Hello and welcome to episode 33 of the podcast.
I'm Michael.
I'm Noe.
We are the Knights of Entertainment, a podcast covering your favorite and unknown movies,
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This is where we are covering tonight.
If I could talk.
Alrighty, we are going over part 103 of the four great races within the Stargate universe.
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But let's go ahead and get into this.
Alrighty.
Most people know about Stargate.
It's one of the three.
It's got MacGyver.
Yeah, it does.
That's probably the one thing they know.
It does.
It does have MacGyver.
But it has one of those kind of followings, almost on par with Star Trek and almost on
par with Star Wars, but not as big as those two.
Like Stargate fans don't have a name like Trekkie the way Star Trek fans do.
So at least I'm aware.
But.
They call them Gaties?
Gaties.
What would you call them?
I really don't know what the hell you would call them.
But as far as I know, they don't have.
They were called the SG-1.
The only kind of community I can think that they have is Gateworld.
But close enough.
That's not too bad.
But within the series, there are four like ancient civilizations that are in this world
that are not the the global, the ones that they're constantly fighting against.
There was four races that were actually friends, basically, and had like an alliance almost.
So you had the Nox, you had the Furlings, you had the Ancients.
The Ancients.
Yeah, we'll get into that next week.
And then you have the Asgard.
Basically the what you picture as the the gray aliens from Roswell.
That's the Asgard.
The Asgard, they are distinguishable by their large heads, kind of like the Roswell Grays.
They have a heightened intellect.
They're asexual clones.
They are massive cocks.
Yeah, that would be very awkward.
Their home words are Hala or Orilla.
The original was destroyed and then the last one was destroyed as well.
Their language is Asgard, their form of government to the High Council.
And their alliances are with themselves, the Veneer, which that is like another like offshoot
of their race specifically.
They had the four great races that they were part of.
They had the protected planets treaty and then the Tauree.
The Tauree are just Earth.
That's what everybody calls Earth people in this universe.
That's what they call them in the community.
The Tauree.
That's right.
And they basically are at this point near extinct.
So they don't bang as well.
Yeah, yeah.
Hard to bang when you don't have nothing to bang with.
They're just fully smooth bodies.
It's fucking flat.
Mounds.
Yeah, I don't even think they have mounds.
Flat Earth.
I don't know.
That's a whole different subject.
All right, the Asgard are a humanoid race.
They are ancient and benevolent.
They assume the persona of beneficent, excuse me, beneficent protective gods on many worlds
and assume the role of protectors in the Milky Way galaxy.
Their physical forms change gradually when they began to use scientific means to artificially
extend their lifespans.
Something like liposuction.
No, what's the word?
Plastic surgery.
I like those women that get those nose jobs when they give them their 50s.
It's like, what the fuck happened to you?
Just let yourself age naturally.
You'll be all right.
You'll look much better for it.
Yeah, that's OK.
It's a natural process.
They gifted all of their knowledge and technology to the Tauree before the Ida Asgard committed
mass suicide due to the failed attempts to repair the genetic degradation caused by continuous
recloning and unwilling to allow their technology to be plundered by other races.
So they gave all their technology to the humans and then blew up their planet.
Jesus, there's all my stuff, bro.
However, a rogue group known as the Veneer were still alive in the Pegasus satellite
galaxy consumed with the desire to survive, believing that the ends justified the means.
Their primary goal was survival as they did not wish to end up like their distant cousins,
which would result in the loss of one hundred thousand years of history.
It's like Walmart's future.
Yeah, to Amazon.
Their will to survive.
It's a powerful Amazon.
As long as there are Southern people, they'll exist forever.
Don't worry.
I went to Walmart one time in the middle of the night, right?
There was a cop, a woman cop, just pinning some poor guy on the ground.
Get off me.
I'm like, bro, he's got she's got you.
She had him.
He wasn't going nowhere.
I say, well, but because he felt emasculated, he thought he had to fight, right?
Like I got to fight to prove I could get an erection.
And I'm like, you just let her.
Like if a woman pinned me down, OK, you got done.
I'm done.
I'm not going to struggle with it.
If you can allow a woman to pin you down that easily.
I'm sorry.
Oh, you got me.
Just the context change.
Basically, yeah.
Play Rodney Carrington.
It's like you want to fight, just start taking your pants off.
It's like, come on.
All right.
Over 30,000 years ago, the Asgard were a tall, approximately two meter high, generally humanoid
species that reproduce sexually.
Their physical forms changed gradually when they began to use scientific means to artificially
extend their lifespans.
The modern Asgard averaged about one meter in height with grayish skin tones, small skinny
limbs, large heads and black eyes, bearing a striking resemblance to the Roswell Grays
described in countless UFO stories.
Is that part of the mythology?
Yes.
Roswell?
Yeah.
OK.
Their body, now weakened by several millennia of cloning, is more susceptible to the discharge
of the Zat gun.
Got the inbreeding going on.
