1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,560 Hello and welcome to Reddit and Sanday number 13. 2 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:14,560 I'm Michael. 3 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,560 I'm Noe. 4 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:16,560 We are the Knights of Entertainment. 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,720 We have some more Reddit for you today. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:19,720 This is more by today. 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,720 I fucked up. 8 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,720 Alrighty. 9 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,640 So first one is by Zombie00. 10 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:29,360 My god, it's suspension zero. 11 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:34,840 So this person puts, I'm going on a four day tour holiday with one of my classes to 12 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,840 the city that has a guy friend of mine. 13 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:42,320 I want to meet him and who knows where that could lead. 14 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,960 And if it does, I want to be prepared. 15 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:49,240 I've been doing better skincare routines, exercise, better sleep, and also wanted to 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,800 shave my taco. 17 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,840 I've been heavily dedicated to this and searching everything up for the trip just in case. 18 00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:01,520 And I've never shaved before, so I went into the depth about how to do it properly. 19 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:06,520 The only thing I didn't do was use a new sharp, clean razor like they said you should. 20 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:11,880 I thought it wasn't necessary and that it was just for a cleaner cut and didn't know 21 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,400 to do it later as I'd have to buy a new one. 22 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,080 So I do it and I was cleaning up the lips with the blade. 23 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,040 It took a piece of the lip off. 24 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:25,600 I tell you now, I don't scream bloody murder. 25 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:30,760 That should hurt. 26 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,760 Just listen to that. 27 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,800 Jesus. 28 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,240 Because I was sitting on the edge of the bath, I jerked from the pain, slipped, hit my head 29 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:45,600 on the toilet, and to top it all off, my dad heard me scream and like the hero he is, he 30 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,400 came running in to rescue me. 31 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,040 What's wrong if I'm OK? 32 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,160 I was still dizzy from hitting my head, so I didn't answer immediately. 33 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,520 So I started frantically asking if I was OK. 34 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:01,800 I got frustrated and in the pure moment shouted at him that I had cut my vagina off. 35 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,800 Dead silence. 36 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,920 Well, time to go back to my dad. 37 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:10,580 After the realization hit me that I had just told my dad what I was doing, I was still 38 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:13,360 in immense pain as a chunk of my lips was off. 39 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,080 That should hurt. 40 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:17,080 Sounds painful. 41 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:23,040 And my dad just silently backed out of the bathroom door and I heard him go to his room. 42 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,080 I got out, took a while and cleaned up my crime scene. 43 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,080 I just went to bed. 44 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,680 Not 10 minutes later, my dad knocks on the door and he just says, we've all been we've 45 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,400 all been had been through it. 46 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,400 And walks away. 47 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,400 Cut pieces of our body. 48 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,400 I'm getting it. 49 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,400 Tell you, I'm trying to impress someone else. 50 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,800 I want to kill myself after that. 51 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,920 Still can't close my legs right now without pain. 52 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,680 Well, that was her plans. 53 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,640 I don't know what's next. 54 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,640 So bad. 55 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,240 Just Nick and entire chunk off. 56 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,240 Fuck. 57 00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,960 What did she never come back? 58 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:03,080 I don't think it was that bad, but it probably felt that bad. 59 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,080 Yeah. 60 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,320 Imagine giving yourself a circumcision. 61 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,320 No, thank you. 62 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,560 All righty. 63 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:16,440 Next one is zero for orgy. 64 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:21,000 So you're you're oh and you're zero and one to work. 65 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,000 I'm confused. 66 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,800 You never went in orgy. 67 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,800 I don't understand. 68 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:25,800 All right. 69 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,800 This person puts a cow. 70 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:27,800 Say it again. 71 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,800 What's his name? 72 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,800 The zero for orgy. 73 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:30,800 Never mind. 74 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:31,800 I thought it was zero. 75 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,800 Like like like the speed zero to 60. 76 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,160 Yeah, like he's zero to orgy. 77 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,360 Like he was like a normal zero. 78 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:39,360 It's immediately an orgy. 79 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,360 Well, shit, I told him all of a sudden I'm in an orgy. 80 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:45,360 I don't know how this could happen to me. 81 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,680 I just saw myself. 82 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,640 This happens every time. 83 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,880 This person puts a couple of nights ago, my girlfriend was supposed to meet my friends. 84 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:58,920 I've been to I've been delaying the process for months friends because I knew I have to 85 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:03,320 be I would have to have an uncomfortable conversation first. 86 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,680 I met my friends at an orgy. 87 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:06,680 My roommate at the time. 88 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,680 What are you doing? 89 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,680 What do you mean? 90 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:09,680 You met your friend. 