hitters.
The two veterans and you got the new.
What happened to Jay Garrick?
What happened to Alan Scott?
They all died in a horrific orgy.
So Adam Smasher was there.
He feels so guilty about it.
So they get on their ship and Adam Smasher is like whoa has this made a nint metal?
So yeah completely indestructible in Batman.
That's Hawkman.
Hawkman yeah.
You always gotta have that one Hawkman.
To give him credit he is adamantly and uncompromisingly strong in his convictions.
He does not want to kill anybody.
Even the worst criminals deserve judicial process.
I'm like alright bro.
Every once in a while.
So I respect that he was that and he didn't change basically that much throughout the
movie.
So I stopped killing people black Adam.
I was like no I'm black Adam.
I'm Batman too.
We're both Batman.
Anybody with that deep alpha voice to meet Batman yeah?
Batman started it and then they all copy.
They all just try to be Batman.
I wouldn't do that with Aquaman or Superman or Cyborg.
No because they all have different personalities.
Right but when you have these characters they're pretty much the same carbon copy.
So the inner gang attacks the kid because he's trying to talk to black Adam into liberating
Kandok.
And black Adam's having some weird like I don't know what the hell's happening.
I don't know this world.
I don't know I can speak perfect English all of a sudden though instead of ancient Kandokki.
All of a sudden he's speaking fine.
I couldn't get that over my head.
So how are you speaking English you were not speaking English when you got whatever the
kids speaking English they're all I don't know I guess because the 27 years English
was the dominant language for inner gang so maybe I'm gonna pick them English is how I
just I'm helping them write it better.
It's what I'm doing.
Like there's not even subtitles or anything.
It's not speaking.
So black Adam wakes up like where am I?
I'm speaking perfect English.
And you know he finds out that he's in Kandok but like years in the future like 2600 years
later I guess.
No I guess it wouldn't be.
No because yeah it was 2600 years ago.
Right.
No because BC's and that was AD so it'd be a zero then more what the fuck.
Like 4000 years ago.
Yeah maybe something like that.
So he's like he does it like the kid gets jumped by one of the inner gang guys so fucking
black Adam comes like don't you worry I'll save it and he starts fucking killing everybody
again and then so the inner gang guys so that's that's one thing about this movie.
It just jumped from action point to action point to action point and I'm like wait man
wait can you fucking explain or add something and more fighting more fighting.
Let's take a breather more fighting.
Like just like action after it's just it's such a dull.
There's no progression really.
No there's just filler for more fighting.
It's like man this fucking sucks.
So there's a scene when he wakes up at the house of Andrea and there's a TV and it's
playing the fucking I gave it in the subtitle that said it was playing the good bad the
ugly music but it didn't sound like the good bad the ugly I don't know if they got copyright
I don't know it didn't sound like to me.
And one of the characters in the movie is like Clint Eastwood going for his gun he fucking
pulls the gun out and Black Adam shoots the fucking TV with lightning like he's fucking
drawing his gun too.
So when he's fighting the guy that was about to beat up the Andrea's son the kid's name
is Amon the kid who's trying to get Black Adam to fucking liberate this country.
They're all shooting him with fucking their assault rifles they go empty the guy tosses
it aside he's like well time to go for my pistol and I'm like you just shot this guy
with a higher caliber bullet.
And now you think a pistol's gonna help you.
And now this pistol's gonna be the fucking game changer for you.
So he goes with the pistol and they do the they immediately do the fucking good bad and
the ugly fucking scene and I'm like what the fuck is happening that was such a weird reference
in Easter egg for this fucking movie and of course fucking Black Adam puts a fucking lightning
bolt through the guy.
So then the fucking JSA get there and they're like.
They finally get their asses in.
Yeah like basically it was like 10 minutes ago so that we're here.
That's how quick they got there.
Like 45 seconds ago and now we're here.
I'm like god dang everything is so small in this fucking country in this fucking world.
And I'll tell you that legitimately like how small this fucking world is apparently to
these people in a little in a little bit later.