It's what it sounds like.
The discharge of a Zat gun or a Zat nictail gun.
It's like a stun gun almost.
In other races, basically an example of this is Loki, which was one of the Asgard, fell
almost immediately while most human and Jaffa stand for a minute before they fall over.
So I just automatically get off.
When individuals spoke, the areas that would have been their temples on a human would slowly
pulse in and out.
Here?
Yeah.
Like the big part of their brains are just like slightly moved.
Fucking weird.
The species possessed no adrenal glands within their bodies and did not have any epinephrine
pumping through their lymphatic system either.
So they're just basically...
Emotionless?
Kind of, yeah.
A little bit.
It's like a witcher.
Going into the cloning side of their species, the Asgard pursuing means of extending their
lifespans began using cloning technology.
The mental patterns of Asgard that became ill or fatally injured were preserved by downloading
them into computer memory crystals.
The patterns were later placed in a new cloned body.
This made the Asgard effectively immortal at the cost of the ability to reproduce sexually.
Sure, they made them some androids.
Dollar into an android.
Yeah.
Permanently immortal.
They kind of have that within Stargate's universe and they turned out to be really horrible.
So...
Just got to get good at it.
This prevented the natural process of evolution, making ascension impossible without assistance.
So that basically, unlike the ancients, which we'll cover in the next two videos, they couldn't
basically ascend naturally anymore.
The excessive use of the cloning process began to damage and degrade the Asgard genome.
This would result in the eventual extinction of the race unless a cure could be found.
The Asgard devoted considerable time and resources to the project, but their efforts basically
proved fruitless.
So they couldn't find a way to reverse the cloning problem that they had, so they had
to keep doing it.
Yeah, imagine getting on this plastic surgery and you look in the mirror and you're like,
fuck.
It's irreversible.
The Veneer, which is the offshoot of the Asgard, is basically like their cousins.
Cousins banging teal in the ceiling.
Whenever you think back to Norse mythology, there's the Asgardians and then there's the
Assyrians.
Yeah.
I think it's like the two families of...
The Assyrians, yeah.
That's what the Veneer were to them.
So it's like the offshoot family basically of beings.
They had more luck in dealing with this issue than their Aida counterparts, primarily because
they were willing to experiment on humans when the main faction would not.
Even so, they were not basically able to eradicate the problem, only postpone it.
The final attempt to solve the problem resulted in a rapid progressing fatal disease.
And that was the point that they gave all their technology to people of Earth and blew
themself up.
The Asgard evolved on the planet Hala and the Othala Galaxy.
So a completely different galaxy than ours.
Their collected history and culture would span over a hundred thousand years.
They began exploring outside their own galaxy around 28,000 BC.
At some point, the Asgard began a program of cloning their people and transferring their
minds into these bodies as a means of vastly extending their lifespans.
At some point in time, the Asgard were hit by a plague that they called Baryon syndrome,
a disease that wiped out 60% of their population.
And within a generation, over 75% of the survivors of the disease became sterile and suffered
from cellular degradation.
The remaining 10% of the population did not have the necessary genetic diversity to reverse
the trend completely away from their genetic breakdown.
So that was another reason why they started their cloning.
They couldn't reproduce.
They were sterile.
Jesus.
That would suck.
Around this time at 30,000 years ago, an Asgard ship was traveling from Othala to the Milky
Way Galaxy.
Basically I got stranded.
So this is a ship that they found later in the Stargate series where they found one of
the original like 30,000 year old Asgard and he looked nothing like the Asgard of the day.
He was like tall.
So that normal dude, a humanoid ish.
Also not, it didn't look like a human necessarily, but like more humanoid proportions.
It's like a normal height and stuff like that.
The Asgard 10,000 years ago made peaceful contacts with the ancients, the furlings and
the nox.
They also came into conflict with the Goa'uld.
Liberating several humans from the Goa'uld worlds, god, I was trying to say Goa'uld
and world in one sentence.
The Asgard declared themselves their protectors until their cultures had sufficiently evolved
and threatened the Goa'uld with violent retaliation if they reattempted to enslave the humans
of those worlds.
The Veneer, a group of the Asgards who did not share their brethren's ethical concerns
about experimenting on humans to solve their genetic degradation problems, left the Idy
Galaxy and traveled to the Pegasus Galaxy.
Basically where you pick up with Stargate Atlantis and the Pegasus Galaxy.
Where they could continue their experiments, which were able to slowly advance but now
reverse their genetic problems.
After the ancients discovered they could not win the war with the Wraith, part of Stargate
Atlantis, and left for the Milky Way, the Wraith attacked the Veneer.
The Veneer intergalactic ships were damaged beyond repair in the first battle and as they
lacked the means to reconstruct new ones, they were basically stranded in the Pegasus
Galaxy at this point.
So the Wraith fucked them up basically.
In order to survive, the Veneer moved to a toxic planet where the Wraith could not endure
it, because the Wraith could regenerate by stealing life force almost.