91 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,680 How the fuck? 92 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,080 Like in between fucking rounds, you guys sit down and talk. 93 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:20,360 My roommate at the time asked for my permission to host an orgy at our flat. 94 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,360 I said yes. 95 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,720 Fuck no. 96 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:27,480 As long as my room and my dumpster in the back with the freak that you are. 97 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:33,160 As long as my room and my belongings were off limits and the flat was properly cleaned 98 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,160 afterwards. 99 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,920 There's no cleaning after that. 100 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,920 My plan was to spend the night in my mom's house and be out of everyone's way during 101 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:41,920 the orgy. 102 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,160 My roommate encouraged me to stay and participate. 103 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,440 Fuck all that. 104 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,240 I was still a virgin back then and thought of sleeping with one person was overwhelming 105 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,080 enough, let alone a group of people. 106 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,840 A little 57 of them. 107 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:57,040 However, my roommate eventually convinced me to take part. 108 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,160 I was added to the group chat with all the people who were going to be involved in the 109 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,300 orgy. 110 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,760 All of them made me feel really comfortable. 111 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:04,760 Fuck all that. 112 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:09,280 That being said, when the orgy finally happened, I wasn't able to have sex with anyone. 113 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,220 My anxiety won. 114 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:12,440 Everyone was understanding, though. 115 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:13,680 Life went on. 116 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,320 The connections I made with the people of the orgy also developed into friendships. 117 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,680 We're still friends now. 118 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:23,400 My girlfriend didn't know my history with them until earlier this week when I finally 119 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,320 had the courage to explain the orgy story. 120 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,240 Not origin story, but origin story. 121 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:32,120 That's a whole different take on the hero and villain. 122 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,120 The origin story. 123 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,880 The orgy story. 124 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:41,480 She was shocked and disturbed, asked if I lied to her about being a virgin when we met. 125 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,480 No, baby. 126 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,800 No, she struggled to believe that a virgin guy would walk away from an orgy with his 127 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,800 virginity still intact. 128 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,720 Believe me, if you can't get your dick cut, you can't get your dick cut. 129 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:52,960 It happens. 130 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,720 My girlfriend made it clear that she was no longer interested in meeting my friends. 131 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:58,720 She said she didn't. 132 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,680 Oh, don't you air call me. 133 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:07,080 She said she didn't know how she could be in a relationship with somebody who has friends 134 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:08,880 with people who shared him. 135 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,880 I asked my girlfriend if she was breaking up with me and she said she was going to need 136 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,320 some time to decide on what to do. 137 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,800 Last night she decided our relationship is over. 138 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,840 Well, damn, damn girl. 139 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:20,440 You were fine before. 140 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,440 What changed? 141 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,440 She found that out. 142 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,240 But I mean, she's like, give me some time to think about it. 143 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,280 Okay, we're done. 144 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:28,280 No more thinking. 145 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:29,520 You know what her thinking entailed, right? 146 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,920 She went to all her friends like he went in an orgy. 147 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,160 Nasty motherfucker. 148 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,720 You dumped that motherfucker now. 149 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,560 That's exactly what happened. 150 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,720 And the worst thing about it is she probably has some guy on the wings. 151 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:41,720 Oh, yeah. 152 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,640 They always have some guy in fucking reserve. 153 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,040 That's in the friend zone area. 154 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,040 Just waiting. 155 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:54,440 Man, that was, I saw an Instagram of a friend date this woman took with this guy. 156 00:06:54,440 --> 00:07:00,400 It's like, oh, a dinner, a helicopter ride, a horseback riding, you outdid yourself. 157 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:02,280 And you're the best friend. 158 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,280 You taught him. 159 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,840 This is how a woman should treat a man or a man should treat his woman, right? 160 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:07,840 Yeah. 161 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:08,840 You're my best friend. 162 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:13,680 Like he was so hard in the friend zone that he did all that. 163 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:20,280 He did fucking dinner, a movie, helicopter ride, horseback riding all in one day. 164 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,400 And he was still in the friend zone. 165 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,680 Like he's hard in the friend zone. 166 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:24,680 You showed me. 167 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:25,680 Literally. 168 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:26,680 Yeah. 169 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,800 You showed me what it means for me to be taken care of by a man. 170 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,680 Or you set a new standard for the man. 171 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,280 I'm like, bitch, everything I did. 172 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,280 Don't you see? 173 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,240 Actually, it's not her fault. 174 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,720 It's his fault for doing that stuff. 175 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,920 And on top of that, because you know you're going to be in the friend zone still. 176 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:50,520 Like unless, I don't know, you're not going to get out of the friend zone unless you actually, 177 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,480 if she wants you to be. 178 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:57,560 And if you're still simping over somebody for that long, you're going to be well over 179 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,600 like probably 500 bucks. 