So they said of course now it's fucking the JSA versus Black Adam.
And they're trying to stop them because they have secret information about him that is
not known to the general art of logical community of Kandok like that lady and Adriana.
She has the overall story that they were able to keep.
But the JSA have secret files from artifacts that she doesn't know about.
And then they're fighting so they're fighting Black Adam.
They lose Black Adam.
I gotta go.
He's always going somewhere.
So I gotta do something.
I don't know what the fuck he keeps doing.
So he fucking dips up and whips all their asses.
Fucking Doctor Strange.
All he does is fucking shadow clone Jutsus.
Doctor who?
Whoever.
Doctor Fate.
Doctor Strange.
He would have been a better fighter.
So all fucking Doctor Fate does is do shadow clone Jutsus.
Oh god.
And they're not enough to stop Black Adam.
He didn't use any kind of good magic.
He doesn't have any.
I don't know what the fuck.
He didn't.
I can see the future but not really.
I can't change the future but sometimes I can.
I can make clones of myself.
That was what he did.
Oh my god.
He didn't use any energy beams or nothing?
Not that I remember.
No.
I was facing the internet after a while and I was like fuck.
Then you got the cyclone girl.
She was putting a bunch of fucking bars around Black Adam like a prison.
And probably the coolest scene to me was fucking Atasmash who gets there late right?
And he just fucking comes in and just fucking drops a hammer fist on him.
And fucking just caves Black Adam into the fucking ground.
I got him boss.
Don't you even worry about it.
He's always trying to suck up to Hawkeye.
Every time he fails Hawkeye's like you want me?
We'll have a conversation back at the fucking.
You want me?
I don't know.
Give him a fucking Italian gangster.
You want me?
When we get back to the fucking base.
I'm going to tell you how it is.
I don't know why.
He just rubs Hawkeye the wrong way every time.
Hawke.
Man.
Not Hawkeye.
I'm so fucking flabbergasted about everything that's going on.
Let's switch over to Marvel Universe.
I'm flipping everywhere.
You want me though?
We're going to have a conversation.
This is how I talk now.
So they lose.
They sort of win lose and Andrea and fucking Dr. Fate finds out like you have the crown
of sabacc and he realized that she has it and she's like I don't have it and then Hawkeye
gives us the crown of Batman.
That power scaling is weird by the way in that movie.
At one point Hawkeye Hawkeye Hawkeye man socks him in the face blacking him in the face and
fucking smash him into the building right.
And then another time he tries to hit him with a mace with both hands and Black Adam
stops him with one hand and he can't move him anymore.
Like what you just punched him in the what the fuck just happened.
Like why your hands are more powerful than your damn mace.
Like I don't know.
It doesn't make no sense.
Plus he was two handing it.
Yeah.
So he can clearly hurt Black Adam with a nice punch.
So I mean if he couldn't he wouldn't have moved him at all.
And the mace is made out of metal.
So yeah.
And it spins which is kind of nice.
Yeah.
And then you get a black Adam's ass.
So they're talking to Adriana and she makes a good point about you're just you're not
here to stop and say liberate us from the inner gang that been oppressing us for all
these years even though you promote global stability.
So you know there's no reason for you to be there because Black Adam is not actually hurting
any people.
But Hawkman says we have to stop him because the stories that you know aren't the real
stories because we have documents that no one's ever seen but us.
So she goes to talk to Black Adam and she finds out because I guess right between that
they told her the truth.
Like oh so I know the truth.
You're not really you didn't really liberate Kadak.
You just went there.
You killed everybody.
So basically he didn't liberate Kadak when he when he went to the King's Palace and he
just fucking blew up everything.
He just he raged out and it was so bad that the Wizards were like oh you're not the right
champion we chose wrong.
Blah blah blah.
So all the Wizards fucking whip his ass.
There was a bunch of Wizards that time and the Wizard from Shazam is in that one.
Yeah.
He's one of the Wizards.
Shazam?