They put a hand on you and just absorb your life essence, which is creepy.
First they only needed a simple breathing apparatus to survive on this toxic planet,
but the planet's atmosphere continued to degrade, forcing them to develop armored exoskeletons
capable of withstanding the new conditions.
Despite the effort of the Asgard, the Ghoul-O-Wald became a great threat to the human population
in the Milky Way Galaxy, which we find in Stargate.
Like whenever you first meet all the supposed gods in Stargate, they're all Ghoul-O-Wald
until you get to the Norse ones.
And the Norse gods are all Asgard.
The Ghoul-O-Wald began taking humans as hosts during this time, which greatly angered the
Asgard, who realized humanity had great potential.
The Asgard's vast superior technology was more than a match for the Ghoul-O-Wald, who
were forced to sign a treaty with the Asgard in order to keep from being destroyed at this
point.
Damn.
So the Ghoul-O-Wald are scared of the Asgard.
Like terrified of the Asgard.
Unwilling to completely give the galaxy over to Ghoul-O-Wald, the Asgard freed and transplanted
humans on various worlds and posed as their protective gods as they felt they were not
yet ready to have their belief system completely stripped away.
Accordingly, they devised a series of challenges designed to determine when a person, like
a group of people, were advanced enough to learn and presumably cope with the truth of
their protector's true nature.
So they basically would create a test of intelligence and stuff like that to where they thought
if a human civilization was smart enough, they would be able to understand and accept
the Asgard for being aliens rather than gods.
So I guess we're never going to accept the stamp.
To ensure the safety of these many planets, the Asgard and the Ghoul-O-Wald brokered the
protective planets treaty.
A treaty stipulated that the Asgard would allow the Ghoul-O-Wald various benefits, the
precise terms were unknown, and in return the Ghoul-O-Wald would leave the humans of
the various worlds mentioned in the treaty alone.
The treaty would be expanded to include other worlds if both parties agreed to negotiate.
For some time the Asgard protected these planets with their advanced technology and warships,
but the discovery and invasion of the Replicators, which is the technology part that I was talking
about just a few minutes ago, and their home galaxy basically forced the Asgard to draw
away from the Milky Way to back to their home galaxy.
Damn.
They were fighting these machines.
Well damn.
Leaving the planets protected in name only, basically.
So the Ghoul-O-Wald, they didn't attack these planets in this treaty basically out of fear
of just knowing what the Asgard could do, but there was no actual way to stop the Ghoul-O-Wald
from taking over if they wanted to.
Within it was one perfectly preserved Asgard ancestor.
The Asgard scientist Heimdall began research on it and the clone from this time, when the
cloning program was not yet irreversible.
So that ship that I was talking about that got stranded, Heimdall found it basically
and was doing experiments on that person of the Asgard from a long time ago before their
genetic shit wasn't completely fucked up in time.
The Replicator threat that they dealt with.
The Asgard were unable to help Earth directly in the fight against the Ghoul-Wald because
of a war with a greater enemy, the Replicators.
The Asgard's energy-based weapons were ineffective against them.
Human weapons on the other hand, use simple chemical reactions to drive metallic projectiles
through kinetic force, something the mechanoids could not defend against.
You can't beat bullets.
Basically, yeah.
Here you are.
No, but this is how the Asgard described it.
I know what a bullet is.
They describe a bullet as a chemical reaction to drive metallic projectiles through kinetic
force.
I'll give you some kinetic force, alright?
With the aid of the SG-1, which is Colonel Carter, Tealke, what's his name?
I cannot remember his name.
MacGyver.
And Daniel Jackson.
The Asgard imprisoned all the Replicators in a time dilation field on the planet Hala.
They then collapsed Hala's son into a black hole in hopes of destroying the Replicators,
but some managed to escape the attack.
They managed to escape and attack the new home world, Orilla, that the Asgard had.
Aegir, which is one of the Asgard's, attacked the ship that dropped out of hyperspace before
it could raise its shield.
Not all the Replicators were destroyed, however, and the Replicator, named Fifth, managed
to land on the planet.
Jack O'Neill, which is the name that I cannot remember.
MacGyver.
With the knowledge gained from the Ancients, he basically at one point stuck his head into
this machine, where it just downloaded all this information into his head.
With that, he invented a weapon that was based on ancient technology that blocked communication
between the Replicator cells permanently, because it's all individual little micro-machines
that would come together and form whatever they want.
Damn.
Yeah.
So he was able to construct a larger version capable of affecting an entire planet.
The Asgard aided SG-1 when the Replicators invaded the Milky Way, but were unsuccessful.
Eventually, SG-1 and the Tok'ra, which are basically ghoul-wooled, but they're not evil.
They still take host, like for you to cope with humans, but they don't kill them and
they don't take over their bodies.
They work as a companion.
Old symbiote relationship.
Yeah, basically.