180 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,080 There's going to be some girl out there that's going to appreciate that much more. 181 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,080 And you're not going to have to go. 182 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,080 But it won't be her. 183 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,080 It won't be her. 184 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,080 Please. 185 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:12,000 You're going to be like Superman with a 15,000 year wait. 186 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,440 Man, he'd probably bust another so hard for the blue balls. 187 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,440 He's going to get passed out. 188 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:23,440 He's like, I got it. 189 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,440 I got no choice. 190 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:25,440 Okay, jeez, blow out the zipper. 191 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:26,440 After that long wait. 192 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,440 Yeah, he just passes out his friend. 193 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,440 No, Dan. 194 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:29,440 Oh, shit. 195 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:30,440 All right. 196 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,440 The next one is from. 197 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:32,440 Friends don't suck. 198 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,440 That's what I'm. 199 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,440 You've been there. 200 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,440 I can tell. 201 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:36,440 No. 202 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:49,440 Hey, man, if it fit now. 203 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,440 No, Kevin sent that hard. 204 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,440 Not really. 205 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:55,440 No, not really. 206 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,440 You're not at all. 207 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:02,520 I mean, you know, you buy a girl like a piece of pizza or that's not simply here's a here's 208 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,520 a book that I like. 209 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:04,520 Do you like it, too? 210 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,880 Like I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna give you the date of dates girl. 211 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,360 Fuck all that. 212 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,600 I wouldn't be doing all that. 213 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:12,600 No, no. 214 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:15,840 Like if you're asking somebody if they share the same interests, that's a little different 215 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:16,840 than. 216 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,840 Or like a small thing. 217 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:23,760 You should be allowed to have a friend that's your opposite, you know. 218 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,160 Yeah, you should be able to. 219 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,480 But man, you don't do all that for your friends. 220 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,480 You go have it. 221 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,480 You go have. 222 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,640 Now, if you were doing it for yourself and hey, you want to come with. 223 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,640 Oh, yeah. 224 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:34,640 That's a little different. 225 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,640 I love fucking escape rooms. 226 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,000 I'll take everybody who wants to come on now. 227 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:43,360 That's a little different, though, than like if you're doing it for yourself and just bringing 228 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:44,360 somebody with you. 229 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,200 Like we're at that point where it doesn't matter who the friend is. 230 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,200 Just basically. 231 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,200 Yeah, that's different. 232 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,840 But if you're spending that much money, dude, on a girl that you that you love, but that's 233 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,720 like, you know, like you're like a brother to me, bitch. 234 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:03,520 Like I saw another one where this guy was like they were both dressed up as Mr. 235 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,520 Mrs. Incredible. 236 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,520 Right. 237 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,640 And he's like, well, look at us. 238 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,640 We're like, Mr. Mrs. Incredible. 239 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,440 And she's like, no, more like Dash and Violet. 240 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,440 I see you like a brother. 241 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,800 I'm like, well, friend zone then. 242 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,080 The leader off of Facebook is what he should have done. 243 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,080 Should have. 244 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,200 She was so quick to make sure that response. 245 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,200 Yeah. 246 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,200 God damn it. 247 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:24,200 Right. 248 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,200 With that bullet in the chamber. 249 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,200 Yeah. 250 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,200 That's the biggest thing. 251 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,200 I don't think you can be a simp that hard for anybody. 252 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,200 It's not worth it. 253 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,200 Say that now that tomorrow. 254 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,200 I'd be like, please. 255 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,200 Please. 256 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:38,200 Next one is by Helinthia and Honey. 257 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,200 Helinthia Honey. 258 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,200 OK. 259 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,200 At least that's how I'm pronouncing. 260 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:46,360 I'm probably mispronouncing that word by a long shot, but we're going to go with that. 261 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,360 This person puts. 262 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:53,320 Last night I was extremely horny and reading some BDSM forums before I typically. 263 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,680 Yeah, that shit went right out the gate. 264 00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:57,680 Damn. 265 00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:01,160 BDSM like immediately like that's that's his norm. 266 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,160 If that's his baseline. 267 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:07,040 Well, if that's her baseline, my God, if that's that's the baseline. 268 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:15,000 OK, listen to me, people, if that's the baseline, you can't even imagine. 269 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,040 Like usually that's a build up. 270 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,160 That's the kink of your stuff. 271 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:20,160 Right. 272 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,680 If that shit is your baseline, when you start, you start. 273 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,480 Holy shit, bro. 274 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,400 Get some insurance. 