It wasn't just him.
It was I guess the how many letters is it?
Six?
Shazam or seven?
Six.
So all six Wizards.
So each Wizard gave him a different ability?
Yeah that's what it looked like.
Instead of like because I'm going like if you're if you're a comic book reader or any kind
of like the old like the Justice League Unlimited and stuff like that Shazam got or Captain
Marvel technically got his powers from a Wizard named Shazam and each of those powers came
from a God.
Yeah.
So now it's just coming straight from Wizards.
From the staffs that they used to steal the powers in the first place if we remember the
Shazam movie.
Oh my god.
So they ended up.
So that real Wizard Shazam had the one from Atlas?
Yeah.
So then so when she when she liberated Black Adam he wasn't trapped in the tomb or anything
he was actually in a prison.
Right.
So he's like that's right or something I don't know what the fuck like the conversations
don't make any damn sense.
So so then fucking Hawkman shows up again and he's like I'm gonna do Shazam so you
stop having suit powers.
So they know all that stuff too.
Yeah.
And he's like fuck you.
Basically what they do is they say fuck you.
Fuck you more.
So they found out that fucking for some reason Adriana's son Amon has the crown of Sabaq.
He goes back to their apartment where his uncle is and one of the original people that
went to the site with her one of them died right.
Her and her brother.
There was four of them.
Amon ended up getting trapped in a cave in but he didn't actually die.
It turns out that guy is actually the head of the inner gang inner gang conduct division.
Ishmael is his name.
So you can already tell one of them is going to be a bad guy.
So he's like oh hey Amon where's the crown at?
He's like what I don't have it but he does have it.
He knows Ishmael knows that he has it so then all inner gang attacks the apartment looking
for Amon and has this weird fucking scene where he's like alright Amon's hiding in this
corner and he's looking at all the inner gangs looking around for him all over the fucking
like one of those spiral staircases and he's like alright time to sneak past him.
Fucking puts his hood up and he's on his skateboard and he's sliding down right.
The minute he gets out of the fucking corner right Ishmael's like there he is.
I'm like what the fuck was the point of that then?
He's right fucking there.
Like the minute he fucking moved they caught him instantly.
So then Black Adam gets there to try to help.
They put him on this fucking like speeders fucking it's like a speeder but also a fucking
flying ship.
They fucking take off like the eight of them like twenty of them take off actually and
Black Adam and fucking Hawkman everyone's trying to find the kid and the crown of Sabok
and they're fucking just ripping up these fucking speeders and killing whoever's on
it.
Well Black Adam is and then Hawkman's like we don't kill you.
You just obsessed on Batman and I don't kill.
And then fucking Dr. Strange is just chilling.
By the way his powers are so limited that Adrienna's brother gets shot by Ishmael and
then Dr. Strange's like I don't know what to do.
I can't do nothing about it.
I can't heal you.
I'm fucking dying.
What the fuck is he going to do?
He doesn't have a drop of the actual Dr. Fate's power.
He's like he's fucking bleeding on the fucking floor and Dr. Fate can't even close the wound.
No Dr. Fate's like fuck you fucked bro.
Well Fate says you're dying.
I'm like damn you're fucked.
So they try to catch Ishmael and Amon and they fucking fail but they ended up getting
the crown of Sabok.
So they have the crown of Sabok and Ishmael has Amon.
So now fucking Black Adam teams up with the highly useless JSA and Adrienna and they all
go to this fucking mountain range to meet Ishmael and then the minute that fucking Black
Adam gets there fucking the song Power by Kanye West plays and he fucking destroys all
of the inner gang.
He gets to this fucking central base I guess and he tries to punch through but it's made
of a eternium so it's like even you can't break here I'm Ishmael.
How many say their names just to make sure?
And Black Adam's like damn he's right.
And so Ishmael's like guess what I'm actually the descendant of King Akhtatan so he's the
last descendant and he wants the crown.
So Adrienna's like alright we'll give you the crown for my son and he's like bet.