Jake McArthur and Selmak, which is one of the Tok'ra, destroyed the Replicators with
the Dakara superweapon.
This is a gigantic energy weapon.
It eliminated them entirely from the Milky Way galaxy.
In an unknown date, Odin, a scientist Asgard, which had spent centuries studying alone on
Valhalla, which was a planet and not a place, I guess place, but it's an actual planet,
searching a way to turn the Asgard into holographic beings, found himself threatened when its
holographic test subjects were built, led by Surtur, which is from mythology.
The guy was meant to start Ragnarok.
Yep.
However, thanks to the SG-1's help, Odin and his test subjects combined and together found
a way to ascend, basically.
Oh.
It was like a small little group of them that were actually able to ascend.
It's like they're all like deuces.
Pretty much like, fuck all y'all.
Fighting the Ori.
Although the Goa'uld and the Replicators had been defeated, new threats arose, such
as the Ori.
Basically, the Ori are the counterpart to the Ancients.
So whenever you think of like superpowered beings of like the Ancients, if you consider
them angels, the Ori would be demons.
Okay.
So they're both ascended beings, but the Ori were like religious fanatics that ascended.
Jesus.
So they're crazy.
Apparently, within the Stargate realm, the reason humans believe hell has fire in it
is because when the Ancients passed on all their traditions to humans in this world,
they knew about the Ori, which had fire-based abilities.
So they consider that hell.
In the face of this, the Asgard continued to provide aid to Earth by providing technologies
for the development of the Daedalus class, which is a gigantic ship that the Earth people
have, and in lending them the Asgard engineer, Hermiaud.
So another Norse god.
So you learn all the Norse gods just by watching this.
The Asgard also participated in the critical events, such as the Battle of P3Y229.
Great name.
A great name for a battle.
Wonderful name.
Fucking memorable.
Then we have the extinction of the Eide Asgard.
So this is like the ones that weren't stranded in the Pegasus galaxy that nobody knew about.
These are like the main huge group of the Asgard.
So this would include Thor and all the main Asgard people.
Their final attempts to repair the genetic degradation caused by continuous recloning
failed and unwilling to allow their technology to be plundered by other racists, racist races
by the racists.
God damn white supremacists.
The Asgard decided to commit mass suicide and destroy their planet.
But not without passing on their legacy.
They gave Stargate Command, which is what Stargate is based out of, an Asgard computer
database containing all of their knowledge, and made significant modifications to the
Odyssey, which is a Daedalus class ship, consisted of their most recent technology.
As the upgrades were completed, three Ori ships arrived and attacked both Orilla, which
is the planet that they were on at the time, and the Odyssey, which was the ship.
The ship fled with one Ori ship in pursuit, while the other two prepared an attack on
the planet.
At that moment, the Asgard caused Orilla to explode, destroying the planet and the two
ships and the Asgard all at once.
Well, they made sure to delete their browser history.
Yes, they did.
Before they disappeared.
Yes, they did.
It's like, you don't get to see all this freaky shit.
We're gone.
God.
Imagine sometime in the future, we start space traveling and we find some remnants of an ancient
race and all the computers just stray fucking.
That'll be whenever we're gone and they find ours.
They're like, Oh, God, they find the hub.
God, porn hub would be the only thing left standing to be Walmart, porn hub and Amazon.
The big three superpowers and a mattress firm with nobody in it.
God.
Someone's on Twitter, they found an $8,000 mattress on the side of the street.
They were going to take it and we're going to fix it up.
There's all the termites and bed bugs and who knows what's on there.
That's disgusting.
But they're like, Oh, we got to get this fucking rug.
Not this rug, this fucking couch.
So I've seen like 18 posts of it, like just scrolling through my feed.
Yeah.
But what is so popular about this fucking mattress or this fucking couch?
But it's expensive and they found it just lying on the street.
You know, like that episode of Seinfeld where they found the chair or no, it wasn't Seinfeld
Big Bang Theory.
They found something.
Yeah.
Where they found a chair beside the road and they took it up there and it had something
in it.
What was it?
Like a rat or something.
Oh, that'd be something like fucking like cocaine.
Like it's stitched into the fucking seed or something.
And fucking Sheldon becomes a crack.
Well, he's the one that made him get rid of it.
I don't blame him.
I wouldn't pick up a fucking couch off the side of the fucking road.
I had a friend, some fucking dumbass that bought couches and gave us bed bugs here twice
because of him.
That's so disgusting too.
Don't invite me to your house and don't come to my house when you have bed bugs.
No, no.
On the third time, right?
When I started hanging out with him again, I should have just fucked him.
Like, fuck you, bro.
Every time I got home, right?
What I would do is I would throw every single one of my clothes into the dryer, turn that
shit up to like 40 minutes.
You just burn out all the bed bugs.
Never had bed bugs again.
Never trusted him though.
Yeah, I wouldn't either.
Hey, can we take your car?
No, let's just take your car.
Your car's already got bed bugs.