275 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:32,160 Those are the issue, but I typically get off on comments and words for smut, etc. 276 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:37,160 Oh, you know, you know, a word like me. 277 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,560 I love me some word. 278 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560 Maybe not. 279 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,560 Maybe not the sexual words. 280 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:44,280 I love me some delicious vocabulary. 281 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,280 That shit from fucking in like Thanos. 282 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,280 Yeah. 283 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:48,280 From Endgame. 284 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,880 You could not live with your own failure. 285 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,320 Where did that bring you? 286 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,320 Back to me. 287 00:11:54,320 --> 00:12:05,520 She puts, well, I came across a forum with lots of people saying they put toothpaste 288 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,800 on their clit for a thingy cooling sensation. 289 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:09,800 And that sounded awesome. 290 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,800 Here we go. 291 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,560 Hospital visit to me. 292 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:16,080 So I did it right before she went to the shower. 293 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,080 It honestly felt great. 294 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,080 I did my answer baseline. 295 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,560 I'm sure the freak. 296 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:29,280 Like I'm assuming for a woman, a pillow, it would be like the normal baseline. 297 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,840 But if your baseline is let me put some toothpaste on my vagina. 298 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,840 That's man. 299 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,840 She's deep in there. 300 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:40,360 I just realized like people growing up with like access to pornography now, their baseline 301 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,320 must be way above our hours. 302 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,320 What hours would have been. 303 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:48,160 Yeah, but I can only imagine how bad it is now. 304 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:54,040 I wonder that's that nasty step brother step sister shit is so prevalent. 305 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,040 That's their baseline. 306 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,040 My god. 307 00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,600 I'm seeing some titties with a baseline. 308 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,160 Yeah, not now. 309 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,880 That's like that's not even an appetizer. 310 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:05,880 No. 311 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:06,880 Yeah. 312 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,880 BDSM is baseline now. 313 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:09,880 Jesus. 314 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:10,880 She puts. 315 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,860 I also use really hot water down there too. 316 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:17,640 And then had sex and it seemed fine. 317 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,200 Well I woke up this morning with a burning sensation that wouldn't go away. 318 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:26,000 And not only is it really uncomfortable and mimics UTI pain, but also whenever she wipes, 319 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,440 there's faint blood coming out too. 320 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,440 She does what you pay us apparently. 321 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:31,840 That's just a common thing. 322 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,160 I think it's somewhat common. 323 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:41,520 But okay, if BDSM is her baseline, there has been things shoved up there that should not 324 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,520 be. 325 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,520 Yeah. 326 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:48,680 So it's so now I don't know if I gave myself a UTI or just damaged myself. 327 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,680 I bought some Azo. 328 00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,880 I don't know what the fuck is Azo. 329 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:52,880 I have no idea. 330 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,840 And I'm going to see how I feel a bit later and hopefully I won't have to go to the doctor 331 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,680 and tell them what I've done. 332 00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,920 TLDR. 333 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,920 Don't put toothpaste on your private parts or you could end up peeing blood. 334 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,920 T.L.A. 335 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:04,920 You need to go to the hospital. 336 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:05,920 What are you talking about? 337 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,720 If UTI pain doesn't bother her. 338 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:10,720 Fuck. 339 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,720 Is this part of the BDSM? 340 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,320 It's like this just more torture. 341 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:18,440 I like it when I feel pain. 342 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:19,440 Apparently. 343 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,440 Good God. 344 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,840 I don't know what that brought. 345 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,360 That brought a Spider-Man noir from the across the Spider-Verse. 346 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:27,360 Yeah. 347 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,920 Where Nick Cage, that's the voice. 348 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:29,920 Yeah. 349 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:30,920 I like that light matches. 350 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,560 Let him go all the way to my fingertips. 351 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:33,560 I can feel something. 352 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:38,280 I don't know why it reminded me of that. 353 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,360 So he likes the light matches and let him whittle down all the way to his fingertips. 354 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,360 And it does, right? 355 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:49,720 And instead of doing some grandiose, he's just like, oh, this is a kids movie. 356 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:50,720 Which is sad. 357 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:51,720 Which is hilarious. 358 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:54,720 The subtly for us. 359 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,600 That's the greatest kids movies. 360 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:03,080 When it's a baseline kids movie and in that little kids stuff, there's stuff for adults 361 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,120 where they're like, oh, you son of a bitch. 362 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,920 See, again, that's why I will always go back to the Batman, the animated series. 363 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,920 It had a bunch of that kind of stuff. 364 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:11,920 He hit women too. 365 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:12,920 Yes, he did. 366 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:13,920 He didn't mind. 367 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:14,920 He was equal rights all the way back then. 368 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:15,920 He said that in the episode. 369 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:16,920 Equal rights. 