So they fucking put the force field down.
Ishmael gets to ground and then he fucking shoots Amon.
He's like well fuck you Black Adam.
He shoots at Amon and then fucking Black Adam's like no he fucking does the super speed of
cat to stop the bullet right?
And he stops the bullet, kills Ishmael and then fucking almost kills Amon bumping into
him like a fucking freight train hitting you.
It's like damn I almost fucked up that kid.
This means that I can't be a hero and then he goes look to Hakkman alright I'll say Shazam
you can imprison me forever.
So that's yeah so basically because he almost killed Amon he's now like alright Hakkman
you're right I'm too dangerous.
Let me say Shazam and then you guys can lock me up and I'll never say the make sure I can
never speak again.
So Hakkman's like bet.
And so he says Shazam and now it's just a less bulky between the Rock Johnson who's
the same guy it's just like a on a fucking they like they took his head and put it on
a weaker man's body so it's just a fat fucking head on a tiny body.
So now he's powerless and they fucking they go to extremes to keep it they put a muzzle
on him they put him in a fucking pod they fill it with water so he can't now he can't
speak and underwater he can't speak either.
They fucking take him all the way to Antarctica they put him in a fucking facility all the
way down there and I'm like God damn this is like what 20 minutes ago and everyone's
like done.
Hakkman fights.
Liberate.
The thing is though is that if he's not using the Shazam abilities then he's gonna die just
sitting there.
No well they put the breather thing on him.
No I mean like he's gonna grow older and he's gonna have to eat.
Not if he's unconscious.
That's what they're fucking saying not if he's dying.
Because the only thing that kept him alive the entire time was having the Shazam powers.
The plot holes in that thing.
Believe me I know.
Not to mention there's three expedition dumps.
So the first one was the early story.
The middle one was her telling him the true story of what happened at the palace when
he destroyed everything.
The third one is you find out that the Rock wasn't the original champion chosen by the
Wizards.
It was his son and his son gained those powers his son went back to their house they killed
his dad the Rock and his mom the Rock's wife so the son was so devastated he gave the Rock
his powers.
Like your father take it Shazam just say Shazam.
The Rock says Shazam.
And the Rock becomes the Black Adam and then as the kid becomes back to normal right the
guards kill the kid.
Fucking the Rock loses his shit and that's when he blows up the fucking that's why he
went on a rage fit.
So that was another expedition dump.
So.
So plot twist even though you can tell us the Rock from the beginning of the movie like
don't come here son don't show my face I'm not the Rock.
I see that side eye and the fucking eyebrow raised that's you Rock I see you.
The first thing you can see from a mile away.
I could pretty much tell it's you.
In a way this kid's gonna grow up to be the Rock look at him.
He's like 101 pounds.
So there you go.
So now.
He knocks down Amon right and he feels so bad he gives up all his powers and now they
fucking locked him up in some cell out in the middle of Antarctica.
That's what they took him in the span of like two minutes.
And back in Kandalk.
Adrian was like having this fucking like like epiphany because on the Crown of Sabaq there
was an inscription that said the path to death is life which is basically yeah you live and
then you die.
Right.
But it was so for the longest time they couldn't figure out what that meant.
It turns out the path to it was mirrored so it's the path to life is death which was that
was Ishmael's plan.
If you have the Crown of Sabaq on and you're killed you go to hell you meet the demons
and they they Christian you their champion and you come back to earth as that.
He did by the he looked this was the only good like he looked badass like it was a different
actor right.
Because there's no ishmael was like 102 pounds and then this guy was like 600 pounds and
they made him a whole devil gear.
Yeah.
So he's not I'm some Sabaq and he just starts fucking tearing up Kandalk.
He raises a whole army of zombies and then now there's zombies everywhere.
And so it didn't like and the Hawkman Dr. Fate they're all trying to find me.
He's too powerful.
He's so powerful.
He fucking rips the Nif metal.
So it's a fucking starship in half.
It's completely indestructible.