It's got shit just crawling through it.
He would just have fucking like two layers of trash in his passenger side foot rest thing.
Oh my God.
Or what's it called?
The foot pit?
Yeah, like the floorboard.
Yeah, the floorboard.
Just like two layers.
You'd be like, how do you know it's two layers?
Like, believe me, you'll know it's two layers.
When you punch through one and there's still another layer underneath it.
It's like a hoarder.
He was.
And his excuse every time was like, oh, it's too hot this summer.
I'll do it when it's colder.
Then during winter, oh, it's too cold this winter.
I'll do it when it's warmer.
So it's just like whatever bullshit excuse he can come up with.
Couldn't be me.
Could not be me.
I'll get filthy.
All right.
The Asgard's upgrades to the Odyssey save the ship and give the Tauri an advantage in
the war.
The two plasma beam weapons installed on the Odyssey gave the Tauri weapons capable of
destroying Ori motherships and almost any other ship they came across.
Just straight through the shields and blow them up.
Damn.
That's why they didn't want to give people their weapons.
Oh, no way that goes.
Then we have the rise of the Veneer.
A few months after the death of the Asgard, the Atlantis expedition encountered Fenrir,
an Asgard scientist who had been exiled from his people after his test of a new weapon.
That was a dog.
Apparently it's not.
It's just another gray Asgard.
His test of his new weapon resulted in the destruction of an entire solar system.
Although, well, I guess I say it wasn't that Fenrir supposed to eat the sun or something
like that.
Uh, I can't remember.
I know it was Loki's kid.
I thought it was like where it's a wolf.
It ate the moon or the sun.
I think there's already two wolves that chase the moon and the sun.
I don't know how I would like he would be able to go up against two other wolves.
I don't know.
I don't know enough about fucking North mythology.
I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that, but that would make sense if he destroyed
a whole solar system.
That's where the myth would come from.
He ate the sun.
He's gone.
Although Fenrir was devastated when he learned of the loss of the people.
He nevertheless sided with the expedition over the Wraith.
Uh, yeah, over the Wraith after, uh, Tela and Makin assured him that, uh, he had only
deceived him spare God.
That's written horribly assured him that they only deceived him to spare him the pain.
Uh, Fenrir and his worship destroyed the Wraith fleet that was attempted to call the humans
of the planet, uh, her room.
I have no idea when that took place, but I'll look back into it.
He was subsequently killed when a Wraith queen sacrificed herself to Mount a suicide bomb
run on his ship.
But Colonel Carter was able to take control of his ship and use it to destroy the Wraith
hive ship.
Uh, the veneer, uh, were encountered in 2008 by the Atlantis expedition after the expedition's
discovery of Janice's lab, which was in, uh, what do you call it?
Atlantis.
Like the, there's like all these labs and shit down there.
Um, they invaded Atlantis, captured a key component of the Atero device and kidnapped
both the Dr. Rodney McKay and Dr. Daniel Jackson.
They forced Jackson and McKay to activate the device rendering the Wraith unable to
use their hyperdrive systems.
The veneer didn't care that a side effect of the device would cause any activated stargate
to overload and explode.
Great.
The one fucking means of travel basically.
Yeah.
It's a continuous travel, let's just blow them all up.
So apparently whatever frequency of the hyperdrives that the Wraith used was at the same frequency
that this device would blow up stargates to.
So you're just fucked either way.
You're still going to plan it forever.
Let's have a spaceship and even that would take forever to get anywhere.
Yeah.
They don't have like a wormhole tech or anything, right?
It's not, not like stargate stuff, but like for ships to move faster than light speed.
Well, they have the hyperdrives.
Oh.
But.
How fast will they go?
If I remember right, one of the examples that they gave is that the Daedalus with a ZPM,
which is like their super powerful batteries almost, but it could go from earth to the
Pegasus galaxy in two weeks.
So for a long time.
So it's not instantaneous, but whenever you compare it to a Star Trek, it's much faster
than Star Trek.
If we get stargates though, you're like there.
Yeah.
Stargates is automatic.
Well, that's basically what they listen up the United States government.
That's basically what you got to do.
I've been telling people this forever.
When we go to the moon, put a fucking teleporter there.
We'll build one back here.
Now we can travel to the moon instantaneously.
When we go to Mars, set a small group with teleporter tech, build a teleporter over there.
Then we go to travel to Mars instantaneously.
Listen to what I'm telling you.
I'm a genius.
Well, first we got to build teleporting technology.
All right.
Then we have their society, so they had a high council.
The Asgard high council was the government of the Asgard.
The size and structure of the council was not known, but there were seven seated members
including Freyr, Thor, and Penigol.
The high council made decisions that affect the entire race.
In addition, they negotiated a name of the Tau'ri in the protected planets.
I would love to hear the comment.
I didn't vote for them.
The conversation, the common fuck.
And the council members met in a great room with holographic projectors.