370 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:17,920 Now, what do you say? 371 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:18,920 Like, justice knows no gender. 372 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:19,920 Yeah, yeah. 373 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:20,920 Fucking punches that only in the face. 374 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:21,920 It's like, boom. 375 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:22,920 I was like, God damn it. 376 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:23,920 Justice knows no gender. 377 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:24,920 I mean, look, he hits poison ivy all the time and stuff. 378 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:25,920 He's lucky it was an actual old lady. 379 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:26,920 Fucking crippled her for life. 380 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:27,920 Just spurt her out. 381 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:42,920 Robin was like, yeah. 382 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:51,120 Oh, Batman, he is just he's like, he's not even like a guy. 383 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,920 He's just like, not even he's like just above that. 384 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:55,920 Yeah. 385 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,000 Batman, but I damn it. 386 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,000 What was it? 387 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,000 Batman Beyond. 388 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:07,200 There's this one scene where apparently somebody is trying to like hack into his mind to get 389 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,280 him to believe like hallucinations or something. 390 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:14,720 And what's the what's the Batman Beyond character's name? 391 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:15,720 Terry McGinnis. 392 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,840 Yes, Terry. 393 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,400 He's like, how did you know that you weren't going insane? 394 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,960 He's like, I just know I'm not. 395 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:26,000 He's like, but how did you know that it was somebody else? 396 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,080 He said, because he kept calling me Bruce. 397 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,080 I'm Batman. 398 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,600 Well, he said, so what do you call yourself? 399 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,600 He just gave him that look. 400 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,600 He calls himself Batman. 401 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:34,600 Yeah, but he does. 402 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:35,600 I'm not Bruce. 403 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,600 I'm Batman. 404 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:43,600 If I remember correctly, he banged Talia Al Ghul with a mask on. 405 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,160 Yeah, yeah, he did. 406 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,160 When he had Damien. 407 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,160 Yeah. 408 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,160 Batman, you freak. 409 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:54,360 Well, also, they're from the same thing with Batman Beyond. 410 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,560 Apparently Rosal Gould took over. 411 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:57,560 Oh, Talia. 412 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,720 And he was like, just making out with him. 413 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,040 He's like, she kissed me. 414 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,040 My God. 415 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,280 Oh, shit. 416 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,640 All righty. 417 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,640 Next one is by Captain White Lighting. 418 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:15,160 I hope this doesn't turn her horrifically racist. 419 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,360 I don't think so. 420 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:21,440 They put that so I have recently become a father. 421 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,360 My son is a week old and I have been home with mom and baby the entire time. 422 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:29,120 Needless to say, I was getting a little restless at home, even with the lack of sleep that 423 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,640 comes with the new kid. 424 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,320 For obvious reasons, for obvious reasons, my wife and I couldn't pass the time in the 425 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:39,380 bedroom as normal, mainly due to the expected impact of childbirth. 426 00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:41,280 My son's huge head didn't help things. 427 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,880 It's that fucking head. 428 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,080 It ruined it all. 429 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,400 So I decided to not bother my wife and sleeping baby a baby and slipped off to the bathroom 430 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,880 with phone and lotion to discreetly take care of business. 431 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:57,160 Perusing my go to site, I found the video of choice. 432 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,240 Baseline media, sir. 433 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:03,800 First thing that pops up is an ad of a girl yelling, oh, baby, with the volume on my phone 434 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:04,800 at full blast. 435 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:05,800 You dumb bastard. 436 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:06,800 You amateur. 437 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,780 I quickly turned it down and proceeded to the business. 438 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:15,160 I returned my wife in a living room and all I see is shock on her face. 439 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,800 She holds my son looking worried. 440 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:21,620 I ask what's wrong, fearing she is mad at me for taking care of business solo. 441 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:26,600 She looked at me dead serious and said something whispered, hey, baby, to our son after you 442 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,720 left and I'm freaked out. 443 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,880 I'm sure it's nothing for some background. 444 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,800 My wife believes in ghosts and spirits. 445 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:34,800 Oh, fuck. 446 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,440 That's crazy as it sounds. 447 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,280 She told me about seeing odd things in our house and believing she heard people talking 448 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,280 before. 449 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:47,760 So this did not help and she even she is even more worried with the new addition. 450 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,880 She is currently burning sage throughout the house to remove the spirits. 451 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:55,280 I don't have the heart to tell her I was just warning as she overheard me watching 452 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:56,280 more. 453 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280 TLDR. 454 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:58,280 I tickled my pickle. 455 00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,280 No volume discipline. 456 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:00,280 I tickled my pickle. 457 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:08,800 I had a plane where the actress said, baby, now my wife thinks our house is haunted and 458 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,520 ghosts want to take our baby. 459 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:15,000 Well, you got to keep that lie up the rest of your life. 460 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,560 It's all I can tell. 461 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,560 Yeah, it was good. 462 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,560 Yeah. 463 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,560 All righty. 