And they said that just for that scene to show how powerful Sabaq is.
We already know Dr. Fate useless.
Yeah because he fucking gets killed by he uses like he could be in two places at once
Dr. Fate.
Yeah.
So he goes he goes to talk to a black Adam.
So you're the only one that can beat him.
I'm getting my ass beat to save the world and or some shit and then he kills the fucking
Hawkman was supposed to die but Dr. Fate didn't want to lose his friend.
So he put himself in place to take the death for Hawkman.
And so fucking Dr. Fate dies.
He tried to use his clone Jutsu again.
Didn't work for Sabaq either.
So then fucking so then black Adam breaks out right and in his normal fucking skinny
form he beats up like 18 special forces soldiers who would have probably easily whipped his
ass.
So he fucking gets out of the anarchy which is like below freezing swims up to the fucking
surface without any powers.
Yeah.
He gets his powers back.
He beats Sabaq with a little bit of Hawkman's help.
Then he becomes the king of Condoc and then he meets the rock.
He meets fucking the man of steel like we need to talk and the movie the end 10 out
of 10.
Oh my God.
10 out of 10.
The greatest movie I've ever seen.
You like the end game you like black Adam.
God that was a horrendous movie.
It sounds like it.
My God.
So many plot holes.
So many things.
It's like don't get me wrong.
To tell the man of black set you.
Most most movies you have to take it with a grain of salt when it comes to a superhero
movie regardless.
So you have to kind of put aside some things that you would say well that ain't possible
right.
Yeah that's why they made the whole fucking.
Tell me McGuire not being smart enough to make the little web slingers.
Right.
That's why they made him just come out of his fucking dick or something.
And but then like that was the that's what they couldn't like they couldn't feel like
they could.
It would make sense for people of like a general knowledge of Spider-Man.
Right.
But whenever they did the Amazing Spider-Man.
They did it anyway.
What the fuck was the point.
Right.
But it was still believable.
They made it to where he was a super nerd as a kid and all that kind of stuff.
OK fine.
That's there.
There's some.
They wanted to make sure that Tom McGuire was dumb as fuck.
Like a Chad compared to the other one.
She's fucking punching people in the face like he was beating the hell out of you beat
up his best friend right.
Yeah.
I didn't get your father green goblin or I can't care about Harry Harry Osborn.
Say fuck you I don't care.
But like obviously a lot of superhero movies you got to take with a grand assault and they're
not they're going to take you out of an element of reality.
A barrel of salt dumped down your throat.
Well like Superman right.
You know that OK people can't fly but it's going to take you out of normal.
Oh yeah.
That level of what's it called.
Suspension disbelief.
Right.
But there's a certain level.
There's a limit.
OK.
But that's all I'm going to say.
Disbelief stories can always create levels of disbelief suspension.
Well what I was going to say too is that with the suspension of disbelief and all that kind
of stuff OK once you set a boundary in that you can't change it later on.
Oh yeah.
You got to keep a strict you have to follow your own rules that you set in the movie.
You cannot break them.
Like with Superman.
Superman has very few boundaries to begin with.
So a lot of things that you'd say well how did he get from here to here really fast.
It's like OK well Superman.
So it makes sense.
But whenever you've got the JSA going from one spot to another.
Louisiana to Condoc in like 10 minutes and then Black Island went from Antarctica to
Condoc in like a minute.
Right.
I'm like damn.
Like at least follow your own rules.
That's what a lot of people didn't like about like those kind of magic systems that are
not like strict.
Oh consistent.
So whenever you have something that's not a hard line magic system you at least have
to kind of follow some rules of your own.
Like where it's like OK there's a limit still.
You have to stick by your own rules that you trapped yourself in.
I mean even Dragon Ball Z followed their own rules when it came to that kind of stuff.
They would just power scale everything up a level.
But they at least stayed consistent as they went each time.
Oh yeah so no one was ever like that much above anyone else except for the villain for
a little bit.
But they would at least scale it.
And then they would eventually scale it up to a hero being stronger.