That sounds old school as fuck.
Let me pull out this fucking projector.
Their interaction with the other races.
As a function of the protected planets treaty, the Asgard set up protective measures and
holographic representations of themselves on a number of planets in the Milky Way galaxy
for protection against the gold and other enemies.
On the planet Samara, the Asgard Thor set up a device known as Thor's hammer.
It was a protective obelisk that transported goa'uld or symbiote carriers to an underground
labyrinth where they could only leave if they let the host leave.
So the goa'uld themselves could not leave out of that labyrinth.
You can only pass through if you didn't have a goa'uld in you.
How does that help the goa'uld?
I don't.
I would stay in there then if I was a goa'uld.
I guess we're not leaving then.
They would die basically.
But they wouldn't die anyway?
Well if the goa'uld shows compassion, the person that they're in will get to live still.
Fuck that person.
Exactly.
It's us or nothing.
The hammer, which was Thor's hammer, was destroyed by SG-1 and Teal'c.
Whenever Teal'c got trapped within the labyrinth because he had a symbiote.
Just started fucking smashing shit.
Thor replaced the destroyed hammer with a new one.
The actor that plays Kratos and got a war.
Fucking phenomenal.
He was also fucking with the Norse gods.
Although he did quite a better job of destroying every single one of them.
Thor replaced this hammer with a new one that would recognize Teal'c and not harm him.
Well that didn't happen in the game at all.
If you play the game you know damn well.
He'd be smashing with that hammer.
While the Asgard maintained a fleet of ships with defensive capabilities, they were not
a militaristic race and strongly disapproved of the use of technology for aggressive reasons.
While they formed an alliance with the Tauri and were willing to give them upgrades for
their ships such as the Asgard shields, sensors, transporters, and hyperdrives, they were unwilling
to give up their Asgard weapons until their race was on the brink of extinction due to
the policy of not giving other races weapons.
Particularly out of fear that they'd be used by those races against them later on.
Hey man.
I mean it's kind of smart.
I always gotta watch your backs with everybody.
We'll give you every other technology.
Well the one technology that would help you beat us.
They also have safeguards built into Asgard transporters to prevent it from being used
as weapons.
Like so you can't transport weapons with their transporter systems.
You bastards.
Their language, it is generally theorized that the Asgard language influenced the evolution
of Germanic languages.
The written language of the Asgard is composed of runes.
The known name Asgard, they all have names from Nordic mythology.
So yeah that's where all, in this universe where all Norse stuff came from basically.
Asgard technology is dependent on Neutronium.
They possess a level of technology significantly more advanced than that of the Gwa-Wuld and
many other races in the known universe.
Only the Ancients and the Ori were known to be of superior technology level, though the
Nox and Furlings were speculated to have similar technology levels as well.
Yeah they can't beat a fucking robot they made themselves.
So they gotta use inferior fucking bullets.
The Asgard are remarkable in their technology level having reached the pinnacle of their
development in only a hundred thousand years.
They can't bang, they're dying of fucking inbreeding.
They must be very full of shit too.
And they are younger as a species than the Ancients by millions of years.
God dang.
Their ships were capable of traversing thousands of light years and minutes and their shields
could withstand multiple hits from Ori warships while remaining undamaged.
They were also mastered advanced transportation and holographic technology.
So like they were experts of those things.
Shortly before their extinction, the Asgard developed energy weapons capable, so they
didn't even have the energy weapons before they just developed them, with repeated strikes
by defeating Ori shields, which had previously proved impervious to anything except the unstable
vortex of the Ori's own super gate, which is how they got to the Milky Way galaxy.
Always wondered about other races and their entertainment.
Like what kind of stuff do they do?
Do they read books?
Do they make books?
Do they watch movies?
Apparently not the Asgard.
I don't know.
That's probably why I like Mass Effect so much.
Yeah.
Was because it was so detailed in the regular life.
Like you know, they like to drink this type of drink.
They like to watch these type of shows.
All the races, alien races, had like an actual civilization, society.
So I wonder if the ancient or the Asgard did anything for fun.
Well, I do know that they, one of the-
I can't fuck, so- No, they can't do that.
That was the number one thing you could do for fun.
I do know that they gave them a database thing that they gave them.
It actually, you can create anything, any kind of matter from it.
Was there porn on there?
Probably.
Just fucking gigabytes of porn.
Before they lost all the ability.
Just like they got their own version of the fucking bounce.
That would be so fucking weird.
I don't want to picture these gray aliens.
Just rubbing their fucking faces together.
I don't even know what the fuck they call it.
Their fucking Barbie spots.
Because Barbie didn't have anything either.
Or Ken.
Flat as a pancake.
The sum total of the Asgard's knowledge and technology now belongs to the humans of Earth.
A gift to them before their destruction.
However, it will likely take Earth decades, maybe even centuries to fully understand and
put it to widespread use.
Damn.