464 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:25,880 The next one is by might as well not fuck. 465 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:31,240 This person puts I started having sex in my mid teens, but stopped having sex in my early 466 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:35,120 20s specifically after my first real relationship came to an end. 467 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,120 I was 22. 468 00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:41,960 I never thought it would affect me as bad as it did for as long as it did. 469 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:47,000 But from 22 until recently, I've been avoiding relationships, even casual hookups. 470 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,880 As you can imagine, I did what most people would do alone and horny. 471 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,040 I masturbated for six years. 472 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:59,120 A few weeks ago, I finally said enough is enough and decided to start dating again. 473 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:03,660 After several unsuccessful dates and almost reverting back to my antisocial ways, I managed 474 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:04,840 to make a connection. 475 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,760 She was cute, funny, covered in freckles, and I loved it. 476 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,280 Towards the end of our first date, we continued. 477 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,640 We agreed to continue our fun at her place. 478 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,840 Based on body language, sex was definitely on the table. 479 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:21,000 One of my biggest fears was was exploding almost instantly due to the six years of zero 480 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,000 sex. 481 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,440 However, the opposite became my biggest challenge. 482 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:27,440 Wasn't that all? 483 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,440 I got a marathon, man. 484 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:33,080 I could practically see the seasons change as we were. 485 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:38,680 Jesus Christ, that's how long it felt after thrusting longer than I've ever thrusted in 486 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:39,680 my entire life. 487 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:40,680 My back gave out. 488 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,680 My hip popped out of place. 489 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,240 I pulled out and apologized to my date. 490 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,400 She seemed as relieved as I was to stop. 491 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,440 She's like, yeah, we were both complaining about being sore. 492 00:20:55,440 --> 00:21:00,840 I explained my six year situation and made it made her understand that she did nothing 493 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:01,840 wrong. 494 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,840 It was all me. 495 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:03,840 She understood. 496 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,680 And she said it must be death grip. 497 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,000 Never heard of it before. 498 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,080 But when she explained it to me, it made sense. 499 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,520 I Googled how to overcome death grip. 500 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,040 And the number one treatment plan was masturbate less. 501 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,840 Well, what do you know? 502 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,480 I opted for not masturbating at all. 503 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,560 That reminds me. 504 00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:29,320 So the guy that wrote the Godfather novel, he, he didn't know he was tasked or approached 505 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:33,480 to write the screenplay for the Godfather. 506 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:40,680 One, he did, but he was afraid because he didn't know how to write a screenplay. 507 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,220 But he did it. 508 00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:43,220 And he did another way. 509 00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:46,580 He did the second one, part two, and he won two Oscars. 510 00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:50,360 And after winning those two Oscars, he decided to get better at screen. 511 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,080 Like he was pretty much haphazardly doing it. 512 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:57,400 So he decided, hey, let me buy this book on screenplay writing to get me a little bit 513 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,520 of information on how to do it. 514 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:04,800 Fucking chapter one, it says watch and study Godfather part one. 515 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:11,960 He's like, son of a bitch. 516 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,600 So I think he apparently got a natural gift for screenwriting. 517 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,600 Or he had, I don't know how he's probably dead by now. 518 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,440 Just watch it and copy it. 519 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,440 He did it. 520 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,040 He did it like half-assed. 521 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,080 And then later on, he tried to learn how to screenwrite for real. 522 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,960 And he come to find out he's telling him just to watch the shit he already did. 523 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:31,640 Half-assed or half-hazard. 524 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,640 So what the fuck? 525 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,440 It just reminded me of that. 526 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,440 That would suck. 527 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,440 All righty. 528 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:38,440 Let's see. 529 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,720 I opted for not masturbating at all. 530 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,720 And guess what? 531 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,720 It didn't help. 532 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,720 My money shot, or no money shot. 533 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:46,760 My God. 534 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,920 I had sex with the same freckled face girl for three weeks. 535 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,960 And I think her vagina fucking hates me. 536 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:52,960 Yesterday. 537 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:53,960 Blew her back out. 538 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:54,960 It was so bad. 539 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,920 The next day we were supposed to meet up, but she called me to tell me she's no longer 540 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,960 interested in seeing me because I've made it uncomfortable for her to walk properly. 541 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:03,960 Damn. 542 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,960 I masturbated this morning to see if I can still shoot a load. 543 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:08,320 And the answer is yes. 544 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:13,240 I've literally trained my junk to hate me and to hate sex. 545 00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,000 And now I seem to have lost a potential girlfriend. 