Yeah like an incremental scale at least.
But then when you look back it's like oh shit that don't make no sense.
Like what they did with Piccolo when he first went to Namek he morphed with Nail who lost
to Frieza and he was struggling to take on form 2 Frieza.
And then in the Android saga he morphed with Kami and he was strong enough to take on Android
18.
So that was always like that part.
There was a reasoning behind it at my point compared to like this Black Adam movie where
it's like well how does he have no powers but he's still swimming under Antarctica.
Yeah and he was like it was deep underwater is what I'm guessing.
So his lungs would have collapsed just you know.
With no power usage?
Like come on now.
It'd be like Billy Batson.
Okay that's another like whenever you go with the suspension of disbelief.
Okay you have Billy Batson as Shazam or Captain Marvel the technical name.
You have him if he's in his kid form and he gets his ass kicked he's gonna die.
But somehow Teth Adam won't?
Like it's not consistent.
Yeah and a fucking slave from the 2600 is gonna beat up like 18 special forces soldiers.
It'd be like Billy Batson without his powers fighting off to 18 soldiers.
Yeah like going toe to toe with Batman.
Like I'm sorry Batman I'm the new guy in town.
Right?
Like Batman was like my god he's so strong.
That makes no sense.
Only at all.
That's how it is.
People don't follow their own rules.
Then they break them and then they wonder why no one liked their movie.
It's your movie with ass.
And the Rock wonders why this flopped.
Did you see how fast he backed away from this shit?
What the fuck is Black Adam?
I don't remember what that is.
I'm all about speed.
You can go back to fast ass.
Fast 15 even faster.
Now we're racing space shuttles.
Put a blower motor on a space shuttle.
Fast 25 Decepticons invade.
Now that's when they're in their wheelchairs because they're seniors.
You always need to tell a you need to master the art of storytelling.
I don't care how many like if you read the story right half of the time I blame the writers.
The other ones are wrote it.
I don't care how many rewrites you need to follow your fucking story all the way through.
If your name is going to be like screenplay by make sure that by is worth it.
Right.
Someone puts my name by screen like the original fucking Daredevil movie with fucking Ben Affleck
screenplay by No Escalator.
I'd be like oh fuck.
Because I mean even if you have really really good actors they can act the part and they
can only do so much with the material.
Right.
Like even with I'll put it this way as much as I don't like Brie Larson as a like an actual
person is in the rain.
Isn't it Brie Larson.
I have no idea.
I don't say her name but like she's an actress so you can still only do as much as what they
give her to act like.
So I do blame the writers and the director for a lot of it because I like I like writing
and I want to be a writer.
I hold them to a higher standard.
Yeah.
You know you do your job better.
Yeah.
They're going to be they're going to hate me so much.
Well they look at it start reading the part like this podcast 10 years from now that I'm
a bitch.
So you're rating out of 10.
You can see the bulge in the rock stick.
The whole movie.
She was tingling constantly.
Oh electricity.
Those aren't potatoes he's carrying.
Ten it's it's just it's too.
There's not enough story there's too much action without any which is sad because it's
just filler usually actions good but whenever you rely only on that meaningless action is
just meaningless to me.
Yeah.
It's why I can't stand car chase scenes.
I hate car chase scenes.
You put a car chase scene in a movie you get a zero out of 10 immediately.
I mean at least I had a car scene in an end game.
I'd be like you son of a bitch.
At least have a good reason for it.
I mean no never there's never a good reason for a car chase scene.
No.
It depends it depends unless you hit somebody with your car.
Well it's possible.
I hate car chase scenes.
Like if you're doing it for like suspense and stuff.
No fuck car chase scenes.
Or you can act like the like Prince Harry where he said I was followed for two and a
half hours in New York City chasing high speeds.
Like they were stuck in traffic for two and a half hours.
And then there was a car behind him taking pictures like that.
But anything else to add?
No.
I'll say something horrifically offensive.
All right.
With that we will see you guys on the next one.