However, the Tau'ri have had at least some success with this as they were able to replicate
the plasma beam weapons the Asgard gifted to them in the first place.
And put them on all their ships within a matter of months of receiving the technology.
Now they couldn't replicate everything else, but they could replicate those weapons pretty
damn quick.
Hey, man, that's the first thing you need to fit work on.
Little is known of Asgard military tactics as their advanced technology tended to dominate
their enemies.
They used this to achieve victory in most cases.
The Asgard were not above employing trickery against their enemies, such as bluffing the
Goa'uld with the Protective Planets Treaty.
By appearing to be capable of destroying the Goa'uld while actually lacking the resources
to intervene directly due to the other problems they had with the Replicators.
The Asgard had no hesitation in sacrificing themselves in battle, as was the case with
Thor when he decided to self-destruct his ship in hyperspace in order to destroy a Replicator
cruiser.
The Asgard had some problems with developing creative or original military tactics as their
brains were simply too far advanced and complicated, making them almost incapable of resorting
to more primitive means in defeating their enemies.
This was the primary reason why the Asgard took Samantha Carter to develop a tactic to
use against the Replicators, despite the fact that she was one of the smartest people on
Earth.
So, she's dumb.
Compared to them?
Dumb as a doornail compared to them.
You know what?
You're just smart enough.
You might be able to help us.
So they wouldn't have some low-tech way of beating somebody?
And they didn't.
Then I could beat them.
Yeah.
Well, they have force fields and stuff, so...
Oh, believe me.
If they know...
Sometimes a truly strategic mind can overcome almost any obstacle.
And sometimes dumb people are smarter than they look.
Yeah.
I've met a few in my life.
I can fucking throw a rock in their face.
They wouldn't see it coming.
Like, God damn, what the fuck is that?
Then we get into the Roswell Great Conspiracy.
It would appear that the Asgard are the source of the gray alien concept common in UFO and
alien abduction accounts on Earth.
It is known the Asgard have been observing and occasionally visiting Earth for a long
time.
They're also in South Park.
I know.
They'd be shoving things right up your booty hole.
Cartman.
No, my character too in the Stick of Truth.
Likely centuries.
They seem to have originated the Norse mythology, of which records exist that are well over
a thousand Earth years old.
Do they talk about how the abduction stuff is, or is there no...
Yeah.
What's that about?
So, it has been shown that at least some abductions, some, have taken place, perpetuated by the
disgraced Asgard geneticist Loki, over a span of decades and upon citizens of a number of
countries.
So it was Loki.
It is known that the Roswell in New Mexico crash, famous amongst UFOlogists.
I don't even know those words until just now.
Yeah.
It was an actual event in the Stargate universe.
It was caused by a time traveling SG-1.
It is also known that Loki had a number of Asgard human hybrids, which died in escape
pods at Roswell.
So they were hybrids?
Yeah.
They were hybrids of humans and Asgardians.
Man, that must have blown those scientists' minds back in Roswell.
Yeah, they got our DNA.
Who are we?
What are we?
What's our origins?
Interestingly, some Earth UFO encounters, encounter accounts, describe gray aliens working
in concert with or under the command of giant aliens, hawking humanoids over six feet tall
of normatic human appearance, apparently mostly with the giants being in command over the
grays.
I would love to be one of those writing rooms with the SG Stargate writers.
Yeah.
Like, they take a hit of wheat.
You know, it would be a good idea.
You know those stories about the Nordic guys and the little aliens?
Let's combine them.
We'll make them Asgard.
This may be the contactees in interpretation of the Asgard using of holograms of the large
Nordic humans, basically.
So basically, their theory is that it was holograms and not...
Their theory, just ask the guys, like, yo, what the fuck was he?
Well, they committed suicide, so they can't ask.
They're gone.
Damn.
Basically, because that's how they present themselves to less developed human cultures
and stuff.
Yeah, you don't want to look like a fucking freaky great thing, or like a normal person.
Then we have a list of different Asgards that we know of, anyway.
So we have Eger, which is the Asgard commander, leader of all of them.
We have Anne, which is an Asgard scientist.
We have Famrior, which is the former host of Raw during the first Stargate movie.
At the very end, when you see that weird looking alien thing die off, it was an Asgard.
That was taken over by a ghoul.
I didn't know that was...
I don't remember that movie at all.
An old movie.
I know I had Kurt Russell from Escape from LA in it.
Yeah.
With that fucking, that super military bus cut.
It looked like the guy from Street Fighter.
It did.
What was his name?
Was it Guy?
I don't know.
God, it's been so long since I played the old Street Fighter.
He had a great attack, though.
Yeah.
There's a great...
And they combed his hair?
There's a great animation on YouTube where it's that guy from Street Fighter being tasked
with finding who's taking all these military...
All these soldiers are getting picked off by some random assailant.
They send that guy in there and turn out to be the winter soldier.
Then they have this fucking epic ass fight because he's a super soldier and I don't know
what the fuck this guy is, but he's got that one attack of his.