546 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,000 TLDR. 547 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,520 Avoided sex and masturbated for most of my 20s. 548 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:25,360 And now I'm unable to bust during sex and I'm losing potential relationships in the 549 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,360 process. 550 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,000 Then there's an edit. 551 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000 She came. 552 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,000 Holy fuck. 553 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:36,120 I didn't think that the information was relevant until I summoned the council of annoying female 554 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:38,200 pleasure seekers in this thread. 555 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,160 Oh, they were wondering like what happened to her? 556 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,160 So what you did let her come? 557 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,160 Apparently she did. 558 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,160 Good. 559 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,160 Yay. 560 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,160 We wrote it in all caps. 561 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,160 You know who that guy is? 562 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,600 Jeff Bezos, a billionaire now. 563 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,920 That's what happens. 564 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,920 You can't do it. 565 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,920 You make billions of dollars. 566 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,920 You ain't got nothing else to do. 567 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,960 All right. 568 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:04,040 Last one by granny go away. 569 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:08,600 This is a throwaway account to that didn't sound right. 570 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,280 This person puts last night, I managed to convince an attractive girl to come home with 571 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,280 me. 572 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,280 I was in the end. 573 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,880 It was the end result of a successful first date. 574 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:19,840 Well, successful ish. 575 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:24,280 As soon as the two of us were naked and in bed, she froze and asked if I lost a loved 576 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,640 one recently. 577 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:26,640 That question caught me off guard. 578 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,880 Well, I'm trying to put my clothes back on and go home. 579 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,880 What the fuck? 580 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:35,280 The question caught me off guard because my face was buried between her legs at the time. 581 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,800 I didn't answer at first, but she asked again. 582 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:42,580 The second time she literally made me stop eating her out so I could respond. 583 00:24:42,580 --> 00:24:46,600 For the record, she did mention that she had a sixth sense when we were getting to know 584 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:47,740 each other. 585 00:24:47,740 --> 00:24:50,120 But we never discussed it in detail. 586 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:55,060 To answer her question, I said my grandma passed away not long ago. 587 00:24:55,060 --> 00:24:59,400 My date nodded her head and said she sensed my grandma's presence. 588 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,800 I said I didn't believe in ghosts to continue eating her out. 589 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:05,040 I would have been like, I'm going home fuck all this. 590 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,440 My date said my grandma had a message for me. 591 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:14,320 At that moment, I was doing everything I could in her Gucci eating department to distract 592 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,020 my date from talking about my dead grandmother. 593 00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:21,560 But sadly, my oral sex game did nothing to prevent her from telling me that grandma wanted 594 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,280 me to forgive my brother. 595 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,080 I stopped what I was doing and asked my date what she meant. 596 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:32,280 A few years ago, my brother hooked up with my girlfriend, my ex now. 597 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,360 I hated him afterwards and our relationship basically became nonexistent. 598 00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:36,360 No, you don't think? 599 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,360 I don't think so. 600 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,640 I never shared the information with anyone, let alone a girl I had just met, but somehow 601 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:42,640 she knew. 602 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,140 When I asked my date how she knew, she said my grandma. 603 00:25:46,140 --> 00:25:51,280 She knew my grandma's name, which was another detail I never shared. 604 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,160 As my skepticism began to fade, I asked my date if my grandma could actually see what 605 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,000 I was doing and she said yes. 606 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,000 God dang it. 607 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,640 You couldn't show the code? 608 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,280 My penis automatically disabled its erection function. 609 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,760 Yeah, I'm not going to die. 610 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,320 My deck has been soft ever since. 611 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:14,440 Sex is no longer possible for me when I imagine ghost granny not watching me during sex, but 612 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,560 also feeding my partner sensitive information about me from beyond the grave. 613 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:19,880 I didn't sleep at all. 614 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,960 My first proper date of the year and I was getting fucking haunted during sex and granny 615 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,040 blocked. 616 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,520 So no more sex for him, huh? 617 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,520 I wouldn't either. 618 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,520 You know who that was? 619 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:31,520 Elon Musk. 620 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,920 He's now a billionaire. 621 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:36,920 The white whale. 622 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:37,920 Oh man. 623 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:42,560 You've seen those memes of people making fun of him whenever he was out on a boat? 624 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:43,560 No. 625 00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,080 We had no shirt on. 626 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,960 Just pale and like look like a beluga. 627 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:50,960 I'm sure he's fine. 628 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:51,960 Well, he's rich. 629 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:52,960 You don't care. 630 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:53,960 Yeah, I doubt he gives a fuck. 631 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,840 He can still get any girl he wants, any model. 632 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:57,840 Apparently not. 633 00:26:57,840 --> 00:26:59,600 He wanted Amber Heard and she wasn't having it. 634 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:00,600 It was Amber Heard. 635 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:01,600 Yeah. 636 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:04,600 She wanted to shit in his bed. 637 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,120 I want to beat his ass too, apparently. 