Yeah.
It's like this little spike attack.
It's like a yellow energy attack.
Yeah, where he crosses his arms and they go flying out.
Yeah.
It's like some weird fucking energy beam comes out of it.
The fight looks like how it would look in a real fight.
If they were real people with those powers fighting for real without any super gimmicks,
special effects, this animation.
It's fucking brutal, but it's awesome.
Then for some reason that one guy crossbones from the movie Civil War.
He's got these metal apparatuses on his arm.
It's like a spring that gives it more punching power.
When he hits somebody, it adds energy to his punches or adds weight to his punches.
He hits somebody, but it's like a fucking...
I want to say like steampunk-esque.
Yeah.
It's like brass knuckles, but with fucking an actual robotic attachment to it that adds
an exosuit, but just to his arms.
It was basically what it was in Civil War when he was fighting Captain America.
He had these fucking things that would actually throw Captain America around because he wasn't
a super soldier, so he had to level the playing field with Captain America.
Once Captain America fucking broke him off his body, he was back to being a normal nobody.
Now you're a normal human again.
But it's really cool.
You should check it out.
Do you remember the name of the...
I just typed in Winter Soldier versus Street Fighter guy.
Close enough.
You'll be able to find it.
Last of the Asgard.
Fenrir, which was the Asgard scientist.
A dog.
I don't understand.
Apparently, it's just the names.
They turned him into mythological being.
They made him a creature then.
We have this robot monster dog.
Freyr, which is a member of the Asgard High Council.
We have Heimdall, a scientist.
Hermiod, the Asgard engineer and liaison to the Daedalus ship.
Hermod, which is an Asgard teacher.
Kvassar, which is an Asgard scientist.
Loki, a rogue scientist.
Odin, Thor's mentor.
So he wasn't the...
He ain't his daddy?
No.
But he is also an Asgard scientist that has been ascended at this point.
We have Pinnigl, a member of the High Council.
We have Siggen, an Asgard scientist working on life extension projects.
Sejunah, which is an Asgard researcher, scientist and teacher.
Thor, the supreme commander of the Asgard fleet.
We have Tyr, a one-time chief tactical officer and military strategist of the Asgard fleet.
One-time commander of the Valkyries and defender of Veneheim.
And then we have Zeus.
What the fuck is Zeus doing there?
He's an amnesic ruler of Stenos.
Basically, it was a clone of one of the Asgard that was never downloaded.
It never got the person's mind downloaded to it.
All the information.
So it escaped onto this world.
And whenever the people met it, it was in its holographic Nordic form because it knew
intuitively that it shouldn't have come out as an Asgard.
But they assumed that it was the long-lost god Zeus, which was a Gwa-uld.
So it took on that role because it had no memory.
So it's like, oh, that must be me.
So Zeus was a Gwa-uld who left.
Or was killed.
I can't remember which.
And this guy shows up and he's like, yeah, that's me.
Because he had amnesia, so he didn't know what he was.
He must have done a lot of banging.
Like I said, it was just a clone that didn't ever have its memory transferred.
It was basically a blank slate, but it still had the ability to use holographic projection.
So when it comes out, a Norse dude real big and buff and going into this place is like,
that's our god.
Because apparently he alone beat the shit out of a bunch of these people.
The features started stomping people out for no reason?
And whenever they'd seen that he had energy-based weapons, they thought it was Zeus using lightning
to smite him.
Jesus.
Yep.
But that is everything that I've got on the Asgard's.
Next week we'll cover the Fyrlings and the Nox.
The Fyrries.
They have shorter entries, so we're going to do that as a single episode.
And then the third one will be on the Ancients.
Do they have some name or are they just the Ancients?
The Atlanteans are the ones that left Atlantis.
And then the Ancients are basically what they were called.
I don't know, I don't think they have an actual name.
I thought it was...
I know in Mass Effect they're called Reapers.
I think it was the...
Well, no, those are the other ones.
The Aplans maybe?
Fuck that.
There was some race right before Mass Effect, the trilogy comes out that they were an ancient
race.
I don't remember what they're fucking called.
I gotta play Mass Effect again.
You get the Bang of Blue Alien if you want.
The Altera.
Okay.
So they actually had a name, but they became known as the Ancients because they existed
from over 50 million years ago.
God dang.
And then all the way through the Asgard's time.
And then they ascended.
But like I said, we'll cover that in the third episode of this.
It's like a rapture, like I'll see you later.
It's kind of how it was, a little bit.
We can close this for close to close date for some reason.
One cool fact is that Merlin was one of the Atlanteans.
So he was a Merlin?
Yeah, that's why he had his abilities.
Okay.
Where it looked like magic, but it wasn't.
They really were with the Arceus C. Clock line of magic, being just science is too advanced
for us to understand.
Yeah.
Pretty much, yeah.
But anything else to add before we head out?
Uh, no.
All right.
We'll see you guys next time.