638 00:27:08,120 --> 00:27:09,640 Did she want to beat him up? 639 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,640 No. 640 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,640 No, she wanted to beat up. 641 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,640 Johnny Depp. 642 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:13,640 She fucked him up. 643 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:18,960 I think she was trying to bang Elon one time while he was still seeing Johnny Depp. 644 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,040 Oh God, what a whore. 645 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,280 And Elon Musk was like, girls, I can't do that to Jack Sparrow. 646 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:31,440 He didn't want to hurt her shit in his bed again. 647 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:32,440 Man, how do you? 648 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,360 And then blame the dog. 649 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:40,440 How do you have a conversation with a person that's willing to take a fucking dump on your 650 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:41,440 bed? 651 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,800 You can't talk to her as a rational human being. 652 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,480 You shit on my bed. 653 00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,880 I mean, what am I supposed to say to you? 654 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,880 What can I say to you? 655 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:55,720 You shit on my bed. 656 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,720 My Spider-Man sheets are fucking ruined. 657 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:02,480 What the fuck am I supposed to do? 658 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:03,480 What am I supposed to tell people? 659 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:04,480 Your Pokemon blankets. 660 00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:09,560 My fucking Pokemon bed sheets, Pikachu, they're shit all over his fucking face. 661 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,600 There's a brown streak. 662 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,600 God. 663 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:15,160 At least you miss Sansha. 664 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:20,000 Like, I don't know, like, how do you like? 665 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,460 I've never been in a situation where I had to deal with someone that was like that level 666 00:28:23,460 --> 00:28:24,520 of not stable. 667 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,520 That level of crazy? 668 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,160 Like just mental instability. 669 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:31,400 On the hotness crazy scale, she's not even there. 670 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,400 She's hot though. 671 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,680 She's not on that level of hot. 672 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:35,680 Yeah, she is. 673 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,200 Not the shit in my bed. 674 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,680 I could wake up with my pubes on fire like, Amber, why? 675 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,680 Because you wake up beside that douche. 676 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:48,800 If I had to, I'd be like, oh man, let's get out of here and shit on my bed again. 677 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,320 No, like real talk. 678 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:51,800 How do you even talk? 679 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:56,160 Like what if you actually care about that person and you wanted to keep a relationship 680 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,360 going but she's just insane. 681 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,960 Throwing bottles at you? 682 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,200 She's throwing bottles at you. 683 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,520 She's physically assaulting you. 684 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,040 And then saying if she calls the cops that you'll be the one arrested. 685 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:09,040 Yeah, like I'll be the one arrested. 686 00:29:09,040 --> 00:29:10,040 I'm five foot three. 687 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,400 You're going to arrest you, not me. 688 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,720 She's like six, she's like five, nine. 689 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,560 I'm not getting arrested. 690 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:20,840 Just the shit on the bed. 691 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,600 No, no, no. 692 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:27,640 She probably keys me in my car, deletes all the contacts on my phone or resets my iPhone. 693 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,120 I'm just like Amber, why? 694 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:31,120 Why? 695 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:33,760 Do you not have like... 696 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,200 I don't know. 697 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,200 It's weird. 698 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,200 I couldn't deal with it. 699 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,320 I couldn't deal with that at all. 700 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:47,360 She comes to the movie, said drunk, doesn't want me to do the sex scene with the fake sex 701 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:48,360 scene with the new... 702 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,360 Like I'm pretending I'm an actor. 703 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:50,960 Like I'm Johnny Depp right now. 704 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,080 Have you seen how happy he looks? 705 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,320 He looks pretty damn happy now. 706 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,440 He lost like 15 years off his... 707 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,960 Like he was 45 now he's like 39. 708 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,440 He's like, oh thank you. 709 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,920 I'm done with it. 710 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:04,920 The way he speaks. 711 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,360 I'm just done with it. 712 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:08,360 Like he's just exasperated. 713 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,200 I thought he talked like Jack Sparrow. 714 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,800 Look at my part of dirt. 715 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,920 I can't deal with Jack Sparrow. 716 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,920 I can't deal with yours. 717 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:18,920 Man. 718 00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:23,480 She cusses at your mom on the phone like Amber, why? 719 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:24,480 Yeah. 720 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:28,280 You'll never be able to figure that one out. 721 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,880 It's not so much like trying to figure out... 722 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:34,360 Well, I guess I am because like people get in relationships, right? 723 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:39,040 How they're so effectively able to hide their crazy until you're at a point where you can't 724 00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,040 escape it. 725 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,040 Yeah. 726 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,040 It's like God. 727 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:43,040 Yeah. 728 00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:44,520 Couldn't be me though. 729 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,520 Could not be me. 730 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,000 But that is everything that we got for Reddit. 731 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,240 Anything else to add before we head out? 732 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,840 Just all over my Pokemon pillowcases. 733 00:30:52,840 --> 00:31:02,280 Talk to you guys next time.